This is how I know I lived my entire life in Texas: I just bought something at the store & it came out to be $3.16 & in my brain, I started to say, "For God so loved the world that he gave his only son..."
I know I am not currently in Texas because the person behind the counter did not get really happy & say that out loud to me.
That anecdote has nothing to do with Self Help Radio today, which is a show entitled "on edge." It's not going to be a show about being nervous - it's going to be a celebration of edges. I'm sure it's a lot more exciting than it sounds - but not much more.
It's on today - today! oh shit! - from 4 to 6 pm on 88.1 fm WRFL Lexington. It will also be streamed simultaneously on the WRFL web site if you're nearer to a computer than radio frequencies.
In any case, I hope you'll listen!
Friday, August 23, 2013
Thursday, August 22, 2013
Preface To On Edge: Problems With Nerves
Gary is a worrier. So is his mother. Is worrying genetic?
Gary asked his dogs. The one that understood English did not understand the question. He said, with bright eyes, "Treats?" It sounded like a whine. But Gary understood Doglish.
Gary asked his cats. They all understood English but they pretended they did not. They laughed at him behind his back.
Gary asked his wife. She said, "Why are you worrying about this?"
Gary asked the ugly person in the mirror. The ugly person in the mirror mouthed his words back at him hatefully. Then the ugly person in the mirror sneered at him.
Gary asked the Internet. The internet call him "a fag" & told him "real men don't worry." However, the internet also told him that he won a lottery in a country he'd never been to - it was a lottery he hadn't even entered! - so Gary forgot all about worrying as he quickly sent his bank information to the nice person who wrote the unbelievable news in terrible English to him.
Then he started to worry about what he would do with all that money.
Gary asked his dogs. The one that understood English did not understand the question. He said, with bright eyes, "Treats?" It sounded like a whine. But Gary understood Doglish.
Gary asked his cats. They all understood English but they pretended they did not. They laughed at him behind his back.
Gary asked his wife. She said, "Why are you worrying about this?"
Gary asked the ugly person in the mirror. The ugly person in the mirror mouthed his words back at him hatefully. Then the ugly person in the mirror sneered at him.
Gary asked the Internet. The internet call him "a fag" & told him "real men don't worry." However, the internet also told him that he won a lottery in a country he'd never been to - it was a lottery he hadn't even entered! - so Gary forgot all about worrying as he quickly sent his bank information to the nice person who wrote the unbelievable news in terrible English to him.
Then he started to worry about what he would do with all that money.
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
The Sadness Of Backyard Dogs
There's a recorded PSA (public service announcement) that runs on the station occasionally about adopting cats & dogs from the "pound" (as it used to be called) or Humane Society or whatever. It says, "A human is the best thing to happen to a shelter animal."
But is it?
There was this Irish Setter (I think that was the breed) who we'd see every day on our dog walk. He (I assumed it was male) was very old, & he was always in the same place - on the back step of his house (the house was on the corner of an intersection, so we'd walk past the back yard), usually on his side, sleeping. I never got close enough to actually see how old he might be, but he seemed at least partially blind & would bark at us if he heard us. One thing I could tell is that his fur was filthy & matted - he was obviously not terribly well cared for.
When his owners were in the backyard, however, he was animated. He so badly wanted to be talked to, touched, interacted with in any way. & I never saw - granted, I was just walking by most of the time - I never saw any of them - the father, the mother, the kids - pay him any attention.
He was always outside, he had a small shelter next to the garage, but in heat or cold, he was in the backyard. Early morning or late night. I don't imagine he ever was allowed inside. I got so sad & angry walking by that I told the wife we should change the route so we wouldn't have to walk by. I had a feeling the dog would be dead out there one day & the family wouldn't notice him until he started to smell.
I feel bad about that - but what could I do? The dog "belonged" to those people, & they probably provided him with the bare minimum necessary for him to live on.
We changed our dog walk & didn't pass the house any more. A couple of times this summer we ended up walking past & the dog wasn't in the backyard any more. I looked for it each time, but it's certainly gone. It broke my heart but I thought to myself at least its suffering is over. I am glad I don't know the details of its passing,
I didn't feel so bad about walking by anymore, & occasionally now we do.
Tonight, as we walked by, a new dog was there, barking at us as we passed. I just felt so so sad. Usually I try to give treats to neighborhood dogs to calm them down & to get to know them. I don't want to get to know this dog. Once he stops being lively, he'll be all by himself in the backyard for the rest of his lonely life.
