The Constant Struggle To Get One's Act Together

I can't understand how everyone has time to check their social media - their Facebookers, Twitters, Instant Gram, Bloggering, Tumblering - & I have more time than most!

Occasionally when I am wandering around & have my cell phone with me, I check my Twitter feed.  Usually, I am entertained, but I never really have anything to add, & so it's something of a passive medium for me.  I don't keep up the Self Help Radio Tumblr blog, & I feel bad about that.  I have fallen behind on Facebook.  & I try to write in this blog, even if - as per usual - I have nothing to say.  But where does the time go!

For me, there's a great satisfaction - even if it has affected my girth - in cooking.  It keeps Mrs. Self Help Radio happy, which should be pleasure enough, but I find joy in trying new things out - especially if they turn out all right.

Fuck you baking!

The wife was a passable cook, but she had a tendency, like a satellite's orbit decays, to make the meals just a little more sloppily each time.  I want to be able to either make the same recipe as great as it was the best time, or better.  I think that, since I'm never going to be a musician, or an actor, my cooking is a little like learning an instrument or memorizing lines.

It doesn't explain why I can't regularly update my life on Twitter, but it's the start of an excuse, anyway.

Is It Time To Start Recommending Records?

Someone asked me the other day why, since I have a blog for my radio show, I don't do what other people do who have one of those, which is talk about/review records here.  After all, I play new music on my show & I'm not terribly genre specific, so doubtless I listen to a lot of music - why not hype it up on this website?

The answer is in two parts.  One, I'm not a writer & even though I "review" records for WRFL, I'm not writing anything that I expect to publish.  Honestly, I'm surprised when my scribblings make any sense.

Two, I kind of think that the music I play on my is the best way to tell you what I like.  There are artists - a lot of them - which you'll never hear on Self Help Radio, & that's because I don't think they're any good.  It's sometimes heartbreaking to tell that to someone who suggests a song for one of my themes, but it's true - I don't have to play music I don't like, so I don't.

I'm not above saying what's making me happy at the moment, though, so perhaps I'll do that on Thursdays for a little while.  Maybe over time I'll be comfortable enough to write something that will resemble a review or at least some discussion of why I like what I like.

So today I recommend the new album by Talk Normal, which is called "Sunshine."  I think it's a record with super powers.  If you know how to get them to Lexington, that would be amazing.  The record looks like this:

I like it a lot.  Might you?

Don't Go To Sleep!

Here's this year's Halloween show, about nightmares, wherein I play lots of nightmare songs & also talk about why we have bad dreams.  After you listen to this show, though, you should sleep like a baby.

The show is in two parts, naturally, described below.  Part one is here & part two is here.  The entire show is at the Self Help Radio website.  Heck!  You can even listen to last year's Halloween show for a little while longer (it's about graveyards).

I hope it's sufficiently spooky.  Please enjoy.

(part one)

"Nightmare" Boris Karloff _Tales Of The Frightened, Vol. 2_
"The Nightmare" Cab Calloway _1930-1931_
"Nightmare" The Sinners _Bomp In The Night_

"Nightmare" Scottie Stuart _Monster Bop_ there i was in a strange & distant land
"Psycho Nightmare" Daniel Johnston _Fun_
"Nightmare On My Street" DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince He's The DJ, I'm The Rapper_
"Lullaby To Nightmares" They Might Be Giants _Long Tall Weekend_
"Like A Nightmare" The Andantes _The Complete Motown Singles, Vol. 4: 1964_

"Lord Chancellor's Nightmare Song" Todd Rundgren _Todd_
"Nightmare Mash" Billy Lee Riley _These Ghoulish Things: Horror Hits For Halloween_
"Another Velvet Nightmare" Frank Black _Honeycomb_
"Nightmare" The Rebel Set _Garage Monsters - The Best Of The GaragePunk Hideout, Vol. 9_
"Nightmares In Red" The Brain _Rubble Vol. 2_

"Happy Nightmare Baby" Opal _Happy Nightmare Baby_

(part two)

"Nightmare" Chuck Armstrong _Shackin' Up_ i woke up this morning from a deep sleep
"Lulu's Nightmare" The Jazz Butcher _Illuminate_
"Let It Be A Nightmare" The Bran Flakes _I Remember When I Break Down_
"Nightmares" Jay Reatard _Blood Visions_

"Nightmare" Moving Parts _Wrong Conclusion_
"I Got Nightmares" Q65 _Revolution_
"Nightmare" The*Rock*A*Teens _Cry_
"Nightmares" Creation _Our Music Is Red With Purple Flashes_
"Nightmare" Jack Turner _Haunted Halloween, Vol. 1_
"Nightmare" Kimberley Rew _The Bible Of Bop_

"Wet Nightmare" The Cramps _Big Beat From Badsville_
"Nightmares" Violent Femmes _3_
"Johnny Nightmare" The Secret History _The World That Never Was_
"The Nightmare Goes On" Piano Magic _Ovations_

Whither Nightmares?

It's becoming increasing difficult to make Halloween shows.  There are only a few Halloween themes, & I waste some of them like I did a couple of weeks ago & do a show about spiders too far ahead of Halloween to count.

What themes have I covered?


In 2003, it was just "Halloween."
In 2004, I didn't do a Halloween show.
In 2005, the show was about vampires.
In 2006, the show was about monsters.
In 2007, the show was about zombies.
In 2008, the show was about witches.
In 2009, the show was about werewolves.
In 2010, the show was about haunted houses.
In 2011, the show was about graveyards.

I am getting more abstract as time goes by, it seems.

Some nice person suggested a show about "creepy crawlies," which seems eminently do-able.  More problematic is a show about "Japanese monsters."  I think next year I'll do a show about voodoo!

You can wake up screaming tomorrow morning at 7am on 88.1 fm in Lexington - or online at the WRFL website, or you can wait until later when I put it up at Self Help Radio Dot Net.  Just in time for Halloween!  I promise!

Preface To Nightmares: On The Way Back From Atlanta

I will be home tonight & will hopefully have time to work on my show but mainly I'll want to cuddle with all my animals at home.

The drive from Lexington to Atlanta is a straight shot down I-75 & if you're somewhere near the Tennessee/Kentucky border around thereabouts - you're driving over some of the Appalachians I believe - the trees this time of year look scrumptious.  I can't share any pictures because I was driving & that would be unsafe, taking pictures from a moving car with all those unsafe Kentucky drivers around!  Do you think I have a death wish or something?

(Don't answer that.)

I had the chance today, when someone said, "It goes without saying," to interrupt & say, "Then don't say it!"

I've always wanted to do that.

Still In Atlanta

It's true, I am still in Atlanta & despite rumors that I am trying to start, I am not attempting to buy vast areas of prime Atlanta real estate & turn it into a Self Help Radio "fun park."  What I am doing here is too dull to mention.

I will mention that I had lunch at this place & it was awesome.  Yes, it's a "vegan butcher."  & they say we vegans have no sense of humor!

I like this city!

In Atlanta

I might be terse or not even writing anything since I'll be in Atlanta for a few days.  Why?  It's not for any plastic surgery, that's for sure.  Have you seen how much that costs?

I hope I get to go to Soul Vegetarian, though!

Apologies for not scribbling things you'll never read on this blog for a couple of days.

A You & I Show For You & Me

A radio show for me you & me!  Called "you & I"!  In which we discover that pronouns are no longer parts of speech!  Do you & I care?  Nope.

A lot of you & I songs below.  (A few you & me songs too.)  The show for you & me about you & I (it sounds awkward I know) is at the Self Help Radio website.  It's in two parts, not two you & I parts, but close: part one & part two.  I wish you & I could enjoy it together!

Thanks for listening!

(part one)

"You & I" Frank Sinatra with Tommy Dorsey & His Orchestra _The Popular Frank Sinatra Vol. 2_
"You & I" Betty Davis _Nasty Gal_
"You & I" Stevie Wonder _Talking Book_

"You & I" Silver Apples _Contact_
"You & I" The Onlookers _This Is Mod, Vol. 4: Modities_
"You & I" The Monkees _Instant Replay_
"You & I" The Paddingtons _No Mundane Options_
"You & I" I Start Counting _Catalogue_

"You & I" Rick James _Old School Funk Jams_
"You & I" Yoko Ono _Yes I'm A Witch_
"You & I" Graham Coxon _Love Travels At Illegal Speeds_
"You & I" The Cribs _The Cribs_
"You & I" SPY _Review III (Marsh-Marigold)_

(part two)

"You & I" Albert Hammond _When I Need You_
"You & I" Pete Shelley _XL1_
"Only You & I" Psychedelic Furs _Forever Now_
"Mommy Daddy You & I" Talking Heads _Naked_

"You & I (When We Were Young)" The Strawbs _Ghosts_
"I Think You & I" Skip Spence _Oar_
"If You & I Could Be Sweethearts" The Varieteers _Night Train To Nashville: Music City Rhythm & Blues, 1945-1970_
"If You & I Could Be As Two" Them _The Story Of Them_
"You & I Were One" Dennis Driscoll _A House Full Of Friends_
"You & I Misbehaving" Tilly & The Wall _Wild Like Children_
"You & I Have Seizures" His Name Is Alive _Livonia_

"You & Me" Penny & The Quarters _Eccentric Soul: The Prix Label_
"You & Me" John Cale _The Island Years_
"You & Me" R. Stevie Moore _Lo Fi High Fives…..A Kind Of Best Of_

Whither You & I?

