Whither Tennessee?

I am ambivalent about Tennessee.  Both Memphis & Nashville seem nice, & Nashville has a great vegetarian restaurant called the Wild Cow which is pretty much better than any restaurant within a fifty mile radius of me.  & it's just three hours away!  I am mostly not a happy Kentucky vegan.

The rest of the state, I don't know.  It's like that all over, though.  I am not in lockstep with rural or even suburban America.  They think I'm a lefty pinko overeducated commie.  I am mostly just scared of them.  We both think the other is wrong, wrong, wrong.

I do thank Tennessee for having the sort of fucked-up racial & class-oriented situation to help in the rise of the blues, country, & rock & roll.  That stuff does not come from a well-ordered society.  It comes from need & want & sweat & alcohol & ambition & repression. It comes from a heart that needs to explode & it's got no place else it can turn to.  I sometimes think I will never be anything more than the thirteen year old boy lying next to the radio & using the music I loved to interpret & understand my life.  I sometimes think I'm right about that.

Lots of songs about Tennessee tonight!  From 10pm to midnight on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington, but online at wrfl.fm in Tennessee.  (& other places too.)

Preface To Tennessee: For No Real Reason, Blowfish

Or pufferfish.  Whatever.

Pufferfish, Pufferfish pictures, Pufferfish facts courtesy of National Geographic.

You're welcome.

Donuts!

Being a vegan is often a sad thing - when one chooses to live in an ethical manner, one often gives up things that one enjoys - like donuts, which more often than not have milk &/or eggs in them.  Except.  The wife love donuts slightly more than she loves me.  So she got me this book - Chloe's Vegan Desserts by Chloe Coscarelli, who looks extremely happy on the cover of the book - probably because she possesses the amazing ability to replicate desserts that are non-vegan in a delicious vegan manner.

Tonight - as you can see - we made vegan donuts.  & man oh man are they delicious.

Gotta go.  Donuts are calling me - to consume them!

Indiepop A To Z # 41

Look, I know I have a problem.  I know there's nothing healthy in playing an alphabetical list of bands on the radio, especially when (after 41 episodes) I am still in the letter H.  This can't end well.

But it can continue just fine!  The show is available for your twee ears at Self Help Radio dot net & the direct links to the show in two parts is part one here & part two here.  Alphabetical list of songs from Horse to Hunky below.

Thanks for listening & encouraging me to take my medication!

(part one)

"I Can't Decide (Harvest Mix)" Horse Shoes _EardrumsPop 100_
"At The Blood Drive" Hospital Bombers _At Budokan_
"Betty Wang" Hospitality _Hospitality_

"Swallow My Pride" Hot Booth _No More Of Your Fairy Stories: An Indiepop Loveletter to The Ramones_
"Shipwreck" Hot Club De Paris _Drop It 'Til It Pops_
"Eddie Deezen" Hot Fudge Free For All _Laugh Hard - It's A Long Way To The Bank_
"JPG In The Sun" Hot Lava _Lavalogy_
"Basketball" Hot Pursuit _Teenbeat 2002_

"Time Is On Our Side" Hot Rain _The Sound Of Leamington Spa, Vol. 1_
"The Lovecats" The Hot Rats _Turn Ons_
"Kiola Beach" Hot Spa _Ashell II_
"Photosynthesis" The Hot Toddies _Smell The Mitten_
"Emails" Hotpants Romance _The International Hotpants Romance_

"Why Me?" A House _The Way We Were: The Best Of A House_
"5:00" Ron House _I Stayed Up All Night Listening To Records_

(part two)

"Shine On" House Of Love _The Best Of The House Of Love_
"Warp Factor 13" Househunters _Warp Factor 13_
"Happy Hour" The Housemartins "Live At The BBC_

"Blue Sunshine" The Hoverchairs _Just Another… Compilation_
"Learning To Keep My Mouth Shut" How Many Beans Make Five _One Last Look_
"Wavin' My Arms In The Air" Huck _Winter's Mist_
"Emma Peel, Formula One" Hula Hoop _Louisville - Leeds - TKO!_
"River Of Honey & Mud" Hulaboy _Knowing We Was Right From Da Start_

