Whither Bosses?

(Image from here.)

Have you ever been a boss?  I have!  I've been a boss, but never the boss.  Maybe it's best to say that I've been in "middle management."  There's always been someone higher than I am.  In fact, that reminds me of a Mr. Show sketch:



It's almost like there's always another boss!

The thing is, I'm currently boss-less.  Unless you count my pets, who treat me more or less like an employee.  I'm their only employee!  But have I ever been named "Employee Of The Month"?  Hardly!

So, yes.  Yes.  I'm doing this show because my pets have asked me to do so.  A show about bosses.  They will enjoy it.

It's on tonight - tonight!  From 8-10 pm Texas time, 9 to 11 pm Kentucky time, on 93.9 fm WLXU in the fine city of Lexington & online at Lexington Community Radio dot Org.

Since we're mostly not bosses, we can't really join in the celebration of bosses.  But maybe afterwards we can just go on strike!

Preface To Who's The Boss: Danza Fandom

(Image from here.)

This week's show is not two hours of me raving about the television show Who's The Boss?  I'm sure there are enough songs about Tony Danza, Judith Light, Katherine Helmond, & Alyssa Milano to fill up two hours of programming (not sure if there are any songs about poor Danny Pintauro, though*).  So why not?  Why not a Danztactular, with Light & Milano & Helmond?

Oh all right.  The truth is, there aren't a lot of songs about Tony Danza.  When I google "songs about Tony Danza," the number one hit is a misinterpreted Elton John song, "Hold me closer, Tony Danza."

What is wrong with the world that there aren't hundreds of songs about Tony Danza?  I understand we're living in a world crass enough to not have songs extolling the virtues & talents of a Katherine Helmond, & of course a world where Judith Light sings terrible songs from the 90s, but why hasn't every band in the universe just put pen to paper & composed a magnificent ode to Tony Danza?  This is a mystery for the ages; I am ill-equipped to figure it out.

To be sure, there will be talk of Danza & Who's The Boss on tomorrow's show, but the show, sadly, isn't about those delightful subjects.  Just the same old boring Self Help Radio junk.  However, I would like to believe that these two songs below, by the Pixies & Morrissey respectively, are actually about Tony Danza.  I won't play them tomorrow, but I play them forever in my heart.





* That's a gratuitous joke.  Sorry.

It's October At Self Help Radio!

(I found that image here.)

Happy October!  Almost everywhere north of here, leaves are changing, temperatures are dropping, & pumpkins are patching!

In Fort Worth, temperatures are dropping a little, which is encouraging some folks to put all kinds of gourds on their porches & doorsteps.  But what does that mean for Self Help Radio?

Frankly, it's more of the same, but here's a brief preview of what your Self Help Radio October will be like.

This week, of course, we have a show about bosses, & not, sadly, about the television show Who's The Boss?  I'll obviously talk more about this tomorrow & the next day as is my wont.  Also, I just want to say "Tony Danza."

Next week is the show's 14th Anniversary!  The show first went on the air in Austin, Texas, on October 9, 2002, with the theme "The War Show."  Every year since maybe the fifth or sixth anniversary, I've used the anniversary to revisit an old theme, update it, maybe add to it.  This year I'm actually going to revisit a theme that never made it to air - which is a story to look forward to next week!

The third week of the month will find me wistful & sentimental, as I do a show about the past.  I'm full of regrets but I've already done a show about regrets, & anyway, we all get older, we're always looking back instead of living in the moment or planning ahead.  I will just be leaning into that storm.

& the last week of the month is the show before Halloween, so there'll naturally be a Self Help Radio show about a Halloweeny topic.  This year, the show is about death.  That's pretty scary, & perhaps made more scary because the previous week we'll have been meditating about the past & naturally we'll be more sensitive about things & hopefully it'll scare the bejeezus out of you.

This is the time to remind you that if you have an idea for a show, or for a song that might fit the themes, or just want to write to the show because you think it's a good listener, there's an email address, gary@selfhelpradio.net.

It's nice to get mail.  & have a happy month!

Someone Said Goodbye

Something I forgot to mention - & wouldn't have noticed unless friend of the show Jenny hadn't mentioned it on her Twitter feed, which is that WRFL said goodbye to me & Self Help Radio in their promotional magazine, the Rifle.  (Older issues are archived here.)