I know this is traditionally how humans have raised animals, & I know dogs are stronger than we are, & have co-evolved with us, & understand that relationship. This family treats its dogs about the same way most people have treated dogs since humans first domesticated them. & certainly the kids will treat their dogs the same way when they're grown & have pets.
But don't we know better now? Shouldn't we know better now?
Damn it just depresses me.
But is it?
There was this Irish Setter (I think that was the breed) who we'd see every day on our dog walk. He (I assumed it was male) was very old, & he was always in the same place - on the back step of his house (the house was on the corner of an intersection, so we'd walk past the back yard), usually on his side, sleeping. I never got close enough to actually see how old he might be, but he seemed at least partially blind & would bark at us if he heard us. One thing I could tell is that his fur was filthy & matted - he was obviously not terribly well cared for.
When his owners were in the backyard, however, he was animated. He so badly wanted to be talked to, touched, interacted with in any way. & I never saw - granted, I was just walking by most of the time - I never saw any of them - the father, the mother, the kids - pay him any attention.
He was always outside, he had a small shelter next to the garage, but in heat or cold, he was in the backyard. Early morning or late night. I don't imagine he ever was allowed inside. I got so sad & angry walking by that I told the wife we should change the route so we wouldn't have to walk by. I had a feeling the dog would be dead out there one day & the family wouldn't notice him until he started to smell.
I feel bad about that - but what could I do? The dog "belonged" to those people, & they probably provided him with the bare minimum necessary for him to live on.
We changed our dog walk & didn't pass the house any more. A couple of times this summer we ended up walking past & the dog wasn't in the backyard any more. I looked for it each time, but it's certainly gone. It broke my heart but I thought to myself at least its suffering is over. I am glad I don't know the details of its passing,
I didn't feel so bad about walking by anymore, & occasionally now we do.
Tonight, as we walked by, a new dog was there, barking at us as we passed. I just felt so so sad. Usually I try to give treats to neighborhood dogs to calm them down & to get to know them. I don't want to get to know this dog. Once he stops being lively, he'll be all by himself in the backyard for the rest of his lonely life.
I know this is traditionally how humans have raised animals, & I know dogs are stronger than we are, & have co-evolved with us, & understand that relationship. This family treats its dogs about the same way most people have treated dogs since humans first domesticated them. & certainly the kids will treat their dogs the same way when they're grown & have pets.
But don't we know better now? Shouldn't we know better now?
Damn it just depresses me.
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
Alligators & Crocodiles
Two hours of scary crocodilians! Someone could get a leg bitten off!
Learn the difference between alligators & crocodiles over on the Self Help Radio web site. Or listen to the show in pieces as if snapped into two by a gator's powerful jaws: part one & part two. Old reptile song list below.
Thanks for listening & for pete's sake be careful!
(part one)
"Alligator Story/Alligator Crawl" Louis Armstrong _Hot Fives & Sevens_
"Gator Wobble" Memphis Jug Band _He's In The Jailhouse Now_
"Alligator Meat" Joe Swift With The Johnny Otis Band _The Swingtime Records Story_
"Later Gator" Freddie Mitchell _Later Gator_
"See You Later, Alligator" Bobby Charles _See You Later, Alligator_
"Juicy Crocodile" Cellos _Rang Tang Ding Dong_
"Alligator Wine" Screamin' Jay Hawkins _Real Life_
"Meaner Than An Alligator" Ty B & Johnny _Rockin' The Bop Vol. 2_
"Alligator Man" The Greenbriar Boys _Best Of The Vanguard Years_
"Gator Tails & Monkey Ribs" The Stix & Stonz _Jack The Ripper_
"The Alligator" The US Four _Teenage Shutdown: Jump, Jive, & Harmonize_
"Warlord Of The Royal Crocodiles" Tyrannosaurus Rex _The Definitive Tyrannosaurus Rex_
"Gator Bait" Gaturs _New Orleans Funk - The Original Sound Of Funk 1960-75_
"Crocadilla" Spider Jive _Man Chest Hair_
"It's A Cold Night For Alligators" Roky Erickson & The Aliens _The Evil One_
(part two)
"Crocodile" Monty Python _Monty Python's Contractual Obligation Album_
"Crocodiles" Echo & The Bunnymen _Crocodiles_
"Crocodile Tears" Red Guitars _Slow To Fade_
"Alligator Song" Bilders _Pyx (1985-1988)_
"Crocodile Cryer" Martin Stephenson & The Daintees _Crocodile Cryer_
"Crocodile" XTC _Nonsuch_
"Alligator Boogaloo" The Knockouts _Attack Of The Terrible Boots_
"Alligat'r" Peppermint _Keep Your Chin Up There, Sailor_
"Le Crocodile" Would-Be-Goods _The Morning After_
"Alligator Skin (Jumbler)" Tilly & The Wall _O_
"Alligator" The Babies _Our House On The Hill_
"Jon The Croc" Guided By Voices _Class Clown Spots A UFO_
"Cry, Crocodile" Tiger High _Catacombs After Party_
"Alligator Dance" Human Eye _Into Unknown_
"Alligator" Guards Of Metropolis _Alligator_
Friday, August 16, 2013
Whither Crocodiles & Alligators?
