Whither A Tribute To Leonard Cohen?

(This image found there.)

If it hasn't been made perfectly clear by what I wrote after I found out about his death, Leonard Cohen is one of my musical heroes.  If I had to make a list of my favorite artists, as people do & then pressure other people to do, he would undoubtedly make my top ten most of the time.  I have thought about & listened to to his songs for almost thirty years now.  There are few musicians who have touched me so deeply & affected me so strongly.

Tonight I'll pay tribute to him in a curious way: I'll do an entire show of his music covered by other artists.  Why do I do this?  You'll recall, I've done this before with artists like David Bowie & the Velvet Underground, but I've mixed some shows up like with George Jones & Morrissey.  Why just play others interpreting Cohen's work?  Why not hear from the man himself?

You must know by now I'm a contrarian by nature.  I have listened to enough Leonard Cohen tributes in the past two months to not want to basically do the same radio show as others have done.  But I also find something magical about reinterpretations of songs - sure, covers can be awful, but there are covers that make you think about a song in an entirely new way, & covers that unlock the potential of a song so it actually surpasses its original.  I hope you'll hear some of these tonight.

Tonight!  9-11pm Eastern!  8-10pm Central!  93.9 fm WLXU in Lexington! LCR online everywhere!  Join me in paying tribute to a true poet.

(P.S. I noticed that I chose images from the album Live Songs on two blog posts about LC.  I don't think that's my favorite picture of him, but for some reason I think of it first when I think of pictures of him.  I don't know why that is.)

Preface To A Tribute To Leonard Cohen: Another Poet Entirely

Because of Leonard Cohen, I found my way to Federico García Lorca.  Leonard Cohen has a song on I'm Your Man called "Take This Waltz" which is a translation/reimagining of a Lorca poem called "Little Viennese Waltz."  It's a gorgeous song, so unusual in the pop idiom, with pure poetry bursting from its lines:

In Vienna there are ten pretty women
There's a shoulder where Death comes to cry
There's a lobby with nine hundred windows
There's a tree where the doves go to die

It's hard to imagine even our most poetical of musicians getting away with such lush imagery.

Cohen named his daughter Lorca.  That's a beautiful name.

At some point in the early nineties, I got to see a Lorca play being performed.  I believe it was Yerma, & it was eye-opening & jaw-dropping to hear the lines of the play - so poetic - being recited by actors.  It's the same epiphany one feels when one sees Shakespeare performed for the first time, especially after having been forced to read it for a class.  Poems were meant to be sung, I believe.

Why, in general, aren't they?

After that time, I would pepper Lorca lines in letters & emails I wrote to women I was courting.  Here's one:

Like a snake, my heart
has shed its skin.
I hold it here in my hands,
full of honey and wounds.

Here's another:

Only your hot heart,

nothing more.

& one more:

The guitar

makes dreams cry.

The sobbing

of lost souls

escapes

its round mouth.

& like the tarantula

it weaves a great star

to ensnare sighs floating

in its black

cistern of wood.

That last one, called "Six Strings," was one I'm sure Leonard Cohen knew intimately.

Gosh, it would have been nice to have a conversation with him once in my life.  I'll have to live for the rest of my life with all the conversations I've had & will continue to have with the beautiful music he made.

NextDoor

Do you know about this?  nextdoor.com?  It's an invitation-only (they send invitations through the snailmails with activation codes on them) website for neighborhoods.  I have friends who are very skeptical of it - thinking it's another way for criminals to break into their homes! - but the wife & I signed up mostly out of curiosity.  Since we've only been in our new home for a little over a week, we don't have much to contribute.  But both of us have been pretty voyeuristic with its contents.

One thing that's handy: people talk about stray dogs & cats in the neighborhood, & so far two dogs & one cat who've gone missing have been found, possibly thanks to the service.  (It must work better than flyers posted on telephone poles in places where no one walks!)  That's very good for me - & when it got cold here - below zero cold - people were shaming folks who leave their animals outside all the time.

Another handy thing seems to be recommendations for services.  People are asking their neighbors - albeit online - if there's a good plumber or dentist or whatever.  That feels sort of old-fashioned, even (again) if it's through some website.

But.  The wife & I were chuckling about this today.  When it comes to interacting with strangers, there are definitely two distinct camps.  For example:

There's an environmental group that comes through, asks folks to sign a petition & accepts donations.  One person wrote on nextdoor that the person who came to their house seemed suspicious.  There were two swift, completely opposite, reactions: one, people defending the group, supporting them, & explaining their purpose; & another, saying, basically, call the police!  "Code blue," one of the neighbors succinctly put it.

During the Christmas season, one neighbor's child apparently has the lovely idea to put candles on porches around their neighborhood.  The child nor his parents didn't quite explain what they were doing, & folklore immediately arose: one nextdoor neighbor said something like, I have heard that criminals are putting candles on your porches & if you don't remove them, they'll know you're not home & rob your house!  The other reaction was, naturally, How nice! How thoughtful! A candle for the season!

Amazing that this was as far from the truth as possible - & yet to a certain fraction of folks who live in this neighborhood, it wasn't far-fetched but probable.  Granted, most people, once it was explained, thought it was sweet & in the holiday spirit, but others grumbled - even with its innocent motives laid out, they couldn't help but see bad everywhere.

