Or go look at the Self Help Radio Tumblr page to see artless photographs (alas, not Polaroids) I have taken.
Seriously, I am still working on the dumb show.
Sunday, March 25, 2018
Polaroid
Or go look at the Self Help Radio Tumblr page to see artless photographs (alas, not Polaroids) I have taken.
Seriously, I am still working on the dumb show.
Thursday, March 22, 2018
Self Help Radio 032118: Keys
(Original image here.)
The world only heard around 88% of this show! If they heard it at all. I didn't? Did you?
Well, then, we can only imagine it was a fascinating two-hour documentary about the invention of keys & locks, & how humanity changed with the understanding of privacy & security that came with... No? It was a bunch of songs about keys? Plus conversations with a religious dude & a locksmith? Not informative in a substantial way at all?
Bummer.
Well, if you're still interested, & especially if you want to hear the mysterious fifteen minutes that did not air in Lexington because of - was it a computer error? a tower problem? censorship?!? - you can do so at Self Help Radio's website. There's info about the username/password there. The show is two long hours long, & in two parts. What's in each part (including interviews) is below.
(part one)
"I'm Gonna Lock My Heart (& Throw Away The Key)" Billie Holiday _The Quintessential Billie Holiday, Vol. 6 (1938)_
"Key To My Happiness" Willie & West _Black Gold Sought After Soul_
"A Silver Key Can Open An Iron Lock Somewhere" Liliput _Kleenex/Liliput 1978-1983_
"Keys To Your Heart" The 101ers _Soul Jazz Records Presents PUNK 45: Sick On You! One Way Spit! After The Love & Before The Revolution Vol.3: Proto-Punk 1969-76_
"Let's Lock The Door (& Throw Away The Key)" The Lancastrians _Ripples, Vol. 5: Beach Bash (Surf Pop, Frat Rock, & Dance Craze Sounds From The UK)_
"What If That Guy From Smashing Pumpkins Lost His Car Keys?" Stephen Lynch _Superhero_
"Der Schlussel" Stereo Total _Juke-Box Alarm_
"Der Schlüssel Dafür" Heidi Brühl _Pop In Germany Vol. 6_
interview with locksmith David Fruchter
"Love Is The Key" Honey & The Bees _Come Get It: The Complete Josie Recordings 1970-1971_
"Key" Yellow Magic Orchestra _Kyoretsu Na Rhythm_
"Stories To Be Kept Under Lock & Key" The Cannanes _A Love Affair With Nation_
"Keys Of Life" Klaus Nomi _Klaus Nomi_
"Minor Keys" Big Troubles _Romantic Comedy_
"Key Of C" Jim Noir _Tower Of Love_
(part two)
"The Key" Kristin Hersh _Strings_
"See The Keyhole" Ludus _The Visit/The Seduction_
"(Putting My Heart Under) Lock & Key" Sharon Scott _Rare Collectable & Soulful_
interview with The Key Master!
"The Key" The Four Tops _The Complete Motown Singles, Vol. 9: 1969_
"The Key To My Happiness" The Charades _Big City Soul, Vol. 3_
"Latch Key Kid" The Fall _Imperial Wax Solvent_
"The Key Losers" Guided By Voices _Hardcore UFOs: Demons & Painkillers_
"The Key's Under The Flowerpot" Tochigi _The Gang East Of The River_
interview with the Rev Dr Howard Gently
"Skeleton Key" Bishop Allen _Lights Out_
"Key To My Heart" Christopher Owens _A New Testament_
"The Key To My Love Is Green" The Weather Prophets _Temperance Hotel_
"Keys To Me" Drivin N Cryin _Scarred But Smarter_
"Keys To The City" Spider Bags _Shake My Head_
"Handful Of Keys" Fats Waller & His Buddies _Fats Waller 1927-1929_
"You've Got The Right Key But The Wrong Keyhole" Virginia Liston with Clarence Williams' Blue Five _Louis Armstrong & The Blues Singers_
"I Found Your Key-Hole" Al Miller _Complete Works In Chronological Order (1927-36)_
Wednesday, March 21, 2018
Whither Keys?
(Image from here.)
Gosh, I dunno. Why a show about keys? I remember a time when I was involved as a director of a radio station & also had the keys to several rooms at my work & so I had lots & lots of keys. In fact, I had so many keys I ended up ripping a hole in the right front pocket of one of my pairs of pants. But to be fair, I also had a large key ring, in the shape of a pig, that someone gave me.
Now I have only four keys: three that go to doors in my house, & one I don't know what it's for. That's weird. I no longer have a key for my car. I have a fob. If I carry it with me, I can push a button & my car will start. If I don't, it won't. Will we one day have devices that will do the same with doors? & will my wife forgot those, too?
When I used to have lots of keys - before they ripped a hole in my pocket - I used to sometimes feel a weird sense of pride at having so many keys. I thought it meant I had reached some level of responsibility or something. It might have been because I admired the key ring of Schneider, Anne Romano's super on One Day At A Time:
Though I didn't want to be creepy like him, & always barge into apartments where there were single women raining two teenage girls. That's pretty reprehensible.
The thing is, now that I'm down to four keys (or three, really, until I find out what the fourth one does), I don't care. I have now in fact a radio show filled with keys!
Which is on tonight from 9-11pm eastern, 8-10pm central, on 93.9 fm WLXU or the same place online. It should be fun, & who knows? It may be the key that unlocks your heart. Whatever that means.
Tuesday, March 20, 2018
Preface To Keys: That Time My Keys Didn't Work
This is a story about a very weird night in 1987. It was Thanksgiving night, & I had stupidly come home to from Austin to be with the family, & it was never any fun, I had been a vegetarian for a year & all the meat - my family always had turkey & ham around - wasn't fun for me. I found out later that my mother put turkey grease in everything because she thought I was going to die. That sort of thing eventually stopped me from visiting for any of the holidays.
My friend Joe was going to come by & pick me up for us to drive back to Austin, he had gone to see I think Love & Rockets or Siouxsie & The Banshees but I couldn't get away. But he grabbed me & we set out. We needed to get to Austin to see the Jesus & Mary Chain the next night, & probably neither of us wanted to stick around with family.
If I stop to think, I've only been in maybe three car accidents in my life. That night, on an almost deserted ramp on I-35 in Dallas was one of them. Some car full of people I never saw came at us - this ramp was taking us I think from I-30 to I-35 - hit Joe's car on my side, the passenger side, & we went into a spin. I don't think we hit the walls The passenger door was ruined, but somehow, adrenaline I suppose, Joe & I were out of the car & looking around. We approached the car that hit us, to see if they were okay, but they took off, in the wrong direction. Helpfully, the few cars approaching got out of their way. I don't even think we got a license plate.
Both of us were dazed. In those pre-cell phone days, in the middle of the night, with people not stopping to help, we didn't know what to do. Wait for cops? Go to the cops? Go home? We decided to drive to Austin, but we couldn't stop talking about it. After all, we were both very young - I was 19 & Joe had recently turned 20 - & we had survived something horrible.
We finally stopped at a convenience store in Hillsboro & for some reason called the Dallas police. They of course were unhelpful, & we weren't about to drive back. So we headed back to Austin.
At the time I was sharing an apartment with my friend William in an area south of the Colorado River in Austin known as the Riverside Student Ghetto. William was still with his family, & both Joe & I were very exhausted when we got there. It was a long drive, & if you've been through an accident you'll know, the adrenaline draining from your system is like coming down from a high. It's not fun.
For some reason, my key didn't work. I couldn't get into my apartment. It was like three am. It was cold out. I think I might've walked to see if, for some insane reason on a holiday weekend, the management was there. They weren't. I remember Joe went into the laundry room, which was always lit, & curled up on a table. I wasn't going to do that. I went back to my apartment & broke a window pane in my bedroom window. I was able to unlatch it & crawl in & let Joe in the front door.
Surprisingly, a security guard showed up. We hadn't seen him, but if he was even the slightest bit observant, he had to have noticed these two guys looking tired & panicky in the dead of night at this apartment complex. We were probably the only thing he noticed all night.
Also surprisingly, he didn't approach us in some threatening way, as one might approach people who were, you know, breaking & entering. I was so tired - I had just broken a fucking window - I just showed him some mail with my name on it & my driver's license to identify who I was, & I tried to demonstrate to him that the key fit in the lock & didn't work.
& then, of course, the key worked.
As a postscript: I don't remember if they made me pay for the window. It was fixed in just a few days. Maybe I argued that their stupid door & key were at fault. I don't know.
What I do know is I must've looked like the most inept B&E guy ever clambering through that window.
My friend Joe was going to come by & pick me up for us to drive back to Austin, he had gone to see I think Love & Rockets or Siouxsie & The Banshees but I couldn't get away. But he grabbed me & we set out. We needed to get to Austin to see the Jesus & Mary Chain the next night, & probably neither of us wanted to stick around with family.
If I stop to think, I've only been in maybe three car accidents in my life. That night, on an almost deserted ramp on I-35 in Dallas was one of them. Some car full of people I never saw came at us - this ramp was taking us I think from I-30 to I-35 - hit Joe's car on my side, the passenger side, & we went into a spin. I don't think we hit the walls The passenger door was ruined, but somehow, adrenaline I suppose, Joe & I were out of the car & looking around. We approached the car that hit us, to see if they were okay, but they took off, in the wrong direction. Helpfully, the few cars approaching got out of their way. I don't even think we got a license plate.
Both of us were dazed. In those pre-cell phone days, in the middle of the night, with people not stopping to help, we didn't know what to do. Wait for cops? Go to the cops? Go home? We decided to drive to Austin, but we couldn't stop talking about it. After all, we were both very young - I was 19 & Joe had recently turned 20 - & we had survived something horrible.
We finally stopped at a convenience store in Hillsboro & for some reason called the Dallas police. They of course were unhelpful, & we weren't about to drive back. So we headed back to Austin.
At the time I was sharing an apartment with my friend William in an area south of the Colorado River in Austin known as the Riverside Student Ghetto. William was still with his family, & both Joe & I were very exhausted when we got there. It was a long drive, & if you've been through an accident you'll know, the adrenaline draining from your system is like coming down from a high. It's not fun.
For some reason, my key didn't work. I couldn't get into my apartment. It was like three am. It was cold out. I think I might've walked to see if, for some insane reason on a holiday weekend, the management was there. They weren't. I remember Joe went into the laundry room, which was always lit, & curled up on a table. I wasn't going to do that. I went back to my apartment & broke a window pane in my bedroom window. I was able to unlatch it & crawl in & let Joe in the front door.