The new issue hasn't been put online, & of course I no longer live in Lexington & wouldn't be able to grab a copy, so Jenny handily scanned the small notice, which went like this:

Diana & Collin were deejays I never met nor heard, but I can say it's rough for RFL to have lost Chuck, whose show was on the same as mine, & was always fun; & Justin, whom I loved on the Catacombs although his freeform general format show was always excellent; & Cody, who came to the station a couple of years after I did, & whom I watched grow up from a nerdy high school music geek to a nerdy college music geek.  (I'm sure listeners of RFL barely noticed Self Help Radio's gone.)

Where are they now?  Chuck's still in Lexington, running WLXL & WLXU (& he's been nice enough to air Self Help Radio there while I take too much due time to find a new station here). Justin's down in Houston teaching college (I'm hoping he goes over to KTRU at Rice to make more radio).  & Cody's going to grad school in Los Angeles.  I miss them all.

Again, thanks to Jenny for this, & thanks to RFL for waving goodbye.

Self Help Radio 092816: Wandering

(Original image here.)

Ah! A radio show about wandering! & wander it does! Just look at that playlist below: children's music, country, indie, outsider, soul, song-poem, blues, r&b, bluegrass, novelty, folk, garage rock, even a little early ska.  It is entirely appropriate that a radio show about wandering should wander all over the place musically.

But there's not just music!  There are silly interviews with the regular cast of "experts" as well as a song performed just for this show by a Lexington singer!  It's way too much, I know.  Like a two week vacation where you visit fourteen countries!

So here it is, a show about wandering that I hope you take with you in your wanderings.  It's at the Self Help Radio website - please pay attention to username & password information!  The songs played on the show are below.

Be safe out there!

(part one)

"The Happy Wanderer" Max Bygraves _The Decca Years 1957-1962_
"Chant Of The Wanderer" Sons Of The Pioneers _Tumbling Tumbleweeds_
"I Wandered Lonely As A Cloud" Julian Cope _20 Mothers_

"The Wanderer" Dion _Best Of The Sixties_
"Zig Zag Wanderer" Captain Beefheart & His Magic Band _Safe As Milk_
"I'm A Wanderer Too" Faine Jade _It Ain't True_
"I'm Wandering" Aretha Franklin _The Tender, The Moving, The Swinging Aretha Franklin_

"Come Wander With Me" Jenny Adkins _Come Wander With Me_
"Wandering" Amor De Dias _Street Of The Love Of Days_
"Wandering" The Hidden Cameras _Awoo_
"Wanderin' Star" The Perfect Disaster _Alvin Lives (In Leeds): Anti Poll Tax Trax_

"Wandering Boy Blues" Clara Smith _The Rise & Fall Of Paramount Records, Vol. 1: 1917-1927_
"Where Is My Wandering Boy Tonight?" Shelley Stuart _The Human Breakdown Of Absurdity_

(part two)

"My Wandering Boy" Flatt & Scruggs _1964-1969 Plus_
"Wandering Gal" Jimmy Witherspoon _The Swingtime Records Story_
"Born To Wander" Rare Earth _The Complete Motown Singles, Vol. 10: 1970_

"Wandering" The Babies _Our House On The Hill_
"Wanderer Wandering" Slow Club _Complete Surrender_
"Ramblin' & Wanderin'" Space Ghost _Musical Bar-B-Que_
"Just Wandering Around" Vermont Sugar House _Carlton Gardens_
"Wandering Hobo" Crispian St. Peters _All The Hits & More_

"Wandering Eyes" Charlie Gracie _The London American Label Year By Year: 1957_
"Weary Wanderer" Laurel Aitken _You Got Me Rockin' (The Blue Beat Years 1960-1964)_
"Wandering Kind" Scavengers _IGL Dance Jamboree '66_
"Wander Through" Elf Power _Elf Power_
"Wandering Lucy" The Haircuts _Sorrow Is The Way To Love_

"My Wandering Days Are Over" Belle & Sebastian _Tigermilk_

Whither Wandering?

(A mythological American wanderer, taken from here.)

