I Made Mistake

So, do you remember, way back when, when I was talking about scheduling stuff for this blog?  That was so long ago.  That was like two days ago.  I think I've been either drunk or asleep for most of that time.

Well.  I am wrong.  I was wrong.  I don't start my stupid Week O'Blogging on Friday!  I start on Saturday!  I will end on Wednesday!  That's five damn days!

So ignore this last Friday.  Except for everything that did exist, for all practical purposes Friday didn't exist.  Concentrate what was Friday onto Saturday.  This Saturday.  It's like daylight savings time except you're losing a whole day.  & you will not get it back.  Not ever.

Unless my show moves again.  I may need that Friday again.  I mean, I lived through it, & so did you, but we will not speak of it again.  As far as we are concerned, it did not happen.  Not for this blog, at least.  I actually had a nice time.  Come to think of it.  I drank some beer & watched a sci-fi flick, happy in the knowledge I didn't have to wake up at 4:30 in the morning for a Saturday morning radio show.

But!  For the purposes of making sure my arbitrary schedule of posting here on this blog, the entry I posted on Friday, which is to say, anything about Friday, did not exist.

Perhaps you think I'm overreacting, & creating some kind of incident that's silly to mask an embarrassment I, as perhaps the only reader of this blog, am feeling.  That's absurd!  The plan of action I am recommending - that I am implementing! - is the only logical thing to do.  I defy you to think of something other than forced, targeted self-amnesia.

What would you want me to do?  Sheepishly apologize?  I will not!  This is not sex!

Friday I'm In Lieu

Guess what?  I haven't started working on Tuesday's show yet.  I am taking my time.  Please don't make fun of me Monday when I am freaking out.

There will be a dinner party at my place tonight.  I just went shopping.  I watched a woman who was perfectly able to bag her own groceries sit & stare at a cashier while she (the cashier) did all the work, checking the items out & then putting them in a bag, & while the line behind her got longer & longer.  I marvel at how entitled people like that idle woman feel.  When I bag my own groceries, the cashier thanks me, as does the person behind me.

By the way, who doesn't bring their own reusable bags to stores?  It's 2015.  We might be able to add another year or two at the end of the brief time this planet can sustain human life.  But you know the saying: self-important self-involved indolent pieces of entitled shit are why we can't have nice things.

This is something else I am sort of annoyed by: the stock question that cashiers ask when you get to check-out: "Did you find everything okay?"  I want to say, "Whether I did or not, this is exactly the wrong place to ask me.  If I didn't, we would hold up the line for everyone else because I wasn't smart enough to find any number of the clearly-marked employees around the store to ask for help.  In fact, you should probably say, 'If you haven't found everything you came for at this point, you're a moron & you don't deserve my help.'"

Oh man I didn't want to write about things that irk me, but I will add one more: cashiers who make conversation based on what you buy.  It's so lame.  This is I think a Trader Joe's phenomenon.  It happens there all the time.  It takes two major forms:

1) As they're checking out an item, they say, "Oh, I love this.  This is so good."

2) As they're checking out an item, they say, "Oh I've got to try this!  It looks so good."

I want to say, in the first instance, "That's interesting, I only buy this to poison the rats in my garage."  & in the second instance, "It's not.  It's awful.  But my mother-in-law's in town."

Do we need to make conversation at a checkout line?  The woman at Whole Foods today was awful cute but I'm married & also probably twenty-five years older than her, which is as much to say that she would have no interest in my aged ugly self as it would be to say that she & I would have virtually nothing in common, guaranteed.  Why waste time conversing?  What's so bad about a little silence while you do your job & I bag my own damn groceries?

Wow that got grumpy fast.  I am going to start making dinner, & also have a beer.

Reorganization Time Again

Perhaps it's well-known to anyone who well-knows me that I am of an obsessive nature.  I like a certain amount of structure in my life, & that's reflected not just in my show but also in this blog.  I especially liked doing a radio show on Friday, because I like to write on this blog (despite having virtually nothing to say) five days a week, & Fridays are a nice natural end to a workweek.

So what happens now that I am doing a show on Tuesdays?  Well, fuck.  That throws the whole week out of whack.

I wrote this when my show was suddenly on a Saturday:

I will write five blog posts a week, per my doctor's orders.  Since I will most probably be posting my show on Saturday afternoons, I will be posting on Saturday.  I don't post on Saturday.  Usually I don't get out of bed on Saturday.  Now I have to.  Whose fault is that?  Mine.  Shut up.

I was mentioning that I would no longer post something on this blog on Mondays, since I had shifted one day.  Now I've shifted three days.  So I will be writing on Mondays again.  I wrote on a Monday this week!  But not, I guess, on Wednesdays & Thursdays.