Surprisingly, a security guard showed up. We hadn't seen him, but if he was even the slightest bit observant, he had to have noticed these two guys looking tired & panicky in the dead of night at this apartment complex. We were probably the only thing he noticed all night.
Also surprisingly, he didn't approach us in some threatening way, as one might approach people who were, you know, breaking & entering. I was so tired - I had just broken a fucking window - I just showed him some mail with my name on it & my driver's license to identify who I was, & I tried to demonstrate to him that the key fit in the lock & didn't work.
& then, of course, the key worked.
As a postscript: I don't remember if they made me pay for the window. It was fixed in just a few days. Maybe I argued that their stupid door & key were at fault. I don't know.
What I do know is I must've looked like the most inept B&E guy ever clambering through that window.
Monday, March 19, 2018
Set Schedule
It seems like I'm always driving these days (the downside of living in a sprawling place without decent public transportation) & when you do the same things all the time you want to talk about it. So I am often talking (complaining) about driving.
That's not something I'm going to do here. Not right now. Except to say that I've become a less aggressive, more thoughtful driver the more I encounter douchebags on the road. I'm sure their lives are infinitely important than mine, so it makes sense that they should speed & weave around & cause people to hit their brakes & almost hit me, as my car isn't worth a fraction of theirs. What I tend to do nowadays is watch out for the rest of us, to make sure I'm not as douchey as the speed demons whose lives, as I've said, are infinitely more valuable than mine.
Honestly, I can't wait until they refuse to give up their death machines when driverless cars take over, & end up dying when trying to maneuver around them. No one, not even their loved ones, who must know they drive like superdouches, will shed a tear. "Lord knows we're all surprised," even the priest will say at the funeral, "it took this long to happen."
While I do hope one day to learn to meditate, & I try to pay attention to my breathing (a kind of rudimentary practice) when I am in bed trying to fall asleep (it's hard to do) (both concentrate on my breathing &, for me, falling asleep), my mind does wander, & it often wanders to a kind of mind-game in which I think to myself, would the world be better off if [enter someone's name] were dead?
Let me assure you, while this is probably not terribly healthy, it's a little healthier than wondering if the world would be better off if I were dead, which is something I arrogantly wondered in my deepest depressive days of the 1990s.
& by the way, these are not people in my life or even in my past - these are always public figures, most of them politicians or dictators or others who cause a great deal of misery in the world. & also this is not a matter of me planning anything. I wouldn't even know where to begin. No, in this scenario either some other agent causes the demise or I am given the power of life & death in some magic way & I make a decision, & then I imagine the fallout. Would the world in fact be a better place? Would my world be a better place?
Other people, you know, they count sheep. To help me fall asleep, my mind wanders into wondering.
That's not something I'm going to do here. Not right now. Except to say that I've become a less aggressive, more thoughtful driver the more I encounter douchebags on the road. I'm sure their lives are infinitely important than mine, so it makes sense that they should speed & weave around & cause people to hit their brakes & almost hit me, as my car isn't worth a fraction of theirs. What I tend to do nowadays is watch out for the rest of us, to make sure I'm not as douchey as the speed demons whose lives, as I've said, are infinitely more valuable than mine.
Honestly, I can't wait until they refuse to give up their death machines when driverless cars take over, & end up dying when trying to maneuver around them. No one, not even their loved ones, who must know they drive like superdouches, will shed a tear. "Lord knows we're all surprised," even the priest will say at the funeral, "it took this long to happen."
While I do hope one day to learn to meditate, & I try to pay attention to my breathing (a kind of rudimentary practice) when I am in bed trying to fall asleep (it's hard to do) (both concentrate on my breathing &, for me, falling asleep), my mind does wander, & it often wanders to a kind of mind-game in which I think to myself, would the world be better off if [enter someone's name] were dead?
Let me assure you, while this is probably not terribly healthy, it's a little healthier than wondering if the world would be better off if I were dead, which is something I arrogantly wondered in my deepest depressive days of the 1990s.
& by the way, these are not people in my life or even in my past - these are always public figures, most of them politicians or dictators or others who cause a great deal of misery in the world. & also this is not a matter of me planning anything. I wouldn't even know where to begin. No, in this scenario either some other agent causes the demise or I am given the power of life & death in some magic way & I make a decision, & then I imagine the fallout. Would the world in fact be a better place? Would my world be a better place?
Other people, you know, they count sheep. To help me fall asleep, my mind wanders into wondering.
Sunday, March 18, 2018
This Cursive Note
Did you do anything for Saint Patrick's Day? Me neither.
One time a friend told me he thought Saint Patrick might be Patrick Stewart of "Star Trek" & "X-Men" fame. I told him that, in general, saints usually get to be saints by dying for their religious conviction. We both agreed that Patrick Stewart was not at the time dead (he is currently at the time of this writing also not dead) but we were unsure what, if anything, he had in fact been convicted of.
Also one time I knew a guy named "Rick" & I would occasionally call him "Richard" & he would always correct me by saying "Patrick," & while I completely understood that "Rick" could be a diminutive of "Patrick," I myself would probably have gone for the more obvious "Pat" although knowing this guy he might be upset that his name was somewhat ambiguous gender-wise, as the famous Saturday Night Live character would attest.
This happened, too, in my family. I have a brother named James, but everyone called him Jamie. My mother still calls him Jamie. I don't know why I put names in quotation marks in the previous paragraph but now I am not doing so. Probably I am just lazy. Anyway, my brother Jamie's middle name is Ralph & so at some point in my childhood - & at some point in his late teens - he got tired of people calling him Jamie, which I think he thought was effeminate, & also was the name of the secret identity of the Bionic Woman on television, & he had us call him Ralph. I call him that to this day. My mother, as I said, still calls him Jamie.
In a shocking twist worthy of O. Henry Dickens, I discovered, when we (my brother Ralph & I) became friends on Facebook, that his co-workers call him James, which is probably what he wanted all along. He doesn't seem like a James to me anymore, he seems totally like a Ralph.
What he should have done, if I can give him advice too late for it to do him any good, is he should have corrected the teacher when she called him "Jamie" in elementary school or at the very least in middle school, around sixth grade. I knew a guy named Larry Campbell who always said, on the first day of school, that people called him "Rocko." & so the teacher - & everyone else - did.
& now it occurs to me that though I've spent a good deal of my life wishing that my own name had more interesting diminutives than "Gar," "Gare," or "Gaz," although I do love "Gaz," it seems a good thing that usually people called Gary can only be called Gary, as you avoid the need to summon social strength to tell teachers you want to be called something different than what is written on the attendance sheet or, in my brother James Ralph's case, what is exactly there.
When I was at Trader Joe's the other day, a checkout fellow probably five or six years older than I am had my name on his nametag so I told him my name was also Gary. We mourned the slow death of our name, & he asked if I were named for someone famous. "Everyone in the US named Gary," I said, "was ultimately named for Gary Cooper." "Really?" he said. "I thought I was named for Gary US Bonds."
So, no, no. I didn't do anything for Saint Patrick's Day.
One time a friend told me he thought Saint Patrick might be Patrick Stewart of "Star Trek" & "X-Men" fame. I told him that, in general, saints usually get to be saints by dying for their religious conviction. We both agreed that Patrick Stewart was not at the time dead (he is currently at the time of this writing also not dead) but we were unsure what, if anything, he had in fact been convicted of.
Also one time I knew a guy named "Rick" & I would occasionally call him "Richard" & he would always correct me by saying "Patrick," & while I completely understood that "Rick" could be a diminutive of "Patrick," I myself would probably have gone for the more obvious "Pat" although knowing this guy he might be upset that his name was somewhat ambiguous gender-wise, as the famous Saturday Night Live character would attest.
This happened, too, in my family. I have a brother named James, but everyone called him Jamie. My mother still calls him Jamie. I don't know why I put names in quotation marks in the previous paragraph but now I am not doing so. Probably I am just lazy. Anyway, my brother Jamie's middle name is Ralph & so at some point in my childhood - & at some point in his late teens - he got tired of people calling him Jamie, which I think he thought was effeminate, & also was the name of the secret identity of the Bionic Woman on television, & he had us call him Ralph. I call him that to this day. My mother, as I said, still calls him Jamie.
In a shocking twist worthy of O. Henry Dickens, I discovered, when we (my brother Ralph & I) became friends on Facebook, that his co-workers call him James, which is probably what he wanted all along. He doesn't seem like a James to me anymore, he seems totally like a Ralph.
What he should have done, if I can give him advice too late for it to do him any good, is he should have corrected the teacher when she called him "Jamie" in elementary school or at the very least in middle school, around sixth grade. I knew a guy named Larry Campbell who always said, on the first day of school, that people called him "Rocko." & so the teacher - & everyone else - did.
& now it occurs to me that though I've spent a good deal of my life wishing that my own name had more interesting diminutives than "Gar," "Gare," or "Gaz," although I do love "Gaz," it seems a good thing that usually people called Gary can only be called Gary, as you avoid the need to summon social strength to tell teachers you want to be called something different than what is written on the attendance sheet or, in my brother James Ralph's case, what is exactly there.
When I was at Trader Joe's the other day, a checkout fellow probably five or six years older than I am had my name on his nametag so I told him my name was also Gary. We mourned the slow death of our name, & he asked if I were named for someone famous. "Everyone in the US named Gary," I said, "was ultimately named for Gary Cooper." "Really?" he said. "I thought I was named for Gary US Bonds."
So, no, no. I didn't do anything for Saint Patrick's Day.
Thursday, March 15, 2018
Self Help Radio 031418: It's A Reach
(Original image here.)
It's hard reaching out. Especially if, for whatever reason, your arms are tired. Even your metaphorical arms. Plus, so much of what you want to reach for is basically out of reach. Then you're fucked.
& that phrase, "it's a reach"! "Why, Gary," I've heard too often, "that's a bit of a reach." Of course! Trying to understand is reaching! So much is hard to grasp! You sometimes need to reach to grasp! I don't know why I'm getting so worked up!
Now I'm thinking I should've called the show "a bit of a reach." Well. Regrets & all that.
The show, such as it is, is over at the Self Help Radio web site. Username/password info is there too. It's in two parts, & what's in the two parts (each about sixty minutes long) is listed below, including the ridiculous interviews. I hope you enjoy.
