Preface To Temptation: Derby Day

Despite the homogenization of America, there are still places where things happen only in & around that particular place, where the populace places an emphasis on some event or series of events that is not shared with the country as a whole. In Kentucky, once a year, on the first Saturday in May, it's Derby Day, celebrating the Kentucky Derby. I've lived in Kentucky for nearly a year now & I will admit that I haven't seen a horse race yet. I am still not entirely sure it's not cruel to the horses.

Look at what people say when you ask online (for what it's worth) is horse racing cruel? A friend in town who works with horses, who's a vegan, swears to me she's never seen a lick of cruelty, but I am aware that personal anecdotes are usually mostly helpful to greedy televangelists (I know, an oxymoron) & snake oil salesmen. I don't have time for a detailed internets search. Could you help?

They did open the liquor stores at 8am today for Derby Day. I approve of such forward-thinking measures!

A Change Of Scene

Didya hear the news? No? What news? I'm not talking about Bin Laden. You didn't hear about Bin Laden? Can I visit you in your hyperbaric chamber?

This is far less important news. Self Help Radio will be moving again - if you'll recall, we premiered on WRFL at a very early morning hour, & then we moved to Tuesdays at midnight. Starting this Monday - May 9! - we'll be on at 7:30 am Mondays. Why such an odd time? Because I prefer to do Self Help Radio as a half-hour show, & I'm doing Sugar Substitute from 6 to 7:30 so there.

The show will of course be archived (probably later in the day Monday) at self help radio dot net but you can listen live if you're awake &/or near a computer at that time.

I'm kind of excited because in radio parlance, it's "morning drive time." There's just so many ways to totally fuck this up!

Radio Shows Just Bounce

It's true, this week's Self Help Radio bounced in the door, bounced off the walls for about ninety minutes, then bounced away to some other place. It broke the vase, of course, & boy are we going to be in trouble when Dad gets home! I guess we're not supposed to be bouncing radio shows in the house.

The bounciest radio show you'll probably listen to all year is now available on the Self Help Radio website. As has been my custom, I've divided it into two parts - part one can be found right here & part two is conveniently located right here. What's in the two parts is at the end of this post.

As I announced on the show, Self Help Radio will be moving starting next week to Mondays at 7:30 in the morning. What? Where? How? More information will be forthcoming I swear.

The show:

(part one)

"Bounces" The Bran Flakes _Bounces_
"More Bounce To The Ounce, Part I" Zapp _In Yo' Face! The History Of Funk, Vol. 5_
"The Bounce" The Olympics _Dancetime_

"Birmingham Bounce" Amos Milburn _Vicious Vicious Vodka_
"Hadacol Bounce" Professor Longhair _Gettin' Funky: The Birth Of New Orleans R & B_
"Bouncin' Woman" Laurel Aitken _You Got Me Rockin' (The Blue Beat Years 1960-1964)_
"Big Bounce" Shirley Cadell _Hot Boppin' Girls_
"The Be-Bop Bounce" Martha Davis _Martha Davis 1946-51_
"Bounce Me Brother With A Solid Four" The Andrews Sisters _50th Anniversary Collection Volume One_

"Bouncing Babies" The Teardrop Explodes _Kilimanjaro_
"Bouncing" Thompson Twins _In The Name Of Love_
"Would I... Bounce Back" The Associates _The Affectionate Punch_

(part two)
"Bouncy, Bouncy" The Gargoyles _Steamflapper_
"Boing!" The Wedding Present _Hit Parade 2_
"Life Just Bounces" The Fall _Cerebral Caustic_

"Bounce The Ball (Do Da Dittle Um Day)" Louis Jordan _Louis Jordan & His Tympany Five, Volume 1: 1938-1940_
"That's The Way The Ball Bounces" The 4 Seasons _A Brilliant Taste Of Doowop Vol. 2_
"Follow The Bouncing Ball" The Happenings _The Best Of The Happenings_
"Rubber Bouncy Ball" The Telephone Comedy _Panda Brain!_
"You Can Bounce Right Back" Donald O'Connor _Anything Goes_

"Billie's Bounce" Charlie Parker Quintet _Kansas City: Jazz City_
"Beethoven Bounce" Al Donahue & His Orchestra _Swingin' The Classics_
"Mia Mia Bounce" The Black Broadway Boys _Jazz & Hot Dance in South Africa (1946-1959)_

Tonight! The Show Just Bounces!

