Self Help Radio 102618: Halloween 2018 - Voodoo!

(Original image here.)

Voodoo!  What is it?  I dunno!  But it makes me think of scary things!  Like witch doctors & voodoo dolls & bubbling cauldrons & potions & tinctures!  Voodoo!  Should I have given that stranger a lock of my hair?  I'll admit I was kinda flattered!  But now it feels like I have a piercing ulcer & I get strange pains up & down my back!  Voodoo!  Oh shit is this show culturally insensitive?  But it's Halloween!  Good thing almost no one knows it exists!

Two hours worth of voodoo songs + a couple of interviews with insane people + a song written by Jenny Adkins specifically for the show.  It sounds like something you might want to play at your Halloween party - especially if you want the guest to get a move on.  It's this year's Self Help Radio Halloween show & I had a blast putting it together.  It's as fun as it is scary as it is ridiculous as it is fun.

What happens on the show is noted below.  The show is at the Self Help Radio website.  There's a username (SHR) & a password (selfhelp) you'll need to listen.

Does anyone know how long a voodoo doll's power lasts?  Asking for a friend.

Self Help Radio Halloween Voodoo Show

"You've Got Me Voodoo'd" Louis Armstrong _The Complete Louis Armstrong Decca Sessions (1935-1946)_
"Voodoo Woman Blues" Jimmy Witherspoon & Jay McShann _The R&B Years 1946: Volume 2_
"Voodoo Blues" Jumpin' Joe Williams with Red Saunders & His Orchestra _The OKeh Rhythm & Blues Story 1949-1957_

introduction & explanation

"Voodoo Pappadollar" Poison Girls _Statement: The Complete Recordings_
"Voodoo Doll" The Interiors _Voodoo Doll_
"Supernatural Voodoo Woman (Part 1)" The Originals _Game Called Love_
"Oh You Voo Doo Doo Doll" Sheldon Allman _Sing Along With Drac_
"Voo Doo Woman" Smiley Smith _Horror Hop_
"Voodoo Woman" Simon Stokes & The Nightwalks _Beat It! Killer Tracks From The Roarin' 60s_

interview with voodoo opponent Father Jude O'Doole

"Voodoo Doll" Amelia _All Them Chicks At The Hop! Vol. 1_
"Voodoo" The Revillos _Rev Up_
"Voodoo Idol" The Cramps _Psychedelic Jungle_
"The Curse Of The Voodoo Doll" Joan Gerber _The Story Lady_
"Voodoo Lady" Ween _Chocolate & Cheese_
"Psychic Voodoo Doll" Deadbolt _Halloween Hootenanny_

perhaps a secret of voodoo is revealed - or is interrupted

"Mr. Voodoo" Jenny Adkins _Mr. Voodoo_
"You Do Something To Me" Johnny Mathis _Rhythms Of Broadway_
"Voodoo Plan" The Headliners _The Complete Motown Singles, Vol. 5: 1965_
"Voodoo Woman" Koko Taylor _I Got What It Takes_
"This Is Not Voodoo" Brother Russell _Radio Jihad_
"Gris Gris Gumbo Ya Ya" Dr. John _Saturday Night Fish Fry: New Orleans Funk & Soul_

interview with children's television hose Mr Spooks

"Voodoo Child (Slight Return)" Angelique Kidjo _Oremi_
"Voodoo Voodoo" LaVern Baker _Great Googa Mooga_
"Voodoo" Josie & The Pussycats _Stop, Look, & Listen: The Capitol Recordings_
"Voo Doo" Rachel Sweet _Blame It On Love_
"Voodoo Hurt" The Mar-Vels _Magic Doo Wops, Vol. 1: Halloween Songs_
"The Voo Doo Walk" Sonny Richard's Panics with Cindy & Misty _These Ghoulish Things: Horror Hits For Hallowe'en_

conclusion & goodbye

"The Voodoo Man" The Del Vikings _The Swinging, Singing Del Vikings_
"Voodoo" The Ivies _Voodoo_
"It's Your Voodoo Working" Charles Sheffield _ The Real Excello R&B_
"Voodoo Woman" Curtis Knight _Voodoo Rhythm & Blues & Burlesque Grind_
"Voodoo" The Combinations _Whip! Wobble & Grind! 1962-1964_
"Voodoo Woman" Bern Elliott & The Fenmen _The Beat Years_
"Voodoo Medicine Man" Jerry & Jeff _Le Beat Bespoké 4_

Whither Voodoo?

(Image from here.)

Every year around Halloween-time, Self Help Radio stay out all night & scares itself silly in order to create the best Halloween experience in audio.  Whether it's ghosts or vampires, zombies or werewolves, whether we're wandering around haunted houses or graveyards, whether we're contemplating death or mere nightmares, there are now few Halloween themes Self Help Radio hasn't explored.  This year it's one we've been thinking about for a while: voodoo!

& not the voodoo that's a religious practice of many, but the stylized version of voodoo we scare ourselves with as we do with the likes of monsters & graveyards.  These are perilous times, when deciding on a costume for Halloween must take into account possible offense.  So too Self Help Radio issues this caveat: it's all for fun, it's all made-up & playful.  So many people have sung about voodoo as a metaphor, the bulk of the songs this week will do that.

This week you'll hear what Self Help Radio's been keeping in its gris-gris tomorrow at noon over at the Self Help Radio website.  Every enough to plan for Halloween next week, but not too early, like the Christmas music we're starting to hear even now.  Frankly, that's more frightening.

Preface To Halloween 2018 - Voodoo!: Religious Persecution

This article on the Huffington Post seeks to dispel myths, misunderstandings, & outright lies about voodoo.  (Which apparently is supposed to be spelled 'vodou.')  It starts off like this (if you don't want to click):

Voodoo isn’t accurately portrayed in most movies, TV shows, & books. Even some documentaries & non-fiction books are misleading. Voodoo isn’t a cult, black magic, or devil worship. People who practice Voodoo are not witchdoctors, sorcerers, or occultists. Voodoo isn’t a practice intended to hurt or control others. Most Voodooists have never seen a “Voodoo doll” (unless, like you, they saw it in a movie).

Voodoo isn’t morbid or violent. Voodoo isn’t the same everywhere. Not everyone who practices Voodoo does it in exactly the same way or agrees on exactly the same things.

& you know what?  I'm cool with that.  I'm not going to do a radio show this week that attempts to clear up misconceptions about voodoo.  & you know why?  Because it's Halloween!

Self Help Radio has done shows about monsters, vampires, werewolves, & mummies.  Those things don't exist.  We've done shows about haunted houses & hell.  There's no such thing as ghosts & there's no such thing as hell.  But that didn't stop the fun!

That's the thing that makes people fear Halloween: they believe in things like demons & ghosts & monsters.  It's certainly the most childlike of holidays because when you're a child you not only fear such things but there's a part of you that really, really wants the world to be like that.  The world of Stranger Things is pretty terrifying, but those kids are having the time of their lives.

Now, I doubt anyone who practices vodou (or even voodoo) will hear or find this show of mine, but I hope they'll take it in the spirit of Halloween.  I want the shows to be more fun than scary.  & of course I want them to be a little scary.  That's part of the fun!

Halloween's A-Coming

That's right, & I had almost forgotten I created a page last year which has links to all the Halloween episodes.  I guess I need to add graphics, which I'll try to do after this week.  But if you want to have some Halloween shows for your Halloween, here's the place for that.

Black Cats! Death! Graveyards! Haunted Houses! Hell! Monsters! Mummies! Nightmares! Vampires! Werewolves! Witches! Zombies! Clowns! (Clowns?)  All kindsa scary stuff for your enjoyably frightening Halloween.

Here's that link again!  I'll clean it up a bit as the week wears on.

Eyes & Ears

Feeling uninspired, feeling tired, needing to get to bed because I have a radio show in the morning, I will forego trying to say anything interesting & instead share with you a poem chosen at random (I used random dot org & everything) which I wrote on March 17, 2000, called "Eyes & Ears."

Enjoy.

hey it's cold, suddenly, hard to smoke in the rain, under an umbrella i
swear i'm in a club.  i hate clubs, they depress me, i feel too old, even
in an old person's clubs, they have them, it's true, i saw richard thompson
in one just this week, walkers, hearing aids, wheelchairs, heart
medication, pillows.  i promised i'd go see the frogs tonight, it's a
corporate blowjob music festival in austintown, i'd rather eat glass, i
won't go anyway, the frogs will return, if they don't, it's only right &
natural that i seek them out. think someone will cut my hair instead, see,
when i have hair, if it's not longish, it looks like i'm wearing a wig,
there's a scar on my forehead, it's how i monitor my receding hairline, me
& whisky & a razor, i'll have no hair in the morning.  i always do this
when it's cold, cut my hair, shave my face, wear a jacket & a shirt, used
to be more or less healthy, now i smoke & drink too much, bet i breathe
heavy, bet i can't run up ten flights of stairs.  wouldn't matter, one
supposes, if it weren't constantly being brought up, age i mean, it's
everywhere, youngsters with their loud dreams & crappy rock & roll, i met
some sixteen year old lesbians the other week, i'll end this on a funny
note, i met some sixteen year old lesbians, three of them, cute as hell &
wearing comfortable clothing, making me uncomfortable.  i noticed their
age, it was at the video store, i had to set up a membership & i shouldn't
have because they were too young but i was drunk, we can drink up there,
it's one of the reasons i work there, i was drunk & so i set them up, & i
said wow sixteen are you all sixteen, & they said yeah, & i said, wow
that's half my age, & one of them said, earnestly, that's too bad, but the
cutest one said, bright-eyed, but it's good for us.

