Preface To Afternoon: Mindset

I might have mentioned - I did mention - that I was going to visit my mother this weekend in Dallas, so I handed the show off to my pal Daryl who was going to show everyone how terrible I do my own radio show.  In fact, as I write this, I was supposed to be on the road, perhaps even arriving in Memphis, where we were going to have yummy Ethiopian food.  Instead, I am making dinner for the wife & trying to catch up on songs I usually would've spent the weekend listening to.

What happened is our little pooch, Winston, got ill.  We've been watching him very closely & will be taking him tomorrow to a specialist in Louisville.  I think he'll be fine - he's been getting progressively better - but there's a better-safe-that-sorry attitude that one should have with beings that can't ever tell you exactly what's ailing them, that encourages me to visit a vet who'll understand his signs much better than I ever will.

It has meant, however, that I haven't really had the proper mindset for working on a radio show.  Which can be puzzling - I knew we weren't leaving on Sunday.  & yet - I've been working on the show off & on since then & I still haven't gotten much done.  I'll probably be working on it into the evening on Thursday.

Which reminds me - how long have I been doing this?  It's twelve years this August!  It's the closest thing to a regular job I have - & I still don't have much of a process for it?  What the hell?

There are a lot of good "afternoon" songs, though.  I will have a tough time picking which ones to play.

Woke Up Early One Morning Blues, Episode Two

Blind Willie Johnson

Last Friday, before Self Help Radio, I produced another hour of my country blues program, Woke Up Early One Morning Blues.  This hour focused on early gospel & religious-themed recordings.

The show is now available for your listening pleasure (scratchy, hissy, old bakelite vinyl-y) at the Self Help Radio website.  I hope you enjoy.  What I played is below.

"Woke Up This Morning With My Mind On Jesus" Blind Roosevelt Graves & Brother _The Rough Guide To Gospel Blues Legends_
"John The Revelator" Blind Willie Johhnson _Anthology Of American Folk Music_
"God Give Me A Light" Louisville Sanctified Singers _Gospel Classics_

"I'm Gonna Cross The River Of Jordan Some O' These Days" Jaybird Coleman _Ten Years Of Black Country Religion 1926-1936_
"God Don't Like It" Blind Willie & Kate McTell _Complete Recorded Works, Vol. 3 (1933-1935)_
"Shall We Gather At The River" Uncle Dave Macon & His Fruit Jar Drinkers _The Half Ain't Never Been Told, Vol. 1_
"Shout All Over God's Heaven" Fisk Jubilee Singers _Folk Song America: A 20th Century Revival_
"Paul & Silas In Jail" Washington Phillips _I Am Born To Preach The Gospel_

"I'll Lead A Christian Life" Golden P. Harris _Before The Blues, Vol. 2: The Early American Black Music Scene_
"Noah & The Flood" Norman Haskins _Deep River Of Song: Virginia & The Piedmont - Minstrelsy, Work Songs, & Blues (1934-1942)_
"Heaven Is My View" Bo Weavil Jackson _Backwoods Blues (1926-1935)_
"Sinner You'll Need King Jesus" William & Versey Smith _The Songster Tradition Complete Works (1927-1935)_
"River Of Jordan" The Carter Family _Wildwood Flower_

"Hard Times" Elder Curry & His Congregation _Hard Times Come Again No More, Vol. 1_
"Lamb's Blood Has Washed Me Clean" Arizona Dranes _Arizona Dranes (1926-1929)_
"Lover Of The Lord" Huggins & Phillips Sacred Harp Singers _Goodbye, Babylon_

Happy Memorial Day!

Remember when I said that I'd be off this week because I was going to visit the Mother in Dallas?

Well, plans change.  One of our hounds has been under the weather.

So - a new Self Help Radio & a new Woke Up Early One Morning Blues this Friday!

Now - back to snoozing.

Self Help Radio 052314: Walls

Walls went up today on Self Help Radio!  Walls were breached!  Walls were erected & walls came tumbling down!  It was a whole lot of work for some rightly pissed-off bricklayers.  I'm surprised I didn't get a mouthful of mortar!

You can now feel cooped up between four walls by listening to the show at Self Help Radio web central.  There are direct links, too, if you can't be bothered to click a couple more times: part I | part II.  The songs I played are below.

Have a happy Memorial Day weekend!

(part one)

"Walls" Flowers _Icehouse_
"Walls" Red Letter Day _Table & Chairs_
"Walls" Shout Out Louds _Work_

"At Home With The Walls" The Passmore Sisters _Violent Blue_
"Tear Down The Walls" Fred Neil & Vince Martin _Tear Down The Walls_
"Break Down The Walls" Mikey Dread _Beyond World War III_
"Green Walls" Toy Love _Cuts_

"Yellow Walls" Jackson C. Frank _Blues Run The Game_
"I'm In Love With My Walls" Birdland With Lester Bangs _Birdland With Lester Bangs_
"Ideas For Walls" Men Without Hats _Rhythm Of Youth_
"Round These Walls" The Tokey Tones (& Friends) _Stroke: Songs For Chris Knox_

"Hello Walls" Faron Young _Essential Hits_
"(Empty Walls) A Lonely Room" Bob Luman _Livin', Lovin' Sounds_

(part two)

"Four Walls" Jim Reeves _He'll Have To Go & Other Hits_
"Hello Walls # 2" Ben Colder _The Best Of Ben Colder_
"I'm Gonna Paper All My Walls With Your Love Letters" Dean Martin _The Capitol Years_

"Singing Rule Brittania (While The Walls Close In)" The Chameleons _What Does Anything Mean? Basically_
"Walls Come Tumbling Down!" The Style Council _Our Favourite Shop_
"Breakin' Down The Walls Of Heartache" The Bandwagon _The Northern Soul Story, Vol. 2_
"Poison In The Walls" The Go-Betweens _Bright Orange Bright Yellow_

"Walking Into Walls" Honeybunch _Time Trials: 1987-1995_
"Cathedral Walls" Big Red Bus _The Sound Of Leamington Spa, Vol. 1_
"White Walls, Quiet Halls" The Mabels _The Closest People_
"The Concrete & The Walls" Elf Power _Elf Power_

"TVs & Walls" Moped _The Horrible Truth About Moped_
"Tear Down These Walls" 1919 _The Complete Collection_

Whither Walls?

How many walls must I have about me, that I think to do a radio show about walls?  Walls from my awful adolescence, walls to protect & walls to defend, walls to obscure & walls to confuse.  What walls have been built that I haven't even been aware of, but exist nonetheless.  My therapist's children's children will go to college thanks to me!

Well, I'm not sure how we'll examine walls on tomorrow's show, just sure of there being fine music like you expect from Self Help Radio, plus wackiness mixed with tedium.  Equals same old thing.

What?  I'm not good at selling my show!  My therapist tells me it's a defense mechanism.

Tomorrow morning from 7 to 9am on 88.1 fm in Lexington, & online everywhere at wrfl dot fm.  I'll put the show online afterwards.

Oh, & remember!  A new episode of Woke Up Early One Morning Blues at 6am!

Preface To Walls: Ceilings & Floors

I googled this: "How is a wall different than a floor or a ceiling?"  All the responses involved doing similar things (like soundproofing) to all three parts, rather than even venturing a guess at the differences between the three.

This is intolerable.

Imagine, if you will, a world in which everything is turned on its side.  In such a world, two of our walls would become the floor & the ceiling, while the floor & the ceiling would unceremoniously become walls.

How would each part adjust to its new circumstance?  I can think of a few troubling scenarios.

First of all, doors, which are commonly found mostly in walls, would be a little useless if now on the floor (unless there's a basement).  Were doors to end up on the ceiling, well, it would make answering the door even more of a chore than it currently is.

Furthermore, cellar doors or trap doors, or even skylights, will probably make poor door choices for the new world which is on its side.

Here's another thing: plumbing.  I don't know much about plumbing but it does seem to me that the pipes that I assume are what people talk about when they talk about plumbing would not increase one's property value should they be sticking boldly out of the side of the house rather than into the ground where they (again, I am assuming this) connect in a fascinating way to the sewer.

& I bet you've thought of this one: in larger buildings, which is to say those with many floors, or "stories," the walls when the building is on its side will be much, much larger than the ceiling & floor.  This would cause places where building grew up instead of out because of space restrictions to become completely clogged, with no room for bike lanes or promenades or any of the things that make city life worth tackling.

I am no architect nor private detective so I can't begin to truly understand the severe differences between floors, ceilings, & walls, & it bothers me like bug bite that someone with more know-how hasn't tackled this issue before.

It's your time, young genius!  Do it quickly, though - one never knows when the world will be turned on its side!