The show will be posted on Tuesdays.  I'll resume the week on Fridays.  I will write all weekend long.

It's very weird to me that I don't have to wake up early on a Friday or a Saturday.  I used to set two alarm clocks - because I usually didn't get to bed till around midnight the night before, & it takes me a while to fall asleep & I wanted to make sure I woke up - & since both clocks are on Apple products - iPhone, iPad - they would go off simultaneously.  I'd push myself out of bed, stumble to the shower, & try to wake myself up as so many Americans do by standing under hot water until I was conscious that I was standing under hot water.  (This is something that Californians might not be able to experience much longer.  Maybe someone will invent a sonic shower now?)  Then I'd let the dogs out & they'd misbehave & I'd try not to yell at them because it was five o'frickin' clock in the morning.  They'd get to go back to bed.  I'd go sit at my computer & try to get my shit together enough to get in the car, drive to the station, & do an exceptionally stupid radio show.

Now I can wake whenever on Tuesdays, as long as it isn't 3:45pm (which it won't be - I have eight animals who never let me sleep longer than 9am), & even have lunch & other things before my show.  That seems weird as fuck.  I don't even know how that's going to feel in the long run.

Ask me later.  Meanwhile - the new sequence of blog entries start tomorrow.  I'm sure you're excited.  I will try to find something interesting to write.  But.  Don't hold your breath.

Self Help Radio 071415: The Blues

(original image here

Well, here it is, the first Self Help Radio on a Tuesday afternoon.  Two hours of songs about "the blues," with most of them actually blues.  Imagine that!  I hope it served a decent transition from the previous show, Black n Blues, & my own erratic dumb show.

It's now resting at the Self Help Radio website.  If you've not noticed, there's a username & password you need to know - that's on the front page.  & all the songs I played are below.

Thanks for listening!

(part one)

"Mr. McTell Got The Blues # 1" Blind Willie McTell _Complete Recorded Works Vol. 1_
"Blowin' The Blues" Chuck Darling _Harmonica Blues 1920s & 30s_
"How Can You Have The Blues" Kansas City Kitty & Georgia Tom _Blues Connection, Vol. 1: How Long Blues_

"I Gotta Right To Sing The Blues" Louis Armstrong _Blue Skies: 45 Hits From The 30s & 40s_
"The First Time I Met The Blues" Little Brother Montgomery _When The Sun Goes Down, Vol. 2: The First Time I Met The Blues_
"Just A Good Woman Through With The Blues" Trixie Butler _Female Blues Singers, Vol. 7 G/H_
"Trouble Ain't Nothing But The Blues" Lonnie Johnson _Essential Blues Masters_
"If You Ever Had The Blues" Earl Williams _The OKeh Rhythm & Blues Story_

"Moanin' The Blues" Hank Williams _The Complete Hank Williams_
"I Dreamed The Blues" Valerie Carr with Gene Redd & His Orchestra _Rare Blues Girls From King_
"I Got The Blues For You" Al Collins & Orchestra _The Ace Blues Masters, Vol. 3: Tuff Enuff_
"Too Young For The Blues" Ella Fitzgerald _Jukebox Ella_
"Birth Of The Blues" Gordon McRae _The Best Things In Life Are Free_

"Boppin' The Blues" Carl Perkins _Original Golden Hits_
"Singing The Blues" Tommy Steele _The Best Of Tommy Steele_
"Home Of The Blues" Johnny Cash _The Essential Johnny Cash_

(part two)

"Sittin' & Cryin' The Blues" Willie Dixon _Willie's Blues_
"Livin' With The Blues" Sonny Terry & Brownie McGhee _Rediscovered Blues_
"Singing The Blues" George Jones _Ragged But Right: The Starday Years Plus_

"Good Time Charlie's Got The Blues (Take 8)" Elvis Presley _Elvis At Stax_
"The Blues My Naughty Sweetie Gives To Me" The Greenbriar Boys _The Best Of The Vanguard Years_
"Yonder Comes The Blues" Fred Neil _Bleecker & McDougal_
"I Chose To Sing The Blues" Ray Charles _Genius & Soul: The 50th Anniversary Collection_
"I Call It Pretty Music But the Old People Call It the Blues (Part 1)" Stevie Wonder _The Complete Motown Singles, Vol. 3: 1963_

"You Give Me The Blues" Lightnin' Slim _Bell Ringer_
"Singing The Blues" Jason Eddie & Centremen _Joe Meek Rarities Vol. 2: The Beat Groups Era_
"Don't Knock The Blues" TV Slim _When Girls Do It_
"Why I Sing The Blues" Betty Barney & The Pazant Brothers _Funk Soul Sisters_
"My Middle Name Is The Blues" Abner Jay _Last Ole Minstrel Man_
"Preaching The Blues" The Gun Club _Fire Of Love_

"Killing The Blues" John Prine _Pink Cadillac_

Whither The Blues?

