Self Help Radio week begins!
Please do not open the Tests show until your instructor has told you to do so. Remember, you only have the length of the Tests show to complete the Tests show. There will be no curve.
Your booklet is available at the Self Help Radio website. Please note the exam is in two parts: part one is here, & part two is here. The subjects you will be writing about are in the song list below.
Good luck! No cheating!
xo gary
(part one)
"I Dreamed I Had To Take A Test..." Laurie Anderson _United States Live_
"Put It To The Test" They Might Be Giants _Here Comes Science_
"A Test" The Reivers _Saturday_
"Testing Time" Edwyn Collins _Hope & Despair_
"Just A Test" Beastie Boys _Hello Nasty_
"This Is Not A Test" Bikini Kill _Revolution Girl Style Now!_
"This Is A Test" Wendy James _Now Ain't The Time For Your Tears_
"This Is A Test" Oppenheimer _Oppenheimer_
"This Is Only A Test" Ross Beach _Orange Gerbera Daisies_
"This Is Only A Test" Smoking Popes _This Is Only A Test_
"Princess, You're A Test" Bearsuit _The Phantom Forest_
"Classical Music Quiz" Cake On Cake _Hymns I Remember_
"Fight Test" The Flaming Lips _Fight Test_
"AIDS Test" Chris Rock _Cheese & Crackers: The Greatest Bits_
(part two)
"Silly Noises Quiz" Monty Python _Monty Python's Previous Record_
"I Never Finished A Test" Edson _Unwind With Edson_
"Everytime I Pass The Test" The Skywriters _The Skywriters_
"Testcard Girl" Talulah Gosh _Backwash_
"Literacy Test Song" Pete Seeger _Gazette, Vol. 2_
"Testing The Bomb" Shel Silverstein _I'm So Good I Don't Have To Brag_
"Test" Don Dixon _Note Pad # 38_
"Pencil Test" Yo La Tengo _Prisoners Of Love: A Smattering Of Scintillating Senescent Songs: 1985-2003_
"Metal Test" Material _Memory Serves_
"Test Pilot" The Fizzbombs _Surfin' Winter 12"_
"Lie Detector Test" The Aluminum Group _Pedals_
"Finals Season" The Cocker Spaniels _Withstand The Whatnot_
"Test Of Time" Temples _Sun Structures_
Random thoughts & other unrelated information from the dude who does "Self Help Radio" - a radio show which originated in Austin, Texas & now makes noise in Portland, Oregon. Listen to new & old shows & look at playlists at selfhelpradio.net.
Monday, March 03, 2014
Friday, February 28, 2014
Self Help Radio 022814: Split
What's worse than one Self Help Radio? A Self Help Radio split in two! Okay, each episode of Self Help Radio is in fact split in two. But the show has got all meta & is now about splitting as itself is split. What's more, the show features an interview with a professional splitter & some spiritual advice for those of us who often feel as though we're split in two. & of course, lots of songs.
Listen to the show! It's now at Self Help Radio web site. Or perhaps you'd prefer to listen directly? The two halves are here: part one & part two. The split list of songs are below.
Before I split - thanks for listening!
(part one)
"Banana Split For My Baby" Louis Prima _Angelina_
"Cherry For A Banana Split" Nipsey Russell _Things They Never Taught At School_
"We're The Banana Splits" The Banana Splits _Here Come The Banana Splits_
"You Can Split" Youngblood Smith _Big City Soul, Vol. 2_
"I Live In A Split-Level Head" Napoleon XIV _They're Coming To Take Me Away, Ha-Haa!_
"Let's Split" Syd Barrett _Opel_
"Split To The East" Jandek _Staring At The Cellophane_
"Split Second Feeling" Cabaret Voltaire _The Original Sound of Sheffield '78/'82_
"Love Split With Blood" Dog Faced Hermans _Hum Of Life_
"I've Got A Splitting Hedachi" The Dickies _Dawn Of The Dickies_
"Splitting In Two" Alternative TV _The Image Has Cracked_
(part two)
"Split" Liliput _Nag Nag Nag_
"Split Up The Money" Vic Godard & The Subway Sect _Twenty Odd Years: The Story Of Vic Godard & The Subway Sect_
"Split Myself In Two" Meat Puppets _Meat Puppets II_
"She Splits Me Up" Crocodiles _Crimes Of Passion_
"Split!" That Petrol Emotion _Babble_
"50/50 Split" Beatnik Filmstars _Beezer_
"A Beauty Of Love That Splits The Body In Two" Thee Headcoats _The Messerschmitt Pilot's Severed Hand_
"Split Single With Happy Lounge Labelmates" Half Man Half Biscuit _Four Lads Who Shook The Wirral_
"Cat & Split" Extra Medium Pony _11868_
"Split Minute" Darker My Love _Alive As You Are_
"Split Like A Lip, No Blood On The Beard" Buke & Gase _General Dome_
"Splitting Up" Edwyn Collins _Doctor Syntax_
Listen to the show! It's now at Self Help Radio web site. Or perhaps you'd prefer to listen directly? The two halves are here: part one & part two. The split list of songs are below.
Before I split - thanks for listening!
(part one)
"Banana Split For My Baby" Louis Prima _Angelina_
"Cherry For A Banana Split" Nipsey Russell _Things They Never Taught At School_
"We're The Banana Splits" The Banana Splits _Here Come The Banana Splits_
"You Can Split" Youngblood Smith _Big City Soul, Vol. 2_
"I Live In A Split-Level Head" Napoleon XIV _They're Coming To Take Me Away, Ha-Haa!_
"Let's Split" Syd Barrett _Opel_
"Split To The East" Jandek _Staring At The Cellophane_
"Split Second Feeling" Cabaret Voltaire _The Original Sound of Sheffield '78/'82_
"Love Split With Blood" Dog Faced Hermans _Hum Of Life_
"I've Got A Splitting Hedachi" The Dickies _Dawn Of The Dickies_
"Splitting In Two" Alternative TV _The Image Has Cracked_
(part two)
"Split" Liliput _Nag Nag Nag_
"Split Up The Money" Vic Godard & The Subway Sect _Twenty Odd Years: The Story Of Vic Godard & The Subway Sect_
"Split Myself In Two" Meat Puppets _Meat Puppets II_
"She Splits Me Up" Crocodiles _Crimes Of Passion_
"Split!" That Petrol Emotion _Babble_
"50/50 Split" Beatnik Filmstars _Beezer_
"A Beauty Of Love That Splits The Body In Two" Thee Headcoats _The Messerschmitt Pilot's Severed Hand_
"Split Single With Happy Lounge Labelmates" Half Man Half Biscuit _Four Lads Who Shook The Wirral_
"Cat & Split" Extra Medium Pony _11868_
"Split Minute" Darker My Love _Alive As You Are_
"Split Like A Lip, No Blood On The Beard" Buke & Gase _General Dome_
"Splitting Up" Edwyn Collins _Doctor Syntax_
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Whither Split?
One day I split in two. Was it mitosis? Was it meiosis? Was it youosis? I have noosis idea.
I said to the new me, "Now there's two of us, we can work twice as long on each Self Help Radio show!"
But I looked horrified & said, "Screw that! There's two of us! Now we'll have enough time to do all the things that we've been wanting to do!"
I asked, "What are all the things we wanted to do?"
I replied, "Wait. Don't you have a bucket list?"
I said, "No. No, I don't."
"But," I said back to me, "isn't there something we've wanted to do our entire lives? Exciting places to go? Amazing things to see?"
I chuckled. "You're new," I said. "You haven't quite remembered how frightened & defeated we are."
"Oh," I replied. "Well."
"Want to work on this week's Self Help Radio with me?" I asked.
"Sure, I guess," I said. "What's the theme?"
"Split is the theme."
"How appropriate!" I said. & we both laughed.
Sad, sad laughter.
I said to the new me, "Now there's two of us, we can work twice as long on each Self Help Radio show!"
But I looked horrified & said, "Screw that! There's two of us! Now we'll have enough time to do all the things that we've been wanting to do!"
I asked, "What are all the things we wanted to do?"
I replied, "Wait. Don't you have a bucket list?"
I said, "No. No, I don't."
"But," I said back to me, "isn't there something we've wanted to do our entire lives? Exciting places to go? Amazing things to see?"
I chuckled. "You're new," I said. "You haven't quite remembered how frightened & defeated we are."
"Oh," I replied. "Well."
"Want to work on this week's Self Help Radio with me?" I asked.
"Sure, I guess," I said. "What's the theme?"
"Split is the theme."
"How appropriate!" I said. & we both laughed.
Sad, sad laughter.
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
The Internet Is Good/Bad For Obsessions
This wonderful article on my favorite game show - Match Game - led me today to YouTube which has an untold number of old Match Game episodes for me to watch. I loved that show as a kid - & I'm not entirely sure why.
I had older brothers & sisters who cursed like sailors, & my brothers left pornographic magazines in the bathroom that I'd leaf through looking for cartoons or other things that would fascinate my comic book-loving brain (at a certain age, looking at naked people is kinda boring), so I don't think I was ever over-tittilated by the innuendo & risqué language & situations. I know I found it funny, but I expected it - there were girls at school who would giggle & act horrified if they heard me say "fuck," so I imagine it would scandalize them much more than it would me to watch Match Game.
I think I liked the game show aspect of it - filling in the blanks! - & I know I loved Richard Dawson & Charles Nelson Reilly & even Brett Somers. It was also fun to see people I saw in other television shows (though I knew Dawson from Hogan's Heroes) (& I'll bet every one of them had appeared on the Love Boat &/or Fantasy Island). & I loved how ridiculously playful Gene Rayburn was (though honestly he also kinda creeped me out) (it may be because he resembles my mother's boyfriend at the time). As the article linked above points out, it was like being invited to a cocktail party - on a garishly colorful set (although I'm certain I watched most of the episodes on a black & white television) with that insane microphone Rayburn used.
But even though I wrote a "review" for the show on the IMDb a lifetime ago - in 2001 - I missed this documentary, called "Behind The Blank," which aired in 2002 on the then-called Game Show Network, which at the time aired two episodes per night. I recommend it! It's fun to listen to older versions of my 1970s friends talk about the show - Gene Rayburn says, "We were just a bunch of friends having a good time." The magic of the show was that they made you feel like you were one of their friends, as well.
Gotta go back to watch more now!
I had older brothers & sisters who cursed like sailors, & my brothers left pornographic magazines in the bathroom that I'd leaf through looking for cartoons or other things that would fascinate my comic book-loving brain (at a certain age, looking at naked people is kinda boring), so I don't think I was ever over-tittilated by the innuendo & risqué language & situations. I know I found it funny, but I expected it - there were girls at school who would giggle & act horrified if they heard me say "fuck," so I imagine it would scandalize them much more than it would me to watch Match Game.
I think I liked the game show aspect of it - filling in the blanks! - & I know I loved Richard Dawson & Charles Nelson Reilly & even Brett Somers. It was also fun to see people I saw in other television shows (though I knew Dawson from Hogan's Heroes) (& I'll bet every one of them had appeared on the Love Boat &/or Fantasy Island). & I loved how ridiculously playful Gene Rayburn was (though honestly he also kinda creeped me out) (it may be because he resembles my mother's boyfriend at the time). As the article linked above points out, it was like being invited to a cocktail party - on a garishly colorful set (although I'm certain I watched most of the episodes on a black & white television) with that insane microphone Rayburn used.
But even though I wrote a "review" for the show on the IMDb a lifetime ago - in 2001 - I missed this documentary, called "Behind The Blank," which aired in 2002 on the then-called Game Show Network, which at the time aired two episodes per night. I recommend it! It's fun to listen to older versions of my 1970s friends talk about the show - Gene Rayburn says, "We were just a bunch of friends having a good time." The magic of the show was that they made you feel like you were one of their friends, as well.
Gotta go back to watch more now!
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
"Hollywood Sign Generator"
Thanks to this site (which looks to be out of date, so I hope they saved Cahuenga Peak) (I suppose they did?) (I can't find any information about it) - anyway, thanks to that site, I can make everyone see what Hollywood would be like if it were cool.
Or - wait - the opposite of cool.
Or - wait - the opposite of cool.
Monday, February 24, 2014
Self Help Radio Week In A Week!
Next week is Self Help Radio Week! Every day of the week is a new episode of Self Help Radio!
Yeah, I know it's not that exciting. But it'll be fun! I promise!
Here are the five themes the show will be exploring next week:
Monday: Tests
Tuesday: Castles
Wednesday: Indiepop A To Z # 43
Thursday: Swamps
Friday: Hope
Craziness!
Yeah, I know it's not that exciting. But it'll be fun! I promise!
Here are the five themes the show will be exploring next week:
Monday: Tests
Tuesday: Castles
Wednesday: Indiepop A To Z # 43
Thursday: Swamps
Friday: Hope
Craziness!
Friday, February 21, 2014
Self Help Radio 022114: Dig It
We dug into our music collection today (groan) to find lots of songs about digging, whether of the "to excavate" meaning or of the "like, understand" slangy meaning. If you dig through the show, perhaps you'll find something you'll dig (please stop).
The show is available for listening hooray! at Self Help Radio website place. Should you want to simply click a button to immediately get to a show, & who could blame you, I have direct links here: part the I | part the II. Soon you'll be digging on the songs that I played, which are handily listed below.
Hey! I dig you!
(part one)
"Diga Diga Doo" Bob Thompson _The History Of Space Age Pop, Vol. 1: Melodies & Mischief_
"I Dig Everything" David Bowie _Early On 1964-1966_
"I Dig Your Kind" Barons _Society Don't Let Us Down_
"I'm Digging You Digging Me" Boyce & Hart _I Wonder What She's Doing Tonight?_
"I Dig Your Mind" The Nervous Breakdowns _I Dig Your Mind_
"I'm A Ginseng Digger" Wally Burke _I'm Just The Other Woman! MSR Madness Vol. # 4_
"I Dig Love" George Harrison _All Things Must Pass_
"Do You Dig It" Titus Turner _What It Is! Funky Soul & Rare Grooves (1967-1977)_
"Dig On" Pablo Moses _Pave The Way_
"I Dig You" The Cure _Seventeen Seconds_
"Dig That Groove Baby" Toy Dolls _Dig That Groove Baby_
"Dig Me" King Crimson _Three Of A Perfect Pair_
(part two)
"Dig A Hole" The Wolfgang Press _Standing Up Straight_
"Dig For Fire" Pixies _Bossanova_
"Can You Dig It?" Mock Turtles _Can You Dig It?: The Best Of The Mock Turtles_
"Digging My Feet In The Ground" Smack Dab _Majestic Root_
"I Dig You" Beat Happening _Beat Happening/Screaming Trees_
"I Dig You" Boss Hog _Boss Hog_
"Dig My Pig" Anton Barbeau _17th Century Fuzzbox Blues_
"Digging For Water" White Rose Transmission _Magic Boomerang_
"Archaeological Dig" State Broadcasters _The Ship & The Iceberg_
"Dig, Lazarus, Dig!!!" Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds _Dig, Lazarus, Dig!!!_
"Dig You Out" Male Bonding _Endless Now_
"Dig A Little Deeper" Peter Bjorn & John _Gimme Some_
The show is available for listening hooray! at Self Help Radio website place. Should you want to simply click a button to immediately get to a show, & who could blame you, I have direct links here: part the I | part the II. Soon you'll be digging on the songs that I played, which are handily listed below.
Hey! I dig you!