(part one)
"Reaching" Jeffrey Lewis _A Turn In The Dream Songs_
"Reach Out Lorraine" Wyatt _80, 90, 100 M.P.H._
"Way Out Of Reach" The Manhattan Love Suicides _Burnt Out Landscapes_
"She Reached For A Light" Robyn Hitchcock _Uncorrected Personality Traits_
"I Reach For The Light" The Raspberries _Fresh_
"Reaching Into In" Ken Nordine _How Are Things In Your Town?_
"I Can't Reach You" Petra Haden _Petra Haden Sings: The Who Sell Out_
"Reach Me (Don't Forget)" The Girls At Dawn _Call The Doctor_
interview with the Rev Howard Gently
"Reaching Out" Jasmine Minks _Scratch The Surface_
"Reach For It" George Duke _In Yo' Face! The History Of Funk, Vol. 4_
"Reach Out (& Give Me Your Hand)" Tickled Pink _Texas Funk: Hard Texas Funk 1968-1975_
"Reach Out I'll Be There (Stereo Promo Version)" Diana Ross _The Complete Motown Singles, Vol 11A: 1971_
"Just Out Of Reach (Of My Two Open Arms)" Solomon Burke _The Very Best Of Solomon Burke_
"Outta Reach" She _Wants A Piece Of You_
(part two)
"Just Out Of Reach" The Zombies _The Zombies Collection_
"Out Of Reach" The Primitives _Out Of Reach_
"Just Out Of Reach" The Jesus & Mary Chain _Automatic_
interview with sci-fi/fantasy writer David Fruchter
"Reachin' Pete" Memphis Minnie _Queen Of The Country Blues: All The Published Sides 1929-1937_
"It's Like Reaching For The Moon (with Teddy Wilson & His Orchestra)" Billie Holiday _The Essential Brunswick Recordings_
"Reach Out For Me" Nancy Wilson _The Look Of Love: The Burt Bacharach Collection_
"Reach For The Top" The Frantics _Frantic Times_
"Reach For The Sky" Fat Tulips _Take Me Back To Heaven EP_
interview with rapper MC Tsirhc
"To Reach Me" The Go-Betweens _Liberty Belle & The Black Diamond Express_
"Reaching For The Stars" Television Personalities _The Strangely Beautiful E.P._
"Wanna Reach You" Lunchbox _The Magic Of Sound_
"Reach For Your Gun" The Monochrome Set _Volume, Contrast, Brilliance... Singles & Sessions, Volume 1_
"Reaching Forward" Those Dancing Days _Daydreams & Nightmares_
"Reach Out, Yvonne" Easy _Never Seen A Star_
Wednesday, March 14, 2018
Whither It's A Reach?
(Image from this place.)
The story of this week's show's theme is one of intrigue & thrills, which will take us to three continents, involved the governments of at least twelve countries, & will require seven days to make the perfect amount of sense.
No, wait. I was just listening to the record by She - this one - & digging the song "Outta Reach," & it reminded me of two songs with the same or similar names that I hadn't thought about in forever - one by the Jesus & Mary Chain, another by the Primitives - & I thought, "Can I do an entire show with the theme 'out of reach'?"
Songs were collected, but it became pretty apparent that I wasn't going to get away with that. So I expanded the reach of the theme to include all kinds of reaching. Once I reached a specific number of songs, I decided to do the show. That'll happen tonight.
Tonight! Omigosh! From 9-11pm eastern on 93.9 fm WLXU in Lexington, or online everywhere. You don't even need to reach out - the show will come to you!
Tuesday, March 13, 2018
Preface To It's A Reach: This Definition
According to the Wikipedia, a reach (geography) is "a length of a stream or river, usually suggesting a level, uninterrupted stretch. The beginning & ending points may be selected for geographic, historical or other reasons – & may be based on landmarks such as gauging stations, river miles, natural features, & topography."
The same article mentions that there are "334 place names in the US with the characterization of a named 'reach,'" but only gives one example: Hanford Reach.
For some reason, I feel like I knew about this definition of the word "reach" before I first saw this definition although if you had asked me to define "reach" I wouldn't have necessarily given this particular one. Which leads me to believe one of two things: a) my brain doesn't work & it's convinced about something that isn't true, or 2) in my life I have been somewhere that someone has described as a "reach." If it's the second one, then I can't really remember where that might be. Moreover, I'm not able to find any of the 333 other place names using the word "reach" in a simple manner.
What I have found is an acronym. This is the case with REACH: Registration, Evaluation, Authorisation, & Restriction of Chemicals, the acronym of which would actually be REARC.
Now, REACH of Fort Worth doesn't actually appear to be an acronym, though its descriptive subtitle, "Resource Centers on Independent Living," feels like it wishes it were the expanded acronym. But that might be ReCoIL. Which I am cool with.
& there a United Nations initiative called REACH which seems to do good work that's pretty immune to my snark.
Wait! I may have found something. According to this website, which focuses on revitalization efforts pertaining to the San Antonio River called the San Antonio River Improvements Project, or (SARIP):
SARIP is comprised of four distinctive reaches: The Museum Reach, a four-mile segment of the river from Hildebrand Avenue south to Lexington Avenue; the Downtown Reach, a segment of the original River Walk from Lexington Avenue to Houston Street; the Eagleland, a one-mile segment from South Alamo to Lonestar Boulevard; & the Mission Reach, a eight-mile section of the river extending from Lonestar Boulevard south to Loop 410 South.
The thing is, I've only been in San Antonio like five times in my life. Are there signs on the riverwalk that say "Downtown Reach"? Because that's the sort of thing that would settle in the low-import puzzle section of my brain.
Or are there sections of the Colorado & Trinity called "reaches" that I can't seem to find just stumbling around online?
Not sure. But this has gone on long enough, don't you think?
The same article mentions that there are "334 place names in the US with the characterization of a named 'reach,'" but only gives one example: Hanford Reach.
For some reason, I feel like I knew about this definition of the word "reach" before I first saw this definition although if you had asked me to define "reach" I wouldn't have necessarily given this particular one. Which leads me to believe one of two things: a) my brain doesn't work & it's convinced about something that isn't true, or 2) in my life I have been somewhere that someone has described as a "reach." If it's the second one, then I can't really remember where that might be. Moreover, I'm not able to find any of the 333 other place names using the word "reach" in a simple manner.
What I have found is an acronym. This is the case with REACH: Registration, Evaluation, Authorisation, & Restriction of Chemicals, the acronym of which would actually be REARC.
Now, REACH of Fort Worth doesn't actually appear to be an acronym, though its descriptive subtitle, "Resource Centers on Independent Living," feels like it wishes it were the expanded acronym. But that might be ReCoIL. Which I am cool with.
& there a United Nations initiative called REACH which seems to do good work that's pretty immune to my snark.
Wait! I may have found something. According to this website, which focuses on revitalization efforts pertaining to the San Antonio River called the San Antonio River Improvements Project, or (SARIP):
SARIP is comprised of four distinctive reaches: The Museum Reach, a four-mile segment of the river from Hildebrand Avenue south to Lexington Avenue; the Downtown Reach, a segment of the original River Walk from Lexington Avenue to Houston Street; the Eagleland, a one-mile segment from South Alamo to Lonestar Boulevard; & the Mission Reach, a eight-mile section of the river extending from Lonestar Boulevard south to Loop 410 South.
The thing is, I've only been in San Antonio like five times in my life. Are there signs on the riverwalk that say "Downtown Reach"? Because that's the sort of thing that would settle in the low-import puzzle section of my brain.
Or are there sections of the Colorado & Trinity called "reaches" that I can't seem to find just stumbling around online?
Not sure. But this has gone on long enough, don't you think?
Monday, March 12, 2018
Good Lord What Is It With The Song "Take On Me"?
Every time I turn around, I find someone online making another, somewhat specialized version of the song "Take On Me." Here are three I've found recently.
This is "fingerstyle guitar":
Here's a for lack of a better word "classical" version:
Oh shit, here's the song in twenty different styles!
What the fuck? Is this song as truly beloved as all that? Or just easy to play?
Do I really want to know?
This is "fingerstyle guitar":
Here's a for lack of a better word "classical" version:
Oh shit, here's the song in twenty different styles!
What the fuck? Is this song as truly beloved as all that? Or just easy to play?
Do I really want to know?
Sunday, March 11, 2018
Birdie
You can't write from a place of anger.
Can I write from a place of coffee?
A what?
A coffee shop. A place of coffee.
No one calls a coffee shop "a place of coffee."
It was my understanding that most adjective-noun combinations could be effectively rendered as "noun of adjective" without much confusion.
Like "hall of pool"? Or "bread of cheese"?
I'm sorry, English is not my second language.
Did you say "second language"?
Yes. It's my first language.
Oh, I get it. You therefore believe you are allowed to make rules about the language with impunity, then.
With who?
With whom.
Who is whom?
Close. It's "who is who."
Who is who?
Very nice. Now we're Abbott & Costello.
Not my intention. Instead, I wanted to...
Hold on.
What?
Are you writing this down?
So?
How do you write so fast?
Shortcake.
Shorthand, you mean?
Yes, well, "cake" means "hand" in shortcake.
But why are you writing this down?
For Birdie.
Who's Birdie?
The one who reads these things.
Why does Birdie want to read you arguing with me?
Birdie is possessed of a rare & interesting desire for all things.
Sounds like a creep.
Yes, that too.
Why haven't I met Birdie?
We've all met Birdie.
What's he like?
Cool, acute. Aloof, perceptive. Knows how to read a room, knows how to finish a book.
Are ours the only conversations he enjoys?
I'm sure others record their conversations for his perusal. I don't know many of his friends.
Are we his friends?
No.
...
Hello?
I am leery about saying more. I wanted this to be among friends.
What were you saying earlier about anger?
You just seemed a little angry that you hadn't finished your short story.
Shirt story.
Excuse me?
I was writing a story about a shirt. But it might have turned into a novella.
Yeah, Birdie can fucking have this.
Can I write from a place of coffee?
A what?
A coffee shop. A place of coffee.
No one calls a coffee shop "a place of coffee."
It was my understanding that most adjective-noun combinations could be effectively rendered as "noun of adjective" without much confusion.
Like "hall of pool"? Or "bread of cheese"?
I'm sorry, English is not my second language.
Did you say "second language"?
Yes. It's my first language.
Oh, I get it. You therefore believe you are allowed to make rules about the language with impunity, then.
With who?
With whom.
Who is whom?
Close. It's "who is who."
Who is who?
Very nice. Now we're Abbott & Costello.
Not my intention. Instead, I wanted to...
Hold on.
What?
Are you writing this down?
So?
How do you write so fast?
Shortcake.
Shorthand, you mean?
Yes, well, "cake" means "hand" in shortcake.
But why are you writing this down?
For Birdie.
Who's Birdie?
The one who reads these things.
Why does Birdie want to read you arguing with me?
Birdie is possessed of a rare & interesting desire for all things.
