You must resist the urge to equate the word "window" with a computer operating systems.
My favorite window memories are drawing on windows fogged by the cold when I was bored child. I also used to love slowly revealing the outdoors by rubbing the window fog away.
My family once lived at an apartment complex, the back end of which abutted the parking lot of a Lutheran Church. The parking lot, of course, was in church's rear. Some kids who went to school with me went to that church. Our apartment faced the church's parking lot, & my bedroom window looked out over the parking lot. Once in middle school, a girl who went to the church complained to me that her entire family could see, through my window, my sleeping body as they exited their car on Sunday mornings. I was surprisingly unself-conscious about this information, & don't remember changing my behavior. The window faced the east, & I loved being awakened by the rising sun. Now I feel a little flattered that something so innocuous caused church-goers to comment. It's not like I slept in the nude!
I have never been much of a voyeur, but I think that most people dream of seeing something surprising & revealing in a stranger's window. & maybe that's why most of us don't want people to stare into our windows. I would prefer blinds or curtains over every window. What do I have to hide? What do you have to hide?
A friend of a friend was in a Christian rock band in Dallas during my college years & I could never remember what they were called. They were called something like "House Without Walls," which is (of course) a reference to something in scripture. But during one visit to Dallas, I asked the friend whose friend was in the band, "Do you ever make music with him anymore, or does he still play in that Christian rock band - what are they called, World Without Windows?"
My friend corrected me but said, "I think yours is a better band name."
Saturday, April 14, 2012
Friday, April 13, 2012
Paraskevidekatriaphobia
Are you afraid of Friday the 13th? You ought not be. But you should. From time immemorial, when we didn't have good records, to time memorial, which is what we also call now, when we have better records but people are instead saving music to their computers, humans all over the place have been afraid of Friday the 13th & that include many people's mothers.
Why would scared parents warn impressionable children of a day like any other which happened to be a Friday &, if the calendar is to be believed, also the 13th? Scholars & circus people alike have spent many hours poring through the annals of human thought (sometimes the two DVD set) overlooking the underpinnings of this nefarious date. Here's something similar to what they found:
- On Friday the 13th, people who otherwise can pronounce English words more or less correctly find certain vowel combinations difficult. "Dairy" becomes "diary." "Tier" becomes "tire." & some for strange reason "beet" becomes "beat."
- On a Friday the 13th when the moon is waxing gibbous, people who drive to work can't get the melody - but not the words - of "Frère Jacques" out of their heads.
- On a Friday the 13th in a Leap Year, any group of thirteen people - even if they don't know each other - must apologize profusely to passers-by or, if they're in an office, or a lobby, or an elevator - mutter undignified excuses to themselves, or else their children's children will be cursed with temporary ineffectualness on important national holidays.
There are terrifying stories about folks who chose to toy with their fates on Friday the 13th, & unfortunately none of them have survived to tell their tales. Here are some moderately accurate recreations:
- On Friday the 13th, 1891, a young man in Ohio refused to offer blandishments to a young maiden who was expecting them, & sixteen years later that young man was forced by President Theodore Roosevelt to put his head in a recently killed moose.
- On Friday the 13th some time in the last seven years, two children who have since stopped being children because of aging were struck by the inherent awfulness of cartoons in the 1980s & never spoke of it again.
- On Friday the 13th when it used to matter, a young minor league Baseball booster decided to cross the street under a ladder walking barefoot over a broken mirror & was accidentally side-swiped by a car owned but not driven by none other than Stevie Wonder's former bodyguard's niece.
How do psychologists treat those with an irrational fear of this day? It turns out it's the same way they treat those with rational fear of this day: with powerful chocolate-scented narcotics. Should you be one of those unfortunate souls without access to decidedly unethical analysts, there are some over-the-counter & over-the-top treatments recommended by those who ought to know better. Try at your own risk.
- Anything with lanolin smeared on any part of you that resembles a sheep.
- A red scarf draped over a blue hat billowing out of a yellow sportscar.
- Reading any three of Shakespeare's sonnets to a surly senior citizen.
- Standing uncomfortably in a hobby store asking uncomfortable questions.
- Calendar avoidance &/or "accidental" date rearranging.
Most of all, you should be entirely aware of the arbitrary nature of this day which happens to be a Friday coinciding with the thirteenth of the month (luckily, not all months have thirteen days). The ancient Eritreans, for example, found Tuesday the 3rd to be full of ill omens, especially if bills were due. Certain South American city-states used to plan no weddings, funerals, or ice cream socials on any Wednesday that fell on a 4th or 14th. & of course certain religious sects have cautioned against going against holy dicta on even-numbered months that fell in odd-numbered years, but you expect that sort of thing from them, don't you?
Hopefully the more information you know about the history of "Friday the 13th," the less you have an irrational fear of it! Have a happy 13th of Friday!
Why would scared parents warn impressionable children of a day like any other which happened to be a Friday &, if the calendar is to be believed, also the 13th? Scholars & circus people alike have spent many hours poring through the annals of human thought (sometimes the two DVD set) overlooking the underpinnings of this nefarious date. Here's something similar to what they found:
- On Friday the 13th, people who otherwise can pronounce English words more or less correctly find certain vowel combinations difficult. "Dairy" becomes "diary." "Tier" becomes "tire." & some for strange reason "beet" becomes "beat."
- On a Friday the 13th when the moon is waxing gibbous, people who drive to work can't get the melody - but not the words - of "Frère Jacques" out of their heads.
- On a Friday the 13th in a Leap Year, any group of thirteen people - even if they don't know each other - must apologize profusely to passers-by or, if they're in an office, or a lobby, or an elevator - mutter undignified excuses to themselves, or else their children's children will be cursed with temporary ineffectualness on important national holidays.
There are terrifying stories about folks who chose to toy with their fates on Friday the 13th, & unfortunately none of them have survived to tell their tales. Here are some moderately accurate recreations:
- On Friday the 13th, 1891, a young man in Ohio refused to offer blandishments to a young maiden who was expecting them, & sixteen years later that young man was forced by President Theodore Roosevelt to put his head in a recently killed moose.
- On Friday the 13th some time in the last seven years, two children who have since stopped being children because of aging were struck by the inherent awfulness of cartoons in the 1980s & never spoke of it again.
- On Friday the 13th when it used to matter, a young minor league Baseball booster decided to cross the street under a ladder walking barefoot over a broken mirror & was accidentally side-swiped by a car owned but not driven by none other than Stevie Wonder's former bodyguard's niece.
How do psychologists treat those with an irrational fear of this day? It turns out it's the same way they treat those with rational fear of this day: with powerful chocolate-scented narcotics. Should you be one of those unfortunate souls without access to decidedly unethical analysts, there are some over-the-counter & over-the-top treatments recommended by those who ought to know better. Try at your own risk.
- Anything with lanolin smeared on any part of you that resembles a sheep.
- A red scarf draped over a blue hat billowing out of a yellow sportscar.
- Reading any three of Shakespeare's sonnets to a surly senior citizen.
- Standing uncomfortably in a hobby store asking uncomfortable questions.
- Calendar avoidance &/or "accidental" date rearranging.
Most of all, you should be entirely aware of the arbitrary nature of this day which happens to be a Friday coinciding with the thirteenth of the month (luckily, not all months have thirteen days). The ancient Eritreans, for example, found Tuesday the 3rd to be full of ill omens, especially if bills were due. Certain South American city-states used to plan no weddings, funerals, or ice cream socials on any Wednesday that fell on a 4th or 14th. & of course certain religious sects have cautioned against going against holy dicta on even-numbered months that fell in odd-numbered years, but you expect that sort of thing from them, don't you?
Hopefully the more information you know about the history of "Friday the 13th," the less you have an irrational fear of it! Have a happy 13th of Friday!
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Second-Person Shooter Adventures
The Development Officer has an idea. It finds its way to a post-it note. The post-it note does not exist in the physical world per se - it's a small program on the Development Officer's laptop. "That's all right," she thinks, "the idea does not exist in the physical world either."
"That's where you're wrong," says the Production Manager. She is facing quite an unhappy group of developers this morning. She doesn't have time for the Development Officer's half-baked, hare-brained ideas. She quickly fires off a memo to corporate. The memo also doesn't exist in the physical world per se - it's an ingenious application designed for the office's internal network by the Computer Guy.
The Computer Guy, whom everyone called "Jesse," took too many pills last night. He has a terrible habit of taking his friends' prescription medications if they happen to leave them at his place. Or if he happens to be at their place & finds some in their medicine cabinets. He used to take the time to look up the pills in a Big Book Of Pharmaceuticals, but now he just takes them, often in small handfuls, & waits to see how they affect him. One result is: he sometimes does not remember what he did for hours before the effects wear off.
He does not know, for example, that he hacked into his own system - he may have thought he was testing its security, although he obviously knew more about it than any intruder would - & sent out sensitive documents to everyone in the office as well as some who worked from home & others who were subscribed to his Doctor Who mailing list. But thanks to the pills he took around 11:30 pm the night before, he does not know it was he who breached security.
The Chief Financial Officer has spent the morning "putting out fires," as he puts it, so when he finds the Development Officer's idea, sent among a flurry of emails while angry workers storm in & out his office all morning long, he finds the timing so ludicrous that he believes she must have somehow been responsible for the late-night security problem.
The Chief Financial Officer orders Jesse the Computer Guy to surreptitiously search the Development Officer's computer under suspicion of the crime. He tells Jesse, "You know the stakes are high - if you can't find something, make sure you still find something." Jessie the Computer Guy is still a little too messed up to really understand what he's being asked to do.
In the small hallway outside the break room, the Production Manager, who has in the past believed that the Computer Guy has something of a thing for her, corners Jesse & asks about the investigation into the hacking. The Production Manager has not been included in the investigation by the Chief Financial Officer because many of the leaked documents show her in a favorable light toward the employees - defending popular projects, authorizing overtime, supporting (as Production Managers often do) her employees - & while the Chief Financial Officer does not exactly suspect her, he does not entirely trust her at this point in time.
Although the Production Manager is somewhat correct - the Computer Guy doesn't exactly have "something of a thing for her," he just enjoys looking at her breasts - she is not prepared for him to confess that he's been asked to do something unethical, if not illegal, to put the blame on the Development Officer. This gives the Production Manager an idea - & it's not one she commits to a post-it note that does not exist in the physical world.
Later, after the Production Manager has been promoted to Production Director, & the Chief Financial Officer has been suspended pending a criminal investigation, the Development Officer overhears Jesse the Computer Guy tell an intern, whose breasts he enjoys looking at, that it's not entirely true to say that things that are "on a computer," like mp3 files or text documents, "don't exist in the real world," as they are composed of physical things called "bytes," which, he points out, used to be kept on very tangible items like floppy discs, & which now need to be stored on a "hard drive" inside the computer.
The Development Officer suddenly suspect the Computer Guy of hacking his own system &, although she can't understand why he'd do such a thing - he didn't benefit in any way from the episode - she still tells her suspicions - in person - to the new Production Director & the interim Chief Financial Officer.
"That's where you're wrong," says the Production Manager. She is facing quite an unhappy group of developers this morning. She doesn't have time for the Development Officer's half-baked, hare-brained ideas. She quickly fires off a memo to corporate. The memo also doesn't exist in the physical world per se - it's an ingenious application designed for the office's internal network by the Computer Guy.
The Computer Guy, whom everyone called "Jesse," took too many pills last night. He has a terrible habit of taking his friends' prescription medications if they happen to leave them at his place. Or if he happens to be at their place & finds some in their medicine cabinets. He used to take the time to look up the pills in a Big Book Of Pharmaceuticals, but now he just takes them, often in small handfuls, & waits to see how they affect him. One result is: he sometimes does not remember what he did for hours before the effects wear off.
He does not know, for example, that he hacked into his own system - he may have thought he was testing its security, although he obviously knew more about it than any intruder would - & sent out sensitive documents to everyone in the office as well as some who worked from home & others who were subscribed to his Doctor Who mailing list. But thanks to the pills he took around 11:30 pm the night before, he does not know it was he who breached security.
The Chief Financial Officer has spent the morning "putting out fires," as he puts it, so when he finds the Development Officer's idea, sent among a flurry of emails while angry workers storm in & out his office all morning long, he finds the timing so ludicrous that he believes she must have somehow been responsible for the late-night security problem.
The Chief Financial Officer orders Jesse the Computer Guy to surreptitiously search the Development Officer's computer under suspicion of the crime. He tells Jesse, "You know the stakes are high - if you can't find something, make sure you still find something." Jessie the Computer Guy is still a little too messed up to really understand what he's being asked to do.
In the small hallway outside the break room, the Production Manager, who has in the past believed that the Computer Guy has something of a thing for her, corners Jesse & asks about the investigation into the hacking. The Production Manager has not been included in the investigation by the Chief Financial Officer because many of the leaked documents show her in a favorable light toward the employees - defending popular projects, authorizing overtime, supporting (as Production Managers often do) her employees - & while the Chief Financial Officer does not exactly suspect her, he does not entirely trust her at this point in time.