(part one)
"Diga Diga Doo" Bob Thompson _The History Of Space Age Pop, Vol. 1: Melodies & Mischief_
"I Dig Everything" David Bowie _Early On 1964-1966_
"I Dig Your Kind" Barons _Society Don't Let Us Down_
"I'm Digging You Digging Me" Boyce & Hart _I Wonder What She's Doing Tonight?_
"I Dig Your Mind" The Nervous Breakdowns _I Dig Your Mind_
"I'm A Ginseng Digger" Wally Burke _I'm Just The Other Woman! MSR Madness Vol. # 4_
"I Dig Love" George Harrison _All Things Must Pass_
"Do You Dig It" Titus Turner _What It Is! Funky Soul & Rare Grooves (1967-1977)_
"Dig On" Pablo Moses _Pave The Way_
"I Dig You" The Cure _Seventeen Seconds_
"Dig That Groove Baby" Toy Dolls _Dig That Groove Baby_
"Dig Me" King Crimson _Three Of A Perfect Pair_
(part two)
"Dig A Hole" The Wolfgang Press _Standing Up Straight_
"Dig For Fire" Pixies _Bossanova_
"Can You Dig It?" Mock Turtles _Can You Dig It?: The Best Of The Mock Turtles_
"Digging My Feet In The Ground" Smack Dab _Majestic Root_
"I Dig You" Beat Happening _Beat Happening/Screaming Trees_
"I Dig You" Boss Hog _Boss Hog_
"Dig My Pig" Anton Barbeau _17th Century Fuzzbox Blues_
"Digging For Water" White Rose Transmission _Magic Boomerang_
"Archaeological Dig" State Broadcasters _The Ship & The Iceberg_
"Dig, Lazarus, Dig!!!" Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds _Dig, Lazarus, Dig!!!_
"Dig You Out" Male Bonding _Endless Now_
"Dig A Little Deeper" Peter Bjorn & John _Gimme Some_
Thursday, February 20, 2014
Preface To Dig It: I Have Measured Out My Life In Shovels
Not true! Why do I assault TS Eliot in this way? I have barely held a shovel since I was but a boy.
I did shovel a bit of our driveway during the last month when we were covered in snow (it's gone - for now - & it's 70 degrees right now but it's windy & storms are coming). I didn't do the entire driveway because it's very big. Here's a Google Maps picture of our driveway:
Perhaps you can tell that we have one of those driveways that people call "circular drives" even though it's mainly an arc. If you can't tell, it's because that big tree is hiding the topmost part (which would show you our front door & garage door too).
As you can imagine, that's a hell of a lot to shovel. I couldn't keep up.
But it is a driveway - on private property - & knowing that fact, you'd be pretty surprised how many people use it as a means to turn around. It seems a little rude. Also, when I see a car driving up, I wonder, "Who can that be? Is it a friend coming to visit?" Then I have to say, "Oh, no. Just a douchebag doing something he'd get really pissed if someone did on his driveway."
So yes, I've held a shovel this year. It doesn't make up for all the years I haven't held a shovel. But I wasn't using it to dig anything up - just trying to dig out of lots & lots of snow. & failing to do that.
I did shovel a bit of our driveway during the last month when we were covered in snow (it's gone - for now - & it's 70 degrees right now but it's windy & storms are coming). I didn't do the entire driveway because it's very big. Here's a Google Maps picture of our driveway:
Perhaps you can tell that we have one of those driveways that people call "circular drives" even though it's mainly an arc. If you can't tell, it's because that big tree is hiding the topmost part (which would show you our front door & garage door too).
As you can imagine, that's a hell of a lot to shovel. I couldn't keep up.
But it is a driveway - on private property - & knowing that fact, you'd be pretty surprised how many people use it as a means to turn around. It seems a little rude. Also, when I see a car driving up, I wonder, "Who can that be? Is it a friend coming to visit?" Then I have to say, "Oh, no. Just a douchebag doing something he'd get really pissed if someone did on his driveway."
So yes, I've held a shovel this year. It doesn't make up for all the years I haven't held a shovel. But I wasn't using it to dig anything up - just trying to dig out of lots & lots of snow. & failing to do that.
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
What Is… Self Help Radio Week?
Is it something "declared" by the United States Congress?
Is it something horrified schoolchildren must study in third grade?
Is it a blatant attempt by a self-help industry to cash in on all the attention & money that realtors make during Real Estate Week?
Is it a chapter in my upcoming autobiography describing how long it normally takes me to make one damn Self Help Radio show?
No, no, no, & no. It is none of the above.
Here are some hints as to what it really is:
1) It's completely made up. By me. I have decreed it. No one else will observe it or will even care.
2) It won't really last a week. It'll last five days. So it should be called "Self Help Radio Work Week."
3) But I am calling it "Self Help Radio Week."
4) More details will be detailed next week!
But don't be too excited about it - if it's possible to get even a little bit excited - because it's no big deal. I just never get to "tease" anything on this blog, & I wanted to see what it felt like.
It feels a little dumb.
Is it something horrified schoolchildren must study in third grade?
Is it a blatant attempt by a self-help industry to cash in on all the attention & money that realtors make during Real Estate Week?
Is it a chapter in my upcoming autobiography describing how long it normally takes me to make one damn Self Help Radio show?
No, no, no, & no. It is none of the above.
Here are some hints as to what it really is:
1) It's completely made up. By me. I have decreed it. No one else will observe it or will even care.
2) It won't really last a week. It'll last five days. So it should be called "Self Help Radio Work Week."
3) But I am calling it "Self Help Radio Week."
4) More details will be detailed next week!
But don't be too excited about it - if it's possible to get even a little bit excited - because it's no big deal. I just never get to "tease" anything on this blog, & I wanted to see what it felt like.
It feels a little dumb.
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
You Are Not Currently Following Any Blogs
That's what blogger tells me every time I come here to write something about my dumb radio show. It makes me feel bad. Should I be following any blogs? I mean, I should, right? Being that I should be part of the blogger community. That makes a certain amount of sense.
Which blogs ought I follow? Before you answer that - might you want to know something about my likes & dislikes? I like indie music, obviously. & comic books (I think also that's obvious). & Star Trek. Um. Is that a good place to start?
Blogger doesn't suggest any blogs for me to follow. It has a button called "Blogger Buzz" which appears to want to show me how to make more money with my blog - only I don't really want to make any money with my blog. I know that sounds downright un-American of me, but I do all this as a labor of love - I have never made a cent doing Self Help Radio. Though I've lost a lot of money & time doing it!
There is this list (from 2008) of the most popular blogs on Blogger (Self Help Radio's blog didn't make it, alas). Here's a list of 2013's "best bloggers," according to Time Magazine (also I am not on this list). I have a feeling this whole "finding blogs to follow" is going to take a little time.
Which brings me to: hey! No one's following me! At least I don't think so. How would I know if someone was "following" the Self Help Radio blog?
It's all rather confusing. If you have a blog you think I should follow, let me know. I will attempt to do some recon & be back at base before reveille. Gary out.
Which blogs ought I follow? Before you answer that - might you want to know something about my likes & dislikes? I like indie music, obviously. & comic books (I think also that's obvious). & Star Trek. Um. Is that a good place to start?
Blogger doesn't suggest any blogs for me to follow. It has a button called "Blogger Buzz" which appears to want to show me how to make more money with my blog - only I don't really want to make any money with my blog. I know that sounds downright un-American of me, but I do all this as a labor of love - I have never made a cent doing Self Help Radio. Though I've lost a lot of money & time doing it!
There is this list (from 2008) of the most popular blogs on Blogger (Self Help Radio's blog didn't make it, alas). Here's a list of 2013's "best bloggers," according to Time Magazine (also I am not on this list). I have a feeling this whole "finding blogs to follow" is going to take a little time.
Which brings me to: hey! No one's following me! At least I don't think so. How would I know if someone was "following" the Self Help Radio blog?
It's all rather confusing. If you have a blog you think I should follow, let me know. I will attempt to do some recon & be back at base before reveille. Gary out.
Monday, February 17, 2014
The Diggers
According to Wikipedia, the Diggers were "a group of Protestant English agrarian socialists, begun by Gerrard Winstanley as True Levellers in 1649, who became known as Diggers, because of their attempts to farm on common land." I first heard about them on a Billy Bragg record (he was covering a tune by Leon Rosselson, called "The World Turned Upside Down"):
Chumbawamba have a song about them as well:
As someone who's never been terribly political in practice, but pretty political in talk, & who grew up in conservative suburban Texas, the Billy Bragg song seemed damned inspiring. Utopian communities in the United States have usually been religiously based - I couldn't place myself in a Shaker community, or with the Beechers. But stories of the Paris Commune & the Diggers have always made me wish I could belong to something that idealistic & good even though it would be doomed to failure.
(I had similar feelings about the recent Occupy Wall Street movement & the Arab Spring - hopeful they would succeed, but knowing in my cynical, defeated heart they would fail.)
(I might also mention here some of my work in community radio - but I won't.)
These two songs were in my mind as I thought about a show with the theme "Dig It" (which is the theme for this week's show, of course). In addition to songs about actually digging things (like with one's hands, or shovels, or cranes), & songs about "digging" things like hipsters & hippies might say, there are these two songs about a seventeenth century socialist movement. How does one fit them into the context of a radio show with the theme "dig it"?
Maybe one just mentions them on one's blog?
Chumbawamba have a song about them as well:
As someone who's never been terribly political in practice, but pretty political in talk, & who grew up in conservative suburban Texas, the Billy Bragg song seemed damned inspiring. Utopian communities in the United States have usually been religiously based - I couldn't place myself in a Shaker community, or with the Beechers. But stories of the Paris Commune & the Diggers have always made me wish I could belong to something that idealistic & good even though it would be doomed to failure.
(I had similar feelings about the recent Occupy Wall Street movement & the Arab Spring - hopeful they would succeed, but knowing in my cynical, defeated heart they would fail.)
(I might also mention here some of my work in community radio - but I won't.)
These two songs were in my mind as I thought about a show with the theme "Dig It" (which is the theme for this week's show, of course). In addition to songs about actually digging things (like with one's hands, or shovels, or cranes), & songs about "digging" things like hipsters & hippies might say, there are these two songs about a seventeenth century socialist movement. How does one fit them into the context of a radio show with the theme "dig it"?
Maybe one just mentions them on one's blog?
Friday, February 14, 2014
Self Help Radio 021414: Valentine's Day 2014
Happy Valentine's Day! Here's a buncha songs about Valentine's Day, valentines, days of Valentine, & well - you get the drift. Plus a Valentine's Day expert tells us what the day is really about. Oh boy!
You can listen to the show all day long (starting now) at Self Help Radio Love Central. Or you can listen to it direct-like by clicking either part I or part II. All the love-filled songs are listed below.
Again: Happy Valentine's Day!
(part one)
"My Funny Valentine" Elvis Costello _Taking Liberties_
"Blue Valentine" Tom Waits _Blue Valentine_
"Valentines" The Real Tuesday Weld _At The End Of The World_
"Fool For A Valentine" The Gist _Fool For A Valentine_
"On A Valentine" The Morrisons _Songs From The South Of England (1986 - 1988)_
"St. Valentine's Day" The Dream Academy _A Different Kind Of Weather_
"Valentine" The Sisters Of Mercy _The Reptile House EP_
"Valentine" Psychedelic Furs _World Outside_
"St. Valentine's Day" Mekons _I Love Mekons_
"Valentine's Day" David Bowie _The Next Day_
(part two)
"Valentine's Day" Soul Merchants _1985-1987_
"Valentine's Day" The Kids Of Widney High _Act Your Age_
"Valentine" The Darling Buds _Shame On You_
"Valentine" Tsunami _Deep End_
"Everyday Is Valentine's Day" Kissing Book _Lines & Color_
"Valentine's Day" The Poconos _Days Are Getting Shorter_
"Be My Valentine Tonight" Remington Super 60 _Pling2001_
"Dear St. Valentine" Would-Be-Goods _The Morning After_
"Valentine" The School _Loveless Unbeliever_
"Black Valentine" Hey! Hello! _Hey! Hello!_
"Your Valentine (Takes Me Back In Time)" Bubblegum Lemonade _Some Like It Pop_
"My Bloody Valentine" Ratcat _Tingles_
"Valentine's Day Is Over" Billy Bragg _The Peel Sessions_
You can listen to the show all day long (starting now) at Self Help Radio Love Central. Or you can listen to it direct-like by clicking either part I or part II. All the love-filled songs are listed below.
Again: Happy Valentine's Day!
(part one)
"My Funny Valentine" Elvis Costello _Taking Liberties_
"Blue Valentine" Tom Waits _Blue Valentine_
"Valentines" The Real Tuesday Weld _At The End Of The World_
"Fool For A Valentine" The Gist _Fool For A Valentine_
"On A Valentine" The Morrisons _Songs From The South Of England (1986 - 1988)_
"St. Valentine's Day" The Dream Academy _A Different Kind Of Weather_
"Valentine" The Sisters Of Mercy _The Reptile House EP_
"Valentine" Psychedelic Furs _World Outside_
"St. Valentine's Day" Mekons _I Love Mekons_
"Valentine's Day" David Bowie _The Next Day_
(part two)
"Valentine's Day" Soul Merchants _1985-1987_
"Valentine's Day" The Kids Of Widney High _Act Your Age_
"Valentine" The Darling Buds _Shame On You_
"Valentine" Tsunami _Deep End_
"Everyday Is Valentine's Day" Kissing Book _Lines & Color_
"Valentine's Day" The Poconos _Days Are Getting Shorter_
"Be My Valentine Tonight" Remington Super 60 _Pling2001_
"Dear St. Valentine" Would-Be-Goods _The Morning After_
"Valentine" The School _Loveless Unbeliever_
"Black Valentine" Hey! Hello! _Hey! Hello!_
"Your Valentine (Takes Me Back In Time)" Bubblegum Lemonade _Some Like It Pop_
"My Bloody Valentine" Ratcat _Tingles_
"Valentine's Day Is Over" Billy Bragg _The Peel Sessions_
Thursday, February 13, 2014
Preface To Valentine's Day 2014: Any Good Valentine's Day Stories?
I actually don't have a lot of Valentine's Day stories because for the longest time (my first twenty years or so, & many of the years since), I didn't have the slightest chance of getting a girl to be my valentine, & when I was finally (against all odds) dating someone, I was generally with women who didn't need or want flowers, candies, jewelry, etc. - the hallmarks of the day. I might have given one or two valentines to the woman who is now my wife - but I doubt she'd even notice if I never mentioned that tomorrow was Valentine's Day to her.
But. I do have one dumb story. It took place in high school. I bought some cheap not-even-Russell-Stover boxes of chocolate at a drugstore & gave them to some girls I was fond of in my AP History class. This was in twelfth grade, Valentine's Day 1986. I know I gave one to a girl named Laura, who was probably the first girl I really fell in love with, & also to a girl named Carrie, who sat next to me, but I can't remember if there was anyone else in class. I might have given one or two to a teacher I liked - but my favorite teacher was the male history teacher, & he might not have reacted well to me buying him candy.
In my senior year of high school, I would get to school early - before 7:30 - when it was easy to park & when I could go sit in the halls (hall monitors came on duty to watch the doors at 7:30) & read or study rather than hang out with a growing crowd of students waiting for the eight o'clock bell to ring & stumble miserably into first period. At the time, one other person would wait in the halls with me: a girl named Terri, who, at some point, decided she didn't want to be my friend anymore (that's another story). We used to chat & stuff before school started, but for a month or two we just sat silently in the halls, next to the drinking fountains (& therefore not in the view of the hall monitors), waiting for school to begin.
That day, I meant to give one of the heart-shaped boxes of candy to Terri. I didn't know if I thought being thoughtful would repair our friendship (we reconciled over the course of a couple of weeks in the spring, although we didn't stay friends after high school) - I couldn't possibly have been that clever - I think I just thought, I like Terri, we're friends, I'm giving candy to girls (& possibly male teachers) today, I'll give her one.
I gave it to her. She took it & said, "Thank you." & continued ignoring me. I went back to reading or doing homework or whatever. After a couple of minutes, she gave the candy back to me & said, "I can't take it! It's a farce!" She was crying. She went to the restroom & didn't return that morning.
(I had to look up "farce" in the dictionary later that day.)
We never spoke about it - I never brought it up - & I think I was baffled I could affect anyone in any way when I was that young & dumb. The story has a funny postscript, though.
I was left with an extra box of candy & even I knew how lonely it would be to eat a box of valentine chocolate I had bought for myself, so when I got home, I gave it to my mother. She was extremely happy & she almost cried herself. That, too, was baffling to me - it was a lesson no one had taught me, least of all her - & maybe that's what moved her so: her son was being thoughtful! Maybe she also noticed that she & I weren't as close as we had been. In any event, wow. She was so happy. That was crazy.
To this day, though, I'm probably not all that thoughtful. Some lessons can be learned only barely.
