Self Help Radio 101311: 1968 Revisited - 11th Anniversary Show!

Self Help Radio turned eleven & there was too much cake.  I still have cake in my shorts.  & a lit candle!  Ow!  Ow!  Ow!

Lots of music I didn't play the first time around, for whatever reason.  Listen to the show here.  Oh, if you need to access it directly - & it's in two parts - you can listen to part one or part two, whatever you prefer.  You know me, I'm in no position to judge.  Songs played listed in song playlist below.

Can you imagine, eleven years?  & never been kissed?

Thanks for listening!

(part one)

"Part One (Except)" Frank Zappa _Lumpy Gravy_
"Big" Red Krayola _God Bless The Red Krayola & All Who Sail With It_
"Waiting For The Electrician Or Someone Like Him (Excerpt)" Firesign Theatre _Waiting For The Electrician Or Someone Like Him_

"Lady Godiva's Operation" The Velvet Underground _White Light/White Heat_
"No One Is There" Nico _The Marble Index_
"Bat Macumba" Os Mutantes _Os Mutantes_
"Beatle Bones 'N' Smokin' Stones" Captain Beefheart & His Magic Band _Strictly Personal_

"Once Upon A Time In The West" Ennio Morricone _Once Upon A Time In The West_
"Song Of Innocence" David Axelord _Songs Of Innocence_
"On The Bed" George Harrison _Wonderwall Music_
"Mothers & Fathers" Bill Cosby _200 MPH_

"Marijuana" The Fugs _It Crawled Into My Hand, Honest_
"I Like Marijuana" David Peel & The Lower East Side _Have A Marijuana_

(part two)

"The Garden Of Earthly Delights" The United States Of America _The United States Of America_
"A Soldier's Prayer 1967" Archie Bell & The Drells _Tighten Up_
"The War Is Over" Phil Ochs _Tape From California_

"Ford Mustang" Serge Gainsbourg _Initials B.B._
"Some Velvet Morning" Nancy Sinatra & Lee Hazlewood _Nancy & Lee_
"The Girls & The Dogs" Scott Walker _Scott 2_
"La Bière" Jacques Brel _J'arrive_

"Beautiful Zelda" The Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band _The Doughnut In Granny's Greenhouse_
"Mr. Tambourine Man" William Shatner _The Transformed Man_
"Highly Illogical" Leonard Nimoy _Two Sides Of Leonard Nimoy_
"Motorcycle Ride" Bruce Haack _The Way-Out Record For Children_
"On The Old Front Porch" Tiny Tim _God Bless Tiny Tim_

"Lovefingers" Silver Apples _Silver Apples_
"Come Around" Skip Bifferty _Skip Bifferty_
"Quartet No. 6 In D Minor" The Free Design _You Could Be Born Again_
"Nice To See You" The Left Banke _The Left Banke Too_

Whither 1968 (Again)?

It's the eleventh anniversary of Self Help Radio!  Can you believe someone out there has allowed this show to go on for eleven years?  The quality police have been sleeping on the job,

As I was explaining yesterday, I have taken to using the anniversary of my show as a chance to revisit an old theme.  I have new themes every week; but surely something new has been recorded in the intervening years (or I've discovered something that I previously didn't know existed) that would fit an old theme.  It's a chance to re-do the show, or even undo it.

I decided to re-do my show about my favorite music from 1968, actually, by un-doing it.  That sounds better than what's really happening: I'm just playing music that I didn't play the first time around.  I'm also playing music I totally forgot about the first time around.  I didn't play anything from White Light/White Heat!  What the hell!  But my show was only an hour long then.  I say as if it's an excuse.

So you won't hear the Beatles, Tyrannosaurus Rex, the Kinks, Johnny Cash, the Rolling Stones, Van Morrison, the Zombies, Can, Herbie Hancock, or Peter Brötzmann tonight.  I played them the first time I did a 1968 show.  Luckily there were lots & lots of other great records (& some utterly ridiculous ones) that came out that year.  I'll be playing those!

I would also like to say out loud that reminding myself of what music I really loved from any particular year has been made sooooo easy thanks to the Rate Your Music web site.  I don't agree with probably most of their rankings but it does serve as a handy list of releases from a particular year.  It took hours off my preparation - I would otherwise have been looking at copyright notices & trying to determine from memory when something came out.

It's on tonight!  From 10pm to midnight!  88.1 fm in Lexington!  wrfl.fm online!

Listen!  It'll be a happy anniversary!

Preface To 1968: What?!? 1968 Again?!?

This week is my eleventh anniversary week.  My first official Self Help Radio show was October 9, 2002.  During this week, I revisit an old theme.

Now, eleven years make a lot of themes.  There's a lot I could revisit.  It's a hard decision to make - but I also don't want to repeat myself - some themes I might not be able to improve upon with a second chance.

I had an idea during that first year - it was actually barely four months into the show - I had no idea that I would be doing this show for eleven years! - the idea I had was that, during the week of my birthday, I would play music that I loved most from the year of my birth - & then move forward each year.  So the next year, I'd do 1969 (I was born in 1968), & the year after that, 1969, etc.

It occurred to me that I might want to revisit 1968 again.  But what did I play the first time?


"Julia" The Beatles _The Beatles_
"Weilder Of Words" Tyrannosaurus Rex _Our People Were Fair & Wore Stars In Their Hair_
"Animal Farm" The Kinks _The Kinks Are The Village Green Preservation Society_
"Folsom Prison Blues" Johnny Cash _Johnny Cash At Folsom Prison_

"Dear Doctor" Rolling Stones _Beggars Banquet_
"What's The Ugliest Part Of Your Body?" Frank Zappa _We're Only In It For The Money_
"The Way Young Lovers Do" Van Morrison _Astral Weeks_
"Maybe After He's Gone" Zombies _Odessey & Oracle_
"Uphill" Can _Delay_

"The Sorceror" Herbie Hancock _Speak Like A Child_
"Machine Gun (take two)" Peter Brötzmann Octet _Machine Gun_

I also played a Leonard Cohen song from his first album, but I have discovered that his first record was released in 1967, so I cheated on that.  Oh my.

The point is, why play it again?  & if so, what should I play?  If I've already played the music that I loved most from 1968, what comes next?  Two hours of second best?  Or what?

I'll try & answer that tomorrow.

Writerly Advice

I was up at the radio station today & one of the student programmers was trying to finish an assignment for a creative writing class.  The assignment was to come up with five or so ideas for a short story.  He seemed put out, & so I suggested he write about some of the ridiculous things that had happened at the radio station.

He said that he always thought writing about his own life was lame.  That seems to be a new thing - back in the day when I wanted to be a writer, the idea was that you wrote about what you knew, & what you knew was of course your own life & experiences.

By the way, yes, I wanted to be a writer.  The writing on this blog should serve as the reason that I didn't.  I figured out before it was too late that I wasn't a very good writer at all.

Anyway, I confessed to the student that I wanted to be a writer & that all I ever really wrote about was myself.  I said, "I kind of always wanted to be like Jack London, you know, going out & having adventures that I could write about."

"Why didn't you?" he said.

"I realized," I said, "that I didn't really care too terribly much about other people & therefore couldn't muster up the interest to write about them."

That may seem a little self-involved, but it's more or less true - I could have gone out & had some kind of experience but I probably wouldn't have paid a hell of a lot of attention to the people around me & definitely wouldn't have taken the time to try to capture their dialect or the things that interested them.  Because chances are they wouldn't have interested me.  Writers, it seems, should have hungrier minds than I have.

As well, I've never been good at extracting wisdom or insight from experiences I had.  A short story of the experience would be more like a set of declarative sentences stating facts than something that wrung meaning out of a life event.  When I did try to do that, ouch, it felt forced.

Have I ever shared one of my short stories here?  They're not very good.  They all end with the protagonist (usually me) just leaving,  A cafe, a house, a room, a car.  Exiting.  In general, they have no plot, & they don't begin or end.  They just kind of stop continuing to the next page.

I urged him to write about things that happened to him, though.  What the hell.  It could just be one idea of his five.

I don't know if he took my advice.

Self Help Radio 131004: Gangs

Oh shit.  Oh shit.  I'm supposed to say something about this week's show but I haven't prepared anything.  Uh.  I did a radio show.  Um.  You know, like you do.  Like I do.  Friday I think.  What was the theme?  How the fuck should I know?  Top of the page?  Oh.  Gangs.  Yeah, it was about gangs.  It was full of songs.  I might need to change my medication.

Can we just say "it's now at the website?  What?  Tell them, not you?  Tell who?  Fuck, is this live?  What?  Part one?  Part two?  List of songs?  I have no idea what the hell I'm doing.

I only wish someone loved me.