Woke Up Early One Morning Blues, Episode One

Bessie Smith, Empress Of The Blues

As I keep mentioning because I don't really believe anyone listens to me (thanks Mom!), I am doing a show this summer called Woke Up Early One Morning Blues.  It's a pre-war blues show, focusing on the country blues but, because the genre hadn't really been defined yet, it's something of a free-for-all genre wise.  Or it can be.

This past week's show is available for listening if you're interested at SHR web central.  I hope it's nice to hear.  Here's what was heard to those who were there to hear:

"Crazy Blues" Mamie Smith _Mamie Smith Vol. 1 (1920-1921)_
"Arkansas Blues" Lucille Hegamin _Lucille Hegamin Vol. 1 (1920-1922)_
"Give Me That Old Slow Drag" Trixie Smith _Trixie Smith Vol. 1 (1922-1924)_

"'Tain't Nobody's Bizness If I Do" Bessie Smith _The Complete Recordings, Vol. 1_
"Bo-Weavil Blues" Ma Rainey _Mother Of The Blues_
"Shake That Thing" Papa Charlie Jackson _Papa Charlie Jackson Vol. 1 (1924 - 1926)_
"Black Snake Blues" Victoria Spivey _Fattenin' Frogs For Snakes: The Essential Recordings Of The Blues Ladies_
"Black Snake Moan" Blind Lemon Jefferson _The Rough Guide To Blind Lemon Jefferson_

"Singin' The Blues" Frankie Trumbauer & His Orchestra _Ken Burns Jazz_
"Georgia On My Mind" Mildred Bailey _The Early Years_
"Stack O'Lee" Mississippi John Hurt _Avalon Blues: The 1928 Sessions_
"I'm So Glad" Skip James _Complete Early Recordings Of 1930_
"Last Kind Words Blues" Geeshie Wiley _American Primitive: Pre-War Revenants 1897-1939, Vol. 2_

"Bull Cow Blues" Big Bill Broonzy _Essential Blues Friends_
"Milk Cow Blues" Kokomo Arnold _Milk Cow Blues_
"Strut That Thing" Cripple Clarence Lofton _Broke, Black & Blue, Vol. 3: Good Whiskey Blues

Sorry, Another Wasted Day

I don't know how I lose days like today.  Today was all about the pets - a sick pup & a sick kitten.  I didn't even shower today, that's how disgusting I am.

Tomorrow, tomorrow I'll try to be more on the ball.  Here's something I found on the internets to amuse you:

Self Help Radio 051614: Push

Don't push the panic button!  No one got hurt as Self Help Radio returned to RFL Mornings!  Or are you trying to push my buttons?  A show in which I interview not only the "push button king of the American Southwest" but also spiritual guru Howard Gently can't be all bad.  Plus, our old friend Pushy stops by!

You can listen now at Self Help Radio Web Site Place.  Or, should you not want to wait for the one graphic on that page to load (who has the time?), you can listen directly, I've made it easy for you: part one is here, part two is here.  What songs did I play?  They're listed below.

As always, thanks for listening!

(part one)

"The Push" Silhouettes _Complete Package_
"Push (live)" The Woggles _Flaming Burn Out! An Estrus Benefit Comp_
"Push" The Chills _Brave Words_
"Push" The Cure _The Head On The Door_

"Push" Liquid Liquid _Liquid Liquid_
"Push" Black Ice _I Judge The Funk_
"Push" One Way _Love Is... One Way_
"Push" Red Lorry Yellow Lorry _Talk About The Weather_

"Push De Button" Lena Horne _The Lady & Her Music: Live On Broadway_
"Push A Little Button" Ninette Hartley _Push A Little Button_
"Push Button Geoff" Miss Ludella Black & The Masonics _From This Witness Stand_
"Pushing Buttons" The Mendoza Line _I Like You When You're Not Around_

"Push Push" Austin Taylor _Teenage Crush, Vol. 5_

(part two)

"Push Push" Rumbles Ltd. _Push Push_
"Push Push" Lloyd & Devon _Studio One Disco Mix_
"Push Push" Brick _Waiting On You_

"Push It" Salt-N-Pepa _Hot, Cool & Vicious_
"Do The Push & Pull (Part 1)" Rufus Thomas _The Very Best Of Rufus Thomas_
"Keep On Pushing" The Impressions _The Very Best Of The Impressions_
"Pushin' Too Hard (Rehearsal)" Seeds _Travel With Your Mind_

"Push A Little Harder" The Avons _Push A Little Harder_
"You Gotta Push" Jody Gayles _Soul Diva Sessions_
"You Just Can't Push Me (demo)" The Cars _The Cars_
"Push & Shove" Cud _When In Rome Kill Me_

"Pushover" Bearsuit _Pushover_
"Pushover" Etta James _Queen Of Soul_

Whither Push?

I can't often trace the inception of a show idea - I create a folder on my desktop with a theme, & start sticking songs & ideas into it.  But I know where this show idea came from.

It happened a while back - when I was subbing a show on WRFL, probably last year.  Now, I know you're thinking, "Hey, didn't you say you knew where this show idea came from?  It was in the previous sentence!"

Well, all right, I know where it came from, just not when.  All right?  Sheesh.

So - where was I?  Oh yeah.  Late night sub.  Someone called.  They said, "Can you play 'Push It' by Salt-N-Pepa?"  I said what I always say - oh, & I mean it seriously - I say, "I'll play it if I can find it!"

I didn't find it.  Luckily, most people don't call back & yell at me when I can't find their requests.  But when I got home, I was looking through my CDs & there it was - not at the radio station - "Hot, Cool & Vicious."  So I said to myself, "Hey, I should do a show where I can plat 'Push It'!"

It languished, the idea, until I decided to return to RFL.  So, for my first show, I'll be fulfilling a request that was made over six months ago.

I hope the person who made the request is listening!  (Though I know he won't be.)

Tomorrow!  From 7 to 9 am on 88.1 fm on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington, & online at wrfl.fm.  (Plus, remember, the premiere of Woke Up One Early Morning Blues at 6am!)

Preface To Push: Self-Promotion Is Hard

I once mentioned to a fellow programmer at KOOP in Austin that I hated to have to "promote" my show.  She said, deadpan, "Is it because you believe you have an inferior product?"

Well, yeah, that too.

This is how I pitched my new show, "Woke Up One Early Morning Blues," to the Programming Director at WRFL:

"The show will explore the many facets of pre-war blues, from proto-blues like work songs, call & response, & shouts, to popular female blues vocalists of the 1920s, to country blues from Mississippi, Texas, Louisiana, Georgia, St. Louis, Kansas City, & Chicago (all over, really).  Included will be lots of crossover material, since proto-country music, ragtime, & early jazz intersected with early blues."

It's happening from six to seven am, right before Self Help Radio, this coming Friday.

I come by my love of this music mostly accidentally.  I wanted, many years ago, to "educate" myself in early jazz, & liked schmaltzy jazzy pop from the 1920s as well as Dixieland, & was totally schooled by the brilliance that is Louis Armstrong's Hot Fives & Sevens.  As I was digging around, though, I saw those early jazz performers not only called many of their numbers "blues," but they played with blues artists - most notably the female performers who were the face of the blues for most of the 1920s.  It didn't take much of a leap to find out that the fellow who's playing guitar on that Bessie Smith track also makes his own blues music, & suddenly I'm tumbling into the Delta by way of New Orleans & New York City.

I love an art form - a musical genre - finding itself.  It seemed like, in those days, anything was possible.  & that's what I hope to explore on the show.

But man, I'd hate to have to try to promote it.  I'll keep it quiet on Friday mornings for the time being.

New Intro Time Again Again!

Since the new season at WRFL has begun, I needed to make a new intro - & so I have.

I try to make a new intro every year - but it turns out I let one intro last for two years back in the day.

But!  My obsessive-compulsiveness overtakes me more & more as I get older.  So there'll be a new intro every year I'm doing this show.  & may I present:

The Self Help Radio 2014-2015 Intro!

This will debut on Friday's show!

If you would like to hear the intros I've previously made, here they are:

You can listen to the 2002 intro (my first!) here.

You can listen to the 2003 intro here.

You can listen to the 2005 intro here.

You can listen to the 2006 intro here.

You can listen to the 2007 intro here.

You can listen to the 2008 intro here.

You can listen to the 2009 intro here.

You can listen to the 2010 intro here.

You can listen to the 2011 intro here.

You can listen to the 2012 intro here.

& this is the newly retired intro from the past year.

What do you think of the new one?

Lost Day

I had so much planned for this blog today.  This week starts a new year for Self Help Radio, & that means a new intro!  But I am tired now.  So.  Wait till tomorrow.  If you can.

Okay, I know you can.

Self Help Radio 050814: Damage

Self Help Radio can inflict a lot of damage over a couple of hours.  Is there such a thing as "radio insurance"?  If so, look into it.

Here's the show: the show on the website.  Or here's the direct links: part one & part two.  The song list is below - it may or may not damage you to look at it.

