Self Help Radio 120617: Sidewalks

How many sidewalks have I walked in my life? Is it weird to think that if I had been born two hundred years earlier, I wouldn't have walked on any sidewalks, especially if I had been born in the same area, which was basically rural until the early 20th century?

Instead, sidewalks were everywhere when I turned up.  Sidewalks in front of the schools I attended, sidewalks along the roads I wandered when I was a kid, sidewalks in the neighborhood where I've walked my dogs.  In fact, sidewalks are so ubiquitous that it's crazy that I live in a neighborhood now without sidewalks.

Perhaps that's the reason that this week's show was about sidewalks - an attempt to have some sidewalks, even virtual, in the neighborhood.  If I knew how to made a sidewalk, & I'm not sure I really want to know that, I'd seriously consider putting a sidewalk in front of my house, passive-aggressively ending the lonesome concrete at the property line.  One person in our neighborhood has actually done that, but his or her house is at the corner, so it doesn't seem so spiteful.

Anyway, here's this week's show, now at the Self Help Radio website.  You know about the username/password situation, right?  The info's on the page.  The show is in two mostly-equal parts, each about an hour long, & what's in the parts, including the interviews, is listed below.

(part one)

"Sidewalk Blues (Take 2)" Jelly Roll Morton's Red Hot Peppers _The Jelly Roll Morton Centennial: His Complete Victor Recordings_
"The Sidewalks Of New York" The Shannon Quartet (The Revelers) _New York, New York: A Vintage Portrait_
"Sidewalks" John D. Loudermilk _The Open Mind Of John D. Loudermilk_

"Sidewalking" The Jesus & Mary Chain _Barbed Wire Kisses_
"Crack In The Sidewalk" House Of Freaks _Monkey On A Chain Gang_
"Sidewalks" Ken Nordine _Wink: Ken Nordine Does Robert Shure_
"The Sidewalks Of Chicago" Merle Haggard & The Strangers _Hag_
"Sidewalk Patrol" Red Simpson _The Man Behind The Badge_

interview with the Rev Dr Howard Gently

"City Sidewalks" Hardwater _Hardwater_
"Sidewalk" Birdie _Triple Echo_
"Sidewalks & Spaces" True Love Always _Clouds_
"Where The Sidewalk Ends" Edine _Between Two Waves: The Second Wave_

interview with writer David Fruchter (part one)

"Snowy Sidewalks" Aden _Aden_
"Sidewalk Birds" Saturday Looks Good To Me _Money In The Afterlife 7"_

(part two)

"The Sidewalk Song" The Bran Flakes _I Have Hands_
"Cracks In The Sidewalk" The # 1 _The Collector_
"Talk To A Sidewalk" The Shags _Every Groovy Day_

interview with writer David Fruchter (part two)

"The Sidewalks Of The Ghetto" Eternity's Children _From Us Unto You: The Original Singles_
"Sidewalk Traveller" Hopeton Lindo _Sidewalk Traveller_
"Bob & Ray Editorial: Save Old Sidewalks" Bob & Ray _Classic Bob & Ray, Volume Four: Selections From A Career: 1946-1976_
"Don't Eat Stuff Off The Sidewalk" The Cramps _Psychedelic Jungle_
"Sidewalk Begging" Dicks _These People_

interview with child explorer Oliver Whitehall

"Sidewalk Surfin'" Jan & Dean _All The Hits: From Surf City To Drag City_
"The Sidewalk Surf" The Mad Lads _The Complete Stax-Volt Singles 1959-1968_
"Sammy The Sidewalk Surfer" The Surfettes _Hey, Beach Girls! Female Surf 'n' Drag 1961-1966_
"Sidewalk Surfboard" Floyd Robinson _Motorcycle Man_
"Devil's Sidewalk" Graham Parker & The Rumour _The Up Escalator_

"Sidewalk" Seana Carmody _Struts & Shocks_
"Sidewalk Cracks" Sonny Vincent & Spite _Spiteful_

Whither Sidewalks?

A show about sidewalks.  Well, I never.  How many songs could there be about sidewalks, anyway?  Surely not enough to fill a two-hour show?  I guess we'll see.

Back in the day, I wasted money I could've been using to buy records to buy British music magazines like Melody Maker & NME to read about records I couldn't afford because they'd be expensive imports by the time they reached Austin, if they ever did.  I remember when the Jesus & Mary Chain single "Sidewalking" came out, on magazine had an interview with the band, & one of the comments was about the song's title.  Apparently the interviewer was impressed they used the term "sidewalk."  He (or she) said something like, "If Morrissey had written the song, he might have used the word 'pavement' or something more British."