"Being Boiled" The Human League _Reproduction_
"Andy Fell" Human Sexual Response _In A Roman Mood_
"Sometimes Set Free" Human Station _Beikoku-Ongaku # 15_
"Where The Light Breaks" Human Switchboard _Who's Landing In My Hangar?_
"I Forgot" Human Television _All Songs Written By: Human Television_

"Word Gets Around" The Hummingbirds _loveBUZZ_
"It's Love" Hunky Dory _Over The Rainbow_

Whither Indiepop A To Z # 41

I feel weird.  Normally, at least for the past few months, at 7:30 pm on a Friday, my show has been off for ninety minutes & I've only begun to drink enough to move beyond the inevitable crushing disappointment I feel after trying to make a decent radio show & failing miserably.  But now - holy smokes! - my show is about two & a half hours away from being on.

I think I'll go for a dog walk.

Meanwhile, if you're a fan of the indiepop, or a completist, or have been following my ridiculous "Indiepop A To Z" series (you can listen to virtually all the previous episodes on the Self Help Radio archive page), or happen to be listening to the radio on a Friday night, then you can hear tonight's show from ten to midnight on 88.1 fm in Lexington &/or (I ain't picky) wrfl dot fm.

We're at the very end of the indiepop h set.  We might finish them tonight!  Okay, we won't finish them tonight.

Preface To Indiepop A To Z # 41: Did I Mention Self Help Radio Has Moved?

Yeah, the show moved.  In time, on the same radio station.  It didn't move to Phoenix or anyplace like that.  Still in Lexingtown.  You can look at the new schedule over at the WRFL website.  You can find Self Help Radio now after the excellent Uncle Bill Show at 10pm.

Why move?  I guess the show, like its host, suffers from a kind of inferiority complex, & felt a better show should have the drive-time slot.  So Matt Clarke's WRFL Surf show will air from 5 to 6, with Matt doing general format for an hour before that.  It'll be more consistent than Self Help Radio - & frankly, more fun.

I also like the idea of being up at the station when no-one else is.  Night time is usually deserted.  & since it's Friday, if anyone's listening, they'll be listening in their car going from place to place - they won't be paying much attention.  Attention means people ask questions like, "Why is this show on drive time?"

The same will probably be asked about the ten to midnight slot, though.  Maybe I've been doing this ridiculous program too long.

Will you still listen?  If you ever listened, I mean?

What's Everybody Talking About?

Hey, everybody seems a little upset about something.  What's everyone talking about?  Is the country going to become involved in another in an endless series of overseas conflicts that only benefit the political ruling class & corporations, with the burden of payment on the average citizen?  Or was it some pop culture thing planned by other (or the same?) corporations to generate outrage that succeeded, like it always does, even though it's not any more brazen than the last pop culture thing?

I have spent a lot of time attending & listening to talks & speeches by prominent progressive thinkers who tell me that Americans are actually quite intelligent, & I have read lots of positive books from very smart people who say things like, "Don't underestimate the brilliance of the American people."  & I want to believe that because most of my friends (& acquaintances) are actually bright, thoughtful people, but even they cluck cluck when the next carefully orchestrated "affront" happens, often arguing that it's helpful to pay attention to such things because it's helpful to know what "everyone" is paying attention to.

I guess I'm saying that, instead of believing that I am becoming cynical, I am letting the overwhelming evidence sway me, as it should, into thinking that no, Americans aren't terribly smart.  I used to hate the judgmental quality of songs like the Housemartins' "Sheep" or the Dead Milkmen's "You'll Dance To Anything", probably because the attitude is somewhat superior, condescending, & designed to make the listener, feel like he or she isn't the sheep, or the robot who'll dance to whatever.

I've no interest in pretending I'm any better than anyone else.  I'm overwhelmed & saddened by the fact that everyone lost their shit because a corporate pop star at a corporate awards show did something vaguely scandalous just like the corporate pop star before her, & the one before that, & the one before that.  & it's not even that we should instead be talking about whether the country should be bombing the fuck out of some new place instead - we obviously should not.

It's just that we shouldn't be talking about something a corporation dreamed up to shock us.  We just shouldn't care.  We should be smarter than that.  We probably shouldn't be listening to music made by corporations anyway.

