Wow, it's weird to be sitting here at home around the time when I'm usually on the air. I went ahead last night &, using truly subpar equipment & sounding a little uncomfortable, I did a podcast of the show I had been planning on airing this week. If you are missing Self Help Radio, you can listen to it at selfhelpradio dot net.
It's about teeth. Except for my crappy airbreaks, it's awesome. Musical guests include the Mekons, Austin's own The Telephone Company, Frank Zappa, Brak, & Muhammad Ali. Your gums will bleed, the music's so good. I repeat: it's at selfhelpradio.net.
I was questioned today by the Austin Fire Department, although I don't think it's because I am a suspect. I have a key to the studios. It was a weird process. I think they secretly got my fingerprints. I hope they're able to catch the motherfucker who did this. I would like to pelt that person with garbage.
Go listen to my first podcast & tell me what you think. It's easy to get to & download, over at this page I keep linking to. The only reason you might not listen to it is because you are afraid of dentists. But who isn't?
Friday, January 11, 2008
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Fucking Arsonists!
My pal Erin, who does a show call "Visual Aid" at KOOP, titled a piece on myspace "Fucking Arsonists." She has reason to be very angry. She's one of KOOP's Tech Team, the people who put the station together. Let me emphasize this: they put the station together. They pulled wires, screwed screws, debugged machines, sawed wood, stood on ladders, crawled under floors, all that shit. I can't imagine how she feels - it's like someone destroyed a piece of art she had built.
The most up-to-date of information can always be found at koop.org. I just wish this were an episode of "CSI." For several reasons:
1) It'd be fictional.
2) It'd be solved within an hour.
3) I could be watching everything, all the clues, the interviews, all that, instead of being, like you, on the outside looking in.
4) There'd be a nearly unbeatable team going through the evidence. Have you seen those detectives? They're awesome!
5) In the end, that Gil Grissom guy would get a radio show on KOOP. "Forensic Radio." That'd be rad.
Alas, I, like you, am waiting. Unlike you - or maybe like you - I am preparing a podcast instead of waiting for the radio to come back to do my show. So tomorrow, I'll have an announcement - a Self Help Radio podcast. I hope. Who knows? It may suck.
Remember, if you want to help KOOP, you can donate money. We'll need it. Believe me.
The most up-to-date of information can always be found at koop.org. I just wish this were an episode of "CSI." For several reasons:
1) It'd be fictional.
2) It'd be solved within an hour.
3) I could be watching everything, all the clues, the interviews, all that, instead of being, like you, on the outside looking in.
4) There'd be a nearly unbeatable team going through the evidence. Have you seen those detectives? They're awesome!
5) In the end, that Gil Grissom guy would get a radio show on KOOP. "Forensic Radio." That'd be rad.
Alas, I, like you, am waiting. Unlike you - or maybe like you - I am preparing a podcast instead of waiting for the radio to come back to do my show. So tomorrow, I'll have an announcement - a Self Help Radio podcast. I hope. Who knows? It may suck.
Remember, if you want to help KOOP, you can donate money. We'll need it. Believe me.
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
Whither Teeth?
Before I talk about why am doing a show about teeth, two updates about the fire:
1) The fire WAS arson. Austin Fire Department confirmed it.
2) There's a reward of real $$$ if you know something. Visit the KOOP website for details.
Why a show about teeth? I had a dental appointment today & wanted to dedicate the show to my dentist. But I felt weird saying, "It'll just be a podcast." So I didn't tell him. Anyway, he yelled at me for brushing the wrong way, so screw him. Not really. I mean, he did yell at me. But he's awesome. I still dedicate the show to him.
I am nervous about the podcast aspect. I know no one'll listen, but that's not what's making me nervous. It'll just seem weird, doing a radio show in the privacy of my own home. I normally do them in the privacy of my own head. Maybe I'll do it while sipping whiskey. Who knows? In any event, I hope to have it up by Friday at my regular time. We'll see about that!
One last thing: this is my THREE HUNDREDTH post on this blog. Has anyone (you know, beside James Joyce) ever used some many letters of the alphabet to say so little? Why can't academics use my blog to support their careers? It just seems sad.
1) The fire WAS arson. Austin Fire Department confirmed it.
2) There's a reward of real $$$ if you know something. Visit the KOOP website for details.
Why a show about teeth? I had a dental appointment today & wanted to dedicate the show to my dentist. But I felt weird saying, "It'll just be a podcast." So I didn't tell him. Anyway, he yelled at me for brushing the wrong way, so screw him. Not really. I mean, he did yell at me. But he's awesome. I still dedicate the show to him.
