Self Help Radio 071222: A Fancy Show

(This is a photo of a real place in Portland - this one - but obviously manipulated.)

How fancy is a fancy radio show? Does it have lots of songs about fancy things? Does someone stop by to talk about fancy books? Fancy underwear? "Kentucky Fancy"? Does Lord Fancy sponsor the show, then rescind his sponsorship when he realizes the host isn't all that fancy?  Is it all of these?!?!

It's what happened on this week's Self Help Radio, which attempted to be a fancy show.  No one involved with the show (meaning me, Gary) has had any real experience with being fancy, so don't expect anything too fancy.  Caveat emptor.

Listen to the show now or whenever it strikes your fancy at either the KBOO website or at the Self Help Radio website.  If you go to the latter, remember the username - SHR - & the password - selfhelp.  Everything that happens on the show - including all the songs - is noted below.

Maybe this fancy show isn't all that fancy?

Self Help Radio Fancy Show

"Fancy" The Kinks _Face To Face_

"Fancy" Bobbie Gentry _Fancy_

"Fancy" Georgia's Horse _Weather Codes_

introduction & definitions

"The Fancy Man" Mr. Wright _The Fancy Man_

"Fancy Man" Would-Be-Goods _Brief Lives_

"Fancy Man" Devendra Banhart _Ape In Pink Marble_

"Ugly People With Fancy Hairdos" Art, The Only Band In The World _The Only Record In The World_

"Fancy Baby" John Santos Martins _Highlife On The Move (Selected Nigerian & Ghanaian Recordings From London & Lagos - 1954-1966)_

our librarian friend Carole stops by!

"Fancy Woman" High Voltage _The Arf! Arf! [El Cheapo] 2-CD Sampler_

"Fancy Lady" Billy Preston _It's My Pleasure_

"Fancy Lady" The Mighty Diamonds _Changes_

"Not Fancy" Anjelah Johnson _Not Fancy_

"Lady Fancy Knickers" Momus _Otto Spooky_

interview with fancy undergarments entrepreneur Gerald Fochs

"Well Fancy That!" Fun Boy Three _Waiting_

"Fancy Beer" The Two Man Gentlemen Band _Live In New York_

"What Takes My Fancy" Lucille Ball & Don Tomkins _Wildcat_

"Fancy Dancer" Bobbi Humphrey _Fancy Dancer_

"Fancy Dancer" Commodores _Hot On The Tracks_

interview with "Kentucky Fancy" promoter Jarvis VanMeter

"Fancy Passes" Barbara McNair _The Complete Motown Singles, Vol. 8: 1968_

"Fancy Dress" The Bathers _Unusual Places To Die_

"Just Fancy Dan & Pliny" Bob & Ray _Classic Bob & Ray, Volume One - Selections From A Career: 1946-1976_

"Fancy Free" Flue _One & A Half_

"Fancy Footwork" Chromeo _Fatboy Slim: Dance Bitch_

idioms Lord Fancy interrupts!

"Fancy Meeting You Here" Kim Weston _The Motown Anthology_

"Fancy Pants" Kenny _Jackie The Album_

"Fancy Mice" Jilted John _True Love Stories_

"Fancy Restaurants" Brian Regan _Live From Radio City Music Hall_

"Flight Of Fancy" Interpol _Marauder_

idioms with fancy

"Hey There Fancypants" Ween _Quebec_

"The Trial Of Dr. Fancy" The King Of Luxembourg _London Pavilion Volume Two_

"Fancy Free" Mary Wells _The Other Side Of Mary Wells: Hits & Rarities_

"Fancy Drones (Fracture Me)" Amythyst Kiah _Wary + Strange_

"Fancy" Yeah Yeah Yeahs _Show Your Bones_

conclusion & goodbye

"Fancy Hercules" Makar _Fancy Hercules_

"Fancy Party Hairdo" Prickly _Fancy Party Hairdo_

"Fancy Dive" Shel Silverstein _A Light In The Attic_

"Someone Else's Fancy" Richard Thompson _The Life & Music Of Richard Thompson_

"Fancy Work Funk" Takako Minekawa _Fun9_

Whither A Fancy Show?

Please enjoy this fancy mailbox.

As someone who's never been described as "fancy," I am certainly woefully unqualified to present a radio show about fanciness.  Unless you want to consider it like one of those documentaries where a host, usually British, posits a question, like "are there blood-sucking tadpoles in the Amazon?" & then takes a film crew out there to find out.  Alas, I am not British, & I don't have a film crew, but I can say, "What is fancy?" & perhaps hope my show will help me figure it out.

Wait. But it's already "a fancy show"!  I just made all that up because I can't remember why I started gathering "fancy" songs in the first place!  Curses!  I foiled my own plans again!

Howsoever it turns out, Self Help Radio will be somewhat fancy tonight.  From midnight to 3am on 90.7fm KBOO Portland, online at kboo.fm.  I'll pretend I'm all fancy anyway.

Preface To Fancy: Fancy Catio

Portland has a lot of catios - you can read what those are here but it's kinda self-explanatory - & in fact we've talked about building one for our cats.  But when I looked around for "fancy" images on my computer, I found this one, called "Fancy Catio."  & it is quite fancy!  What lucky cats.

My fancy show will not be as fancy as this fancy catio is.

Two Views Of July Ninth Past

Here are a couple of pictures I took on a July 9th in the past.

This was taken in 2015 in Lexington, Kentucky.  I had four dogs then, but strangely, the three dogs pictured here are the ones that are still with us.  We had adopted Yoko, the chihuahua in the foreground, just a month before.  She was still a little fat.  The little beagle next to her is Winston.  He just turned 15 this week.  He would have just turned eight in this picture.  I wish he could be that young again.

Here's another picture from another July 9th:

The context of this picture is that I was returning from Dallas.  I was on I-30.  I was going to my home in Fort Worth.  Because Fort Worth was the western end of the Dallas-Fort Worth metroplex, & because storms tended to come from the west, Fort Worth would mostly be where the storms started.  & more than once I found myself driving west, trying to get home, & suddenly facing a deluge.

This is what happened here, in 2017.  I found an old email I wrote to my wife, who was out of town, about the damage from the storm.  In addition to almost being stuck in a flood - I drove through pretty deep water to exit the highway, & was incredibly lucky that I didn't stall - I also noted that one of our trees in our backyard was uprooted.  Mostly I was sad I was away while the storm came in, & it was almost certainly stressful for our dogs.  I was in Dallas because I had made a promise to help someone because I am a nice guy even though the person to whom I was nice was probably not worth the gesture.  Appropriately, that person is no longer in my life so remembering this, I am even more guilty than I was at the time.

What is true is that I do not miss those storms.  They made terrifying torrential downpours & threatened tornados.  Holy shit!  Nothing like that in Portland.  Well, except wildfires.  Wildfires are fucking horrifying.

Kind Cinema

(image from IMDb)

Our resident cinephile Chuck stopped by this week to talk to us about films featuring kindness, which was the show's theme.  You can listen to that show if for some reason you missed it at either kboo.fm or at selfhelpradio.net.  Chuck is interviewed toward the end of the first hour.

He used an IMDb search to find the films.  He then made a YouTube playlist of the films he wanted to watch, keeping notes with his Letterboxd reviews.  Some movies were available for free elsewhere; the IMDB gave such a list for your convenience.