Be safe & thanks for listening!

(part one)

"Damage" David Sylvian & Robert Fripp _Damage_
"The Damage" Ivy Green _The Damage_
"Damage" The Attractions _Mad About The Wrong Boy_

"Damage" Yo La Tengo _I Can Hear The Heart Beating As One_
"Damage" Handsome Furs _Sound Kapital_
"Damage (feat. GZA) (Radio Edit)" Ol' Dirty Bastard _Return To The 36 Chambers: The Dirty Version_

"The Needle & Damage Done" Neil Young _Neil Young Archives, Vol. 1: 1963-1972_
"The Damage Done" Sisters Of Mercy _Some Girls Wander By Mistake_
"Damage Is Done" One The Juggler _Nearly A Sin_
"The Damage Has Been Done" Ann Clark _Shake A Leg!_

"Damaged Goods" Gang Of Four _Entertainment!_
"Mr. Damage" Angels _Out Of The Blue_

(part two)

"Damaged" Primal Scream _Screamadelica_
"Damaged" Vivian Girls _Vivian Girls_
"For The Damaged" Blonde Redhead _Melody Of Certain Damaged Lemons_

"Brain Damage" Austin Lounge Lizards _Lizard Vision_
"Brain Damage" Shakes _I Think We Should Stay Away From Each Other_
"Brain Damage" Bill Cosby _Himself_
"Doin' Damage" JVC F.O.R.C.E. _The Best Of B-Boy Records_

"The Voice Of America/Damage Is Done" Cabaret Voltaire _The Voice Of America_
"Where Damage Isn't Already Done" The Radio Dept. _Lesser Matters_
"Too Damaged" Subsonics _In The Black Spot_
"Damaged I" Black Flag _Damaged_

"Damage Done" Moderat _II_

Whither Damage?

The evolution of a thought to a radio show is a trivial one, fraught with too much conceit & of course not  bit of self-importance.  Its unimportance in the grand piano scheme of things is unrivaled in the history of human indulgence.  Yet here we are, at least I'm here, wondering aloud or in the corners of our minds, why do a radio show about such-&-such?  Oh!  To be a warrior in some oppressed land fighting for one's freedom rather than making a boring radio show!

Well.  Self Help Radio airs today from 10am to noon on WRFL - 88.1 in Lexington,  Maybe listen?  Who cares?

Preface To Damage: No One Is Safe

I am something of a comics nerd but I confess I hadn't heard of (or forgot about) this DC comics character

It makes sense why I might not know who he is - the son of the original Atom, Al Pratt - because even though I tried to keep up with Roy Thomas' obsessive desire to tie all the old comics together - a task of which I approve, as it's something I would try to do - reading both All-Star Squadron & Infinity, Inc., in the 1980s - I had all but given up reading comics in the 1990s, & this character was created in 1994, according to Wikipedia.  I've read a couple of the more recent JSA comics since then, but the character didn't stand out to me - or I just didn't remember him, which is sort of the same thing.

I do feel a little weird, though, because there was a time when I loved the fact that I knew pretty much every hero & villain & supporting character in the DC Universe.  I loved the idea of parallel worlds, & was one of those happy kids who waited for the JLA/JSA crossovers in the summer.  When Crisis On Infinite Earths happened, I was pretty bummed - I loved the fact that I was one of those loyal readers who knew that the Marvel Family lived on a different earth than the Freedom Fighters (whose world was conquered by Nazis!).

& I have no idea what's going on with the most recent "reboot."  I have an idea: don't restart, just tell the tales & let the characters die & others replace them.  Oh, I'm sorry, you couldn't hear me above the noise of all that money to be made.  My apologies.

Also, sorry to Damage - I'm sure you're a fine character.  Hey!  I knew your dad when he lived on Earth-2!

What I Hate: Stinkbugs

These guys:

They've infested our sun room.  This is a bad thing, says this page.  I am none too fond of bugs, even ones called "stinkbug," & I am especially not fond of bugs that emit an odor when smashed.

For the longest time, I just let them be.  Occasionally, one would fly at me in a particularly hateful way, but mostly we avoided each other's space.

No more.  I have started to kill them.

I am a vegan, & I get asked often about whether I eat honey or wear silk.  The answer is, not really, but I don't have the same attitude about bugs that other vegans do.  Silk is a no-brainer - it's not my style.  But if I'm going to eat honey, it'll be local honey, since I know those folks care about the bees.  Bees are important, & if there's going to be an insect I have to care about, it'll be bees, although they'll probably be extinct in my lifetime.

I grew up poor, in apartments that had cockroaches.  I killed them.  In the summer, flies would get in.  We had a fly swatter.  If I find something crawling on me, I may scream like a child, but I also will fling it off &, if I am not shivering too much, stomp on it until it's dead.

I'd be a terrible Jain, in other words.  Not as bad as someone who salivates when people talk about bacon or who'd wait in line for a KFC Double Down, but still not someone other Jains would hang around with.

Let this be a warning to the stinkbugs in my vicinity: I am no longer guardedly indifferent to you.  I am your enemy.

But please don't fly into my mouth when I'm asleep.

Mowing The Lawn: Seven Thoughts

1.

There used to be an old KVRX promo spot in which a bored teenager was being badgered by his mother to mow the lawn, & he says he doesn't want to, he'd rather listen to KVRX.  The humorous tag was, "KVRX - it's better than mowing the lawn."  Meanwhile, you could hear the lawnmower revving up in the background.

2.

I tried to find it in old recordings but had no luck.  Sorry!

3.

I didn't have a yard growing up.  We lived in apartments.  Occasionally, my sister would give me five bucks to mow their lawn.  It wasn't any fun.  She used to mow her own lawn but doesn't anymore.  She pays someone now.

4.

We have a lot of lawn where I now live.  When the wife was getting a fence put around the backyard - essential when you have beagles - the guy from whatever company suggested to her that she might want to install a larger gate for a riding mower to pass through.  She said no, she expected her husband to mow the lawn with a mower.

5.

Which is fine with me.  I think mowing the yawn should be a chore that feels like a chore.

6.

We have a large yard & an electric mower, which is quite heavy, because of its giant battery.  We had to buy an extra battery because of the length of time it takes to mow both the front & back of the house.  It stopped working last week so we borrowed the neighbor's gas mower to mow the lawn today.  Two observations:  a, the electric is quieter, & b, it cuts better.

7.

Oh yeah, I spent the day mowing the lawn.  That's why I'm going on about it.

Self Help Radio 050114: Disappear

I promise I didn't plan it this way, but it seems funny that the show in which Self Help Radio reappears on the Lexington airwaves is a show about disappearing.  Sometimes that's just how things happen.

The show disappeared yesterday but it's reappeared now at Self Help Radio on the web.  You can also take advantage of two links to listen to either hour of the show (or both, in succession, or out of order): part one + part two.  The songs I played are below.

Don't disappear any more!

(part one)

"Disappear" Gilbert _Real Life Permanent Dreams: Happydaystoytown_
"Disappear" Madness _Absolutely_
"Disappear?" The Church _Seance_

"Disappear" Cockeyed Ghost _Keep Yourself Amused_
"Disappear" Jumprope _Holiday In Brazil_
"Disappear" The Crayon Fields _All The Pleasures Of The World_
"Disappear" Eternal Summers _Correct Behavior_

"Disappearing" Peter Murphy _Cascade_
"Disappearer" Sonic Youth _Goo_
"Everything's Disappeared" Steinski _What Does It All Mean?_

"You Disappear From View" The Teardrop Explodes _Wilder_

(part two)

"I Disappear" The Faint _Wet From Birth_
"Everything Disappears When You Come Around" Of Montreal _Cherry Peel_
"I Can't Pay You To Disappear" Thee Oh Sees _Dog Poison_
"Watch Her Disappear" Tom Waits _Alice_

"Disappear Always" Wild Nothing _Nocturne_
"Disappearing Act" U2 _The Unforgettable Fire_
"Disappearing Lessons" Courtney Love _Highlights_
"Disappearing Act" Jonny Cola & The A Grades _The Yellow Mini_

"Disappearing Act" The Mantles _The Mantles_
"Never Disappear" Majestic 12 _Searching For The Elvis Knob_
"When Will Your Friends All Disappear" East River Pipe _Goodbye California_
"Love Will Always Disappear" Chemistry Set _Chemistry Set_
"Disappear WIthout A Trace" Scrawl _Velvet Hammer_

Whither Disappear?

It turns out that the Random House dictionary disagrees with my musings from yesterday about the difference between "disappear" & "vanish."  It says:

Disappear is used of whatever suddenly or gradually goes out of sight: vanish suggests complete, generally rapid, & often mysterious disappearance.

So - let me get this straight - vanish is complete & rapid, but disappear can be suddenly or gradually?

