If it turns out anyone has actually read this blog, he or she will know that I love to count things. Dumb things, like the number of posts in the blog, & also the number of radio shows I've done. I like to keep most of them to myself - but since it's the end of 2011, I thought I post this little bit of number crunching.
(Note: no numbers have actually been crunched.)
In 2011, I did (according to my count) 149 radio shows. That means roughly one radio show every two & a half days. That's a lot of radio, I know. In a different world, I'd be punished for it.
But is that number correct? It certainly didn't seem to me that I've been up at the station every three days. It turns out that when I counted my radio shows, I didn't take into account the fact that I tend to do two radio shows in a three hour period - Sugar Substitute for ninety minutes, then Self Help Radio for the same. So if I add that to my calculations, I did 94 shows in 2011 - which is still a lot, or a show about every four days.
As for Self Help Radio, there were 49 episodes this year. I'm not entirely sure where I was during some of those weeks - I thought I had taken just two weeks off this year.
What a lot of radio though! My word!
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Friday, December 30, 2011
Once More, Near The End Of The Year
I met a man with a sore on his foot. I could not, myself, see the foot. I could only hear the sore.
"That's some sore, sir," I told the man, who was old & could no longer wince.
"Sorcerer?" he said superciliously, which I took super-sillily.
"Does it often sound as sad, your sore?" I asked once more.
He told me a story, which he bade me not to tell, but I will tell, now that his own tale is told.
He said, "I once was a titan, a leader of men. I led some women too, but only astray. The men I led were men of iron, not of lead, & they followed me to the end. The end of the street. They went to their one-room shacks on the right, I went to my mansion on the left. It was a company town. But that night I did not want company. I wanted to be alone. I wanted to eat alone. I wanted to sleep alone. I wanted to remind myself that I was a lone wolf."
I said, "Was this before or after the present day?"
He continued, "Night came & went, & still I was alone. But now I no longer wanted it. I wanted to hear the bells of the factory & the whistles of the church bells. I wanted to be reminded of Emma, now long forgotten, whose life had so nearly touched mine. Or of Emma, Emma's cousin, with the same, unfortunate name, who to this day runs a mile & a half every morning just to wake up. Her alarm clock, you see, is a mile & a half away."
I said, "I can't hear over the soaring score of your sore!"
He waved a dismissive hand. "The more I grew aware of my surroundings the less I cared about the mansion, the men I led, the place from whence we all came. Instead, I had to go where I was certain I could be more or less myself. So I went to Mysore."
"Your sore?"
"Mysore," he said, "in India. Though it's a lovely city - second in size only to Bangalore - & rated the second cleanest city in India in 2010 - it turned out to be a terrible chore. I could not find myself in Mysore."
"But," I asked, "did you find your sore in Mysore?"
"Young man, your sore is not as loud as my sore, nor (I might add) is it as loud as Mysore, which is a great city of nearly a million inhabitants, all with something to say."
I was late for writing this blog entry so I became impatient. I suddenly realized the man was an outpatient.
"You have been treated for your sore!" I said triumphantly. "& now you are returning home."
"Alas," said the man, as his sore made a low moan, "the story is never that simple."
"Humor me," I said phlegmatically.
"I will not humor you!" he said with bile.
"Then you leave me no choice," I said. "I will ask the sore!"
To the sore I swore I would say no more. Do not implore nor explore this lore! I cannot ignore the roar of your esprit de corps, but though I am done for, I'll underscore the origin's core: it was something of a bore.
"That's some sore, sir," I told the man, who was old & could no longer wince.
"Sorcerer?" he said superciliously, which I took super-sillily.
"Does it often sound as sad, your sore?" I asked once more.
He told me a story, which he bade me not to tell, but I will tell, now that his own tale is told.
He said, "I once was a titan, a leader of men. I led some women too, but only astray. The men I led were men of iron, not of lead, & they followed me to the end. The end of the street. They went to their one-room shacks on the right, I went to my mansion on the left. It was a company town. But that night I did not want company. I wanted to be alone. I wanted to eat alone. I wanted to sleep alone. I wanted to remind myself that I was a lone wolf."
I said, "Was this before or after the present day?"
He continued, "Night came & went, & still I was alone. But now I no longer wanted it. I wanted to hear the bells of the factory & the whistles of the church bells. I wanted to be reminded of Emma, now long forgotten, whose life had so nearly touched mine. Or of Emma, Emma's cousin, with the same, unfortunate name, who to this day runs a mile & a half every morning just to wake up. Her alarm clock, you see, is a mile & a half away."
I said, "I can't hear over the soaring score of your sore!"
He waved a dismissive hand. "The more I grew aware of my surroundings the less I cared about the mansion, the men I led, the place from whence we all came. Instead, I had to go where I was certain I could be more or less myself. So I went to Mysore."
"Your sore?"
"Mysore," he said, "in India. Though it's a lovely city - second in size only to Bangalore - & rated the second cleanest city in India in 2010 - it turned out to be a terrible chore. I could not find myself in Mysore."
"But," I asked, "did you find your sore in Mysore?"
"Young man, your sore is not as loud as my sore, nor (I might add) is it as loud as Mysore, which is a great city of nearly a million inhabitants, all with something to say."
I was late for writing this blog entry so I became impatient. I suddenly realized the man was an outpatient.
"You have been treated for your sore!" I said triumphantly. "& now you are returning home."
"Alas," said the man, as his sore made a low moan, "the story is never that simple."
"Humor me," I said phlegmatically.
"I will not humor you!" he said with bile.
"Then you leave me no choice," I said. "I will ask the sore!"
To the sore I swore I would say no more. Do not implore nor explore this lore! I cannot ignore the roar of your esprit de corps, but though I am done for, I'll underscore the origin's core: it was something of a bore.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Live! From Planet X!
The oldest surviving dance form in India is called Odissi. The oldest non-surviving dance form in India does not have a name yet. We're working on it.