But. I do have one dumb story. It took place in high school. I bought some cheap not-even-Russell-Stover boxes of chocolate at a drugstore & gave them to some girls I was fond of in my AP History class. This was in twelfth grade, Valentine's Day 1986. I know I gave one to a girl named Laura, who was probably the first girl I really fell in love with, & also to a girl named Carrie, who sat next to me, but I can't remember if there was anyone else in class. I might have given one or two to a teacher I liked - but my favorite teacher was the male history teacher, & he might not have reacted well to me buying him candy.
In my senior year of high school, I would get to school early - before 7:30 - when it was easy to park & when I could go sit in the halls (hall monitors came on duty to watch the doors at 7:30) & read or study rather than hang out with a growing crowd of students waiting for the eight o'clock bell to ring & stumble miserably into first period. At the time, one other person would wait in the halls with me: a girl named Terri, who, at some point, decided she didn't want to be my friend anymore (that's another story). We used to chat & stuff before school started, but for a month or two we just sat silently in the halls, next to the drinking fountains (& therefore not in the view of the hall monitors), waiting for school to begin.
That day, I meant to give one of the heart-shaped boxes of candy to Terri. I didn't know if I thought being thoughtful would repair our friendship (we reconciled over the course of a couple of weeks in the spring, although we didn't stay friends after high school) - I couldn't possibly have been that clever - I think I just thought, I like Terri, we're friends, I'm giving candy to girls (& possibly male teachers) today, I'll give her one.
I gave it to her. She took it & said, "Thank you." & continued ignoring me. I went back to reading or doing homework or whatever. After a couple of minutes, she gave the candy back to me & said, "I can't take it! It's a farce!" She was crying. She went to the restroom & didn't return that morning.
(I had to look up "farce" in the dictionary later that day.)
We never spoke about it - I never brought it up - & I think I was baffled I could affect anyone in any way when I was that young & dumb. The story has a funny postscript, though.
I was left with an extra box of candy & even I knew how lonely it would be to eat a box of valentine chocolate I had bought for myself, so when I got home, I gave it to my mother. She was extremely happy & she almost cried herself. That, too, was baffling to me - it was a lesson no one had taught me, least of all her - & maybe that's what moved her so: her son was being thoughtful! Maybe she also noticed that she & I weren't as close as we had been. In any event, wow. She was so happy. That was crazy.
To this day, though, I'm probably not all that thoughtful. Some lessons can be learned only barely.
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Revenge Of The Love Song!
What happens when you no longer need the love song? You might be married - or have given up on being with another - or have given your life over to sex & death - or many other fates. But still - as if the world is populated entirely by teenagers - the love song continues.
The love song's reach has never exceeded its grasp. The love song goes on forever. But lovers do not. Lovers grow old & die. Lovers lose interest or have their love worn away. The love song abandons old lovers because there are always new lovers growing up, feeling the urge, entering into the world of longing & desire.
Like most love, the love song is trite & banal. Like most love, the love song is exquisite & expansive. Like most love, the love song wants everyone to sing along.
John Lydon made sure you understand that he was not singing a love song. Bo Burnham says the secret to the modern love song is to repeat lyrics so the song is easy to memorize. But it helps not to overthink it. Love songs mostly suck because most of the ideas you have about love suck. Why else would you even listen to most of the songs on this list? Or this list? Or this list? Or especially this list?
Go ahead. Give up the love song. Dismiss it as juvenile. Think you've outgrown it. Pretend to be above it. The love song doesn't care. It never needed you.
You needed it.
The love song's reach has never exceeded its grasp. The love song goes on forever. But lovers do not. Lovers grow old & die. Lovers lose interest or have their love worn away. The love song abandons old lovers because there are always new lovers growing up, feeling the urge, entering into the world of longing & desire.
Like most love, the love song is trite & banal. Like most love, the love song is exquisite & expansive. Like most love, the love song wants everyone to sing along.
John Lydon made sure you understand that he was not singing a love song. Bo Burnham says the secret to the modern love song is to repeat lyrics so the song is easy to memorize. But it helps not to overthink it. Love songs mostly suck because most of the ideas you have about love suck. Why else would you even listen to most of the songs on this list? Or this list? Or this list? Or especially this list?
Go ahead. Give up the love song. Dismiss it as juvenile. Think you've outgrown it. Pretend to be above it. The love song doesn't care. It never needed you.
You needed it.
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
Dead External Drive Blues
Tuesdays are usually the days I set aside for lots of listening to music for Friday's show. I have many songs (like most people) which I have on both DVD & on an external hard drive. But this morning my external hard drive died. Or something.
I have a program that I use to recover files from such things but it's slow slow slow. I may (sigh) end up just copying from the DVDs again. That takes a LONG TIME. It's EXHAUSTING.
Online forums are usually of mild help but I sure wish I had a Star Trek computer that I could say "run internal diagnostic" to. Instead, the program looking for files on the dead &/or dying external hard drive says, "Overall Progress: 0%".
In other news, despite it still being cold as fuck & snow is still everywhere, the wife & I are going to brave the unpleasant weather to see Eugene Mirman in Louisville tonight.
Boo, computer programs. Hooray, comedy!
I have a program that I use to recover files from such things but it's slow slow slow. I may (sigh) end up just copying from the DVDs again. That takes a LONG TIME. It's EXHAUSTING.
Online forums are usually of mild help but I sure wish I had a Star Trek computer that I could say "run internal diagnostic" to. Instead, the program looking for files on the dead &/or dying external hard drive says, "Overall Progress: 0%".
In other news, despite it still being cold as fuck & snow is still everywhere, the wife & I are going to brave the unpleasant weather to see Eugene Mirman in Louisville tonight.
Boo, computer programs. Hooray, comedy!
Monday, February 10, 2014
Table Of Contents/Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
TOC/OCD
This may strike many as absurd, being that Self Help Radio is a show unlikely to be heard by many people ever in the universe ever, but I have gone & made a page on the website which lists all the themes I've explored in alphabetical order, with links to the original playlists.
But why do a thing like that? Are there people out there who think to themselves, "I wonder if an obscure radio shows that has little or no listeners have ever done a radio show about [whatever]?" I can understand them being interested when Bob Dylan did his theme radio show, because even though I've done many of the same themes he did, he's Bob Fucking Dylan & I'm as close to the textbook definition of insignificant as one can get.
In fact, it's safe to say, with a show that has almost no listeners, I could only do such a thing for me.
It's true. I have been doing this ridiculous show for over eleven years now & occasionally I say to myself, "Hey! I should do a show about…!" & often I go through the trouble of preparing it, only to realize I have in fact done it before.
For the record, I have only accidentally repeated a show once. The theme was "trash" & I did the show in both 2004 & 2008. I did a show about "fame" & another about "stars" (as in "movie stars") that ended up being rather similar. But I've almost repeated a theme about two dozen times.
This handy index is available for me to double-check when I think I've come up with an idea that I have in fact had a few times before. It's also available to folks - there's always been a few at the radio stations I've been at - who have thought they could do a better theme-oriented show than I do. They can look at the linked playlists & sneer!
It's okay - I'm almost certain anyone could do this show better than I have. I'm the one, however, stuck in the Self Help Radio rut, & not getting out any time soon. Because I have to keep updating this "table of contents"!
This may strike many as absurd, being that Self Help Radio is a show unlikely to be heard by many people ever in the universe ever, but I have gone & made a page on the website which lists all the themes I've explored in alphabetical order, with links to the original playlists.
But why do a thing like that? Are there people out there who think to themselves, "I wonder if an obscure radio shows that has little or no listeners have ever done a radio show about [whatever]?" I can understand them being interested when Bob Dylan did his theme radio show, because even though I've done many of the same themes he did, he's Bob Fucking Dylan & I'm as close to the textbook definition of insignificant as one can get.
In fact, it's safe to say, with a show that has almost no listeners, I could only do such a thing for me.
It's true. I have been doing this ridiculous show for over eleven years now & occasionally I say to myself, "Hey! I should do a show about…!" & often I go through the trouble of preparing it, only to realize I have in fact done it before.
For the record, I have only accidentally repeated a show once. The theme was "trash" & I did the show in both 2004 & 2008. I did a show about "fame" & another about "stars" (as in "movie stars") that ended up being rather similar. But I've almost repeated a theme about two dozen times.
This handy index is available for me to double-check when I think I've come up with an idea that I have in fact had a few times before. It's also available to folks - there's always been a few at the radio stations I've been at - who have thought they could do a better theme-oriented show than I do. They can look at the linked playlists & sneer!
It's okay - I'm almost certain anyone could do this show better than I have. I'm the one, however, stuck in the Self Help Radio rut, & not getting out any time soon. Because I have to keep updating this "table of contents"!
Friday, February 07, 2014
Self Help Radio 020714: Hollow
The hollowness of human existence got you down? Why not celebrate it instead? Self Help Radio today celebrates hollow in all its forms. Well, maybe not all its forms. It's hollow, after all. Just a lot of space. Empty, you know.
The show is available for listening now! at the Self Help Radio website, or directly from here, by choosing either part one or part two. The hollowest of songs are listed below.
As always, thanks for listening!
(part one)
"Hollow" House Of Love _Audience With The Mind_
"Hollow" Majestic _The Majestic 12 Years 1995-1996_
"Hollow Hills (live)" Bauhaus _Mask_
"Hollow Eyes (12" Version)" Red Lorry Yellow Lorry _Talk About The Weather_
"The Hollow Earth" Pere Ubu _The Tenement Year_
"Hollow Gut" Lowlife _From A Scream To A Whisper_
"All My Hollowness To You" Tall Dwarfs _Hello Cruel World_
"Pretty But Hollow" The Passmore Sisters _Violent Blue_
"Hollow Heart" Birdland _Hollow Heart 12"_
"Hollow Inside" The Hummingbirds _Love Buzz_
(part two)
"Jupiter Hollow" The Proctors _Pinstripes & Englishmen_
"Hollow Inside" The Cat's Miaow _Songs For Girls To Sing_
"Hollow Mind" The Fall _Are You Are Missing Winner_
"Another Hollow Line" Young Knives _Voices Of Animals & Men_
"Is Your Head Hollow" Tranzmitors _Tranzmitors_
"Hollow Hollow Eyes" Crocodiles _ Sleep Forever_
"Hollow Life" Frankie Rose & The Outs _Frankie Rose & The Outs_
"Hollow Inside" The Buzzcocks _A Different Kind Of Tension_
"In Hollow" Belltower _Popdropper_
"Hollow Time Of Night" The Barmitzvah Brothers _The Century Of Invention_
"Hollowed Out" Cut Off Your Hands _Hollow_
The show is available for listening now! at the Self Help Radio website, or directly from here, by choosing either part one or part two. The hollowest of songs are listed below.
As always, thanks for listening!
(part one)
"Hollow" House Of Love _Audience With The Mind_
"Hollow" Majestic _The Majestic 12 Years 1995-1996_
"Hollow Hills (live)" Bauhaus _Mask_
"Hollow Eyes (12" Version)" Red Lorry Yellow Lorry _Talk About The Weather_
"The Hollow Earth" Pere Ubu _The Tenement Year_
"Hollow Gut" Lowlife _From A Scream To A Whisper_
"All My Hollowness To You" Tall Dwarfs _Hello Cruel World_
"Pretty But Hollow" The Passmore Sisters _Violent Blue_
"Hollow Heart" Birdland _Hollow Heart 12"_
"Hollow Inside" The Hummingbirds _Love Buzz_
(part two)
"Jupiter Hollow" The Proctors _Pinstripes & Englishmen_
"Hollow Inside" The Cat's Miaow _Songs For Girls To Sing_
"Hollow Mind" The Fall _Are You Are Missing Winner_
"Another Hollow Line" Young Knives _Voices Of Animals & Men_
"Is Your Head Hollow" Tranzmitors _Tranzmitors_
"Hollow Hollow Eyes" Crocodiles _ Sleep Forever_
"Hollow Life" Frankie Rose & The Outs _Frankie Rose & The Outs_
"Hollow Inside" The Buzzcocks _A Different Kind Of Tension_
"In Hollow" Belltower _Popdropper_
"Hollow Time Of Night" The Barmitzvah Brothers _The Century Of Invention_
"Hollowed Out" Cut Off Your Hands _Hollow_
Thursday, February 06, 2014
Whither Hollow?
The first time I read TS Eliot's "The Hollow Men," I had no familiarity with Guy Fawkes & only a vague understanding of the post-World-War-I world about which he was writing. I just knew that at times I felt a little (or a lot) hollow. I was a teenager, & looking for words that would either echo how I felt or attempt to fill that hollowness. Eliot did both.
I am somewhat more solid in my middle age, but still occasionally fill that I'm not entirely filled by life. I watch movies, listen to music, read books, sometimes even talk to people. But of course there's always a hollowness. Old friends that I used to know on Usenet would tell me in one word what it is: angst.
I'm trying to remember if eighteen-year-old me thought that some day that hollow feeling would be gone. The more-than-twice-that me thinks it might be a little boring if that were the case. I would have to find another reason to listen to music, for example - which I suppose could be interesting, to only listen to music for something technical, like composition or artistry - but it wouldn't be me, & it might make me turn my back on music I have always loved. Very little that I loved at one time seems strange or immature or "other" to me. I am very rarely embarrassed, as some people are, at what I "used to listen to."
Some of my friends, in fact, are more embarrassed for me for what I listen to now.
It's my way of saying, I suppose, that there's always a part of me that's going to be hollow.
I just asked my wife, who's an anatomist, what parts of the human body are hollow. There are a lot of them: the stomach, the intestines, the bladder, the nasal cavity, the maxillary sinuses, the lateral cervical triangle, among others. She even said, "The cranium is hollow, until you stick a brain in it," as if she were a mad scientist.
Those are the physical parts of me that'll always be hollow. But it turns out there's more. & probably always will be.
I am somewhat more solid in my middle age, but still occasionally fill that I'm not entirely filled by life. I watch movies, listen to music, read books, sometimes even talk to people. But of course there's always a hollowness. Old friends that I used to know on Usenet would tell me in one word what it is: angst.
I'm trying to remember if eighteen-year-old me thought that some day that hollow feeling would be gone. The more-than-twice-that me thinks it might be a little boring if that were the case. I would have to find another reason to listen to music, for example - which I suppose could be interesting, to only listen to music for something technical, like composition or artistry - but it wouldn't be me, & it might make me turn my back on music I have always loved. Very little that I loved at one time seems strange or immature or "other" to me. I am very rarely embarrassed, as some people are, at what I "used to listen to."
Some of my friends, in fact, are more embarrassed for me for what I listen to now.
It's my way of saying, I suppose, that there's always a part of me that's going to be hollow.
I just asked my wife, who's an anatomist, what parts of the human body are hollow. There are a lot of them: the stomach, the intestines, the bladder, the nasal cavity, the maxillary sinuses, the lateral cervical triangle, among others. She even said, "The cranium is hollow, until you stick a brain in it," as if she were a mad scientist.
Those are the physical parts of me that'll always be hollow. But it turns out there's more. & probably always will be.
Wednesday, February 05, 2014
Preface To Hollow: The Adventures Of Reverb & Echo!
"It doesn't make much sense, sir," said the young police cadet.
"No," grumbled the aged detective. "It most assuredly does not." He lit his cigar & motioned to the coroner's men to come get the body. "How," he muttered to himself, "does a person get killed inside a hollowed-out tree?"
"NOT SO FAST!" a voice bounded out of the night sky. Everyone recognized it - it belonged to the Redoubtable Resounder himself: Reverb!
"Oh fuck," sighed the grumpy detective. "I bet he brought that underage kid with him, too…"
"Not so fast!" a pubescent voice came, as if in response. It was everyone's favorite Child Comeback, Echo!
"I HAVE THIS COMMISSIONER!" said the hero. "I have this!" echoed Echo.
"Look, fellows," the detective said, "this is not the time & place…"
"DOUBTLESS THE WORK OF THE NEFARIOUS NECRO-THIEF!" said Reverb. "Nefarious thief!" said Echo.
"I know we're outdoors, fellows," said the detective, "but can you use your indoor voice?"
"Excuse me, detective!" A woman was pushing her way through the police cordon. "Mary Malone, Child Protective Services. I need a word with the man in the leather outfit."
