Self Help Radio 102517: Halloween 2017 - Black Cats!

(Original image by Ryan Conner, found here.)

Halloween is not even here & I've already scared my own pants off.  Black cats!  What was I thinking?  Sure, I live with one, but last night I could've sworn that I glanced out the window & saw a sea of yellow eyes!  If you never hear from me again after today, you may find me in the nearest litter box.  Evil fiends!

In addition to many songs that apparently have the power to summon the most devilish of cats, this Halloween show featured a panel discussion about the reputation of black cats, a conversation with a warlock, Allen Shariaty, who reveals secrets of the black cat, & a discussion with my spiritual mentor, the Rev. Dr. Howard Gently, about spiritual traditions involving the black cat.  & if that wasn't too much, Lexington singer/songwriter Jenny Adkins wrote a song just for the show!  Unlike most Self Help Radio episodes, this one appears to be more treat than trick!

You can listen to the show now at the Self Help Radio website.  To do so, you'll need a password & a username - those are available on the page.  The show is two hours long, divided into two hour-long files.  What's in those files (including the interviews) is below.

This show is not for the faint of heart!  Listen if you dare!

(part one)

"Never Kick A Black Cat" Boris Karloff _Tales Of The Frightened, Vol 2_
"Black Cat" Skinned Teen _Bazooka Smooth!_
"Black Cat (Cross My Path Today)" Lonnie Donegan _The Singles Anthology 1955-1967_

"Black Cat (I Don't Wanna Be Unlucky No More)" Jenny Adkins _Unlucky Charms_
"Black Cat Hoot Owl Blues" Ma Rainey _The Rise & Fall Of Paramount Records, Vol. 2 (1928-1932)_
"The Black Cat (Excerpt 1)" Diamanda Galás _Closed On Account Of Rabies: Tales Of Edgar Allan Poe_
"Black Cat" Tommy Collins _Black Cat Gonna Shake This Shack Tonight_
"Catblack (The Wizard's Hat)" Tyrannosaurus Rex _Unicorn_

interview with warlock Allen Shariaty

"Black Cat Moan" Clara Smith _Complete Recorded Works In Chronological Order, Vol. 5 (1927-1929)_
"Old Black Cat" Ian Anderson _Rupi's Dance_
"Black Cat" Reverend & The Makers _Death Of A King_
"Black Cat Boogie" The Black Crabs _13 Times_

"Black Cat" Broadcast _Tender Buttons_
"The Black Cat" UK Decay _The Black 45 EP_

(part two)

"Black Cat Blues" The Beau Gentry _If You're Ready! The Best Of Dunwich Records, Vol. 2_
"Black Cat Blues" John Lee Hooker _Graveyard Blues_
"Black Cat" Ohio Players _Ecstasy_

panel discussion about black cats

"Black Cat" Willie Lane _Rural Blues, Vol. 1 1934-1956_
"Black Cat" David Ceredig-Evans & Rebecca Wright _KidsSongs_
"The Black Cat (Excerpt 2)" Diamanda Galás _Closed On Account Of Rabies: Tales Of Edgar Allan Poe_
"Thirteen Black Cats" Nan Wynn _Thirteen Black Cats_
"Black Cat" Ziggy Marley _Love Is My Religion_

interview with spiritual mentor Rev Dr Howard Gently

"Mean Black Cat Blues" Charley Patton _Complete Recorded Works In Chronological Order, Vol. 1 (14 June 1929 To Late November/Early December 1929)_
"Old Black Cat Blues (Jinx Blues)" Kokomo Arnold _Vol. 1 : Bad Luck Blues 1934-1938_
"Black Cat Blues (Take 2)" Memphis Minnie _Queen Of The Country Blues: All the Published Sides 1929-37_
"I Ain't Superstitious" Willie Dixon _I Am The Blues_

"Black Cat" Psychic TV _Trip Reset_

Whither Black Cats (Self Help Radio Halloween 2017)?

(Image from here - it's an interesting article, too.)

Every year Self Help Radio celebrates the spookiest of holidays (well, after Easter) with a special episode focusing on some creepy aspect of the event.  We've had shows about ghosts & vampires, about zombies & werewolves, about witches & mummies & monsters.  Scary places weren't neglected, either - there have been shows about haunted houses, graveyards, even hell.  Some terrifying concepts, too, have come under the show's scrutiny: nightmares & death have frightened a radio listener before.  (Let's not talk about the show about clowns, okay?)

This year, we will hear songs & discussion about the domesticated pet from hell, the black cat.  Oh sure, they're cute, they're sweet, they're cuddly & friendly, but what if they're really witches in disguise?  What if they're like Satan's spy cameras?  What if at night they're slowly sucking your soul out of your body & giving you toxoplasmosis instead?  These are all things that, while probably not possible, might freak you out if you're reading this while high.  Good lord, why are you reading this blog while high?  There are so many other cool things you could be doing!

Come join us tonight as we expose the evil black cat for the devilspawn it is!  Self Help Radio's spooky Halloween show is on from 9-11pm eastern, 8-10pm central, on 93.9 fm WLXU in haunted Lexington, & online at Lexington Community Radio dot org, which is probably possessed by the souls of deejays long forgotten.

& remember - if Self Help Radio crosses your path, it's bad luck all the rest of the week!

Preface To Halloween 2017 - Black Cats: Cats Are Just Too Fucking Cool

Oh yeah, I'm bad ass.

That image above is from an article I think I'll read from tomorrow night with the headline Cats Domesticated Themselves, DNA Evidence Shows.

Whoa.

The truth is, I was a cat person before I was a dog person, & the reason is that they're cool as fuck.  They love you when & if they're in the mood.  The rest of the time they're doing their own thing.

So tomorrow I'm going to be talking smack about black cats, about how they're bad luck, they work with witches & devils, etc.  But all the while I'll be secretly envying them.

Because while most of us are as emotionally sloppy as dogs, precious few of us can be as cosmically cool as a cat.  That's why we vilify them!

Hope they can forgive me!

My Black Cat

The show this week is a Halloween show, a show about black cats.  My mother believes that black cats are bad omens, & more than once in our childhood did she make us go a different direction because a black cat crossed her path.  This is true.

She's very old now, & forgetful, & she was talking one day about how scared she was of black cats, & she asked me, "Do you think it's bad luck for a black cat to cross your path?"

My reply was, "If so, I'm the unluckiest person alive, because a black cat crosses my path literally all day long when I am at home."

The truth is, I am lucky to have a black cat at home.  I've talked about him over & over, but I thought, in honor of today's show, I'd share a few more pictures of my wonderful black cat.

His name is Bolan.  Here he is as a kitten, over ten years ago, sleeping with Ringo:

Here he is as a kitten with Winston, whom he is a little bit bigger than now:

Here he is with his brother George, & if you met him, you'd realize he was raised by dogs:

Here he is with the mother who wanted him, whom he loves very much:

He is a rather large cat:

& sometimes he has trouble relaxing, his life is so stressful:

So we're lucky that, a couple of years after we adopted him, we rescued the love of his life, Bronte:

So, if you're scared of black cats, this week's show might be terrifying for you.  But at our house, Bolan will be the most brazen of cats, & will gladly come to meet you if you come over.  He might also eat your hair.  It's a thing.  We can't figure it out.

Dream Vacation

This week's show is about black cats, who are vilified as bad omens & unlucky - & sometimes downright evil - among the superstitious, but I own a black cat & he's sweet as can be.

I've been on the lookout for great black cat stories & today I stumbled onto this one (from which the above picture is taken):

Adventurous Man Quits His Job to Travel Australia in a Campervan With a Beautiful Black Cat By His Side

My black cat Bolan is not fond of being in moving vehicles but I wouldn't mind traveling the country with my animals.  It's very true, life is better with black cats around!