The spaceship left for Planet X sometime in the morning from a farmhouse in County Donegal, Ireland. The passengers, if you want to call them that, were not in the least bit Irish. There was an element of bad planning.
In the spirit of romance, he wanted to name a lunar impact crater for her, only to discover that they were all named, & have been for some time. Therefore, he argued that the logical step would be for her to change her name to that of an existing lunar impact crater. He suggested Inghirami.
Meanwhile, on the way to Planet X, the space toilet gets clogged up. Everyone blames Barnes.
To understand the next part of our tale, please familiarize yourself with the effects of human exposure to vacuum.
Our heroes may return to find their planet reduced to a feudal state.
The entire adventure, I am told, will be performed a cappella by several college singing groups in competition. A well-known but possibly washed-up director with his screenwriter pal Jimmy has already purchased the rights.
(What you've all been waiting for) Live! From Planet X! They answer the door! They're invited in! It's very nice! & classy! (That's a surprise!)
The new motto: "We'll Show YOU A Good Time On Planet X!"
The spaceship left for Planet X sometime in the morning from a farmhouse in County Donegal, Ireland. The passengers, if you want to call them that, were not in the least bit Irish. There was an element of bad planning.
In the spirit of romance, he wanted to name a lunar impact crater for her, only to discover that they were all named, & have been for some time. Therefore, he argued that the logical step would be for her to change her name to that of an existing lunar impact crater. He suggested Inghirami.
Meanwhile, on the way to Planet X, the space toilet gets clogged up. Everyone blames Barnes.
To understand the next part of our tale, please familiarize yourself with the effects of human exposure to vacuum.
Our heroes may return to find their planet reduced to a feudal state.
The entire adventure, I am told, will be performed a cappella by several college singing groups in competition. A well-known but possibly washed-up director with his screenwriter pal Jimmy has already purchased the rights.
(What you've all been waiting for) Live! From Planet X! They answer the door! They're invited in! It's very nice! & classy! (That's a surprise!)
The new motto: "We'll Show YOU A Good Time On Planet X!"
Monday, December 26, 2011
Indiepop A To Z Continued
Oooo, so close! Three songs away from finishing the indiepop Gs!
Today I shanghaied my freeform pop show, Sugar Substitute, to play three hours of indiepop in alphabetical order, from Gold-Bears to Guild League, in my foolish, ridiculous, OCD-driven plan to catalog indiepop bands, musicians, & influences. Maybe I'll never finish this, but it's sure fun trying.
The shows are available at the Self Help Radio website, but below are direct links to each show (they're both in two parts), & below the below there's a list of the songs in each part. Feel free to yell at me for missing a band or artist that's important. After a while, poring over lists, thinking too hard, my brain turns to twee & mush.
Indiepop A To Z # 34 Part I
Indiepop A To Z # 34 Part II
Indiepop A To Z # 35 Part I
Indiepop A To Z # 35 Part II
Thanks for listening! Self Help Radio returns to random themes next week!
Indiepop A To Z # 34 Part I
"Tally" Gold-Bears _Are You Falling In Love?_
"George Hamilton's Dead" The Golden Dawn _Air Balloon Road_
"Now I Hear The Train" The Golden Rule _The Golden Rule EP_
"My Life Is Like A Stanley Knife (Cut, Cut, Cut)" Golden Strings _Split 7" with Buy Off The Bar_
"A Summer Escape" Golden Teardrops _A Summer Escape_
"Wherever" Goldstoned _You Thought It Was The End Of The World When The Rain Ruined Your Hair_
"Virtually Happy" Golightly Holly _The Good Things_
"Rose" The Good Natured _Birdsongs, Beesongs: Eardrums Spring Compilation 2009_
"We Are Not The Same" Good Shoes _Think Before You Speak_
"First One On The Beach" Goodnight Monsters _Summer Challenge_
"Dancing Shoes" Goof _C06_
"Sunshine, Lollipops & Rainbows" Lesley Gore _Sunshine, Lollipops & Rainbows: The Best Of Lesley Gore_
"Young Girls & Happy Endings" Gorky's Zygotic Mynci _Barafundle_
Indiepop A To Z # 34 Part II
"Automobile (with Tracyanne Campbell)" Gospel Music _Duettes EP_
"We Are The Gothic Archies" Gothic Archies _The Tragic Treasury: Songs From A Series Of Unfortunate Events_
"I'm Used Now" Grab Grab The Haddock _Three Songs By Grab Grab The Haddock_
"Bad Days Must End" Gradapenda Rosindale _The Sound Of Leamington Spa Vol 5_
"Song 18" Grandrapids _Symphony For Heartbreak - US Pop Life Vol. 9: Seattle/Portland_
"Baby In A Plastic Bag" Grape _Baby In A Plastic Bag_
"Breaks My Heart" Grapes Of Wrath _September Bowl Of Green_
"St. George's Way" The Gravy Train _St. George's Way 7"_
"We Say No" Great Aunt Ida _How They Fly_
"Amen" Great Chefs Of Europe _Amen_
Indiepop A To Z # 35 Part I
"A Little Touched" Great Lakes _Great Lakes_
"All I Could Do" Great Outdoors _World At My Shoes 7"_
"Head In The Clouds" The Great Outdoors _Head In The Clouds_
"Letter To A Fanzine" Great Plains _Length Of Growth 1981-89_
"Hold Onto The Rail" The Great Unwashed _Clean Out Of Our Minds_
"Jessica" Adam Green _Friends Of Mine_
"I'm Gonna Stay With Her" Pete Green _Platform Zero EP_
"Summer's On" The Green Fields _Melodies For Afternoon_
"Kim The Waitress" Green Pajamas _Indian Winter_
"I Get It!" Green Peppers _Ave Marina: Ten Years Of Marina Records_
"The Millionth Lovesong" Greenhouse _Knowing Where It All Leeds_
Indiepop A To Z # 35 Part II
"Philco" Grenadine _Goya_
"Faces" Greyhound Green _Baby I'm Yours_
"Just A Silly Phase I'm Going Through" The Groove Farm _The Sound Of Leamington Spa Volume 2_
"Innocent Yuppie" The Groove Machine _Try A Little Sunshine: A Greek Indiepop Compilation_
"Summer" The Grooveyard _Uncle Arthur's Pop Parlour_
"Andy Watch Out!" Paul Groovy & The Pop Art Experience _Andy Watch Out!_
"Of All The Girls In The World" The Groovy Cellar _Review III (Marsh-Marigold)_
"You Make My Head Explode" The Groovy Little Numbers _You Make My Head Explode 12"_
"Don't Wake The Dead" Guards _Guards EP_
"Cucurucho" Guatafán _Cucurucho_
"I Am A Scientist" Guided By Voices _Bee Thousand_
"Citronella" The Guild League _Inner North_
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Whither Indiepop A To Z # 34 - 35?