They're scary & horrifying. Watching this:
That's not any fun. Instead, listen to Self Help Radio - no cute animals will be eaten during the course of the program! It's this afternoon from 4 to 6pm on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington & online at wrfl.fm.
I might be too frightened now to do the show.
That's not any fun. Instead, listen to Self Help Radio - no cute animals will be eaten during the course of the program! It's this afternoon from 4 to 6pm on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington & online at wrfl.fm.
I might be too frightened now to do the show.
Thursday, August 15, 2013
Preface To Alligators & Crocodiles: Questions & Cartoons
I was thinking about my radio show today & I was thinking I should ask & answer completely ridiculous questions about my themes. Something along the lines of "Do alligators believe in UFOs?"& "What can a crocodile tell me about my mortgage that another old lizard can't?" But then I might have to come up with answers. & questions that are only marginally funny might have dreadfully unfunny answers.
A listener wrote to tell me that his favorite alligator in fiction was Albert Alligator in Pogo & it made me think: are there a lot of alligators in fiction? I could think of only one other, Wally Gator:
Wikipedia has a list of fictional crocs & gators but I confess I don't know most of them. I wish I were in the animation biz. I'd make a new cartoon alligator that would be the best of all! After Albert Alligator, of course.
Finally, is this cannibalism?
(That's what it said on the page where I found the picture.)
A listener wrote to tell me that his favorite alligator in fiction was Albert Alligator in Pogo & it made me think: are there a lot of alligators in fiction? I could think of only one other, Wally Gator:
Wikipedia has a list of fictional crocs & gators but I confess I don't know most of them. I wish I were in the animation biz. I'd make a new cartoon alligator that would be the best of all! After Albert Alligator, of course.
Finally, is this cannibalism?
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
Wallace Stevens
There were times when I was not sure if I liked Wallace Stevens very much. He certainly looks like someone who'd be best friends with Ward Cleaver:
I remember in high school we were cautioned that his work was difficult & that we wouldn't "get it." That's because it's important for teachers to teach children that poems are puzzles to be solved instead of insights that can be gleaned from language & sound. What does this poem mean?
Call the roller of big cigars,
The muscular one, and bid him whip
In kitchen cups concupiscent curds.
Let the wenches dawdle in such dress
As they are used to wear, and let the boys
Bring flowers in last month's newspapers.
Let be be finale of seem.
The only emperor is the emperor of ice-cream.
Take from the dresser of deal.
Lacking the three glass knobs, that sheet
On which she embroidered fantails once
And spread it so as to cover her face.
If her horny feet protrude, they come
To show how cold she is, and dumb.
Let the lamp affix its beam.
The only emperor is the emperor of ice-cream.
Just read it out loud. It's so fun, & it's also somewhat wistful. Puzzle schmuzzle. Language is something we invented to communicate with one another, but since we can't do that very well, & often trying to be direct can be a disaster, we invented poetry as a different way to communicate. It's just about as successful as prose. Communication is hard.
I'm going to go now & listen to Wallace Stevens read his own poems aloud.
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
The Police
I forgot to tell everyone on my Facebook page to listen to last week's show, guest-hosted by Jackman, & I am sorry about that - I bet he did an amazing job. I don't have a recording since it was his show, but I can share a song that he couldn't play - not on Kentucky radio at five in the afternoon!
Thank you, Jackman!
Thank you, Jackman!
Friday, August 09, 2013
Whither The Police?