I guess "vanish" does have mysterious connotations.  I would be more spooked by a ghost vanishing than one simply disappearing.

I am writing this Thursday morning, as I am going to be doing my first Self Help Radio on WRFL in about five months.  I am a little nervous but I have prepared a fine show & I hope someone enjoys it who isn't my mother.

That reminds me - I need to call my mother.

It's on from 10 am to noon & it's available on the link above.  However, if you miss it, & people would think you had good taste if you did, I'll put it up tomorrow like every Friday this year.  & it won't disappear for a long, long time.

Preface To Disappear: Disappearing Act

You know how, when you're a kid, you're really dumb & you think things that happen on television & cartoons are real?  Do you remember the Looney Tunes or Merrie Melodies or whatever cartoons in which someone - my brain is telling me it's a cartoon mouse - but I found a picture where it's Tom the cat - puts on "vanishing cream" & disappears?

Do you remember those?  OH MY GOD I wanted so badly to find some vanishing cream in the bathroom!  (My mother didn't use that stuff, though.)

It turns out that vanishing creams, as the internet tells me, "get their name from the fact that they seemed to disappear when spread onto the skin."  Here's a link all about them.  I initially thought they made wrinkles or unwanted facial blemishes "vanish," but that's not it.  The cream vanished.  It disappeared into the skin.

It didn't make you disappear.  How disappointing was that when I found out!  Worse than the truth about Santa, the Tooth Fairy, or the Easter Bunny.

By the way - online thesauruses don't seem to think that "vanish" & "disappear" are synonyms.  Is it because disappearing appears to be instantaneous & vanishing takes time?  What do you think?

Boone

I had a whole ridiculous thing written for today & was almost going to put it up but we needed to walk the dogs after dinner.  We walked close to the house because the radar keeps looking like this:

It wasn't our usual walk, & at one point a sweet little orange cat - a kitten, really - approached us, not really afraid of the three beagles.  We didn't want it to follow us, but during the walk - & knowing about the coming storm - we worried that it was not safe, so we went to find it when we got the dogs home.

He was nowhere to be found, & we walked up & down the street.  As we were about to leave, my wife Magda said, "Oh here he is."  He let us put him in the carrier without incident & didn't meow at all on the short ride home.

He's in our guest room.  He has a scabbed-over sore on his foot, & his ears look to be nicked a bit, & he's very small & scrawny & dirty.  He's had something to eat & now he's chilling out:

He's been no trouble at all - I don't even think he feels trapped or otherwise inconvenienced.  We'll see after the vet visit tomorrow!

I don't know if he's adopted us yet - but for now, I'm calling him Boone.

Big News! (Reprise)

For my entire life pretty much I pronounced the word "reprise" like this: re-prize.  The first time I heard it pronounced the proper way - which is ruh-preez - was in a live performance of Marc Bolan on a T Rex boxed set when he was promoting his new record, "Out on Warner-Reprise Records."

I just check & the Merriam-Webster dictionary online says both pronunciations are allowed, but probably because of people like me who mispronounced them their entire lives.

That's neither here nor there - I'm just writing to confirm (as much as I can confirm) that Self Help Radio will be on WRFL this Thursday & next (May 1 & 8) from 10am to noon, & then, the next week will begin its summer home on the station from 7 to 9am on Fridays.  It's pretty exciting.  Of course, once I go on the air, everyone leaves town for the summer.  Rats!

Also: since I have an extra hour (6-7am), I've asked not to resurrect my freeform show Sugar Substitute (which I will do again one day!) but instead I told them I'd like to do a country blues show, which I am calling Woke Up One Early Morning Blues, because why not make a radio show title long & unwieldy?  It'll let me play my favorite country blues all summer long.

So, hooray!  Listen to me this Thursday & next, & then, on Friday the 16th, start listening at that time all summer long!

Self Help Radio 042514: Indiepop A To Z # 44

Well, here it is, the forty-fourth installment of the never-ending series, my weird & slightly dumb attempt to catalog bands that are considered indiepop, that influenced indiepop, or that move in an orbit somewhere around what I consider "indiepop."  On the surface, it seems like a fool's errand, but the good news is, there are lots of nice tunes here!

You can listen to the whole show now at Self Help Radio's cubbyhole on the web.  Or you can simply click on these links to go directly to the show: part one &/or part two.  The alphabetical list of artists is below.

We finished the letter I!  We started the letter J!

(part one)

"Summer's Gone" Irene _Apple Bay_
"The Curious Thing About Leather" Irving _Cook Book CD: Libro De Cucina Y Musica_
"Against The Grain Of My Life" The Irregulars _The Sound Of Leamington Spa Vol. 3_

"Revolution Nr 12" Isar 12 _Casablanca: La Colección De Cludades - Módulo 2_
"Rough Gem" Islands _Return To The Sea_
"Dancing Away" The Isolation _The Isolation EP_
"Work Day" It Hugs Back _Inside Your Guitar_
"The Music Makes Me Sick" It's A Musical _The Music Makes Me Sick_

"Avenge" Ivy _Battery Point_
"I Get The Message" Ivy _Apartment Life_
"I Was Drunk In The Underworld" Jack _Wintercomesummer_

(part two)

"Cheap Tragedies" Jack Acid _Stars Kill Rock_
"Should've Told" Jack Drag _Jack Drag_
"Thought That I Was Over You" Jack Frost _Jack Frost_

"Foolish Boy" The Jack Rubies _Foolish Boy_
"You Make It So Hard" Jack The Bear _Bearfootin'_
"Real Cool Boy" Jackson _Verano Del 99_
"Steppin' Out" Joe Jackson _Night & Day_
"Country Girl" Jacobites _Hawks Get Religion_

"Love Is So Cool (That My Heart Goes Boom)" Jacqueline _Labrador 100: A Complete History of Popular Music_
"Not Seen, Not Heard" Jactars _The Sound Of Leamington Spa Vol. 6_
"Back Of My Hand (I've Got Your Number)" The Jags _D.I.Y.: Starry Eyes - UK Pop, Vol. 2_

Whither Indiepop A To Z # 44?

At this point, I don't think I have to explain anything to you.  I have done forty-three episodes of songs I consider indiepop (or which influenced indiepop or emulated some aspect of indiepop) & now I'm going to do a forty-fourth & what else is there to say?  I'm doing it for the same reason I've done the previous ones: I have a problem.  I can't help myself.  I've made a list of bands & even though I am just at the letter I, I continue.  "You'll never finish," you say, & probably not (although I have a separate list now of bands I forgot &/or are new, for an "appendix" version once I've completed the letter Z) but I have to see something through some time.  Sure, it may seem like it's a kind of achievement to have done a radio show for nearly twelve years that's been on three different radio stations in three different states (well, Kentucky & West Virginia are kind of similar, but they have different names), not to mention continuing it when it didn't have a radio station, & some romantic types may even note that I've been with the same woman for almost thirteen years, including four of them in a marriage.  & that's true, perhaps I should be proud of these things.  It's just that - I can imagine a day when I stop doing Self Help Radio.  (It may be sooner than I think!)  I can also imagine a day when my wife takes a good look at me & says, "What the fuck have I done?" & calls the divorce attorney which she has handily put on speed dial just in case.  These things are easily foreseeable - some might call them inevitable.  But I can't see this Indiepop A To Z thing ending.  Ever.  I do imagine I'll be done before it is.  & surely that is something of a problem, right?

But please, enjoy the show!

Preface To Indiepop A To Z # 44: Blah Blah Blah

I will finish the letter I!  I will begin the letter J!  It's exciting in an OCD way!

Here's something funny: after I was gathering the last few bands whose names begin with the letter I, something came over me that could best be described as a panic attack.  I suddenly couldn't remember which letter came after I, J or K.  I thought to myself, "What if I spend all this time gathering bands whose names begin with the wrong letter?  I'd be fucked!"

But I didn't consult a dictionary or ask Jeeves or anything like that.  No, I calmly recited my ABCs out loud until I was certain that the letter J followed the letter I.  Twice.  Just to be on the safe side.

Did I say "here's something funny"?  I meant to say, "Here's something I should be concerned about."

Big News!

I have big news, though the news is kind of unconfirmed.  It is about Self Help Radio, not me.  The last time I had big news about me, it was a very liberal use of the term "big."

This is the news: Self Help Radio is returning to WRFL.  What?  How?  Oh, none of that is important.  This is what I know:

I'll be doing two Self Help Radio shows on the first two Thursdays in May: the 1st & the 8th.  & then, when the new schedule starts…  Well, I hope I'm on the schedule!  I don't know yet.

So the "big news" might just be, "Self Help Radio will make a slight return to real radio the first two weeks of May!"  & then it's back to just me playing things for you from the comfort of my own head.

Or maybe the "big news" is, "I've applied to do a show again on WRFL!  But if I screw up the two before the new schedule begins, I might not be doing a show after that!"