That's a story I didn't remember.  Crazy.

The corporate blowjob music festival was of course SXSW.  I did go see the Frogs after all.

Self Help Radio 101918: Radiation

(Original image on Wikipedia.)

On the television show Star Trek, they treat radiation exposure with a drug called hyronalin, which was my go-to drug while I handled lots of radioactive isotopes in preparation for this show.  Imagine my surprise to find out it's fictitious, & also I have lost some hair, some white blood cells, & I can't keep food down.  These are the things I do for Self Help Radio - & for you.

Now the doctors are telling me I don't have much time, so if you'll come closer, I'll need to ask you if the ship is safe, & tell you that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, & that you have been & always will be my friend.  No, wait, don't do that.  Man, getting too much radiation makes you all goofy & shit.

Go now & listen to this week's show at the Self Help Radio website.  There's a password & a username you'll need, that information is on the page, it's also right here: username SHR, password selfhelp.  The songs I played & the people I interviewed are available below.

Say, I remember an episode of Voyager where radiation damage was cured with nanobots - what?  Fictional as well?  Fuck.

Self Help Radio Radiation Show

"Radiation (US Mix 1989)" Lesson Seven _Collection 1988-1992_
"Radiation" Evan Johns & His H-Bombs _Rollin' Through The Night_

introduction & discussion

"Radiation" Suicide _N.Y. No Wave_
"Radiation" Loli & The Chones _PS We Hate You_
"Radiation" King Tuff _Black Moon Spell_
"Radiation" Epoxies _Stop The Future_
"Radiation" Fingerprintz _Distinguishing Marks_
"The Radiation" My Favorite _The Kids Are All Wrong_

interview with staff chemist Allen Shariaty

"Transparent Radiation" Spacemen 3 _The Singles_
"This Radiation" Claire Birchall _Library Records 1998 - 2003: The 7" Single Years, 1998 - 2000_
"Cosmic Radiation" Clinic _Free Reign_
"Radiation" The Apples In Stereo _New Magnetic Wonder_
"Pink Radiation" Death Valley Girls _Glow In The Dark_

interview with physicist Dr. David Fruchter

"My Radiation Baby (My Teenage Fallout Queen)" George McKelvey _Atomic Platters_
"Radiation Squirm" The Judy's _The Wonderful World Of Appliances_
"Maximum Radiation Level" Man Or Astro-Man? _Deluxe Men In Space_
"An Alternative To Radiation" Myq Kaplan _Small, Dork, & Handsome_
"Radiation Song" The Aquabats _Myths, Legends, & Other Amazing Adventures Vol. 2_
"Radiation Man" Sara Hickman _Misfits_

Dramatic Readings Of Classic Rock Songs: "Radioactive" by the Firm

"Radiation" Stiphnoyds _The History Of Portland Punk, Vol. 1_
"Radiation Nation" Metal Mike, Alison & Julia _Surf City Or Bust_
"Radiation" The Turbo A.C.'s _Radiation_
"Radiation" Permahorn _My Blood Carries My Dreams Away_
"Chinese Radiation" Pere Ubu _The Modern Dance_

conclusion & goodbye

"Cosmic Love Radiation" Miss Kittin _Calling From The Stars_
"Radiation Dance" Asmodaeus _Lies & Logic_
"Sunshine Radiation" Anthony Mudrick _Sunshine Radiation_

Whither Radiation?

(Yikes!  This scary image found here.)

So sorry to be writing this so late.  I've been busy working on the radiation show all day & I feel a little weak.  Actually, I decided in the interest of keeping things real, I would get an x-ray every hour on the hour today.  On the plus side, I have cool images of many things inside me.  On the minus side, I'm not doing so well.

But Gary! I hear you say. How can I hear you say my name? Am I getting powers from radiation like a 1960s Marvel superhero?  Anyway, I hear you say: There are non-lethal forms of radiation you could have exposed yourself to today like radio waves or the microwaves that apparently we use with our phones! & to that I say: now you tell me!

Look, I'm going to rest up & hope to get the show to you by noon tomorrow.  If so, it'll be at Self Help Radio online right on time.  If it's glowing a bit, don't worry.  It's not like it's enriched on anything.

Hm, I appear to be glowing myself.  Good news!  I can stop spending money on prohibitively expensive night lights!

Preface To Radiation: At Last The Radiation Show!

There was a program on the BBC in the 1960s called At Last The 1948 Show.  I am aware of that fact because I am a nerd & consequently a Monty Python fan, & that show predates Python & includes Graham Chapman & John Cleese, as well as Eric Idle as an occasional guest.

The show aired in 1967, so the title is a joke, & a very Pythonesque one, if you can call something Pythonesque before Monty Python existed.  When I titled this "At Last The Radiation Show," I of course thought of the British program, which I've never actually seen entire episodes of.  (The Wikipedia page says that it's available on Amazon Prime so I will check on that.)

In fact, the BBC erased the tapes on which the program was saved soon after airing, so it's been something of a quest to find copies of original episodes, & luckily there have been, I believe, eleven of the original thirteen discovered, of varying quality of course but better that than nothing.

Which makes me drawing attention to that show by calling this post something that reminded me of the show kind of pathetic, seeing how no one's really been waiting for the radiation show, nor will it be remembered after it's done.  But since I promised a radiation show - has it been three weeks now?  Or just two? - I'll deliver one this week.

Ooo, I can tell you're psyched about it.  Or maybe you're just glad that you now know there's more Cleese & Chapman out there to see!

Happy Global Cat Day!

Enjoy your global cat day!

On the local front, these are the feline bosses that rule my life:

They are not kind oppressors.

(PS I played a set for them this morning on the Tuesday Morning Blend.  I hope it will allow for some leniency when they take over the planet.)

This Cold & Rainy Day

There's a sense one gets living in Texas which is the same sense I imagine that folks in Southern California have, which is, the feeling that, you know, we don't really have weather.  In California, I'm sure it's mostly pleasant, but in Texas, it's not - it's just hot.  It's hot when you get in your car, it's hot when you wake up early to walk the dogs, it's hot when the sun goes down & the day's heat just radiates off the ground.  Some people are cool with it - my wife is a reptile so she loves it - but most aren't.

Yeah, okay, it does get cold.  Today it was around 41 degrees.  Yesterday it was twice that - 82 degrees.  In a couple of days it'll shoot back up into the 60s.  I used to tell folks that when the temperature started dropping in Kentucky, it was going to keep going down until Spring.  In Texas, it may be cold one week & then, in the middle of what might be called autumn or winter, weirdly it'll climb into the 90s.

& that's why we're so unprepared for it.  We think it's always hot here because it's usually hot here.  I don't have the statistics but if we consider any temperature over 80 degree Fahrenheit as "hot," there for probably like eight or nine months of the year it's hot.

What do you do on a day like today?  I'm wearing my KNON hoodie, long pants for the first time in months, & those fingerless hobo gloves I have to wear because my hands get cold despite the furious typing on the keyboard.  I walk outside & can see my breath, I tremble when a freezing wind hits me, my legs are cold.  How long has been since my legs have been cold?

Oh, & it rained all day today.  Our backyard looks as though it might be good for rice cultivation.  My poor dogs have been discussing learning how to use the facilities indoors.

What I wish I could do is enjoy it.  But after months of heat, it doesn't feel real - & in a sense, it isn't, as it'll be hot again soon enough.  This is a problem.  A problem with living in a place where the weather is the same, more of the same, it's the same, hot & hotter.

Fuck it, I'm going to go stand outside & pretend I live somewhere where the middle of October is discernibly different from the middle of September.  Or November.

Self Help Radio 101218: Mirrors Revisited - The Sixteenth Anniversary Show

Gosh, there are a lot of songs about mirrors.  You will probably not find your favorite song about mirrors on this playlist.  Heck, my favorite song about mirrors isn't on this playlist.  But a cover of it is!