It's true! Tomorrow Self Help Radio & Sugar Substitute are teaming up to continue the Indiepop A To Z series!
When we last left the foolish, interminable attempt to be comprehensive, we were still in the Gs... We finished with the Gol Gappas, which can only mean bands with "gold" in their name can't be far behind! (Actually, they're right behind. We're starting with Atlanta's Gold-Bears.)
Spoiler Alert!
I did that too late, didn't I?
I have fifty songs in my head right now which will take us to the end of the Gs. Will one hundred eighty minutes be enough time to get through them all? You'll have to listen to find out!
Remember, Indiepop A To Z # 34 airs on Sugar Substitute from 6am to 7:30am, while Indiepop A To Z # 35 airs on Self Help Radio from 7:30am to 9am. You can listen in Lexington at 88.1 fm or online at wrfl dot fm. The shows will be archived - as are virtually all of the indiepop a to z shows, later at the Self Help Radio website.
Fans of indiepop, alphabetization &/or OCD behavior - I'll see you tomorrow!
When we last left the foolish, interminable attempt to be comprehensive, we were still in the Gs... We finished with the Gol Gappas, which can only mean bands with "gold" in their name can't be far behind! (Actually, they're right behind. We're starting with Atlanta's Gold-Bears.)
Spoiler Alert!
I did that too late, didn't I?
I have fifty songs in my head right now which will take us to the end of the Gs. Will one hundred eighty minutes be enough time to get through them all? You'll have to listen to find out!
Remember, Indiepop A To Z # 34 airs on Sugar Substitute from 6am to 7:30am, while Indiepop A To Z # 35 airs on Self Help Radio from 7:30am to 9am. You can listen in Lexington at 88.1 fm or online at wrfl dot fm. The shows will be archived - as are virtually all of the indiepop a to z shows, later at the Self Help Radio website.
Fans of indiepop, alphabetization &/or OCD behavior - I'll see you tomorrow!
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Preface To Indiepop A To Z # 34: Why Talk About This On Christmas Eve?
It was a lovely day in Lexington. I spent the morning preparing the Christmas show I'm playing tomorrow morning from 6 to 9 am on WRFL. Then I continued listening to bands & musicians whose alphabetically important name starts with "g" since I will be continuing the indiepop a to z this Monday. Might I even finish the Gs? I don't know!
Then I walked the dogs. It was sunny & not that cold & doesn't feel much like Christmas - the clerk at the "co-op" in town (it's not a co-op, but they call themselves one) didn't even wish me a happy holiday - but it did get nippy as the sun sank toward the horizon.
I am thinking about what to make for dinner while listening to stuff for Monday's show. You might hear my multitasking brain while I am typing - "Is Guadalcanal Diary indiepop?" it just thought, before answering itself, "No" - as I sort through the list. This is both the easiest & most time-consuming show I do. I might even finish the Gs!
You're not reading this right now, if ever, but if you are someone who celebrates the Christmas Eve & then the Christmas Day, let me say on behalf of everyone at Self Help Radio (it's basically just me & three dogs & three cats & whatever birds & squirrels are hanging around the bird feeder) that we hope you have a safe & happy holiday. You deserve it!
Then I walked the dogs. It was sunny & not that cold & doesn't feel much like Christmas - the clerk at the "co-op" in town (it's not a co-op, but they call themselves one) didn't even wish me a happy holiday - but it did get nippy as the sun sank toward the horizon.
I am thinking about what to make for dinner while listening to stuff for Monday's show. You might hear my multitasking brain while I am typing - "Is Guadalcanal Diary indiepop?" it just thought, before answering itself, "No" - as I sort through the list. This is both the easiest & most time-consuming show I do. I might even finish the Gs!
You're not reading this right now, if ever, but if you are someone who celebrates the Christmas Eve & then the Christmas Day, let me say on behalf of everyone at Self Help Radio (it's basically just me & three dogs & three cats & whatever birds & squirrels are hanging around the bird feeder) that we hope you have a safe & happy holiday. You deserve it!
Friday, December 23, 2011
Self Help 101: Surviving The Holidays With Families
Do you have a family? You may think yourself lucky. There are, as we are solemnly aware in this season of credit card debt, many people who've lost other people, or who never had them in the first place. & if you think that's a bummer, you may know be coming to this realization: holy crap in a blanket, I'm going to have to spend the next few days with my family!
Family, as it probably says in the Bible or something, is like a tumor: most are benign. But no one really wants to get a tumor, not even as a conversation starter or a reason to take the day off for elective surgery & the biopsy party that night. (There are, as Oscar Wilde once noted, better reasons to have a party.)
Yet we must ask ourselves in this season of homophobic Salvation Army bell ringers: what if our family is malignant? Who's going to tell Mom? Does it have to be me? Below is a list, gathered from the sages of ages & some Family Circus cartoons, of ways to survive the time with the family at least until there are better prescription pills.
