Tomorrow

I meant to put this up yesterday, but didn't get around to it today.  I wasn't procrastinating; it's just that it seemed like I had some time between today & tomorrow to get it done.  When I finally did, it wasn't even tomorrow - it was still today.  Which seems a shame.  Because a show about tomorrow belongs in a place called tomorrow.

The show theme was a special request & I hope the requester enjoyed the show.  She (& you) can listen to it now at Self Help Radio's irritating presence on the web.  Or!  If you want to listen to it directly!  Part one is here & part two is here!  There's a list of the songs played on the show below.

Don't worry if you can't listen today - the show will still be there tomorrow.

(part one)

"Science Of Tomorrow" Attileo Mineo _Man In Space With Sounds_
"Stepping Into Tomorrow" Donald Byrd _Stepping Into Tomorrow_

"Tomorrow" The Three O'Clock _Sixteen Tambourines/Baroque Hoedown_
"Tomorrow" Happydeadmen _You Thought It Was The End Of The World When The Rain Ruined Your Hair_
"Tomorrow" James _Whiplash_
"Tomorrow" The Concretes _In Colour_

"Tomorrow" Me First & The Gimme Gimmes _Are A Drag_
"Tomorrow" Morrissey _Your Arsenal_
"Tomorrow's Just Another Day" Madness _Total Madness_
"When Tomorrow Comes" Eurythmics _Revenge_
"Tomorrow Will Be Better Than Today" Bart & Friends _Stories With The Endings Changed_

"All Tomorrows Parties" Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds _Kicking Against The Pricks_

(part two)
"Why Do Today What You Can Put Off Until Tomorrow?" Pelle Carlberg _In A Nutshell_
"Tomorrow Never Comes" Club 8 _The Friend I Once Had_
"Tomorrow Comes Today" Gorillaz _Gorillaz_

"Tomorrow Never Knows" The Chameleons _Strange Times_
"No Tomorrow" The Boyfriends _The Boyfriends_
"The Day Before Tomorrow" BMX Bandits _The 53rd & 3rd Years_

"Will You Love Me Tomorrow" The Shapiros _The Shapiros_
"With Tomorrow" This Mortal Coil _Blood_
"This Time Tomorrow" The Kinks _Lola Versus Powerman & The Money-Go-Round_
"Tomorrow Night" Shoes _Shoes' Best_
"Today Will Be Yesterday Tomorrow" Big Hello _Apple Album_

"Look Out, Here Comes Tomorrow" Bikeride _Ocean Park Paradox_
"Here Today, Gone Tomorrow" Tony Blackburn _Is There Another Way To Love You?_
"Wonder What I'll Do Tomorrow" Dislocation Dance _Music Music Music/Slip That Disc!_

Whither Tomorrow?

I am doing this show became someone (who asked not to be named) (I'm glad I asked if she minded if I mentioned her name) (oops, should I mention her gender?) (too late!) asked me to & told me three songs I should play.  I'm going to play two of them.  That'll teach her!

There were too many damn songs about tomorrow.  I listened to over a hundred of them.  They stretched all the way from yesterday to - well, you know.

It's on today! Friday! March 22! From 4 to 6 pm on 88.1 fm in Lexington, & online at wrfl.fm.  Listen!

Tomorrow - aha! - I may put it up on self help radio dot net.  Or maybe the day after tomorrow...

Preface To Tomorrow: Procrastination

I'll write this blog post tomorrow.

