Whither A Distant Show?

Yes, yes, finally!  Tomorrow there'll be a new Self Help Radio!  & since I've traveled some distance to get from there (which was in Kentucky) to here (which is in Texas), I thought a show about distance - whether it be miles or personal space - would be appropriate.

We're always some distance away from each other, you & I, when I do these shows, & maybe now we're even further away.  I am in fact only relatively close to my cats at the moment.  They're awful close to me.  I think perhaps I should ask them to keep their distance.  They're annoying!

Anyhow, it behooves me to get to work!  A show must be prepared before noon tomorrow.  That's another distance: time.  Sometimes I wish I could slow down the rate at which I travel that distance.  Especially if it means more sleep.  I could always use more sleep.

Yes, yes, all right.  Tomorrow.  A new Self Help Radio podcast.  This time for real.

Don't Say I Didn't Tell You So

Sigh.  I don't have my shit properly together.  (In fact, most of my CDs are still in boxes.) So I won't have a new Self Help Radio for you by noon tomorrow.  I'm sorry.  I'll definitely have it ready by noon Saturday.  I hope it remains relevant.

But!  I hope to always have new podcasts by Friday noon!  That's my weird promise to me, & by extension, you!  Tonight, though: I unload boxes & boxes of CDs.

Preface To A Distant Show: What's Going On With Your Radio Search, Gary?

(Image from Google Maps.)

First of all, I want to say that I am extremely unprepared for this week's Self Help Radio.  I haven't spent nearly enough time on it & my wife has scheduled me to take the car in for a check-up on Friday at 1pm so if I have the first new podcast up by noon that day (which is my plan) it will be because I scrambled at the last minute to get it done.  Therefore you have been notified of its almost inevitable shabbiness.

Second of all: I've met with nice people at KTCU & KFTW this week.  Here are my brief reports:

KTCU is the most immaculate college radio station I've ever been to.  (Remember, at WRFL, even guests feel obliged to leave their mark on the walls.)  The Station Manager is not a student, but a faculty member, & while I feel like we had a nice meeting, after chatting with me for an hour or so, he asked me if I had any references.  Well, I did!  I sent them to him the next day.  I liked the place & hope there might be a home there for Self Help Radio but if not I hope I can help out some.  College radio is in my blood.

The charming couple who run KFTW met me today at a local coffee jernt where I had a delicious soy latte & thrilled to hear the voice of a deejay from my youth.  The founder of the station is a giant in Metroplex radio, & it was a joy to listen to him talk.  I hope both of them liked me, but, as I suspected, since they feature one-hundred percent local music, it would be difficult to do SHR there - although the suggestion was made to "re-tool" it for the station, so not impossible - but I think I have a lot to offer anyway.  They had lots of cool ideas which we'll be exploring I hope in the weeks to come.

Interestingly, we had already sort of "met" the night before, when we passed in the neighborhood while they were walking their dog & the wife & I were walking our four.  The two girls - Pauline the beagle & Yoko the chihuahua - barked at them, for different reasons: Pauline wants to be friends, Yoko wants to be mean.  That's one of the reasons I feel Fort Worth is a small town masquerading as a big city.

As for KNON - no response yet.  But I've decided to go visit them sometime next week, like I did with KTCU, just drop in, see if there's any volunteering I can do, put an ugly face to my application.  & then, on the way home, get take-out Ethiopian from my favorite Ethiopian restaurant in the Dallas area.

There!  That's what's going on.  Are you glad I'm keeping you in the loop?

These Are Weird Things About House Hunting/House Owning

Here is a weird thing about owning a house: owning trees.  If the lot on which the house you own has trees, you are the de facto owner of the trees.  I have owned three houses now (not simultaneously) & all three have had trees.  I was the owner of trees.  Still am, I guess, since I still own a house in Lexington which is currently on the market.

Not only was am I an owner of trees, I watched a tree die.  In Austin, one of our trees died.  It died.  Trees have lifespans.  A tree I owned died.  In Lexington, a tree we owned was too close to the house, its roots possibly damaging the house's foundation, so we killed it.  Well, we didn't kill it.  We hired someone to do it.  Someone killed our tree for us.

Isn't that strange?  A human being can own a tree.  A human being can watch a tree he or she owns die helplessly.  A human being can murder a tree he or she owns.  Isn't that sad & weird & strange?

We're looking for a house to buy in Fort Worth now, & here's a weird thing about looking for a house: you get to go into houses where people still live & look around.

For example, a house we looked at yesterday had literature by the bedside from Al-Anon.  Here's what that organization does.  That seemed an awfully personal thing to discover about a stranger.  Not only that, but my wife, myself, & our realtor stayed in the house, where they had something cooking in a crock pot, for almost an hour talking about the house, sometimes saying unflattering things.  Imagine!  People coming into your home, noticing extremely intimate things from which they might draw any number of conclusions, & then being critical about it while still in your home.

That seems like a very strange way to do things.

Today we went to a house (which my wife liked very much) & asked the realtor about the previous owners, who we knew had recently died.  She quickly said to us, "They didn't die in the house!"

Neither my wife nor I are superstitious, & of course everyone has to die at some point, but it seemed something of an indignity that a deceased person must suffer (even though, of course, they can't be offended, since they're dead) if they had the bad fortune to not only die, but to die in their own home.

& if they did, the realtor's probably going to lie about anyway.

Not only that, but if the person died & there's stuff in the house, whoever's responsible for the estate - their children, or grandchildren, or bankers, or whoever - they've got to either sell or throw away that stuff.  So you're looking at all the stuff from a person's life that they quite literally couldn't take with them.

Oh, listen, I understand, there's often circumstances that make it impossible to empty a house before it's put on the market - & it's equally weird to go into those houses that are "staged" with cheap furniture & the inevitable tables with glass fruit on them - but even if the owners are still alive, I feel like I'm going into a house after a murder.  I should be carrying scientific equipment with me.

These are weird things about looking to buy a house.  I always feel so ill-prepared for this adulthood I entered decades ago; but even if they had taught this in school, I would've thought they were blowing it out of proportion.  Like gerunds.  A whole section on gerunds?  Really?

Oops I'm Doing It Again

(I took that image from here.)

FIRST.  I need to apologize.  This doesn't matter to you, but it does to me, so let me apologize & you can roll your eyes all you want when my back is turned, but the last post I published, last week, wasn't the - what was it? - 2400th post.  Y'see, if you start a post on Blogger, then you get distracted by, say, a page about a monkey on a horse, then forget you started a post, then start another one, the "draft" (as it is called) counts as a post.  So I just noticed that I had two "drafts" in my collection of posts, which means this is the 2399th post, & so the previous post was 2398.  No big deal for anyone but me, as I've said, but full disclosure is the name of the game.

Or is it?

SECOND.  I am still shopping around for a radio station here, but because I can't help myself, I am going to start doing Self Help Radio as a podcast, & there'll be a new episode this Friday.

That's right!  A new Self Help Radio this Friday!  Hooray!  Huzzah!  At noon Texas time!  Huzzay!  Hoorah!

Now.  I suppose I should start working on it.

Two Four Zero Zero

Holy stockyards, this is the two thousand four hundredth post on this site.  Who knew I had so many uninteresting words in me?  I should be giving advice on Pinterest!

As a public service, here are samples of things you'd find if you were desperate enough for reading material that you looked into past entries on this blog (chosen at random thanks to Random Dot Org).

-----

March 2, 2010:

I'll be here if you need zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

June 17, 2015:

This is something else I am sort of annoyed by: the stock question that cashiers ask when you get to check-out: "Did you find everything okay?"  I want to say, "Whether I did or not, this is exactly the wrong place to ask me.  If I didn't, we would hold up the line for everyone else because I wasn't smart enough to find any number of the clearly-marked employees around the store to ask for help.  In fact, you should probably say, 'If you haven't found everything you came for at this point, you're a moron & you don't deserve my help.'"