The depths of my nerdiness - coupled with my obsessive-compulsive leanings (undiagnosed) & the fact that I was raised by a narcissistic mother - are not something I am eager to plumb.  But what if?  What if you did an entire show with songs simply titled "You & I"?  Is it at all possible?

Maybe.  (Not really.)  (Hush!)  Though I really did do a show a couple of years ago wherein every song was entitled "Tell Me".  So why not "You & I"?

Also, what the hell does a person who usually talks about his show's theme talk about when the show is about "you & I"?  I don't know much about you, & I fear I know even less about myself.

There's not much to hope for.  But you (& I) can listen tomorrow morning from 7 to 9am on 88.1 fm in Lexington & online at WRFL dot FM.  I'll put it on the Self Help Radio website later in the day, but I'll only do it for you & me.  No one else!

Preface To You & I: A Show About Pronouns? Really?

It's just that they're so helpful!

A Peanuts For Today

Seriously, Does Anyone Read This Blog?

I mean, really.  I write stuff about my silly radio show, but it's probably not terribly interesting. & while I sometimes try to be clever, I often fail.

Still, if you are one of the undaunted few who happen upon this in the month of October, 2012, & you'd like to get a Self Help Radio 10th Anniversary Mug - made from real ceramics! - then send an email to this email address - which is gary@selfhelpradio.net - & I can get a mug to you.  My treat!

But who in the world would be reading this?  Seriously, this blog seems more something *I* am required to pay attention to, not you.

There's Spiders In My Anniversary!

Whew!  Ten years is a long time.  Not so long, perhaps, for a tarantula, which might live for twenty years, but for your average spider, that ten times their normal lifespan.

Which is my way of saying, if a spider did Self Help Radio, the show would have ended after a year.

A celebration of spiders on a celebration of longevity.  The show is at the Self Help Radio website, in its web there.  You can listen to it directly in two parts: part one & part two.  But be careful!  The web is sticky!

Thanks for listening, & if you've listened to Self Help Radio for ten years - what's wrong with you?

Here's what I played in each part of the show:

(part one)

"Spiders" Bruce Haack _The Electronic Record For Children_
"A Good Year For Spiders" Ken Nordine _Transparent Mask_
"Inky Dinky Spider (The Spider Song)" Kids Next Door _Hey! Look What I Found Vol. 7_

"Boris The Spider" The Kords _Mindrocker: Anthology Of 60's US-Punk Garage Psych, Vol. 3_
"Spiders & Snakes" World Famous Blue Jays _Star Power!_
"Spiderman" Wreckage _A Pop Sampler_
"Spider & I" The Hope Blister _Smile's OK_

"Spider & The Fly" Barbecue Bob _Chocolate To The Bone_
"The Spider & The Fly" Fats Waller _The Definitive Fats Waller_
"The Spider & The Fly" Von Ruden _Pebbles, Vol. 7: Chicago 2_
"The Spider & The Fly" Monocles _Box Of Trash: Pebbles Box_
"The Spider & The Fly" John Zacherle _Monster Mash/Scary Tales_

"Crawlin' Black Spider" John Lee Hooker _Blues In Transition 1955 - 1959_
"Black Widow Spider" Big Bill Broonzy _Greatest Blues Licks_

(part two)

"Black Widow Spider Woman" Jack Hammer _Horror Hop_
"Ole! Tarantula" Robyn Hitchcock & The Venus Three _Ole! Tarantula_
"Tarantula" This Mortal Coil _Filigree & Shadow_

"Spidereggs" Elf Power _Elf Power_
"Spider" Ed's Redeeming Qualities _At The Fish & Game Club_
"Spiders" Editors _An End Has A Start_
"Spider" K.G. Young _Piccadilly Sunshine # 2_

"Spider" They Might Be Giants _Apollo 18_
"The Man, The King, The Girl & The Spider" Deerhoof _Halfbird_
"Spider" Pants Yell! _Received Pronunciation_
"You Spider" The Jessica Fletchers _You Spider_
"Spider" Swan Lake _Enemy Mine_

"Ziggy Stardust" David Bowie _ The Rise & Fall Of Ziggy Stardust & The Spiders From Mars_
"Spider" The Merrymen _Pebbles, Vol. 20: The Continent Lashes Back - Sweden_
"Does 'Things Could Be Worse' Mean I Should Be Happy" Beloved Binge _Pockets_

Whither Spiders? Whither A Tenth Anniversary Show?

It occurs to me that, if I am allowed to continue to do Self Help Radio into the future, I might revisit a theme (since I have decided that I should revisit themes on my anniversary shows) about which I have written once before on this blog.  That shouldn't happen any time soon - I've only maintained this blog for the past six years, or 6/10ths of the life of the show.  There are many more shows to revisit that aired before then.  (I'm surprised I didn't celebrate the sixth anniversary of my blog.  But now that I think about it, the reason I don't celebrate many anniversaries is because I never can remember when they are.)

Tomorrow, though, it's all about spiders.  (Even, as I keep getting suggested, spiders from Mars.)  I will be giving away special tenth anniversary Self Help Radio swag on the air & later on my Facebook page.  So please listen!

That's 7 to 9 am tomorrow (Monday) (the 15th of October) on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington & online at WRFL dot FM.  You won't want to miss it, but if you do - & I hope it's not because of a spider bite - you can hear it again & again at the Self Help Radio website.

Happy tenth anniversary, show!  You're still quite juvenile.

Preface To Spiders: Didn't You Do A Spider Show Already?

Yeah, but as I explained around the time of my ninth anniversary, I use the anniversary as a chance to revisit an old theme.  In this case, it is me revisiting a show from March 31, 2004, which I hastily put together that week because I had been bitten by a brown recluse spider.

Oh, yeah.  This guy.

It was a fun show, because people called to tell me all their spiderbite stories.  One person even offered to send me pictures of their necrotized skin.  I said thank you but no.

Looking back, I didn't have time (or try very hard) to find good spider songs.  This time around, I am more prepared.  I might not even play the songs I played the first time around!

(I didn't put mp3s of my shows up then, so I don't have the individual shows linked as I do now, so if you want to see the playlist, it's in the 2004 playlist section.  March 31.  You can just search for "spider.")

Did You Say TENTH ANNIVERSARY?

I did.  & the tenth anniversary is the diamond anniversary.  Here's a tenth anniversary graphic:

Graphic for what? you may ask.  Stay tuned!

Did Anyone Miss Self Help Radio?

I kinda missed doing Self Help Radio this week.  I'll tell you a secret: I was in town.  But I was asleep, having arrived the night before from St. Louis, where I saw Louis CK live at a lovely place called the Fox Theatre.  But I didn't have time to prepare a show, & someone named Allie did the show instead, which I haven't listened to, because what if she's much better at doing my show than I am?  What will I do with my life then?

This is an especially tender time because this week is the Self Help Radio's 10th Anniversary!  It's true!  Sometime around ten years ago, the first Self Help Radio aired on a Wednesday afternoon on KOOP radio, 91.7 fm, in Austin.  If I have time this weekend (& why wouldn't I? I don't really do anything) I'll see if I can come up with "ten years of Self Help Radio" facts & figures.  How many shows, how many themes, all the wasted minutes.

Ten years is a lot of time, isn't it?  I don't think I've done any one activity for ten years.  Except this one, I mean.  It's almost like admitting that I've grown old.  It's nearly a quarter of my life I've spent on this radio show!  & it doesn't even like me!

I was glad for the week off.  I think I'd like to do it more often, if only I could do it without missing my show.  I remember a dude at KOOP would make a show for when he was absent & then just give the recording to someone to play - just sit behind the board & play it - & in the recording he would say, "I'm not really in the studio, so don't call!"