Follow Chuck on Twitter to find out what he's watching & when.  & interact with him!  He's friendly & loves cats.  A very kind person indeed!

Self Help Radio 070522: Kindness

(Original image here.)

There it is. The kindest radio show Self Help Radio could produce. Because it was about kindness!

To be kind to listeners, it aired in the middle of the night when most everyone was asleep. Except! It was the night of the fourth of July, so maybe everyone was awake because their pets were freaked out by the fireworks! In any event, we kindly kept the show to a mere three hours long. Anything more would not have been a kindness.

As you can see below, there are guests & lots of songs. Except for a short set of tunes of unkindness, it's nonstop kindness.  The milk of human kindness flows, kindness kills, & the show relies on the kindness of strangers.  That's the kind of show it is: a kind show about kindness.

Kindly listen when convenient at either the KBOO web page or at the Self Help Radio website. If you used the latter, make sure you remember the username SHR & the password selfhelp. As note, everything that happens on the show is listed below.

Be kind to Self Help Radio!

Self Help Radio Kindness Show

"The Kindness" Haunted House _Brave The Woods_

"Don't Take My Kindness For Weakness" Meshell Ndegeocello _Weather_

"The Wild Kindness" Silver Jews _American Water_

introductions & definitions - featuring the Definition-O-Tron 3000!

"Kill 'Em With Kindness" Sløtface _Sponge State EP_

"Kill Them With Kindness" Idles _Ultra Mono_

"Kill 'Em With Kindness" Anjelah Johnson _That's How We Do It!_

"The Milkman Of Human Kindness" Billy Bragg _Life's A Riot With Spy Vs Spy_

"Put Your Big Toe In The Milk Of Human Kindness (with Elvis Costello & Marc Ribot)" Rob Wasserman _Trios_

etymologies - featuring the Ghost Of Christmas Past (?!)

"Stranger Than Kindness" Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds _Your Funeral... My Trial_

"The Kindness Of Strangers" The American Analog Set _Know By Heart_

"Stranger To Kindness" The New Year _The End Is Near_

"Kindness Of Strangers" Children's Hour _SOS JFK_

"The Kindness Of Strangers" Nell & The Flaming Lips _Where The Viaduct Looms_

our resident cinephile Chuck talks about kindness in films

"Try A Little Kindness" The Raelettes _Hits & Rarities_

"Kindness" Kevin Salem _Ecstatic_

"Kindness Is The New Rock & Roll" Peace _Kindness Is The New Rock & Roll_

"You Were A Kindness" The National _High Violet (Expanded Edition)_

"Hand Of Kindness" Richard Thompson _Watching The Dark (The History Of Richard Thompson)_

interview with winner of the Kindest Person In America 2021, Mordecai Jarvis

"Please Be Kind (vocals, Ida James)" Earl Hines & His Orchestra _Earl Hines 1937-1939_

"Cruel To Be Kind" Nick Lowe _Labour Of Lust_

"Be Kind To My Mistakes" Kate Bush _Hounds Of Love_

"How To Be Kind" Dead Famous People _La-Di-Da... So Far..._

"Be Kind" Desperate Journalist _Grow Up_

interview with Dr. Edgar Patterson, author of Kindness Is Overrated

"Unkind & Unwise" The Go-Betweens _Spring Hill Fair_

"She Was Unkind" The Ferrets _Strum & Thrum: The American Jangle Underground 1983-1987_

"Too Much, Too Unkind" Charlotte's Web _Flies In The Face Of..._

"How Unkind" Charming _Champagne & Magazines_

"Unkind" The Frank & Walters _Greenwich Mean Time_

idioms with kindness

"Kind Treatment Blues" Memphis Minnie _Queen Of The Country Blues (All The Published Sides 1929-1937 In Chronological Order)_

"I'm A Real Kind Mama" Maggie Jones _Volume 2 (May 1925 To June 1926)_

"Kind Mama" Blind Sammie _The Definitive Blind Willie McTell_

"Kind Babe Blues" James "Stump" Johnson _Complete Recorded Works In Chronological Order (1929-1964)_

"Unkind Woman" Buddy Moss _Complete Recorded Works In Chronological Order: Volume 2 (19 September 1933 - 11 August 1934)_

"Kind Hearted Woman Blues (Take 1)" Robert Johnson _The Complete Recordings_

conclusion & goodbye

"Kind Woman" Percy Sledge _It Tears Me Up (The Best Of Percy Sledge)_

"Kinder Still" The Dentists _Some People Are On The Pitch They Think It's All Over It Is Now_

"Trying To Be Kind" The Motorcycle Boy _Scarlet_

"The Magic Of A Kind Word" Belle & Sebastian _The BBC Sessions_

"As Kind As You Can" Wolf Parade _Thin Mind_

Whither Kindness?

(image from here)

Tonight's show is not about the fourth of July, or independence, or signing things, or fireworks, or other related concepts.  That's mainly because tonight's show starts at midnight, which is not the fourth of July but the fifth of July, so not a holiday.  Anyway, I've only done a couple of fourth of July themed shows & my heart isn't always in it.  Especially not this year.  It's weird to celebrate freedom in a country where freedom is dying in droves.

But why a show about kindness?  I have to confess, I thought I didn't know - but I think I might know - but I hesitate to say because it might be presumptuous.  My original assumption is that I was listening to the cool Strum & Thrum collection of 1980s American jangle pop, & especially a song called "She Was Unkind."  Which I'll definitely play tonight.  Which also means I'll be working backward from unkindness to kindness. Which is pretty much how my brain works, to be honest.

However, I suspect something subconsciously affected the decision.  I'll have to think about it.  If I say it now & it's wrong, I'll be embarrassed. & if you've heard my show, you'll know I have a lot to embarrassed about already.  Too much, actually.  It's a wonder I ever show my face on the radio.

That's tonight, while fireworks are scaring your pets, from midnight to 3am on 90.7fm & online at kboo.fm.  It would be a kindness if you listened.

Preface To Kindness: An Unkind Weekend

(This is an image for folks in the UK, but it applies here.)

This is a terrible weekend for pet owners, especially the dogs.  Fireworks scare the bejeezus out of them.  Our oldest, Winston, is a bit deaf but even he seemed agitated by the neighbors a street over blowing things up so it sounded like a warzone.  My sweet girl Pauline, who is not in the least cuddly, wanted to climb up into my lap.

Websites like this with tips about how to take care of your dog during fireworks times are all over the web & easy to find & they pretty much say the same thing.  Lots of dogs freak out & run away when the sky is bright with fireworks.  & missing pet flyers on telephone poles make me very, very sad.

The irony is, I used to love fireworks.  Now I can't watch then, especially if they're near my house, without worrying about my pets.  It seems unkind & even selfish to prioritize an ultimately transient entertainment over the lives of our four-footed friends.  & when they're stressed out, I'm stressed out.

That's not why there's a show about kindness on Self Help Radio this week though.  Maybe I'll tell you about that tomorrow.

Huntington

According to the Farcebook, I wrote on this day in 2009, "I am home again for the first time in Huntington, West Virginia."

There's a place on this blog where I wrote about this house, & some of the things that happened while we lived in Huntington.  I didn't have a digital camera in 2009 & didn't take many pictures, so I didn't take a picture when we arrived.  Which we apparently did on July 2, 2009.  We drove our Toyota Corolla (pictured above) & a minivan.  If I'm not remembering incorrectly, it took two weeks for our things to arrive from the movers.  My books & music were more well-traveled at that point in time than I was.