1) Choose to hear the most common offensive remarks (racist, misogynistic, jingoistic, etc.) in the context of an anthropologist visiting from the future. Perhaps write a few of them down.
2) Give useless advice to one family member & then say another family member told you to tell them that.
3) One is often told to stay away from touchy subjects like religion & politics. However, you do not have to avoid them; instead, brush up before the holidays on obscure ancient religions & the politics of dead civilizations.
4) Respond to most queries with a smile & a wink.
5) In situations where a drunken or old (or both) family member is about to tell the same story they've told every year, pay attention like you've never done before, often exclaiming things like, "Ooo, I know this one! It's a good 'un!"
6) Don't be so rude by listening to music on your mp3 player or texting all the time on your phone. Be so rude by pretending to fall asleep while sitting at a table.
7) Have short poems from amateur internet "poetry" sites printed on pieces of paper. Give them to family members & say, "This made me think of you." Or, if the poem is exceptionally bad, say, "Can you tell me what this means?"
8) Weather permitting, position yourself always just out of earshot.
9) Hug family members quickly, often muttering words of consolation, then pretend to be distracted by something else & move on.
10) Continue that search for those better prescription pills.
Happy holidays & stuff from Self Help Radio!
Family, as it probably says in the Bible or something, is like a tumor: most are benign. But no one really wants to get a tumor, not even as a conversation starter or a reason to take the day off for elective surgery & the biopsy party that night. (There are, as Oscar Wilde once noted, better reasons to have a party.)
Yet we must ask ourselves in this season of homophobic Salvation Army bell ringers: what if our family is malignant? Who's going to tell Mom? Does it have to be me? Below is a list, gathered from the sages of ages & some Family Circus cartoons, of ways to survive the time with the family at least until there are better prescription pills.
1) Choose to hear the most common offensive remarks (racist, misogynistic, jingoistic, etc.) in the context of an anthropologist visiting from the future. Perhaps write a few of them down.
2) Give useless advice to one family member & then say another family member told you to tell them that.
3) One is often told to stay away from touchy subjects like religion & politics. However, you do not have to avoid them; instead, brush up before the holidays on obscure ancient religions & the politics of dead civilizations.
4) Respond to most queries with a smile & a wink.
5) In situations where a drunken or old (or both) family member is about to tell the same story they've told every year, pay attention like you've never done before, often exclaiming things like, "Ooo, I know this one! It's a good 'un!"
6) Don't be so rude by listening to music on your mp3 player or texting all the time on your phone. Be so rude by pretending to fall asleep while sitting at a table.
7) Have short poems from amateur internet "poetry" sites printed on pieces of paper. Give them to family members & say, "This made me think of you." Or, if the poem is exceptionally bad, say, "Can you tell me what this means?"
8) Weather permitting, position yourself always just out of earshot.
9) Hug family members quickly, often muttering words of consolation, then pretend to be distracted by something else & move on.
10) Continue that search for those better prescription pills.
Happy holidays & stuff from Self Help Radio!
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Have Yourself A Gary Little Christmas
What, did you think this year's A Very Self Help Radio Christmas was the end? Oh no. Despite the fact that I don't really celebrate Christmas, & will in fact be mostly drunk throughout the holidays, I am actually going to be doing shows on Christmas Eve & Christmas Morning. What? No way!
You can catch me from 6 to 8pm on Saturday night & from 6 to 9am on Sunday morning. Basically, I'm bookending Santa's flight.
Might I remind you that you can also hear a Christmas show I did two years ago in a different state on a different radio station here? I don't repeat myself often, if at all, on Self Help Radio, but when I'm doing other shows, repeats are allowed.
I promise I won't scream into the microphone like I've been doing lately.
UPDATE: I won't be doing Christmas Eve after all. Oh well. More drinking for me!
You can catch me from 6 to 8pm on Saturday night & from 6 to 9am on Sunday morning. Basically, I'm bookending Santa's flight.
Might I remind you that you can also hear a Christmas show I did two years ago in a different state on a different radio station here? I don't repeat myself often, if at all, on Self Help Radio, but when I'm doing other shows, repeats are allowed.
I promise I won't scream into the microphone like I've been doing lately.
UPDATE: I won't be doing Christmas Eve after all. Oh well. More drinking for me!
Monday, December 19, 2011
A Very Self Help Radio Christmas 2011
Happy holidays from Self Help Radio! Here's a selection of holiday tunes that range from the goofy to the schmaltzy.
The show is in two almost equal parts at the Self Help Radio website. Part one is beginning to look a lot like Christmas. Part two is donning now its gay apparel. What's in each part is below.
The best wishes for you & yours during this festive season! As always, thanks for listening!
(part one)
"The Kinds Of Christmas" Ken Nordine & Chorus _Merry Christmas From Line Material 1958_
"Santa Santa" Rocky Fellers _Look At Killer Joe Go!_
"Christmas Ferret" The Amoeba People _Incomprehensible Communications_
"Disco Claus" Bionic I _Disco Claus_
"Christmas Bop" T. Rex _T. Rex Wax Co. Singles, Vol. 2 (1975-1978)_
"Sleigh Ride" Lio, Helena Noguerra, & Marie France _Ze Xmas Record Reloaded_
"Twelve Days Of Christmas" Mike Sammes Singers _White Christmas_
"The Chord Cracker" Hugo Kant _I Don't Want To Be An Emperor_
"Do You Hear Rainbows I Hear (Apollo Zero Reconstruct)" Apollo Zero _Santastic III In 3-D_
"To Make A Christmas Cake That Will Keep Until Easter" Alan Maitland (Fireside Al) _Fireside Al's Treasury Of Christmas Stories_
(part two)
"It's Christmas Baby (Why You Wearin' Black)" Aquavelvets _Fuzz, Acid & Mistletoe: Christmas In The Garage_
"Christmas Here On Mars" Bubble _Xmas EP_
"White Christmas" Doug & The Slugs _Slugcology 101_
"On A Christmas Day" Leadbelly _Leadbelly_
"Christmas Sing-Along/Deck The Halls" Sesame Street Gang _Sesame Street Christmas Sing-Along_
"Santa Got Lost In Texas" Michael Landon _Bonanza Original TV Cast: Christmas On The Ponderosa_
"Santa Claus Is Comin' To Town" The Ralph Hunter Choir _Christmas Surprises_
"Jingle Bells" Balla Tounkara & Balla Kouyate _Malifoly_
"Merry Something To You" Devo _Merry Something To You_
"Christmas In The Center Of The Earth" Wow _Business Deal Band Lotto 2_
"For Christmas I Got Pityriasis Rosea" The Research _Rhubarb Bomb Xmas EP 2007_
"Christmas Is Cancelled" The Long Blondes _Christmas Is Cancelled_
"X-Mas Song" Fireflies _Goodnight Stars, Goodnight Moon_
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Whither A Very Self Help Radio Christmas 2011?
