My Lucky, Lucky Email

Dr. John Chan CC wrote me this recently:

I am Dr. John Chan C.C a South Korean Republic and a Director of Hang Seng Bank Ltd from the Office of the International Remittance Department, I have secretly confidentially funds transfer to your private account in your country.

I will like us to invest these funds in a profitable life investments in your country, which i will beg of you not to betrayed once these funds transfer to your account from our correspondent bank. Please if it interested reply me to this my private Email: (johnchan_c@aol.com) for more details. Thanks.

Dr. John Chan C.C

I didn't respond, so he wrote me again, four days later, with the exact same message.  Please don't respond to his private email!  He meant that just for me.  Once I find out some profitable life investments in my country, I'm sure I can get back to him.  It's just that, in the United States, we have only profitable death investments.

Also, Wayne Tang wrote to me yesterday an email entitled:

URGENT NOTICE TO THIS EMAIL ADDRESS OWNER

An urgent notice!  I opened it immediately!  Here's what it said:

Sir,

This is an official request for legal representation on behalf of Usha Martin Ltd. Usha Martin Ltd is manufacturing company with principal interest in the manufacturing of wire rods, bright bars, steel wires, specialty wires, wire ropes, strand, conveyor cord, wire drawing and cable machinery. After a careful review, we decided to contact your law firm to represent our company in areas of collection. We would require your legal representation for our delinquent Customers and we are of the opinion that a reputable law firm like yours can represent us in collection of monies owed our company by overseas customers and also follow up with these accounts. We are of the understanding that a proper Attorney/Client agreement must be entered into by both parties and this will be done immediately we receive your response of acceptance.

Regards,

Wayne Tang

waynetang01@yahoo.com.ph

I am sad that he didn't get the news that Self, Help, & Radio, attorneys at law, were disbarred when it was discovered that we didn't go to law school but instead learned everything about the justice system from watching Boston Legal.

Also this past weekend, to my tremendous surprise, I won the lottery!  A lottery I never entered!  Here's the poop:

Subject:  COCA COLA COMPANY WORLDWIDE LTD.

From:  "COCA COLA"

Is it odd that a major corporation like Coca Cola (a company that has a bottling plant in Lexington that I am certain employs a fair number of our citizens) sends out its information from a site called "goshka.info"?  I should think they'd want to make sure people knew they were actually from coca-cola.com, their web presence.  Oh, I'm being too skeptical.  Let's see what I've won!

GOVERNMENT ACCREDITED LICENSED!!!

COCA COLA COMPANY WORLDWIDE LTD.

COCA COLA Programs & Events Department

COCA COLA company

P.O. Box 850

MANCHESTER MR2 8GD

TEL: +448719742699

Congratulation winner,

Your email address has won a cash prize of  Ј500,000.00  Five hundred thousand Great British pounds  GBP  in our end of the year Promotion 2013 COCA COLA COMPANY UK  International Email draw.

It is pending for your collection kindly fill the below information for claim.

VERIFICATION FORM

FULL NAME........

COMPANY NAME: ......

FULL ADDRESS:...........

SEX:............

AGE.......

OCCUPATION..............

TEL.............

COUNTRY.............

E-MAIL...........

Congratulations once again from all members and staff of this promotion.

Yours faithfully,

Contact: Richard .K. Anderson.

Email: cocacola.2013@outlook.com

Online coordinator for COCA COLA COMPANY WORLDWIDE LTD LOTTERY UK

500,000 Great British pounds!  That's a lot of money.  In Great British pounds, I mean.

Also, what happened to the goshka.info address?  Richard .K. Anderson (see how cool he is - he has a period before & after the K!) is now at outlook.com .  It seems extremely inefficient.  This probably explains the dire state of the American economy.

The nice thing is that I can use the money from the lottery win to try out profitable life investments to help Dr. John Chan CC find ways to use his money, & once that's settled, & I finish law school (no college debt for me!), I'll be able to represent Wayne Tang.

This was a good week.

The Deep Show

A shallow fellow attempts to explore depth on a radio show.  There is perhaps a joke somewhere, although I hope he isn't joined by a priest & a rabbi or walking into a bar.  Someone funnier than I am - an extremely large demographic - will have to finish that one.

I was in deep with deep songs & not-so-deep thoughts on this week's show.  You can listen to it now at the Self Help Radio web site.  Or you can go directly to the show - it's in two parts - by either choosing part the one or part the two.  The track list is below.

I was way out of my depth, it's true.  But thanks for listening!

(part one)

"Deep River" Paul Robeson _The Best Of Paul Roberson_
"How Deep Is The Ocean" Big Crosby _The Great Ones_
"Between The Devil & The Deep Blue Sea" Blossom Dearie _Give Him The Ooh-La-La_

"Beauty Is Only Skin Deep" Robert Mitchum _That Man, Robert Mitchum, Sings_
"Deep" Quetcy Alma _Explosivos (Deep-Soul From The Latin Heart)_
"River Deep, Mountain High" Ike & Tina Turner _Phil Spector: Back To Mono_
"Soul Deep" The Box Tops _The Best Of The Box Tops: Soul Deep_
"Deep Forbidden Lake" Neil Young _Decade_

"Bury Me Deep In Love" The Triffids _Calenture_
"Deep One Perfect Morning" The Jesus & Mary Chain _Darklands_
"Deep In The Heart" U2 _I Still Haven't Found What I Am Looking For_
"Deep Fascination" The Feelies _Only Life_

"Cut Me Deep" Jasmine Minks _CD86: 48 Tracks From The Birth Of Indie Pop_

(part two)

"We're Not Deep" The Housemartins _London 0, Hull 4_
"Devil In The Deep Blue Sea" Mousefolk _Hazy Tambourine Days_
"Bury Me Deep" Jesse Garon & The Desperadoes _Nixon_
"Deep House Victims' Minibus Appeal" Half Man Half Biscuit _Voyage To The Bottom Of The Road_

"How Deep Is Your Love?" Aberdeen _I Started A Joke_
"Pretty Deep" Tanya Donelly _Pretty Deep_
"Deep Purple" Rose Melberg _Portola_
"I'm In Deep" The Postmarks _Memoirs At The End Of The World_

"Deep Sleep" Devo _Oh No! It's Devo_
"I'm In Deep" Coldcut _What's That Noise?_
"She Devils Of The Deep" Future Bible Heroes _Memories Of Love_

"Skin Deep" Nick Lowe _Labour Of Lust_
"Deep Sleep" The B-52's _Mesopotamia_
"Skin Deep" Stranglers _The Hit Men 1977-1991_
"My Roots Are Strong & Deep" The Microphones _The Glow Pt. 2_

Whither Deep?

I was sitting at my riding desk one summer morning when a letter from Filbert arrived by courier.  Filbert was always an extravagant bastard but this took the cake.  The courier had ridden his motorcycle all the way from Filbert's estate in the Luckywood Hills.  It had to have cost him his late uncle's fortune.

The letter was filled with Filbert's usual fol-de-rol, blather, & insults (he referred to me twice as "a skeezy little bitch") but he intrigued me in that way he often did - tangentially, accidentally - when he spoke of being accused by the Wilsons as "too deep."

Too deep!  Our Filbert?  The man who couldn't describe anyone past hair color & make & model of speedboat?  Outrageous!  Intolerable!  I quickly asked my manservant Josephine to get the car & make haste to Filbert's ranch.