I think I should have waited to share the big news until it was confirmed.

Rats.

1800

I have written 1800 blog entries for this blog.  The vast majority were things a roomful of monkeys would be ashamed to have written, but still, as someone who rarely gets anything done, it's quite an achievement.  You can't make me feel bad about it because I can do a fine job of such things myself.

I have "big news" in tomorrow's entry.  I put "big news" in quotes like that because it's really not big news.  I am using the quote marks correctly.  But it's something sort of new for Self Help Radio, which the subject of this blog (I think), so it deserves to be here.

Today, though, I'm all like: 1800 entries.  Wow.

Self Help Radio 041814: Cassettes

Today's show celebrates a piece of dying media that was very important to me for many years.  The cassette used to be a big part of nearly everyone's lives - & now has been relegated to the realm of aficionado & nostalgia.  The show, however, is more celebration, than elegy!

You can listen to it now now now at the Self Help Radio web site, where it might just fit on a ninety-minute cassette tape.  If so, here's side one & here's side two.  What would normally be written on the J-card is listed below.

As always, be kind - rewind!

(side one)

"Cassette Squeaking/Venetian Blind" Charlie & Todd _Party Fun With Recorders Volume 1_
"C30 C60 C90 Go!" Bow Wow Wow _Girl Bites Dog_
"Cassettes" R. Stevie Moore _Kaffeeklatsch_
"On Tape" Pooh Sticks _CD86: 48 Tracks From The Birth Of Indie Pop_

"Mix Tape" Michael Shelley _I Blame You_
"I Have Made You A Mix Tape" Daniel Ledwell _Two Over Seven_
"Compilation Cassette" Darren Hayman & The Secondary Modern _Pram Town_
"Mix Tape" Stephanie D'Abruzzo & John Tartaglia _Avenue Q - The Musical_
"The Black Cassette" My Favorite _A Cult Of One_

"The Cassingle Revival" The Lucksmiths _Where Were We?_
"Cassette Revival" King Bear _Cassette Revival Therapy EP_
"Books On Tape & 45s" The Casino Ashtrays _Long After The Commercials Have Ended_

(side two)

"I Still Like Cassettes" Brother JT _The Svelteness Of Boogietude_
"Play Me A Tape" Miss Kittin _Batbox_

"Tape From California" Phil Ochs _Tape From California_
"Hiss On The Tape" John Martyn _Well Kept Secret_
"Tape Recorder Man" Momus _Folktronic_

"Tapehead" Francis International Airport _We Are Jealous We Are Glass_
"Veronica Made A Tape" Horowitz _Frosty Cat Songs_
"Cassette" Oh No _Dr. No's Oxperiment_

Whither Cassettes?

I am going to wax eloquent about cassettes on tomorrow's show, so I want to save something for that.  But here's a nice collection of musings about cassettes that may put you in the proper frame of mind for the show.

The weird thing is, putting the show together has made me feel like I miss cassettes more than I really do.  That's a little disturbing.

Okay.  Gotta go work on this week's Self Help Radio.  I think it'll be all right.

Preface To Cassettes: The Ultimate Fate Of Mix Tapes

I was a teenager during most of the 1980s (I turned 20 in 1988) so I believe I was at the prime age for the use of the cassette as a vehicle for romance & sharing: the mix tape.  Nowadays there are places online where you can gather songs; back then, you had to press record at the right time when you put the needle on the record.  I made hundreds of them, for several girls, & a lot for my male friends.

One great mix tape I got when I met a fellow who loved Tom Waits.  At the time, I had never heard anything by Tom Waits.  He offered to make me a tape of his favorite Tom Waits songs, but he asked, "What have you got?"  I was really into Nick Cave then, so I made him a Nick Cave tape.  Later on - it's sad I can't remember this guy's name - I asked how he liked it.  He loved it.  I loved the Tom Waits tape.  We couldn't agree who got the better bargain.  That was probably my best mix tape exchange.

There were bad experiences, too.  I was crazy about this chick named Amy, who shared a similar musical taste to me, & made her a mix tape in which there were, apparently, a lot of songs she already knew.  I expected it would convince her to be mine.  Instead, she said to me, "You're making me hate songs I used to love."  That relationship didn't go anywhere.

Mix CDs, though more convenient, & of course with much better sound quality, seem less personal.  I guess the whole process of sitting in front of your stereo, taking the records out of their sleeves, cleaning them, putting them on the turntable, turning the tape recorder on, playing the entire song, then making sure you pause before the next track on the LP starts - not to mention the process of scribbling in the tiny lines on the tape's cover - or whatever you call it - all of this took time & care.  & once it was done, you couldn't move the tracks around, like you can on a CD before you burn it.  You had to think about the tracklisting before you started.

& what has happened to all the mix tapes I've made?  Probably all thrown away, long ago.  Most of the women I made mix tapes for probably got rid of them after they got rid of me - & anyway, as the years went by, they also probably got rid of the cassette decks.  They used to be standard in cars; they aren't any more.  I know many people who've even gotten rid of their CDs, prefer to keep all their music on mp3s in an iPod &/or some kind of "cloud."

To be sure, I'd hate to have to sit down to make an actual mix tape again.  I miss vinyl much more than cassettes.  (& yes, I know, both are still around.  There are even cassette-only record labels.  I just don't collect anything in cassette or vinyl anymore.)  I hated the sound loss in cassettes, & of course I hated when the tape broke or got eaten by the player.  I have a couple of cassettes that I played too often, & have been demagnetized, & I keep them imagining I can play them again one day to save them - though I probably won't be able to.

But I think of the mix tapes I made with fondness, & would love to see some of them again.  I would also love to see some of the people I made them for again, too.  Probably, though, they, like the mix tapes I made them, are lost to me forever.

For Lack Of A Better World

Take this quiz, quickly.  No quibbles!  It's quality quizzing:

1) Do you or have you ever maybe even once?

a-No
b-Yeah
c-Oh
d-Dang

2) Did I ruin it for you or is that your thing?

a-Always
b-Sometimes
c-Never
d-Why

3) You had the chance, you took the chance - how do that make you feel?

a-I suppose
b-I thought so
c-I got it
d-I demure

4) The one you love loves you not.

a-Fury
b-Petulance
c-Assignation
d-Career

5) Hold your breath if you want to live.

a-Parentheses
b-Semicolon
c-Ellipsis
d-Starboard

6) Have you made it this far?

a-Superstar
b-Bombshell
c-Matinee Idol
d-Heartthrob

7) Your score indicates:

a-I have a pulse
b-I have to go
c-I have strange feelings that I can't explain
d-I must've been blind

8) You meet Leonard Cohen in early 1983.  You say:

a-I'm your man
b-Bob Dylan
c-That's no way to say hello
d-(Throat exercises)

9) A quiz should have at least ten questions, right?

a-That's a good question
b-Check out my website
c-Fundamentalist
d-Bob Dylan

SCORING! If you answered any of the questions correctly, give yourself five points.  If you answered any of the questions incorrectly, go ahead & give yourself more points so that you can feel better about yourself.

A score of 160 or more indicates you accidentally took a test by Cosmopolitan, but your relationship is all right.

A score of 20 or less indicates you probably shouldn't think what you think about the Greek God Dionysius, since he's real & knows what you're thinking.

A B+ or higher moves you quickly past second grade & into fourth grade.

A C or lower is average.  A D or higher is not.

Spoiler, A Lert

This is something my brain often does: it will separate the syllables of words that begin with sound "uh" as represented by the letter a, like alert, or again, or ahead, or askew.  It will assume that the letter a in the word is actually an article & will try to make sense of the word in that context.

For example, the phrase "Full speed ahead!" will seem, if I am exhausted or otherwise not paying attention, to be saying, "Full speed, a head!"  This will confuse me.

Or as the title of this blog piece seems to say: there's a lert named Spoiler.  But what's a lert?

I know from my readings in etymology that there's a linguistic term, called rebracketing (also called misdivision), in which words like "napron" & "nadder" become, because of how people decide to pronounce them, "an apron" & "an adder."  One word that goes the other way is "notch" - it used to be "an otch."  But it happens more often that the consonant is lost from the word, not that a consonant is gained.  (Not a gain! my brain says.)

But my brain is practicing a sort of rebracketing & the interesting thing is that most of the words - unlike alert - are words in their own right, like gain, head, & skew, with the a added as a prefix.  That might be the reason my head does that.

I remember when I was learning the days of the week, it helped me to learn to spell them to pronounce them, in my head, how they were spelled.  So Wednesday, which is normally pronounced Whensday, became, to me, Wed Nes Day in my brain.  My head still pronounces it that way.  I'm sure I sometimes will say it that way.

When I was young & my brain was limber, I could hold those words separate & know they were still the same word.  As I age, I think those mind-shortcuts are slowly unravelling up there, with consequences like this one: when someone says "the door is ajar," I have to rally myself to remember that that means it's partially open - not that someone has replaced my front door with the biggest mason jar I'll ever see.