& there is bad, of course.  There was, according to a headline on the site, a "gun battle" (!) just a few blocks west of us the other night.  That shouldn't be as thrilling to me as it is - I'm sure if it were down the street, I'd be thinking of purchasing a gun to do battle myself.  But the thread was so much fun to read!

Have you used this website?  Is it available where you are?  If I end up posting stuff, I'll let you know how it's received.  We've already starting walking the dogs in the neighborhood, so I'm sure people are already talking about "the beagle family."  I hope the people who noticed our comings & goings in Lexington don't think we've died.

Writer's Writing, or, Writers Writing

Excuse me while I meander with no real destination in mind.

Back in the day when I wanted to be a writer, I read a lot of books & stories by writers about being writers.  Friends of mine who wanted to be writers were writing stories about being writers.  I was probably writing stories about being a writer.  This is not to discount very good books & stories about writers written by writers, but thinking of this reminds me of a series of experiences I had on a school bus when I was in college.

In Austin, the University of Texas provides buses to get students from certain areas to campus.  When I arrived in 1986, the buses were actual school buses of the kind without air conditioning & windows you could open up.  They had stereo systems with cassette decks that the misfit bus drivers used to play cool music on.  It was fun in 1986 to be taken to school on a bus blasting Joy Division.

At some point they replaced those buses with air-conditioned Capitol Metro buses, & apparently there was something of an uproar by the drivers because these buses - like most city buses - did not come equipped with a stereo system.  Many of the drivers would bring boomboxes & tie them to some space & play their music that way.  Eventually the management relented & put radios in the UT buses.

Always a dodgy proposition, this radio gambit meant that, on my morning commute, I could listen to drive-time wacky pop radio.  In general, I'd have a Walkman or later an iPod to listen to (I worked at the University so still rode the buses to work after I finished school), but some mornings I'd just be too sleepy to bother, & was forced to listen to Whomever & Whomever in the morning, the crazily-named people who played fart noises & other sound effects in-between whatever hits were programmed by the corporate owners of the station.

Like some kind of bored sociologist, I would listen to these guys & realized that all they ever really talked about was stuff they saw on television, their radio show, or events they attended because they had a radio show.  I guess they had very little time to read a book, or go on vacation, or have much of a life - their show was three or four hours long, a lot of time to fill, & there was pre-recorded material.  Talking about something they went to in the capacity as "morning deejays" was of course the entirety of their lives.  But boy it made for extremely dull radio.

There was probably a bit of jealousy there, of course - I was on the radio & had only a fraction of a fraction of their listeners.  & to be honest, I wasn't living much either.

Do you remember when you & your friends started working when you were in high school?  I worked mainly at my family's convenience store & had for a long time, but suddenly I was hearing stories about fast food joints or mall stores or any number of places teens used to work.  I was astonished, really, & wondered about what we talked about when we didn't have jobs.  Did we just talk about school?

These days I roll my eyes at movies, television shows, & books which are about writers.  Some I'll give a chance, most I'll reject.  Tonight the wife & I started the third (I think) season of the show The Affair which has, as its male protagonist, a writer.

Honestly, I'm amazed I've watched it this long.

Self Help Radio 010417: Cafés

(Original image here.)

The first Self Help Radio of 2017 took place at a rundown café.  There was too much coffee & no one liked what was on the radio.  But those of us who are drawn to cafés, well.  We moved the crumbs of the half-eaten muffin around the dingy tablecloth & daydreamed about happier times.

Or at least that's how I imagined it; the show didn't air from a café at all!  It aired from 93.9 fm WLXU in Lexington but now you can listen to it any time you want at the Self Help Radio website.  A username & password is required; those are available on the web page.  However, should you wish to listen to the show among all other kinds of shows, you can find it also (for the next two weeks) at Radio Free America.  In any event, all the songs I played are listed below.

Has anyone seen the barista?

(part one)

"Sunset Cafe Stomp" Louis Armstrong's Hot Five _Hot Fives & Sevens, Vol. 1_
"In A Cafe On The Road To Calais" Noble Sissle & The Georgia Syncopators _Sidney Bechet 1923-1936_
"At The Cafe Rendezvous" Doris Day _Golden Girl (The Columbia Recordings 1944-1966)_

"Le Grand Café" Charles Trenet _The Extraordinary Garden: The Very Best Of Charles Trenet_
"Little Cafe Paree" Vic Damone _Little Cafe Paree_
"Smokey Joe's Cafe" The Robins _Atlantic Rhythm & Blues, 1947-1974_
"Cafe Bohemian" The Enchanters _Jungle Exotica_
"Couleur Café" Serge Gainsbourg _Couleur Café_

"Sittin' In An All Night Cafe" Warner Mack _The Bridge Washed Out_
"Old Home Filler-Up An' Keep On A-Truckin' Cafe" C.W. McCall _Best Of C.W. McCall_
"Dusty Café" Wylie & The Wild West Show _Ridin' The Hi-Line_
"Highway Cafe" Kinky Friedman _Old Testaments & New Revelations_
"North Memphis Cafe" George & Ethel McCoy _At Home With The Blues_