It made me think, do British people have a different word for sidewalk?  It turns out that, yes, they say "pavement."  I found out that Australians say "footpath."  Will there be "pavement" & "footpath" songs on tonight's show?  No spoilers!

That picture above was taken in Lexington, Kentucky, a couple of years ago (April of 2015, to be exact).  It's a sidewalk along a street called Maplewood Drive in the Southland area.  There was a neighbor of ours named Bill who, right before we left, got a job working for the city as a sidewalk inspector.  He would visit neighborhoods, walk their sidewalks, & spray-paint marks on them if, like the one above, they might pose a danger to people who walked along them.  The owner would then be obliged to fix the sidewalk or be fined.  In the six years we lived in the neighborhood, there were never any marks on that sidewalk.  But don't blame Bill!  He had just started when we moved away.

Did we tell Bill about this sidewalk?  Heck no!  We're not snitches!

This is just a long-winded way of saying oh yeah Self Help Radio is on the air tonight from 8-10pm central/9-11pm eastern on 93.9 fm WLXU in Lexington (where you'd better pay attention to your sidewalks) & every where at Lexington Community Radio online.

As a postscript: we now live in a neighborhood that doesn't have sidewalks.  Sigh.

Preface To Sidewalks: Where The Sidewalk Ends

(Shel, from his Wikipedia page.)

You have to be around my age to automatically think, when someone says the word "sidewalk," of a book of poems called Where The Sidewalk Ends.  I was very happy when I discovered an actual album of Silverstein reciting & singing the poems that I had loved as a child, but unhappy when I checked it recently to discover that the titular poem is not one of the album's tracks.

In lieu of me reading it to you on tomorrow's show, I'll just share it now, in case you haven't ever read it.  I found a copy of it here.

There is a place where the sidewalk ends
And before the street begins,
And there the grass grows soft and white,
And there the sun burns crimson bright,
And there the moon-bird rests from his flight
To cool in the peppermint wind.

Let us leave this place where the smoke blows black
And the dark street winds and bends.
Past the pits where the asphalt flowers grow
We shall walk with a walk that is measured and slow,
And watch where the chalk-white arrows go
To the place where the sidewalk ends.

Yes we'll walk with a walk that is measured and slow,
And we'll go where the chalk-white arrows go,
For the children, they mark, and the children, they know
The place where the sidewalk ends.

Hooray!  No poem-reading for me tomorrow!

Don't Jinx It!

Actually, I don't believe in jinxes.  Or curses.  Or bad luck that's anything other than bad luck.  But it's been so difficult for me to find a venue for Self Help Radio in this sprawling area of over seven million people that any opportunity for me to do live radio is something that I get excited about so - here's some news.  Unsurprisingly, it has nothing to do with this sprawling area of over seven million people & few opportunities for non-commercial radio.

The radio station where I first did radio is the student radio station at the University of Texas at Austin, KVRX.  When the long winter break comes, they allow alumni to come to the station to do shows, & I have decided to mosey down to Austin to do just that.  My first "winterim" show is next Thursday, December 14th, from 8-midnight central time.

It won't be Self Help Radio, but maybe some of my collaborators - two of whom live in Austin - may show up.  Mainly it'll be me playing music in my old stomping ground.  It will be almost twenty years since I did a show there.  How crazy is that?

There'll be more reminders when the time nears, of course.  I just wanted to say something.  I'm so excited!

Good Giving, Good Grief

The Good Giving Challenge is happening right now in Lexington.  (You can click the link to see what exactly that means.)  With regards to Self Help Radio, this impact the dear radio station that airs the show, WLXU.  WLXU is a non-profit, non-commercial station that is made up mainly of volunteers - music lovers, community activists, & everything in-between.  The programmers make radio out of love, not for profit.  But money is needed to keep the station on the air, & now is the time to help out.

You can donate to the station by clicking on this link.  I have been very fortunate not to have to beg for money for the past few years, as WRFL is supported by student fees.  But that's not the case with WLXU.  So please give!

Personally, I am terrible at raising money.  I think I give off too desperate a vibe, like my self-esteem is too invested in the validation that monetary support for my worthless radio show would give me.  But I should say that, if you want to give to Lexington Community Radio, you can do so in the name of the show, where, if you click the link, you will see that... no one has done so.  & you know what?  That seems appropriate.

So you don't have to show support for Self Help Radio.  But do support Lexington Community Radio.  Please please please.  Please please please please please!

Self Help Radio 112917: Magda's Birthday Show 2017

Yes, that's my wife.  She is a member of the Jazzercise cult.  The picture above is a couple of years old, taken on her birthday then.  Enjoy it, she may make me take it down later.

