I'm not sure I can go on much longer with this series. I'll just put that out there right now. I would love to report "The week of A Joke A Day this week was good!" or even "The week of A Joke A Day this week didn't make me feel at all like vomiting all over my computer screen!" But no. It was another week of neutered jokes, jokes written for the average five-year-old, & the obligatory misanthropic man/woman nonsense.
Thursday's joke involved a salesperson calling a home, getting a child, frustratingly asking for the mother (who's not home), then asking for anyone else at the house, to which the child replied, "My sister is home." The punchline, of course, is that the sister is younger than the child on the phone. Ho ho.
Fridays' joke involved a car accident with a dotty elderly woman (naturally). You can deduce the entire joke from the weak punchline: "In exasperation, the man turns from his smashed car and says, "Officer, I would have been HAPPY to give her half of the road --if she had just let me know WHICH half she wanted!!!!"
Four exclamation points. That's like someone laughing after they've told a joke to let everyone know it's time to laugh.
Saturday's joke was a slight reversal: an elderly man tricks a fellow at the grocery store into buying his groceries. That clever coot sure showed that young upstart! (That's my way of saying the joke was probably stolen from a 1930's comedy short.)
Sunday's was a hunter joke. It's sad enough that we live in a society that still has people who hunt. This one, probably the best joke of the week, turned the tables on the hunter. Here it is in full:
In the middle of a forest, there was a hunter who was suddenly confronted by a huge, mean bear.
In his fear, all attempts to shoot the bear were unsuccessful. Finally, he turned and ran as fast as he could. The hunter ran and ran and ran, until he ended up at the edge of a very steep cliff. His hopes were dim.
Seeing no way out of his predicament, and with the bear closing in rather quickly, the hunter got down on his knees, opened his arms, and exclaimed, "Dear God! Please give this bear some religion!"
The skies darkened and there was lightning in the air. Just a few feet short of the hunter, the bear came to abrupt stop, and glanced around, somewhat confused.
Suddenly, the bear looked up into the sky and said, "Thank you God, for the food I'm about to receive..."
I suppose the ellipsis is there for you to wait for the laughs that will probably never come.
Monday featured a woman who took the television remote from her husband when he refused to go shopping with her. The joke turns bleak when she returns home & he beats the hell out of her. (At least I assume. It stops before that.)
Tuesday's joke was another kid's offering, one you've heard from every child you've ever known, but which is never as funny as it was in the second grade:
Q: What do you call cheese that's not yours?
A: Nacho cheese!
Wednesday brought us another "man vs. woman" joke. It is discovered that, when pricing brains for transplant, women's are less expensive than men's because they are "used." Ha ha snort.
It's weeks like these that make me regret taking up this terrible mantle. I'd be better off examining "A Prayer A Day."
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