Man, am I nervous.  In less than two hours, I'll start my new timeslot - who knows if it'll be permanent? - for the summer, four to six in the afternoon on Tuesdays.  As I've mentioned before, the timeslot was home to one of WRFL's most beloved shows, Black n Blues, which just went off the air last week.  So I am like - what could be the most awful analogy? - I'm like a person marrying someone who has just experienced the death of the love of their life.  It's crazy.  They should have just aired repeats or
something for a month.  There's no way I can live up to that show.

I'm a fool, but I'm going to try.  Sort of.  I'm going to do a show about "the blues."  Basically, if the song expounds on some aspect of the blues, it was worthy of being chosen by me.  Most, but not all, of the songs will actually be in the blues idiom.  But some won't.  & still those people had the blues!

It's on from 4 to 6 this afternoon (like I said) on 88.1 fm in Lexington, & online wherever people have the blues (& that's everywhere, friend) at wrfl dot fm.

Normally I put the show on the Self Help Radio website a few hours after the show, but seeing as I'm on afternoons again - I think I'll do it tomorrow.  If you don't mind.

Sugar Substitute # 164

Well, here it is, the last Sugar Substitute for a while - since I'm now doing Self Help Radio on Tuesdays, I have one less hour, & that means, sadly, no extra sixty minutes of freeform radio.

This week, among other things, I feature a cool Beatles cover by my favorite Austin band, Luxuriator.  Fun fact!  Luxuriator technically have appeared on every episode of Sugar Substitute, since I use their song of the same name as the intro music (with dumb samples I added).  So the show is not only named after a Luxuriator song, it also features that song in a brief snippet at the beginning of the show.  I'm very glad they have never asked me for royalties.

You can find the show here on the Self Help Radio website.  Please pay attention to the username password nonsense.  The songs I played are below.  The gratitude I have for your listening time is enormous.

See you tomorrow at 4pm!

"Piggies" Luxuriator _Piggies_
"Trespassing" Strange Names _Use Your Time Wisely_
"The Book Of Love" The Magnetic Fields _69 Love Songs_

"Vieux Loop" The Acorn _Vieux Loup_
"High Flying Bird" Richie Havens _Mixed Bag_
"Choked Out" The Mountain Goats _Beat The Champ_
"Spyglass" The Hush Now _Sparkle Drive_
"Train In Spain" The Human Circuit _Frequent Seas_

"Private Hell" The Jam _Setting Sons_
"Staring Contest" Mates Of State _You're Going To Make It_
"Ain't Nothing Like The Real Thing" Marvin Gaye & Tammi Terrell _You're All I Need_
"Tall Cool One" The Fabulous Wailers _The Fabulous Wailers: The Original Golden Crest Masters_
"Before The Stars" Is/Is _Shadow Days_

"The Nineteen Sixties" Baxendale _You Will Have Your Revenge_
"Octopussy" The Wedding Present _Seamonsters_
"Never Wanna See That Look Again" Christopher Owens _A New Testament_
"Firestation Towers" The Close Lobsters _Forever Until Victory_

Self Help Radio 071115: Sense & Nonsense

(original image here)

A show about sense + nonsense doesn't make any sense!  Should it?  Make sense I mean?  Or not?

I dunno.  Here it is though.  Trying to make sense of things.  You know how it is.  Still.  There's some nonsense too.  You have been warned.  Or, should I say, nonsensically, you have been warmed.

The show is where you expect it to be: at Self Help Radio on the web.  In addition to the music played, listed below, there's a conversation with our man in Hollywood, Mark Miller, who's trying to make sense of that industry, & a professor in New Mexico who teaches, & he says this himself, nonsense.  Do pay attention to the username/password stuff there.  It's how you get to listen to the show!

Sense?  Nonsense!
Thanks for listening!