That's right, tonight's Self Help Radio will bounce right out of your speakers like one of those crazy magic rubber balls that would break everything in the living room before you could stop it. Seriously, Self Help Radio will break everything in your living room before you turn the radio off. Sorry about that. In advance.

So listen to the show about bouncing tonight at midnight in Lexington on the 88.1 frequency, & online everywhere at WRFL dot fm. I'll of course archive the show tomorrow on self help radio dot net, but you should really listen tonight while the show has its original bounce.

Also, there's some exciting news about Self Help Radio this week - I'll announce it on the show tonight, but I'll also tell you tomorrow.

Maybe it's not so exciting. I shouldn't oversell it. It excites me. Maybe it'll excite you. Listen tonight to find out!

Whither Bounce?

I see that Morgan Spurlock, who (I didn't know) is younger than I am (!), & whom I have to thank for making me stop eating fast food once & for all (I seriously haven't eaten at a fast food restaurant more than four or five times since I saw Super Size Me six or seven years ago) (& those four or five times were basically unusual situations where I simply had nowhere else to eat) has a new movie out about product placement. It has a long title & so far the reviews have been mixed

I mention this because there are perhaps some folks out there that imagine a show with the theme "Bounce" might be about the "American brand of fabric softener" made by Proctor & Gamble. If so, might this be an example of product placement on Self Help Radio?

Of course not! I'm on a non-commercial radio station! I have almost no contact with the outside world! I wouldn't know how to communicate with a corporation to get endorsements anyway. I only recently learned how to embed videos in this blog. Also, & I checked, there doesn't appear to be any fabric softener of any kind in the house. Apparently we enjoy the roughness of our fabrics. I would be a hypocrite if I were to endorse any product I didn't myself use. Or I'd be like everyone else, you know, for the money.

Just in case you were wondering. Self Help Radio's themes are not funded by anyone. It explains, really, the shabbiness of the show.

Preference To Bounce: Kinky Tonight!

Is it truly a regional thing, or is legendary singer/songwriter/book writer/gubernatorial candidate Kinky Friedman seriously unknown in this part of the world? I've asked a few of the kids at the radio station, but really no one appears to have heard of him, which is such a shame.

Fooey on them! Tonight the wife & I will be traveling to "Cin City" (which is totally what they should call Cincinnati, but which they instead tend to call "the Queen City") (bo-ring!) to the lovely Southgate House, which is actually in Newport, Kentucky, across the river, to see the Kinkster in all his glory. I saw him last with my buddy CJ Buchanan some time in the late 90s, & he was about the same as the first time I saw him. Actually, remarkably the same. His act does not literally get old.

I hope she likes him. I adore him. Now I must check to see whether the farmer's market will open today despite the rain!

Self Help Radio Extra, April 2011

It's the end of the month so I suppose it's only right & natural that I make another ridiculous mix of music that exists outside my radio shows. Also, it may appear that the mix has some kind of theme, but it doesn't really. It's just a lot of songs that I've strung together in the hopes that it sounds fine together.

The mix is at the Self Help Radio Extra page. What's in the mix I've written below. I hope you enjoy.

"ABC Auto-Industry" Orchestral Maneuvres In The Dark _Dazzle Ships_
"ABC" Jackson 5 _Hitsville USA: The Motown Singles Collection 1959-1971_
"A B & C Part Two" Death By Chocolate _Zap The World_
"AEIOU" Pizzicato Five _Ca Et La_
"A Rã" Joao Donato _The Story Of Bossa Nova_
"A Contraluz" Niza _Canciones De Temporada_
"A Nega Se Vingou" Walter Wanderley _Ultra Lounge Vol. 9: Cha-Cha De Amor_
"A Minha Menina" Os Mutantes _Os Mutantes_
"A Balair El Tape-Charleston" Lisa Carbon _Standards_
"A & P Commercial: The Death Penalty" National Lampoon _Buy This Box Or We'll Shoot This Dog: The Best Of The National Lampoon Radio Hour_
"A-La-Bridges" Harlan Leonard's Rockets _Kansas City: Jazz City_
"AC/DC Current" Benny Goodman Sextet _Charlie Christian: The Genius Of The Electric Guitar_
"A-Tisket, A-Tasket" Ella Fitzgerald _Jukebox Ella: The Complete Verve Singles_
"A La Carte" James Holloway _Las Vegas Grind Vol. 1_
"A Yuh (Hey You)" Uniques _Trojan Mod Reggae Box Set_
"A Yor Nokh Mayn Khasene" Klezmer Conservatory Band _Planet Squeezebox_
"AIDS Test" Chris Rock _Cheese & Crackers: The Greatest Bits_
"A/B" Telex _Neurovision_
"A-L'uomo" Mr. Electric Triangle _Kosmosis Of the Heart_
"A8 Km34" Funkstörung _Appetite For Disctruction_
"a550l" Novel 23 _RND_0.34873349921_
"A" Leila _Rephlexions_
"A.D.S.A." Vessel _South_