March 9, 2007:

Today's show will be some sounds from bands that are coming to Austin next week for a little-known musical festival called "Over By Over-Rated." If you happen to be coming to town, please come visit KOOP. If you happen to be coming to town & you're going to visit KOOP, & it's a Friday afternoon, come visit me. I'll put you on the air & we'll cry about our lost youth.

January 2, 2008:

I am reminded of the great parable of
the footstools in one forgotten religion
(or another) which you may remember
from your religious youth

December 22, 2011:

I promise I won't scream into the microphone like I've been doing lately.

September 10, 2012:

Anyway, I didn't find any songs about expectorating, so it's fine.

May 12, 2010:

So how do you successfully rescue a cat in this day & age? Pay attention to the flyers! Pay attention to strays! Be more like my wife, not like me - don't just say hello to neighborhood cats, but look them in the eye & say, "Didn't I see your picture on a telephone pole?"

-----

So much godawful prose!  & it's all here, for the intrepid explorer!  Did I say intrepid?  I meant...  Oh, never mind.

Here's to 2400 more oh please god no!

Whither No Show At All This Week?

Aaggh!  I would just be driving home from Self Help Radio right now if I were doing the show in Lexington!  But I'm not - I'm somewhere that's 20 degrees warmer than it is there.

What's worse, I'm impatient.  I know I could be doing fun things with another radio station - I don't even need to be on the air, just involved - but they are slow to getting back at me.  I will need to schedule a visit with them to follow-up on my emails & phone calls.  Maybe that will seem pushy or presumptuous - but I feel the need to show them my enthusiasm.

What I'll end up doing is making another episode of Self Help Radio, starting next week, & just sharing them on the website until there's a radio home for them.  I half-expected to do this anyway - look at the dates for upcoming shows on the website.  But there is part of me that thought I could actually be on the radio sooner than later.

So!  The show will return next Friday, the 19th.  I will start working on it now.  It may never make it to the airwaves, but it will exist, a sign of my weird need to make radio shows even when they're not on the radio.  Something's wrong with me, I know.

Preface To Not Having A Show This Week: What The Hell Will I Do With Myself

Actually, all of my music is still in boxes, so it's a good thing there won't be a Self Help Radio this week.

& frankly, I'm going to get impatient with the hoops I'll doubtless have to jump through before I can get back on the air.

(Honestly, I'm not complaining: it's good to learn the rules of a new organization, & bad to suppose they'll be like previous ones.  Each station interprets FCC regulations to fit its own understanding & has its own policies & procedures to be familiar with.)

Having said all that, I miss doing the show, so, barring any magical change of fortune, I intend to start doing Self Help Radio next week.  I'll put shows out at noon on Fridays like I did the last time I podcasted.

If that's okay with you.  Well, even if it's not okay with you.  My radio itch needs to be scratched, even if there's no radio in sight.

Prospects, Part II

(Three logos, taken from their respective websites.)

If Self Help Radio is going to return to the air in the Dallas/Fort Worth Metroplex, it has its best chance(s) to do so on one of these three stations.  They are all non-commercial, as I can't really imagine my show anywhere else.

Here's what I think:

KFTW: The Southside Pirate, on the air at 97.5 fm in Fort Worth, is a newish Low Power FM station which, according to its Facebook page, is "dedicated to local musicians in general, in Fort Worth, Texas in particular, & the great Southside community," featuring "100% LOCAL Music & Programming, playing music from DFW in Fort Worth Texas."

What are the chances the show finds a home here?  I can't say.  The only way to communicate with the station - they don't appear to have a storefront - is by messaging them on Facebook, which I did as soon as I got internet in our house yesterday.  Facebook says the message was seen soon after I sent it, but there's been no response as of this writing.

Qualms: I know very little about Fort Worth music, so I doubt a show like Self Help Radio could thrive on KFTW.  However, it depends on what one means by "local programming."  I am a local, I would be programming a show locally.

The chances of Self Help Radio finding a home at KFTW are the unlucky toss of a coin.

KTCU is the student radio station at TCU.  They're on 88.7 fm in Fort Worth, & I've been listening to them for the most part while I've been driving around town the past couple of days.  College radio is when I began, & WRFL is obviously a college radio station, so I am very comfortable in that milieu.  In addition to what I call "freeform" programming, KTCU has a slew of "specialty" or "block" shows, especially on the weekends.  I've been entertained.

What are the chances the show finds a home here?  I am more hopeful about this station.  I called them a month ago to ask if they allowed non-students to deejay, & was told with enthusiasm that they did & that I should come by.  I told the caller than I wasn't moving to Fort Worth until August, & he helpfully gave me names to contact once I was here.  I will call those people tomorrow.

Qualms: Oh, I am so full of self-doubt that I am worried that Self Help Radio won't "fit" on their station.  One thing I notice is that the programmers don't do a lot of airbreaks.  I do.  I'm a chatty dude.  & I worry someone will have a problem with the show's fake interviews.  I worry, is what I am trying to say.  I worry without any reason to worry at this early moment.  There'll be more to report later.  & doubtless more to worry about.

Still, I think the chances of Self Help Radio find a home at KTCU are pretty good.

KNON is Dallas' community radio station, a station I listened to back in high school, a station I think is as good as KOOP down in Austin.  They're on at 89.3 fm in Dallas, & their diversity is incredible.  I can't tune them in from here, but I listen to them when I'm in Dallas, & I can here them all over the suburbs.

What are the chances the show finds a home here?  The station's website asks that you send in a volunteer application/show proposal, which I did yesterday.  They obviously don't program new shows unless an old show ends or is otherwise removed from the schedule.  One clear issue is that they're in Dallas & I'm in Fort Worth.  Even without a lot of traffic, it'd take me almost an hour to get there for each show, not to mention volunteering, which I will want to do.

So, the chances of Self Help Radio finding a home at KNON are probably very small.

& yet - who knows what the future will bring?

Prospects

(Downtown Fort Worth, Texas, found here.)

Hooray!  The family made it safely to Fort Worth!  Very little is unpacked, but we got internet today, so, yay!  No more reading Twitter on my phone!

Since this blog is about a radio show, it behooves me to write (very briefly, to expand upon tomorrow) my radio prospects.  They are (in no particular order):

88.7 fm KTCU Fort Worth
89.3 fm KNON Dallas
95.7 fm KFTW Fort Worth

An application has been sent to KNON.  An email has been sent to KFTW.  A meeting is planned at KTCU.  These sentences are all in the passive voice.  Who has sent an application & an email?  Who has planned a meeting?  Who fucking talks like that?

Tomorrow I'll take some time to talk about the stations & why I think Self Help Radio would be a good fit.  Or maybe not that last part.  Self Help Radio has never really fit anywhere.

Self Help Radio 080216: The Two-Hour-Long Goodbye

(Original image here.)

It is all over now, baby blue.  I did my first sub show (or "fill" as the kids at the station call it) on August 19, 2010.  Nearly six years ago.  I had been living in Huntington, West Virginia, & had been doing a show on WMUL.  But that was a town of barely 50,000 people.  Lexington was maybe six or seven times larger - & WRFL was a station with programmers on the air every hour of every day.  While WMUL valued its sports shows, most of its programming was done with automation software.  Soon enough I discovered that WRFL had a long history & fierce listenership.  It was a fun place to discover & become involved in.

Maybe one day I'll write about all the changes I helped make behind the scenes - about the wonderful, sometimes intense, arguments we had about the direction of the station, & the hard work some of us did to make the place more accessible to UK students & the Lexington community.  What always ends up being important, however, is the programming - RFL's on-air signal is, of course, the face it shows the world.  I did my best, with my obvious limitations, to make sure when I was on the air, it was at least listenable.  If I succeeded sometimes, it probably has more to do with luck than skill.  I mean, I was on the air a lot.  Please don't hold that against anyone at WRFL!