"In A Street Cafe" Lisa Linn with Bo Sylvén & His Orchestra _Scandinavian Souvenir_

(part two)

"Twilight Café" Susan Fassbender _Twilight Café_
"Kardomah Café" Cherry Boys _Scared To Get Happy (A Story Of Indie-Pop 1980-1989)_
"Paris Cafes" The Art Museums _Rough Frame_

"Midnight Bahnhof Cafe" Wire _Document & Eyewitness_
"Gustave Café" Bill Pritchard _Jolie_
"Cactus Land Cafe" The Pearly Gatecrashers _Age Of Innocence_

"Cafe Hong Kong" Future Bible Heroes _I'm Lonely (& I Love It)_
"Night Café" Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark _English Electric_
"Electric Cafe" Kraftwerk _Electric Cafe_
"Cafe Ole" Benny Hill _The Best Of Benny Hill_

"Highway Café Of The Damned" Austin Lounge Lizards _Highway Café Of The Damned_
"Montana Cafe" Neil Innes _The Innes Book Of Records_

Whither Cafés?

(image from here)

Some cafés play radio stations, often quietly, for their patrons, especially when the employees are bored with the same CDs or tapes they've always played.  (My memories predate satellite radio streamed music.  Bear with me.)  There was a nice café - a coffeeshop, really - on Guadalupe Street in Austin, Texas, I used to frequent a lot back in the day.  It's not there anymore, but a version of it exists in Hyde Park, but, you know, it isn't the same.  I don't know how late the Guadalupe store stayed open, but someone who worked there once told me that they listened to my Monday night show at the café from time-to-time.  Which of course unnerved me.  Once, when I was with a friend, the fellow behind the counter - I don't think barista had become common parlance by then - said, "Are you Gary?"  He said it not like that was a good thing, but I went ahead & admitted I was.  It was too late for him to spit in the drink.

A few years back - or maybe just last year - it feels like a lifelong project - I gave up caffeine.  I was never much of a coffee drinker - I have an aversion to hot liquids - but the allure of the café beckons even now.  I remember sitting in the back of a café in college, trying to read but instead looking at women.  I remember staring out of a café window at a world either too hot or cold for me to abandon my muffin to re-enter.  Something about cafés is nice, you know?

So tonight there'll be a radio show about it!  It's on 93.9 fm in Lexington from 9-11pm Lexingtime (that's 8-10pm Texas time), & you can listen everywhere at the Lexington Community Radio web page, as long as you click "WLXU."

It'll be like having a coffee with me - I'll talk about & play music & won't hear a thing you say!

Preface To Cafés: Accent Aigu

Here's something I probably knew before but wouldn't have known if you just asked me: in French, the accent aigu (the little accent mark that tilts up from the left) is only used on the letter e.  You'll see its opposite, the accent grave, on other vowels, including e, but the accent aigu is only used - in French, mind you - on the letter e.

Wow, I can hear you thinking to my face, what an unbelievably minor piece of trivia.  I agree - but it is something I would think I thought I knew.  In fact, if you had asked me about that diacritical mark, I would've spelled it accent ague, & lost the spelling bee again like I did in the fifth grade.

But you know why I'm thinking about it.  I'm wondering if it's more proper to spell this week's theme café or cafe.

The internet (& online dictionaries) say both are acceptable - & strangely without much fuss.  This discussion on wordreference dot com doesn't even end with someone being called a Nazi!  Etymologists are chumps.

For the purposes of this show, I've found also that songs about "cafes" (or "cafés") don't adhere to any set rule per genre or age of song.  While poking around for the origin of some song or other, I found it as both cafe & café.  Who knows what the composer intended?  Does it matter?

A search of local (for me, Fort Worth-area) cafes (or cafés) demonstrates a clear disinterest in the Frenchified version.  West Side Cafe, Twin Creeks Cafe (which is inside a Honda dealership), Press Cafe, Vickery Cafe, & Benbrook Cafe (to name a few) all happily avoid the accent aigu.  In fact, the only one I could find in the city that uses the accent is (of course) in an art museum.

One thing to note is that most of these places are eateries of a sort that the strict definition of the word "café" (or "cafe") doesn't support; the strict definition of café (or cafe) is much synonymous with "coffeehouse" than "restaurant."  So perhaps the losing of the accent mark is a deliberate gesture, a kind of offhanded rejection of the roots of the word, the European café?  I can't know & of course I am overthinking it.

What will Self Help Radio do?  When you see the playlist, you'll discover that I'll just go with whatever the tracklistings say.  But when I say the word, I am definitely saying it like this: café.

The Lake Across The House

So. Many. Ducks

This weekend the wife & I moved into our new house.  It is an old house, built in 1957, & we purchased it about a month after we moved back to Texas, but the wife wants the place where she lives to conform to specific needs she has for habitation, & I have no opinion either way & would sleep on a mattress on a dirt floor as long as I had wi-fi, so the new old house has been renovated, but even though there are many things that still need to be done, we moved in because we needed to be out of the rental house at the end of the year.  I will in fact be putting together this week's show in a room with a door I can close & I don't know why I haven't done this before.  Oh yeah, because I used to do Self Help Radio in a radio station.

