Self Help Radio 022123: Wrecks

It's the first Self Help Radio of KBOO's Winter Membership Drive & the show is a wreck!

Can't blame it on the drive though - the show has been a wreck for quite a while. At least this time there's some music about wrecks on it - car wrecks, train wrecks, nervous wrecks, homewreckers, wrecking balls, truly all kinds of wreckage. Plus interviews! & of course no money raised for poor KBOO.

Some people enjoy watching wrecks. Maybe they'll enjoy listening to one too. You can do so at either the KBOO website or at the Self Help Radio website. At the show's website, you'll need a username & a password (that's SHR & selfhelp) but you can download it, if that's the kind of thing you like.

All the things that happened are below. Did we check ourselves before we wrecked ourselves? I should say not!

Self Help Radio Wrecks Show
"Wrecking Line" Varsity _Fine Forever_
"Wreck Of Mind" Bill Fox _One Thought Revealed_
"Call The Wrecking Crew" Cleaners From Venus _English Electric_

introduction & definitions

"Wreck My Style" Beatnik Filmstars _Astronaut House_
"Wreck My Flow" The Dirtbombs _We Have You Surrounded_
"Rent A Wreck" Suburban Kids With Biblical Names _#1_
"Wreck" Del Cielo _Us Vs. Them_
"A Train Wreck" Bearsuit _The Phantom Forest_

interview with Mr & Mrs Spellman, the unluckiest drivers in Portland

"The Wreck Of The Virginian" Blind Alfred Reed _People Take Warning! (Murder Ballads & Disaster Songs, 1913-1938)_
"Wreck Of The Tennessee Gravy Train" Uncle Dave Macon _Hard Times In The Country_
"The Wreck Of Old '97" Johnny Cash _With His Hot & Blue Guitar_
"The Wreck Of The Number Nine" Rosalie Sorrels _Classic Railroad Songs (From Smithsonian Folkways)_
"The Wreck Of The Edmund Fitzgerald" Gordon Lightfoot _Summertime Dream_

interview with shipwreck explorer Felix Fillman

"Shipwrecked Blues" Clara Smith _Louis Armstrong & The Blues Singers_
"Shipwrecked" The Gothic Archies _The Tragic Treasury: Songs From "A Series Of Unfortunate Events"_
"Shipwrecked" My Robot Friend _Open The Book_
"Shipwreck" The Luxembourg Signal _Blue Field_
"The Shipwreck Coast" The Lucksmiths _Naturaliste_

interview with wrecking ball operator Wesley Sanderson

"Wrecking Ball" Neil Young _Freedom_
"The Wrecking Ball Company" Marissa Nadler _The Sister_
"Wrecking Ball" Snow Machine _Snow Machine_
"Wrecking Ball" City Light _Memory Guide_
"Wrecking Ball" Interpol _Our Love To Admire_

interview with Todd & Jenny of support group Portland's Nervous Wrecks

"Nervous Wreck" Radio Stars _The Chiswick Story: Adventures Of An Independent Record Label 1975-1982_
"Nervous Wreck" Apex Manor _Heartbreak Manor_
"Nervous Wreck" Call & Response _Tiger Teeth_
"Nervous Wreck" Sera Cahoone _Deer Creek Canyon_
"The Nervous Wreck Of Edna Fitzgerald" Four Bitchin' Babes _Gabby Road_

a discussion of homewreckers

"Home Wrecker" Fontella Bass _Free: The Paula Recordings_
"Homewreckers" Tyrone Davis _Home Wrecker_
"Homewrecker" Nick Lowe _The Convincer_
"My Career As A Homewrecker" Jonathan Richman _Having A Party With Jonathan Richman_
"Homewrecker" Sarge _The Glass Intact_

conclusion & goodbye

"Crawling From The Wreckage" Dave Edmunds _Repeat When Necessary_
"Girl Singing In The Wreckage" Black Box Recorder _England Made Me_
"This Wreckage" Gary Numan _Telekon_
"Kling To The Wreckage (feat. Justin Wakefield)" The Crystal Method _Divided By Night_

Whither Wrecks?

It often feels like my life is a wreck, so why not a show about wrecks?

It's probably only of interest to me that the word "wrecks" & the name "Rex" are homonyms. One means "something badly damaged or destroyed" & the other is a name that comes from the Latin for "king." Although to be fair, some (most?) kings were good at wrecking things.

Anyway, when I would say, "This week's show has the theme 'wrecks,'" I would often worry that a listener might think it was about the name, not the damaged vehicle. That's why I thought of it.

Tonight's show is not fit for a king. It's on 90.7fm in town & online at kboo.fm - on from midnight to 3am Portland time. Not responsible for any wrecks that happen because of the show.

Preface To Wrecks: The Wreck Room

Here's a confession: I didn't see many live music shows in Fort Worth. I lived there for almost three years but when I saw live music, I mostly did so in Dallas. When I did see live music in Fort Worth, it was because I was volunteering at benefits for KNON. At one of those places, I saw the cross in the above picture, which reads "RIP Wreck Room."

Of course, Wreck Room is an awesome name for a club. It's a good pun & it sets the tone, like every good club name should. I wish I'd thought of it! Later on, I went to a search engine, to see what I could find. I found this article.

The internets tell me it was located at 3208 W 7th St, but that wasn't where I saw the cross & took the picture - that was at W 5th & Foch, across from Lola's Trailer Park. Apparently that club space has now moved, but I spent a couple of full days at the previous location probably in 2017 & 2018 helping with I think the Fort Worth Blues Fest. The picture above is dated February 2, 2018. I remember there being a table for tattoos & the person trying to convince me to get one. I shoulda just lied & said I already had one.

Would I have enjoyed the Wreck Room? I dunno, I didn't enjoy Fort Worth very much. I did love the house we had there, though, as I wrote about here. & a few of our neighbors. But not the town.

Tomorrow night I'll turn the little deejay booth at KBOO into a Wreck Room tho! Oh shit I can't even say that with a straight face.

Valentine's Day True Love Books

(all images from Goodreads)

It's an extra bonus post!

(I am repeating this from the earlier thing I wrote today:)
Hey. I know Valentine's Day was like a few days ago. The theme of the show this VDay was "true love." You can listen to it here or here. But the fact that it's no longer Valentine's Day doesn't mean we can't continue to talk about think about or hope for true love, does it?

Our favorite librarian Carole stopped by to talk about books featuring true love. The covers are above, but here are the details. Please click on the name for more info!

Bagel In Love by Natasha Wing & Helen Dardik*
Zombie In Love by Kelly DiPucchio & Scott Campbell
Slugs In Love by Susan Pearson & Kevin O'Malley
Viking In Love by Doug Cenko

Please enjoy these wondrous books - Carole picks things I know you'll love - so check them out at your library or, if you want to purchase one, please do so from a local bookstore & not Amazon, which hates writers & puts local bookstores out of business.

& remember! Even if you never find true love itself, but we can always find books about true love. & some of them will be filled with adorable kittens!

* Good Reads like to write the name of the author & then put the word illustrator in parentheses next to the artist, but as a long-time comic book nerd I assume the artist is as involved in the creation as the writer, so I don't single one or the other out, because it feels like it's diminishing them somewhat.