& here is the last show I'll do on this dear, dear radio station.  As I write this, I'm sitting in a house I love so much which, after tomorrow, I won't ever be in again.  My heart, so used to being broken, is still surprised after all this time that it bothers to become attached to people, places, & things.  But it also thrills to new adventures ahead - to new radio stations, a new city to explore & learn about, new friends & old in a sort-of familiar setting.  That's why I'm not too sad - I honestly never expected to be in Kentucky, to have had such an amazing experience with this radio station & its people, with this lovely city, with this part of the world.  I will miss being here, certainly, but mostly I am glad I was here at all.

Self Help Radio will go on, & I hope you find it wherever it ends up.  But if you want to hear it say goodbye, you can do so now on the show's website.  The two parts have lots of goodbye songs, which are listed below.

When next we talk, I'll be back in the state where I was born!

(part one)

"Hello & Goodbye" George Carlin _Playing With Your Head_
"Bye Bye" The Clean _Vehicle_
"Bye Bye Baby" Fats Waller _1936_

"Gotta Say Goodbye" The Fun & Games _Elephant Candy_
"Bye Bye" Pipas _Chunnel Autumnal_
"The Long Goodbye" A Girl Called Eddy _A Girl Called Eddy_
"Ev'ry Time We Say Goodbye" Helen Grayco _After Midnight_

"Adios" Esquivel _Other Worlds Other Sounds_
"Auf Wiederseh'n" Gus Backus _Die Singles 1959-1961_
"Adieu Adieu" Stereo Total _Musique Automatique_
"Goodbye" Psychedelic Furs _Forever Now_

"Rhymes Of Goodbye" Scott Walker _Scott 4_
"Seasons In The Sun" Black Box Recorder _England Made Me_

(part two)

"Goodbye" Elephant Parade _Bedroom Recordings_
"Hey, That's No Way To Say Goodbye" Leonard Cohen _Songs Of Leonard Cohen_
"Hometown Farewell Kiss" The Triffids _Calenture_

"How To Say Goodbye" The Magnetic Fields _69 Love Songs_
"There's No Beautiful Way To Say Goodbye" Television Personalities _My Dark Places_
"One Day Goodbye Will Be Farewell" Morrissey _Years Of Refusal_

"Bye Bye Baby" Hattie Burleson _I Can't Be Satisfied: Early American Women Blues Singers - Town & Country, Vol. 2 "Town"_
"Good-Bye" The Four Freshmen _Four Freshmen & Five Trumpets_
"Bye Bye Baby" The Popguns _Alvin Lives (In Leeds): Anti Poll Tax Trax_
"It's All Over Now, Baby Blue" Bob Dylan _Bringing It All Back Home_

"Goodbye, Goodbye" Billy Bragg _Tooth & Nail_
"What's The Theme, Gary?" Luxuriator _What's The Theme, Gary?_

Whither Goodbye?

(All of my Peanuts books are in boxes, so I had to find this on Pinterest.)

Hopefully it's not coming as a shock to you that today's show is the last Self Help Radio in Lexington.  I know I didn't mention it until a few days ago, but I didn't want a repeat of last year, when I jumped the gun before plans were finalized.  I expect everyone to be skeptical, but it sunk in this weekend, as I packed many of my beloved records & CDs into boxes, that it's real.  Around this time in two days, my family of two humans, four dogs, & four cats will leave this place.  To say I'm not freaking out a little about it is a tiny lie.  I am freaking out a lot.

Today's show, then, is really goodbye.  I chose this theme, which I always imagined I would use on the very last Self Help Radio ever, mainly because I didn't want to do a radio show about Texas, Dallas, or Fort Worth.  (Although my friend Jenny did find an awesome Fort Worth song.)  Goodbye seemed simplest, sweetest, & more appropriate.  & of course my collaborators will be along to make it much more fun than if I were doing it on my own.

As always, you can follow the show on Twitter or like the show on Facebook to keep up with where the show ends up, if the show finds a radio station, if there's a podcast coming out, etc.  Or you can just read this blog.  I blather here five days a week.

In any event - the last Self Help Radio on WRFL airs today from 4-6pm on 88.1 fm in town & online at wrfl dot fm everywhere.  I hope you'll listen, & if you think of it, call in & say goodbye, or write goodbye.  I'll miss you!

Preface To Goodbye: U-Haul In The Driveway

Even though I am not very good at it, I love taking pictures.  (You can see the pictures I take on the show's Tumblr page.)  It's not something I've always done, like some people.  It's something I decided I wanted to do maybe just two or three years ago.

But there was a time - in seventh & eighth grade - when I was able to develop my own film & print my own photos.  I took photography class & was on my middle school's yearbook staff.  My pictures were mostly pedestrian, mainly because I didn't really know what I liked enough to take pictures of it.  My teacher - whose name, alas, I don't remember - even once told me I was trying too hard, like someone who had some vague notion of what "art" is but doesn't really know.  I think I once caught her laughing at some dumb picture I took, though she did try to hide it.  I was more embarrassed than offended.

The reason I am mentioning this is not to plug that page, but rather to relate that one regret (of many, I'm sure) is that I never took the time to just park my car in some parts of the city & walk around taking some pictures.  I was reminded of that today at the U-Haul place, which is near some interesting places, with delightful urban decay, anachronistic signage, & other things which I find fascinating, & should have taken the time to take some pictures of.  It was not meant to be.

Of course there will be many more places to go & many more pictures to take, but I do wish I had a lot more memories on digital film of this town.  Everything I do now I am conscious that I am doing for the last time - the last time I went to this town's Costco, the last time I went to my favorite cheap Chinese joint, etc.  It seems very unhealthy to do that, but I just can't stop.

& tomorrow - one last Self Help Radio in Lexington.  Oh jeez.

July 31st

On today's dog walk, I watched children - supervised by their parents - play with sparklers.  Sparklers are a mainstay of the Fourth Of July, of course, & it's - quite literally - twenty-seven days after that.  But if there's one thing I will remember about Kentucky, it's that the residents of this state will take any opportunity to use fireworks.  New Year's Eve?  Boom boom boom!  New Year's Day?  Why the hell not?  President's Day?  First Day Of Spring? Arbor Day? Light up the goddamned sky.

Fireworks are illegal in Texas for many reasons, some of which are obvious: it's drier there than here, so, fire.  Fire!  Fire that burns for days!  That doesn't stop folks from setting fireworks off, although in the two or three neighborhoods I lived in, in Austin, police were called & fines were levied.  This was in addition to the danger of bringing fireworks into  the city - sometimes there were checkpoints.  A decidedly perilous process for potential pyromaniacs.

But not so Kentucky!  My animals have had to react to many nights of pop pop bang.  I think I will miss that.  & not just because I think fireworks are cool.  Dude, I bought fireworks this year at Costco.  They were not the military-grade explode-in-the-lower-atmosphere types you have to spend top dollar for, but hey - they made some of my friends' kids happy, & isn't that the point?

Will they be fireworks in Texas?  & if so, when?  I hope to report on this in the future.  In the meantime - holy shit! I have a lot of packing still to do!

Putting Everything Into Boxes

Why does a house look empty even when it's filled with boxes?

The strangest thing I do - I'm sure some others do, but how the hell would I know? - is take things, like, say, a pile of papers related to a particular time period, & stick them in a drawer.  So when one is, for example, packing things up in anticipation of a move, one finds a few months' worth of strange memorabilia.  A drawer or shelf thus filled, a new pile emerges someplace else.