(part one)

"That Old Gang Of Mine" Billy Murray & Ed Smalle _The Denver Nightingale_
"Construction Gang" Butterbeans & Susie _The Complete Joseph "King" Oliver Heritage 1923-1931, Volume 2_
"Heigh-Ho The Gang's All Here" Joan Crawford & Fred Astaire _The History of Pop-Radio 1933-1936_

"I'm Free From The Chain Gang Now" Jimmie Rodgers _The Singing Brakeman_
"Chain Gang Blues" Johnny Temple _Broke, Black & Blue, Vol. 4: Jumpin' At The Club Blue Flame_
"Chain Gang Boun'" Josh White _Songs For Political Action: Folk Music, Topical Songs & The American Left 1935-1954 CD2 Theatre & Cabaret Performers 1936-1941_
"Chain Gang" Bobby Scott _The London American Label - Year By Year - 1956_
"Chain Gang" Otis Redding _The Soul Album_

"Join The Gang" David Bowie _London Boy_
"Gangster Of Love (Pts. 1 & 2)" Jimmy Norman _What It Is! Funky Soul & Rare Grooves (1967-1977)_
"Liquid Gang" T.Rex _Zinc Alloy_
"I'm The Leader Of The Gang (I Am!)" Gary Glitter _Remember Me This Way_

"Gangsters" The Specials _The Specials_
"Plastic Gangsters" The 4-Skins _The Good, The Bad, & The 4-Skins_

(part two)

"Gangster Funk" Crime _Gangster Funk_
"Gangster Of Love" Talking Heads _Sand In The Vaseline_

"Gangsta Gangsta" NWA _Straight Outta Compton_
"Damn It Feels Good To Be A Gangsta" Geto Boys _10th Anniversary: Rap-A-Lot Records Hip Hop_
"Gangsta Bitch" Apache _Apache Ain't Shit_

"Street Gang" A.R.E. Weapons _A.R.E. Weapons_
"First Of The Gang To Die" Morrissey _You Are The Quarry_
"Rumble With The Gang Debs" Tullycraft _Disenchanted Hearts Unite_
"Cape & Stick Gang" Momus _The Ultraconformist_

"Ol' Gang" The Fall _Levitate_
"Sheena's In A Goth Gang" The Cramps _Big Beat From Badsville_

Whither Gangs?

I told someone last week that I've always had that Groucho Marx inclination - "I don't care to belong to any club that would have me as a member" - although in some senses WRFL & the other radio stations I've been involved with are kinds of clubs & I was happy they had me as a member (though of course deejays is generally a solitary activity).  But is WRFL a gang?  We should be getting our jackets any day.

I should've written something about how an average day at WRFL makes Sons Of Anarchy seem tame.

"Gang" has many meanings & we're not just going to talk about street gangs or biker gangs or gang bangs or bang gangs tonight.  (I don't think we're going to be talking about gang bangs at all, actually.  They're gross.)  The songs will explore all kinds of gangs.  But I do need to start reading up about gang activity in the United States.

The show's on tonight (!) from 10 to midnight (Eastern) on 88.1 fm WRFL.  You can listen at if you so choose.  You don't even have to be part of the WRFL gang!

Preface To Gangs: Unedited Gangsta

I'll talk a little tomorrow about Gangsta Rap & even play a couple of songs, but I can't play their full, unedited versions.  Even with safe harbor, WRFL doesn't allow so many bad words & n-bombs.  Which is a shame.  A couple of these songs are kind of amazing.  Here are their original versions courtesy of Youtube - listen tomorrow to the show for awkward edits:





Interestingly, both unedited versions are longer than their radio-friendly versions.

The Obligatory Post About "Breaking Bad"

I watched Breaking Bad.  I enjoyed the hell out of it.  I am going to miss it.

I mean, I've watched every episode of lots of television shows now, & usually I keep watching them long after I've stopped enjoying them (Weeds, anyone?).  It was nice to have a series stay strong to the very end.

I find myself looking at this picture I posted to Facebook with the line "Breaking Bad's shocking ending spoiler alert!":

I thought it might make me a little sad, but I now find this picture a little creepy.  I mean, the more I think about it, the more I feel like this is not the picture that the actors posed for.  Aaron Paul looks really, really confused & a little uncomfortable.  Bryan Cranston looks the very definition of  bemused.  Why does Anna Gunn seem so pleased?

There's got to be another, more posed photo of the three of them in bed.  There's got to.

I'll go look around for it now.

Also, if you're up at 5am tomorrow morning, I'll be on the radio.  Just putting it out there.

Self Help Radio 092713: Lines

Here's something dumb: every time I think of songs about "lines," the Thompson Twins song "Lies" pops into my head, but I hear the chorus as "Lines, lines, lines, yeah."  I should've played it.  That would have shamed my brain & its diminishing powers!

Instead, here are a bunch of songs about lines.  All different kinds of line.  You can see the list below.  You can listen to the show at the Self Help Radio web site, or you can listen to the show direct-like by clicking here: part I &/or part II.

Thanks for listening between the lines!

(part one)

"On The Picket Line" Manhattan Chorus _Songs For Political Action: Folkmusic, Topical Songs, & The American Left 1926-1953, Vol. 1 - The Leftist Roots Of The Folk Revival
"Rock Island Line" Lead Belly _Lead Belly & Woody Guthrie: Folkways, The Original Vision_
"I Walk The Line" The Everly Brothers _The Price Of Fame_
"Walkin' Down The Line" Bob Dylan _The Bootleg Series, Vol. 1_

"Lines" Noh Mercy _Noh Mercy_
"Walked In Line" Joy Division _Still_
"Parallel Lines (Demo)" Subway Sect _Babylon's Burning: The Rough & Ready Rise Of Punk 1973 - 1978_
"Head Lines" George Carlin _On The Road_

"Life On The Line" Fad Gadget _Under The Flag_
"Laugh Lines" Cocteau Twins _Peppermint Pig_
"All Lined Up" Shriekback _Care_
"88 Lines About 44 Women" The Nails _Mood Swing_

"White Lines (Don't Do It)" Grandmaster Flash & Melle Mel _The Best Of Sugar Hill Records_

(part two)

"The Bottom Line" Big Audio Dynamite _This Is Big Audio Dynamite_
"Disco Hotline" National Lampoon _That's Not Funny, That's Sick_
"Telegraph Line" Jaime Aff & Christine Langner _Schoolhouse Rock: Science Rock_
"Breaking Lines" The Pastels _C86_

"Between The Lines" The Sullivans _The Sullivans_
"Circle Line" Rodney Allen _Happysad_
"Sign On The Line" The Fizzbombs _Sign On The Line_
"Waterline" Lloyd Cole _Lloyd Cole_
"High Tension Line" The Fall _Shift-Work_

"I'm The End Of The Family Line" Morrissey _Kill Uncle_
"Going For A Walk With A Line" Momus _Folktronic_
"Punchlines" The Lucksmiths _A Good Kind Of Nervous_
"Wichita Lineman" Optiganally Yours _Spotlight On Optiganally Yours_

"Grey Lines" Arson Welles _Inside The System Is The Spark_
"Crooked Lines" The Go-Betweens _Bright Orange Bright Yellow_
"End Of The Line" Nina Simone _Four Women_

Whither Lines?

I can no longer walk a straight line.  There are lines all over my aging face.  I can't even see the lines I used to think I could read between.  (Okay, that last one was me ripping off Brian Eno.)  I should do a radio show about lines.

I will!  In an hour, on 88.1 fm WRFL Lexington! You can listen online at WRFL dot fm!  Call or come by!  I promise, there won't be a line.

Just lots of songs about lines.

Preface To Lines: What If I Can't Remember My Lines?

I used to think I had a good memory, until I realized how fallible memory is.  But I have been able to memorize lots of things in my life, including pretty much every Elvis Costello song before 1990, & all the Smiths songs too.  & more.

But I've never had to memorize an entire play.  I knew a woman who had acted in a couple of plays with the Shakespeare At Winedale program in the 1990s - something I didn't know about until long after I'd finished school, or else I might have wanted to audition for it, & spend a summer doing.

(It's funny, at the radio station the other day, one of the kids there returned from a job fair & was complained how square everyone there was - how they were mainly hiring accountants.  But she mentioned that someone was there from the State Department & that person said, "If you work for the State Department, you will probably spend your entire career overseas."  I had never heard that before. I never went to a job fair.  I want to work for the State Department at the age of 22!)

I have had to memorize things for class before, & I have gotten extremely nervous doing so.  Here are two stories about that (both involve Shakespeare):

First story.  In 10th grade, we read Julius Caesar, & we had to come after class (I guess to spare us the embarrassment of performing for our classmates?) (or perhaps so the teacher didn't want to waste time it would take to have a class stumble through the lines) & recite three passages.  They were Caesar's "cowards die a thousand times" speech, Antony's funeral oration for Caesar, & Antony's last speech over Brutus' body.  I was able to get through the first two with no problem, but toward the end I began to comprehend the enormity of my situation: I was reciting for a grade words that I might or might not have in my head to a woman sitting very close to me who could fail me if I messed up.  It didn't help that I was looking at her & she kept writing things down that I wasn't able to read.  I naturally became very nervous.

I did my best to keep it together but no one told my leg that.  It began to tremble at the last speech ("This was the noblest Roman of them all") & I struggled through those few lines while trying to keep my body from spazzing out.