Valentine's Day True Love Movies

(image from the IMDb)

Hey. I know Valentine's Day was like a few days ago. The theme of the show this VDay was "true love." You can listen to it here or here. But the fact that it's no longer Valentine's Day doesn't mean we can't continue to talk about think about or hope for true love, does it?

Our resident cinephile Chuck came on the show to talk about films tagged with "true love" on the IMDb. You can see that list here. There's also a list on Letterboxd. (His reviews are on Letterboxd too.)

But what about the movies?  Why, watch some of them on his YouTube playlist. Or watch more on the IMDb list of films streaming elsewhere for free. There is so much to watch!

Keep up with what Chuck is watching (he'll be back in three weeks) at his Twitter account. Give him a follow! Watch movies along with him!

Because we might never find true love itself, but we can always find movies about true love. You old romantic you.

New Computer Woes

(I miss my Mac SE. Image from here.)

This is a completely dumb middle class problem but - I just got a new computer - & so many of my old fucking apps no longer work on it. These include applications that are essential for making radio shows - since I not only record at least one of them from home (The Dickenbock Report) but I also record funny people & use those recordings as interviews for Self Help Radio.  & it has been fucking exhausting trying to figure out what works & doesn't & then trying to research if I can get a decent replacement.

The first hard thing is transferring over all the data. That is fourteen hours of work - not work I have to do, but what am I supposed to do with my time while it's happening?  Not using a computer, that's what!

Then it's time to see what has transpired in the let's see oh no TEN YEARS?!? since I had a new computer. Hey developers, why don't you think of programs written in 2012 when you make your new computers? Why do we have to update? They were just grand - imagine how amazing they'd be when they're as fast as the new computer is? But nope!

& something else - I got my first computer in 1993 & was online at the end of that year. I don't want to use applications based on the web. Yes, I get it, I have email on the web, & social media on the web, but editing sound on a web-based app? Holy shit why? What if their stupid website goes down? Please just let me have the application on the computer. With the files too. I don't want to keep my files somewhere else. I know they're just dumb electron things but as someone smarter than me once said, "The cloud is just someone else's computer." I paid a lot of money so I could have space on my computer for my electron things.

Anyway, this could become what the British call a "proper whinge" but I'm too tired. Just so tired. & I'm going out tonight. & when I come back I'll see what needs to be done. & hope I can do some work tomorrow. & I know I'm going to walk in downtown Portland past people sleeping in the streets & they would love to have to fret over setting up a new computer instead of you know finding shelter in the cold weather, among other things.

& this tempers my frustration & weariness. Until I discover I have to do something with security settings to make something work & then I'm bouncing my head off my desk as the only logical reaction to the stupidity of it all. Do people who make computers use them? Have they ever had to upgrade from one computer to another?

Etc.

Self Help Radio 021423: Valentine's Day 2023 - True Love

That picture up there - I've colored it, of course, & added the show's logo - I took it sometime in the spring of 2022, & it looked to me like someone splattered paint around a telephone pole so it would look like the pole was piercing the heart. Maybe no one sees it but me. Still, I thought it a nice symbol of true love.

Because that is this Valentine's Day show's theme! All songs about true love, plus lots of conversations with friends about true love, & visits from our favorite librarian & our resident cinephile, who have books & movies about true love to discuss.

Perhaps you can listen with your true love. Or it can just remind you how romantic you are as you yearn for true love. Or like Valentine's Day in general it can be a real bummer.

Howsoever you feel, if you'd like to listen, you can do so at both the KBOO website & at the Self Help Radio website. As usual, the latter requires a username & password (SHR + selfhelp) but you can download it. All the stuff that happens is below.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Self Help Radio Valentine's Day True Love Show
"True Love" Herman Griffin _For This I Thank You: Motown R&B, Popcorn, & Rock 'N' Roll_
"True Love" George Harrison _Thirty Three & 1/3_
"True Love" Jilted John _True Love Stories_

a quick introduction

"True Love" Marching Girls _1_
"True Love" X _More Fun In The New World_
"True Love" Adrian Younge Presents The Delfonics _Adrian Younge Presents The Delfonics_
"True Love (feat. James Bay)" Montag _Phases_
"True Love" Crushed Out _Teeth_

our favorite librarian Carole talks about books featuring true love

"True Love" Fenster _The Pink Caves_
"True Love" Vince Mira _El Radio_
"True True Lovin'" The Bristols _Introducing The Bristols_
"Monologue For An Old True Love" Isobel Campbell _Amorino_
"From My Own True Love (Lost At Sea)" The Decemberists _Picaresque_

our resident cinephile Chuck talks about movies featuring true love

"True Love Cast Out All Evil" Roky Erickson _Reverend Of Karmic Youth_
"My True Love" The Bobby Fuller Four _The Bobby Fuller Four_
"Tell Me (I'm Your True Love)" Gore Gore Girls _Up All Night_
"When Love Is True" Susan Hampshire _The Girls' Scene_
"Don't Let True Love Die" Diana Ross & The Supremes _The Never-Before-Released Masters_

a conversation with my friend Derek

"True Love Will Find You In The End" Spectrum _Still In A Dream: A Story Of Shoegaze 1988-1995_
"Finding Out True Love Is Blind" Louis XIV _Illegal Tender_
"True Love Knows" La Luz _Weirdo Shrine_
"I Found A True Love" Wilson Pickett _The Midnight Mover_
"I Lost A True Love" Danny Wagner & The Kindred Soul _Big City Soul Volume 1_

a conversation with my friend Bobbie

"True True Love" Mickey & Sylvia _Love Is Strange_
"True Love Don't Grow On Trees" Helene Smith _Eccentric Soul: The Outskirts Of Deep City_
"My True Love" Freddie McKay _Soul Defenders At Studio One_
"True Love Tends To Forget" Bob Dylan _Street-Legal_
"Black Is The Color Of My True Love's Hair (Jaffa Remix)" Nina Simone _Verve // Remixed²_

a conversation with my friend Roger

"Glory Of True Love" John Prine _Fair & Square_
"True Love Leaves No Traces" Dead Famous People _I'm Your Fan: The Songs Of Leonard Cohen
By..._
"True Love Never Dies" Allen Orange _Crescent City Soul: The Sound Of New Orleans 1947-1974_
"You'll Never Cherish A Love So True" The Vells _Finders Keepers (Motown Girls 1961-67)_
"Even True Love" Widowspeak _Plum_

a conversation with my friend Jarvis

"First Dance, First Kiss, True Love" Billy J. Killen _Teen Town U.S.A. Volume 8_
"(If You Cry) True Love, True Love" The Drifters _The Definitive Drifters_
"Love So True" Tielman Brothers _The Golden Years Of Dutch Pop Music (A&B Sides)_
"A Love As True As Mine" The Roc-Kays Band _The Deepest Soul_
"True Love Don't Come Easy" Stephanie Mills _Tantalizingly Hot_

a conversation with my friend Joan
+ conclusion & goodbye

"A True Love Goodbye" Roy Orbison _Orbison 1955-1965_
"True Luv Gone Astray" Joey Tedeschi & The Idols _Sigh Cry Die_
"True Love Is Not Nice" Jonathan Richman _I'm So Confused_"True Love Ways" Buddy Holly _Not Fade Away: The Complete Studio Recordings & More_

Whither True Love (Valentine's Day Show 2023)?