The Road Down The Lake

I have been having a few drinks thoughts I mean about the road down the lake.  First of all bear with me it does seem weird for a road to exist somewhat down a lake and that road not as a rule being underwater but I don't know if this is common and only I just haven't seen it before.  I have asked an architect friend well he's not exactly an architect but he has a righteous collection of model airplanes which he says he built with his own hands and I believe him because he smells of model airplane glue a not unpleasant smell but you do get a headache around him after a time and I'll admit it also a little dizzy.  What was I talking about.  Yes, he says that the road down the lake is somewhat improbably but not impossible because look it's right there and there's a good chance the Romans also once built a road down a lake since despite not being as creative as the Greeks the Romans were innovators in things like roads and aqueducts.  My friend Jane asked me when I mentioned that where exactly the Romans built a road down a lake and I admit I didn't know if they ever really did but that didn't stop me from bluffing a little bit because and saying this doesn't make me a bad person I do like it when I can impress Jane who is everybody says one of the most impressive people you'll ever meet although has this ever happened to you you meet someone and they're really impressive but you can't quite figure out later what it was about them that impressed you.  Jane is a little like that as is her boyfriend Chester who however does have incredible upper body strength and without at least I think this and I have no reason to doubt it without lifting weights or other physical activities.  He by the way thinks that the road down the lake was built by Indian tribes who used to live in this area despite the fact that it's only been around for a few years and in fact before the road was there it was and the lake too a shopping center that was the center of shopping activities in this glum suburb well into the 1970s until a gigantic mall was built a few lakes down and that meant the slow sad decline of the shopping center first as a gigantic bingo parlor which used to be the Piggly-Wiggly and then the inevitable purchase and neglect by a multinational lake consortium which I'm sure you already guessed was as foreign as it was aquatically inclined.  Anyway at some point I guess I'll bike to the road down the lake and see if it goes anywhere because so far it's not on my GPS nor on Google Maps but since I have you here can I ask if there are any roads down your lakes and if so would it be worth my while to bike down because I'd hate to go all that way and not find anything you know?

Happy Willis Birthday Bruce!

Bridges

I just noticed - I now have more "notes" - which are just me reporting that my show is now available for downloading - than "likes."  I always seem to take my show to new heights (or is it depths?) of patheticness.

Oh, & I looked it up - "patheticness" - meaning "the state or quality of being pathetic" - is a word.

The show this past week though was about bridges.  Which has nothing to do with how terrible some things make me feel.  Bridges are neat!  You can listen to the show over at the Self Help Radio website, or you can listen to both parts by clicking on their links: part one | part two.  The songs in each part are below.

Thanks for listening!

(part one)

"The Bridge" Sun Ra _The Singles_
"The Bridge" Neil Young _Time Fades Away_
"The Old Stone Bridge" Emily _Irony EP_

 "Under The Bridges Of Paris" Eartha Kitt _That Bad Eartha_
"Bridge Of Love" Joe Dowell _Hey! Look What I Found, Vol. 5_
"Bridge Over Troubled Water" Senator Sam J. Ervin Jr _Golden Throats, Vol. 2_
"Tower Bridge" Spike Milligan _The Spike Milligan Collection_
"Bridges & Balloons" The Decemberists _Picaresqueties_

"The Brooklyn Bridge" Frank Sinatra _The Best Of The Columbia Years 1943  - 1952_
"Brooklyn Bridge" Bobby Bare _Detroit City & Other Hits_
"Brooklyn Bridge" Darren Hanlon _Little Chills_
"The Westminster Bridge Song" Vermont Sugar House _Carlton Gardens_

"Bridge" Orange Juice _Coals To Newcastle_

(part two)

"Burning Bridges" The Mike Curb Congregation _Super Hits Of The '70s - Have A Nice Day! Vol. 5_
"Not Quite Burning Bridges" Tullycraft _The Singles_
"Burning Bridges" Louise Burns _Mellow Drama_
"Burning Bridges" Friends _Far & Away EP_

"London Bridges" This Is Ivy League _This Is Ivy League_
"London Bridge" Sage Francis _Li(f)e_
"London Bridge Is Falling Down" Newtrament _Electro Funk Sessions_
"Golden Gate Bridge" Rose Melberg _Portola_

"Under The Bridge" The Motorcycle Boy _You & Me Against The World_
"Another Bridge" Everything But The Girl _Eden_
"Tarrilup Bridge" The Triffids _Born Sandy Devotional_
"Throw Aggi Off The Bridge" Black Tambourine _Complete Recordings_

"The Bridge Of Death" Monty Python _The Album Of The Soundtrack Of The Trailer Of The Film Of Monty Python & The Holy Grail_
"Drawbridge" All Girl Summer Fun Band _Summer Of '98_
"Misty Morning, Albert Bridge" The Pogues _Peace & Love_

Whither Bridges?