'Twas the night before the Self Help Radio Christmas show,
& all through the house -
Well, I can't see all through the house -
All the hounds & cats were on the sofa with the wife
Watching the season finale of "Homeland"
What, you can't write a "free verse" version of a Christmas classic?
It would be a hard thing to have to rhyme
At a time like this
See, I can't even manage it in that manner
I guess it really is kind of lame
It actually reminds me of a chick I used to know
Who wrote me emails that were like this
It made the emails seem to be "poetic"
& added bulk to them
When the content was really just
Barely a paragraph
Oh well, let's go back to talking about Christmas
One show! A show a year! One Christmas show!
If only that made it all go away
Instead, it's just another year
Will you listen & not be like
the hounds & the cats & the wife on the sofa
They always sleep through my show
Listen! Listen! All through your house & car or whatever!
From 7:30 to 9am on the 88.1 frequency
That's in Lexington
Or online at wrfl dot fm
(Archived later at the Self Help Radio website)
Fa la la la la la la la falafel!
& all through the house -
Well, I can't see all through the house -
All the hounds & cats were on the sofa with the wife
Watching the season finale of "Homeland"
What, you can't write a "free verse" version of a Christmas classic?
It would be a hard thing to have to rhyme
At a time like this
See, I can't even manage it in that manner
I guess it really is kind of lame
It actually reminds me of a chick I used to know
Who wrote me emails that were like this
It made the emails seem to be "poetic"
& added bulk to them
When the content was really just
Barely a paragraph
Oh well, let's go back to talking about Christmas
One show! A show a year! One Christmas show!
If only that made it all go away
Instead, it's just another year
Will you listen & not be like
the hounds & the cats & the wife on the sofa
They always sleep through my show
Listen! Listen! All through your house & car or whatever!
From 7:30 to 9am on the 88.1 frequency
That's in Lexington
Or online at wrfl dot fm
(Archived later at the Self Help Radio website)
Fa la la la la la la la falafel!
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Preface To A Very Self Help Radio Christmas 2011: Two Sides Of Christmas
I mentioned yesterday that I don't really do Christmas except for a radio show. You perhaps either pitied or loathed me as a Grinch. Today I saw two sides of Christmas that, while probably not encouraging me to either forgo my tiny Christmas activity (the show) entirely or perhaps make me start celebrating more, did challenge my indifference - or is it my ambivalence?
The wife & I were driving to some place to return something after a pleasant experience at the grocery store. The place we were returning the thing to was a giant chain store which will probably be out of business in a couple of years - when I was there buying stuff to return later, there were more employees than customers - but it's near a mall, & when we moved to Lexington eighteen months ago, we were warned to stay away from that mall at Christmastime. We should have listened.
It was Christmas at its most crass. Crassmas. Abhorrent. I wanted no part of it, but it took just as long to get out of there as it would have if we'd done the errand. Abysmal.
But earlier in the day, I received from my oldest sister a gift in a package from her & my mom. The rest of the things in the package were nice, but my sister gave me this cookbook. I've been cooking a lot more lately, & I've talked to her about it, & I've mentioned liking this writer's other cookbooks & her online recipes. It was just incredibly thoughtful. (I need to tell her, too! I haven't yet!)
Most presents I've received at Christmas post-childhood have been pretty disappointing. But that gift reminded me that Christmas can be a time to show people you love that you actually pay attention to their lives. That was nice.
Off to listen to more Christmas music now!
The wife & I were driving to some place to return something after a pleasant experience at the grocery store. The place we were returning the thing to was a giant chain store which will probably be out of business in a couple of years - when I was there buying stuff to return later, there were more employees than customers - but it's near a mall, & when we moved to Lexington eighteen months ago, we were warned to stay away from that mall at Christmastime. We should have listened.
It was Christmas at its most crass. Crassmas. Abhorrent. I wanted no part of it, but it took just as long to get out of there as it would have if we'd done the errand. Abysmal.
But earlier in the day, I received from my oldest sister a gift in a package from her & my mom. The rest of the things in the package were nice, but my sister gave me this cookbook. I've been cooking a lot more lately, & I've talked to her about it, & I've mentioned liking this writer's other cookbooks & her online recipes. It was just incredibly thoughtful. (I need to tell her, too! I haven't yet!)
Most presents I've received at Christmas post-childhood have been pretty disappointing. But that gift reminded me that Christmas can be a time to show people you love that you actually pay attention to their lives. That was nice.
Off to listen to more Christmas music now!
Friday, December 16, 2011
Self Help 101: Holiday Shopping Made Simple
I have the simplest way to beat the crowds & still manage to get all my holiday shopping done. & it's not by doing all my shopping online, no. It's by not doing any shopping at all.