Although the Production Manager is somewhat correct - the Computer Guy doesn't exactly have "something of a thing for her," he just enjoys looking at her breasts - she is not prepared for him to confess that he's been asked to do something unethical, if not illegal, to put the blame on the Development Officer. This gives the Production Manager an idea - & it's not one she commits to a post-it note that does not exist in the physical world.
Later, after the Production Manager has been promoted to Production Director, & the Chief Financial Officer has been suspended pending a criminal investigation, the Development Officer overhears Jesse the Computer Guy tell an intern, whose breasts he enjoys looking at, that it's not entirely true to say that things that are "on a computer," like mp3 files or text documents, "don't exist in the real world," as they are composed of physical things called "bytes," which, he points out, used to be kept on very tangible items like floppy discs, & which now need to be stored on a "hard drive" inside the computer.
The Development Officer suddenly suspect the Computer Guy of hacking his own system &, although she can't understand why he'd do such a thing - he didn't benefit in any way from the episode - she still tells her suspicions - in person - to the new Production Director & the interim Chief Financial Officer.
Monday, April 09, 2012
Come To My Church (Show)
Two things to be aware of about this show: first, I plan my shows some time in advance & I had no idea - really - that I'd be doing a show about church the day after Easter. It's a big coincidence. & second, I think I've only been in a church for church-like business (that is to say, not sight-seeing, as at Notre Dame or a place like that) (& by church-like business, I mean, sermons or weddings or whatever) maybe twenty times in my life (if that). Nothing about churches or the business of going to church is part of my make-up - & I know some people who love church & I know some people who hate having been forced to go to church as a child. I hope the show delights the former & does not terrify the latter. & I hope my ignorance of the subject doesn't detract from the songs I play.
Churches real, imaginary, & both are explored on today's show. You can listen to the show at the Self Help Radio website. If you'd like a direct link to the shows, they are in two parts & they are here: part one, part two. I've handily listed the songs in each part so you don't have to.
The nice thing about a Self Help Radio show about church is: you don't have to tithe!
(part one)
"Get Me To The Church On Time" Rosemary Clooney _Rosie Solves The Swingin' Riddle_
"Church In The Wildwood" The Carter Family _Prayers From Hell: White Gospel & Sinner's Blues 1927-1940_
"The Magnificent Church" The Gargoyles _Steamflapper_
"Let The Church Roll On" Morehouse College Quartet _Atlanta, Ga. Gospel 1923-1931_
"A Little Old Church In England (with Ray Eberle & the Modernaires)" Glenn Miller _The Gold Collection_
"I Met Her In Church" The Box Tops _Soul Deep: The Best Of The Box Tops_
"Methodist Church" The Girls _Reunion_
"Meet Me In Church" Bobby Marchan _Cameo Parkway 1957-1967_
"Church Not Made With Hands" The Waterboys _A Pagan Place_
"The Church Of John Coltrane" Saint Jude's Infirmary _Happy Healthy Lucky Month_
(part two)
"The Vatican Rag" Tom Lehrer _That Was The Year That Was_
"Make Your Church Crackle & Glow (Parsley Sound Mix)" Ronnie Willhoite _The Doorkeepers: A Church Leadership Development Program For Ushers_
"Church Of The Poison Mind" The Yell Leaders _Gag Me With A Spoon: Don't Records Celebrates The 1980s_
"Cleaning A Church" George Carlin _When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops?_
"Date To Church" The Replacements _All For Nothing/Nothing For All_
"To The Church" Lloyd Cole _Lloyd Cole_
"The Church On The Corner" Sound Of Six _The Church On The Corner_
"They Tore The Old Country Church Down" Goodwin Trio _Hallelujah Hoedown_
"All Seven Deadly Sins Were Committed At A Church Bake Sale" Onion Radio News _Onion Radio News_
"Waiting At The Church" Julie Andrews _Don't Go Into The Lion's Cage Tonight_
"Church Bells Blues" Luke Jordan _Broke, Black & Blue, Vol. 1: Up Country Blues_
"Church, I'm Fully Saved Today" Blind Willie Johnson with Willie B. Harris _Dark Was The Night (1927-1930)_
Sunday, April 08, 2012
Whither Church?
It's entirely coincidental that Self Help Radio's show about church is happening after Easter Sunday.
Self Help Radio has never been to church.
This is somewhat remarkable, since Self Help Radio resides in Lexington, & Lexington is a city of churches.
This website counts 382 churches in Lexington. That's a church for every 700 or so people.
Don't try to find out which city has the most churches per capita in the world online. There are lots of competing answers. Plus quibbles about the question.
Though the city of Wheaton, Illinois, gets the honor, according to the game Trivial Pursuit.
Here's something I didn't know: Garland, Texas, which is my hometown, & has a population of around 220,000 people (60,000 less than Lexington), has apparently more than 500 churches.
That simply can't be true.
There might be more overt religiosity in Garland (& all of Texas) but I can't imagine there'd be so many churches.
I could be wrong, though.
Churches real & imaginary will be discussed & sang about tomorrow morning on Self Help Radio's show about churches. No tithing necessary! In Lexington (near any church) on 88.1 fm or online at WRFL dot fm. The audio stream is right here. The show will be archived later in the holy sanctuary at self help radio dot net.
As Mike Birbiglia said, "This week it's Good Friday, Holy Saturday, Easter Sunday, then Fuckin' Monday."
Self Help Radio has never been to church.
This is somewhat remarkable, since Self Help Radio resides in Lexington, & Lexington is a city of churches.
This website counts 382 churches in Lexington. That's a church for every 700 or so people.
Don't try to find out which city has the most churches per capita in the world online. There are lots of competing answers. Plus quibbles about the question.
Though the city of Wheaton, Illinois, gets the honor, according to the game Trivial Pursuit.
Here's something I didn't know: Garland, Texas, which is my hometown, & has a population of around 220,000 people (60,000 less than Lexington), has apparently more than 500 churches.
That simply can't be true.
There might be more overt religiosity in Garland (& all of Texas) but I can't imagine there'd be so many churches.
I could be wrong, though.
Churches real & imaginary will be discussed & sang about tomorrow morning on Self Help Radio's show about churches. No tithing necessary! In Lexington (near any church) on 88.1 fm or online at WRFL dot fm. The audio stream is right here. The show will be archived later in the holy sanctuary at self help radio dot net.
As Mike Birbiglia said, "This week it's Good Friday, Holy Saturday, Easter Sunday, then Fuckin' Monday."
Saturday, April 07, 2012
Preface To Church: What Comes Between Good Friday & Easter Sunday?
Apparently it's called Holy Saturday. That's a little disappointing, although it shouldn't be - after all, "Good Friday" is a little underwhelming as a name for a religious holiday. Often people will say things like, "Have a good Friday!" & they're certainly not suggesting that you celebrate the crucifixion of a religious figure.
However, one of the more interesting stories about Holy Saturday is that Jesus - who was of course at that point quite dead - literally goes to hell.
Don't take that the wrong way! He went there of his own accord & just to free the heroes of the Old Testament, from Adam & Eve on up. The implication - & if you weren't ever taught this, you're probably not Catholic - was that, before Jesus' death, everyone went to hell. Noah was in hell. Moses was in hell.
But Jesus only brings people from the Old Testament to heaven. Great humans of pagan faiths have to stay there. & probably no one explain to Socrates, say, why his old chess buddy Solomon just disappeared one day. Unless maybe Satan told them later, just to fuck with them.
It makes you wonder - did Jesus have that planned all along? Or did he think, right after his death, "Oh I know what I can do!" & though there's any real consensus on the subject - most Protestants utterly reject the notion, since there's nothing really in scripture about it - it's impressive how much Jesus got done on a day that for the most part he could have just taken it easy.
Did you get as much done today?
However, one of the more interesting stories about Holy Saturday is that Jesus - who was of course at that point quite dead - literally goes to hell.
Don't take that the wrong way! He went there of his own accord & just to free the heroes of the Old Testament, from Adam & Eve on up. The implication - & if you weren't ever taught this, you're probably not Catholic - was that, before Jesus' death, everyone went to hell. Noah was in hell. Moses was in hell.
But Jesus only brings people from the Old Testament to heaven. Great humans of pagan faiths have to stay there. & probably no one explain to Socrates, say, why his old chess buddy Solomon just disappeared one day. Unless maybe Satan told them later, just to fuck with them.
It makes you wonder - did Jesus have that planned all along? Or did he think, right after his death, "Oh I know what I can do!" & though there's any real consensus on the subject - most Protestants utterly reject the notion, since there's nothing really in scripture about it - it's impressive how much Jesus got done on a day that for the most part he could have just taken it easy.
Did you get as much done today?
Friday, April 06, 2012
Saccades
"We cannot consciously control the speed of movement between stops & during each saccade, the eyes move as fast as they can."
That's from here.
The more we learn about ourselves, the more we discover we are less & less the overt controllers of our lives & thoughts.
This reminds me of a conversation I had over twenty years ago with a girlfriend & one of her girlfriends & that girlfriend's boyfriend. I'll call them Betty, Veronica & Reggie. I am as always Jughead.
Reggie was going on & on about something something Ayn Rand something. He was a bit of a self-important douche & I had had little or no experience with Randianism at the time so when he praised "logic" & "rationality," I thought he was more or less on my side. At least he didn't go on & on about the virtues of being selfish. He was talking & he made some comment about emotions being chemical.
The two women with us gasped. "Do you really believe that?" Betty said. (Yes, my Betty.) Reggie said sure, probably glad to have the chance to debate something, since none of us really cared to interrupt his monologue. She then turned to me & said, "Jughead, do you believe our emotions are chemicals?"
I was put in a difficult situation. I am pretty much a materialist & have rarely, if ever, seriously entertained supernatural explanations for anything. But I was being stared at a woman I loved who was asking a loaded question: DID I REALLY BELIEVE THIS CODSWALLOP? DO I DARE TO LOVE SOMEONE WHO THINKS SO LITTLE OF EMOTIONS?
Interestingly, I don't remember how I responded. It didn't end the relationship at that time. When I remember it, I curse myself for not asking the more serious question in response, which is this: "If our emotions are not chemical, what are they?"
There's some irony in getting emotional about being confronted with the material nature of emotions. As a species, we're the only living things on this planet that use the results of material processes - like thinking thoughts - to convince ourselves that the things that are produced by these processes are not & cannot be material. They seem more than that. To a lot of people. Like the feeling of love seeming like more than a chemical process.
& meanwhile, "Saccades are the fastest movements produced by the human body."
That's from here.
The more we learn about ourselves, the more we discover we are less & less the overt controllers of our lives & thoughts.
This reminds me of a conversation I had over twenty years ago with a girlfriend & one of her girlfriends & that girlfriend's boyfriend. I'll call them Betty, Veronica & Reggie. I am as always Jughead.
Reggie was going on & on about something something Ayn Rand something. He was a bit of a self-important douche & I had had little or no experience with Randianism at the time so when he praised "logic" & "rationality," I thought he was more or less on my side. At least he didn't go on & on about the virtues of being selfish. He was talking & he made some comment about emotions being chemical.
The two women with us gasped. "Do you really believe that?" Betty said. (Yes, my Betty.) Reggie said sure, probably glad to have the chance to debate something, since none of us really cared to interrupt his monologue. She then turned to me & said, "Jughead, do you believe our emotions are chemicals?"
I was put in a difficult situation. I am pretty much a materialist & have rarely, if ever, seriously entertained supernatural explanations for anything. But I was being stared at a woman I loved who was asking a loaded question: DID I REALLY BELIEVE THIS CODSWALLOP? DO I DARE TO LOVE SOMEONE WHO THINKS SO LITTLE OF EMOTIONS?
Interestingly, I don't remember how I responded. It didn't end the relationship at that time. When I remember it, I curse myself for not asking the more serious question in response, which is this: "If our emotions are not chemical, what are they?"
There's some irony in getting emotional about being confronted with the material nature of emotions. As a species, we're the only living things on this planet that use the results of material processes - like thinking thoughts - to convince ourselves that the things that are produced by these processes are not & cannot be material. They seem more than that. To a lot of people. Like the feeling of love seeming like more than a chemical process.
& meanwhile, "Saccades are the fastest movements produced by the human body."
Thursday, April 05, 2012
Birthday Dog!
Our old man George turns 14 today! According to this website, that makes him the equivalent of 82 human years old. This website says that he's actually closer to 69 human years old. (It also says that I am seven & three-quarters dog years old. It's so tragic when a child is older than a parent.) One more: this website suggests George is closer to 72 human years old.
Besides being a bit obdurate (which he's always been) & whiny (ditto) & a little deaf (though I might be mistaking that for him generally not giving a shit), he generally acts like he's half his age. Last night, for example, when we got home from seeing the Spooky Qs, he danced around the house like an idiot. I'm surprised he didn't hurt himself.
I wrote about George a few Thursdays ago. He is a terribly sweet dog who likes to be around me, which is fine by me: I like being around him!
Monday, April 02, 2012
100% Cotton Show
Cotton! Cotton everywhere! Hey! I did something on this episode of Self Help Radio I either have never done or may have done only once: I played all the songs in (more or less) chronological order. (I say more of less because I looked up the years but didn't really care about the month & day, so, for example, the songs from 1929 may be out of order.) How did it go? You tell me!