Ah, wandering!  Who of us doesn't enjoy it in some form or another?  & who of us, even if we don't actually enjoy it, still entertains the idea?  Okay, I've known people who hate traveling, but don't even they enjoy reading about travels, watching movies about traveling, dreaming about traveling?  All right, granted, there are types, shut-ins, homebodies, for whom the very concept of travel invokes feelings of fear & disgust.  But surely even - no, I give up.

This show, then, is for whomever likes to wander, even if they, like myself, don't get to wander all that much.  But in fact, it was actual wandering that inspired this show.  When we left Lexington in early August, & I was driving in a car full of cats with the wife & dogs in a U-Haul behind me, I got the sense that two things were suddenly possible: 1) we really could pack up & leave a place; & 2) there were lots of places to go, even in (especially in) our own country.

My wife doesn't share this vision - she hated moving, hated the whole process of finding a place to live.  & she also reminds me constantly that we have eight animals, four of them cats, & two of those who need medicine daily, which greatly inhibit our mobility.

Okay, so then we wander when we can!  For example, on the radio!

This is where I remind you that Self Help Radio wanders onto your radio & computer this evening from 9-11pm Eastern, 8-10pm Central, on the radio in Lexington at WLXU 93.9 fm & online everywhere at Lexington Community Radio dot org (if you select WLXU, of course).  It should be a fine show, & there are guests galore!

Hopefully you'll find it while you're wandering!

Preface To Wandering: A Life Spent Sitting Still

Because of this week's theme, I've been wondering about all the wandering I've done - which, frankly, isn't much.  On paper, it's maybe impressive - I've been to about thirty of our fifty states, plus the District Of Columbia & Puerto Rico.  I've taken a very slow train from Laredo, Texas, to Mexico City.  I've been to Germany twice (once when it was West Germany), to Belgium twice, to France, Switzerland, England, & Scotland.  I was awake during an entire fourteen-hour flight to Australia, & awake the entire way back.  (I don't sleep on planes.)

& yet, I've lived in Texas for over forty of my forty-eight years.  & now I'm back!

Most probably I didn't wander much for the first two decades of my life because it wasn't something that I was raised with.  Most likely I'd have scarcely left my home town if I hadn't had a German mother.  She took me to Germany when I was six, & I would remember what seemed to be endless rides to mountains & other exotic places.  When I visited again eighteen years later I was a little shocked to discover that most of the place we went to were within walking distance.

My mother doesn't drive, & the concept of a family vacation was foreign to us.  I remember just one time when we left the city when I was a kid - to visit a friend my mother had in Waco.  My mother's boyfriend Ed drove us in his Ford Bronco, & the two of them smoked like chimneys, with windows up & air conditioners blasting.  I still feel the sting of my eyes watering in the hellish, seemingly endless ride.

That's it.  I was on a plane, naturally, to get to Germany when I was six & not on another one until I was eighteen & flew to Austin for college orientation.  (If my car hadn't been broken down at the time, I probably would've driven.)  I don't know when I was on a plane again after that - maybe when I went to Germany in 1992, six years after that.

My wife's life has been the exact opposite: her family would live abroad when her father had a work assignment.  She's so cavalier about air travel that if she's not missing flights, she's the last one on them.  She boasts about this!

Since I didn't own a car after I left Garland, & wouldn't for over two decades (a real hindrance to wandering), I had to wait till I was 25 to be able to rent one.  Before that, my transportation for long distances was a bus.  I sort of miss buses - not just city buses, but the ones that take forever to get anywhere.  I once took a bus from Austin to Dallas - a three hour drive - that stopped at every other small town on the way.  It took seven hours.  It was fascinating.

My broken arm has slowed my wandering about this new city of mine, but I hope to resume in a couple of weeks.  The wandering show has made me a little self-conscious.  Anyway - I hope I have a few more years left to wander some more.

Though from my point of view, it seems to me I've spent most of my life just sitting still.

One More Broken-Arm Complaint

You already know the stats: radial neck fracture, right arm.  Out of cast, mostly in sling though that does get tiring.  Both arms very weak from fall, sprained wrists also still a concern.  Exercises for increasing range of motion sullenly practiced despite the utter boredom of doing so.