You see, as a middle-aged man whose children are all of the four-legged variety, & who has found himself in the (let's say) middle of his life without any supernatural beliefs, the two main reasons for celebrating Christmas have evaporated. In a secular sense, children are the reason for the season - they get time off school, as well as wonderful gifts (if they're lucky, of course - there are a lot of poor children out there). They are encouraged to believe in Santa. This particular interpretation can be shared by Christians & non-Christians alike, & holds a place in my heart for the rage it causes some but not all conservative douchebags.
The other Christmas, of course, is the one that celebrates the early Catholic Church's co-opting of the Roman winter solstice festival, Saturnalia, to make it the birthday of their god, Jesus. Americans especially like to believe that this kind of Christmas has been going on forever, but of course it's a more recent phenomenon. This type of holiday involves church-going as well as gift-giving, & inspires slogans like "put the Christ back in Christmas" & (this is a true story) once caused a drunk girl at a 7-11 to get mad at me because I wrote "X-Mas" instead of "Christmas."
But! I hear you interrupt! I am either a Christian or a parent of young children, or both. If that is the case, this particular piece of advice can't help you. I know of only one way to simplify holiday shopping at this late date - well, all right, two, if you count not having enough money to buy anything except perhaps the essentials to stay alive during early winter - & that is to opt out.
Another reason to celebrate Christmas which has come to me now (because I don't really think about this one) is that it may be important to your larger family. Since I don't celebrate the birth of a supernatural being, & since I don't buy my dogs & cats gifts, I always found myself out-of-place (not to mention embarrassingly drunk) at the annual family Christmas gathering. If you have siblings & parents who are fond of you, this can pose a problem - I am fortunate that my absence has been barely noted, except no one gets as drunk as I did. I would hope your family likes you a bit more than mine does.
In this case, then, opting out can be hazardous to one's health. It's not just that so many people in this country (& in this part of the world!) have guns & believe that those who don't share their theological perspectives ought to be put down. It's that you could possibly offend your dear family members, the ones who might not understand your rejection of what to them is a lovely holiday tradition . It might behoove you to buy some presents after all, & make an appearance. If it's a time you can enjoy your family, that should be enough. & surely that lets you justify the hassle of visiting hectic stores in the next week.
If you are able to opt out, but fear the reprisal of armed fanatic, I recommend that, if you have a radio show, to do a Christmas episode once a year. Christmas music, especially the stuff that hasn't been played to death over the speakers in most stores, has a way of calming the easily-addled hearts of the frenzied Christmas partisan.
Good luck to you!
You see, as a middle-aged man whose children are all of the four-legged variety, & who has found himself in the (let's say) middle of his life without any supernatural beliefs, the two main reasons for celebrating Christmas have evaporated. In a secular sense, children are the reason for the season - they get time off school, as well as wonderful gifts (if they're lucky, of course - there are a lot of poor children out there). They are encouraged to believe in Santa. This particular interpretation can be shared by Christians & non-Christians alike, & holds a place in my heart for the rage it causes some but not all conservative douchebags.
The other Christmas, of course, is the one that celebrates the early Catholic Church's co-opting of the Roman winter solstice festival, Saturnalia, to make it the birthday of their god, Jesus. Americans especially like to believe that this kind of Christmas has been going on forever, but of course it's a more recent phenomenon. This type of holiday involves church-going as well as gift-giving, & inspires slogans like "put the Christ back in Christmas" & (this is a true story) once caused a drunk girl at a 7-11 to get mad at me because I wrote "X-Mas" instead of "Christmas."
But! I hear you interrupt! I am either a Christian or a parent of young children, or both. If that is the case, this particular piece of advice can't help you. I know of only one way to simplify holiday shopping at this late date - well, all right, two, if you count not having enough money to buy anything except perhaps the essentials to stay alive during early winter - & that is to opt out.
Another reason to celebrate Christmas which has come to me now (because I don't really think about this one) is that it may be important to your larger family. Since I don't celebrate the birth of a supernatural being, & since I don't buy my dogs & cats gifts, I always found myself out-of-place (not to mention embarrassingly drunk) at the annual family Christmas gathering. If you have siblings & parents who are fond of you, this can pose a problem - I am fortunate that my absence has been barely noted, except no one gets as drunk as I did. I would hope your family likes you a bit more than mine does.
In this case, then, opting out can be hazardous to one's health. It's not just that so many people in this country (& in this part of the world!) have guns & believe that those who don't share their theological perspectives ought to be put down. It's that you could possibly offend your dear family members, the ones who might not understand your rejection of what to them is a lovely holiday tradition . It might behoove you to buy some presents after all, & make an appearance. If it's a time you can enjoy your family, that should be enough. & surely that lets you justify the hassle of visiting hectic stores in the next week.
If you are able to opt out, but fear the reprisal of armed fanatic, I recommend that, if you have a radio show, to do a Christmas episode once a year. Christmas music, especially the stuff that hasn't been played to death over the speakers in most stores, has a way of calming the easily-addled hearts of the frenzied Christmas partisan.
Good luck to you!
Thursday, December 15, 2011
A Joke A Day A Week: Episode Twenty-Five
It's time now to say adieu to the A Joke A Day world. Alas! I will have to find something else to write about on this blog on Thursdays.
What did me in? Nothing specific - I have simply been worn down by the insistent stream of mediocrity. Week after week of the expected melange of recycled jokes, woefully uncorrected spelling & grammatical errors, & of course the constant stream of unfunny. Unfunny every day, delivered to my inbox without fail, a tremendous achievement to be sure, to be the complete opposite of what you promise day in & day out, with little or no reaction (as far as I can see) from the millions who subscribe to this "service"! There should be some kind of reward given to the site's hosts, developers, programmers & content managers, & afterwards they should be forced to read their "jokes" out loud to a hostile audience, one that won't hesitate to turn physical after they bomb mere seconds into the gig.
I'm sure I'll miss going over each joke rather than deleting them. I'll miss spending a few minutes wondering at the level of intellect that considers what I'm staring at as anything close to humor. What am I saying? I won't miss that at all!