All right, so I guess I'll just show up for Self Help Radio every day for the rest of my life, then.

Whither A Self Help Radio Without Gary?

It's true, tomorrow morning from 7 to 9am, Gary will not be hosting Self Help Radio.  A gracious RFLer named Allie will be hosting instead, a show about autumn.  You can listen on 88.1 fm in Lexington & online at wrfl dot fm.

(Do not report back to me how much better she was than I am.  I already know.)

Off To St. Louis!

To see old friends & Louis CK!

Self Help Radio returns a week from Monday!

Hurricane Self Help Radio!

I survived Hurricane Self Help Radio!  Now I disappear for a week to repair all the damage.

The devastating footage of the storm is at Self Help Radio web central.  The soundtrack for the show is below.  You can listen to part one & then part two.  Or backwards.  It may not look so horrible that way.

I'll be gone next week but back after that for the tenth anniversary show!

Thanks for listening!

(part one)

"The Hurricane Song" Tom Glazer _Weather Songs_
"Hurricane Season" Trombone Shorty _Backatown_
"The Word 'Hurricane'" Air _The Virgin Suicides_

"Hurricane" Levon Helm _American Son_
"Hurricane" Shuggie Otis _Here Comes Shuggie Otis_
"Hurricane" Golden Smog _Another Fine Day_
"Hurricane" The Coathangers _Larceny & Old Lace_
"Hurricane" Prisoners _WiserMiserDemelza_

"Florida Hurricane" St. Louis Jimmy Oden _St. Louis Jimmy Oden Vol. 2 1944-1955_
"Jamaica Hurricane" Lord Beginner _London Is The Place For Me: Trinidadian Calypso In London, 1950-1956_
"Hurricane Blues" Big Lucky Carter _The Complete Goldwax Singles Vol. 1_
"Mr. Science (Hurricanes)" Bob & Ray _Bob & Ray The Lost Episodes Vol. 5_
"Hurricane Fighter Plane" The Red Krayola _The Parable Of Arable Land_

"Tsunami (Cornelius Remix)" Manic Street Preachers _Forever Delayed: The Remixes_

(part two)

"Tsunami" Skywave _Synthstatic_
"Hurricanes" Lewis Black _The White Album_
"Hurricane Edward" The Fall _Levitate_
"Hurricane Waves" Bomb The Music Industry! _Vacation_

"Like A Hurricane" Neil Young _American Stars 'N Bars_
"Hurricane" Echo & The Bunnymen _Crystal Days: 1979-1999_
"It's Only A Hurricane" Fischer-Z _The Best_

"Hurricane" Elevator To Hell _Eerieconsiliation_
"Meathead Hurricane" Knight School _Revenger_
"Halifax In A Hurricane" Howe Gelb _Hisser_
"Hurricane Amore" Ocean Blue _Cerulean_
"Hurricane" Warm Jets _Future Signs_
"The Demon & The Hurricane" Deleted Scenes _Young People's Church Of The Air_

Whither Hurricanes?

I can't remember the last time I took a week off from Self Help Radio.  I don't really like to not do my show.  But I will be out of town next week, & for some reason I am a little glad.  Is that a bad thing?

You see, Self Help Radio is not a job.  I think I would be offended if someone were to pay me money for it.  (Also, I might want to make it better.)  (I couldn't take that sort of pressure.)  (But mainly I'd be offended.)  Since it's something I love to do, I don't like to miss it.

I should save this for next week's blog writings.  Tonight I should be talking about hurricanes.  Or tomorrow.  Tomorrow!

Tomorrow!  From 7 to 9am, on 88.1 fm, WRFL in Lexington.  Self Help Radio is category 3.  You can listen online at wrfl dot fm.  I'll put it up later at self help radio dot net.

Then there'll be no Self Help Radio for two weeks!  Lucky you!

Preface To Hurricanes: Katrina

It seems strange that Hurricane Katrina happened seven years ago.  I was still living in Austin then & we watched horrified as the storm bore down & it seemed like the government wasn't doing a thing to help save a legendary American city.  I guess you can watch the show Treme to see how things went.  I haven't kept up.

I remember the days afterward, when we'd go to Costco & buy things in bulk like water & peanut butter & take them to places where people in cars were loading these things up to drive the five hundred miles to the almost-destroyed city.

One immediate consequence of the aftermath of Katrina - &, it's true, it was a good thing for Austin - was a lot of refugees from the city, their homes destroyed - hell, their lives destroyed - found their way to Austin to start anew.  A bunch of community radio folks from New Orleans came to KOOP radio, & they contributed to the station greatly.  I was even reunited with an old friend who I didn't know had moved away.

It's still hurricane season - it lasts from June to November, at least within the Atlantic Ocean's sphere - so my show is surprisingly still timely.  It's going to take a few more years of hurricanes before we forget how horrible Katrina was, & still is.

I only wish I had visited New Orleans before.  I know it's not the same city anymore.

I Missed A Day

Sorry about that.  I am becoming very unreliable when it comes to the things that I am "supposed" to do.  I put supposed in scare quotes because it doesn't matter if I do them or not.  For example, this blog. According to Google Analytics, it gets around four visitors a day, of which probably three are me.  Hey, who is the other person?  You're probably looking for something else.  There are a few pictures of dogs & cats here, as well as a few playlists for my radio show, but not much else.  Sorry about that.

I write in the blog anyway because I feel I ought to.  I feel like somehow if I stop it'll mean even more obscurity for me.  It's funny, there are blogs I read more or less regularly online, & at some point I really hoped I'd get as much attention as them.  Then I realized I wouldn't.  Then it didn't matter much anymore.  But having to heap extra obscurity past my realization & apathy might be too much.

It's true, I was really tired after Boomslang, & it took me a while to get back into whatever swing my things are in.  Then it was Thursday & I had to write in this blog ("had to" - see what I mean?) & I realized I hadn't even put my show on the website.  So that's what I did Thursday night.

You know what I did Monday after my show, by the way?  I watched the Emmys.  I was up late seeing the Jesus & Mary Chain the night before, & I got three hours of sleep, & woke to do three hours of radio, & came home, & watched the Emmys!

So, apologies for missing a day.  Oh, I'm not apologizing to you - I'm apologizing to me, who visits this blog more than anyone else.  When I read this blog entry again a couple of times, I'll be able to say, "Oh, Gary, it's no big deal.  I didn't even notice."

I Guess I Really Didn't Care

Seriously - I didn't get around to putting this show up till tonight.

Actually, it was pretty exhausting after Boomslang.  I hope you liked the show.  & I hope you know I do care.  I can't help it.

The show is now available for the carefree & careless alike at the Self Help Radio website, or liked directly here: part one & part two.  Be careful!

Thanks for listening!

(part one)

"Apathy" Catchers _Mute_
"Don't Care" Klark Kent _Teenage Kicks_
"Don't Care" Circle Jerks _Group Sex/Wild In The Streets_
"Just Don't Care" Wire _Behind The Curtain_

"I Don't Care" Judy Garland, Lennie Hayton Orchestra _In the Good Old Summertime (O.S.T - 1949)_
"I Don't Care" Helen Shapiro _At Abbey Road 1961-1967_
"I Don't Care" Sherman Evans _I Don't Care_
"I Don't Care" The Chants _Ripples Volume 5: Beach Bash (Surf Pop, Frat Rock & Dance Craze Sounds From The UK)_
"I Don't Care (Demo)" The Pixies Three _Pixies Three: Our History_
"I Don't Care" Peter's Faces _Beat Beat Beat Vol. 4_

"I Don't Care" James Brown _Roots Of A Revolution_
"I Don't Care" Lesley Gore _It's My Party_
"I Don't Care" The Wilde Knights _Scarey Business_
"I Don't Care" Los Bravos _Black Is Black_
"I Don't Care" Dirty Shames _Pebbles, Vol. 8: Southern California Vol. 1_
"I Just Don't Care" The Fifth Estate _Ding! Dong! The Witch Is Back!_

"I Don't Care" The Ramones _The Ramones_
"I Don't Care" The Boys _The Very Best Of The Boys_
"I Don't Care" Television _The Blow-Up_

(part two)

"I Don't Care" Space Negros _Dig Archaeology 1980 - 1990_
"I Don't Care" The Children _The Children_
"I Don't Care" The Spectors _Beat Is Murder: Cockfights & Cakefights, 1992-1996_

"I Don't Care" Mama Guitar _Introducing Mama Guitar_
"I Don't Care" Mary Margaret O'Hara _Apartment Hunting_
"I Don't Care" Christmas Island _Blackout Summer_
"I Don't Care" TV Girl _TV Girl EP_
"I Don't Care" Summer Twins _Summer Twins_

"Pierre" Carole King _Really Rosie_
"Baby I Don't Care" Bryan Ferry _These Foolish Things_
"I Don't Care If The Sun Don't Shine" Elvis Presley _Sunrise_
"I Don't Care Who Knows" Harold Burrage _The Cobra Records Story_

"I Don't Care (What The People Say)" Cookie Scott & The Chevelles _Allnighter Vol. 5_
"I Don't Care About Your Past" Ella Washington _Southern Grooves_
"I Don't Care Anymore" Doris Duke _I'm A Loser: The Swamp Dogg Sessions & More_

Whither I Don't Care?