As I've mentioned, I am out the door & off to LA, but young Jackman Ochs will be helming SHR today. Be sure to listen from 4 to 6 pm on 88.1 fm in Lexington or online at <a href="http://wrfl.fm">wrfl.fm</a>!
Or we'll call the cops!
Thursday, August 08, 2013
Preface To The Police: Is It Illegal To Have A Twitter Account, Officer?
I have a Twitter account. It's this one: https://twitter.com/SelfHelpRadio/. I wish I could tell you it's funny or interesting. Mainly I announce when I am having a show. Or when a show is available to listen to if one missed it.
Sometimes, though, I'm mildly amusing.
For example, I twittered today, "I think the number one reason I don't like karaoke is that it reminds me of how terrible most people's taste in music is."
I wish I could be that insightful most of the time. I'm not.
I look forward to listening to Jackman doing Self Help Radio. I don't look forward to tomorrow's plane flight. I don't like flying. It reminds me how far away everything is. & if everything is far away, how far away am I from my animals?
Too far, if I am not with them. Too far.
Sometimes, though, I'm mildly amusing.
For example, I twittered today, "I think the number one reason I don't like karaoke is that it reminds me of how terrible most people's taste in music is."
I wish I could be that insightful most of the time. I'm not.
I look forward to listening to Jackman doing Self Help Radio. I don't look forward to tomorrow's plane flight. I don't like flying. It reminds me how far away everything is. & if everything is far away, how far away am I from my animals?
Too far, if I am not with them. Too far.
Wednesday, August 07, 2013
Is It A Self Help Radio Without Gary Even If It's Still Self Help Radio (But Without Gary)?
It's true. I won't be doing Self Help Radio this week. But I've asked a precocious RFL programmer named Jackman to handle the show. & he says he'll do Self Help Radio! Yippee!
He said he'll do a show about the police. That made me suspicious. What if he's an undercover cop? An undercover cop would find lots of crime at WRFL. First off, there's a buttload of perjury. We're always perjuring ourselves. I've also seen deejays jaywalk (deejaywalk?) through the on-air room dozens of times. & I won't even start with all the sedition. If it's not sedition in the morning, it's sedition all night long. It's terrible.
But wait! What if he wants to do a show about the police because of his own numerous encounters with officers of the law? I'll bet he has a rap sheet as long as my longest arm! (My arms are of two different lengths. Don't ask.) He's a shifty type - probably a career criminal - oh no! What if he's trying to steal my show?
Damn it! I have to listen now to find out!
He said he'll do a show about the police. That made me suspicious. What if he's an undercover cop? An undercover cop would find lots of crime at WRFL. First off, there's a buttload of perjury. We're always perjuring ourselves. I've also seen deejays jaywalk (deejaywalk?) through the on-air room dozens of times. & I won't even start with all the sedition. If it's not sedition in the morning, it's sedition all night long. It's terrible.
But wait! What if he wants to do a show about the police because of his own numerous encounters with officers of the law? I'll bet he has a rap sheet as long as my longest arm! (My arms are of two different lengths. Don't ask.) He's a shifty type - probably a career criminal - oh no! What if he's trying to steal my show?
Damn it! I have to listen now to find out!
Tuesday, August 06, 2013
Midnight
For two hours on Friday, Self Help Radio held time still as it was midnight - hey wait a second. See that picture up there? The one of the clock? I paid good money for that picture & I just noticed it's not even at midnight! It's like twelve till midnight. What the hell?
Well, dang. I totally lost my train of thought. Um. Radio show here or directly (it's in two parts): part I & part two. What's in each part is below.
Stupid graphic designers.
