Oh god I don't know I am so obsessed with alphabetization. What is wrong with me?
A person who feels the need to put things like bands they like in such order must have an underlying psychological condition. By itself it's probably not so bad - but there surely are other issues involved. Combined with, let's say, a discomfort at disorder or an unease with disorganization. Do you see? Everything starts to add up to - oh jeez - a condition. For fuck's sake, should I be seeking professional help? Getting myself a bespectacled head shrinker with a cold, stiff divan & telling my life story to someone paid to listen? How can that be helpful? I don't mean to discount the profession. Just, I suppose I fear that the first thing that'll happen is that I'll be asked if I want some medications. Kind of tempting... Let's be honest, I've sort of been through this kind of thing before. My psychological visits twenty years ago were deeply disappointing. Not that I didn't need them - it's just that things didn't connect between me & the (admittedly poorly paid) analysts I was assigned to. Oh, I know, people say it's as hard as finding a good doctor, finding a good psychologist, but I had neither the time nor the money. Perhaps now, since I am older & more financially secure, it would be a different experience. Questions I ask now would be more pointed. Reactions might be better understood with greater experience. Sessions could be processed with a (I can't believe I'm saying this) more mature mind. Talk therapy, we are always told, is good thing, that it works. Until it doesn't, unless it doesn't. Very good, my love of order appears not to exist in my rationalizing mind. Weaseling my way out of something I've never even committed to! Xenophobes probably have more fun looking at maps! You see what I am up against? Zero probability of mental wellness in the near future!
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Friday, April 27, 2012
This Random Dream About The Fall
I don't have a lot of dreams about The Fall even though I play them on virtually ever damn radio show I do these days. I've seen them live maybe four times (the last time was the most recent famous meltdown, where Mark Smith fired the band after playing perhaps twenty minutes) (which is a thrilling thing for a Fall fan to see!) & the chances of me seeing them live in the near future are nil to none. (But I might be going to Europe at the end of the year, so perhaps...)
I did dream about them last night. The situation requires a bit of a backstory. With recent advances in technology - which is to say, phones that can act as recording devices - it's easy to wander up to a more or less accessible musician & ask him/her/it if they would like to do an Artist ID for the radio station. I did exactly none of these for KVRX or KOOP - but they weren't considered much of a priority at either station. At WRFL, though, they got dozens of those things! Stretching back many moons! & not just musicians either - my favorite is the late, great Evel Knievel!
I managed to get one last year when I saw Darren Hanlon in Cincinnati & I got one when I saw the Wedding Present in Chicago last month. But I've missed more than I've gotten - mainly because I forget, since it's not really a priority in my mind. For example, when I was hanging out with my friends Bearsuit in Austin last year, I could totally have at any time gotten an artist ID. I was just having too much fun to ask.
Oh, & you can't just beg people to do it through the emails. They say they will but never do. Or they just don't write back. Because it's a little presumptuous!
In the dream I am in some kind of convenience store & I bump into Mark E. Smith, the mastermind of the Fall. He's much shorter than I am - whether that's true in real life I don't know - & he seems to be a younger version of the very aged malcontent you see these days. I ramble on about how much I like the Fall & even tell him that I knew I loved them when, like when you learn a language you know you're getting it when you dream in that language, I started to dream in The Fall. He seems utterly uninterested in this information as well he should be.
A little embarrassed by my fanboy nonsense, I walk away & then think, "Holy crap I could get an artist ID!" I find my wife - who has the iPhone I'll need to record the spot - & approach Mark Smith, now with his much-younger-than-he-is band, & ask them if that's okay. They don't seem to mind, so I find some paper to write "WRFL Lexington" on so they can say something like, "Hi this is the Fall you're listening to" etc.
Here's where the dream becomes a typical Gary dream: the wife's iPhone has a lot of programs running that I need to keep closing until I can open the audio recording one. Of course, an iPhone doesn't work that way, like a computer with screen after screen on a busy desktop, but in the dream it did, & I got upset at the wife for running so many damn apps simultaneously.
Then, for some reason, I can't seem to write WRFL properly. I am misspelling the call letters of my radio station! I am writing with a black sharpie & I it's coming out W R E E or W R E L or some other combination that only vaguely resembles the actual call letters.
When I finally get it right, the band has gathered around Mark Smith & they do the ID. You know, the folks who might not be in the band for the next record. While the Fall's one constant sits there & smirks.
It almost made me not want to try to get artist IDs any more.
I did dream about them last night. The situation requires a bit of a backstory. With recent advances in technology - which is to say, phones that can act as recording devices - it's easy to wander up to a more or less accessible musician & ask him/her/it if they would like to do an Artist ID for the radio station. I did exactly none of these for KVRX or KOOP - but they weren't considered much of a priority at either station. At WRFL, though, they got dozens of those things! Stretching back many moons! & not just musicians either - my favorite is the late, great Evel Knievel!
I managed to get one last year when I saw Darren Hanlon in Cincinnati & I got one when I saw the Wedding Present in Chicago last month. But I've missed more than I've gotten - mainly because I forget, since it's not really a priority in my mind. For example, when I was hanging out with my friends Bearsuit in Austin last year, I could totally have at any time gotten an artist ID. I was just having too much fun to ask.
Oh, & you can't just beg people to do it through the emails. They say they will but never do. Or they just don't write back. Because it's a little presumptuous!
In the dream I am in some kind of convenience store & I bump into Mark E. Smith, the mastermind of the Fall. He's much shorter than I am - whether that's true in real life I don't know - & he seems to be a younger version of the very aged malcontent you see these days. I ramble on about how much I like the Fall & even tell him that I knew I loved them when, like when you learn a language you know you're getting it when you dream in that language, I started to dream in The Fall. He seems utterly uninterested in this information as well he should be.
A little embarrassed by my fanboy nonsense, I walk away & then think, "Holy crap I could get an artist ID!" I find my wife - who has the iPhone I'll need to record the spot - & approach Mark Smith, now with his much-younger-than-he-is band, & ask them if that's okay. They don't seem to mind, so I find some paper to write "WRFL Lexington" on so they can say something like, "Hi this is the Fall you're listening to" etc.
Here's where the dream becomes a typical Gary dream: the wife's iPhone has a lot of programs running that I need to keep closing until I can open the audio recording one. Of course, an iPhone doesn't work that way, like a computer with screen after screen on a busy desktop, but in the dream it did, & I got upset at the wife for running so many damn apps simultaneously.
Then, for some reason, I can't seem to write WRFL properly. I am misspelling the call letters of my radio station! I am writing with a black sharpie & I it's coming out W R E E or W R E L or some other combination that only vaguely resembles the actual call letters.
When I finally get it right, the band has gathered around Mark Smith & they do the ID. You know, the folks who might not be in the band for the next record. While the Fall's one constant sits there & smirks.
It almost made me not want to try to get artist IDs any more.