Self Help Radio 101817: Faces

(Original image here.)

Self Help Radio has many faces.  One face is full of music.  Another face is full of talk.  Yet another face is kind of disgusting & you're repulsed even just by glancing at it.  In this way, Self Help Radio is a lot like a person, or perhaps many people, all with faces.  You get the idea.  I can torture metaphor as much as you like but it's really never going to make much sense.  I mean, one face per head, right?  Usually, that is.  I mean, there's always Edward Mordake.  But he's made up, you say.  Oh yeah?  If that were true, would Tom Waits sing about him?

We seem to have gotten off track.  This week's show was about faces.  Many faces were discussed, with a spiritual leader, a plastic surgeon, a psychologist, even a cyber-security expert.  & the music!  So much music about faces.  Oh my word.  It would be even more haunting than Edward Mordake.  Who never existed.  Oh yeah?  Would he be on American Horror Story is that were true?

Prepare your face to meet the faces you'll meet at the Self Help Radio website, where the show now resides.  Use your face to see information about a username & a password, information that's on the front (or front-facing) page.  The show is in two more-or-less equal parts, & what's in those parts is listed below.

Gotta go now & Face Time someone.  Enjoy!

(part one)

"Faces" TC Atlantic _Pebbles Vol. 3: The Acid Gallery_
"Faces" Harlem _Hippies_
"Faces" Jonathan Rado _Law & Order_

"Put On A Happy Face" Tony Bennett _New York, New York_
"Lose That Long Face" The Florentines _London Pavillion, Vol. 2: El 1987_
"Sad Voice & Mock Face" George Carlin _When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops?_
"Break Your Face" Talulah Gosh _They've Scoffed The Lot_
"Faces & Names" Lou Reed & John Cale _Songs For Drella_

interview with the Rev. Dr. Howard Gently

"Broken Face" The Pixies _Surfer Rosa_
"I've Just Seen A Face" Ludella Black _Alright, This Time Just The Girls, Vol. 2_
"Touch My Face" Malcolm Middleton & David Shrigley _Music & Words_
"Violently Pretty Face" Close Lobsters _What Is There To Smile About?_
"The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face" The Clams _Close To You 7"_

interview with psychologist Allen Shariaty

"Always See Your Face" Love _Four Sail_
"Your Face Betrays You" Mysteries Of Life _Come Clean_

(part two)

"Shaddup You Face" Joe Dolce _Australian Pop Classics: Novelty Songs Of The 60s & 70s_
"Making Faces At Each Other" I, Brute Force _Confections Of Love_
"Look At This Face (Oh My God They're Gorgeous)" Handsome Boy Modeling School _So... How's Your Girl?_

interview with cyber-security expert David Fruchter

"Baby Face" Little Richard _The Essential Little Richard_
"Smiling Faces Sometimes" The Undisputed Truth _The Complete Motown Singles, Vol. 11A: 1971_
"Drugface" The Passage _Enflame_
"Your Silent Face" Velocity Girl _Your Silent Face 7"_

interview with plastic surgeon CJ Buchanan

"Face Cream" Simon I _Simon I_
"Faces Stay With Me" The Thermals _Desperate Ground_
"The Face Of Everything" The Ballet _Mattachine!_
"Faces Stay With Me" Drug Boyfriend _Faces Stay With Me_
"Pretty Faces" Nicki Jaine _Projekt Presents: A Dark Cabaret_

"Joker Hysterical Face" The Fall _Room To Live_

Whither Faces?

(I found this here.)

What can be said about faces that I can't say to your face?  I don't want you to think of this show as some kind of face-off - & certainly I'm not doing it to save face.  Let's face it - you're more likely to consider me a baldfaced liar than just another pretty face.  & I'm not interested in flying in the face of what some might call tradition - I'd rather fall off the face of the earth! - but you'd rather cut off your nose to spite your face than be discovered you've got egg on your face.  It's written all over your face!  But I can talk till I'm red in the face to your resting bitch face but I have to face facts: if I don't do an about-face, I'm gonna fall flat on my face.  I took you at face value & now I have to face the music.  I'm request some face time but you'd just get in my face & insult me, saying something like I have a face that can stop a clock.  & I don't wanna face that.  It would be just a slap in the face.

What can I say?  It's a radio show about faces.  Tonight from 9-11pm eastern, 8-10pm central on 93.9 fm WLXU in Lexington & online at LCR Online.  Please listen.  I promise it won't be so in-your-face.

Preface To Faces: Confession Time Again

There are times when I am so lucky that Self Help Radio doesn't have superfans (or even average fans) who might nitpick things I say, might catch me in the off chance I re-do a theme, might grumble when I play a song that's really more fitting for a different theme.  In addition to that being weird - someone as interested in the show as I am - I mean, it seems freakin' unthinkable - such a situation would also make me more likely to be embarrassed about things that I am not usually embarrassed about, because no one really notices.

For example: Self Help Radio has covered the topic of faces before.

What?!?!

It's true.  It was on July 6, 2005, but it wasn't a show I was involved with.  It was subbed by a deejay named Danny Shiman, who was filling in for me becayse I had traveled that week to San Francisco with my girlfriend for to see an Indiepop Festival (I believe this was the one that had both the Lucksmiths & My Favorite!) & Danny gladly decided he'd keep the Self Help Radio format, if I gave him a theme to explore.  I gave him the theme "the human face."

The reason I chose this is because I knew it would be fairly easy to cover: he could play songs about eyes, nose, mouth, lips, cheeks, etc.  & so he did.  You can find his playlist on this page but you'll have to scroll down to July.  It's instructive if you want to do so, not only to see that he played a great mix of songs in the tradition of the show, but also because I won't be playing any of these songs.

It was common in those days - or it would've been if it had happened more than a few times - for me to give people themes that I myself would've found too easy to cover - no disrespect to Danny.  So too later when my friend Justin subbed the show, I told him to do a show about tools, where I might have done a show exclusively about, say, hammers.  I remember an April 15 sub when I asked my guest host, Art, to cover death & taxes.  Death is one of those subjects you could actually do an entire, lifelong radio show about.  It seems a cheat to do that just once.  For me, not for someone who isn't always doing theme-based shows.

Anyway.  Faces has been a Self Help Radio theme before.  I haven't covered it, & it wasn't covered in the same dumb, obsessive way that I would've done it, although, again. Danny did a fine job.  I was pleased when I saw the playlist.  & yeah, I thought he did it far better than I would've.

& we'll see how true that is tomorrow, won't we?

Going To The State Fair Tomorrow

(Image from here.)

Yes, the wife & I will be attending the Texas State Fair in Dallas tomorrow, so I need to get this week's show done tonight so I haven't any time to write in the blog, so you'll have to enjoy a picture of Big Tex & maybe read the link above, about a vegan trying to find food at the fair.  We might have that problem, too.  We're not really going for the food.  Or, as it seems safer to call it, the "food."

Fort Worth Stories No. 2

Way back here, I told a story about our then-new surroundings in the western half of the Metroplex, but for some reason I never told another Fort Worth Story.

This past week, I shared this on Facebook, so I thought it would make a decent Fort Worth Story, even if it's not much of a story as it a series of observations.

-----

At the Tom Thumb on Camp Bowie in Fort Worth, time moves very slowly. The Eurythmics song on the store speakers sounds like it's a 45 played at 33. A man named Larry, who most probably fought in the Korean War & who should be dozing on a porch in retirement bliss, unhurriedly works the register in the ironically entitled Express Lane. He has a plastic bag fetish; he never puts more than two items in a bag, he loves to pull each one up & out in a deliberate, even robotic motion, handing them over after each completed fill to the customer, so someone who's bought the limit of fifteen items now has eight plastic bags in their shopping cart. A man who looks older than Larry, if that's possible, waits ten minutes in front of me to buy a can of peas. He seems so proud to get his can in a plastic bag but then can't figure out how to exit the store, & is still wandering around when it's my turn. As I approach the counter, I tell Larry, "I won't need a bag," & this makes him drop my Tom Thumb discount card. "No bags?" he says incredulously. Then he spends a minute trying to find my card behind the register. When I leave, I feel almost as old as Larry, & nowhere as proud of my purchase as the man with the can of peas, who follows me out the door, but then seems confused about where he's now found himself in the strange outside world.