Sounds like a creep.
Yes, that too.
Why haven't I met Birdie?
We've all met Birdie.
What's he like?
Cool, acute. Aloof, perceptive. Knows how to read a room, knows how to finish a book.
Are ours the only conversations he enjoys?
I'm sure others record their conversations for his perusal. I don't know many of his friends.
Are we his friends?
No.
...
Hello?
I am leery about saying more. I wanted this to be among friends.
What were you saying earlier about anger?
You just seemed a little angry that you hadn't finished your short story.
Shirt story.
Excuse me?
I was writing a story about a shirt. But it might have turned into a novella.
Yeah, Birdie can fucking have this.
Thursday, March 08, 2018
Self Help Radio 030718: Health
(Original image here.)
As I write this, I am surrounded by cats. It's near breakfast time, you see. Most of them are in good health, although each of them has their own issues. One has asthma, another has diabetes, yet another has urinary tract issues, you know how it is. My cats are a microcosm of the health problems of the average American family.
& yet, despite the massive amount of health coverage on this week's show, feline health was given short shrift. You'd think, as the owner of four cats, I might be inclined to weigh in on the issues that affect the wellness of kittens, but let's be frank here: they could not care any less about my own health. Not one of them ever says, "Hey, dad, maybe that's enough whiskey for tonight." Or "Hey, papa, do you really need all ten of those cookies?" Or, "Yo pops, I know we lie around all day & make it look good, but you could really use some exercise." Nope. Not a single damned word from them. Until it's time to eat, like now. Then they're all up in my grill.
In any event, there's so much more health covered on this week's show that you'll not miss any discussion or discursion about feline health or canine health or cephalopod health or whatever. It also won't affect your healthcare plan, if you're lucky enough to have one. You're covered, for this show at least. Nothing out of pocket. But I can't write scrips. Sorry.
Listen now at Self Help Radio dot net. You must use a username (SHR) & a password (selfhelp) to access the show. These are available on the page as well. The show is two hours long, & divided into two parts. What songs are played in each part, plus what guests might be interviewed, are listed below.
If I were as cool as Stephen "Colbert Report" Colbert, I'd say, "I'll see you in health!" But even he isn't that cool anymore.
(part one)
"Ich Bin Rund & Gesund" Illo Schieder _Ich Bin Rund & Gesund_
"Little Fine Healthy Thing" Billy "The Kid" Emerson _Red Hot: The Sun Years, Plus_
"National Health" The Kinks _Low Budget_
"As Long As You've Got Your Health (with The Merry Macs)" Ray Noble & His Orchestra _Brother, Can You Spare a Dime? Songs Of The Depression 1929–1937_
"Healthier Folk" Palehound _Dry Food_
"My Healthcare Plan" Hari Kondabolu _Waiting For 2042_
"Technicolor Health" Harlem Shakes _Technicolor Health_
"Health Place" Happy Supply _Happy Supply_
interview with alternative health provider Moggsy Boggs
"Happy Carrot Health Food Store" Sonny & The Sunsets _Talent Night At The Ashram_
"Case Study: Copeland's Down Home Health Stop" Superego _Superego Season 3, Episode 9_
"Healthclubs Hypocrisy" The Through Comers _Teeny Poppers_
"Health Food Nut" Bob Dorough & Dave Frishberg _Who's On First?_
"Swim For Health" Ballboy _Club Anthems_
(part two)
"Health Man No. 1" Congress Of Wonders _Sophomoric_
"Young & Healthy" Bing Crosby with Guy Lombardo & His Orchestra _The Crooner: The Columbia Years 1928-1934_
"Health & Happiness" Dalek I Love You _Dalek I Love You_
interview with "the healthiest man in America" David Fruchter
"Health Man No. 2" Congress Of Wonders _Sophomoric_
"Health & Knowledge & Wealth & Power" Shriekback _Oil & Gold_
"You're Not Very Well" The Charlatans _Some Friendly_
"Mental Health Hotline (CJ Bollands Mix)" Black Dog & Black Sifichi _Genetically Modified_
interview with medical student Bingham Killkid
"Health Man No. 3" Congress Of Wonders _Sophomoric_
"Picture Of Health" We Were Promised Jetpacks _In The Pit Of The Stomach_
"Its Health & My Own" Wild Moccasins _Skin Collision Past_
"Health Clubs" Lewis Black _Rules Of Enragement_
"Dancing For Mental Health" Will Powers _Dancing For Mental Health_
Wednesday, March 07, 2018
Whither Health?
(Original image here.)
Tonight's Self Help Radio is not a health class. I'm sorry. It's just a show about health. & it won't help you feel more healthy or anything like that.
The inspiration for the show is the show that comes on before Self Help Radio every week, called Healthy Times. I listen to it before my show, & eventually I thought, hey! I should do a show about health! & so I will.
It won't be nearly as fun as one of my favorite segments from the Colbert Report (a show I miss terribly), "Cheating Death with Dr. Stephen T. Colbert DFA." I think this segment here is the first one they ever did, & he hadn't yet mastered his closing phrase, which always, always made me laugh: "I'll see you in health!"
But there will be some fun, so tune in tonight from 9-11pm eastern on 93.9 fm WLXU in Lexington & online at the Lexington Community Radio web page. It counts as one of the two required doctor's visits you need to have this year. Just let me know if you a prescription or something.
Tuesday, March 06, 2018
Preface To Health: Blood Counts
At some point in time, in my forties, I started going to the doctor every six months for a check-up. It seemed like the right thing to do & it made me pay more attention to myself. Two of my siblings & my mother had diabetes, the others were not terribly healthy, who the fuck knows what genetic bullshit was waiting to be unleashed on me? So I went to the doctor, usually a nurse practitioner in Lexington, & they told me to lose weight & I made sure the stuff they could find out from my blood was within normal parameters.
What I discovered over the years is that I am a little anemic - it's one of the hazards of being vegan, although I eat a shit ton of beans & leafy vegetables. It's cool, I can dig it.
Living in Kentucky, with its seasons, caused me to have a vitamin D deficiency. I'm told this is on the rise. Even though I'm outside walking my dogs for almost two hours a day, my body doesn't seem to want to absorb it. I did grow considerably paler there.
So I take iron pills & vitamin D pills. Plus others. I think I double up on the vitamin Bs, since that's also a traditional vegan lack. Plus my wife makes me take glucosamine, even though I'm not sure the science is in on that. But I give it to my dogs, why shouldn't I take it too? Though it'd be better in something like a tofu chew. Mmm, tofu chew.
In case you're wondering if the guy about to do a show about health is in fact in good health. I mean, it's not like I'm in bad health. I could stand to lose a few pounds. I could exercise more, bring up the good cholesterol. I could cut back on the whiskey.
But I am paying attention! I suspect I will need to do more & more of this as I age.
What I discovered over the years is that I am a little anemic - it's one of the hazards of being vegan, although I eat a shit ton of beans & leafy vegetables. It's cool, I can dig it.
Living in Kentucky, with its seasons, caused me to have a vitamin D deficiency. I'm told this is on the rise. Even though I'm outside walking my dogs for almost two hours a day, my body doesn't seem to want to absorb it. I did grow considerably paler there.
So I take iron pills & vitamin D pills. Plus others. I think I double up on the vitamin Bs, since that's also a traditional vegan lack. Plus my wife makes me take glucosamine, even though I'm not sure the science is in on that. But I give it to my dogs, why shouldn't I take it too? Though it'd be better in something like a tofu chew. Mmm, tofu chew.
In case you're wondering if the guy about to do a show about health is in fact in good health. I mean, it's not like I'm in bad health. I could stand to lose a few pounds. I could exercise more, bring up the good cholesterol. I could cut back on the whiskey.
But I am paying attention! I suspect I will need to do more & more of this as I age.
Monday, March 05, 2018
Never Punished For Procrastination
This is true. I am a procrastinator of the highest order. For example, I should have written this in the blog much earlier today. I am actually right now working on tomorrow's Tuesday Morning Blend but am procrastinating by writing here. It's a sickness, man.
The thing is, I was never really ever punished for my procrastination. I always managed, with a little difficulty, to get things done at the very last minute. I would cram for tests while walking to the classroom - & do just fine. I would write papers in college - by hand - an hour before class. I got decent grades. & tonight, I should finish up & get a decent night's sleep because I have a radio show at seven a.m. But will I? Heck no! I'm still listening to stuff I may play! I'll get four hours tops!
This is my fiftieth year. I am getting a little forgetful now. Here are two words I couldn't immediately bring to mind recently: hypothetical &... Well, I've now forgotten the other one. It's on the tip of my tongue. I can't remember it though.
But if you want to hear me recite the lyrics to "Tangled Up In Blue" - both the Blood On The Tracks & The Bootleg Series versions - & even compare & contrast - I can still do that. Most of the time.
In fact, let's do that now! I don't need to finish this blog for another three hours or so. & then, even if it's Tuesday, I can just change the date. It lets you do that! Isn't that cool? Early one mornin' the sun was shinin', I was lyin' in bed...
Oh man. The punishment for procrastination is coming, I can feel it. But. I hope I can put it off a little longer.
The thing is, I was never really ever punished for my procrastination. I always managed, with a little difficulty, to get things done at the very last minute. I would cram for tests while walking to the classroom - & do just fine. I would write papers in college - by hand - an hour before class. I got decent grades. & tonight, I should finish up & get a decent night's sleep because I have a radio show at seven a.m. But will I? Heck no! I'm still listening to stuff I may play! I'll get four hours tops!
This is my fiftieth year. I am getting a little forgetful now. Here are two words I couldn't immediately bring to mind recently: hypothetical &... Well, I've now forgotten the other one. It's on the tip of my tongue. I can't remember it though.
But if you want to hear me recite the lyrics to "Tangled Up In Blue" - both the Blood On The Tracks & The Bootleg Series versions - & even compare & contrast - I can still do that. Most of the time.
In fact, let's do that now! I don't need to finish this blog for another three hours or so. & then, even if it's Tuesday, I can just change the date. It lets you do that! Isn't that cool? Early one mornin' the sun was shinin', I was lyin' in bed...
Oh man. The punishment for procrastination is coming, I can feel it. But. I hope I can put it off a little longer.
Sunday, March 04, 2018
The Night Before
This photo was just put up on the Self Help Radio Tumblr site, which has nothing to do really with the show but instead is a place where I put up random photos I take while I wander around my otherwise uninteresting life. I know that's what Instagram is for, but after the Twitter account, I decided that I wasn't terribly interested in another social media site that I had to pay attention to. (Don't even get me started on whatever Vero is.)