What was I talking about?  Oh yeah, our new house.  It's across from a lake.  Well, sort of.  It's across from the side of the street which has houses which have a lake behind it.  The owners of one of the house came by & introduced himself yesterday, & he told us we could go back there to look at the lake & specifically the probably hundreds of water fowl that hang out there.  I took the picture above today & in fact there are many more ducks than that, those were just the ones who swam away when I walked up with four dogs & a human woman beside me, a frightening proposition in any case.

In fact I can see the lake between two houses from the window in which I am busy now editing interviews for Wednesday's show.  I wish I could live by the lake - the houses which face the lake in fact have large windows in the back to look at the lake by which they live.  I have to crane my head, squint my eyes, & catch far-away action between two houses; they look out their window & most probably take it for granted.

Oh, & someone owns the lake.  That feels weird, but as I've mentioned before, I find it strange that I own trees.  I own a house, I own the plot of land on which the house stands, & on that plot of land stands trees, which I therefore own QED.  But the fellow across the street from us, whom I've not met yet, owns the lake.  It is his lake.  That seems incorrect somehow.  But it's true.

Expect more lake pictures, especially on my Tumblr blog.  & maybe a show about ducks, maybe?  In the future?*  Guest-starring actual ducks?

(Daydreaming now.)

* All right, I've already done a show about ducks.  But I'd love to invite some ducks to program a show.  Maybe about lakes?**

** Damn it, I did a show about lakes last year!  Well, ducks will need to come up with something!

Happy New Year!

(This image found here.)

Happy new year!  As we begin another three-hundred-sixty-five days around the calendar, the poorly-paid employees of Self Help Radio once again present the show's Radio Resolutions, to give you an idea what to expect in 2017 from a radio show you've almost completely forgotten about.  As always, treat these resolutions with the same respect & determination as you do your own.

1) Animals will no longer be allowed to host or guest-host the program.  They know why.

2) That joke where the deejay pretends to be talking to someone else, even though he's all by himself playing records, you know the one?  He'll keep doing it, but he'll be more self-conscious about it than before.

3) Very loud reminders that "YOU CAN TURN IT OFF, YOU KNOW" placed as bumpers between songs.

4) A letter to the heirs & estate of Henry David Thoreau has been drafted & will be sent as soon as an envelope & stamp are found, we promise, this year.

5) The lunch week has been reassigned thus: Nachos Monday; Tempeh Tuesday; Wino Wednesday; Tofu Thursday; & Every-Man-&-Woman-For-Themselves-Buffet Friday.

6) A "Sigh Jar" & an "Eye-Roll Jar" have been added to the shelf with the "Um Jar" & the "Expletive Jar."

7) Prank-calling homeopaths, naturopaths, aromatherapists, & rolfers will no longer be allowed on company time, except during breaks.

8) You know those atomizer things that announcers in old movies would use to spray into their mouths to clear their throats or dry their saliva or whatever the hell they were for?  You know them?  We're totally going to get one of those.

9) Obscurity is the new obviousness.

10) It's probably too late to turn back now.

Get ready for 2017!  It may actually be exciting!

Self Help Radio 122816: Indiepop A To Z # 52

(Most if not all of these record sleeve images came from Discogs.)

Well, here it is.  The last Self Help Radio of 2016.  It didn't even have the decency to let me finish the indiepop Ls!  Good riddance I say!  Good riddance to a year of good music & passable radio shows!  Let 2017 come!  Not that I'm ready for it.  It's just I can't stay in this "2016" any more!

With that said, that's it.  That's all I have to say for 2016.  The songs I played for the show are below.  The show itself is at the usual place.  You know about the username & password.  We'll square.

Happy new year!  See you in 2017.

(part one)

"Alone Again Or" Love _Forever Changes_
"Welsh Girl" Love _Welsh Girl_
"Black Mischief" The Love Ambassadeux _Black Mischief_

"All In My Mind" Love & Rockets _Express_
"You Can Never Have It All" The Love Buttons _You Can Never Have It All 12"_
"When You're With Him" Love Dance _Result_
"Spinning & Scratching" Love Is All _Nine Times That Same Song_
"Sooner I Wish" The Love Of Everything _Sooner I Wish_

"Browny April" Love Pandarins _Beikoku-Ongaku # 12: Chant Of The Unicorn_
"Under The Weather" Love Parade _The Sound Of Leamington Spa Vol. 2_
"Light Of Day" The Love Positions _Billiepeebup_
"Am I Wrong" Love Spit Love _Love Spit Love_
"Captain Kirk" The Loved Ones _After Hours 10"_

"Don't You (Wish You'd Never Met Me)?" Lovejoy _Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?_

(part two)

"Forget That Girl" Loveletter _Beethoven Chopin Kitchen Fraud_
"Weekender Man" The Lovelies _Something Cool_
"Don't Look At Me (I Don't Like It)" The Lovely Eggs _Cob Dominos_
"Keep Your Love" Loveninjas _Keep Your Love_

"That Boy Is Mine" The Loves _...Love You_
"Carry On At Large" Loveskip _Carry On At Large_
"Do You Believe In Magic?" The Lovin' Spoonful _Do You Believe In Magic?_
"Cruel To Be Kind" Nick Lowe _Labour Of Lust_
"Sylvia" The Lowthers _The Disparate Cogscienti_

"Synchronised Sinking" The Lucksmiths _Why That Doesn't Surprise Me_
"Lips Are Unhappy" Lucky Soul _The Great Unwanted_
"Show Me How The Robots Dance" Lullaby For The Working Class _I Never Even Asked For Light_
"Roman Holiday" Lumihoops _Throw: The Yoyo Studio Compilation_
"Drop You Vivid Colours" Luminous Orange _Drop You Vivid Colours_

"Speedbumps" Luna _Bang Crash Boom!!! A PopClub Compendium_

Whither Indiepop A To Z # 52

(This image has nothing to do with the show, I just liked it.  I found it here.)