Self Help Radio 041114: Breath

A show about breath!  It has left me short of breath!  I fear I've been wasting my breath!  Don't hold your breath or mutter things under your breath!  Help me catch my breath!  In the same breath I want to save my breath.  Or should I bate it?

Here you go, breathless one: a new show at Self Help Radio web central.  Or, if you prefer, individual halves of the show: half one & half two.  Breathy songs are below.

As always, you're a breath of fresh air!

(part one)

"Breath" Tall Dwarfs _Weeville_
"Every Breath I Take" Gene Pitney _Phil Spector: Back To Mono_
"Save Your Breath" The Scotland Yard Gospel Choir _...And The Horse You Rode In On_
"Take Your Breath Away" Prince Edward Island _This Day Is A Good Enough Day_

"Lose My Breath" My Bloody Valentine _Isn't Anything_
"The Last Breath Of Summer" Peter Himmelman _This Father's Day_
"Breath Control" Boogie Down Productions _Ghetto Music: The Blueprint Of Hip Hop_
"Cigarette Breath" Shinehead _The Real Rock_

"Baby's Breath" Bill Callahan _Apocalypse_

(part two)

"Onion Breath Baby" Elroy Peace _Onion Breath Baby_
"Dog Breath, In The Year Of The Plague" Frank Zappa _Uncle Meat_
"Out Of Breath" Ronnie Whitehead _Eccentric Soul: Mighty Mike Lenaburg_

"Every Breath You Take" The Swirlies _Damon Andy Rob Ron: The Yes Girls_
"Candy Breath" Honeybunch _Time Trials: 1987-1995_
"Catch Another Breath" Choo Choo Train _Briar High_
"Bated Breath" The Room _No Dream (Best Of)_
"One Breath" Anna Calvi _One Breath_

"Breathless" X _More Fun In The New World_
"Breathless" Momus _Timelord_

Whither Breath?

Has anyone ever written a poem in which all the lines rhyme because it's the same word?  I wanted to write a trifling little piece of doggerel about "breath" but there aren't many words that rhyme perfectly with breath: death, meth, Beth & Seth are the only ones I can think of.  The others are "near-rhymes" like "breast," relying on rhyming of the internal vowel sounds rather than the ending sounds (is that assonance?).

Anyway, I wrote a poem about breath that just rhymed breath with breath all the way through.  It went like this:

Because I could not stop for breath
I had to go & shop for breath.
Said she, "I see you're spilling breath."
Said I, "Better than killing breath."
Said she, "You should perhaps change your breath."
Such statements can derange your breath!
Still I worried about my breath.
Could I do without my breath?
I think I'll have to mint my breath.
A sweet taste just to tint my breath.
But what if I can't fix my breath?
Find something with which to mix my breath?
Seriously, what goes good with breath?
Like fire goes with wood, with breath?
I don't want chewing gummy breath.
I don't want Jamaican rummy breath.
I don't want super cheesy breath,
Lemon squeezy easy-peasy breath.
Since I can't have nothing breath,
I need to work on bluffing breath.
Said she, "You think too much of breath.
I even think that you love breath!"
Said I, "Until you tasted my breath,
I would have said I wasted my breath."
Said she, "Come here!" & took my breath
& with her lips she shook my breath.

I understand that I made the phrases all rhyme, not just the last words.  I couldn't help myself.

The first line is of course an Emily Dickinson riff.  I couldn't help myself there, either.

Preface To Breath: Sad Reflections On Childhood

Do you remember when suddenly it became a big deal whether your breath smelled bad or not?  Did it have something to do with puberty?

I remember my sixth grade Social Studies teacher, Mr. Schwartz, was the first "close talker" I ever met. He would almost pull me to him to let me know something in confidence.  (Why he needed to confide in a twelve year old is another story.)  Mr. Schwartz's main problem was that he was most probably a three-pack-a-day smoker.  In those days, teachers would disappear in-between classes to puff down an entire cigarette in a five minute period.  & even though virtually every member of my family at that time smoked, I was astonished when he would come close to me, talk in low tones, & his breath smelled as bad as his teeth were yellow.

Being an ugly & fat child, I didn't get to play the boy-girl games of puberty & anyway I did my best to keep myself inconspicuous & out of trouble.  But I think it was some time in eighth grade when someone spat out that damning word for the first time in my life: halitosis.  It's a word that sounds as bad as it is.  It was probably in my Home Economics class (a class I took because at the end of the school year you learned how to make a pizza) when some of the more popular guys I sat next to complained of some dude who had halitosis.  They had discovered this fact not because they themselves noticed, but because a girl had complained about it when she kissed him.

I knew at that point I would never ever never kiss a girl.

Whether or not I myself had bad breath I couldn't say.  I didn't have cigarette breath, that was true.  But at the time I definitely didn't have terribly good dental hygiene, which is the easiest way to guarantee decent-smelling breath.  In my favor, however, was the fact that my family ate bland, white European food, with the most daring spice being salt, so I didn't smell of garlic or curry or anything like that.  But I drank a lot of soda, & ate a lot of crap junk food.  Chances are, I didn't have breath that smelled of posies.

None of it mattered, of course - I didn't have friends with whom I whispered all the time, & when I was finally able to communicate with the opposite sex, I would be talking to girls who weren't quite as shallow as the boys in my Home Ec class.

What they - or the boys in middle school, or even my friends - said about my breath behind my back is another thing entirely, & something I am not privy to.

Sympathy For The Dribble

Things are a little sad in Lexington to-day - the college basketball team, which was poised to win the college basketball championship, lost to another team.  "Second place isn't so bad" doesn't heal the hurt feelings of people whose happiness & pride had been tied up in a sports team for an exciting season.  People I know who are at the school were saying things on Facebook like, "I'm so proud of my school!"

On a dog walk during a play-off game, with the streets quiet & near-deserted, the wife told me she didn't understand sports fans.  She said, "I can understand wanting to play sports, but watching them?"  She assumed that they knew what she does, that the spectators are not in any way responsible for how the games turn out, & that the coaches & administration & players reap all the rewards.

I grew up in a family that loved sports, & was a child when the Dallas Cowboys won a couple or three Super Bowl victories in the late 1970s.  Even in those days, however, I didn't feel much of a connection to the athletes on the television.  When once I praised what I thought was an outstanding play, but one the other team had made, I was almost struck by one of my brothers.  Rooting for the other team was apostasy.  & I remember how frustrated & sad they would be when their team lost.

In Huntington, one time, a kid at WMUL was talking about the Marshall team taking on their rivals at the University of West Virginia.  "If they beat us," he told me, "I'll kill myself."

I understand how thrilling sports are, & I also understand it's a human tendency to take sides.  (Recently, I read an internet forum about "Marvel" vs "DC" movies.)  I know I tend to take things like the recent Supreme Court ruling as a "loss" to my team (people who want everyone in the United States to be healthy, well-fed, happy, & safe) & a "win" for the 1% who already control way too much.

It's in our nature.  So I sympathize, a little, with the "losers" who had no real stake in the game, who now feel as though they've been dealt a major blow in life, like discovering they have a medical condition, or they've lost a great deal of money.  (Well, the gamblers out there who are also school partisans may actually have.)  It doesn't make me care any more about the actual sport, & it certainly doesn't change my opinion that there's too much money in college sports & far too little in the liberal arts.  But I hope my friends who are feeling a little crushed today feel better soon.  "It's just a ball game," is no consolation, because, to them, it isn't.

Maybe next year?

Movie Review?

This blog features virtually no reviews of music.  It has some comments I felt like making after some musicians or artists who meant a lot to me died, but not really any "reviews" per se.

I've written hundreds of reviews of records for the various radio stations I've been at.  I never felt any of them were worth printing.  My favorite reviews, actually, were for things that weren't very good, or for things that I didn't have much to say about, so I would take the opportunity to write something dumb.  For example, there was a band whose name was the same name as one of my middle school teachers, so the review began like this:

My eighth grade English teacher was named [band name].  I kind of liked her, but everyone else thought she was a servant of the devil because she held us to high school standards.  She was small but stern, & obviously loved the stuff she taught us.  She introduced me to Poe!  Anyway, this band – which is two brothers – has nothing to do with that.  

This doesn't help you understand the band at all, so I do describe their sound & what tracks I like.  It's standard stuff for a radio review, which (usually) isn't meant to be read by anyone but a deejay thinking about playing a song on the air.

Which is not to say that I don't appreciate criticism.  I love to read what people think about stuff.  I don't agree with probably most of it, but I don't mind it.  Sometimes someone else's opinion reinforces my own - or, better yet, makes me think more deeply about what I believe or think.  For some people, however, criticism can seem to be a writer showing off his/her style, or it may just be a bad argument, someone trying to change your opinion, & that can be irksome.

