Plane

Sometimes I take pictures in lieu of journal entries. I don't save all the photos I take but I save some. Like the one above. What is it a photo of?

Unfortunately, I have no context. It was taken on this day in 2014 in Lexington, Kentucky. I was almost certainly attracted by the worn-out sign, by the failure of the bottom part to indicate where the airport was.

Where was I? Possibly on the road, maybe New Circle Road. The other pictures I've saved from that day do not give me any clues. & how is that helpful as a journal? It's not.

Look at this:

This is a picture taken in my front yard. It indicates to me I didn't really go anywhere that rainy day.

So where did I take the picture? Probably in my neighborhood. Is it a mystery? It is not. Not at all.

Yes Buffet

Here is a photo I took in Grand Prairie, Texas, in March. I titled it "My philosophy - the sign."

It's this place. I didn't think I would enjoy the place & we didn't eat there - just stopped long enough to take the picture. I still haven't really gone into a sit-down restaurant to eat - I mean technically I did during that visit - but in one case, we sat in the patio area & I put my mask on as soon as I was done eating, & in the second case, we were the only people in the place.

There were two great buffet places in Austin I kinda miss. One was an Indian restaurant which we used to cater our wedding. The other I think was called Shanghai Palace & they helpfully kept the vegetarian food on a separate - what would you call it, cart? table? buffet row?

Shanghai Palace is long gone, but the other place, Star Of India, is still there, on Anderson Lane, near one of the Alamo Drafthouse satellites. Before I became vegan, my favorite thing there - besides the saag paneer - was these - were these - that sounds better - were these Indian tater tot things filled with cheese. Never seen them anywhere else.

Nothing I've read about Yes Buffet suggests they have such innovations - or that they segregate (or even offer) vegetarian/vegan food.

But what a sign!

Self Help Radio 071323: The Dumb Show

(Original image here)

Dumb show? More like FUNmb show, amirite? Oh that was dumb.

My week of computer hell continued yesterday with my laptop deciding to malfunction a half-hour before the show, so I began the show in a kind of panic. You may recall I was having issues with my web host last week - they appear to have been fixed without any input from me, which validates my original belief that it wasn't anything I was doing wrong - so computer fuckery came home to haunt me. But. No matter how dumb I was, how dumb the things happening to me were, how dumb ultimately everything I do is - the dumb show aired & that's all I could hope for. Gosh I'm dumb.

You can get in on all this dumbness by visiting the Self Help Radio website. Remember, to listen you'll need a username (SHR) & a password (selfhelp). The entire show can be downloaded for later, & everything that happened is mentioned below.

Hey! You're not dumb I'm dumb!

Self Help Radio's Dumb Show

"Dumbbell" The Cadillacs _The Complete Josie Sessions_

"Dumb Head" Sharades _Let's Go - Joe Meek's Girls!_

"Young, Dumb" Curtis Blandon _Lost Deep Soul Treasures Volume 1_

introduction & definitions

"Dum Fun" Bonnie Hayes with the Wild Combo _Good Clean Fun_

"I Love You, You Big Dummy" Captain Beefheart & The Magic Band _Lick My Decals Off, Baby_

"Dumbo The Flying Elephant" Joan Gerber _The Story Lady_

"The Dumb Waiters" The Makers Of The Dead Travel Fast _Can't Stop It! Australian Post-Punk 1978-82_

"Dumb" Poprace _Clear EP_

interview with self-described dumb person Wendy Ebersoll

"Dum Dum Girl" Talk Talk _It's My Life_

"Yeah, I'm Dumb" Grover _My Wild Life_

"The Dumb Gay Friend" Patton Oswalt _Finest Hour_

"We Play Dumb" Shampoo _Girl Power_

"Dum Dum" The Vaselines _The Way Of The Vaselines: A Complete History_

interview with Winston Evers, who has a "solution" for dumb people

"Poor Dumb Bird" Ida _Ten Small Paces_

"Big Dumb Man" John Maus _A Collection Of Rarities & Previously Unreleased Material_

"Teenagers Are Dumb" Jen Kirkman _Hail To The Freaks_

"Young & Dumb" The Lucksmiths _Warmer Corners_

"Dumbhead" The Shermans _In Technicolor_

interview with Walter Edwards, who likes dumb people

"Dumb It Down" Pernice Brothers _Discover A Lovelier You_

"Young & Dumb" The Soft City _The Soft City_

"Dumb Things" Doug Benson _Potty Mouth_

"Sticky Dumb Gum" Tada Tátà _Tada Tátà_

"Don't Act Dumb" Sonny & The Sunsets _Hit After Hit_

interview with Webster Engels, who doesn't like the word dumb

"Dum Dum" The High Violets _Heroes & Halos_

"Dumb Baby" The Coathangers _Nosebleed Weekend_

"Hey Dummy" The Exbats _E Is 4 Exbats_

"Dumb Dad?" John Heffron _The Better Half_

"Life Is Hard, But Life Is Hardest When You're Dumb" Austin Lounge Lizards _Small Minds_

conclusion & goodbye

"Dumb All Over (live)" Frank Zappa _Have I Offended Someone?_

"Dummkopf" Parsnip _Health 7"_

"Dumb" The Beautiful South _Quench_

Whither The Dumb Show?

(image from the Wikipedia)

First of all, I do know what a dumbshow is. Says the Wikipedia,

Dumbshow, also dumb show or dumb-show, is defined by the Oxford Dictionary of English as "gestures used to convey a meaning or message without speech; mime." In the theatre the word refers to a piece of dramatic mime in general, or more particularly a piece of action given in mime within a play "to summarize, supplement, or comment on the main action"

In the Oxford Encyclopedia of Theatre & Performance, Michael Dobson writes that the dumbshow was originally "an allegorical survival from the morality play." It came into fashion in 16th-century English drama in interludes featuring "personifications of abstract virtues & vices who contend in ways which foreshadow & moralize the fortunes of the play's characters."

This week's Self Help Radio will not be a dumbshow. It will be a dumb show.

Second of all, that just means lot of song featuring the word "dumb." But not dumb meaning "mute," instead dumb meaning "not very smart." Depending on how mean-spirited you're feeling, you could say a "dumb Self Help Radio episode" is redundant, or to be expected, or the norm. Please insert your favorite insult here. But really I was just digging lots of tunes that featured "dum" or "dumb" or "dummy" & thought wow it would be really dumb to do a dumb show. & so I shall.

When? Today! Noon to 2pm Portland time!
Where? In Portland! On 90.3+98.3fm!
But also! Online at freeform portland dot org!

It's not really for me to say but I think it might be dumb to miss it.