(part one)
"Sense & Nonsense" Adorable _Vendetta 7"_
"It Don't Make Sense" Fiestas _Oh So Fine_
"It Don't Make Sense" The Carpettes _The Early Years_

"Nothing Makes Sense" Jennifer Gentle _Valende_
"Several Thousand Light Years Of Talking Nonsense" The Crimea _Secrets Of The Witching Hour_
"The Sense" Crippled Pilgrims _Down Here (Collected Recordings 1983-1985)_

"You Make No Sense" ESG _Come Away With ESG_
"No Sense" New Model Army _No Rest For The Wicked_
"Make Sense Of It" Split Enz _Time & Tide_
"Makes No Sense At All" Hüsker Dü _Flip Your Wig_

"Common Sense" John Prine _Common Sense_
"Empire Of The Senseless" The Mekons _The Mekons Rock 'n' Roll_

(part two)
"You Stopped Making Sense" The Radio Dept. _Clinging To A Scheme_
"Logic Makes No Sense To Me" The Would Bes _Silly Songs For Cynical People_

"Treasury Of Nonsense" New Christy Minstrels _Tell Tall Tales! Legends & Nonsense_
"No Sense Nonsense" Jeremiah _USA Garage Greats 1965-1967: Hypnotized!_
"Sense Sickness" Del Amitri _Scared To Get Happy: A Story Of Indie Pop 1980-1989_
"Senseless" The Sullivans _The Sullivans_
"Sense" Terry Hall _Home_

"We Make Sense" Noise Problems _Emma Acs Live At The Festival Of Endless Gratitude_
"Only The Sea Makes Sense" Gorky's Zygotic Mynci _Gorky 5_
"Makes No Sense" Soundpool _Mirrors In Your Eyes_
"No Sense" Bailterspace _Strobosphere_

"Songs Of Fun & Nonsense (with Martyn Green)" Julie Andrews _Once Upon A Time_

Whither Sense & Nonsense?

There are a few things to say about this show, which I will enumerate in Roman numerals because I am reading a book about Romans right now.

I. I have no idea why I thought about doing a show about sense & nonsense.

II. I don't normally do shows about opposites like this.

III. I think I thought I couldn't find enough songs about one or the other.

IV. But it turns out there were many more songs about making sense than songs about nonsense.

V. Which is not to say nonsense songs.

VI. Like, I was going to play the song "O Susannah."  That song delighted me as a child.

VII. I only picked a couple for the show.

VIII. Every time I do a show with two things - if I've ever done a show with two themes…

IX. I can't remember if I ever have.

X. I'm too lazy to go check.

XI. Anyway, I thought I could do a sense song, then a nonsense song, then a sense song, etc.

XII. There weren't enough nonsense songs.

XIII. There were tons of song about "the senses," though.

XIV. I eliminated them.  That's a whole other show!

XV. Not to mention the individual senses!

XVI. Has it rained every day this summer?

XVII. Uh, I've lost my train of thought.

XVIII. You don't expect me to make sense anyway, right?

XIX. Anyway, I'm moving the show to Tuesdays after this next show, you know.

XX. So listen!

That made no sense.  Appropriately.  Self Help Radio's last Saturday morning show, at least for now,
on 7-9 am, wrfl.fm / 88.1 fm.  You know the drill.

Preface To Sense & Nonsense: Homecoming

My wife has been in Spain for the past three weeks.

Ooo, you might say to yourself.  Ooo, Spain.  Well!  What a terrible wife, not to take her lonesome husband to the beautiful & ancient old country, to visit its beautiful beaches, its museums, to partake of its culture, its sangria, its siestas in the hot, dry summer!

It's okay - she's not really a terrible wife - she's actually there to work.  She's spent the past few days holed up in what I can only assume is a refurbished Inquisition-era torture room dissecting animals for her next big scientific paper.  She's an anthropologist, you see.  She's told me things about the animals she's cut up that would've led to divorce papers from a weaker spouse.

I do throw up all the time when she talks about her work, though.

She comes back tomorrow.  So I've been working on Saturday's show all day today so I could spend maximum time with her tomorrow.  There!  You thought I wasn't a crazy romantic fool.  But you were wrong!

Update: just got a text from her.  It just says "plastered."  It's after midnight in Valladolid.  She's having way more fun than I am, that's for sure.

Whenever It Rains A Lot I Think Of The Novel "One Hundred Years Of Solitude"

It's been raining a lot here.  It reminds me of a story.  A long time ago, maybe even ten years ago now, I was fortunate enough to see The Lucksmiths, the best indiepop band ever, live at Emo's in Austin, Texas.

I don't remember what year it was but the Lucksmiths were supporting an Elephant Six band like Olivia Tremor Control or Ladybug Transistor.  I wasn't there to see that band (whichever one it was, or another I'm forgetting), & I'm not suggesting the bands are interchangeable, as I enjoyed them, but I had discovered the Lucksmiths by reviewing a CD for KVRX in 1999 & never thought this Australian band would make its way to the United States.

(They made it back to Austin one more time, probably around 2007, & I also saw them three times in San Francisco, trips I made specifically to see the band.  I loved them so much.)