I am nervous about the podcast aspect. I know no one'll listen, but that's not what's making me nervous. It'll just seem weird, doing a radio show in the privacy of my own home. I normally do them in the privacy of my own head. Maybe I'll do it while sipping whiskey. Who knows? In any event, I hope to have it up by Friday at my regular time. We'll see about that!
One last thing: this is my THREE HUNDREDTH post on this blog. Has anyone (you know, beside James Joyce) ever used some many letters of the alphabet to say so little? Why can't academics use my blog to support their careers? It just seems sad.
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
Preface To Teeth: No, Talk About The Fire!
I've been joking with other KOOPers that we should have slogans like:
KOOP - Highly Flammable Radio!
or KOOP - Incendiary Radio!
but I suppose I am tasteless like a Spencer's Gifts in the darkest corner of the mall.
The management of KOOP want us to not "spread rumors" or even "speculate" about the causes of the fire. Everyone I talk to wants me to tell them something, but I don't really know anything. The local news has started saying that "officials" are reporting it as arson. I can't tell you how satisfied I would be to see some awful person or persons led away in handcuffs at the end of this.
What I can say is that, as a station, our spirit is not broken & our determination is ever stronger. Listen: the boring & utterly bored folks you hear on nearly every other radio station in this city are told what to play, what to say, how to say it. They have corporations which determine what they broadcast at every second, from the fart jokes you hear on the "morning zoo" to the pre-fab pop, rock, "alternative," "new country," whatever the fuck is on commercial fm. Oh, & that especially includes the talk radio crap.
When tragedy happens to those stations - you know, like when they're not turning a sizeable enough profit - they sell them, they fire the people who work there, they change formats. KOOP is not about profit - we'd like enough cash to pay the rent & replace equipment, sure - everyone you hear on the air is NOT getting paid for their programming. Not a cent. Not even, as I used to tell training classes, money for smokes & booze.
We believe in KOOP. It's radio as we dream it could be everywhere. This most recent fire burned strong enough to take us off the air, to destroy things we had, to anger & confuse & sadden us, but it has not silenced us. How could it? Can you really burn away a dream?
Of course not. We're small fries, we broadcast a measly three thousand watts, we raise a fraction of the dough the local classical & NPR stations raise, but we are dedicated to this grand experiment in community radio.
So we're working to come back. & we will be back.
Want to help? Giving money would be an awesome gesture.
Stay tuned. & jesus, thank you KVRX! You kids sound great!
KOOP - Highly Flammable Radio!
or KOOP - Incendiary Radio!
but I suppose I am tasteless like a Spencer's Gifts in the darkest corner of the mall.
The management of KOOP want us to not "spread rumors" or even "speculate" about the causes of the fire. Everyone I talk to wants me to tell them something, but I don't really know anything. The local news has started saying that "officials" are reporting it as arson. I can't tell you how satisfied I would be to see some awful person or persons led away in handcuffs at the end of this.
What I can say is that, as a station, our spirit is not broken & our determination is ever stronger. Listen: the boring & utterly bored folks you hear on nearly every other radio station in this city are told what to play, what to say, how to say it. They have corporations which determine what they broadcast at every second, from the fart jokes you hear on the "morning zoo" to the pre-fab pop, rock, "alternative," "new country," whatever the fuck is on commercial fm. Oh, & that especially includes the talk radio crap.
When tragedy happens to those stations - you know, like when they're not turning a sizeable enough profit - they sell them, they fire the people who work there, they change formats. KOOP is not about profit - we'd like enough cash to pay the rent & replace equipment, sure - everyone you hear on the air is NOT getting paid for their programming. Not a cent. Not even, as I used to tell training classes, money for smokes & booze.
We believe in KOOP. It's radio as we dream it could be everywhere. This most recent fire burned strong enough to take us off the air, to destroy things we had, to anger & confuse & sadden us, but it has not silenced us. How could it? Can you really burn away a dream?
Of course not. We're small fries, we broadcast a measly three thousand watts, we raise a fraction of the dough the local classical & NPR stations raise, but we are dedicated to this grand experiment in community radio.
So we're working to come back. & we will be back.
Want to help? Giving money would be an awesome gesture.
Stay tuned. & jesus, thank you KVRX! You kids sound great!
Monday, January 07, 2008
Smoke Inhalation
Maybe you've heard... KOOP had another fire. We're off the air for a while. There's an investigation pending. I am sad beyond description.
Since I've been planning to podcast anyway, I'll be podcasting my show this week. I'll try to have it up by Friday evening. It'll be about teeth.
My last show - perhaps the last show I'll ever do in that studio - is available now at selfhelpradio.net.
More information about the situation will be available at koop.org. I'll pass along anything I learn here, too.
Sigh.
Since I've been planning to podcast anyway, I'll be podcasting my show this week. I'll try to have it up by Friday evening. It'll be about teeth.