Preface To Dumb: Bumper Stickers

Isn't it fascinating what people will put on their cars? Imagine that one thought - Baby Boomers Are Dumb - so resonated with this driver that the sticker was purchased & put in a place where anyone driving near could read it & where it would be particularly hard to remove. I've never removed a bumper sticker before but I assume it's hard to do. It must be a pain.

For the record, I have two bumper stickers on my car. One is a Freeform Portland bumper sticker, one is from a local place & it says "Vegan, I heart you." The vegan one was the first bumper sticker I have put on a car since I had my first car back in the 1980s.

One friend I had put lots of band stickers on his car back in the day. I didn't have a car by then & so I might've done that. Family members put bumper stickers that said things like "Whoever dies with the most toys wins." It's like putting a one-liner by a comedian on your car - "Take my wife, please!"

& I've never made bumper stickers for Self Help Radio. Who would want one of those?

Learning How To Be Supportive

(Portland is supportive)

Some people are kind. Some people are kind & clear-sighted. Some people are kind & pragmatic. I confess that I think I am kind but I am neither pragmatic nor clear-sighted.

Oh damn I am judgmental. I approach things after the judgment. That can be so harmful. I will do almost anything for a friend (my wife has some stories she finds infuriating) but it doesn't mean I won't think that it's not necessarily the best thing I can do.

This is my way of saying I need to learn how to be supportive without the judgment. I have a friend who is amazing in this manner. I asked that person's advice today. It was so simple & it hadn't occurred to me. It bypassed so much judgmental bullshit.

Once upon a time, I found myself presenting in front of a group of people an orientation for one of the radio stations at which I volunteered. It was entirely by accident. We hadn't planned who would talk first. So I got up & talked & I said what I believed: that community radio is a marvel, a sacred space (in the most secular definition of sacred). Media is depressing & sad, it's anonymous, even public radio sounds the same from show to show, but the idea that you can come to a community radio station & do the show you want to do - that anyone could do that - that's as precious a belief as I can hold.

A person from the station afterwards came up to me & said, "You're so critical of so many shows, it was amazing to hear you talk about how great the station is." & I thought, "It's because I may not like the shows but I love the idea of community radio. I will fight for this station & all community radio stations."

My conversation today suggested I focus less on the subtle general criticism & more on the idea. In that way it might be inspiring. In that way it might be more helpful.

In that way perhaps I am learning how to actually be supportive.

Goldilocks

("Story of Golden Locks" by Seymour Joseph Guy from here)

Last week's Self Help Radio - a show about locks - featured a visit from our favorite librarian, Carole, who talked to us about the history of the story of Goldilocks, & also two books exploring the story in different ways.

The evolution of the Goldilocks story discussed was found in large part in this article from the Toronto Public Library.

She talked specifically about two books:
Goldilocks & The Three Dinosaurs by Mo Willems
& Professor Goose Debunks Goldilocks & The Three Bears by Paulette Bourgeois & Alex G. Griffiths

What? You didn't hear Carole's segment? You can listen to the show at the Self Help Radio website. & after she talks, I play a bunch of Goldilocks songs!

Self Help Radio 070623: Locks

Apologies for the delay. I have been having issues with my web hosting company & what appears to be some change in their FTP protocol. There have also been some exceedingly condescending tech folks, one of which actually asked me, "Have you tried turning it off & then turning it back on again?" If you download the show this week, it'll be from my Guggol Drivel. It's a band-aid but I hate not having the show out there somewhere, even if no one really listens to it.

It was a show about locks! There were songs! Interviews! Goldilocks! Lockers! A guest locked in a room! So much that is probably wrong that maybe I should be ashamed! But I am not! What do I care! It's my radio show! I have funny people who help me! I am not shackled to your ancient ideas about shame!

Ahem. Okay. Well. You can listen to the show at Self Help Radio Web Central. It's actually not called that. It sounded cooler in my head. Everything on the show is below. I'm gonna lock myself away for a while now, chatting with people half a world away about why file transfer protocol just suddenly stopped working for me. You know, when I can still upload things to Guggol Drivel!

Enjoy.

Self Help Radio Locks Show

"Who Stole The Lock From The Hen House Door" Otto Gray & His Oklahoma Cowboys _Serenade In The Mountains_

"I'm Gonna Lock My Heart" Carmen McRae _Sings Lover Man & Other Billie Holiday Classics_

"Unlock The Lock" Jimmy Nelson _Unlock The Lock: The Kent Records Story, Vol. 1_

introduction & definitions

"Locking Up My Heart" The Marvelettes _The Complete Motown Singles | Vol. 3: 1963_

"Locked In A Room" The Poets _Beat It... (Killertracks From The Roarin' 60's)_

"Lock Me In Your Heart" The Apollas _The Best Of Loma Records: The Rise & Fall Of A 1960's Soul Label_

"Behind Locked Doors" The Missing Lynx _The Psychedelic Experience Vol 3 (Psychedelic Illusions)_

"Locked In Your Love" Dee Dee Warwick _I Want To Be With You The Mercury Blue Rock Sessions_

interview with locksmith to the stars Steve Lassiter

"Behind That Locked Door" George Harrison _All Things Must Pass_

"Wedlock Is A Padlock" Laura Lee _Women's Love Rights_

"Locked-In" Firehose _Ragin', Full-On_

"Locks & Bolts" The Carousel _I Forgot To Remember To Forget_

"Locked Out Of The Love-In" One Thousand Violins _Locked Out Of The Love-In_

our favorite librarian Carole stops by to talk about Goldilocks

"Goldilocks & The Three Bears" Rosemary Clooney _Memories Of You_

"Gold Locks (feat. Jean Grae)" MC Frontalot _Question Bedtime_

"Goldilocks & The Three Bears" Joan Gerber _The Story Lady_

"Goldilocks" Don French _Saints & Sinners Vol. 6_

"Goldilocks Zone" Grass Widow _Internal Logic_

interview with Steve Lockwood of Lockwood's Lockers

"Locked In A Room With Betty" P. Paul Fenech _Daddy's Hammer_

"Locked Groove" Kitty Craft _Beats & Breaks From The Flower Patch_

"Locked Away" Robert Forster _I Had A New York Girlfriend_

"Love Lock" The Bad Signs _Black Magic Moments_

"Lock The Locks" The Streets _Computers & Blues_

interview with Sandra Lewis, host of the In A Locked Room podcast

+ conclusion & goodbye

"Lockdown" Soft Regime _Hard Feelings_

"Lock On The Door" Audacity _Hyper Vessels_

"Lock, Stock, & Teardrops" Wednesday _Mowing The Leaves Instead Of Piling 'Em Up_

"Macbeth Witches Scene" Christopher Keown _Macbeth_

"It's Locked Away" Band Of Susans _Wired For Sound_

Whither Locks?