Honestly, I had never seen a band win over a group of people who didn't know about them before.  & this was at Emo's, where people were only allowed in if they were sufficiently jaded.  I overheard later on that the band sold an amazing amount of merchandise after their short set, & I also talked to people who wanted to know more about them.

But my favorite comment about the band was this: "Where they come from, it must rain a lot."

I hadn't thought of it before, but they do in fact sing a lot about rain.  To people in Austin, Texas, in the middle of a hot summer, it seemed noteworthy.

Where are they from?  Brisbane, I believe.  Does a rain a lot in Brisbane?  This website (which is metric!) doesn't seem to suggest that it does.  (I translated it.)  25 inches a year?  That's about half what Lexington gets.  Even less than what Austin averages!

But rain is thoughtful, rain is poetic.  Rain sets the mood.  & rain makes me a lonesome boy.  Who's going to go listen to the Lucksmiths right now.

Sugar Substitute # 163

Here's another episode of the one-hour "free-form" radio show I do before my regular show, Self Help Radio, on Saturday mornings.  It turns out this is the next-to-the-last Sugar Substitute for a while, because, as you know, Self Help Radio is moving to Tuesday afternoons next week & I won't have that extra early-morning hour to play around with like I do now.

This week's show features a three-song tribute to the newest member of our household, a ridiculous chihuahua girl we called Yoko, who is, I am happy to say, fitting in tolerably well.  Beagles are notoriously accepting, cats are notoriously aloof, & she is notoriously sweet & cute.  It's working out better than I could have expected.  So she deserves some songs!

You can listen to the show now at this link, & if you don't know the username/password combo, I can only say like I am whispering SHR + selfhelp.  Otherwise you're on your own.

The songs I played are below.  Hope you enjoy!

"Why" Yoko Ono _Plastic Ono Band_
"Oh Yoko!" John Lennon _Imagine_
"Be My Yoko Ono" Barenaked Ladies _Gordon_

"Song Will" Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin _The High Country_
"Aquarium" Robyn Hitchcock _Eye_
"Foolin' Around" Crocodiles _Boys_
"Los Testigos No Descansan En Domingo" Clint _Alegrame El Dia_

"Bad Love" Summer Camp _Bad Love_
"Anywhere" Interpol _El Pintor_
"Young Girls" Pins _Wild Nights_
"Digital" Joy Division _A Factory Sample_
"Powder Keg" Church Girls _Church Girls EP_

"Mark & John (Bring On The Glitter Kids)" The Secret History _Desolation Town_
"Zoo Music Girl" The Birthday Party _Drunk On The Pope's Blood_
"Where's Sweetboy" Purling Hiss _Weirdon_

Self Help Radio 070415: Flags

(Original image here.)

Hooray for Independence Day!  Hooray for flags!  But oh!  I'm exhausted.  All that flag waving this morning - I might have to get my forearm repaired.  But!  If you like flags, here's a show for you!  Flag songs out the wazoo, wherever that is; plus I talk to Mark Miller in Hollywood, & to a descendent of Betsy Ross!  Man, those exclamation points are exhausting me too.  I need a nap.  Wake me with fireworks.

The show is now at the Self Help Radio website, where it'll be all Fourth Of July long.  There's a password + username, pay attention.  The playlist is on the site, but also below.

Enjoy the holiday! Thanks for listening.

(part one)

"Betsy Ross & The Flag" Stan Freberg _The United States Of America_
"Rally 'Round The Flag" The Weavers _The Weavers' Almanac_
"Your Flag Won't Get You Into Heaven Anymore (live)" John Prine _The Singing Mailman Delivers_

"You're A Grand Old Flag" James Cagney & The Warner Bros. Chorus & Warner Bros. Studio Orchestra _Yankee Doodle Dandy_
"The Ragged Old Flag" Johnny Cash _The Ragged Old Flag_
"Face The Flag" John Wayne _America, Why I Love Her_

"Pink Flag" Wire _Pink Flag_
"I Am Your Flag" The Beat _Wha'ppen?_
"Flag Night" The Passage _For All & None_
"Under The Flag II" Fad Gadget _Under The Flag_

"From The Flagstones" Cocteau Twins _Sunburst & Snowblind_
"Flag Day" The Housemartins _Live At The BBC_

(part two)

"Empire" Eddie Izzard _Dress To Kill_
"The Red Flag" Billy Bragg _The Internationale_
"Let Your Freak Flag Fly" The Hummingbirds _Va Va Voom_

"Gimme Back My Flag" Julian Cope _Jehovahkill_
"Red Flag New York" The Bartlebees _What Is It All About?_
"Flags Of Freedom" Neil Young _Living With War_

"This Is Not My Flag" The Dentists _Behind The Door I Keep The Universe_
"They'll Hang Flags From Cranes Upon My Wedding Day" Ballboy _Club Anthems_
"Flags" Sons & Daughters _This Gift_
"White Flag" Guided By Voices _The Bears For Lunch_

"Waving Flags" British Sea Power _Sea Of Brass_
"Wave The White Flag" Boat _Pretend To Be Brave_
"A Flag In The Court" Thee Oh Sees _Help_

Whither Flags?