So I've relived today parts of the six years I've lived in Kentucky in bits & pieces as I pack stuff away.  Here are cards sent to me on every possible occasion by the dear sister that died last years, one of which says something like, I hope you know how much I enjoy our conversations.  They always put a smile on my face.  Over here are forms & stickers relating to some period at WRFL or another.  Still here are items that go back even further, to my time in West Virginia, when I tried to work for a literacy program.  Our minds often don't need to form memories, they know they're stored in the bits & pieces of life we save on scraps of paper, opened letters, saved notes or flyers.

Some friends from Lexington are coming over tonight.  I hope it goes well.  I have much such nice people here, & I know at the end of the night I'll wish I were less introverted & spent more time with them.  Once a loner, I wrote somewhere, probably imitating or ripping off someone, always alone.

Damn, I have a lot of CDs.  I hope I have enough boxes!

Self Help Radio 072616: Fashion

(Original image here.)

The next-to-the-last episode!  What excitement!  Like a fashion show!  Wait a second.  Nothing like a fashion show!  More like a garage sale!  Or standing outside waiting for movers to come!

Still, I'm sure my hard-hitting investigative radio show about fashions shook Los Angeles, New York City, London, Paris, & Tokyo to the core.  That Tim Gunn fellow probably woke up in a cold sweat last night.  Skinny runway models everywhere suddenly got hungry & ate two slices of pizza before their handlers forced them to regurgitate it.  Normal, everyday Americans suddenly felt good about shopping for food in their sweatpants/pajama-top combos.  A victory was struck, even if it were temporary, & I woke up with a simulacrum of the head of Cindy Crawford carved in vegetable fat at the bottom of my bed this morning.  I got the message.  & I will stop - but only because, you know, I have to do a different show with a different theme next week.

But the world got a taste of the power of Self Help Radio, & wisely found it lacking.

What else?  Nothing, really.  I hope the show was a lot of fun.  It's now at the Self Help Radio web site.  You know about the passwords & stuff by now.  The show's in two parts, an hour each, & the songs in the parts are listed below.

(part one)

"Fashion" David Bowie _Scary Monsters (& Super Creeps)_
"Dedicated Follower Of Fashion" The Kinks _The Kink Kontroversy_

"Fashion Is Danger" Flight Of The Conchords _I Told You I Was Freaky_
"Fashion Hurts" Xex _Group : Xex_
"Fashion Rules!" Chicks On Speed _99 Cents_
"Old Fashion" Baxendale _The Revenge Has Just Begun: The Story So Far_

"Fashion Concious" The Fresh Windows _Chocolate Soup For Diabetics, Vol. 1_
"Fashion" Otway & Barrett _The Wimp & The Wild_
"Fashion Street" The Get Quick _See You In The Crossfire_
"What Are You Wearing?" Kahimi Karie _K.K.K.K.K._

"Fashion Chant" Noh Mercy _Noh Mercy_
"Crimes Of Fashion" The Frenchmen _Sorry We Ruined Your Party_

(part two)

"The Fashion Plague" The Exits _This Is Mod, Vol. 2: More Rarities 1979-1981_
"It's Fashion" Girls At Our Best! _Pleasure_
"Fashion Show" The Shrubs _Take Me Aside For A Midnight Harangue_

"Fashion Forward" The Telephone Company _Panda Brain_
"Off With His Cardigan!" The Lucksmiths _What Bird Is That?_
"High Street Fashion" The Hepburns _The Last Thing I Saw Before I Said Goodbye_
"Fab Fad Fashions" Proctor & Bergman _Give Us A Break_
"Fashion Parade (ft Noddy Holder)" Misty's Big Adventure _Fashion Parade 7"_

"Fast-Fashion" Supermoon _Playland_
"Fashion Crisis Hits New York" The Frank & Walters _The Best Of The Frank & Walters_
"Fashion Zombies!" The Aquabats _Charge!!_
"Vagaries Of Fashion" Fujiya & Miyagi _Artificial Sweeteners_

"Boys Of Fashion Magazines" Kuruki _TV Scape_
"I Fell In Love With A Fashion Victim" The Rosehips _The Rosehips_

Whither Fashion?

(I found this picture here.)

Look, no one is less equipped than I to do an authoritative show about fashion.  I have never been & surely will never be fashionable.  It was just never meant to be.  Because I wish I could say, "It's not for lack of trying," but - I never tried.

But from the outside looking in, I suppose, I can make some observations, which I will do today.  Not just me!  I'll be talking about L.A. fashion with our man in Hollywood, Mark Miller, & I'll be talking with a real fashion designer, the great CJ Buchanan.  In the interests of fairness, I will talk to one David Fruchter, who crusades against fashion, & in the interests of spirituality, I'll ask my spiritual advisor to weigh in on the spiritual side of fashion.

Come to think of it, with all the music & guests, there'll probably be very little time for me to display my ignorance of fashion.  That's for the best, I'm sure.  Folks will tell you the most excellent Self Help Radio episodes are usually light on the "Gary" content.

Plus, it's the next-to-the-last Self Help Radio on WRFL!  It's on from 4-6 pm on 88.1 fm in Lexington & wrfl dot fm in the fashion world.  I certainly hope you're well-dressed enough to listen!

Preface To Fashion: Embarrassment Averted!

(This image from a website called superfashionable dot com.)

Getting older, one supposes, might bring wisdom & shit, but our own experience with old people suggest otherwise: things get messy.

This is especially true with my own brain, which discards information without bothering to ask me whether or not I want to keep it, like my mother throwing away all my papers & drawings one day when I was at school true story!  Oh god I think my brain might be my mother.

Sometimes, though rarely, I plan for just such an occasion.  For example, I made a page on my website listing all the themes I've done.  I'm pretty OCD but I don't actually double-check, when I think of a theme, if I've already covered it before.  I rely upon my memory ha ha ha urgh.

Anyhoo, a few weeks ago, I was all like, "Hey! Let's do a show about suits!" & I went about thinking of songs about suits, collecting them, saying "la la la" as the days passed & my life slowly got shorter.  Then, just last week, actually - after I announced that "suits" would be the theme next week on the show - I was looking for songs, & discovered one that was tagged "Self Help Radio."  Oh no, I thought.  & then I looked.  Oh yes.  I had actually done a show about suits almost exactly three years ago.

One big problem is that I had already recorded a bit with one of my collaborators.  Luckily we didn't talk about suits the entire time (when do they ever talk about the show's theme exclusively?), so I quickly checked to see if I had done a show about fashion - I had not! - & I changed the listing on the web site & thanked my lucky stars I have a kind of system of checks that prevents me from stupidly accidentally revisiting old themes.

But boy, would it have been embarrassing if my penultimate show were a kind of repeat!

The Most Important Question

(This is not me, these are not my CDs; it's a picture from here.)

There is a question folks like me - musicophiles, you could say, sub-category: deejays - must answer quickly once a move is planned: When do I pack up my music?

"My music" is of course primarily understood for folks in my advanced middle age as "vinyl & CDs," although I must include my computer, since I digitize & rip music onto that for each show.  The computer is probably the thing I will pack last, since I do so many things on it - although we'll not have internet access on our last day, having taken the equipment back to the cable company.

Let's see: I have a show on August 2, two days before I leave.  Do I really want to come home from my last show on WRFL to pack up hundreds of CDs?  No.  I need to plan better.

Because I am less than two weeks out, & I have made no plans at all.

A History Of Leaving, Concluded

(This image originally from here.)

It seems I have left WRFL twice before.  I took a semester off in early 2013 (from the station, not from the show, which I continued as a podcast for four months), & I made a big public exit just last year, anticipating a move to Los Angeles that never happened.  Now I am leaving for the last time.

You would be wise to be skeptical.  There are those who weirdly thought my leaving last year was a publicity stunt, & I've tried to ask them what did I get out of it, except losing my sweet Friday morning timeslot?  They think I did it for the satisfaction of fooling folks into thinking I was leaving. Because, you know, all the trolling I do.