My last show - perhaps the last show I'll ever do in that studio - is available now at selfhelpradio.net.
More information about the situation will be available at koop.org. I'll pass along anything I learn here, too.
Sigh.
Friday, January 04, 2008
17 Shows To Go!
I am getting down to my last four months of shows on KOOP. How sad is that? Stupid 2008!
Today's show is about ladders. How great is that? 2008 rules!
This is the year I turn FORTY YEARS OLD. How fucked up is that? Stupid fucking 2008!
I didn't make any new year's resolutions. What a relief! I started 2008 right!
This is the year a bunch of liars "run" for president. It makes me tired. Fuck 2008 & fuck Father Time!
This is the last year the current administration is in power. Thank God & His massive package! 2008 will be awesome.
I can go on like this for hours, as I can carry two opposing thoughts in my head indefinitely. (It certainly makes listening to KOOP easier!) But I shall not, as I have a show to prepare for. Won't you come along? It happens today at 4:30 pm Austin time live on the 91.7 frequency on the fm dial or at koop.org. Seriously, it's all about ladders. Why would I make that shit up?
& yeah, it'll be archived soon. But there's nothing like being there when it happens! I mean, for a radio show, not, you know, a natural disaster or a terrorist attack. It sucks to be there when that happens. My radio show has never killed anyone, as no one has ever been killed by mild disappointment.
I'll see you there. Or I won't see you there. I'll be sad if you can't make it, but if you can it'll be LEGENDARY!
Today's show is about ladders. How great is that? 2008 rules!
This is the year I turn FORTY YEARS OLD. How fucked up is that? Stupid fucking 2008!
I didn't make any new year's resolutions. What a relief! I started 2008 right!
This is the year a bunch of liars "run" for president. It makes me tired. Fuck 2008 & fuck Father Time!
This is the last year the current administration is in power. Thank God & His massive package! 2008 will be awesome.
I can go on like this for hours, as I can carry two opposing thoughts in my head indefinitely. (It certainly makes listening to KOOP easier!) But I shall not, as I have a show to prepare for. Won't you come along? It happens today at 4:30 pm Austin time live on the 91.7 frequency on the fm dial or at koop.org. Seriously, it's all about ladders. Why would I make that shit up?
& yeah, it'll be archived soon. But there's nothing like being there when it happens! I mean, for a radio show, not, you know, a natural disaster or a terrorist attack. It sucks to be there when that happens. My radio show has never killed anyone, as no one has ever been killed by mild disappointment.
I'll see you there. Or I won't see you there. I'll be sad if you can't make it, but if you can it'll be LEGENDARY!
Thursday, January 03, 2008
Where There's A Curd, There's A Whey
At the beginning of the eighth year of the last century, three probably heterosexual men were sitting on a stoop, daydreaming about the new year, but not necessarily about their current new year (1908) because they were sitting on a stoop in Florence, Arizona, just outside Tucson, & not only wasn't Arizona a state yet, but most residents had decided that telling time, either with watches or with calendars, was something territories didn't do. The three men on the stoop choose to abide by that affectation since none of them owned watches, & the one who owned a calendar had one of those "Hang In There!" kitten calendars for 1898. The new year they were daydreaming about was not named.
One of these men became a Supreme Court Justice. One of them became the most famous songwriter in United States history. One of those men (the was who was least probably heterosexual) invented the mechanism which would make television possible.
Not really. One of them stepped on a nail & died of tetanus before William Howard Taft took the oath of office. The other two died in World War I, one of them in the trenches, the other being shot by a French solider who thought he was a female & was surprised, in the light of a bursting shell, to see a mustachioed American blowing him.
What they were daydreaming about, actually, was pretty dull. They wanted to go to Santa Fe to see a circus. Because they actually didn't know what time it was, they would have been sad to find out that the circus left Santa Fe for Abilene several months back. Since they didn't know that, they thought about it, & laughed when they thought about the clowns.
Truly, then, this cautionary tale is here to tell you: is 2008 really any different than 1908? Or can I simply not find either a humorous meaning nor an adequate way to end this post? I think the answers are the same - & very different.
One of these men became a Supreme Court Justice. One of them became the most famous songwriter in United States history. One of those men (the was who was least probably heterosexual) invented the mechanism which would make television possible.
Not really. One of them stepped on a nail & died of tetanus before William Howard Taft took the oath of office. The other two died in World War I, one of them in the trenches, the other being shot by a French solider who thought he was a female & was surprised, in the light of a bursting shell, to see a mustachioed American blowing him.
What they were daydreaming about, actually, was pretty dull. They wanted to go to Santa Fe to see a circus. Because they actually didn't know what time it was, they would have been sad to find out that the circus left Santa Fe for Abilene several months back. Since they didn't know that, they thought about it, & laughed when they thought about the clowns.