Thursday, April 26, 2012
The Old Civic Servant
Fancies himself a kind of playboy. Jokes that he gets time off for good behavior. Isn't entirely convinced the haiku is an art form, let alone a form of poetry. Was frightened as a child by a sculpture & hasn't visited an art museum since.
Likes to say he "loves hard & loves often." Listens almost exclusively to radio stations that play music for teenagers. Admits however that he has a soft spot for the Beatles. Proceeds to break into his favorite song, which is "Yellow Submarine."
Used to play tennis but now can't seem to find the time. Has an uncompleted five hundred piece jigsaw puzzle on his dinner table which the cat sleeps on. Remembers that his father had a thing for Zane Grey. Tells everyone he'd like to read more.
Hasn't been to the dentist since probably two thousand and two. Punctuates his sentences with the phrase "I know my stuff." Likes the spring better than the fall because it gets warmer & green is his favorite color. Won't let you get a word in edgewise.
Nearly backed into a group of schoolchildren once. Got lucky because he had been drinking. Wants you to know that he hardly ever gets behind the wheel if he's had even one drink. Insists in any event that he can hold his liquor.
May want to show you his scar from the bypass operation. Has a few funny stories about nurses & morphine if you want to hear them. Becomes very quiet these days when asked about where he worked & his pension. Doesn't understand why it was such a bad thing.
Is getting up to go now. Makes a few well-rehearsed comments about the noises his old bones make. Seems a little forgetful about the etiquette involved with leaving a new acquaintance. Decides to give a little wave & says his goodbyes.
Likes to say he "loves hard & loves often." Listens almost exclusively to radio stations that play music for teenagers. Admits however that he has a soft spot for the Beatles. Proceeds to break into his favorite song, which is "Yellow Submarine."
Used to play tennis but now can't seem to find the time. Has an uncompleted five hundred piece jigsaw puzzle on his dinner table which the cat sleeps on. Remembers that his father had a thing for Zane Grey. Tells everyone he'd like to read more.
Hasn't been to the dentist since probably two thousand and two. Punctuates his sentences with the phrase "I know my stuff." Likes the spring better than the fall because it gets warmer & green is his favorite color. Won't let you get a word in edgewise.
Nearly backed into a group of schoolchildren once. Got lucky because he had been drinking. Wants you to know that he hardly ever gets behind the wheel if he's had even one drink. Insists in any event that he can hold his liquor.
May want to show you his scar from the bypass operation. Has a few funny stories about nurses & morphine if you want to hear them. Becomes very quiet these days when asked about where he worked & his pension. Doesn't understand why it was such a bad thing.
Is getting up to go now. Makes a few well-rehearsed comments about the noises his old bones make. Seems a little forgetful about the etiquette involved with leaving a new acquaintance. Decides to give a little wave & says his goodbyes.
Monday, April 23, 2012
Miracle Of Miracles
The only thing more miraculous than a Self Help Radio show about miracles is that Self Help Radio is still on the radio after nearly ten years! Does this mean I could be a saint? Will I get my own holiday? Do they have saint conventions like Star Trek conventions where the beatified gather to answer questions, sign autographed photos (twenty bucks a pop), & perform a couple of sleight-of-hand miracles? That would be awesome. I could sell "Self Help Radio: The Unauthorized Hagiography"!
Though of course the word "miracle" technically implies something supernatural, I do sometimes feel that it's a minor miracle that I finish a show every week. Hey! I never said it was a good minor miracle! You can listen to a show about miracles at the Self Help Radio website. You can listen to the show directly (it's in two parts) (the two parts are detailed below) by clicking the following links: part one & part two.
It will be a miracle if you listen!
(part one)
"Miracles Are Hard To Find" Tullycraft _Old Traditions, New Standards_
"Make Me A Miracle" Jimmie Rodgers _The Best Of Jimmie Rodgers_
"Miracles & Wonders" The Chameleons _Why Call It Anything?_
"It's Gonna Take A Miracle" The Royalettes _Growin' Up Too Fast: The Girl Group Anthology_
"Miracles Will Start To Happen" Jonathan Richman _Jonathan Richman_
"A Miracle" Handful Of Snowdrops _Land Of The Damned_
"Promised You A Miracle" Simple Minds _New Gold Dream (81-82-83-84)_
"You Sexy Thing" Tom Tom Club _Dark Sneak Love Action_
"More Than A Miracle" Garnet Mimms _Cry Baby/Warm & Soulful_
"Miracle Man" Dorothy Black _Sister Funk_
(part two)
"It's A Miracle" Willie Hightower _Willie Hightower_
"I Believe In Miracles" The Ramones _Hey! Ho! Let's Go!: The Anthology_
"Miracle Of Miracles" Eugene Chadbourne _Knitting On The Roof: Modern Interpretations Of The Classic Musical Fiddler On The Roof_
"Miracle Man" Elvis Costello _My Aim Is True_
"If I Could Work Miracles" The Bartlebees _What Is It All About?_
"Face Of Jesus Seen On A Miracle Hippy" Onion Radio News _Onion Radio News_
"The Miracle Of Love" Eurthymics _Revenge_
"I Ain't No Miracle Worker" The Brogues _Nuggets: Original Artyfacts From The First Psychedelic Era, Vol. 2_
"Miracles Take Longer" Television Personalities _Yes Darling, But Is It Art?_
"Waiting For The Miracle" Leonard Cohen _The Future_
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Whither Miracles?
Do you believe in miracles? Are you an American? If so, the chances are very good that you do. The Pew Forum on religion, in a 2010 survey, found that 80% of Americans believe in miracles.
But what exactly is a miracle? If you're in a terrible weather situation - as many have been in the last few months, with tornadoes destroying whole swaths of Indiana, Texas, & Kentucky - & you somehow survive the event with little or no damage, is that a "miracle"? Some people certainly think so.
However, the religious definition of a miracle is an event that is inexplicable with the laws of nature, & is therefore of a supernatural nature & origin, usually through a (mostly Christian) god, but oftentimes through his saints & channelers, such as televangelists, or through supernatural agents, like angels.
But it's not too far a linguistic jump to say that how you survived the tornado above was through prayer to your deity, or through prayer to his saints, or through the invisible actions of his angels, who chose to move the tornado away from you & destroy the lives of someone else.
Some people believe it's a miracle that Self Help Radio has been allowed to be on the radio for almost a decade. Frankly, Self Help Radio thinks it's just dumb luck.
Listen to Self Help Radio play songs & chat about miracles tomorrow from 7:30 to 9am on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington. You can listen with the miracle of radio or with the miracle of the internets. Or you can find out about the show too late to listen to it in real time & listen to it thanks to the miracle of online archiving.
If you listen, it will truly be a miracle.
But what exactly is a miracle? If you're in a terrible weather situation - as many have been in the last few months, with tornadoes destroying whole swaths of Indiana, Texas, & Kentucky - & you somehow survive the event with little or no damage, is that a "miracle"? Some people certainly think so.