But there's one thing I would've have thought would have been a weird thing to miss, & that's flossing.

Both I & my family have a history of terrible teeth.  I've probably mentioned this before, but almost half of my siblings have no teeth in their mouths, & at least of one them should be wearing his dentures but doesn't.  We were poor but frankly dental care wasn't something my mother placed too high a premium on (she had all her remaining teeth pulled when she was in her fifties & has worn dentures since) so even if there were government assistance for such things, it was never taken advantage of.

Since some scary moments involving words like "root canal," I've been serious about my teeth.  I am a champion flosser, usually flossing twice if not more a day (though you couldn't really tell, my teeth still suck).

Since the fall, I haven't quite been able to position my arms - one of which for two weeks was in a cast - to floss properly.

My loving wife bought for me a Water-Pik, that pulsing-water based flossing alternative, & I've been using it, but it's really not the same.

It's hard to teach yourself to floss lefty when you've flossed righty your entire life.  Nowadays I can almost, with only a little discomfort, floss a simple floss, followed by a Water-Pik assault.  But my teeth do not feel the way they should afterwards.

& guess what?  I have an appointment with the new Fort Worth dentist in the middle of the next month.  My teeth - which haven't been cleaned since the start of the year - are not prepared for this important first encounter.

But I should've known flossing would be affected by my recent arm-break - I mean, everything else has been, too.

What I Did Today

When we first moved to Fort Worth, I happened upon a notice that the Fort Worth Symphony were performing a concert of the music of David Bowie.  I like me some David Bowie in almost any form & it seemed cool to be able to see an entire orchestra perform his works.  Here is a web page that announces the show.

But then something happened.  That something looked like this:

(I found that image here.)

What?  The orchestra on strike?!?  But why?  The story made the New York Times.

The musicians aren't just picketing, however - they decided this weekend to split into groups (brass, strings, woodwinds) & play some Bowie at a local drinkery, The Shipping & Receiving Bar.  While I'm sure they're used to performing in much more ahem quiet surroundings - jabberjaws at the bar yapped all the way through a lovely string quartet version of "Space Oddity" - they were remarkable & it was a bit frustrating to speculate how great the interpretations would've sounded with a full orchestra.

My favorite moment was when, during a string quartet version of "Life On Mars?", the cellist's sheet of music fell to the floor, & he continued playing reading from it from there.  Here's a pic I snapped of it:

The wife & I were glad to be able to not only see them but help them out while they wait for management to continue negotiating with them.  Right now, management is refusing to talk, & has cancelled concerts for the next six weeks or so.  It's a damn shame.

Here is the Facebook page for the musicians, explaining their situation & listing ways you can help.  I hope you get to see them perform sometime soon - they're wonderful!

Self Help Radio 092116: Nobody Knows

(Original image here)

What is this week's show about?  Nobody knows!

Believe it or not, there aren't any real "Who's On First"-type riffs on the show.  Just lots of songs, interviews with trivia book writers, famous old deejays, Hollywood types, & spiritual mentors, as well as the occasional Gary interrupting to say a thing or two.  Nobody knows whether that's a good recipe for a radio show or not.  It's just this week's show.

Nothing else?  Okay then.  You may go to the Self Help Radio webpage if you're interested, or bored, or delirious, & please be aware there's password information there.  You can listen without it.  The show is two hours long, & divided in two parts, & the songs in each part are listed below.

You're expecting me to use the phrase "nobody knows" again but I am done with it.  Done!

(part one)

"Nobody Knows The Way I Feel Dis Mornin'" Alberta Hunter & The Red Onion Jazz Babies _The Ladies In Blues_
"Nobody Knows (How Much I Love You)" Johnny Thompson _Fats Waller 1927-1929_
"Nobody Knows But Me" Jimmie Rodgers _The Singing Brakeman_

"Nobody Knows You When You're Down & Out" Bessie Smith _Empress Of The Blues_
"Nobody Knows, Nobody Cares" Sister Rosetta Tharpe _The Original Soul Sister (1943-46): Singing in My Soul_
"Nobody Knows I'm In Love With You" H-Bomb Ferguson _The Ace Blues Masters, Vol. 1: Sing My Blues Tonight_
"Nobody Knows" James Brown _The Singles, Volume 4: 1966-1967_