-----

Self Help Radio 101117: Memories Revisited (The Fifteenth Anniversary Show)

(Original image here.)

Ah, what a memorable night!  The fifteenth anniversary of Self Help Radio!  The wine flowed!  The music played!  There was laughter, joy, merriment!  I sure wish I could remember any of it.

You see, while everyone was celebrating, I was busy playing the songs & conducting the interviews, & making sure everything went smoothly so we could have fifteen more years of the show.  (Which means I'll be almost sixty-five when that happens - I think we can all agree it might be better to have died in World War III instead of that.)

Still, one hopes everyone had a nice time, & if you are one who did not, because you couldn't attend, you're in luck!  Because the show was captured for posterity & now is available for your listening pleasure at your listening leisure.

It's at the Self Help Radio website & you can access it if you know the username (SHR) & the password (selfhelp) that is also available on the website.  It's in two almost-equal parts (roughly an hour each) & what's in the parts - including the interviews - is noted below.

But I'm glad these anniversaries only happen once a year.  They are sure exhausting.  What?  That's the definition of an anniversary?  Oh.  Well.  You don't have to be so snotty about it.  Sheesh.

(part one)

"Memories" The Free Design _Heaven/Earth_
"Precious Memories" Sister Rosetta Tharpe _The Original Soul Sister (1946-48)_
"Cherished Memories" Eddie Cochran _Somethin' Else: The Fine Lookin' Hits Of Eddie Cochran_

"Mountain Of Memories" David Ruffin _David - The Unreleased Album_
"Memories" Slick Rick _The Art Of Storytelling_
"I've Left Memories Behind" Jay & Sam Clarkson _Stroke: Songs For Chris Knox_
"Memories Of Love" Future Bible Heroes _Memories Of Love_

interview with the Rev. Dr. Howard Gently

"Memories Can't Wait" Talking Heads _Fear Of Music_
"Memories" Clinic _Do It_
"Losing Memories" Bedhead _Beheaded_
"Memories On Memorex" Viktor Fiction _Memories On Memorex_

interview with former Self Help Radio apprentice Allen Shariaty

"Memories Of You" Lonnie Johnson & Elmer Snowden _Blues & Ballads_

(part two)

"Memories Are Made Of This" Dean Martin _That's Amore: The Best Of Dean Martin_
"House Of Memories" Merle Haggard _Down Every Road 1962-1994_
"Black Memories" The Growlers _Chinese Fountain_

interview with Radio Schools Of America founder & teacher CJ Buchanan

"Come & Get Your Memories" Martha & The Vandellas _The Complete Motown Singles, Vol. 3: 1963_
"Forest Of Memories" The Lovely Eggs _This Is Our Nowhere_
"Memories" Liechtenstein _Fast Forward_
"Memories" Noel Ellis _Jamaica To Toronto: Soul Funk & Reggae, 1967-1974_

interview with famous radio host David Fruchter

"Bad Memories" Ed's Redeeming Qualities _Big Grapefruit Clean-Up Job_
"Memories Fade" Bart & Friends _Make You Blush_
"Sell Your Memories" Fonda _The Strange & The Familiar_
"Memories Cabernet" Drug Boyfriend _Memories Cabernet_

"Memories" Leonard Cohen _Death Of A Ladies' Man_
"You Bring Back Memories" The Supremes _Meet The Supremes_

Whither Memories?

(Original image here.)

5,478 days of Self Help Radio?  That sounds like a horror story!

Luckily, it's been far, far fewer than that.  Even if there had been a Self Help Radio every week since 2002 (there hasn't), it would still mean a maximum of 780 days of shows, which, if they were all two hours long (they weren't), would be 1,560 hours of Self Help Radio.  That's roughly sixty-five days, or a little over two months, of Self Help Radio, which, I agree, is still worrying, but is nowhere near as catastrophic an idea as fifteen years.  But it's entirely understandable if you think that's way too much Self Help Radio.

There are so many people in so many radio stations to blame for this!

But instead of finding fault, let's just smile sweetly & congratulate this pitiful show on its longevity, as if that's a matter of rare achievement & not a lot of luck & not a little entropy.  & you can indeed celebrate by listening tonight, when we revisit a theme from the distant past, 2004, when we first did a show about memory.  Tonight it's all about memories (plural) & there will also be plenty of memories for me about the show & my life.

That's from (fingers crossed) 8-10pm central, 9-11pm eastern, on 93.9 fm WLXU in Lexington & online at LCR Online.  I hope you'll join in on the celebration!  Also, BYOB.

Preface To Memories (The Fifteenth Anniversary Show): Fifteen Years Of This?

Oy it's been a long day.  I had to put the show together & sent it off to WLXU.  Plus I am doing a show tomorrow (the Wednesday Morning Blend) so I spent the other half of the day listening to music to prepare for that.

Did you know I am a serial procrastinator?  I will literally wait until the last minute to do something that I could easily have done a few days early without any pressure.  Like, for example, I do this Arts Calendar for KFTW here in town.  I could knock out a month's worth in a couple of hours - it's not like there's an opera suddenly schedule with a week's notice.  But they're due on Thursday so I finish them on Wednesday.  I can't help it.

& you know what?  I long for the day when I can't get something that was supposed to be done at a certain time on time.  I want it to be something I promised that simply cannot be late.  & when I fuck up I want pretty much everyone mad at me.  I want to be so scarred by it that I do everything early for the rest of my miserable life.

It's amazing that that hasn't happened.  It will happen.  I hope it's soon.  But for fifty years (almost) I've gotten away with it.  & today, though I barely got four hours of sleep last night, well, I'm done with Self Help Radio & I think I'm prepared for the Morning Blend.

Oh, about Self Help Radio - I promised I'd tell you how I plan to organize the show for this week - I am narrowing the theme to simply songs about "memories."  It cut the number of songs I had to listen to in half!  It was amazing.

But I don't get to play the Mountain Goats' "You Or Your Memory."  & that makes me sad.

Blog-Navel-Gazing

You've been warned.

By now you're aware that I like to put barriers in my way, roadblocks, rules, restrictions.  I like to make things harder for me - at least as far as Self Help Radio is concerned.  I think it might've happened around the time Bob Dylan did his "Theme Time Radio Shows."  Not that I ever felt I was in competition with him - ha ha ha, no - but I think out of some personal sense of spite, I was like, "Oh if he's going to do a show about hair*, then I'm going to narrow my focus."

& yeah, I don't always do that - my upcoming show about faces could have thousands of songs - but I did feel like I needed to distinguish the show from all the other theme shows that exist & that pop up all the time every day.  (Do they?)

In 2008 I thought of revisiting an old theme - it's amazing that the show was only six years old at the time - when I celebrated an anniversary.  But by "revisiting," I didn't mean playing the same old show.  I didn't want to do that.  I wanted to play music I might have discovered in the intervening years.  So, for example, when I revisited my 1968 show, I didn't play anything that I played on the original show.

This week's show will probably play a few songs - maybe three - from the show about memory thirteen years ago.  But there will be a very distinct, annoying, Gary touch to it.

Which I will explain tomorrow.

Coming back to Dylan, though, I have to say: I'm skeptical that he picked all the music himself.  I mean, look at that playlist for the hair show.  Can you tell me with a straight face that you believe Bob Dylan listens to They Might Be Giants?