(image found here)

It's that time of year again - & Self Help Radio is actually airing on Valentine's Day this time around!

At this point, the show has covered themes like  love, hate, crushes, jealousy, boyfriends, girlfriends, love songs, lovesickness, "love is...", valentines, famous lovers, heartbreak, sweethearts, roses, flirting, the heart, "make you mine," & dating. It seemed appropriate that the show focus entirely on true love on the day of the holiday itself.

In addition to lots of songs about true love, telling us what true love is & isn't, I'll talk to several friends about their experiences with true love.  It should be goofy & romantical!

Listen tonight, or tomorrow really, at the very start of Valentine's Day, midnight to 3am Portland time on 90.7fm in town or online at kboo.fm. It probably won't help you find true love, but it may rule out some of your more disturbing notions about it.

Preface To Valentine's Day 2023 - True Love: A Picture

While I have no idea if what I have is true love, it's lasted through some ups & downs now for more than twenty years. Here's a picture of my wife & me in one of those mirrors people put up so they don't drive into traffic. I have a habit of taking pictures of us together when we walk by those.

We're not doing anything for Valentine's Day, though. I guess I'm doing a radio show. But it's a regular day for us. In fact, she just said, as I showed her this picture, "Valentine's Day is this week? So that's why you've been playing all those songs about love!"

Steely Albini

(image from this place)

This article - which is just about a series of tweets - made the rounds on Facebook a couple days back. The article is entitled "Steve Albini On Why He Hates Steely Dan." To be fair, he never said he actually hated them - you can read the Twitter thread here. He said, a shot across the bow, "I will always be the kind of punk that shits on Steely Dan."

Personally I think it takes a great deal of energy to hate something. It's wearying. There's music I don't think about, & music I really don't like, but to say I hate any music is to imagine I've invested actual time into caring about it. & I don't like it, so why should I care about it?

Albini writes well, & is funny besides - I would need to have the money the Steely Dans have & their legion of fans to be able to withstand an insult as powerful as "Music made for the sole purpose of letting the wedding band stretch out a little." I mean, I feel wounded by the shrapnel of that remark!

On Facebook, there were the usual agreements & disagreements, with all the requisite huffing+puffing on one side ("he's only saying that because his music is worse than theirs"), & the smug "me too"s on the other side ("I've always said that!"). The amusing middle ground was the people who would say, "I totally agree & yet I love Steely Dan."

Many might think this is about the power of one person's opinion. How influential & amazing Steve Albini must be to cause such a reaction! It's actually not about that. It's about the insecurity of one's own opinion. Because there are few things that threaten a person's sense of self more than finding out someone else doesn't like what you like.

Which is just weird, right? Why should people like what we like?

It's very simple: we imagine we like stuff because it's the best. Why else would we like it? & if someone doesn't like it - especially someone famous! - it's like being told, it's actually not the best. Something you really love isn't the best. Why on earth would I like something that isn't the best?

This is a scenario I encounter over & over again, & have my entire life. I once told an acquaintance who values "sad music" that a record I recently heard I found terribly sad. This person listened to the record & he told me, "It's not sad at all." I said, "It may not be sad to you, but it's very sad to me." He seemed downright perplexed.

There is a prominent podcast person who, when he interviews musicians, he makes sure to ask them if they like some of his favorites. It's so painful for me to listen to this - a person who is more famous than I am desperate for his musical heroes to validate his own opinions - that I can't listen to that podcast anymore - especially if he talks to musicians.

There's a fellow I met who told me he & his friends were working on a way to determine which music was "objectively" the best. Why would someone want to do that? My first guess would be that they want to be able to "prove" they were listening to the best music.

These are things I've said a million times before. There is simply no way to be objective about subjective opinion. Things from the past that we consider "great music" were saved by elites with whom the vast majority of us have nothing in common - there were doubtless things created that many people enjoyed but didn't have the power to copy, save, etc. Using something like popularity (& in Grammy-speak, profitability) to gauge the artistic value of something becomes a dubious proposition because you find yourself weighing what you like against things you won't. Ditto things loved by critics.

For fuck's sake, just love what you love. It's nice when people like what you like - as a person who plays things I like on the radio, it's gratifying to have someone tell me they like what I play. But when they say, as a couple of people have, "You have great taste in music," I hear that as, "You like the same kind of music I do."

One of the acquaintances I mentioned above was regularly infuriated by movie critics. He usually disagreed with them, & that was upsetting for him in itself, but what really bothered him is that more people read their opinions than heard his. The very idea that their wrong opinion was more widespread than his right one caused him a great deal of anxiety.

It only bothered him because he believed the things he liked were good, great, the best & the things he didn't like were bad, terrible, the worst. He was (& probably still is) so painfully insecure that any disagreement with him was a powerful threat. (As an aside, I've known so many people like this, & almost all of them also hated to be "judged." Because they imagined someone like themselves would be judging them?)

How happy I would be if people didn't use words like "best" & used words like "my favorite" instead. Or if we all had radios shows! Do you know how you can tell what musicians I don't like? I don't play them on my radio show!

For me, discussing things I don't like isn't any fun. Like I said, love what you love. & let other people love what they love. The only way someone else's opinion can affect yours is if you give it the power to. Otherwise, your opinion is the most important for you.

Oh no I can hear people disagreeing with me already!

4101

A couple days & one post late - Tuesday's show recap was the 4100th post on this blog. I wasn't entirely aware of it - maybe I just noticed it now - so I didn't think to write something then. & since there's nothing inherently special about the number 4101 - it's not even a prime number!* - all I can do is note that I missed that round, arbitrary milestone, & share with you a picture of our new kitten Bluto.

* 3 x 1367 = 4101. Boo!

Self Help Radio 020723: Speech

This one is all over the place. Initially conceived of as a show full of speeches, it took a turn somewhere & decided to be about speech. Including the speeches you make, but also things like parts of speech or figures of speech. Why, I even tell a story about speech therapy I had as a kid! There's even a special section of songs & talk about freedom of speech.

Hopefully it's a nice listen. Which you can do at both the KBOO website & at the Self Help Radio website. Of course, at the show's website you'll need a username (SHR) & a password (selfhelp) but you can download it if you want. Everything that happened on the show (well, most everything) is noted below.

Unaccustomed as I am to speaking, here's my show about speech.