This edifice was the first place we arrived at in Huntington.  I believe we took the dogs for a walk as soon as we rested some.  We might have met some neighbors.  It wasn't at all hot - I looked & saw that the high that day was 69 degrees.  In Austin, which we had just left two days before, it was 101 degrees.  & it wasn't as if we had left a different region - it was kind of like we had moved a little into the past.

My wife knew she wouldn't like it there so I decided to do my best to make it as nice as possible.  I began to walk the dogs regularly with her - that was not something I did in Austin.  I eventually started cooking for her, too, since she didn't much like the eating out choices we had in Huntington.  I couldn't fix her work, though, & that was a big part of her life.  I was left at home to take care of the animals, which was quite a happy thing for me: I got to spend all my time with them & I loved them so.  Only two of the animals we took to West Virginia made it to Oregon with us.  The dear cat we adopted in Huntington did make it here, but we lost her last year.  But I think all of them - well, maybe not my cat Beatrice, who hated traveling - but the rest of them would have loved it here.

Thirteen years ago seems to me to be so recent but also so far away.  There were times I regret not trying harder to make a life in Huntington.  But I think I knew my wife would never like it there.  & I couldn't convince her otherwise.

There's a part of me that thinks I was a little excited that day, though.  It was nice to be somewhere new.  I like that feeling.  I've got to feel it three more times since then!

Apartment Idioms

(A groovy apartment complex facade somewhere in the Dallas/Fort Worth metroplex.)

One of the things I love to do on the show is talk about idioms.  I adore idioms.  I also say, because it's true, that they are the hardest thing to figure out when learning a language, but one of the most fun things about knowing a language.

But it turned out there weren't any idioms with the word apartment.  So I made some up.  I hope these will find their way into your conversations soon, & eventually on the Urban Dictionary.

1) one's apartment isn't complex
If you tell someone that their apartment isn't complex, it means they're not too bright.

You listen to Gary's show on KBOO?  But his apartment isn't complex!

2) basement apartment

A basement apartment is a stroke of bad luck. 

Your dog is sick?  Man, that's a basement apartment right there!

3) garage apartment
Relatedly, a garage apartment is an unpredictable or unsatisfying outcome.

The vet couldn't figure out what was wrong with your dog?  Sorry, man, for the garage apartment!

4) penthouse apartment

A penthouse apartment is good fortune - although it carries connotations of snobbery. 

Oh yes, she won the lottery, how very penthouse apartment of her.

5) one's apartment is a flat

If you tell someone their apartment is a flat, you're accusing them of being pompous & pretentious.
Oh look at Gary quoting Shakespeare! I guess his apartment is a flat.

6) apartment idioms for sex

Much like using bases from baseball to designate sexual conquest, apartments can serve a similar role.  Let's compare them with the baseball ones.

First base is kissing or making out. You can also call it renting an efficiency.
Second base is copping a feel.  You may also use the term renting a furnished efficiency.
Third base is that weird phenomenon a friend of mine used to call "clothes sex."  You can also call it a renting a furnished studio apartment.

& of course hitting a home run or a homer is good ol' sex.  Using apartment idioms, you'd say you  were leasing a rent-controlled fully furnished three bedroom two full baths.

Again, none of these are real idioms in use anywhere.  But that doesn't mean it always has to be that way.

Self Help Radio 062822: Apartments

(Actual apartment complexes I've lived in, images from Goggle Maps.)

Last night, someone called & said, "I am listening to your show in my car right now. Would it sound better if I was listening to it in an apartment?"  "Yes," I said.  The caller said, "Do you know where one is free right now?  With a radio?"

Alas, I was not able to help.  I was playing lots of songs about apartments in a cold radio booth in the middle of the night.  A show about apartments was not the same as an apartment locator app, or even one of those free books you can get at a convenience store with old-fashioned ads in.  The information relayed about apartments on the show was personal from the musician & general from me.

But there are certainly delights for those who have not lived the apartment experience!  You can listen to the show (again, preferably in an apartment) now or anytime at either the KBOO web page, or at the show's website, Self Help Radio dot net.  (At the latter site, you'll need a username, which is SHR, & a password, which is selfhelp.)  Everything that happens on the show is noted below.

Apartment complexes would be cooler if they were collectively owned by the tenants.

Self Help Radio Apartment Show
"In My Apartment" Dee Clark _Golden Classics_
"Apartment 21 (Without Strings)" Bobbie Gentry _The Girl From Chickasaw County (The Complete Capitol Masters)_
"Apartment # 5" The Billy Nayer Show _The Billy Nayer Show_

introduction & definition & history

"Real Crazy Apartment" Winston's Fumbs _Nuggets II (Original Artyfacts From The British Empire And Beyond 1964-1969)_
"Messy Apartment" Lee "Scratch" Perry _Who Put The Voodoo 'Pon Reggae_
"Cold Apartment" Vagabon _Infinite Worlds_
"The Apartment" Michael Showalter _Sandwiches & Cats_
"Empty Apartment" Glacier Veins _Clear Your Head_

interview with housing expert Henry Christian (part one)

"My Own Apartment" Ronnie Rochford _Teen Rockin' Fever Vol. 1_
"My Apartment" Neilson Family _Double Life_
"There Is Life Outside Your Apartment" Avenue Q Cast _Avenue Q: The Musical - Original Broadway Cast Recording_
"Apartment" Gospel Music _How To Get To Heaven From Jacksonville, FL_
"Ballet For A Small Apartment" The People's Victory Chorus & Orchestra _The School_

interview with housing expert Henry Christian (part two)

"Apartments" Boycrazy _Foreign Words_
"Lakeside View Apartments Suite" The Mountain Goats _Transcendental Youth_
"Leak/Looking For An Apartment/Friend Looking For Apartment" Todd Barry _From Heaven_
"Apartment # 9" Tammy Wynette _The Essential Tammy Wynette_
"In That Apartment Upstairs" Rosa Henderson _Complete Recorded Works In Chronological Order Volume 4 (1926-1931)_

interview with Jarvis Knowle, who lives in an apartment complex in a very small town

"Apartment Story" The National _Boxer_
"Apartment 3" Jill Cunniff _City Beach_
"Apt." Steven Wright _I Have A Pony_
"Apt. #5" Julie Ruin _Julie Ruin_
"All The Recipes I've Ever Ruined" The Lucksmiths _Why That Doesn't Surprise Me_

interview with apartment manager Noah Way

"Flat Of Angles" The Fall _Dragnet_
"Harry's Flat" Wreckless Eric _The Donovan Of Trash_
"Apartment Hunting" Eddie Lawrence _The Old Philosopher_
"The Girls In The Flat Upstairs" Martin Newell _The Off White Album_
"My Flatmate" Satan's Rats _What A Bunch Of Rodents_

completely made-up idioms using the word "apartment"

"My Apartment" Ben Kweller _On My Way_
"Apartment Song" Really From _Really From_
"Old Apartments & Baseball Redux" Andy Sandford _Me The Whole Time_
"Garage Apartment" Super XX Man _Volume V_
"Apartments Song" Promise & The Monster _Feed The Fire_

conclusion & goodbye

"Two House Apartment" Barry Brown _Two House Apartment_
"The Apartment The Cat & The Dress" Katie Goes To Tokyo _My Naked Heart_
"The Apartment" Half Waif _Mythopoetics_
"Empty Apartment" Chiaroscuro _Megalomaniac_
"The Apartment's Story" Anne Lene Hagglund _Bird Cherry Grove_

Whither Apartments?