Filbert's ranch was a tastelessly decorated modern split-level acreage with fins.  I understood that that was not a very good description of it, but it was the best I could do for something almost indescribable.  Usually there was a police car parked out front, just in case.  On Halloween, the children wouldn't so much as avoid it as try to set fire to it.  Filbert was awful proud.

"Dorian, my friend," he said to me, mispronouncing my name (it's pronounce "Charles"), "I'm so glad you came!  I was about to slice open a watermelon & collect the seeds to put in a little jar I found buried in the back of my paper closet."

"Enough of your tomfoolery, you knave!" I shrieked, upstarting.  Actually, I did nothing of the sort, but I had been listening to Rutger Hauer's stirring audiobook of him reading "The Raven" over & over & over, & that's the last line I heard.  I thought it might fit; it did not.

I continued, "Why have you summoned me?  Your letter hinted at events best described as apocalyptic, or worse described as...  Well, you do it."

"Carefree & la-de-da," he said.

"Well?  What is it?"  I was close to shrieking, but nowhere near to upstarting.

"Old bean, you're too wound up.  You need something to enrage you further.  Come on inside," he said, leading me in, "let me introduce you to someone."

It was a radio.  Not just any radio.  A radio dressed as a man dressed as radio.

"What's all this balderdash!" I said.

"Look at what it says," Filbert said patiently - frankly, he was higher than the International Space Station at apogee.

But I read:

Listen (it said) to Self Help Radio this afternoon from 4 to 6 pm on the radio at 88.1 fm in Lexington & online at wrfl dot fm.  The show today is "the deep show."  It promises shallow treasures.

"You want me to listen to the radio with you?" I sputtered.

"Heavens, no!" he said.  "That's a man dressed as a radio dressed as a man dressed as a radio."

"We could listen on the computer," I suggested.

Filbert shrugged.  "Whatever," he said.  He then handed me a seedless watermelon.

Preface To The Deep Show: Google Deep

You learn so much about people from their Google searches?  I don't know.  I typed in deep, hit space (if I didn't, I'd get Deepak Chopra, & got ten common choices people who use Google make.  (Well, nine - "deep impact" is the same as each of the following terms.)

The first one alarms me - for its own sake & for the fact that people are looking it up.  Even worse than that, the statistic are awful - according to webmd.com, every year two million people get deep vein thrombosis, & as many as 200,000 die of it.  That's one in ten.  My legs will be feeling weird all day long.

I was unfamiliar with the nonsense television show Deep South Paranormal & don't want to say anything more about it.

Deep fried Oreos?  Deep fried pickles?  Can you say "deep vein thrombosis"?

I'm sure the surviving members of Deep Purple are happy to be continually searched for, if it's only for the lyrics to "Smoke On The Water."  Although it could just as well be about the song "Deep Purple" which may be where the band got their name.  (I really don't want to have to read through their Wikipedia entry to find out.)

Ooo, Deep Web.  Sounds naughty!  It probably is!

If it were up to me, Deep Space Nine would be the first thing that would pop up when you typed the word "deep"!

As someone who's barely made a shallow impact on pretty much everyone I've ever met, I find that the phrase "deep impact" depresses me - & yeah, I know it's space-related.  But still.

Some Important Information From The Past

"For young men [in the 19th century], the great anxiety was masturbation, a term coined in a British medical journal in 1766 in an article entitled 'Onanism: A Treatise on the Disorders Produced by Masturbation.'  The origins of the term are puzzling.  The Oxford English Dictionary says that it comes from the Latin masturbari, but then calls that term of 'unkn. origin."  The verb form masturbate didn't arise until 1857, but by that time the world had come up with any number of worrisome-sounding alternatives - selfish celibacy, solitary licentiousness, solitary vice, self-abuse, personal uncleanliness, self-pollution, and the thunderous crime against nature.  By whatever name it went, there was no question that indulgence in it would leave you a juddering wreck.  According to Dr. William Alcott's A Young Man's Guide (1840), those who succumbed to temptation could confidently expect to experience, in succession, epilepsy, St. Vitus' Dance, palsy, blindness, consumption, apoplexy, 'a sensation of ants crawling from the head down along the spine,' and finally death.

As late as 1913 the American Medical Association published a book that explained that spermin, a constituent of semen, was necessary for the building of strong muscles and a well-ordered brain, and that boys who wasted this precious biological elixir would turn from 'hard-muscled, fiery-eyed, resourceful young men' into 'narrow-chested, flabby-muscled mollycoddle.'"

From Bill Bryson's delightful Made In America, An Informal History of the English Language in the United States.  You can find it here or really your favorite bookstore.

Suits

Self Help Radio plays dress-up!  How many breasted can your suit have?

Listen to suity show suitable for you at Self Help Radio Suit Warehouse.  Everything priced to go!

Or, if it suits you, listen to show directly with no factory interference: part I & part II.

Every suit in the songs listed below.

Thanks for not leaving the fitting rooms a mess!

(part one)

"Got A Bran' New Suit (Alternate Version)" Louis Armstrong _The Complete Louis Armstrong Decca Sessions (1935 - 1946)_
"A Zoot Suit (For My Sunday Gal)" Andrews Sisters _1937-1944_
"Wet Suit" The Coctails _The Early High Ball Years_

"Four Button Suit" Bob Riley & The Atoms _Boston Rockabilly Vol. 1_
"Charcoal Suit" Brad Suggs With The Swingsters _The Complete Meteor Rockabilly & Hillbilly Recordings_
"The Cowboy In The Continental Suit" Marty Robbins _Streets Of Laredo & Other Ballads Of The Old West_
"The Man In The Little White Suit" Porter Wagoner _Green, Green Grass Of Home_
"A White Suit In Memphis" Simon Bonney _Everyman_

"One Piece Topless Bathing Suit" The Rip Chords _Bruce & Terry: Rare Masters_
"Zoot Suit" The High Numbers _USA Garage Greats 1965-1967 - We're Gonna Love This Way_
"Black Suit" Iguanas _Project Blue_
"Man In A Pin-Striped Suit" Dave Clark Five _Everybody Knows_
"My Birthday Suit" Cattanooga Cats _Cattanooga Cats_
"The Soul Of My Suit" T.Rex _Dandy In The Underworld_

"Three Piece Suit" Trinity _Joe Gibbs Original DJ Classics_
"The Suit" Public Image Limited _Metal Box_

(part two)

"Blue Suit" 14 Iced Bears _In The Beginning_
"Man In A Suit" Ambitious Beggars _Beg!_
"Sunflower Suit" Buffalo Tom _Buffalo Tom_

"Suit Of Lights" Elvis Costello _King Of America_
"Spaceman In A Satin Suit" The Celibate Rifles _Spaceman In A Satin Suit_
"Your Swimming Suit" Six Cents & Natalie _When Punk Fell To Earth_
"Deep Sea Diving Suit" The Magnetic Fields _Holiday_
"Monkey Suit" Pernice Brothers _Overcome By Happiness_

"Monkey Suit" The Didjits _Que Sirhan Sirhan_
"Flameproof Suit" Tsunami _World Tour & Other Destinations_
"Burn The Suit" Bis _This Is Teen-C Power_
"Dead Man's Suit" Cherry Ghost _Mojo: Made In Britain 2007_

"Suit Fits" The Guild League _Speak Up_
"Mens Suit Hire" Steinbecks _Branches & Fronds Brushing The Windows_
"Ill-Fitting Suits" High Llamas _Hawaii_

Whither Suits?