For a while I lived close to the Ohio River.  I got to drive over it regularly.  Something like that gives one perspective.  Even though so many of them are falling apart, & might possibly collapse while I'm driving over them, I do wish I drove or walked over large, important bridges regularly.  Instead of that, I have to do a radio show about bridges.  Oh well.

It's time again for Self Help Radio.  Sorry about that.  Happening from 4 to 6 pm on 88.1 fm in Lexington &/or online at wrfl dot fm.  All about bridges.

Do listen!

Preface To Bridges: The Fifteen Most Famous Bridges In The World

Listed here.

& I've only been over two of them.  Sigh.

New Pope

Thanks all who voted for me to be the new pope.  I had a lot of plans, but despite the fact that I am a married man, & also not Catholic, I really thought I had a lock on the "old white guy" thing.  Turns out there are a lot more older dudes involved in the Catholic Church than even I imagined.

Also, you can't become pope in an online poll.  Who knew?  I read this article & thought that online polls really worked!

This is a joke someone's already probably thought of, but the makers of Pope this time have hit upon a winning commercial strategy: people who don't enjoy New Pope can still enjoy Classic Pope, as he's not going anywhere.

The Unexpected, Unwanted Return Of Sugar Substitute (Announced Too Late)

For a long time - 150 episodes! which means 150 weeks! which is almost three years! - I did a general format or freeform radio show called "Sugar Substitute" which I didn't talk about much, since for me the focus has always been Self Help Radio.  When my show was moved to Fridays, I let Sugar Substitute go, off into the ether, thinking I might do it as a podcast or something, but not missing it all that much...

Then, last week, the fellow who does the one-hour show before me, he went "on tour" (what does that mean?) & I told him I could cover that hour (since it's hard to find someone who'll sub just one hour for three weeks, right?).  It only made sense to revive Sugar Substitute, right?

So you can listen to three stray Sugar Substitute episodes - well, you missed the first one, but it's available for listening on Self Help Radio dot net - Fridays at three before Self Help Radio for three weeks.  Then, who knows?  Maybe I'll do a podcast or something...

Silver Birthday WRFL!

Happy silver anniversary WRFL!  Here's a show for you full of silver for your jubilee!  Happy happy happy birthday dear radio station!

Show is now tarnishing at the Self Help Radio website.  You can listen directly to each part like so: part one | part two.  Silver songs are in a list below.

Happy birthday happy birthday WRFL!

(part one)
"Silver" The Pixies _Doolittle_
"Silver" Echo & The Bunnymen _Ocean Rain_
"Silver" Mark Burgess & Yves Altana _Paradyning_

"Silver" The Anyways _The Sound Of Leamington Spa Vol 1_
"Silver" Ride _Play_
"Gold & Silber" Pyrolator _New Deutsch_
"Gold & Silver" Toots & The Maytals _Monkey Man/From The Roots_
"Silver & Gold" Neil Young _Silver & Gold_

"Look For The Silver Lining" Marion Harris _20 # 1 Hits Of The '20s_
"Silver Lining" Beulah _The Coast Is Never Clear_
"Silver Lining" Guards _In Guards We Trust_
"A Silver Key Can Open An Iron Lock Somewhere" Kleenex/Liliput _Kleenex/Liliput 1978-1983_
"By The Light Of The Silvery Moon" Little Richard _The Essential_

"Silver Morning" Brian Eno _Apollo: Atmospheres & Soundtracks_

(part two)
"Silver Plane" Felt _Poem Of The River_
"Silver Friends" The Lucksmiths _What Bird Is That?_
"Dan Destiny && The Silver Dawn" The Chills _Brave Words_
"Silver Dollars" Allo Darlin _Allo Darlin_

"Silver Rocket" Sonic Youth _Daydream Nation_
"Silver Shorts" The Wedding Present _Hit Parade 1_
"Silver Waterfalls" Siouxsie & The Banshees _Superstition_
"Fine Art In Silver" Phillip Boa & The Voodooclub _Boa Best Singles_