According to naahq.org, 39 millions people in the United States - or 1 in 8 residents - live in an apartment.  Data for Portland is a little harder to figure out - this website seems to prefer the term "renters" although that can mean renters of homes too.  But assuming it's the same as the country, isn't it time there were a radio show about apartments?  Unless there's already been one.  In which case, isn't it time there's another radio show about apartments?

Yesterday on the blog I noted I've spent 26 of my 54 years living in apartments (which excluded living in duplexes or rented homes, which would've increased that total by maybe six years) so I know apartments.  True, I don't currently live in an apartment, & I would hate to live in one of the horrifying apartments that line the highways in the Dallas/Fort Worth metroplex where I used to live, but I'm not unsympathetic to apartments.  I would love to live in an apartment in a major city like New York or Paris!  Not that I ever will.

The pros & cons & joys & sorrows of apartments will be explored with music & talk on tonight's Self Help Radio which is on midnight to 3am on 90.7fm in Portland town & online everywhere at kboo.fm.  Let's hope you'll listen along.

Preface To Apartments: I've Lived In Apartments Much Of My Life

(I lived in the apartment in the middle right from 1992-1994. Image from Gurgle Maps.)

A while back, I tried to tally the places I've lived in my life.  It probably wasn't interesting to anyone but me so I won't link to them - but because this week's show - the theme is apartments - I've been thinking about apartment living.

One thing that's true about me is that I am absolutely terrible at finding places to live.  I think I might have found maybe one of the places I've lived in my life.  Obviously my mother (with the help of my siblings) picked the apartments we lived in after she left my father.  But my first college roommates picked my first college apartment.  My ex-girlfriend, who had broken up with me because she had been cheating on me right before we broke up, picked the one above.  The next one was chosen by my soon-to-be-roommate, who for whatever reason wanted us to live together.  That one was in a fourplex, & the one after that was in a duplex, so I don't think those count as apartments.  Anyway, I met the woman I would marry when I lived in the duplex & she has chosen every place we've lived since then.  I fucking swear.

As far as I can remember, here are the names of the apartment complexes I lived in:
Kingsley Manor
The Lockwood Arms
Little Brook Apartments
Villa Cordoba
Unnamed Six-Unit Apartment Complex On Cranford Dr.
Town Lake Apartments (maybe not their name)
Dolphin Apartments
Tanglewood North
Unnamed Apartments On Avenue A
Chateau Depew (Unofficial Name) (Fourplex)

Yeah, I went ahead & linked to the original posts.  & I reread some of them.  I wrote them two years ago.  Anyway, it appears I lived in ten different apartment complexes in my life.  Since I may have lived in as many as 25 places in my life (I can't speak with certainly where I lived from birth to around 1972, when my mother left my father), that means it's about 40% of the places I've lived.  But it does total around 26 years of my life.  Which is a little less than half my life living in apartments.

Truly if I hadn't met the woman who married me, I'd probably have lived in that duplex on Red River for as long as possible.  There were two sweet women who lived next door - a couple - both nurses - who later bought the place.  They somehow found us - I guess I had the same phone number - & called to see if we wanted to move back in.  We had just bought a house though.

Seriously, I might have lived there longer than at Chateau Depew!  Anyway, this isn't about apartments.  Damn I should have saved some time to talk about apartments.  Now I have to go to sleep.

Silos

On this day in 2014, we drove from Kentucky to Texas to visit my mother.  We did it yearly at the time.  Usually in May, but I guess late June when it conflicted with my wife's work schedule.  We had three dogs at the time, all beagles, & I asked someone from the radio station to stay at our place & take care of our cats.  & we drove to Memphis, where if I recall correctly we stayed in an Air B&B that was decidedly moist.  We understood that most of the summer Memphis was sweaty, but we had hoped that we might be a little cooler & drier indoors.  We were going to stay there on the way back, but instead went to a hotel.

On the drive I took pictures out the car window like that above, probably on the so-called "Bluegrass Parkway" which is a lovely drive.  & usually quite chill.  Although the picture could also have been taken in Tennessee along Highway 40.

Those are drives I miss, I haven't driven very far for a couple of years.  Maybe that will change.  Certainly it's very pretty around here.

Just Terrible

(I found this on Twitter. It was uncredited.)

It's well understood that I am just a random fellow with a dumb radio show & no one who listens (that very small group) knows or cares about my political thoughts.  But I have been so sad & angry today - a day when I had hoped to work on next week's Self Help Radio - about the Supreme Court's decisions this week - not just killing Roe V. Wade but the general backwards-looking, "guns have more rights than people" tenor.  I have nothing to add to anything but my heartbreak, my dismay, my absolute sadness at the misery this will cause in the coming years.  I can't do much about it - I have no voice but my vote & I used that, to no avail, in places like Texas & Kentucky, where a vote against a Mitch McConnell or a Ted Cruz was not enough to unseat them.  They are getting the theocratic world with people armed to the teeth that they apparently want, where anyone can carry a concealed weapon with impunity but a state can deny a woman her most fundamental right, where the police can't be sued by violating your Miranda rights & anyway, if you're within one hundred miles of the border, you have very little rights against the police anyway.

In school I loved learning about American history.  I don't believe one can be truly proud of a country one was born in - it wasn't your choice, after all - but I sometimes admired this place.  & I admire the fuck out of the people still fighting.  But I suspect we've lost.  It was ugly when a fat, spray-tanned b-list celebrity most famous for playing a billionaire on television became the president because of a white supremacist institution in the Constitution, & it was an ugly four years.  But I think I didn't know what ugly was.  Ugly is about to show its truly ugly face.  & there will be so much death & suffering.

Yeah, I know, go back to doing dumb radio shows.  I will.  Today though.  Glad I'm not on the air today.

Self Help Radio 062122: Sighs

(I don't recall where the original image came from. But it's brilliant!)

How many times a day does the average person sigh?  Listening to this show you'll discover that it's about once every five minutes.  How about the average Self Help Radio listener?  Trick question!  There's no such thing as a "Self Help Radio listener"!

What happened was there were three hours of radio filled on a Tuesday morning with songs about sighing.  Sighing was discussed.  I ever sighed a few times.  It was the standard affair.  Although I did learn that researchers are still studying sighing.  Which makes me think: what about yawning?  But that's a question for a different show.

You can listen to this show now & anytime at either the KBOO website or at Self Help Radio's website.  (At the latter, use the username SHR & password selfhelp to log in.)  The show was guestless so it was just me & songs & an article about why we sigh & some poetry.  Details below.

& I'm sorry I can't recall who made that cool *sigh* coaster above! If anyone knows, please tell me - I'll be glad to give that person credit!