Sixteen years is a long time to do a show, & I probably have too many people to thank.  In the early days of my getting involved with KOOP, as well as helping me define the show, I should thank Sara.  She was an early booster & I remember how happy she was when I subbed my first radio show on KOOP, about a year & a half after my last KVRX show.  Of course I have to thank Magda, who's been with me longer than Self Help Radio has, & who's suffered all my anxieties & insecurities about the show, & enjoyed the very occasional triumph.

& oh yeah all the stations that have aired SHR: KOOP, WMUL, WRFL, WLXU - you made me feel like pretty much any great noncommercial station would gladly take the show, which has not proven to be the case here in Dallas/Fort Worth.  & all the people who listened, who called, who told me to shut the hell up, who told me I made them laugh, who corrected me, who insulted me because I made mistakes, who gave money when I begged for it, who sent me emails or mentioned the show online, anyone who's ever given the show the slightest thought - I feel weirdly validated even by dismissal, which the show has felt far more than acceptance.  (One early comment I treasure: "What's so special about a show with songs about the same thing?")

Too many people to thank.  You know who you are.  Thank you.  & if I do this for sixteen more years, you're to blame.

Of course I hope one day to do Self Help Radio live on air again instead of live in the room where my records & CDs live, & where my cats & dogs hang out, but for now, like today, you can find the show at Self Help Radio online.  Like always, there's a password (selfhelp) & a login (SHR), & like always, I list the songs & the interviews below.

Sixteen years!  I have barely done anything for sixteen years!  This is crazy!

Self Help Radio 101218: Mirrors Revisited

"I'll Be Your Mirror" The Primitives _Pure_
"Deep Dark Truthful Mirror (demo)" Elvis Costello _Spike_
"Mirror People" Poptone _Poptone_

introduction

"Any Other Mirror" Bill Wells & Aidan Moffat _The Most Important Place In The World_
"Mirror" The Drums _Abysmal Thoughts_
"The Mirror" Foster Brooks _The Lovable Lush_
"Mirror" Mekons _Me_
"Mirrors Of Your Mind" The Definitive Rock Chorale _Mirrors Of Your Mind_
"Mirror On You" Enon _Grass Geysers Carbon Clouds_

interview with Allen Shariaty

"Mirror Man" The Looking Glass _Dreamworld, 1985-1987_
"Mirror Man" Kristallin _The 3rd Marsh-Marigold Review: 20 Songs From Gold 21-30_
"We Are A Mirror (feat. Douglas J McCarthy)" Adult. _Detroit House Guests_
"Broken Mirror" Random Factor _The Hacker: The Next Step Of New Wave_
"Mirror Mirror" Robots In Disguise _Get Rid!_

interview with the Rev Dr Howard Gently

"Animal In The Mirror" Luxuria _Beast Box_
"Smoking Mirror" Momus _Turpsycore_
"My Mirror Works/Things I Can't Do" Brian Posehn _Fart & Wiener Jokes_
"She's A Mirror" Eleanor Friedberger _Personal Record_
"Mirror, Mirror" Unicycle Loves You _Mirror, Mirror_
"Bring Her The Mirror" Shannon Shaw _Shannon In Nashville_

interview with the Polish Ambassador to Radio

"She's Too Much For My Mirror" Captain Beefheart & His Magic Band _Trout Mask Replica_
"Get Out Of My Mirror" Felt _Me & A Monkey On The Moon_
"Looking For Love In The Hall Of Mirrors" The Sixths _Wasps' Nests_
"Mirror Image" Ortolan _Time On A String_
"I Wanna Be Your Mirror" Temples _Volcano_

conclusion & goodbye

"Hall Of Mirrors" Siouxsie & The Banshees _Through The Looking Glass_
"House of Mirrors" Freezepop _Imaginary Friends_

Whither Mirrors?/Whither Sixteen Years Of Self Help Radio?

As you probably already know, this week marks sixteen long years of Self Help Radio.  The show began in Austin in 2002 & has found itself here & now.  To mark the show'a anniversary, I like to revisit an old theme - this year, it's "mirrors," first explored in 2004.  There are many, many songs about mirrors, & the number of songs about mirrors written since that show is a large one.  I might focus on songs that I couldn't have played during the first show since they hadn't been written yet.  Or I might not.

It has been an interesting experience.  This show is, I imagine, not the easiest program to listen to regularly.  If you don't like the host, it's going to suck - I talk a lot.  If you don't share my sense of humor, ditto.  But if you're just someone who likes music, it can probably be frustrating, too.  I am a contrarian by nature & I am mostly unlikely to play popular songs or the first song you'd think of when you heard a theme.  For example:

In January of 2008, there was a fire at the radio station at which I originated Self Help Radio.  That was KOOP in Austin.  Soon after we discovered the fire was arson, which led to an actual criminal investigation.  When we returned to the air, several programmers played the songs "Burning Down The House" & "I'm On Fire" (& so on) to great acclaim.  These shows were much, much more popular than mine, & people would stop me & say to me, "Did you hear when so & so played 'Burning Down The House'? That was great!  You should do that!"

My response was to do a show about anger instead.  It was generally not well-received.  Some even considered it counterproductive.  But something in me just couldn't play "Burning Down The House."  Even if I would've shared in the collective appreciation of that obvious response to the situation.

Yet the show somehow persists, traveling from station to station, stranded now on a website in a "podcast" mode.  I guess I can't help doing it.  I'm grateful if anyone listens, & I'm grateful for the talented people whom I've shanghaied to help me with making it more fun.  But I'd do it anyway.  & I should probably seek professional help sooner than later.

Hear me celebrate sixteen years of this eminently forgettable nonsense tomorrow at noon at the Self Help Radio website.  It'll be much more like now than the previous show, when I hadn't found my bearings yet.  But I'll do my best to make it a good experience.  You might learn something!  You might even laugh!

Preface To The Sixteenth Anniversary Show: Fruitless Search

Here's how I spent the part of the afternoon: looking for cassette tapes of radio shows.

When we moved away from Lexington, I tossed some cassette tapes with recordings of my radio shows, specifically the ones from shows I already had digitized.  I used to record my shows on cassette - it's surprising that I did that well into this century - & at some point I got into the habit of digitizing them & putting them on the show's website, which existed for a while at my work website until I got selfhelpradio.net.  But there are several shows I have no digitized.

One of those is the original mirrors show, which aired October 13, 2004.  I was convinced I could find it, & I found a box of cassettes of old radio shows, but, alas, no mirrors show.  Perhaps I never recorded it - that seems unlikely, as I was pretty assiduous about capturing my shows then (as now) because I rarely recorded my KVRX shows & I regretted that.

Maybe I can find related information about the show to share during its re-make.  Or something else.  But.  Nothing from the original show.  Which makes me a little sad.

Timeline

In response to me posting the old anniversary shows last week, someone asked me about the times Self Help Radio was not on any radio station, but was a podcast.  Here is where Self Help Radio aired, & when, & when it didn't.

October 9, 2002 - May 2, 2008: KOOP Austin

The original run of Self Help Radio on the station on which is originated was under six years.  That seems crazy now, but it's true.  At the end of spring in 2008, I left KOOP because my girlfriend - soon to be my wife - Magda was taking a post-doc in North Carolina.  At the time, KOOP had two "seasons," one of which ended at the beginning of May.  Because I would be leaving at the end of the summer, I felt like it would be unfair to do the show for two more months, so I left the station.  I intended to continue Self Help Radio as a podcast (which I did) until it found a home in the Tarheel State.  Alas, Magda did not take the position, so we stayed in Austin for one more year.

May 10, 2008 - June 27, 2009: The First Self Help Radio Podcast

With our future uncertain, I decided not to return to KOOP & simply do SHR as a podcast, although my enthusiasm for the show waned somewhat - I don't think anyone listened to most of the those shows.  I kept myself in the loop by doing a freeform show on my first radio station, KVRX.  Stuck in a kind of limbo in Austin, & suddenly full of free time (you wouldn't believe how much time I volunteered at KOOP), I decided to take classes at UT (I'm a lifelong learner), which qualified me to do a show on KVRX (where only students are allowed to deejay).  I did a show on Sunday morning called The War On Sailing which I enjoyed.  It was actually a lot like the show I do currently, the Tuesday Morning Blend.

Magda got a job teaching at Marshall University in Huntington, West Virginia, where they fortunately have a student radio station which allows community members to do shows.  So off we went, taking Self Help Radio with us.

July 21, 2009 - June 22, 2010: The WMUL Year

Magda was not very happy in Huntington & I found WMUL not the best station to air Self Help Radio.  For one, it was mostly focused on sports.  The rest of the programming was basically automation.  What few human deejays they had tended to drop off over the course of the semester.  I did Self Help Radio in the mornings, in the afternoons, in the evenings, & never really had any listeners - there simply weren't enough people in the town (maybe 40,000, counting students), & they didn't stream their music shows online.  Although we didn't know we'd be leaving, I decided to leave WMUL at the beginning of the summer because it began to feel futile.  I'm sure I've talked about this before.  During the rest of the summer, the show returned to a podcast, but in August, Magda & I decided to move to nearby Lexington, where the mighty WRFL existed.  & they were glad to have the show.