The result?  At the end the teacher, Mrs. Phillips, said to me, "I was very impressed how emotional you got at the end of the speech there.  I really felt you understood Antony's words."

Oh good lord.

Second story.  A couple of years later, in Mrs. Kilpatrick's class, I had to memorize the Malcolm & Macduff dialogue (Act 4, Scene 3).  Now I can't remember who I was, but since we had to perform this in front of the class, I wanted to make sure I did a good job, & I memorized the whole damn thing.  The thing was, I was doing it with someone else, a fellow whose name I won't mention but he was a tall, blond, good-looking & well-liked fellow who also may have been the Senior Class President.

(I have no idea whether this is true or not, since I don't really trust my memory, but I do remember looking him up a few years ago & finding a person with his name teaching at a conservative college out west.  He had apparently gone into ROTC after high school.  That did not surprise me.)

I don't recall if I were Malcolm or Macduff & none of that matters.  The other person didn't really learn his lines so I would say mine perfectly & he would need cueing from the teacher.  The point of this story is that, when we were out in the halls practicing, he said something to me that made me realize I wasn't such a mutant after all.  He said, "Dickerson, man, I really gotta take a shit right now."

I had always thought that it was something defective about my G-I tract that nervousness made me need to void my bowels.  If someone as normal & well-adjusted as the Senior Class President had the same reaction, that was a wow moment.  I didn't even mind that he fucked up the scene, which I had spent hours more time on than he did: I felt a little less alone in the world.

Oh, & yeah: people in my high school called me by my last name.  Mainly the boys did, but I didn't really talk to girls, & they most certainly didn't talk to me.  I think it's because of gym class.  We were all called by our last names in gym class.

My Favorite Church Sign

This is one of my favorite church signs (the sign, not the slogan, though I don't like this slogan).  I pass by it every day, & the people who maintain the sign change it every week.  & it's usually a little embarrassing.

Like this one: I don't think the people who put the sign up realize that when you put words in quotation marks, you imply that you don't quite mean what you're saying.  As the Wikipedia notes in its article on quotation marks:


Another common use of quotation marks is to indicate or call attention to ironic or apologetic words:
He shared his "wisdom" with me.
The lunch lady plopped a glob of "food" onto my tray.

The sign therefore suggests that the things that God (assuming it's the Christian god) does are "impossible" - meaning he does things that aren't really impossible at all.  The truly impossible things - influencing sports contests through prayer, creating storms to punish behavior he doesn't approve of, giving powers to heal to people who seems like charlatans - he really can't do.

I don't think they meant it that way.  Oops!

This week's - I don't have a picture - says, "HAVE A GOD DAY."  Really?  Assuming they mean the Christian god, are we supposed to walk with prostitutes, lepers, & the poor, & try to heal them, & spread the message that we are the son of the one true god up there?  Should we treat our supper as our last?  Should we go to the desert & fast until we hallucinate that we do battle with a demon?

Or do we have to go back & create the universe?  That could take some doing.  "Let there be light!" I would scream - & then my wife would flip a switch & call me a weirdo.

It's easier, I guess, than having a Zeus day, I suppose.  Jesus, how hard must it be to try to rape someone in a swan outfit?  Never mind as a shower of gold!

Self Help Radio 130920: Boom!

Here is my radio show designed to promote this year's Boomslang Festival by not playing any of the bands that appeared but instead concentrating on playing songs in which someone sang "boom" at least once.  I just can't understand why people don't pay me to promote events.

Boom!  The show is here!  Boom boom!  It's in two parts: boom goes one, boom goes two!  Boom boom boom!  The list of booming songs is below.

Hope you went to Boomslang & had a great time!

(part one)

"Boom Pacha Boom" Billy Byrd & His Penguins _Great Googa Mooga_
"Sh-Boom" The Crew Cuts _The Best Of The Crew Cuts: The Mercury Years_
"Chick-A-Boom (That's My Baby)" Flamingos _The Complete Chess Masters_

"Boom Boom" John Lee Hooker _Burnin'_
"Boom Boom Baby" Huelyn Duvall _Is You Is Or Is You Ain't_
"Boob, Deedy Boom" Claudia Baran _Boob, Deedy Boom_
"Boom Oo Yatta Ta Ta" Morecambe & Wise _British Comedy Classics_
"The Boom Boom Man" Freddy Cannon _Freddy Cannon: His Latest & Greatest_

"Sophisticated Boom Boom" The Shangri-Las _The Leader Of The Pack_
"Boom Bang-A-Bang" Lulu _Really!! They Sing It In German! Vol. 1_
"Boom Shacka Laka" Hopeton Lewis & Chosen Few _Gay Jamaican Independence Time_
"Chick-A-Boom (Don't Ya Jes' Love It)" Daddy Dewdrop _Super Hits Of The '70s: Have A Nice Day! Vol. 5_
"Heavy Makes You Happy (Sha-Na-Boom Boom)" The Staple Singers _Soul Hits Of The 70s: Didn't It Blow Your Mind!, Vol. 4_

"Things That Go Boom In The Night" Bush Tetras _Boom In The Night (1980-83)_
"The Rock-A-Boom" The Revillos _Rev Up_

(part two)

"Boom Boom" Trio _Trio & Error_
"Boing Boom Tschak" Kraftwerk _Electric Cafe_
"Sonic Boom Boy" Westworld _Rockulator_

"The Boomin' System" LL Cool J _Mama Said Knock You Out_
"Boom" Flight Of The Conchords _Flight Of The Conchords_
"Doin' The Boom Boom" Eli 'Paperboy' Reed & The True Loves _Roll With You_
"Chick A Boom" Joe Bataan _Ursula 1000: Ursadelica_

"Bim Boom Bam" The Rip-Off Artist _In Through The Out Door_
"Does Your Heart Go Boom?" Helen Love _Radio Hits 3_
"Boom Boom" Robbert Bobbert & The Bubble Machine _Robbert Bobbert & The Bubble Machine_
"Sonic Boom" Andy Patridge _Fuzzy Warbles_
"Satanic Boom Boom Head" Thee Michelle Gun Elephant _Gear Blues_

"What Goes Boom" Pixies _EP1_
"Boom Boom" The Stranglers _Giants_
"Killed By The Boom" The Veils _Sun Gangs_

Whither Boom?

Boom show because Boomslang.  Duh.

I am very tired so hilarity &/or embarrassment will probably ensue.  The only difference between that & a regular show, I suppose, might be the hilarity.

Tonight!  10pm to midnight.  88.1 fm in Lexington & the surround booms; wrfl dot fm everywhere.

Unless you're at Boomslang, which is where you should be.

Preface To Boom: Slang

Seriously, WRFL is bringing 42 bands here.  Over three nights.  At lots of venues.  & I'm helping.

Boomslang Number 5, 2013.

You should really come out.  It's going to be great!

What Is This Boomslang I've Heard So Much About?

Is it a music festival?  Is it a "celebration of sound & art"?  Is it a deadly snake?  Is it happening in Lexington this weekend?

Yes.

Find out more: Boomslang Web Central.

Here's a picture of a music festival:

Doesn't that look like fun?

Plain Ol' Chant Show

Eep!  It's Boomslang week at WRFL so as a volunteer I am waist-deep in work for the festival!  I barely got around to editing this!

A show about chant.  Chanting.  Chants.  Get it?  It's now at Self Help Radio web site.  It's in two parts: one part, two part.  Red part, blue part.  List on chantsongs below.

See you at Boomslang!

(part one)

"The Chant (Take 1)" Jelly Roll Morton _The Jelly Roll Morton Centennial: His Complete Victor Recordings_
"Chant In The Night" Sidney Bechet _Ken Burns Jazz: Sidney Bechet_
"Hawaiian War Chant (Ta-Hu-Wa-Hu-Wai)" Spike Jones _The Best Of Spike Jones & His City Slickers_

"Gloria XI" Edmundite Novices _Gregorian Chants_
"Chant Of The Jungle" Sid Bass & His Orchestra _The History Of Space Age Pop, Vol. 2: Mallets In Wonderland_
"Cubano Chant" Martin Denny _Ultra-Lounge Tiki Sampler_
"Fishing Chant" Del Vikings _An Angel Up In Heaven_
"Indian Alphabet Chant (A I Iddy I O O O)" Lucia Pamela _Into Outer Space With Lucia Pamela_

"In Praise Of Rama" Deben Bhattacharya _Religious Chants From India_
"Maori Indian Battle Chant" Ella Jenkins _You Sing A Song & I'll Sing A Song_
"Monk Chant" The Monks _Black Monk Time_
"The Chant" Keith Everett _The Chant_
"Hari Om & Deva Chant Interlude" Bobby Callender _The Way (First Book Of Experiences)_

"Three Mantra Chant" Buddhist Monks Of Maitri Vihar Monastery _Tibetan Mantras & Chants_
"Mean Machine Chant" The Last Poets _Change The Beat: The Celluloid Records Story 1979-1987_

(part two)

"Chant To Mother Earth" Blo _Nigeria 70: The Definative Story Of 1970's Funky Lagos_
"Chant Down Babylon" Junior Byles & Rupert Reid _129 Beat Street: Ja-Man Special 1975-1978_
"Chant To Jah" Dr. Alimantado _Born For A Purpose_

"Death Chant (Honor Song)" Leroy Selam _Folk Music In America, Vol. 15: Religious Music - Solo & Performance_
"Let's All Chant" Michael Zager Band _Let's All Chant_
"Chant" Public Image Limited _Metal Box_
"Chant Number Nine" Axemen _Three Virgins, Three Versions, Three Visions_

"Azaan" Fatima _Surahz Muslim Temple Chants_
"Chant" Robyn Hitchcock _I Often Dream Of Trains_
"Happiness Is Just A Chant Away" Chumbawamba _Shhh_
"Chant With Me" Nib The Psychic Fiend _Sonic Damn Nation_

"Traditional Chant" Igbayen _Live From Festival Au Desert, Timbuktu_
"Chant Of The Paladin" Dead Can Dance _The Serpent's Egg_

Whither Chant?