Suits, a haiku

Three piece or two piece
It is not really a suit
Without the trousers

Suits, a limerick

There once was a man from Beirut
Who saved up for a new three piece suit
The vest wasn't cheap
& the jacket priced steep
But the pants cost him a lot of loot!

Suits, a sonnet

Wait, I'm not going to write a sonnet about suits! What the hell is going on here?

A show about suits.  By a fellow wearing the same clothes he wore yesterday.  From 4 to 6 pm on 88.1 fm WRFL in the city of Lexington.  You can listen online at wrfl dot fm.

Needless to say: clothing optional.

Preface To Suits: Suits Stories

I think I bought my first fitted suit - which is to say, I had to have some dude measuring things called "inseams," touching me in places reserved for doctors - when I was asked to be the best man at my friend Mike's wedding.  I got the impression he was afraid I wouldn't dress up, or, worse, was planning to wear something as a "joke."  He was very serious about getting married, as one imagines one should be.  I was a little insulted he thought I'd fuck it up, but I never told him so, since it was his wedding day.

The first time I remember ever "dressing up" was for a middle school "party" or gathering for a group called the Beta Club.  Holy shit, it still exists.  I wasn't sure what the purpose of the dumb club was.  Anyway, I didn't care much what I wore in those days, I was blissfully unaware that there were clothes that people wore because of something like status & peer pressure.  It helped that I was fat & wouldn't have looked good in whatever was hip - but also, my family was poor, so of course we couldn't have afforded those clothes anyway.  I wore a lot of hand-me-downs.  In fact, for that party, I was given my brother Ralph's white suit jacket, & I believe I was made fun of for it being a little too big for me, but I don't remember being hurt by the mockery.  Perhaps I was used to it?

When I used to be asked to deejay in Austin, I always (or most of the time) wore a suit & tie.  No one cared & no one noticed.  I always looked a little ridiculous.

The second suit I bought, & was also fitted for, was for my own wedding, & it made my soon-to-be-wide angry, because I spent a little bit of money on it.  She was going to wear something not-too-fancy as her wedding dress, but she felt like she had to have something as nice as I was wearing.  She needn't have worried - I looked stupid in my moderately-expensive suit, & she would've looked amazing in a tee shirt & shorts.

I wore a suit with a red tie - the whole thing was cobbled together from parts - to my little brother's wedding.  I think I was the only one of his four brothers who wore a suit to his wedding.  With the bright red tie, I felt like I looked like Rush Limbaugh.  For some reason.  Maybe I had also shaved?

I once bought, for a friend's wedding, a suit from a catalog.  Got it through mail order.  Surprisingly, it fit.  Sadly, I got really sick before the wedding, & had to excuse myself during the ceremony.  I don't think I wore it for longer than a couple of hours.

I have no idea where that suit is now.

Murderous Impulses

You've probably seen this headline: Cats Killing Billions Of Animals In The U.S.

Does this look like the face of a killer to you?

Okay, it does.  But she's not!

I have three cats but I keep them indoors because I am selfish.  This article says that an outdoor cat has a life expectancy of five years.  Five years!  That beautiful creature up there is named Beatrice, & in June she turned 13 years old.  I might have lost her eight years ago if she had been an outdoor cat.

(Probably longer - she's very skittish.)

We have a sun room in which she spend a great deal of time, & the windows are always open.  She doesn't seem to want to go outside - she has a pretty good gig as it is.

& the birds outside are very happy about the arrangement!

Surrender

Oh, I give up.

The show is at Self Help Radio dot Net.

Or, directly: part I | part II it's true.

Song list below.  Waving the white flag of surrender!

Please be kind to your defeated radio show

(part one)

"Surrender" Perry Como _Perry Como_
"I Surrender, Dear" Johnny Moore's Three Blazers _Charles Brown 1946-1947_
"I'll Surrender Anytime" Edna McGriff _Jubilee Jezebels_

"Surrender Your Heart" Lovenotes _You Are Invited_
"Surrender" Elvis Presley _The Essential Elvis Presley_
"I Surrender" Billy Bass _Before They Were Stars: Volume 2_
"I Surrender" Fontella Bass _Rescued: The Best Of Fontella Bass_
"I Surrender" Eddie Holman _Kent Footstompers_
"Surrender" Diana Ross _The Complete Motown Singles Vol. 11: 1971_

"Surrender" Black Ivory _Return Of The Pusherman: Hustlin' Soul_
"Sweet Surrender" Classics IV _Atmospherics 1966-1975: A Complete Career Collection_
"Surrender (live)" Cheap Trick _At Budokan: The Complete Concert_
"I Surrender" The Adverts _The Wonders Don't Care_
"Soul Surrender" Bram Tchaikovsky _Funland_

"Beat Surrender" The Jam _The Gift_

(part two)

"Surrender" U2 _War_
"I Surrender" Pete Shelley _Heaven & The Sea_
"Surrender" Suicide _A Way Of Life_

"Never Surrender" Chin Chin _Heroes & Villains - 23 Pop Songs 1980-1990_
"Surrender" Jonathan Richman _Surrender To Jonathan_
"I Surrender" Crabs _The Sand & Sea_
"I Surrender" David Sylvian _A Victim Of Stars 1982-2012_

"Surrender Is Treason" Crooked Fingers _Bring On The Snakes_
"Will You Surrender?" Mick Harvey _One Man's Treasure_
"Surrender" Fonda _Catching Up To The Future_
"Surrender" The Cigarettes _Will Damage Your Health_

"I Surrender" The Primitives _Echoes & Rhymes_
"Surrender" Ben Lee _The Rebirth Of Venus_

Whither Surrender?

I am waving the white flag because Self Help Radio is forced to surrender this week.  After minutes of pointless fighting & untold losses on each side, Self Help Radio is going to take the more humiliating road & surrender outright rather than admit it wasn't entirely sure what it was fighting about & whom it had been fighting with.  Also, the show is a lot wimpy.

The surrender ceremony (if that's what they call it) will air today from 4 to 6 pm (EST) on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington but events can be heard live as it happens online on the helpful website WRFL dot FM.  Documents will be signed, gun salutes may be fired, & if I'm lucky, one of the generals from the other side won't knock me down & kick me over & over & over.

Do listen!

Preface To Surrender: Cheese-Eating Surrender Monkeys!

"Cheese-Eating Surrender Monkeys."  That's a mean way of referring to the French.  Look it up.

The article notes it comes from a Simpsons episode, but was used by neocons to express unhappiness with France declining to join in the invasion of Iraq, but says, "With declining support for the Iraq War, the term fell out of use."

I had this weird moment a while back when I discovered that my wife had never seen the television show All In The Family, which is widely considered one of the best television shows ever, & certainly I loved watching it as a kid.  But the main character, Archie Bunker, is so obviously racist that someone born after the show, as my wife is, can't really get past that to the show's motives.  She did not want to watch it.

He used a particular hateful term - one I haven't heard in years - & I don't want to print it here, so don't worry which one it is - but the thing is, the word - which just isn't used any more - seems kinda cute to me.  Like, if no one knew its racist connections, they might think it was adorable.

One time, I was with a friend who (like me) doesn't eat animals & who in particular (also like me) loves pigs, & finds them very lovely & intelligent.  One time, in a car, we were listening to the song "Hurricane" by Bob Dylan.  (If you're not familiar with it, you can read about it if you want.)  It's about an injustice &, to describe how the protagonist of the song is getting railroaded by the authorities, Dylan sings, "The trial was a pig circus, he didn't have a chance."