But we care, a lot.  We listen to corporate music, a lot.  & it turns out we're not smarter than that.  & we probably never were.

On Edge

Self Help Radio attempts to be edgy by doing a show about edges.  Because if there's one thing Self Help Radio does, it's take things literally.  It's very much like an not-very-smart animal.  That thinks it's pretty smart.

The entire show about edges is not on the edges of the Self Help Radio website but in fact floating in the middle of the page like most of the other content.  But if you want to go directly to the files, you don't even have to edge over there, just click here for part one & here for part two.  The list of edgesongs is at the end of this note.

As always, thanks for listening!

(part one)

"Edge Of Nowhere" The Sunday Group _Scarey Business_
"At The River's Edge" Wet Paint _Just For Kicks Vol. 1_
"Falling Off The Edge Of The World" The Easybeats _Gonna Have A Good Time: The Complete US & UK Singles Collection_
"Razor Edge" Ranee & Raj _Piccadilly Sunshine, Vol. 12_

"Darkness On The Edge Of Town" Bruce Springsteen _Darkness On The Edge Of Town_
"Over The Edge" The Wipers _Over The Edge_
"Cutting Edge" Nails _Hotel For Women_
"At The Edge Of The Sea" The Wedding Present _Tommy_

"The Cutting Edge" Frank Tovey _Snakes & Ladders_
"Picnic On The Edge" Hector In Paris _Silent Radio_
"Cliff Edge" The Bats _The Law Of Things_
"From The Edge Of The Deep Blue Sea" The Cure _Wish_

"Over The Edge! (Excerpt)" The Firesign Theatre _Pink Hotel Burns Down_

(part two)

"The Edges Are No Longer Parallel" Morrissey _Maladjusted_
"Edge Of The Ocean" Ivy _Long Distance_
"Over The Edge" Fuzzy _Hurray For Everything_

"Losing My Edge" LCD Soundsystem _LCD Soundsystem_
"Sur Les Bords De La Seine" Marina Celeste _Acidule_
"On Edge" Piano Magic _Ovations_

"7 Strokes To Heaven's Edge" Guided By Voices _Hardcore UFOs: Delicious Pie & Thank You For Calling_
"Water's Edge" Secret Shine _The Beginning & The End_
"I Sat On The Edge Of My Bed & I Sang You Velvet Underground Songs" Catnaps _Why Don't You Whisper?_
"Edges & Corners" Standard Fare _The Noyelle Beat_
"River's Edge" Talk Normal _Sugarland_

"Walking On The Edge" Lee 'Scratch' Perry & Dub Syndicate _Adrian Sherwood Presents The Master Recordings, Vol. 2_

Whither On Edge?

This is how I know I lived my entire life in Texas: I just bought something at the store & it came out to be $3.16 & in my brain, I started to say, "For God so loved the world that he gave his only son..."

I know I am not currently in Texas because the person behind the counter did not get really happy & say that out loud to me.

That anecdote has nothing to do with Self Help Radio today, which is a show entitled "on edge."  It's not going to be a show about being nervous - it's going to be a celebration of edges.  I'm sure it's a lot more exciting than it sounds - but not much more.

It's on today - today! oh shit! - from 4 to 6 pm on 88.1 fm WRFL Lexington.  It will also be streamed simultaneously on the WRFL web site if you're nearer to a computer than radio frequencies.

In any case, I hope you'll listen!

Preface To On Edge: Problems With Nerves

Gary is a worrier.  So is his mother.  Is worrying genetic?

Gary asked his dogs.  The one that understood English did not understand the question.  He said, with bright eyes, "Treats?"  It sounded like a whine.  But Gary understood Doglish.

Gary asked his cats.  They all understood English but they pretended they did not.  They laughed at him behind his back.

Gary asked his wife.  She said, "Why are you worrying about this?"

Gary asked the ugly person in the mirror.  The ugly person in the mirror mouthed his words back at him hatefully.  Then the ugly person in the mirror sneered at him.

Gary asked the Internet.  The internet call him "a fag" & told him "real men don't worry."  However, the internet also told him that he won a lottery in a country he'd never been to - it was a lottery he hadn't even entered! - so Gary forgot all about worrying as he quickly sent his bank information to the nice person who wrote the unbelievable news in terrible English to him.