Self Help Radio Sigh Show

"Between A Kiss & A Sigh (Helen Forrest, vocals)" Artie Shaw & His Orchestra _1938_

"A Pillow Of Sighs & Tears" Red Foley _Old Shep (The Red Foley Recordings 1933-1950)_

"The Bridge Of Sighs" Georgia Gibbs _The Best Of Georgia Gibbs: The Mercury Years_

introduction & definitions

"Cry Baby, Sigh Ba-A-By" Marty Gino _Teen-Age Dreams Vol. 6_

"Sighin'" Melrose Bagby _Brunswick Rock & Roll Party Vol. 2_

"Sigh, Cry, Almost Die" The Everly Brothers _The Absolutely Essential 3 CD Collection_

"I'd Sigh I'd Cry" Bobby Vee _Rarities_

"The Sighing Game" Rainbow Ffolly _Sallies Fforth_

"I Love Your Sigh" Zen _Hair_

"Why We Sigh" by Shayla Love Part I

"Try This For Sighs" Adam Ant _Friend Or Foe_

"The Hedonists Sigh" The Nightingales _Pigs On Purpose_

"Sigh's Smell Of Farewell" Cocteau Twins _Love's Easy Tears_

"When Sunday Comes (She Sighs)" Choo Choo Train _Briar High (Singles 1988)_

"Silent Sigh City" Happydeadmen _Classics - A Decade In Pop_

"Why We Sigh" by Shayla Love Part II

"A Sigh" The Golden Palominos _Drunk With Passion_

"Some Mysterious Sigh" Katydids _Shangri-La_

"Sigh" The Orchids _Epicurean: A Soundtrack_

"Angel Sigh" Spiritualized _Lazer Guided Melodies_

"A Gentle Sigh" Blueboy _Some Gorgeous Accident EP_

"Why We Sigh" by Shayla Love Part IIII

"Sigh" Curve _Faît Accompli_ (Charisma, 1992)

"La Tristesse Durera (Scream To A Sigh)" Manic Street Preachers _Gold Against The Soul_

"A Sigh Is The Softest Shout" Colin Clary _One Hundred Decembers_

"Appalachian Death Sigh" Bill Fox _Shelter From The Smoke_

"Ah! The Sighs" June Tabor _At The Wood's Heart_

"Why We Sigh" by Shayla Love Part IV

"Slow Soft Sighs" Trembling Blue Stars _Slow Soft Sighs_

"Bridge Of Sighs" Brief Candles _They Live We Sleep_

"A Heavy Sigh" Edwyn Collins _Home Again_

"Bridge Of Sighs" Palomar _All Things, Forests_

"No Sense In Sighing" Orwell _Nouvelles D'Hier_

sighing poems by Coleridge & Hardy

"I Just Sighed. I Just Sighed, Just So You Know" Los Campesinos! _Romance Is Boring_

"Sigh, Inhibitionist (Come All Day With Me)" A Sunny Day In Glasgow _Autumn, Again_

"Sighs" Asobi Seksu _Fluorescensce_

"Sigh" The Bilinda Butchers _Regret, Love, Guilt, Dreams_

"Sigh-Fi" Plastic Animals _Pictures From The Blackout_

conclusion & goodbye

"And Then Sigh" Backwords _Quilt_

"Sigh The Day Away" Magic Bullets _Magic Bullets_

"The Deepest Sighs, The Frankest Shadows" Gang Of Youths _Go Farther In Lightness_

"Primal Sigh" Elvis Depressedly _Depressedelica_

Whither Sighs?

(Charles Schulz was the king of the comic sigh. Image from here.)

Occasionally, Self Help Radio has to remind itself it's a radio show.  That it's mainly a bunch of sounds emanating from a radio tower or from a computer.  It makes the deejay - in this case, me - think about all the sounds me make.  & what is a more strange & powerful sound than a sigh?  It's not quite sad - though it can be profoundly sad - but it's not quite happy - though it can express a sort of contentment.

Someone made me sigh one day & I thought, "How many songs are there that somehow mention sighing?"  Tonight's show is the answer to that question.  & I'll talk a lot about sighing as well.

That'll happen midnight to 3am tonight on 90.7fm & kboo.fm.  Perhaps you'll sigh when you hear the sighing.  Or is that yawning?  I think that's yawning.

Preface To Sighs: Hassling Me

As someone who grew up reading Peanuts every day, who loved the cartoons, who related to Charlie Brown a bit too much, doing a show about sighs (which is this week's Self Help Radio theme) immediately made me think about this particular strip, which was first printed on February 5, 1976.  & while I could have read it in the papers then - I was eight years old & was definitely reading the funnies at the time - I almost certainly first read it in this little trade paperback that collected the whole "Charlie Brown & Peppermint Patty share a schooldesk" storyline:

(image from Goodreads)

Looking for the strip - eventually I found it in the Fantagraphics 1975-1976 Peanuts collection, & took a picture with my phone, which is why it's so crappy - I discovered the sequence also ended up in one of the Peanuts cartoons, specifically Bon Voyage, Charlie Brown.  It's here.  (I have bad luck embedding video on this blog, sorry.)  They've moved Charlie Brown & Peppermint Patty overseas for the story, when originally (if I remember correctly), Charlie Brown had to go to Peppermint Patty's school because Charlie Brown's school committed suicide.  You read that correctly!

One last thing: is this the only Charlie Brown cartoon where the voice of the teacher (or any parent) is understandable to the viewer?  & if so, is it because it's someone with a French accent?

Golden Couplets

(helpful definition from the video here.)

Speaking of The Golden Show, which we'll stop doing after today, our own eminent versifier, Sir Archibald Von Poesy, shared with us couplets about famous golden things all through the show.  You can listen to the show - at either kboo.fm or at selfhelpradio.net - if you'd like to hear them during the show, but to share his wit & wisdom, we thought we'd isolate them here for your reading enjoyment.  So enjoy them.

Be careful on the famed Golden Gate Bridge!
Should you fall, all that's left would be a smidge.

Should you long for a dog whose not an over-achiever
Might I suggest for you a golden retriever?

You're going to the Golden State? I must warn ya -
You're actually traveling to California!

If you're concerned about your family's dietary morale
Do not subject them to the buffet at the Golden Corral.

Abandon all regrets, all hatred, all fears
& you'll enjoy the best of your golden years.

I enjoy any pint, with gusto, without fail,
Even if you want to call a blonde a golden ale.

I don't enjoy mathematics but if you say so
I'll express admiration for the golden ratio.

On Golden Films

(image from the IMDb)

On lucky weeks, we get a visit during the show by our resident cinephile, Chuck, who watches lots of movies about whatever the theme is & talks about a few of those films.  This week he stopped by to talk about movies whose title (or alternate title) featured the word "golden."  Because it was the "Golden Show."

If you didn't listen, shame on you!  Luckily you can do so at either kboo.fm or at selfhelpradio.net.  Once you've done so - & it's all right if you just listened to Chuck's segment - you can use the following links to see the films he talked about & find out more information about them

Here is the IMDb search Chuck made to find "Golden" films.
Here is his YouTube playlist with the movies he discussed - & more!
Here is the IMDb list of some films available for free elsewhere.
& here are his Letterboxd reviews of the golden movies he wanted to review.

Follow Chuck on Twitter & you'll know what he's watching - & when he'll be on the show next!

May I just say that I find that movie poster for On Golden Pond pretty awful?  I wouldn't go to see the film based on those terrible drawings of the leads!

Self Help Radio 061422: The Golden Show

It did seem like this week was a golden opportunity to have a golden show.  Some think we live in a golden age of radio, but I am more likely to subscribe to the golden mean - let's not get too carried away.  

Can I also apologize for not having an official "animal of the show" this week?  You'll recall that, in the running, were the Golden Lion Tamarin, the Golden Tortoise Beetle, the Golden Apple Snail, the Golden Slender Mongoose, the Golden Eyelash Viper, Gee's Golden Langur, the American Goldfinch, the Golden Poison Dart Frog, & the Bolivian Golden Bat.  You can look at pictures of them here.  How could we choose between them?