My friend, when she heard the phrase "pig circus," said, "Yay!"  She wasn't listening to the song, she was just thinking of how cute a circus composed entirely of pigs would be.  & she was right!  It would be amazing.

Which is my long way of saying, I think "cheese-eating surrender monkeys" sound like animals I'd love to hang around with.  Who wants to hang out with flesh-eating aggressive monkeys?  The cheese-eating surrender monkeys have the right idea: drop out of the war & enjoy some snacks.

I have noticed that the word "surrender" in the songs I'll play on tomorrow's show don't have negative connotations.  Perhaps I'll talk about that.

This Is What I Woke Up To Every Morning Last Week

It was very nice, but it's good to be home.

Chance

Is there any chance that you remembered that I did a radio about chance?  It's been a while.

But hey, I finally got it digitized & here it is, available now at the Self Help Radio website or directly by these links: part one | part two.  The songs in each part are below.

I am sorry I missed a week, but I knew the chances of you missing me would be slim.

(part one)

"Chance" The Teardrop Explodes _Kilimanjaro_
"Chance" Repetition _A Will To Win 12"_
"Chance" Big Country _The Crossing_

"Chance" Red Lorry Yellow Lorry _Smashed Hits_
"Chances" The Ten Commandments _Home Fires Burning_
"Chances Are" Julie London _The End Of The World_
"The Certainty Of Chance" The Divine Comedy _Fin De Siècle_

"By Some Chance" The Lewis Sisters _The Complete Motown Singles, Vol. 5: 1965_
"Just A Chance" Badfinger _Poptopia! Power Pop Classics Of The '70s_
"Chance I Can't Deny" James King & The Lone Wolves _Texas Lullaby 7"_
"By Chance" The Go-Betweens _Before Hollywood_
"Chances Are High" Monster Movie _Transistor_

"Is There Any Chance Of You Coming Into My Life?" Thee Headcoatees _Here Comes Cessation_

(part two)

"Second Chance" The Reivers _Pop Beloved_
"If I Ever Get The Chance Again" The Parcels _One_
"I Don't Suppose I'll Get A Second Chance" Another Sunny Day _London Weekend_
"Give Me A Second Chance" The Wave Pictures _Long Black Cars_

"Honey, Just Allow Me One More Chance" Bob Dylan _The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan_
"Give Me One More Chance" Wilmer Alexander Jr & The Dukes _Hey! Look What I Found! Vol. 10_
"One More Chance" The Jackson 5 _Diana Ross Presents The Jackson 5 _
"One More Chance" The V.I.P.'s _Beat Crazy!_
"Best Chance" Big Star _In Space_

"Last Chance" Yuya Uchida & The Flowers _Japanese Rockin' Psyche & Punk '66-'71_
"Last Chance To Be Free" Great Plains _Length Of Growth 1981-1989_
"Last Chance To Turn Around" The Fall _Light User Syndrome_
"Your Last Chance" Gore Gore Girls _Up All Night_

"Ghost Of A Chance" Edwyn Collins _Hope & Despair_
"Ghost Of A Chance" The Saturday People _The Saturday People_
"A Sliver Of Chance" Jeremy Jay _Splash_

A Week Off

Hey, I'll be taking a short vacation this week, so I won't be blogging or doing Self Help Radio - luckily Patrick will be sitting in on Friday with a show about "friendship"!  I hope you'll listen & will pardon this already quiet blog's week of inactivity.

See you next week!

Whither Chance?

Something I won't talk about today: the meaning & origin of the phrase "You pays your money, you takes your chance."  Why not?  Because the actual phrase - discussed by William Safire here is "choice" instead of "chance."

A ha!  Self Help Radio is on the ball!

Still, there's a chance I'll get a lot of things wrong in today's show about chance.  That's just the chance you have to take.  If you get a chance to listen, you can from 4 to 6 pm on 88.1 fm in Lexington or online at wrfl dot fm.  Chancy, I know.

(It's my last show for two weeks!  More about that tomorrow.)

Preface To Chance: Thinking Of Chance

Wikipedia, that fine fellow, has five articles related to "chance" but as chance's possible definitions & not chance itself, to wit: indeterminism, contingency, luck, probability, & randomness.  The first two are related to philosophy, & therefore completely over my head, while the last three seem like the things that basically rule my life.  Not just my life!  Yours too.

I wonder if thinking that makes me a philosophical indeterminist or contigencist (I am not sure that's a real world).  I know a philosopher so I think I should ask her.

There is a Chance, Kentucky, but it's an unincorporated community & there's not a lot of information about it.  Perhaps its residents all got together by chance?  That's highly unlikely in Kentucky, where, in any given place, most of the folks know each other & about a quarter of them are related.

(Coincidentally, Chance, Kentucky, is in the same county as Christine, Kentucky.  What are the chances that I'd do two show back-to-back the themes of which would also be the name of two unincorporated towns in the same county in Kentucky?)

Mostly though the meaning of the word "chance" encountered in the show this week will be "an opportunity" or "a possibility."  "Give me one more chance!" or "I don't stand a chance!"  Stuff like that.

There are still lots of songs about chance that I have to listen to before tomorrow's show.  Too many songs, dozens of them, hours of listening.  What are the chances that I'll play your favorite song about chance?  I fear they're quite small!

My Poem About Gallstones

O! the gall in those stones!
O! the stones on that gall!

Loser

Once upon a time, I ran a computer lab at the University of Texas.  In a hopefully playful way to get folks to stop bringing food & drink into the lab, I would put signs up at each station, & the signs began, "Hey Loser!"  Barely a day had gone by when I was called in by someone in the Dean of Liberal Arts office to discuss with me the inappropriateness of the signs.  It appears that someone had tearfully complained to the Dean that "I didn't spend all this money to get an education & still be called a loser!"  I was asked to take the signs down.

Still, a loser like me can certainly celebrate losers in a radio show & hope not to offend.  You may listen to that show at the Self Help Radio website, or you may listen to each part directly by clicking on these direct links: part one & then part two.  A list of songs for the loser is below.

Hooray for the loser!

(part one)
"Yesterday's Winner Is A Loser Today" Jimmie Skinner _Doin' My Time_
"Three Cheers For The Loser" Carl Belew _Carl Belew_
"Poor Loser" Jimmy Castor _The Hull-Mascot Story, Vol. 2_
"Finders Keepers, Losers Weepers" The Marvelettes _Finders Keepers: Motown Girls 1961-1967_

"I'm A Loser" The Beatles _Beatles For Sale_
"Hard-Lovin' Loser" Mimi & Richard Fariña _The Vanguard Recordings_
"Here's To The Losers" Frank Sinatra _The Complete Reprise Studio Recordings_
"World's Worst Loser" George Jones _The Race Is On_
"It's So Hard Being A Loser" The Contours _The Complete Motown Singles, Vol 7: 1967_

"Born A Loser" Don Ray _The Wigan Casino Story_
"Loser Again" Jackie Moore _When A Man Cries_
"I Guess That Don't Make Me A Loser" Ruby Andrews _Casanova (Your Playing Days Are Over)_
"You're The Loser Now" Martha Reeves & The Vandellas _The Complete Motown Singles, Vol. 10: 1970_
"Loser's Cocktail" Dick Curless _The Long Lonesome Road_