August 24, 2010 - August 2, 2016: WRFL

Self Help Radio aired almost continually on WRFL for about five & a half years.  I took a semester off in 2014 I believe (though I still did SHR as a podcast) & there was another weird moment where I left the station believing Magda & I were moving but returned when we didn't (she's quite a tease) a few weeks later.  On the whole, it was super fun to do the show there.  I believe the show as it exists now came into being because of the time on WRFL.  It does beg the question, though: does the show have a shelf life of around six years per station?

Magda got a job in Fort Worth, where we're living now, so I said goodbye to RFL in August of 2016, & hoped to find a place for Self Help Radio in the D/FW metroplex.  That was not going to be an easy task (it still hasn't happened) but Self Help Radio didn't quite leave the airwaves - or Lexington - at this point.

August 31, 2016 - April 28, 2018: WLXU

Graciously, the station manager of WLXU at the time, Chuck Clenney, offered to air Self Help Radio until I found a place to do it in this part of the world.  It was a swell arrangement & if I hadn't gotten the gig at KNON, I might still be doing it.  Except.  As I've explained here & elsewhere, I felt weird about doing a show on a station that was so community-focused while I lived not anywhere near the community.  So maybe I might not still be doing it.  But certainly the fact that I had to turn in my prerecorded program on Tuesdays & I was also do a Tuesday show live in Dallas made that day very difficult for me.

May 4, 2018 - present: podcast

Since then, the show exists only at selfhelpradio.net.  I wish I could do it in town, but that seems unlikely.  Perhaps my restless wife will want to find a different job at some point, & we will find ourselves somewhere that has a wonderful noncommercial station which has a place for Self Help Radio.  Or maybe I'll be doing the show like this for six years.

Whatever the situation, sixteen years on, it doesn't seem like Self Help Radio's going anywhere.  Which sounds like a threat.  I didn't mean it as a threat!  But it did sound a little like a threat.

That was a long-winded answer to a simple question.  I didn't really know the answer till I sat down & went through the playlists to see.  But I hope it was a satisfying answer.

That Was The Week Off It Was

Technically, I got a week off.  I did the Tuesday Morning Blend & I then had to reschedule Self Help Radio & I've been helping the wife deal with recovering from neck surgery.  Tomorrow is the Tuesday Morning Blend again but I have a sub, so I get a week off.  Which is good, I would be a terrible husband if I just took off to do radio less than a week after invasive surgery.  I'm kind of a douche but I'm not that awful.

You might be thinking, well, I hope you got something done.  Nope!  I watched two episode of the second season of Iron Fist while the wife was sleeping today.  The other day I reread a bunch of mid-60s Jack Kirby Captain America comics.  & I've been listening to music.  I do that mostly.

But!  It wasn't a vacation so I need to start getting into gear!  A sixteenth anniversary show!  A lot of songs to listen to!  Walking the dogs in the rain!  Wearing tee shirts inside out to be contrary!  Teaching my cats the few phrases in Spanish I know!  Daydreaming of amusingly changing the yard signs of the fascists running for office around here!  Fake ads!  Fake interviews!  Fake radio!

You know, the regular stuff I do.

Self Help Radio 100518: Anniversary Pre-Game

(I found this image here.)

Self Help Radio first went on the air on October 9, 2002, a Wednesday, at 2pm.  At the time, I was also overseeing a program called "The Pilot Show," where new trainees at the station would get an hour to show us what they would play & say if they got a show.  There was no "pilot" that day, so I did two hours: one, a "hello" show, telling whomever might be listening hello, & the second, a show about war, since, at that time, it was being made very clear that soon the United States would be going to war with Iraq because - well, I'm not sure there was any real reason except somebody in power wanted it.

Sadly, I don't have copies of those shows digitized.  Let me rephrase that: gratefully, I don't have copies of those shows digitized.

In those days, I had no idea how long I'd be doing Self Help Radio.  Certainly not more than ten years!  I didn't really have any plans, but celebrating anniversaries seemed somewhat stupid up until I was certain that I might be doing the show for some time.  This happened in 2008, when I decided to revisit an old theme around the date when I first did Self Help Radio, & this became a tradition.

Here for your listening pleasure (?) or just for archaeological reasons, are the first four anniversary shows I did.   There are links to the original & anniversary shows so you can compare & contrast playlists.  & there are notes about the show as well.

Remember!  You'll need a username (SHR) & a password (selfhelp) to listen!

Here they are:

Sixth Anniversary Show, 10/19/08
Original show playlist.  Anniversary show playlist.
This show may sound strange, & it is: it's a show I did when I was in-between stations.  I had left KOOP in anticipation of leaving Austin, & WMUL was in my future.  I sound a little down, actually, in the first airbreak - I didn't listen to it after that.  But I remember that the theme was one of the first that I got feedback from on the original show - someone called & told me they were going to leave the house but the show made them afraid something would break.
Listen to part I & part II

Seventh Anniversary Show, 10/14/09:
Original show playlist.  Anniversary show playlist.
I always liked this idea.  Each song contains a reference to a nationality.  This was recorded at WMUL in Huntington, West Virginia, before I became disillusioned with the station & the town.  The station was mostly focused on sports - more often than not, I was the only person in the studio before & after my show.
Listen to part I & part II

Eighth Anniversary Show, 10/12/10:
Original show playlist.  Anniversary show playlist.
Another theme I liked: a series of songs that have the counting numbers in them, so 1, 2, 3, 4, etc.  Like the other themes I revisit, I long felt I didn't do this theme justice, possibly because I was still putting the show together (in the early days) the night before.  Long-term planning didn't happen for years.  This is also notable as one of my first WRFL shows - I had just been in Lexington since August, & I believe I am doing this around 5 in the morning.
Listen to part I & part II

Ninth Anniversary Show, 10/10/11:
Original show playlist.  Anniversary show playlist.
Another theme I felt I wasted.  My first "space junk" show - inspired by an article about how many old & non-functioning human-made objects we have orbiting the earth - didn't even feature "Telstar"!  I needed to correct that!  I was doing the show on Monday mornings at this time on WRFL from 7:30 to 9am.  I was having lots of fun.
Listen to part I & part II

Should I put up more anniversary shows?  Would you like that?  Let me know!

Whither No Show About Radiation?

Some facts about this week's Self Help Radio:

1) It doesn't exist.  Not in the sense of "it doesn't exist now but will tomorrow" but in the sense of there won't be an episode of Self Help Radio this week.

2) It doesn't mean there won't be an episode about radiation.  That will happen in two weeks.

3) Because the radiation show will happen in two weeks does not mean there won't be a new Self Help Radio next week.  Self Help Radio returns Friday, October 12.

4) The show next week will not be about radiation because it is the show's 16th anniversary episode.  The very first episode of Self Help Radio aired on October 9, 2002.  Next week's show is the closest to the 9th without being before the ninth.

4a) On anniversary shows, I revisit an old theme.  Since I've never done a show about radiation before, I have chosen to move the radiation show to the week after.

4b) The theme I am revisiting is mirrors, which first aired around fourteen years ago.  Since the show was only two years old (& I didn't know how long I'd be doing it), I didn't do a two-year anniversary then.

5) Tomorrow I will find some interesting things for you to listen to.

6) My apologies.  Even if the show were on the air, I would not have been able to do the show this week.

7) Seven facts is way too many for this nonsense.

8) & yet it continues.

9) It may never end.

10)

Preface To Radiation: Nope!

Hi.  I spent most of today (starting around 5am) in a hospital, or going to & from a hospital, gathering things to be taken to a hospital.  My wife had surgery on the spinal area around her neck, which seems tricky but is apparently a very common procedure, & she's done well, thank you, but if I spent the lion's share of the day with her today, when there were more people around to help, I can't imagine I'll have the time to do anything but help her when she comes home, as I hope she will.  & if she doesn't come home tomorrow, I will be spending most of the day at the hospital.

Here's a funny story: she is a dork who thinks she's some kind of hero, & she loves to get high scores, good grades, accolades of any kind.  When one of her students visited her, he told there were three stars on the board outside her room.  My wife immediately said, "I'm the best patient ever!"  When we asked the nurse what the stars meant, she said, "They indicate fall risk.  Three stars mean we have to help the patient in & out of bed."

Was my wife discouraged by that?  Hell no.  She asked, "What do I need to do to get four stars?"

This means no Self Help Radio this week.  My apologies to anyone who might have wanted to hear a show about radiation - that'll happen in a couple of weeks.  Next week is my anniversary show - celebrating sixteen years of Self Help Radio.

If you've nothing better to do, might I suggest catching up on older SHR episodes?  Or maybe listening to my last couple of KNON shows?

Any News??