Anyway, it was a busy show.  Luckily you can listen to it now at either the KBOO website or at the Self Help Radio website.  Pro tip: a username (SHR) & password (selfhelp) are needed at the SHR website.  Lots of things happened on the show, the details are below.

The golden hours pass into the golden days which become the golden years.  We all want to stay golden.

Self Help Radio Golden Show
"Golden" A Girl Called Eddy _A Girl Called Eddy_
"Golden Age" Cult Of Youth _Love Will Prevail_
"Golden Gate Bridge" Rose Melberg _Portola_

introduction & definitions

"Golden Lady" Stevie Wonder _Innervisions_
"Golden Mean" Tanya Donelly _Whiskey Tango Ghosts_
"Golden Ring" George Jones & Tammy Wynette _Golden Ring_
"Golden Loom" Bob Dylan _The Bootleg Series Volumes 1-3 (Rare & Unreleased) 1961-1991_
"Golden Cities" Lisa Germano _In The Maybe World_

interview with King Midas

"Golden Age Saturday" Cleaners From Venus _In The Golden Autumn_
"Golden Frames" Shannon Shaw _Shannon In Nashville_
"Golden Green" The Wonder Stuff _Hup_
"Golden Years" Léa Sen _Modern Love_
"The Golden Age Of Aviation" The Lucksmiths _Staring At The Sky_

interview with plastic surgeon Dr Harry Jarvis

"Silence Is Golden" The Beths _Expert In A Dying Field_
"The Man With The Golden Hand" The Octopus Project _Fever Forms_
"Golden Egg" Clara Engel _Their Invisible Hands_
"Golden Age" Beach Fossils _Beach Fossils_
"Sister Goldenhair" The Hummingbirds _Tuesday_

our librarian friend Carole stops by the talk Little Golden Books

"Golden Brown" The Stranglers _Feline_
"Golden Thing" Throwing Muses _The Real Ramona_
"Happy The Golden Prince" Robyn Hitchcock _Eaten By Her Own Dinner_
"Golden Slumbers" Blue Roses _Abbey Road Now! (Mojo Presents The Beatles' 1969 Classic Re-Recorded!)_
"Golden Torpedo" Milk Lines _Ceramic_

a visit from our resident cinephile Chuck to talk about movies with Golden in the title

"Golden Hours" Ida _Ten Small Paces_
"Golden Hair" Syd Barrett _The Madcap Laughs_
"Golden Lights" Twinkle _Golden Lights_
"Golden Waters" The Monochrome Set _Dante's Casino_
"Golden Clouds" Calliope Musicals _Color/Sweat_
"Golden Sea" French Films _Imaginary Future_

idioms with golden

"Golden Summer" Helen Love _Summer Pop Punk Pop_
"Golden Haze" Wild Nothing _Golden Haze EP_
"Golden Square" Pipas _Golden Square_
"Golden Days To Come" Last Leaves _The Official Matinée World Cup EP_
"Unless You're Golden" Bella _No One Will Know_
"The Golden Bough" Steven James Adams _Old Magick_

conclusion & goodbye

"Golden Flute" Dengue Fever _The Deepest Lake_
"Golden Birds" Easy _Radical Innocence_

Whither The Golden Show?

(The last rays of the sun turn the tops of the trees golden.)

Theme-based shows often rely on colors.  Colors are probably the easiest of themes.  Because of my contrary nature, I tend to shy away from the "easiest of themes."  I think in fact when I did a show about the color green, I asked listeners & Facebook friends to pick the songs.  There were way too many songs about the color green.

& I noticed that I had previously done a show about gold a decade ago.  Which is a color but also you know a precious metal.  I felt it was time to return to a color on Self Help Radio but I thought maybe if I specified a color descriptor - an adjective, basically - it might make it easier.  I settled on "golden."  & I have lived to regret it.

There were so many golden songs that I decided that I would mostly (but not entirely) rely upon songs from this century.  & I would forego my many deep-dives into different genres & stick with the indie rock.  There's probably a country or blues or soul golden show out there - it won't be this week's Self Help Radio.

With all that in mind, you may still want to tune in to 90.7 fm KBOO tonight (or online at kboo.fm) from midnight to 3am.  There'll be guests & stuff.  It'll be golden.  Because that's the theme.

Preface To The Golden Show: Oh No What Have I Done

(I found this on the internet in 2015. I have no idea where.)

Something I have complained about before - so much I feel I could be a bore - is that I prefer my themes to be quite narrow.  Because while finding songs for an obscure theme might be a chore, what's worse is if the theme's too broad there's always more - like drops of rain gathering in a wheelbarrow.

Hold on, was I rhyming there?  Okay, I'll stop that.

There are too many songs with "golden" in the title or repeated in the lyrics.  Way too many.  I feel like I need to impose other restrictions.  Because Sunday's nearly over & I still have so many songs to listen to.

What might those restrictions be?  How can the show be organized?  Why didn't they pick a picture of a golden hamster with a golden apple?  It's obviously whatever they called Photoshopped before you could Photoshop things.

All right then.  Back to listening to songs.  I certainly hope you appreciate all I do.  You know, sitting here listening to songs.  Such a difficult thing I do.

Urban Ruins

One of the strangest things that happens when a business fails is that they're not somehow required to clean up or otherwise alter the remnants of their existence in a place.  Take this picture - which I snapped five years ago today in Fort Worth, Texas.  There was once a Pancho's restaurant here.  They were long gone - but their fading sign was still there for the world to see.

But do you know what happened?  We left Fort Worth in May of 2019, but according to Gorgle Maps, by December 2018 - barely six months before we left - some enterprising entrepreneur rebranded that sign:

Yep, the former Pancho's sign became a pharmacy sign.

Which may or not may prove my point?  Did I have a point?  I can't remember.

Oh yeah I was going to tell a Pancho's story but I will save it for some other time.

Rain

It rained all day today. You might be saying, "So what? It's Portland, man!"

Yes, it rains here, but it's not often a constant rain.  We have walked the dogs in-between patches of rain.

Today, after about noon, it started raining.  & it hasn't stopped.

Someone in Austin posted a weather chart of this week.  The highs are all over 100 degrees.

There was a news report a couple weeks ago - local news - it asked, "When will Portland break 80 degrees?"

It won't happen for a while.  Certainly not with all this rain.

Self Help Radio 060722: Knees

How I wish I could say something interesting or pithy about knees!  The only thing I can think is, one day my knees will fail me.  I know several people whose age I am quickly approaching who had to have some form of knee surgery - including (shudder) knee replacement.  A show about knees caused me to contemplate the fate of my knees.

Instead though I should have enjoyed the celebration of the knee!  It knocks when we're afraid!  It goes weak when we're in love!  When we are trying things out, we first go in up to the knee!  & when we want something, whether from a love or a god, we go down on our knees as a sign of our humility.

But.  Once I slipped on the ice & landed on my knees.  I was utterly astonished I didn't ruin my kneecaps then & there.  Probably I just started their ruin.  I will be in a doctor's office one day & they're going to say to me, "Did you break your patella in around 2015?"  Okay, I'll stop fixating on that.