On last week's show, when I was announcing this week's show, I said, "I think we're in the letter K."  I was talking about my interminable "indiepop a to z" series, which tonight will air its fifty-second episode.  I feel bad about saying that, because in fact tonight, we will start to wind down the letter L.  But that's the nature of this series, which I will probably never finish: I don't even remember what place I'm at until I sit down & go, Oh yeah right, I finished K.  Okay.

As always, there'll be great music by bands I consider "indiepop" as well as bands that influenced the genre.  As always, I'll stress that indiepop is an actual genre of music while everyone else refers to music that sounds like commercial radio pop but is put out by obscure or small labels as "indiepop."  They win, because no one is paying attention to me.  But of course I think the music I like is much, much better.

Listen then to the last Self Help Radio of 2016 tonight from 9-11pm eastern, 8-10pm central on 93.9 fm WLXU in Lexington & online at Lexington Community Radio.  I know I'll be listening.

Preface To Indiepop A To Z # 52: Two Thousand Five Hundred

Yep.  This is the two-thousandth, five-hundred discrete "page" or "post" of junk I have placed on this blog.  Twenty-five hundred!  2500.  That seems somehow wrong, in a moral or ethical sense.  I should be up on charges for this!

You could probably guess I am a big fan of both factors & prime numbers, especially of the fact that prime numbers have only two factors, itself & 1.  But 2500 has loads of factors, which are these:

1, 2, 4, 5, 10, 20, 25, 50, 100, 125, 250, 500, 625, 1250, 2500

Here then is a poem composed of words from the posts numbered above:

Just writing that makes my gall bladder throb
My inner skeptic basically has Tourette's right now
You can start the revolution by listening today
If you had fun, it's because we're wired differently

Wet yellow are my sclera
I myself was sampled once
The truth is already plainly delightful
Sometimes to humorous effect

Get lots of exercise in a stale-beer-smelling environment
Tomorrow is the new tomorrow; yesterday is yesterday's yesterday
It's too bad there's nothing other than smoking I can do
To be considered a "smoker" by my cool friends

My host was doing some server mojo
So I can't be horsing around with you right now
It is, however, cheaper than most trips & you don't have to wait in line at all
That seems somehow wrong, in a moral or ethical sense

That's a fun poem & will doubtless lose many awards.  I must however admit to cheating in one way.  The two lines at the end of the third stanza come from the same post (# 500).  Why did I cheat?  Because otherwise the poem would be fifteen lines long instead of sixteen.  That offended me somehow.  I didn't want the poem to be fifteen lines long.  It did not have the makings of a villanelle!

Okay, now, I know a villanelle is a nineteen-line poem & I totally expected for you to call me on my shit.  But you understand, don't you?  Don't you?

Do you?

Here we are, then, twenty-five-hundred posts in.  An achievement, surely, but also most assuredly not, like Perfect Attendance.  Those seeking insight or diversion will scarcely find it here, & yet as a promotional tool for the radio show it also fails shockingly to engage.  (See also: Facebook page, Twitter feed.)  One may as well celebrate, however.  An excuse for a cake with candles is always welcome!

A Close Look Down At The Mouth

Let us take a moment at year's end to consider cold sores.  "Note the blisters in a group marked by an arrow," that article advises.  If you must - there will be no images here!

These are different from canker sores in both placement & societal censure.  For where one can hide a canker core, one cannot well hide a cold sore, especially in such situations where the blisters of a cold sore are marked by an arrow.

Indeed, there are other differences which will continue to make your gums & feel uncomfortable.  We know - oh, we know - what caused cold sores - it's a viral infection, & that virus is called herpes - but with canker sores, as the Wikipedia article above notes,

"The cause is not entirely clear, but is thought to be multifactorial. It has even been suggested that aphthous stomatitis (canker sores) is not a single entity but rather a group of conditions with different causes. Multiple research studies have attempted to identify a causative organism, but aphthous stomatitis appears to be non-contagious, non-infectious, & not sexually transmissible."

That last bit should make most folks with canker sores happy, as there is very little that, it seems, is not sexually transmissible.  Both birth & death, for example, seem to be direct results of sex.  Leaving sex out of sores that can happen in or around your mouth is a delight in such a context.

What are we to do, then?  Are there foundations we can support?  Are there 5K runs or long walks against these conditions?  Why don't we speak out, why must we keep our mouths shut?

Oh you know.

Happy Every Holiday!!

But today it's

Thanks to all who listen or stop by, I hope you have a good day with plenty of fine food & festive fellowship with friends & family, whatever you prefer both/either/neither/nor.  I'm glad we get to interact regularly on a dumb radio show!