All the cotton pickin' songs I played are listed below. The show is divided into two parts & much easier to pick & sort than cotton. Part one is behind that link. Part two is behind this one. The entire show (& many other shows just sitting there hoping you'll visit) is over at the Self Help Radio web page.
(part one)
"Land Of Cotton Blues" Lucille Hegamin _The Ladies In Blues_
"Cotton Field Blues" Charlie 'Dad' Nelson _The Paramount Masters_
"Cotton Field Blues" Henry Thomas _The Easin' In: Essential Recordings Of Texas Blues_
"Make My Cot Where The Cot-Cot-Cotton Grows" Red Nichols' Stompers _That's What I Call Sweet Music: American Dance Orchestras Of The 1920s_
"Song From A Cotton Field" Bessie Brown _Down In The Basement: Joe Bussard's Treasure Trove Of Vintage 78s: 1926-1937_
"Mississippi Boweavil Blues" Charley Patton _The Complete Recordings 1929-34_
"Cotton Mill Blues" Wilmer Watts _1929_
"Price Of Cotton Blues" The Allen Brothers _The Complete Recordings Vol.1 1927-1930_
"Cotton Mill Blues" Lee Brothers Trio _Hard Time In The Country_
"Serves 'Em Fine (Cotton Mill Colic No. 3)" Dave & Howard _Black & White Hillbilly Music: Early Harmonica Recordings 1920-30's_
"11 Cent Cotton, 40 Cent Meat" Bob's Boys (Bob Miller) _Songs For Political Action: Folkmusic, Topical Songs, & The American Left 1926-1953_
"Cotton Mill Blues" Daddy John Love _Oh My Little Darling_
(part two)
"Floatin' Down To Cotton Town" Fats Waller _1936_
"Cotton Patch Blues" Tommy McClennan _Big Joe Williams & The Stars Of Mississippi Blues_
"Cotton Eyed Joe" Adolf Hofner & His San Antonians _Roots 'N' Blues: The Retrospective (1925-1950)_
"Cotton Pickin' Blues" Robert Petway _Broadcasting The Blues: Black Blues In The Segregation Era_
"Pick A Bale Of Cotton" Sonny Terry & Brownie McGhee _Blowin' The Fuses_
"Boll Weevil" Lead Belly _Sings For Children_
"Old Cotton Fields At Home" Odetta & Larry _The Tin Angel_
"Cotton Picking Hands" The Dukes _Lost Dreams: The New Orleans Vocal Groups_
"Cotton Picker" Wortham Watts _The 'D' Singles Collection Vol. 1_
"Cotton Head" Leon Peels _It Don't Mean A Thing If It Ain't Got That Beat!_
"California Cottonfields" Merle Haggard _Down Every Road: 1962 - 1994_
"Mississippi Cotton Picking Delta Town" Charley Pride _Country_
"The Backbone Of America Is A Mule & Cotton" Abner Jay _The Backbone Of America Is A Mule & Cotton_
Sunday, April 01, 2012
Whither Cotton?
TEACH YOURSELF ABOUT COTTON.
Cotton is not, as one might think, a terrifying metal which can "learn" from those it maims or kills. The American Cotton Industry has made this very clear through an ingenious if not desperate series of advertisements on television & the radio. Also fat people wearing sandwich boards, although that was just as a tax write-off.
Cotton is also not "home to a race of mildly intelligent, though small, horticulturists" to which it is rumored that 30% of the male population is allergic. Widespread fear of horticulturists who are not necessarily clever but still rather competent continues after the Home Garden panic of the 1990s but this canard, which haunts tee shirt manufacturers everywhere, continues to be passed on as knowledge wherever garden tools are sold.
Cotton will never "come between you & your man." The last time cotton caused such a fuss became the American Civil War & it still feels really awful about it. So if you are a person who enjoys a close relationship with a man but have some insecurities, it is vehemently not cotton you should be worrying about. Have you taken a look at devious old fleece lately?
Finally, cotton does not want nor should it ever be a controlled substance. People who delight in growing cotton in secretive places - like hydroponically, or in secret sections of National Parks - need to be aware that it is perfectly legal to grow cotton anywhere. Sure, cotton has the classic "bad boy" image, but that's just a character it played in angsty teen dramas. People associating with cotton for its illicit qualities are totally missing out on naughtier plants.
TEACH YOURSELF ABOUT COTTON.
Listen to Self Help Radio's show about cotton, which will be on the air Monday (April 2nd) from 7:30 to 9 am on 88.1 fm WRFL Lexington & online at WRFL dot FM. There is a direct link to the audio stream & this is it.
For those of you who move at slower, more cotton-like, pace, the show will be archived sometime later at the Self Help Radio website.
SERIOUSLY, TEACH YOURSELF ABOUT COTTON ALREADY.
Cotton is not, as one might think, a terrifying metal which can "learn" from those it maims or kills. The American Cotton Industry has made this very clear through an ingenious if not desperate series of advertisements on television & the radio. Also fat people wearing sandwich boards, although that was just as a tax write-off.
Cotton is also not "home to a race of mildly intelligent, though small, horticulturists" to which it is rumored that 30% of the male population is allergic. Widespread fear of horticulturists who are not necessarily clever but still rather competent continues after the Home Garden panic of the 1990s but this canard, which haunts tee shirt manufacturers everywhere, continues to be passed on as knowledge wherever garden tools are sold.
Cotton will never "come between you & your man." The last time cotton caused such a fuss became the American Civil War & it still feels really awful about it. So if you are a person who enjoys a close relationship with a man but have some insecurities, it is vehemently not cotton you should be worrying about. Have you taken a look at devious old fleece lately?
Finally, cotton does not want nor should it ever be a controlled substance. People who delight in growing cotton in secretive places - like hydroponically, or in secret sections of National Parks - need to be aware that it is perfectly legal to grow cotton anywhere. Sure, cotton has the classic "bad boy" image, but that's just a character it played in angsty teen dramas. People associating with cotton for its illicit qualities are totally missing out on naughtier plants.
TEACH YOURSELF ABOUT COTTON.
Listen to Self Help Radio's show about cotton, which will be on the air Monday (April 2nd) from 7:30 to 9 am on 88.1 fm WRFL Lexington & online at WRFL dot FM. There is a direct link to the audio stream & this is it.
For those of you who move at slower, more cotton-like, pace, the show will be archived sometime later at the Self Help Radio website.
SERIOUSLY, TEACH YOURSELF ABOUT COTTON ALREADY.
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Preface To Cotton: Cotton-Eyed
What the hell does "cotton-eyed" mean? No one can decide.
The term, which was popularized in the song "Cotton-Eyed Joe," isn't really explained in the song. Joe is "cotton-eyed," but that's just an identifying physical characteristic, as if someone said "big-eared Joe," or "black-haired Joe." Or is it even more descriptive?
One definition is someone who's so drunk you see the whites of their eyes prominently. In this case, it perhaps is synonymous with "wide-eyed," although I don't get that way when I'm drunk.
A related meaning is what apparently happens when you drink wood alcohol, which, sources say, turns your eyes milky white. In addition, others believe that it's what your eyes look like when you have glaucoma or cataracts.
According to the Random House Dictionary of Popular American Slang, the term refers to someone with prominent eye-whites.
But I can't shake the feeling that the term is racist - that it refers specifically to black folks. If you've seen pictures of blackfaced minstrels, you understand that a prominent caricature of African-Americans in those unhappy days was that their eyes seemed very white & very large in contrast to their skin. & it seems pretty obvious - especially from the old lyrics - that Joe in the song was black.
Self Help Radio's show about cotton will probably feature one version of "Cotton-Eyed Joe" - how could it not? But even though there is no consensus about the term's meaning, I am still made a little queasy by the term. The song's popularity waned in the late 20th century - everywhere but in the South, where it's still quite popular.
But also where there are still lots of racists. You know?
The term, which was popularized in the song "Cotton-Eyed Joe," isn't really explained in the song. Joe is "cotton-eyed," but that's just an identifying physical characteristic, as if someone said "big-eared Joe," or "black-haired Joe." Or is it even more descriptive?
One definition is someone who's so drunk you see the whites of their eyes prominently. In this case, it perhaps is synonymous with "wide-eyed," although I don't get that way when I'm drunk.
A related meaning is what apparently happens when you drink wood alcohol, which, sources say, turns your eyes milky white. In addition, others believe that it's what your eyes look like when you have glaucoma or cataracts.
According to the Random House Dictionary of Popular American Slang, the term refers to someone with prominent eye-whites.
But I can't shake the feeling that the term is racist - that it refers specifically to black folks. If you've seen pictures of blackfaced minstrels, you understand that a prominent caricature of African-Americans in those unhappy days was that their eyes seemed very white & very large in contrast to their skin. & it seems pretty obvious - especially from the old lyrics - that Joe in the song was black.
Self Help Radio's show about cotton will probably feature one version of "Cotton-Eyed Joe" - how could it not? But even though there is no consensus about the term's meaning, I am still made a little queasy by the term. The song's popularity waned in the late 20th century - everywhere but in the South, where it's still quite popular.
But also where there are still lots of racists. You know?
Friday, March 30, 2012
I just received this email
(I have edited it to protect the innocent. Or guilty.)
The email reads:
Hi,
I'm interested in contributing an article to selfhelpradio.net - The article will be unique and interesting to read. In return, I ask that I be able to subtly include a link to my site within the article.
If you are not interested in the article, I am also willing to offer you a one time donation for a permanent link to my site in a prominent place on your website.
Hope you are having a wonderful week!
Thanks,
(deleted)
I find this fascinating, not just because this has never happened to me - it really hasn't. & I'm not such a naif that I imagined that this person has actually visited the site - there are no "articles" there, of course. I'm fascinated because the site about which he wants to write a "unique & interesting to read" article is actually just a product-oriented web page. They sell things.
For the sake of argument, let's say what they sell is hubcaps. (It's not entirely that specific, but close.) What sort of "unique & interesting to read" article is going to have a "subtle" link (not underlined?) for hubcaps in it? Would it be the only link in the article? That's not very subtle.
I'm also fascinated because this is really the first time anyone has ever offered me money to put something on the Self Help Radio website. I know that virtually no one goes to the site - & those that do are mostly looking for something else, & don't stick around to listen to my radio shows - so it makes sense no one's looking to spend money in the obscurity there. But what does that say about this dude.
I wish I were mean enough to ask for the article. It would probably be hilarious. But I am honest to a fault, & would never ask for something I had no intention of using in the first place. That's just a little too douchey.
The email reads:
Hi,
I'm interested in contributing an article to selfhelpradio.net - The article will be unique and interesting to read. In return, I ask that I be able to subtly include a link to my site within the article.
If you are not interested in the article, I am also willing to offer you a one time donation for a permanent link to my site in a prominent place on your website.
Hope you are having a wonderful week!
Thanks,
(deleted)
I find this fascinating, not just because this has never happened to me - it really hasn't. & I'm not such a naif that I imagined that this person has actually visited the site - there are no "articles" there, of course. I'm fascinated because the site about which he wants to write a "unique & interesting to read" article is actually just a product-oriented web page. They sell things.
For the sake of argument, let's say what they sell is hubcaps. (It's not entirely that specific, but close.) What sort of "unique & interesting to read" article is going to have a "subtle" link (not underlined?) for hubcaps in it? Would it be the only link in the article? That's not very subtle.
I'm also fascinated because this is really the first time anyone has ever offered me money to put something on the Self Help Radio website. I know that virtually no one goes to the site - & those that do are mostly looking for something else, & don't stick around to listen to my radio shows - so it makes sense no one's looking to spend money in the obscurity there. But what does that say about this dude.
I wish I were mean enough to ask for the article. It would probably be hilarious. But I am honest to a fault, & would never ask for something I had no intention of using in the first place. That's just a little too douchey.
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Lonely Indiana Roads
I fell asleep driving through most of Indiana. In the dream I dreamt while driving the other drivers were sleeping & dreaming too. The farms, which cross carefully the nearly-empty highways, didn't have silo-space enough for the dreams of flight emanating from nearly every car.
You'd think the fields would remember all the snow, but no, there was burgeoning everywhere. It's easier to read the posted warnings when the landscape is easy on the eyes. There's no aggravation when a strange stoplight is deployed, or when the semi passing on the right ignores the sudden "Speed Limit 35" sign that's sprouted around the corner.
The polite man asks the wide-eyed woman something about cell phones. A very old woman looks confused when she sees that the ladies' rest room is out of order. We're near Ohio, & that explains: pizza for breakfast.
I asked the dozing state trooper: does everyone sleep through Indiana? He rolled over & said, "Only those like you & me, who drive alone." I looked at the gauge on his dashboard - instead of "gas" it said "marmalade." & I thought I saw lots of dogs just running around, racing along an invisible highway parallel to the one I was on.
& I drove through Indiana during the day - what must it be like at night?
You'd think the fields would remember all the snow, but no, there was burgeoning everywhere. It's easier to read the posted warnings when the landscape is easy on the eyes. There's no aggravation when a strange stoplight is deployed, or when the semi passing on the right ignores the sudden "Speed Limit 35" sign that's sprouted around the corner.