This time I waited until it was absolutely certain that I would be gone before saying anything.  This past week I told station management that August 2 would be my last show (the theme had been posted before on the show's website as "the two-hour long goodbye," but I don't think many people pay attention to that).  I told them this because on August 4, my family & I will be leaving Lexington.

My wife got a job elsewhere, back in Texas, & she starts work on August 8.  She has resigned from her job here in town, & our house goes on the market on the day we leave.  We have rented a house in the hopes of exploring our new city & eventually buying a home there.  Already many of our things are in boxes.  It's very, very intense at our place at this moment.

But I'll understand if you're skeptical.  I am much like the boy who cried wolf & don't deserve to have anything I say taken seriously if you feel, like some do, that this too might be some kind of inscrutable prank.  Perhaps this comes across as strangely sudden, but we've known we were leaving for a while - I just didn't feel like making it into a countdown spectacle like I did last time.  You should only get one retirement party from the place you've worked at.  I don't want to double-dip like some kinda cheat.

What's the future of Self Help Radio?  In the short-term, there are two more shows on WRFL, this Tuesday & the next.  Where we're going, in the Dallas/Fort Worth area, has a few nice non-commercial radio opportunities for me, which I am eager to start exploring, even in the one hundred degree plus heat.  (I will miss Lexington's lovely mild springs & autumns, though its winters not so much.)  If I am unable to find a place for the show to continue its ridiculousness, I will certainly continue as a podcast as soon as I can.  I can't not do the show.  It's in my DNA.  Also, I have shows lined up.

You can, as always, keep up with the show by following its Facebook page (it would appreciate your "like") or its Twitter feed.  Or this blog.  All linked handily at Self Help Radio dot net.

& of course in this day & age, if you have a computer & you want to listen to shows, whether streamed from radio stations' websites or from the show's own, you're never more than a couple of mouse clicks away from Self Help Radio.

As always, I thank you for any time you might have spent listening to this ridiculous show I'm involved with.  It's with a heavy heart that I leave WRFL for the very last time.

Self Help Radio 071916: Hold On

(Original image found here.)

One thing I wanted to say about this show, which I am posting a day late: I wanted to hold on to this show as long as I could before sharing it with you.  That's not true, of course.  I was very busy yesterday.  I drove to Cincinnati & back.  I just didn't have time to put it on the website.

A second thing I wanted to say about this show, is that Jenny, who picked all the music for last week's show, told me she suggested this theme to me last year.  I have done a half-assed search of my email to see when exactly, & can't find it, but it's always a fair bet that any good ideas I think I have are probably someone else's, so if you liked this show, it's doubtless because Jenny knew it'd be a fine theme.

There's not a third thing that I wanted to say, but please be aware I am still a little OCD-happy that the entire show features nothing but songs called "Hold On."  I know, it's as meaningful as getting a "perfect attendance" ribbon or something, but the part of me that likes to see a playlist with the songs spaced so perfectly one atop another (like below), find its that order a dumb satisfaction.

Meanwhile! The show! It's at the Self Help Radio website.  Hold on, you'll need a username & password to access it, but that's on the site, it's all right, don't fret.  The show has been divided into two parts, reflecting the two hours of the program, & of course the songs I played are listed below.

(part one)

"Hold On" Half Japanese _Perfect_
"Hold On" Bob Mould _Patch The Sky_
"Hold On" Twin Peaks _Wild Onion_

"Hold On" The Bandana Splits _The Bandana Splits_
"Hold On" Yellow Ostrich _The Mistress_
"Hold On" The Postelles _The Postelles_
"Hold On" Former Ghosts _Fleurs_

"Hold On" The Shining Hour _Long Lost_
"Hold On" Darren Hanlon _Fingertips & Mountaintops_
"Hold On" The Junior League Band _Jelly Roll_
"Hold On" Tom Waits _Mule Variations_

"Hold On" Holly Golightly _The Good Things_
"Hold On" Nightblooms _I Lick You Because I Love You_

(part two)

"Hold On" The Train Set _Never California_
"Hold On" The Orchids _Lyceum_
"Hold On" Lou Reed _New York_

"Hold On" Sam Cooke _The Man Who Invented Soul_
"Hold On" The O'Jays _Big City Soul, Vol. 1_
"Hold On" Bernie Worrell _All The Woo In The World_

"Hold On" The Smooty Filth _Greenstuff_
"Hold On" Sharon Tandy & Les Fleur De Lys _Reflections_
"Hold On" The Mirage _We Can Fly, Vol. 2_
"Hold On!" Herman's Hermits _The Best Of Herman's Hermits_
"Hold On" John Lennon _Plastic Ono Band_

"Hold On!" The Redskins _Neither Washington Nor Moscow_
"Hold On" Age Of Chance _One Thousand Years Of Trouble_

Whither Hold On?

(I know it doesn't say "Hold On" but that's what the little thing is doing!  Image from here.)

That's right.  The theme today is "hold on."  Like I said yesterday, every damn song I play today will be called "Hold On."  Not "Baby Hold On" or "I'll Keep Holding On" or "Hold On I'm Coming" - just "Hold On."  Why?  Because I can.  Because I think of it as some kind of achievement.  Because it's part of my obsessive-compulsive disorder to organize radio shows, when possible, in this manner.  & guess what?  I have way more than two hours' worth!  So there.

There's nothing really to recommend this show otherwise, I realize.  But what else would you expect?  That's what this damn radio show is like!

It's on from 4-6pm today on 88.1 fm WRFL Lexington.  You can also listen online at wrfl dot fm.  You can also call me at 257 WRFL.  & if you do, you can bet I'll say, "Hold on!"  Because I'm stupid like that.

Preface To Hold On: Some May Call It Obsession!

That's a Stan Lee title if I ever saw one!  I only need to add:

(I found that here.)

So - this has happened on Self Help Radio three times - I believe - with a fourth attempt that failed - & what is it we're talking about?  & furthermore why would you care?  This is the worst form of radio navel-gazing, an arguable "achievement" that has absolutely no bearing on the quality of the show.  It's the radio version of a kind of self-milestone of which no one is proud but the one who attempts it, unasked, unprompted, to mostly apathy if not downright derision.

It's this: doing an entire radio show with every song that's played having the same title.

Like I said, it's happened three times, with the following themes: Tell Me, Heaven (on my second attempt), & Everybody Knows (just last year).  My failure - I got through 3/4 of the show but couldn't sustain - was the Wonderful show.

Why would I mention this?  Because I believe I will try for a number four tomorrow: an entire show with every song having the same title.  That title?  "Hold On."

Will Self Help Radio succeed in this competition that means nothing to anyone but itself?  You'll have to listen to find out!

...But hey, I understand that you probably don't care, in which case, it's totally cool if you don't listen. That's what happens most of the time anyway, dumb self-challenge or not.  Everyone understands!

Chapter XII: Right Before The Scene Of The Crime

The Contessa entered the parlor, oblivious to the gentlemen sitting in her family's antique chairs.  She was preoccupied about family business.

"Whom are you?" she said, grammatically incorrectly, to the strangers.

"We're police detectives, ma'am," said the one who looked & smelled like sausage.

"The constabulary?" she said, aghast.  "Why would you have been called?"

"It appears," said the mousey one, looking at a notebook, "there was a complaint last night, about," he flipped a few pages, "screams of agony & shrieks as if from hell itself."

"Well," the Contessa said, "we did have some friends over."

"Ah," said Sausage-Man, "& where are your friends now?"

"They have retired to their quarters," sniffed the Contessa.  "But of course the shrieks were from the murdered people."

"Murdered?" the two detectives asked, almost simultaneously.

"Yes, murdered," the Contessa said, "naturally.  They were killed in the ceremony, & consumed afterwards."