Oh, you can't fool me.  I know you're waiting with bated breath ("bated" means "in great suspense; very anxiously or excitedly," as opposed to "baited," which would imply someone had put, let's say, worms in your mouth to help you catch fish maybe?) for word about whether there will be a new Self Help Radio this week.  The answer is I don't know yet.

On the way to Dallas this morning to do the Tuesday Morning Blend (I resisted just now linking to the page but have since thought better of it) I listened to many songs about radiation.  There are plenty & they're good!  But it remains to be seen if I'll have the time to put a show together.

Sorry if that's not what you wanted to hear - what?  You found this blog by accident & you have no idea what it is?  It's for a radio show...  Oh, you don't care.  You just read this far in case there might have been something about pornography or drugs?  No, no, there isn't.  But wait!

Damn, they left.  Anyway, I'll keep hoping that I'll be able to put a show together.  & I'll probably know whether or not I'll be able to do that when I write again tomorrow.

No!  There's nothing about porn or drugs here!  It's called Self Help Radio for fuck's sake!  Why would you even think...  Oh, they're gone now.

The internet is weird.

How Many Times Have I Titled One Of These "Reminder"?

Well, here's another one.

This is a reminder that if you read this blog because you like to listen to Self Help Radio which usually happens once a week, Fridays at noon, that the show might not happen this week.

But wait!  Didn't I say that last week?  Yes, I did.  & it happened last week because the thing that might have kept it from not happening didn't happen but rather was rescheduled to happening this week.

& as far as I can tell, that thing will in fact happen this week.

What is the thing?  The thing is my wife having surgery.  This may require me to forego much of what I do to take care of her post-operation.  & most of what I do during the week is Self Help Radio.

For the moment, I am planning on doing the show.  But you know what they say about planning.  "Planning sometimes doesn't take into account surprises or other unexpected things which screw up plans."  Something like that.

Please consider this reminder reminded.  Or something.

Self Help Radio 092818: Out Of Sight

(Original image here.)

Yes, this week's Self Help Radio is out of sight!  How out of sight?  You can't see it!  It's too far away to be seen!  Get it?  It's totally out of sight!

Technically, you can't really "see" an mp3, anyway, so a show on mp3 is out of sight.  Maybe I should do that thing where when you get to different parts of the mp3, a different image pops up on whatever device you're listening with.  Do they still do that?  Is that called "enhanced" mp3s?  Have I forgotten what I'm supposed to be doing here?  Oh yeah.  This week's show is out of sight!

There are interviews with a businessman, a robot lady, & an impostor.  There's a lot of music.  There's some etymology & some science.  But mainly there's music.  A lot of music.  & I couldn't even play all the "out of sight" songs I found!  My apologies to Tom T. Hall.

Listen at Self Help Radio dot net.  Learn the password: selfhelp.  Learn the username: SHR.  Look below to see how the show is structured.

Just be careful - listening might make you out of sight too!

Self Help Radio: The Out Of Sight Show

"Out Of Sight Out Of Mind" Porter Wagoner _Chronological Classics 1957-1959_
"Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind" Brian Hyland _Sealed With A Kiss & All The Great Hits 1960-1962_
"A Bird Flies Out Of Sight (Felicidad)" The Tokens _The Lion Sleeps Tonight_

introduction & definitions

"She's Out Of Sight" The Casinos _The Best Of The Casinos: Then You Can Tell Me Goodbye_
"We Are Out Of Sight" German Bonds _Die Hamburg Szene - Smash ...! Boom ...! Bang ...!_
"Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind" The Marauders _Mindrocker: Anthology Of 60s US-Punk Garage Psych, Vol. 3_
"Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind" Carol Fran _Bluesoul Belles: The Complete Calla, Port, & Roulette Recordings_
"Out Of Sight" James Brown _Star Time_

interview with "Hippy Dippy David Frippy" originator David Fruchter

"Baby, Out Of Sight" Liverpool Five _Out Of Sight_
"Keep It Out Of Sight" Paul & Barry Ryan _The Best Of Paul & Barry Ryan_
"My Best Friend's Girl Is Out Of Sight" Sonny Bono _Inner Views_
"Plum Outa Sight" Maxine Brown _Out Of Sight_
"Uptight (Everything's Alright)" Stevie Wonder _At The Close Of A Century_

interview with robot human Betty Cyborg

"Right, Tight, & Out Of Sight" Branding Iron _The Complete Stax-Volt Soul Singles: 1968-1971_
"Out Of Sight Out Of Mind" Shocking Blue _Inkpot_
"Out Of Mind, Out Of Sight" Kris Kristofferson _Jesus Was A Capricorn_
"Out Of Sight" Tubeway Army _The Plan_
"Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind" The Dickies _Stukas Over Disneyland_

interview with someone claiming to be musician John Ferguson

"Out Of Sight" Blue Orchids _The Secret City EP_
"Out Of My Sight" Frente _Marvin The Album (21st Anniversary Edition)_
"Out Of Sight" Adventures In Stereo _Alternative Stereo Sounds_
"Outta Sight" The Riverdales _The Riverdales_
"He's Outta Sight" The Rondelles _Fiction Romance, Fast Machines_
"Out Of Sight" Arling & Cameron _Stereo Showcase_

a discourse on the limits of human sight

"Outta Sight" Dexter Romweber _Blues That Defy My Soul_
"Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind" The Liarbirds _Second Quartet EP_
"Out Of Sight" The Spyrals _Out Of Sight_
"Tonight Is Out Of Sight" Lunchbox _Lunchbox Loves You_
"Out Of Sight" The Popguns _Pop Fiction_

conclusion & goodbye

"Outta Sight (Luke Vibert Remix)" Osborne _We'll Never Stop Living This Way: A Ghostly Primer_
"Out Of Sight" Moderat _Moderat_

Whither Out Of Sight?

(No, no, it's not about that movie!)

Oh you know, my brain was all like hey how many songs do you think use the phrase "out of sight" & I was all like hey brain we're not too separate people you know I am you & you am I & I know I just used grammar wrongly & wait a second are you making me dumb all of a sudden?  & my brain was all like yes of course you fool I am better than you & you are merely a vessel which I use to cruise clumsily through this world getting my meager pleasures where I may!  & I was all like no no no man you & I are the same there aren't two consciousnesses inside me there's no vehicle & driver there's just who I am & the brain is part of that!  & my brain was all like yes I let you think that but really I am in charge & now you're going to gather many, many songs with the phrase "out of sight" featured prominently within for my amusement & what the hell let's make it into a radio show that's not on the radio & waste an entire day or several days doing so ha ha ha ha!  & I said to my brain take it back you're me & I'm you!  & my brain was all like you are a fool & what's more you can't stop me wait what are you doing is that an icepick you wouldn't dare attempt to stop me no who taught you old-school lobotomies wait wait you're right if you hurt me you're hurting you which is to say us which is to say we are the same no no no nooooooooooooooooo!

Then I woke up in a pool of blood & I heard voices no more.  But I still felt the urge to do a radio show.  & so I shall.

Tomorrow, noonish, Self Help Radio website.  Who knows?  Maybe George Clooney will drop by?

Preface To Out Of Sight: Haunted IKEA

Today we went to an Ikea.  Do you have to capitalize all the letters in Ikea like I did in the title of this post, or can I write "Ikea" like I've done the last three times?

The answer is not simple.  According to the Wikipedia article, it should be all caps.  But a couple of articles locally, wherein Fort Worth was set to get its own store, but then suddenly it wasn't, spelled it "Ikea."  I just don't generally like words in all caps.  YOU DON'T EITHER.

Anyway, we were at the new Ikea in Grand Prairie, which is about thirty minutes away from us, although not as far away as the one in Frisco, which is about an hour away, although they're only about thirty-five miles apart, connected by a toll road called the President George Bush Turnpike, so-called because Texans often forget there's been not one but two George Bushes as President, so they need to be reminded, & also pay money for the pleasure.  Stupid Texans.  Where the fuck was I?

Oh yeah.  The early afternoon, a cool autumn Wednesday, & we were like one of maybe twelve people in the store.  Have you been in an Ikea, like, ever?  There are usually hundreds if not thousands of people in the store.  By the way, I'm not counting the people who work there.  There were plenty of those, & they outnumbered the customers like twenty to one.  In fact, I got to know everyone else who was there who was not an Ikea employee.  I could name them right now if I didn't value their privacy.  They were buying weird shit, too.

This is how desolate the place was: I just stood in the middle of one of their interminable aisles just spinning a shopping cart, spinning, spinning.  Those damn Ikea carts have all four wheels able to do 360 so you can spin it, you can give it a good shove like a roulette wheel or whatever & it'll just spin. I did that & I even took an iPhone video of myself spinning it & there was no one else there.  Well, maybe my wife.  She was looking at rugs.