But I was thinking of writing a review of a movie I recently saw, for no other reason than I just saw it.  Occasionally I write a review of something on the Internet Movie Database - very occasionally, actually - I recently wrote something for the first time in seven years - but I am rarely moved to comment on a movie in the same way lots of people are & do.  (You can read my handful of reviews here, if you'd like.  None is essential.)

& then I started thinking, this morning, how much more I enjoyed the Game Of Thrones season four premiere far more than the movie.  There were a few dull, expository stretches through the movie - but all the dialogue (& it was a talky premiere) in the television show seemed essential.

& what is the point, anyway?  If you like some of the music I like, you'll like some of the shows I've put together.  An album review or a movie review or a television review won't make much of a difference.  Will it?  How could it?

Self Help Radio 040414: The Way Out Show

Self Help Radio this week is way out!  It's way out in Kentucky.  Way out on a planet called Earth in the outskirts of the Milky Way Galaxy.  & it's got no way out.

But there are doubtless way out songs on the show you might enjoy.  You can listen to it here: Self Help Radio website.  Or you can listen to it directly here: part one & then also part two.  Way down below here is the list of songs I played.

Thanks for listening!

(part one)

"Way Out Willie" Mickey Hawks _Bip Bop Boom_
"She's Too Way Out" Tony Dangerfield & The Thrills _Freakbeat Freakout_
"Way Out Love" The Four Pennies _Trouble Is My Middle Name_
"Way Way Out" The Girls _New Rubble, Vol. 5: Scratch My Back_

"We've Got A Way Out Love" The Originals _The Complete Motown Singles, Vol. 9: 1969_
"Hey Little Way Out Girl" The Construction _The Wigan Casino Story Continues_
"Way Out Love" The Isley Brothers _Between The Sheets_
"Way Out" Yeah Yeah Yeahs _Show Your Bones_
"Way Out" April March & Steve Hanft _Magic Monsters_

"When There's No Way Out" Guitar Slim _Atco Sessions_
"No Way Out" Joyce Harris & The Daylighters _The Domino Records Story_
"No Way Out" Clarence Reid _Eccentric Soul: The Outskirts Of Deep City_

(part two)

"No Way Out" The Chocolate Watchband _Love Is The Song We Sing (San Francisco Nuggets 1965-1970)_
"No Way Out" Thee Headcoats _Heavens To Murgatroyd, Even! It's Thee Headcoats! (Already)_
"No Way Out" The Legends _Up Against The Legends_
"No Way Out Of Time" Robyn Hitchcock _Spooked_

"Way Out There" Chuck & Bill (The Kentuckians) _Oh Boy! The Brunswick Story_
"That's Your Way Out" The Pandoras _It's About Time_
"The Old Way Out" The Go-Betweens _Spring Hill Fair_
"Way Out Of Reach" The Manhattan Love Suicides _Burnt Out Landscapes_
"Way Out" Bass Drum Of Death _Bass Drum Of Death_
"I Found A Way Out" Bill Cosby _Talks To Kids About Drugs_

"Way Out West" Big Star _Radio City_
"Way Out West" Angel Corpus Christi _The 80's_
"Way Out" The La's _Callin' All_

Whither The Way Out Show?

Holy crap, I'm at this point where I don't really know what I can talk about during a show in which the theme is "way out"!

Why do you have to talk about anything?  Why not just let the music speak for itself?

Damn it!  It's me in italics!

Howdy.

You go away.  You're never helpful.  You pretend to be a more laid-back version of me but your ideas are stupid.

Oh, dude, that's harsh.

Let's take for example that last one: "let the music speak for itself."  It does.  I don't have a problem with that.  But I don't usually talk about the music I play.  I talk about the themes.

Wow, I guess I didn't know that.

You didn't know that?  You're ME for fuck's sake!

I don't listen to your show, though.  I tried once.  It was kinda boring.

Arrgh!

Wait.  Did you really just write "Arrgh"?

Yeah, it's a noise I make in frustration.

But you didn't actually say it, did you?

No, of course not.  Because I'm writing on a computer screen.  Anyway, when someone is talking to themselves, they usually don't make noises unless they want passers-by to think they're crazy-pants.

Writing "arrgh" is like the 20th century way of texting "LOL."

I hate you.

I know!

Preface To The Way Out Show: Frames Of Reference

I might have explained the way I find themes to explore on the show, before, on this blog.  But I will repeat myself.  It's not an interesting or mysterious or inspired process, but it is a process.  I think of something, usually at random moments, & I create a folder on my computer with the name of the theme & then start to fill it in.

A friend calls this "letting the universe talk to you."  I don't believe that coincidences mean anything, but if I am listening to three records in a row, & they all have songs about soap on them, my brain will tell me, "You should do a show about soap."  So I'll create the folder & let my brain work on it in the background.

At some point I decide there's enough songs to do a show.  I take a little more time to do more direct searching for songs, but the bulk of the show is already there.

Sometimes it takes years to get a theme covered.  In my "folder of themes" (which for some reason is labeled "extras" on my computer), I have folders that go back to 2008.  This is true!  Some ideas don't get much exploration.  They just lie there.

In any event, coincidences happen, & although I have left WRFL, I am still aware of the show schedule, & since last fall there's a show called "The Way Out" on the station.  It wouldn't bother me if that show's name (not necessarily its content) inspired this week's show, but I am here to say, it didn't.  The "way out show" folder was created in 2012, when Matt, the show's host, was still doing "Burning Sensations."

I toyed with the idea of contacting him to see if he wanted to record a disclaimer for me ("The program The Way Out is not involved with nor endorses the program Self Help Radio"), but I didn't want to bother him.  I can only say that he does a fine show, & it's on Thursdays at 2pm at wrfl.fm or 88.1 fm in Lexington.

I hope he doesn't think my show is a comment or rip-off on his!

Combatting Sunrise With Hate

This is true: I had an argument last night with someone in a dream in which we were talking about the New Testament's attitude toward homosexuality.  It wasn't even someone who was a friend, or is a Christian, or a homophobe - it was an old acquaintance's wife.  It was in a suite of apartments in which I have never lived but in the dream was my home.  My brain did this wonderful thing it does which confronted with the request for information it did not have: it didn't let me get to my computer to access that information.  I think my brain is clever to do that.

This is also true: The wife got a cable phone for us, but no one knows the number.  That doesn't keep it from ringing several times a day.  At least twice I've received calls from the Kentucky Prison System or whatever it's called.  It asks me to press one to accept the call & to press another key for more information.  There does not appear to be a number to refuse the call.  I don't want want to be rude but I also don't want to waste an inmate's time, so I just hang up.  Then I have the feeling I've broken someone's heart.

This is not true: I am a six foot tall dragonfly who has forgotten how to fly.  But I have not forgotten how to be a dragon.  It's difficult to get my jittery damn wings through doorways so now, out of frustration, I just breathe fire on them & burn my way through.  This has caused me to destroy my own home & also I am not invited to anyone else's houses anymore.  The novelty of having a friend who is a six foot tall dragonfly is made negligible by the property damage I inflict with my awkwardness & impatience (also, fire).  This in turn has caused me to plunge into deep despair but has not, alas, resulted in any real soul-searching or attempts to improve my character.

Five Inches Of Hair

"Is that all it will take?" I asked.  "Yes," he said.  "Just five inches of hair."

He had shifty eyes.  Night shifty eyes.  More comfortable with cold, uncomfortable fluorescent light.

"That's not a lot of hair," I said.  "It's enough," he said.

I looked around his office.  The place was untidy, like a teenager's room.  It smelled of coffee stains & unfinished tuna salad sandwiches.

"What're you looking for?" he asked.  "A ruler," I said.  "If you don't have a ruler - or a tape measure - there's no way to know if it's exactly five inches of hair."

Being exact was important to me at that time in my life.  It was a kind of mental punctuality.

"An inch is about as big the length from knuckle to tip of the average finger," he said, pointing one finger at me & using another (from the other hand) to demonstrate.

I hadn't looked at his hands yet, & now I wish I hadn't.  They looked like they'd been broken at least twice in the past, & repaired by an arthritic doctor.

"I guess that's fair," I conceded, pushing his hand out of my way.  "Five inches of hair is fair."

He clapped his malformed hands together & it made a pathetic noise.  He was happy, & I saw him reach into a desk drawer & remove a pair of scissors that could have doubled as shears.

"No, no," I said.  "Not now!"  "Not now?" he repeated as a question.

I made strange gestures over my head that I initially thought might be self-explanatory, but instead looked like I was trying to clumsily mimic a fashionable dance popular with trendy commercial music.

"I'll need to grow it first!" I finally explained.

Self Help Radio 032814: Ants

Ants! Ants everywhere! Where the hell did all these ants come from? Holy crap I'm covered in ants!