Anyway, I spoke about my dead departed boy Ringo on this blog before, but I only recently revisited the photos I took of him before he died. The picture above has a story that is memorable to me.
The night before Ringo died, I stayed up late, I couldn't sleep, I worried about him, I knew his end was near, I was out of sorts. It took all my power not to just lie on the floor with him & wake him up with my sobbing. But at some point - probably around 3am - I knew I had to get to sleep, so I turned my computer off, made sure all the doors were locked & the lights were out, & I went to bed.
We have motion detector lights in our backyard & after I brushed my teeth I noticed they were on. I panicked for a moment & thought I had left a dog outside. Pauline, for example, would probably sleep outside if we let her, especially if other animals made their way into the yard to play with her or be chased by her.
When I glanced out the bedroom window, I saw this pair above foraging for pecans amid the leaves. I had never seen raccoons in our yard before. I snapped pictures & stared & at one point, one of them saw me, realized I was no threat, & went back to looking for something to eat. Eventually they wandered off & the light went out & I didn't want to bother them so I got into bed.
Of course, I was still unable to sleep, so I tried to tire myself out by reading about raccoons.
Thursday, March 01, 2018
Self Help Radio 022818: Towers
(Original image here.)
Hoo boy. Now we've gone & done it. Tower purists everywhere are up in arms. They're quoting the Wikipedia at me, saying, "Although not correctly called towers many modern skyscraper are often called towers (whereas they are classified as 'buildings')." They point out that "towers are specifically distinguished from 'buildings' in that they are not built to be habitable but to serve other functions."
Why then, they ask, do you have songs about "high rise towers"? You can't live in a tower! they scream. & I can only plead ignorance. It wasn't until I sat down & did some research on the show (i.e., when I read the same Wikipedia article they were quoting to me) that I realized that things I had called towers, like tall apartment buildings in big cities, weren't actually towers. The World Trade Center, the "Twin Towers"? Not towers at all!
Now I have to do forty-three hours of community service for tower purists which means standing outside large buildings which may be called towers & explaining to passers-by that they're not towers at all, just buildings, & also do you want to buy some Girl Scout Cookies? You might not know this, but most tower purists are also Girl Scouts.
Luckily most of the towers on this week's show fit the definition & I won't have to spend too much time in the Girl Scout Tower, which is a kind of prison. You can see the songs I played (plus the interviews I conducted) below, & you can listen to the show at Self Help Radio's website. Two hours, two segments, use "SHR" as a username & "selfhelp" as a password & you'll be fine.
& check out the view!
(part one)
"Manhattan Tower Part 1: Magical Tower" Gordon Jenkins & His Orchestra & Chorus _New York, New York: A Vintage Portrait_
"You Don't Have To Be A Tower Of Strength" Gloria Lynne _Birth Of Soul, Volume 1_
"The Tower" Austin Lounge Lizards _The Drugs I Need_
"All Along The Watchtower" Bob Dylan _John Wesley Harding_
"Ivory Tower" The Rosaries _Forever_
"Broadcasting Waves" Math & Physics Club _Lived Here Before_
"High Rise Towers In Medium Size Towns" Darren Hayman & The Secondary Modern _Pram Town_
interview with tower salesperson Lorenzo Schwab
"Ivory Tower" Otis Williams & The Charms _Doo Wop: The R&B Vocal Group Sound (1950-1960)_
"Alton Towers" The Fall _Imperial Wax Solvent_
"The Clock Tower" The Caribbean _Discontinued Perfume_
"Firestation Towers" The Close Lobsters _Forever, Until Victory! The Singles Collection_
"Towers Of London" XTC _Black Sea_
"Tower Of Song" Leonard Cohen _I'm Your Man_
(part two)
"The Clown On The Eiffel Tower" Les Baxter _Ultra-Lounge Volume Ten: A Bachelor In Paris_
"Sexy Eiffel Towers" Bow Wow Wow _Girl Bites Dog - Your Compact Disc Pet_
"Eiffel Tower High" Hüsker Dü _Candy Apple Grey_
interview with the Rev Dr Howard Gently
"New World Towers" Blur _The Magic Whip_
"Ghosts Of Princes In Towers" Rich Kids _No Thanks! The 1970s Punk Rebellion_
"Kilburn Towers" Another Sunny Day _Genetic Engineering_
"The Tower (Afternoon Delight)" Yak Brigade _What You've Missed So Far_
interview with anti-tower activist David Fruchter
"Tower Song" Townes Van Zandt _Anthology 1968-1979_
"Towers" Amy Millan _Masters Of The Burial_
"Tower Of Thought" Devon Williams _Euphoria_
"To The Tower" The Lemon Drops _Crystal Pure!_
"Tower Of Fools" The Anyways _Older Than Yesterday_
"Towers" Headlights _Some Racing, Some Stopping_
Wednesday, February 28, 2018
Whither Towers?
Does that sort of thing happen a lot? It does, sure. Since every episode of Self Help Radio is based on a theme, I can't just play something I want to play just because I want to play it. The arbitrary rules I've set for the show don't allow me to just play random stuff. Every show needs a theme. Every damn one.
Of course, there are other theme-based shows, & of course they give themselves freeform times. One of my favorite radio shows in town, Night Skool, will often take a break between themes. & a show on KOOP, Excavation Nation, was started as a chance to explore a different artist per show, but its host would often just play his collection of 45s, or just random music, when the spirit hit. Like most instances, it's all me. I am the one who said to myself, no, I will never "take a day off" from themes. & it's been like sixteen years almost. If I started to do it now, it would just be weird.
So, yeah, sometimes if I like a record, & especially if I like a song, I'll make a radio show from that tiny musical seed. I found lots of great tunes about towers so I think you'll like tonight's episode.
It's on from 9-11pm eastern, 8-10pm central on 93.9 fm WLXU in Lexington & everywhere at LCR Online.
Yes, you can hear it even if you're nowhere near a radio tower. No, I will not come down from my ivory tower tonight.
Tuesday, February 27, 2018
Preface To Towers: Broadcasting Waves
Normally I save this sort of this for tomorrow's blog post, where I discuss why I picked a particular theme (if there's in fact a reason). But really, I was just digging the Math & Physics Club's new record, & liked this song in particular, which is about a radio tower:
You'll hear it tomorrow, too, & it's pretty much the reason why I did the show (which is a spoiler for what I'll write tomorrow, maybe).
You'll hear it tomorrow, too, & it's pretty much the reason why I did the show (which is a spoiler for what I'll write tomorrow, maybe).
Monday, February 26, 2018
Tumblr Blog I Like # 3
Is this a Tumblr blog? Maybe not - but it's reblogged on Tumblr all the time. It's called Toothpaste For Dinner & it's dark & funny. & I like it. Here's today's, by the way:
Right up my alley.
Sunday, February 25, 2018
Finally, Thank Yous
(Image found here.)
Last week, seeing the Winter KNON Pledge Drive come to its end, I wanted to thank the nice folks who pledged movie to me on the air doing the Tuesday Morning Blend. My first two Tuesday shows were Pledge Drive shows, & I feared the worst. However, I did all right, thanks to the nice people who pledged, whose named I will list now:
Al, Allen, Andres, Annie, Audrey, Bobby, Bonnie, Connie, David, Janet, Jenny, Jerry, John, Josh, Kara, Leora, Margot, Paul, & my wife, who knows who she is.
Of the pledgers, I knew six personally - two were family members - & I swear I didn't beg them or anything! It's nice to know that they cared enough to help support my very unprofitable hobby. The rest were kind people who liked what I was playing &/or the gifts we had for donating.
My damaged self-esteem is well established, but I'm not so broken I can't feel a little happy that so many people - nineteen of them! - wanted to keep KNON on the air & showed it with their hard-earned cash. I can't thank all of you enough. You're my heroes.
Thursday, February 22, 2018
Self Help Radio 022118: In One's Head
(Original image here.)
This week you got to spend Self Help Radio in someone's head. Was it in his head? In her head? In my head? In your head? Yes, yes, it was.
How could that be? Was it a miracle of modern science? Was it an aural hallucination? Was it a trick of memory, a manipulation of senses? Naw. It was just a radio show with a bunch of songs about things "in my mind," "in your mind," etc. But I think it went well!
You can listen to the show now & whenever at the Self Help Radio website*. There is, you know, a username & password requirement, but those are not a secret, they're on the front page. The show is in two approximately hour-long parts, & what's in those parts, including the interviews, is listed below.
Experience what it's like to be in another's head! For once.
(part one)
"Too Many Stars In His Head" Pearly Gatecrashers _Spectacular!_
"Harmony In My Head" Buzzcocks _Operators Manual_
"In My Head" Skating Polly _Lost Wonderfuls_
"In My Head" Dum Dum Girls _Only In Dreams_
"Rockets In My Head" Astropuppees _You Win The Bride_
"Stuck In My Head" Tim & Adam _Tim & Adam_
"Heaven Is In My Head" Aquarian Blood _Last Nite In Paradise_
interview with Dennis Quaid
"Vacuum In My Head" Pere Ubu _Ray Gun Suitcase_
"In My Head" Asobi Seksu _Fluorescensce_
"Voice In My Head" Boys Forever _Boys Forever_
"Movies In My Head" The 6ths _Wasps' Nests_
"In My Head" The Psychedelic Furs _World Outside_
"I'm In My Head" toyGuitar _In This Mess_
(part two)
"Dead In Your Head" Bleached _Ride Your Heart_
"Your Words Are Still Stuck In My Head" The Garlands _The Garlands EP_
"In My Head" Holiday Ghosts _Holiday Ghosts_
interview with Dr. Karl Dolla
"Fire In My Head" The Nits _Ting_
"Music In My Head" Psychic Ills _Inner Journey Out_
"Sing In Your Head" Space Ghost _Yeah, Whatever..._
"Rocks In My Head" Mouse & The Boys _Just For Kicks, Vol. 1_
"All In My Head" Good Shoes _All In My Head_
interview with David Fruchter
"In My Head" The Ballet _Mattachine!_
"All In Your Head" Thomas Tantrum _Mad By Moonlight_
"In One's Head" Drug Boyfriend _In One's Head_
"In Your Head" Kendra Smith _Five Ways Of Disappearing_
"All In Your Head" Secret Shine _There Is Only Now_
* To go directly to the show, the link is this one.
Wednesday, February 21, 2018
Whither In One's Head?
(I found this image here.)