The polite man asks the wide-eyed woman something about cell phones. A very old woman looks confused when she sees that the ladies' rest room is out of order. We're near Ohio, & that explains: pizza for breakfast.
I asked the dozing state trooper: does everyone sleep through Indiana? He rolled over & said, "Only those like you & me, who drive alone." I looked at the gauge on his dashboard - instead of "gas" it said "marmalade." & I thought I saw lots of dogs just running around, racing along an invisible highway parallel to the one I was on.
& I drove through Indiana during the day - what must it be like at night?
Monday, March 26, 2012
Nothing Gold On The Radio Can Stay
A website called "Bad Money Advice" (really!) says this: "Gold is one the more peculiar investments out there. Although it is an exaggeration to say that it is a substance of no intrinsic value, it has several industrial uses & would undoubtedly have many more if it were not so expensive. Gold lacks some basic characteristics of a typical investment."
Therefore you should invest in Self Help Radio's show about gold. At no cost to you, this nearly ninety show also lacks some basic characteristics of a typical investment. It frankly also lacks some basic characteristics of a typical radio show. But didn't I say "at no cost to you"?
The gold songs are listed below. The show rests at the Self Help Radio website. It's in two parts, like two gold bars: part one is twenty-four carat & part two is twenty-four carrot.
(part one)
"Gold" Ken Nordine _Colors_
"Get The Gold" Three Peppers _1937-1940_
"Gold" Peter Blegvad _King Strut & Other Stories_
"The Ecstasy Of Gold" Ennio Morricone _The Ennio Morricone Anthology: A Fistful Of Film Music_
"It's The Gold (Ella Johnson, vocal)" Buddy Johnson _1939-1942_
"Bags Of Gold" Jay Jay Pistolet _Happy Birthday Me_
"Gold & Silver" Toots & The Maytals _Monkey Man_
"Heart Of Gold" Neil Young _Neil Young Archives, Vol. 1: 1963-1972_
"Fool's Gold" Rachel Sweet _Protect The Innocent_
"Fools Gold" Ghost Dance _Word To The Wise 12"_
"Fools Gold" Stone Roses _The Complete Stone Roses_
(part two)
"In The Gold Dust Rush" Cocteau Twins _Head Over Heels_
"Gold" False Friends _Burn The Bridges, Break The Gates_
"Good As Gold" Betty & The Werewolves _Tea Time Favourites_
"Goldrush" Champagne Riot _Moonstruck EP_
"Goldfinger" Man Or Astroman? _Return To Chaos_
"Diamonds & Gold" Tom Waits _Rain Dogs_
"The Gold Rush Is Over" Hank Snow _The Essential Hank Snow_
"Gold Is the Colour Of Thought" The Smoke _The Smoke_
"Spun Gold" The Three O'Clock _Arrive Without Travelling/Ever After_
"Gold" Harvey Korman _Americathon OST_
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Whither Gold?
Generous miser! May we partake in your plethora of gold?
There are too many of you, mouth to feed! There is a finite supply of gold!
Oh healthy miner! That dear metal is so lovely to behold!
Like a dragon I shall guard my hoard. You hordes shall ever look but never touch!
Kind sir, kind sir, this air, it's full of gold dust, can we just breathe a little in?
Think you me a Rumple nor a Stiltskin? What is hard fought is hard won!
Dear familiar stranger, deny us not the luster of that soft, soft aurum!
Oh all right. Form a line at the right. No licking!
-----
The preceding parable was found many times in antiquity. It was then conveniently lost many other times.
-----
For scholastic purposes, this ancient dialogue should be read by a monk with a raspy voice. Whenever possible, the part of the inquisitor (known in some academic circles as "the mob") should be read by Dan Castellaneta, the voice of television's "Homer Simpson."
-----
The meaning of this so-called "poem" has been the basis of several unimpressive scholarly careers & even (it is rumored) one tenure, &, as might be expected, there is no consensus on the actual point of the dialogue. Why does the flattering interlocutor & the group he perhaps represents want so desperately to visit the hoarder's gold stash, besides, you know, the obvious? Why doesn't the wealthy grump employ some armed musclemen to beat back the grasping group, like rich people have done throughout history? Is this some sort of allegory or something? Use the back of the piece of paper if necessary. You are not allowed to use your texts.
-----
One famous "commentary" on this literary scrap will air on the morning of Monday, March 26, on a radio station called WRFL in Lexington, Kentucky, which, it must be noted, is roughly one hundred miles from Fort Knox, where the majority of United States gold is kept. You can listen to that show from 7:30 to 9am Eastern time on 88.1 fm in the Lexington area or anywhere if you follow this audio link. The show will be archived, reportedly, online at some site called Self Help Radio although that is not a reputable educational journal site so make sure you are wearing your spam pants.
There are too many of you, mouth to feed! There is a finite supply of gold!
Oh healthy miner! That dear metal is so lovely to behold!
Like a dragon I shall guard my hoard. You hordes shall ever look but never touch!
Kind sir, kind sir, this air, it's full of gold dust, can we just breathe a little in?
Think you me a Rumple nor a Stiltskin? What is hard fought is hard won!
Dear familiar stranger, deny us not the luster of that soft, soft aurum!
Oh all right. Form a line at the right. No licking!
-----
The preceding parable was found many times in antiquity. It was then conveniently lost many other times.
-----
For scholastic purposes, this ancient dialogue should be read by a monk with a raspy voice. Whenever possible, the part of the inquisitor (known in some academic circles as "the mob") should be read by Dan Castellaneta, the voice of television's "Homer Simpson."
-----
The meaning of this so-called "poem" has been the basis of several unimpressive scholarly careers & even (it is rumored) one tenure, &, as might be expected, there is no consensus on the actual point of the dialogue. Why does the flattering interlocutor & the group he perhaps represents want so desperately to visit the hoarder's gold stash, besides, you know, the obvious? Why doesn't the wealthy grump employ some armed musclemen to beat back the grasping group, like rich people have done throughout history? Is this some sort of allegory or something? Use the back of the piece of paper if necessary. You are not allowed to use your texts.
-----
One famous "commentary" on this literary scrap will air on the morning of Monday, March 26, on a radio station called WRFL in Lexington, Kentucky, which, it must be noted, is roughly one hundred miles from Fort Knox, where the majority of United States gold is kept. You can listen to that show from 7:30 to 9am Eastern time on 88.1 fm in the Lexington area or anywhere if you follow this audio link. The show will be archived, reportedly, online at some site called Self Help Radio although that is not a reputable educational journal site so make sure you are wearing your spam pants.
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Preface To Gold: Fools & Their Gold
On returning to the Gold Standard, a free verse poem (as told to TS Eliot)
Oh Gold Standard like Icarus we abandoned you to the Greek skies!
Must we take up arms like Hamlet or even like Hamilton
Whose duel with Burr meant his end - of life but not legend?
Does the rose not bloom in the bloomiest of months?
April needs the rain's lifeblood like our own life needs its blood blood -
Like our nation (all nations) need Gold as its golden Standard.
There is a hat every sovereign nation once wore -
Dare to wear that hat again, the Hat Of Fiscal Decorum!
The plume is the plume of Wise Hammurabi, dreaming of fairness.
Did Joyce, walking the streets of Paris, daydream about you
O Gold Standard now buried perhaps in Père Lachaise next to Collette
Or Jim Morrison who - it is said - once consumed an entire bar of Gold.
To fervently want Gold returned as a Standard too long slandered
We need Miss Manners to rap our knuckles for digging in infertile dirt
Like swords beaten into plowshares unshared with a hungry world.
So we close our eyes like blind Homer but see a better time -
A time when we like great Croesus manhandling great Midas can laugh -
Saved! Once again, the Gold Standard is in love with us!
Oh Gold Standard like Icarus we abandoned you to the Greek skies!
Must we take up arms like Hamlet or even like Hamilton
Whose duel with Burr meant his end - of life but not legend?
Does the rose not bloom in the bloomiest of months?
April needs the rain's lifeblood like our own life needs its blood blood -
Like our nation (all nations) need Gold as its golden Standard.
There is a hat every sovereign nation once wore -
Dare to wear that hat again, the Hat Of Fiscal Decorum!
The plume is the plume of Wise Hammurabi, dreaming of fairness.
Did Joyce, walking the streets of Paris, daydream about you
O Gold Standard now buried perhaps in Père Lachaise next to Collette
Or Jim Morrison who - it is said - once consumed an entire bar of Gold.
To fervently want Gold returned as a Standard too long slandered
We need Miss Manners to rap our knuckles for digging in infertile dirt
Like swords beaten into plowshares unshared with a hungry world.
So we close our eyes like blind Homer but see a better time -
A time when we like great Croesus manhandling great Midas can laugh -
Saved! Once again, the Gold Standard is in love with us!
Friday, March 23, 2012
It's National Puppy Day!
National Puppy Day dot Com
Did you celebrate your puppy today? Mine celebrated in the way they normally do:
Did you celebrate your puppy today? Mine celebrated in the way they normally do:
Thursday, March 22, 2012
I Don't Know Why The I Don't Know Show Is Being Posted On A Thursday
I just don't know. Really, I don't know. I don't... I don't know. You know?
I do know this show, which apparently doesn't know anything, is available on the Self Help Radio website if you want to listen. I don't know what you want. Part one of the show is here, & part two is here. I don't know how else I can explain it to you. What's in each part is below, although I don't know why I'm telling you that.
I don't know if you are listening - but thanks anyway!
(part one)
"I Don't Know" George Carlin _When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops?_
"I Don't Know" Willie Mabon _Chess Rhythm & Roll, 1947-1955_
"I Don't Even Know" Envelopes _Demon_
"I Don't Know If You Don't Know" Adicts _Rise & Shine_
"I Know But I Don't Know" Blondie _The Platinum Collection_
"I Don't Know" Bill Withers _Still Bill_
"Don't Know Anymore" Alex Chilton _A Man Called Destruction_
"I Don't Know" Mekons _I Heart Mekons_
"I Don't Know For Sure" Hüsker Dü _Candy Apple Grey_
"I Don't Know Why" Eden Kane _Dreamboats & Petticoats, Vol. 4_
"I Don't Know Why" Stevie Wonder _At The Close Of A Century_
"I Don't Know Why (I Just Do)" Jack Mudurian _Downloading The Repetoire_
"I Don't Know Why" The Iguanas _A Journey To Tyme, Vol. 3_
(part two)
"I Don't Know Why I Love You" House Of Love _House Of Love_
"I Don't Know" Smack Dab _Queen Crab_
"I Don't Know What To Say" The Magnetic Fields _Realism_
"I Just Don't Know What To Do With Myself" Elvis Costello _My Aim Is True_
"I Don't Know What To Do With My Life" The Buzzcocks _Operators Manual_
"What I Don't Know" Betty Lavette _Bluesoul Belles_
"I Don't Know What It Is, But I Like It" Varetta Dillard _The Lovin' Bird: Complete Recordings 1958 - 1961, Vol. 2_
"I Don't Know" Bob Hope _The Sound Of Leamington Spa, Vol. 2_
"I Don't Know" Embellish _Moshi Moshi (Pop International Style)_
"I Really Don't Know" The Cat's Miaow _A Kiss & A Cuddle_
"Don't Know How You Do It" Imperial Teen _Feel The Sound_
"Don't Know How To Say Goodbye" Pigeon Detectives _Wait For Me_
"If You're Not Here (I Don't Know Where You Are)" Hunx & His Punx _Too Young To Be In Love_
"I Don't Know Which Way To Turn" Felt _Ignite The Seven Cannons_
Monday, March 19, 2012
A Show A Week Late? That's Not Groovy!
Boy is this being posted late. Hey man, I don't dig the vibe. I am inhabiting my own space right now & totally don't need your negativity holding me hostile. A radio show is like a good time, man. You can't make it happen on a schedule, you know? Far out.
That's as hippie as I can get. I hope there's some groovy in you because there's a hell of a lot in this show, which is available on the Self Help Radio website. You can also listen to the first part of the show here & then the second part of the show here. Or you can listen to them the other way around. Or just one or the other. There is a list of the songs in each part below.
As always, thanks for listening!