(part one)
"Midnight Hour Blues" Leory Carr & Scrapper Blackwell _Broke, Black & Blue: Volume Three: Good Whiskey Blues_
"Midnight Special" Lead Belly _Midnight Special_
"Midnight Blues" T-Bone Walker _The Original Source_
"Midnight" Red Foley _Country U.S.A. 1952_
"Midnight Track" Owen Gray _The Story Of Jamaican Music: Tougher Than Tough_
"In The Midnight Hour" Wilson Pickett _This Is The Modern World_
"Midnight To Six Man" The Pretty Things _Nuggets II: Original Artyfacts From The British Empire & Beyond, Vol. 1_
"Lady Midnight" Leonard Cohen _Songs From A Room_
"After Midnight" Wire _Behind The Curtain_
"Down In The Tube Station At Midnight" The Jam _All Mod Cons_
"Sister Midnight" Iggy Pop _The Idiot_
"Seven Minutes To Midnight" Wah! Heat _Seven Minutes To Midnight_
"Midnight Maps" Shriekback _Jam Science_
"Midnight Slows" Weekend _Past Meets Present_
"Midnight" Altered Images _Happy Birthday (The Best Of Altered Images)_
(part two)
"Walkin' After Midnight" Ultra Vivid Scene _She Screamed EP_
"Midnight To Midnight" Psychedelic Furs _Midnight To Midnight_
"Midnight Mile" Weather Prophets _Temperance Hotel_
"Midnight" A Tribe Called Quest _Midnight Marauders_
"Midnight Moon" Smoking Popes _Born To Quit_
"Midnight Blues" Detroit Cobras _Mink, Rat, Or Rabbit_
"Midnight In The Stratosfear" Unisex _Stratosfear_
"The Midnight Song, Part 2" Watoo Watoo _What You've Missed So Far_
"Our Midnight" Maybellines _Picnic Basket_
"Midnight In Aspen" The Fall _Fall Heads Roll_
"Midnight" The Crayon Fields _Animal Bells_
"Morning After Midnight" Adam Green _Sixes & Sevens_
"After Midnight" Emperor Penguin _Mysterious Pony_
"Midnight Drive" Still Corners _Strange Pleasures_
Friday, August 02, 2013
Whither Midnight?
At 4pm this afternoon, it becomes midnight on WRFL. Midnight will be two hours long. There is nothing you can do about this.
Self Help Radio's show about midnight, airing in "real time" (whatever that is) from four to six pm in Lexington at 88.1 fm (4 to 6 pm = midnight) or everywhere else at wrfl.fm.
Listen, or you may turn into a pumpkin!
Or how about: listen, Self Help Radio might turn into a pumpkin!
Self Help Radio's show about midnight, airing in "real time" (whatever that is) from four to six pm in Lexington at 88.1 fm (4 to 6 pm = midnight) or everywhere else at wrfl.fm.
Listen, or you may turn into a pumpkin!
Or how about: listen, Self Help Radio might turn into a pumpkin!
Thursday, August 01, 2013
Preface To Midnight: Did You Ever Read That Witching Hour Comic?
I got this from the Wikipedia entry:
When I was a kid, my brothers brought home all manner of comic book - this was in the 1970s, when comics were put on newstands willy-nilly, so the weekly haul might be war comic heavy, or super-hero heavy (I liked that most of all), or sometimes horror comic heavy. These were watered down Comics Code horror comics, like the one shown above, & despite my desire as a kid to read everything put in front of me, I didn't really enjoy these types of comics. Not scary enough? I don't know.
I've gone back & read a few from the 1950s, but mainly because Steve Ditko was drawing them. His art makes everything worth reading.
But comics like "The Witching Hour": Did you ever read them? Did you like them?
I've gone back & read a few from the 1950s, but mainly because Steve Ditko was drawing them. His art makes everything worth reading.
But comics like "The Witching Hour": Did you ever read them? Did you like them?
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Locke
The wife is re-watching the television show Lost. It is reminding me how much I liked Terry O'Quinn's performance on the show as the tragic character of John Locke. If you haven't watched it in a while, here are some nice John Locke moments a fan collected on the YouTube:
It's got to be the best role of Mr. O'Quinn's very long career. He won an Emmy for it!
I wish I had time to rewatch entire series!
It's got to be the best role of Mr. O'Quinn's very long career. He won an Emmy for it!
I wish I had time to rewatch entire series!
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Explain
I want to explain. But I can't explain. Who, if not me, can explain? Don't ask me to explain. Explain yourself. Wait, I'll explain. I'll need some time to explain. Can I explain?
Here's where the explain show is: Self Help Radio website. Here's where the shows are directly: part one & part two Down there's where explain songs are listed.
No explanation necessary!