As I get ready to go out & enjoy the last night of Boomslang, I want to first apologize for slacking on the blog this weekend.  I did a lot of volunteering for this great event the station puts on.  I am a little exhausted.

I figured I might not care too much about doing my show after all the work I'd signed up to do, so it seemed appropriate to do a show called "I Don't Care."  I hope it's not catching.  I know you don't care too much about the show but I do want you to care a little.  Just a little.  If I can ask for that much.  A smidgen.  No?  All right.

Tomorrow morning I hope to drag myself out of bed in time to do Self Help Radio from 7 to 9am on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington.  Online it's at wrfl dot fm.  If I can get some sleep in the middle of the day, I'll try to put the show up at self help radio dot net.

See, I do care!

Preface To I Don't Care: GONE TO BOOMSLANG

I don't think this much has happened in this city in a four day period ever before!

GONE TO BOOMSLANG

Aren't you coming too?

GONE TO BOOMSLANG

See you there?

Until Proven Guilty

"All things truly wicked start from innocence," said Ernest Hemingway, but I hope the show isn't truly wicked, just wicked rad.  Do people even say "wicked" as an adverb describing an adjective anymore?  I'm serious, I should talk to people & maybe even pay attention.

The show is presumed innocent.  That's its right.  It's also presumed to be at the Self Help Radio website, where it has been cut in two parts, which you can download separately: part the first is there, while part the second is here.  What's in each part is below.

Self Help Radio not responsible for a loss of innocence.

(part one)

"Songs Of Innocence: Introduction" Ralph Cosham _A Selection From "Songs Of Innocence" & "Songs Of Experience"_
"Song Of Innocence" David Axelrod _Song Of Innocence_
"Songs Of Innocence (single version)" Jah Wobble _Glitters Is Gold_

"Innocence" Kirsty MacColl _Galore_
"Age Of Innocence" The Pearly Gatecrashers _New Fluffy Delicious_
"The Charm Of Innocence" Momus _Tender Pervert_
"Sweet & Innocent" Roy Orbison _Orbison_

"Lost Innocence" The Buddhas _Pebbles Vol. 2_
"Young & Innocent" Changin' Times _How Is The Air Up There 7"_
"Return To Innocence" Expressions _Destination Frantic # 3_
"Moody Richard (The Innocent Bystander)" Dan Hicks & His Hot Licks _Striking It Rich_
"Young & Innocent Days" The Kinks _Arthur (Or The Decline & Fall Of The British Empire)_

(part two)

"Innocent Man" The Jam _Direction, Reaction, Creation_
"Innocent" The Buzzcocks _Trade Test Transmissions_
"Innocence" The Moving Parts _Wrong Conclusion_
"Pure & Innocent" Those Naughty Lumps _The Zoo Uncaged 1978-1982_

"Pardon My Innocent Heart" Nate Evans _Eccentric Soul: Twinight's Lunar Rotation_
"Innocent When You Dream (78)" Tom Waits _Franks Wild Years_
"Innocent Abroad" Would-Be-Goods _The Morning After_
"Innocent" Minisnap _Bouncing Around_

"Innocence" The Other Two _The Other Two & You_
"Innocent" Tears Run Rings _Distance_
"No One Is Innocent" Siglo XX _Flowers For The Rebels_

Whither Innocence

I have had to write emails to two people who suggested songs for Self Help Radio this week (the show, you know, about innocence) & tell them that I just really wouldn't play those songs on my show, &, probably, no one at WRFL would play them (although apparently right now the jazz show is playing an hour-long documentary on Dave Matthews, so what do I know?).  One of them was this song, by Billy Joel.  The other is the title track from this album by Don Henley.  (By the way, I love love love the ridiculous way that review ends: "This album is highly recommended for those who like their pop music with a message."  It's funny because there are people who don't care what the music sounds like as long as there's a "message"!) I don't want to be too judgmental about the two songs - both of which I'm sure I've heard, but I can't bring them to mind (whew) - (aw man, that parenthetical expression is judgmental!) - I just don't think that either Don Henley or Billy Joel should be played on a radio station that's dedicated to playing underplayed or underheard (or even unknown!) music.  (I also really don't like Billy Joel, & have tremendous antipathy for Don Henley, especially because of the Eagles.)  (But I would have gladly played decent covers of those songs if they had existed.)  In fact - continuing that last parenthetical expression without any parentheses, I would be glad if people who made suggestions for songs for certain themes sent me ideas for covers if the songs were very popular.  I tend to err on the side of less-heard than most-heard.

& now, a pathetic aside:

Why does no one want to follow me on the Twitter?  You could do so here.  Maybe occasionally I say something witty or interesting?

Tomorrow's show on innocence - not the end of the innocence, & certainly not from an innocent man - airs from 7 to 9am on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington.  You can listen online at wrfl dot fm & I will guiltily put the show up later on the Self Help Radio web page.  There will be no loss of innocence involved in the show.  You need something more powerful for that sort of thing!

Preface To Innocence: The Loss Of Innocence

If you were an English major in college like I was you heard the phrase "loss of innocence" more times than any other, or perhaps just less than "man's inhumanity to man" (although at the time, I was more obsessed with "woman's inhumanity to man").  It's common in most novels for a main character to undergo a disappointment or a betrayal & "lose their innocence," meaning their naivety.  Sometimes, in racier books, stories, or poems, the loss of innocence was an actual rape, in which a female character's virginity is "taken."  Using an online searchable Bible I found zero mentions of the word "innocence" in the King James Version, although I found nine mentions in the New International Version.  All those mentions refer to the opposite of "guilt," though the site linked to a small passage from gospel.com which was titled, "Innocence In The Bible: A Christian Perspective."  It said, simply, "[The Christian] god cherishes, protects, & rewards those who keep blameless in his eyes - those who obey & trust in him."  It does suggest to me that if lose your innocence - like, for example, if you are raped - there's a case to be made using the logic of this statement that you have not kept blameless in that god's eyes, because you weren't obeying & trusting him.  That would have made a spirited conversation in an English class!  I myself was trying to think if there were a time when I felt my innocence was lost, & I thought of two moments in my life, one general, one specific.  The general one involved what I think was the onset of puberty, around sixth & seventh grade (at the time, it seemed to happen overnight, but in retrospect, it was a process that took several months).  In addition to becoming sexually attracted to girls (a terrifying enough prospect) (you'd think one of my older brothers might have warned me about unwanted erections), I recall that I started to make more sense of the world at that time.  I noticed things around me, paid more attention to the news, thought about things in the "bigger picture."  There were so many things I had just never thought about that were in my mind all of a sudden.  That was a certain loss of innocence - as if innocence were a certain ignorance, which contributed to the bliss of childhood.  The second time involved my mother, who, as I've doubtless said, is vain & narcissistic.  We were poor & despite what some kids might have been saying to me behind my back (or to my face) at school, I wasn't entirely aware of how close to the poverty line we were living.  One day, in that way she had of asking her children questions about herself, my mother asked me, "You're not ashamed of how poor we are, are you?"  I always think I should have responded, "Well, I am NOW," but I saw how she needed reassuring, so I went ahead & responded in the negative.  It occurs to me, telling the story now, that the specific incident could very well have happened in the middle of my biological loss of innocence.  In both cases - & in the literary study of "innocence" - once that innocence is lost, it's not coming back.  For good or ill.

Boomslang!

It's less than a week away.  Look what is happening:

Go to the Boomslang website for all the information you need.  Come to Lexington to see it if you must!  It will be breathtaking!