Truly, then, this cautionary tale is here to tell you: is 2008 really any different than 1908? Or can I simply not find either a humorous meaning nor an adequate way to end this post? I think the answers are the same - & very different.
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
Whither Ladders?
Ladder, a poem.
As I reflect on the ladder as an element
of the human desire to get from one place
(down) to another place (up) without wings
or leaping (& vice versa)
I am reminded of the great parable of
the footstools in one forgotten religion
(or another) which you may remember
from your religious youth
One footstool said to another footstool
I am but a means to an end
& not an end unto myself which did
cause the other to snort
What the fuck more do you want
you douche you're a sentient footstool!
& they called it in those days perspective
even as from a profane footstool
& truly as I climb the more metaphorical
of ladders I also crave the perspective
& also a footstool that can talk even
if it's a little whiney
For did we not as human species beings
need to climb up not only for things
in high places like cookie jars & fruit
but also to climb out of places
Like holes we dug ourselves into
& our heads out of our asses
wherein perhaps we began reflecting
on things like ladders
In the first place?
That poem written by Daniel Geoffrey Hoplite, some time in the last twenty years. Or minutes.
As I reflect on the ladder as an element
of the human desire to get from one place
(down) to another place (up) without wings
or leaping (& vice versa)
I am reminded of the great parable of
the footstools in one forgotten religion
(or another) which you may remember
from your religious youth
One footstool said to another footstool
I am but a means to an end
& not an end unto myself which did
cause the other to snort
What the fuck more do you want
you douche you're a sentient footstool!
& they called it in those days perspective
even as from a profane footstool
& truly as I climb the more metaphorical
of ladders I also crave the perspective
& also a footstool that can talk even
if it's a little whiney
For did we not as human species beings
need to climb up not only for things
in high places like cookie jars & fruit
but also to climb out of places
Like holes we dug ourselves into
& our heads out of our asses
wherein perhaps we began reflecting
on things like ladders
In the first place?
That poem written by Daniel Geoffrey Hoplite, some time in the last twenty years. Or minutes.
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
Preface To Ladders: Happy New Year!
Wow, 2007 is over. I never thought that fucker would leave.
2008 will be a freaky year for Self Help Radio - I'll be leaving KOOP & transitioning (hopefully temporarily) to exclusively podcasting. I hope I can continue doing it - I hope someone out there will want me to continue doing it!
In case you haven't already noticed, my last two radio shows of the year - & the last two indiepop a to z installements of 2007 - are available for your listening pleasure at selfhelpradio.net.
Soon the holidays will be over & I'll get back to the business of writing more nonsense in this blog. Until then - here's my wish that the only help you'll be needing in 2008 is Self Help Radio. Happy new year!
2008 will be a freaky year for Self Help Radio - I'll be leaving KOOP & transitioning (hopefully temporarily) to exclusively podcasting. I hope I can continue doing it - I hope someone out there will want me to continue doing it!
In case you haven't already noticed, my last two radio shows of the year - & the last two indiepop a to z installements of 2007 - are available for your listening pleasure at selfhelpradio.net.
Soon the holidays will be over & I'll get back to the business of writing more nonsense in this blog. Until then - here's my wish that the only help you'll be needing in 2008 is Self Help Radio. Happy new year!
Friday, December 28, 2007
18 Shows To Go!
Jeepers, the time is a-gettin' short. Not only is the year almost over, but I'm gettin' close to bein' done with my time at KOOP.
Today I'll be finishing my one-year commitment to doing the "Indiepop A To Z" every two months. I made a substantial dent in the Cs, but I won't be returning to this on KOOP - unless I get to sub Ear Candy again, which may happen. I am subbing Ear Candy tomorrow & continuing a to z'ing. Look, it's my OCD & I'll alphabetize if I want to.
It starts today at 4:30pm. Live on 91.7 fm in Austin, or at koop.org online. Archived as soon as I get my shit together over at selfhelpradio.net. Ear Candy is tomorrow at 3:30pm. Same bat channel, same bat web site.
Ah, 2007. If I didn't drink so much, I might remember some of your highlights. I do know that I continue to be fortunate to live with a lovely scientist & our six doggy catty children (the newest one, a beaglet called Winston, joined us just a few months ago), & I am pleased as punch to be associated with a wonderful radio station like KOOP, which is (as I always say) an exciting experiment in community radio. I am honestly surprised that this experiment doesn't blow up in the lab as much as your average experiments do!
Most of all, I am happy & grateful so many of you listened, called in, made requests, won shit, & gave money to KOOP in the name of my show. It warms the cockles of my heart. I am glad we got to spend some time in 2007 together. Now. Two shows & on to 2008!
