Preface To A Devil By Any Other Name: Childhood Fears

Did you enjoy being frightened as a child? I was torn between the joy of being terrified & the general sense of calling bullshit on a world that was extremely suspect when it came to proving its scary claims. I kind of had a proto-scientific bent when it came to things that scared me. Here are two stories about intrepid Gary as a ghost-hunter & demon-summoner.

I remember when that book "The Amityville Horror" came out. My mother was reading it - I don't know if she ever finished it - & we had a giant hard-cover copy sitting in the living room which I had checked out one afternoon. On the cover was a picture of the window from which the evil pig - or else just evil pig eyes, I don't remember - could be seen. That haunted me. The evening after I read a few pages - not very scary pages, I remember - I couldn't go to sleep until after I had gone downstairs & hidden the book in the oven. The oven, I guess I imagined, would protect me from evil spirits.

Success! I was able to fall asleep, & didn't wake up to an evil pig looking at me for purposes I left to my imagination. Great. But what about the next night?

Also, would my mother be mad at me for putting a book in an oven overnight? (I didn't turn the oven on.) (She didn't say anything to me about it.)

The next night I thought, look, if ghosts or demons are going to come get me - I think because something as flimsy as an oven - an oven for fuck's sake! - had prevented them from coming, they might not actually exist - then why not let them come? The next night I brought the book upstairs with me.

It stayed there until either my mother retrieved it or I simply forgot it was there. I guess I knew books had a certain power, but that book, I had discovered, was full of shit.

As for summoning a demon, well - even though as children we didn't have any real idea who "Bloody Mary" was, the name itself was pretty frightening. What's more, we knew that she was dead now but could be summoned. Why summoned? Why would anyone want to bring a murderess back from the dead? Who made that stupid rule? No matter, we knew there was a scary she-demon from the past who was described as "bloody" no because she was hurt but because she bloodied people up, & we knew how to call her.

Here's the way I remember the process. & here's a description of it as a "game." But it was no game to us children.

Basically, you were supposed to go into a room without light (I thought immediately of a bathroom, since ours had no windows, although it was a more confined place), twirl twelve times saying "Bloody Mary!" (I chose to say it like Igor from the Frankenstein movies) & then, if you're not too sick, leaning into the mirror & saying her name a thirteenth time. She was supposed to appear &, out of gratitude for bringing her back, attack you & claw your eyes out.

The story intrigued me but I didn't know anyone who was brave enough to do it. So, one afternoon, when no one was around (I had enough sense at the age of nine or ten to realize that some people might think what I was doing was stupid), I gave it a shot. I confess I might have messed up the process some - as I said, the bathroom was small & I bumped into a lot of things as I was twirling - not to mention that I had to feel my way back around on the thirteenth turn to find the mirror - so all of this might have been rather disappointing to Mary - but of course she didn't come. I emerged with some bruises on my shins, but my eyes intact.

I was - & frankly still am - disappointed that I didn't live in a world with devils & demons & haunted books & mirrors. What has surprised me most about the people who live on this planet who still do think they live in a world with devils & demons & etc. is how easy it is to find out you don't all by yourself.

The Politics Of Lame

Just as this not-a-single-reason-for-existence blog celebrated its 1,100th (that's one thousand, one hundredth) post, I make the decision to "take it down a notch." (I am using that phrase incorrectly, as one might expect; it really means this.) I have, for the past couple of years, if not longer, if not shorter, tried to write in this blog, even when I have nothing to say, especially when I have nothing to say, at least five times a week. That seemed somehow appropriate (in whatever logical system that thankfully only exists in my own head) when the show was on in the afternoon or evening. For some reason, since the show is on in the mornings now, it just really seems awkward to me to have two days (Friday & Tuesday) which are only vaguely attached to the show's theme, when talking about the theme is what I advertise this blog to be for. Oh I suppose I could share videos & stuff on this blog, only that's what I use my Tumblr blog for. Or I could just post interesting links, or maybe just pictures of my animals... But isn't that what Facebook is for? Don't you have enough Facebook friends already? You want me to friend you is that it? The other option is to use these pages to write about some other topic I feel strongly about, like politics, or religion, or Star Trek, or my cats. I suppose I've done that in the past. I don't really have the stomach for a lot of it. I'm not really a critic & I'm not really all that topical. What I am is kind of lame.

(You know, lame.)