* Which he did in January 2007, while I covered a similar theme - & played at least one of the same songs - six months earlier.

Fifteenth Anninversary

(original image here.)

On October 9, 2002, Self Help Radio premiered on 91.7fm KOOP Austin, Texas.  It was 2pm.  The very first theme was "War," because at that time, one year after 9/11, the Republican administration was sending signals it really, really wanted to go to war with Iraq, a country that had nothing to do with 9/11.  It was a confusing, sad time, & I am sad to report it remains the same.

Self Help Radio, though, has changed, & not just its location.  One thing is that I very soon began resisting "easy" themes like "war."  Maybe not within the first couple of years - I really didn't imagine that the show would last all that long - but when I realized I wanted to do the show for a while, I figured, what the hell, let's plan a little better & explore some really interesting themes.

Here's something else that's different: I would put the show together the night before.  I had so much confidence I could come up with a theme that I didn't really think about the show except less than twenty-four hours before it aired.  That meant I never knew what a theme would be at the end of the previous week's show - one time I remember thinking I'd do a cool theme where every song would be a song about another band, only to be told by a friend that another show on another station had done that just a couple days before.  How embarrassing it would be to seem a copycat or a plagiarist!

Another time I did do that, & the theme was "devils," I think (that would make it in 2003), & someone called & said another show the day before had done a show about devils.  I said it was purely coincidence - I didn't listen to that show - but the caller was convinced this meant something diabolical was happening in Austin.  I didn't know how to reassure him.

Anyway, the traditional gift for the fifteenth anniversary is crystal.  So please send your presents of crystal meth to the Self Help Radio offices in Fort Worth, Texas, by the time of the show.  Please note that the packages contain "timepieces."  That's a modern twist on the fifteenth anniversary present.  No one will be fooled.

Seriously, though.  Crystal meth.  I mean it.

Self Help Radio 100417: Foxes

(Original image here.)

Yay foxes!  It's about time someone gave them a radio show!  So glad it got to be Self Help Radio!

& already the reviews are pouring in: every fox with a radio or the internet loved it, while most hounds with access to the show are giving it mixed reviews.  How do the foxes get their reviews to me?  Like everything else, I learn what people think by reading the comments section.

There's also some indication that humans who find themselves "foxy" also enjoyed the show, so if you missed it but consider that adjective apt, by gum, listen now.  There are not only lots of fox songs, but there's an interview with a zookeeper, a report from a furry convention (where people dress as foxes), & my spiritual mentor talks about the deeper meaning of foxes.  It will also give you something to talk about with foxes in those awkward moments when you come across one & find they're immune to small talk.

The show is now at the Self Help Radio website.  You don't have to be sly as a fox to figure out the username & password needed for the show - it's on the website already.  The show is in two parts, & what's in the parts, as well as where the interviews are, is listed below.

Yay foxes!

(part one)

"The Fox" Odetta _At The Gate Of Horn_
"The Fox" A Certain Ratio _Early_
"The Fox" The Rondelles _Shined Nickels & Loose Change_
"A Fox (Maybe I'd Better Stay Me)" The Smothers Brothers _Aesop's Fables The Smothers Brothers Way_

"Hounds Of Love" Kate Bush _Hounds Of Love_
"The Old Fox" The Mekons _Natural_
"Arctic Fox It's A Setup!" Mike Birbiglia _Two Drink Mike_
"Foxheads" Close Lobsters _Foxheads Stalk This Land_
"Fox On The Run" Dondero High School A Capella Choir _Pop Concert 1995_

interview with the Rev Dr Howard Gently

"Fine Old Foxy Self" James Brown _The Singles, Volume 3: 1964-1965_
"Foxy Girls In Oakland" Rodger Collins _Bay Area Funk_
"This Is A Foxy World" Tom Tom Club _Close To The Bone_
"Foxy Lady" The Cure _Three Imaginary Boys_
"Foxy Boxer" Bearsuit _Oh:io_

"The Fox In The Snow" Belle & Sebastian _If You're Feeling Sinister_

(part two)

"Fox & The Hounds" Henry Thomas _Before The Blues, Vol. 3: The Early American Black Music Scene_
"The Fox Chase" Wade Ward & Bob Carpenter _Southern Journey, Vol. 2: Ballads & Breakdowns (Songs From The Southern Mountains)_
"Lonnie's Fox Chase" Lonnie Glosson _The History Of Country & Western Music, Vol. 5 (1935-1937)_

Marge Most reports from a furry convention

"Fox In Socks" Marvin Miller _Dr. Seuss Presents Fox In Socks, Horton Hatches The Egg, & Other Stories Including The Sneetches_
"The Bear & The Fox" Tim Yen Yen _Everything Beautiful Reminds Me Of You_
"The Fox & The Grapes" Joan Gerber _The Story Lady_
"Nice Fox" The Rosebuds _Life Like_
"Foxx & I" The Magnetic Fields _50 Song Memoir_

interview with zookeeper Tony Sharpetti

"Red Fox" The Choir Practice _The Choir Practice_
"Foxes Of Kalahari" The Search _Deranged Minds Unite_
"Find The Fox (Demo)" XTC _Coat Of Many Cupboards_
"Fake Fox Fur Pillowcase" The Wave Pictures _Great Big Flamingo Burning Moon_
"Faux Foxes Improvise Limelight" Drug Boyfriend _Faux Foxes Improvise Limelight_

"Reynard The Fox" Julian Cope _Fried_
"Fox Box" The Dirtbombs _Horndog Fest_

Whither Foxes?

(Found here.)

Damn, foxes are cute as fuck.  They make me want to just have every frickin' show be about cute things, just so I can put pictures of them on the Facebook page.  I mean, the theme of the show the week before was guilt.  No one wants to look at pictures of guilt!

& yet, their adorable nature was not the reason for the show.  No, the idea came to me because I was reading about another cute animal dear to my heart: beagles.  The story of the fox is often wrapped up into the story of the hound.  Not only are they closely related, but, you know, one hunts the other, thanks to human beings.  I bet otherwise they'd just hang out together.

Stuff I was reading talked about domestication, which I talked about yesterday, & which led to the show today.  That's sometimes how inspiration strikes.  It's often deliberate.

& so Self Help Radio's show about foxes is on tonight on 93.9 fm WLXU in Lexington & online of course at LCR Online.  It's on from 8-10pm central & 9-11pm eastern.

The show's not nearly as cute as that picture above.  Just warning you in advance.

Placeholder: 2,700th Post

This is the 2,700th discrete bit of writing on this blog, which began September 12. 2006, just a little over eleven years ago.  It has never really had much of a purpose & continues to in that vein.

Huzzah.  Celebratory music.  Confetti.  Toasts & cheers.  Revelry.  Regret.  Depression.  Acceptance.

"Here's to 2700 more," one drunken fool burps, & is promptly punched in the face.

Preface To Foxes: Domestication

There was an argument today on the morning dogwalk between me & the wife (not me & the dogs) about the domestication of foxes.  I had read that one of the more interesting things about foxes is that, despite their being related to wolves & dogs, they have resisted domestication.

The wife, who is a smarty-pants, said, "What about the Russian foxes?"

Sadly I had to confess to her that I hadn't heard about them.  When I quickly read about them on my  phone - probably while she was picking up dog poop - I was able to point out that this particular attempt at domestication has only been going on for a few decades.  In contrast, some researchers believes humans domesticated dogs like fifteen thousand (15,000) years ago.  That's quite a difference.

Luckily she doesn't notice things like this report, which is about a fox being domesticated, although it is a fox that has been bred for its fur, so it's not a wild fox.

None of this by the way dissuades me from wanting a fox of my own.  I don't know if I could handle a wild fox, but if you know of any douchebag fox fur farms around here, let me know - it might be worth planning a rescue.