"Three Time Loser" Don Covay _Funky Yo Yo_
"(I'm Not) Destined To Become A Loser" The Ellingtons _Northern Soul Fever, Vol. 4_

(part two)
"Loser" Scrawl _Plus, Also, Too_
"For The Loser (Hallelujah!)" The Rave-Ups _Chance_
"Only Losers Take The Bus" Fatima Mansions _Viva Dead Ponies_

"Even The Losers" Nectarine _You Got Lucky: A Tribute To Tom Petty_
"The Key Losers" Guided By Voices _Hardcore UFOs: Demons & Painkillers_
"Bring On The Loser" East River Pipe _Poor Fricky_
"Love A Loser" The Raincoats _Looking In The Shadows_

"Gallant Losers" Monograph _Lorelei_
"Every Loser In London" Bill Pritchard _Happiness & Other Crimes_
"Beta Losers" Darren Hanlon _Early Days_
"Charity Is For Losers" Peppermint _Keep Your Chin Up There Sailor_
"Loser" Richard Cheese _Tuxicity_

"You're A Beautiful Loser" Acid House Kings _Mondays Are Like Tuesdays & Tuesdays Are Like Wednesdays_
"Loser" The Launderettes _Shaken & Disturbed_
"The Loser Wins" Atmosphere _To All My Friends, Blood Makes The Blade Holy: The Atmosphere EPs_
"Losers" Broncho _Can't Get Past The Lips_

Whither Loser?

I wish I could say, "This show is for the losers!"  That's the sort of thing someone would say triumphantly in a "Revenge Of The Nerds" type movie, where the losers end up on top.  But that hardly ever happens.  Or else why would they be called losers?

However, if you want pretend this is a contest - which has obvious winners & losers - then it must be admitted that Self Help Radio - which has been barely been noticed in its ten years - nearly eleven years? - on the air - is a total radio loser.  So this show is for Self Help Radio!  Wait.  It's impossible to say that triumphantly.

From 4 to 6pm today on 88.1 fm WRFL Lexington, online at WRFL dot FM.  I hope you'll join us.

But if you're a winner, be nice.  We're feeling a little low.

Preface To Losers: Did I Like That Comic Book?

I was never a big fan of war comics, even though my older brothers used to bring home every damn kind of comic, & I was reading comics voraciously by at least the first grade, if not sooner.  (In second grade, I once brought all my comics to school with me, to show a friend.  They fit in a giant grocery bag.)  I was familiar with The Losers, & I did read enough issues to know who the characters were.  I think in retrospect I didn't appreciate the art - the lines of Joe Kubert aren't as attractive to a seven-year-old as they might be to an older comic lover.  (I remember similarly, as a little kid, being somewhat turned off by Neal Adams.)  I liked the people who drew super heroes best.  They made them more cartoony - or at the very least larger than life.

I haven't read the updated version but I did see the movie which, since it featured Idris Elba, is worth watching, especially if you're a little drunk.  But it didn't make me want to read the comic.

I see DC Comics has a collection of Jack Kirby's run on the original Losers:

I'd be curious to read that, but only, you know, because it's Jack Kirby.

If someone had a collection of Losers comics they'd let me read, sure, I'd read them now.  I miss having those old comics around.  But did I like the comic & do I remember it fondly?  No, I guess not.

I feel a little like a loser for saying so.

Christine

It's strange how few Christines I have known in my life.  It seems like such a popular name.  I don't even think there was a Christine in my high school class.  But!  It's a name that lends itself to song!

There are thirty Christine songs for the Christine in your life or the Christine in you.  You can listen now to the entire show at the Self Help Radio website or! if you're impatient! you can listen to the show directly (it's in two parts): part one & part two.  Christine songs played on the show are listed below.

Thanks for listening, any & all Christines!

(part one)

"Miss Christine" Brownie McGhee & The Jook House Rockers _The Best Of Harlem & Jax Records, Vol. 2_
"Christine" The Dells _Time Makes You Change 1954-1961_
"Christene" Little Hank Crawford & The Rhythm Kings _Night Train To Nashville: Music City Rhythm & Blues 1945-1970_

"Christine Keeler" Phil Ochs _Broadside Tapes 1_
"Christine" Burt Blanca _La Collection Sixties Des EPs Francais_
"Christine" Marisa _Ultra Chicks, Vol. 1: Filles In The Garage_
"Christina" Waylon Jennings _Destiny's Child_
"Christine's Tune" Flying Burrito Bros. _Sacred Hearts & Fallen Angels - The Gram Parsons Anthology_
"Christine" Big Walter Horton _Big Walter Horton With Carey Bell_

"Kirsteen/Christinn" Gordon Bok _Bay Of Fundy_
"Dear Christine" Klaatu _Sun Set: 1973-1981_
"Little Christine" Mott The Hoople _Backsliding Fearlessly: The Early Years_
"Christine Sixteen" Kiss _The Casablanca Singles 1974-1982_

"Christine" Garland Jeffreys _Escape Artist_

(part two)

"Christine Keeler" Glaxo Babies _Dreams Interrupted_
"Christine" Siouxsie & The Banshees _Kaleidoscope_
"Life For Christine" Bombay Ducks _Dance Music_
"Christine" The House Of Love _1986-1988: The Creation Recordings_

"Pristine Christine" The Sea Urchins _CD86: 48 Tracks From The Birth Of Indie Pop_
"Christine Norden" The Nivens _From A Northumbrian Mining Village Comes The Sound Of Summer_
"Christine" The Monochrome Set _The Best Of The Monochrome Set_
"Christine's World" Nits _Ting_

"Li'l Christine" Material Issue _International Pop Overthrow_
"Capital Christine" Smoking Popes _Destination Failure_
"Christine, ND" Tullycraft _Beat Surf Fun_
"Opening On Thompson" Baskervilles _Baskervilles_
"Come Crash" A.C. Newman _The Slow Wonder_

"Christine" Paul Roland _Roaring Boys_
"Christine" Baby Woodrose _Love Comes Down_
"Oh Christine" The Cave Singers _Invitation Songs_

In Lexington Tonight...

These guys:



Excited!

Junk

Gah!  Look at all this junk!  It's like I need a radio show to keep it in!

I do!  Self Help Radio's junk show is rotting away at the SHR junk yard (pictured above).  You can go through a couple of piles if you want - there's a pile here & there's a pile over there.  I even made a list of what's in the piles below.  Have you had a tetanus show recently?

Enjoy the scavenging!