Today I'll be finishing my one-year commitment to doing the "Indiepop A To Z" every two months. I made a substantial dent in the Cs, but I won't be returning to this on KOOP - unless I get to sub Ear Candy again, which may happen. I am subbing Ear Candy tomorrow & continuing a to z'ing. Look, it's my OCD & I'll alphabetize if I want to.
It starts today at 4:30pm. Live on 91.7 fm in Austin, or at koop.org online. Archived as soon as I get my shit together over at selfhelpradio.net. Ear Candy is tomorrow at 3:30pm. Same bat channel, same bat web site.
Ah, 2007. If I didn't drink so much, I might remember some of your highlights. I do know that I continue to be fortunate to live with a lovely scientist & our six doggy catty children (the newest one, a beaglet called Winston, joined us just a few months ago), & I am pleased as punch to be associated with a wonderful radio station like KOOP, which is (as I always say) an exciting experiment in community radio. I am honestly surprised that this experiment doesn't blow up in the lab as much as your average experiments do!
Most of all, I am happy & grateful so many of you listened, called in, made requests, won shit, & gave money to KOOP in the name of my show. It warms the cockles of my heart. I am glad we got to spend some time in 2007 together. Now. Two shows & on to 2008!
Thursday, December 27, 2007
My Millennium Falcon
Mmm, the Millennium Falco. What a delicious space ship.
I am a total Star Trek nerd, but every time I think of the Millennium Falcon, I get a sci-fi boy's brain chubby. How I wanted that ship when I was nine! I even once had a dream that I stowed away onto it. I don't really remember the dream, but I remember how happy I was when I woke up from a dream in which I was on the Millennium Falcon. Yum.
I had a friend in high school who loved drawing the old school Enterprise (I was in high school before Star Trek The Next Generation, so there was no new Enterprise to draw at the time), & both of us expressed admiration for the Cylons' ships (though not really the Battlestars or their lame X-Wing-Fighter-ish ships) in the original Battlestar Galactica, although, just as we puzzled over why the Howells would travel on Gilligan & the Skipper's cheap ass boat rather than using their own yacht or something, we never really understood why it took three Cylons to pilot the ship when they could never win against the Colonial ships.
I am happy to read that the Falcon inspired Joss Whedon's Firefly, which is the easily the best science fiction of the past few years. I don't fall in love with space ships anymore like I did when I was a kid, but there are certain things that push my buttons - like a Proustian taste or smell - whether it's how fucking cool I thought Mr T was, or seeing the crazy trippy art of Steve Ditko (which always feels brand new to me), or seeing the Millennium Falcon. I'd accept George Lucas' facile, tedious, dull Star Wars universe if only someone would let me fly that ship once.
Mmm, Millennium Falcon. Hey, could Chewbacca come along as well. I'd need him. & maybe R2D2, just for safety's sake.
I am a total Star Trek nerd, but every time I think of the Millennium Falcon, I get a sci-fi boy's brain chubby. How I wanted that ship when I was nine! I even once had a dream that I stowed away onto it. I don't really remember the dream, but I remember how happy I was when I woke up from a dream in which I was on the Millennium Falcon. Yum.
I had a friend in high school who loved drawing the old school Enterprise (I was in high school before Star Trek The Next Generation, so there was no new Enterprise to draw at the time), & both of us expressed admiration for the Cylons' ships (though not really the Battlestars or their lame X-Wing-Fighter-ish ships) in the original Battlestar Galactica, although, just as we puzzled over why the Howells would travel on Gilligan & the Skipper's cheap ass boat rather than using their own yacht or something, we never really understood why it took three Cylons to pilot the ship when they could never win against the Colonial ships.
I am happy to read that the Falcon inspired Joss Whedon's Firefly, which is the easily the best science fiction of the past few years. I don't fall in love with space ships anymore like I did when I was a kid, but there are certain things that push my buttons - like a Proustian taste or smell - whether it's how fucking cool I thought Mr T was, or seeing the crazy trippy art of Steve Ditko (which always feels brand new to me), or seeing the Millennium Falcon. I'd accept George Lucas' facile, tedious, dull Star Wars universe if only someone would let me fly that ship once.
Mmm, Millennium Falcon. Hey, could Chewbacca come along as well. I'd need him. & maybe R2D2, just for safety's sake.
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Whither Indiepop A To Z # 12 - & # 13?!?!
As the year ends, I get to try to come a little closer to ending something I should've started when I was much younger & there weren't as many indiepop bands are there are now: the indiepop a to z countup. I started doing it with Jennifer on Ear Candy in 2005, & did it every two months on Self Help Radio this year, & will most probably get through the middle of the Cs before I put the project on hold for a little while.