In fact, at some point I became convinced I was a ghost of a spouse who came along to Ikea one horrible day & never left, never found my way out, despite maps & arrows on the floor & secret doors that lead to sections that don't follow logically, god I would've had so much fun playing in an Ikea when I was a kid.  But now I'm a ghost & for some reason even though no one can see me, I can spin carts around, but does anyone notice?  No, because it's a Wednesday afternoon on a cool Autumn day & it had rained & no one was going to Ikea.

Then the wife bought a rug & we left.

It Might Be Autumn If...

You just made pumpkin pie cupcakes.

That picture above is not a cupcake I made.  It's the picture from the recipe I used, which I found here.  The frosting has been frosted on the cupcake & they're in the fridge, so the frosting doesn't melt all over the place.  I don't know how they tasted, but the batter & the frosting were both pretty awesome before put to use.

Baking is not something that comes natural to me.  For one thing, I don't own a fancy mixer, or even a hand mixer, so I furiously mixed everything with what is either called a spatula or better a scraper.  I even timed the furious mixing as if I myself were the mixer.  The speeds, however, were not constant, as I was making a mess & would pause to clean up.

There's another downside to baking in our household: living with a sugar addict who's also weight-conscious.  On the one hand, this person will eat as many sweets as possible without the slightest hesitation, but on the other hand, she (because it ain't me) will become quite angry when there are "treats" in the house which may increase her weight & will in fact throw them away rather than exercise self-control.  In fact, I made half the recipe - six cupcakes - & she's now talking about giving most of them to friends.  When I mentioned I didn't have any friends, she suggested neighbors.  Please understand: she hasn't even tried one of them yet.

So how does one get better at baking while living with such a neurotic companion?  The truth is, one doesn't.  One gives baking up.  Until one decides, I really should learn how to bake.  & then one hopes the fruits of one's labors don't get thrown or given away without one noticing.

Perhaps I will keep you posted.

Back-To-Back Back Surgeries

There are two things to say about the title of this post:
1) I am not going under the knife.  I had back surgery nearly seventeen years ago.
2) For the purposes of this post, "back-to-back" can mean "seventeen years apart."

Yeah, it was just to be able to say "back" three times.

If you listened to last week's show, you'll know I said I might not be doing this week's show, because my wife was having surgery this week.  That was the case until this afternoon, when they had to reschedule.  Someone had an emergency & that person got the priority.  It's frustrating but it happens.

The crazy thing is, it happened to me when I was scheduled for surgery!  Does it happen to everyone?  Is getting scheduled for surgery the worst kind of appointment in all of medical appointments?  Because I had an appointment recently with a podiatrist for 2pm, & I showed up at 1:45 because I knew they'd need me to fill out forms but I was ready before 2 & you know when they saw me?  3pm.

But a week later!  That's amazing.

For the porpoises of this show, however, it means that, yes, there'll be a new Self Help Radio this week.  (& I'll be able to do the Tuesday Morning Blend next week as well.)  As for the week after next - it's anyone's guess.

Self Help Radio 092118: Kites

A storm approaches my Fort Worth home.  It's one of those weird Texas mornings where the sun has lighted half the sky, but to the south, it's black as a bruise & ominous, ominous as a rumble in an angry Orson Welles monologue.  But I am not deterred.

Because there is a wind!  Ah yes, the oncoming weather has whipped up the atmosphere & despite the Fahrenheit creeping toward the 80 degree mark, it seems cooler, nicer, actually pleasant.

So I head outside, I unspool the string, I put a radio show about kites on my most beautiful diamond kite & as soon as I lift the kite into the air, it's taken, it goes up, up, up, up!

Then it gets caught in a tree.  See picture above.

Maybe you'll have more luck with the radio show about kites?  Hey, it flies good.  Just keep it away from trees.  & power lines, too.  Let it soar in a way you & I never will.

Go ahead, grab that show at Self Help Radio's website. Remember that you need to write in "SHR" as username & "selfhelp" as password.  The show is about two hours long, plenty of time to stare lovingly into the sky even when the storm is threatening.  The contents of the show are listed below.

Self Help Radio Kite Show

"Kites Are Fun" The Free Design _Kites Are Fun_
"Your Kite, My Kite" Johnny Maestro & The Brooklyn Bridge _The Greatest Hits Of Johnny Maestro & The Brooklyn Bridge_
"Kites" Literature _Chorus_

introduction & definitions

"It's Unbelievable (How You Control My Soul)" Jeanne & The Darlings _The Complete Stax-Volt Singles, 1968-1971_
"Me & My Kite" Fuchsia _Fuchsia_
"Kite" Patty Griffin _Impossible Dream_
"Golden Kite" Cinnamon Empire _It's Good It's Good_
"Kite" Ivy _Guestroom_

interview with kitemaker Rob Boss

"Let Me Fly Your Kite" Lightnin' Hopkins _Highlights From The Mercury Blues & Rhythm Story 1945-1955_
"Kite Song" Yoko Ono _Approximately Infinite Universe_
"Kite" Kate Bush _The Kick Inside_
"Kites" Lemon Kittens _Cake Beast_
"Chinese Kite" The Clears _The Clears_

Sir Archibald Von Poesy reads an exclusive poem about the history of kites

"Let's Go Fly A Kite" Moonstone _Let's Go Fly A Kite_
"Lavender Kite" Bobby Vee _Gates, Grills, & Railings_
"Fly Yor Kite" Burnt Friedman & The Nu Dub Players _Can't Cool_
"I Wrote My Name On My Kite" We Are Wolves _Total Magique_
"Hang Mr. Kite" Guided By Voices _Let's Go Eat The Factory_

interview with Ben Franklin impersonator David Fruchter

"Let's Go Fly A Kite" David Tomlinson, Dick Van Dyke, & Londoners _Walt Disney's Mary Poppins (Original Cast Soundtrack)_
"Kite" Gary Burghoff _You're A Good Man, Charlie Brown (Original Off-Broadway Cast)_
"Being For The Benefit Of Mr. Kite (Take 7)" The Beatles _Anthology 2_
"Mississippi Kite" Kristin Hersh _Crooked_
"Flying A Kite" Joanna Newsom _Walnut Whales_

conclusion & goodbye

"The Johnstown Kite" Lou Christie _Glory River: The Buddah Years 1968-1972_
"Sugar Kite" California _Sugar Kite_
"Kite" Captain Cocoa _Bicycle Thieves_
"Kite" Marbles _Pyramid Landing & Other Favorites_
"The Kite & The Sky" Stephen Duffy & The Lilac Time _Runout Groove_
"Kites Are Fun" Jumprope _Holiday In Brazil

Whither Kites?

(Image from here.)

About six years ago, I had an idea to do a show about kites.  Then, I don't know what happened.  Did I forget about it?  Did I think I didn't have enough songs?  Did the show get eating by a kite-song-eating tree?  I have no damn idea.  But six years later, here it is!

What was the impetus for a kite show six years ago?  I might have been inspired by seeing kites in the spring one day, or maybe it was listening to the Free Design:



In any event.  At any rate.  Nevertheless.  Notwithstanding.  The show is happening.  Tomorrow.  Noon?  Let's hope it's noon.  I've been out flying kites.  Keep an eye here.  Or Self Help Radio dot net.  Okay?  Okay.

Preface To Kites: The Obligatory Peanuts Comic

Yeah, yeah, kite season is in the spring.  But I'm bringing it back for a week at the end of summer!  Get your kites ready, kids!

Masterful!

Reviews Are In!

Well, one review.

KNON has a web form which you can use to send comments directly to the deejay during her/his show.  I got this comment today at the tail end of my show:

Such a nice thing to receive at the end of two hours of radio!

(You can listen again to that "good show" for the next couple of weeks here.)

Bird News You Can Use

This week the bird news you can use is about the Cassowary.  Here's one now:

(Image from here.)

These flightless birds are from down under, native to Australia, New Guinea, & nearby islands.  They like fruit but will eat anything, including leftovers.  According to the Wikipedia, "Cassowaries are very shy, but when provoked they are capable of inflicting injuries, occasionally fatal, to dogs & people."

It's true!  That's why you should always remember, should you run into a cassowary, this saying:

"Always be wary of the cassowary 'cause the cassowary is wary of you."

That's bird news you can use!

Self Help Radio 091418: Fascination

(Original image - from a website designed to help you "find your fascination" - here.)

Here's this week's show, a (hopefully) fascinating collection of songs about fascination.

Apologies again for its lateness.  I was in Dallas doing radio this morning, & although it doesn't appear that way, I do spend a bit of time putting finishing touches on the program, so the two hours I was on the air (& the time commuting, in morning drive time traffic) really did cut into the amount of tender loving carelessness I put into each episode of SHR.  I was super hungry when I got home & also I took an hour nap.  So I could be writing this earlier, but I really needed the nap.  Even though an hour nap in general is useless, like a sip of water to someone dying of thirst.  Not to be melodramatic about it.  I know naps help other people.  It's just for me, it's gotta be two hours or else I'm not going to get any benefit from it in any way.