(part one)
"Explaning The Blues" Ma Rainy _Nothing But The Blues_
"How Will I Explain About You" Bill Monroe _Blue Moon Of Kentucky_
"Can Anyone Explain" Louis Armstrong & Ella Fitzgerald _The Historic Collection Vol. 3_
"Let Me Explain" Sonny Boy Williamson _The Essential Sonny Boy Williamson_
"Let Me Explain" Cadillacs _Fabulous Cadillacs & Crazy Cadillacs_
"Explain Yourself" Judge Davis _The Flash Records Story, Vol. 2_
"Can't Explain How It Happened" Ivory Joe Hunter _The Complete Stax-Volt Singles 1959-1968_
"A Feeling (That I Can't Explain)" Inez Johnston _What More More A Woman Can Do?_
"I'll Explain" John E. Sharpe & The Squires _I'm Losing Tonight! Vol.15: 30 Moody Garage-Folkpunk Gems Around The Globe_
"I Just Can't Explain It" The Jokers Wild _USA Garage Greats 1965-1967: Behind Locked Doors_
"I Can't Explain This Feeling" Tasmanians _Fuzz, Flaykes, & Shakes, Vol. 6_
"Explanation" The Gears _Die Today_
"I Can't Explain" David Bowie _Pin Ups_
"I Can't Explain It" McCoys _Hang On Sloopy: The Best Of The McCoys_
"I Can't Explain" Delroy Wilson _Better Must Come One Day_
"More Time (To Explain)" Larry Coney _Down & Out: The Sad Soul Of The Black South_
(part two)
"Explain It To Her Mamma" The Temprees _Wattstax Soundtrack_
"Explain It" The Tenderonies _Absolute Funk Vol. 4_
"Who Can Explain?" Frankie Lymon & The Teenagers _Why Do Fools Fall In Love?_
"I Can't Explain" Blancmange _Happy Families_
"Can I Explain The Delay?" Colin Newman _Commercial Suicide_
"A Proverbial Explanation For Why No Action Is Taken" Algebra Suicide _Feminine Squared_
"Don't Explain" Dos _Numero Dos EP_
"Can't Explain" Black Tambourine _Black Tambourine_
"Explain" Papas Fritas _Papas Fritas_
"Explain" Julie Doiron _Loneliest In The Morning_
"Mysteries Of The Unexplained" Tanya Donelly _Lovesongs For Underdogs_
"Explain" Blur _Leisure_
"Don't Ask Me To Explain" Of Montreal _Cherry Peel_
"Because You Can't Explain" Moonbabies _June & Novas_
"Hard To Explain" The Strokes _Is This It?_
Friday, July 26, 2013
Whither Explain?
Or should I say, "Explain whither"?
I have an email address - gary at self help radio dot net - an address that no one really writes to, although a couple of people have written to it, & sometimes they send ideas for shows.
One person wrote to me probably long enough ago to have forgotten & he said, "I don't think you can do a show with the theme 'explaining.' I can't find anywhere near enough songs." I made a folder on my desktop & occasionally looked for songs.
I found enough songs, I believe. I don't think I saved the fellow's email. I'll go & look. Maybe he'll be happy?
I hope that explains the idea. The show is on today from 4 to 6 pm on 88.1 fm in Lexington. It's online live live live at wrfl dot fm.
I expect I'll have a lot of explaining to do afterwards.
I have an email address - gary at self help radio dot net - an address that no one really writes to, although a couple of people have written to it, & sometimes they send ideas for shows.
One person wrote to me probably long enough ago to have forgotten & he said, "I don't think you can do a show with the theme 'explaining.' I can't find anywhere near enough songs." I made a folder on my desktop & occasionally looked for songs.
I found enough songs, I believe. I don't think I saved the fellow's email. I'll go & look. Maybe he'll be happy?
I hope that explains the idea. The show is on today from 4 to 6 pm on 88.1 fm in Lexington. It's online live live live at wrfl dot fm.
I expect I'll have a lot of explaining to do afterwards.
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Preface To Explain: How To Explain Today's Screed?
I was all set to write a (probably not very) funny post today about how in the 1990s I was a big fan of the Nickelodeon show Clarissa Explains It All & include samples of fan fiction I had written for the show for the usenet group alt.clarissa.explain.it.to.me.xo.xo, which of course doesn't exist. (Or does it?)
The fan fiction would, by necessity, have nothing whatsoever to do with the show, since I was in my twenties when it aired, didn't have cable, & never saw a single episode. I have vague memories of clicking through channels later on & seeing a boy climb through a teenage girl's window - that's about all I know about the show. I'm not sure what she explained, or why she explained, or if she explained it all at all. My fan fiction would have been a little tasteless - "Clarissa explains her first gynecologist visit" or something like that - & I wondered if I could rise to the challenge.