(That image courtesy of this awesome Tumblr blog.)

Self Help Radio 122116: A Very Self Help Radio Christmas 2016

Here it is, from the freaky Self Help Radio family to your own group of weirdoes, A Very Self Help Radio Christmas 2016!

In addition to too many Christmas songs in a two-hour period, there are interviews galore, a special message from my spiritual mentor, & a surprise phone call from someone who doesn't celebrate Christmas at all!  Yes, it's as difficult as your average Office Secret Santa & also as cheap.

Listen all throughout the holidays at Self Help Radio Dot Net!  I promise, if you want your relatives to leave, this will do the job!

& happy holidays to all!

(part one)

"Merry Christmas" Jim Of Seattle _Frothin' The Nog: Ye Fourth Green Monkey Xmas_
"Deck The Halls (Fa La La La La)" Little Jimmy Thomas _Deck The Halls (Fa La La La La)_
"White Christmas" Iggy Pop _Psych-Out Christmas_

"Funky Little Drummer Boy" Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings _It's A Holiday Soul Party_
"Little Jesus Loves Me" Bonnie Guitar _Merry Christmas From Bonnie Guitar_
"You're Just Like Christmas" The Crookes _You're Just Like Christmas_
"Carol Of The Bells" The Whiskey Wasps _Melancholy Holly_

"I Believe In Father Christmas" Greg Lake _The Atlantic Years_
"Do You Hear What I Hear" Gladys Knight & The Pips _Do You Hear What I Hear_
"Christmas Chopsticks" The Voices Of Walter Schumann _The Voices Of Christmas_
"Merry X-Mas Song" Pink Floyd _Rare Precious & Beautiful_
"Xmas Spirit" Destructors _Cashing In On Christmas, Vol. 6_

"Hail Santa" Nodding Tree Remedies _The T-D-R-Co Sound: Cascadian Christmas Collection_

(part two)

"Frosty The Snowman" The Forty Nineteens _Frosty The Snowman_
"No Room At The Inn" Bubblegum Lemonade _Under The Christmas Twee_
"Santa Is A B-Boy" Whistle _Live At The North Pole_

"Santa Claus & Popcorn" Merle Haggard _Goin' Home For Christmas_
"Carols Those Kids Used To Sing" The Statler Brothers _The Statler Brothers Christmas Card_
"Christmas At The Opry" Archie Campbell _Christmas At The Opry_
"It's Not The Presents Under My Tree" Narvel Felts _The Best Of Ripsaw Records, Vol. 3_

"Santa Baby" Wild Child _Christmas Mixtape, Vol. 1_
"Christmas Eve" Night Flowers _Christmas_
"Mister Santa" Lenny Dee _Happy Holi-Dee_
"Holiday Road" Matt Pond PA _Holiday Road_

"The Twelve Days Of Christmas" Bob & Ron Copper _Songs Of Christmas From The Alan Lomax Collection_
"Stille Nacht, Heilige Nacht" Der Bielefelder Kinderchor _A German Christmas_

(Image above from here.)

Whither A Very Self Help Radio Christmas 2016?

It's that time of year again!  You know because every damn radio show is playing Christmas music!  & frankly, it's the same Christmas music over & over.  But not Self Help Radio!  Just one Christmas show a year, guaranteed!  Plus!  No repeats ever!  Well, I mean, we play the same songs, you know, the Christmas songs you expect, but never the same recordings!  Also!  Lots of fun interviews tonight!  Like:

- an interview with a man who's studied Christmas Around The World!
- an interview with a former Department Store Santa!
- a special report from our travel correspondent about Christmas In Norway!
- a prerecorded holiday message from the Rev. Dr. Howard Gently!

Probably also surprises!  Who knows what's in these wrapped boxes?  You'll have to listen to find out!

It's on from 9-11pm eastern, 8-10pm central on 93.9 fm WLXU in Lexington, & everywhere at Lexington Community Radio online!  Have a listen!  It'll start your holiday right!  Well, maybe not entirely right.  It'll start something!

(Image above found here.)

Preface To A Very Self Help Radio Christmas 2016: I Feel Much Better Now, Thank You

Except my wife is sick now.

She's actually glad she caught the bug after me - as she told me, "Watching you, I knew exactly what to expect."  So - is "you're welcome" appropriate for being all communicable with the disease?

She also said, when the flu was causing her stomach pains, "How did early hominids survive?"  A sick anthropologist is a hilarious anthropologist.

She was supposed to go visit her family in California today, but weird circumstances - a previously-used voucher among them, which meant she didn't have a flight after all - led to her having to reschedule till tomorrow.  If she follows the same trajectory I did, she'll be exhausted but able to travel by tomorrow afternoon.  She's sleeping now.

& the show is done, & has been delivered to WLXU, although I didn't get a confirmation that it was received, so if it doesn't air, I'll at least be able to put it on my website on Thursday, before Christmas.  I am working on next week's show now, since the station will need it before they close for Christmas week on Friday.