Though it's true there was a Self Help Radio episode about keys once upon a time, & that some of the songs (naturally) mentioned locks, there was never been a full episode about the noble lock, without which the key would have a meaningless existence.

Shall we ponder the ambivalent lock, which may protect our belongings but also take away our freedom? Oh indeed we shall! With many songs, stories, & interviews! & it won't cost a thing - not even a lock of your hair - because it's on the radio!

But why, you may ask, is there a radio show about locks at all? Was I locked in a closet a goodly portion of my childhood? Is it impossible to unlock my heart, to discover my true feelings? Should I be locked away once & for all for the betterment of our world? Were these reasons for a radio show about locks? Or did I simply hear a bunch of songs about locks & then think, hey, that might be a good idea for a show? I don't suppose we will ever truly know.

What is true: Self Help Radio airs from noon to 2pm Portland time this afternoon on 90.3+98.3fm in town & online everywhere at Freeform Portland dot org. For a show about locks, it is key that you listen.

Too corny? Yeah, I'm feeling bad about it already.

Preface To Locks: Locks On The Gates Of Empty Houses

There's a street in my neighborhood that has at the very least three empty houses - I call them "ghost houses" although I don't believe in ghosts - & I'm not entirely sure they're all completely uninhabited. The owners of my favorite ghost house come by the spring & early summer to tend to a garden on the property, for example. & one of the ghost houses has a suspiciously well-kept lawn. But I think they're all mostly empty. & there could be many reasons why.

One empty house (not on this street but very near) suddenly had repair crews & all kinds of remodeling going on after many months of just sitting there, & a neighbor told me that the house had been owned by two siblings who fought about its fate - one wanted to rent it out, the other to sell it. They were in a stalemate until one of them died - the one who wanted to rent it out. The house was fixed up & sold. So you see. Why they're empty is all speculation.

Though I do suspect at least one of them has a very old occupant who is passing their last days in the home they've lived in for decades & it's dark & lonesome & quite terrifying in there. Mainly it's terrifying because I think it could be my fate. Especially if in my old age I can't afford the internet.

My favorite ghost house, though, is fenced all around, but the fences are locked with a padlock. That's the picture above. Taken this afternoon. Not that I'd sneak in. I felt I was trespassing leaning over the fence to take this picture!

Fireworks

As the day ends, jerks in our neighborhood, not caring about all the animals they might frighten nor the fires they may cause, explode fireworks into the night.

My dog Pauline comes to me, panting, just terrified. I do my best to comfort her.

Yay America.

Brötzmann

(image from Wikipedia)

Free jazz legend Peter Brötzmann died on June 22. I became an admire only after I was completely baffled by his work. & I was lucky enough to see him perform live in Austin in the early parts of this century.

Tonight in the last hour or so of Corporate Standardized Programming on KBOO, I'll play some of his work. I haven't heard all of it. Some of it didn't resonate with me. Some of it I find fucking transcendent. In most cases I find it fascinating & challenging. What a life!

Midnight to 3am on KBOO - 90.7fm & kboo.fm. If you can tune in.

Self Help Radio 062923: Howard Gently Year One

Sorry for that terrible graphic. I have not a lot of time today. Anyway, my friend Russell would have chuckled at it. I hope.

On the show I explain the whole premise, but suffice it to say, as a tribute to my dear friend, who died two weeks ago, & who gave so much to me, to my life, to my dumb radio show, I played the first eleven times he appeared on Self Help Radio as the Rev. Dr. Howard Gently. I found myself laughing out loud in the studio yesterday & that helped a little. He made me laugh for four decades, I am so glad I have recordings of him being funny, he can make me laugh for the rest of my life.

The Howard Gently Spectacular can be listened to now at the Self Help Radio website. Please remember to use the username SHR & pass the password selfhelp in order to download & listen. There's also the Corporate Standardized Programming episode from Tuesday if you find the KBOO website interface weird - if you download the show, you can fast forward to the parts that interest you. What happened on the show is below.

There'll be another Howard Gently Tribute before too long.

Self Help Radio 230629: Howard Gently Year One

"Know You" Russell Miles _Know You_

"Split Up The Money" Vic Godard & The Subway Sect _Twenty Odd Years: The Story Of Vic Godard & The Subway Sect_

"Split" The Rev Dr Howard Gently _SHR: February 28, 2014_

"This Is A Test" Wendy James _Now Ain't The Time For Your Tears_

"Test" The Rev Dr Howard Gently _SHR: March 3, 2014_

"Summer's Melting My Mind" The Go-Betweens _78 'Til 79: The Lost Album_

"Melting" The Rev Dr Howard Gently _SHR: March 14, 2014_

"Breathless" X _More Fun In The New World_

"Breath" The Rev Dr Howard Gently _SHR: April 11, 2014_

"Watch Her Disappear" Tom Waits _Alice_

"Disappear" The Rev Dr Howard Gently _SHR: May 1, 2014_

"You Just Can't Push Me (demo)" The Cars _The Cars_

"Push" The Rev Dr Howard Gently _SHR: May 16, 2014_

"Sunny Afternoon" The Kinks _Face To Face_

"Afternoons" The Rev Dr Howard Gently _SHR: May 30, 2014_

"Needles In The Camel's" Brian Eno _Here Come The Warm Jets_

"Needles" The Rev Dr Howard Gently _SHR: June 6, 2014_

"The Devil Ain't Lazy" Bob Wills & His Texas Playboys _San Antonio Rose_

"Laziness" The Rev Dr Howard Gently _SHR: June 13, 2014_

"Lemon & Lime" Herman's Hermits _Mrs. Brown, You've Got A Lovely Daughter_

"Limes" The Rev Dr Howard Gently _SHR: July 4, 2014_

"Seven African Powers" Russell Miles _Six Tunes By "Russ"_

"Candles" The Rev Dr Howard Gently _SHR: July 18, 2014_

Whither Howard Gently Year One?

On the Self Help Radio website, the theme today is "Russell." That was very much the theme of this week's episode of Corporate Standardized Programming, which aired on KBOO on Tuesday. That show featured many of my late friend's songs, pranks, & musical choices, along with the bits he created with me for Self Help Radio. It was both exhilarating & emotionally exhausting to celebrate my dear friend in this manner. I have still hours of material of his I could go through. But I thought I would concentrate, on Self Help Radio, on the character he created for the show.

It became apparent as I listened, chronologically, to his bits, that I couldn't pick out my favorites. That I couldn't condense into two hours what was years of work. I know he did have his favorites & I know there were some he wasn't particularly excited by, but to me that was the idea - let's watch the character change & grow, let's listen when sometimes he wasn't as funny as his genius moments. Let me celebrate it all.