Self Help Radio Speech Show
"Captivating Speeches Made Easy: Even A Child Can Do It! (Introduction)" Better Speaking Institute _Public Speaking Made Easy_
"Universal Speech" The Go! Team _Proof Of Youth_
"Acceptance Speech" Deerhoof _The Magic_

introduction & definitions

"Speech Rapid Fire" Eyeless In Gaza _Photographs As Memories_
"Message Oblique Speech" The Associates _Fourth Drawer Down_
"Political Speech" George Carlin _When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops?_
"Speech For Heated Hearts (The Jaguar Song)" The Color Guard _Speech For Heated Hearts_
"Salad Of Speech" 100 Flowers _100 Flowers_

interview with members of a college Free Speech society

"This Speech Is Free" The Pheromones _Common Scents_
"Freedom Of Speech" Above The Law _Livin' Like Hustlers_
"Free Speech (1st Amendment)" Colin Quinn _Unconstitutional_
"Freedom Of Speech" Arrest! Charlie Tipper _Red_
"Freedom Of Speech" Swansea Sound _Live At The Rum Puncheon_

interview with Constitutional scholar Terrence Tasmin

"The Collected Speeches Of Groucho" The Marx Brothers _Original Voice Tracks From Their Greatest Movies_
"Checkers Speech" The Mr. T Experience _And The Women Who Love Them_
"Blaring Speeches" Blank Dogs _On Two Sides_
"Parts Of Speech" Lori Henriqes _The World Is A Curious Place To Live_
"Power Of Speech" Bob Evans _Goodnight, Bull Creek!_

interview with the Primate Speech Society

"Speech Therapy" Speech Debelle _Speech Therapy_
"Speeches (feat. Oxmo Puccino)" Inna Modja _Motel Bamako_
"Stump Speech" Great Lakes Myth Society _Compass Rose Bouquet_
"Speech Of Foxes" Gem Club _In Roses_
"Inarticulate Speech Of The Heart (No. 2)" Van Morrison _Inarticulate Speech Of The Heart_

interview with Speechifiers Anonymous

"Computer Speech" Bell Telephone Laboratories, Inc. _Computer Speech_
"Treated Speech" Cabaret Voltaire _Methodology '74 / '78. Attic Tapes;_
"Speech & Ambulation" Mouse On Mars _AAI_
"Frontline Speech (feat. Prince Far I)" Creation Rebel _Dub From Creation_
"No Speech, No Language" Gregory Isaacs _My Number One_

a story about childhood speech therapy

"Speeches" Faded Paper Figures _Dynamo_
"Speech Bubbles" Why? _Elephant Eyelash_
"Speech Coma" Blood Red Shoes _Blood Red Shoes_
"Beyond Speech" [A]Pendics.Shuffle _Helicopter Hearts_
"Figure Of Speech" Elusive _Allusions_

conclusion & goodbye

"Free Speech" Eddie Harris _Free Speech_
"Speech Of Form" Matthew Shipp String Trio _Visionfest: Visionlive_

Whither Speech?

(image from here)

Self Help Radio's theme tonight is "speech." But what does that mean? Will there be speeches? Will there be songs & talk about "freedom of speech"? What about the parts of speech? Will there be discussion & music about the ability to speak, which is speech? The answer is, of course, yes.

Initially I thought it might be fun to have a show all about speeches. Then I had a caller who requested several speeches, all of which I thought would be quite tedious to listen to on the radio. They were all quite famous, & all quite long (no recommendation of the Gettysburg Address!), & although I suppose they were edifying & historical, I decided a bunch of speeches played back-to-back for three hours, even in the middle of the night, would ultimately be kinda boring.

So what will I play? Oh dude, just tune tonight, midnight to 3am Portland time, on 90.7 fm if you're in town or kboo.fm if you're anywhere there's an internet. One thing is certain - I won't be making any speeches.

Preface To Speech: Speech Balloons

(by Art Spiegelman - found here)

As a super comics nerd, I love the idea of speech balloons. Says the Wikipedia,

Speech balloons (also speech bubbles, dialogue balloons, or word balloons) are a graphic convention used most commonly in comic books, comics, & cartoons to allow words (& much less often, pictures) to be understood as representing a character's speech or thoughts. A formal distinction is often made between the balloon that indicates speech & the one that indicates thoughts; the balloon that conveys thoughts is often referred to as a thought bubble or conversation cloud.

The origin of speech balloons is cool, & is available at that link, so I don't have to go into it, but I wanted to point out two people who I think are absolute masters of the speech balloon.

One is Walt Kelly, who managed to let you know how a character sounded by the way he lettered the words in the balloon:

(image from here)

The other is Dave Sim, who in Cerebus was masterful at not only conveying the speech in the balloon but also the feelings of the characters. Here is Cerebus himself with a hangover:

(image from here)

There are doubtless better examples from these artists & other examples from the comic world. But those were the first to come to mind.

As if you need any more proof I am a super comics nerd.

Bluto Update

The kitten we adopted three weeks ago today, whom we named Bluto, has been a bright spot in our lives. He is incredibly good-natured, not in the least aggressive, & the one amazing trait he had when we met - he begins the purr the minute he's touched - has not disappeared. In addition, he's getting along very well with our old orange tomcat Boone. Like so:

The one weird thing is that he doesn't seem to know his name. I don't recall that being such an issue with other cats we've had. But it's only been three weeks - it may be that just because he's fit in so well - so effortlessly - that this one thing seems to be a problem. Or maybe he doesn't like the name?

The Adventures Of Mr. Greedy

(No, not this Mr. Greedy! Image from here.)

Oh wow I had the excellent good fortune to have on this week some great Portland improv artists who responded to ridiculous suggestions I made about a "beloved radio serial" called The Adventures Of Mr Greedy.  They were sprinkled throughout the show but I thought I'd make them available here so you don't have the listen to the whole thing if you don't wanna.  They are linked below.

Episode 9: Mr. Greedy Has A Garage Sale
Episode 15: Mr. Greedy Goes To The Pharmacy
Episode 22: Mr. Greedy Goes On A Blind Date
Episode 43: Mr. Greedy Takes A Cab
Episode 51: Mr. Greedy Waits In Line
Episode 74: Mr. Greedy Gets Ready For Bed

Much thanks to Jeanne, Kevin, & Nora!

Self Help Radio 013123: Greed

(The original Bruegel print is here.)

One thing you should know about Self Help Radio's show about greed is that I never sampled that speech Michael Douglas' character gives in Wall Street. I meant to, I just never got around to it.

What I spent my time doing is editing several episodes of "Mr. Greedy," performed by members of a local improv group called The Grandpas. I don't know if that's a one-off name or that they'll continue to perform under that moniker, but they improvised different moments in Mr. Greedy's life. These are sprinkled throughout the show. I quite enjoyed their work.

Hardly anyone listens to or knows anything about Self Help Radio but it's nice that no-one involved - it's not just me! - is at all that greedy. I appreciate that. It makes a show about greed, a nasty emotion if there ever was one, much more fun & palatable than it ought to be.

Anyway, if you're one of those folks who may listen - & it's a tiny number - you can do so at both the KBOO website & at the Self Help Radio website. For the Self Help Radio website, you'll need a username (SHR) & a password (selfhelp). You can download the show!

Most everything that happens is below.