Back in the day, at KOOP in Austin, & I've probably told this story before, but maybe after all this time I'll have remembered different details or, worse yet, added some details in the telling, like you do, but I had one particular listener who really, really, really wanted me to do broad themes, like "cars" or "colors" or "birds." Usually, it's because he had a lot of suggestions, but mainly because he was getting a little tired of some of my more - I don't know, shall we call them, conceptual? - themes.
The show that I think irked him somewhat, & set the precedent maybe for later shows that relied on phrases rather than nouns, was the one with the theme Here I/You/He/She/It/We/They Come. In fact, when I wrote about it here on the blog eleven years ago, I think I was talking (in my head) directly to him:
Self Help Radio is not shackled nor trapped by the conventions of other radio shows that require their "themes" to be solid things, like the intestines or pellets or clubhouses or cheese. We attempt to expand the very idea of ideas. Everything can be a theme, especially those things that are least thematic. So we can have a phrase as a theme. Why not? It's not like there's a body out there that can tell me what I can & can't play on the radio.
Things would get much worse with the show's themes, of course, or perhaps it can't get much worse than "in one's head." You know, songs in which what is in your head, in my head, in his head, in her head, etc. is discussed. Is that a good theme? We'll see, won't we?
The show is on tonight on 93.9 fm WLXU in Lexington & online on their website from 9-11pm eastern. I just wanted to put that in your head. Hope it stay in there!
Tuesday, February 20, 2018
Preface To In One's Head: Phrenology
(Image from here.)
Phrenology is/was (do people still believe it? I bet there are some) "a pseudomedicine primarily focused on measurements of the human skull, based on the concept that the brain is the organ of the mind, & that certain brain areas have localized, specific functions or modules." That's from the Wikipedia. It's a testimony to how silly it is that I've never met anyone who believes it or has even shown an interest in it.
This is in sharp contrast to both tarot card reading & astrology, two things I came across casually in my adolescence that I found mildly interesting but discovered, in college, that people really, really believed in. I happened upon a tarot deck in my first year away from home, memorized what the cards were supposed to mean, & would do readings for my roommates. I wouldn't say I got good at it, but I did notice that they took my "predictions" very seriously, to the point that one of them got anxious because it seemed like something bad was going to happen to him. I stopped doing it soon after that - I quickly saw that I was using the information I knew about them to craft their future. I never believed I was harnessing some kind of mystical power.
Astrology has a stronger pull (that's an astrology pun) on people, especially a couple women I was very fond of in my post-college days in Austin. One of them runs an astrology business these days I think, & would probably be offended that I am lumping it in (that's a phrenology pun) with phrenology. I remain unconvinced by it, & never really took it all that seriously, & I am surprised that people are still into it, but I do appreciate that if you really, really get into astrology, you get to learn fascinating skill which betray its astronomical roots, like using precision measurements of planetary positions to make charts.
There's another observation I often make about astrology, which is that it seems to me especially attractive to women for some reason. Whenever I've met a man who is really into it, a little prodding leads him to confess it was a woman he knew (often one he had a relationship with) who indoctrinated him. I should look to see if my own experience is something that others have noted.
Anyway, I do wonder why no one I came across ever really, really got into phrenology. I think it would have been fun, or perhaps just creepy, had I known about it, to be the guy at the party that put his hands all over people's heads & told them that the part of their head that controls, say, their mastery of language, had weird bumps that told me they'd be good at Romance languages. In those impressionistic days of college, I'm sure I would've convinced some folks there was something to it, & I wouldn't have had to really memorize what a card did or what Jupiter being in a constellation meant.
& yeah, I know phrenology was about what was on one's head, not in one's head. But it was in my head just now so I thought I'd write about it.
Monday, February 19, 2018
2800
This is the blog's 2800th post. It's bound to disappoint.
Right now I need to hit the hay as I have to wake up tomorrow & do the Tuesday Morning Blend on KNON. Then I have to rush home & work on this week's Self Help Radio.
It's not hard to believe I've gone through two thousand eight hundred posts on this blog when they're as gripping as this one.
Should there be cake? That's a lot of candles!
Right now I need to hit the hay as I have to wake up tomorrow & do the Tuesday Morning Blend on KNON. Then I have to rush home & work on this week's Self Help Radio.
It's not hard to believe I've gone through two thousand eight hundred posts on this blog when they're as gripping as this one.
Should there be cake? That's a lot of candles!
Sunday, February 18, 2018
Thanks To You
At this point in time, I'm not sure if the other radio show I do, the Tuesday Morning Blend, will this week be another Pledge Drive show, because as I write the station is so very near its goal, but whether I have to beg on the air one more week (I will certainly have to do it again in May), I have many people to thank for it being a successful one for me & the station, even though the first two shows I did as the Tuesday Morning Blend were Pledge Drive shows.
& thank people I shall, on the air & here on the blog, as soon as I have a list of people to thank. Wait, I don't have a list? Not right now. Sorry. That may seem lame, as I did thank them on the air during the show, but in the hustle & bustle of the paperwork at the end of each show, it didn't occur to me until too late to just write names down so I'd know whom to thank whenever. That's my bad & I'm sorry.
Back in the day, the last time I did Pledge Drive, at KOOP in Austin -
I was going to say something else, but let me tell you a brief anecdote. At a recent KNON benefit at which I was volunteering, someone asked me about my past radio experience in Austin, & I said that yes, I have volunteered before at K-O-O-P. I spelled out the call letters as one might do for a legal ID, although most of us usually just said KOOP, like co-op. The station was supposed to be cooperatively run.
But the person I was talking to said, "Ah, yes, of course, KOOP" - KOOP rhyming with "poop."
Old-timers at KOOP hated when people said KOOP like "coop." In fact, they insisted that we put a period in between the two Os on all official documentation, including bumper stickers & the like. It would read KO.OP 91.7 fm.
Some disagreed. I was one of them. I myself never said "KOOP" like coop because I know it was supposed to be co-op. But people who never heard the station - because no one on the air ever said it like "coop" - well, they generally didn't know the nature of the name, as they never really heard the station, just saw the call letters & pronounced it like they heard it in their head. That's how we knew we were talking to a listener or not. It was handy.
Of course I corrected the guy I was talking to, but he had given himself away. He may have heard of KOOP, but he never actually heard the station. Which is cool, I didn't judge him or anything.
End of digression.
- the last time I did a Pledge Drive, at KOOP in Austin, I did terribly. I don't know why, the time the show was on, the smaller listening audience, my own inexperience, no one actually liking my show, I can't be sure, but past experience made me feel like I was not going to do terribly well this time around. & that didn't happen. I did pretty well. Certainly better than I thought.
& that's all thanks to you, the folks who pledged. Whose names I will share. When I get them. Which I will. Thank you.
& thank people I shall, on the air & here on the blog, as soon as I have a list of people to thank. Wait, I don't have a list? Not right now. Sorry. That may seem lame, as I did thank them on the air during the show, but in the hustle & bustle of the paperwork at the end of each show, it didn't occur to me until too late to just write names down so I'd know whom to thank whenever. That's my bad & I'm sorry.
Back in the day, the last time I did Pledge Drive, at KOOP in Austin -
I was going to say something else, but let me tell you a brief anecdote. At a recent KNON benefit at which I was volunteering, someone asked me about my past radio experience in Austin, & I said that yes, I have volunteered before at K-O-O-P. I spelled out the call letters as one might do for a legal ID, although most of us usually just said KOOP, like co-op. The station was supposed to be cooperatively run.
But the person I was talking to said, "Ah, yes, of course, KOOP" - KOOP rhyming with "poop."
Old-timers at KOOP hated when people said KOOP like "coop." In fact, they insisted that we put a period in between the two Os on all official documentation, including bumper stickers & the like. It would read KO.OP 91.7 fm.
Some disagreed. I was one of them. I myself never said "KOOP" like coop because I know it was supposed to be co-op. But people who never heard the station - because no one on the air ever said it like "coop" - well, they generally didn't know the nature of the name, as they never really heard the station, just saw the call letters & pronounced it like they heard it in their head. That's how we knew we were talking to a listener or not. It was handy.
Of course I corrected the guy I was talking to, but he had given himself away. He may have heard of KOOP, but he never actually heard the station. Which is cool, I didn't judge him or anything.
End of digression.
- the last time I did a Pledge Drive, at KOOP in Austin, I did terribly. I don't know why, the time the show was on, the smaller listening audience, my own inexperience, no one actually liking my show, I can't be sure, but past experience made me feel like I was not going to do terribly well this time around. & that didn't happen. I did pretty well. Certainly better than I thought.
& that's all thanks to you, the folks who pledged. Whose names I will share. When I get them. Which I will. Thank you.
Thursday, February 15, 2018
Self Help Radio 021418: Valentine's Day 2018 - Roses
(Original image here.)
Well, now that Valentine's Day is over, what are we supposed to do with all these damn roses? They're obviously not going to stick around for long. Plus, dried flowers are a bit depressing.
Or are they? According to this website, you can do many things with dried rose petals, from potpourri to bath tea. Bath tea? Read the website, I don't have time to explain it to you.
In any event, watching flowers given out of love die doesn't have to be a metaphor for your relationship.
One thing that won't dry up & crumble away is this year's Valentine's show for Self Help Radio, which was about roses. If you want to think of lost love, or never-gained love, or just roses, this is the show for you. In addition to bouquets of tunes, there's interviews with a spiritual dude, a rose vendor, & a Dr. Love.
The show is coming up roses over at the Self Help Radio website. You'll need a username & password to listen, but it's there, on the page. The show is in two parts, & the songs & other things in each part is listed below.
Happy Valentine's Day!