"ECHO!" said the champion of justice, "USE YOUR REVERB-RAYS TO SEE IF THERE ARE MAGGOTS OR OTHER CORPSE-EATING VERMIN AROUND THE BODY!"
"Maggots!" said Echo, pulling a device like a small flashlight out of his belt.
"You! You!" said Mary Malone.
"YES, MA'AM? HOW CAN I HELP?"
"How old is that child there?" she asked, pointing at Echo.
"ER. OLD? HE'S MY SIDEKICK, THE REPETITIVE PALADIN HIMSELF!"
"Himself!" said Echo.
"Don't you yell at me, mister," said Mary Malone, poking the improbably clad hero in the chest.
"Er," he said.
"Is this young man Ernie Jackson, son of Clarence & Wilma Jackson, who live on Glendale Lane?"
"Mom & Dad?" said Echo.
"Son," said Mary Malone, "your parents are very worried about you!"
"They're not dead?" asked Echo, looking at Reverb.
"ANOTHER EVIL PLOT BY THE CONFOUNDER!" said Reverb, bursting into action. He grabbed Echo around the waist & took off running into the forest.
"What the?" said Mary Malone, turning to the grizzled detective. "Why don't you stop him?"
"This is homicide, ma'am," he said. He turned to the young police cadet. "Where's the coroner?"
"For fuck's sake!" said Mary Malone, turning & storming back to her car.
The old detective, who really thought he had seen it all, leaned on the tree that was the crime scene & puffed on his stogie. The body seemed to be cut in three as they pulled it out.
"Who the fuck does something like that?" he thought to himself. He looked into the forest where he thought he heard a young boy crying.
"No," grumbled the aged detective. "It most assuredly does not." He lit his cigar & motioned to the coroner's men to come get the body. "How," he muttered to himself, "does a person get killed inside a hollowed-out tree?"
"NOT SO FAST!" a voice bounded out of the night sky. Everyone recognized it - it belonged to the Redoubtable Resounder himself: Reverb!
"Oh fuck," sighed the grumpy detective. "I bet he brought that underage kid with him, too…"
"Not so fast!" a pubescent voice came, as if in response. It was everyone's favorite Child Comeback, Echo!
"I HAVE THIS COMMISSIONER!" said the hero. "I have this!" echoed Echo.
"Look, fellows," the detective said, "this is not the time & place…"
"DOUBTLESS THE WORK OF THE NEFARIOUS NECRO-THIEF!" said Reverb. "Nefarious thief!" said Echo.
"I know we're outdoors, fellows," said the detective, "but can you use your indoor voice?"
"Excuse me, detective!" A woman was pushing her way through the police cordon. "Mary Malone, Child Protective Services. I need a word with the man in the leather outfit."
"ECHO!" said the champion of justice, "USE YOUR REVERB-RAYS TO SEE IF THERE ARE MAGGOTS OR OTHER CORPSE-EATING VERMIN AROUND THE BODY!"
"Maggots!" said Echo, pulling a device like a small flashlight out of his belt.
"You! You!" said Mary Malone.
"YES, MA'AM? HOW CAN I HELP?"
"How old is that child there?" she asked, pointing at Echo.
"ER. OLD? HE'S MY SIDEKICK, THE REPETITIVE PALADIN HIMSELF!"
"Himself!" said Echo.
"Don't you yell at me, mister," said Mary Malone, poking the improbably clad hero in the chest.
"Er," he said.
"Is this young man Ernie Jackson, son of Clarence & Wilma Jackson, who live on Glendale Lane?"
"Mom & Dad?" said Echo.
"Son," said Mary Malone, "your parents are very worried about you!"
"They're not dead?" asked Echo, looking at Reverb.
"ANOTHER EVIL PLOT BY THE CONFOUNDER!" said Reverb, bursting into action. He grabbed Echo around the waist & took off running into the forest.
"What the?" said Mary Malone, turning to the grizzled detective. "Why don't you stop him?"
"This is homicide, ma'am," he said. He turned to the young police cadet. "Where's the coroner?"
"For fuck's sake!" said Mary Malone, turning & storming back to her car.
The old detective, who really thought he had seen it all, leaned on the tree that was the crime scene & puffed on his stogie. The body seemed to be cut in three as they pulled it out.
"Who the fuck does something like that?" he thought to himself. He looked into the forest where he thought he heard a young boy crying.
Tuesday, February 04, 2014
Punch A Bee
I found this on a Tumblr site:
I have no idea what it means, but it made me laugh.
Things are odd that way.
I have no idea what it means, but it made me laugh.
Things are odd that way.
Monday, February 03, 2014
People Die During Allegations Of The Super Bowl All The Time
I sure enjoyed the hell out of watching Phillip Seymour Hoffman act. He seemed like a shy, sensitive fellow, & his co-worker's tweets seemed to bear that out. Jim Carrey tweeted, "For the most sensitive among us the noise can be too much."
So many people I admire, who were artists & musicians, have been dashed on the rocks thanks to the siren song of heroin. I am squeamish when it comes to people poking needles into me; I always make sure I am lying down & looking away when someone takes my blood at the doctor's. As such, heroin addiction was not much of a threat.
Also, I've never know any dealers. Or if I have, I didn't know they were dealers. I am astonished that people get drugs at all. I wouldn't know the first place to find them.
A few friends on the Face-type-Book are wringing their hands about Woody Allen, whose adopted daughter has written an open letter accusing him, as she has for twenty years now, of sexually molesting her when she was seven. This comes after her mother Mia Farrow & half-brother Ronan Farrow tweeted the allegations when Woody Allen won an award at the Golden Globes, & also after documentarian Robert Weide wrote a defense of Allen. After the Dylan Farrow article, Roger Friedman wrote this article which suggests that this is some kind of campaign by Farrow to keep these accusations out there.
I don't think this is as big an issue for many of my friends for a couple of reasons. One, a lot of them don't watch or don't enjoy Woody Allen movies. Two, there's a contingent of them who, whether they like Woody Allen's movies or not, always side with the victim & decided, twenty years ago, he was a pervert on the level of Roman Polanski (who pled guilty to child molestation) or Michael Jackson (who was acquitted of one count but earlier settled out of court to the tune of 25 million dollars for another).
A smaller contingent might be my own: I don't know what to believe. I certainly don't want to find out that someone whose body of work I admire is actually a pedophile, but I don't think there's enough evidence to prove it conclusively. However, I am deeply affected by Dylan Farrow's letter & my heart goes out to her. I just find myself so full of doubt I don't think I can even begin to know what really happened.
I often find you can tell a lot about a person by their initial reactions to such allegations. I do the same thing, have the same sorts of things that I will automatically jump in defense of without thinking it through first. I check myself, however, & try not to jump on the Twitter or whatever & throw out accusations. I wish most of us could install the same sort of filter.
But it's intriguing how experience & loyalty fuck with the filter. I dated for a while a sweet woman who was a feminist, who would automatically take the side of any woman who claimed to be raped or sexually assaulted or sexually harassed. She volunteered at a battered woman's shelter & she had seen first-hand the devastation that violence against women caused.
She also was part of a new-age-y self-help group whose leader was, during the time I was finding out what she was a part of, accused by many female members of the group of raping them during their quasi-religious therapy sessions. The number at the time was growing. When I mentioned this to my girlfriend, she automatically dismissed those women's claims outright. She couldn't believe the founder of her therapy-ish religion could do such a thing.
Although if it had been a Christian, she would've sided with the women.
I didn't watch the Super Bowl last night, but I read tweets about it. (I'm so meta.) I understand it was a shut-out, & not enough of a contest to be entertaining. Someone either there or Facebook said something funny, which I paraphrase: I didn't watch the Super Bowl, but as I was flipping channels, every time I came to the game, the Seahawks were scoring.
So many people I admire, who were artists & musicians, have been dashed on the rocks thanks to the siren song of heroin. I am squeamish when it comes to people poking needles into me; I always make sure I am lying down & looking away when someone takes my blood at the doctor's. As such, heroin addiction was not much of a threat.
Also, I've never know any dealers. Or if I have, I didn't know they were dealers. I am astonished that people get drugs at all. I wouldn't know the first place to find them.
A few friends on the Face-type-Book are wringing their hands about Woody Allen, whose adopted daughter has written an open letter accusing him, as she has for twenty years now, of sexually molesting her when she was seven. This comes after her mother Mia Farrow & half-brother Ronan Farrow tweeted the allegations when Woody Allen won an award at the Golden Globes, & also after documentarian Robert Weide wrote a defense of Allen. After the Dylan Farrow article, Roger Friedman wrote this article which suggests that this is some kind of campaign by Farrow to keep these accusations out there.
I don't think this is as big an issue for many of my friends for a couple of reasons. One, a lot of them don't watch or don't enjoy Woody Allen movies. Two, there's a contingent of them who, whether they like Woody Allen's movies or not, always side with the victim & decided, twenty years ago, he was a pervert on the level of Roman Polanski (who pled guilty to child molestation) or Michael Jackson (who was acquitted of one count but earlier settled out of court to the tune of 25 million dollars for another).
A smaller contingent might be my own: I don't know what to believe. I certainly don't want to find out that someone whose body of work I admire is actually a pedophile, but I don't think there's enough evidence to prove it conclusively. However, I am deeply affected by Dylan Farrow's letter & my heart goes out to her. I just find myself so full of doubt I don't think I can even begin to know what really happened.
I often find you can tell a lot about a person by their initial reactions to such allegations. I do the same thing, have the same sorts of things that I will automatically jump in defense of without thinking it through first. I check myself, however, & try not to jump on the Twitter or whatever & throw out accusations. I wish most of us could install the same sort of filter.
But it's intriguing how experience & loyalty fuck with the filter. I dated for a while a sweet woman who was a feminist, who would automatically take the side of any woman who claimed to be raped or sexually assaulted or sexually harassed. She volunteered at a battered woman's shelter & she had seen first-hand the devastation that violence against women caused.
She also was part of a new-age-y self-help group whose leader was, during the time I was finding out what she was a part of, accused by many female members of the group of raping them during their quasi-religious therapy sessions. The number at the time was growing. When I mentioned this to my girlfriend, she automatically dismissed those women's claims outright. She couldn't believe the founder of her therapy-ish religion could do such a thing.
Although if it had been a Christian, she would've sided with the women.
I didn't watch the Super Bowl last night, but I read tweets about it. (I'm so meta.) I understand it was a shut-out, & not enough of a contest to be entertaining. Someone either there or Facebook said something funny, which I paraphrase: I didn't watch the Super Bowl, but as I was flipping channels, every time I came to the game, the Seahawks were scoring.
Friday, January 31, 2014
Self Help Radio 013114: The Only One
Are you the only one who really knows what the hell is going on? Are you perhaps the only one qualified to give an opinion on the matter? Might you be the only one we can turn to in times of crisis? Or are you just someone's only one?
Huh. It turns out there isn't only one "only one." However, there is only one Self Help Radio show about "the only one" & you can listen to it now at the Self Help Radio website. If you prefer a more direct approach, the show is available instantly by clicking either part I or part II. The songs (mostly called "The Only One") that I played are below.
Thanks for being the only one who listens!
(part one)
"The Only One" The Computones _Acappella Showdown, Vol. 1_
"Only One" Arthur Lee Maye & The Crowns _The Best Of Arthur Lee Maye & The Crowns_
"The Only One" Lulu _Something To Shout About_
"The Only One" Roy Orbison _Mystery Girl_
"The Only One" Pink Industry _Who Told You, You Were Naked_
"Only One" He Said _Hail_
"The Only One" Billy Bragg _Workers Playtime_
"The Only One" My Dad Is Dead _The Taller You Are, The Shorter You Get_
"The Only One" American Analog Set _Know By Heart_
"Only One" The Ramonalisas _Wintersliding_
"Only One" The Barbaras _2006-2008_
(part two)
"The Only One" The Cure _4:13 Dream_
"Only One" Smith Westerns _Dye It Blonde_
"The Only One" Birdmonster _From The Mountain To The Sea_
"The Only One" Holly Golightly & The Brokeoffs _No Help Coming_
"The Only One" The Leftovers _Eager To Please_
"Only One" Colleen Green _Sock It To Me_
"The Only, Only One - Parts 1 & 2" Jack Drag _Little Molly Has A Treat For You_
"The Only Ones" Pipas _Sorry Love_
"The Only Ones" All Girl Summer Fun Band _Looking Into It_
"Only Ones" Burnt Ones _Black Teeth & Golden Tongues_
Huh. It turns out there isn't only one "only one." However, there is only one Self Help Radio show about "the only one" & you can listen to it now at the Self Help Radio website. If you prefer a more direct approach, the show is available instantly by clicking either part I or part II. The songs (mostly called "The Only One") that I played are below.
Thanks for being the only one who listens!
(part one)
"The Only One" The Computones _Acappella Showdown, Vol. 1_
"Only One" Arthur Lee Maye & The Crowns _The Best Of Arthur Lee Maye & The Crowns_
"The Only One" Lulu _Something To Shout About_
"The Only One" Roy Orbison _Mystery Girl_
"The Only One" Pink Industry _Who Told You, You Were Naked_
"Only One" He Said _Hail_
"The Only One" Billy Bragg _Workers Playtime_
"The Only One" My Dad Is Dead _The Taller You Are, The Shorter You Get_
"The Only One" American Analog Set _Know By Heart_
"Only One" The Ramonalisas _Wintersliding_
"Only One" The Barbaras _2006-2008_
(part two)
"The Only One" The Cure _4:13 Dream_
"Only One" Smith Westerns _Dye It Blonde_
"The Only One" Birdmonster _From The Mountain To The Sea_
"The Only One" Holly Golightly & The Brokeoffs _No Help Coming_
"The Only One" The Leftovers _Eager To Please_
"Only One" Colleen Green _Sock It To Me_
"The Only, Only One - Parts 1 & 2" Jack Drag _Little Molly Has A Treat For You_
"The Only Ones" Pipas _Sorry Love_
"The Only Ones" All Girl Summer Fun Band _Looking Into It_
"Only Ones" Burnt Ones _Black Teeth & Golden Tongues_
Thursday, January 30, 2014
Whither The Only One?
Years later, it was 2083 & a lot had changed. The only human being left on the planet walked up & down the street, in-between the smoldering volcanoes, which was her morning constitutional. To the abandoned surveillance cameras she would wave. There were so many fatty insect worms to eat, she could just reach out & grab them, but she had to keep her eyes closed - they had begun to evolve faces, specifically her face, as a coloring to keep themselves alive. Stupid radiation! It would have taken centuries for that to happen before!
The aliens came after she had managed to get an old VCR to work, & was trying to remember a time when people with "white" skin had existed in such numbers. She tried to explain to the aliens that this had once been a vibrant planet, with billions of people more or less like her (with only two eyes, though), that this had been a giant city, the biggest & best city on the planet - at least to her. She had really never made it out of Indianapolis. The aliens had come to meet the people who had been broadcasting "Hogan's Heroes" at them for so many years.
An alien doctor - it could've been a doctor - it might also have been a little frisky - took some blood & let her know what they'd discovered. One, she might live forever, which made her both happy & sad. Happy because she had so many videotapes to watch. Sad because she missed her computer. It also told her that she could reproduce with any one of them, but that their children would be approximately 76% alien & the smaller percentage human. This made her sad because she felt her children would therefore be at a disadvantage at the good alien schools.
She asked if she could think about it, & also if she could have a ride around on their flying rectangle spaceship. They showed her the ruins of her planet. Everywhere human constructs like nuclear plants & oil refineries had, without anyone to mind them, exploded & poisoned the world Strange creatures were born & died quickly in the volatile oceans, while plate tectonics changed the landscape which she might have remembered from the time or two she actually looked at a globe. When asked by the aliens if she were too affected by the trip, she said no, she just wanted to see if the mall in Plainfield was still there & maybe open.
The aliens were nice but she was glad to see them go. They said they might return in three hundred years when they fly back this way, but she didn't think they were the sort of aliens she needed to be hanging out with. Mate with them! That's absurd! You might be the only one here, she thought to herself, but you have to have some kind of standards! Anyway, she found the complete series of Matlock on VHS & that would keep her busy till volcano season was over.