Self Help Radio Greed Show
"Greed" The Palace Guard _The Palace Guard_
"Greed" The Safes _Sight Of All Light_
"Greed" Stealing Sheep _Not Real_

introduction & definitions

"Politics Of Greed & Gain" Billy Childish & The Black Hands _The Original Chatham Jack_
"Greed Machine" La Luz _Floating Features_
"Love Without Greed" Graham Parker & The Rumour _The Up Escalator_
"Mr Greed" Barry Adamson _Know Where To Run_
"Greed Kills More People Than Whiskey" Tom T. Hall _Ol' T's In Town_

interview with Bunny Cavendish, daughter of the greediest man in America

"I'm A Greedy Man (Parts 1)" James Brown _Star Time_
"Greedy For Your Love" Donny Gerrard _Donny Gerrard_
"Give It To The Needy, Not The Greedy" The Nights _The Nights_
"Greedy For Your Love" The Checkmates Ltd _We Got The Moves_
"Don't Be Greedy" Cristina _Cristina_

interview with ethicist Dr. Dick Bentley

"So Greedy" 999 _Concrete_
"Designer Greed" The Rosehips _The Rosehips_
"We're Selfish & Lazy & Greedy" Go-Kart Mozart _Instant Wigwam & Igloo Mixture_
"The Greedy Ugly People" Hefner _We Love The City_
"Greedy Girls" The Move _Rappers Delight_

interview with writer of "The Gospel Of Greed" George Merrill

"Greed Is Good" Papa Brittle _Obey Consume Marry Reproduce_
"That Greedy Beat" Coldcut _Beats + Pieces_
"Selfish Greedy Life" Pinch & Shackleton _Pinch & Shackleton_
"Greedy People" The Electric Hippies _The Electric Hippies_
"Youth & Greed" Wolfsheim _55578_

Gary confesses a deeply personal moment of greed Ned Dry interrupts

"Greedy Gal" Derrick Morgan _Moon Hop: Best Of The Early Years 1960-69_
"Greedy Man" The Cimarons _On De Rock Part 2_
"You Too Greedy" Frankie Paul _Tidal Wave_
"Greedy Dog" Israel Vibration _Strength Of My Life_
"Greedy Little Deggie" U-Roy _Rebel In Styylle_

an explanation of the two Lewis Black bits with the same title that follow

"Greed" Lewis Black _Rules Of Enragement_
"Greed" Lewis Black _Stark Raving Black_

conclusion & goodbye

"Sanamba (The Greedy Hyena)" Moussa Diallo _Chiwara_
"Greedhead Detector" Julian Cope _20 Mothers_
"Love & Greed" Magneta Lane _Gambling With God_
"Greedy Stars" The Room In The Wood _The Room In The Wood_

Whither Greed?

(image from here.)

Sometimes, after long talks, I take some time to think about what was talked about. A common themes in recent conversations has been about family, & how one stays connected, & whose responsibility it is to maintain the relationship, & is it truly worth it if it's one-sided. I'm sure people talk about this all the time in different contexts than family. In any event, one of these conversations was about someone who seemed to only be interested in staying in touch if it somehow benefitted them in terms of things - gifts for holidays, birthdays, for the children, etc. In any other situation, this person didn't seem interested - as if there were no reason save for material ones to be close to another.

In short, this person was described to me as "greedy." & being me, & always thinking about radio shows, I wondered, "Are there enough songs about greed to make a radio show?" The answer is yes - an easier answer to the question posed above about keeping such relationships alive.

You can hear all about greed tonight on Self Help Radio from midnight to 3am Portland time on 90.7fm in town & online at kboo.fm. & don't be greedy - there's plenty of radio for everyone.

Preface To Greed: Hardly Ever Been Greedy

(Here's a picture of Greedo, from here.)

It may be self-serving to say I've never been greedy. I even was going to title this post "never been greedy." Then I remembered: I was a kid once.

In fact, as hard as it is to believe, I was a kid for the better part of the first few years of my life. I was a kid in a poor family, a family in which we didn't always have a well-stocked cupboard. Food was consumed as soon as it came into the house. So I suspect I could be quite greedy then.

In that sense I guess there was competition for food, but I don't recall many fights about it, which is funny, because my little brother & I rarely needed anything to fight about - we just fought.

It seems to me now like jealousy played a greater role in my childhood than greed did, & I wondered what the relationship between jealousy & greed was, so I did the search engine thing, & found on this web page these meanings:

Envy: Desiring what someone else has.

Greed: Desire something by itself.

Jealousy: Fear of losing something already in possession, involving a third party.

Not the most elegant of definitions, but it seems true enough. I can't remember a time when I came home & my brother was greedily eating a pizza by himself & I was jealous about it. But I would've been greedy too! 

Now I'm almost a senior citizen - when does that start, anyway?  The internets says 62.  I'm seven years away!  Holy shit!  Where was I.

Now I'm intolerably aged, I don't feel I am greedy about much. So why do a show about greed? Is it about Greedo? You dumb Star Wars nerd, are you doing a show because of Greedo? No, no. I'll tell you why tomorrow.

Tom Verlaine

(image from here)

It's been hard processing Tom Verlaine's death today. Mainly I have been listening to his music & thinking about how fucking great he was & how much I loved it & how much it influenced so many bands & artists I love.  In fact, I wrote this on Facebook about reading one such artist:

I played some Television & Tom Verlaine songs to Magda this afternoon while processing the loss of that incredible artist. She remarked that at least one song reminded her of the Go-Betweens. I am not surprised to find Robert Forster writing this on his Facebook page just now:

I have woken up to the news of the passing of virtuoso guitarist & singer-songwriter Tom Verlaine. Absorbing that as best as I could, I made my muesli & a strong coffee & sit here typing, a little stunned, not knowing what to write, but knowing what Verlaine meant to me. An elder brother, someone in the mid-to-late Seventies who opened up doors for me. An enormously inspirational figure to Grant & I with his New York band Television. The Go-Betweens, one more band in a swarm of bands to form & bloom in the wake of Verlaine & his fabulous group.

& it's so poignant, that this Friday, with the release of my new album, I name-check him in a song that collects my thoughts so much better, & more succinctly, than what I can write here. The song is called "When I Was A Young Man." The verse goes - "Elder brothers, they came along/ There was a new David & there was Tom/ They bewitched me in wardrobe & song/ When I was a young man."

The "new David" is David Byrne, & "Tom" is of course Verlaine. They were my twin peaks. Showing me how to dress & behave as a nervy twenty-one year old, trying to act & look as intense & interesting & poetic as I could. (Check any photo of me from 1978 to 1987 for evidence.)

Musically, I couldn't really compete with either of them. They were incredibly strong influences I had to shake off (a little) to get to anything original I could do. But thinking of Verlaine's guitar playing this morning - & that's what really hit me - was the influence of his tone in Seventies Rock. He ended or at least challenged the heavy bluesy thrust of Page/Clapton/Richards. Verlaine's guitar was loaded but sweet. It sang & soared. It was lyrical. It possesses enormous beauty. It hinted at jazz. It was ethereal & other worldly. & for someone like me, who was not a follower of guitar players & their lengthy solos, here was a guitar player for my age. & you just have to listen to the shape of guitar bands of the Eighties & beyond to hear the legacy of his playing. No disrespect to Clapton, but who sounds like him these days? Verlaine's soaring melodic tone & flurry of notes are everywhere. I am not meaning Rock is a competition - just that Verlaine is very present & always will be.