"Nobody Knows Where You've Been" The State Of Mickey + Tommy _Rubble, Vol. 8_
"Nobody Knows It" Plastic Penny _Two Sides Of Penny_
"Nobody Knows What's Goin' On (In My Mind But Me)" Tammy St John _British Soul, Vol. 1_
"Nobody Knows" John Lee Hooker _More Real Folk Blues_

"Nobody Knows" P. Rufus King _Fading Yellow, Vol. 10_
"Nobody Knows & Nobody Cares" Phil Phillips _The Complete Singles_

(part two)

"Nobody Knows" The Raspberries _Fresh_
"Nobody Knows" Destroy All Monsters _Bored_
"Nobody Knows Me" Richard Barone _Clouds Over Eden_

"No One Knows I'm Gone" Tom Waits _Alice_
"Nobody Knows" Breathless _Behind The Light_
"Nobody Really Knows Anything" Ballboy _A Guide For The Daylight Hours_

"Nobody Knows (But I Do)" Mary Weiss with the Reigning Sound _Dangerous Game_
"Nobody Knows" The Feelies _Here Before_
"Nobody Knows" Seapony _Go With Me_
"No One Knows Nothing Anymore" Billy Bragg _Tooth & Nail_

"Nobody Knows" The Len Price 3 _Nobody Knows_
"No One Knows You're A Dog" Blacktop _I Got A Baad Feelin' About This (The Complete Recordings)_

Whither Nobody Knows?

(original image here.)

About a year ago (last October to be more or less exact) there was an episode of Self Help Radio with the theme "Everybody Knows."  While I was listening to a record recently - this one - it occurred to me that it might be fun to do a radio show with the opposite theme - that is, nobody knows.

Is it too soon? I asked myself.  Nah, no one will care.

Will you do it the same way, I asked myself, with all the songs on the show entitled "Nobody Knows"?  Nah, I'm over that.

So why don't you do it? I asked myself.  Okay, fine, I will!

& so, this evening, at 8pm Central, 9pm Eastern, on 93.9 fm in Lexington, & online here, one can listen to a radio show with the theme "Nobody Knows."  It's this week's Self Help Radio.  I would say "nobody knows if it'll be any good," but if you're heard the show, you have an idea.

P.S. You can still listen to the Everybody Knows show.  Available at that link.  Should you be so inclined.

Preface To Nobody Knows: Broken-Armed Update

Man, I wish I had some jpegs of my broken arm!  That would be cool to put on the blog!  But I don't.  I have some x-rays from my ER* visit, but am too lazy at the moment to scan them.

So: an update.  I went to the bone doctor today (she was a resident, about twenty-five to twenty-seven years of age), where I got more x-rays & also the cast off.  OH MY GOD.  First of all, I am fortunate the cast was only on for a couple of weeks - I honestly expected it to smell like the worst deli you've ever visited.  Second of all, my poor arm!  Even now it's hella sensitive.  I never ever want to ever ever have a cast on any limb ever.  Why are casts used comedically in sitcoms & movies?  All I will think when I see them now is, "Oh man, that person has a 4-6 week recovery time!"**

Because the break is at the end of my radius in my right forearm, & because it's not too bad, there won't be surgery, & in fact they just require that I use a sling & do exercises to strengthen the arm.  Which is much, much weaker than I thought - it was feeling pretty good the past few days.  But, you see, the cast limited movement, so...  I'm an idiot.***

However, I do feel much better & am committed to making sure I can return to two-armed life sooner than expected.  I am, for example, typing this blog entry with two hands, although still somewhat laboriously.  My left hand is sooooo grateful.  It didn't know where any of the keys actually were!

Oh, also, I should say - I made this week's show with one arm, too, but I promise, it'll sound like I screwed it up with any number of limbs.****

* Hospitals call them "EDs" or "Emergency Departments" now.  Thanks, Anthony Edwards!
** From now on I will assume every bone injury I see, no more where it happened, is just like mine.
*** I'm a little worried about sleeping.  The cast made it impossible to roll over on my broken arm.  This will no longer be the case.
**** This lame ending sounded funnier in my head than it does written out.