Many moons ago, Frank Miller & David Mazzucchelli had a celebrated comic series called Batman: Year One. It told the story of, well, the first year that Bruce Wayne operated as the Batman. It has become a story idea that DC Comics has done for many characters - & even places - there was recently a Gotham City: Year One. It took place in the 1960s. I decided to co-opt the term & make it literal - I am playing today every time Dr. Gently appeared on Self Help Radio in the first year - starting in February, 2014. There were 19 Dr. Gently spots that year - I doubt I will get to them all.

To break up the bits, I'll play songs from each show that I either know or suspect Russell liked. I knew his musical taste very well - he helped build the foundation for my musical taste - so that was easy. The hard part will be trying to keep my emotions from exploding while listening to my friend, whom I will never get to talk to again, make me laugh over & over & over.

The show airs from noon to 2pm on Freeform Portland. In town that's at both 90.3+98.3fm & online it's freeform portland dot org. It will feel a bit different from other shows. Because it's about an extraordinary person & the gift he gave me & my dumb radio program.

Preface To Russell: The Road To Howard Gently

Sometime in early 2014 I was looking to make a change. I had been doing Self Help Radio for twelve years & I could've kept doing it the way I was - the show was much like the Dickenbock Report is now, without the silly conceit of being a newscast. But I wanted to add something new to it. Much like the bifocals & mustache that changed Dr. Gently up there, I wanted something that might have seemed cosmetic but which would transform the show a little.

What I wanted were interviews with "experts" about each week's theme. I knew it wasn't an original idea, but I felt like it might help the show become closer to being actually entertaining. There would still be lots of music, I'd almost certainly continue talking a lot, but if I could just entice friends of mine who were actually funny to help...

Russell was probably the first person I asked. He wasn't trained in improv & he didn't much like the idea of doing a different character a week, but he quickly came up with the character of the Rev. Dr. Howard Gently, a Deepak Chopra-esque New Age charlatan with whom I, as a host & acolyte, would be completely taken in by. He would be of indeterminate age - in some interviews, he discusses being a young man in the 1960s - & of often indeterminate wisdom - one of his funniest lines would be, after reading something obviously from the Wikipedia, Gently would say, "& I'm not reading this, Gary." He would often have slips of the tongue which, like much malapropism, would be unfortunate & often offensive. & he would be very focused on wringing as much money out of me (& you, if possible) as he could.

Gently appeared on Self Help Radio from February 2014 until last October. I went through his first year & discovered he appeared on the show nineteen times in eleven months. We might discuss what Gently might say before recording & I would sometimes crack Russell up with suggestions, but he hardly ever used my ideas. Instead, he'd slip into character & go whichever way his comic instincts told him he should. They were always right. I wish I'd saved our longer interviews because he would crack me up & then my laughing would crack him up. We had so very much fun doing these.

After listening to nineteen Gently appearances I knew I couldn't go through six or seven years worth of faux interviews & make it out alive. So instead tomorrow on the show I'll focus on the first year of Howard Gently. & return again soon to more of his funnies. How can I not play every time he appeared on the show? Gently was born on Self Help Radio, he made Self Help Radio something better, he needs to be remembered on Self Help Radio. Starting from his first appearance.

Corporate Standardized Programming Brother Russell Show

(image of "Brother Russell" from the back of his second CD, found here)

Last night (or this morning - it's been a long day) I paid tribute to my friend Russell on my KBOO show Corporate Standardized Programming. You can listen to the show here.

That is of course not a picture of Russell. I have a vague memory of him showing it to me when he found it. I realize now looking at it, I didn't center it properly when I edited it. Oh well. He was always a little off. He might appreciate that joke,

The show was not easy to do. We don't often have literally hours of recordings of people we will never see again. In some cases, I was present when the recording happened. I have memories of Russell sharing his recordings with me. For one of his songs, he shared with me early mixes. I was always one of his biggest fans. My only regret is I couldn't find one of my favorite songs of his. If I do find it, I'll play it on Self Help Radio on Thursday. I'll discuss my plans for that show tomorrow.

Maybe there's some things you'll discover about Russell, maybe you'll like his songs, maybe there's a prank call you hadn't heard yet. I think he might be a bit embarrassed by all this, which is fine. He should've promoted himself more. Or picked better friends to promote him. Because as you know about my own self-promotion, I fucking suck at it.

Okay. Gotta get to work on Thursday's show.

Radio Filled With Brother Russell

Tonight on my show on KBOO, Corporate Standardized Programming, I'll play lots of pranks featuring the woman on the left up there, the venerable Melba Jackson, as well as interviews I conducted with the fellow on the right up there, the Rev. Dr. Howard Gently. The person in the middle of that picture is my friend Russell, who is no longer with us. He will be represented by lots of music he wrote & recorded. He was a very dear friend, a person whom I knew for decades, who shared so much life with me that it's strange & sad that he's not here to do that anymore.

Pranks & music & improvised radio interviews. & more? It'll happen midnight to 3am on 90.7fm KBOO Portland, kboo dot fm.

Self Help Radio 062223: Codes

Tips for decoding this week's Self Help Radio: listen carefully. That's all. It's not very complex, this code. It's mainly just a lot of music with the occasional interruption by me.

But all different kinds of codes are discussed! Dress codes, computer code, codes of honor, barcodes. The word is simple but has loads of meanings. It's my favorite kind of theme.

Is the show up to code? Hear for yourself - listen at the Self Help Radio website. Remember that you'll need this username/password combo: SHR/selfhelp. But you can download it if you want! Everything that happens on the show is below.

Also: if you can figure out this code that our friend Chuck has created, you can win a special Self Help Radio prize! Send solutions to gary at selfhelpradio.net - here's the code:

4  54r 58 3-2*2 10r 22-2  22-2 8  39 8 92 37-2 34 3-2 9  13-2 7 66-2  8 90 99

Self Help Radio Codes Show

"Secret Code" Allan Sherman _My Son The Box_

"Zip Code" The Five Americans _Progressions_

"The Code Of Life" Y Pants _Y Pants_

introduction & definition - featuring the Definition-O-Tron 3000

"Talking In Code" The Boomtown Rats _V Deep_

"Coded World" Faith Global _The Same Mistakes_

"Code" Cabaret Voltaire _Code_

"Secret Codes" Kristin Hersh _Wyatt At The Coyote Palace_

our favorite librarian Carole stops by to talk about books about code

"Morse Code Melody" The Alberts _By Jingo It's... British Rubbish_

"Morse Code" Skypark _Summer Days Are Forever_

"Morris The Code" The Two Tears _Enjoy Yourself_

"Speak In Morse Code" The Fleeting Ends _Our Eyes Are Peeled_

"Morse Code" Reina Del Cid _The Cooling_

interview with author/political activist Chris Lawrence

"Dress Code" WC & The MAAD Circle _Ain't A Damn Thing Changed_

"Code Red" DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince _Code Red_

"Code Of The Streets" Gang Starr _Full Clip: A Decade Of Gang Starr_

"Barcode" Mongrel _Better Than Heavy_

our resident cinephile Chuck stops by to discuss movies about codes

"Into the Code" The Thermals _We Disappear_

"Rock'n'Roll Code" John Wesley Harding _Sings To A Small Guitar Vol. 1_

"Code Monkey" Jonathan Coulton _Thing-A-Week Three_

"Break The Code" Miaow _When It All Comes Down_

"Chrominance Decoder" April March _Chrominance Decoder_

interview with fashion designer Cale Long
+ conclusion & goodbye

"Rebel Code" Chumbawamba _Un_

"Codename: Rondo" Ghostland Observatory _Codename: Rondo_

"Code Word" The Moles _Code Word_

"Mountain Code 9" Skistar _This Is The Cafe Superstar Beat Vol. 1_

Whither Codes?