Forster nailed it, & he failed to mention another mention of Verlaine in one of his songs, the song "When She Sang About Angels," from the Go-Betweens record "Friends Of Rachel Worth," which was recorded here in Portland. The song about is about Patti Smith & contains the lines:

"When she sang about a boy -
Kurt Cobain -
I thought what a shame
It wasn't about Tom Verlaine"

Still lots of processing to do, but glad to have had this moment of synchronicity in my grief.

Sorry to quote someone else. I just honestly couldn't have said it better.

Jury Duty Postscript

(image from here)

After two & half days of tedium, I was not chosen for a jury.  Here is what I wrote on Facebook:

Released from jury duty!

To be honest I had a great deal of anxiety about serving. It was to be a four-week trial, & I would not have enjoyed that.

Yesterday (that is to say, Tuesday) I happened to mention that I was a "David v. Goliath" type of guy & I overwhelmingly rooted for the Davids of the world.

Today (this would be Wednesday) a lawyer for the defense asked me to elaborate, & I mentioned that I had talked generally about the case with my wife (we weren't allowed to talk about the specifics with anyone) & my wife had said, "They wouldn't want you on a jury in a trial  against a corporation. You HATE corporations!"

The lawyer then asked if that were so, would I not be biased against her client.

I said I would try but she said, "& yet if your wife had said you hated corporations..."

I said, "Yeah, I'd trust her. She's smarter than me."

That probably ended my chances right there.

Despite some of my friends, who said I should have lied so I could side against the little guy against greedy corporations, I had neither the confidence required to imagine I could convince eleven strangers to see things my way (& this is before I knew the facts of the case) nor the desire to waste four weeks on a trial about which I couldn't be sure I'd make any difference.

The relief that spread over me when my juror number was not called, ah! I wish I could drink a bottle of that a night.

Was I glad to see the process? Sure. Am I amazed that it exists? Yes! It's long & dumb & messy & there has to be a better way. But so far there isn't.

Here's hoping I'm not in a courthouse again for many many years.

Self Help Radio 012423: Examples

Here, without you asking, is an example of a radio show. Not just any radio show. An episode of Self Help Radio. In fact, the show contains a multitude of examples - including songs about examples of all kinds. Examples are discussed, demonstrated, & defined.

It's the sort of show you might want to make an example of - but luckily it's not a textbook example of Self Help Radio, since there's no textbook that mentions this show. For example, all mathematics textbooks somehow lack any mention of Self Help Radio. But perhaps you learn by example - in which case, you'll learn a lot about Self Help Radio from its show about examples.

You can listen to the show in more than one place. For example, at the KBOO website. For another example, at the Self Help Radio website. If you do visit the latter, remember there's a username & password required - those are, for example, SHR & selfhelp. Every example on the show is listed below.

Please be a good example & enjoy this show about examples.

Self Help Radio Example Episode

"I'm An Example" Slumber Party _Slumber Party_

"I Was A Poor Example" Month Of Sundays _This Is Stereophonic Sunshine_

"Example" Teen _Love Yes_

"Example 16a" The Bran Flakes _Bounces_

"Example # 22" Laurie Anderson _Big Science_

"Examples Of Analog Timbres" Wendy Carlos _Secrets Of Synthesis_

"For Example" The Nice _Nice_

"Mr. Bad Example" Warren Zevon _Mr. Bad Example_

"Examples" Out On Blue Six _W.N.W.6 Moonlight Radio_

"Perfect Example" Hüsker Dü _New Day Rising_

"Example" Cringer _Zen Flesh, Zen Bones_

"Bad Example" The Living Eyes _Living Large_

"Example To Change" The Meanies _10% Weird_

"Example Part 1" Winston Wright _Example Part 1/Example Part 2_

"Set A Better Example" Alton Ellis _The Best Of Alton Ellis_

"Set Some Example" Twinkle Brothers _Underground_

"Good Example" Fred Locks _Mission For The King_

"Example Part 2" The Upsetters With 3rd & 4th Generation _Example Part 1/Example Part 2_

"The Perfect Example" Dan & The Clean Cut Clan _Dynamite Group Sounds Vol. 11: 26 Explosive Group Harmony Sides!_

"Good Example" Cliff Eberhardt _12 Songs Of Good & Evil_

"I'm A Great Example To The Dogs" Lord Cut-Glass _Lord Cut-Glass_

"Skulls Example" Dear Nora _Skulls Example_

"My Life's Example" Treebound Story _My Life's Example_

"We Got A Thing Going On" The Classic Example _The Classic Example_

"As Long As You Love Me" True Example _Mixed With Love (The Walter Gibbons Salsoul Anthology)_

"Your Friend" The Examples _Your Friend_

"Stranger Than Fiction" The Bad Examples _Bad Is Beautiful_

"Flarepath" Par Example _Pharos_

"Example Of A Fool" Jan Howard _The Real Me_

"A Living Example" Billy 'Crash' Craddock _Two Sides Of 'Crash'_

"Good Example Of A Bad Example" The Lonesome Billies _Right On Time_

"Bad Example" Pistol Annies _Hell On Heels_

"Bright Examples" Sarah Lee Guthrie & Johnny Irion _Bright Examples_

"Threat Of A Good Example" The Ants _Victory Side_

"An Example Show" Science Groove _My Dissertation_

"A Bad Example" No Monster Club _People Are Weird_

"Bad Example (All Hail The Lost)" Joel Streeter _Matador_

"Give 'Em An Example How A DJ Works" DJ Magic Mike & MC Madness _Ain't No Doubt About It_

"Example 78" Oliver Nelson _Sound Pieces_

"Take For Example This..." Billy Childs _Take for Example This..._

"Trane's Example" Ari Brown _Venus_

Whither Examples?

(image from here)

You have heard me complain before about the length of my show. I don't think it should be three hours long. But it is. & sometimes a theme occurs to me that I simply don't think I can fill three hours of programming with. You want an example of this? How about a show about examples?

Oh but I did find enough music to fill three hours, didn't I? Or else I wouldn't be doing the show! But it wasn't easy. The show has examples in song but a lot of other kinds of examples. Including one particular example of something I never do on the show, which helped me make up for the lack of songs about examples.

The show was recorded this weekend because I had jury duty today, & I have to go back to the courthouse tomorrow, so I won't be doing the show live, alas. But it's an example of how different radio is at the end of the pandemic - four years ago, I would have asked someone to sub; now I can record the show at home. I'm not sure what's better.

Listen tonight from midnight to 3am Portand time on 90.7fm in town & online at kboo.fm.

This concludes this example of the sort of thing I write every week before my show.

Preface To Examples: Jury Duty

(This could be me! Image from here.)

It's true. Your humble deejay has been called for jury duty. I report to the Central County Courthouse tomorrow morning at 7:50 am. I've been called for jury duty in both Dallas & in Austin, & both times was not selected. But I always expect the worst, so I think I'll be sequestered for months & months & months.

For that reason, I have recorded this week's Self Help Radio - & I certainly hope I turned it in on time! It was a rush job of a silly theme & I had a little help with my regular collaborators. But if I have to go in on Tuesday morning at 7:50am I might not even stay up to live tweet it!