Pictures Of Foxes

Over at the Self Help Radio Facebook page, I've been sharing links to pictures of foxes.  I will also share them here now.

These 22 Photos Will Make You Fall In Love With Foxes

7 Of The Most Breathtakingly Beautiful Fox Species In The World

The Foxiest Foxes on the Internet

You're welcome!

Maybe go over & like the page to see other stuff that's posted there?

Meet My Pets (Again?) # 8: Yoko

I adopted Yoko from my sister, who died two years ago, & who asked me - when I didn't think she was very sick & when she knew no one else would - to take her if anything bad happened.  I discussed that here, but that wasn't much about Yoko.

Yoko's a chihuahua mainly - some think she may have a little hound in her, maybe dachshund - but she's scrappy & yappy & definitely wishes she could be one person's dog - it used to be my sister, now it's me, although she does fine with the other dogs & with the cats & with the wife.

Yoko & I travelled from Texas to Kentucky over two day in the summer of 2015.  She was very needy when the car wasn't moving, & so I took her with me wherever I went.  If I left her in the hotel room, she'd claw at the door & bark.  So when I went for food, I took her.  I went to a pet store to buy her food, since my sister had told me she was finicky.  & I put her dog bed - taken from my sister's house - on the hotel room bed with me, so she could sleep there.

It might be that she bonded with me then.

My wife Magda was in Spain doing research at the time & she later told me she had intended to adopt Yoko out, but Yoko stole her heart within days.  Magda gave Yoko her name, too - she said the little dog "broke up the beagles."  She also advised me that Yoko wasn't finicky, just spoiled - she would eat, Magda said, when she was hungry.  She was right - & Yoko also took to walks right away, if only to bark at everything that passed.  She especially hates bicycles & mail carriers.

She weighed over twelve pounds when I brought her home.  She now weighs between seven & eight. She's healthy, she's happy, & she has, as I've said, fit it well with the other dogs.  But she does follow me around.  If I have time to nap, she will come very happily into bed with me during the day & burrow under the covers.

& she's mellowed out.  When we have guests over, she gets used to them quickly, & remembers neighbors whom she's already met.

Magda often says that she'd rather have Pat, my sister, back, but she wishes she could tell her what a gift Yoko was to us.

Maybe I should've talked about the night I met Yoko - when Pat was in the hospital, & she asked us, who were visiting, to let her out.  Yoko hated us.  She growled & cowered in a corner.  I tried & tried to befriend her.  It wasn't until we were there for a while, when the other dogs needed to go out in the middle of the night, that she just came along with us.

Well, that's the story.  There's more to it, I guess.  Just like there's a lot more to Yoko.  The youngest, newest member of our pack.

Self Help Radio 092717: Guilt

(Original image here.)

Ah, guilt.  I have read online that it is to the soul what cancer (or pain) is to the body.  I have also read that it is a gift from Allah, warning you that what your doing is violating your soul.  Also, it's a tool of the Holy Spirit - you know, because shame is a tool of the Devil.  Guilt is conservative, too - it doesn't bring about change at all.  It's self-punishment, but also (or does it follow that) it makes us lose control of our happiness.  Anyway, if you fill your space with guilt, there won't be any room for love.  & this is just what I've read on images I saw while looking for a picture to put at the top of this page!

The best definition, which I should've used for the show but didn't, is from Ambrose Bierce's Devil's Dictionary: "Guilt, n. The condition of one who is known to have committed an indiscretion, as distinguished from the state of him who has covered his tracks."

With that in mind, I give you this week's Self Help Radio.  Full of guilt, & full of interviews, with a documentarian making a film about guilt, with chats with my spiritual mentor & my therapist, & with a historian who discusses historical guilt.  & music.  So much music.  I might almost feel a little guilt, there's so much music.

The show is now at the Self Help Radio website.  I can't guilt you into listening, but if you do, pay attention to username/password information, which is at the top of the page.  The show is in two parts; what is in each part, including the interviews, is listed below.

Listen to this show will actually remove guilt!  I hope.

(part one)

"A Little Guilt" Laptop _Opening Credits_
"Telepathic Guilt" Phoebe Blue & The Make Baleaves _Inquiries Acquired_
"The Guilt Club" Magoo _The Soateramic Sounds Of Magoo_

"Built For Guilt" Tania + Juan _Built For Guilt_
"Guilt" The Watanabes _You're Dancing I'm Absorbed_
"Guilt Trip" Andy Hendrickson _It's Ready_
"Guilt Trip" Romanovsky & Phillips _Trouble In Paradise_
"The Guilt Of My Secret" Marc Almond _Stranger Things_

interview with documentarian Allen Shariaty

"Southern Baptist Guilt" Manitoba Rock n Rolla _Self-Entitled_
"Catholic Guilt" Tom Tuerff _Something To Sell At My Gigs_
"White Guilt" Teen Vice _Saddest Summer_
"Guilt Free" Kim Salmon & The Surrealists _Ya Gotta Let Me Do My Thing_

interview with the Rev Dr Howard Gently

"Guilt Parade" The Birthday Party _Hee-Haw_

(part two)

"The Guilt & The Glory" Conflict _Increase The Pressure_
"White Guilt" John Wilkes Booze _Five Pillars Of Soul_
"The Guilt Must Weigh A Ton" Paper Airplane Pilots _The History Of Flying_

interview with my therapist Dr CJ Buchanan

"Sense Of Guilt" Josef K _Sorry For Laughing_
"Draygo's Guilt" The Fall _The Wonderful & Frightening World Of The Fall_
"Guilt" The Long Blondes _Couples_

interview with Harvard historian David Fruchter

"White Liberal Guilt" Milky Wimpshake _Lovers Not Fighters_
"Guilt" Those Poor Bastards _Behold The Abyss_
"Guilt" Fiction Family _Fiction Family Reunion_
"Guilt" Marianne Faithfull _Broken English_

"Guilt" Chapterhouse _Whirlpool_
"Guilt" California Wives _Affair_

Whither Guilt?

(Image from here.)

Let me tell you, there is no end to the websites online talking about guilt.  You are left with the impression that it's a common condition humans suffer from, a condition from which we are constantly seeking relief.

& of course I understand but the truth is, I probably wouldn't have done this particular show about guilt if I hadn't been listening to the new Manitoba Rock n Rolla record, Self Entitled.  There's a song on it called "Southern Baptist Guilt" that I liked which made me think, Why don't I do an entire show about guilt?

As I previously noted, a couple of days ago, I am not going to play songs which talk about being "guilty," to better focus on the state of guilt itself.  There were enough good songs to do this.  Now I have to plan a show about being guilty.  Look for it around 2021.  It does mean I can't play that new National song.  But oh well.

Tonight's Self Help Radio is on from 8-10pm central, 9-11pm eastern on 93.9 fm WLXU in Kentucky & online there & everywhere at Lexington Community Radio dot org.  You might feel a little guilt if you miss it, so why not just listen & immerse yourself in guilt?

Preface To Guilt: The Five Kinds Of Guilt

To get you ready for tomorrow's show, which is about guilt, I have been scouring the first ten results of a Google search to determine how many kinds of guilt there are.  Are there just two?  Or three?  Or four?  Or how about five?  I like five!  It's the number of fingers I have before I have to use my stupid left hand.  Let's rock this!

According to this paragraph on a web page - I mean it's not really an article, even though it does cite two sources - these are the five kinds of guilt:

One: "guilt for something that you did."  That's not very catchy, so we'll call it "Garden-Variety Common Ol' Guilt."  You fucked up, you lied, you hurt someone, you did something you have always considered wrong.  & now you feel guilty about.  Guilty enough to never do it again?  Ha ha ha no.