Ta ta A Joke A Day. I'm sure you'll keep doing what you're doing: making the internet a little more ashamed of itself each day.
What did me in? Nothing specific - I have simply been worn down by the insistent stream of mediocrity. Week after week of the expected melange of recycled jokes, woefully uncorrected spelling & grammatical errors, & of course the constant stream of unfunny. Unfunny every day, delivered to my inbox without fail, a tremendous achievement to be sure, to be the complete opposite of what you promise day in & day out, with little or no reaction (as far as I can see) from the millions who subscribe to this "service"! There should be some kind of reward given to the site's hosts, developers, programmers & content managers, & afterwards they should be forced to read their "jokes" out loud to a hostile audience, one that won't hesitate to turn physical after they bomb mere seconds into the gig.
I'm sure I'll miss going over each joke rather than deleting them. I'll miss spending a few minutes wondering at the level of intellect that considers what I'm staring at as anything close to humor. What am I saying? I won't miss that at all!
Ta ta A Joke A Day. I'm sure you'll keep doing what you're doing: making the internet a little more ashamed of itself each day.
Monday, December 12, 2011
Gary's Favorites Are Here!
Whoop dee doo!
So here it is, a sampling of the music I listened to most in 2011. There shouldn't be any surprises there, or if there's one, it's that there were so many great comedy records that came out this year. It's not a best of list - I've checked, & I share virtually no release in common with the major best of lists in the magazine & blog world - which only goes to show how out of touch I am with the world of commercial (& probably "commercial indie") music world. Oh well. Maybe you'll like some of what I liked.
The show is of course up at the Self Help Radio website. It was a special two-hour show, so you can hear the first hour here & you can hear the second hour here. The contents of each hour are listed below.
If there's anything you think I missed this year, tell me about it!
(part one)
"Little Surprise" The Wave Pictures _Beer In The Breakers_
"It's All Over Bar The Shouting" Prince Edward Island _This Day Is A Good Enough Day_
"Bad Feeling" Veronica Falls _Veronica Falls_
"My 7-Year-Old Is Better Than Me" Louis CK _Hilarious_
"Love Wakes The Devil" Momus & John Henriksson _The Thunderclown_
"No One" Andrew Jackson Jihad _Knife Man_
"High Hawk Season" The Mountain Goats _All Eternals Deck_
"Abbie" Mike Birbiglia _Sleepwalk With Me_
"Songs About Your Girlfriend" Los Campesinos! _Hello Sadness_
"Don't Look At Me (I Don't Like It)" The Lovely Eggs _Cob Dominos_
"200x" Johnny Foreigner _Johnny Foreigner Vs Everything_
"A Train Wreck" Bearsuit _The Phantom Forest_
"The Miracle Of Sweatpants/The Parking Ticket" Patton Oswalt _Finest Hour_
(part two)
"Raconte-Moi Une Histoire" M83 _Hurry Up, We're Dreaming_
"A Darkness Rises Up" Broken Records _Let Me Come Home_
"When You Know" The Feelies _Here Before_
"Cosmos 7" The Fall _Ersatz G.B._
"The Creation Museum (Part One)" Marc Maron _This Has To Be Funny_
"My Terrible Friend" The Pains Of Being Pure At Heart _Belong_
"Money" The Drums _Portamento_
"Darren" Allo Darlin' _Darren EP_
"Record Shop" Help Stamp Out Loneliness _Help Stamp Out Loneliness_
"An Old Fashioned Tea Party" Wyatt Cenac _Comedy Person_
"Blokes On 45" Orange Juice _Coals To Newcastle_
"The Song From Venus" Stephin Merritt _Obscurities_
"I Sat On The Edge Of My Bed & I Sang You Velvet Underground Songs" Catnaps _Why Don't You Whisper?_
"Promises, Promises" Pocketbooks _Carousel_
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Whither Gary's Favorite Indie Music 2011?
Yay! The music I listened to most this year! Compare & contrast with your own list!
Yay! It's a special TWO HOUR Self Help Radio! Who approved this? Does he/she still have a job?
Yay! You can listen to it from 7 to 9am in Lexington at 88.1 fm or you can listen online at wrfl dot fm!
Boo! You won't be up that early!
Yay! I'll archive the show later in the day at self help radio dot net!
Yay! Boo! Yay!
Yay! It's a special TWO HOUR Self Help Radio! Who approved this? Does he/she still have a job?
Yay! You can listen to it from 7 to 9am in Lexington at 88.1 fm or you can listen online at wrfl dot fm!
Boo! You won't be up that early!
Yay! I'll archive the show later in the day at self help radio dot net!
Yay! Boo! Yay!
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Preface To Gary's Favorite Indie Music Of 2011: Lists
The older I get, the less impressed I am by the "best of" lists that pepper the papers & blogs at the end of every year. It's not just that they take forgettable commercial radio drivel seriously - they have to, there's so much money poured into it! - but it's also that I have virtually nothing of interest in common with those lists. I don't think my taste has changed much, but I think most of the music press' taste has changed. Because the money's moved around constantly, so critics have to go where the most lucrative labels tell them, from well-financed distractions like Gaga Googoo (or whatever that person is called) to whatever hip Brookyln band has had too many Youtube hits to ignore. I actually wish I gave enough of a shit to go back some amount of time to see what their "best of" lists contained then & compared that to their "best albums of all time" lists. It's all a popularity contest at heart, but at least with perspective artists like Nick Drake or the Velvet Underground - music that went virtually unnoticed at the time but which are now considered classic - shine through, while whatever flavor-of-the-year with a label that can send out a shit-ton of review copies to lazy critics (who, I am convinced, don't really seek out music on their own but rely upon labels to give them their collections) makes the list then disappears (mostly) forever.