(part one)
"Roses" The Magnetic Fields _69 Love Songs, Vol. 2_
"He Who Picks A Rose" Edwin Starr _25 Miles_
"Cover Me With Roses" Jackson C. Frank _Blues Run The Game_
"New Rose" The Damned _Damned Damned Damned_
"Red Roses" Lefties _Pop American Style_
"Sally Go 'Round The Roses" The Jaynetts _Sally Go 'Round The Roses_
"Bouquet Of Roses" Dean Martin _Dean "Tex" Martin Rides Again_
"The Yellow Rose Of Texas" Stan Freberg _Capitol Collectors Series_
"A Good Year For The Roses" George Jones _The Essential George Jones: The Spirit Of Country_
"I Threw Away The Rose" Merle Haggard _Down Every Road 1962-1994_
interview with the Rev Dr Howard Gently
"I Touch Roses" Book Of Love _Book Of Love_
"Roses In The Park" Liechtenstein _Survival Strategies In A Modern World_
"Everything's Coming Up Roses" Johnny Mathis _Rhythms Of Broadway_
"White Roses For Blue Girls" My Favorite _Joan Of Arc Awaiting Trial_
"Luminous Rose" Robyn Hitchcock & The Egyptians _Globe Of Frogs_
(part two)
"My Rose Of Old Kentucky" Bill Monroe _Blue Moon Of Kentucky_
"Poisoned Rose" Elvis Costello _King Of America_
"I Got A Rose Between My Toes" Lou Carter _Louie's Love Songs_
"The Palace Roses" Todd Andrews _I'm Just The Other Woman! MSR Madness Vol. 4_
"Honeysuckle Rose" Fats Waller & His Rhythm _1934-1935_
interview with rose vendor Bingham Killkid
"Love Is A Rose" Neil Young _Decade_
"A Rose For Emily" The Zombies _Odessey & Oracle_
"She Is Like A Rose" The Orange Peels _Square_
"You Supply The Roses" Memphis _You Supply The Roses_
"Rose In The Devil's Garden" Castaway Stones _Make Love To You_
"Rose" The Fall _Shift Work_
interview with Dr Love
"Stoned Roses" Drug Boyfriend _Stoned Roses_
"The Rose" Jonathan Richman _You Must Ask The Heart_
"One Red Rose" John Prine _Storm Windows_
"Room Full Of Roses" George Morgan _The History Of Country & Western Music, Vol. 17 (1949)_
Wednesday, February 14, 2018
Whither Roses?
(Found here.)
Why a show about roses?!? Because it's Valentine's Day, of course!
Valentine's Day is one of those shows that I celebrate every year, except instead of a general theme (like Christmas), I focus on one aspect of the holiday. I have done a Valentine's Day show nearly every year since the show's inception, except in 2006, when the show was off the air because the station had caught fire.
In 2003, I did a general show, thinking I'd be doing it much like the Christmas show, but the next year found me following my instincts toward more specific themes. Thus:
On February 11, 2004, the show was about love.
On February 9, 2005, the show was about hate.
On February 9, 2007, the show was about crushes.
On February 8, 2008, the show was about jealousy.
On February 14, 2009, the show was about boyfriends, so the next year, on February 8, 2010, the show was about girlfriends.
On February 8, 2011, I played self-described love songs.
On February 13, 2012, the show was downright lovesick.
On February 8, 2013, I had songs that finished the sentence love is...
Four years ago on this date, February 14, 2014, I figured I'd do a show about valentines (including Valentine's Day, of course).
The next year, on February 13, 2015, I had many songs about famous lovers.
On February 9, 2016, the show was about heartbreak, & last year, on February 8, 2017, the show was about sweethearts.
This year, of course, everything's coming up roses. So if you're not too busy with your own valentine, I have prepared a bouquet of songs about roses tonight on Self Help Radio, which airs from 9-11pm eastern on 93.9 fm WLXU in Lexington & everything online at Lexington Community Radio dot org.
If not, don't worry - the flowers will stick around for while.
Tuesday, February 13, 2018
Preface To Valentine's Day 2018 - Roses: Flower Allergy
For most of my life, I never had a Valentine. That never seemed much of a problem, since I thought, as many people do, that Valentine's Day was a manufactured holiday which caused more misery than happiness. Read this:
Ten reasons why Valentine's Day is overrated.
Yep, pretty sure I felt that way. Furthermore, I don't think I've ever bought roses for a Valentine.
The closest I came was in desperate heartbreak, more than two decades ago, when I would write to the woman who broke my heart, letters trying to tell her I was doing well but obviously desperate & lonesome & sad, in which I would put flowers I surreptitiously stole from nearby gardens. I lived at the time in a nice area of Austin called Hyde Park & as I stumbled to & from work at the University - I chose to walk because I couldn't sit still, my misery was continual, a bus ride was intolerable - & it was during a lovely spring - I would lean over wooden fences to pick flowers & hurry away, all to be put in envelopes, to wither & dry in the trucks of the postal service, to fall out of the envelope as this former lover wearily read another of my useless scribbles to her.
Now that I am married, one might think that Valentine's Day is a chance to have a special night with my beloved, but I chose a woman who is not in the least romantic, who would hate for me to spend money on things like flowers for which she has no use, & who has no problem with me doing a radio show on the night of that holiday.
& you know what? While I don't tend to look down upon or condemn anyone who celebrates the day with the traditional offerings of chocolate, dinner, & roses, I don't think I was ever made for that life. Though of course in my own dumb way I celebrate it, right? I do a radio show about the day every year!
Ten reasons why Valentine's Day is overrated.
Yep, pretty sure I felt that way. Furthermore, I don't think I've ever bought roses for a Valentine.
The closest I came was in desperate heartbreak, more than two decades ago, when I would write to the woman who broke my heart, letters trying to tell her I was doing well but obviously desperate & lonesome & sad, in which I would put flowers I surreptitiously stole from nearby gardens. I lived at the time in a nice area of Austin called Hyde Park & as I stumbled to & from work at the University - I chose to walk because I couldn't sit still, my misery was continual, a bus ride was intolerable - & it was during a lovely spring - I would lean over wooden fences to pick flowers & hurry away, all to be put in envelopes, to wither & dry in the trucks of the postal service, to fall out of the envelope as this former lover wearily read another of my useless scribbles to her.
Now that I am married, one might think that Valentine's Day is a chance to have a special night with my beloved, but I chose a woman who is not in the least romantic, who would hate for me to spend money on things like flowers for which she has no use, & who has no problem with me doing a radio show on the night of that holiday.
& you know what? While I don't tend to look down upon or condemn anyone who celebrates the day with the traditional offerings of chocolate, dinner, & roses, I don't think I was ever made for that life. Though of course in my own dumb way I celebrate it, right? I do a radio show about the day every year!
Monday, February 12, 2018
Schizophrenia
These last couple of weeks have been hard, & I hope Self Help Radio isn't suffering because of it.
How have they been hard, Gary?
Well, you must know I'm doing two shows, the one this blog is about, & the Tuesday Morning Blend on KNON.
Yes, you say, but you've done two shows at the same time before, right?
Will you let me finish?
Sorry, buddy.
Where was I?
Whining about having two radio shows.
Oh yeah. It's actually not the having of two shows, it's that one of those shows requires me to beg for money to keep the show & the station on the air. I haven't done that in over a decade, when I had to do it at KOOP, & I wasn't very good at it then.
This happens tomorrow? Didn't you have to do it last week?
Yeah, I did, & I guess I did all right. But...
But what? Can't you just be glad you did all right?
I could, except... Look, damaged self-esteem is nothing to be trifled with.
I understand.
It's not my show yet. It's still someone else's show.
So you're working extra hard?
Oh yeah. Making them themed & everything. Trying to make them special. You know?
You're losing it, buddy.
Damn it, I'm losing it!
How have they been hard, Gary?
Well, you must know I'm doing two shows, the one this blog is about, & the Tuesday Morning Blend on KNON.
Yes, you say, but you've done two shows at the same time before, right?
Will you let me finish?
Sorry, buddy.
Where was I?
Whining about having two radio shows.
Oh yeah. It's actually not the having of two shows, it's that one of those shows requires me to beg for money to keep the show & the station on the air. I haven't done that in over a decade, when I had to do it at KOOP, & I wasn't very good at it then.
This happens tomorrow? Didn't you have to do it last week?
Yeah, I did, & I guess I did all right. But...
But what? Can't you just be glad you did all right?
I could, except... Look, damaged self-esteem is nothing to be trifled with.
I understand.
It's not my show yet. It's still someone else's show.
So you're working extra hard?
Oh yeah. Making them themed & everything. Trying to make them special. You know?
You're losing it, buddy.
Damn it, I'm losing it!
Sunday, February 11, 2018
Pledge Drive, Amirite?
There's another Tuesday Morning Blend on Tuesday & it's still Pledge Drive. Here's a perfect pitch from Jake Likes Onions. I hope that guy makes a donation.
Thursday, February 08, 2018
Self Help Radio 020718: It's Time To
(Original image here.)
In conversation with my therapist, I expressed unhappiness when my mind makes up themes that aren't very exciting or just don't make a lot of sense. Our conversation went something like this:
ME: Why can't I do shows with simple themes like cars or cats or countries?
MY THERAPIST: Penis envy.
ME: What?
MY THERAPIST: It's a classic case of penis envy.
ME: But I have a penis!
MY THERAPIST: (looking over his notes) I knew that.
ME: Can we talk about the show, please?
MY THERAPIST: Are you sure you have a penis?
ME: Please don't make me show it to you again.
MY THERAPIST: Hold on, I need to make a note for myself about what I should talk to my therapist about.
ME: For fuck's sake.
MY THERAPIST: Language!
In any event, the show with the theme "it's time to" came & went & unfortunately was captured for posterity. You be the judge of its value, I am already working on the next one, which luckily has the straightforward theme "roses." But of course that's another problem: the more straightforward themes have far more songs. I have over three hundred to listen to!
Please enjoy this week's Self Help Radio over at Self Help Radio dot net. Password/username required, they're on the site. Two hours of program divided in two, what's on both parts is listed below.
It's time to forget this ever happened.
(part one)
"The Muppet Show" The Muppets _Television's Greatest Hits, Vol. 3: 70s & 80s_
"It's Time" The Times _Pop Goes Art!_
"It's Time" Cessna _This Is Stereophonic Sunshine_
"It's Time" BMX Bandits _BMX Bandits Forever_
"Time To Change" Michael Carpenter _Right To Chews: Bubblegum Classics Revisited_
"Now's The Time To Fall In Love" Dick Robertson with Gene Gardos & His Orchestra _Brother Can You Spare A Dime? Great American Songs Of The Depression_
"Time To Get Ready" The Bats _The Law Of Things_
"Time To Scream & Shout" Múm _Smilewound_
interview with television host David Fruchter
"Time To Lose" The Thermals _More Parts Per Million_
"Time To Go" Holly Golightly & The Brokeoffs _You Can't Buy A Gun When You're Crying_
"Time To Ring Some Changes" Richard Thompson & Linda Thompson _RT: The Life & Music Of Richard Thompson_
"Time To Chill" DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince _He's The DJ, I'm The Rapper_
"It's Time To Get Funky" D-Mob featuring LRS & DC Sarome _Turn Up The Bass 4_
(part two)
interview with the Rev. Dr. Howard Gently
"Time To Get Up" Los Microwaves _Life After Breakfast_
"Time To Name The Dog" Great Plains _Length Of Growth 1981-89_
"Time To Listen" Film School _Fission_
"Time To Evolve" Bill Hicks _Rant In E-Minor_
"Time To Wait" Tall Dwarfs _The Sky Above, The Mud Below_
interview with writer Owen Schur
"Time To Go" La Sera _Music For Listening To Music To_
"Time To Get Away" LCD Soundsystem _Sound Of Silver_
"It's Time To Go Now" Gladys Knight & The Pips _The Complete Motown Singles, Vol. 7: 1967_
"It's Time To Go" The Organ _Sinking Hearts_
"Time To Move Along" The Northern Lights _No Time_
"It's Time To Come Home" The Rentals _Lost In Alphaville_
"Goodnight, Sweetheart, It's Time To Go" The Platters _The Magic Touch: An Anthology_
"Buddy It's Time To Go" Earl King _Earl's Pearls: The Very Best Of Earl King (1955-1960)_
"Now It's Time To Say Goodbye" Kitchens Of Distinction _Capsule (The Best Of KOD 1988-94)_
Wednesday, February 07, 2018
Whither It's Time To?
