This is not true! There has been sleep today!
Let me tell you where there has been sleep today: where people slept. The World Sleep Meter registered sleep in normal proportions except - there was that place - it was in Portland - let's look at the records - was there someone who, in a twenty-four hour period, slept less than four hours?
Experts agree: this is unsustainable. Also, experts say: subject had delicious vegan Thai food for dinner? Holy shit - add the experts - that sounds amazing.
In the evening - after dinner, but before drinking - subject helped the neighbors chase an errant duckling around the neighborhood before catching it & letting the neighbors return it to where it belonged. Said the neighbor, "This is Portland!"
Against all advice, subject drank a couple of glasses of whiskey in the evening & watched YouTube videos. Experts predict the amount of sleep required to return subject to some kind of equilibrium may result in diminished REM times in nearby homes.
As there is only a finite amount of sleep.
Until.
All there is is sleep.
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