Wait! Why on hold? Well, as I have only four more months on KOOP, I'm going to wait until I switch to podcasts in May 2008 to continue. You can wait, can't you? No? Okay, then you can go listen to those other indiepop a to z countdownups. Yeah, I thought so. Ingrate.
But Lace has asked me to sub Ear Candy this week (it's on Saturdays from 3: 30 to 5pm), so I figured I'd just continue what I started on Friday's Self Help Radio - which means three hours of indiepop c: from Cats On Fire to... what? Will I get to bands/musicians that start with ch? ci? cl? You can cut this tension with a hot butter knife you bet!
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm still working on the show. Is Cibo Matto indiepop? Really? Why or why not?
Wait! Why on hold? Well, as I have only four more months on KOOP, I'm going to wait until I switch to podcasts in May 2008 to continue. You can wait, can't you? No? Okay, then you can go listen to those other indiepop a to z countdownups. Yeah, I thought so. Ingrate.
But Lace has asked me to sub Ear Candy this week (it's on Saturdays from 3: 30 to 5pm), so I figured I'd just continue what I started on Friday's Self Help Radio - which means three hours of indiepop c: from Cats On Fire to... what? Will I get to bands/musicians that start with ch? ci? cl? You can cut this tension with a hot butter knife you bet!
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm still working on the show. Is Cibo Matto indiepop? Really? Why or why not?
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Preface To Indiepop A To Z # 12: Merry Christmas!
That's all. Been in Dallas all day. Just got home. Must sleep.
Happy holidays!
Happy holidays!
Monday, December 24, 2007
Holiday Buffet
Happy holidays to everyone who comes across Self Help Radio & doesn't throw up a little inside their mouths! (Okay, happy holidays to you too. Why do you do that to yourself?)
I have just put up the two & a half hour A Very Self Help Radio Christmas over at selfhelpradio.net for your holiday listening pleasure. It's bound to disturb your family in ways your sexual deviance never could. & that's saying something!
If you prefer just the music, you may want to listen to this month's Self Help Radio Extra, which is a mix of all the Christmas songs from last year without all that radio junk gunking it up.
I may not post tomorrow - I'll be with family myself - but I'll be back Wednesday. Happy holidays to everyone!
I have just put up the two & a half hour A Very Self Help Radio Christmas over at selfhelpradio.net for your holiday listening pleasure. It's bound to disturb your family in ways your sexual deviance never could. & that's saying something!
If you prefer just the music, you may want to listen to this month's Self Help Radio Extra, which is a mix of all the Christmas songs from last year without all that radio junk gunking it up.
I may not post tomorrow - I'll be with family myself - but I'll be back Wednesday. Happy holidays to everyone!
Friday, December 21, 2007
19 Shows To Go!
Let's fuck shit up.
Remember, today's Self Help Radio is a Christmas spectacular which includes the hour previous, which is my way of saying I am subbing "The House Call," which means this Self Help Radio Christmas has become a Very Self Help Radio Christmas. There'll be lots of Christmas music which isn't entirely right in the head, as well as giveaways, amusing anecdotes about Santa's perversions, & at the very end of the show, I'll hang a giant mistletoe over Austin & everyone'll have to make out. What fun!
I'll get the show archived in time for Christmas, I promise. Meanwhile, if you want/need/expect a Christmas mix fix, visit the Self Help Radio Extra page for last year's Christmas show as a single mix without any radio accoutrements.
See you at 3:30pm Texas time, on the radio or on the web at koop dot org!
Remember, today's Self Help Radio is a Christmas spectacular which includes the hour previous, which is my way of saying I am subbing "The House Call," which means this Self Help Radio Christmas has become a Very Self Help Radio Christmas. There'll be lots of Christmas music which isn't entirely right in the head, as well as giveaways, amusing anecdotes about Santa's perversions, & at the very end of the show, I'll hang a giant mistletoe over Austin & everyone'll have to make out. What fun!
I'll get the show archived in time for Christmas, I promise. Meanwhile, if you want/need/expect a Christmas mix fix, visit the Self Help Radio Extra page for last year's Christmas show as a single mix without any radio accoutrements.
See you at 3:30pm Texas time, on the radio or on the web at koop dot org!
Thursday, December 20, 2007
It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Obligation!
I don't mean the the KOOP Anniversary Party, which got an XL recommendation, whatever that is. (I bet it's not as cool as a doctor's note. I wish I could get a doctor's note for most of my obligations. Oh! & a hall pass! Those are cool.)
That made me think about "Get Out Of Jail" free cards in Monopoly. I guess that, since most of the players end up in jail during the course of the game, it assumes that people who go crazy for real estate are all basically criminals who'll do whatever it takes. I think the game is being honest here. I am surprised.