Use code names!

Sometimes shows begat shows. A few weeks ago there was a Self Help Radio episode about telegraphy - mainly telegrams & telegraphs. One of the segments we did purported to be an interview with a descendent of Samuel Morse. Something strange started happening after that.

Songs about Morse Code - not to mention instructional YouTube videos - began showing up in my computer world. It was probably some sneaky algorithm but it could also just have been my brain taking notice of something it had previously spent some time on. In any event, I succumbed & started collecting songs about code.

The amazing thing is how many different meaning the word has. & they're all related to the same word. I'm linking that because I don't think I'll talk about the etymology of the word on the show. I got a lot of songs & a lot of guests. I only have two hours.

But the show won't be in code. It will be on the air in Portland from noon to 2pm on the 90.3+98.3fm frequencies, & online everywhere at the Freeform Portland website. There's no secret code needed. No Self Help Radio secret decoder ring. Just tune in!

Preface To Codes: A Small Favor

(image from here)

My wife told me recently that we've moved from the "marriages & births" part of our lives to the "divorces & deaths" part. Inasmuch as anyone can be prepared for such things, I'd like to humbly as a small favor:

In the face of such trauma, can the world just stop for a little while? Let us catch our breath, take stock, get a little painless sleep? I'm sure there's some benefit to time moving steadily forward despite the tragedies & unhappinesses of our lives, but is there anyone who thinks it would be a terrible thing to just stand still for a moment, for a day, for a week. Maybe to let the tears dry, or have a little more time to gather the strength to face down the future, or just to sit somewhere quietly & start breathing normally again.

Speaking just for myself, I was woefully prepared for this portion of my life, with parents needing care & lives unraveling, with the sudden realization that the invulnerability of youth was a cruel illusion & that parts of you will break & you might not be able to fix them.

The world doesn't care, I know. Time is just doing its job. We can pretend we've captured life in some way with our clever minutes & years but it turns out it's ourselves we've ensnared. I'm not ashamed to admit I may not be strong enough to carry all this loss with me until my inevitable ending. It really is too much to ask - beg, please - for a moment to put it down & lean a little on a nearby wall.

This has nothing to do with codes but this show is being made in a backdrop of powerful loss & I wanted to express how helpless & weak I am currently feeling. The show I hope won't be anything like this.

Russell

I have lost my oldest friend. I have lost a brother. Russell & I met when I was in seventh grade & he in eighth at Memorial Middle School in Garland, Texas. Russell died last weekend.

He in recent years reminded me that at a gathering of something called the Beta Club (kind of a middle school National Honor Society) we ended up talking about the Beatles all night. It was music which bonded us. He made me my first David Bowie mix tape. He loved the Cars & Talking Heads & played them for me. When I asked him what he knew about Elvis Costello, he said, "He's a genius," which encouraged me - it practically compelled me - to buy his records. More than my actual brothers, he laid my musical foundation.

Russell was a talented guitarist, drummer, & songwriter who, in his lonesome teens, made full albums in his bedroom. I was awestruck. I somehow convinced him to form a "band" with me when I was in twelfth grade & he was attending junior college. He played music while I "sang" dumb things to make him laugh. Because Russell was the funniest person I've ever met. & when you can make the funniest person you know laugh, it's a kind of euphoria most drugs can't give you.

Russell channeled his wicked sense of humor into prank calls, gaining a notoriety for pranking conservative religious talk shows as the old woman Melba Jackson. You can explore that at your leisure at his Bandcamp page. Later still he would appear on Self Help Radio as my spiritual mentor the Rev. Dr. Howard Gently. Recording that every week for years remains some of my happiest moments.

Russell & I had a couple of falling outs (fallings out?) like friends do. But because we were friends, we found our way back to one another. In many ways it made us closer.

In the 1990s, he met a beautiful & smart woman named Liz who shared many of the same interests as he did. Although it was fun for me to find out about their differences. They married & had beautiful cats & when Magda & I visited & later lived in Dallas we got to share meals with them, especially at Kalachandji's. I can see the four of us there now, stuffing our faces & talking. He & I both commented about our dumb luck in finding incredible women willing to condescend to marry us. I don't think either of us have ever taken that for granted.

There is so much more to say about my friend because he's worth writing a book about. He was so very smart & so unbelievably funny & yet like many of that ilk he was tortured by depression. The last few years the medicines he was taking stopped working. When I visited Texas this past March I told him I'd like to see him but understood if he wasn't up for that. I wish I had been more pushy. I wish I had texted him more.

Next week I am going to play nothing but Russell on my three radio shows. Old cassette recordings, some of his songs, Melba Jackson, Howard Gently, & more. & I have so many things yet to say about him, so many stories, thoughts, & feelings, just not right now, it is so hard to believe he's gone. How is that possible. It can't be possible.

My Friend Russell & Me

A picture from 1993. Thirty years ago. Probably taken by my friend Lauren. It was in this place.

Self Help Radio 061523: Haze

If it seemed like this week's Self Help Radio was in a haze - well, it was. Honestly during the show I couldn't see a damn thing. Well, I could make out some shapes. Was it you? Were you lost in the haze?

It was certainly appropriate as there were songs about hazy things & we talked to "experts" whose credentials were a bit hazy. The truth is, I'm glad there's a recording of it - my memory of the experience is somewhat hazy.

That recording is now at the Self Help Radio web page. To access it, remember the username (SHR) & password (selfhelp) required. It wasn't just me & music for two hours - there were guests as well. You can see everything that you will hear below. That's a funny sentence.

Enjoy the haze!