(Do people who are actually lame, which is to say, "disabled so that movement, especially walking, is difficult or impossible," object to that word meaning "uncool"? Or do we even call people like that "lame" anymore?)

(Where was I?)

All that tedious rationalizing up there is just my way of saying that I've decided to write only four days a week now instead of five. Fridays through Monday. Fridays I'll try to say something interesting, & Saturdays & Sundays are me talking about or around the upcoming theme, & Monday is when I announce I've posted the show on the web site. I don't think this will discommode anyone (I learned what that word, which means "to put to inconvenience; trouble," meant back in the day when I reflected that it would be very inconvenient & troubling if one pushed you off a commode, meaning a toilet, while you were using it) but I thought a formal announcement necessary.

Also, it gave me something to talk about on a Friday.

The 1,200th post looks farther away now.

Problem-O-Matic

You gotta problem with a show about problems?

Self Help Radio has long been described as "a show with problems," & today, in its own problematic way, it took an awkward step forward(ish) & became "a show ABOUT problems." Bravely (one supposes) forgoing the human desire for solutions, it decided to simply focus on - indeed, revel in - problems of all stripes. Psychologists all over the Lexington area felt strangely uncomfortable & did not know why.

The show sits where it should sit, away from the other shows, at self help radio dot net. Though it has problems with it, it's in two parts - part one is right here & the second part (which is really the problem half) is over here. The songs played on the show are listed below. There should be no problem downloading them, but if there is, it would feel appropriate.

Here is what is in the two parts:

(part one)

"Problems" The Sex Pistols _Never Mind The Bollocks, Here's The Sex Pistols_
"Problems" The Real Kids _No Place Fast_
"Problems" Heathens _Teenage Shutdown Vol. 10: The World Ain't Round, It's Square_

"Money Is A Problem" Dean Martin _Return To Me_
"Problems" Desmond Dekker _Israelites_
"Problem Is" Dub Pistols _Six Million Ways To Leave_
"Mind Problems" Tape Beatles _The Grand Delusion_
"First World Problem" MC Frontalot _Zero Day_

"Problems" Lee Fields _Problems_
"Problems" James Brown _Make It Funky/The Big Payback: 1971-1975_
"Problems" Mahjongg _Kontpab_

(part two)

"This Problem" Dislocation Dance _Music Music Music/Slip That Disc!_
"I Know You're Having A Problem" Telephone Company _Panda Brain!_
"I Don't Want To Talk About Your Problems" Cannanes _Witchetty Pole_

"Fat Guy Problems" Louis C.K. _Shameless_
"A Christian Girl's Problems" Gleaming Spires _Walk On Well Lighted Streets_
"Boy With A Problem" Elvis Costello _Imperial Bedroom_
"The Girl With The Attitude Problem" Dead Famous People _Arriving Late In Torn & Filthy Jeans EP_
"Girl Problem" Her Space Holiday _The Young Machines_
"Problems, Issues & Concerns" George Carlin _When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops?_

"I Got A Problem" Neil Young _Landing On Water_
"Language Problem" The Only Ones _Darkness & Light: The Complete BBC Recordings_
"Problem Child" The Damned _Music For Pleasure_

Whither Problems?

One of the first radio shows I ever did, back in Austin, was a show I called "the broken show," in which I played songs about things that were broken - promises, bones, etc. - & a superstitious person called me & complained that I had jinxed her day - that since she heard the show, three things of hers had broken.

The proper response to that, of course, is to ask exactly what sort of mechanism would have to be in place to make a radio show which, obviously, someone would have had to hear have the power to break things in a stranger's life. The awesome response to that is, of course, to exult in the amazing power I had to reach into listeners' lives & fuck shit up.

My life is relatively problem-free at the moment & if I were as superstitious as my mother, I might imagine doing a radio show about problems could be inviting problems into my life. However, I remember that call, way back in 2002 - & I think, "Au contraire! If my radio show truly has the power to make themes into reality, it does so for listeners, not me!"

My mother does not buy that argument, by the way. She'd rather I not talk about problems.

I trust, however, that you have no problem with this sort of thing, being an enlightened 21st century modern. Therefore I have no problem inviting you to listen to tomorrow's Self Help Radio about problems, Monday morning at 7:30 am on 88.1 WRFL in Lexington. If you're not in Lexington, that should not be a problem, you can listen online at wrfl dot fm. & if you're having difficulties listening live, you can catch it later when I archive it on the Self Help Radio website.