However, the religious definition of a miracle is an event that is inexplicable with the laws of nature, & is therefore of a supernatural nature & origin, usually through a (mostly Christian) god, but oftentimes through his saints & channelers, such as televangelists, or through supernatural agents, like angels.
But it's not too far a linguistic jump to say that how you survived the tornado above was through prayer to your deity, or through prayer to his saints, or through the invisible actions of his angels, who chose to move the tornado away from you & destroy the lives of someone else.
Some people believe it's a miracle that Self Help Radio has been allowed to be on the radio for almost a decade. Frankly, Self Help Radio thinks it's just dumb luck.
Listen to Self Help Radio play songs & chat about miracles tomorrow from 7:30 to 9am on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington. You can listen with the miracle of radio or with the miracle of the internets. Or you can find out about the show too late to listen to it in real time & listen to it thanks to the miracle of online archiving.
If you listen, it will truly be a miracle.
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Preface To Miracles: You Sexy Thing
Self Help Radio labors forever in obscurity, & kinda deserves it, but on the radio on Mondays the deejay will often say, "If you have ideas for themes, or if you want to request a song for the show next week, you can always email me at Gary at Self Help Radio dot net." Needless to say, the "email-bag" is hardly ever filled by listener requests - in fact, it's usually just full of desperate African potentates & information about penis enlargement &/or engorgement.
However, this week, the show about "miracles," having been duly announced on the previous Monday, encouraged not one but two Lexingtonians to write in & request a song. That song? "You Sexy Thing" by Hot Chocolate. The song is so well known that it has its own Wikipedia page. The reason for the request, of course, is the continually repeated lyric, "I believe in miracles." (You can read the full lyrics here.) Indeed, if you search for the song, there's a good chance that, in this day & age of mis-identified songs, you'll find it entitled "I Believe In Miracles." One of the correspondents called it that in the request email!
You can watch a lip-synched version by the band (who were British - did you know that?) on Youtube here. & you can expect to hear it on Self Help Radio on Monday. Unless! Might there be a funky version of it somewhere?
Is it disrespectful to play covers of songs people request, especially if the song is as popular & well known as "You Sexy Thing"?
However, this week, the show about "miracles," having been duly announced on the previous Monday, encouraged not one but two Lexingtonians to write in & request a song. That song? "You Sexy Thing" by Hot Chocolate. The song is so well known that it has its own Wikipedia page. The reason for the request, of course, is the continually repeated lyric, "I believe in miracles." (You can read the full lyrics here.) Indeed, if you search for the song, there's a good chance that, in this day & age of mis-identified songs, you'll find it entitled "I Believe In Miracles." One of the correspondents called it that in the request email!
You can watch a lip-synched version by the band (who were British - did you know that?) on Youtube here. & you can expect to hear it on Self Help Radio on Monday. Unless! Might there be a funky version of it somewhere?
Is it disrespectful to play covers of songs people request, especially if the song is as popular & well known as "You Sexy Thing"?
Friday, April 20, 2012
Four-Twenty
Wikipedia uses the phrase "cannabis culture" & that amuses me.
Here's an anecdote that will demonstrate to you how square I am & always have been. When I was the Program Manager for KVRX in the 90s, I made it a point to tape & listen to everyone's show at least twice during the semester. The most difficult were always the late-night shows - since I was taping the shows with cassettes, I'd have to drag myself out of bed to turn the tape on, &, since most shows were two hours long, I'd have to wake again an hour later, & turn the tape over (hooray for 120 minute tapes!). Why I didn't just stay awake & listen to the show I don't know. It made sense at the time.
One new deejay at the station, in both shows of hers that I listened to, would come on the mic at (of course) 4:20 am & say, "It's four-twenty." She would interrupt a song while doing that. When talking to her about her show, I told her, "You can wait until a regular airbreak to tell people the time." She rolled her eyes & said, "You mean you don't know?" & I was schooled about 4:20. By the way, this same woman told me that "4-20" referred to the police code for possession, a common urban legend. & hilariously, she once came up to me & told me, "I've given up drugs!" & I said, "Wow, you're not smoking pot any more?" She said, "Pot isn't a drug! It's natural!"
I guess it's better than celebrating April 20 as Hitler's birthday!
Here's an anecdote that will demonstrate to you how square I am & always have been. When I was the Program Manager for KVRX in the 90s, I made it a point to tape & listen to everyone's show at least twice during the semester. The most difficult were always the late-night shows - since I was taping the shows with cassettes, I'd have to drag myself out of bed to turn the tape on, &, since most shows were two hours long, I'd have to wake again an hour later, & turn the tape over (hooray for 120 minute tapes!). Why I didn't just stay awake & listen to the show I don't know. It made sense at the time.
One new deejay at the station, in both shows of hers that I listened to, would come on the mic at (of course) 4:20 am & say, "It's four-twenty." She would interrupt a song while doing that. When talking to her about her show, I told her, "You can wait until a regular airbreak to tell people the time." She rolled her eyes & said, "You mean you don't know?" & I was schooled about 4:20. By the way, this same woman told me that "4-20" referred to the police code for possession, a common urban legend. & hilariously, she once came up to me & told me, "I've given up drugs!" & I said, "Wow, you're not smoking pot any more?" She said, "Pot isn't a drug! It's natural!"
I guess it's better than celebrating April 20 as Hitler's birthday!
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Fragments Of A Haunted Song
"The fire, it almost starts itself
Looks like water comes from somewhere else
& I could use a thing or two today"
I threw these lyrics, which are from the song "Gone Tomorrow" by Lambchop, on their new record, at a few people younger than I am, people I barely know, as an example of how songs could haunt me. The collective response was disinterest as best, dismissal at worst. "I guess the water comes from somewhere else," one person said, looking around as people do when they've told a joke but wait to see if anyone else recognizes it as such before they admit it was actually a joke.
But the words act in my brain - as many lyrics often do - as the closest I'll thing I'll ever be able to understand or accept as a koan, which is, as one online dictionary defines it, "a nonsensical or paradoxical question to a student for which an answer is demanded, the stress of meditation on the question often being illuminating."
More often than not such fragments - & usually the entire song - just fills me up with emotions that I want to experience rather than understand.
I am a bad fake Buddhist.
Looks like water comes from somewhere else
& I could use a thing or two today"
I threw these lyrics, which are from the song "Gone Tomorrow" by Lambchop, on their new record, at a few people younger than I am, people I barely know, as an example of how songs could haunt me. The collective response was disinterest as best, dismissal at worst. "I guess the water comes from somewhere else," one person said, looking around as people do when they've told a joke but wait to see if anyone else recognizes it as such before they admit it was actually a joke.
But the words act in my brain - as many lyrics often do - as the closest I'll thing I'll ever be able to understand or accept as a koan, which is, as one online dictionary defines it, "a nonsensical or paradoxical question to a student for which an answer is demanded, the stress of meditation on the question often being illuminating."