Self Help Radio Haze Show

"Those Lazy, Hazy, Crazy Days Of Summer" Nat King Cole _The Greatest Hits_

"A Hazy Shade Of Winter" Jason Crest _Radio Sessions 1968-69_

"Hazy Paradise" Earth & Fire _Earth & Fire_

introduction & definitions

"Purple Haze" The Flying Lizards _Top Ten_

"Hazey Daze" Chris & Cosey _Technø Primitiv_

"Another Hazy Day On The Lazy A" The Wolfhounds _Lost But Happy: The Wolfhounds 1986-1990_

"Green Hazed Daze" A.R. Kane _Americana_

interview with anti-hazing campaigner Dickie Wadlington

"Hazey Jane I" Nick Drake _Bryter Layter_

"Haze" The Shacks _Haze_

"Our Haze" Bran Van 3000 _Rosé_

"My Mind Is Hazy" Chocolate Milk _Action Speaks Louder Than Words_

interview with air quality expert Dylan Wooten

"Haze" Eric's Trip _Peter_

"Autohaze" Godzuki _Losing Money & Losing Friends_

"Hazy" Huon _Answers To Lucky_

"Hazey Moon" The Wave Pictures _Look Inside Your Heart_

interview with self-help writer & therapist Deanna Welton

"Lullaby Haze" Mates Of State _Re-Arrange Us_

"Golden Haze" Wild Nothing _Golden Haze EP_

"Estates Of Sparkling Haze" The Laughing Chimes _Arboretum Miles_

"Haze" Jack Frost _Snow Job_

interview with DEA Agent Devon Walsh

+ conclusion & goodbye

"Hazy Days" Mick Ronson _Play Don't Worry_

"Hazy Haze" Kindest Lines _Covered In Dust_

"The Haze" Elf Power _Creatures_

Whither Haze?

You might think, "Whoa! Is Self Help Radio actually doing an episode that's more or less timely? After all the haze that blanketed the East Coast last week?" & the answer is emphatically: no.

This show has been in the works for some time. It's one of those themes which came about because I heard seemingly successive songs which somehow featured the word "haze" - or "hazy." & I diligently searched all my old playlists to see if I had done a hazy show before - well, one about "haze," anyway - & I don't think I did.

Which means you can peer into the haze this afternoon from noon to 2pm Portland time on Freeform Portland - that's 90.3+98.3fm & online at Freeform Portland dot org. Lots of guests, lots of hazy tunes, lots of haze (which isn't really all that unusual - it's just more direct at this time).

Preface To Haze: It Happens Here Too

Here's a picture from September 2020, when wildfires made the skies in Portland pink then red. That's the sun up there. The sun.

It's safe to say we in Oregon sympathized with the folks on the east coast this past week. That picture was taken in the depth of the pandemic, when we were at home anyway. The idea of this happening now, when I have places (mainly radio studios) to go to makes it terrifying.

Is that the reason the show this week is about haze? Nope. I'll say something more tomorrow.

My Life With Academics

In 2002, a young grad student moved in with me.

Around 2006 or so I found myself living with a doctoral candidate.

In 2008 I married a PhD.

In 2009 I moved to West Virginia to live with an Assistant Professor.

During the next few years I lived with an Associate Professor in Kentucky, Texas, & Oregon.

& I just found out that on July 1st, I'll be cohabitating with a Full Professor.

Is it weird that they're all named Magdalena?

Yes, that's a picture of her up there, with our two youngest. The dorkiest person I ever met is the love of my life & she's now a capital P Professor. Congrats to her!

Martin Duffy

(Image from here, where one can read a sad tale.)

When Martin Duffy died in December of last year, I mourned him on Facebook but didn't have any radio tributes to him. The shows I was doing at the time - the Dickenbock Report & Self Help Radio - wouldn't really allow me to carve up a portion of them for a proper thank you to the keyboardist whose work has haunted me since I first heard it on my first Felt album, The Pictorial Jackson Review, in 1987.

Tonight on my KBOO show - which seems to be where I can carve up a portion of time for a small tribute here & there - I'll play some Felt songs that showcase Duffy's beautiful playing. The reason for this is the news that his bandmates in Primal Scream - whom he played with after Felt disbanded - treated him unnecessarily cruelly & didn't help him financial as he struggled with both cancer & alcoholism.

It remains to be seen if I can ever play Primal Scream on the radio again. But I can & will play Martin Duffy's other projects. Like tonight, five Felt tunes.

Midnight to 3am KBOO Portland 90.7fm kboo dot fm.

Self Help Radio 060823: Perfume

(Original image here.)

What started out as something kinda stinky this week got a whole lot worse. I mean, perfumes can smell nice & all but too much perfume soaks your head in scents & it can be a headache. So, you know, that's kinda like this show.

Lots of songs about perfume & some silly guests & there's nothing else I can say about it except if you wanna listen, you need to do so at the show's website, where the username SHR & the password selfhelp will be very useful. As I point out on the show, listening won't make you smell better. But there might be some songs you like.

As one of our guests says, "Smell you later!"

Self Help Radio Perfume Show

"At A Perfume Counter (Bob Eberle, vocals)" Jimmy Dorsey & His Orchestra _Forgotten Gems_

"Red Silk Stockings & Green Perfume" Roy Hogsed _Cocaine Blues_

"Spanish Perfume" Jimmy Rice _The Red Bird Sound, Vol. 4: Dressed In Black_

introduction & definitions

"Lança Perfume" Rita Lee _Lança Perfume_

"Ed's Perfume" The Frantics _Frantic Times_

"In A Perfumed Garden" Television Personalities _They Could Have Been Bigger Than The Beatles_

"Perfume Garden" The Chameleons _What Does Anything Mean? Basically_

interview with archaeologist Norman Shed

"Perfume-V" Pavement _Slanted & Enchanted_

"The Night It Rained Perfume" Feverfew _Something Of Nothing_

"Old Perfume" Amy Millan _Masters Of The Burial_

"Perfume" Sparks _Hello Young Lovers_

interview with perfume r&d specialist Jennilee Lee

"Discontinued Perfume" The Caribbean _Discontinued Perfume_

"The Perfumed Garden Of Gulliver Smith" Marc Bolan _Love + Death_

"What's That Perfume You Wear?" Jens Lekman _Life Will See You Now_

"Strange Perfumes" Laurie Anderson _Homeland_

interview with serial entrepreneur Saul Thompson

"Perfume" Guerilla Toss _Eraser Stargazer_

"Perfume" The Coathangers _Nosebleed Weekend_

"Whiskey Or Perfume" John Mulaney _New In Town_

"Of Purgatory & Perfume" David J _Missive To An Angel From The Halls Of Infamy & Allure_

interview with anti-perfume activist Claude Cotton

+

conclusion & goodbye

"Monsoon Of Perfume" Dengue Fever _Venus On Earth_

"Garden Of Perfume" Temple Of Sound & Rizwan-Muazzam Qawwali _People's Colony No 1_

"Perfume Well" Box & The Twins _Everywhere I Go Is Silence_

"A Strange Perfume" The Membranes _What Nature Gives... Nature Takes Away_

Whither Perfume?