(part one)
"Groovy" Groovers _Las Vegas Grind, Vol. 1_
"Groovy Time" Blochin 81 _Review III (Marsh-Marigold)_
"Everything's Groovy" Gaye Bykers On Acid _Everything Groovy_
"Groovy" Johnny Moore's Three Blazers _Charles Brown 1944-1945_
"A Groovy Kind Of Love" Diane & Annita _You Heard It Here First, Vol. 1_
"The 59th Street Bridge Song (Feelin' Groovy)" The Free Design _Kites Are Fun_
"Groovy Tuesday" Swan Dive _Swan Dive_
"Every Groovy Day" Roman Rebellion _Every Groovy Day_
"You're A Stone Groovy Thing" Ruth Brown _Sister Funk_
"Groovy Situation" Gene Chandler _Nothing Can Stop Me: Gene Chandler's Greatest Hits_
"Groovy Situation" Keith Rowe _Lee Scratch Perry: Arkology_
"Groovy Tune" Silly Pillows _New Affection_
(part two)
"Your Groovy Self" Nancy Sinatra _Speedway_
"Groovy People" Lou Rawls _All Things In Time_
"That's Groovy" The Classic Example _The Classic Example_
"Groovy Little Pizza" Charles Edward Cheese Band _Let's Eat Pizza_
"The Grooviest Girl In The World" The Fun & Games _Elephant Candy_
"Groovy Girls Make Love At The Beach" Gary Wilson _You Think You Really Know Me_
"Groovy Little Woman" Wilson Pickett _Funky Midnight Mover: The Atlantic Studio Recordings (1962-1978)_
"The Weddin' March (I Feel Groovy)" Friend & Lover _Reach Out Of The Darkness_
"Groovy Times" The Clash _Clash On Broadway_
"(If You Think You're) Groovy" The Small Faces _The Immediate Anthology_
"Groovy Heart Attack" The Hit Parade _More Pop Songs_
"Wouldn't That Be Groovy" Doris _Did You Give The World Some Love Today Baby_
"Workin' On A Groovy Thing" The Fifth Dimension _The Very Best Of The 5th Dimension_
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Whither I Don't Know?
I know exactly why I am doing a show about not knowing. Although the more I think about it, "not knowing" is not quite the same as saying "I don't know." "Not knowing" is the condition you're in when you realize you don't know.
I was bluffing there. I don't know why I am doing a show about I don't know. I don't even know if I'm going to be doing the show tomorrow. I suspect I will. But I can't really be sure.
You don't know, either, but I don't care about that. I care only that I don't know. But to satisfy your skepticism you can tune in, tomorrow, at 7:30 am, on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington. Or you can listen online live from anywhere at the WRFL website - the audio link is right here.
I will put the show on the Self Help Radio website when I can - I was out of town this week so I still haven't put last week's show there - don't hassle me!
I will only say that I don't know when I'll put them there - oh but I will put those shows up sometime after tomorrow morning.
Will you listen? Honestly, I don't know.
I was bluffing there. I don't know why I am doing a show about I don't know. I don't even know if I'm going to be doing the show tomorrow. I suspect I will. But I can't really be sure.
You don't know, either, but I don't care about that. I care only that I don't know. But to satisfy your skepticism you can tune in, tomorrow, at 7:30 am, on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington. Or you can listen online live from anywhere at the WRFL website - the audio link is right here.
I will put the show on the Self Help Radio website when I can - I was out of town this week so I still haven't put last week's show there - don't hassle me!
I will only say that I don't know when I'll put them there - oh but I will put those shows up sometime after tomorrow morning.
Will you listen? Honestly, I don't know.
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Preface To I Don't Know: I Don't Know Why I'm So Tired
Could it be because over the past six days I've travelled nearly two thousand miles?
In addition to listening to a lot of music on the drive, I took the advice of the Onion AV Club & listened to a few of what they considered the best podcasts of 2011. It turns out they had some good recommendations.
The wife enjoyed most of all Marc Maron's WTF Podcast, despite not really knowing a lot of the folks he was talking to. I think it's really fun to listen to, because he seems to truly enjoy talking to the people he interviews. How come no one's thought about doing this on a television show?
My personal favorite - despite the wife's assertion that these guys are funnier than the Firesign Theater, which borders on blasphemy - was the Superego podcast. I laughed so much my face hurt.
I also really enjoyed the Bugle, which is very British & very much in the same spirit as shows like Black Adder.
One great thing about all these podcasts is how much fun everyone is having. People should crack each other up more. People who can make people laugh are probably the greatest people on the planet.
Should I mention the podcasts that I should have enjoyed but didn't? Or is it obvious, since I just mentioned those three but the Onion recommended more? Will I have time to continue following all of these?
Answers: No, Maybe, God I Hope So.
In addition to listening to a lot of music on the drive, I took the advice of the Onion AV Club & listened to a few of what they considered the best podcasts of 2011. It turns out they had some good recommendations.
The wife enjoyed most of all Marc Maron's WTF Podcast, despite not really knowing a lot of the folks he was talking to. I think it's really fun to listen to, because he seems to truly enjoy talking to the people he interviews. How come no one's thought about doing this on a television show?
My personal favorite - despite the wife's assertion that these guys are funnier than the Firesign Theater, which borders on blasphemy - was the Superego podcast. I laughed so much my face hurt.
I also really enjoyed the Bugle, which is very British & very much in the same spirit as shows like Black Adder.
One great thing about all these podcasts is how much fun everyone is having. People should crack each other up more. People who can make people laugh are probably the greatest people on the planet.
Should I mention the podcasts that I should have enjoyed but didn't? Or is it obvious, since I just mentioned those three but the Onion recommended more? Will I have time to continue following all of these?
Answers: No, Maybe, God I Hope So.
Friday, March 16, 2012
Several case studies involving drivers in the deepish South
As older I get & grumpier I tend, driving seems more wearisome & drivers more douchebaggerish. Can you please point me to important scientific studies which prove that dickhead drivers who super-speed get more speeding tickets per capita than we who speed only when it's safe?
I still believe the worstest drivers in the states in which I've habited are from Kentucky, & I of course have suffered most of my life with the randomness & recklessness that characterize the average Texas driver. (One big difference: Texas drivers use their turn signals.). But there is a case to be made for the ineptitude that is the Arkansas bobbler (for in Arkansas, they do not drive but bobble), & even more of a case for the driver who, several states away from their home, fare worse on the high speed highway than the average driving school student with a head cold.
May I also mention the esteemed trucker, whose lumbering vehicle & long-haul perspective ought to give him or (less likely) her a greater patience & wisdom when it comes to navigating this nation's congested two lane highways? Why such assholery? You are taking better drugs than I can while driving; you can kill virtually anything on the road; & you are basically driving in your own home - why just suddenly pull in front of some dude coming quickly from behind you (say, twenty miles an hour faster than you) - someone who will pass you with such great speed that you won't even notice the time you might lose - why, I must ask, why?
You should be better than that, oh mighty trucker. You should be above petty & peevish.
& I still have half of Tennessee & most of the middle of Kentucky to go!
I still believe the worstest drivers in the states in which I've habited are from Kentucky, & I of course have suffered most of my life with the randomness & recklessness that characterize the average Texas driver. (One big difference: Texas drivers use their turn signals.). But there is a case to be made for the ineptitude that is the Arkansas bobbler (for in Arkansas, they do not drive but bobble), & even more of a case for the driver who, several states away from their home, fare worse on the high speed highway than the average driving school student with a head cold.
May I also mention the esteemed trucker, whose lumbering vehicle & long-haul perspective ought to give him or (less likely) her a greater patience & wisdom when it comes to navigating this nation's congested two lane highways? Why such assholery? You are taking better drugs than I can while driving; you can kill virtually anything on the road; & you are basically driving in your own home - why just suddenly pull in front of some dude coming quickly from behind you (say, twenty miles an hour faster than you) - someone who will pass you with such great speed that you won't even notice the time you might lose - why, I must ask, why?
You should be better than that, oh mighty trucker. You should be above petty & peevish.
& I still have half of Tennessee & most of the middle of Kentucky to go!
Thursday, March 15, 2012
I have so many things I could say about Dallas
It's bigger than I always remember. It has a lot more vegetarian/vegan restaurants than I remember. I ate way too many much food & was even upset that I couldn't eat too much more. Also saw old friends & ate too too much food with them.
I miss big cities & one day suppose will live in one again but hopefully probably not Dallas though. Some cities have too much life overlap & there are ghosts of me that I cannot explain myself to. Dallas is like that in one confusing way after another.
One thing discovered in Dallas: Mr. T on the television advertising things all the time. My childhood returns to mock me!
Will be back in Lexingtown in two days. Am listening to songs for Self Help Radio while I drive. If I did it this way every week, the show, who costs almost nothing to produce, could get expensive.
I miss big cities & one day suppose will live in one again but hopefully probably not Dallas though. Some cities have too much life overlap & there are ghosts of me that I cannot explain myself to. Dallas is like that in one confusing way after another.
One thing discovered in Dallas: Mr. T on the television advertising things all the time. My childhood returns to mock me!
Will be back in Lexingtown in two days. Am listening to songs for Self Help Radio while I drive. If I did it this way every week, the show, who costs almost nothing to produce, could get expensive.
Monday, March 12, 2012
What's not so groovy...
I have been listening to lots of podcasts today because I was on the road. Which means, I wasn't sitting at home all day editing this morning's shows for public consumption.
Wait a minute! The shows are edited? Well, yeah, but not the way you think. I mean, if I could edit them to make them better, I certainly would. I record them as one giant audio file, & have to break them up. I also sometimes edit out embarrassing dead air. If I occasionally go on the mic & scream out my frustration for the unfairness of the universe in the middle of songs - well, I edit that out, too.
Actually, if I really did that, I'd probably leave them in.
Anyway, I do a little cosmetic work on the shows, splitting them in half, etc, before I put them on my server. Only, I can't do that now, since the recording of the show is in Lexington & I'm in a La Quinta in Memphis. The long & short of it is, I won't be putting the shows on the site until I get home this weekend. My apologies.
But I am slowly formulating an idea for a podcast. Really! A talky one. Perhaps even with humor!
Wait a minute! The shows are edited? Well, yeah, but not the way you think. I mean, if I could edit them to make them better, I certainly would. I record them as one giant audio file, & have to break them up. I also sometimes edit out embarrassing dead air. If I occasionally go on the mic & scream out my frustration for the unfairness of the universe in the middle of songs - well, I edit that out, too.
Actually, if I really did that, I'd probably leave them in.
Anyway, I do a little cosmetic work on the shows, splitting them in half, etc, before I put them on my server. Only, I can't do that now, since the recording of the show is in Lexington & I'm in a La Quinta in Memphis. The long & short of it is, I won't be putting the shows on the site until I get home this weekend. My apologies.
But I am slowly formulating an idea for a podcast. Really! A talky one. Perhaps even with humor!
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Whither The Groovy Show?
What am I, some kind of hippie?
I once had a boss who used the word "groovy" a lot. He had long hair. He was always giving the peace sign. But he wasn't really a hippie. He called his wife "dude." She called him "dude." That was weird.
I started using the word "groovy" in conversation in the early 90s. I guess there was a sixties revival then, as people were wearing tie-dye & grunge kind of recapitulated some of the manly rock of the 60s. Like the Doors. That movie came out. I remember girls at the time swooning over Jim Morrison. Who was, of course, mainly decomposed bits in a cemetery in Paris.
I still use the word. I am somewhat aware of the dated nature, & perhaps, like my boss, wish people to make judgments about me that are quite untrue. I have longish hair, too. But I am not a hippie.
Hey! But if you're a hippie, or want to hear music that's groovy, that's all Self Help Radio is about this week. It's happening tomorrow morning at 7:30 am (until 9 am) on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington. You can listen online live from anywhere, & the audio link is right here.
Normally, I tell you that I'll archive the show later in the day at Self Help Radio website, but that won't be the case tomorrow, as I am leaving directly after the show to be away for spring break. I'll put it up as soon as I get back to town - which may be in a week or so.
It'd be groovy if you listened live.
I once had a boss who used the word "groovy" a lot. He had long hair. He was always giving the peace sign. But he wasn't really a hippie. He called his wife "dude." She called him "dude." That was weird.
I started using the word "groovy" in conversation in the early 90s. I guess there was a sixties revival then, as people were wearing tie-dye & grunge kind of recapitulated some of the manly rock of the 60s. Like the Doors. That movie came out. I remember girls at the time swooning over Jim Morrison. Who was, of course, mainly decomposed bits in a cemetery in Paris.
I still use the word. I am somewhat aware of the dated nature, & perhaps, like my boss, wish people to make judgments about me that are quite untrue. I have longish hair, too. But I am not a hippie.
Hey! But if you're a hippie, or want to hear music that's groovy, that's all Self Help Radio is about this week. It's happening tomorrow morning at 7:30 am (until 9 am) on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington. You can listen online live from anywhere, & the audio link is right here.
Normally, I tell you that I'll archive the show later in the day at Self Help Radio website, but that won't be the case tomorrow, as I am leaving directly after the show to be away for spring break. I'll put it up as soon as I get back to town - which may be in a week or so.
It'd be groovy if you listened live.
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Preface To The Groovy Show: Groovy Little Time Change
Everyone keeps saying, "Remember to set your clocks head tonight! It's spring forward time again!" But every clock I use regularly is either on some computing device or on my DVR. They're the first times I see every morning. They'll change automatically thanks to the magic of Big Computer, which is sort of like Orwell's Big Brother, but sneakier.
The clocks on the stove & microwave I'll probably not change until I use them. Same with the one in the car. & hey, I am going to be driving to Dallas next week, so do I even have to change the clocks until I get home? Let's see, it's an hour earlier in Dallas... Oh, yeah, I guess I have to.
In the radio world, this time of year can be confusing. Here in Lexington, the fellow who normally does the midnight to three on Saturday sent an email out to remind the deejays after him to come in an hour early. In Austin, where both KVRX & KOOP share the same frequency, there's an issue at the tower, where an automated systems switches between the two stations at 9am. It can be quite a headache.