This Awkward Story

As time goes by, I seem to get less angry but more frustrated.  I am always surprised when I see myself in a mirror; if I have just had a conversation with someone, & then, say, go to the rest room, I am astonished that the person in the mirror washing his hands is who they saw when they were talking to me.  (As an aside, they often say that you shouldn't look at yourself when you're on acid, but I avoided it because I didn't want to see that I looked the same while I was feeling like a different person.)  Another thing, which might be noticeable in this blog: I am becoming something of a blowhard.  Stories take longer because I feel a need to contextualize.  Although I am entirely aware that there's a 90% chance that no one's listening.  Is it my vanity that makes me think, Just in case.  The wife told me I don't get into as many arguments as I used to, but I guess I don't talk to as many people as I used to, or perhaps I don't talk to as many argumentative people as I used to.  I remember I poo-pooed my friend Joe's Facebook status update many months ago when he wrote something like I still don't know what I want to do with my life.  After I apologized to him for being dismissive of a perfectly valid thought, I think I'd rewrite it to suit my needs to say I still don't know what I want to do with the rest of my life.  I think sometimes that I had some idea, some purpose, at some time - or that I thought I had some idea, some purpose, at one time.  If you asked me now, I don't think I could tell you what it was - but I can't speak for me back then.  Someone recently was describing a memory that we shared, of a time we were together, & although I remembered the same thing, I didn't remember that it was me with the person in the memory.  I was certain it was a story the person had told me that had happened to her & some other guy, not an event in which I took part.  It must be my memory trying to save me from my life.  & speaking of rewrites: I take back what I said at the beginning of this dumb paragraph.  I'm not more frustrated, I'm more resigned.  & that's pretty frustrating.

Lower Expectations

The thing about the word expectations is, every time I say it, I think "expectorant."  You know, a medicine that makes you hock up whatever phlegmy stuff is making you miserable when you have a cold or whatever.  A thing that makes you expectorate.  But the two words are unrelated - the "expect" in "expectorate" come from the Latin "pectus," which means "breast" - like in "pectoral."  The expect in "expectations" (&, you know, in "expect") is from a Latin word that means "look out for."

Anyway, I didn't find any songs about expectorating, so it's fine.  The songs I did find about expectations are below, & they're played during this week's show, which is now on the Self Help Radio website.  It's divided into two parts, helpfully labelled part number one & part number two.

The text for today's show comes from the Edwyn Collins song I play in the second hour.  It goes like this:

"You've been down this road before
Which is not to say you're bored
Or that you shouldn't want for more
It's just your expectations should be lower"

You have been admonished.

(part one)

"Expectations" Lewis Black _Stark Raving Black_
"Expectations" Belle & Sebastian _Tigermilk_
"She's Expecting You" Department S _Is Vic There?_

"I've Been Expecting You" Luxuria _Beast Box_
"High Expectation" Stereolab _Switched On_
"Never Expect Any More" Cody _Stillpoint Primer_
"Expecting To Fly" Buffalo Springfield _Neil Young: Decade_

"How Do You Expect Me To Get It" The Pelicans _Money Honey: The Rise Of The Black Vocal Group (1952-1953)_
"Expect Delays" Solvent & Skanfrom _Misery Loves Company_
"No Expectations" I Am The World Trade Center _The Cover Up_
"Spanish Inquisition (Part 1)" Monty Python _Another Monty Python Record_
"Expecting" Minnie Ripperton _Come To My Garden_

"I Don't Expect Her For You (Look At That Girl)" The Sneetches _Lights Out With The Sneetches_

(part two)

"Expectations" Young Dreams _Dream Alone, Wake Together EP_
"The Expectation Of Love" Gentle Tuesday _A Gentleman's Laundry_
"Low Expectations" Edwyn Collins _Gorgeous George_

"Words Of Expectation" The Fall _The Complete Peel Sessions 1978-2004_
"Am I Expecting Too Much" Debra Lewis _Teenage Girls: Volume 3_
"Expect The Unexpected" Ronnie Willhoite _The Doorkeepers: A Church Leadership Development Program For Ushers_

"No Expectations" The Dirtbombs _If You Don't Already Have A Look_
"Expect A Miracle" Something Pretty Beautiful _Something Pretty Beautiful_
"Great Expectations" Eric Carmen _Eric Carmen_
"Spanish Inquisition (Part 2)" Monty Python _Another Monty Python Record_

"Great Expectations" The Men They Couldn't Hang _The Domino Club_
"What Did You Expect" Railroad Jerk _One Track Mind_

Whither Expectations?

An article on the psychology.com website written by someone with the amusing name Dr. Lickerman - MD, natch - lays out the four ways we experience expectations & their outcomes:

1) Low expectations, poor experience.
2) Low expectations, good experience.
3) High expectations, poor experience.
4) High expectations, good experience.

Not to mention the worst thing you can hear about, high expectations with an amazing experience too.  Those people are insufferable.  How I envy them!

Which one will Self Help Radio be tomorrow?  (Hint: start with low expectations.  It will save you a lot of grief.)  (That's assuming listen at all.)

Tomorrow, 7 to 9 am, on 88.1 WRFL in Lexington, we examine all sorts of expectations.  I might expect you'd rather listen on the computer, in which case you can find it at wrfl dot fm.  But I have no expectations of you listening to it later on, where it'll be at the Self Help Radio website.

I am not used to being expected; I am much more used to being excepted.

Preface To Expectations: Stress Cold

This article - from 1998, in the New York times - though rather old - confirms what I expected - which seems apropos, since this week's show is about expectations.

I have had a cold brewing for a while now, & my stress levels have been high for a few weeks, & having to worry about & care for an old dog seem to have let the cold germs in.

It makes me want to ask, "Why haven't we cured the common cold?"

I was content, for the last twenty-four hours, to let it run its course - & was feeling that I'd just sleep for a day.  But the wife decided to get me medicine - including that strange concoction called NyQuil, which is about as old as I am, & which has been with me my entire life.  & when I take medicine - & by the way, I'm all for medicine over pseudoscientific potions & the like - when I take medicine, I forget how effective medicine is.

This hasn't been a terrible cold.  I don't (yet) have a runny nose or a terrible cough.  But I did sleep half the day & I have been sucking cough drops since yesterday, so my mouth feels like it's filled with vaguely cherry-tasting phlegm.

I'm working on my show, though.  My expectation is that I'll have it finished.  At least I expect to.

Pets

It's been a stressful day because the puppy whom I declared my undying love for yesterday had to have surgery.  It's the second surgery on the second beagle of ours this year.  George, it turned out, had cancer.  He's home now, minus a limb, but in less pain than when we took him to the vet.

The vet, by the way, is Metropolitan Veterinary Specialists & Emergency Services.  In particular, a Dr. Royals, who operated on both our sick doglings this year.  He was unflinchingly honest - perhaps a tad too modest about his own abilities - & did his very best, which was excellent.

I just wanted to give a shout-out to an amazing place.  Everyone there was so kind.  I wonder if, when I am as old in human years as George is in dog years, & when I have an ailment that puts me in a surgeon's care, if I'll meet a staff & doctor as good to me as they were to George.

I really doubt it.

George

I love this beagle so much.  I think I should start a blog that is just pictures of him.  It would be an internet sensation.

Jobs Jobs Jobs!

It's Labor Day.  I did a show about jobs.  Lazy, I know.  I had very little sleep.

The show has been uptheloaded to the Self Help Radio website.  It's in two job-creating parts: part one is job one & part two is job two.  Whatever that means.  The job list is below.

Enjoy your Labor Day as much as you despise your laboring!

(part one)

"Get A Job" Neil Young & Crazy Horse _Americana_
"I Don't Have A Job" The Majestic Twelve _Searching For The Elvis Knob_
"Job Centre" Denim _Denim On Ice_

"Senior Service" Elvis Costello & The Attractions _Armed Forces_
"The Ticket Puncher" Mick Harvey _Pink Elephants_
"The Complete Banker" The Divine Comedy _Bang Goes The Knighthood_
"The Painter" I'm From Barcelona _Sing!! With I'm From Barcelona_
"Hairdresser On Fire" Morrissey _Viva Hate_

"I'm Gonna Be An Engineer" Pete Seeger _Workers & The Workplace 1880 - 2000_
"Grandpa Was A Carpenter" John Prine _Sweet Revenge_
"Sixteen Tons" Tennessee Ernie Ford _Sixteen Tons_
"Homo Erectus" Kinky Friedman _Old Testaments & New Revelations_
"Lawyers & Truckers" Ed's Redeeming Qualities _It's All Good News_

"The Dirty Jobs" The Who _Quadrophenia_

(part two)

"Stupid Day Job" Wally Pleasant _Houses Of The Holy Moly_
"Summer Job" Art Brut _Art Brut Vs. Satan_
"Edward, Sandwich Hand" The Lucksmiths _Happy Secret_
"Lost My Job" Alex Chilton _19 Years: A Collection Of Alex Chilton_

"Mr. Pharmacist" The Other Half _Nuggets: Original Artyfacts From The First Psychedelic Era, Vol. 4_
"Highway Patrol" SWAT _Deep Inside A Cop's Mind_
"Mr. Reporter" The Kinks _Face To Face_
"The Model" Big Black _The Model 7"_
"Go-Go Dancer" The Wedding Present _Hit Parade 1_
"Travel Agent" Monty Python _Monty Python's Previous Record_

"The Singer" Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds _Kicking Against The Pricks_
"Finnegan The Folk Hero" Momus _Folktronic_
"Inflated Job Titles" George Carlin _When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops?_

"DJ" David Bowie _Lodger_
"Young Jobless" Martin Newell _Young Jobless_
"Job Fair" Archie Powell & The Exports _Great Ideas In Action_

Whither Jobs?