So, yeah, this week's show was my annual birthday show for her.  She gets a very long birthday week.  & also, since she was raised Catholic, she gets a Name Day as well.  I'm not doing a separate show for her for that, because I find that a little indulgent.  Also, there's no name day for Gary.

Where was I?  Oh yeah, I played a lot of birthday tunes for her.  None of which I've ever played on the show before.  Except I might have played another version of "The Unbirthday Song."  But not Rosemary Clooney's version!  In general only I am interested in the limitations I set for myself for my show.

The playlist for the show is below, including the silly interviews I did.  The show is of course now at Self Help Radio birthday central.  Pay attention to username/password info or no birthday cake!  Each part is a half hour long.  You might not think there were so many birthday songs & you would be wrong.

Also: happy birthday to you!

(part one)

"Birthday" Mental As Anything _Liar Liar Pants On Fire_
"Apple Gate" Godzuki _Your Future_
"Birthday" Safe Home _You Can't Undo What's Already Undid_

"Happy Birthday, Johnny" St. Vincent _Masseduction_
"Birthday" Mere Women _Big Skies_
"My Life By JR Green: My Special Birthday" The Firesign Theatre _Duke Of Madness Motors_
"The Birthday Democrats" Guided By Voices _How Do You Spell Heaven?_
"Birthday" Hazel English _Just Give In / Never Going Home_

interview with entrepreneur Lorenzo Schwab

"Happy Birthday Robo" Remington Super 60 _Indie Pop For Kids, Vol. 1_
"The Birthday" Willie Phoenix _Plastic Blues & Grooves_
"Mad Shelley's Letterbox" Robyn Hitchcock _Robyn Hitchcock_
"Birthday" Jana McCall _Slumber_
"Happy Birthday Wonder (Acholi)" Ennanga Vision _Ennanga Vision_

(part two)

a chat with my spiritual mentor the Rev. Dr. Howard Gently

"Birthday Song" Dominic _Goodnight, Doggies_
"Tomorrow's Birthday" Alaska _These Sacred Floors_
"Birthday" Kitty & The Kowalskis _Chinese Democracy_
"Groan's" Snowball II _Flashes Of Quincy_
"Birthday" Andy Jones _Letters From Uncle Val_
"Barf Day" Diet Cig _Swear I’m Good At This_

conversation with anti-birthday activist David Fruchter

"Birthday" Bobby Donnie _Bobby Donnie Plays The Bobby Donnie Songs_
"Birthday" Getaway Cruiser _Getaway Cruiser_
"Birthday Morning" Fuzzystar _Telegraphing_
"Birthday" Radial Spangle _Ice Cream Headache_

"The Unbirthday Song" Rosemary Clooney _Memories Of You_
"Happy Birthday Fungus Face" Da Yoopers _Yoopy Do Wah_

Whither Magda's Birthday Show 2017?

Mom's home! Hope she brought the cake!

In 2002, around the time of her birthday, my then-girlfriend Magda picked all the songs for an episode of Self Help Radio.  It was a lame birthday present for her, but I think she was happy.

In 2003, around the time of my then-girlfriend Magda's birthday, I didn't celebrate it at all on the radio.  I have no excuse for this, as I didn't have this blog then & don't have the energy to make something up at the moment.

In 2004, on the day of my then-girlfriend Magda's birthday, I made a radio show with nothing but songs about birthdays.  I thought I was pretty clever.  Also, I was glad I didn't play the obvious Beatles song, but only a weird German cover.

In 2005, around the time of my still then-girlfriend Magda's birthday, I seemed to have forgotten to celebrate it on the radio again.  I wouldn't start this blog until the next year, so I'm not sure what my thinking was.  Did I want to come up with a better idea than "birthday girl picks all the music" or "songs about birthdays" but couldn't?  I have no idea.

But since around the time of my girlfriend-who-would-become-my-wife-in-three-years Magda's birthday in 2006, I have celebrated her birthday on the radio with an entire show about birthdays.  There are of course a finite amount of songs about birthdays, & a much smaller subset of songs I like about birthdays, but I have managed to make twelve shows of songs about birthdays, without repeating any recordings (I have played covers of the same song, & a couple of remixes).

& I will continue with tonight's episode.  2017 gave us about a dozen great birthday tunes, & there's more I've mined from the past, & you'll hear them if you listen on 93.9 fm WLXU in Lexington & online at Lexington Community Radio dot org from 9-11pm eastern, 8-10pm central.  There will be silly interviews too.

Hey, even though it's technically a birthday show for my wife, the songs are about birthdays, anyone's birthdays really, so if you've had a birthday this year, or you will in the next month, this show's for you!  Happy birthday!