(one pile)

"I Don't Want That Junk Outa You" Memphis Minnie & Kansas Joe McCoy _Queen Of The Country Blues: All The Published Sides - 1929 - 1937_
"Junk Man" Spirits Of Rhythm _1933 - 1945_
"I Sold My Heart To The Junkman" The Four Tunes _The Complete Jubilee Sessions_
"Please Mr Junkman" Penguins _The Legends Of Doowop, Vol. 3_

"Leave That Junk Alone" Johnny Cash _All Aboard The Blue Train_
"Junk Maker Shoppe" Yellow Balloon _Yellow Balloon_
"Junkman's Song" The Stark Reality _Now_
"Turnstiled, Junkpiled" Townes Van Zandt _Anthology 1968 - 1979_
"The Streetbeater" Quincy Jones _You've Got It Bad Girl_

"Radio Junk" Yellow Magic Orchestra _Faker Holic_
"The King Of Junk" Virgin Prunes _Over The Rainbow + Heresie EP_
"Junkyard" Birthday Party _Junkyard_
"Junk Mail" Circle Jerks _Golden Shower Of Hits_
"Jack Junk" Itchy Rat _Go & Do It: The Aberrant Compilations_

"Junk" Bronski Beat _The Age Of Consent_

(another pile)

"The Junk Keeps Piling Up" The Higsons _The Curse Of The Higsons_
"3Junk" Three Johns _Atom Drum Bop_
"Junkyard" Alex Chilton _High Priest_

"Oscar's Junk Band" Oscar The Grouch _Sesame Street: Oscar's Trashy Songs_
"So Much Junk" Frank Allison & The Odd Sox _Monkey Business_
"Junk Shop Clothes" The Auteurs _New Wave_
"Junk Man" The Fall _Middle Class Revolt_

"Junk" Monaco _Music For Pleasure_
"Junk" Hefner _Dead Media_
"Junk" You Am I _You Am I's #4 Record_
"Junk" T-Model Ford _She Ain't None Of Your'n_

"Junked!" The Mayfair Set _Young One EP_
"Spacejunk" The Bats _Free All The Monsters_

Whither Christine?

I'm back!  You didn't notice I was gone.

I only have two Christines as friends on Facebook.  This show could be for either of them, or both of them.  I am generally not as thoughtful a person as someone who makes a show for one of his or her friends.  I just happened to listen to two or three songs in a row called "Christine" & dared myself to do an entire show for the name.

& so I shall!

I wish I had fun stories from my trip, but the older I get, the more I am mainly focused on food.  Yum!  Ethiopian food!  Yum!  Vegan buffets!  Yum!  Vegan migas!  I ate too much & truly deserve to be laughed at & called "fatty" every opportunity for the foreseeable future.

Speaking of foreseeable futures, hey!  Self Help Radio is on this afternoon from 4 to 6 pm!  It's on the air in Lexington at 88.1 fm, & online here, there, & everywhere at wrfl dot fm.  Please listen, especially if you're named Christine.

& I promise to get last week's show up as soon as I can.  I just got home!  There were ticks on me!  Ticks!

Days Off

Going away for a little while.  But will be back for next week's show.  However.  Yesterday's show won't be posted for a little while.  Please forgive me.  Have a safe & happy weekend.  xoxo

Whither Junk?

Hey man. I got a lot of good junk at my place. Wanna take a look?

Not now! Not now! Come between 4 & 6 pm today.  You can get to my place at 88.1 on the fm dial or at <a href="http://wrfl.fm/">WRFL</a> - you know where that is?

Good. Good. I'm serious, man, it's some really primo grade-A junk.  Yeah.  See you then.

Preface To Junk: Boom! 1600 Posts

Speaking of junk, I was thinking of making a poem based on the first words of every post written to date.  What made me change my mind?  This:

Hi this when here's but quick this I in I we why Halloween.

It's worse than playing Mad Libs with a bunch of people half your age in a rented mini-van on the way to Atlanta!

It's also probably better than the poems I used to write when I was sad enough to write poems.  Now, I fear, I am too sad.

I have no reason to mention this but I enjoy playing the trivia game You Don't Know Jack on my iPad.  But I refuse to log in with my Facebook account.  First, I don't want to give up my personal goofball data that easily; & also, who wants to play video games with Facebook friends?  Competition brings out the worst in people.

Said Adam Smith to Karl Marx playing Words With Friends.

I have too much to do to count the number of posts like I like doing but I will point out that:

Post # 1: September 12, 2006
Post # 1600: May 23, 2013

If I were writing a Harry Potter or Game Of Thrones-sized book, it would take me nearly seven years to finish it!

Unless the Harry Potter books aren't that big.  Should I have said Dune?  Would anyone get that reference these days?  In the 1980s, maybe.  But now?

I'm a little sleep-deprived.  How are you?  Did you find your way here by accident?  I thought so.

Tomorrow With Be The 1600th Post On This Blog

Who cares?

It's a little amazing how little we know about the year 1600 (CE, but at the time, AD).  Just looking at Wikipedia's page for the year, there are several unknown dates of things we know happened that year & people we know were born that year, but the dates are not exact.  Also, there's a section called "probable."  It might not have happened, but it's probable it did!

1600 Pennsylvania Avenue is the address of the American President's residence, known as "the White House."  The zip code, by the way, is 20500.  In case you want to write something.  Although there's also an email address, or rather, an online form.  What?  No "president@whitehouse.gov"?

Obama might be afraid George W. Bush still occasionally checks his mail at that address.

There's also a 1600 Smith Street, a giant office building in Houston, but you wouldn't want to visit there, let along email anyone who happened to be around.  It's an office building in Houston, for pete's sake!

Ah, 1600 CE.  Shakespeare wrote The Merchant Of Venice that year.  Nothing that grand will ever ever come from this blog.  In 1600, Giordano Bruno was burned at the stake.  That's more of the mood around here, generally.

Caesar

I must've misspelled "Caesar" two thousand times while writing stuff down for this show.  I was going to write some kind of riff on "Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears," but every time I wrote "Caesar" it came out as "Casear" or "Ceaser" or "Cesaer."  Julius Ceaser?  Dude, stop!

Many spoken word pieces on this show, as well as a hip hop version of a famous soliloquy.  What more could you want?  Except, perhaps, for a night at a Roman orgy?  Really?  You'd want that?  Weirdo.

The show is now at the ruins I call "the Self Help Radio website".  Or you can listen directly by choosing either part I or part II.  Please note the use of Roman numerals.  Caesar songs in each part listed below.

Gratias vobis ago!  For listening, I mean.

(part one)

"The Story Of Rome: Enter, Caesar" Jim Weiss _Julius Caesar & The Story Of Rome_
"Julius Caesar" The Mills Brothers _The 1930s Recordings_
"Caesar" Ty Segall _Melted_

"Julius Caesar (William Shakespeare)" Morris Schreiber _Windows For Youth: Guidance Through Literature_
"Caesar Needs A Brutus" Simon Bonney _Forever_
"Julius Caesar (Memento Hodie)" Nico _The Marble Index_

"Caesar" Iggy Pop _American Caesar_
"Caesar's Palace" Charles Wright _The Watts 103rd Street Rhythm Band_
"Ides Of March" Stag _Stag_

"High School Caesar" Reggie Perkins _Teen-Age Riot!_

(part two)

"Young Caesar 2000" The Mountain Goats _Zopilote Machine_
"Little Caesar On A Bicycle" Rock*A*Teens _Golden Time_
"Little Caesar" Blondie _The Hunter_
"Caesar" The Cannanes _The Cannanes_
"Unto Caesar" Dirty Projectors _Swing Lo Magellan_

"Julius Caesar" Brother Dave Gardner _Live In Concert, Vol 2_
"Caesars Tod" Ute Lemper _Ute Lemper Sings Kurt Weill_
"Three Times (Julius Caesar)" Flocabulary _Shakespeare Is Hip-Hop_

"Eric The Gardener" The Divine Comedy _Fin De Siècle_
"Caesar's Planet" Gene Defcon _Fields & Streams_
"Ease Up Caesar" Asian Dub Foundation _Punkara_
"Julius Caesar Plum Cake Dance" Pino D'Angiò _Italian Classics: Pino D'Angiò Collection, Vol. 2_

"Czar" Moev _Dusk & Desire_
"Czar" Frank Black _Frank Black_

Whither Caesar?