Then he started to worry about what he would do with all that money.

The Sadness Of Backyard Dogs

There's a recorded PSA (public service announcement) that runs on the station occasionally about adopting cats & dogs from the "pound" (as it used to be called) or Humane Society or whatever.  It says, "A human is the best thing to happen to a shelter animal."

But is it?

There was this Irish Setter (I think that was the breed) who we'd see every day on our dog walk.  He (I assumed it was male) was very old, & he was always in the same place - on the back step of his house (the house was on the corner of an intersection, so we'd walk past the back yard), usually on his side, sleeping.  I never got close enough to actually see how old he might be, but he seemed at least partially blind & would bark at us if he heard us.  One thing I could tell is that his fur was filthy & matted - he was obviously not terribly well cared for.

When his owners were in the backyard, however, he was animated.  He so badly wanted to be talked to, touched, interacted with in any way.  & I never saw - granted, I was just walking by most of the time - I never saw any of them - the father, the mother, the kids - pay him any attention.

He was always outside, he had a small shelter next to the garage, but in heat or cold, he was in the backyard.  Early morning or late night.  I don't imagine he ever was allowed inside.  I got so sad & angry walking by that I told the wife we should change the route so we wouldn't have to walk by.  I had a feeling the dog would be dead out there one day & the family wouldn't notice him until he started to smell.

I feel bad about that - but what could I do?  The dog "belonged" to those people, & they probably provided him with the bare minimum necessary for him to live on.

We changed our dog walk & didn't pass the house any more.  A couple of times this summer we ended up walking past & the dog wasn't in the backyard any more.  I looked for it each time, but it's certainly gone.  It broke my heart but I thought to myself at least its suffering is over.  I am glad I don't know the details of its passing,

I didn't feel so bad about walking by anymore, & occasionally now we do.

Tonight, as we walked by, a new dog was there, barking at us as we passed.  I just felt so so sad.  Usually I try to give treats to neighborhood dogs to calm them down & to get to know them.  I don't want to get to know this dog.  Once he stops being lively, he'll be all by himself in the backyard for the rest of his lonely life.

I know this is traditionally how humans have raised animals, & I know dogs are stronger than we are, & have co-evolved with us, & understand that relationship.  This family treats its dogs about the same way most people have treated dogs since humans first domesticated them.  & certainly the kids will treat their dogs the same way when they're grown & have pets.

But don't we know better now?  Shouldn't we know better now?

Damn it just depresses me.

Alligators & Crocodiles

Two hours of scary crocodilians!  Someone could get a leg bitten off!

Learn the difference between alligators & crocodiles over on the Self Help Radio web site.  Or listen to the show in pieces as if snapped into two by a gator's powerful jaws: part one & part two.  Old reptile song list below.

Thanks for listening & for pete's sake be careful!

(part one)

"Alligator Story/Alligator Crawl" Louis Armstrong _Hot Fives & Sevens_
"Gator Wobble" Memphis Jug Band _He's In The Jailhouse Now_
"Alligator Meat" Joe Swift With The Johnny Otis Band _The Swingtime Records Story_

"Later Gator" Freddie Mitchell _Later Gator_
"See You Later, Alligator" Bobby Charles _See You Later, Alligator_
"Juicy Crocodile" Cellos _Rang Tang Ding Dong_
"Alligator Wine" Screamin' Jay Hawkins _Real Life_
"Meaner Than An Alligator" Ty B & Johnny _Rockin' The Bop Vol. 2_

"Alligator Man" The Greenbriar Boys _Best Of The Vanguard Years_
"Gator Tails & Monkey Ribs" The Stix & Stonz _Jack The Ripper_
"The Alligator" The US Four _Teenage Shutdown: Jump, Jive, & Harmonize_
"Warlord Of The Royal Crocodiles" Tyrannosaurus Rex _The Definitive Tyrannosaurus Rex_
"Gator Bait" Gaturs _New Orleans Funk - The Original Sound Of Funk 1960-75_

"Crocadilla" Spider Jive _Man Chest Hair_
"It's A Cold Night For Alligators" Roky Erickson & The Aliens _The Evil One_

(part two)