Preface To Magda's Birthday Show 2017: The Birthday Girl

Hey! Don't tell anyone, but I googled my wife today.

Now that sounds dirty but you know it just means I searched for her online.  & no, I didn't think I would find out something about her that I didn't know.  I just wanted to know what the internet said about her.

The first web page that comes up is her profile at her current place of employment, the University of North Texas Medical School.  I do love that picture, though.

The next two are "Rate Your Professors" pages rating her teaching skills.  They are unbearably positive, both at UK, where she taught in Kentucky, & at the University of Texas when she was a graduate student.  "She was a total spaz," one student review begins, & nothing has changed.

Ooo, but look at her Google scholar citations  She's serious & shit.  Thank the non-existent deity that she doesn't bring this work home!

You can find this page about her with Google but I promise, that is not a picture of her.  I've asked her, no one knows who that is, or why that picture is there.  "I haven't done anything about that," she says, uninterestedly.

Most of the pictures of her, actually, on Google image search are not in fact her.  For example, this is not her:

That's a fellow named Sam.  I know him.  I've seen him in the same room as my wife, so I know (or have reason not to suspect) that they are the same person.

Mostly I am disappointed there's not more about her online.  I need to do that, write more about her online.  I am toying with the idea of writing a blog post about her once or twice a week.  Maybe Google will find them?  I can fill them with images like this one:

Here she is in New Orleans with her old mentor/colleague Carl Terranova.  Seriously, I have dozens of these pics.  I can flood Google with them!

But first I need to get her permission.  I am not suicidal.

The Last Birthday Party

It's an illustration: a table with plastic forks & paper plates, some still holding half-eaten pieces of chocolate cake.  A candle has fallen to the floor.  There's a dog eating something, you can't see what, that the animal has gained by pulling the tablecloth down.  & there's shredded wrapping paper, & no more presents to be seen.

It's a promise.  When people are around, you drink too much, you don't notice how drunk you are & then you think you can drink yourself to the other side.  & you hate surprises.  & you hate people, if you're being honest with yourself.  Especially these people.  People you've even called friends.  They can barely see.

It's a moment of recognition.  After everyone left, you struggled to sweep up but you should've asked for help.  It was so kind of your children to come see you but you wish it weren't an obligation based on occasion.  It doesn't matter anymore.  You aren't getting any younger & soon enough you won't be getting any older.

It's a matter of forgetting.  Something someone might have celebrated sometime before, maybe before you were born, was just worn down by time, like the etched writing faded on a centuries-old tombstone.  You want to ask someone about it but nobody seems to know, or remember, or ultimately, to even care.

It's the last birthday party.  Because everything has to have its last, because, of course, nothing lasts.

The Trouble With My Knees

The problem is a low threshold of pain.

A threshold is, "the sill of a doorway," or, "the entrance to a house or building," or, "any place or point of entering or beginning."*

When a couple get married, traditionally, the male half of the male-female pair, & perhaps the stronger of the male-male & female-female pair, is supposed to carry the other over the threshold.  Many theories exist about this practice, but that isn't important for the purposes of this meditation.**

The question is this: can one be carried over the low threshold of pain?  What sort of marriage does one have, then, with one's body?

Which brings us to knees.  No one crosses the threshold on their knees, do they?  That would be a remarkable thing.  & taxing.  Perhaps if one is a prodigal child, as in the parable***.  Coming home, expecting to be punished for being wasteful, it might behoove one to adopt a begging posture.

Is much begging done on one's knees?  Or is that also for pleading?  Interestingly, one proposing marriage is traditionally supposed to go down on one knee to ask for the other's assent to marry.  Do note it's only one knee, so as not to be perceived as begging.  One knee is perhaps just asking.

Which brings us to my knees.  They have been feeling weird all day.  I am trying to remember a time when my knees ever felt weird.  I have fallen to my knees before - not merely as a dramatic gesture.  I have also been kicked in the knees before, which I remember as being quite unpleasant.

So what is wrong with my knees?  I did not ask the internet.  I am not asking you.  How would either of you know?

Ultimately, however, I am happy with my low threshold of pain, despite my knees recently carrying themselves over that threshold.  A high threshold for pain seems a dangerous thing, making one feel better when one is perhaps in need of medical assistance.

But I never said my knees hurt!  What could possibly be the point of this discussion?

The answer, alas, is on a kneed-to-know basis.

* According to dictionary.com.
** You can read some of them here, however.
*** Which you can read here, if you don't know it.

Self Help Radio 112217: Cosmic Radio

(Original image here.)