I kinda explained yesterday* why I am doing a show about flags.  I mean, Fourth Of July!  Flags!  Hurrah!

Now, to dispel some rumors my cats have been spreading.  I will not be burning a flag on air during the show.  That would be a fire hazard.  I will not be undressing & wrapping myself in a flag so it touches my naughty parts.  That would also be a fire hazard.  & finally, I will not wipe my ass with the flag.  That would be disgusting & anyway that's what my flag-decorated toiler paper is for.  I don't know why my cats like to promulgate falsehoods about me nor why my dogs enjoy re-tweeting such items but suffice it to say that while I know it's perfectly legal to do any of that, I'm not going to, & even if I did you couldn't see me do it because I'm on the radio!  Good grief.  Use your heads!

Tomorrow morning: flags on the radio from 7 to 9am on 88.1 fm WRFL Lexington.  Online at wrfl dot fm.  Archived in time for fireworks at .  I hope you'll wake & listen!

* Why do I link it?  It's right below this entry!

Preface To Flags: I'm Not Used To Being So Topical

Sometime in the last month, or maybe in May, when I realized I was going to be doing a show on Saturdays, I had a look at the calendar.  I looked at the June calendar (that was when I'd start doing the show again).  Then I looked at the July calendar.  Uh oh!

(calendar courtesy of time & date dot com)

Do you see what the first Saturday in July is?  It's the frickin' frackin' Fourth Of July!

I've done a July 4th show before, this one about America.  (I also apparently did a show on July 4th last year about limes, which makes no sense*.)  For some reason, my brain said to me, "Let's do a show about flags."

Flags!  Of course!  People in my neighborhood have some group come by before Memorial Day, Independence Day, & Veteran's Day, & put flags on their lawn.  I never see the flags being erected & they're gone the next day, so I can only assume this weirdly patriotic group works in darkness.

So - yeah, flags.  I guess I was supposed to talk about this tomorrow, but that's the origin of this week's show.  I thought I'd do a show about flags because Self Help Radio happens to fall on Independence Day this week.  Um.  Spoiler alert?

But holy smokes, have you been paying attention to flags in the news?!?  Here's a cartoon by Jonathan Schmock to give you a taste:

That's right!  In the weeks before I was going to do a show about flags, flags are in the news!  Confederate flags disgraced at last!  Gay rights flags flying triumphantly!

Flags are on the tip of everyone's tongues!  I was in a Shell station somewhere in southeastern Kentucky - a Shell station with a Schlotsky's (not unusual) but also an entire, weirdly immaculate supermarket in the back (very unusual) - just buying a soda - & the clerk yelled back to someone in the grocery aisles, "Keep it up, I'll burn every gay pride flag I see!"

It's almost like I'm up to date on current events!

It's freaking me out.

* Here's what I wrote on my blog in regards to my Fourth Of July show about limes:

"Yes, I know it's the Fourth of July & you'll be in bed, but I couldn't be bothered to do an America-themed show.  Anyway, there's a parade & stuff later.  You can go to that.

Limes!  What was I thinking?"

Things Change More

I guess I can announce this…

You know there's this excellent radio show on WRFL called Black N Blues.  It describes itself (quite correctly) as "hip shakin' rhythm & heart breakin' blues."  It's almost a damned institution!

Well, the host, Dan Black, is relocating down south - appropriately to Nashville.  & the Program Manager has asked me to move Self Help Radio to that timeslot.

What?  Hunh?  How in the world can I even hope to live up to that?  I play some old blues & some r&b & love pretty much everything Dan played, but - well - I don't know!  It makes me queasy just thinking about it.

But. Boy! the idea of not having to wake up so early in the morning appeals to me.

So I said yes.

It's in a couple of weeks.  July 14th, actually.  Bastille Day.  For Pierre's sake!

I'll still do Self Help Radio this Saturday & the next.  It means that there'll be one week with two Self Help Radio episodes.  I apologize in advance.

I'm also very sorry about all this moving around.  I heard that Dan Black himself commented on the decision: "I'm glad he got it," he is reported to have said, adding, "Bastard."

What do you think?  Can Self Help Radio be an afternoon show?