Anyway, remember, I'm not deejaying tonight, despite what you may have heard. I started that rumor myself & it spread like wild butter. No, it's Irma from Hablando De Salud who'll be spinning the tunes in the spot where my name might once have been tossed about in a potential manner. Go see her! She's wonderful.
I must go prepare for a Christmas show... It's really the only thing I do to celebrate the birth of the little baby girl Jesus. She's pretty!
That made me think about "Get Out Of Jail" free cards in Monopoly. I guess that, since most of the players end up in jail during the course of the game, it assumes that people who go crazy for real estate are all basically criminals who'll do whatever it takes. I think the game is being honest here. I am surprised.
Anyway, remember, I'm not deejaying tonight, despite what you may have heard. I started that rumor myself & it spread like wild butter. No, it's Irma from Hablando De Salud who'll be spinning the tunes in the spot where my name might once have been tossed about in a potential manner. Go see her! She's wonderful.
I must go prepare for a Christmas show... It's really the only thing I do to celebrate the birth of the little baby girl Jesus. She's pretty!
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Whither A Very Self Help Radio Christmas 2007?
There's such good tidings of joy & radio this week, friends & ex-lovers!
First, Self Help Radio will be extended by an hour (as opposed to being removed by court order, as you've been expecting) so you'll get sixty more minutes of Self Help Radio, which promises you, as always, lots of Gary talking mixed with fabulous music. I can't describe it better than that. I just had dental work & my mouth hurts. Also, my co-workers are unkind to me. I think I'll go home early to cry. 'Tis the season.
Second, this month's Self Help Radio Extra is actually all the songs from last year's Self Help Radio Christmas show, only this one has all the talking & announcements taken out. So if you're in the mood for a seventy-two minute mix of Christmas songs you really won't ever hear anywhere else (or at least certainly not in the order in which I have placed them), just hop over to the Self Help Radio Extrapage for downloading & play it at the next Christmas party you attend. You won't be invited back to that house ever again, but you'll enjoy irritating everyone there.
Third, you've doubtless heard about KOOP's 13th Anniversary Party, yes? You should! Austin's best radio station & a brave experiment in community radio is becoming a teenager - & you can come to the party! All the information you need is here. Come celebrate with us!
That's all. You may return to your online shopping/online porn.
First, Self Help Radio will be extended by an hour (as opposed to being removed by court order, as you've been expecting) so you'll get sixty more minutes of Self Help Radio, which promises you, as always, lots of Gary talking mixed with fabulous music. I can't describe it better than that. I just had dental work & my mouth hurts. Also, my co-workers are unkind to me. I think I'll go home early to cry. 'Tis the season.
Second, this month's Self Help Radio Extra is actually all the songs from last year's Self Help Radio Christmas show, only this one has all the talking & announcements taken out. So if you're in the mood for a seventy-two minute mix of Christmas songs you really won't ever hear anywhere else (or at least certainly not in the order in which I have placed them), just hop over to the Self Help Radio Extrapage for downloading & play it at the next Christmas party you attend. You won't be invited back to that house ever again, but you'll enjoy irritating everyone there.
Third, you've doubtless heard about KOOP's 13th Anniversary Party, yes? You should! Austin's best radio station & a brave experiment in community radio is becoming a teenager - & you can come to the party! All the information you need is here. Come celebrate with us!
That's all. You may return to your online shopping/online porn.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Preface To A Very Self Help Radio Christmas: Donning Gay Apparel
I don't know why I like Christmas music so much. I'm not a Christian, I don't really buy anyone gifts, & I don't really enjoy being around my family at this time of year (& the feeling, more & more, appears to be mutual). But I like Christmas music. I just do. I don't know why.
Do I want to know why? I do! But how?
Most people are entirely unaware why they like what they like, says Professor Smartie of Austin's Brainiac Institute. Indeed, he says, most people have either given their taste up to an authority, like television or magazines, or they've chosen to be contrary to the "taste" of the majority of the people in the world. "The truth is," says the doc, "no one really likes anything."
"So when people tell me they like my show?" I asked.
"Oh I've heard it," he said. "It's awful."
"Don't I know!" I said.
"They're obviously trying to make someone angry," he said, "if they say they like your show."
But what about me & Christmas? If I were just being contrary, wouldn't I hate Christmas? Also, wouldn't I shave my head & paint my scrotum blue? Also, wouldn't I visit old people late at night & make hissing noises under their door so they think their radiator's on fire?
"Probably," the doctor said. "But in your case, you're accepted one authority, & only one: Bing Crosby."
"Of course!" I said. "How could I be so stupid?"
"That's a completely different question," he said. "Put another nickel in my bowl, & I'll answer it."