The show went cosmic this week.  Loosed of its terrestrial concerns, it was free to wander the cosmos, & it remembered to bring a snack, so it wouldn't get too hungry in-between stars.  There's a lot of space in-between the stars.  Like, I wish I had downloaded more podcasts to listen to, it took for-fuckin'-ever to get from one star to another.  & we only had two hours!

Still, there were plenty of cosmic vibrations, not a bit of cosmic radiation, lots of cosmic energy, & a smattering of cosmic misery.  You'll be able to do the cosmic slide like an expert cosmic dancer if you feel the cosmic force from the cosmic rays as you sail the cosmic sea.  When should experience the cosmic show?  Cosmic now, man.

Also, I talk to my spiritual advisor about cosmic matters, I speak to the "ambassador to psychedelics" David Cosmic Charlie Fruchter, & in outer space I stumble upon lost cosmic funk master Schleppy Wapps.  Also, there's plenty of cosmic tunes, of course.  You knew that.  Did you?

The show can be listened to anywhere in the galaxy at Self Help Radio dot net.  There's a username & a password, but it's no cosmic mystery: it's on the page there.  The show is in two parts, roughly an hour each.  What's in each part is below.

& please have a happy Thanksgiving!  I thank you too much for listening!

(part one)

"Cosmic Ballad" Perrey-Kingsley _Brain In A Box: The Science Fiction Collection_
"Cosmic Now" The Babe Rainbow _The Babe Rainbow_
"Cosmic Thing" The B-52's _Cosmic Thing_

"Cosmic Cars" Cybotron _Cosmic Cars_
"Cosmic Radiation" Clinic _Free Reign_
"Cosmic Sea" The Mystic Moods _What It Is! Funky Soul & Rare Grooves (1967-1977)_
"Cosmic Assassins" DJ Q-Bert _Wave Twisters_

interview with the Rev. Dr. Howard Gently

"Cosmic Supernatural" Kid Loco _A Grand Love Story_
"Cosmic Dancer (Work In Progress)" T. Rex _Electric Warrior_
"Cosmic Wheels" Donovan _Cosmic Wheels_
"Cosmik Debris" Frank Zappa _Apostrophe (')_

(part two)

interview with David "Cosmic Charlie" Fruchter

"Cosmic Charlie" The Grateful Dead _Aoxomoxoa_
"Cosmic Rays" Helium _The Magic City_
"Cosmic Misery" Martha _Courting Strong_
"Cosmic Flowers" Levitation Room _Ethos_
"Cosmic Vibrations" Foxygen _...And Star Power_

interview with funk musician Schleppy Wapps

"Cosmic Slop" Funkadelic _Cosmic Slop_
"Cosmic Energy" Kool & The Gang _Love & Understanding_
"Cosmic Glide" Captain Rock _Cosmic Glide_
"Cosmic Force" Dennis Brown _Cosmic Force_

"Cosmically Aligned" Widowspeak _All Yours_
"Cosmic Radio Bitches" Drug Boyfriend _Cosmic Radio Bitches_

Whither Cosmic Radio?

(Cosmic Steve Ditko, found here.)

This show is, quite simply, a chance for me to play songs with the word "cosmic" in the title or song. That's it.  Quite ordinary for Self Help Radio.  Nothing cosmic about it.

There's a part of me that wanted to lie & say it had something to do with the two recent "cosmic" comic book movies, Thor: Ragnarok & Justice League, both of which I saw in the theaters, but nope!  I started planning this show long before that.  Most of my shows gestate for a while until I think they're ready.

You wouldn't believe the folder on my computer with show ideas in them.  Some of them I'll never do.  Some of them have languished for years.  At least once I had the same idea independently over the course of a few months & didn't notice because the folders had slightly different names.  It's a mess.

One thing I did want to say is that my idea of "cosmic" is very much tied up with comic books, & as beautiful as outer space is, I think there's a part of me that is a little sad it's not as crowded & busy as Jack Kirby drew it or as trippy as Steve Ditko drew it.  Those are powerful images that take up a lot of my mind.

Anyway, there's a new Self Help Radio tonight.  Cosmic music, silly interviews, occasional interruptions by me to check in.  From 9-11pm eastern on 93.9fm WLXU in Lexington & online at lexingtoncommunityradio.org.

Begin your holiday weekend cosmically!

Preface To Cosmic Radio: The Power Cosmic

As a complete nerd when it comes to comics, especially ones I read when I was young, & into my twenties, & some which I still occasionally read now, when I can afford them, I have to say that the word "cosmic" immediately brings to mind the phrase "the power cosmic."