Sorry.  I got carried away there.  I hope you dig the show.  There's plenty of music I enjoy (so maybe you will too) as well as interviews with a perfume maker (whose new scent is called, of course, Fascination) & with a traveling writer, whose "Fascinating Travel" series I discovered when I read his book Fascinating Kentucky.  Hey!  I'm trying to fascinate you here!

Listen now at Self Help Radio dot net.  Remember there's a password & a username, that's on the website, in the big block of text at the top, I think I even bolded it to make it easier for you.  The songs I play are below.  Plus the interviews.  I hope you find it fascinating.

Self Help Radio Fascination Show

"Fascination" Julie London _The Magic Of Julie London_
"You Fascinate Me So" Blossom Dearie _My Gentleman Friend_
"Fascinating Man" Eartha Kitt _Thursday's Child_
"Fascinating Baby" Sherree Scott _Hot Boppin' Girls Vol. 2_

introductions & definitions

"Fascination" David Bowie _Young Americans_
"Fascination" Everything But The Girl _Eden_
"Fascination" The Fleshtones _The Groups Of Wrath: Songs Of The Naked City_
"Fascination" The Fred Banana Combo _The Fred Banana Combo_
"Fascination" Diplomats Of Solid Sound _What Goes Around Comes Around_

interview with travel writer Percival Smythe

"Just Fascination (7" Version)" Cabaret Voltaire _The Crackdown_
"Keep Feeling (Fascination)" Baxendale _Reproductions: Songs Of The Human League_
"Fascination (The Droyds' Ghetto Mix)" Proper Filthy Naughty _Larry Tee Presents Electroclash, Vol. 2_
"Fascination" Confidence Man _Confident Music For Confident People_

interview with perfumer David Fruchter

"Your Fascination (7" Version)" Gary Numan _New Dreams For Old: 84-99_
"A Kind Of Fascination (Live)" Shriekback _Jam Science_
"Fascination Street" The Cure _Disintegration_
"The Self Fascination Ritual For Increased Power" Louise Huebner _Seduction Through Witchcraft_
"Deep Fascination" The Feelies _Only Life_

Ned Dry interviews the most fascinating person in the world

"Fascinating, Devastating Man" Eleanore Mills _This Is Eleanore Mills_
"Rage & Fascination" Cristina _Sleep It Off_
"My Fascination" Buck _Buck_
"Fascinated" The Fresh & Onlys _Play It Strange_
"Wild Fascination" Capsula _In The Land Of Silver Souls_

conclusion & goodbyes

"Fascinating Melody" Chet Atkins _Mr. Guitar: The Complete Recordings 1955-1960_
"That Fascinating Thing" Squirrel Nut Zippers _Perennial Favorites_
"Fascinating Rhythm" Fred & Adele Astaire _American Musical Theater: Shows, Songs, & Stars, Vol. 1_

Whither Fascination?

(Apparently fascination is a cruise ship.  Image from here.)

It's very easy to tell you why I'm doing a show about fascination.  I've been digging the new Confidence Man record & I like the song "Fascination" on the album & thought it would make a good theme.  Easy peasy!

But hey I wanted to talk to you about something.  I've been asked to sub the Friday Morning Blend on KNON in the morning, which means I'll be getting back home a little late which means that the show might not be ready exactly at noon as it usually is.  I'm going to try, but I can't promise exactitude with the time.  I know it doesn't matter to you, because you'll probably not listen, but I wanted you to know because it matters to me.

At this point I want to say "It'll be on the Self Help Radio website at noon but there's a chance it might be a teensy bit late.  Just an fyi.

Hey!  Sometimes fascination is worth waiting for!

Preface To Fascination: Spock Saying "Fascinating"

So was I thinking about the internet this morning & I was like, "You know what?  I bet someone has made an edit of every time the character of Mr. Spock has said the word 'fascinating' on Star Trek."  & so I go to Youtube & type in "Spock fascinating" & viola!



You can't help thinking that this is what the internet was invented for, not making people crazy.  But oh well.  Enjoy!

Insensitivity

This morning, on my KNON show, I didn't mention 9/11 once.  & I guess it was on purpose, I think I was afraid of saying something that might seem disrespectful or insensitive.

Do you know how people talk about hearing about Kennedy's assassination?  That's how I feel about 9/11.  I have very distinct memories of that day.  It was a Tuesday, I dragged my ass out of bed later than usual for some reason (I don't remember what I did the night before) & checked my email like I always did.  There was a note that said something like "the University of Texas (where I worked) will remain open despite the attacks in New York."  That seemed puzzling to me, but I went & showered anyway.

But something stuck in my head.  "Attacks in New York"?  That seemed a weird sentence.  What could it mean?  I found out soon enough what it meant - I turned the television on just in time to see the second tower fall.

In those days, I listened to music on my ride to work on a Walkman which had a radio, & for the very first time I tuned in - to NPR I think - & I listened intently while observing that nothing seemed too out-of-place - the dude driving the UT bus was listening to his top forty radio station, no one was too over-concerned, no one appeared as stricken as I was.

Maybe they didn't know.  At work, everyone was glued to the television.  It soon became clear no work was going to be done that day.  & I kept thinking about everyone who died.  Everyone who, like me, got up reluctantly on a Tuesday morning to go to their job & they just died.  Some assholes flew planes into their buildings & they died.  It was fucked up.

Over time, though, the people who should have been working toward honoring the memory of those people, they abused it.  They went to war with people who didn't have anything to do with the attacks.  They put these shitty yellow ribbons on their SUVs without any irony & would use the words "9/11" to justify anything.  Lower taxes?  9/11!  Constant surveillance?  9/11!  Less freedom?  9/11!

It quickly became apparent that that tragedy was something to be used to manipulate people, to make a profit from, to use in whatever cynical way possible to do whatever the fuck you want.  & there's me, thinking about myself in the late morning of September 11, 2001, at my computer, & all I could see as I wept to myself was the people who died.  We didn't know how many.  They didn't want to die.  They didn't want to be used as excuse to kill people in another country.  They didn't want to be used to help anyone's political careers.  They just wanted to live.

So yeah, I have mixed emotions about commemorating the date.  I thought about perhaps playing a set of songs for New York City or something like that, but decided not to go anywhere near there.

& now - if you cared - you know why.

Let's Look At Jack Kirby Splash Pages

Like this one:

Which I found on this Tumblr blog.

As someone wrote, "Jack Kirby was on some next level shit."

Now excuse me, I'm going to read some OMAC comics as I fall asleep.

Self Help Radio 090718: Tubes

(Original image here.)

Tubes!  Tubes of all kinds!  Tubes of all shapes & sizes!  Well, no.  Mainly they're tube shaped.  Tubes of all tube shapes & sizes!  That's better.

Are you a fan of tubes?  You & tubes?  You tubes?  That's pretty catchy, someone should do something with that.  Anyway, weirdo freak fan of tubes, guess what?  There's an entire radio show about tubes!  You betcha!

It's at the Self Help Radio web page!  All you need to listen is ears, a computer, & a username/password combo.  (It's SHR/selfhelp.)  & if you're skeptical, look at the songs & the guests below!  Holy smokes!  Tubes!!!

Self Help Radio Tube Show

"Tubes" The Intelligence _Deuteronomy_
"Down The Tube" Cheap Time _Fantastic Explanations (& Similar Situations)_
"We're Goin' Down the Tubes" Artichoke _Etchy Sketchy Skies_

intro & definitions

"Tube Song" Invisible Cities _Houses Shine Like Teeth_
"Tube Rider" Nona Reeves _Greatest Hits/Book One_
"Rundown Tube" Swell Maps _Train Out Of It_
"Dirty Tube Train" Hayman, Watkins, Trout, & Lee _Hayman, Watkins, Trout, & Lee_
"Down In The Tube Station At Midnight" The Bad Shepherds _Yan, Tyan, Tethera, Methera!_

interview with head of International Tube David Fruchter

"The Black Hole Tube" Negativland _Happy Heroes_
"Lumboba's Tube" Zom Zoms _Lumboba's Tube_
"Wrong Tube" Swirlies _Blonder Tongue Audio Baton_
"Lava Tube Exploration: Phosphorescent Worm Callers" Corum _Coastal Vudutronic Voyage_
"Tube Talkin'" Joan Jett & The Blackhearts _Sinner_

interview with test tube manufacturer Dodd Stillwater

"Test Tube Baby" Chronics _Test Tube Baby/Calling All Cardinals 7"_
"Test Tube Babies" Skids _Scared To Dance_
"Test Tube Baby" Zolar X _Timeless_
"Glenda & The Test Tube Baby" Toy Dolls _Dig That Groove Baby_
"Test-Tube Baby/Shoot'm Down" Morphine _Good_
"Test Tube Baby" A-Frames _A-Frames_
"Test Tube Jesus" Damien Youth _Alchemy_

a little story about some pranksters & a bar called Tube

"Red: The Tube Bar Prank Calls" Bum Bar Bastards _Tube Bar_
"The Tube" Art Bears _The Art Box_
"The Tube" Shoes _Boomerang_
"The Tube" Robert Klein _Let's Not Make Love_
"The Tube" Vivian Stanshall _Teddy Boys Don't Knit_

conclusion & goodbye

"Tubular Bells" California Guitar Trio _Echoes_
"Tubular Belgian In My Goldfield" Departure Lounge _Kid Loco: AnotherLateNight_
"Tubular Friends" Tomcats In Tokyo _Sweet Gloomy Home

Whither Tubes?