Like Valentine's Day & Halloween, where I try to choose different themes within the holiday context, so too I am trying the same thing with Labor Day.  Last year's show (which you can listen to here if you want) was about "work."  This show is about "jobs."  I am afraid I am not going to be able to do much better next year.

(I am having the same problem with Halloween this year.  I've done shows about vampires, werewolves, witches, graveyards, haunted houses, zombies, monsters, ghosts...  What else is there?)

In the spirit of the holiday - & frankly, because I am beat - I am not going to put a whole lot of work into the show tomorrow.  & why should I?  I have to work on Labor Day?!?  Preposterous!

You can listen to the half-assed Self Help Radio show about jobs tomorrow from 7 to 9am on 88.1 fm in Lexington, online at the WRFL website or, if you're smart, you'll sleep in & listen to it later on self help radio dot net.

I should never have taken a show on a morning when so many holidays happen!

Preface To Jobs: Out Of Work

I have to do a radio show in the morning so I have to listen to stuff I may possibly play.  This gives me not so much time to blog-write.

So here is a picture from one of the numerous Tumblr blogs I'm always stumbling onto, of a human being inappropriate with a cat.  Enjoy:

Indian Burial Mounds

I was talking to someone about indian burial mounds - of which there are lots in Kentucky - & they seemed tolerably knowledgable, going on about Native Americans fleeing Kentucky & Daniel Boone & what-not, & I said, "Well, what was in the Indian burial mounds?"

The person said, "Hunh.  I don't know.  Bones?"

Like it was some sort of mystery.  Do you know who knew what was in Indian burial mounds?  Do you?

THOMAS MOTHERFUCKING JEFFERSON, that's who.

You can read it about right here.

When people talk authoritatively about stuff, & then can't really answer questions about it, I don't really judge them - I think we learn how to talk authoritatively about stuff as a survival skill - I just go find out what I asked them myself.

One thing I learned is that there weren't just burial mounds - there were residence mounds & ceremonial mounds, too.  & especially platform mounds.  Those are neat.

So what's in Indian burial mounds?  The ones that have been excavated - & some of the extant ones haven't, in accordance with the wishes of Native American tribes - have bones & artifacts in them.  But that's in general - there were a lot of them & the mound builders had different cultures.

I think I was hoping the answer would be something surprising, like "comic books."  Or "board games."  Or "escape tunnels & hidden doors."

You know, like the mounds were built by my imagination when I was seven years old.

Seeing Blue

I have spent a tolerable amount of time on three college campuses (well, most of the time on the Marshall campus was intolerable) (oh, that's not true!) & I have come to the conclusion that "school spirit" is silly at best & infuriating at worst.

At UT, it was all about the orange, which eventually blended into the fake suntans (in a city, you know, with 400 days of sun a year) of the fake people who seemed to have the most enthusiasm for the ball games.  At Marshall, it was green.  The house we had at Marshall actually had an attic painted all green.  I guess the previous inhabitants cheered at the television way up there in that room - where, of course, their school spirit is closer to their god I guess?  I don't know.

But there weren't too many people at Marshall for the green to be overwhelming.  Also, I didn't get out much.

At UK it's blue.  & I'm up at the station all the time.  WRFL is on the UK campus.  Where one in three people have something in UK Wildcat blue at any given time.  Seriously, if you see three professors chatting, one of them will have a tee shirt that says, "Some people call it obsession, we call it UK basketball."  & this dude will be a Latin teacher.

I have a nice Dickies shirt that I've had forever which is the same color as the UK blue.  I will never wear it as long as I am in Lexington.

& the thing is, I have nothing really against college sports or sports of any kind.  It's like that thing someone said once about some popular singer or band - they're not a bother at all, it's their fans.

I almost tweeted today, "Excessive school spirt is almost - almost - as irritating as excessive patriotism."

But it wasn't a complete enough thought for me.

38 Episodes Of Indiepop A To Z

I know, it's ridiculous, I just covered Hartfield to Hem today.  On a listener's recommendation I am going to see someone about my pathological need to organize things.  What the listener doesn't know is that I'm going to see someone who works for the Oxford English Dictionary.

Show at the Self Help Radio website.  What's in the show is below.  Show in two parts: part one here | part two here.  Hey!  Old indiepop a to z episodes (almost all of them) can be found on the old shows archive page.  If you want to see what's been played before.

Thanks for listening & alphabetizing with me!

(part one)

"She Bangs" Hartfield _True Color, True Lie_
"I Gotta Lie Down" The Harvest Ministers _Little Dark Mansion_
"The Javanaise" Mick Harvey _Pink Elephants_

"Everybody Loves Me But You" Juliana Hatfield _Hey Babe_
"Words Of Hope" The Hawks _Words Of Hope_
"Our Favourite Motorway" Darren Hayman & The Secondary Modern _Pram Town_
"Kill Karaoke" The Haywains _Never Mind Manchester, Here's The Haywains_
"Sand" Lee Hazlewood & Nancy Sinatra _Nancy & Lee_

"Davey Crockett" Thee Headcoatees _Sisters Of Suave_
"Cherry Tulips" Headlights _Some Racing, Some Stopping_
"Reach The Sky" The Headmen _Reach The Sky 12"_
"Camel City" Health & Beauty _Pop & Circumstance_
"Suddenly Molly" Heart-Sick Groans _EardrumsPop 100_

"The Heartbeat Of Krakow" The Heartbeat Of Krakow _The Heartbeat Of Krakow_

(part two)

"Kiss Me When I'm Starving" The Heart Throbs _Cleopatra Grip_
"(You Promised Me A) Camera" Hearts On Fire _Dreams Of Leaving_
"No Way, No Way" Heartworms _Pop American Style_
"Itchy Chin" Heavenly _The Decline & Fall Of Heavenly_

"Maplewood" The Heavy Blinkers _Intercontinental Pop Exchange No. 3_
"The Hymn For The Cigarettes" Hefner _The Fidelity Wars_
"Former Hero" Heikki _2_
"Debbie Loves Joey" Helen Love _The Bubblegum Killers E.P._
"Pat's Trick" Helium _The Dirt Of Luck_

"Blank Generation" Richard Hell & The Voidoids _Singles: The Great New York Singles Scene_
"Rachel Clean" Hellfire Sermons _Hymns, Ancient & Modern (1988-1993)_
"My Best Friend" Hello Saferide _Introducing..._
"Record Shop" Help Stamp Out Loneliness _Help Stamp Out Loneliness_
"Left The Party" Helmet Tag _Yay 4 Cuteness_
"Be Completely Full Of" Hem _Be Completely Full Of 7"_

Whither Indiepop A To Z # 38?

First of all, I am entirely aware that over on the Self Help Radio website, it says this week's theme is "Indiepop A To Z # 39."  I think I know why/how that happened.

Y'see, I've been doing (for two years now) three hours of radio a week, divided equally between a freeform (that's a KVRX term; at RFL they call it "general format") show called Sugar Substitute & a specialty show (RFL term: "block show") called Self Help Radio.

& about every four months (thrice a year), I return to the Indiepop A To Z list, which of course I will never finish but which occupies my mind in a happy way.  I have in the past gotten special dispensation from the WRFL Management to allow me to use the entire three hours for the A To Z silliness.

Because of that, the numbers of the IA2Z (as no one abbreviates it) have usually been split between Sugar Substitute & Self Help Radio.  For example, Indiepop A To Z # 36 was during Sugar Substitute, while # 37 was during Self Help Radio.

I know these divisions mean absolutely nothing to anyone but me.

Anyway, as you might have noticed (probably not), Self Help Radio is now two hours long.  Something happened to me this week & I said, "I should at the very least do the freeform show.  I mean, two hours of IA2Z is enough, isn't it?"