Please enjoy a show about knees with only a small amount of discussion of knee injuries.  You can listen now & any time at either the Self Help Radio KBOO page or at the Self Help Radio website.  If you choose the latter, remember the username SHR & the password selfhelp.  You'll need that information.  Everything that happens on the show is below.

Take care of your knees!!!!

Self Help Radio 220607: Knees

"Knee" Ken Nordine _Wink: Ken Nordine Does Robert Shure_

"Skinny Knee Bone" Freakwater _Scheherazade_

"Kneebone" Joe Armstrong & Group _Southern Journey 1: Georgia Sea Islands, Volume I_

introduction, featuring the Anatomy-O-Tron 3000!

"On Bended Knees" Barbara Lewis _The Complete Atlantic Singles_

"Down On My Knees" Willie James _Lost Deep Soul Treasures Volume 2_

"She Gets Down On Her Knees" Yoko Ono _Season Of Glass_

"Knee Deep In Love" Q _Dancin' Man_

"An Owl With Knees" The Books _Lost & Safe_

interview with athlete Jarvis Montcrieff

"Knee Deep In Clover" Peggy Scott & Jo Jo Benson _Lover's Heaven_

"On Your Knees Cowboy!" The Hepburns _The Last Thing I Saw Before I Said Goodbye_

"Dancer With Bruised Knees" Kate & Anna McGarrigle _Dancer With Bruised Knees_

"Knee Jerk Reaction" The Green Circles _Antipodean Screams_

"Knees" Injury Reserve _By The Time I Get To Phoenix_

interview with orthopedic surgeon Dr. Timothy Patterson

"Highway Knees" T. Rex _Tanx_

"Making Love To A Vampire With A Monkey On My Knee" Captain Beefheart & The Magic Band _Doc At The Radar Station_

"Knee Deep In The Blues" The International Submarine Band _Safe At Home_

"Knee Deep" Kelly Slusher _Invited To Dinner_

"Scarred Knees" Esther Phillips _From A Whisper To A Scream_

interview with author Dr. Todd Saget

"Weak In The Knees" Shades Of Blue _Diggin' Up Down Under!_

"Knees Up Mother Brown (Knees Down Mother Brown)" Scaffold _Thank U Very Much_

"Down On Your Knees" The Popguns _Eugenie_

"The Bee's Knees" Bitesize _Sophomore Slump_

"Hand To The Knee/Tshimbala Mulumbayi" Congotronics International _Where's The One?_

idioms with knees

"Down On Bending Knees" Johnny Copeland _Down & Out (The Sad Soul Of The Black South)_

"Down On My Knees" Eddie "Blues Man" Kirkland _It's The Blues Man!_

"Get Up Off Of Our Knees" The Housemartins _London 0 Hull 4_

"Knee Trembler" The Close Lobsters _Headache Rhetoric_

"Knee Deep At The NPL" Camera Obscura _Underachievers Please Try Harder_

a discussion of the song "Oh Susannah"

"O Susanna" Andrew Calhoun _Grapevine_

"Oh Susannah" Neil Young & Crazy Horse _Americana_

"Banjo On My Knee" Mike Settle _The Mike Settle Shindig_

"With My Banjo On My Knee Blues" Louisiana Lou _Flowers In The Wildwood (Women In Early Country Music 1923-1939)_

"Oh Susannah" Hazel Holler _Hazel Holler_

conclusion & goodbye

"Weak At The Knees" Steve Arrington's Hall Of Fame _I_

"Fall On Your Knees" Larkin Grim _Parplar_

"Down On Your Knees" The Wake _Tidal Wave Of Hype_

"Let Loose Of My Knee" The Nivens _From A Northumbrian Mining Village Comes The Sound Of Summer_

"Get Off Your Knees" The Waltones _You've Gotta Hand It To 'Em: The Very Best Of The Waltones_

Whither Knees?

(image from the Wikipedia)

Why a radio show about knees?  Would you believe it's because I did a radio show about socks?  But it's true!

Back in November, over a thousand years ago, Self Help Radio explored socks.  You can still listen to that show if you want to!  One type of sock - we had a couple of songs about it - was the "knee sock."  It occurred to me that I hadn't done a show about a body part in a while, & that I wondered if there were lots of songs about knees.  That's how that idea started.

Now it's time for that idea to become a real live radio show to disappoint everyone!  It'll happen tonight on KBOO - which is  on the air in Portland at 90.7fm & online everywhere at kboo.fm - from midnight to 3am.  All sorts of knee songs plus the usual ridiculousness.

Although no songs about knee socks.  They belong in the socks show!

Preface To Knees: The Knee Of A Lost Love

It may shock most people to know this, but I was young once, but then as now I didn't really enjoy taking pictures of me.  It was brutal enough to look at myself every time I had to in a mirror.  But thinking about knees, I seemed to remember a picture of me which was taken as I was holding the knee of my girlfriend at the time.

& so I found it.  It's up there.  I am all of 24 years old & my hair & beard were long.  We had decided to take pictures that day because I was going to shave my beard off.  There are probably pictures of that somewhere.  Imagine all the time you have when you're young!  I hardly even seem to have the time to take a leisurely shower!

When I thought about this picture, I honestly thought the knee was more prominent.  I thought it might take up enough of the picture that my face would be obscured.  Alas!

Also, sorry.

There's Always Something After The Show...

This picture:

was taken at the end of January on one of the dog walks the wife & I take (with the dogs of course) around the city.  I believe this was in Gresham, we went to walk through a park, & instead of walking back through it, we took a longer route through the neighborhood around it.  This was on a fence of a house which stood on the corner of a neighborhood road & a much busier street.

(There's a folder on my computer full of the many pictures I take when I am out & about.  I don't have a lot of time to go through them, so I am way behind, having only gotten to late January in early June.)

What's the story?  What is happening?  I can only guess.  But more than anything I wish I had found this before this week's show!

"Tim's Front Yard"

On Self Help Radio's show about yards this past week, we presented six never-before-aired episodes of the beloved radio serial "Tim's Front Yard."  Previous generations would gather at the appointed hour, just past dinnertime, to thrill to the tragicomic adventures of Tim, who wanted the perfect front yard, & his neighbor Bob, who wanted the neighborhood to look as good as possible.  The show ran from the early 1940s until radio died, & is fondly missed by many, especially those who never heard it.

Self Help Radio was proud to air the otherwise unheard episodes but unfortunately, it was in installments during the show, & no one in their right mind listens all the way through an episode of Self Help Radio.  It's three extremely painful hours long!  So for those who wish just to hear the serial, you can conveniently listen to all six parts right now by clicking this link.

You'll laugh, you'll cry, to see the front yard as a metaphor for the world, with Tim the Everyperson, & I guess Bob can be seen as both the powerful god whose capriciousness we cannot abide & the eternal antagonist who sharpens us as a stone sharpens a blade.  I mean, I wrote my senior thesis on the serial but it's been a really long time since high school.  The magic of a beloved work of radio theater like this is that it can mean whatever the fuck you want it to mean.  Please enjoy.

Self Help Radio 053122: Yards

(Yes, it's a picture of my backyard.)

While there are lots of songs about lots of different kinds of yards - farmyards, schoolyards, courtyards, stockyards, junkyards, barnyards, brickyards, to name but a few - backyards seem to be the most common subject of "yard songs."  I just quickly counted eighteen songs on this show about backyards, at least in the title, & that's more than half the songs on the show.  So.  I thought I'd share my backyard with you.  I took that moments ago.  It's actually quite a lovely afternoon here in Portland today!