"Crocodile" Monty Python _Monty Python's Contractual Obligation Album_
"Crocodiles" Echo & The Bunnymen _Crocodiles_
"Crocodile Tears" Red Guitars _Slow To Fade_

"Alligator Song" Bilders _Pyx (1985-1988)_
"Crocodile Cryer" Martin Stephenson & The Daintees _Crocodile Cryer_
"Crocodile" XTC _Nonsuch_
"Alligator Boogaloo" The Knockouts _Attack Of The Terrible Boots_

"Alligat'r" Peppermint _Keep Your Chin Up There, Sailor_
"Le Crocodile" Would-Be-Goods _The Morning After_
"Alligator Skin (Jumbler)" Tilly & The Wall _O_
"Alligator" The Babies _Our House On The Hill_

"Jon The Croc" Guided By Voices _Class Clown Spots A UFO_
"Cry, Crocodile" Tiger High _Catacombs After Party_
"Alligator Dance" Human Eye _Into Unknown_
"Alligator" Guards Of Metropolis _Alligator_

Whither Crocodiles & Alligators?

They're scary & horrifying.  Watching this:

That's not any fun.  Instead, listen to Self Help Radio - no cute animals will be eaten during the course of the program!  It's this afternoon from 4 to 6pm on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington & online at wrfl.fm.

I might be too frightened now to do the show.

Preface To Alligators & Crocodiles: Questions & Cartoons

I was thinking about my radio show today & I was thinking I should ask & answer completely ridiculous questions about my themes.  Something along the lines of "Do alligators believe in UFOs?"& "What can a crocodile tell me about my mortgage that another old lizard can't?"  But then I might have to come up with answers.  & questions that are only marginally funny might have dreadfully unfunny answers.

A listener wrote to tell me that his favorite alligator in fiction was Albert Alligator in Pogo & it made me think: are there a lot of alligators in fiction?  I could think of only one other, Wally Gator:



Wikipedia has a list of fictional crocs & gators but I confess I don't know most of them.  I wish I were in the animation biz.  I'd make a new cartoon alligator that would be the best of all!  After Albert Alligator, of course.

Finally, is this cannibalism?

(That's what it said on the page where I found the picture.)

Wallace Stevens

There were times when I was not sure if I liked Wallace Stevens very much.  He certainly looks like someone who'd be best friends with Ward Cleaver:

I remember in high school we were cautioned that his work was difficult & that we wouldn't "get it."  That's because it's important for teachers to teach children that poems are puzzles to be solved instead of insights that can be gleaned from language & sound.  What does this poem mean?

Call the roller of big cigars,

The muscular one, and bid him whip

In kitchen cups concupiscent curds.

Let the wenches dawdle in such dress

As they are used to wear, and let the boys

Bring flowers in last month's newspapers.

Let be be finale of seem.

The only emperor is the emperor of ice-cream.

Take from the dresser of deal.

Lacking the three glass knobs, that sheet

On which she embroidered fantails once

And spread it so as to cover her face.

If her horny feet protrude, they come

To show how cold she is, and dumb.

Let the lamp affix its beam.

The only emperor is the emperor of ice-cream.

Just read it out loud.  It's so fun, & it's also somewhat wistful.  Puzzle schmuzzle.  Language is something we invented to communicate with one another, but since we can't do that very well, & often trying to be direct can be a disaster, we invented poetry as a different way to communicate.  It's just about as successful as prose.  Communication is hard.

I'm going to go now & listen to Wallace Stevens read his own poems aloud.

The Police

I forgot to tell everyone on my Facebook page to listen to last week's show, guest-hosted by Jackman, & I am sorry about that - I bet he did an amazing job.  I don't have a recording since it was his show, but I can share a song that he couldn't play - not on Kentucky radio at five in the afternoon!



Thank you, Jackman!

Whither The Police?

As I've mentioned, I am out the door & off to LA, but young Jackman Ochs will be helming SHR today. Be sure to listen from 4 to 6 pm on 88.1 fm in Lexington or online at <a href="http://wrfl.fm">wrfl.fm</a>!

Or we'll call the cops!

Preface To The Police: Is It Illegal To Have A Twitter Account, Officer?