Not for me! It just means that Self Help Radio is coming an hour sooner this week than it did last week. & that's groovy.
The clocks on the stove & microwave I'll probably not change until I use them. Same with the one in the car. & hey, I am going to be driving to Dallas next week, so do I even have to change the clocks until I get home? Let's see, it's an hour earlier in Dallas... Oh, yeah, I guess I have to.
In the radio world, this time of year can be confusing. Here in Lexington, the fellow who normally does the midnight to three on Saturday sent an email out to remind the deejays after him to come in an hour early. In Austin, where both KVRX & KOOP share the same frequency, there's an issue at the tower, where an automated systems switches between the two stations at 9am. It can be quite a headache.
Not for me! It just means that Self Help Radio is coming an hour sooner this week than it did last week. & that's groovy.
Friday, March 09, 2012
Happy Birthday John Cale!
A week after Lou Reed turned 70, so does John Davies Cale. Here he is at some unspecified time probably in recent history performing one of his great songs, "Fear Is A Man's Best Friend," live - with Nick Cave & Chrissie Hynde looking on.
Thursday, March 08, 2012
Thursday Picture Of A Pet
We have now come to the last of my pets. This fuzzy cat is named Bronte. She came to us from one of my wife's colleagues, who found her, she said, at a farmhouse in Ohio. The poor little cat weighed less than four pounds, was full of tangles & mats, & had a worrying cough, which her rescuer told us was "just hairballs."
After we had her for a couple of weeks, she was still lethargic & not terribly affectionate, & I noticed that, though she kaff-kaffed all the time, I never once saw a hairball (despite her mess of hair). So we took her to a vet & discovered she had asthma. Once she had regular treatment, she transformed into a wholly different cat - playful, sweet to her brother Bolan, noisy, demanding. As is typical with asthma, the sickness affects her depending on the weather, & it took several attempts - & suffering through some utterly inept Appalachian vets - to get her the proper meds, & to maintain her health.
The wife says it's been six months since an asthma attack. We should have a sign in the house. But spring is around the corner. Now, the currently ten-pound Bronte is asking me to feed her. Asking me? Demanding me!
Monday, March 05, 2012
A Rainbow Connection
Somewhere, under the rainbow, near the pot of gold, I found a radio show about rainbows. I frankly would have preferred the pot of gold. But then I wouldn't have shared all that gold with you. The music, though - it's all for you! & no, you're not having a flashback, you hippie.
The show is all colors of the rainbow, from Roy to Biv. It's available on the Self Help Radio website. Half of the rainbow is available over here, while the other half is over here. The shows are listed below.
Oh, & as an aside: I usually also put up mp3s for my other show, Sugar Substitute, but this morning, due to user error (ie, me), I didn't get a recording of this morning's show. In case you were wondering.
As always, thanks for listening!
(part one)
"What Makes A Rainbow?" Marais & Miranda _More Nature Songs_
"Rainbows Are Back In Style" Dean Martin _Gentle On My Mind_
"The Rainbow Connection" Majestic _Just For A Day_
"Over The Rainbow" Aretha Franklin _Aretha Complete On Columbia_
"She's A Rainbow" Rolling Stones _Their Satanic Majesties Request_
"The Rainbow" The Apples In Stereo _The Discovery Of A World Inside The Moone_
"The Man Who Paints The Rainbows" Television Personalities _Privilege_
"Rainbow" Gene Chandler _Nothing Can Stop Me: Gene Chandler's Greatest Hits_
"Rainbow Voodoo" Clark _Totems Flare_
"Looking For A Rainbow" Talulah Gosh _Backwash_
"She Talks To Rainbows" The Ramones _Hey! Ho! Let's Go: The Anthology_
(part two)
"The End Of The Rainbow" Richard & Linda Thompson _I Want To See The Bright Lights Tonight_
"There's A Rainbow 'Round My Shoulder" Bobby Darin _The Swinging Side Of Bobby Darin_
"There's A Rainbow In Your Heart" Chuck Jackson _The Motown Anthology_
"Rainbow Woman" Lee Hazlewood _Where The Action Is! (Los Angeles Nuggets 1965-1968)_
"Rainbow Signs" Sarah Webster Fabio _Boss Soul_
"Rainbow Road" Bill Brandon _Down & Out: The Sad Soul Of The Black South_
"Paint A Rainbow" My Bloody Valentine _Sunny Sundae Smile_
"Paint Yourself A Rainbow" Suede Crocodiles _Stop The Rain_
"Rainbow Rider" The Pooh Sticks _Million Seller_
"Rainbow Of Strange Appetites" Loop Guru _Elderberry Shiftglass_
"Find Yourself A Rainbow" Sally Field _Star of The Flying Nun_
Sunday, March 04, 2012
Whither Rainbows?
What kind of hippie am I anyway?
There sure are a lot of songs about rainbows - something a certain frog wondered about some thirty years ago - & I've spent most of the week slogging through them. Human beings are quite infatuated with them, that's for sure.
My favorite rainbow - at least the one that comes to mind when I think the word "rainbow" - was an astonishing rainbow appearing in dark blue skies somewhere in New Mexico in the mid-90s after I'd driven through a small patch of rain on the portions of I-20 that are in Indian lands. I saw it by chance - if I weren't always looking in the rear-view mirror, I wouldn't have noticed it. I have a photograph of it somewhere - I had my girlfriend hold the steering wheel while I awkwardly turned in my seat to get the shot. The photograph, taken on a cheap hand-me-down camera, doesn't capture how breathtaking it was.
It is pretty wonderful to see a bow of colors in the sky. & everyone knows that wonder - which is why it appears in so many songs.
You'll get to hear a lot of them on Self Help Radio tomorrow morning (that's Monday) from 7:30 to 9am on 88.1 fm WRFL Lexington. If you want to listen on the computer, here's a link to the audio stream. I'll archive it later in the day at the Self Help Radio website. So unlike a rainbow, the show will be around for a while.
There sure are a lot of songs about rainbows - something a certain frog wondered about some thirty years ago - & I've spent most of the week slogging through them. Human beings are quite infatuated with them, that's for sure.
My favorite rainbow - at least the one that comes to mind when I think the word "rainbow" - was an astonishing rainbow appearing in dark blue skies somewhere in New Mexico in the mid-90s after I'd driven through a small patch of rain on the portions of I-20 that are in Indian lands. I saw it by chance - if I weren't always looking in the rear-view mirror, I wouldn't have noticed it. I have a photograph of it somewhere - I had my girlfriend hold the steering wheel while I awkwardly turned in my seat to get the shot. The photograph, taken on a cheap hand-me-down camera, doesn't capture how breathtaking it was.
It is pretty wonderful to see a bow of colors in the sky. & everyone knows that wonder - which is why it appears in so many songs.
You'll get to hear a lot of them on Self Help Radio tomorrow morning (that's Monday) from 7:30 to 9am on 88.1 fm WRFL Lexington. If you want to listen on the computer, here's a link to the audio stream. I'll archive it later in the day at the Self Help Radio website. So unlike a rainbow, the show will be around for a while.
Saturday, March 03, 2012
Preface To Rainbows: Omigolly! This Is The 1,300th Post!
It's hard to imagine, I know, that I have written one thousand three hundred entries in this blog (counting this one) & in general have almost nothing to say.
You know I love to do the math. Here goes:
(I am cutting & pasting most of this from the entry for post 1200.)
I started this blog on 09/12/06.
176 days later, I reached post # 100 on 03/07/07.
158 days after that, I reached post # 200 on 08/13/07.
149 days after that, I reached post # 300 on 01/09/08.
138 days after that, I reached post # 400 on 05/26/08.
141 days after that, I reached post # 500 on 10/14/08.
162 days after that, I reached post # 600 on 03/25/09.
186 days after that, I reached post # 700 on 09/23/09.
149 days after that, I reached post # 800 on 02/19/10.
154 days after that, I reached post # 900 on 07/23/10.
143 days after that, I reached post # 1000 on 12/14/10.
158 days after that, I reached post # 1100, at 05/21/11.
147 days after that, I reached post # 1200, at 10/15/11.
I counted from a calendar & came up with 139 days since entry 1200. The math is almost certainly screwed up - but I do try to be consistent, & have written in this blog five days a week for many weeks now.
Also, if the days above don't add up, don't worry - it's not at all important. I am something of a quitter & when I don't quit, I have terrible follow-through, so it's somewhat amazing to me that I've kept this up. Especially since I have nothing to say.
Or maybe, like most other blogs, it's the reason I keep going?
I am returning to listening to songs about rainbows. Also, I am roasting potatoes. The two are not incompatible.
You know I love to do the math. Here goes:
(I am cutting & pasting most of this from the entry for post 1200.)
I started this blog on 09/12/06.
176 days later, I reached post # 100 on 03/07/07.
158 days after that, I reached post # 200 on 08/13/07.
149 days after that, I reached post # 300 on 01/09/08.
138 days after that, I reached post # 400 on 05/26/08.
141 days after that, I reached post # 500 on 10/14/08.
162 days after that, I reached post # 600 on 03/25/09.
186 days after that, I reached post # 700 on 09/23/09.
149 days after that, I reached post # 800 on 02/19/10.
154 days after that, I reached post # 900 on 07/23/10.
143 days after that, I reached post # 1000 on 12/14/10.
158 days after that, I reached post # 1100, at 05/21/11.
147 days after that, I reached post # 1200, at 10/15/11.
I counted from a calendar & came up with 139 days since entry 1200. The math is almost certainly screwed up - but I do try to be consistent, & have written in this blog five days a week for many weeks now.
Also, if the days above don't add up, don't worry - it's not at all important. I am something of a quitter & when I don't quit, I have terrible follow-through, so it's somewhat amazing to me that I've kept this up. Especially since I have nothing to say.
Or maybe, like most other blogs, it's the reason I keep going?
I am returning to listening to songs about rainbows. Also, I am roasting potatoes. The two are not incompatible.
Friday, March 02, 2012
Holy Crap Lou Reed Is 70 Today!
He doesn't look a day over 100. Happy birthday Lou!
Click for a live version of "Heroin" performed with John Cale in 1972!
Click for a live version of "Heroin" performed with John Cale in 1972!
Thursday, March 01, 2012
Thursday Picture Of A Pet
I know parents are not supposed to have favorites, but of all our animals - with the exception of Beatrice, whose relationship with me goes beyond pet/parent - this little fellow is probably my favorite. His name is Winston & despite his puppiness, he's not a puppy - he'll turn five this summer. He has a condition called Musladin-Lueke Syndrome - colloquially, & with a smattering of racism, called "Chinese Beagle Syndrome" - & he'll be this way for the rest of his life. A friend at KOOP called him a "perma-puppy."
He's had a lot of health issues associated with his sickness, & the wife calls him "our Prius," to joke about the amount of money we've spent on him. Occasionally people will say, when we tell them he's a dwarf, "I want one!" But the truth is, most breeders will kill beagles with this syndrome. That's why they're not common. (In addition, the same condition in other breeds is fatal after one year. They don't know why this is not so with beagles.)
He's been spoiled his whole life, so he's pushy & needy & a big pest, but I think that's why I love him so. He's been in generally good health - when he's not eating things he shouldn't, like cat poo or peach pits - but we fully expect to spend another Prius' worth of money on him during his lifetime. He's really worth it.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Don't Take Our Advice
I know, it seems absurd for Self Help Radio to be giving out advice. Almost no one expects to hear advice from a Self Help Radio show! But it turns out it's all right - it's not the show that's giving the advice, so much as the music on the show. Therefore Self Help Radio can't be legally liable for any advice you might take from the songs. Blame the singers, not the radio show!
The show is available for consultation at the Self Help Radio website. It's in two parts: part one is here & part two is here. All the advisory song titles are listed below.
As always, thanks for listening!
(part one)
"Get Yourself Together" Velocette _Get Yourself Together_
"Accept Yourself" The Smiths _This Charming Man_
"Be True To Yourself" Bobby Vee _The Look Of Love: The Burt Bacharach Collection_
"Respect Yourself" Staple Singers _Can You Dig It? The 70's Soul Experience, Vol. 2_
"Do It Yourself" Sprites _Starling, Spiders, Tiger & Sprites_
"Get A Grip On Yourself" The Stranglers _Rattus Norvegicus_
"Believe In Yourself" Sesame Street _Sesame Street Silver: The Tenth Anniversary Album_
"Help Yourself" Diamond Joe _Crescent City Soul: The Sound of New Orleans_
"Find Yourself, Pt. 1" Marvin Holmes _Bay Area Funk_
"Express Yourself" Charles Wright & The Watts 103rd Street Rhythm Band _Express Yourself: The Best Of Charles Wright_
"Pull Yourself Together" Hefner _Breaking God's Heart_
(part two)
"Let Yourself Go" Laptop _Don't Try This At Home_
"Eat Y'self Fitter" The Fall _Perverted By Language_
"Stop Feeling Sorry For Yourself" Sandie Shaw _The Greatest Hits Of Sandie Shaw_
"Think For Yourself" The Beatles _Rubber Soul_
"Be Yourself" Whodini _Greatest Hits_
"Make Yourself A Happiness Pie" Roger Ruskin Spear _Electric Shocks_
"Just Be Yourself" LaBrenda Ben _The Complete Motown Singles: 1963_
"Be Yourself" The Antennas _Whip! Wobble & Grind! 1962-1964_
"Help Yourself" Railroad Jerk _One Track Mind_
"Get Yourself Together (Demo)" The Jam _Sound Affects_
"Find Out For Yourself" Acid House Kings _The Sound Of Young Sweden_
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Whither Advice?