I don't chant - I'm not a member of any religious or spiritual group.  I don't even meditate - though I'd like to.  I suppose I enjoy songs with chanting in them.  & I enjoy chants - if you're saying "songs" in French.  I enjoy songs, & I am sometimes pretentious.

Still, at some point in the past year I noticed that chants were coming at me from different points & at different angles.  I thought to myself, I should do a show about chants.  & now it's going to happen.

That seems a prosaic explanation, which has only the virtue of being as true as it's boring.  Most of my shows come from pretty banal origins.  One day I'll have an insight or epiphany perhaps, & maybe even be struck by an actual muse.  But really, Self Help Radio gets an idea from somewhere, lets it sit in some sort of quiet for reflection (though not chanting), & then emerges, somewhat disheveled, as the uncomfortable radio show it is.

It's on tonight!  On 88.1 fm WRFL!  From ten pm to midnight!  Eastern time zone!  Also online at WRFL dot FM!

I'll probably just chant through the airbreaks.  You have been warned.

Preface To Chants: What Kind Of Chants Should I Take?

That's an awful pun, sorry.

I knew a woman once who was Japanese who worked with me.  She had married an American GI & he had brought her back to the States.  But their marriage fell apart so when I knew her she was single.  Not that I had any interest in dating her.  She was quite sweet & pleasant to work with, though it was often amusingly difficult to communicate with her.

She was usually having financial issues, probably because of her divorce & being separated from her family.  (I got the impression her family frowned upon her marrying an American.)  She would ask all of her co-workers advice about purchasing things, & she would openly daydream about things she really wanted - sometimes clothes, sometimes jewelry, sometimes big-ticket items like property or a car.

One day she was talking about an expensive car she wanted.  She said, "I am going to chant for it."

I said, thinking she was mistranslating a word, "Do you mean, 'pray for it'?"

She said, "Oh no, I don't pray.  I am a Buddhist."

I was a little perplexed by this.  Weren't Buddhists, I wondered aloud, supposed to be detached from the material world, since desire caused suffering?

She laughed at me as if I were naïve.  She explained to me that you could use Buddha energy to make things happen for you.  The Buddha wanted you to be happy!

I of course thought she was full of beans & had discovered some bastardized - or, worse, Americanized - form of Buddhism that completely inverted the teachings of the Buddha.  The conversation I recreate above is a summary of what we talked about, not actual quotes.  I wouldn't remember exact words anyway, but it would have covered more than five minutes to share a few sentences with her - her English wasn't great.

This first-person narrative online explains to me something I never bothered to follow up on: this is apparently a form of Buddhism called "Nichiren Buddhism."  The Wikipedia page establishes this as a venerable strain of Buddhism, older than Protestantism.  However, the blogger's experience suggests that it's exactly the sort of Buddhism my old co-worker was practicing.  "Earthly desires equal enlightenment," a practitioner tells the narrator.  She points out that they were not chanting "for altruistic things."

Hm, do I currently know any practicing Buddhists?  I should ask them about this group.  If you read this & you have something to add or correct, please do so!

I don't remember my co-worker's name - it's been over twenty years since I last saw her - but I thought about her when I decided to do a show about chanting.  I hope she's gotten everything in her life she's chanted for!

I Wish I Had More Things To Say About The State That I Am In

I have the suspicion (said he) that a lot of what you say is wrong.

If that's true (said I), why don't you attempt to disprove these things I say?

I would, I would (said he), but I don't think I know enough.

Ah! (said I) so you don't know that I am wrong but you feel that I am wrong.

I don't think (said he) it's coming entirely from a feeling.  For example, part of what you're saying may contradict something that I know to be true, but just a part, so I can't entirely dismiss what you're saying.  However, that part is crucially important to your argument, & so it tends to make me distrust the entire thing.

Shall I even ask (said I) what part of what I've suggested goes against something you know is true?

Well of course (said he) I can't think about anything in particular you've said right now.

Of course (said I).

Please don't be sarcastic (said he).  Some people don't have a quick mind.  Or good recall.

Then perhaps (said I) when I say something that seems to be untrue or, as you put it, "wrong," you can speak up at the time or while we're talking instead of suggesting, like you have, that two or three incidents have invalidated most of what I say.

You know (said he), you have I guess it's a rhetorical trick or something because you've managed to make it sound like it's just been two or three times instead of most of the time.

Well (said I) you can't even give me one example, which makes it a pretty bold statement since you & I have been having conversations for years.  Or...

What (said he)?

Or perhaps (said I), this is something you've only noticed in the past few months.

No (said he).

Which begs the questions (said I), why bring it up now?

I don't know (said he).  Maybe I've been meaning to & it just came out.  What were we talking about before?

The new Star Trek movie (said I).

Oh yeah (said he).

In which case (said I) I don't know if anything I said at that time might be construed as wrong, as I was just giving you my opinion of the film.  You might disagree with my opinion, but I don't think you can say an opinion is "wrong."

You can't (said he)?

I don't think so (said I).  At best an opinion can be informed.

What do you mean (said he)?

I mean (said I), I can make a comment about a jazz record like "I don't like this record," but since I'm not a huge fan of jazz or since I don't know much about it, my opinion would mean less to someone who knows way more about jazz than I do.

Oh (said he).  Maybe I wasn't talking about opinions then.

You don't remember what you were talking about! (said I).

You always have to be right (said he).

Tennessee

I got a smoldering call during my Tennessee show (not on the air) in which a curt fellow, sounding as if he was talking with his mouth pressed up against the phone's microphone, asked me, without saying hello, "Well, what part of Tennessee are you from?"  I told him I was actually from Texas.  It seemed to flummox him that someone would ever want to do a radio show with songs about Tennessee unless they felt some sort of birth-related connection to the state.  When I pressed him about why this concerned him, he said, "I just don't like Tennessee."  Fair enough!

Someone from Tennessee was listening in, however, & he said the show made him feel less homesick.

Even if you're not from Tennessee, you can feel less homesick by listening to the show now at the Self Help Radio web presence.  Or you can just click to hear one of the two parts: part I | part II.  The list of Volunteer State Songs are below!

Thanks for listening, Kentucky (& the rest of you)!

(part one)

"On The Banks Of The Old Tennessee" Mr. & Mrs. J.W. Baker _Flowers In The Wildwood: Women In Early Country Music_
"Wreck Of The Tennessee Gravy Train" Uncle Dave Macon _Hard Times In The Country_
"In The Hills Of Tennessee" Jimmie Rodgers _The Singing Brakeman_

"Tennessee Dog" Jimmie Strothers _Folk Music In America, Vol. 11: Songs Of Humor & Hilarity_
"Easin' Back To Tennessee" Sleepy John Estes _Jailhouse Blues_
"Tennessee Border" Tennessee Ernie Ford _16 Tons Of Boogie: The Best Of Tennessee Ernie Ford_
"Tennessee Saturday Night" Ella May Morse _The Very Best Of Ella Mae Morse_
"In Sunny Tennessee (with Hal Lone Pine)" Betty Cody _The Successful Hillbilly Era Of Betty Cody_
"Tennessee Wig Walk" Bonnie Lou _Doin' The Tennessee Wig Walk_

"The Ballad Of Davy Crockett" Bill Hayes _Hello Children Everywhere_
"My Little Home In Tennessee" Mac Wiseman _The London American Story_
"Tennessee Toddy" Marty Robbins _Marty Robbins Rocks!_
"Tennessee" Carl Perkins _Atomic Platters: Cold War Music From The Golden Age_
"Tennessee Zip" Kenny Parchman _The Essential Sun Rockabillies_

"Tennessee" Jan & Dean _All The Hits, From Surf City To Drag City_
"Tennessee Waltz" Anna King _Back To Soul_

(part two)

"Tennessee" Jimmy Martin _Tennessee_
"Rocky Top" The Osborne Brothers _From The Vaults: Decca Country Classics 1934-1973_
"Worried Now In A Tennessee Town" Mississippi Joe Callicott _The Complete Blue Horizon Sessions_

"Down In Tennessee" Ohio Express _Chewy, Chewy_
"Tennessee Bird Walk" Jack Blanchard & Misty Morgan _Classic Country: 1969-1975_
"My Tennessee Mountain Home" Dolly Parton _My Tennessee Mountain Home_
"Tennessee Whiskey" George Jones _The Essential George Jones: The Spirit Of Country_
"Tennessee Stud" Johnny Cash _American Recordings_

"Tennessee" Arrested Development _3 Years, 5 Months & 2 Days In The Life Of..._
"Tennessee" Silver Jews _Bright Flight_
"Tennessee" The Galactic Heroes _How About San Francisco?_
"Tennessee Blues" The Howling Brothers _Howl_

"When It's Iris Time In Tennessee" Rick Pickren _The State Songs, Vol. 3_
"Suddenly Tennessee" Lee Hazlewood _For Every Solution There's A Problem_
"Tennessee Houn' Dog Yodel" Marvin Rainwater _M-G-M Hillbilly Vol. 1_

Whither Tennessee?