Oh I will miss doing it live. But I feel like if I try my luck, the fates will make an example of me. So I go to service willingly. & I adjust my life accordingly.

The Movies In 1987

(image from the IMDb)

On this week's show - which featured some of my favorite music from 1987 - our resident cinephile Chuck interrupted from time-to-time to let us know about some films from 1987 that he liked which you might not have seen - or even heard of!

Listen to the show at either the Self Help Radio website or at the KBOO website, then check out Chuck's supplementary links below:

Here's the search list he used.

Here's the list on Letterboxd & also his reviews there.

Here is the YouTube playlist he created.

Here is a list of films available elsewhere.

If you keep up with Chuck on Twitter, you'll see he's watching films from 1987 all month long. Watch along with him!

Chuck'll be back for the Valentine's Day show!

55

(image from here)

Today I turned fifty-five years old. It's a cliché to say that one doesn't feel one's age, but I know I look it. I look like a fifty-five-year old.

Interestingly, only a few people wished me happy birthday - mainly family members. My very oldest friends, with whom I guess I don't really talk any more, were notably absent from even a kind text, save one. My guess is, they don't really know when my birthday is, or probably don't care.

It was fun in the early days of Facebook to wish everyone a happy birthday, since you can have Facebook remind your "friends" of your birthday, but I stopped doing that a while back. I also haven't allowed Facebook to share my birthday so no one (except family members) wished me a happy birthday on Facebook. Which is fine - the one time I let Facebook notify people about my birthday, most of the people who wished me happy birthday were acquaintances with whom I hadn't spoken in years & will probably never see again.

Please don't think me bitter or unhappy about all this - I am just making observations. My birthday has long ceased to be anything important, just another day - just another thing around which I can make a radio show. I confess I also no longer stay in touch with people who don't really want to stay in touch with me. How do I know they don't want to stay in touch with me? I don't reach out to them anymore. This means there are people who I'd write emails to regularly, or even call, who, the moment I stopped doing that, never communicated with me again. These are people who've known me for decades. When you're the only person keeping a relationship alive, is the relationship alive?

The wife did indulge me today, & I saw a friend's improv show (he gave me a book but didn't say "happy birthday" but I think he knew it was my birthday). I had a lovey dog walk in a part of Portland that I've never walked in before - I love doing that, but it does make me miss Winston a lot. He used to love walking in new neighborhoods too. All in all, it wasn't a bad birthday - but it also wasn't much different than this Friday might have been if it weren't my birthday.

It is sobering that I have less days before me than behind me. I saw a notice today that a beloved KOOP programmer had recently passed, & I suppose there'll be much more death ahead of me as well. I hope I get to live a long live, I have so much more music I want to listen to, more books I want to read, more movies I need to see. But I do feel lucky to have made it this far. That's a good birthday present.

Self Help Radio 011723: 1987

(all image from Discogs)

Wow, that was a radio show I might've done in 1987!

But there's so much more to cover that I love from that year, so I believe I'll be revisiting 1987 in six months or so - like I did last year with 1986 & the year before with 1985.

There are three hours of songs I love from 1987 in a file with minimal blab from me. You can listen to that show now at the Self Help Radio website.  Remember, you'll need a username (SHR) & a password (selfhelp). You can also listen - but you can't download the show - at the KBOO website.

Everything I played is below. To be continued in six months! Tell me what you think I missed!

Self Help Radio 1987 Show
"Let's Make Some Plans" The Close Lobsters _Let's Make Some Plans_
"Crawl Babies" The Pastels _Crawl Babies_
"When It All Comes Down" Miaow _When It All Comes Down_

"Shoplifters Of The World Unite" The Smiths _Louder Than Bombs_
"Happy When It Rains" The Jesus & Mary Chain _Darklands_
"Shine On" The House Of Love _Shine On_
"Flame Into Being" Momus _The Poison Boyfriend_
"Cry Baby Cry" Throwing Muses _Chains Changed_

"Hit The North Part 1" The Fall _Hit The North_
"Big Rock Candy Mountain (Velocity Dance Mix)" The Motorcycle Boy _Big Rock Candy Mountain_
"You Have Placed A Chill In My Heart" Eurythmics _Savage_
"Hope Road" Anne Clark _Hopeless Cases_
"Pump Up The Volume" M|A|R|R|S _Pump Up The Volume_

"She Lives By The Castle" Felt _Poem Of The River_
"Bye Bye Pride" The Go-Betweens _Tallulah_
"A Trick Of The Light" The Triffids _Calenture_
"My Favourite Dress" The Wedding Present _My Favourite Dress_
"Waiting For The Flood" Love & Rockets _Earth Sun Moon_

"Schizophrenia" Sonic Youth _Sister_
"Levitate Me" Pixies _Come On Pilgrim_
"Happy Nightmare Baby" Opal _Happy Nightmare Baby_
"Cold Cold Ground" Tom Waits _Franks Wild Years_
"Birthday" The Sugarcubes _Birthday_

"All I Want" The Cure _Kiss Me Kiss Me Kiss Me_
"This Corrosion" The Sisters Of Mercy _This Corrosion_
"Trust In Me" Siouxsie & The Banshees _Through The Looking Glass_
"Sloppy Heart" Frazier Chorus _Sloppy Heart_
"Cantara" Dead Can Dance _Within The Realm Of A Dying Sun_

"Son Of A Gun" The Vaselines _Son Of A Gun_
"Talulah Gosh" Talulah Gosh _Talulah Gosh_
"Stop Killing Me" The Primitives _Stop Killing Me_
"Happy All The Time" The Flatmates _Happy All The Time_
"Built Like A Car" Mighty Mighty _Built Like A Car_

"I Know You Got Soul" Eric B & Rakim _Paid In Full_
"South Bronx" Boogie Down Productions _Criminal Minded_
"Dope Man" N.W.A. _Panic Zone_

Whither 1987?

(image from here)

Maybe I'll play something from that JAMMS record above tonight. I certainly enjoyed it in 1987!

Every year around my birthday, I play music from records, singles, & EPs released in a particular year. This is a Self Help Radio tradition dating back to 2003, when the show wasn't even a year old - it happened on my birthday, so I played music from the year of my birth, which is 1968. Each year, I progress one more year, & this year, I've made it to 1987 - which was a very important year in music for me.

This may be the first year - I can't be sure about this but - it may be the first year in this series when the majority of the music I play is actually music I was listening to that year. I spent every extra cent I had on records - & on music magazines, where I learned about upcoming records.

It's safe to be back in the KBOO studios so I'll be there live tonight from midnight to 3am Portland time. The show will air in Portland town at 90.7fm & it will stream all over the world at kboo.fm.

Nineteen-year-old me would not believe many things about himself in 2023 - but he would certainly believe the music that meant so much to him then would still mean the world to him now.

Preface To 1987: A Few More Stories About That Year

A selfie from 1987

It seems I won't have a lot of time & space for telling 1987 stories. Adopting a cat waylaid me. But. I think I can tell a few stories in this space.

My first year of college ended in May 1987 - I guess I did well. I had lived with two men who weren't really my friends, just guys I knew from high school, & one of them, named Todd, I literally never saw again after we moved out. He was charming & good-looking enough to occasionally bring girls home, & a couple of them were quite cute, but I never saw any of them more than once.