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Preface To The Only One: Not Only One Only One Song
Oh god, there are times when I think I'm not going to find enough songs for a dumb theme - this week's being "the only one" - songs in which people talk about being someone's only one. After digging through my collection - over the past week - I found almost three hours of songs with the words "the only one" featured prominently.
Three hours? I need half that! What happens next? Oh, I'll tell you what happens next. I decide, let's narrow this down. I don't mean "narrow this down" to the best songs as I think they are - the three hours I had were all great songs - no, I decided to use one more filter in deciding what to play.
This is something I dream of doing from time to time: having an entire show feature all the songs with the theme as the title. I've only done this once, for a show back in 2010 with the theme "tell me." I was so proud of myself - 24 songs all called "Tell Me"! Too bad I did the show in West Virginia & no one heard it.
I came close to doing again recently - back in November, I did a show with the theme "wonderful" but didn't have enough to fill the entire show (I would have if the show were ninety minutes long, though).
The dream lives. I will try to only play songs with the theme's name as there title!
Will I be able to do it with songs called "The Only One"? Probably not - but I'm still whittling that list down for the show on Friday!
----
My wife just asked me, "Whatcha doing?"
I said, "Writing in my dumb blog."
She said, "Are you writing about how much you love me?"
Well, now I guess I am.
Three hours? I need half that! What happens next? Oh, I'll tell you what happens next. I decide, let's narrow this down. I don't mean "narrow this down" to the best songs as I think they are - the three hours I had were all great songs - no, I decided to use one more filter in deciding what to play.
This is something I dream of doing from time to time: having an entire show feature all the songs with the theme as the title. I've only done this once, for a show back in 2010 with the theme "tell me." I was so proud of myself - 24 songs all called "Tell Me"! Too bad I did the show in West Virginia & no one heard it.
I came close to doing again recently - back in November, I did a show with the theme "wonderful" but didn't have enough to fill the entire show (I would have if the show were ninety minutes long, though).
The dream lives. I will try to only play songs with the theme's name as there title!
Will I be able to do it with songs called "The Only One"? Probably not - but I'm still whittling that list down for the show on Friday!
----
My wife just asked me, "Whatcha doing?"
I said, "Writing in my dumb blog."
She said, "Are you writing about how much you love me?"
Well, now I guess I am.
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
Pete Seeger
I was going to tweet this today, but thought it might be too stupid: "It's too sad to keep writing about great musicians who have died. We should spend more time writing about the great musicians being born."
The exhaustion, though, is omnipresent. Time marches on, everyone dies, even important people, people you love & admire, & you comment on it - you reflect on their lives, on how they changed or affected you - & before you know it, someone else has died & the cycle repeats itself.
My mother, who is pretty old, talks a great deal about people who have died or (more unnervingly) people who are dying. It must seem a strange thing when all of your friends & immediate family are gone. As I've gotten older & health issues have reared their ugly heads, I've become more acquainted with mortality - & of course it sucks.
If I die, a few people who cared about me would perhaps be sad. But Pete Seeger was a giant. I don't think I've known many people like him personally in my life. He wasn't just a musician, or a singer, or a poet, or an activist, or propagandist, or entertainer. He had all that inside him & more. He certainly was full of love, love of the highest order, for all humankind, working tirelessly & facing obstacles that would defeat & wither most of us. & he sang. He sang & played guitar & performed to countless folks. He never stopped believing, he never stopped fighting.
I often say things like, "If so & so hadn't existed, so much of what I love wouldn't exist." Pete Seeger championed Bob Dylan, one of my musical idols, but there's no reason to think Dylan wouldn't have broken through without his help. Probably more importantly, Pete Seeger influenced the hell out of Phil Ochs, an underrated musician whose politics often had to compete with his own musical ambitions. Both Ochs & Seeger had voices critics described as "wooden" - & both put their lives where their mouths were when it came to the causes they believed in. It's not too hard to draw a line from Seeger to people like Billy Bragg, who wrote something nice about him today.
Of course I love Pete Seeger's songs, I love the Weavers, I love the feeling of being included in a mass of humanity who want to be free of oppression, of greed, of hate. I am so grateful to live in a time when it's as easy as a click of a mouse to find recordings in video & audio of Pete Seeger doing what he did best. There are great photos my friend Aaron is posting on Facebook of Seeger live. I have stolen one, & put it here:
Credit where it's due: Pete Seeger performing at Folk Festival at Town Hall, 8 March 1958. Photo by Ray Sullivan for Photo-Sound Associates.
In the pictures, Seeger is often tilting his head upward, possibly a result of singing at too many places where there wasn't amplification, but I have been charming myself with the notion that that's not entirely it. Sure, he was singing to the audience assembled there, but maybe he thought that - just maybe - if he sang a little louder, projected a little more, & aimed his voice a little higher than the folks immediately in front of him, the rest of the world would hear, too.
Oh, Pete Seeger, didn't you know? They did.
The exhaustion, though, is omnipresent. Time marches on, everyone dies, even important people, people you love & admire, & you comment on it - you reflect on their lives, on how they changed or affected you - & before you know it, someone else has died & the cycle repeats itself.
My mother, who is pretty old, talks a great deal about people who have died or (more unnervingly) people who are dying. It must seem a strange thing when all of your friends & immediate family are gone. As I've gotten older & health issues have reared their ugly heads, I've become more acquainted with mortality - & of course it sucks.
If I die, a few people who cared about me would perhaps be sad. But Pete Seeger was a giant. I don't think I've known many people like him personally in my life. He wasn't just a musician, or a singer, or a poet, or an activist, or propagandist, or entertainer. He had all that inside him & more. He certainly was full of love, love of the highest order, for all humankind, working tirelessly & facing obstacles that would defeat & wither most of us. & he sang. He sang & played guitar & performed to countless folks. He never stopped believing, he never stopped fighting.
I often say things like, "If so & so hadn't existed, so much of what I love wouldn't exist." Pete Seeger championed Bob Dylan, one of my musical idols, but there's no reason to think Dylan wouldn't have broken through without his help. Probably more importantly, Pete Seeger influenced the hell out of Phil Ochs, an underrated musician whose politics often had to compete with his own musical ambitions. Both Ochs & Seeger had voices critics described as "wooden" - & both put their lives where their mouths were when it came to the causes they believed in. It's not too hard to draw a line from Seeger to people like Billy Bragg, who wrote something nice about him today.
Of course I love Pete Seeger's songs, I love the Weavers, I love the feeling of being included in a mass of humanity who want to be free of oppression, of greed, of hate. I am so grateful to live in a time when it's as easy as a click of a mouse to find recordings in video & audio of Pete Seeger doing what he did best. There are great photos my friend Aaron is posting on Facebook of Seeger live. I have stolen one, & put it here:
Credit where it's due: Pete Seeger performing at Folk Festival at Town Hall, 8 March 1958. Photo by Ray Sullivan for Photo-Sound Associates.
In the pictures, Seeger is often tilting his head upward, possibly a result of singing at too many places where there wasn't amplification, but I have been charming myself with the notion that that's not entirely it. Sure, he was singing to the audience assembled there, but maybe he thought that - just maybe - if he sang a little louder, projected a little more, & aimed his voice a little higher than the folks immediately in front of him, the rest of the world would hear, too.
Oh, Pete Seeger, didn't you know? They did.
Monday, January 27, 2014
Why I Don't Watch The Grammys
I like to watch awards shows, & regularly tune in (though I DVR them so I can fast-forward through the commercials) to watch the Emmys, the Oscars, & the Golden Globes. But I don't watch the Grammys. & there are two big reasons.
The main one is I don't much care for modern commercial music. I have been out of touch with what passes for mainstream music for over two decades now. If you like that music, that's fine - I'm not here to tell you you're wrong or you have terrible taste. I don't believe anyone's opinion is more "right" than another's. I will pay more attention to someone who is more passionate about what they like, or who can explain to me why they like it, but I won't dismiss you because you just listen to whatever's on the radio. It's how the industry functions, & commercial radio exists for the industry.
The bigger one is this: there are very few people who win a Grammy who haven't already made a lot of money for themselves & their record company (& their record company is probably going to be owned by a corporation). This is markedly different from the Oscars & the Emmys - a small budget film can snag an Oscar, & a television show no one is watching can win an Emmy. But just a small sampling of this year's "best new artist" nominees (not a terribly scientific sample, but I think it's typical) will give you a sense of what I mean.
Macklemore & Ryan Lewis, who won the award, sold, according to Wikipedia, "78,000 copies in [the album's] first week, & debuted at number 2 on the US Billboard 200 chart, but debuted at number 1 on the Billboard Top R&B/Hip-Hop Albums & Top Rap Albums, while entering the Canadian Albums Chart at number 4. As of November 2013, the album has sold over 1,132,000 copies in the United States."
James Blake I could find no sales information about, except that after he won the Mercury Prize last year, his album sales went up "2500%." But you can see how well his most recent record did on charts around the world here. (He's had more than one record, which means his nomination for "best new artist" is weird.)
Kendrick Lamar (who has released three albums) had his most recent album, according to Wikipedia, "debut at number two on the Billboard 200 chart, selling 242,000 copies in its first week – earning the highest first-week hip hop album sales of 2012 from a male artist, along with the best-selling debut from a male artist of the year. It became Lamar's first album to enter the UK Albums Chart, peaking at number 16, & entering the UK R&B Albums Chart at number two. The album was also met with rave reviews from music critics, being named to many end-of-the-year lists. It was certified platinum by the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA) &, by December 2013, had sold over 1,109,000 copies, according to Nielsen SoundScan."
Kacey Musgraves (another person with multiple albums under her belt) released a record last year that Wikipedia says, "debuted at number two on the Billboard 200, selling 42,000 copies in its first week. It also entered at number one on the Top Country Albums chart. As of January 2014, the album has sold 302,000 copies in the US."
& Ed Sheeran - who released his debut three years ago - had his record "debuted atop of the UK Albums Chart with first-week sales exceeding 102,000 copies The album performed well on the US Billboard 200, peaking at number 5, selling 42,000 copies. The album is the highest debut for a British artist's first studio album in the US since Susan Boyle's I Dreamed a Dream."
The bottom line is this: unlike other awards shows, which seem to honor artistic excellence, the Grammys celebrate success. The Grammys not only suggest that commercial success means artistic success - they insist it does.
I listen to a lot of new records, but many of them probably don't sell a whole lot. To the Grammys, & to the critics who don't get free copies because their (independent) labels can't afford to send any to them, they're not even worth consideration.
Here's why I suspect that financial success doesn't always equal artistic success: the list of "best new artists" from 1994, twenty years ago.
Toni Braxton
Belly
Blind Melon
Digable Planets
SWV
Toni Braxton won, & now instead of making amazing records that music critics are swooning over, she's on Dancing With The Stars & has her own reality television show.
Again, I'm not insisting that what I like is better than what others like. I just think the Grammys could be more honest about what exactly the awards are given for: they're mostly celebrating achievement in making money.
That's the reason why I don't watch their awards show.
The main one is I don't much care for modern commercial music. I have been out of touch with what passes for mainstream music for over two decades now. If you like that music, that's fine - I'm not here to tell you you're wrong or you have terrible taste. I don't believe anyone's opinion is more "right" than another's. I will pay more attention to someone who is more passionate about what they like, or who can explain to me why they like it, but I won't dismiss you because you just listen to whatever's on the radio. It's how the industry functions, & commercial radio exists for the industry.
The bigger one is this: there are very few people who win a Grammy who haven't already made a lot of money for themselves & their record company (& their record company is probably going to be owned by a corporation). This is markedly different from the Oscars & the Emmys - a small budget film can snag an Oscar, & a television show no one is watching can win an Emmy. But just a small sampling of this year's "best new artist" nominees (not a terribly scientific sample, but I think it's typical) will give you a sense of what I mean.
Macklemore & Ryan Lewis, who won the award, sold, according to Wikipedia, "78,000 copies in [the album's] first week, & debuted at number 2 on the US Billboard 200 chart, but debuted at number 1 on the Billboard Top R&B/Hip-Hop Albums & Top Rap Albums, while entering the Canadian Albums Chart at number 4. As of November 2013, the album has sold over 1,132,000 copies in the United States."
James Blake I could find no sales information about, except that after he won the Mercury Prize last year, his album sales went up "2500%." But you can see how well his most recent record did on charts around the world here. (He's had more than one record, which means his nomination for "best new artist" is weird.)
Kendrick Lamar (who has released three albums) had his most recent album, according to Wikipedia, "debut at number two on the Billboard 200 chart, selling 242,000 copies in its first week – earning the highest first-week hip hop album sales of 2012 from a male artist, along with the best-selling debut from a male artist of the year. It became Lamar's first album to enter the UK Albums Chart, peaking at number 16, & entering the UK R&B Albums Chart at number two. The album was also met with rave reviews from music critics, being named to many end-of-the-year lists. It was certified platinum by the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA) &, by December 2013, had sold over 1,109,000 copies, according to Nielsen SoundScan."
Kacey Musgraves (another person with multiple albums under her belt) released a record last year that Wikipedia says, "debuted at number two on the Billboard 200, selling 42,000 copies in its first week. It also entered at number one on the Top Country Albums chart. As of January 2014, the album has sold 302,000 copies in the US."
& Ed Sheeran - who released his debut three years ago - had his record "debuted atop of the UK Albums Chart with first-week sales exceeding 102,000 copies The album performed well on the US Billboard 200, peaking at number 5, selling 42,000 copies. The album is the highest debut for a British artist's first studio album in the US since Susan Boyle's I Dreamed a Dream."
The bottom line is this: unlike other awards shows, which seem to honor artistic excellence, the Grammys celebrate success. The Grammys not only suggest that commercial success means artistic success - they insist it does.
I listen to a lot of new records, but many of them probably don't sell a whole lot. To the Grammys, & to the critics who don't get free copies because their (independent) labels can't afford to send any to them, they're not even worth consideration.
Here's why I suspect that financial success doesn't always equal artistic success: the list of "best new artists" from 1994, twenty years ago.
Toni Braxton
Belly
Blind Melon
Digable Planets
SWV
Toni Braxton won, & now instead of making amazing records that music critics are swooning over, she's on Dancing With The Stars & has her own reality television show.
Again, I'm not insisting that what I like is better than what others like. I just think the Grammys could be more honest about what exactly the awards are given for: they're mostly celebrating achievement in making money.
That's the reason why I don't watch their awards show.
Friday, January 24, 2014
Self Help Radio 012414: Rope
Well. Here you go. The world was clamoring for an entire radio show about rope & Self Help Radio delivered! (At least I think the world was clamoring for an entire radio show about rope…)
The show can be listened to now at Self Help Radio web page central. It has been conveniently divided into two more or less equal parts & you can download each part directly by choosing either part I or part II. I suppose you could play both simultaneously & I'm not saying that wouldn't be a step up in quality. The songs about rope are listed below.
Thanks for listening! I'm all tied up!
(part one)
"Jump Rope Boogie" Cliffie Stone _A Capitol Rockabilly, Pt. 1_
"Jump Rope Hop" Buddy Kain & The Nomads _Teen Rockin' Fever_
"Skip A Rope" Henson Cargill _Skip A Rope_
"The Same Rope" Etta James _Heart & Soul: A Retrospective_
"Indian Rope Man" Richie Havens _Richard P. Havens, 1983_
"Moving Rope" Longmont Potioncastle _The Best Of Longmont Potion Castle_
"The Rope Song" Devo _Hardcore, Vol. 2: 1974-1977_
"Fun With Ropes" The Go-Go's _Return To The Valley Of The Go-Go's_
"Out On The Ropes" The Shirts _Street Light Shine_
"No Rope Is Long Enough" Ups & Downs _Underneath The Watchful Eye_
"George Washington & Rope" Firesign Theater _Dear Friends_
"Rope" The Clean _Unknown Country_
(part two)
"Rope Waltz" Pee Shy _Don't Get Too Comfortable_
"Carrot Rope" Pavement _Terror Twilight_
"Bought A Rope" The Minus 5 _The Gun Album_
"Cut The Rope" Red Cloud Carter _Songs About Sculptures_
"Rope & Summit" Junip _Fields_
"Tightrope!" George Duning _Television's Greatest Hits, Vol. 4: Black & White Classics_
"Tightrope Ride" The Doors _Other Voices_
"Walking On A Tightrope" Percy Mayfield _Walking On A Tightrope_
"Tight Rope" Tom Dooley & The Lovelights _Downtown Soulville_
"Tight Rope" Brother Ali _US_
The show can be listened to now at Self Help Radio web page central. It has been conveniently divided into two more or less equal parts & you can download each part directly by choosing either part I or part II. I suppose you could play both simultaneously & I'm not saying that wouldn't be a step up in quality. The songs about rope are listed below.