I'll see you in the morning!

It's Number 1100

It's that time again. The appearance of meticulous accounting. Lots of figures added up in my head. Here are the "facts":

I started this blog on 9/12/06.

I reached post # 100 on 3/7/07, 176 (or so) days later.
I reached post # 200 on 8/13/07. 158 days (I counted) after post # 100.
I reached post # 300 on 1/9/08. 149 days after post # 200. No one else will count. So I must.
I reached post # 400 on 5/26/08. A mere 138 days after # 300.
I reached the somewhat impressive post # 500th on 10/14/08. That was 141 days after # 400.

I can't really remember what I wrote yesterday (or this morning!), I'm sure it would terrify me to revisit some of those old posts.

Anyway.

I reached post # 600 on 3/25/09. That was 162 days after # 500. & frankly a bit of a let-down.
I reached post # 700 on 9/23/09. A massive 186 days after # 600.
I reached post # 800 on 2/19/10. A more reasonable 149 days after # 700.
I reached post # 900 on 7/23/10. About a year ago more or less, & 154 days after # 800.
I reached post # 1000 - you heard me, ONE THOUSAND! - on 12/14/10.

Now it's 158 days later - 5/21/11 - it would have been sooner but I did take two weeks off at the end of the year to go to Australia, you know - & I've reached number 1100. It's mainly a milestone for mostly me, but I am open to whatever idears you might have about celebrating. I get to be on the radio tonight. That's usually enough for me.

Preface To Problems: Rapture Day! Problems Solved!

How appropriate! This week's show is about problems, & guess what? According to we can know dot com, "the date of the rapture of believers will take place on May 21, 2011." I am making the universal gesture of wiping my hands clean & then showing them as such, which means (okay, it may not be universal) "problem solved."

Well, problem solved if you're a Christian as narrowly defined by these Bible believers. I thought I was obsessive about Star Trek, but man, the calculations these nimrods come up with by comparing & contrasting different Bible passages & then interpreting them just right is positively nerdy. They might as well be arguing about how the new movie totally screws up Roddenberry's well-established continuity.

I don't care enough to read on to discover how they bypass Mark 13: 31-33. You know, "Heaven & earth shall pass away: but my words shall not pass away. But of that day & that hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels which are in heaven, neither the Son, but the Father. Take ye heed, watch & pray: for ye know not when the time is." That'd be like worrying about those episodes of Voyager where they seem to be beaming people aboard while their shields were up. It hardly, you know, seems worth it.

What's more important is two things: one, I'll be on the radio FIVE HOURS tonight, first playing hip hop as I sub Revolution Radio at 10pm, & then three more hours freeform from midnight to 3am. Post-rapture radio, for the unsaved. That's on the 88.1 fm frequency if you're in Lexington, & online at wrfl dot fm. Listen if you can!

Also, the next post is post number 1100. I am write a special extra SHR blog post today to celebrate!

I don't have a lot to say today

This should do it:

Countdown To The Eleven Hundredth Post!

I am about to reach the eleven hundredth post on this Self Help Radio blog. Perhaps I should do something to celebrate. Though "1100" is not exactly the most exciting number to reach. It looks, actually, like something that could possibly be an expletive in the language of a binary-based alien. If I were an artist I would draw a couple of computer-like beings acting angry at one another & one of them flipping the other off with a keyboard which saying "1100!" Would anyone understand it? Besides not thinking it was funny, I mean?

I can't remember when I started this blog, but I suppose when the time comes I'll do another irritating calculation that only makes me happy. When I was a kid, I often got frustrated with myself for not finishing anything - for example, I'd make lots of "first issues" of little comic books & was particularly proud of my "To Be Continued!" final pages. But they were never to be continued. I moved on.

I'm not sure if my adult life is as filled with abandonment in the same manner, but boy I wish I could show my depressed thirteen-year-old self that I've kept up with something as long as I have with this blog! Or even the radio show. It'll be nine years this October. Nine years & three radio stations in three different states. I think that would make my thirteen-year-old self wet his pants.

Not that it was terribly difficult to make my thirteen-year-old self wet his pants. It's just an expression.