Goodbye F! Hello G!

In the thirty-first (!) installment of my "I'll-die-before-I-complete-it" series, Indiepop A To Z, I finish the Fs with some faint finesse & gingerly gnaw at the ungainly Gs. G is a deeply unpopular letter, as I know since my name begins with a G. Some might say it ends with a G, though they might be mistaking my name for a participle or a gerund. Oh sure, G has given us garrulous, gentle, geek, goofy, good grief & grateful, but it also sadly gave us grotesque, gonorrhea, G.O.P., Garfield, & god. There are some things, those of us whose names start with G understand, for which we can never be forgiven.

This is a vain attempt to play lots of indiepop songs in alphabetical order & I will continue to do so unless you give me a good reason not to. The show exists in the way it went at the Self Help Radio web site. You can find most (I think all except one) of the previous "Indiepop A To Z" series in the show archives (scroll down to find the first ones, then work your way up). The show is divided in two parts as if hewed with a dull axe, & part one is here while part two is here. What songs & artists are contained in each part? I list that below.

Do I ever tell you thanks for listening? Because I should. Thanks for listening!

(part one)

"Brilliant Mind" Furniture _The Wrong People_
"Watery Moonlight" Further _I've Got It Now - A Popfest Compilation Cassette_
"Only One Life" The Future _Hit Music Only_

"I'm Lonely (& I Love It)" Future Bible Heroes _I'm Lonely (& I Love It)_
"Crying's What You Need" Future Conditional _We Don't Just Disappear_
"Love Is The Slug" Fuzzbox _We've Got A Fuzzbox & We're Gonna Use It_
"Flashlight" Fuzzy _Flashlight 7"_

"Bonnie & Clyde" Serge Gainsbourg & Brigitte Bardot _Bonnie & Clyde_
"Baby Blue Volvo" The Galactic Heroes _How About San Francisco?_

(part two)
"Tugboat" Galaxie 500 _Today_
"Chardonnay" Game Theory _Lolita Nation_
"Sitting In The Park" Gangway _Sitting In The Park_

"Galaxy" Des Garcons Ordinaires _The Noise & The Melodies: The Pearl-Compilation_
"Ferry Across The Humber" The Gargoyles _Steamflapper_
"Bed & Breakfast" Garlands _Picnic Lightning_
"Why Did I Trust You?" The Garlands _The Garlands EP_
"Any Way" Gaze _Mitsumeru_

"Yours Forever" The Generationals _Actor-Caster_
"Shadow Of A Girl" Gentle Despite _Torment To Me_

Tonight! The Countdown Continues!

It's not really a countdown, though, is it. I mean, a countdown starts high & works its way to a lower number. The most famous countdown is the one that leads to a rocket taking off.

It's not a countup either. (I know, countup isn't a word.) I was thinking about famous countdowns & as an example my brain said, "Don't you count down when you're playing hide & seek?" Of course you don't, silly brain! You count up! Sometimes from five. Like in the famous Schoolhouse Rock video:



No, the Indiepop A To Z attempts to be like a - well - like an alphabetical list of something. Like if you go to the Wikipedia & look for a list of jazz flugelhorn players. (Note: they don't have an alphabetical list of jazz flugelhorn players.) (Nor do they have a list of indiepop bands & performers.) Such a list would probably be in alphabetical order. It would also probably tempt to me to do a series of radio shows. I shall restrain myself.