What does that mean?  According to the Marvel Database, "The Power Cosmic is the name of a vast source of limitless godly cosmic energy & power primarily wielded by the god-like cosmic entity Galactus. The Power Cosmic allows Galactus to employ the available absorbed cosmic energies within him to produce nearly any effect he desires, including size-alteration, the molecular restructuring & transmutation of matter, the teleportation of objects—even entire galaxies—across space & time, the creation of force fields, the creation of interdimensional portals, telepathy, telekinesis, & cosmic awareness on a universal scale. Galactus has even been shown as capable of creating sentient life, resurrecting the dead, manipulating mortal souls & remaking dead worlds—including their populations—in every detail."

The first appearance of "the power cosmic" was in Fantastic Four # 46, during Stan Lee & Jack Kirby's incredible run on that title, & the phrase is pure Stan Lee (even though Jack Kirby had the power cosmic to draw an incredibly powerful cosmos).  Why just say "cosmic power" when you can invert the words & make it sound pretentious?  That's the Stan Lee way!  Excelsior!

Here's an image from a Silver Surfer comic written by Lee & drawn by John Buscema:

It's from here.  Galactus gave the Surfer the power cosmic, see.  & the tree of evil... ever carries the seed... of its own destruction!

Man, I used to love that prose when I was a kid.  Anyway.  Where was I?

Oh yeah.  That's what I think about when I see the word "cosmic."  "The power cosmic."  When I was a kid, I would've loved a little of the power cosmic.  Nowadays, I'd probably just use to afford to buy more comics.  They're expensive!

You May Not Notice It But

There's going to be something slightly different about Self Help Radio this week.

If you want to try to guess what it is, send an email (after the show, of course) to gary at self help radio dot net & I'll give a prize.  If you guess correctly.  If you want a prize.

It's nothing major.  But it's something different.  & after years of same, isn't it time for something different?

Rufus

It's time to say goodbye to another friend.  My mother-in-law's dog Rufus (whose brother Rowlf I wrote about here) has died, probably at the age of seventeen or eighteen, which is a very great age for a basset hound in particular, & for dogs in general.

He was a very lucky dog.  He was found in northern California wandering in a field & taken to what we call "the pound."  Around the time of his discovery, my wife's mother had had a heart attack, & my wife had gone to see her, to help with her recovery.  My wife was missing her own dog, & wanted a dog to walk, & her mother suggested they visit the city pound, & there, my wife's mother found Rufus.

She learned his history.  She saw, according to a note on his cage, that he might be (would be?) put down (ie, killed) the very next day.  My wife's mother had a thing for bassets, & that affected her.  They moved on, they saw other dogs, but something about Rufus stayed with her.

& someone at the city pound noticed.  They took her back to Rufus, they let her go outside with him, they encouraged her to spend time with him.  I didn't know or meet Rufus when he was so young, but I bet he was a charmer.  I couldn't resist him in old age; how could my wife's mother resist him in his youth?

Rufus was adopted.  He found his "forever home."  What a good home it was!  He was the king.  Even when, later, he found out he had a brother from another mother named Rowlf, he was magnanimous in his power.  He established his walking schedule, he enjoyed his meals, he reveled in  his time with my wife's mother.

As for me, I only got to know Rufus late in his life.  When I meet dogs, I spend as much time with them as I do the humans around them.  (The dogs are usually the more interesting.)  I visited with him the past couple of years & enjoyed walking him - we both had somewhat easygoing, some would say slow, styles.  Earlier this years, in a visit to a nearby park, we took the time to enjoy the sun.  Here's Rufus:

He didn't know he had less than a year left on the planet (me either!).  He didn't know his constant companion would no longer be with him in a few weeks.  He was living in the moment, as all animals except humans do, enjoying a beautiful day, knowing his mother & sibling were near, happy to make a friend or be reacquainted with one, accepting of the vagaries of life.

I can still see his face before me, feel his basset jowls as I petted his face, see his big, sad eyes as I told him how much I liked him, hoping he might too like me.

The world is less than because he is not here, but it is more than because he existed.

Good bye, Rufus.  You were a good thing.  I am so so happy I knew you.

Self Help Radio 111517: Gas

(Original image on this page.)

Quick!  What's the most popular elemental gas?  Do you know?  Here's the ranking:

1) Oxygen (for obvious reasons)
2) Neon (it's just so bright)
3) Helium (because it makes you sound like a cartoon)
4) Krypton (because Superman lived there)
5) Chlorine (something about swimming pools)
6) Hydrogen ("it's the bomb," they say)
7) Nitrogen (the gardener's fave)
8) Xenon (gassy warrior princess)
9) Radon (confused often with a cousin, Ray-Don)
10) Fluorine (they put it in the water to make us communist!)

We didn't quite get to rank the gasses on this week's Self Help Radio because we were actually playing mostly songs about gasoline.  Kind of a bummer, really.  I wish more musicians would write more songs about gasses in general.  But.  I danced with the ones that brought me.  Which was mostly gasoline.