(Image from here.)

Funny story.  I told a friend one time I was enjoying a record by the Tubes.  She mocked me.

Okay, more a sad story.  I was enjoying the Tubes.  I remember seeing them on SCTV & although I didn't like the song they played ("Sushi Girl") as much as their lone radio shit ("She's A Beauty"), I found them charming.  But I didn't listen to their records until many years later.  When mockery would be one of the responses.

You probably won't hear the Tubes on the Self Help Radio show about tubes.  I don't play bands whose names fit the theme.  But wait, you say!  Because you're a fan of the Tubes, you know: The Tubes have a couple of songs that namecheck themselves.  It's true.  "Tube Talk" & "Tubes World Tour."  I could play those, right?  Yes, I could.  I might play one of those.  I don't know yet, though.  The show is far from finished.

But it's not a show about the Tubes.  I'm not sure, actually, just why I wanted to do a show about tubes.  Maybe because tubes are ubiquitous.  Maybe because I was certain it would be difficult to find two hours of good songs about tubes.  Maybe I knew & forgot because I am old.  But I do know there will be a show about tubes & that it might feature the Tubes, even if my friend, with whom I haven't spoken in quite a while, mocks me for playing them.  She might even contact me for the first time in ages just to say something snotty.  But I'm still doing a show about tubes.  That might feature The Tubes.

Tomorrow.  Noon.  Self Help Radio dot net.  The internet is a series of tubes, you know.

Preface To Tubes: Foot Doctor

Just got back from the podiatrist.  I went there not because I hurt my foot or even because my foot is hurting but because I occasionally get heel pain & thought I should get it checked out.  I did.  I got some exercises.  I got to see the results of fifty years with flat feet.  Also, I got a big ass bone spur.  Crazy.

But what was most interesting was the waiting room.   Even though I am now fifty years old, I was the youngest patient there.  So many foot injuries!  Here are some things I observed:

1. The world's most patient nurse.  You know, that wasn't an intentional pun.  But it could be the title of a new show this Fall on CBS: The Patient Nurse.  She's the best nurse out there, but she's dying of an incurable disease.  So when she's not looking after you, she's checking herself in.  Coming September, some young actress is The Patient Nurse.

Shit, I went off on a tangent, sorry.  Let me start again.

1. The world's most patient nurse.  One patient, who brought his entire family, apparently had to get the fuck away from them, & went missing.  When he was called, his wife (maybe mother) had to call him to say "they're ready for you."  But he took like five minutes to get back.  & the whole time, the nurse stood placidly at the intake door, holding a folder, smiling & staring off into space.  She really didn't move until he showed up.  It was like watching something in slow motion.

2. Blabbermouth.  One guy, sitting across from his wife (maybe mother, but probably not) who was in a wheelchair-like contraption with her leg supported at a right angle to her body, he kept talking to her in a very thick Southern accent & she did not appear to be listening.  At one point, he just started saying, "Doop doop doop doop" to the same non-reaction.  He began to chew on his finger & she sprung into action, pulling out a nail file & taking care of his fingernail situation.  I lost track of them because of...

3. Forgetful elderly gentleman.  Also, somewhat hard of hearing.  This nice old man made repeated but slow & deliberate trips to the front desk as he was filling out paperwork.  He got the clipboard, went back to his seat, then realized he didn't have a pen, rose to get a pen, almost left the clipboard at the desk, made it back to his seat, filled it out to the best of his ability (I presume), returned it, went back to seat, was called back as he was returning to give an ID & an insurance cared, went back to give one, was called back because he forgot the other (the receptionist or nurse calling him back was very loud because he was nearly deaf, it appeared), & finally was able to sit until it was his time to see the doctor.  If you had a video of a turtle walking in circles, stopping occasionally for no discernible reason, you might get a sense of how mesmerizing this process is.

& finally:

4. Guy who read something about politics in a copy of Vogue & needed to talk to his wife about it.  Boy, was he disgusted.  I'm not sure what.  Several things.  Lots of things.

As for me, like I said, my feet are okay.  I got a big ol' bone spur & flat feet.  I hope to continue walking into my old age, so I'm glad I went.  I didn't get orthotics.  I wasn't hoping for it, but when the podiatrist said orthotics wouldn't help my feet, I was a little disappointed.

Rare Rave Review

Not really.  No reviews at all.  I do write reviews, sort of, for records for radio stations.  & lots of my reviews are raves.  I really dug, for example, the new record by Robbie Fulks & Linda Gail Lewis.  But I don't write those reviews for the public, but for deejays who might want to know what I think the band or performer sounds like, what the record's about, etc.  At some point at WRFL, the management wanted me to share my reviews on their Tumblr page or something, but, again, the reviews were for deejays.  So I didn't share them.

Reviewing CDs is how I got involved in radio, actually.  I saw a sign one day in the summer of 1994 about KVRX, & went to the station & asked if I could help.  I had no intention of deejaying.  The Music Director at the time, a nice fellow named Andrew, gave me a stack of CDs, & I've been pretty much reviewing them ever since.

The first reviews I wrote on sticky labels which were then stuck onto the CD cases.  They're mostly lost to time (unless some of them are still in the KVRX library) but after a while I wrote them in Microsoft Word files & just tapped them onto the CD.  The printed copy is probably long gone, too, but I've saved the files.  Would you like to hear one of my earliest saved reviews, from the summer of 1996?  Here's one, for the self-titled debut of a band called The Tender Idols:

"Like Austin’s Stretford, this Georgia band has a British transplant who's appeared & brought something from his country with him, in music form.  That Stretford guy likes punk & his band is pretty much The Jam in Austin; this limey brought the Stone Roses, the Charlatans, even a little bit of Blur.  He's got a whiney poppy voice, he's got jangly guitars, & if every song isn't about love or heartbreak, they sure sound like that.  So, no, this isn't a very fresh or new CD.  No, it's not a sound that's going to blow you away with its innovative quality.  Heck, it's not even (in the end) too terribly interesting.  So caveat emptor.  A transplant, a little energy, sometimes even a clever lyric or two.  But pop needs a certain ingredient, a voice or a sound that lifts it above the limitations of its genre.  This band sounds like a British pop band.  Maybe, being from Georgia, they think it's their strength.  Whatever."

Okay, I was a bit of a snot back then.  My more recent reviews have less attitude.  This one is from twenty years later, for the long-delayed release of the Robert Bensick CD:

"In the summer of 1975, a Cleveland-based musician & artist named Robert Bensick took some of the city's soon-to-be-legendary musicians (including members of Pere Ubu) into the studio to record his debut record.  It was never released – deemed too uncommercial by record company hacks of the time.  & maybe you can hear why: it’s almost an outsider classic, with hints of jazz, glam (track 11 sounds like a Sparks imitation, complete with a Mael-ist lyric like “Oriental thou art mental”), folk (track 13 sounds like a Nick Drake outtake), Broadway musical (track 11), & outright oddity (really, all of it, but for a sample, how about track 1? or the title track?).  This is a record both profoundly of its time, & amazingly outside of it.  Bensick’s arty side shows through with ridiculous metaphysics like track 9, a spoken word piece, & the Bowie-meets-Yoko-Ono hypnosis of track 14.  Mainly it’s just a fascinating, sometimes unsettling, trip, ambitious but unfocused.  & if I haven’t made it clear, utterly utterly brilliant.  It’s hard to imagine someone being unselfconscious enough to make a record like this today.  Which is why I celebrate it now!  You should too."

Oh look!  This post contained reviews after all!  & whaddaya know!  A rave review too!

This Labor Day Was Spent

...laboring to make an interesting radio show.

But what will make it more interesting I think is we'll have a guest tomorrow, a fellow named Brian who's invited me & Christian (who does the Friday Morning Blend on KNON) to share a record with the Tuesday Night Record Club.  He'll come on the show & he'll play some tunes since he's been so kind to ask me to play music for him & his club.

The Texas Theatre has a link to the event, too.  Should be exciting.

But enjoy your day off.  Just listened to the Tuesday Morning Blend tomorrow & come see us in Dallas at the Texas Theatre that evening!