"Wise men don't need advice. Fools won't take it." Benjamin Franklin said that. I hope that means this show is for the some folks in between - & no, last week's show was the in between show, not this week's again, & - oh never mind.
It's very unusual for Self Help Radio to be doing such a self-help radio-y thing like giving advice. I have no advice to give. Well, I have one bit of advice to give: if you're lucky, enjoy it. If you're not, endure it. Sometimes it seems to me that experience & skill & art & demeanor are all helpless in the face of hard luck - & get all the credit in cases of good luck. That's all the advice I have.
But the music I play tomorrow will be filled with advice from people less shy than I to give advice. If you want to hear it - whether you take it or not, I don't care - you can do so from 7:30 to 9am tomorrow morning on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington. You can listen to it on your radio or online at our website. (If you're reading this & only want to click once, you can click here to get the live music stream.) If you are late in getting this information, you can listen any time after tomorrow at the Self Help Radio website.
You may want to listen to Self Help Radio's show about advice - there might not be much self-help on the show for months afterwards!
It's very unusual for Self Help Radio to be doing such a self-help radio-y thing like giving advice. I have no advice to give. Well, I have one bit of advice to give: if you're lucky, enjoy it. If you're not, endure it. Sometimes it seems to me that experience & skill & art & demeanor are all helpless in the face of hard luck - & get all the credit in cases of good luck. That's all the advice I have.
But the music I play tomorrow will be filled with advice from people less shy than I to give advice. If you want to hear it - whether you take it or not, I don't care - you can do so from 7:30 to 9am tomorrow morning on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington. You can listen to it on your radio or online at our website. (If you're reading this & only want to click once, you can click here to get the live music stream.) If you are late in getting this information, you can listen any time after tomorrow at the Self Help Radio website.
You may want to listen to Self Help Radio's show about advice - there might not be much self-help on the show for months afterwards!
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Preface To Advice: Some People Can't Help But Give Advice
So you probably know someone who can't help but give advice. Sometimes it's someone who's perfectly handy, & maybe you've asked them for advice before - like when a tree branch has fallen & you might need to chop the tree down, or if it's something to do with plumbing - but since then, they imagine every innocent comment you make is a cry for help. Or maybe it's someone who you know for a fact is a complete fuck-up & you can't believe what they're telling you - they could be sitting in a pool of their own filth & they'd give you advice on personal hygiene.
The first type of person is always a nice fellow. Their advice might even be fine, but shouldn't you ask for the advice before it's given? Here is perhaps a sample conversation probably not drawn from real life:
You: Hey, good to hear from you.
The Adviser: How are things up north?
You: Oh, I'm excited, it's going to snow tonight!
The Adviser: You'll want to be careful driving in that snow. Let me tell you the best techniques...
The second type of person is pretty self-explanatory, but they have another terrible trait (well, the first probably has, too) of giving you advice for a third person on behalf of whom (they imagine) you're seeking their expertise. For example, & again, certainly not something that has ever possibly happened in real life:
The Adviser: How's the wife?
You: Oh, she's fine, but she's a little overextended at work.
The Adviser: You should tell her what I do to keep my work & home life separate...
You yourself have doubtless given advice unsolicited many times in your life, but it's not a serial problem with you. With these kinds of people, it really is. & there's probably no good advice out there on how to deal with them - confronting them will just make them defensive - except perhaps - uh oh here's some unsolicited advice - just stay away from them.
The first type of person is always a nice fellow. Their advice might even be fine, but shouldn't you ask for the advice before it's given? Here is perhaps a sample conversation probably not drawn from real life:
You: Hey, good to hear from you.
The Adviser: How are things up north?
You: Oh, I'm excited, it's going to snow tonight!
The Adviser: You'll want to be careful driving in that snow. Let me tell you the best techniques...
The second type of person is pretty self-explanatory, but they have another terrible trait (well, the first probably has, too) of giving you advice for a third person on behalf of whom (they imagine) you're seeking their expertise. For example, & again, certainly not something that has ever possibly happened in real life:
The Adviser: How's the wife?
You: Oh, she's fine, but she's a little overextended at work.
The Adviser: You should tell her what I do to keep my work & home life separate...
You yourself have doubtless given advice unsolicited many times in your life, but it's not a serial problem with you. With these kinds of people, it really is. & there's probably no good advice out there on how to deal with them - confronting them will just make them defensive - except perhaps - uh oh here's some unsolicited advice - just stay away from them.
Friday, February 24, 2012
Happy Birthday Mitch Hedberg!
He would have been 44 today - my age. It was - & remains - a terrible loss. Luckily there's a lot of media that documents his awesomeness. Like this:
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Thursday Picture Of A Pet
This magnificent bastard is named Bolan, a cat brought into our household by the woman I would soon marry, who wanted a cat all her own, & who raised him like a dog. (Actually, he was raised, much as Beatrice was, by my cat Buster, about whose life & sad, sad death I wrote about some time ago.) Bolan did grow up with two beagles, & was always fearless around them, & eats about as much as they do. I think he sometimes wonders why he doesn't have floppy ears.
He's a noisy guy, & stubborn, & ballsy. He will eat things that happen to be lying around, & we put him in a separate room at dinnertime because he'll inhale his food & then harass his sisters for theirs. I've seen him make off with dog treats - because he stands with the dogs expecting one himself.
I think he daydreams about taking me down one day. But then, being a cat, he seeing a spot of sunlight & settles down for some napping & grooming.
Monday, February 20, 2012
In Between This Show & The Next One
Self Help Radio learned this week that grammarians & aesthetes everywhere dislike the putting of a dash between "in" & "between" in the phrase "in between." Self Help Radio, unfortunately, LOVES putting dashes in between words. But I guess I see the point. The dash doesn't make much sense when you say things like "I stood in between you & your dog at the bus stop." But it somehow feels right to say "I like when I do my shows; I don't like the times in-between."
But every song I played today mentioned or was entitled "in between" in some way. I am a little prideful of that - I thought I might have to cheat & play a few plain old "between" songs. Not so! You can see the playlist below if you want to check. You can also listen to the show at the Self Help Radio website. Or! Do you want direct links? I will put them in between this word - link to part one + link to part two - & this word.
As always, thanks for listening!
(part one)
"In Between" Beat Happening _Jamboree_
"In-Between" Tree Fort Angst _Last Page In The Book Of Love_
"In Between" Judy Garland _The Complete Decca Masters (Plus)_
"In-Between Days" The Cure _The Head On The Door_
"In Betweens" The Only Ones _Even Serpents Shine_
"In Betweens" The Nils _The Nils_
"Somewhere In Between" Kate Bush _Aerial_
"Between The Devil & The Deep Blue Sea" Blossom Dearie _Give Him The Ooh-La-La_
"Call Me Mr. In-Between" Burl Ives _A Little Bitty Tear_
"The In-Between Years" James MacArthur _Hey! Look What I Found, Vol. 3_
"The In-Between" Magnapop _Mouthfeel_
(part two)
"In Between Buses" Las Robertas _Cry Out Loud_
"High, Low & In-Between" Townes Van Zandt _The Anthology: 1968-1979_
"In Between Love" Tom Waits _The Early Years, Vol. 2_
"Deep Down & In Between" Young Fresh Fellows _This One's For The Ladies_
"In Between Tears" Irma Thomas _In Between Tears_
"In Between" Pop Art _Really Blind Faith: A Retrospective 1984-1990_
"In Between" Secret Shine _The Beginning & The End_
"In Between & After" All Natural Lemon & Lime Flavors _Turning Into Small_
"In Between Times" Mice Parade _What It Means To Be Left-Handed_
"Houses In Between" The Water Walk _Thingamajig_
"Two Minds In Between" Guther _Sundet_
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Whither In-Between?
I'm not a "tween," which is defined by Wikipedia as "that is, preadolescence, the stage between middle childhood & adolescence in human development, in the range of 10 to 12 years old," & not only that, I find tweens particularly boring.
Almost none of them listen to my show!
I'm also not the middle child - I have six brothers & sisters, & I was number six of the series of seven. Although technically I did come in between number five & number seven. I was the penultimate child, though!
There will be an entire show about things in between, or in-between, or just being in between something & another - tomorrow morning at 7:30 am on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington. You can listen to the show anywhere in realistic time by clicking here to get the audio stream. (This applies to all WRFL programming so you can click it any time!) I'll archive the show some time in between when I do & when it's already on my website, which is self help radio dot net.
I hope you listen some time in between now & then!
Almost none of them listen to my show!
I'm also not the middle child - I have six brothers & sisters, & I was number six of the series of seven. Although technically I did come in between number five & number seven. I was the penultimate child, though!
There will be an entire show about things in between, or in-between, or just being in between something & another - tomorrow morning at 7:30 am on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington. You can listen to the show anywhere in realistic time by clicking here to get the audio stream. (This applies to all WRFL programming so you can click it any time!) I'll archive the show some time in between when I do & when it's already on my website, which is self help radio dot net.
I hope you listen some time in between now & then!
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Preface To In-Between: In-Between Daze
I suspect many of us have in-between days. & time in between the hours of the day. It all depends on how we define the things we're in-between. For example, I am usually (about six days & twenty-one hours) in between regular scheduled radio shows. My radio shows last about three hours (ninety minutes of Sugar Substitute, ninety minutes of Self Help Radio) & the rest of the time I'm in between them.
Or consider meals. I eat on average two meals a day. Most of the time I'm in-between meals. No snacking in between!
Then there's this Peanuts cartoon to consider, from just over forty years ago (it appeared in newspapers February 17, 1982):
By the way, I've been alternating writing "in-between" & "in between" because I like writing "in-between" but grammarians tell me (not to my face) that the proper way to write it is "in between." I am hedging my bets with ferocious grammarians. Yet I think a dash add dash. Pun intended.
Or consider meals. I eat on average two meals a day. Most of the time I'm in-between meals. No snacking in between!
Then there's this Peanuts cartoon to consider, from just over forty years ago (it appeared in newspapers February 17, 1982):
By the way, I've been alternating writing "in-between" & "in between" because I like writing "in-between" but grammarians tell me (not to my face) that the proper way to write it is "in between." I am hedging my bets with ferocious grammarians. Yet I think a dash add dash. Pun intended.
Friday, February 17, 2012
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Thursday Picture Of A Pet
This is Ringo. He's the first dog I've ever owned myself (my family dog when I was growing up was technically my mother's, & George belongs mainly to my wife, Magda) but he was also the first animal that I adopted with my wife (who at the time was my girlfriend). She was away for the summer of 2004 but was always sending me images from a hound rescue website in Houston, Texas. He had been rescued from people who used him (this is true) as a bait dog for pit bull fighting. His left eye, as you can see above, doesn't work anymore - it was almost ripped out of his head.
We call him our "love child" because he was my present to Magda after her being away all summer. Turns out he was also a present to George, with whom he became best friend & co-conspirator. He's a very waggish dog & very snuggly, & also terribly lazy. Though when he wants to run, he can. & does.
It hasn't really snowed here in Lexington this winter, but I snapped this pic a week or so ago when there was a little snow in the air. & on Ringo.
Monday, February 13, 2012
Hello Lovesick Friend!
Today Self Help Radio examined your condition in detail. We touched your sweaty palms, we noted your weak knees, we watched you form labored sentences in your dry mouth, we worried about your increased heart rate, & we asked you to sit down when you complained of light headedness. Then we played songs about being lovesick for you. What the hell else could we do?
If you'd like to have some empathy from lovesick musicians from the past few decades, you can listen to the show at the Self Help Radio website. As always, the show is divided into two parts for easy consumption, & you can find part one pumping blood out from the left ventricle & part two bringing blood back through the right atrium. Though the contents might be a little bloody, they are listed below.
Have a happy Valentine's Day! & thanks for listening!