I have a fascination with Romans.  The historical Romans, not the British people who play Romans in movies, which always freaked me out, because didn't the Romans conquer the Britons & the Celts?

Where was I?  Oh yes, today's radio show.

I remember, I had to memorize, in tenth grade, three of the speeches in Shakespeare's Julius Caesar, none of which I've retained.  Everyone in the class has to memorize the "cowards die a thousand times before their death" speech, as well as Anthony's "Friends, Romans, countrymen" speech & his words about Brutus at his death - "This was the noblest Roman of them all!"  We had to go to Mrs. Phillips' room at a time - after school? - when it was just her & you, the two of you, & do all three in succession.    (I remember people waiting outside, perhaps listening to me.)  Even though it was just me with her, I was very nervous, & even though I breezed through the first two, my knees began to tremble as I got to the last one.  I honestly thought I might void my bowels, I was so nervous.

Mrs. Phillips - who was a nice woman, who also taught German, & especially taught some of my older siblings - told me, "I really liked how emotional you got at the end there!"

My fear would never again help me in such a way.

Meanwhile, today's show is all about Caesar - & it's on 88.1 fm in Lexington, & online at wrfl.fm.  From four to six pm EST.  If you're in a Roman mood.

Preface To Caesar: Pizza Pizza?

Listener Jack has recommended to me (so I am passing on the savings to you) the original trailer to the 1931 Edward G. Robinson flick Little Caesar, which you can view here.

He also sent me a clip:



I was totally expecting that little pizza guy.  Can you imagine how Julius Caesar would feel to know that two thousand years later his cartoon image is being used to sell mediocre pizzas?  Someone would need to be thrown to the lions!

Caesar Salad

I don't know if I've ever had a Caesar salad.  The Wikipedia's entry says that it's a "salad of romaine lettuce & croutons dressed with parmesan cheese, lemon juice, olive oil, egg, Worcestershire sauce, garlic, & black pepper."  I haven't always been vegan, so there's a chance I might have eaten one but I don't remember - it seems a pretty bland salad.  No tomatoes?  Gasp!

There are plenty of vegan recipes for Caesar salad out there - like this one, which also (kinda cool) has you make your croutons, something of which I approve.

There are many things one misses when one becomes vegan, but this salad doesn't seem as interesting as some others - like Greek salads.  Boy, feta cheese.  Feta cheese & olives, yum!

Also, apparently you can get salmonella with Caesar salad.  & it wasn't named after the Caesar about which much of the show this week will be.  Though it was named after an Italian named Caesar, so there's a connection, however untenable.

A Tribute To George Jones

Self Help Radio spent a couple of hours saying goodbye & celebrating the life of the great George Jones.  It's probably best to let the music speak for itself.

The songs I played - songs by George Jones (alone & with others), covers of George Jones songs, & songs about George Jones - are listed below.  The show is at the Self Help Radio website but if you can't be bothered to go look there, you can listen to both parts by clicking these links: part one | part two.

Goodbye, George.  Thank you for all the music.

(part one)

"Root Beer" George Jones _The New Favorites Of George Jones_
"Why Baby Why" Red Sovine & Webb Pierce _From The Vaults: Decca Country Classics 1934-1973_
"George Jones Is Playin' In The City Tonight" Austin Lounge Lizards _Lizard Vision_

"The Grand Tour" George Jones _The Grand Tour_
"You're Still On My Mind" The Byrds _Sacred Hearts & Fallen Angels: The Gram Parsons Anthology_
"Stranger In The House" Elvis Costello _My Aim Is True_
"He Stopped Loving Her Today" The Geraldine Fibbers _Poop Alley Tapes_
"I Was Country When Country Wasn't Cool" Barbara Mandrell _20th Century Masters: The Best Of Barbara Mandrell_

"Ceremony" George Jones & Tammy Wynette _Me & The First Lady_
"We Must Have Been Out Of Our Minds" John Prine & Melba Montgomery _In Spite Of Ourselves_
"Ain't No Woman Gonna Make A George Jones Outta Me" Daniel Johnston _Welcome To My World_
"She Thinks I Still Care" Solomon Burke _Proud Mary_
"Don't Cry Darlin'" David Allan Coe _The Essential David Allan Coe_

"The King Is Gone (So Are You)" George Jones _The Essential George Jones: The Spirit Of Country_
"White Lightning" The Fall _Shift-Work_

(part two)

"What Would George Jones Do?" Honky Tonkitis _Alcohol & Heartbreak_
"Just One More" John Hammond _Ready For Love_
"I Gotta Get Drunk" George Jones & Willie Nelson _Best Country Duets_

"If Drinkin' Don't Kill Me (Her Memory Will)" George Jones _I Am What I Am_
"A Good Year For The Roses" Johnny Paycheck _Johnny Paycheck: A Country Legend_
"George Jones Talkin' Cell Phone Blues" Drive-By Truckers _The Fine Print (A Collection Of Oddities & Rarities 2003-2008)_
"What Am I Worth" Dave Alvin _King Of California_
"Yesterday's Wine" Merle Haggard & George Jones _A Taste Of Yesterday's Wine_

"Who Shot Sam" George Jones _The Fabulous Country Music Sound Of George Jones_
"The Race Is On (live)" Grateful Dead _Reckoning_
"Play Me Some George Jones Songs" Jimmy Martin _Me'N Ole Pete_
"Love Bug" Don Rich _Don Rich Sings George Jones_
"What's In Our Hearts" George Jones & Melba Montgomery _What's In Our Hearts_

"These Days (I Barely Get By)" George Jones _Anniversary: Ten Years Of Hits_
"Her Name Is" George Jones _Alone Again_
"Two Story House" George Jones & Tammy Wynette _Together Again_

Whither A Tribute To George Jones?

Man, if anyone deserves someone playing his music & talking a little about his life, it's him.  You can read the New York Times obituary, titled "his life was a country song," to get a sense of the man.

In my usual dumbass way, I'll be playing lots of his music, people covering him, songs about him, & a few collaborations.  I won't do him justice because I am probably incapable of doing a real tribute.  If you're a big fan, you might not want to listen - I might offend you.

But it's the only way I know how to process these things & say goodbye, & I pretend I am doing something different than the average tribute show, & it makes me happy to think so.

The show will be on today from 4 to 6 pm, on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington & on your computer at the WRFL website.  Yeah, I'll archive it later.

George Jones.  It's nice I get to live in a world that had him in it for a little while.

Preface To A Tribute To George Jones: If This Radio Show Don't Kill Me, Drinking Will

Seriously, listening to George Jones for several days in preparation for this show might be doing my liver serious damage.

New Intro Time Again!

I am doing something that I do every year, which is make a new intro for my show.

Technically, I didn't do it every year of my show - apparently 2003 & 2004 passed before I made another intro.  Oh how I wish I had chosen to make a new intro every two years!  Well.  Anyway.  There's a new one that will debut on Friday's show.

Want to listen to it now?  In case you do, it's right here, a click away.  But seriously, it's no big deal.

I've made a lot of them - like I said, almost one a year.  Mostly one a year.  It should be a source of pride for me but there you are.  Wanna hear them?

You can listen to the 2002 intro (my first!) here.

You can listen to the 2003 intro here.

You can listen to the 2005 intro here.

You can listen to the 2006 intro here.

You can listen to the 2007 intro here.

You can listen to the 2008 intro here.

You can listen to the 2009 intro here.

You can listen to the 2010 intro here.

You can listen to the 2011 intro here.