More often than not such fragments - & usually the entire song - just fills me up with emotions that I want to experience rather than understand.
I am a bad fake Buddhist.
Monday, April 16, 2012
Windows Airs
As the weather has gotten nicer, Self Help Radio, which spends a lot of time staring out of windows, has now felt comfortable opening the windows, & it's really about time, too, because it's kinda smelly in here. Opening the windows led to thinking about songs about windows, & thinking about songs inevitably leads to a show about the songs themselves. So one window opens while a show about windows airs!
The show is available on all operating systems, not just ones that are the namesake of this show's theme. It's available at the Self Help Radio website. Hey! If you're impatient & want to download the show directly, you can do so by clicking the following links: part one | part two. What's in each part is below.
Oh no! Bugs are coming in the window!
(part one)
"Window" The Microphones _Window_
"The Window" Acrylics _Lives & Treasure_
"Out The Window" Violent Femmes _Why Do Birds Sing?_
"Get Away From That Window" The Pickard Family _The History Of Country & Western Music Vol. 1 (1927-1928)_
"Love Jumped Through My Window" Arthur Lee & Band Aid _Vindicator_
"The Other Window" Wire _154_
"Stained-Glass Windows In The Sky" Felt _Poem Of The River_
"Voyeurism Is The New Tattoo" Luxuriator _Voyeurism Is The New Tattoo_
"Windows Of The World" Scott Walker _Scott 2_
"Take A Look Out Your Window" Pataphysics _Take A Look Out Your Window_
"My Little Window" Jack Scott _Great Scott!_
"Storm Windows" John Prine _Storm Windows_
(part two)
"The Window Song" The Mountain Goats _Protein Source Of The Future... Now!_
"My Window" Help Stamp Out Loneliness _Help Stamp Out Loneliness_
"Open A New Window" The Arbors _The Very Best Of The Arbors_
"She Came In Through The Bathroom Window" Joe Cocker _Happy_
"Life From A Window" The Jam _This Is The Modern World_
"Last Of The Window Cleaners" Momus _The Ultraconformist_
"Cleaning Windows" Van Morrison _Beautiful Vision_
"The Window (live)" Leonard Cohen _Field Commander Cohen: Tour Of 79_
"From My Bedroom Window" Dear Nora _We'll Have A Time_
"Cleaning The Windows" Kentucky Friend Chicken Training _Kentucky Fried CD_
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Whither Windows?
Today was a day where windows were handy. Tomorrow will be a day of celebration for windows.
Self Help Radio will be heard through all open & (in cars) rolled down windows all over Lexington tomorrow morning from 7:30 to 9am. You can listen online at the WRFL web page or you can simply go to the audio stream.
If you can't get your windows open, or if your day is prematurely thrown out the window, you can listen to the episode later on at your convenience at the Self Help Radio website.
Seriously, crack a window. It smells awful in here.
Self Help Radio will be heard through all open & (in cars) rolled down windows all over Lexington tomorrow morning from 7:30 to 9am. You can listen online at the WRFL web page or you can simply go to the audio stream.
If you can't get your windows open, or if your day is prematurely thrown out the window, you can listen to the episode later on at your convenience at the Self Help Radio website.
Seriously, crack a window. It smells awful in here.
Saturday, April 14, 2012
Preface To Windows: Not That Kind You Know
You must resist the urge to equate the word "window" with a computer operating systems.
My favorite window memories are drawing on windows fogged by the cold when I was bored child. I also used to love slowly revealing the outdoors by rubbing the window fog away.
My family once lived at an apartment complex, the back end of which abutted the parking lot of a Lutheran Church. The parking lot, of course, was in church's rear. Some kids who went to school with me went to that church. Our apartment faced the church's parking lot, & my bedroom window looked out over the parking lot. Once in middle school, a girl who went to the church complained to me that her entire family could see, through my window, my sleeping body as they exited their car on Sunday mornings. I was surprisingly unself-conscious about this information, & don't remember changing my behavior. The window faced the east, & I loved being awakened by the rising sun. Now I feel a little flattered that something so innocuous caused church-goers to comment. It's not like I slept in the nude!
I have never been much of a voyeur, but I think that most people dream of seeing something surprising & revealing in a stranger's window. & maybe that's why most of us don't want people to stare into our windows. I would prefer blinds or curtains over every window. What do I have to hide? What do you have to hide?
A friend of a friend was in a Christian rock band in Dallas during my college years & I could never remember what they were called. They were called something like "House Without Walls," which is (of course) a reference to something in scripture. But during one visit to Dallas, I asked the friend whose friend was in the band, "Do you ever make music with him anymore, or does he still play in that Christian rock band - what are they called, World Without Windows?"
My friend corrected me but said, "I think yours is a better band name."
My favorite window memories are drawing on windows fogged by the cold when I was bored child. I also used to love slowly revealing the outdoors by rubbing the window fog away.
My family once lived at an apartment complex, the back end of which abutted the parking lot of a Lutheran Church. The parking lot, of course, was in church's rear. Some kids who went to school with me went to that church. Our apartment faced the church's parking lot, & my bedroom window looked out over the parking lot. Once in middle school, a girl who went to the church complained to me that her entire family could see, through my window, my sleeping body as they exited their car on Sunday mornings. I was surprisingly unself-conscious about this information, & don't remember changing my behavior. The window faced the east, & I loved being awakened by the rising sun. Now I feel a little flattered that something so innocuous caused church-goers to comment. It's not like I slept in the nude!
I have never been much of a voyeur, but I think that most people dream of seeing something surprising & revealing in a stranger's window. & maybe that's why most of us don't want people to stare into our windows. I would prefer blinds or curtains over every window. What do I have to hide? What do you have to hide?
A friend of a friend was in a Christian rock band in Dallas during my college years & I could never remember what they were called. They were called something like "House Without Walls," which is (of course) a reference to something in scripture. But during one visit to Dallas, I asked the friend whose friend was in the band, "Do you ever make music with him anymore, or does he still play in that Christian rock band - what are they called, World Without Windows?"
My friend corrected me but said, "I think yours is a better band name."
Friday, April 13, 2012
Paraskevidekatriaphobia
Are you afraid of Friday the 13th? You ought not be. But you should. From time immemorial, when we didn't have good records, to time memorial, which is what we also call now, when we have better records but people are instead saving music to their computers, humans all over the place have been afraid of Friday the 13th & that include many people's mothers.
Why would scared parents warn impressionable children of a day like any other which happened to be a Friday &, if the calendar is to be believed, also the 13th? Scholars & circus people alike have spent many hours poring through the annals of human thought (sometimes the two DVD set) overlooking the underpinnings of this nefarious date. Here's something similar to what they found:
- On Friday the 13th, people who otherwise can pronounce English words more or less correctly find certain vowel combinations difficult. "Dairy" becomes "diary." "Tier" becomes "tire." & some for strange reason "beet" becomes "beat."