Meanwhile, late last night (or early this morning), I played on the radio for three hours, talked about & played songs about all kinds of yards.  As I mentioned previously, there were no songs about the yards we use in measurement, nor were there songs about graveyards.  Turns out I covered that one year for Halloween.

Please enjoy lots of songs about yards.  No matter which yard you happen to be listening in.  The show is over at the KBOO website.  It's also on the Self Help Radio website.  If you go to that last one, make sure you bring the username SHR & the password selfhelp.  But you'll be able to download the show!  Everything that happens is below.

Hm. I might go nap in the backyard now!

Self Help Radio Yards Show

"Yard" The Birthday Party _Prayers On Fire_

"Yard" Black Belt Eagle Scout _Mother Of My Children_

"I Don't Want To Play In Your Yard" The Vonnair Sisters _Goodbye To Toyland_

introduction & definitions

"The Farm Yard Connection" Fun Boy Three _Waiting_

"Swing In The Backyard" Lightnin' Hopkins _The Legacy Of The Blues Vol. 12_

"Me & Julio Down By The Schoolyard" Me First & The Gimme Gimmes _Have A Ball_

"The Backyard" Stevans _Rupture_

"Courtyard" Bobbie Gentry _The Delta Sweete_

interview with yard sale aficionado Jeremy Rogers

"Yardsale" Lifestyle _At The Risk Of Sounding Pretentious_

"Yard Sale" Jimbo Pap _It Can Always Get Worse_

"Clean Up Your Own Yard" Jackie Moore _Sweet Charlie Babe_

"Keep In Your Own Backyard" Peter Skellern _You're A Lady_

"Backyards" Broken Social Scene _Bee Hives_

interview with yard of the month winner Terry Jarvis

"Backyard Blues" Wilson's T.O.B.A. Band _The Rise & Fall Of Paramount Records 1917-1927, Volume 1_

"New Stock Yard Blues" Robert Wilkins _That's No Way To Get Along_

"Barnyard Boogie" Louis Jordan & His Tympany Five _Louis Jordan & His Tympany Five_

"Back In Your Own Back Yard" Nancy Wilson _Hello Young Lovers_

"The Yard Went On Forever" Richard Harris _The Yard Went On Forever..._

interview with "In The Yard" author Curtis Derren

"Back Yard Movement" The Mighty Threes _Africa Shall Stretch Forth Her Hands_

"In Your Backyard" Reptaliens _Multiverse_

"In The Backyard" The Rosebuds _Life Like_

"Junkyard" Alex Chilton _High Priest_

"Junkyard" U.S. Girls _Bills & Aches & Blues_

idioms!

"The Big Back Yard" Robert Merrill _New York, New York: A Vintage Portrait_

"Back of the Yards" The Jack Teter Trio _Johnson Rag_

"My Backyard" Mose Allison _My Backyard_

"Barnyard Soul" Roscoe & Friends _Barnyard Soul_

"Brickyard Blues" Love Machine _Love Machine_

"Rain In My Backyard" The Moments _Sharp_

Scotland Yard?

"Scotland Yard" John Cale _Shifty Adventures In Nookie Wood_

"Government Out Of My Backyard" The Skywriters _The Skywriters_

"Backyard" The Big However _Las Vegas Amusements_

"Active In The Yard" Mission Of Burma _Forget_

"Backyard" Sløtface _Try Not To Freak Out_

"Sunny Backyard" The Intelligence _Everybody's Got It Easy But Me_

conclusion & goodbye

"Rock In The Yard" Upside Drown _Mood Music_

"Backyard Guys" 20/20 _20/20_

Whither Yards?

(It's true, there's at least one yard in Portland mostly full of statuary.)

In the years when I lived with my mother & siblings, I was mostly in apartments.  We didn't have enough money to own - or even rent - a house.  There was no yard to maintain or mow or rake.  To be sure, I was occasionally bribed by older siblings to mow or take their yards, but obviously never as often as the kid who grew up with a front or back yard.

The first place I lived - it was a duplex - which had a yard, the landlord mowed the yard for us.  It wasn't until we bought our first house in - gosh, 2005? - I would've been 37! - that I spent any time dealing with the care & upkeep of a yard.  Having dogs one kind of needs to have a yard.  The most time I spend in my backyard now I spent with my dogs.

Self Help Radio late tonight will talk about all kinds of yards.  Not just yards in front or or behind homes, but shipyards, schoolyards, churchyards, many different yards - probably not Rudyards, though.  I don't really know any, actually.  Is there anyone named Rudyard who'd like to be my friend?

Listen from midnight to 3am tonight (or Tuesday morning if you want to be technical) on 90.7fm in Portland & online at kboo.fm.  To celebrate the humble yard.  But not the measurement!

Preface To Yards: The Backyard Just Outside Austin

(image from here)

The Backyard was a music venue about twenty miles west of Austin in I believe the city of Bee Caves.  On this website, which doesn't seem to know it's been closed for over a decade, it says, "The Backyard is located in the heart of the Texas Hill Country in a natural, open-air setting enveloped in the shade of 400 year old live oaks. This one of a kind amphitheater hosts music of a varied & eclectic mix of musicians."

The Backyard is a venue I think I went to more than I actually did.  I saw Elvis Costello there at least three times - his gigography says he performed there four times, so maybe I saw him there four time.  I saw Belle & Sebastian there twice.  My three favorite shows there were Leonard Cohen in 1993, Richard Thompson in 1994, & Morrissey in 2007.

It was a very secluded place, with a dirt parking lot, & no matter how hot the day was - & it was usually hot - it felt about fifteen degrees cooler under those trees.  It was a lovely place to see a show.  & for some reason, I didn't go out there between 2004 or so & 2007, & when I did, holy shit.

A mall had sprung up around it.  It was like a completely different place.  We parked in an actual parking lot & walked past a Best Buy.  It was indicative of the changes Austin went through before I left - I can't be certain, but there were probably people who complained about the noise of the live shows at the Backyard which caused it to close.

It was such a nice venue to see music.  Here's how isolated it was: when Leonard Cohen played, he came out alone with a guitar for a few songs.  He had just started the song "A Singer Must Die" when - as if on cue - a police car came screaming past outside.  The place was so out-of-the-way there couldn't have been more than a dozen cars that drove by during his entire show.  He stopped playing & said, "Listen. What a sad, lovely sound."  & he waited for the doppler effect to subside before he started an entirely different song.

It was at the Backyard that I saw Richard Thompson for the first time, just him on a guitar with a stand-up bassist at his side.  I had never heard the song "Beeswing" before & his performance of it made me cry.  Tears just falling down my cheeks.  & he would crack jokes in-between the songs as he retuned his guitar.  He gave me emotional whiplash.

& after I had back surgery, I painfully made my way out to the Backyard to see Belle & Sebastian.  I lay on one of the grassy parts & enjoyed the show & it was almost a ritual event to ease my transition back into the world.

Despite being a huge fan, I had never seen Morrissey, not the least because he hardly came to Austin & also he cancels shows a lot.  So seeing him in 2007 was just a joy.  Look!  Here's a picture of it!  I'm in the audience you can't see.

It would be strange to do a show about yards & not think about the Backyard.

The weird news: this website says it'll reopen in 2024.  But will you be able to sneak in to see Elvis Costello & the Attractions at their soundcheck?  I don't believe you will.