Maybe there's a gas song you'll enjoy on today's show.  Maybe it'll remind you of huffing gasoline & cause you to relapse.  I don't really know.  I just do the shows & hope there's time later for a nap.

The show is at the Self Help Radio website right now.  It's not made of gas so it won't float away or dissipate.  There will be a prompt for a username (it's SHR) & a password (it's selfhelp).  The show is in two mostly equal parts, about an hour long, & the songs & played in both parts - plus the interviews - are listed below.

(part one)

"Solid Liquid Gas" They Might Be Giants _Here Comes Science_
"Mr. Gas" The Parachute Men _Earth, Dogs, & Eggshells_
"Gas Converts To Star Energy" Drug Boyfriend _Gas Converts To Star Energy_

"At The Gas Station" Luise Pop _The Car The Ship The Train_
"Malibu Gas Station" Sonic Youth _The Eternal_
"Wind Up Workin' In A Gas Station" Frank Zappa _Zoot Allures_
"Gas Station Recipes" Maria Bamford _Ask Me About My New God!_
"Gas Station Women" Phil Ochs _Greatest Hits_

interview with "fossil fuel poet" David Fruchter

"Gasoline" The New Year _Newness Ends_
"Caffeine - Nicotine - & Gasoline" Bill Royal _The Big Itch, Vol. 5_
"Gaslite Street" Herman's Hermits _The Best Of Herman's Hermits: The 50th Anniversary Anthology_
"Beautiful Gas Mask" The Mountain Goats _All Eternals Deck_

first interview with chemist Allen Shariaty

"President Gas" The Psychedelic Furs _Forever Now_

(part two)

"Ethyl In My Gas Tank (No Gal In My Arms)" Jimmie Heap & The Melody Masters _Release Me_
"Out Of Gas" Floyd Robinson _Floyd Robinson_
"I Asked For Water (She Gave Me Gasoline)" Howlin' Wolf _Moanin' In The Moonlight_

second interview with chemist Allen Shariaty

"Gasman" The Gargoyles _Steamflapper_
"Choirboys Gas" Bad Dream Fancy Dress _Choirboys Gas_
"Your Love Is Like Petrol" Client _Command_
"Mr. Science: Gas Refrigeration" Bob & Ray _Classic Bob & Ray, Vol. 1: Selections From A Career, 1946-1976_
"Cat People (Putting Out Fire)" David Bowie _Let's Dance_

interview with the Rev Dr Howard Gently

"Life's A Gas" T. Rex _Electric Warrior_
"Life's A Gas" Joey Ramone _...Ya Know?_
"It's A Gas" The Wedding Present _It's A Gas_
"Gas" The Dentists _Behind The Door I Keep The Universe_

"It's A Gas (Part 1)" The James Brown Dancers _The Singles, Volume 4: 1966-1967_
"It's A Gas" Alfred E Neuman _It's A Gas_
"Gasoline" Shovels & Rope _O' Be Joyful_

Whither Gas?

(This image from this place.)

Really, dude?  A radio show about gas?  That's just gross.

Not necessarily!  You think I am talking about this kind of gas, but what if we're talking about this kind of gas or especially this kind of gas? Then we're not talking about stinky-stinkies (as my cats call them) or booms! fol-de-rol! (as my mother called them), but instead elemental substances & mixtures & also the petrol products that power our vehicles.  Why do you naturally think of the worst thing?

Of course, someone will mention farts at some point, so I have no real moral high ground.

It'll be a gassy show but I suppose you've known it all along.  It's on tonight from 9-11pm eastern on 93.9 fm WLXU in Lexington & online at Lexington Community Radio dot org.

Your flatulence jokes are welcome.

Preface To Gas: Wind Up Working In A Gas Station

(I guess it kind of looked like this.  Image from here.)

It's true, I've worked at gas stations.  In high school.  & I believe the Seven-Eleven I worked at in Austin in 1989 had gas pumps.  But in high school, in 11th & 12th grade, I worked at a Mobil in Garland, Texas, one at the corner of Jupiter Road & Buckingham Road, & one a couple of miles down the street at Jupiter Road & Forest Lane.

My brother Ralph got me the job I believe in the summer or spring before 12th grade.  He was working at a place which had a Sikh man as manager - my first Sikh.  He called himself Rob, & was thoroughly Americanized.  Though he wore the turban, he had no accent, & he was quite a horn dog.

The summer before my senior year, I loved working there.  At some point, my brother Ralph no longer worked there.  I never figured out what happened.  There might have been some accusations of petty larceny.  Who knows?  I doubt he remembers - he had many jobs around that time.