I have a Twitter account.  It's this one: https://twitter.com/SelfHelpRadio/.  I wish I could tell you it's funny or interesting.  Mainly I announce when I am having a show.  Or when a show is available to listen to if one missed it.

Sometimes, though, I'm mildly amusing.

For example, I twittered today, "I think the number one reason I don't like karaoke is that it reminds me of how terrible most people's taste in music is."

I wish I could be that insightful most of the time.  I'm not.

I look forward to listening to Jackman doing Self Help Radio.  I don't look forward to tomorrow's plane flight.  I don't like flying.  It reminds me how far away everything is.  & if everything is far away, how far away am I from my animals?

Too far, if I am not with them.  Too far.

Is It A Self Help Radio Without Gary Even If It's Still Self Help Radio (But Without Gary)?

It's true.  I won't be doing Self Help Radio this week.  But I've asked a precocious RFL programmer named Jackman to handle the show.  & he says he'll do Self Help Radio!  Yippee!

He said he'll do a show about the police.  That made me suspicious.  What if he's an undercover cop?  An undercover cop would find lots of crime at WRFL.  First off, there's a buttload of perjury.  We're always perjuring ourselves.  I've also seen deejays jaywalk (deejaywalk?) through the on-air room dozens of times.  & I won't even start with all the sedition.  If it's not sedition in the morning, it's sedition all night long.  It's terrible.

But wait!  What if he wants to do a show about the police because of his own numerous encounters with officers of the law?  I'll bet he has a rap sheet as long as my longest arm!  (My arms are of two different lengths.  Don't ask.)  He's a shifty type - probably a career criminal - oh no!  What if he's trying to steal my show?

Damn it!  I have to listen now to find out!

Midnight

For two hours on Friday, Self Help Radio held time still as it was midnight - hey wait a second.  See that picture up there?  The one of the clock?  I paid good money for that picture & I just noticed it's not even at midnight!  It's like twelve till midnight.  What the hell?

Well, dang.  I totally lost my train of thought.  Um.  Radio show here or directly (it's in two parts): part I & part two.  What's in each part is below.

Stupid graphic designers.

(part one)

"Midnight Hour Blues" Leory Carr & Scrapper Blackwell _Broke, Black & Blue: Volume Three: Good Whiskey Blues_
"Midnight Special" Lead Belly _Midnight Special_
"Midnight Blues" T-Bone Walker _The Original Source_

"Midnight" Red Foley _Country U.S.A. 1952_
"Midnight Track" Owen Gray _The Story Of Jamaican Music: Tougher Than Tough_
"In The Midnight Hour" Wilson Pickett _This Is The Modern World_
"Midnight To Six Man" The Pretty Things _Nuggets II: Original Artyfacts From The British Empire & Beyond, Vol. 1_
"Lady Midnight" Leonard Cohen _Songs From A Room_

"After Midnight" Wire _Behind The Curtain_
"Down In The Tube Station At Midnight" The Jam _All Mod Cons_
"Sister Midnight" Iggy Pop _The Idiot_
"Seven Minutes To Midnight" Wah! Heat _Seven Minutes To Midnight_
"Midnight Maps" Shriekback _Jam Science_

"Midnight Slows" Weekend _Past Meets Present_
"Midnight" Altered Images _Happy Birthday (The Best Of Altered Images)_

(part two)

"Walkin' After Midnight" Ultra Vivid Scene _She Screamed EP_
"Midnight To Midnight" Psychedelic Furs _Midnight To Midnight_
"Midnight Mile" Weather Prophets _Temperance Hotel_

"Midnight" A Tribe Called Quest _Midnight Marauders_
"Midnight Moon" Smoking Popes _Born To Quit_
"Midnight Blues" Detroit Cobras _Mink, Rat, Or Rabbit_
"Midnight In The Stratosfear" Unisex _Stratosfear_

"The Midnight Song, Part 2" Watoo Watoo _What You've Missed So Far_
"Our Midnight" Maybellines _Picnic Basket_
"Midnight In Aspen" The Fall _Fall Heads Roll_
"Midnight" The Crayon Fields _Animal Bells_
"Morning After Midnight" Adam Green _Sixes & Sevens_

"After Midnight" Emperor Penguin _Mysterious Pony_
"Midnight Drive" Still Corners _Strange Pleasures_