I guess I should call it "an alphabetical listing of indiepop players & performers." But that's a mouthful. It's just the indiepop a to z. I'm not even capitalizing it. That's how frankly unofficial & probably incomplete it is!

It's on tonight in Lexington on 88.1 fm & of course online everywhere on WRFL's website. If you miss it, I'll archive it tomorrow on self help radio dot net. But I'm giving you so much advance notice! Why would you miss it?

Whither Indiepop A To Z # 31?

It does seem a little hopeless, doesn't it?

This time, though, I shall finish the Fs. Here are some useless factoids about the Indiepop Fs:

I counted 120 bands whose name (or performers whose last name) started with the letter F. This includes the seven performers/bands I will be playing tomorrow night.

The first band was the Factory Owners. The last band will be Fuzzy.

I started the Indiepop Fs on the show that aired March 1, 2010. It means it took me over a year to finish the Indiepop Fs. (Which, you'll recall, have not yet been finished. But pretend it's so.) Part of the reason is that I've slowed down the occurrence of my "Indiepop A To Z" episodes. I do them only every four months or so now. I'd do them more if I were allowed to do them on WRFL when I do Sugar Substitute, but I must play music from the station's playbox so it can report to whomever we report to, & they would make the Indiepop A To Z seem a little disjointed.

I have no predictions about the Indiepop Gs. They could go fast, or they could take an equivalent amount of time. I don't think they'll be longer than the Fs, though. G is not a popular letter. After all, it's how my own name begins.

Preface To Indiepop A To Z # 31: This Is Only A Text

One of the things I like to do when I do Sugar Substitute, which is the pop show after Self Help Radio, is playing instrumental music under my airbreaks, & I especially want to play music by people (living or dead) who are having a birthday the day of the show. Usually there are helpful sites, like this jazz birthdays web page, & of course Wikipedia, which give me names to look at for those days. But assuming that I keep doing Sugar Substitute for many years to come - not a guarantee, by why not? - I don't really want to play the same songs by the same birthday people as the years go by. There are not-very-good radio shows in Austin that used to do that. Hooray, it's a famous rock & roll star's birthday again. Whoop de doo. Bleh.

The biggest trouble is that many bands I love, including electronica artists, just aren't famous enough to warrant a personal page (as opposed to a band page) on the Wikipedia. Take this page for one of my favorite bands, The Lucksmiths - it lists the members, but not their birthdays. Oh, but when I looked at their own website, it does mention their birthdays. Okay, bad example. The point is, it's hard!

In case you're reading this unimportant whinge, & you know a decent web site that lists indie &/or electronica birthdays, can you comment here or send me an email at my Self Help Radio email? That would be swell.

Nasty Storms & Sacred Animals

Putting the table of contents on the cover of the magazine instead of an airbrushed model does not increase sales, the report said. It took Tracy all of twelve minutes to make it a first amendment issue. He also suddenly began to remember all the people who had eagerly "friended" him on Facebook when he first logged on who have now, roughly six months later, apparently "unfriended" him. Instead of thinking of it as some sort of negative review of his life, Tracy just got mad.

When his alarm didn't go off, Mr. Unlucky woke up anyway. It hadn't stopped raining since the early evening, when he had watched lightning moving slowly across the horizon, not coming anywhere near him. He could tell, he counted the elapsed time between the bright bolt & the approaching rumble. Then he couldn't get to sleep for a while, wondering what happened to the birds when the sky was full of water.

Kirk was missing a riot grrl-friend he had had in the early nineties. She convinced him to get his first & only tattoo, of which he was still a little embarrassed. If it weren't below his right shoulder, on his back, where he might be able to see it most of the time, he might think of it as something by which he could remember her. Now he couldn't really place her face. He wondered if she still had her record collection, or if she still bleached her hair, the better to dye it purple or red or green.

Why would I be so uncomfortable with my brother's children - neither of which were older than three - running around the backyard naked? Gene had to look away, even when the youngest raised her arms & said something that could have been "Uncle Gene" or "gum machine." This culture sucks, he thought to himself, I am more afraid of being a suspected pedophile than I am willing to be a good uncle. Is there something I can tell my brother? What about my sister-in-law? They both seem so tired & they're letting themselves go. The kids may as well be insane or lost.