I suffer from the same inconsistency, by the way, when I am decided what makes the Indiepop A To Z list.  Some postpunk & indie rock bands might make it if my mood is slightly different.  My mood now?  Stern.  Less inclusive.  A little exhausted with being exhaustive.

So I had planned tomorrow's Sugar Substitute to be Indiepop A To Z # 38, with SHR # 39.  I had no idea my show would be expanded to two hours.  I can't see the future.

Confidentially, I can't even see the present.

Second of all, the Indiepop A To Z list continues tomorrow from 7am to 9am on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington & online at wrfl dot fm.  Archived later at the show's website.  At that same link are thirty-something previous episodes of the Indiepop A To Z series.  You have time to catch up.  Do so!

Preface To Indiepop A To Z # 38: Know Your Own Fest!

I have no time, I am going to the Know Your Own Festival which is sponsored by WRFL today from 3 pm to 10:30 pm.  It's on the UK campus right outside the RFL studios (corner of Limestone & Avenue Of Champions) & it's free, with a ton of local bands playing, & here's the line-up & times:

3:00 Warren Byrom & Fabled Canelands
3:25 De-Animator
3:45 Live Island
4:05 Three Legged Race
4:25 pezhed
4:45 I Like You
5:15 S H O Z O
5:45 Astor Place Riot
6:15 Switchmen
6:45 Those Crosstown Rivals
7:15 Cross
7:45 Dunebuggy Attack Battalion
8:15 Matt Duncan
8:45 Ancient Warfare
9:15 Absalom Absalom
9:45 Dream The Electric Sleep

In addition, if you come early, you can be involved in the dedication of the fab new statue outside the studios, recently completed by Garry Bibbs.  More info here.

Busy day for me!

"Single Widows"

Overheard on WRFL this afternoon, in a litany of people possibly affected & offended by supporters of "traditional marriage":

single moms, single dads, single widows...

Barefoot Redneck Incest

I was talking to a Kentuckian about Kentucky today & she asked me what words I thought about when I thought about "Kentucky."

I said, bourbon.  I said, hillbillies.  I said, coal.  I said, bluegrass music.

She obviously had something else on her mind; perhaps she was thinking about outsiders like myself who have the wrong idea about Kentucky.  She said, "I'm so tired of people who think of Kentucky & all they think about is barefoot redneck incest."

I said, "That sounds like the worst title for a porn video ever."  But she was not amused.

For Shame!

Perhaps I'm being shameless, but I felt no shame doing Self Help Radio's first regularly scheduled two hour show in almost six years.  I had previously believed someone would shame the WRFL management for letting it happen, but despite the shame being on them, they stuck to their decision.  I soldier on shamefacedly.

Two hours!  There's so much shame in one hundred & twenty minutes you might not want to get involved!  The show is now at the Self Help Radio website, but I'll understand if you're too ashamed to be seen around there.  You can download each of two parts with these links: part one | part two .  No one will ever know.

(part one)

"Shame" Denzil _Pub_
"Shame" The Lucy Show _Mania_
"Shame" Eurthymics _Savage_

"Shame" Norman Feels _Where Or When_
"Shame, Shame, Shame!" Smiley Lewis _I Hear You Knockin': The Best Of Smiley Lewis_
"It's A Shame" The Detroit Spinners _The Essential Collection_
"What A Shame" The Rolling Stones _The Rolling Stones, Now!_
"Oh It's Such A Shame" Jay Reatard _Blood Visions_
"Shame" Wet Paint _Pebbles, Vol. 7: Chicago, Part 2_

"City Of Shame" Robyn Hitchcock _Uncorrected Personality Traits_
"Shame For The Angels" The Jacobites _Hawks Get Religion_
"Shame Is A Girl" The Bridge _The Sound Of Leamingston Spa Vol. 4_
"Shame Is The Name" Morrissey _Swords_

"Ain't That A Shame" Fats Domino _The Original Rock & Roll Classics_
"Ain't It A Shame" Lloyd Price _Lawdy Miss Clawdy_
"Ain't It A Shame To Go Fishing On Sunday" Leadbelly _The Last Sessions_

(part two)

"Such A Shame" Talk Talk _It's My Life_
"For Shame Of Doing Wrong" Richard & Linda Thompson _Watching The Dark: The History Of Richard Thompson_

"Such A Shame" The Kinks _Kinda Kinks_
"Walk Of Shame" The Like _Release Me_
"Shame On You" The Darling Buds _Pop Said..._
"Shame" The King's Ransom _Teenage Shutdown, Vol. 9: Teen Jangler Blowout!_
"Shamemaker" Ween _La Cucaracha_
"Cryin' Shame" The Odds _Let's Breed: Part Two Of The Throbbing Lobster Saga_

"Shame Shame Shame" The Harmonettes _Cult Cargo: Belize City Boil-Up_
"It's A Shame (Mt. Airy Groove)" Grandmaster Flash & The Furious Five _Adventures On The Wheels Of Steel_
"I'm Livin' In Shame" Diana Ross & The Supremes _The Complete Motown Singles, Vol. 9: 1969_
"Shame On The Family Name" Calvin Scott _The Complete Stax-Volt Soul Singles: 1968-1971_

"Shame" The Children _Every Single Day_
"Whirlpool Vision Of Shame" Felt _The Strange Idols Pattern & Other Short Stories_
"Ain't Nothin' Like A Shame (To Bring It All Back Home)" Lucky Soul _A Coming Of Age_
"Hall Of Shame" Great Plains _The Length Of Growth 1981-89_

Whither Shame?

Can you listen to Self Help Radio tomorrow?  It'll be the first two-hour Self Help Radio since - gosh! 2006!  When I went from Wednesdays to Fridays & lost a half-hour.  That was in Austin, though.  This is Lexington.  There's more room for a show like Self Help Radio to grow!

Anyway, it's from 7 to 9am (it's weird not to write 7:30) & it would be a shame if you missed it.  Of course, it'll be a shame if you listen, since it's a show about shame, but that's the nature of the strange theme-based contradictions in your average Self Help Radio show.

You can listen in Lexington at 88.1 on your FM dial, or you can listen online at WRFL dot FM.  Shame on you for not listening live!  But I understand, it's early - I will shamefacedly place the show on the Self Help Radio website.

For shame!

Really, it's all for shame.

Preface To Shame: Shame Is Taught To The Young

I grew up poor.  My father was literally a sharecropper's son, & my mother came from hardy German working-class stock.  My father split when I was four, or was more accurately made to leave, as he was a drunk & my mother had to get herself & her children away from him.  I suppose he would've stuck around if she had wanted him to.

Anyway, being a child & not being terribly self-aware (it occurs to me that being self-aware might ruin childhood) I couldn't have told you that we were poor.  I knew a couple of facts but didn't seem to want to connect them to some overarching idea:

1) We lived in apartments, while most of my schoolmates lived in houses.
2) My schoolmates had more toys - they had more things, in general - than we did.

One big example is that my schoolmates - & I separate my schoolmates from my friends, since I was mostly friends in the "hanging out & playing together" sense with people who lived in the apartment complexes where I lived- my schoolmates generally had their parents drive them around.  My mother didn't drive - we didn't own a car - & though occasionally my older siblings took us places, they had no real sense of filial obligation & usually did so begrudgingly.

But it didn't seem weird to me because my mother didn't drive.  It was never, "We can't afford a car."  It was, "If Mom drove, we'd have a car."

My mother, however, has always felt deeply ashamed by her low economic status - although, it must be noted, certainly not so ashamed that she might work really hard to pull herself out of it - she never thought about going to school to learn a trade.  She went to work, but the jobs she chose - working at a convenience store or drug store, or a fast food restaurant - were jobs that didn't necessarily require more than the ability to count & a pleasant demeanor.

I have to point out in this long-winded anecdote that I am not trying to disrespect or criticize my mother for these choices, if indeed they were choices - she had six children to support - maybe one or two had left by the time of the divorce, but still, at least three of us were under twelve.  I have never had to do anything like that.  My mother has always been a creature controlled by shame & fear, so the strength it took for her to work to support her family is something I don't think I possess.

As I've been saying, I was completely unaware of our socioeconomic status, & blissfully so.  It meant that insults from the middle class kids at school went right over my head.  I remember once a teacher asked me if I lived in the apartments close to the school, & when I said yes, she said, "Oh, dear."  So they must've looked like an awful place to live - but at the time I was puzzled by her reaction.

Until.  This had to be a few months later.  My mother just turned to me & said, "Are you ashamed that we're so poor?"

& I wasn't.  Because I didn't know we were poor.  Only now I did.  & suddenly I was.

I Spend Too Much Time On Tumblr Blogs

It makes it sometimes difficult to write in this blog which has virtually no images at all.