A Show About Drums

Drums. The world's oldest & most ubiquitous musical instrument. Virtually every culture that exists or has ever existed has them. Your parents wouldn't let you have any when you were kids. Hippies ruined playing them for you forever. Most drummers you meet are very sweaty, nearly all the time(*). & yet you still think they're pretty awesome. Well, so does Self Help Radio.

In fact, here's an entire show about drums, drummers & drumming. It's not a show about specific drummers. It has lots of drumming, & some different kinds of drums, but only one drum solo, & that one is done by a child at a talent show recorded in the 1980s. In short, it's done the way Self Help Radio does things, which is most probably not the right way to do things, but it's too late now. I was traumatized at an early age by hippies at a drum circle.

The show is drumming its fingers, waiting for you, at the Self Help Radio website. It's divided into two parts: part one is beating the bass drum menacingly right here; the other is tattooing the snare right over here. The songs in the two parts are listed below. Like Neal Peart, this show can play its drums upside down.

* This is actually not true. But studies have shown that seeing a group of hippies in a drum circle makes the average person wish that there were no longer any drums or patchouli in the world.

(part one)

"A Child's Introduction To Drums" Ruckus Roboticus _Playing With Scratches_
"I Hear The Drummer (Tunng Edit)" Quincy & Xen Cuts Allstars _Ninja Tune XX Vol 2_

"Drummin' Man (Anita O'Day, vocals)" Gene Krupa _Juke Joint Jive_
"The Drummer Plays For Me (Hal Blaine & The Young Cougars)" Darlene Love _So Much Love - A Darlene Love Anthology 1958-1998_
"Drums" Michael Holliday _UK Teenage Jamboree Vol. 2_
"Drums" Jon & Robin _Do It Again! The Best Of Jon & Robin_
"Drummer Man" The Brady Bunch _The Kids From The Brady Bunch_
"Drummerman" Tonight _Tonight_

"Those Conga Drums" Jonathan Richman _Jonathan Sings!_
"The Drum" Slapp Happy _Casablanca Moon_
"She Bangs The Drums" The Stone Roses _The Stone Roses_

(part two)

"Drum Solo" The Talent Show _The Talent Show_
"The Ballard Of J Drummer" The Fall _The Light User Syndrome_
"Different Drum" Me First & The Gimme Gimmes _Blow In The Wind_

"Funky Drummer" James Brown _Star Time_
"Give The Drummer Some" Ultramagnetic MC's _Critical Beatdown_
"A Different Drum" Peter Gabriel _Passion: Music For The Last Temptation Of Christ_

"Just Like A Drummer" The Wave Pictures _Instant Coffee Baby_
"Your Brother's Drums" Pearly Gatecrashers _But Wait, There's More_
"Drum Beat For Baby" Weekend _La Varieté_
"Drum Machines Will Save Mankind" Mikrofisch _Masters Of The Universe_

Whither Drums?

I don't think I have a favorite drum solo or even a favorite drummer. I tried to learn how to play the drums once but of course didn't want to practice all the time. Practice was boring. When I see musicians play I often imagine they don't practice at all, but I know they do. The first time I realized that a band had to play a certain song sometimes dozens of time before they got the recorded version I enjoyed it kinda blew my mind. It was probably listening to those Beatles' "Let It Be" session bootlegs. Then bands play the songs over & over.

I would "jam" with a couple of friends over a decade ago - me on the drums - friends I don't see or talk to anymore. I'm not entirely sure where they ended up. One of them was married with a kid, that's more common in my life these days, but not so much then. The other apparently came out of the closet & renounced his pals & lives perhaps in California. I kinda miss them, although if there's anything Facebook has taught me, it's that missing people is mostly more fun than finding out that their lives are as uninteresting as mine.

I named the band The Blames. A friend liked the name a lot. He even suggested the title for our first album: "Share The Blames." But the summer ended & we stopped practicing. It was obvious I wasn't going to be any good. One fellow moved cities with his wife & child. When I look back it seems like we played in a dingy, hot "practice space" a lot, but I'll bet it was just two or three times. They enjoyed smoking pot. I drank beer & chain-smoked cigarettes while I "drummed." I just don't have a natural aptitude for music. & I don't want to work toward it, to overcome my natural inability.

I am sometimes impressed by a drummer on a recording, even if he or she is a session drummer, only to discover that the drummer's resume is really, really dull. For example, I think the drumming on Dylan's "Blonde On Blonde" is transcendent. But the drummer, Kenny Buttrey, mainly recorded in Nashville for middle-of-the-road country or folk artists. The Allmusic Guide calls his drumming for Dylan "perhaps his most significant work."