What Crawled Up Your Radio?

Self Help Radio crawled out of many radios this week (one hopes it got out before they switched them off or to another channel) while a deadly line of thunderstorms crawled toward Lexington. Amusingly, they "closed" the University in the middle of the night for a tornado warning, making students in the dorms gather in hallways for safety, but no one said a thing to the deejay in the RFL studios, where the windows were open to let in the cool night air. The EAS didn't even interrupt my show to say, "Find cover you fool!"


But I crawled along & so did the show & you can hear the results here. The show has crawled under the rock that is the Self Help Radio website. If you'd like to download the show directly, it has been cut into two parts, but survives! rather like other creepy, crawly things. Part one is here & part two is here. What's in the parts is listed below. Do not let them induce any formication in you. I felt like things were crawling all over me all the show long.

Thanks, as always, for listening!

(part one)
"Crawl" The Wedding Present _3 Songs EP_
"Crawl" Tall Dwarfs _Weeville_
"Crawl" Tiny Lights _Hot Chocolate Massage_

"Crawl Out Through The Fallout" Sheldon Allman _Atomic Platters: Cold War Music From The Golden Age_
"Crawlin'" The Clovers _Down In The Alley: The Best Of The Clovers_
"Love Bug Crawl" Jimmy Edwards _Rockin' Bones: 1950's Punk & Rockabilly_
"A Crawlin' Man" Arkay IV _For Internal Use Only_
"Crawling Back To Me" The Tell-Tale Hearts _High Tide (Big Noses & Pizza Faces): Anthology_
"Can You Please Crawl Out Your Window?" Bob Dylan _Biograph_

"Funky Crawl" The Detroit Sex Machines _Grazing In The Trash Vol. 2_
"You've Got To Crawl To Me" Johnny Davis _Eccentric Soul, Vol. 3 - The Bandit Label_
"Twist & Crawl" The Beat "I Just Can't Stop It_

(part two)
"Crawling To The USA" Elvis Costello _This Year's Model_
"Crawling From The Wreckage" Rockpile _Seconds Of Pleasure_
"The Incredible Crawling Eye" Nervus Rex _Nervus Rex_

"Things Have Learnt To Walk That Ought To Crawl" The Room _No Dream_
"Crawling Mantra" Red Lorry Yellow Lorry _The Singles: 1982-1987_
"Walk & Crawl" The Jesus & Mary Chain _The Power Of Negative Thinking: B-Sides & Rarities_
"Crawl Babies" The Pastels _Truckload Of Trouble_
"The Crawling" Robyn Hitchcock & The Egyptians _Element Of Light_

"Crawl Away" Lambchop _Thriller_
"Crawling With Idiot" Elbow _Cast Of Thousands_
"Time Will Crawl (MM Remix)" David Bowie _iSelect_

Crawl - Don't Walk - To Self Help Radio Tonight!

[Technically speaking, since the average listener need only turn his or her radio on &, at that point, need not really move except perhaps to change the channel, there is no real need to "crawl" to a radio show. However, since the Self Help Radio show tonight has as its theme "crawl," one hopes the reader will allow some latitude in expression, as opposed to the reader's usual lassitude.]

Yes, Self Help Radio slows to a crawl tonight! All ninety minutes, just crawling! Crawling all over the airwaves, crawling into your ears, crawling on top of your brain, okay I'll stop now I'm creeping myself out.

It's happening at midnight tonight on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington but you can listen anywhere (as long as you know what time it is when it's midnight in Kentucky & you have a computer) at the WRFL website.

I'll archive it tomorrow at the Self Help Radio website but what's the fun in that? Listen tonight! It may crawl, but what if later it turns into a butterfly??

[Okay, probably not.]

Whither Crawl?

I was listening to the Wedding Present on my iPod & the song "Crawl" came on & I remembered how much I loved it, & I thought, afterward, there should be a radio show about "crawl."

...

Was that too simple?

...

I'm sorry. Sometimes the reasons for my themes are quite straightforward. I could make something up if you'd like.

...

I was thinking of making up a story about things crawling all over me, but the insects have only just returned to Kentucky after wintering in warmer climes. The more I think about them, I think about formication, which is the medical terms for the feeling of bugs crawling on your skin, which I don't want to feel so stop it!