(Original image here.)
Look. We talked it over. We had a long conversation which felt like a meeting & yes, other people were brought in. I won't say it didn't get a little heated from time to time. At some point someone made a 12 Angry Men joke & that amused half of us. Suddenly it was dark outside & no one wanted to be there & there was a baby crying & no one knew where the cat was & I swear I had a panic attack but at the end of the night we all agreed that we might as well do the damn show even though let's face it, it's a dumb theme.
It's time to? Seriously?
Seriously. Tonight on WLXU 93.9 fm in Lexington & online at Lexington Community Radio Dot Org, Self Help Radio will dutifully fill in the blank at the the end of the statement "It's Time To ______."
When is it time to listen? Oh yeah, from 9-11pm eastern.
Tuesday, February 06, 2018
Preface To It's Time To: First Pledge Drive Show Postmortem
As I was saying yesterday, I am terrible at raising money. I actually told a story last year about an experience selling candy for a middle school organization, which I will repeat here:
Finally - & this may have happened in 1982, because it feels like something that would have happened at the end of the year - I was in Beta Club - it's where I met Russell, I was very amused by his heckling at the dire meetings we had - & occasionally we were told we had to sell stuff for whatever club budget shit. In this case it was M&Ms. I lived in an apartment complex with lots of poor people, who knew a fifty cent box of M&Ms was no deal at all when you could walk to the Minyard's & get them for twenty cents, so I didn't sell many. I actually barely tried. I hated selling things. I had tried before, tried to solicit newspaper subscriptions & just hated it. Hated knocking on doors & hated pushing products. I helped my mother at a convenience store, I would wait while people picked out what they wanted to buy & then came to me.
When the time came to collect, I returned a nearly-full box to the Beta Club sponsors. One of them - the same woman, I believe, who was my Yearbook Club sponsor - was furious with me. She accused me of not trying, of being lazy, of being indolent. I told her, because I couldn't really see the point, that I didn't enjoy & wasn't very good at selling things, & if it was a condition of my membership that I sell a certain amount of M&Ms to be in the Beta Club, I guess I wouldn't be in the club. She just stared at me, then gave a cry of exasperation, & left.
You see, I didn't really understand about things like service groups & college applications back then - how could I? None of my siblings had gone or would go to college, & my mother was a working-class woman raised in Germany, where none of her family would have even dreamed nor had the opportunity for higher education. I didn't really know what Beta Club was for. I didn't like the meetings, I didn't like the parties - although my friend Russell tells me that it was one of the parties where we sat in someone bedroom & talked about the Beatles. I vaguely recall that. That's how a friendship was born.
Russell was watching, too, when I gave back the M&Ms & explained myself. I looked at him & saw him wide-eyed. It may be why I remember the story.
Nope, I never got better at the selling thing, & eventually just flat-out refused, offering my services in other capacities for organizations that needed them.
My experience with Pledge Drives has been equally dire. Later I would learn more about the process, but we had occasional drives on KVRX, at which I did dismally. I was not in a happy emotional place for Pledge Drive failure in those days. Pledges Drives at KOOP - which we called Membership Drives - were pretty bad, too. On one occasion, my then-girlfriend Magda made a big donation because you could hear me despair on the air. I felt so grateful to be at WRFL where students fund the operation - & I was dreading being on KNON because they rely on listener support way more than any station I've ever been at.
So how'd I do? I was saved from a dismal start by a kind person who became an KNON Elite Music Sponsor. I also discovered some friends made donations online, which I appreciated. So it wasn't as bad as it could have been. But there's always next week!
But I'm not going to worry or fret about that just now - I have Self Help Radio tomorrow!
Finally - & this may have happened in 1982, because it feels like something that would have happened at the end of the year - I was in Beta Club - it's where I met Russell, I was very amused by his heckling at the dire meetings we had - & occasionally we were told we had to sell stuff for whatever club budget shit. In this case it was M&Ms. I lived in an apartment complex with lots of poor people, who knew a fifty cent box of M&Ms was no deal at all when you could walk to the Minyard's & get them for twenty cents, so I didn't sell many. I actually barely tried. I hated selling things. I had tried before, tried to solicit newspaper subscriptions & just hated it. Hated knocking on doors & hated pushing products. I helped my mother at a convenience store, I would wait while people picked out what they wanted to buy & then came to me.
When the time came to collect, I returned a nearly-full box to the Beta Club sponsors. One of them - the same woman, I believe, who was my Yearbook Club sponsor - was furious with me. She accused me of not trying, of being lazy, of being indolent. I told her, because I couldn't really see the point, that I didn't enjoy & wasn't very good at selling things, & if it was a condition of my membership that I sell a certain amount of M&Ms to be in the Beta Club, I guess I wouldn't be in the club. She just stared at me, then gave a cry of exasperation, & left.
You see, I didn't really understand about things like service groups & college applications back then - how could I? None of my siblings had gone or would go to college, & my mother was a working-class woman raised in Germany, where none of her family would have even dreamed nor had the opportunity for higher education. I didn't really know what Beta Club was for. I didn't like the meetings, I didn't like the parties - although my friend Russell tells me that it was one of the parties where we sat in someone bedroom & talked about the Beatles. I vaguely recall that. That's how a friendship was born.
Russell was watching, too, when I gave back the M&Ms & explained myself. I looked at him & saw him wide-eyed. It may be why I remember the story.
Nope, I never got better at the selling thing, & eventually just flat-out refused, offering my services in other capacities for organizations that needed them.
My experience with Pledge Drives has been equally dire. Later I would learn more about the process, but we had occasional drives on KVRX, at which I did dismally. I was not in a happy emotional place for Pledge Drive failure in those days. Pledges Drives at KOOP - which we called Membership Drives - were pretty bad, too. On one occasion, my then-girlfriend Magda made a big donation because you could hear me despair on the air. I felt so grateful to be at WRFL where students fund the operation - & I was dreading being on KNON because they rely on listener support way more than any station I've ever been at.
So how'd I do? I was saved from a dismal start by a kind person who became an KNON Elite Music Sponsor. I also discovered some friends made donations online, which I appreciated. So it wasn't as bad as it could have been. But there's always next week!
But I'm not going to worry or fret about that just now - I have Self Help Radio tomorrow!
Monday, February 05, 2018
Tomorrow Is Eek!
Yes, tomorrow is my first Tuesday Morning Blend as its regular host, but - this is where it gets hairy - it's all a Pledge Drive Show.
What? Yes! It's the KNON Winter Pledge Drive! Click that link & support community radio in Dallas - & maybe mention the Tuesday Morning Blend?
Back to me, though: do you see the predicament I am in? I am going to be doing my first show. But I am going to be on the radio begging people for money. Which is fine, but the sort of people who are most likely to give money to a radio show are people who are familiar with the host - & the previous host of the Tuesday Morning Blend, as I mentioned yesterday, is immensely beloved.
But of course I can't not ask for money, KNON is listener supported, & it needs every dollar it can get. It will be perfectly understandable if no one donates tomorrow. I accept that. Except.
Holy shit my self-esteem will take a beating if no one gives anything to the show! My history with pledge drives is that I am not good at them. So, frankly, the show tomorrow might be brutal.
Wanna listen? It's on from 7-9am central on 89.3 fm in Dallas & online at knon dot org.
Seriously. It's going to be brutal tomorrow.
What? Yes! It's the KNON Winter Pledge Drive! Click that link & support community radio in Dallas - & maybe mention the Tuesday Morning Blend?
Back to me, though: do you see the predicament I am in? I am going to be doing my first show. But I am going to be on the radio begging people for money. Which is fine, but the sort of people who are most likely to give money to a radio show are people who are familiar with the host - & the previous host of the Tuesday Morning Blend, as I mentioned yesterday, is immensely beloved.
But of course I can't not ask for money, KNON is listener supported, & it needs every dollar it can get. It will be perfectly understandable if no one donates tomorrow. I accept that. Except.
Holy shit my self-esteem will take a beating if no one gives anything to the show! My history with pledge drives is that I am not good at them. So, frankly, the show tomorrow might be brutal.
Wanna listen? It's on from 7-9am central on 89.3 fm in Dallas & online at knon dot org.
Seriously. It's going to be brutal tomorrow.
Sunday, February 04, 2018
Shift Change
This was in the KNON newsletter on Friday:
No, Jason & I didn't have a spat, nor did anyone get fired. Nil, who has hosted the Tuesday Morning Blend on KNON for quite a while, has left the station for personal reasons. She has been absent a while but had to make it official last week. Meanwhile, Jason, who has been helping me with the Wednesday Morning Blend, wanted his own show - & should have it! - but couldn't do Tuesday mornings. My schedule is a lot more free - plus I was feeling weird about having two shows on the same day. I know, it was in two different cities, in two very different stations, on two wonderful community stations - but still, that much Gary in a day is not a good thing for anyone.
So, this Tuesday, I am moving to the Tuesday Morning Blend while Jason begins his solo performance on the Wednesday Morning Blend. Like with taking over Pippin's show (he who previously hosted the Wednesday Morning Blend), I have very big shoes to fill - Nil did radio in a way that I don't, & maybe can't, engaging with local musicians & connecting with the community. (You can see how wonderful things were on her Tuesday Morning Blend Facebook page. I will create another one for my version of Tuesday Morning Blend. She doesn't need me mucking up her wonderful radio world.)
You see, I'm more from the old, lonesome fellow in a deejay booth playing music school of radio. But I have learned much from Nil's show. I hope I don't disappoint the people who loved listening to her!
Maybe you'll listen this Tuesday? I'll mention it on the Self Help Radio Facebook page & on the show's Twitter feed. But I'll talk more about the Tuesday show here tomorrow.
PS Would you like to be subscribed to the KNON Newsletter? You can do that here!