- On a Friday the 13th when the moon is waxing gibbous, people who drive to work can't get the melody - but not the words - of "Frère Jacques" out of their heads.
- On a Friday the 13th in a Leap Year, any group of thirteen people - even if they don't know each other - must apologize profusely to passers-by or, if they're in an office, or a lobby, or an elevator - mutter undignified excuses to themselves, or else their children's children will be cursed with temporary ineffectualness on important national holidays.
There are terrifying stories about folks who chose to toy with their fates on Friday the 13th, & unfortunately none of them have survived to tell their tales. Here are some moderately accurate recreations:
- On Friday the 13th, 1891, a young man in Ohio refused to offer blandishments to a young maiden who was expecting them, & sixteen years later that young man was forced by President Theodore Roosevelt to put his head in a recently killed moose.
- On Friday the 13th some time in the last seven years, two children who have since stopped being children because of aging were struck by the inherent awfulness of cartoons in the 1980s & never spoke of it again.
- On Friday the 13th when it used to matter, a young minor league Baseball booster decided to cross the street under a ladder walking barefoot over a broken mirror & was accidentally side-swiped by a car owned but not driven by none other than Stevie Wonder's former bodyguard's niece.
How do psychologists treat those with an irrational fear of this day? It turns out it's the same way they treat those with rational fear of this day: with powerful chocolate-scented narcotics. Should you be one of those unfortunate souls without access to decidedly unethical analysts, there are some over-the-counter & over-the-top treatments recommended by those who ought to know better. Try at your own risk.
- Anything with lanolin smeared on any part of you that resembles a sheep.
- A red scarf draped over a blue hat billowing out of a yellow sportscar.
- Reading any three of Shakespeare's sonnets to a surly senior citizen.
- Standing uncomfortably in a hobby store asking uncomfortable questions.
- Calendar avoidance &/or "accidental" date rearranging.
Most of all, you should be entirely aware of the arbitrary nature of this day which happens to be a Friday coinciding with the thirteenth of the month (luckily, not all months have thirteen days). The ancient Eritreans, for example, found Tuesday the 3rd to be full of ill omens, especially if bills were due. Certain South American city-states used to plan no weddings, funerals, or ice cream socials on any Wednesday that fell on a 4th or 14th. & of course certain religious sects have cautioned against going against holy dicta on even-numbered months that fell in odd-numbered years, but you expect that sort of thing from them, don't you?
Hopefully the more information you know about the history of "Friday the 13th," the less you have an irrational fear of it! Have a happy 13th of Friday!
Why would scared parents warn impressionable children of a day like any other which happened to be a Friday &, if the calendar is to be believed, also the 13th? Scholars & circus people alike have spent many hours poring through the annals of human thought (sometimes the two DVD set) overlooking the underpinnings of this nefarious date. Here's something similar to what they found:
- On Friday the 13th, people who otherwise can pronounce English words more or less correctly find certain vowel combinations difficult. "Dairy" becomes "diary." "Tier" becomes "tire." & some for strange reason "beet" becomes "beat."
- On a Friday the 13th when the moon is waxing gibbous, people who drive to work can't get the melody - but not the words - of "Frère Jacques" out of their heads.
- On a Friday the 13th in a Leap Year, any group of thirteen people - even if they don't know each other - must apologize profusely to passers-by or, if they're in an office, or a lobby, or an elevator - mutter undignified excuses to themselves, or else their children's children will be cursed with temporary ineffectualness on important national holidays.
There are terrifying stories about folks who chose to toy with their fates on Friday the 13th, & unfortunately none of them have survived to tell their tales. Here are some moderately accurate recreations:
- On Friday the 13th, 1891, a young man in Ohio refused to offer blandishments to a young maiden who was expecting them, & sixteen years later that young man was forced by President Theodore Roosevelt to put his head in a recently killed moose.
- On Friday the 13th some time in the last seven years, two children who have since stopped being children because of aging were struck by the inherent awfulness of cartoons in the 1980s & never spoke of it again.
- On Friday the 13th when it used to matter, a young minor league Baseball booster decided to cross the street under a ladder walking barefoot over a broken mirror & was accidentally side-swiped by a car owned but not driven by none other than Stevie Wonder's former bodyguard's niece.
How do psychologists treat those with an irrational fear of this day? It turns out it's the same way they treat those with rational fear of this day: with powerful chocolate-scented narcotics. Should you be one of those unfortunate souls without access to decidedly unethical analysts, there are some over-the-counter & over-the-top treatments recommended by those who ought to know better. Try at your own risk.
- Anything with lanolin smeared on any part of you that resembles a sheep.
- A red scarf draped over a blue hat billowing out of a yellow sportscar.
- Reading any three of Shakespeare's sonnets to a surly senior citizen.
- Standing uncomfortably in a hobby store asking uncomfortable questions.
- Calendar avoidance &/or "accidental" date rearranging.
Most of all, you should be entirely aware of the arbitrary nature of this day which happens to be a Friday coinciding with the thirteenth of the month (luckily, not all months have thirteen days). The ancient Eritreans, for example, found Tuesday the 3rd to be full of ill omens, especially if bills were due. Certain South American city-states used to plan no weddings, funerals, or ice cream socials on any Wednesday that fell on a 4th or 14th. & of course certain religious sects have cautioned against going against holy dicta on even-numbered months that fell in odd-numbered years, but you expect that sort of thing from them, don't you?
Hopefully the more information you know about the history of "Friday the 13th," the less you have an irrational fear of it! Have a happy 13th of Friday!
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Second-Person Shooter Adventures
The Development Officer has an idea. It finds its way to a post-it note. The post-it note does not exist in the physical world per se - it's a small program on the Development Officer's laptop. "That's all right," she thinks, "the idea does not exist in the physical world either."
"That's where you're wrong," says the Production Manager. She is facing quite an unhappy group of developers this morning. She doesn't have time for the Development Officer's half-baked, hare-brained ideas. She quickly fires off a memo to corporate. The memo also doesn't exist in the physical world per se - it's an ingenious application designed for the office's internal network by the Computer Guy.
The Computer Guy, whom everyone called "Jesse," took too many pills last night. He has a terrible habit of taking his friends' prescription medications if they happen to leave them at his place. Or if he happens to be at their place & finds some in their medicine cabinets. He used to take the time to look up the pills in a Big Book Of Pharmaceuticals, but now he just takes them, often in small handfuls, & waits to see how they affect him. One result is: he sometimes does not remember what he did for hours before the effects wear off.
He does not know, for example, that he hacked into his own system - he may have thought he was testing its security, although he obviously knew more about it than any intruder would - & sent out sensitive documents to everyone in the office as well as some who worked from home & others who were subscribed to his Doctor Who mailing list. But thanks to the pills he took around 11:30 pm the night before, he does not know it was he who breached security.