"Maxwell's Silver Hammer" Let's Wrestle _Mojo Presents Abbey Road Now_
"Silver Bird" Ruthann Friedman _Hurried Life: Lost Recordings 1965-1971_
"Silver Dew On The Bluegrass Tonight" Bob Wills & His Texas Playboys _San Antonio Rose_
"Silver Dollar" Bob Scobey Frisco Band _The Good Time Jazz Story_

"Silver Butterfly" Nicky James _Rubble Vol. 10_
"Silver Sportscar" Starlet _Stay On My Side_
"Silver Shoes" Ampersand _Ampersand_

Whither Silver?

I was walking along, minding my own bee's knees, thinking that on Friday, March 8, 2013, I would be doing a nice Self Help Radio show about bridges (probably on my mind since most of them in America are about to collapse) when suddenly someone says something about the radio station I'm on having a birthday that week.  A birthday!  But I do a birthday show every year for the love of my life!  Now I have to do one for a radio station that I love almost as much as I love the love of my life?

It hits me!  25 years is the silver anniversary!  Sure, RFL hasn't been married for 25 years to itself (that's still illegal under Kentucky law) but it has been 25 years of something.  & when you've had twenty-five years of something you have what the Wikipedia calls a Silver Jubilee.  Don't believe me?  Here's what it says on that page I just linked to:

A Silver Jubilee is a celebration held to mark a 25th anniversary. The anniversary celebrations can be of a wedding anniversary, ruling anniversary or anything that has completed a 25 year mark.

I must reiterate that this isn't a wedding anniversary since RFL is technically single (though in several committed relationships) but it is a ruling anniversary, since WRFL rules.  Oh yeah.

Listen today from 4 to 6 pm on 88.1 fm in Lexington, or online at WRFL dot fm.  I'll archive the show this weekend.  Oh, & why not come celebrate with us tonight while you're in town?

Happy Silver Jubilee, WRFL!

Preface To Silver: Happy Birthday WRFL!

At 2pm on March 7, 1988, WRFL went on the air.  It's been playing amazing programming ever since. Happy birthday to this station I have come to love so much!

Do you know about this?  The first of a year of celebrations, at Al's Bar Friday night, with lots of RFL people in bands + RFL deejays.  What fun!  It will be great!

Here's the official poster.  I hope to see you there!

Up Series

I have spent the last few nights watching (& in some cases, re-watching) those documentaries called the  "Up Series."  The most recent one, which I haven't seen, just came out last year & may even still be in theaters like now.  (Probably not in Lexington though frowny face.)

It makes me wish & also not-wish (which means, you know, my life as it is) someone had filmed me every seven years.  I can't really imagine how different I would've looked/seemed/acted every seven years - also, I would've been in six of the films by now!

We should all have done that - yearbooks & crummy memories are not enough.  I wouldn't necessarily have wanted a documentary made - I was such an ugly child & worse as a teenager - but I wish I had a video snapshot of my life every seven years or so.  I might watch it too many times to be healthy.

Is it too late to start now?

Salmon Fishing In Alaska

Does this make you think of either Orange Juice's song "Salmon Fishing In New York" or Richard Brautigan's book Trout Fishing in America?  (I suppose you might also know the band as well.)  Neither of these have anything to do with actual salmon fishing in Alaska, but they were the two things I immediately thought of when I got an email entitled "Salmon Fishing In Alaska."

The email wasn't an ad or solicitation sent directly to me - instead it was sent to my Self Help Radio address.  Which is I suppose an address that spiders or other automation could rip from websites such as mine - but what if they thought they were writing to a self-help radio show?  What could that mean?

Here are some insights from the email:

There’s one reason why over 90% of our anglers return
to our Nushagak King Salmon Camp... They catch fish!

Also:

According to preliminary forecast from Alaska Fish and Game Biologist the 2013 King Salmon run on the Nushagak will be the largest in years which should mean another round of phenomenal fishing.

Want more proof?  Here's a picture!

That fish does not look happy.  That dude looks a little too happy.