(part one)
"Lovesick" The Arrogants _Your Simple Beauty_
"Lovesick" Jackie & Roy _Lovesick_
"Love Sick" Orange Juice _The Glasgow School (Coals To Newcastle CD1)_
"Lovesick Blues" Emmett Miller _American Yodeling 1911-1946_
"Lovesick" Lisa Germano _Excerpts From A Love Circus_
"Love Sickness" Sir Mack Rice _The Complete Stax-Volt Soul Singles: 1959 - 1968_
"Lovesick" Gang Starr _Mass Appeal: The Best Of Gang Starr_
"Lovesick" Autonervous _Nostalgia Del Buio_
"Love Sick" Mariachi El Bronx _Chimes Of Freedom: The Songs Of Bob Dylan_
"Crazy Lovesick Fool" Brak & Zoak _Space Ghost's Musical Bar-B-Que_
"Lovesick" Mike Berry & The Innocents _Don't You Think It's Time: R&R Hits From The 60s & 70s_
(part two)
"Lovesick" Broder Daniel _Saturday Night Engine_
"Lonesome Lovesick Blues" Katherine Henderson _Clarence Williams & The Blues Singers, Vol 2: 1927-1932_
"Love Sickness" Sandy Trapp _Love Sickness_
"A Favor For A Girl (With A Love Sick Heart)" Brenda Holloway _The Motown Anthology_
"Lovesick" Lindstrøm & Christabelle _Real Life Is No Cool_
"Minors At Nite (Still Sick)" Adult. _Resuscitation_
"Lovesick" King Khan & The Shrines _Mr. Supernatural_
"Mayfly" Belle & Sebastian _If You're Feeling Sinister_
"Love Sickness" The Camelots _Doo Wop Radio: A Tribute To The DJs, Vol. 1_
"Love Sick Tears" Koko Taylor _Koko Taylor_
"Love Sick Dog" Willie Alexander & The Jackals _Throbbing Lobsterclaws_
"Lovesick Blues" Bertha "Chippie" Hill _Louis Armstrong & The Blues Singers_
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Whither Lovesick?
Though I don't advocate for Valentine's Day, since it does seem to make more people miserable than happy, & seems to enrich some truly greedy people in our society, I do a Valentine's Day show every year because I can't help myself. (It's the same with Christmas.) (It's not the same with Arbor Day.)
This will be Self Help Radio's ninth Valentine's Day show. It's about lovesickness. What have the previous Valentine's Day shows been about? I'm glad you axed!
VDay 2003: Valentine's Day (generally)
VDay 2004: Love
VDay 2005: Hate
VDay 2006: (cancelled due to burned-down radio station)
VDay 2007: Crushes
VDay 2008: Jealousy
VDay 2009: Boyfriends
VDay 2010: Girlfriends
VDay 2011: Love Songs
It's on tomorrow morning at 7:30 am on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington. The WRFL website is wrfl dot fm. You can listen to the show anywhere in the world from there. This right here is a direct link to the station's audio stream. I will archive the show later in the day for all your Valentine's Day needs at self help radio dot net.
I'll be giving away valentines tomorrow. You may want one!
This will be Self Help Radio's ninth Valentine's Day show. It's about lovesickness. What have the previous Valentine's Day shows been about? I'm glad you axed!
VDay 2003: Valentine's Day (generally)
VDay 2004: Love
VDay 2005: Hate
VDay 2006: (cancelled due to burned-down radio station)
VDay 2007: Crushes
VDay 2008: Jealousy
VDay 2009: Boyfriends
VDay 2010: Girlfriends
VDay 2011: Love Songs
It's on tomorrow morning at 7:30 am on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington. The WRFL website is wrfl dot fm. You can listen to the show anywhere in the world from there. This right here is a direct link to the station's audio stream. I will archive the show later in the day for all your Valentine's Day needs at self help radio dot net.
I'll be giving away valentines tomorrow. You may want one!
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Preface To Lovesick: It's Like Hunger
Is being without love like being without food? People who are experiencing lovesickness often act as if they are in pain, & the stomach hurts a lot. But hunger is not like indigestion - perhaps lovesickness is more like gastro-intestional distress than hunger. Hard to keep food down. Lots of hurking.
Self Help Radio has often thought of starting a kind of "lovesick cafe," with expensive food that no one really eats because they're feeling like shit, so the food doesn't have to be terribly good. It might even be recycled!
It would be fun to program the music for a place like that.
Lovesick is like hunger in that it affects the entire body, though. That's pretty true. Hunger will waste you away like lovesickness.
However. There might be those who think that hunger - which is a terrible problem that afflicts a depressing percentage of the world's population - shouldn't be compared with lovesickness, which isn't acknowledged by the psychiatric community as a real sickness. Those people might not understand the concept of a metaphor. That's too bad.
Can pets be lovesick? Yes. Yes, they can.
Self Help Radio has often thought of starting a kind of "lovesick cafe," with expensive food that no one really eats because they're feeling like shit, so the food doesn't have to be terribly good. It might even be recycled!
It would be fun to program the music for a place like that.
Lovesick is like hunger in that it affects the entire body, though. That's pretty true. Hunger will waste you away like lovesickness.
However. There might be those who think that hunger - which is a terrible problem that afflicts a depressing percentage of the world's population - shouldn't be compared with lovesickness, which isn't acknowledged by the psychiatric community as a real sickness. Those people might not understand the concept of a metaphor. That's too bad.
Can pets be lovesick? Yes. Yes, they can.
Friday, February 10, 2012
Letter To A Famous Person
Do you worry about urinary tract infections? Or do you have a urologist on speed dial? Could there be such things as lousy urologists? Wouldn't someone enter that profession to make the most money possible? So wouldn't they want to be the best urologist possible? This is something perhaps you know.
What makes you most sad, being misunderstood or being only able to relate to other famous people? Is it enough that you can now be friends with George Clooney? Do you talk about important things, even private things, around the people who work for you in the same way that the aristocracy talk around servants - as if they're not even there, utterly secure in the knowledge they won't tell anyone your awful secrets? Do you think people other than you feel resentment?
You might google yourself every once in a while. Or do you have someone who does that for you? Do you trust that person? Don't you think that person whom you've hired to search for stuff online about you might edit some of the comments found? Because he or she is getting paid not to engage you but to flatter your ego? Does that bother you? Do you remember a time when that might've bothered you?
People imagine the famous dying in horrible ways far more often than they imagine anyone else dying. This is almost certainly a scientific fact. Does that flatter you? If at some point in time something impossibly magical happens in the universe, like an assassin genie or a death ray, would you be happy to be the first famous person utterly destroyed by the rage of someone who will never be famous? What if the person with the death ray or the assassin genie made sure you suffered terribly for it? Note: there would not be an award - posthumous or otherwise - for your suffering.
Wouldn't it be nice if you sent out greeting cards from time to time? Yourself, of course, not your assistant. Just taking a little time to send greeting cards, cards you've purchased yourself, it can be in a gift shop or in a drug store, it doesn't matter, cards you've purchased yourself and written in yourself, sent to perhaps family or old friends, if you still have any. Even to George Clooney. Wouldn't that be nice? You could pretend then you have something like a soul!
Do you know why you're so easily offended? Do you need an analyst to tell you why? How about some kind of spiritual medium, like a Scientologist or a Magic Eight Ball? Are you as comforted as most people to know that nothing lasts forever?
That's enough for now. Thank you for your time.
What makes you most sad, being misunderstood or being only able to relate to other famous people? Is it enough that you can now be friends with George Clooney? Do you talk about important things, even private things, around the people who work for you in the same way that the aristocracy talk around servants - as if they're not even there, utterly secure in the knowledge they won't tell anyone your awful secrets? Do you think people other than you feel resentment?
You might google yourself every once in a while. Or do you have someone who does that for you? Do you trust that person? Don't you think that person whom you've hired to search for stuff online about you might edit some of the comments found? Because he or she is getting paid not to engage you but to flatter your ego? Does that bother you? Do you remember a time when that might've bothered you?
People imagine the famous dying in horrible ways far more often than they imagine anyone else dying. This is almost certainly a scientific fact. Does that flatter you? If at some point in time something impossibly magical happens in the universe, like an assassin genie or a death ray, would you be happy to be the first famous person utterly destroyed by the rage of someone who will never be famous? What if the person with the death ray or the assassin genie made sure you suffered terribly for it? Note: there would not be an award - posthumous or otherwise - for your suffering.
Wouldn't it be nice if you sent out greeting cards from time to time? Yourself, of course, not your assistant. Just taking a little time to send greeting cards, cards you've purchased yourself, it can be in a gift shop or in a drug store, it doesn't matter, cards you've purchased yourself and written in yourself, sent to perhaps family or old friends, if you still have any. Even to George Clooney. Wouldn't that be nice? You could pretend then you have something like a soul!
Do you know why you're so easily offended? Do you need an analyst to tell you why? How about some kind of spiritual medium, like a Scientologist or a Magic Eight Ball? Are you as comforted as most people to know that nothing lasts forever?
That's enough for now. Thank you for your time.
Thursday, February 09, 2012
Thursday Picture Of A Pet
This is my dog George. He's the oldest non-human animal in the house - he'll be fourteen in April. I met him in the fall of 2001, & we were not always friends. He loved his mother most of all, & was disturbed when I entered the picture. But we became friends over time, & now we love each other quite a lot. I still think he loves his mother more than me.
Just recently he ate about a pound & a half of birdseed. Though I've had beagles in my life for over ten years now, I still occasionally do dumb things like leaving opened containers of birdseed out for them to pillage. Beagles are foodies & will eat pretty much anything.
He was very sick for a couple of days, & like most animals, he looked miserable, since he had no idea what was happening to him nor why. & frankly, seeing a shaky old dog vomit & poop birdseed is one of the saddest things you'll ever see. He got better though. He'd eat more birdseed if it were still around.
He's old so he sleeps a lot. I admire his old white face & his happiness in slumberland.
Monday, February 06, 2012
Bumpity Bump
Self Help Radio bumped along today. It was a bumpy ride. I might have bumped my head. Can anyone here diagnose a hematoma? Many of the bumpy songs seem to postulate a dance called "the bump." The dance might also require "a grind." It just seems a little less than wholesome. That's all I'm saying.
The show in its entirety is at the Self Help Radio website. But! If you need a quick bump, you can listen to the two parts directly here: part one, bump bump, & then part two. What is in each part is below. Fasten your seatbelts, it's going to be a bumpy night!
& thanks for listening!
(part one)
"The Bump" The Commodores _Caught In The Act_
"The Bump" Kenny _The Singles Collection Plus_
"The Bump (Part 1)" The Everyday People _The Everyday People_
"New Orleans Bump (Take 2)" Jelly Roll Morton & His Orchestra _The Jelly Roll Morton Centennial: His Complete Victor Recordings_
"Bump & Boogie (Part 1)" The Wrecking Crew _The Complete Stax-Volt Soul Singles: 1972-1975_
"Goombay Bump" Jay Mitchell _Cult Cargo: Grand Bahama Goombay_
"Bumpin' & Stompin'" Garland Green _Northern Soul's Guilty Secrets_
"Bumpity Bump" Smiley Lewis _Juke Joint Jive_
"Do The Double Bump" Rufus Thomas _The Funkiest Man Alive: The Stax Funk Sessions 1967-1975_
"I Love To Bumpity Bump (On A Bumpy Road With You)" Guy Lombardo & His Royal Canadians _Songs The Bonzo Dog Band Taught Us_
"Bumper Crop" Volcano Suns _Bumper Crop_
(part two)
"Humpin', Bumpin' & Thumpin'" Andre Williams _Movin' On: Greasy & Explicit Soul Movers (1956-1970)_
"Jump & Bump" The Flares _Foot Stompin'_
"Bumpercars" Andy Partridge _Fuzzy Warbles, Vol. 4_
"Humpty Bump (Parts 1 & 2)" Vibrettes _Eddie Bo's Funky Funky New Orleans_
"Bump & Grind" Tenor Fly _An England Story: 25 Years Of The MC In The UK_
"Bumpin'" Ground Hog _Curtom Funk_
"Bump Miss Susie" Big Joe Turner with Van 'Piano Man' Walls Orchestra _Atlantic Blues (1949-1970)_
"Bump'n From The Middle" Act 1 _Act 1_
"Bumper To Bumper" Eleventh Hour _Hollywood Hot_
"Bumps Boogie" King Porter _Rare West Coast Jump 'N' Jive 1945-1954_
"Speed Bumps" Boston Spaceships _Let It Beard_
Sunday, February 05, 2012
Whither Bump?
I don't really know where the idea for this show came from. It appeared on the Self Help Radio queue & it made me very nervous. How many songs are about bumping? How many could there be? Before I sat down to think about it, the only song that popped into my head was "Children Of The Revolution" by T Rex, which contains the phrase "you can bump & grind." Would that be how this show went?
No! It would not! I sprang into action! I learned how to do The Bump! I refused something called "a bump" (which I was told "would get me high") at a dance club from a stranger! I tangled with things that go bump in the night! (In my house, those are cats.) I got goose bumps thinking about the show! Then I tried to find music.
That wasn't as much fun as learning The Bump.
No, it was plenty fun! The show will be a bumpin' good time. & it's on tomorrow (that's Monday) morning from 7:30 to 9am on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington. This is a direct link to the audio stream of the station. I'll archive the show later on the Self Help Radio web site.
I'm glad I didn't hit a speed bump!
No! It would not! I sprang into action! I learned how to do The Bump! I refused something called "a bump" (which I was told "would get me high") at a dance club from a stranger! I tangled with things that go bump in the night! (In my house, those are cats.) I got goose bumps thinking about the show! Then I tried to find music.
That wasn't as much fun as learning The Bump.
No, it was plenty fun! The show will be a bumpin' good time. & it's on tomorrow (that's Monday) morning from 7:30 to 9am on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington. This is a direct link to the audio stream of the station. I'll archive the show later on the Self Help Radio web site.
I'm glad I didn't hit a speed bump!