"Consumed?" said the Mouse.  "You mean, eaten?"

"Oh," the Contessa said, with a weary gesture, "it was the same old ritual.  Kill the strangers, feast on their flesh."  She gave them both a knowing look.  "It was a Thursday, for Pete's sake!"

"Ma'am," Sausage said, "are you admitting to a crime?"

The Contessa looked at him blankly.

"I mean to say," Sausage corrected himself, tugging uncomfortably at his collar, "are you saying you killed someone here?"

"Oh! Heavens no!" she said, to the relief of the two obviously distraught policemen.  "No, we have the help do that.  Oh Jenkins!"

A stiff butler type appeared, almost magically, from behind an unseen door.  His chin high, he seemed incapable of holding his head any other way.  "Ma'am?" he said.

"Please tell these awful man about the people you killed," she told him.

"Indeed," he said.  He turned to the baffled lawmen.  "During the ceremony I murdered an alcoholic drifter, as well as the rebellious teenage daughter of one of Madame's chambermaids."

Sausage turned to Mouse.  They shrugged their shoulders in turn.

"Ah," said Mouse.  "How - how did you murder them?"

"Poison," said the butler.  "In their food."  He paused, thoughtfully, & turned to his mistress.  "It would not have stayed in the portions of them that you would consume, Madame," he said.

"Good, good," said the Contessa.

"What the fuck?" said the Sausage.

"Yes, yes," said the Contessa, "take him away, hang him, he's a menace to our community, all that, now, please, do not tarry in my family's antique chairs any longer!"  & she fanned herself as she made her way to the front room.

"I plead guilty to all charges," said the butler, half-heartedly holding his hands out to be cuffed.

"Um," the Mouse said to the Sausage.  "Can we - uh - can we see the bodies?"

"Or what's left of them?" said the Sausage to the butler.

"Certainly, sir," said the butler, "right this way."  He paused, appearing to think something over, "other remains might appear in some of our guests' leavings."

The Mouse threw up on a family heirloom.

"C'mon," said the Sausage.  "Get yourself together."

"Rich people," the Mouse choked.

"Rich people," the Sausage agreed.  "Am I right?"

Self Help Radio 071216: The Wild Show

(Original image - I'm sorta embarrassed about this one - is here.)

Suddenly today I have found myself with no time & so this has to be done in a rush & who knows how many mistakes I'll make but that's how it is when one's life is wild but let's review the facts:

- Self Help Radio was on yesterday.
- Local musician Jenny picked all the music.
- It went swimmingly, a rarity when it's just Gary by himself.
- Now the show is available online.
- It's at Self Help Radio dot Net.
- The songs Jenny picked are listed below.

Is that it?  Did I cover everything?  Okay then.  I gotta get out there - the wild life is calling!  Or is the wildlife?  If so, how can I be sure they won't eat me?

(part one)

"Wildwood Flower" The Carter Family _The History Of Country & Western Music, Vol. 1 (1927-1928)_
"Cigareets, Whuskey, & Wild Women" Big Three Trio _Signifying Monkey_
"The Cry Of The Wild Goose" Tennessee Ernie Ford _The Golden Age Of Country Music 1950-1953_

"Crazy Wild Desire" Webb Pierce _Cross Country_
"The Joker Went Wild" Brian Hyland _The Philips Years & More 1964-1968_
"Your Wild Heart" Joy Layne with Carl Stevens & His Orchestra _I Wish I Were A Princess (The Great Lost Female Teen Idols)_
"Wild One" Bobby Rydell _Bobby's Biggest Hits_
"Any Day Now (My Wild Beautiful Bird)" Chuck Jackson _The Look Of Love: The Burt Bacharach Collection_

"Wild & Free" Curtis Mayfield _Curtis_
"I'm Wild About You" Al Green _Lay It Down_
"Wild Night" Van Morrison _Tupelo Honey_
"Wild World" Cat Stevens _Tea For The Tillerman_
"Frank's Wild Years" Tom Waits _Swordfishtrombones_

"The Wild One" Leith Steven's All Stars _Jazz Themes From The Wild One_
"Wild About You" The Same _This Is Mod, Vol. 2: More Rarities 1979-1981_
"You Drive Me Wild" The Runaways _The Runaways_

(part two)

"Wild Thing" X _Beyond & Back: The X Anthology_
"Real Wild Child" Iggy Pop _Blah Blah Blah_
"Reap The Wild Wind" Ultravox _Quartet_

"Wild Is The Wind" David Bowie _Station To Station_
"I'll Call You Wild" Grant McLennan _Horsebreaker Star_
"I Get Wild/Wild Gravity" Talking Heads _Speaking In Tongues_

"Running Wild" La Sera _Hour Of The Dawn_
"Drove Me Wild" Tegan & Sara _Heartthrob_
"Wild" The Babies _The Babies_
"Wild Love" Tanya Donelly _Swan Song Series_

"Wild Horses" The Rolling Stones _The London Years_

Whither The Wild Show?

(This picture came up when I looked up "wild" in Google Images, from here.)

Why is Self Help Radio today "The Wild Show"?  That's an easy one!  Friend of the show Jenny wanted to do an episode, I am a generally lazy sort, so I said, "Sure!"  She picked all the songs & will be on hand to chat on the air.  Hooray!

There's nothing else to say, except listen!  You'll see how much better other people do Self Help Radio than I do!  It's on from 4-6pm today on 88.1 fm in town & online at wrfl dot fm in places wild & free!

Preface To The Wild Show: Wild On Radio

(Image from here.)

Do you watch travel shows?  I can't say that I have.  But I do remember flipping channels in the early 00s & seeing this show on the E Network, probably while waiting for Talk Soup to come on.  Or maybe I watched segments of it back in the late 90s because boy Jules Asner was cute.  (I don't know who that is up there.)

One reason I couldn't stomach those kinds of shows is because I knew that, when I traveled, I was more likely to sleep in my car than in a five star hotel.  In fact, up until I turned 30 or so, that's exactly what I did.  It would've been weird for me to pay for a place to sleep while on the road (since there was doubtless one, usually a friend's house, at my destination), & there was a perfectly good car right there for anyone to sleep in.  Boy, though, do cars get cold at night!

Would you consider "Wild On" a reality show?  Because I've never sat through one of those intentionally my entire life, either.  Once I remember going to a place with my girlfriend's grad student friends because they were watching some show about a hotel on an island or something.  Having known funny people in my life (some of whom actually help on SHR) who watch terrible movies or television  partly in order to mercilessly mock them (something I don't generally enjoy, but which was worth it for being around such hilarious people), I expected there to be some kind of celebration of irony, derision of the awful people involved, but everyone there was actually emotionally invested in the "reality" of the island hotel boat or whatever.  I spent the evening sitting outside, smoking, & chatting with the dog.

Actually, I think that someone gave me a CD before I went to Europe that had travel programs about London & Paris.  Who was that?  I didn't watch them.  I don't think I ever considered watching them. Wow!  Now I feel like a dick!

It's hard to learn when the best time is be up front with people about your - what would I call them? predilections? idiosyncrasies? habits?  To tell them, no, I don't really enjoy this or that sort of thing, sorry.  But thank you!

It's ultimately an isolating thing, this definition of self.  It may be part of introversion, actually.  Unless one's definition of self is more adventurous, more accepting, less limiting.  In which case it could be part of extroversion.  Hm.  I'll think on it some more.

All Around You

This early morning - with very little sleep in the preceding sixteen hours under my belt or over my pillow - I commenced to play music for three hours on the radio, from 3 to 6 am.  I had napped some on Saturday afternoon, but had basically been up "all day" by the time I started sticking CDs into the players at the station.  I don't recall a single thing I said on air or to callers, but that's probably just a matter of self-defense.