....

You're just going to have to be satisfied with the truth. This time.

Preface To Crawl: Themes That Are Not Nouns Make Me Uncomfortable

I often want to make them into nouns. "Crawl" becomes "crawling." For example.

Nouns seem to be more understandable. A verb as a theme seems like an imperative sentence, a command. "Crawl" becomes "crawl!" This is not my intention.

In fact, of all my themes for this year, every one has been a noun. A show in which the theme might have been "sit" became "sitting." The most recent non-noun theme was from November 16 of last year, & it was "Destroy!" which was meant to be an imperative sentence (although I did have songs about destruction therein). Right before that, on November 2, I had a rare show with an adjectival theme: "Hungry!" Which, you know, could easily have been "hunger."

Crawl can of course be a noun - "the traffic moved at a slow crawl." Or a description of how an animal moves. There's also a "crawl" in the jazz sense. It's a type of dance.

Yet when I see "crawl" as a theme, it doesn't feel like the noun version. It seems like a command. I shall leave it, however, the way it is.

The Daydreaming Traveler Dozes In The Spring Sun Somewhere On I-75 Between Lexington & Cincinnati

When I drive, I dream of driving. & since I've driven through mountainous places - Southwest Texas, Arizona, Utah - if it's dark outside when I'm driving, my brain fills in the darkness with giant walls of rock that loom over me.

It's dark on I-75 between Cincinnati & Lexington. & in the rain, a driver isn't entirely sure he or she is driving on a three-lane highway. A highway that never seems crowded, well-maintained, used a lot now for people fleeing the midwest to places like Texas, where the highways there, once ostentatiously spacious, are now choked with cars.

I drove to Cincinnati & back last night to see the great Todd Barry. The opening act was someone I'd never seen before, Brendon Walsh, who was amusing, & the show was actually closed by Neil Hamburger, whom I don't find particularly funny but whom I stuck around to see in case there was some kind of prepared performance at the end. It's been a while since I saw that kind of performance art type thing, a fellow in character for that long.

But you can't really talk much about a comedy show. I like the Southgate House, the venue where I saw Barry & where last week I saw Darren Hanlon & where in two weeks I'll see the legendary Kinky Friedman.

I didn't dream about the comedians, though. I dreamt about driving in the rain up I-75.

Make A Plan, Watch It Go Wrong

The ironies did abound this week for Self Help Radio. After a show about plans, I discovered that I myself hadn't planned well & let my domain lapse. So I planned to wake up this morning, only to discover that my website didn't exist any more. Zounds! So I had to scramble to pay for registration (what if some actual self-help radio group wanted the URL?!) & had to wait all day for what I suppose is the internet's version of the paperwork going through for the site to reappear. It did, at last, tonight. Sigh.

SO. The show. I should say congrats to Andrew for winning the My Morning Jacket tickets. It was fun to give stuff away again. I hope WRFL lets me do it some more.

Um, what else. The songs of the show are below. The show is at the (thankfully in good health) Self Help Radio website. There are two mp3s, of almost equal length, which are "part 1" & "part 2" of the show, although the division is for length, not for content. The entire show is good, is what I'm trying to say. You can listen to part one by clicking here of course & you can listen to part two by clicking here.

Thanks for listening I need to sleep. xo

-----

(part one)
"Let's Make Some Plans" Close Lobsters _Forever Until Victory_
"Making Plans For Nigel" XTC _Fossil Fuel (The XTC Singles)_

"I Guess I'll Have To Change My Plan" Bobby Darin _Love Swings_
"Heaven's Plan" Mark Wynter _UK Teenage Jamboree, Volume 1_
"That's My Plan" Beat Boys _Joe Meek Rarities Vol. 2: The Beat Groups Era_
"Plan B" Wally Pleasant _Music For Nerds & Perverts_
"The Plan" Richard Hell & The Voidoids _Blank Generation_

"Who's The Man (With The Master Plan)" Kay-Gee's _Master Plan_
"The Plan" Poets Of Rhythm _Practice What You Preach_
"Master Plan" My Morning Jacket _It Still Moves_