Exhausting Day

Because I have to have the show ready by tomorrow noon - I am going to the bone doctor tomorrow afternoon - I have been working like an unlazy hound on my show all day.  It should be fun but it's left me little time to say or do anything on this blog.  So I'll instead share with you two things that please me.

One of them is temporal.  It was a Bill Cosby prank at the Emmys last night.  I have never used this word to describe Jimmy Kimmel (& never thought I would) but this was genius:



The other is a comic strip published online called Poorly Drawn Lines.  It's so smart, ridiculous, & funny.  Click on the name to visit the site, & enjoy today's strip below:

Now I'm going to crawl into myself & gather strength for the morrow.

The Struggle Continues

Just in case you want an update about my broken radial neck on my right arm...

Oh you do!  Don't you?

It's been over a week since my fall & subsequent banishment to the world of casts & tramadol.  My left arm, which is doing double duty for me, remains quite sore.  When I have to do what one could hilariously call bathing, I have my right arm covered by a trash bag, so my poor left arm, which was barely asked to do anything prior to nine days ago, is responsible for keeping most of me clean.  It's quite exhausting, & no fun at all.

The swelling in my right arm that made my right hand look like it was made entirely of marshmallow sausage went away after lots of "keeping the arm above the heart" & Alleve.  I stopped taking the Alleve - & the tramadol - after a few days, but have resumed taking the Alleve for the sake of my poor left arm.  I might not have mentioned that I sprained both my wrists as well, so there have been delightful moments where I am not strong enough to open particularly difficult doors or even pull them closed; getting in a car & trying to close its heavy passenger-side door often looks like something out of silent film comedy.

The sling I wear still most of the time, although on dog walks - because I really must get out of the house! - it becomes way too hot - & I sweat like someone walking dogs in 90 degree temperature with a large heavy cast on his arm.  & oh it itches!

Speaking of my wonderful cast: Tuesday is the day I see the orthopedist.  I imagine I will lose this current cast & get a new one.  I imagine there will be more x-rays.  Frankly I expect the worst.  But that's usually what I do.

Otherwise, I'm in tolerably good spirits.  The wife, who naturally thinks I'm a shirker, occasionally rolls her eyes at my discomfort, but if it were up to her, I wouldn't have gone to the emergency room at all.  A friend tells me that women suspect this of all men, so I'm not offended, but I am certainly glad I convinced her that I needed to go - it would've been a more difficult week than I've had.

Now!  I need to take a bit more time than usual to put the show together this week.  Last week almost destroyed me.

Self Help Radio 091416: Bending

(Original image here.)

As one gets older, more & more parts of a person stop bending (he's going to talk about breaking his arm here) (shut up he isn't!).  It's something we'll find out.  Well, not all of us.  Some of us die before we get old, unlike Pete Townshend.  Whether that's a good thing or not, I can't say.  Would Jimi Hendrix have enjoyed prostate exams?  Would Kurt Cobain have continues to embarrassingly dye his hair like Ringo Starr & Paul McCartney do?  Why won't William Shatner just take off that goddamn toupee!?!?!

(That got weird.) (At least he didn't talk about breaking his arm.)

This show, then, can be seen as an acknowledgement of my own growing lack of flexibility (oh no!) (shush!) as well as a kind of fond farewell of a youth I squandered by not really caring if I were agile or flexible or even in a modicum of good health.  The potential bendable me, the potential bendable all of us.  Would that I had bent as much in my heyday as the show this week does.

Also, I did it with a broken arm.  (motherfucker!) (all right, all right)

You can listen to the show over at the embarrassingly rigid Self Help Radio website.  The song about bending are below.  Be careful!  Maybe do some stretches before listening!