Private Eulogy

My oldest sister died last week.  She had pancreatic cancer.  It happened very fast.  I was very fortunate, since she lived a thousand miles away, to have visited her about a month ago (before anything was diagnosed) & to have spoken to her a week before she died.  I loved her very much.  I went to her memorial this weekend (which is why I didn't do my show) & stood in the house that was so much hers - her favorite place to be, the place she was happiest - & told my younger sister, "She's still here.  It's so hard to be here because everything is telling me she's still here."

I have dreamt about her pretty much every night since it happened.  I remember when I was told the machines turned off & she was no more.  I said, "I held out hope."

In a hotel room in Memphis last night, I wrote a letter to someone I haven't spoken to in many, many years.  I didn't send it.  Here's what I wrote:

It's a stormy night in Memphis.  I've been here four times in a month this year.  It's halfway between Lexington & Dallas.  I like the city, we stop here, we forage for vegan food here, we rest our weary heads here after eight hours driving from Lexington.  I'm sort of by myself.  Magda is in Spain.

I drove to a pet store around the area near the airport because I am with a chihuahua.  She was named Chica but in our normal tradition, since we're adopting her, we wanted to rename her.  Unlike our normal tradition, Magda named her, & from afar: she wants to call her "Yoko" because, as she says, "she's breaking up the beagles."

Yoko belonged to my sister Pat.  Pat adopted her last year, though she swore she'd never get another dog after her last dog, Sarge, died.  Sarge was a sweetie.  Pat seemed to be struggling with depression of some kind & Yoko/Chica would visit her from another family's house where, according to Pat, there were pit bulls who wouldn't let the poor thing eat.  So Pat fed her, &, as she was Pat, she fed her bad food.  Wet food, human food.  The little girl is fat like a sausage.

Pat died of cancer a few days ago.  Before she did - when she had just found out there was a tumor on her pancreas - she worried about the fate of Chica/Yoko.  She said, "Could you take her?"  I said of course.  What's one more dog in our hoard?  She's a sweet thing.  She just needs better habits.

Anyway, what sort of heel refuses what surely was a dying wish?

Pat's memorial was in Dallas yesterday.  I couldn't not come.  Afterwards, I took Yoko to my hotel room, drove to Memphis today, & I make sure she's always with me.  I hope she'll be better when she's part of a pack, but right now I bet she needs to poop + pee & it's raining like crazy.  Ridiculously warm summer rain, I bet.  Rain like you'd find in a swamp.

Pat was a generous big sister but over the last decade we had become friends.  I loved to listen to her gossip.  Last night, exhausted, I finally got Yoko to calm down in bed, & I asked myself questions for Pat & answered them in my head in her voice.  At the memorial, I saw my brothers, all of whom I haven't seen in four years or so, plus lots of people I might not have seen in decades, old school friends of her son's, friends of the family she kept in touch with that I had all but forgotten.  I wanted to call Pat & listen to her impressions of everything & everyone there.  But I can't.  Not anymore.

She leaves behind a husband & a son, both of whom are acting like they're in control.  I don't for a second think it's true - her son was there when they turned the machines off, for Pat had a DNR - & no one's a fucking Vulcan.  All I could do is say, "Before you compartmentalize this in such a way it explodes all over you, please talk to me, let me listen to you."

My brothers & my other sister are writing about Pat on their Facebook pages but I've never done that.  I will write something on my blog.  I will tell my closest friends personally, or privately.

I'm reminded of a Bob Dylan lyric that I once associated (since that was his intent) with lost love:

I'm going out of my mind

With a pain that stops & starts

Like a corkscrew to my heart

Ever since we've been apart

That sounds like grief to me.  But everything sounds like grief to me right now, as I am grieving.

I hear her voice.  I see her face.  It's stupid, strange, horrible that she's gone.

I'll see if the rain has stopped.  Again, apologies if this is inappropriate or an intrusion. I hope all is well with your family & with you.

Never sent.  Just needed to write it, I guess.  You can pretend I wrote it for you.

When my sister joined Facebook, for a long time she left out her profile picture.  I said, "Do you not know how to put a picture up?"  She said, "No, I just don't like any picture of me."  So I sent her this picture, which I said reminded me of her:

It's Medusa, from the Inhumans, as drawn by Jack Kirby.  It's been her profile picture ever since.

It's strange, she still has a Facebook page.  One more thing you can't take with you.

It's sad that I now live in a world without my favorite sibling.  Here's the thing about Pat: I think she was every one of my brothers' & my sister's favorite sibling.  That's how amazing she was.  Kind & generous to a fault.  Stubborn but loving.  & probably the best mother I've ever known.  She was pretty much one-of-a-kind.