Thanks for listening! I'm all tied up!
(part one)
"Jump Rope Boogie" Cliffie Stone _A Capitol Rockabilly, Pt. 1_
"Jump Rope Hop" Buddy Kain & The Nomads _Teen Rockin' Fever_
"Skip A Rope" Henson Cargill _Skip A Rope_
"The Same Rope" Etta James _Heart & Soul: A Retrospective_
"Indian Rope Man" Richie Havens _Richard P. Havens, 1983_
"Moving Rope" Longmont Potioncastle _The Best Of Longmont Potion Castle_
"The Rope Song" Devo _Hardcore, Vol. 2: 1974-1977_
"Fun With Ropes" The Go-Go's _Return To The Valley Of The Go-Go's_
"Out On The Ropes" The Shirts _Street Light Shine_
"No Rope Is Long Enough" Ups & Downs _Underneath The Watchful Eye_
"George Washington & Rope" Firesign Theater _Dear Friends_
"Rope" The Clean _Unknown Country_
(part two)
"Rope Waltz" Pee Shy _Don't Get Too Comfortable_
"Carrot Rope" Pavement _Terror Twilight_
"Bought A Rope" The Minus 5 _The Gun Album_
"Cut The Rope" Red Cloud Carter _Songs About Sculptures_
"Rope & Summit" Junip _Fields_
"Tightrope!" George Duning _Television's Greatest Hits, Vol. 4: Black & White Classics_
"Tightrope Ride" The Doors _Other Voices_
"Walking On A Tightrope" Percy Mayfield _Walking On A Tightrope_
"Tight Rope" Tom Dooley & The Lovelights _Downtown Soulville_
"Tight Rope" Brother Ali _US_
Thursday, January 23, 2014
Whither Rope?
Basically, I wondered if I could find enough songs about rope to fill a radio show. I did! I would've had enough even if I still had two hours.
In my research (ie, looking around the web) I have discovered that human beings have been using rope for more than 19,000 years. They found fossils of rope at Lascaux. That's incredible.
To put it into perspective: anthropologists believe that human beings "invented" (it's better to say "discovered") agriculture around 10,000 BCE, or 12,000 years ago. They had five millenia of playing with rope before they discovered they could plant seeds!
Humankind's fascination with rope hasn't ended. There are websites which can teach you how to make rope. You can watch youtube videos about it. You can learn how to put together machines for making rope.
I can't think of the last time that I used a rope. I think I went across a rope bridge last summer in Costa Rica. I guess a dog's leash is sort of like a rope. (If you actually use a rope for your dog's leash, you might be an asshole.) Help me! When could I have last used a rope?
In any event, people love rope. It makes sense there'd be enough songs about rope for my little radio show. & you'll get to hear it tomorrow at noon!
In my research (ie, looking around the web) I have discovered that human beings have been using rope for more than 19,000 years. They found fossils of rope at Lascaux. That's incredible.
To put it into perspective: anthropologists believe that human beings "invented" (it's better to say "discovered") agriculture around 10,000 BCE, or 12,000 years ago. They had five millenia of playing with rope before they discovered they could plant seeds!
Humankind's fascination with rope hasn't ended. There are websites which can teach you how to make rope. You can watch youtube videos about it. You can learn how to put together machines for making rope.
I can't think of the last time that I used a rope. I think I went across a rope bridge last summer in Costa Rica. I guess a dog's leash is sort of like a rope. (If you actually use a rope for your dog's leash, you might be an asshole.) Help me! When could I have last used a rope?
In any event, people love rope. It makes sense there'd be enough songs about rope for my little radio show. & you'll get to hear it tomorrow at noon!
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
Preface To Rope: Not That Alfred Hitchcock Movie!
You've seen this, right? It's a nice Alfred Hitchcock mindfuck from the late 1940s which was the first of four movies Stewart made with Hitchcock. That's a nice tagline up there - "Nothing ever held you like Alfred Hitchcock's ROPE"!
This post isn't about that movie. It's about Jimmy Stewart.
I became a fan of James Stewart late, having only seen It's A Wonderful Life in my first or second year of college.
Hey! I preferred animated Christmas specials when I was a kid! & I still haven't seen A Christmas Story!
Seeing "It's A Wonderful Life" began for me a period of watching Jimmy Stewart movies & especially movies Stewart made with Frank Capra. I came to admire how sincere & likable he was & how he seemed to embody the values that Capra championed in his films. (My favorite Capra movie with Stewart is You Can't Take It With You; my favorite non-Capra Stewart performance at the time may be his turn as a reluctant bad-ass in Destry Rides Again.)
Stewart's later Hitchock & westerns work - which I did enjoy - didn't touch me as much, but every Christmas during my 20s, I would see "It's A Wonderful Life" & say to myself, "I should write him a letter & just say thank you for how much his work has moved me." I said that recently about DeForest Kelley, & I'll probably say it again at some point when someone I adore dies - for some reason I never get around to writing those letters. But I found out some things toward the end of Stewart's life (he died in the late 90s, & there were a million tabloid headlines on a weekly basis for a few years with the lines, "Jimmy Stewart's Tragic Last ________") that made me hesitant to write that letter.
Which is stupid, I know. I didn't love the movies he was in, or his performances in them, any less, with this new information. Besides, an actor, like any artist, can sometimes betray his or her principles with their creation. They are simply being the best of what they can be.
The big thing was that he was a Republican. Not just any Republican, neither. He was a hardcore party man. He supported Barry Goldwater in 1964! He campaigned for Nixon! He was happy his pal Reagan became President!
You might not feel the same way I do - you might agree with him, or be apolitical - but man it gave me pause. The guy who played George Bailey supported Goldwater?
Another thing: he wrote poetry.
Okay, I'm just kidding about the second one. But there was a time when he'd appear on television talk shows, & in that voice, he'd read kinda banal rhyming stories. It made those of us who wanted to write real poetry wince to hear the singsong crap Stewart was reading on the Mike Douglas Show (when we should've been wincing at our self-importance).
It's funny to later have come to be moved by it. I remember seeing him read the poem to his dog on the Tonight Show (probably in reruns) & rolling my eyes - but then, that was before I had lost a dog that meant the world to me. (You can see Stewart reading the poem here & be warned: it'll probably make you cry.)
As usual, I've lost my train of thought. Oh I guess I wanted to say that I missed my chance - he died & I never sat down to write a letter. & I wanted to say that I am less affected by weird facts about artists & their oddball religious/political personal information. I don't let the fact that finding out some star I like is part of a wacky religion affect how I feel about their performances, & I'm hardly ever surprised when a musician or writer turns out to be the opposite of how, through their work, I perceived them. (Like, did you know Woody Guthrie's son is a Republican?)
I often learn things from songs in simple ways. In the Throwing Muses tune "Fear," Kristin Hersh sings, "This is much better than me, okay?" I have always interpreted that line as meaning, "This song - these things I create - are always going to be better than anything I am as a flawed human being."
It's helpful (at least for me) to think about artists in that way, & so, more than half a lifetime after weeping at the end of "It's A Wonderful Life," I can reconcile the creations Jimmy Stewart was involved with & the strangely conservative real person he was.
This post isn't about that movie. It's about Jimmy Stewart.
I became a fan of James Stewart late, having only seen It's A Wonderful Life in my first or second year of college.
Hey! I preferred animated Christmas specials when I was a kid! & I still haven't seen A Christmas Story!
Seeing "It's A Wonderful Life" began for me a period of watching Jimmy Stewart movies & especially movies Stewart made with Frank Capra. I came to admire how sincere & likable he was & how he seemed to embody the values that Capra championed in his films. (My favorite Capra movie with Stewart is You Can't Take It With You; my favorite non-Capra Stewart performance at the time may be his turn as a reluctant bad-ass in Destry Rides Again.)
Stewart's later Hitchock & westerns work - which I did enjoy - didn't touch me as much, but every Christmas during my 20s, I would see "It's A Wonderful Life" & say to myself, "I should write him a letter & just say thank you for how much his work has moved me." I said that recently about DeForest Kelley, & I'll probably say it again at some point when someone I adore dies - for some reason I never get around to writing those letters. But I found out some things toward the end of Stewart's life (he died in the late 90s, & there were a million tabloid headlines on a weekly basis for a few years with the lines, "Jimmy Stewart's Tragic Last ________") that made me hesitant to write that letter.
Which is stupid, I know. I didn't love the movies he was in, or his performances in them, any less, with this new information. Besides, an actor, like any artist, can sometimes betray his or her principles with their creation. They are simply being the best of what they can be.
The big thing was that he was a Republican. Not just any Republican, neither. He was a hardcore party man. He supported Barry Goldwater in 1964! He campaigned for Nixon! He was happy his pal Reagan became President!
You might not feel the same way I do - you might agree with him, or be apolitical - but man it gave me pause. The guy who played George Bailey supported Goldwater?
Another thing: he wrote poetry.
Okay, I'm just kidding about the second one. But there was a time when he'd appear on television talk shows, & in that voice, he'd read kinda banal rhyming stories. It made those of us who wanted to write real poetry wince to hear the singsong crap Stewart was reading on the Mike Douglas Show (when we should've been wincing at our self-importance).
It's funny to later have come to be moved by it. I remember seeing him read the poem to his dog on the Tonight Show (probably in reruns) & rolling my eyes - but then, that was before I had lost a dog that meant the world to me. (You can see Stewart reading the poem here & be warned: it'll probably make you cry.)
As usual, I've lost my train of thought. Oh I guess I wanted to say that I missed my chance - he died & I never sat down to write a letter. & I wanted to say that I am less affected by weird facts about artists & their oddball religious/political personal information. I don't let the fact that finding out some star I like is part of a wacky religion affect how I feel about their performances, & I'm hardly ever surprised when a musician or writer turns out to be the opposite of how, through their work, I perceived them. (Like, did you know Woody Guthrie's son is a Republican?)
I often learn things from songs in simple ways. In the Throwing Muses tune "Fear," Kristin Hersh sings, "This is much better than me, okay?" I have always interpreted that line as meaning, "This song - these things I create - are always going to be better than anything I am as a flawed human being."
It's helpful (at least for me) to think about artists in that way, & so, more than half a lifetime after weeping at the end of "It's A Wonderful Life," I can reconcile the creations Jimmy Stewart was involved with & the strangely conservative real person he was.
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
Post-Birthday Blooz
It's weird, tonight we watched a couple of shows - Sunday's Girls & tonight's New Girl - & both were about birthdays. Birthdays of the main characters. In the shows, friends planned parties for them - in the former show, the main character knew about it; in the latter, it was a surprise. Is it weird I am a little envious?
I wouldn't let anyone try to throw me a party these days, so it would perhaps have to be a surprise party if it were going to happen, but I have expressed dislike about surprise parties, so my wife, perhaps the only person who'd be able to plan one here in Lexington, wouldn't do it, fearing it would make me mad or otherwise irk me.
But such is the nature of the human brain that, even though I know, I really know, that neither option would appeal to me - no like me the surprise, & I probably would dread a party where I am the center of attention - heck, I am a little weirded out by simple Facebook birthday wishes! - my brain still would have liked some kind of to-do.
Trying to understand this is like the central issue of existentialism - the whole "bang your fist against the wall because you can, not because it will make a difference" thing. I put that in quotes, by the way, not because it is a quote, but because that's one of things I say when I am trying to explain existentialism to people.
I am taking this from Dostoevsky:
Merciful Heavens! but what do I care for the laws of nature and arithmetic, when, for some reason I dislike those laws and the fact that twice two makes four? Of course I cannot break through the wall by battering my head against it if I really have not the strength to knock it down, but I am not going to be reconciled to it simply because it is a stone wall and I have not the strength.
But you knew that. I guess it's the same thing for birthdays. Just because I don't like birthday celebrations doesn't mean I don't want to suffer through them.
Oh! It occurs to me now that that's how some might think of my show.
I wouldn't let anyone try to throw me a party these days, so it would perhaps have to be a surprise party if it were going to happen, but I have expressed dislike about surprise parties, so my wife, perhaps the only person who'd be able to plan one here in Lexington, wouldn't do it, fearing it would make me mad or otherwise irk me.
But such is the nature of the human brain that, even though I know, I really know, that neither option would appeal to me - no like me the surprise, & I probably would dread a party where I am the center of attention - heck, I am a little weirded out by simple Facebook birthday wishes! - my brain still would have liked some kind of to-do.
Trying to understand this is like the central issue of existentialism - the whole "bang your fist against the wall because you can, not because it will make a difference" thing. I put that in quotes, by the way, not because it is a quote, but because that's one of things I say when I am trying to explain existentialism to people.
I am taking this from Dostoevsky:
Merciful Heavens! but what do I care for the laws of nature and arithmetic, when, for some reason I dislike those laws and the fact that twice two makes four? Of course I cannot break through the wall by battering my head against it if I really have not the strength to knock it down, but I am not going to be reconciled to it simply because it is a stone wall and I have not the strength.
But you knew that. I guess it's the same thing for birthdays. Just because I don't like birthday celebrations doesn't mean I don't want to suffer through them.
Oh! It occurs to me now that that's how some might think of my show.
Monday, January 20, 2014
Happy Birthday To Me!
Today is my 46th birthday, &, as usual, people who are far more accomplished & infinitely more important than I will ever be get the spotlight. Happy MLK Day!
I share my birthday will lots of luminaries, whose work I appreciate & whose shadow I will always live under. First of all, there's Lead Belly, whose birthday may also be January 23, but I'm glad to share it with those guys. What a giant in the world of music! More than an influence, Lead Belly appears to have been a force of nature!
There's also George Burns, a comedian so old & omnipresent through my youth & adolescence I'm still a little startled that he's no longer with us.
It's the birthday of Federico Fellini, a filmmaker whose works I should return to, whose magnificent creativity I could never hope to emulate.
& it's DeForest Kelley's birthday, & he is one of the main reasons I love Star Trek so much. I know he was very beloved in his lifetime, but I always wanted to meet him & tell him how great he was.
The suave Slim Whitman was born this day. I haven't explored his music much, though I have a couple of collections. He's someone I associate with late-night television ads selling "greatest hits" packages from the 1970s & 80s. Boy, I wish I could pull off that moustache.
Actress Patricia Neal was born on this day, & she's a familiar face in lots of old movies. As was comedian Arte Johnson, whom I came to love from Laugh-In repeats I watched in my youth. & then there's Buzz Aldrin, the second person to walk on the moon & possessor of a great punch. (You've seen the clip, right?) & I deeply admire much of the work of the great David Lynch, also born of this day.
Finally - there's more of course, you can see the names of births & deaths & event from the day on Wikipedia, there's someone whose show I watch weekly whom I find admirable: Bill Maher. He's such a fascinating figure, & one with whom I have some big disagreements - but I confess I respect him a lot.
The wife just said, "Too bad you don't believe in astrology." I think, actually, my name added to this list of luminaries would only make me a non-believer if I did!
I share my birthday will lots of luminaries, whose work I appreciate & whose shadow I will always live under. First of all, there's Lead Belly, whose birthday may also be January 23, but I'm glad to share it with those guys. What a giant in the world of music! More than an influence, Lead Belly appears to have been a force of nature!
There's also George Burns, a comedian so old & omnipresent through my youth & adolescence I'm still a little startled that he's no longer with us.
It's the birthday of Federico Fellini, a filmmaker whose works I should return to, whose magnificent creativity I could never hope to emulate.
& it's DeForest Kelley's birthday, & he is one of the main reasons I love Star Trek so much. I know he was very beloved in his lifetime, but I always wanted to meet him & tell him how great he was.