I am ambivalent about Tennessee.  Both Memphis & Nashville seem nice, & Nashville has a great vegetarian restaurant called the Wild Cow which is pretty much better than any restaurant within a fifty mile radius of me.  & it's just three hours away!  I am mostly not a happy Kentucky vegan.

The rest of the state, I don't know.  It's like that all over, though.  I am not in lockstep with rural or even suburban America.  They think I'm a lefty pinko overeducated commie.  I am mostly just scared of them.  We both think the other is wrong, wrong, wrong.

I do thank Tennessee for having the sort of fucked-up racial & class-oriented situation to help in the rise of the blues, country, & rock & roll.  That stuff does not come from a well-ordered society.  It comes from need & want & sweat & alcohol & ambition & repression. It comes from a heart that needs to explode & it's got no place else it can turn to.  I sometimes think I will never be anything more than the thirteen year old boy lying next to the radio & using the music I loved to interpret & understand my life.  I sometimes think I'm right about that.

Lots of songs about Tennessee tonight!  From 10pm to midnight on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington, but online at wrfl.fm in Tennessee.  (& other places too.)

Preface To Tennessee: For No Real Reason, Blowfish

Or pufferfish.  Whatever.

Pufferfish, Pufferfish pictures, Pufferfish facts courtesy of National Geographic.

You're welcome.

Donuts!

Being a vegan is often a sad thing - when one chooses to live in an ethical manner, one often gives up things that one enjoys - like donuts, which more often than not have milk &/or eggs in them.  Except.  The wife love donuts slightly more than she loves me.  So she got me this book - Chloe's Vegan Desserts by Chloe Coscarelli, who looks extremely happy on the cover of the book - probably because she possesses the amazing ability to replicate desserts that are non-vegan in a delicious vegan manner.

Tonight - as you can see - we made vegan donuts.  & man oh man are they delicious.

Gotta go.  Donuts are calling me - to consume them!

Indiepop A To Z # 41

Look, I know I have a problem.  I know there's nothing healthy in playing an alphabetical list of bands on the radio, especially when (after 41 episodes) I am still in the letter H.  This can't end well.

But it can continue just fine!  The show is available for your twee ears at Self Help Radio dot net & the direct links to the show in two parts is part one here & part two here.  Alphabetical list of songs from Horse to Hunky below.

Thanks for listening & encouraging me to take my medication!

(part one)

"I Can't Decide (Harvest Mix)" Horse Shoes _EardrumsPop 100_
"At The Blood Drive" Hospital Bombers _At Budokan_
"Betty Wang" Hospitality _Hospitality_

"Swallow My Pride" Hot Booth _No More Of Your Fairy Stories: An Indiepop Loveletter to The Ramones_
"Shipwreck" Hot Club De Paris _Drop It 'Til It Pops_
"Eddie Deezen" Hot Fudge Free For All _Laugh Hard - It's A Long Way To The Bank_
"JPG In The Sun" Hot Lava _Lavalogy_
"Basketball" Hot Pursuit _Teenbeat 2002_

"Time Is On Our Side" Hot Rain _The Sound Of Leamington Spa, Vol. 1_
"The Lovecats" The Hot Rats _Turn Ons_
"Kiola Beach" Hot Spa _Ashell II_
"Photosynthesis" The Hot Toddies _Smell The Mitten_
"Emails" Hotpants Romance _The International Hotpants Romance_

"Why Me?" A House _The Way We Were: The Best Of A House_
"5:00" Ron House _I Stayed Up All Night Listening To Records_

(part two)

"Shine On" House Of Love _The Best Of The House Of Love_
"Warp Factor 13" Househunters _Warp Factor 13_
"Happy Hour" The Housemartins "Live At The BBC_

"Blue Sunshine" The Hoverchairs _Just Another… Compilation_
"Learning To Keep My Mouth Shut" How Many Beans Make Five _One Last Look_
"Wavin' My Arms In The Air" Huck _Winter's Mist_
"Emma Peel, Formula One" Hula Hoop _Louisville - Leeds - TKO!_
"River Of Honey & Mud" Hulaboy _Knowing We Was Right From Da Start_

"Being Boiled" The Human League _Reproduction_
"Andy Fell" Human Sexual Response _In A Roman Mood_
"Sometimes Set Free" Human Station _Beikoku-Ongaku # 15_
"Where The Light Breaks" Human Switchboard _Who's Landing In My Hangar?_
"I Forgot" Human Television _All Songs Written By: Human Television_

"Word Gets Around" The Hummingbirds _loveBUZZ_
"It's Love" Hunky Dory _Over The Rainbow_

Whither Indiepop A To Z # 41

I feel weird.  Normally, at least for the past few months, at 7:30 pm on a Friday, my show has been off for ninety minutes & I've only begun to drink enough to move beyond the inevitable crushing disappointment I feel after trying to make a decent radio show & failing miserably.  But now - holy smokes! - my show is about two & a half hours away from being on.

I think I'll go for a dog walk.

Meanwhile, if you're a fan of the indiepop, or a completist, or have been following my ridiculous "Indiepop A To Z" series (you can listen to virtually all the previous episodes on the Self Help Radio archive page), or happen to be listening to the radio on a Friday night, then you can hear tonight's show from ten to midnight on 88.1 fm in Lexington &/or (I ain't picky) wrfl dot fm.

We're at the very end of the indiepop h set.  We might finish them tonight!  Okay, we won't finish them tonight.

Preface To Indiepop A To Z # 41: Did I Mention Self Help Radio Has Moved?

Yeah, the show moved.  In time, on the same radio station.  It didn't move to Phoenix or anyplace like that.  Still in Lexingtown.  You can look at the new schedule over at the WRFL website.  You can find Self Help Radio now after the excellent Uncle Bill Show at 10pm.

Why move?  I guess the show, like its host, suffers from a kind of inferiority complex, & felt a better show should have the drive-time slot.  So Matt Clarke's WRFL Surf show will air from 5 to 6, with Matt doing general format for an hour before that.  It'll be more consistent than Self Help Radio - & frankly, more fun.

I also like the idea of being up at the station when no-one else is.  Night time is usually deserted.  & since it's Friday, if anyone's listening, they'll be listening in their car going from place to place - they won't be paying much attention.  Attention means people ask questions like, "Why is this show on drive time?"

The same will probably be asked about the ten to midnight slot, though.  Maybe I've been doing this ridiculous program too long.

Will you still listen?  If you ever listened, I mean?

What's Everybody Talking About?

Hey, everybody seems a little upset about something.  What's everyone talking about?  Is the country going to become involved in another in an endless series of overseas conflicts that only benefit the political ruling class & corporations, with the burden of payment on the average citizen?  Or was it some pop culture thing planned by other (or the same?) corporations to generate outrage that succeeded, like it always does, even though it's not any more brazen than the last pop culture thing?

I have spent a lot of time attending & listening to talks & speeches by prominent progressive thinkers who tell me that Americans are actually quite intelligent, & I have read lots of positive books from very smart people who say things like, "Don't underestimate the brilliance of the American people."  & I want to believe that because most of my friends (& acquaintances) are actually bright, thoughtful people, but even they cluck cluck when the next carefully orchestrated "affront" happens, often arguing that it's helpful to pay attention to such things because it's helpful to know what "everyone" is paying attention to.

I guess I'm saying that, instead of believing that I am becoming cynical, I am letting the overwhelming evidence sway me, as it should, into thinking that no, Americans aren't terribly smart.  I used to hate the judgmental quality of songs like the Housemartins' "Sheep" or the Dead Milkmen's "You'll Dance To Anything", probably because the attitude is somewhat superior, condescending, & designed to make the listener, feel like he or she isn't the sheep, or the robot who'll dance to whatever.

I've no interest in pretending I'm any better than anyone else.  I'm overwhelmed & saddened by the fact that everyone lost their shit because a corporate pop star at a corporate awards show did something vaguely scandalous just like the corporate pop star before her, & the one before that, & the one before that.  & it's not even that we should instead be talking about whether the country should be bombing the fuck out of some new place instead - we obviously should not.