I don't fish, & there's nothing about the details of the trip in the email, but do you have to eat the fish you catch there?  Can you imagine taking home a suitcase full of those suckers?  Plus the ice?  Or will they turn them into fish sticks for you at no additional cost?  What are the rules?  I don't know the rules.  Here's more:

It's hard to imagine better fishing than averaging over 30 King Salmon, per boat, per day (3 fishermen).

I do find that hard to imagine!  Where I am going to find 3 fishermen???

Shock

Shocker!  This week's Self Help Radio shocked no-one!

Relive all the shocks by listening to the show now available on the Self Help Radio website!  Or listen to the show directly by clicking these links: part one! & part two!  Songs guaranteed to be shocking are listed below.

Rats!  Self Help Radio has no shock value.

Thanks for listening!

(part one)

"Shock" Psychedelic Furs_ Midnight To Midnight_
"The Shocking Truth" Flux Information Sciences _Private/Public_
"Beautiful Shock" Robyn Hitchcock _Shadow Cat_

"The Ghost Chained To The Past, Present, & Future (Shock Treatment)" GTO's: Girls Together Outrageously _Permanent Damage_
"Shock Treatment" Richard O'Brien _The Rocky Horror Show_
"Gimme Gimme Shock Treatment" The Ramones _Hey! Ho! Let's Go: The Anthology_
"Electric Shock" The Human League _Credo_
"Electro-Shock Blues" Eels _Electro-Shock Blues_

"Future Shock" Curtis Mayfield _In Yo' Face!: The History Of Funk, Vol. 2_
"Future Shock" The Gordons _Future Shock EP_
"Wire Shock" Brian Eno _Nerve Net_
"Atomic Shockwaves" Spanish Dogs _Don't Sweat The Petty Things..._

"Euphemisms - Shell Shock To PTSD" George Carlin _When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops?_

(part two)

"Shellshock" New Order _Singles_
"In Shock" Kristin Hersh _Learn To Sing Like A Star_
"Shock The Monkey" Don Ho _When Pigs Fly: Songs You Never Thought You'd Hear_

"Shock Rock" T.Rex _Tanx_
"Culture Shock (live)" Rezillos _Can't Stand The Rezillos: The (Almost) Complete Rezillos_
"Shock Mount" Dub Narcotic Sound System _Out Of Your Mind_
"Shock Of The New" Trees _Sleep Convention_

"Shock Me (live)" Red House Painters_Retrospective_
"Shocked By A Revelation" Trampoline _spinART Pop Licks 7" Box Set_
"Shocked" The Snitches _Metamorphosis_
"Two Shocks" Brakes _Touchdown_

"Shock-A-Doo" Cadillacs _Crazy Cadillacs_
"Booker T & His Electric Shock" Markley _A Group_
"Shocked" Tangiers _Hot New Spirits_

Whither Shock?

It realize that it's been a while since I have actually "explained" my choice of themes.  I am usually writing this minutes before my show on Friday & it's mainly me saying "Listen to my show please! Or if not listen to it later please!"  I've never have my shizzle together enough to actually write about the whys & wherefores or a certain theme.

Did I ever do that?  Maybe I did.

So, why "shock"?  Is March the first a shocking day?  Have I finally taken everyone's advice & gotten electroshock therapy?  Would I like for my show - which is rather predictable & hasn't shocked anyone ever - except when they say, "I'm shocked it's still on the air!" - to somehow be shocking?  Is that why that theme has emerged?

Who knows?  I don't know why I picked that theme.  Suddenly it was in the queue.  I am probably the only one mildly shocked by the fact that "shock" is this week's theme on Self Help Radio.

Waitaminute...  I think I remember...  What about that time my wife told me that it would feel good if I stuck a wet fork in that electrical outlet?  What?  Oh.  My wife is telling me that never happened, & for sure the memory is hazy, like a dream.  Only, why is she giggling?

Hey!  Don't be shocked!  Self Help Radio's show about "shock" is on this afternoon from 4 to 6 pm on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington.  You can listen online at wrfl dot fm during those times.