Meanwhile, about nine hundred miles away, the love of my life was waiting to board a plane & return to me.  She, too, was tired, having been in the Dallas/Fort Worth area on business.  The night before, she told me, she hadn't slept.  As her flight kept getting delayed - because of bad weather - we texted back & forth, until it seemed like I'd be picking her just moments before I was to go on the air at 3am.  But though she & her fellow passengers had boarded the plane, there was a malfunction with one of the aircraft's door's, & they deplaned, no more flights available till morning.

Lexington was a little chilly when I emerged from the radio station & drove home.  My dogs, as always, acted as though I'd been gone so long they barely remembered me; my cats barely remembered me.

The last song I played - wait - before I talk about this, let me say, yes, my wife made it home safely, I picked her up from the airport just before 6pm, & she came home, & I made her dinner, & we walked the dogs, & we watched Preacher & the new Match Game & I was very happy she was home.

What I wanted to mention is that the last song I played this morning - or maybe the next-to-the-last song I played - was "Favour" by the Wake.  It begins with the lines, "If you have a moment, all around you..."

At some point during the day I became haunted by the repetition of the words "all around you."  Many of the lyrics are, to me, unintelligible, made difficult to understand by the music, but when I hear the song start, in my head, I hear, "all around you."

Then I look around.

& then I wonder: how long will I be able to look around, & see the same thing?

Saturday List

Here is Saturday's list:

1) Tortilla chips
2) Chatty cashiers
3) Mowing & re-mowing the lawn
4) Books on tape on iPhone
5) Three false alarms
6) Millet
7) You don't really need to
8) Text interrupts nap
9) Time is tight
10) Late for show

Self Help Radio 070516: Bread

(Original image here.)

No fooling, I gained weight during this show.  I kept going to the pantry for "research."  For "inspiration."  Finally I realized I had a problem.  With bread.

This show celebrates bread, so anyone who can eat an entire baguette while in the midst of a casual conversation should stay away from this show.  I even heard that three local bakeries had to close because of a rush on artisan breads!  I heard that from my cats, though, & they wouldn't know such a thing.

For those who can stomach it (pun intended), here is this week's Self Help Radio, about bread.  It's at the Self Help Radio website.  It's wrapped for freshness.  Actually, it's sliced - into only two slices, but it is sliced!  The different songs that are in each slice are listed below.  Pretend it's a list of essential vitamins & minerals & that the show is actually nutritious.  Spoiler alert: it's not!

Now if you'll excuse me, there's a hunk of sourdough bread positively screaming my name.

(one slice)

"The Breads In Your Bakery" PBNJ Buchanan _The Breads In Your Bakery_
"Bread" Jonny _Jonny_
"Bread" Norma Tanega _The DynoVoice Story_

"Breakin' Bread" Fred Wesley & The JB's _Breakin' Bread_
"Welfare Bread" King Khan & The Shrines _What Is?!_
"(Get Off That) Booze & Garlic Bread" Denny Rockwell _(Get Off That) Booze & Garlic Bread_
"Bread & Butter" The Newbeats _The Best Of The Newbeats_

"Ezekiel Bread" Half-Handed Cloud _Thy Is A Word + Feet Need Lamps_
"Es Como El Pan" Jonathan Richman _Because Her Beauty Is Raw & Wild_
"(I'm Just A Crumb In Your) Bread Box Of Love" Ted Taylor _Taylor Made_
"Wooden Bread" Bruce Haack _Hush Little Robot_

"Dry Bread" Hank Thompson _Songs For Rounders_
"Bread & Circus" Marc Almond _Varieté_

(another slice)

"Yea! Heavy & A Bottle Of Bread" Bob Dylan & The Band _The Basement Tapes_
"Beans & Corn Bread" Louis Jordan _Louis Jordan & His Tympany Five, Vol. 4: 1947-1949_
"Bread Crumbs" Bishop Allen _Lights Out_

"Good Old Bosom Bread" Hot Lips Page _1938-1940_
"Bread Line Blues" Slim Smith _Hard Times Come Again No More, Vol. 1 (Early American Rural Songs Of Hard Times & Hardships)_
"I Love Bread" Jim Gaffigan _The Last Supper_
"The Baker's Wife" The Lucksmiths _Boondoggle_
"Bread" Neil Phillips _Supermarket_

"Bread & Gravy" Martha Davis _1946-1951_
"Two Little Fishes & Five Loaves Of Bread" Sister Rosetta Tharpe _The Original Soul Sister (1943-46)_
"Breaking Bread" Johnny Cash _Unearthed_
"Goodbye Bread" Ty Segall _Goodbye Bread_

"Cuttin' The Cornbread" Ralph Stanley _Old-Time Pickin': A Clawhammer Banjo Collection_
"Bread & Gravy" Homer & Jethro _Ooh, That's Corny_
"I'm Your Bread Maker, Baby" Slim Harpo _The Excello Singles Anthology_

Whither Bread?

(Image found here.)

Oh good grief I eat a lot of bread.  I just ate bread with my lunch, & also chips.  It was a dish called "southwestern mac & 'cheese'" so of course I trebled up on the carbs & starches.  Damn it!

One thing I've never made (since I do cook all the time) is bread.  I don't know why I haven't.  I mean, I've made cornbread, which is a kind of bread, but never wheat bread.  Or potato bread or rice bread or whatever.  Okay I'll admit it: I'm a little scared of baking.

What about cake?  I've made cakes.  Does that count?  Not really?

As I finish up listening to all the songs I've gathered for the show - far more songs about bread than will fit in two hours - I can tentatively promise you a pretty good show.  As well, I have interviews out the wazoo, which may be, after all the bread I've consumed, the only thing coming out of the wazoo for a while if you know what I mean & I think you do.

So do listen today from 4-6pm on 88.1 fm & simultaneously on wrfl dot fm.  I hope that all the music & chat that I have prepared will be hearty enough to fill two hours like two giant slices of sandwich bread.

Ho ho, I crack myself up.

Preface To Bread: On The Fourth Of July I Compare My Dogs To Different Types Of Bread

In discussion with my wife today, who may or may not know that Self Help Radio this week is about bread, we agreed upon four things (a rarity) in regards to the types of bread our canines would be if they were to suddenly become bread.  Here's what we decided, from the youngest dog, to the oldest.

Yoko would be cornbread.

Delicious.

Pauline would be a baguette.

Scrumptious.

Winston would be an onion bagel.

Messy but tasty.

& old Ringo would be rye bread.  Probably very dark rye bread.

Earthy.

If you've ever wondered what gets talked about during dog walks, well, it probably doesn't get a whole lot deeper than this.

The Obligatory Pre-Independence Day Calvin & Hobbes Cartoon

One Last Chance To Take It Easy

When first thinking about the idea of Self Help Radio - well, what I was going to say was just not true.  I wasn't thinking much about "the idea of Self Help Radio" back in 2002 when I started this show.  I was thinking about doing a radio show again after not having a regular gig since I left KVRX in 1999, & I had to come up with a kind of gimmick to justify my existence on KOOP.  This is true - most of the things that make up the average Self Help Radio episode - with the exception of songs adhering to a theme - weren't there in the first episodes.  Maybe not in the first year!

Anyway, later on, I would ask folks who were musicians (& usually friends of mine) if they would like to contribute to the show in some way - mostly, of course, by contributing a song for a particular theme.  The big question is of course "Why?"  Why would anyone want to contribute anything to this unimportant radio show?  Luckily, some people did - for reasons I can't imagine - & just this week it happened again!

Jenny of Owlsey County recorded a lovely, slyly transformative version of a song I have issues with.  I am so very grateful she took the time to do it, & am very flattered it appeared on this week's show.  Here it is, please enjoy:

Self Help Radio 062816: Take It Easy

(Original image here.)