Meanwhile, I am trying to decide if I should try to eat a regular meal tonight.  After emptying myself of everything I had in me over the weekend, I have eaten so far a banana, a handful of wheat thins, two small cups of applesauce, & two granola bars.  That's not a lot for two days & my body has begun to complain a little.  The only problem is, what I have to eat is sort-of-spicy Indian food.  When I wrote that, I got hungry; when I got hungry, my stomach made tsk-tsking sounds at me.

What do I do?  I don't go on about it here, certainly!  This is a blog for a radio show, not for someone day-to-day nonsense.  Just be glad that I was able to finish the show this week despite being waylaid by a virus - or be disappointed if you just wanted one lousy week of this year without an episode of Self Help Radio.  I'm sure that's quite a few people.

Health!

Sorry for that previous post.  Or is it sorry not sorry?

Not having lived in Texas for so long, & not having visited my family so regularly since the mid-00s, I had forgotten how every one of them is a petri dish for germs & viruses.  The weekend I visited my ailing mother & my sister was there, she who complained last week of having a "stomach thing."  If she had done as I did, & read up on such viruses, she would know she was still contagious for a few days after she felt better, but instead she gave me a hug anyway, & I, as I said, had forgotten how every time I came home from around 1986 till 2008 I would bring some sickness home with me.

Last night I was very unwell.  I cancelled dinner plans, which my wife thought I was doing because I am antisocial but which my wife decided wasn't the case when the vomiting began.  I had chills, I was so very thirsty, & I was weak.  I was exhausted but couldn't sleep.  I managed in the wee hours of the very cold morning to drink a few drops of water & slept a few hours until, around 6am, my sweet puppy Winston woke me so he could go outside.

All the while I despaired of being unwell & unable to finish my show this week.  But I rallied this morning, I managed to keep some applesauce down, & I was able to edit the many interviews I have planned.  Now it's just a matter of putting it all together.

Not that anyone was worried or knew or would have cared if sickness made me miss a show.  But I think I may sleep a little more before I finish the show tonight.

Sickness!

for immediate release:

Radio deejay & long-time "Self Help Radio" host Gary laid low by a stomach virus that's "going around"!  A night of stomach pain & regurgitation - & not in the good way - planned for a cold Sunday evening!  Fate of this week's show in doubt!  Will he rally to put a show together for Wednesday night - the annual "a Very Self Help Radio Christmas" program?  Or will he continue to a big baby & hold his dogs close & weep his benighted state?  Stay tuned!

Self Help Radio 121416: Gary's Favorite Music 2016

(Almost all these images came from Discogs.)

Look!  A year-end radio show!  With a list of songs the deejay thought were great!  What a novelty!

You know how this works.  You can listen at Self Help Radio dot net & you can tsk tsk at how my taste in music sucks.  It's totally your right to do so!  (I might be disappointed by you, too.)

Here's the list of songs.  Make your own list too!

(part one)

"Blackstar" David Bowie _Blackstar_

"The Answer" Savages _Adore Life_
"Wise Ol' Man (Edit)" The Fall _Wise Ol' Man EP_
"Blockhead" Angry Angles _Angry Angles_
"Fold" Burnt Palms _Back On My Wall_

"Do Rite With Me Tonite" Babaganouj _Pillar Of Light_
"Friday Night" The Spook School _Try To Be Hopeful_
"Come Have Me Over" The Sun Days _Album_
"Spies (No More)" The Chandler Estate _Infrastructure_
"Christine Zero" My Favorite _Christine Zero/Killed For Kicks 7"_

"Under London Skies" Close Lobsters _Desire & Signs EP_

(part two)

"In The Lobby" Iggy Pop _Post Pop Depression_
"My Pro-Choice Classical Language Joke" Hari Kondabolu _Mainstream American Comic_
"John Henry" Billy Bragg & Joe Henry _Shine A Light: Field Recordings From The Great American Railroad_

"Other People/The One Who Loves You" The Divine Comedy _Foreverland_
"Like John Lennon Said" Malcolm Middleton _Summer Of '13_
"My Ghost" The Shondes _Brighton_
"This Hum" The Submissives _Do You Really Love Me?_

"Walking Home" Hinds _Leave Me Alone_
"Bare Minimum" Jawbreaker Reunion _Haha & Then What ;)_
"Poverty Line" Good Boy _Poverty Line_
"Feel It Too" Oscar _Cut & Paste_
"Yellow Jacket Boy" T-Rextasy _Jurassic Punk_
"Year Of The Rabbit" Eskimeaux _Year Of The Rabbit_

"You Want It Darker" Leonard Cohen _You Want It Darker_

Whither Gary's Favorite Music 2016?

(I found this silly banner here.)

It is a tradition among some radio folks that - for whatever reason - they feel the need at the end of the year to play a group of songs released that year & call it "best" or "favorite."  I don't do "best," but I do have favorites.

Not all deejays do this, of course - many deejays, especially at stations of a non-commercial nature, such as the ones I have done my shows at, program shows which focus on music from a period of time long gone, where "new" music doesn't really apply.  It wouldn't make any sense for them to play their favorite music of the year if they simply haven't any.  One deejay I knew at KOOP, for example, boasted that he never played music released after 1980!

So, yes, not all deejays do this, but I like to play new music - I never really stop listening to new music, actually.  I listen to new releases all the time.  So, it makes sense for someone like me, who does a radio show which constantly features new music, to play my favorite new music from the year somewhat close to the year's end.