Two: "guilt for something you didn’t do, but want to."  Jeez, someone needs to name these better.  Can we call this "Pre-Regret Guilt"?  Or how about "Sour Grapes Guilt"?  Maybe just "Mindfuck Guilt"?  You thought about doing something you think of as wrong, but you didn't, because of fear or something, but you still feel guilty about it.  This is a particularly human form of guilt, & it makes you wish you were a sociopath or something so it didn't keep you up at night.

Three: "guilt for something you though you did."  Though you did?  Oh, thought you did.  We can call this "Dumbass Guilt."  Because you didn't do what you thought you did & eventually you're going to find out you didn't do it but for now, man, you're all thirteen kinds of upset about doing it.  In many cases of Dumbass Guilt (I should be paid for this), you probably already know you didn't do it, but you kinda needed some reason to feel guilty so you were like, What if?

Four: "guilt caused by thinking that you hadn't done enough."  This is probably best exemplified by "White Liberal Guilt," a term I didn't coin but a feeling most sensitive types feel when they realize dumb luck gave them advantages & resources that 99% of the world doesn't have.  Some people convince themselves they deserve what obvious chance had given them, but this isn't about delusion, it's about guilt.  By the way, this kind of guilt should be more pervasive.  It might mean people would actually help those less fortunate than themselves.  Instead, we get the alt-right.

Five: "guilt that you are doing better than someone else."  This is a kind of half-assed description of "Survivor's Guilt," which is not guilt you feel when you realize that you actually paid money to see the band Survivor.  A better description, from Wikipedia, is this: "a mental condition that occurs when a person believes they have done something wrong by surviving a traumatic event when others did not."  Which is sort of like what this person is getting at, but not really.

Let's be clear: this week's show will examine guilt, not attempt to alleviate it or solve it or treat it.  That's because Self Help Radio is not a self-help radio show.  Think about how poorly the show is as a just plain radio show, & then imagine how bad it would be as something helpful!

You're welcome.

Stupid Rule Alert!

There is this problem I have:

When thinking about doing a radio show, I often imagine that I am giving the themes short-shrift.  I think to myself, "This theme is too broad, why, there are more than one radio shows here!"

This has happened with this week's show.  The theme is "guilt."  Naturally, a show about guilt ought to feature songs about people who are (or aren't) guilty, right?

Wrong!

That could be a whole other show!

Today I went through & eliminated all the "guilty" songs.  I wanted the show to focus on guilt.

& so it shall.

Because there's something really, really wrong with me.

When if ever will I do a "guilty" show?

Meet My Pets (Again?) # 7: Boone

Boone is the second animal we adopted while we were in Kentucky.  I told the story of finding him previously on the blog.

The "scabbed-over sore on his foot" turned out to be a bite & it was infected.  To treat it, the vet who neutered him gave him antibiotics; that didn't work.  Our regular vet actually removed the skin from around the bite & let the skin & hair grow back naturally.  It was freaky but it saved his life.

He's our youngest cat & he was so brave, coming out to meet two big humans walking three annoying dogs, but he's the shyest cat we have.  He's got a sweet quiet meow, he doesn't feel the need to gulp all his food at one time (so he begs for food all day long), & he loves to play & cuddle.  I think that night we brought him home I knew we'd keep him.  I was worried that he might have FIV or feline leukemia but so far his biggest issue is that he's allergic to flea bites, so we make him wear a flea collar.

Did I mention he was unbearably sweet?  Because he is.  Just too too sweet.

Self Help Radio 092017: Lightning

(Original image here.)

First of all: sincerest apologies for all the lightning in Lexington last night.  I had no idea my radio show about lightning would cause intense electrical storms all through the WLXU listening area.  I am told there were no fatalities, but still: the power of radio is not to be denied.  My upcoming radio show about big fiery things falling from the sky has been shelved for the time being.

But I hope it was a good show!  In addition to music that worked as a lightning rod (again, sorry about that), you heard some interesting interviews: I talked to children's educator Mr. Weather; to documentary filmmaker Allen Shariaty; to a man who has been struck by lightning fifteen times, CJ Buchanan; & to my spiritual mentor the Rev. Dr. Howard Gently.  So much information!  I can only hope that some of it was actually true.

The show is crackling now at the Self Help Radio website.  Please pay attention to username/password information - that's on the page, though.  The show is in two parts, & what's in each part is listed below.

Did you hear that?  It sounded like - naw, it couldn't be.  The show's over!

(part one)

"What Makes The Lightning?" Tom Glazer _Weather Songs (From Ballads For The Age Of Science)_
"Lightning Strikes" Planning By Numbers _1: Catch The Beat_
"Heat Lightnin'" Tuscadero _The Pink Album_

"Zig Zag Lightning" Little Johnny Taylor _The In Crowd: The Story Of Northern Soul_
"Lightning & Thunder" The Tidal Wave _Lightning & Thunder_
"Lightning" The Popguns _Another Year Another Address: The Best Of The Midnight Years_
"Twin Layers Of Lightning" The Go-Betweens _Liberty Belle & The Black Diamond Express_

interview with Mr. Weather

"White Lightnin'" George Jones _Ragged But Right: The Starday Years Plus_
"Smokestack Lightning" Howlin' Wolf _Chess Pieces_
"Greased Lightnin' (Single Version)" John Travolta & Jeff Conaway _Grease OST_
"1952 Vincent Black Lightning" Mary Lou Lord _Live City Sounds_

interview with spiritual leader Rev. Dr. Howard Gently

"Lightning Frightening" David Bowie _The Man Who Sold The World_
"Thunder & Lightning" Tooter Boatman _Rockin' Tooter Boatman_

(part two)

"Lightning Strikes (Not Once But Twice) (live)" The Clash _Clash On Broadway_
"Lightning Rod, Run" Deerhoof _The Runners Four_
"Lightning Strikes" Klaus Nomi _Klaus Nomi_

interview with documentarian Allen Shariaty

"Lightning Strikes The Postman" The Flaming Lips _Clouds Taste Metallic_
"Baby Lightning" American Death Ray _Smash Radio Hits_
"Remember The Lightning" 20/20 _20/20_
"Flash Lightning" Tom Verlaine _Tom Verlaine_

interview with lightning strike survivor CJ Buchanan

"Lightning Bug Blues" The Allen Brothers _The Complete Recordings, Vol. 2: 1930-1932_
"White Lightnin'" Sheb Wooley _MGM Hillbilly, Vol. 3_
"She Steers By Lightning" Richard Thompson _You? Me? Us?_
"Lightning Strikes" The Grenadines _Cables To The Ace_

"When Lightning Starts" The Three O'Clock _Sixteen Tambourines_
"White Lightning" The Monochrome Set _Dante's Casino_

Whither Lightning?

(Image from here.)

The idea for a radio show about lightning came to me in a flash.  It just struck me as a bright idea.  It was enlightning, you might say.  Like a bolt from the blue - you might be shocked to hear this - I felt positive that I wouldn't be charged with plagiarism or imitation - it felt like it would be current & would spark people's interest.

Ohm sorry about that.  I have little resistance to puns!

& promise!  Very few if any lightning puns tonight.  Just lots of songs & lots of interviews: the educator Mr. Weather, my spiritual mentor Howard Gently, documentarian Allen Shariaty, & lightning-strike survivor CJ Buchanan.  The show, I think, will be electrifying.

Tonight!  On 93.9 fm WLXU in Lexington & online at the Lexington Community Radio website.  From 9-11pm eastern, 8-10pm central.

& perfectly safe.  Even though lightning rarely strikes in the same place for two hours.

Preface To Lightning: Storm Chasing

Do you remember the movie Twister?  I don't.  I think Philip Seymour Hoffman was in it.  & Helen Hunt.  & either Bill Paxton or Bill Pullman.  Did those guys ever make a movie together?  How would we know?