(part two)
"Masterplan" Sinister Rouge _The Age Of Separation_

"Making Plans" Porter Wagoner & Dolly Parton _The Essential Porter Wagoner & Dolly Parton_
"What Have You Got Planned Tonight Diana" Merle Haggard _Down Every Road_
"The Plans We Made" Jon Langford & Sally Timms _The Executioner's Last Songs, Vol. 1_
"Plan B" Dexy's Midnight Runners _Searching For The Young Soul Rebels_
"According To No Plan" Broadcast _Work & Non-Work_

"The Plan" The Terrible Twos _Jerzy The Giant_
"Dayplanner" Free Loan Investments _Ever Been To Mexico?_
"Big City Plans" Some Velvet Sidewalk _Whirlpool_
"Plans Get Complex" All-Time Quarterback _All-Time Quarterback_
"If Everything Goes As Planned" The Heartworms _A Gift From Sing Sing_
"A Long Term Plan" Acid House Kings _Sing Along With Acid House Kings_

-----

Plan To Listen Tonight!

You really should plan to listen to Self Help Radio tonight, because the show is about plans. You see, even if it doesn't fit in with your plans, the plan to not listen is also a plan, & so the show is about your plans, too, whether or not you've planned to listen. Therefore avoiding Self Help Radio is next to impossible.

I didn't plan it that way.

However, I do plan to give away a pair of My Morning Jacket tickets for their show Sunday at Memorial Coliseum, so if you'd like to win them, you should plan to listen.

How do you plan to listen? You can listen live on 88.1 fm in Lexington, or anywhere on the computer at the WRFL website. You can listen tomorrow when the show is archived at self help radio dot net, but the tickets will have already been given away. Silly!

Whither Plans?

Durn it, I explained the show yesterday! I planned to do it today. I suppose instead I can share with you some quotes about plans.

"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." John Lennon sang that, unaware that life had other plans for him.

"Without goals, & plans to reach them, you are like a ship that has set sail with no destination." Someone named Fitzhugh Dodson said that. He apparently didn't enjoy recreational sailing.

Lao Tzu, on the other hand, said, "A good traveler has no fixed plans, & is not intent on arriving." Chinese philosophers were quite well paid in those days, however, so dawdling wasn't expensive.

One web page tells me this is a "Norwegian proverb": "The lazier a man is, the more he plans to do tomorrow." It reminds me, I have a lot to do tomorrow.

Here's something a snappy politician might have said, "He who fails to plan, plans to fail." Does that include improvisational comedy troops?

I've seen one phrase attributed to many folks, but one web site says that Woody Allen said this: "If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans." It doesn't sound like Woody Allen to me. There's also a more pithy one: "Man plans, god laughs." It's never clear what God does when woman plans.

Will Rogers said, "Plans get you into things, but you got to work your way out." Seems sensible enough.

Horace, the Roman poet so famous he was known by his first name, said, "Mix a little foolishness with your serious plans; it's lovely to be silly at the right moment."

Robert Burns wrote, in a poem called "To A Mouse," "The best-laid schemes o' mice an' men/Gang aft agley." It has been translated into understandable words as "The best laid schemes of mice & men/Go often awry." One anonymous snark wrote, "The best laid plans of mice & men are usually about equal." That seems a little insulting to the mice.

Dwight Eisenhower, former Grandfather Of The United States, once said, "In preparing for battle I have always found that plans are useless, but planning is indispensable." Then he bought the entire country a comic book & some candy.

Bakunin, my favorite anarchist, said, "Anyone who makes plans for after the revolution is a reactionary." Then he bombed something.

There are lots of quotes about plans. Alan Watts, the Zennest westerner of all, said, "No valid plans for the future can be made by those who have no capacity for living now." Greta Garbo - who had a pretty large capacity for living, countered, "There seems to be a law that governs all our actions so I never make plans." & trying to be head off the religious at the pass, Mary Daly said, "[The term] 'God's plan' is often a front for men's plans & a cover for inadequacy, ignorance, and evil."

But I leave you with something inspiring, which I almost never do: "Make no little plans; they have no magic to stir men's blood & probably will themselves not be realized. Make big plans; aim high in hope & work, remembering that a noble, logical diagram once recorded will not die."

Daniel H. Burnham said that. He never noted whether little plans have any magic to stir women's blood. I wonder why.