(part one)

"Bend" The Icecream Hands _You Can Ride My Bike: The Best Of The Icecream Hands_
"Bend" Jen Wood _Getting Past The Static_
"Bend" Grover _My Wild Life_

"Bend A Little My Way" Nat King Cole _To Whom It May Concern_
"Bend Down" Ernie Smith _The Best Of Ernie Smith_
"Bend Me" Space Ghost _Yeah, Whatever_
"Bend Me Shape Me" The Outsiders _In_
"Bend It" Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick & Tich _Greatest Hits_
"Bend To Break" Twin River _Should The Light Go Out_

"Bent Out Of Shape" The Teardrop Explodes _Wilder_
"Bent Out Of Shape" Young Rival _Interior Light_
"The Metal Benders" Dark Day _Window_
"Bending Halos" Drinking Flowers _New Swirled Order_

"Bend Over Backwards" Archie Powell & The Exports _Great Ideas In Action_

(part two)

"Bent Backwards" Mrs. Kipling _Sunny Sunday Smile_
"Hell Bent On Death" Bogshed _Step On It_
"Hell Bent Suicidal Over You, Baby" The Rainyard _Just A Taste: A Summershine Records Compilation_

"Bending Spoons" Oval-Teen _Ten;Ten_
"Hump From Bending" The Hidden Cameras _Awoo_
"Fahr Mit Mir Un Die Welt (Up Around The Bend)" Bernd Spier _Pop In Germany Vol. 6_
"Just Around The Bend" Holly Golightly & The Brokeoffs _You Can't Buy A Gun When You're Crying_

"Mind Bending Cutie Doll" The Revillos _Attack Of The Giant Revillos_
"Kneebending" Cowboy _A House Full Of Friends_
"Alexander Bends" Butterglory _Downed_
"Halo Bender" The Halo Benders _Don't Tell Me Now_

"Train Round The Bend" The Velvet Underground _Loaded_
"She's So Bendable" The Bravery _Stir The Blood_
"Bendable Poseable" Hot Chip _Made In The Dark_

Whither Bending?

(Original image here.)

Oh how I wish I had had the good humor & cleverness to think of doing a show about bending directly after my lack of flexibility caused me to break a bone!  Alas, that is not the case.  Also, if I'm talking way too much about my current condition, I'll apologize but one of my limbs is not functioning so I think it's understandable that it's on my mind constantly.

Sob! Only the tramadol understands me!  Let's hang out together this afternoon & nap, friend tramadol!

Did I mention that I get like three robo-calls a day from the Trump campaign? I just got one now. They're really creepy. Not just because of Trump's voice bellowing out of my phone the Friends theme song: "I'll be there for you!!"  But also because they're voice-activated, so if I say nothing, the recording (which says "give generously" with the same tone of voice a serial killer says "tell me you love me") won't begin, so I have played robo-call-chicken, just seeing which of us will hang up first.  For the record, the robo-caller will disconnect after a minute, but I usually just hang up or worse, don't answer.  But my outgoing voicemail message will trigger the robo-call, so I get three or more "messages" from the campaign a day.

Does anyone have any idea how much a call costs?  I'm sure they're cheap, but hopefully after weeks of this, I'm costing the campaign a few bucks.  This is not the proper ground for his poison seed.

What was I talking about? Oh yeah, a pill & a nap. But! Self Help Radio's show about bending airs tonight in Lexington from 9-11 pm Lexington time, 8-10 pm Fort Worth time, on 93.9 fm WLXU in Lexington & on the WLXU website everywhere.

Please appreciate that it's a radio show made with only one hand.

Preface To Bending: This Is Not The Time Or Place To Complain About A Broken Bone

Here's something cheery to read: the heat death of the universe.

When I was younger, things like this really disturbed me.  Maybe I was a morbid kid.  I remember realizing that I would one day die about the time I was 10 or 11.  It made me very, very sad.

What's sad is a ten-year-old concerned about death, or being sad about some future he read about where all books are being burned, or, you know, stuff like Neal DeGrasse Tyson tweeted recently:

That shit used to keep me up at night!

Not anymore, though.  The longer I live, the less I really care about the fate of the planet, the human race, its creations, time, eternity, all that.  I do feel exceedingly lucky to have lived in a time when I have clean drinking water, recorded music, modern medicine, the Internet, & vegan diners.  If I had been born a hundred years earlier, I would probably have already died from cholera after watching half my children die in childbirth.  That doesn't sound like fun.

What changed?  I think that as I lost my youthful self-absorption, which carried with it a healthy serving of self-importance, I came to find that humans are not nearly as interesting or important as we think we are.  Furthermore, we just destroy everything - look at our planet!