You can listen to the 2012 intro (the most recent!) here.

Necks

Necks!  What the heck!  I'm kind of a wreck, I've watched too much Star Trek, I'm at your call & beck, & tired of being a smart alec: let's check on necks!

It's a show about necks, it's true.  Look at the songs below if you don't believe me.  Listen to the show over at the Self Help Radio website if you can't imagine such a thing.  Here, listen to it by clicking directly here for part one & here for part two.  Really.  It's a show about necks!

Though I never got around to talking about necking.  I wonder what that means.

(part one)

"Necks, Necks, Necks" Sarah Silverman _Songs Of The Sarah Silverman Program_
"Neck" Robyn Hitchcock & The Egyptians _Luminous Groove_
"Broke My Neck" Echo & The Bunnymen _Heaven Up Here_

"Wear My Ring Around Your Neck" Elvis Presley _King Creole_
"Up To My Neck In High Muddy Waters" The Greenbriar Boys _Best Of The Vanguard Years_
"A Swallow On My Neck" Morrissey _The HMV / Parlophone Singles 88-95_
"Your Sweet Neck" The Moog _Sold For Tomorrow_
"Peck Ya Neck" Mandrill _Solid_

"Lucas Was A Redneck" Mac Davis _Country Funk 1969 - 1975_
"Redneck" Swamp Dogg _Total Destruction Of Your Mind_
"Redneck (Single Edit)" Luxuria _Unanswerable Lust & Beast Box_
"Temple Redneck" The Sandkings _Welcome To England_
"Redneck Gout Club" Finally Punk _Get Serious_

"Pencil Neck Geek" Fred Blassie _Dr. Demento 20th Anniversary Collection: The Greatest Novelty Records Of All Time_
"Neck Tattoo" Todd Barry _Medium Energy_

(part two)

"Chicken Necks" The Genies _Who's That Knocking_
"Fried Neck Bones & Some Homefries" Willie Bobo _Uno, Dos, Tres 1-2-3_
"Long Neck Bottles" Captain Beefheart & The Magic Band _The Spotlight Kid/Clear Spot_
"Up The Neck" The Pretenders _The Pretenders_

"Brassneck" The Wedding Present _Bizarro_
"Bottleneck At Capel Curig" Half Man Half Biscuit _Trouble Over Bridgwater_
"Break Your Neck" East Village _Hotrod Hotel_
"One Neck" Holly Golightly _Truly She Is None Other_

"Rough Neck Blues" The Allen Brothers _The Complete Recordings Vol. 3: 1932-1934_
"Down In My Neck Of The Woods" Bob Wills & His Texas Playboys _San Antonio Rose_
"Columbian Necktie" Big Black _Songs About Fucking_
"Hit Me" Savages _Silence Yourself_
"Bangkok Necktie" Man Man _Life Fantastic_

"The Jiffy Neckwear Creation" Baby Lemonade _Souvenirs from Egg Records_
"V-Neck" Madison Electric _Drive-In Season_

Whither Necks?

What if I told you I didn't have any better idea?

I am a little freaked out that people eat the necks of things, but one of the main reasons I stopped eating meat way back when was discovering that we ate the muscles of animals.  Honestly, I didn't really know what part of the animal we were eating - except when someone would say "liver" or "wing," which was self-explanatory - but finding out specifically what freaked me out.  I'm glad that I don't do that anymore.

I once had a terrible dream & woke up with my hands around the neck of the person I was in bed with. I am glad I didn't hurt her.  She told me that I never even tightened my grip, it was just weird, I woke her up by putting my hands around her neck.  I was dreaming I was about to strangle someone.  That could've turned ugly.

I have a radio show about necks today, did you know?  It's true.  It's on my 4 to 6 pm on 88.1 fm WRFL here in Lexington; you can listen online at the WRFL website (which has other charms).

Listen or I'll wring your neck!  Okay, that was mean.  Sorry.

Preface To Necks: What's With Necks Anyway?

Sounding like a stand-up comic, asking that silly question.  Thinking about this old dude I used to know who, at the age of like seventy had a facelift, so his face was as smooth as - well, something that everyone would think is smooth - I dunno what - I wish there were a cliché I could use right here - anyway, he had a smooth face but his neck looked awful.

Thinking about the weird shit that happens on necks.  No, not hickeys.  Fool.  Thinking about skin tags.  Weird hairs.  Adam's apples.  then, with age, wrinkles from hell.

Considering how far necks fall.  Start out as things you want to kiss.  End up as things you're vaguely afraid of.

The curse of time!

I Know I Promised...

I would do a tribute show for the late, great George Jones this week, but events overtook me so I'll have to plan it for next week.  It'll feature some George Jones songs & songs about George Jones & who the hell knows what else - I haven't even begun to plan it.

In the meantime, here he is performing with Tammy Wynette one of my favorites - I hope it'll tide you over.

Indiepop A To Z # 40

Coming at you late - but as twee as it wants to be - we're still in the letter H - I only made one alphabetical mistake - though I probably left out an important band or two.

Show at website: Self Help Radio dot Net

Direct links to show: part one | part two

Songs played: below

Long week getting longer.

(part one)

"So You Think You're In Love" Robyn Hitchcock _Luminous Groove_
"Still In Love" Holiday _Ready, Steady, Go!_
"Clover Valley Road" Holiday Flyer _You Make Us Go_

"Cincinnati" The Holiday Makers _Cincinnati_
"Bus Stop" The Hollies _The British Invasion: History of British Rock, Vol. 3_
"Don't Slow Down" Hollow Men _Cresta_
"New Colors" Holy Shit _Homemade Hits Vol. 1_
"Slip Away" Home & Abroad _Swings & Roundabouts EP_

"Rocket" Home By Hovercraft _Are We Chameleons?_
"Hearts In Exile" The Homosexuals _Astral Glamour_
"Judas In Me Singing" Honest Johns _The Sound Of Leamington Spa Vol. 2_
"Dead Souls" Honey Langstrumpf _Warsaw: Un Homenaje A Joy Division_
"Go Now" Honey Skoolmates _Moshi Moshi (Pop International Style)_

"Walking Into Walls" Honeybunch _Time Trials: 1987-1995_

(part two)

"Sister" Honeyburn _LemonLime Volume 1_
"One False Move" Honeycrash _A Sandwich & A Sweater_
"Drive" Honeymoon Diary _Homemade Hits, Vol. 1_
"(Lack Of) Love Will Tear Us Apart" The Honeydrips _Here Comes The Future_

"Untitled" Honeymooners  _The Sound Of Leamington Spa Volume 5_
"Fabrications" The Honeymoons _This Coherent Excitation_
"Sweeter Than Sunshine" Honeyrider _Splashdown!_
"The Man Who Was Through With The World" The Honeys _The Man Who Was Through With The World_
"Peace In A Picture" Honeytrap _The Sound Of Leamington Spa Volume 3_

"You Can Take A Heart But You Cannot Make It Beat" Hong Kong In The 60s _My Phantoms_
"Schottische Schloesser" Die Honigritter _Mind The Gap The Tape_
"Funny" Hope _Funny EP_
"Hanky Panky Nohow" The Hope Blister _Smile's OK_

"¡Free Arthur Lee!" Hopkirk & Lee _Beneath The Apple Tree_
"Rubinoos T-Shirt" Hormones In Abundance _Hit Music Only_
"I Need A Blanket" Horowitz _Frosty Cat Songs_