Tomorrow's show won't focus on particular drummers. It'll be songs about drums & drumming, & drummers in general. There might be a drum solo, but it won't be what you'd expect. Or maybe you don't expect anything. I am perhaps too presumptuous. Like I do.

New Self Help Radio! Tomorrow live at 7:30 am on 88.1 fm in Lexington, on wrfl dot fm all over the place! & of course archived later on self help radio dot net! Drums. It's a fun word to say. Drums.

Preface To Drums: Twelve Drummers Drumming

Well! The best laid pants of mice & men & all that. I had planned to scan a funny picture from one of my favorite comics, Pogo, with Albert the Alligator & Churchy LaFemme the turtle arguing about the twelve days of Christmas. But my scanner didn't want to work this morning. Frankly, it was amazing I found it among all the damn Pogo books I have. But never mind! Here's what Albert says at the end of it all:

"Next you sends TWELVE DRUMMERS --- So THAT was yo' game all along! All this other FOOFARAW was jus' ADVERTISIN' -- Advance men for these salesmen -- THESE DRUMMERS -- BRUSH SELLERS!"

They used to call salesmen drummers, from the phrase "drum up business," you see...

Oh, never mind. Stupid scanner.

Where O Where Did My Bloggerpants Go?

It's true, I was all ready to regale you this morning with another vivid dissection of my recurring nightmare where I find myself in the back row of a computer lab & find out the floor is all wet & there's a dilemma because we're on the second floor(!). As I cracked my knuckles & hunkered down at my computer, I found that Blogger (or as I like to call it, Blooger) was down for maintenance. Horrors! For how long? What's wrong? Oh God, what if I forgot my dream?

(I couldn't, really, because it's recurring. I was a little sleepy though. Not thinking straight. Which might explain why these blog entries are the way they are.)

(My cats tried to hand me a pen & some paper but they were just being jerks.)

Apparently, Blogger went down a couple of days ago & took thirty hours of posts with them. I think I was saved from the humiliation of losing an entry because I last wrote on Wednesday. The breakdown appeared to happen yesterday. & now Blooger is back, & I only noticed because I tried to write in the blog this morning. But what of the nice people who write every day? I think they must have been unhappy.

I'm not, though! I barely noticed. But boy am I glad I don't work at Blogger/Google/whoever owns it wherever they are!

Does anyone still want to hear about my recurring nightmare? It still doesn't end with me wetting the bed, as must as my psychiatrist wishes it would.

New Intro!

I had a previous post where I put links up to all the intros for my show, & I mentioned that I have tended to make a new intro around this time every year to celebrate a "new season" or what-not. Since my show just moved from midnight Tuesdays to mid-morning Mondays, it seemed appropriate to make a new intro now. So I did. You can hear it if you listen to this week's show, or I can just put it up here. Either/or? Or.

You can listen to the new intro here!

As a public service, or in case you don't feel like clicking the link above, here are the links to the previous intros. How clever I am!

You can listen to the 2002 intro here.

You can listen to the 2003 intro here.

You can listen to the 2005 intro here.

You can listen to the 2006 intro here.

You can listen to the 2007 intro here.

You can listen to the 2008 intro here.

You can listen to the 2009 intro here.

You can listen to the 2010 intro here.

Yielding To Temptation

Self Help Radio didn't resist the temptation this week to make a radio show about temptation. It was too tempting. It may have been tempting fate to put a show about temptation on as my first Monday morning show on WRFL, but as far as I can tell, no animals were injured in the making of the radio show. Unless you count my dogs & cats, & if you consider being deeply annoyed as "injured." My cats do.

The radio show tempts you in its regular place, on the Self Help Radio website. It is divided into two parts of more or less equal time, although the show is meant to be listened to in its entirety. Just saying. Part one is here & part two is here. I was tempted to make a part three, but I was rudely interrupted by the show after mine. The nerve!