It's just that we shouldn't be talking about something a corporation dreamed up to shock us.  We just shouldn't care.  We should be smarter than that.  We probably shouldn't be listening to music made by corporations anyway.

But we care, a lot.  We listen to corporate music, a lot.  & it turns out we're not smarter than that.  & we probably never were.

On Edge

Self Help Radio attempts to be edgy by doing a show about edges.  Because if there's one thing Self Help Radio does, it's take things literally.  It's very much like an not-very-smart animal.  That thinks it's pretty smart.

The entire show about edges is not on the edges of the Self Help Radio website but in fact floating in the middle of the page like most of the other content.  But if you want to go directly to the files, you don't even have to edge over there, just click here for part one & here for part two.  The list of edgesongs is at the end of this note.

As always, thanks for listening!

(part one)

"Edge Of Nowhere" The Sunday Group _Scarey Business_
"At The River's Edge" Wet Paint _Just For Kicks Vol. 1_
"Falling Off The Edge Of The World" The Easybeats _Gonna Have A Good Time: The Complete US & UK Singles Collection_
"Razor Edge" Ranee & Raj _Piccadilly Sunshine, Vol. 12_

"Darkness On The Edge Of Town" Bruce Springsteen _Darkness On The Edge Of Town_
"Over The Edge" The Wipers _Over The Edge_
"Cutting Edge" Nails _Hotel For Women_
"At The Edge Of The Sea" The Wedding Present _Tommy_

"The Cutting Edge" Frank Tovey _Snakes & Ladders_
"Picnic On The Edge" Hector In Paris _Silent Radio_
"Cliff Edge" The Bats _The Law Of Things_
"From The Edge Of The Deep Blue Sea" The Cure _Wish_

"Over The Edge! (Excerpt)" The Firesign Theatre _Pink Hotel Burns Down_

(part two)

"The Edges Are No Longer Parallel" Morrissey _Maladjusted_
"Edge Of The Ocean" Ivy _Long Distance_
"Over The Edge" Fuzzy _Hurray For Everything_

"Losing My Edge" LCD Soundsystem _LCD Soundsystem_
"Sur Les Bords De La Seine" Marina Celeste _Acidule_
"On Edge" Piano Magic _Ovations_

"7 Strokes To Heaven's Edge" Guided By Voices _Hardcore UFOs: Delicious Pie & Thank You For Calling_
"Water's Edge" Secret Shine _The Beginning & The End_
"I Sat On The Edge Of My Bed & I Sang You Velvet Underground Songs" Catnaps _Why Don't You Whisper?_
"Edges & Corners" Standard Fare _The Noyelle Beat_
"River's Edge" Talk Normal _Sugarland_

"Walking On The Edge" Lee 'Scratch' Perry & Dub Syndicate _Adrian Sherwood Presents The Master Recordings, Vol. 2_

Whither On Edge?

This is how I know I lived my entire life in Texas: I just bought something at the store & it came out to be $3.16 & in my brain, I started to say, "For God so loved the world that he gave his only son..."

I know I am not currently in Texas because the person behind the counter did not get really happy & say that out loud to me.

That anecdote has nothing to do with Self Help Radio today, which is a show entitled "on edge."  It's not going to be a show about being nervous - it's going to be a celebration of edges.  I'm sure it's a lot more exciting than it sounds - but not much more.

It's on today - today! oh shit! - from 4 to 6 pm on 88.1 fm WRFL Lexington.  It will also be streamed simultaneously on the WRFL web site if you're nearer to a computer than radio frequencies.

In any case, I hope you'll listen!

Preface To On Edge: Problems With Nerves

Gary is a worrier.  So is his mother.  Is worrying genetic?

Gary asked his dogs.  The one that understood English did not understand the question.  He said, with bright eyes, "Treats?"  It sounded like a whine.  But Gary understood Doglish.

Gary asked his cats.  They all understood English but they pretended they did not.  They laughed at him behind his back.

Gary asked his wife.  She said, "Why are you worrying about this?"

Gary asked the ugly person in the mirror.  The ugly person in the mirror mouthed his words back at him hatefully.  Then the ugly person in the mirror sneered at him.

Gary asked the Internet.  The internet call him "a fag" & told him "real men don't worry."  However, the internet also told him that he won a lottery in a country he'd never been to - it was a lottery he hadn't even entered! - so Gary forgot all about worrying as he quickly sent his bank information to the nice person who wrote the unbelievable news in terrible English to him.

Then he started to worry about what he would do with all that money.

The Sadness Of Backyard Dogs

There's a recorded PSA (public service announcement) that runs on the station occasionally about adopting cats & dogs from the "pound" (as it used to be called) or Humane Society or whatever.  It says, "A human is the best thing to happen to a shelter animal."

But is it?

There was this Irish Setter (I think that was the breed) who we'd see every day on our dog walk.  He (I assumed it was male) was very old, & he was always in the same place - on the back step of his house (the house was on the corner of an intersection, so we'd walk past the back yard), usually on his side, sleeping.  I never got close enough to actually see how old he might be, but he seemed at least partially blind & would bark at us if he heard us.  One thing I could tell is that his fur was filthy & matted - he was obviously not terribly well cared for.

When his owners were in the backyard, however, he was animated.  He so badly wanted to be talked to, touched, interacted with in any way.  & I never saw - granted, I was just walking by most of the time - I never saw any of them - the father, the mother, the kids - pay him any attention.

He was always outside, he had a small shelter next to the garage, but in heat or cold, he was in the backyard.  Early morning or late night.  I don't imagine he ever was allowed inside.  I got so sad & angry walking by that I told the wife we should change the route so we wouldn't have to walk by.  I had a feeling the dog would be dead out there one day & the family wouldn't notice him until he started to smell.

I feel bad about that - but what could I do?  The dog "belonged" to those people, & they probably provided him with the bare minimum necessary for him to live on.

We changed our dog walk & didn't pass the house any more.  A couple of times this summer we ended up walking past & the dog wasn't in the backyard any more.  I looked for it each time, but it's certainly gone.  It broke my heart but I thought to myself at least its suffering is over.  I am glad I don't know the details of its passing,

I didn't feel so bad about walking by anymore, & occasionally now we do.

Tonight, as we walked by, a new dog was there, barking at us as we passed.  I just felt so so sad.  Usually I try to give treats to neighborhood dogs to calm them down & to get to know them.  I don't want to get to know this dog.  Once he stops being lively, he'll be all by himself in the backyard for the rest of his lonely life.

I know this is traditionally how humans have raised animals, & I know dogs are stronger than we are, & have co-evolved with us, & understand that relationship.  This family treats its dogs about the same way most people have treated dogs since humans first domesticated them.  & certainly the kids will treat their dogs the same way when they're grown & have pets.

But don't we know better now?  Shouldn't we know better now?

Damn it just depresses me.

Alligators & Crocodiles

Two hours of scary crocodilians!  Someone could get a leg bitten off!

Learn the difference between alligators & crocodiles over on the Self Help Radio web site.  Or listen to the show in pieces as if snapped into two by a gator's powerful jaws: part one & part two.  Old reptile song list below.

Thanks for listening & for pete's sake be careful!

(part one)

"Alligator Story/Alligator Crawl" Louis Armstrong _Hot Fives & Sevens_
"Gator Wobble" Memphis Jug Band _He's In The Jailhouse Now_
"Alligator Meat" Joe Swift With The Johnny Otis Band _The Swingtime Records Story_

"Later Gator" Freddie Mitchell _Later Gator_
"See You Later, Alligator" Bobby Charles _See You Later, Alligator_
"Juicy Crocodile" Cellos _Rang Tang Ding Dong_
"Alligator Wine" Screamin' Jay Hawkins _Real Life_
"Meaner Than An Alligator" Ty B & Johnny _Rockin' The Bop Vol. 2_

"Alligator Man" The Greenbriar Boys _Best Of The Vanguard Years_
"Gator Tails & Monkey Ribs" The Stix & Stonz _Jack The Ripper_
"The Alligator" The US Four _Teenage Shutdown: Jump, Jive, & Harmonize_
"Warlord Of The Royal Crocodiles" Tyrannosaurus Rex _The Definitive Tyrannosaurus Rex_
"Gator Bait" Gaturs _New Orleans Funk - The Original Sound Of Funk 1960-75_

"Crocadilla" Spider Jive _Man Chest Hair_
"It's A Cold Night For Alligators" Roky Erickson & The Aliens _The Evil One_

(part two)

"Crocodile" Monty Python _Monty Python's Contractual Obligation Album_
"Crocodiles" Echo & The Bunnymen _Crocodiles_
"Crocodile Tears" Red Guitars _Slow To Fade_

"Alligator Song" Bilders _Pyx (1985-1988)_
"Crocodile Cryer" Martin Stephenson & The Daintees _Crocodile Cryer_
"Crocodile" XTC _Nonsuch_
"Alligator Boogaloo" The Knockouts _Attack Of The Terrible Boots_

"Alligat'r" Peppermint _Keep Your Chin Up There, Sailor_
"Le Crocodile" Would-Be-Goods _The Morning After_
"Alligator Skin (Jumbler)" Tilly & The Wall _O_
"Alligator" The Babies _Our House On The Hill_

"Jon The Croc" Guided By Voices _Class Clown Spots A UFO_
"Cry, Crocodile" Tiger High _Catacombs After Party_
"Alligator Dance" Human Eye _Into Unknown_
"Alligator" Guards Of Metropolis _Alligator_

Whither Crocodiles & Alligators?