& yeah, I'll put it on the Self Help Radio web site later.  Nothing shocking there.

Preface To Shock: Shock Jocks

Apparently this fellow here, named Roy O'Connor, has written a book called Shock Jocks: Hate Speech & Talk Radio, which has some very polarized opinions about its quality on its Amazon page.

I haven't read it, & probably never will, but I'd probably agree with the author about the hate speech part.  Except I don't think Roosh Limboo & Shawn Hammertime (I'd hate for people looking for those guys to find my blog) (you know who I'm talking about anyway) as "shock jocks."  The Wikipedia says a shock jock is "a type of radio broadcaster or disc jockey who entertain listeners or attracts attention using humor &/or melodramatic exaggeration that a notable portion of the listening audience may find offensive."  I don't think right-wing radio guys are interested in shocking anyone except the people their desired audience hates.  They are more interested in delighting their desired audience - & offending their perceived enemies makes the talk radio hosts lots & lots of money.

But here's the weird thing.  Imagine you've written a book.  It's out of print, but surely you're proud of it.  You've even registered your own domain name: http://shockjocks.org.  Except when you go to that site, you find a boring placeholder page comparing bogus fad exercise devices.  Dude!  You wrote a whole motherflipping book!  How do you let your domain names lapse?

I've actually known a lot of people who've let their domain names lapse.  It reminds me of the ephemeral quality of this ubiquitous internet.  It still sort of shocks me when it happens.

Meanwhile, isn't Howard Stern a better example of a shock jock?  & isn't the jock in "shock jock" from "disk jockey"?  Have any of those right-wing guys really handled an actual disc - an LP or a CD - any time recently?

Boom!  I just dissed an out-of-print book.  You can't wait to see what I'll do when its copyright lapses.

President Of Snow

Who - do you know? - elects the President of Snow?  His (or her) domain seems vast when you're there, but there are places (lots of places) that the President of Snow does not go.

I knew a fellow who claim he talked on the phone with the President of Snow.  He was often alone.  He said that the President had no phone but he (or she - I never asked about the gender) used a pay phone near one of the Poles - North or South.

My friend tells me the name of the President of Snow is Joe.  Or maybe it's Jo - short for Johanna or Joan.  How should I know?  Sometimes Presidents have plain old names like Joe.  Or Jo.

I'm guessing there's not a lot of dough in being the President of Snow.  My friend tells me that Joe (or Jo) made much more money when he (or she) was the Emperor of Snow.  "But now," my friend says, "there's campaign money to be owed!"

Whoa!  A campaign for the President of Snow!  What a show that would be!  That's why I enjoy elections - they often upset the status quo.

But I still don't know who elects the President of Snow.  Long ago there was an Emperor of Snow, or so I'm told - but he (or she) had to forego the throne when times changed.  But he (or she) has been President of Snow for several terms in a row!

Hello, hello, President of Snow!  Can one day I vote for you?  Let me know.

Who's Prettier: Superman Or The Hulk?

The internet has captured conversations I had as a child with other children & made them as though between adults - or they are really adults after all - possibly even adults who were once children having the same argument.

Superman Vs Hulk: Who Would Win In A Fight

Answered definitively!  Superman would (spoiler alert) trap the Hulk in the Phantom Zone.

But what if it were just a slugfest?  Not just a "fight"?  Superman & the Hulk trapped on a planet where no one could be hurt but one of them had to "win" before some alien creature who transported them there would transport them back?

I hate that I am such a geek that I can't just say, "Trapped on a planet" without coming up with a scenario wherein the two are trapped on a planet.

Like, my brain says, "The upper atmosphere must be seeded with kryptonite but not so much that Superman is weakened even when he flies or else he could just escape."

I have begun to hit my brain until it stops thinking that.  Bam bam bam bam.

Where was I?  Oh yeah.  Even though she watched the first several seasons of "Smallville" with me, my wife couldn't tell me Superman's Kryptonian name.  She did, however, remember the name "Clark Kent."  (She couldn't however remember the name of the Klingon messiah, Kahless.)  For this, we may need marriage counseling.