The Chief Financial Officer has spent the morning "putting out fires," as he puts it, so when he finds the Development Officer's idea, sent among a flurry of emails while angry workers storm in & out his office all morning long, he finds the timing so ludicrous that he believes she must have somehow been responsible for the late-night security problem.
The Chief Financial Officer orders Jesse the Computer Guy to surreptitiously search the Development Officer's computer under suspicion of the crime. He tells Jesse, "You know the stakes are high - if you can't find something, make sure you still find something." Jessie the Computer Guy is still a little too messed up to really understand what he's being asked to do.
In the small hallway outside the break room, the Production Manager, who has in the past believed that the Computer Guy has something of a thing for her, corners Jesse & asks about the investigation into the hacking. The Production Manager has not been included in the investigation by the Chief Financial Officer because many of the leaked documents show her in a favorable light toward the employees - defending popular projects, authorizing overtime, supporting (as Production Managers often do) her employees - & while the Chief Financial Officer does not exactly suspect her, he does not entirely trust her at this point in time.
Although the Production Manager is somewhat correct - the Computer Guy doesn't exactly have "something of a thing for her," he just enjoys looking at her breasts - she is not prepared for him to confess that he's been asked to do something unethical, if not illegal, to put the blame on the Development Officer. This gives the Production Manager an idea - & it's not one she commits to a post-it note that does not exist in the physical world.
Later, after the Production Manager has been promoted to Production Director, & the Chief Financial Officer has been suspended pending a criminal investigation, the Development Officer overhears Jesse the Computer Guy tell an intern, whose breasts he enjoys looking at, that it's not entirely true to say that things that are "on a computer," like mp3 files or text documents, "don't exist in the real world," as they are composed of physical things called "bytes," which, he points out, used to be kept on very tangible items like floppy discs, & which now need to be stored on a "hard drive" inside the computer.
The Development Officer suddenly suspect the Computer Guy of hacking his own system &, although she can't understand why he'd do such a thing - he didn't benefit in any way from the episode - she still tells her suspicions - in person - to the new Production Director & the interim Chief Financial Officer.
"That's where you're wrong," says the Production Manager. She is facing quite an unhappy group of developers this morning. She doesn't have time for the Development Officer's half-baked, hare-brained ideas. She quickly fires off a memo to corporate. The memo also doesn't exist in the physical world per se - it's an ingenious application designed for the office's internal network by the Computer Guy.
The Computer Guy, whom everyone called "Jesse," took too many pills last night. He has a terrible habit of taking his friends' prescription medications if they happen to leave them at his place. Or if he happens to be at their place & finds some in their medicine cabinets. He used to take the time to look up the pills in a Big Book Of Pharmaceuticals, but now he just takes them, often in small handfuls, & waits to see how they affect him. One result is: he sometimes does not remember what he did for hours before the effects wear off.
He does not know, for example, that he hacked into his own system - he may have thought he was testing its security, although he obviously knew more about it than any intruder would - & sent out sensitive documents to everyone in the office as well as some who worked from home & others who were subscribed to his Doctor Who mailing list. But thanks to the pills he took around 11:30 pm the night before, he does not know it was he who breached security.
The Chief Financial Officer has spent the morning "putting out fires," as he puts it, so when he finds the Development Officer's idea, sent among a flurry of emails while angry workers storm in & out his office all morning long, he finds the timing so ludicrous that he believes she must have somehow been responsible for the late-night security problem.
The Chief Financial Officer orders Jesse the Computer Guy to surreptitiously search the Development Officer's computer under suspicion of the crime. He tells Jesse, "You know the stakes are high - if you can't find something, make sure you still find something." Jessie the Computer Guy is still a little too messed up to really understand what he's being asked to do.
In the small hallway outside the break room, the Production Manager, who has in the past believed that the Computer Guy has something of a thing for her, corners Jesse & asks about the investigation into the hacking. The Production Manager has not been included in the investigation by the Chief Financial Officer because many of the leaked documents show her in a favorable light toward the employees - defending popular projects, authorizing overtime, supporting (as Production Managers often do) her employees - & while the Chief Financial Officer does not exactly suspect her, he does not entirely trust her at this point in time.
Although the Production Manager is somewhat correct - the Computer Guy doesn't exactly have "something of a thing for her," he just enjoys looking at her breasts - she is not prepared for him to confess that he's been asked to do something unethical, if not illegal, to put the blame on the Development Officer. This gives the Production Manager an idea - & it's not one she commits to a post-it note that does not exist in the physical world.
Later, after the Production Manager has been promoted to Production Director, & the Chief Financial Officer has been suspended pending a criminal investigation, the Development Officer overhears Jesse the Computer Guy tell an intern, whose breasts he enjoys looking at, that it's not entirely true to say that things that are "on a computer," like mp3 files or text documents, "don't exist in the real world," as they are composed of physical things called "bytes," which, he points out, used to be kept on very tangible items like floppy discs, & which now need to be stored on a "hard drive" inside the computer.
The Development Officer suddenly suspect the Computer Guy of hacking his own system &, although she can't understand why he'd do such a thing - he didn't benefit in any way from the episode - she still tells her suspicions - in person - to the new Production Director & the interim Chief Financial Officer.
Monday, April 09, 2012
Come To My Church (Show)
Two things to be aware of about this show: first, I plan my shows some time in advance & I had no idea - really - that I'd be doing a show about church the day after Easter. It's a big coincidence. & second, I think I've only been in a church for church-like business (that is to say, not sight-seeing, as at Notre Dame or a place like that) (& by church-like business, I mean, sermons or weddings or whatever) maybe twenty times in my life (if that). Nothing about churches or the business of going to church is part of my make-up - & I know some people who love church & I know some people who hate having been forced to go to church as a child. I hope the show delights the former & does not terrify the latter. & I hope my ignorance of the subject doesn't detract from the songs I play.
Churches real, imaginary, & both are explored on today's show. You can listen to the show at the Self Help Radio website. If you'd like a direct link to the shows, they are in two parts & they are here: part one, part two. I've handily listed the songs in each part so you don't have to.
The nice thing about a Self Help Radio show about church is: you don't have to tithe!