Why not the actual year's end?  For dumb reasons, really.  I do an annual Christmas show, which needs to air before Christmas, & I like to do my "indiepop a to z" series every four months.  The third-to-the-last show seems the best place to do the "favorites" show.

& it happens tonight!  Self Help Radio plays its favorite music released in 2016 from 9-11pm Lexington time, 8-10pm Fort Worth time, on 93.9 fm WLXU in Lexington & online everywhere at Lexington Community Radio dot org!  Have a listen.  You may discover we like much of the same thing!  But probably not.

Preface To Gary's Favorite Music 2016: That Awkward Intersection

It's that time of year when you can't visit a website without lists, lists, lists, of all the things that need to be listed about this horrible year of twenty sixteen.  Generally, I stay away - except maybe for the photos.  As I complained yesterday, "best of" lists bore me, so I don't pay much attention to them - except when I feel a need to compare my list of favorites to theirs.

You see, when you're super cool & you ignore stupid commercial crap, looking at lists like that can make you feel a bit superior - sort of like when you go to a site like Rate Your Music & the usual suspects are there, the ones that'll end up on everyone's lists because, you know, they're supposed to.  (Does anyone ever really listen to some of the records they claim to love?)

Except 2016 has to be different, damn it.  You know what's at the top of many (if not all) of these lists?  David Bowie's Blackstar.  & it's a good record.  On Rate Your Music, Leonard Freakin' Cohen is in the top fifty!  Maybe it's because they died, maybe that drew attention to their work, but then there's Iggy Pop's latest, doing well in opinion polls.  Motherfucker!

Why should I care?  Because those records are on my list, too!

How galling!  How awkward!

Oh No It's That Stupid "Best Of" Argument Again!

(Original image here.)

If you've ever read this blog around this time of year, or heard any of my year-end shows, you know I absolutely hate the whole concept of "best of" lists.  It's arrogant in the extreme, & is nothing but a list of the opinions of one or more people, representing some magazine or other organization.  It no more determines what is "best" than sales or awards do.  Here's why I don't think anyone can say what is "best" in a list form:

1) No one has listened to every album or single or ep released that year.  Sorry.  You may think you have, but it's impossible.  If all you're listening to is major label stuff, you are most definitely not listening to the best music out there.  You've fallen into the trap of believing that commerce determines what is "best" like the Grammys.  But it's almost guaranteed that half of the commercial shit you think is best will be forgotten in a few years.  Anyway:

2) Fuck popular culture.  Music is not about heavily choreographed events.  Music is not about moments created by publicists & teams of "songwriters" whose contributions are focus-group-tested.  Radio, as it always has, caters to the moneyed musical interests & plays the same shit over & over, but that no more makes something great now as it did in the past, where there's a graveyard of "successful" & "best of" records that no one thinks about anymore.  & even imagining that you as a critic free yourself of the influence of the corporations that send you shit for free, there's the fact that:

3) You can't compare "best" albums through different genres.  This may sound like somewhat fatalistic, but can you really say a hip hop album is better or worse than a bluegrass record?  Even if you have an unusually broad taste in music, you surely have a favorite genre, & you're going to prefer one over another.  In the end, when the jazz gal likes a record by some other genre, it's peer pressure & good ol' familiarity, it being played constantly around the office.  & those sites that let every critic have a vote & somehow tally those votes?  How fucking stupid is that?  Because:

4) Nothing is "great" because of popularity.  I repeat this for emphasis, because this is something that just baffles me.  Why does anyone think something is good because a bunch of people like it?  Perhaps I am genetically disposed to dislike something because of hype, but I most certainly don't believe something is great because of the money it makes or the fans it has.  & when it comes to critics, listen: people usually like critics that agree with them, or challenge them, but if you believe that just because someone can write or talk eloquently about things they love or enjoy, you're dealing with an artificial insecurity, because:

5) No one opinion is better than another.  At best, you can call an opinion better informed.  For example, if you said you hated Bob Dylan because you didn't like his voice, I wouldn't put much stock in your opinion about his records.  But that doesn't mean you're wrong that Bob Dylan isn't your cup of tea - it just means that you're wrong if you think his music is bad & music you like is good.  That's just a personal opinion, & as I've said, that means you can never say what is "best" except for what you like & think.  & therefore:

6) Everyone should retire stupid year-end "best of" lists.  No one knows what's best.  They can't.  It's impossible.  They can say what they like, & they can back it up with information & opinions & pretty words.  But that no more makes it "best" than album sales or popularity or awards or the consensus of critics.  What makes it "best" to you is personal to you.  You see:

7) Opinion is always & forever subjective.  Just say it's your favorite music of the year, or something else that isn't a statement that suggests it can be prove right or wrong.  Because you don't have any clue whether something is the best of the year any more than any other person.  Maybe in time - hundreds of years later - we'll know who stood the test of time.  But a few months after it was released?  Give me a break.

Okay.  I've made my points.  All right.  I can retire this till next year.

A Tumblr Blog I Like

This is from a Tumblr blog I recently started following.  It's called Samplerman & it's basically intensely detailed collage ("samples") from old comics & comic strips.  & it's awesome!  Have a look!