(my home's most common fragrance - image from here)

My earliest memories of a perfume involve either the ridiculous atomizers that appeared in cartoons - which would pump out noxious pink smoke - or my mother's favorite perfume, which I noticed people would buy her for her birthday or Christmas - which was Charlie. I don't recall my mother ever wearing it, mind you - I don't really know if I ever noticed the way my mother smelled in the 1970s - but boy do I remember those commercials!

Flash forward to years later when I might be dating women who wore perfume - & generally speaking, they didn't. I can only think of one woman I knew who did wear a particular scent & I didn't really like it, though I never felt it was my place to tell her so. After all, she liked it. Wasn't that all that mattered?

Yes, there has been a Self Help Radio about smells. But there were no songs about perfumes on that show. It seemed appropriate to return to one of the senses this week. This is a bit more specific & yet there'll still be discussions of an olfactory nature. & because it's radio you won't know how smelly I truly am,

The show is on from noon to 2pm Portland time on Freeform Portland - which is on the air in town at 90.3+98.3fm & online at Freeform Portland dot org. This one time the show might make scents!

Preface To Perfume: Have I Seen This Movie?

(image from the IMDb)

It will probably not surprise you if, during the course of tomorrow's episode of Self Help Radio, there are samples from the movie "Perfume: The Story Of A Murderer," from 2006, directed by Tom Tykwer & starring Dustin Hoffman. It is about perfume after all.

There were a couple of great quotes from the movie that I found. But while I was watching (re-watching?) the film to get the quotes, I had the sensation that I had actually never seen the movie before. But I know I had. I have a memory of talking to someone about it at work after I watched it - maybe she even recommended it to me. Even though I no longer get DVDs from Netflix (& they don't send them anymore), I kept a copy of the films I rented from them & I have a record of getting the film in the summer of 2007.

But except for a couple of things, possibly sparked by searching for suitable quotes, I have absolutely no memory of the movie. That's a fascinating thing, isn't it? To have spent two hours with a movie & discussed it with someone & have nothing you can recall.

Now I know I've had thousands of conversation with people I will never remember (the conversations I mean, but certainly in many cases the people), but it seems like movies, in their easy-to-digest two-hour packages, are designed to be at least a little memorable. I think I enjoyed the movie. Apparently I didn't enjoy it enough for it to have a place in my brain.

Which come to think of it probably how most people think of Self Help Radio.

A Brief History Of Awkward Exits

The image above is almost certainly not a place I've ever been. But this is a story about a place much like that one, in Garland, Texas, which I visited more than once when I was in high school & afterwards.

For some reason, my high school American History teacher took a liking to me. Well. Maybe not a liking. I think he saw something in me he hoped to cultivate but unlike others in my class whom he more successfully influenced, I was an anomaly. He was conservative & quite Christian. I was not. He saw through a lot of my insecurities but chose to confront me with them in a more direct & stern way than was probably diplomatic - it just made me defensive. I was flattered that he, an adult, might be interested in me, but I left his home more than once absolutely baffled by the interactions I had.

The very last time I visited him, I was in my third year of college. I can't remember if I were invited or if I cold-called him. I believe it was in the fall, perhaps in September when I would come home for my mother's birthday. It had to be the weekend - he was still teaching so it would be a day off.

There are few things I remember about the encounter, but the weirdest one was that at some point, he just disappeared. I don't know if I missed some cues or he wasn't clear about what he was doing, but I was left in his patio area for a long period of time with no one interacting with me. His wife showed up as if out of nowhere & seemed surprised I was still there. We had a brief exchange & she asked me - as if she had listened to our conversation - if I were "a liberal." I said I guess I was. & that was all she said to me.

Eventually my old teacher reemerged, & I realized he had taken a nap. How long I had sat there I didn't know, but realizing how awkward it was, I said my goodbyes & left. The whole experience was so difficult & unpleasant I never spoke to him again. &, it must be noted, he never reached out to me either.

The internet in its limited knowledge tells me he's still alive. I'm certain he hasn't given me a thought in the intervening years - over thirty-five years it's been. I was one of a few students whom he tried to guide, none of whom I am in contact with, although I am certain they are still in contact with him. What little I know about their lives suggests they more happily fulfilled his ideas of what they should be than I did.

It wasn't my last awkward exit. It was almost certainly not my first. But the strange moments I spent sitting alone in that patio, wondering what was happening, unable to talk to anyone, not sure what I should do - that memory haunts me. That man attempted to influence my life in some way, but he did more by somehow not communicating to me effectively that he was going to take a nap & I should probably go than any lesson he might have shared from high school.

Truly since then in weird social situations I focus deep attention on the moments when I need to fucking leave.

Tree Overshadows House

Is that what I called this picture? Was I attempting a pun?

Tonight is my show Corporate Standardized Programming on KBOO. It's the first week in a long time that a major musician hasn't died - at least one I deeply admire. I have been afraid the show would become the "Gary pays tribute to dead artist" program & I don't want it to be that. I do want to have the time & space to do that - but not every week.

Tonight it's mainly music, bands coming to town, birthdays, & some jazz. Placed happily in the middle of the night where it can't bother anyone & no one is awake to hear it.

Seriously though, imaging living in that house & knowing your house cannot compete with that tree!

Self Help Radio 060123: Meteors

Oh no! Coming crashing into your radio atmosphere completely unwanted is Self Help Radio's show about meteors! It spent so long in the emptiness of space as a Self Help Radio show about meteoroids & now that it's wrecked your radio it's a show about meteorites but look how it burned so bright as a show about meteors!

Sorry I'm so proud of myself learning the proper terminology. I might be the only person who learns anything from my ridiculous radio programs.

Listen to the show! Now & whenever! It's at the Self Help Radio website! Remember you'll need a username & a password. Those are SHR & selfhelp. It's two hours of shooting star fun, & everything on the show is listed below.

Watch your head!