(part one)
"Get Me To The Church On Time" Rosemary Clooney _Rosie Solves The Swingin' Riddle_
"Church In The Wildwood" The Carter Family _Prayers From Hell: White Gospel & Sinner's Blues 1927-1940_
"The Magnificent Church" The Gargoyles _Steamflapper_
"Let The Church Roll On" Morehouse College Quartet _Atlanta, Ga. Gospel 1923-1931_
"A Little Old Church In England (with Ray Eberle & the Modernaires)" Glenn Miller _The Gold Collection_
"I Met Her In Church" The Box Tops _Soul Deep: The Best Of The Box Tops_
"Methodist Church" The Girls _Reunion_
"Meet Me In Church" Bobby Marchan _Cameo Parkway 1957-1967_
"Church Not Made With Hands" The Waterboys _A Pagan Place_
"The Church Of John Coltrane" Saint Jude's Infirmary _Happy Healthy Lucky Month_
(part two)
"The Vatican Rag" Tom Lehrer _That Was The Year That Was_
"Make Your Church Crackle & Glow (Parsley Sound Mix)" Ronnie Willhoite _The Doorkeepers: A Church Leadership Development Program For Ushers_
"Church Of The Poison Mind" The Yell Leaders _Gag Me With A Spoon: Don't Records Celebrates The 1980s_
"Cleaning A Church" George Carlin _When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops?_
"Date To Church" The Replacements _All For Nothing/Nothing For All_
"To The Church" Lloyd Cole _Lloyd Cole_
"The Church On The Corner" Sound Of Six _The Church On The Corner_
"They Tore The Old Country Church Down" Goodwin Trio _Hallelujah Hoedown_
"All Seven Deadly Sins Were Committed At A Church Bake Sale" Onion Radio News _Onion Radio News_
"Waiting At The Church" Julie Andrews _Don't Go Into The Lion's Cage Tonight_
"Church Bells Blues" Luke Jordan _Broke, Black & Blue, Vol. 1: Up Country Blues_
"Church, I'm Fully Saved Today" Blind Willie Johnson with Willie B. Harris _Dark Was The Night (1927-1930)_
Sunday, April 08, 2012
Whither Church?
It's entirely coincidental that Self Help Radio's show about church is happening after Easter Sunday.
Self Help Radio has never been to church.
This is somewhat remarkable, since Self Help Radio resides in Lexington, & Lexington is a city of churches.
This website counts 382 churches in Lexington. That's a church for every 700 or so people.
Don't try to find out which city has the most churches per capita in the world online. There are lots of competing answers. Plus quibbles about the question.
Though the city of Wheaton, Illinois, gets the honor, according to the game Trivial Pursuit.
Here's something I didn't know: Garland, Texas, which is my hometown, & has a population of around 220,000 people (60,000 less than Lexington), has apparently more than 500 churches.
That simply can't be true.
There might be more overt religiosity in Garland (& all of Texas) but I can't imagine there'd be so many churches.
I could be wrong, though.
Churches real & imaginary will be discussed & sang about tomorrow morning on Self Help Radio's show about churches. No tithing necessary! In Lexington (near any church) on 88.1 fm or online at WRFL dot fm. The audio stream is right here. The show will be archived later in the holy sanctuary at self help radio dot net.
As Mike Birbiglia said, "This week it's Good Friday, Holy Saturday, Easter Sunday, then Fuckin' Monday."
Self Help Radio has never been to church.
This is somewhat remarkable, since Self Help Radio resides in Lexington, & Lexington is a city of churches.
This website counts 382 churches in Lexington. That's a church for every 700 or so people.
Don't try to find out which city has the most churches per capita in the world online. There are lots of competing answers. Plus quibbles about the question.
Though the city of Wheaton, Illinois, gets the honor, according to the game Trivial Pursuit.
Here's something I didn't know: Garland, Texas, which is my hometown, & has a population of around 220,000 people (60,000 less than Lexington), has apparently more than 500 churches.
That simply can't be true.
There might be more overt religiosity in Garland (& all of Texas) but I can't imagine there'd be so many churches.
I could be wrong, though.
Churches real & imaginary will be discussed & sang about tomorrow morning on Self Help Radio's show about churches. No tithing necessary! In Lexington (near any church) on 88.1 fm or online at WRFL dot fm. The audio stream is right here. The show will be archived later in the holy sanctuary at self help radio dot net.
As Mike Birbiglia said, "This week it's Good Friday, Holy Saturday, Easter Sunday, then Fuckin' Monday."
Saturday, April 07, 2012
Preface To Church: What Comes Between Good Friday & Easter Sunday?
Apparently it's called Holy Saturday. That's a little disappointing, although it shouldn't be - after all, "Good Friday" is a little underwhelming as a name for a religious holiday. Often people will say things like, "Have a good Friday!" & they're certainly not suggesting that you celebrate the crucifixion of a religious figure.
However, one of the more interesting stories about Holy Saturday is that Jesus - who was of course at that point quite dead - literally goes to hell.
Don't take that the wrong way! He went there of his own accord & just to free the heroes of the Old Testament, from Adam & Eve on up. The implication - & if you weren't ever taught this, you're probably not Catholic - was that, before Jesus' death, everyone went to hell. Noah was in hell. Moses was in hell.
But Jesus only brings people from the Old Testament to heaven. Great humans of pagan faiths have to stay there. & probably no one explain to Socrates, say, why his old chess buddy Solomon just disappeared one day. Unless maybe Satan told them later, just to fuck with them.
It makes you wonder - did Jesus have that planned all along? Or did he think, right after his death, "Oh I know what I can do!" & though there's any real consensus on the subject - most Protestants utterly reject the notion, since there's nothing really in scripture about it - it's impressive how much Jesus got done on a day that for the most part he could have just taken it easy.
Did you get as much done today?
However, one of the more interesting stories about Holy Saturday is that Jesus - who was of course at that point quite dead - literally goes to hell.
Don't take that the wrong way! He went there of his own accord & just to free the heroes of the Old Testament, from Adam & Eve on up. The implication - & if you weren't ever taught this, you're probably not Catholic - was that, before Jesus' death, everyone went to hell. Noah was in hell. Moses was in hell.
But Jesus only brings people from the Old Testament to heaven. Great humans of pagan faiths have to stay there. & probably no one explain to Socrates, say, why his old chess buddy Solomon just disappeared one day. Unless maybe Satan told them later, just to fuck with them.
It makes you wonder - did Jesus have that planned all along? Or did he think, right after his death, "Oh I know what I can do!" & though there's any real consensus on the subject - most Protestants utterly reject the notion, since there's nothing really in scripture about it - it's impressive how much Jesus got done on a day that for the most part he could have just taken it easy.
Did you get as much done today?
Friday, April 06, 2012
Saccades
"We cannot consciously control the speed of movement between stops & during each saccade, the eyes move as fast as they can."
That's from here.
The more we learn about ourselves, the more we discover we are less & less the overt controllers of our lives & thoughts.
This reminds me of a conversation I had over twenty years ago with a girlfriend & one of her girlfriends & that girlfriend's boyfriend. I'll call them Betty, Veronica & Reggie. I am as always Jughead.
Reggie was going on & on about something something Ayn Rand something. He was a bit of a self-important douche & I had had little or no experience with Randianism at the time so when he praised "logic" & "rationality," I thought he was more or less on my side. At least he didn't go on & on about the virtues of being selfish. He was talking & he made some comment about emotions being chemical.
The two women with us gasped. "Do you really believe that?" Betty said. (Yes, my Betty.) Reggie said sure, probably glad to have the chance to debate something, since none of us really cared to interrupt his monologue. She then turned to me & said, "Jughead, do you believe our emotions are chemicals?"