The suave Slim Whitman was born this day. I haven't explored his music much, though I have a couple of collections. He's someone I associate with late-night television ads selling "greatest hits" packages from the 1970s & 80s. Boy, I wish I could pull off that moustache.
Actress Patricia Neal was born on this day, & she's a familiar face in lots of old movies. As was comedian Arte Johnson, whom I came to love from Laugh-In repeats I watched in my youth. & then there's Buzz Aldrin, the second person to walk on the moon & possessor of a great punch. (You've seen the clip, right?) & I deeply admire much of the work of the great David Lynch, also born of this day.
Finally - there's more of course, you can see the names of births & deaths & event from the day on Wikipedia, there's someone whose show I watch weekly whom I find admirable: Bill Maher. He's such a fascinating figure, & one with whom I have some big disagreements - but I confess I respect him a lot.
The wife just said, "Too bad you don't believe in astrology." I think, actually, my name added to this list of luminaries would only make me a non-believer if I did!
Friday, January 17, 2014
Self Help Radio 011714: The Smelly Show
P U! Oh man, this radio show is stinking up the place! Well, what did you expect - it's Self Help Radio's smelly show. & it is ripe.
You can listen to it now of course at the Self Help Radio website or there are direct links here: part I & part II. The songs I played are below.
Sorry about this. I need deodorant & mouthwash. Whew.
(part one)
"The Sense Of Smell" PBNJBuchanan _What Died In Here?_
"Stinky Stuff" Kimya Dawson _I'm Sorry That Sometimes I'm Mean_
"What's That I Smell" The Famous Hokum Boys _Vol. 2 1930 - 1931_
"I Smell A Rat" Big Mama Thornton _The Original Hound Dog_
"I Like Stinky Cheese" Dick "Two Ton" Baker _The Music Of Dick "Two Ton" Baker_
"Smell Of Incense" Southwest FOB _Smell Of Incense_
"Odorono" Petra Haden _Petra Haden Sings: The Who Sell Out_
"Case Study: Buffum's Fragrance Counter" Drs. Carter & Gourley _Superego Volume 3, Episode 9_
"Stinking Drunk" Big Black _Atomizer_
"The Scent Of You" Starlet _Stay On My Side_
"Mr. Stinky" Ballbusters _No Hang Ups_
"Stinky Poodle" Tangela Tricoli _Garageaholic, Psychedelic Outsider Music!_
"Simple & Fragrant" Gilmore Tamny _All Is Fair In Love & Chickfactor: CF Mixtape 1_
(part two)
"Smells Like Cartoon Planet" Space Ghost _Musical Bar-B-Que_
"Smells" Richard Pryor _Richard Pryor_
"Smelly Tongues" The Residents _Meet The Residents_
"Sigh's Smell Of Farewell" Cocteau Twins _Love's Easy Tears_
"The Fragrance Aroma" Muslimgauze _Izlamaphobia_
"New Car Scent" Hospital Bombers _At Budokan_
"Buddy Odor Is A Gas" Gruppo Sportivo _10 Mistakes / Buddy Odor Is A Gas_
"We Smell Fear" Birds With Ears _Youth In Asia_
"Stinkfoot" Frank Zappa _Apostrophe_
"Smelly Water" Chumbawumba/Negativland _The ABCs Of Anarchism_
"Deodorant" Tall Dwarfs _The Sky Above, The Mud Below_
You can listen to it now of course at the Self Help Radio website or there are direct links here: part I & part II. The songs I played are below.
Sorry about this. I need deodorant & mouthwash. Whew.
(part one)
"The Sense Of Smell" PBNJBuchanan _What Died In Here?_
"Stinky Stuff" Kimya Dawson _I'm Sorry That Sometimes I'm Mean_
"What's That I Smell" The Famous Hokum Boys _Vol. 2 1930 - 1931_
"I Smell A Rat" Big Mama Thornton _The Original Hound Dog_
"I Like Stinky Cheese" Dick "Two Ton" Baker _The Music Of Dick "Two Ton" Baker_
"Smell Of Incense" Southwest FOB _Smell Of Incense_
"Odorono" Petra Haden _Petra Haden Sings: The Who Sell Out_
"Case Study: Buffum's Fragrance Counter" Drs. Carter & Gourley _Superego Volume 3, Episode 9_
"Stinking Drunk" Big Black _Atomizer_
"The Scent Of You" Starlet _Stay On My Side_
"Mr. Stinky" Ballbusters _No Hang Ups_
"Stinky Poodle" Tangela Tricoli _Garageaholic, Psychedelic Outsider Music!_
"Simple & Fragrant" Gilmore Tamny _All Is Fair In Love & Chickfactor: CF Mixtape 1_
(part two)
"Smells Like Cartoon Planet" Space Ghost _Musical Bar-B-Que_
"Smells" Richard Pryor _Richard Pryor_
"Smelly Tongues" The Residents _Meet The Residents_
"Sigh's Smell Of Farewell" Cocteau Twins _Love's Easy Tears_
"The Fragrance Aroma" Muslimgauze _Izlamaphobia_
"New Car Scent" Hospital Bombers _At Budokan_
"Buddy Odor Is A Gas" Gruppo Sportivo _10 Mistakes / Buddy Odor Is A Gas_
"We Smell Fear" Birds With Ears _Youth In Asia_
"Stinkfoot" Frank Zappa _Apostrophe_
"Smelly Water" Chumbawumba/Negativland _The ABCs Of Anarchism_
"Deodorant" Tall Dwarfs _The Sky Above, The Mud Below_
Thursday, January 16, 2014
Whither A Smelly Show?
I feel weird writing this because I actually have finished the show. I think the end product is tolerable. It's not all that great, actually. But I did record it live, & only made a couple of edits to my airbreaks. But they were to try to make it funny.
These are the things that I've never liked about radio that I miss: underwriting, legal IDs, station promos. Inevitably I feel like they take precious time away from the music I want to play or the dumb things I want to say. But they do give structure to the show - if you have to play an underwriting grant at a quarter past the hour, you learn (as a deejay) to make sure you don't play a super-long track or you learn to not schedule an airbreak around it. (By the way, the FCC would be fine if you played a super-long track. You're not supposed to let underwriting interrupt regularly schedule programming. But it's always felt weird to me, since it's a legal agreement the station has entered into with the donor business.) For my new shows, I'll have fake underwriting & probably-not-funny skits I've made myself to help break up the tedium. I understand I am only doing them, though, because I am used to all the required station stuff from my recent experience.
Well, also, I'm trying to be funny.
Anyway, I did the show today & it'll be up on the website in about twelve hours. It's somewhat important to me that I make a new show available at the same time every week, so I will stick to that schedule. I hope someone downloads & listens to it, & it would be great for some feedback.
By the way, "you suck!" is not terribly constructive. Although that has never stopped my mother from saying it to me every day since third grade.
As I mention in one of the airbreaks you can hear tomorrow - to answer the usually rhetorical question that headlines the blog-before-the-show: I have three beagles & three cats. I know a thing or two about smelly. Why not share my experience with an easy-to-offend world?
These are the things that I've never liked about radio that I miss: underwriting, legal IDs, station promos. Inevitably I feel like they take precious time away from the music I want to play or the dumb things I want to say. But they do give structure to the show - if you have to play an underwriting grant at a quarter past the hour, you learn (as a deejay) to make sure you don't play a super-long track or you learn to not schedule an airbreak around it. (By the way, the FCC would be fine if you played a super-long track. You're not supposed to let underwriting interrupt regularly schedule programming. But it's always felt weird to me, since it's a legal agreement the station has entered into with the donor business.) For my new shows, I'll have fake underwriting & probably-not-funny skits I've made myself to help break up the tedium. I understand I am only doing them, though, because I am used to all the required station stuff from my recent experience.
Well, also, I'm trying to be funny.
Anyway, I did the show today & it'll be up on the website in about twelve hours. It's somewhat important to me that I make a new show available at the same time every week, so I will stick to that schedule. I hope someone downloads & listens to it, & it would be great for some feedback.
By the way, "you suck!" is not terribly constructive. Although that has never stopped my mother from saying it to me every day since third grade.
As I mention in one of the airbreaks you can hear tomorrow - to answer the usually rhetorical question that headlines the blog-before-the-show: I have three beagles & three cats. I know a thing or two about smelly. Why not share my experience with an easy-to-offend world?
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
Preface To A Smelly Show: Who You Calling Smelly, Stinky?
I live with three dogs & three cats. I know a thing or two about stinkiness.
Maybe there's a better question: how can we make a radio show about smells smell good? Or bad? Or at all?
John Waters had the idea of Odorama for one of his movies. It's funny, I thought that it happened for more than one movie. Anyway, there was a card given out to folks at the theater & numbers would flash on the screen relating to one of the scratch & sniff options. Viola! You got to smell what you saw.
It's too late for me to prepare such a thing - so of course this week's show will not be in odorama or audio-smell or whatever. But wouldn't it be great if it was?
Although to be honest, the smell of death is pretty close to the smell of flatulence. & I may have songs about both.
Maybe there's a better question: how can we make a radio show about smells smell good? Or bad? Or at all?
John Waters had the idea of Odorama for one of his movies. It's funny, I thought that it happened for more than one movie. Anyway, there was a card given out to folks at the theater & numbers would flash on the screen relating to one of the scratch & sniff options. Viola! You got to smell what you saw.
It's too late for me to prepare such a thing - so of course this week's show will not be in odorama or audio-smell or whatever. But wouldn't it be great if it was?
Although to be honest, the smell of death is pretty close to the smell of flatulence. & I may have songs about both.
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
Tumblr Addiction
Hi, my name is Gary, & I spend way too much time jumping from Tumblr blog to Tumblr blog laughing at nonsense.
According to Wikipedia, Tumblr was developed starting in 2006 & now hosts like 150 million blogs. I have this blog, on competitor Blogger, but I also have a Tumblr blog, which I started in January of 2010. I mainly featured links to Youtube videos of musicians I like (& some of the videos don't exist any more), & the occasional ridiculous or pretty picture. I ignored it for most of last year, even though it takes no time to update it, but I'm trying to be better now.
When I started it, I had no real idea what made it different from Blogger. It's because I very rarely "follow" blogs & even then I don't "reblog." I understand that's how folks connect with one another using Tumblr, I just don't really do it.
What I do is this: I find a Tumblr blog, skim through it, find something funny, & then looked where it has been "reblogged" from. Then I visit that blog, skim through it, find something funny, etc. Repeat, repeat, repeat.
The animated gifs are the best. I love that people take time to make them. There were animated gifs from the Golden Globes while the Golden Globes were still on the air. That's pretty amazing. I like to think people make the majority of them at work on someone else's dime.
In any event, it's a bit of a time waster for me. I need to restrain myself. But there's this Tumblr blog making fun of twelve-step programs! Oh no!
According to Wikipedia, Tumblr was developed starting in 2006 & now hosts like 150 million blogs. I have this blog, on competitor Blogger, but I also have a Tumblr blog, which I started in January of 2010. I mainly featured links to Youtube videos of musicians I like (& some of the videos don't exist any more), & the occasional ridiculous or pretty picture. I ignored it for most of last year, even though it takes no time to update it, but I'm trying to be better now.
When I started it, I had no real idea what made it different from Blogger. It's because I very rarely "follow" blogs & even then I don't "reblog." I understand that's how folks connect with one another using Tumblr, I just don't really do it.
What I do is this: I find a Tumblr blog, skim through it, find something funny, & then looked where it has been "reblogged" from. Then I visit that blog, skim through it, find something funny, etc. Repeat, repeat, repeat.
The animated gifs are the best. I love that people take time to make them. There were animated gifs from the Golden Globes while the Golden Globes were still on the air. That's pretty amazing. I like to think people make the majority of them at work on someone else's dime.
In any event, it's a bit of a time waster for me. I need to restrain myself. But there's this Tumblr blog making fun of twelve-step programs! Oh no!
Monday, January 13, 2014
Self Help Radio 011014: 1978
My last WRFL show is available for listening to now at the Self Help Radio website. You may notice it's an hour longer than the actual show. That's because there was a lot of great music I liked in 1978 & I focused on mainly albums & not singles. Not singles! What a crazy thing! So included with the actual radio show is an extra hour of 23 more songs from 1978 that kick ass. I could probably do a five hour radio show with my favorite music from that year. Thankfully there are right-minded folks who keep me away from five-hour radio shows.
The song list is below. The radio show's three parts can be accessed at the website or like so: part I then part II then part III or really in any order.
Thanks for listening! Remember there'll be a new show this Friday!
(part one)
"Ever Fallen In Love" The Buzzcocks _Love Bites_
"Top Of The Pops" The Rezillos _Can't Stand The Rezillos_
"I Am The Fly" Wire _Chairs Missing_
"The Beat" Elvis Costello & The Attractions _This Year's Model_
"Safe European Home" The Clash _Give 'Em Enough Rope_
"Shot By Both Sides" Magazine _Real Life_
"Another Girl, Another Planet" The Only Ones _The Only Ones_
"Wuthering Heights" Kate Bush _The Kick Inside_
"Comes A Time" Neil Young _Comes A Time_
"Holocaust" Big Star _Third/Sister Lovers_
"Another Girl, Another Planet" The Only Ones _The Only Ones_
(part two)
"It's The New Thing" The Fall _It's The New Thing_
"Street Waves" Pere Ubu _The Modern Dance_
"The Day The World Turned Dayglo" X-Ray Spex _Germfree Adolescents_
"Public Image" Public Image Ltd _First Issue_
"Bye Bye Love" The Cars _The Cars_
"Can't Stand Losing You" The Police _Outlandos d'Amour_
"11:59" Blondie _Parallel Lines_
"I Just Want To Have Something To Do" The Ramones _Road To Ruin_
"Lee Remick" The Go-Betweens _Lee Remick_
"I'm Not In Love" Talking Heads _More Songs About Buildings & Food_
"Uncontrollable Urge" Devo _Q: Are We Not Men? A: We Are Devo!_
"You Know You're A Man" Captain Beefheart & The Magic Band _Shiny Beast (Bat Chain Puller)_
"You Can't Put Your Arms Round A Memory" Johnny Thunders _So Alone_
(part three)
"Read About Seymour" Swell Maps _Read About Seymour_
"Bored" Destroy All Monsters _Bored_
"Take Me, I'm Yours" Squeeze _Squeeze_
"(We Got The) Neutron Bomb" The Weirdos _(We Got The) Neutron Bomb_
"Nobody's Scared" The Subway Sect _Nobody's Scared_
"The Model" Kraftwerk _The Man-Machine_
"Know Your Product" The Saints _Eternally Yours_
"We're Desperate" X _Adult Books/We're Desperate_
"Lexicon Devil" Germs _Lexicon Devil_
"I Want To Be An Anglepoise Lamp" The Soft Boys _I Want To Be An Anglepoise Lamp_
"Hearts In Exile" The Homosexuals _Hearts In Exile_
"Can't Seem To Make You Mine" Alex Chilton _Bangkok/Can't Seem To Make You Mine_
"Brickfield Nights" The Boys _Alternative Chartbusters_
"If The Kids Are United" Sham 69 _If The Kids Are United_
"Hong Kong Garden" Siouxsie & The Banshees _Hong Kong Garden_
"Wives In Orbit" The Red Krayola _Wives In Orbit/Yik Yak_
"Damaged Goods" Gang Of Four _Damaged Goods_
"Suspect Device" Stiff Little Fingers _Suspect Device_
"Part Time Punks" Television Personalities _Where's Bill Grundy Now?_
"Human Fly" The Cramps _Human Fly_
"Where Were You" The Mekons _Where Were You_
"Killing An Arab" The Cure _Killing An Arab_
"Survive" Bags _Survive_
The song list is below. The radio show's three parts can be accessed at the website or like so: part I then part II then part III or really in any order.
Thanks for listening! Remember there'll be a new show this Friday!