At school I didn't make many friends, but I had some friends I made in class & occasionally saw outside of class. One of them, a swell gal named Stacy, actually called me when I did my second 1986 show last summer. I would lose touch with her in a year when I met my second girlfriend but that's in 1988. My 1987 was loveless.

Though I tried to meet & talk to girls, I was pretty terrible at it. I would do dumb things like give them poems & then never speak to them again. In one situation, I went to a girl's apartment to give her a poem, & she invited me in & gave me tea. I went to her bathroom & in her shower was a large, I suppose life-sized poster of Prince, & what he was wearing was see-through. I was a little freaked-out about it - I didn't really like Prince & I didn't really like the girl. Or I should say: I wasn't in love with her. So I left abruptly. Naturally we didn't talk again.*

In those days I really needed & wanted to be in love. It was what all the music I loved was about, that & heartbreak. I was still carrying a torch for my first girlfriend, whom I dated for all of a week the year before. We wrote letters to each other but she was completely over me. During the summer of 1987, she had a layover at DFW Airport & I went to get her (borrowing again my sister's Subaru) & we spent some time together. I had hoped I was more charming after a year but she had no interest in me. But damn did I carry that torch for another very long year.

Working at 7-11 nights (see my previous entry) left me little time to go out & do stuff. I did run into a friend's brother at the store, a friend who had become a born-again Christian & stopped talking to me. We didn't talk for two more years, but we would reconnect & he would later play my spiritual mentor The Rev Dr Howard Gently on Self Help Radio.

He was in the class above me at our high school, but hadn't gone away to college - he went to a music school in town & lived with his parents. Another friend in that class had also stayed in town but had gone to SMU. His name was Kirk & before I got home from college, he died in a drunk driving accident. We hadn't spoken for a while but he had been a good friend in school. I couldn't bring myself to go to the funeral but wrote his mother a nice letter, to which she responded kindly. She lost her husband & son in the span of a few years.

When I returned to Austin, I had a new roommate - William, who had graduated from high school that year. I liked William a lot & he let me decorate our living room with my collection of posters that reflected my musical tastes but not his. I also for some dumb reason put my record player in the living room, which meant William was usually around when I listened to music, which was something that was very personal to me. William was smart but he didn't really go anywhere except class so he was always around. In addition, & I know this is stupid, I had become a vegetarian the previous year & he insisted on eating seafood. He had these little shrimps he cooked & it made the house smell icky.

Things were going to come to a head at some point - I had really begun to hate him - when he took me aside & told me that he was gay. I was the first person he came out to. I wanted to support him but I was not liking him very much - however, my built-in desire to be helpful overcame my enmity. I tried to get him to take advantage of the resources on campus - the Gay & Lesbian Student Association for example. He resisted for a long time, but eventually, probably at the beginning of 1988, he relented. The creepiest thing is, I think I was there when he lost his virginity - I didn't hear anything (I was in my room, listening to music) but I did meet the much older man who did the deed. Later on, William expressed a little regret because the guy only wanted him for that reason. I could only let him know straight guys can be just as gross.

A big decision I made in 1987 involved concert-going. I saw many more concerts in 1987 than I had in 1986. I think I saw the Cure, the Psychedelic Furs, the Mighty Lemon Drops, & U2 before I went back to school. The U2 concert was in Fort Worth, since U2 was upset about the gigantic venue in Dallas investing in apartheid South Africa. This was the Joshua Tree tour. It was my third & last time seeing a band at a giant venue. I guess they're called arenas or stadiums or something. I couldn't really hear the show, I definitely couldn't see the band, & I was annoyed by all the joints that were passed to me. So I vowed never to see a band in a giant space like that ever again. & I never did - which meant I never got to see some artists that are dear to me, like Dylan or Bowie or Neil Young. I regret it only a little.

At the end of the year, Thanksgiving weekend in fact, I got to see the Jesus & Mary Chain one night & Love & Rockets the next. It coincided with my first car accident & my first experience with radio.

Those days I still went home to Thanksgiving even though I couldn't really eat anything my family made, being a vegetarian.** The night after Thanksgiving I was returning to Austin with the person I called my best friend but who really didn't think that of me - it was glaringly obvious at the time but I chose not to see it - he really thought of me mostly with contempt. Anyway, he had tickets to see the Jesus & Mary Chain & that was the only reason he was taking me back to Austin. He never once did something nice for me out of the goodness of his heart - I either had to beg or guilt him, or it didn't inconvenience him to help me out. He had gone to see Love & Rockets that night in Dallas, & we were to drive in the night to Austin.

He picked me up late & we were turning probably from I-30 to I-35 in South Dallas when a car came barreling at us driving the wrong way in our lane. My "friend" tried to turn but they rammed us on the passenger side - where I was. We spun & they screeched to a halt & to this day I don't know how I got out of the car - I couldn't open my door, so I must've made it out of the driver's door. We approached the other car to see if they were all right, but they drove away - again, the wrong way in traffic. We didn't even get a license plate.

We were so dazed that we just started driving again & didn't stop to call the police until we were well out of town. That night when we got to Austin, I was so shook up that I somehow forgot how to use my key to open my door, so I broke my bedroom window to get into the apartment. Surprisingly, some security guard approached me & I showed him that my key actually worked. Hilariously, my "friend" had given up hope & was sleeping in the laundromat. As with many times in my life, I had to go looking for him.

Neither of us were hurt, thankfully, but we drove the dark two hundred miles to Austin with quite a lot of adrenalin & a weird youthful sense we had cheated death.

The show this week is one of the most personal I've ever done. While I am sure I had classes that I took that I enjoyed, I don't really remember them. I was a good student & did well. But in my personal life, I was very lonesome & absurdly socially awkward. Music was something that occupied me & defined me - I spent most of my non-school, non-rent money in record stores.

Oh shit I forgot to tell you the radio station thing. Well. For some reason my "friend" & I found ourselves the day of the Jesus & Mary Chain show at the only community radio station around at the time, KAZI. In Dallas, my "friend" listened to KNON regularly, & I tried to listen to when I could, especially a show on Thursday nights that seemed perfect for me. I guess he thought KAZI would be Austin's equivalent. We went there, they gave us volunteer badges, & we somehow thought we could use them to interview the Jesus & Mary Chain. Suffice it to say, the band didn't let us in their bus, & I never went back to KAZI again after my "friend" went back to Dallas. I didn't have a car & it was far from where I lived.***

But I do recall looking into that studio where a deejay was spinning records & talking on the mic, & thinking it was way cool & even a bit magical. I'd like to say I saw my future in there but really I didn't have that desire then. Not that it hadn't crossed my mind - but it seemed far away if not impossible at the time.

* Well, I saw her at a record store later on, but we just said hi.
** My sister Pat later told me my mother was so terrified I was going to die that she would make me stuff & put animal fat in it. So I guess I wasn't entirely vegetarian.
*** KAZI now is mainly an "urban contemporary" station but that happened largely after KVRX & KOOP went on the air. I remember listening to a late-night indie show on the station in 1989 - the sort of show I would've myself done.