Luckily there are some nice humans that one can spend time with.  Unluckily, they never seem to be in charge of anything.

Common Complaints About Casts (for broken bones)

Casts are confining.
Casts are hot.
When you sweat in casts (because they're hot), you itch.
You itch under the cast.
You cannot scratch an itch in a cast.
Casts come with slings.
Slings are confining.
Slings hurt your neck.
Casts should be signed by friends.
But sometimes you're new in town & have no nearby friends.
Unsigned casts mock you.
Casts can't get wet.
But you get dirty.
Even in a cast, you need to clean yourself.
You have to cover a cast when you shower.
Covering a cast in the shower is deliriously inconvenient.
Casts are terribly inconvenient.
Stupid casts!

What Becomes Of The Broken-Armed?

(Selfie with sling, taken in the ER.)

It's true, I tripped & fell on sidewalk & broke my arm.  According to my wife, who, among other things, is an anatomist, I broke the neck of my radius.  She says my radius, not my ulna, is the support in situations like trying to stop a fall.  Good job, radius! I wish I could fall better.

Oh, & yes, it's my right arm, & I'm right-handed, so these past few days have been slow-going.  Luckily we as a society are not as reliant on writing by hand as we were, so I can use my left hand to hunt & peck things like this blog post.

But. Will there be a Self Help Radio this week?  I have been taking a lot of Tramadol.  However, I am acting as though that will indeed by the case.  This week's show, with the them "bending," will air as scheduled.

The irony isn't lost on me, though - a show about bending almost waylaid by my lack of flexibility.

Self Help Radio 090716: Knives

(Original image here.)

Hopefully this is true: no one listening to this week's show got stabbed.  If so, my work here is done.

If not, it's probably not my fault.  There was definitely an anti-stabby vibe that pervaded the show.

But my heart goes out to victims of knives everywhere.  They should probably not listen to this show; it might just be one long trigger.  So: trigger warning!

Otherwise I think it went as well as could be.  The show is available now at Self Help Radio's knife drawer.  The songs I played are listed below.  The interviews - with knife experts, as well as friends in Dallas & Hollywood - are not listed below.  You'll have to listen to get that content.

& be careful!

(part one)

"Knife" by Robyn Hitchcock & The Egyptians _Queen Elvis_
"Jack Knife" by Dangtrippers _Days Between Stations_
"Get A Knife Between Your Teeth" by McCarthy _Banking, Violence, & The Inner Life Today_

"Mack The Knife" by Lotte Lenya & Louis Armstrong _Lenya Sings Weill: The American Theatre Songs_
"Drac The Knife" by Gene Moss _Dracula's Greatest Hits_
"Bowie Knife" by Frankie Laine _Hell Bent For Leather!_
"The Randall Knife" by Guy Clark _Better Days_

"We Throw Parties, You Throw Knives" by Los Campesinos! _Sticking Fingers Into Sockets_
"Little Dagger" by Smack Dab _Majestic Root_
"Knives On The Table" by California Oranges _Souvenirs_
"Smiler With Knife" by Morrissey _World Peace Is None Of Your Business_

"100 Knives" by Mirah _You Think It's Like This But Really It's Like This_

(part two)

"My Life Is Like A Stanley Knife (Cut, Cut, Cut)" by Golden Strings _Split 7" bywith Buy Off The Bar_
"My Valuable Hunting Knife" by Guided By Voices _Alien Lanes_
"A Knife For The Girls" by The Long Blondes _Someone To Drive You Home_

"Silver Knife" by Monster Movie _Everyone Is A Ghost_
"She's A Knife" by Looper _The Snare_
"Knives" by Jen Kirkman _Hail To The Freaks_
"Knife Set" by Tochigi _Tochigi_

"Six Inch Gold Blade" by The Birthday Party _Junkyard_
"Nife Fight" by Coachwhips _Get Yer Body Next Ta Mine_
"Dull Knife" by Milkshakes _The Billy Childish Native American Sampler: A History 1983-1993_
"Dancing On A Knife's Edge" by Bill Nelson _The Cocteau Club Singles, Vol. 1: 1982-1983_

"Knife Slits Water" by A Certain Ratio _Sextet_