They're scary & horrifying.  Watching this:

That's not any fun.  Instead, listen to Self Help Radio - no cute animals will be eaten during the course of the program!  It's this afternoon from 4 to 6pm on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington & online at wrfl.fm.

I might be too frightened now to do the show.

Preface To Alligators & Crocodiles: Questions & Cartoons

I was thinking about my radio show today & I was thinking I should ask & answer completely ridiculous questions about my themes.  Something along the lines of "Do alligators believe in UFOs?"& "What can a crocodile tell me about my mortgage that another old lizard can't?"  But then I might have to come up with answers.  & questions that are only marginally funny might have dreadfully unfunny answers.

A listener wrote to tell me that his favorite alligator in fiction was Albert Alligator in Pogo & it made me think: are there a lot of alligators in fiction?  I could think of only one other, Wally Gator:



Wikipedia has a list of fictional crocs & gators but I confess I don't know most of them.  I wish I were in the animation biz.  I'd make a new cartoon alligator that would be the best of all!  After Albert Alligator, of course.

Finally, is this cannibalism?

(That's what it said on the page where I found the picture.)

Wallace Stevens

There were times when I was not sure if I liked Wallace Stevens very much.  He certainly looks like someone who'd be best friends with Ward Cleaver:

I remember in high school we were cautioned that his work was difficult & that we wouldn't "get it."  That's because it's important for teachers to teach children that poems are puzzles to be solved instead of insights that can be gleaned from language & sound.  What does this poem mean?

Call the roller of big cigars,

The muscular one, and bid him whip

In kitchen cups concupiscent curds.

Let the wenches dawdle in such dress

As they are used to wear, and let the boys

Bring flowers in last month's newspapers.

Let be be finale of seem.

The only emperor is the emperor of ice-cream.

Take from the dresser of deal.

Lacking the three glass knobs, that sheet

On which she embroidered fantails once

And spread it so as to cover her face.

If her horny feet protrude, they come

To show how cold she is, and dumb.

Let the lamp affix its beam.

The only emperor is the emperor of ice-cream.

Just read it out loud.  It's so fun, & it's also somewhat wistful.  Puzzle schmuzzle.  Language is something we invented to communicate with one another, but since we can't do that very well, & often trying to be direct can be a disaster, we invented poetry as a different way to communicate.  It's just about as successful as prose.  Communication is hard.

I'm going to go now & listen to Wallace Stevens read his own poems aloud.

The Police

I forgot to tell everyone on my Facebook page to listen to last week's show, guest-hosted by Jackman, & I am sorry about that - I bet he did an amazing job.  I don't have a recording since it was his show, but I can share a song that he couldn't play - not on Kentucky radio at five in the afternoon!



Thank you, Jackman!

Whither The Police?

As I've mentioned, I am out the door & off to LA, but young Jackman Ochs will be helming SHR today. Be sure to listen from 4 to 6 pm on 88.1 fm in Lexington or online at <a href="http://wrfl.fm">wrfl.fm</a>!

Or we'll call the cops!

Preface To The Police: Is It Illegal To Have A Twitter Account, Officer?

I have a Twitter account.  It's this one: https://twitter.com/SelfHelpRadio/.  I wish I could tell you it's funny or interesting.  Mainly I announce when I am having a show.  Or when a show is available to listen to if one missed it.

Sometimes, though, I'm mildly amusing.

For example, I twittered today, "I think the number one reason I don't like karaoke is that it reminds me of how terrible most people's taste in music is."

I wish I could be that insightful most of the time.  I'm not.

I look forward to listening to Jackman doing Self Help Radio.  I don't look forward to tomorrow's plane flight.  I don't like flying.  It reminds me how far away everything is.  & if everything is far away, how far away am I from my animals?

Too far, if I am not with them.  Too far.

Is It A Self Help Radio Without Gary Even If It's Still Self Help Radio (But Without Gary)?

It's true.  I won't be doing Self Help Radio this week.  But I've asked a precocious RFL programmer named Jackman to handle the show.  & he says he'll do Self Help Radio!  Yippee!

He said he'll do a show about the police.  That made me suspicious.  What if he's an undercover cop?  An undercover cop would find lots of crime at WRFL.  First off, there's a buttload of perjury.  We're always perjuring ourselves.  I've also seen deejays jaywalk (deejaywalk?) through the on-air room dozens of times.  & I won't even start with all the sedition.  If it's not sedition in the morning, it's sedition all night long.  It's terrible.

But wait!  What if he wants to do a show about the police because of his own numerous encounters with officers of the law?  I'll bet he has a rap sheet as long as my longest arm!  (My arms are of two different lengths.  Don't ask.)  He's a shifty type - probably a career criminal - oh no!  What if he's trying to steal my show?

Damn it!  I have to listen now to find out!

Midnight

For two hours on Friday, Self Help Radio held time still as it was midnight - hey wait a second.  See that picture up there?  The one of the clock?  I paid good money for that picture & I just noticed it's not even at midnight!  It's like twelve till midnight.  What the hell?

Well, dang.  I totally lost my train of thought.  Um.  Radio show here or directly (it's in two parts): part I & part two.  What's in each part is below.

Stupid graphic designers.

(part one)

"Midnight Hour Blues" Leory Carr & Scrapper Blackwell _Broke, Black & Blue: Volume Three: Good Whiskey Blues_
"Midnight Special" Lead Belly _Midnight Special_
"Midnight Blues" T-Bone Walker _The Original Source_

"Midnight" Red Foley _Country U.S.A. 1952_
"Midnight Track" Owen Gray _The Story Of Jamaican Music: Tougher Than Tough_
"In The Midnight Hour" Wilson Pickett _This Is The Modern World_
"Midnight To Six Man" The Pretty Things _Nuggets II: Original Artyfacts From The British Empire & Beyond, Vol. 1_
"Lady Midnight" Leonard Cohen _Songs From A Room_

"After Midnight" Wire _Behind The Curtain_
"Down In The Tube Station At Midnight" The Jam _All Mod Cons_
"Sister Midnight" Iggy Pop _The Idiot_
"Seven Minutes To Midnight" Wah! Heat _Seven Minutes To Midnight_
"Midnight Maps" Shriekback _Jam Science_

"Midnight Slows" Weekend _Past Meets Present_
"Midnight" Altered Images _Happy Birthday (The Best Of Altered Images)_

(part two)

"Walkin' After Midnight" Ultra Vivid Scene _She Screamed EP_
"Midnight To Midnight" Psychedelic Furs _Midnight To Midnight_
"Midnight Mile" Weather Prophets _Temperance Hotel_

"Midnight" A Tribe Called Quest _Midnight Marauders_
"Midnight Moon" Smoking Popes _Born To Quit_
"Midnight Blues" Detroit Cobras _Mink, Rat, Or Rabbit_
"Midnight In The Stratosfear" Unisex _Stratosfear_

"The Midnight Song, Part 2" Watoo Watoo _What You've Missed So Far_
"Our Midnight" Maybellines _Picnic Basket_
"Midnight In Aspen" The Fall _Fall Heads Roll_
"Midnight" The Crayon Fields _Animal Bells_
"Morning After Midnight" Adam Green _Sixes & Sevens_

"After Midnight" Emperor Penguin _Mysterious Pony_
"Midnight Drive" Still Corners _Strange Pleasures_

Whither Midnight?

At 4pm this afternoon, it becomes midnight on WRFL.  Midnight will be two hours long.  There is nothing you can do about this.

Self Help Radio's show about midnight, airing in "real time" (whatever that is) from four to six pm in Lexington at 88.1 fm (4 to 6 pm = midnight) or everywhere else at wrfl.fm.

Listen, or you may turn into a pumpkin!

Or how about: listen, Self Help Radio might turn into a pumpkin!

Preface To Midnight: Did You Ever Read That Witching Hour Comic?

I got this from the Wikipedia entry:

When I was a kid, my brothers brought home all manner of comic book - this was in the 1970s, when comics were put on newstands willy-nilly, so the weekly haul might be war comic heavy, or super-hero heavy (I liked that most of all), or sometimes horror comic heavy.  These were watered down Comics Code horror comics, like the one shown above, & despite my desire as a kid to read everything put in front of me, I didn't really enjoy these types of comics.  Not scary enough?  I don't know.

I've gone back & read a few from the 1950s, but mainly because Steve Ditko was drawing them.  His art makes everything worth reading.

But comics like "The Witching Hour": Did you ever read them?  Did you like them?

Locke

The wife is re-watching the television show Lost.  It is reminding me how much I liked Terry O'Quinn's performance on the show as the tragic character of John Locke.  If you haven't watched it in a while, here are some nice John Locke moments a fan collected on the YouTube:



It's got to be the best role of Mr. O'Quinn's very long career.  He won an Emmy for it!