(part one)
"Ever Fallen In Love" The Buzzcocks _Love Bites_
"Top Of The Pops" The Rezillos _Can't Stand The Rezillos_
"I Am The Fly" Wire _Chairs Missing_
"The Beat" Elvis Costello & The Attractions _This Year's Model_
"Safe European Home" The Clash _Give 'Em Enough Rope_
"Shot By Both Sides" Magazine _Real Life_
"Another Girl, Another Planet" The Only Ones _The Only Ones_
"Wuthering Heights" Kate Bush _The Kick Inside_
"Comes A Time" Neil Young _Comes A Time_
"Holocaust" Big Star _Third/Sister Lovers_
"Another Girl, Another Planet" The Only Ones _The Only Ones_
(part two)
"It's The New Thing" The Fall _It's The New Thing_
"Street Waves" Pere Ubu _The Modern Dance_
"The Day The World Turned Dayglo" X-Ray Spex _Germfree Adolescents_
"Public Image" Public Image Ltd _First Issue_
"Bye Bye Love" The Cars _The Cars_
"Can't Stand Losing You" The Police _Outlandos d'Amour_
"11:59" Blondie _Parallel Lines_
"I Just Want To Have Something To Do" The Ramones _Road To Ruin_
"Lee Remick" The Go-Betweens _Lee Remick_
"I'm Not In Love" Talking Heads _More Songs About Buildings & Food_
"Uncontrollable Urge" Devo _Q: Are We Not Men? A: We Are Devo!_
"You Know You're A Man" Captain Beefheart & The Magic Band _Shiny Beast (Bat Chain Puller)_
"You Can't Put Your Arms Round A Memory" Johnny Thunders _So Alone_
(part three)
"Read About Seymour" Swell Maps _Read About Seymour_
"Bored" Destroy All Monsters _Bored_
"Take Me, I'm Yours" Squeeze _Squeeze_
"(We Got The) Neutron Bomb" The Weirdos _(We Got The) Neutron Bomb_
"Nobody's Scared" The Subway Sect _Nobody's Scared_
"The Model" Kraftwerk _The Man-Machine_
"Know Your Product" The Saints _Eternally Yours_
"We're Desperate" X _Adult Books/We're Desperate_
"Lexicon Devil" Germs _Lexicon Devil_
"I Want To Be An Anglepoise Lamp" The Soft Boys _I Want To Be An Anglepoise Lamp_
"Hearts In Exile" The Homosexuals _Hearts In Exile_
"Can't Seem To Make You Mine" Alex Chilton _Bangkok/Can't Seem To Make You Mine_
"Brickfield Nights" The Boys _Alternative Chartbusters_
"If The Kids Are United" Sham 69 _If The Kids Are United_
"Hong Kong Garden" Siouxsie & The Banshees _Hong Kong Garden_
"Wives In Orbit" The Red Krayola _Wives In Orbit/Yik Yak_
"Damaged Goods" Gang Of Four _Damaged Goods_
"Suspect Device" Stiff Little Fingers _Suspect Device_
"Part Time Punks" Television Personalities _Where's Bill Grundy Now?_
"Human Fly" The Cramps _Human Fly_
"Where Were You" The Mekons _Where Were You_
"Killing An Arab" The Cure _Killing An Arab_
"Survive" Bags _Survive_
Friday, January 10, 2014
Whither 1978?
A sad show for me - the last show on WRFL - & of course whenever I do this show, it's always about getting older. I'll be 46 in a few days - I understand I am on the downward slide of my life.
But boy there was great music in 1978! Wow! Tune in one last to 88.1 fm (to hear me, I mean - you are allowed to keep listening to the station!) if you're in Lexington or online at wrfl.fm from 10 to midnight tonight as Self Help Radio goes back thirty-six years to 1978. Musically. I won't be ten years old on the air.
But boy there was great music in 1978! Wow! Tune in one last to 88.1 fm (to hear me, I mean - you are allowed to keep listening to the station!) if you're in Lexington or online at wrfl.fm from 10 to midnight tonight as Self Help Radio goes back thirty-six years to 1978. Musically. I won't be ten years old on the air.
Thursday, January 09, 2014
Preface To 1978: A Little Remembering
In January 1978, I turned 10 years old. I lived in Garland, Texas, & I was in 4th grade at Caldwell Elementary School, in a classroom I associate with being cold & dark for some reason, with a terrible old teacher named Mrs. Harris, who was one of those people who hated children so much you got the impression that she became a teacher because she was forced to at gunpoint, or because the school district held her parents hostage. I don't remember much about her except how angry she was, how she felt like the children were trying to get the better of her & she'd have none of it, & how mean she was. Just mean. Here's a story:
We were put in seats that Mrs. Harris decided would keep us from talking. As I mentioned in last year's post about 1977, I was a garrulous kid with a lot of energy accustomed to getting in trouble for being loud & chatty. Generally speaking, I got away with a lot of this because I was a good student. Some might even say that I talked & fidgeted as much as I did because I was a little bored. Well, my grades or my smarts didn't matter to Mrs. Harris. She wanted me to sit down & shut up.
She didn't let any of us - we were ten years old! - go to the rest room except when there was a break. She imagined (probably correctly) we just wanted to get out of class (but usually to get away from her). One time this person who probably doesn't go by this name & anyway won't ever read this blog I hope named Cammie Morris raised her hand & asked to be allowed to go to the rest room. Mrs. Harris refused, saying she should have gone when she had the chance. Did I mention we were ten years old? I was in the row behind Cammie to her left - we didn't sit in individual desks but on rows of desks put together so we were side-by-side - & I remember seeing her start crying. While Mrs. Harris went back to whatever she was teaching us, Cammie basically just went to the rest room at her desk.
The girls around her, splashed with her urine, jumped aside, but no one laughed, to our credit. Cammie was in tears. I remember seeing the puddle move slowly toward me, & stop. & I remember seeing Mrs. Harris' face, for the first time, looking alarmed & puzzled. I don't remember her being nicer to us because of that, or it being any easier to go to the rest room, but I did perhaps experience my first "we fucking told you so" moment that is elusive when dealing with adults.
We were very resentful of the restroom restrictions, & I remember hating this fellow who came to the school during that year, whose name I just remember as "Bobby." Bobby was very, very large - I was a fat kid, but he was Fat Albert large. He apparently had a glandular disorder & had to go to the rest room often during the day. He frankly smelled like shit, & of course no one liked him. We didn't know about the glandular disorder till later, so I was resentful that he could just get up & leave the room. Mrs. Harris didn't seem to care.
By the way, I found out later, talking to my brother-in-law who's a long-haul trucker, why Bobby might have smelled so awful. My brother-in-law told me of these truckers who are so obese they literally can't wipe their own asses. That might have been the case with Bobby. Or his parents were so poor he didn't bathe regularly. I have no idea. He didn't stay at Caldwell long, & was gone before the end of fourth grade.
I hated Mrs. Harris' class, though. Everyone was so unhappy, & I was picked on a lot. That year may have been the most I ever missed school. We had moved away - looking at Google Maps, I see that it was a little over a mile, but it was never within walking distance for me or my little brother, so we had to wait for one of our older brothers to take us, & we spent a lot of mornings banging on their apartment door trying to wake them up (we lived in the same apartment complex). Some days - especially bad weather days or cold days - it just wasn't worth the trouble. So Chris or I would call my mother - she was at work before eight am when school would start - & we'd say we were sick, & what could she do? My sister Karin was sixteen at the time, so I suppose she'd skip school too. I remember spending the day (after going back to sleep) eating cold cereal & watching shows like Hogan's Heroes & Green Acres, staples of 1970s afternoon television.
I think the school sent us a note at the end of the year that I had missed almost half of the days of the school year. I did fine - I was an ace at getting school work done - but I wish I had the wherewithal at the time to say, "It's because of this shitty, mean, awful teacher! I am a child & she makes the learning environment horrible!"
I wrote this about the year 1977 in regards to the music of 1977, & it's true about 1978:
"None of the music I will play on my show this week is anything I was listening to at age nine. I liked listening to the radio, to what would later be called 'classic rock.' Sometimes I taped it on a random cassette, but it wasn't important to me. I hadn't discovered the Beatles yet. I hadn't yet been so alienated from the world that I needed to find far-away voices who sounded like me to speak to me."
1978 would be the year that I discovered the Beatles. There was a movie theater very close to my apartment complex called the Ridgewood Theater (here's some info about it; another site says it was opened in 1967, so it was a young movie theater) which for some reason just kind of gave up in 1978. It showed the terrible movie Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band for weeks & weeks & weeks. We would go & see it a lot - I suspect my sister would take us so she could make out with boys in the dark (I'll have to ask her). I remember having a crush on a girl named Babette who lived in the apartment complex who came into movie at some point & asked me & my little brother to the movies. (She probably thought my little brother was cuter.) (I have an embarrassing Babette story that I may tell at some other time.)
Anyway, something about the movie enchanted me, & it was doubtless the music. For Christmas that year, one of my brothers gave me the Beatles album, & my life changed forever.
It's funny to think that all the Beatles were alive in 1978 & maybe even saw that movie. I hope someone involved apologized to them. Or maybe the money was apology enough.
I think I have some cassette recordings of stuff from the radio from 1978 but I won't be able to find them now without too much digging around. Comic books - I loved the Legion Of Super-Heroes & the other non-athletic kids & I would play-act them during recess - & Star Wars ruled my world. I had a decent collection of Star Wars figures & often, in my alone moments, played with them & made entire stories out of their adventures. I'd sometimes do this outside, & would lose one or two occasionally - I remember once finding the cloth cloak of a Jawa but never finding the little plastic fellow.
I concluded my blog about 1977 like this:
"But holy shit if I were self-aware there was some awesome music in 1977. The fact that none of my older siblings noticed or brought it home is a fundamental reason why we were never friends, & don't really communicate with each other in our adult lives."
That may be a stretch. Looking at the Billboard Top Songs Of 1978, I can see that they must've hated most of that. "Disco sucks!" was something I heard from them a lot. One of my brothers worked at a tee shirt store in the mall - one of those that ironed-on stickers onto cheap shirts - & I wore one of those shirts to school one day - remember I was ten years old! - with a picture of Jimmy Page on it. I paid enough attention to my brothers when I was asked who it was & said, "The guitarist of Led Zeppelin." I sort of got it wrong when I was asked, "What kind of music is it?" & answered, "Acid rock."
But the fact that my brothers listened exclusively to commercial radio meant I wouldn't hear any punk or post-punk. That never figured onto their radars. Although it obviously would become some of the music that meant the world to me, as you'll hear tomorrow.
We were put in seats that Mrs. Harris decided would keep us from talking. As I mentioned in last year's post about 1977, I was a garrulous kid with a lot of energy accustomed to getting in trouble for being loud & chatty. Generally speaking, I got away with a lot of this because I was a good student. Some might even say that I talked & fidgeted as much as I did because I was a little bored. Well, my grades or my smarts didn't matter to Mrs. Harris. She wanted me to sit down & shut up.
She didn't let any of us - we were ten years old! - go to the rest room except when there was a break. She imagined (probably correctly) we just wanted to get out of class (but usually to get away from her). One time this person who probably doesn't go by this name & anyway won't ever read this blog I hope named Cammie Morris raised her hand & asked to be allowed to go to the rest room. Mrs. Harris refused, saying she should have gone when she had the chance. Did I mention we were ten years old? I was in the row behind Cammie to her left - we didn't sit in individual desks but on rows of desks put together so we were side-by-side - & I remember seeing her start crying. While Mrs. Harris went back to whatever she was teaching us, Cammie basically just went to the rest room at her desk.
The girls around her, splashed with her urine, jumped aside, but no one laughed, to our credit. Cammie was in tears. I remember seeing the puddle move slowly toward me, & stop. & I remember seeing Mrs. Harris' face, for the first time, looking alarmed & puzzled. I don't remember her being nicer to us because of that, or it being any easier to go to the rest room, but I did perhaps experience my first "we fucking told you so" moment that is elusive when dealing with adults.
We were very resentful of the restroom restrictions, & I remember hating this fellow who came to the school during that year, whose name I just remember as "Bobby." Bobby was very, very large - I was a fat kid, but he was Fat Albert large. He apparently had a glandular disorder & had to go to the rest room often during the day. He frankly smelled like shit, & of course no one liked him. We didn't know about the glandular disorder till later, so I was resentful that he could just get up & leave the room. Mrs. Harris didn't seem to care.
By the way, I found out later, talking to my brother-in-law who's a long-haul trucker, why Bobby might have smelled so awful. My brother-in-law told me of these truckers who are so obese they literally can't wipe their own asses. That might have been the case with Bobby. Or his parents were so poor he didn't bathe regularly. I have no idea. He didn't stay at Caldwell long, & was gone before the end of fourth grade.
I hated Mrs. Harris' class, though. Everyone was so unhappy, & I was picked on a lot. That year may have been the most I ever missed school. We had moved away - looking at Google Maps, I see that it was a little over a mile, but it was never within walking distance for me or my little brother, so we had to wait for one of our older brothers to take us, & we spent a lot of mornings banging on their apartment door trying to wake them up (we lived in the same apartment complex). Some days - especially bad weather days or cold days - it just wasn't worth the trouble. So Chris or I would call my mother - she was at work before eight am when school would start - & we'd say we were sick, & what could she do? My sister Karin was sixteen at the time, so I suppose she'd skip school too. I remember spending the day (after going back to sleep) eating cold cereal & watching shows like Hogan's Heroes & Green Acres, staples of 1970s afternoon television.
I think the school sent us a note at the end of the year that I had missed almost half of the days of the school year. I did fine - I was an ace at getting school work done - but I wish I had the wherewithal at the time to say, "It's because of this shitty, mean, awful teacher! I am a child & she makes the learning environment horrible!"
I wrote this about the year 1977 in regards to the music of 1977, & it's true about 1978:
"None of the music I will play on my show this week is anything I was listening to at age nine. I liked listening to the radio, to what would later be called 'classic rock.' Sometimes I taped it on a random cassette, but it wasn't important to me. I hadn't discovered the Beatles yet. I hadn't yet been so alienated from the world that I needed to find far-away voices who sounded like me to speak to me."
1978 would be the year that I discovered the Beatles. There was a movie theater very close to my apartment complex called the Ridgewood Theater (here's some info about it; another site says it was opened in 1967, so it was a young movie theater) which for some reason just kind of gave up in 1978. It showed the terrible movie Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band for weeks & weeks & weeks. We would go & see it a lot - I suspect my sister would take us so she could make out with boys in the dark (I'll have to ask her). I remember having a crush on a girl named Babette who lived in the apartment complex who came into movie at some point & asked me & my little brother to the movies. (She probably thought my little brother was cuter.) (I have an embarrassing Babette story that I may tell at some other time.)
Anyway, something about the movie enchanted me, & it was doubtless the music. For Christmas that year, one of my brothers gave me the Beatles album, & my life changed forever.
It's funny to think that all the Beatles were alive in 1978 & maybe even saw that movie. I hope someone involved apologized to them. Or maybe the money was apology enough.
I think I have some cassette recordings of stuff from the radio from 1978 but I won't be able to find them now without too much digging around. Comic books - I loved the Legion Of Super-Heroes & the other non-athletic kids & I would play-act them during recess - & Star Wars ruled my world. I had a decent collection of Star Wars figures & often, in my alone moments, played with them & made entire stories out of their adventures. I'd sometimes do this outside, & would lose one or two occasionally - I remember once finding the cloth cloak of a Jawa but never finding the little plastic fellow.
I concluded my blog about 1977 like this:
"But holy shit if I were self-aware there was some awesome music in 1977. The fact that none of my older siblings noticed or brought it home is a fundamental reason why we were never friends, & don't really communicate with each other in our adult lives."
That may be a stretch. Looking at the Billboard Top Songs Of 1978, I can see that they must've hated most of that. "Disco sucks!" was something I heard from them a lot. One of my brothers worked at a tee shirt store in the mall - one of those that ironed-on stickers onto cheap shirts - & I wore one of those shirts to school one day - remember I was ten years old! - with a picture of Jimmy Page on it. I paid enough attention to my brothers when I was asked who it was & said, "The guitarist of Led Zeppelin." I sort of got it wrong when I was asked, "What kind of music is it?" & answered, "Acid rock."
But the fact that my brothers listened exclusively to commercial radio meant I wouldn't hear any punk or post-punk. That never figured onto their radars. Although it obviously would become some of the music that meant the world to me, as you'll hear tomorrow.