Self Help Radio Meteor Show

"What Is A Shooting Star?" Tom Glazer & Dottie Evans _Space Songs (From Ballads For The Age Of Science)_

"Meteor" Day Sleeper _When The Meteor Comes_

"Meteors" The Seals _1/3_

introduction & definitions

"The Wayward Meteor" Man Or Astro-Man? _The Sounds Of Tomorrow_

"Meteor Shower" Seely _Julie Only_

"The Biggest Meteor I've Ever Seen" Laura Brino _How We Survived_

"Meteor Shower" Tanya Donelly _Swan Song Series_

our resident cinephile Chuck stops by to talk about meteor movies

"Born Under A Meteor" Everything Everything _Raw Data Feel_

"Rock Paper Scissors Meteor" Joel Plaskett _44_

"Meteorite" Zombina & The Skeletones _Taste The Blood Of Zombina & The Skeletones_

"To A Meteorite In A Museum" Clock Hands Strangle _Distaccati_

interview with my friend Josh Roberts, who's afraid of meteors

"A Meteor At A Time" The Walker Roaders _The Walker Roaders_

"Big Bangs, Black Holes, Meteorites" Love Is All _A Hundred Things Keep Me Up At Night_

"Meteor In Your Mind" Shaft _Meteor In Your Mind_

"Meteora Blues" Yves Tumor _Praise A Lord Who Chews But Which Does Not Consume; (Or Simply, Hot Between Worlds)_

interview with Eustace Connor, founder of the Junior Meteors Amateur Astronomy Group
memories of my days as a Junior Meteor

"Riding Meteors" The Happy Bullets _Blue Skies & Umbrellas_

"Meteors" The Happy Hollows _Concordia_

"Meteorites" Warm Jets _Future Signs_

"Meteorites" Echo & the Bunnymen _Meteorites_

interview with meteor monitor Reuben Green
also! conclusion & goodbye

"Backwater" Brian Eno _Before & After Science_

"Meteor Boy" David Steinhart _The Almighty Nest_

"Meteor Rock" The Cassettes _O'er The Mountain_

"Meteor" Masters Of The Hemisphere _Masters Of The Hemisphere_

Whither Meteors?

(image from Wikipedia)

In a story I might have told before on this blog, I was driving through Nevada in the summer of 1995 when I stopped on Highway 50 (the one I discussed here) at dusk & lay on the very warm hood of my rental car & watched the sky turn black. Amazingly I could see quite clearly for the first time this thing called "The Milky Way" I had read so much about. But what was really stunning was that, at a rate of one every two or three minutes, I could see shooting stars.

At first I though I was just tired & maybe even imagining, as I had been driving all day. If I stared enough into a section of the sky, it would seem like a star would become dislodged & leave a tiny trail as it disappeared from the darkness. There would have been a time when humans, looking up, would have found this commonplace, maybe even imagined stars lived & died as they did. It was a beauty that I couldn't believe I hadn't seen before.

Lying there, in some quiet Nevada valley on a lonely highway, I almost fell asleep, when the only other car on that road (for over an hour) zoomed past me, & the driver leaned on his horn. Because the temptation to be an asshole is everywhere & always a strong one.

This doesn't explain why I'm doing a show about meteors today. But maybe it explains why I love them.

Please listen this afternoon, noon to 2pm Portland time, on 90.3+98.3fm in town & online at Freeform Portland dot org. The show won't be anywhere as lovely as a meteor but it will be just as ephemeral.

Preface To Meteors: An Embarrassing Confession

(image from here)

Self Help Radio has been on the air for over twenty years now. Mostly it's not paid attention to, so I am the one who needs to monitor the themes I've covered. A few years ago, I made what I call a table of contents which is just a list of the subjects the show has explored. I haven't counted them - please don't make me count them - & to add insult to injury, I've started adding links to other shows I do (like the Dickenbock Report) if the theme has not been explored on Self Help Radio. Usually if it took the whole show. I use this list, this "table of contents," to make sure I don't repeat a theme on SHR.

That's important, because I don't mind repeating a theme on the Dickenbock Report. I think of it as a kind of updating. & because the format is slightly different, my airbreaks will be different. If it's a theme, for example, that I covered on SHR which featured a lot of interviews, it will feature more of me talking on the Dickenbock Report episode. It doesn't feel to me like a repeat.

However. While I was listening to songs this week about meteors, the songs seemed too familiar. I checked & double-checked the list on the website. It says I have never done a show about meteors. But at some point there was something like déjà vu happening too often so I checked the individual year pages & scanned the old playlists.

Well damn. Apparently, almost exactly three years ago, songs about meteors were part of an episode of The Dickenbock Report when it was on KBOO. At that time, the show was two & a half hours long & I had other segments on it. So it never occurred to me to note it on the "table of contents" page.

This has caused me some anxiety so I have attempted to find more new meteor songs for this show but I suspect I'll play some of the ones that I played three years ago. There will be new interviews & I'll be doing the show live at the Freeform Portland studios rather than recorded or remotely during a pandemic. But some of the songs will be the same.

You may be asking, "What's the chance someone who heard the show then will hear it now?" I don't know. I don't have any idea who was listening then or now. But I have already done a lot of prep for the show so it would be dumb to just not do it.

It's really embarrassing though.

Meteor Shower Story

(image from here)

This week's show's theme is "meteors." I always thought it would be romantic to take someone out to see a meteor shower. I hadn't actually witnessed one, always living in an urban area where the light pollution made it impossible. In fact, it wasn't until I was on a road in the middle of Nevada in 1995 that I even saw the actual Milky Way - & in fact saw a number of meteors as well. It was lovely & thrilling.

A few years later, wanting to hang out with a woman I liked, I had a rental car from a recent visit to Dallas to see family, & I had checked some astronomical website & I found a place far enough from Austin where I thought we might be able to see some summer meteor shower - possibly the Perseids. She agreed & off we went, driving west from town on some small highway.

Not very far outside of the city, probably near Cedar Valley, I caught a sudden sight out of the corner of my eye & very quickly felt the impact of something striking the car on the driver's side, right at the corner where the windshield met the body of the vehicle. I don't recall if the car spun but I do know I got it as quickly as possible to the side of the road. I haven't been in many car accidents in my time. I hope I reacted well.

The driver's side mirror was gone, & there was a large dent in front of the door (which opened with difficulty). More horrifying to me was tufts of coarse hair stuck in place where there were cracks or folds. We were not alone on the highway, though other cars were few & far between, & a kindly driver stopped & asked if we needed help. They had a cell phone (something that was a rarity in the 1990s) & called the Highway Patrol. I looked around & the creature that struck the vehicle was nowhere to be found.

When the law showed up, they escorted us off the highway to a closed shopping mall & got all the information. They opined about the deer - whether it would live, how big its antlers must have been to scratch up the car, how sad if it died & "all that venison went to waste." I wasn't comforted by their conversation but needed their report so I wouldn't be charged for the damage at the rental car place.

The experience was draining & I just took the woman home. It occurred to me as we rode in silence that in the blackness of the highway, waiting for the cops, I never once looked up at the sky. & I had bad dreams that night about the deer, hoping against hope it survived its head-on experience with the car.

& wishing I had seen my first meteor shower instead.

Waiting For A Sign

A picture I recently posted on Facebook. I'll later post it on Tumblr. It's not all that clever but it makes me feel a little clever. & that's nice.