But it's getting late, I have to work on my show, & you'll have to be satisfied with this amusing picture:
The fan fiction would, by necessity, have nothing whatsoever to do with the show, since I was in my twenties when it aired, didn't have cable, & never saw a single episode. I have vague memories of clicking through channels later on & seeing a boy climb through a teenage girl's window - that's about all I know about the show. I'm not sure what she explained, or why she explained, or if she explained it all at all. My fan fiction would have been a little tasteless - "Clarissa explains her first gynecologist visit" or something like that - & I wondered if I could rise to the challenge.
But it's getting late, I have to work on my show, & you'll have to be satisfied with this amusing picture:
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
One Of Those Funny Pictures That You Find More On Tumblr Than Blogger But I Got Nothing To Say Today
You know how it is.
It's strange how important this is to some people. I bet my mother is going apeshit. She loves royalty. She loves royalty & she loves Hollywood & she loved the Pope.
I am now daydreaming about a Pope who becomes a Hollywood star & becomes the first man in history to give birth.
See? Nothing to say today.
I am now daydreaming about a Pope who becomes a Hollywood star & becomes the first man in history to give birth.
See? Nothing to say today.
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Make Me
I can't make anyone do anything. Not my wife, not my dogs, especially not my cats. How can I make you listen to Self Help Radio? & don't say, "Do a better show!" because we both know that ain't happening.
If I can't make you listen to Self Help Radio's "make me" show, I can at least tell you where it is. It's of course at the show's website. You can also link directly to the show (which is in two sixty-minute parts) by using the following helpfully labelled links: part the one & part the two. What's in each part is listed below.
Don't make me try to make you listen!
(part one)
"You Make Me" Nick Lowe _Labour Of Lust_
"Make Me Yours" Bettye Swann _Looking Good_
"You're Gonna Make Me Lonesome When You Go" Ben Watt _North Marine Drive + Summer Into Winter EP_
"You Make Me Feel" The Woodentops _Bamboo: The Best Of The Woodentops_
"Sha La La (Make Me Happy)" Al Green _Greatest Hits_
"You Make Me Feel So Good" Book Of Love _Book Of Love_
"You Make Me Feel So Free" Van Morrison _Into The Music_
"You Make Me Feel Like A Weirdo" Pataphysics _Take A Look Out Your Window_
"Girl (Why You Wanna Make Me Blue)" The Temptations _Emperors Of Soul_
"You Still Make Me Smile" Dan Kibler _Capsule_
"You Make Me Feel So Good" Chips _The Complete Stax-Volt Singles 1959-1968_
"Please Don't Make Me Unhappy" The Groove Farm _Plug (The Story Of Pop So Far)_
"You Make Me Hear Music (Inside My Head)" The School _Reading Too Much Into Things Like Everything_
"(You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman" Anita Kerr Singers _All You Need Is Love_
(part two)
"You Won't Make Me Die" The Darling Buds _Crawdaddy_
"Make Me The Woman That You Go Home To" Gladys Knight & The Pips _The Complete Motown Singles, Vol. 11: 1971_
"Make Me Smile (Come Up & See Me)" Steve Harley & Cockney Rebel _The Best Years Of Our Lives_
"You Can Make Me Feel Bad" Frankie Rose & The Outs _Frankie Rose & The Outs_
"Take Me Home & Make Me Like It" Alex Chilton _Bach's Bottom_
"You Make Me Say It Somehow" The Dentists _Some People Are On The Pitch They Think It's All Over It Is Now_
"You Make Me Do Things I Don't To Do" David Ruffin _David - The Unreleased LP_
"Make Me Sad" The Embassy _Life In The Trenches_
"You Make Me Wonder" Celebrate The Nun _Continuous_
"Please Don't Make Me Cry" Winston Groovy _20 Reggae Classics_
"Don't Make Me Wait Too Long" Barry White _The Collection_
"Make Me Stay" Green Telescope _Children Of Nuggets: Original Artyfacts From The Second Psychedelic Era 1976-1996_
"Make Me Belong To You" Barbara Lewis _Hello Stranger: The Best Of Barbara Lewis_
"Make Me Smile" Red Sleeping Beauty _Pop Sounds_
"Why Do You Want To Make Me Sad" Perfections _Eccentric Soul: Twinight's Lunar Rotation_