I have since reconsidered the good doctor's diagnosis, but that doesn't mean he's wrong, just that I'm pretty sure he's full of shit. Meanwhile, as I was listening today to the fifteenth version of "Jingle Bells" I've collected for possible play this week, I could only smille to myself & think, "I also really love cheese. I wish someone would give me some cheese for Christmas. I do love it so!"
Do I want to know why? I do! But how?
Most people are entirely unaware why they like what they like, says Professor Smartie of Austin's Brainiac Institute. Indeed, he says, most people have either given their taste up to an authority, like television or magazines, or they've chosen to be contrary to the "taste" of the majority of the people in the world. "The truth is," says the doc, "no one really likes anything."
"So when people tell me they like my show?" I asked.
"Oh I've heard it," he said. "It's awful."
"Don't I know!" I said.
"They're obviously trying to make someone angry," he said, "if they say they like your show."
But what about me & Christmas? If I were just being contrary, wouldn't I hate Christmas? Also, wouldn't I shave my head & paint my scrotum blue? Also, wouldn't I visit old people late at night & make hissing noises under their door so they think their radiator's on fire?
"Probably," the doctor said. "But in your case, you're accepted one authority, & only one: Bing Crosby."
"Of course!" I said. "How could I be so stupid?"
"That's a completely different question," he said. "Put another nickel in my bowl, & I'll answer it."
I have since reconsidered the good doctor's diagnosis, but that doesn't mean he's wrong, just that I'm pretty sure he's full of shit. Meanwhile, as I was listening today to the fifteenth version of "Jingle Bells" I've collected for possible play this week, I could only smille to myself & think, "I also really love cheese. I wish someone would give me some cheese for Christmas. I do love it so!"
Monday, December 17, 2007
Full Of Myrrh & Sense
I'm so excited that I get to do a two & one-half hour A Very Self Help Radio Christmas this year. I hope Richard Dawson shows up! He's always there in my dreams!
I must say, I am delighted that weirdos like you enjoy my show, & even though my favorite music of 2007 hardly ever makes anyone's top ten lists besides me own (I only have one artist listed here, although Lucky Soul would have made it if my show were longer, & I played tracks from Japancakes's cover of the entire album Loveless under my airbreaks, even though that record is silly), I am rubber & year-end-top-ten-lists are glue, so their opinions bounce off of me & stick onto people who apparently only listen to music that they're told to. Nyah.
The show itself is current available for your listening or re-listening pleasure over at selfhelpradio.net. The show includes frank & revealing discussions of rich people moving to Mexico, whether or not we believe Ike Turner, & what all those difficult Nobel Prizes really mean. Missing it will be the mistake you always thought you'd make.
Now, back to the annoying Christmas music. It really is like sifting through manure to find pearls. Is that how the cliche goes? Did noblewomen once hide their jewelry in shit? The world is strange.
I must say, I am delighted that weirdos like you enjoy my show, & even though my favorite music of 2007 hardly ever makes anyone's top ten lists besides me own (I only have one artist listed here, although Lucky Soul would have made it if my show were longer, & I played tracks from Japancakes's cover of the entire album Loveless under my airbreaks, even though that record is silly), I am rubber & year-end-top-ten-lists are glue, so their opinions bounce off of me & stick onto people who apparently only listen to music that they're told to. Nyah.
The show itself is current available for your listening or re-listening pleasure over at selfhelpradio.net. The show includes frank & revealing discussions of rich people moving to Mexico, whether or not we believe Ike Turner, & what all those difficult Nobel Prizes really mean. Missing it will be the mistake you always thought you'd make.
Now, back to the annoying Christmas music. It really is like sifting through manure to find pearls. Is that how the cliche goes? Did noblewomen once hide their jewelry in shit? The world is strange.
Friday, December 14, 2007
20 Shows To Go!
I'm down to 20 shows. Holy cow!
Today's show is my favorite indie music from 2007. Is it weird that I feel completely relieved that, of the twenty or so bands I'll get to play today, only one of them made the Onion's top 25 records list?
Justin, who does the House Call before me, is also playing his favorite stuff. So how indie are we? Tune it to find out. Starting at 3:30 pm today, live on the 91.7 frequency in Austin, or at koop.org.
We're so cool. & enjoy me while I last. I'm almost gone! 20 shows! That's like one third of a year!
Today's show is my favorite indie music from 2007. Is it weird that I feel completely relieved that, of the twenty or so bands I'll get to play today, only one of them made the Onion's top 25 records list?
Justin, who does the House Call before me, is also playing his favorite stuff. So how indie are we? Tune it to find out. Starting at 3:30 pm today, live on the 91.7 frequency in Austin, or at koop.org.
We're so cool. & enjoy me while I last. I'm almost gone! 20 shows! That's like one third of a year!