This was a fun show for me to do.  I had a great time finding songs - there were so many I left out! - which mentioned "take it easy" - seriously, I had a bevy of them from the 1930s to the present.  Plus, my collaborators - you know, the funny people on the show - were totally on point.  & best of all, local musician Jenny A from Owlsey County performed for the show a lovely cover of an Eagles song that I am now going to stop complaining about.

The irony, of course, is that so much work went into a show about taking it easy.  I hope it showed.  I felt pretty good after this one, which was a weird feeling for me.  I thought I might have food poisoning or strep throat or something.  I almost went straight to the emergency room.

But anyway, here it is, this week's show about taking it easy.  That's a link to the show's website.  Pay attention to password info, available in the paragraph above the show's playlist.  Meanwhile, the songs I played are listed below.

The rest of the day, I think I'll just take it easy.

(part one)

"Take It Easy" Fats Waller & His Rhythm _1935, Volume I_
"Take It Easy" Speckled Red _Complete Recorded Works 1929-1938_
"Take It Easy" Guy Lombardo & His Royal Canadians _The Sweetest Music This Side Of Heaven_

"Take It Easy, Greasy" Lil Johnson _Complete Works In Chronological Order, Vol. 1 (1929-1936)_
"I'm Gonna Take It Easy" Gabriel Brown _Roll & Tumble Blues: A History Of Slide Guitar_
"Taking It Easy" The Weavers _Goodnight Irene, 1949-1953_
"Relax & Take It Easy" Tommy Duncan With The Ranger Trio _Atomic Platters_

"Take It Easy, Greasy" Bobby Charles _The Chess Story, 1947-1975_
"Take It Easy Baby" Rufus Beacham _Soldier Boy: The Scepter Records Story 1961-1962_
"Take It Easy" The Animals _Animal Tracks_
"Take It Easy" Hopeton Lewis _The Story Of Jamaican Music: Forward March 1958-1967_

"Take It Easy" Jenny _Take It Easy_
"Take It Easy" Mint Royale _Pop Is_

(part two)

"Take It Easy My Brother Charles" Jorge Ben _Tropicalia: A Brazilian Revolution In Sound_
"Take It Easy Baby" Ty Karim _The Complete Ty Karim: Los Angeles' Soul Goddess_
"Take It Easy" Manuela & Drafi _Die Grossen Hits_

"Takin' It Easy" Johnny Tillotson _Here I Am_
"Gotta Take It Easy" The Cherry Slush _Day Don't Come_
"Takin' It Easy" Jack Wild _Everything's Coming Up Roses_
"Take It Easy (In Your Mind)" Jerry Reed _Smell The Flowers_
"Take It Easy Rider (feat. Guy Clark & Larry Jon Wilson)" David Allan Coe _I've Got Something To Say_

"Take It Easy" Gary Young _Naked In The Afternoon: A Tribute To Jandek_
"Take It Easy" Bourbon Family _Happy Bourbon Party_
"Take It Easy" Stanley Brinks & Freschard _Pizza Espresso_
"Take It Easy" Ghinzu _Mirror Mirror_

"Take It Easy" Surfer Blood _Astro Coast_
"Take It Easy" Willie Rodriguez & The International Stars _A Bunch Of Bongos_

Whither Take It Easy?

(This is from here.)

Before I forget: there's a story I've been meaning to mention.  Last week I was on my way to a meeting, a meeting I hope I can tell you about one day soon, & I noticed a big black ant in my car.  These ants occasionally find their way into my house, I'm always swatting them away in the kitchen.

Now, even though I am a vegan, I am ambivalent about insects.  I don't feel much closeness to them, except maybe bees, & besides I'm scared of scary insects, & have stomped them out of fear without remorse.  & so, in general, I am not as sad about a dead ant as I might be about a chipmunk which my dog Pauline (my beautiful murderer!) has killed in the backyard.

& yet, as I was driving to this meeting, just me & this ant, I started to feel very, very sad about her.  She was very far away from her anthill (or whatever social ant situation she lived in), & it seemed to me that, even if the ant stayed in the car until I got home, she might not be able to find her way back.  In fact, when I pulled in to the place where I had the meeting, the ant had disappeared into a vent on the dashboard.

Truth is, I had forgotten all about the little thing by the time the meeting was over, & I had to go run some errands.  The windows were open & I was singing along to something when the little ant crawled out onto the door right next to me, took a wrong turn, & flew out the window into the warm summer day.

She probably didn't die - insects are awful sturdy - but she was now impossibly far from home.  & that made me sad.  It was a feeling that I couldn't shake for the rest of the day.  I don't feel any real emotion when I step on a bug, but something about the little ant finding itself so very far from home got to me.  What's up with that?

What does this have to do with today's theme, which is "take it easy"?  Oh who knows.  Just be aware, it's on from 4-6 pm today on 88.1 fm WRFL & online at wrfl dot fm.  Like usual.  I hope you'll listen.

Special note to ants: stay out of the car!

Preface To Take It Easy: Well, I Haven't

This is perhaps a thing: I don't really know how to take it easy.  I wouldn't even know how.  I mean, what does that even entail?

Look at this link.  "Taking it easy" is framed as a kind of battle between you & stress.  Is that it?  When one "takes it easy," is one combatting stress?  Or are we vilifying stress?

Before anyone attempts to answer that, it must be said that Self Help Radio & its subsidiaries (should it have any) do not in any way support or promote stress.  It is commonly & correctly understood that 

stress is a bad thing.  But is it?

This is not a question I am asking nor an argument I am wanting to have.  It isn't even a subject I am (to be frank) interested in.  However, I had a stupid argument tonight with my wife about something completely dumb involving leaving doors open that cats who aren't allowed outside are able to use to get outside which leads to cats being lost or whatever & then whose fault is it?  The person who opened the door or the person who left the door open?  Anyway it's lucky Boone came back isn't it?  ISN'T IT?

Ahem.  It remains to assure you as a valued listener that even if the host of Self Help Radio ("Gary") finds it difficult if not impossible to "take it easy," this does not mean (we hope) there will be any loss of quality for a show with such a theme.  We hope.  Did we already say "we hope"?  Well, there you have it.

Apropos "Take It Easy"

That's this week's theme, "Take It Easy."  I understand there's a famous song, called "Take It Easy," performed by one of the most extinction-worthy dinosaur rock bands out there, the Eaglets.  (I think that's the name.)  I've heard that song - which was released in 1972, when I was four - most of my life, & so have you.  I can close my eyes & run the song through my head.  This is not to say I enjoy it.  I don't.  I find it stupidly masculine & embarrassingly misogynistic.  But it's been on the radio since around the time I learned to read, & therefore it's in my brain, probably replacing a happy childhood memory or two.

None of this means I won't play some version of the song on my show this week.

It was with a small amount of sadness that I learned that the song was written by Jackson Browne, whom I don't hold in terribly high regard but I certainly don't think of him in the same sad sense as the Eagleys (is that thename?).  This is what Jackson Browne looked like in 1972, when he wrote the song with recently dead Eagerly, Glen Frey:

(Image from this web site in a foreign language.)

Somehow I don't associate Jackson Browne with the sort of bullshit cowboy machismo of the dreadful Eagrets.  I have always - perhaps unfairly - lumped him in with the more sensitive singer-songwriters of the 1970s, not as wimpy as James Taylor but certainly not as sincerely brilliant as, say, Cat Stevens.  I will confess to liking one or two Jackson Browne songs.

But not this one.  In an email recently I referred to the audacity of Browne, whom I called a "wimpy little pre-emo shit," cursing the world with such awful lines as "driving down the road trying to loosen my load" & "I'm looking for a lover who won't blow my cover."  Pretty boys lead such complicated lives!

What is there to do with the problem of this problematic tune?  I believe I've found an elegant solution, but you'll have to wait till Tuesday to hear it.