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(image from here)

Today I turned fifty-five years old. It's a cliché to say that one doesn't feel one's age, but I know I look it. I look like a fifty-five-year old.

Interestingly, only a few people wished me happy birthday - mainly family members. My very oldest friends, with whom I guess I don't really talk any more, were notably absent from even a kind text, save one. My guess is, they don't really know when my birthday is, or probably don't care.

It was fun in the early days of Facebook to wish everyone a happy birthday, since you can have Facebook remind your "friends" of your birthday, but I stopped doing that a while back. I also haven't allowed Facebook to share my birthday so no one (except family members) wished me a happy birthday on Facebook. Which is fine - the one time I let Facebook notify people about my birthday, most of the people who wished me happy birthday were acquaintances with whom I hadn't spoken in years & will probably never see again.

Please don't think me bitter or unhappy about all this - I am just making observations. My birthday has long ceased to be anything important, just another day - just another thing around which I can make a radio show. I confess I also no longer stay in touch with people who don't really want to stay in touch with me. How do I know they don't want to stay in touch with me? I don't reach out to them anymore. This means there are people who I'd write emails to regularly, or even call, who, the moment I stopped doing that, never communicated with me again. These are people who've known me for decades. When you're the only person keeping a relationship alive, is the relationship alive?

The wife did indulge me today, & I saw a friend's improv show (he gave me a book but didn't say "happy birthday" but I think he knew it was my birthday). I had a lovey dog walk in a part of Portland that I've never walked in before - I love doing that, but it does make me miss Winston a lot. He used to love walking in new neighborhoods too. All in all, it wasn't a bad birthday - but it also wasn't much different than this Friday might have been if it weren't my birthday.

It is sobering that I have less days before me than behind me. I saw a notice today that a beloved KOOP programmer had recently passed, & I suppose there'll be much more death ahead of me as well. I hope I get to live a long live, I have so much more music I want to listen to, more books I want to read, more movies I need to see. But I do feel lucky to have made it this far. That's a good birthday present.