The two parts are divided as follows:

(part one)
"Temptation (7" Mix)" New Order _Movement_

"Temptation" Screamin' Jay Hawkins _Cow Fingers & Mosquito Pie_
"Temptation" Tom Waits _Franks Wild Years_
"Temptation" Elvis Costello & The Attractions _Get Happy!!_
"Temptation" Jo Broadbery & The Standouts _Jo Broadbery & The Standouts_
"Temptation" The Sapphires _The Sapphires_

"Resisting Temptation" Wilmoth Houdini _Don't Stop The Carnival_
"Man's Temptation" Gene Chandler _Nothing Can Stop Me: Gene Chandler's Greatest Hits_
"Temptation Is Hard To Fight" George McGregor & The Bronzettes _Eccentric Soul: Twinight's Lunar Rotation_
"Do The Temptation Walk" Jackie Lee _The Duck_
"Don't Let Temptation Turn You Around" Hank Ballard & The Midnighters _Don't Let Temptation Turn You Around_

(part two)
"Yield Not To Temptation" Bobby 'Blue' Bland _The Definitive Collection_

"Temptation's 'Bout To Get Me" The Rascals _See_
"Temptation Eyes" Grass Roots _Anthology 1965-1975_
"Fool For Temptation" The Contemporaries _Yeah Yeah Yeah_
"Temptation" Inner Light _A Lethal Dose Of Hard Psych_
"La Tentation Dans Ton Coeur" Les Amours _Romances 85_
"Temptation To Exist" The New York Dolls _Cause I Sez So_

"Temptation Of Egg" Giant Sand _Chore Of Enchantment_
"Temptation" The Itals _Early Recordings 1971-1979_
"Temptation Tide" Sebadoh _Bakesale_
"Temptation By Your Side" Bellavista _Bellavista_

I came home from the Monday morning show & promptly went to sleep. I certainly hope that is not the effect the show has on listeners.

Whither Temptation?

What is so tempting, after all? Certainly not my radio show!

I know the word has roots in Judeo-Christian history/theology. It has been secularized over time to just mean something like "an act or thing that looks appealing to someone," but temptation in the religious sense means something that will lead you astray. I'm sure that I'll be talking about that tomorrow.

OF COURSE there's a perfume called Temptation. Who wouldn't want to smell like a snake trying to make a woman eat an apple?

Or like a little baby trying to make a Victorian woman have a bite to eat?



You'll have to tune in tomorrow to hear Self Help Radio's show all about temptation, in the show's new time slot of Mondays from 7:30 to 9:00 am on 88.1 fm in Lexington, & online everywhere at WRFL dot fm.

I will of course archive it tomorrow during the day on the self help radio website. But you should listen anyway!

Preface To Temptation: Derby Day

Despite the homogenization of America, there are still places where things happen only in & around that particular place, where the populace places an emphasis on some event or series of events that is not shared with the country as a whole. In Kentucky, once a year, on the first Saturday in May, it's Derby Day, celebrating the Kentucky Derby. I've lived in Kentucky for nearly a year now & I will admit that I haven't seen a horse race yet. I am still not entirely sure it's not cruel to the horses.

Look at what people say when you ask online (for what it's worth) is horse racing cruel? A friend in town who works with horses, who's a vegan, swears to me she's never seen a lick of cruelty, but I am aware that personal anecdotes are usually mostly helpful to greedy televangelists (I know, an oxymoron) & snake oil salesmen. I don't have time for a detailed internets search. Could you help?

They did open the liquor stores at 8am today for Derby Day. I approve of such forward-thinking measures!

A Change Of Scene

Didya hear the news? No? What news? I'm not talking about Bin Laden. You didn't hear about Bin Laden? Can I visit you in your hyperbaric chamber?

This is far less important news. Self Help Radio will be moving again - if you'll recall, we premiered on WRFL at a very early morning hour, & then we moved to Tuesdays at midnight. Starting this Monday - May 9! - we'll be on at 7:30 am Mondays. Why such an odd time? Because I prefer to do Self Help Radio as a half-hour show, & I'm doing Sugar Substitute from 6 to 7:30 so there.

The show will of course be archived (probably later in the day Monday) at self help radio dot net but you can listen live if you're awake &/or near a computer at that time.

I'm kind of excited because in radio parlance, it's "morning drive time." There's just so many ways to totally fuck this up!

Radio Shows Just Bounce

It's true, this week's Self Help Radio bounced in the door, bounced off the walls for about ninety minutes, then bounced away to some other place. It broke the vase, of course, & boy are we going to be in trouble when Dad gets home! I guess we're not supposed to be bouncing radio shows in the house.