Good News! (Good News?)

In honor of my lovely Bronte cat's birthday (oh, here's a picture of her; she turns five today:)

Happy birthday to her!

In honor of her birthday, I tell you this (potentially) good news: Self Help Radio is expanding from ninety minutes to two hours!  Starting this Monday!

I am not sure if I'll be able to pull it off, but for right now, I'm enjoying the excitement of the good news!

Bronte, on the other hand, is all like, "You call this a present for me?"

What A Joke!

How many episodes of Self Help Radio does it take to play songs & talk about jokes?  One, it turns out.  Oh, wait, did you think that was a riddle?  No no, this is one show about jokes that's positively humorless.

That's not true.  You'll hear a few funny things on the show today, & the playlist is below.  The show is at the Self Help Radio website, where is it saved in two parts: the hilarious part one & the delightfully witty part two.

Just stop me if you think you've heard this one before...

(part one)

"Joke Shop Man" Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band _Cornology_
"You're Joking" Evans The Death _Evans The Death_
"Cracker Jokes" Stephen Fry _Fry's English Delight_

"I Started A Joke" Dirtbombs _If You Don't Already Have A Look_
"Such A Joke" Vivian Girls _Vivian Girls_
"She Doesn't Laugh At My Jokes" Jonathan Richman _Having A Party With Jonathan Richman_
"Punchlines" The Lucksmiths _A Good Kind Of Nervous_
"That Joke Isn't Funny Anymore" The Smiths _The World Won't Listen_
"These Jokes" Demetri Martin _These Are Jokes_

"The Joker" Bob Bunny _Las Vegas Grind Vol. 2 (Louie's Limbo Lounge)_
"The Joker (That's What They Call Me)" Billy Myles _Greatest Hits_
"The Joker" Shawn Elliott _The Joker_
"The Jokers" Peter & Gordon _True Love Ways_

(part two)

"Joker In The Pack" The Adicts _Sound Of Music_
"The Joker (feat. Bootsy Collins)" Fatboy Slim _Palookaville_

"911 Is A Joke" Public Enemy _Fear Of A Black Planet_
"I Ain't No Joke" Eric B & Rakim _Paid In Full_
"Joking & Lying" Eugene Mirman _En Garde, Society!_
"Sick Joke" Love Parade _Past Crimes_
"? (It's A Joke, It's Supposed To Be Funny)" Mice Parade _The True Meaning Of Boodleybaye_
"The Joke" The Fall _Cerebral Caustic_

"Joke's On Me" Holiday Flyer _You Make Us Go_
"The Joke" Ed's Redeeming Qualities _Guess Who This Is_
"Joking Apart" Nightingales _Pissed & Potless: Greatest Hits_
"The Finest Joke Is Upon Us" Guided By Voices _Hardcore UFOs: Demons & Painkillers_

Whither Jokes?

I am unfunny.  & unclever.

Tomorrow!  From 7:30 to 9am!  On 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington!  & online at wrfl.fm!  Self Help Radio will:

1) play music about jokes;
2) talk about jokes;
3) tell you how to tell a joke;
4) tell you the funniest jokes in the world - as proved by science.

It should be mildly amusing.

Maybe I should have just done a show full of jokes?

(What's not funny is you might miss the show but you'll be able to listen to it later on the Self Help Radio website.)

Preface To Jokes: How To Tell A Joke

I am not a comedian no matter how funny I think I am.  I certainly amuse myself.  But here's a link from a toastmaster(*) on how to tell a joke.

I have no idea if his advice is any good, though I've noticed that one tip - "Never start off by telling your audience how funny the joke is" - is pretty true, & any preface on how funny the joke is will be in direct proportion to the amount of laughter in the room after the joke is done (assuming everyone isn't drunk or high, which changes a lot of things).  Another sign something someone said isn't funny - when the person laughs after the joke.  They're hoping that their laughter is infectious, & it's a desperate thing an insecure person will always do to alert you that they've just told a joke & if you don't laugh, it'll hurt their feelings.

There's another list here at about.com, the best advice of which is this: "Avoid telling any joke you don't understand."  I wish someone had told me that when I was a child!

Okay, I could use that advice these days, too.

(*) This is what a "toastmaster" is, but the link from the website for Toastmasters International.

A Day Off From Blogging

What? I hear you not really say.  A day off from the Self Help Radio blog?  Don't you only blog five days a week?  Why do you need another day off?  What are you, German?

Technically, though, it's not really a day off, as I am here to write about an imaginary conversation between a "reader" (certainly an imaginary person who check out this blog) & "me" (a person who does a radio show which is so inconsequential it sometimes feels imaginary).  & yet, I want to apologize for the lack of content here, since I do like to write in the blog five days a week.

Wait!  I have news!  Republican candidate What's-His-Name Ken-Doll-Guy has chosen his running mate!  It's someone some people thought it would be, but other people might be surprised about!  How dramatic!  It should make all the weekend news shows!

That was worth it, yes?  Wait.  Did you know there was an election going on?  Really?  Yeah, in the United States, we're voting for a president this year.  Wait, should I have capitalized President?  Anyway, yeah, it's the current guy - Obama - & this guy Mitt Romney.  Yeah, Mitt.  I guess it's short for Mitten?  I don't really know.  Well, he does kind of resemble a Ken Doll, but maybe a Ken Doll in his late fifties, early sixties.  Yeah, ha ha, Barbie would have had lots of plastic surgery by then.  Oh well.  Ha ha.  It's all so funny.

I have no idea what any of this means.

Calling All Dinosaurs

Hey, this may be late notice, but I am subbing WRFL's classic rock show this afternoon.  It's called the Belfry & it's uniformly excellent, so listening to me do it might be a bit of a let-down.  However, if you're around, it's from 4 to 6pm at 88.1 fm on the dial in Lexington & its surroundings, &/or it's online at WRFL's website.

To encourage you, here's a picture of an actual belfry:

The Subway Show!

I adore subways.  I wish I lived someplace where I could take a subway regularly.  I know they're loud & polluted & smelly.  I just like the idea of subways.  Well, commuter trains in general.  So I made a radio show to celebrate them!

You know how it goes: the show is waiting at the Self Help Radio station.  You'll find two lines there: one line goes to the first half of the show; the other line goes to the other half.  Song-destinations are below.

(part one)

"Subway" Sesame Street _Sesame Street: Signs!_
"Talking Subway" John Greenway _Talking Blues_
"On The Subway" The Last Poets _The Last Poets_

"Subway Joe" Joe Bataan with The Fulanos _King Of Latin Soul_
"The Underground Train" Lord Kitchener _London Is The Place For Me: Trinidadian Calypso In London_
"Circle Line" Rodney Allen _Happysad_
"Subway To The Beach" Furniture _Food, Sex & Paranoia_
"Subway Song" The Cure _Three Imaginary Boys_

"Don't Sleep In The Subway" Petula Clark _Music To Watch Girls By_
"Subway Train" New York Dolls _The New York Dolls_
"Down In The Subway" Soft Cell _Down In The Subway_

(part two)

"Subway Cutie" Melody Masters _Hot Harmony Groups 1932-1951 - That's The Rhythm, Vol. 1_
"Subway Blues" Mable Scott _1938-1950_

"Riding On The Subway" Jesse Malin _The Fine Art Of Self-Destruction_
"Man On the Tube" The Passions _Michael & Miranda_
"Down In The Tube Station At Midnight" The Jam _Greatest Hits_
"Waiting For The End Of The World" Elvis Costello _My Aim Is True_
"The Metro" Berlin _The Best Of Berlin 1979-1988_

"Downtown Train" Tom Waits _Rain Dogs_
"MTA" The Kingston Trio _Folk Song America - A 20th Century Revival_
"The Next Station Is: Shibuya" Torpedo Boyz _Cum On Feel The Boyz_

Whither Subways?

How dangerous are subways?  According to this article (which is just about the New York subway system), "most of the deaths that occur in the subway are due to sickness, accident, or suicide."  The site does allow that there is "an occasional murder."

According to this site - which features pictures of subway crashes & other rail accidents, you have been warned - the Daegu subway in South Korea is "the world's most dangerous subway."  Here is an image of an arson in 2003 when some 150 people died:

More information at the site linked above.

I am getting this out of the way because tomorrow morning on Self Help Radio we celebrate subways (although there are some songs about scary subway experiences - but I won't be focusing on that!).  Please listen - it's from 7:30 to 9:00 am on 88.1 fm in Lexington & online at wrfl dot fm.  Archived later underground at the Self Help Radio website.  Trains run on time!  Don't miss it!