Save me from all these ants!  Listen to this show at the Ant Help Radio website!  Or you can listen to directly by clicking the two parts: part one covered in ants! or part two in the anthill!  All the ant songs are being carried away by a line of ants below!

Ants! Ants! Ants!

(part one)

"Army Ants In Your Pants" Bruce Haack _Listen Compute Rock Home: The Best Of Dimension 5_
"The Ant & The Grasshopper" Leon Rosselson & Roy Bailey _That's Not The Way It's Got To Be_
"Il Grillo E La Formica (The Ant & The Cricket)" Unidentified _The Italian Treasury: Abruzzo_

"Ants In My Pants" Bo Carter _Them Dirty Blues_
"I Can't Dance (I Got Ants In My Pants) (Louis Jordan, vocals)" Clarence Williams & His Washboard Orchestra _1933-1934_
"Make Me Dance, Little Ant" Joe Hughes & His Orchestra _I Dreamed I Was Elvis_
"I Got Ants In My Pants, Part 1 (Reverb Version)" James Brown _The Singles, Volume 8: 1972-1973_
"Idiosyncratic Ant Blues" Pagiins _Good Things Take Time EP_

"High Hopes" Frank Sinatra _The Complete Capitol Singles Collection_
"Ant Music" OK Go _Get Over It_
"Ants Invasion" Adam & The Ants _Kings Of The Wild Frontier_
"Red Ant" Smack Dab _Majestic Root_

(part two)

"Ant Corridor" Robyn Hitchcock _Luxor_
"Ant" They Might Be Giants _Indestructible Object EP_
"Exploding Anthills" Boston Spaceships _Zero To 99_

"Ant Man Bee" Captain Beefheart _Trout Mask Replica_
"Ants" Stephen Wright _I Have A Pony_
"200 Million Red Ants" The Majamood _Circus Days Vol. 6_
"Raft Ants" Wire _Read & Burn 2_
"Ants In My Hands" Modey Lemon _Thunder + Lightning_

"Ant Farm" Eels _Electro-Shock Blues_
"Hopi Ants" Lida Husik _The Return Of Red Emma_
"Mister Ant" Psapp _The Camel's Back_
"Ants On A Log" Randy Travis _Full Circle_

Whither Ants?

Radio shows about insects prove immensely popular with entomologists everywhere, who make up roughly 0.005% of the listening population.  This difficult demographic can only be made happy by songs about insects.  Therefore, the United States Radio Commission For Radio requires people who make radio type shows to occasionally cater to the demands of entomologists &/or weirdos who enjoy insects.  This is what Self Help Radio is doing this week.

We'll return to non-ant programming next week.

New Sponsor!

I'm very proud to announce that Self Help Radio has a new sponsor for this week's show.  It's Ant Monthly, the number one magazine about ants in North America.  We're glad to have them aboard!

There Is A Rant & It Never Comes Out

I am not one for complaining about a lot of stuff - except for snow!  It's snowing today!  It's sunny for a second & then it's snowing today!  What the hell? - but I have a rant building up & I'm wondering if it's possibly going to explode all over this blog at some point.

But I don't know if I rant too effectively these days.  I used to be better at it when I was younger - people would describe my airbreaks on KVRX as "rants" - but nowadays I feel weird expressing my own opinion in that manner.  One, I don't think anyone cares; & b, I confess I worry about offending people, which leads me to, who the hell am I & what right do I have to express an opinion (angry or otherwise) about anything?  Isn't it bad enough that people have let me on the radio?

But seriously, SNOW?

That's not what I want to rant about, or discuss, or whatever.  It's just weird.  It's not sticking - it's above freezing - but it is snowing, which is weird, because it's not spring anymore.  Or is it?

That's what I thought.  Here's a picture from downtown Lexington today:

Damn it!

Ant Obsession

This week's show is about ants.  From time-to-time I wish, instead of doing my show, I could just say, "Here's someone doing something better than I ever could, please watch/listen/experience this instead."

In the fourth season (or series) of Monty Python, there's an episode called Michael Ellis, which is fixated with ants.  It's a must-see - & here's an example why: Romantic poets writing about ants:



(Sorry about the Spanish subtitles.)

Self Help Radio 032114: Cheap

Egads! The date is wrong! This show should have happened yesterday! But that's what it gets for being so cheap.

Please enjoy another shoddily put-together Self Help Radio, now available at the Self Help Radio website or directly (it's in two parts) here for part one & here for part two.  A cheap list of cheap songs is below.

Thanks for listening, cheapskates!

(part one)

"Cheap" Seasick Steve & The Level Devils _Cheap_
"All About Cheap" The Homosexuals _Astral Glamour_
"Talk Is Cheap" Heavy D & The Boyz _Blue Funk_

"Cheap Thrills" Frank Zappa _Cruising With Ruben & The Jets_
"Cheap Tragedies" Avengers _Avengers_
"Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap" Hayseed Dixie _A Hillbilly Tribute To AC/DC_
"Cheap Lovin'" Barbara Randolph _Lee Hazlewood Industries: There's A Dream I've Been Saving (1966-1971)_
"Talk Is Cheap" Sandy Gaye _Eccentric Soul: The Tragar & Note Labels_

"Paranoia Man In Cheap Shit Room" The Fall _The Infotainment Scan_
"Cheap Beer" Fidlar _Fidlar_
"Junior's Little Sister's Dropped Ta Cheap" Alan Vega _New Raceion_
"Cheap Little Bitch" Raymond & Peter _Shut Up Little Man!_

(part two)

"Born To Be Cheap" Divine _Born To Be Cheap 7"_
"Too Cheap, Cheap" Los Brincos _Mundo, Demonio Y Carne_
"Don't Play Me Cheap" Louis Armstrong _The Complete RCA Victor Recordings_

"Money's Getting Cheaper" Johnny Moore's Three Blazers _Charles Brown 1947-1948_
"Cheaper's Discount Store" Bob & Ray _Bob & Ray's Classics: Volume 1_
"Cheapskate" The Clash _Give 'Em Enough Rope_
"Cheap New-Age Fix" Julian Cope _Interpreter_
"Welcome To The Cheap Seats" The Wonder Stuff _Never Loved Elvis_

"Cheap Like Sebastien" Apostle Of Hustle _National Anthem Of Nowhere_
"Cheap Cuts" Liquorice _Listening Cap_
"Cheap & Vulgar" The Styrenes _It's Still Artastic_
"Cheap Local Talent" Battery Boys _Kilt By Death: The Sound Of Old Scotland_
"Cheap Music" Handsome Furs _Sound Kapital_

Whither Cheap?

I live with possibly the cheapest person alive.  She grew up in an upper middle class household, & her father is "rich" in a sense that I will never understand.  Once, we ate with him at a terrible Chinese restaurant (why?) on the San Antonio Riverwalk.  The bill was nearly a hundred bucks.  He left a dollar tip.

The service wasn't bad - but he just didn't tip much.  I'm sure that's how he felt he stayed rich.

I grew up very poor, but not in poverty.  I didn't even know how poor we were, really - I was a dumb kid, & I spent a lot of time playing with Star Wars figures.  One day, some time in sixth or seventh grade, my mother asked me, "You're not ashamed that we're so poor, are you?"

Well, I wasn't, Mom - until then!

This Cracked article is pretty spot-on about the bad habits one gets when one grows up poor.  I watched my brothers be extravagant on payday & then hit people up for money the rest of the week.  I can be extremely generous myself, although I don't think I've gone too overboard.  But for my wife - who has kept her maiden name, Skinflint - it can be unbearable.  I often tease her about giving money away to charity - & it can enrage her.

She's getting better now.  She has actually been more free & easy with her money from time-to-time.  This show, then, is kind of a backhanded homage to her.

Sorry it's so late.  I hope it's up by noon tomorrow!

Preface To Cheap: Vegan/Vegetarian Restaurants In Asheville NC

They ain't cheap. But I am eating some damn good vegan food.

Eating at Plant now. Ate at Rosetta's Kitchen this morning. Had dinner at Laughing Seed Cafe. Too full, too full of good food.

Remember! No new Self Help Radio tomorrow! It'll happen Saturday!

Vacation

Does A Late Show Mean…?

That there won't be a lot of long blog posts this week?  Yeah.  It means that.

Maybe I'll post some pictures from the short vacation?

We'll have to wait & see.

Spring Broke

Ack! It snowed again here last night. It's so exhausting to wake in the morning, look out the window, & just see white. It's like living in a Dallas suburb.

We're getting away from here for a little while this week so I'll be out of town on Friday. But don't worry! (Okay, you weren't going to worry.) Self Help Radio will have a new episode on Saturday at noon. It's better than nothing! (Maybe nothing would be better?)

If you have a spring break this year, I hope it's somewhere where there's actually the possibility of spring!