This is a line I like, which I will probably read on this week's show: "Lightning seeks out the shortest route to something with a positive charge."  The shortest route.  If you are struck by lightning, not only was it because you were positive (better to stay negative), but it was because you were the nearest to wherever the lightning began.  Let that sink in.  You were closest to where the negative side of the lightning was, & you completed the circuit.  Maybe write that on your tombstone?

& no, I've never been anywhere near struck by lightning.  I have been very close, because I know how to count after a lightning strike to figure out its proximity.  Here's a children's website to teach you how to do that.  In case you didn't know.  I don't remember when I learned that, but it's something I've known for a long, long time.  Long enough to know, when I barely get to "five Mississippi," that I need to say, "That was close!"

Thinking about it, I don't remember many thunderstorms in Kentucky.  There was more rain than in Texas, but less storms.  Here, every rain event is a fucking storm.  Perhaps because Fort Worth is on the edge of the plains & storms roll in from the west.  Or maybe because Texas weather is like an eleventh grade thespian - or an eleventh grader period - everything is heightened.  Texas weather is like an eleventh grader relating to a song by the Cure.  It's all hyperbole & superlative.  & I thought that before Hurricane Harvey!

Here in Fort Worth lately it's been hot - not over 100 degrees Fahrenheit hot, but hot - & there's no rain in the forecast at all.  I can't say the same for Kentucky - I believe you guys got Irma rain & it's definitely cooler.  But it doesn't look like there'll be lightning for the show tomorrow night.

But of course I once did a morning show about sunrise in the winter when the sun didn't rise until late in the morning.  Self Help Radio has never claimed to be immediate or even relevant; when it appears it is, it's mostly accident or coincidence.

What do you want?  I don't own an almanac or anything!

Do People With Nervous Disorders Object To Animated GIFs?

Because I sure do.

Can you stop an animated gif?  I know that you can (most of the time) stop an embedded video, but, especially on Tumblr, an animated gif will just loop & loop & loop.  & it might have been delightful at some point, but now it's mainly annoying.

& speaking of, what about those pages - it seems like there's a few on otherwise reputable news & opinion sites - where there are more than one embedded video that plays, one after the other, impossible to find & therefore impossible to close or stop?  Can that be good for the advertiser?  Who in a rage trying to shut the damn page up is going to say, "Oh wait.  I need this product?"

& let's not even talk about the more illegitimate places on the web - not the Deep Web or the Dark Web or whatever - but the places were illicit things can be found - in my case, it's usually mp3s from a web page stored on a third party site - where just clicking anywhere on the page causes a cascade of open windows, some of which say dumb shit like "your computer has been infected - please call this number for help."  Who falls for that?  I guess some do.  But how irritating!

I understand this is the model that exists to help pay for online content.  It doesn't mean that I have be okay with it.  So enough with the looped animation, please!

Meet My Pets (Again?) # 6: Pauline

Have you ever seen that bumper sticker that says "Who rescued who?"  It looks like this:

(found here)

It's a sweet & apt sentiment, although grammatically incorrect (it should read, "Who rescued whom?").  Many of us who adopt animals from shelters find ourselves far more rewarded than the animals, & that probably has as much to do with the fact that humans & canines have co-evolved for millennia as it does with the personalities of the animals involved.  But it's very true that Pauline, whom we adopted the day after our beloved George died in 2012, saved our lives.

As I wrote about here, George's death was as traumatic an experience as I've ever had in my life, & the night he died, I drank & drank & never got drunk.  Grief would not let me.  I had suggested to my wife that we might adopt another beagle by & by, & the next day she told me there were beagles puppies at the Lexington Humane Society.  The house had not felt the same since George had gone.  We were uncomfortable in our own skins.  We saw him everywhere, we looked for him everywhere, we felt lost & alone despite still having two dogs & three cats.  He took up that much space in our house & in our lives.

We went to look at two little beagle-ish girls (it was obvious even then they had some hound in them) & although if I could do it again I would've adopted both of them, I picked the one who looked most like a beagle & we brought Pauline home.  She was the last of the Beatle beagle names: George, Ringo, & Winston (which was John Lennon's middle name) were taken, but she was a girl, so she had to be a feminized Paul.  A puppy in the house brought it back to life, she distracted us from our loss, she needed food & love & attention & giving it to her was the best grief therapy around.

Of course, Pauline has grown up pampered, spoiled, & bratty, & she's very jealous & very demanding.  She's also, as I've said before, the first dog we've ever had who just loves being a dog, so nowadays, when it isn't too hot, she spends her time in her backyard - which my wife claims was a big reason for buying the house we live in now - just let that sink in: we bought a house partially so Pauline could have a good backyard.  That's how much she means to us.

She loves people & loves dogs & loves eating (that's the beagle part of her) & in general loves life.  She isn't much of a cuddler, but loves kissing.  She has only slept in our bed at night a fraction of the time the others have.  But after Winston, she's my favorite.  I'm so grateful to her, & I think she knows.  & takes advantage of the fact.

She's the one pet we have who'd be happier meeting you than vice versa.

Self Help Radio 091317: Dancing

(It's the foxtrot! Original image here.)

Two hours of dancing!  Good thing everyone was drunk!

As I previously explained, the theme for this show was suggested to me, so I felt a good deal of pressure making it - I mean, I wanted the person who asked me to do the theme to enjoy the show - & now that it's done, I wonder if I did a good job.  I haven't heard yet.  & now I realize that the bigger a deal I make about it, the less likely it will be that others will suggest a theme.  I'm so needy & eager to please!

The wife snottily asked me last night when the last time I went dancing was.  It was probably at a wedding or something.  I haven't danced at an actual club since half my life ago.  But the other day, when I was mowing the lawn, & listening to music on my phone, I did kinda dance when there was a very danceable song in my ears.  Mowing/dancing.  Could be dangerous though.  & no one can hear the music but me, so perhaps the neighbors thought I was having a fit.

No, I will not do a show about mowing.  I might do a show about lawns & yards, though.  One day.

The show about dancing is doing its thing at the Self Help Radio website.  There's no cover to get in to that crappy club but you will need a username ("SHR") & a password ("selfhelp").  The show is in two halves, & what's in the halves, including the interviews, is listed below.

Don't forget to hydrate!

(part one)

"We Love Dancing" Arling & Cameron _All In_
"Dancing In Wild Circles" Holger Czukay _Good Morning Story_

"Arthur Murray Taught Me Dancing In A Hurry" Helen O'Connell with Jimmy Dorsey & His Orchestra _The Best Of Helen O'Connell On Capitol_
"Dancing With Myself" Nouvelle Vague _Bande À Part_
"On Slow Dancing" Fabio _Fabio After Dark_
"Keep On Dancing" The Commodores _Funk Drops, Vol. 3: Breaks, Nuggets, & Rarities_
"Dancing" Standard Fare _Indietracks 2010: An Indiepop Compilation_

interview with dance instructor CJ Buchanan

"Can We Go Dancing" The Amber Squad _This Is Mod, Vol. 1: The Rarities 1979-1981_
"Up Here For Thinking, Down There For Dancing" Tono & The Finance Company _Up Here For Dancing_
"Nothing Matters When We're Dancing" The Magnetic Fields _69 Love Songs, Vol. 1_
"Dancing Queen" Redd Kross _Secret Life_

interview with the Rev. Dr. Howard Gently about dancing & spirituality

"Dancin' Late At Night" Jonathan Richman & The Modern Lovers _Modern Lovers 88_

(part two)