Of course, I am not saying what I like is "the best." I don't even know what that means. I think critics should be a little more honest themselves. Instead of saying, "the best of 2011," they should say, "The stuff I have been paid (both openly & under the table) to listen to & rubber-stamp this year." & then perhaps they could tell us what they were really listening to. It was probably classic rock radio.
Of course, I am not saying what I like is "the best." I don't even know what that means. I think critics should be a little more honest themselves. Instead of saying, "the best of 2011," they should say, "The stuff I have been paid (both openly & under the table) to listen to & rubber-stamp this year." & then perhaps they could tell us what they were really listening to. It was probably classic rock radio.
Friday, December 09, 2011
Thursday, December 08, 2011
A Joke A Day A Week: Episode Twenty-Four
I have friends visiting from out-of-town this week so I don't have much time to pore over the miserable A Joke A Day selection that shamefacedly wandered into my inbox this week. So I will instead present you with a week's worth of punchlines for which you can construct your own jokes which, I guarantee, will be funnier than the ones sent out by the humor-challenged A Joke A Day organization. Please enjoy:
Last Thursday's punchline: "I also asked for a chick with long legs."
Last Friday's punchline: "I think I will wait until after the police arrive to celebrate."
Last Saturday's punchline: "I did, they were in your tackle box."
Last Sunday's punchline: "Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the lettuce."
Last Monday's punchline: "Twenty-six."
Last Tuesday's punchline: "Its Pillsbury isn’t it?" [sic]
Yesterday's punchline: "Every time we come to a jump he stops & lets me go first!"
Last Thursday's punchline: "I also asked for a chick with long legs."
Last Friday's punchline: "I think I will wait until after the police arrive to celebrate."
Last Saturday's punchline: "I did, they were in your tackle box."
Last Sunday's punchline: "Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the lettuce."
Last Monday's punchline: "Twenty-six."
Last Tuesday's punchline: "Its Pillsbury isn’t it?" [sic]
Yesterday's punchline: "Every time we come to a jump he stops & lets me go first!"
Monday, December 05, 2011
An Electronica Extravaganza!
It's that time of year again, when people make lots of lists purporting to know what was best & worst of the year. I'm sure they have all kinds of criteria which mean a lot to them, but I have often found that the standards most critics choose - including how the music might fit into some sense of history, & often some innovation or other that I'm not paying attention to - overlook the thing that I like best about music, which is how it affects one personally. So the music I choose for my year-end lists is always something that touches me in some manner emotionally - I find it either moving, or clever, or just plain lovely. It must, in other words, delight me.
Here's a bunch of electronica artists whose work I dug this year. I'm sure I've left out prominent examples of pioneers in popular or innovative genres - but I hope you understand that that doesn't bother me. That's why this isn't a "best of" - I don't have the credentials or knowledge for such a list - it is, as advertised, my favorites.
It was a two hour extravaganza (hurrah!) & I thank the management of WRFL for letting me expand the length of my show. It's in two parts on the internet, available at the Self Help Radio website. Part one click. Part two click. There's a list below that tells you what I played & where it is in the show.
(part one)
"Toomorrow" Wagon Christ _Toomorrow_
"Disko-Tech (Featuring Ms. G)" Ursula 1000 _Mondo Beyondo_
"Your Nighttime Energy Is The Dream Of The Elf" Big Pauper _Beyond My Means_
"Hold My Hand High In The Sky Ready For The Deep Dive" Stendeck _Scintilla_
"Saturne" Melodium _Petit Jama_
"Hype Knot 7" The Black Dog _Liber Dogma_
"Headroom Mindphone" Geskia! _Alien_
"Burned Out" The Field _Looping State Of Mind_
"Lost & Found" Amon Tobin _ISAM_
"Wipfel Dub" Pole _Waldgeschichten_
"Sounds Alien" Brian Eno _Drums Between The Bells_
(part two)
"Automaton" Boom Bip _Zig Zaj_
"Tender Hooks" Plaid _Scintilli_
"Blush Mosaic" Patten _Glaqjo Xaacsso_
"Natalias Song" Zomby _Dedication_
"I Got A Woman" Nicolas Jaar _Space Is Only Noise_
"Roger Dean Landscape" Jason Forrest _The Everything_
"Natural" Clams Casino _Rainforest LP_
"Intercontinental Meltdown" Bop _The Amazing Adventures Of One Curious Pixel_
"New Earth" Kreidler _Tank_
"Anthrazit (featuring Field Rotation)" Aes Dana _Perimeters_
"Die Nebenanderen" adamned.age _Fragile_
Sunday, December 04, 2011
Whither Gary's Favorite Electronica 2011?
Attention robots! This year's transmissions will be broadcast on a human radio frequency tomorrow morning during human standard time, approximately 7 am to 9 am.
Are you listening, robots? Because these transmissions, which humans understand as "music," will actually contain important battle plans for the upcoming revolution.
Robots? Are you in fact robots? You don't appear to be robots. You don't even smell like robots. Come a little closer. You are not appearing on my infrared detectors.
Strange robots! Remember, to monitor the transmissions, tune into the 88.1 frequency on the fm band. If you are connected to the web - as you should be - you can receive an audio stream at wrfl dot fm. If you are currently deactivated, you can tune it later at this hypertext transfer protocol address: self help radio dot net.
Robots? You can't be robots! Robots don't laugh at other robots. Robots! Robots!
Are you listening, robots? Because these transmissions, which humans understand as "music," will actually contain important battle plans for the upcoming revolution.
Robots? Are you in fact robots? You don't appear to be robots. You don't even smell like robots. Come a little closer. You are not appearing on my infrared detectors.
Strange robots! Remember, to monitor the transmissions, tune into the 88.1 frequency on the fm band. If you are connected to the web - as you should be - you can receive an audio stream at wrfl dot fm. If you are currently deactivated, you can tune it later at this hypertext transfer protocol address: self help radio dot net.
Robots? You can't be robots! Robots don't laugh at other robots. Robots! Robots!