The bounciest radio show you'll probably listen to all year is now available on the Self Help Radio website. As has been my custom, I've divided it into two parts - part one can be found right here & part two is conveniently located right here. What's in the two parts is at the end of this post.

As I announced on the show, Self Help Radio will be moving starting next week to Mondays at 7:30 in the morning. What? Where? How? More information will be forthcoming I swear.

The show:

(part one)

"Bounces" The Bran Flakes _Bounces_
"More Bounce To The Ounce, Part I" Zapp _In Yo' Face! The History Of Funk, Vol. 5_
"The Bounce" The Olympics _Dancetime_

"Birmingham Bounce" Amos Milburn _Vicious Vicious Vodka_
"Hadacol Bounce" Professor Longhair _Gettin' Funky: The Birth Of New Orleans R & B_
"Bouncin' Woman" Laurel Aitken _You Got Me Rockin' (The Blue Beat Years 1960-1964)_
"Big Bounce" Shirley Cadell _Hot Boppin' Girls_
"The Be-Bop Bounce" Martha Davis _Martha Davis 1946-51_
"Bounce Me Brother With A Solid Four" The Andrews Sisters _50th Anniversary Collection Volume One_

"Bouncing Babies" The Teardrop Explodes _Kilimanjaro_
"Bouncing" Thompson Twins _In The Name Of Love_
"Would I... Bounce Back" The Associates _The Affectionate Punch_

(part two)
"Bouncy, Bouncy" The Gargoyles _Steamflapper_
"Boing!" The Wedding Present _Hit Parade 2_
"Life Just Bounces" The Fall _Cerebral Caustic_

"Bounce The Ball (Do Da Dittle Um Day)" Louis Jordan _Louis Jordan & His Tympany Five, Volume 1: 1938-1940_
"That's The Way The Ball Bounces" The 4 Seasons _A Brilliant Taste Of Doowop Vol. 2_
"Follow The Bouncing Ball" The Happenings _The Best Of The Happenings_
"Rubber Bouncy Ball" The Telephone Comedy _Panda Brain!_
"You Can Bounce Right Back" Donald O'Connor _Anything Goes_

"Billie's Bounce" Charlie Parker Quintet _Kansas City: Jazz City_
"Beethoven Bounce" Al Donahue & His Orchestra _Swingin' The Classics_
"Mia Mia Bounce" The Black Broadway Boys _Jazz & Hot Dance in South Africa (1946-1959)_

Tonight! The Show Just Bounces!

That's right, tonight's Self Help Radio will bounce right out of your speakers like one of those crazy magic rubber balls that would break everything in the living room before you could stop it. Seriously, Self Help Radio will break everything in your living room before you turn the radio off. Sorry about that. In advance.

So listen to the show about bouncing tonight at midnight in Lexington on the 88.1 frequency, & online everywhere at WRFL dot fm. I'll of course archive the show tomorrow on self help radio dot net, but you should really listen tonight while the show has its original bounce.

Also, there's some exciting news about Self Help Radio this week - I'll announce it on the show tonight, but I'll also tell you tomorrow.

Maybe it's not so exciting. I shouldn't oversell it. It excites me. Maybe it'll excite you. Listen tonight to find out!

Whither Bounce?

I see that Morgan Spurlock, who (I didn't know) is younger than I am (!), & whom I have to thank for making me stop eating fast food once & for all (I seriously haven't eaten at a fast food restaurant more than four or five times since I saw Super Size Me six or seven years ago) (& those four or five times were basically unusual situations where I simply had nowhere else to eat) has a new movie out about product placement. It has a long title & so far the reviews have been mixed

I mention this because there are perhaps some folks out there that imagine a show with the theme "Bounce" might be about the "American brand of fabric softener" made by Proctor & Gamble. If so, might this be an example of product placement on Self Help Radio?

Of course not! I'm on a non-commercial radio station! I have almost no contact with the outside world! I wouldn't know how to communicate with a corporation to get endorsements anyway. I only recently learned how to embed videos in this blog. Also, & I checked, there doesn't appear to be any fabric softener of any kind in the house. Apparently we enjoy the roughness of our fabrics. I would be a hypocrite if I were to endorse any product I didn't myself use. Or I'd be like everyone else, you know, for the money.

Just in case you were wondering. Self Help Radio's themes are not funded by anyone. It explains, really, the shabbiness of the show.