I wish I had time to rewatch entire series!

Explain

I want to explain.  But I can't explain.  Who, if not me, can explain?  Don't ask me to explain.  Explain yourself.  Wait, I'll explain.  I'll need some time to explain.  Can I explain?

Here's where the explain show is: Self Help Radio website.  Here's where the shows are directly: part one & part two  Down there's where explain songs are listed.

No explanation necessary!

(part one)

"Explaning The Blues" Ma Rainy _Nothing But The Blues_
"How Will I Explain About You" Bill Monroe _Blue Moon Of Kentucky_
"Can Anyone Explain" Louis Armstrong & Ella Fitzgerald _The Historic Collection Vol. 3_

"Let Me Explain" Sonny Boy Williamson _The Essential Sonny Boy Williamson_
"Let Me Explain" Cadillacs _Fabulous Cadillacs & Crazy Cadillacs_
"Explain Yourself" Judge Davis _The Flash Records Story, Vol. 2_
"Can't Explain How It Happened" Ivory Joe Hunter _The Complete Stax-Volt Singles 1959-1968_
"A Feeling (That I Can't Explain)" Inez Johnston _What More More A Woman Can Do?_

"I'll Explain" John E. Sharpe & The Squires _I'm Losing Tonight! Vol.15: 30 Moody Garage-Folkpunk Gems Around The Globe_
"I Just Can't Explain It" The Jokers Wild _USA Garage Greats 1965-1967: Behind Locked Doors_
"I Can't Explain This Feeling" Tasmanians _Fuzz, Flaykes, & Shakes, Vol. 6_
"Explanation" The Gears _Die Today_
"I Can't Explain" David Bowie _Pin Ups_
"I Can't Explain It" McCoys _Hang On Sloopy: The Best Of The McCoys_

"I Can't Explain" Delroy Wilson _Better Must Come One Day_
"More Time (To Explain)" Larry Coney _Down & Out: The Sad Soul Of The Black South_

(part two)

"Explain It To Her Mamma" The Temprees _Wattstax Soundtrack_
"Explain It" The Tenderonies _Absolute Funk Vol. 4_
"Who Can Explain?" Frankie Lymon & The Teenagers _Why Do Fools Fall In Love?_

"I Can't Explain" Blancmange _Happy Families_
"Can I Explain The Delay?" Colin Newman _Commercial Suicide_
"A Proverbial Explanation For Why No Action Is Taken" Algebra Suicide _Feminine Squared_
"Don't Explain" Dos _Numero Dos EP_

"Can't Explain" Black Tambourine _Black Tambourine_
"Explain" Papas Fritas _Papas Fritas_
"Explain" Julie Doiron _Loneliest In The Morning_
"Mysteries Of The Unexplained" Tanya Donelly _Lovesongs For Underdogs_

"Explain" Blur _Leisure_
"Don't Ask Me To Explain" Of Montreal _Cherry Peel_
"Because You Can't Explain" Moonbabies _June & Novas_
"Hard To Explain" The Strokes _Is This It?_

Whither Explain?

Or should I say, "Explain whither"?

I have an email address - gary at self help radio dot net - an address that no one really writes to, although a couple of people have written to it, & sometimes they send ideas for shows.

One person wrote to me probably long enough ago to have forgotten & he said, "I don't think you can do a show with the theme 'explaining.'  I can't find anywhere near enough songs."  I made a folder on my desktop & occasionally looked for songs.

I found enough songs, I believe.  I don't think I saved the fellow's email.  I'll go & look.  Maybe he'll be happy?

I hope that explains the idea.  The show is on today from 4 to 6 pm on 88.1 fm in Lexington.  It's online live live live at wrfl dot fm.

I expect I'll have a lot of explaining to do afterwards.

Preface To Explain: How To Explain Today's Screed?

I was all set to write a (probably not very) funny post today about how in the 1990s I was a big fan of the Nickelodeon show Clarissa Explains It All & include samples of fan fiction I had written for the show for the usenet group alt.clarissa.explain.it.to.me.xo.xo, which of course doesn't exist.  (Or does it?)

The fan fiction would, by necessity, have nothing whatsoever to do with the show, since I was in my twenties when it aired, didn't have cable, & never saw a single episode.  I have vague memories of clicking through channels later on & seeing a boy climb through a teenage girl's window - that's about all I know about the show.  I'm not sure what she explained, or why she explained, or if she explained it all at all.  My fan fiction would have been a little tasteless - "Clarissa explains her first gynecologist visit" or something like that - & I wondered if I could rise to the challenge.

But it's getting late, I have to work on my show, & you'll have to be satisfied with this amusing picture:

One Of Those Funny Pictures That You Find More On Tumblr Than Blogger But I Got Nothing To Say Today

You know how it is.

It's strange how important this is to some people.  I bet my mother is going apeshit.  She loves royalty.  She loves royalty & she loves Hollywood & she loved the Pope.

I am now daydreaming about a Pope who becomes a Hollywood star & becomes the first man in history to give birth.

See?  Nothing to say today.

Make Me

I can't make anyone do anything.  Not my wife, not my dogs, especially not my cats.  How can I make you listen to Self Help Radio?  & don't say, "Do a better show!" because we both know that ain't happening.

If I can't make you listen to Self Help Radio's "make me" show, I can at least tell you where it is.  It's of course at the show's website.  You can also link directly to the show (which is in two sixty-minute parts) by using the following helpfully labelled links: part the one & part the two.  What's in each part is listed below.

Don't make me try to make you listen!

(part one)

"You Make Me" Nick Lowe _Labour Of Lust_
"Make Me Yours" Bettye Swann _Looking Good_
"You're Gonna Make Me Lonesome When You Go" Ben Watt _North Marine Drive + Summer Into Winter EP_

"You Make Me Feel" The Woodentops _Bamboo: The Best Of The Woodentops_
"Sha La La (Make Me Happy)" Al Green _Greatest Hits_
"You Make Me Feel So Good" Book Of Love _Book Of Love_
"You Make Me Feel So Free" Van Morrison _Into The Music_

"You Make Me Feel Like A Weirdo" Pataphysics _Take A Look Out Your Window_
"Girl (Why You Wanna Make Me Blue)" The Temptations _Emperors Of Soul_
"You Still Make Me Smile" Dan Kibler _Capsule_
"You Make Me Feel So Good" Chips _The Complete Stax-Volt Singles 1959-1968_
"Please Don't Make Me Unhappy" The Groove Farm _Plug (The Story Of Pop So Far)_

"You Make Me Hear Music (Inside My Head)" The School _Reading Too Much Into Things Like Everything_
"(You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman" Anita Kerr Singers _All You Need Is Love_

(part two)

"You Won't Make Me Die" The Darling Buds _Crawdaddy_
"Make Me The Woman That You Go Home To" Gladys Knight & The Pips _The Complete Motown Singles, Vol. 11: 1971_

"Make Me Smile (Come Up & See Me)" Steve Harley & Cockney Rebel _The Best Years Of Our Lives_
"You Can Make Me Feel Bad" Frankie Rose & The Outs _Frankie Rose & The Outs_
"Take Me Home & Make Me Like It" Alex Chilton _Bach's Bottom_
"You Make Me Say It Somehow" The Dentists _Some People Are On The Pitch They Think It's All Over It Is Now_
"You Make Me Do Things I Don't To Do" David Ruffin _David - The Unreleased LP_

"Make Me Sad" The Embassy _Life In The Trenches_
"You Make Me Wonder" Celebrate The Nun _Continuous_
"Please Don't Make Me Cry" Winston Groovy _20 Reggae Classics_
"Don't Make Me Wait Too Long" Barry White _The Collection_

"Make Me Stay" Green Telescope _Children Of Nuggets: Original Artyfacts From The Second Psychedelic Era 1976-1996_
"Make Me Belong To You" Barbara Lewis _Hello Stranger: The Best Of Barbara Lewis_
"Make Me Smile" Red Sleeping Beauty _Pop Sounds_
"Why Do You Want To Make Me Sad" Perfections _Eccentric Soul: Twinight's Lunar Rotation_

Whither Make Me?

I was just writing some stuff for today's show & found this nice cartoon, from which I will read on the show.  It makes me realize that I have no idea how to make people do anything I want.  But I see how they make me do what they want.

I have met people who have followed advice like this (not necessarily about persuading folks) & really improved their lives.  I can never quite commit.  My tendency to be a lazy oaf overpowers everything.  I revert to type, as they say.  I wonder if, when I was thirteen, I had heard this advice & practiced it until it became a part of me, if I could have been an actual predator of a sort.  Damn!  Something more to regret!

You can hear what a failure I am today from 4 to 6pm (EST) on WRFL as I do Self Help Radio.  If you're in Lexington, it's on the radio at 88.1 fm.  If not, the link above will suffice.

I'll archive it later, as I archive all my dreadful mistakes, at self help radio dot yuck.

I can't make you listen, but maybe you can make me make you listen?

Preface To Make Me: Make Me Write Something Today

I bet you can't.