"John, I'm Only Dancing" David Bowie _The Rise & Fall Of Ziggy Stardust & The Spiders From Mars_
"Dancing" Bauhaus _Mask_
"Dancing Barefoot" Patti Smith Group _Wave_

interview with dancer David Fruchter

"Those Dancing Days" Those Dancing Days _Those Dancing Days_
"Dancing In The Public Eye" Frankie Cosmos _Zentropy_
"Him Dancing" Throwing Muses _The Real Ramona_
"Dancing Octopi Occupy The Mind's Eye" Drug Boyfriend _Dancing Octopi Occupy The Mind's Eye_
"Suita De Danturi De Jucat/Dant Pe Sus/Dant Pe Mijloc" Stefan Olar & Petre Huta _World Library Of Folk & Primitive Music Romania_

interview with felon Jerry Tausend about dance therapy for rehabilitation

"Dancing In The Dark" The Snuggle Ups _Bridging The Distance: A Portland OR Cover Compilation_
"Dancing In The Street" Martha & The Vandellas _The Complete Motown Singles, Vol. 4: 1964_
"No Dancing" Basement Apartment _Transistor!_
"No Dancing" Elvis Costello _My Aim Is True_
"Come Dancing" The Kinks _State Of Confusion_

"Dancing To Music I Hate" Shimmering Stars _Violent Hearts_
"Dancing (With A Hole In My Heart)" The Mantles _Extended Dorkout: Singles & Leftovers_
"Dancing To The Beat" Clarence Murray _Action Speaks Louder Than Words: The Best Of SSS International_

Whither Dancing?

(Image from here.)

"Dancing" is the theme for this week's Self Help Radio.  I am happy to report that it was not a theme I thought of myself.  Nope, someone suggested it.  They wrote to me at gary at self help radio dot net & asked, one, if I ever did a show about dancing (which was easy to check - though my memory is very faulty, there is an index page on the website which lists all the themes the show has covered), & two, if not, would I?  They also asked if I would not say their name, because, of course, being associated with Self Help Radio is never really a good idea.

That probably isn't a terribly satisfying reason for why the show has the theme it has this week, but it happens to be true.  It also happens to be rare - I always wonder why more folks don't request themes for the show.  One reason, of course, is that not many people listen to the show.  Other than that, I just don't know.  I don't think I've ever refused a theme, at least not in the last few years.  I would often, in the past, refuse themes that were way too general, like "cars."  One guy who listened in Austin called every so often to ask me to do a show about "cars."  If it had been around at the time, I would've said, "Bob Dylan covered it on his show already."  Who wants to follow Dylan?  He's a headliner!

Last week, technical problems at WLXU resulted in the previous week's show airing instead of that week's show.  I have received no information that suggests this will happen again, so let's hope that tonight's show about dancing finds itself ready to boogie from 9-11pm eastern at 93.9 fm in Lexington & online at LCR online.  I think I'll have a few drinks before the show; that way I'll be less self-conscious.  After all, we'll be dancing together for two hours!

Preface To Dancing: Too Pooped To Promenade

(Image from here.)

Ha!  I envy those dance marathon weirdos in the above picture because I was just as tired today but without anyone to lean on.  Listen:

While I was working on this week's SHR yesterday - I know it seems like the show is slapped together at the last possible minute but I really do put some effort into it - I got a text from a KNON deejay asking me if I could sub her show the next day, from 7-9am.  I said yes without realized what I was doing - I'll probably never get a show on KNON & I miss live radio so I jump at (almost) every opportunity.  When I realized I had a ton of work to do for Self Help Radio, I began to panic.

You're probably not like this, but when the pressure of a deadline approaches, I feel the urge to just take a nap.  It's dumb.  I get tired, I imagine that the closer it gets to something being due, the harder I work.  I forget that I get desperate & lazy.  But I began trying to work on two simultaneous shows.

Forcing myself to go to bed at midnight, I hoped to sleep five hours.  I tossed & turned & was back fretting about radio shows at three am.  Which is good - I had to turn in Self Help Radio to WLXU by four pm or it wouldn't get put on the automation by tomorrow (although these days that's not quite a guarantee either way) - so I got a lot of work done.  But!

KNON is about forty-five minutes away.  More if there's traffic.  & morning traffic starts in Dallas around 5am.  I got to the station.  I did the show.  I had fun!  The deejay has someone come in with a band or performer around 8:20 & I got to "record" someone on the air, something I haven't done for quite a long time.

Afterwards, I headed home.  Stupidly, I had caffeine.

A couple of years ago I gave up caffeine.  I had tapered off but during a long road trip I drank sodas to keep me awake; when I got home, I couldn't sleep, & the next day I had awful caffeine withdrawal headaches.  I said no more.  But today I was desperate.  I had had less than three hours sleep the night before.  & I still had stuff to edit!

That's the worst thing about prerecording a show.  Sure, I could just do it live to tape & send it off but that's not who I am.  If I can make something slightly better out of my miserable work, I'll try.  I didn't try much today, though.  I wanted to get it done.  & I did, hopefully on time.

Then I was up for three more hours while the caffeine made me jittery.  Holy shit.  All of this for radio.  Why aren't there opportunities for SHR in DFW?  IDK!

When I finally fell asleep, I was unconscious, dreamless, for around five hours.  The wife came home expecting dinner & instead thought about calling paramedics.

So - you see those exhausted dancing couples up above?  That's me today.  All of them.  All of them are me.

& you know what?  I don't think I'll get to bed at a decent hour.  Because I need to be up at 6am.  For fuck's sake!

Dancing, Not Danson

(Image from here.)

There appears to have been a misunderstanding.  The show this week is about dancing.  It is not about Danson, meaning Emmy-winning actor Ted Danson.

It's understandable why there would be a mix-up: the word "dancing" & the name "Danson" are almost homophones.  "Dancin' with Danson" would be a fun reality show or perhaps a Youtube series of shorts.  Or it could be "Danson with Dancin'," a series where talented dancers choreograph productions while images of Ted Danson are projected onto them.  Frankly, I wouldn't be surprised if there were a troupe called The Dancin' Dansons, where each dancer assumed an identity based on characters Ted Danson has played: Sam Malone from "Cheers," George Christopher from "Bored To Death," Hank Larrson from "Fargo," etc.

What there isn't, alas, are a plethora of songs about Ted Danson.  Lots of songs about dancing, not many songs about Danson.  It would really just be me playing that "Where Everybody Knows You're Name" song for two hours & wondering how come I never saw any of the CSI episodes he was on.

Why would people think the show would be about Ted Danson?  That's easy.  Imagine someone is asking another person, in casual conversation, "Oh hey, what is Self Help Radio about this week?"  The person replies, "Dancin'."  & the first person hears "Danson."  I'm sure that happens all the time.  "Want to go dancin'?" a friend asks, & you reply, "Go Danson?  What does that mean?"  Frankly the man has been a linguistic nightmare for decades now.

My apologies if you wanted an entire show about Ted Danson.  Maybe in the future.  Well, most probably not.  This week the show is about dancing.

Again, sorry for the confusion.

Meet My Pets (Again) # 5: Bronte

Five years ago, when I detailed the animals in my house, I said about Bronte, here's the last of my pets.  I said that here.  Oh what a difference five years makes!

Bronte is no longer the youngest aminal in the house - she has three younger siblings!  & the famously asthmatic Bronte hasn't really had any respiratory distress in a long time - she is given an inhaler twice a day (if you'd like to know how that happens, click here) & she takes her meds & eats as much as she can & wanders around the house like the snuffleupagus she turned out to be.

She remains attached to Bolan, with whom she spends the most time, but also she will come to me or her mom & need to be petted, or need someone to pad on (what an old friend of mine used to call "making bread"), or just want to be loved.  She seems on the surface to be shy, aloof, skittish - but the last time we took her to the vet, she strolled boldly about the examination room, causing the staff there to say, "What a headstrong kitty!"

She is.  We are glad we were able to make her healthy so she could be that way.  Sweet Bronte!