Whither Zebras?

 

(Image from here.)

Look at these guys!  How can you ask me why this week's Self Help Radio will be about zebras?  You should be asking why aren't there more radio shows about zebras!  Why aren't there?

Listen, I've spent the past week talking to lots of zebras & it turns out they're really great guys.  A bit humorless but when you spend most of your time trying to fend off biting flies & the occasional hungry lion, you don't get a lot of time to have too much fun.  Still, they're thoughtful & sometimes they wax poetic & you know what?  I don't think I've ever met an animal who has been so grateful about someone buying them lunch.  "I can order whatever?" each zebra I met asked incredulously.  I was like "Sure, whatever you want!"  Mainly they ordered the grass of the day, but if they had wanted fruit or something else, I would've sprung for it.  Even juice.  They rob you with the price of juice at restaurants but I wanted the zebras to be happy.

Granted, these were zoo zebras - I wasn't able to make it out to Africa because of the virus & stuff, & anyway I don't know the languages they speak out there - but the immigrant zebras I met still feel very connected to that place.  Almost wistful, really.  I was like, "You even miss the lions?" & they were like, "No we don't miss the lions you freak.  Are you going to finish your grass?"

It must also be said that the zebras I talked to (except for Brian, who enjoyed being contrary) all seemed very excited there was going to be a radio show about them.  Granted, I had to explain was radio was, & also that they weren't going to get paid (except for lunch) but otherwise they were flattered & quite excited to know someone thought enough of them to make a radio show for them.  They were all just great.  Except maybe Brian.  Brian I think wasn't so much a zebra as just some kind of ass.

Listen tomorrow (Monday) morning to Freeform Portland for a celebration of the zebra with song & talk.  It'll happen from 8-10am on 90.3 & 98.3 fm & online at freeformportland.org.  You'll make so many zebra friends!  I know I did!