The Rob transferred to the station at Forest & Jupiter, & I went with him.  & then, for some reason, he disappeared.  No one told me anything in those days.

Two things of note happened at that Mobil.  I listened to classic rock radio all the time - I remember I was working in the summer of 1985 when Live Aid was happening, & the American half was being broadcast on the radio (so I missed Elvis Costello, not knowing he just did one song).  One time - I
seem to remember this being on a Sunday morning, around Christmas time, possibly the only day I worked, there was a quiz on the radio about the John Lennon/Yoko Ono song "Happy Xmas (War Is Over)."  The question was about what Lennon & Ono said to each other at the beginning of the song - most everyone thinks they're saying happy Christmas to each other, but I knew they were saying it to their respective children.  I made customers wait while I answered - the first customer was understandably irked - but then, when I got the question right, she turned to the person behind her & said, "He won!"  I got a vinyl copy of the Shaved Fish best of collection, which I already had, but it was cool to win something on the radio.  It's why I love to give stuff away on the radio.

Not very long after that, after Rob was gone, the new manager, who was something of an oily type who liked to quiz me about history - I guess he wanted me to know he was smarter than him for some reason - asked me to train someone new.  & when I did, I thought I was doing the new guy a favor by showing him some shortcuts he'd inevitably use when he started working.  The new guy reported me to the new boss - apparently he was upset I wasn't doing things by the book or something - & he called me & fired me.  I knew I was being fired - he would never call me at home - & yet I hesitated quitting before he fired me.  Afterwards, of course, I told everyone I quit.

Some time later, Rob the former manager contacted me.  He had become a manager of an Exxon station down the street & offered me a job.  This was in the last few weeks of high school & I wasn't all that into it.  Plus, the shifts were like twelve hours long.  The Exxon station was larger, there was more opportunities for shoplifters & people running from their bills (this was way before pay-at-the-pump), & I don't think I worked there more than three weeks before I either quit or Rob quit & asked me to quit out of loyalty.  (Or the new manager didn't trust anyone Rob vouched for.)

Like I said, I'm sure the 7-11 I worked at a few years later had gas, but I can't remember it ever being a big deal or a problem.  It's still there, here's the place earlier this year:

Can you imagine, not only has nearly thirty years passed since I worked there, but there was a time when I, during my 11pm to 7am shift, would have to go out & change the trash bag by the pumps &, in the middle of the night, I would trying to wash the grease off the parking lot!  Also, I was robbed there three times, but that's a story for later.

The other two stations no longer exist.  The Mobil at Forest & Jupiter is now a Texaco, but it does look like they tore down the original Mobil building to make their newer, Texaco-ier one:

The Mobil at Buckingham & Jupiter is gone, & has been gone a long time.  It has suffered a worse fate than replacement: it's now a fucking bank!

All images from Google Maps.

Tumblr Blog I Like # 2

Do you like birds?  If so, maybe you also like pictures of birds?  What about absurd birds & their other woodland friends?  If so, you might enjoy False Knees.  I do.

Here's a sample:

That is certainly a Tumblr blog I like!

Back Again, There There

Where have I been? Was it a secret? Can I tell you that I'm a little paranoid so I often don't say where I am going because I imagine someone might use that information to break into my house & steal one of my cats. Not all of my cats. Probably just one.

Anyway, that's one of the reasons I don't usually announce where I am going in places that people might read like a blog or a supermarket (well, I know that's not a place that people read things like verbal announcements but it does remind me I do sometimes tell people in the soda aisle all about my plans & that usually ends with me being escorted out by a low-paid security guard who's just mad I've interrupted his "standing outside smoking" time), & it's also one of the reasons I don't do that "check in" thing people do on Facebook.  Again, one of these days I'm going to come home & find some ne'er-do-well has made off with one of my cats & I'll only have myself to blame.

What was I talking about?  I can't remember & I'm too lazy to read what I've already written, but I did want to say I was in Portland for the past few days & enjoyed it quite a bit despite the fact that I never once actually saw the sun any of those days plus it pretty much rained the entire time.  I wish I had some great stories about Portland but mainly it seems we drove around & ate a lot of great vegan food.  So much vegan food.  People often make jokes about overweight vegans - Patton Oswalt has one in his new special on Netflix - but I think there's something to be said about vegans being thought of as scrawny because there hasn't been a lot of great vegan restaurants & vegan options in the world.  Portland is correcting that.  Maybe overcorrecting.  I mean, there's a vegan cheese shop in Portland.  & it's fucking great.

Meanwhile.  Back to Self Help Radio.  A show this week about gas.  That's not a secret.