Tomorrow, I go back to work on my radio show.  Tonight, I'll watch Yoko learn about her new family & hopefully we'll all get a little rest.  Pat sometimes listened to my radio show, something none of my siblings have ever done.  I think she was doing it to be nice.  But of course I appreciated it.

I hope she understood how appreciated she was.  I owe her so much.  I miss her so much.

Whither Roads?

Actually, I'm on the road.  I might not be on the road from 7-9am tomorrow, but if I'm not, & I'm not asleep, I'll be listening to Maria & Macy as they do a Self Help Radio episode about roads!

You can find it on 88.1 fm on your dial +/or online at wrfl dot fm, which is how I'll be listening!

You are in for a treat!

Grief

I've written about grief before, when I talked about the death of my dog George, & I am still flabbergasted by how powerful grief is.  I know I wrote this already, but the night George died, I drank an extraordinary amount of whiskey - probably enough to put most anyone to blackout sleep - but my mind wouldn't let me get drunk.  It was so absorbed in the pain I was going through that it said "fuck you" to the alcohol in my head.  On Facebook, I wrote: "grief > alcohol," a mathematical equation I haven't tested since then.  Nor do I want to.

To a friend today I wrote this:

"I was walking the dogs yesterday & trying to understand why grief seemed to be the most powerful emotion I've ever felt.  I think it's because it's every emotion you feel for the thing you have lost - not just the love, but the dumb things, the frustration, the anger, the impatience, the worry - everything that goes into a living, breathing relationship with someone - & all the years are dropped on you all at once.  It's crippling.  You lose a little of yourself, & you know it."

It seems strange to me that we survive grief.  It must be that grief transforms us somehow.  Transforms us without making us colder.  If anything, it makes us more sensitive.  That seems counter-intuitive.

Despite the name of my radio show, I don't really read much self-help or even listen to those shows.  I've never seen an episode of "Dr. Phil," just clips on shows like "The Soup."  I am resisting reading what social scientists say about grief because at some level I don't think understanding it will help any.  Not when you're so deep in it.

Like every emotional battering, grief makes it hard to be logical.  But look at me, here, making a stab at it.

Family Matters

There will be a Gary-less (not, as is usual, garrulous) Self Help Radio on Saturday morning.  But there will be a Self Help Radio, which is wonderful.  The two delightful women who brought you the twins show earlier this year will step in for me & do a show about…  Well, I don't know!  They haven't told me.  They are Maria & Macy, of course.

Macy & Maria

(or is it Maria & Macy?)

I have to be out of town on family matters.  It's a sad story that I don't want to talk about just yet but it does require my presence.  For lots of reasons.  I'm sorry if it seems like I'm being coy.

I've been pretty candid about my relationship with my family on this blog, probably because so few people read it, & also because I really love to talk about my family.  I don't know if I really love my family as a unit, but there are members I love dearly.  The truth is, most of them are whatever is slightly less than strangers to me.  Because of that, I have toyed around with starting a blog called "Gary Complains About His Family."  But of course there was always a part of me that thought that would be a little tacky.

Anyway.  I'll discuss things once I'm slightly more clear headed.  I'm very glad that Maria & Macy will be hosting the show, though.  I think they're dynamite.

Sugar Substitute # 162

I'm sorry I'm posting this so late, but I've had a hell of a day.  About which more later this week.

This is the freeform show I do before Self Help Radio, & I play lots of different stuff, as you can see in the playlist below, including something from the delightful, strange & weird new collaboration between Scotland's Franz Ferdinand & the legendary band Sparks.  Again, what I played is below.

You can listen now by going to the Self Help Radio website.  Is there a problem with a username & a password?  Did you mean SHR/selfhelp?  I thought so.

Please to enjoy.

"1/2" Barcelona _Simon Basic_
"The Power Couple" FFS _FFS_
"Yuppie Restaurant" Barnabys _Augustus Loop_

"Notches On A Frame" Barna Howard _Quite A Feelin'_
"Riding Lightning" Crushed Out _Teeth_
"Crazy" Winter _Supreme Blue Dream_
"It Could Have Been Cheryl" The Brotherhood Of Lizards _The Wayward Genius Of Martin Newell_
"The Pattern" Ceremony _The L-Shaped Man_

"Oh No! The Unicorns Are Knife Fighting Again" Ladybirds _Regional Community Theater_
"Clap Your Hands!" Clap Your Hands Say Yeah _Clap Your Hands Say Yeah_
"Antwoman" Robyn Hitchcock _Jewels For Sophia_
"Going On Cold" Blind Mr. Jones _Stereo Musicale_

"Paul Newman" The Fontaines _The Fontaines EP_
"Life Is Strange" T.Rex _Tanx_
"Willie Goes To The Seashore" Tullycraft _Old Traditions, New Standards_