I was put in a difficult situation. I am pretty much a materialist & have rarely, if ever, seriously entertained supernatural explanations for anything. But I was being stared at a woman I loved who was asking a loaded question: DID I REALLY BELIEVE THIS CODSWALLOP? DO I DARE TO LOVE SOMEONE WHO THINKS SO LITTLE OF EMOTIONS?
Interestingly, I don't remember how I responded. It didn't end the relationship at that time. When I remember it, I curse myself for not asking the more serious question in response, which is this: "If our emotions are not chemical, what are they?"
There's some irony in getting emotional about being confronted with the material nature of emotions. As a species, we're the only living things on this planet that use the results of material processes - like thinking thoughts - to convince ourselves that the things that are produced by these processes are not & cannot be material. They seem more than that. To a lot of people. Like the feeling of love seeming like more than a chemical process.
& meanwhile, "Saccades are the fastest movements produced by the human body."
That's from here.
The more we learn about ourselves, the more we discover we are less & less the overt controllers of our lives & thoughts.
This reminds me of a conversation I had over twenty years ago with a girlfriend & one of her girlfriends & that girlfriend's boyfriend. I'll call them Betty, Veronica & Reggie. I am as always Jughead.
Reggie was going on & on about something something Ayn Rand something. He was a bit of a self-important douche & I had had little or no experience with Randianism at the time so when he praised "logic" & "rationality," I thought he was more or less on my side. At least he didn't go on & on about the virtues of being selfish. He was talking & he made some comment about emotions being chemical.
The two women with us gasped. "Do you really believe that?" Betty said. (Yes, my Betty.) Reggie said sure, probably glad to have the chance to debate something, since none of us really cared to interrupt his monologue. She then turned to me & said, "Jughead, do you believe our emotions are chemicals?"
I was put in a difficult situation. I am pretty much a materialist & have rarely, if ever, seriously entertained supernatural explanations for anything. But I was being stared at a woman I loved who was asking a loaded question: DID I REALLY BELIEVE THIS CODSWALLOP? DO I DARE TO LOVE SOMEONE WHO THINKS SO LITTLE OF EMOTIONS?
Interestingly, I don't remember how I responded. It didn't end the relationship at that time. When I remember it, I curse myself for not asking the more serious question in response, which is this: "If our emotions are not chemical, what are they?"
There's some irony in getting emotional about being confronted with the material nature of emotions. As a species, we're the only living things on this planet that use the results of material processes - like thinking thoughts - to convince ourselves that the things that are produced by these processes are not & cannot be material. They seem more than that. To a lot of people. Like the feeling of love seeming like more than a chemical process.
& meanwhile, "Saccades are the fastest movements produced by the human body."
Thursday, April 05, 2012
Birthday Dog!
Our old man George turns 14 today! According to this website, that makes him the equivalent of 82 human years old. This website says that he's actually closer to 69 human years old. (It also says that I am seven & three-quarters dog years old. It's so tragic when a child is older than a parent.) One more: this website suggests George is closer to 72 human years old.
Besides being a bit obdurate (which he's always been) & whiny (ditto) & a little deaf (though I might be mistaking that for him generally not giving a shit), he generally acts like he's half his age. Last night, for example, when we got home from seeing the Spooky Qs, he danced around the house like an idiot. I'm surprised he didn't hurt himself.
I wrote about George a few Thursdays ago. He is a terribly sweet dog who likes to be around me, which is fine by me: I like being around him!
Monday, April 02, 2012
100% Cotton Show
Cotton! Cotton everywhere! Hey! I did something on this episode of Self Help Radio I either have never done or may have done only once: I played all the songs in (more or less) chronological order. (I say more of less because I looked up the years but didn't really care about the month & day, so, for example, the songs from 1929 may be out of order.) How did it go? You tell me!
All the cotton pickin' songs I played are listed below. The show is divided into two parts & much easier to pick & sort than cotton. Part one is behind that link. Part two is behind this one. The entire show (& many other shows just sitting there hoping you'll visit) is over at the Self Help Radio web page.
(part one)
"Land Of Cotton Blues" Lucille Hegamin _The Ladies In Blues_
"Cotton Field Blues" Charlie 'Dad' Nelson _The Paramount Masters_
"Cotton Field Blues" Henry Thomas _The Easin' In: Essential Recordings Of Texas Blues_
"Make My Cot Where The Cot-Cot-Cotton Grows" Red Nichols' Stompers _That's What I Call Sweet Music: American Dance Orchestras Of The 1920s_
"Song From A Cotton Field" Bessie Brown _Down In The Basement: Joe Bussard's Treasure Trove Of Vintage 78s: 1926-1937_
"Mississippi Boweavil Blues" Charley Patton _The Complete Recordings 1929-34_
"Cotton Mill Blues" Wilmer Watts _1929_
"Price Of Cotton Blues" The Allen Brothers _The Complete Recordings Vol.1 1927-1930_
"Cotton Mill Blues" Lee Brothers Trio _Hard Time In The Country_
"Serves 'Em Fine (Cotton Mill Colic No. 3)" Dave & Howard _Black & White Hillbilly Music: Early Harmonica Recordings 1920-30's_
"11 Cent Cotton, 40 Cent Meat" Bob's Boys (Bob Miller) _Songs For Political Action: Folkmusic, Topical Songs, & The American Left 1926-1953_
"Cotton Mill Blues" Daddy John Love _Oh My Little Darling_
(part two)
"Floatin' Down To Cotton Town" Fats Waller _1936_
"Cotton Patch Blues" Tommy McClennan _Big Joe Williams & The Stars Of Mississippi Blues_
"Cotton Eyed Joe" Adolf Hofner & His San Antonians _Roots 'N' Blues: The Retrospective (1925-1950)_
"Cotton Pickin' Blues" Robert Petway _Broadcasting The Blues: Black Blues In The Segregation Era_
"Pick A Bale Of Cotton" Sonny Terry & Brownie McGhee _Blowin' The Fuses_
"Boll Weevil" Lead Belly _Sings For Children_
"Old Cotton Fields At Home" Odetta & Larry _The Tin Angel_
"Cotton Picking Hands" The Dukes _Lost Dreams: The New Orleans Vocal Groups_
"Cotton Picker" Wortham Watts _The 'D' Singles Collection Vol. 1_
"Cotton Head" Leon Peels _It Don't Mean A Thing If It Ain't Got That Beat!_
"California Cottonfields" Merle Haggard _Down Every Road: 1962 - 1994_
"Mississippi Cotton Picking Delta Town" Charley Pride _Country_
"The Backbone Of America Is A Mule & Cotton" Abner Jay _The Backbone Of America Is A Mule & Cotton_
Sunday, April 01, 2012
Whither Cotton?
TEACH YOURSELF ABOUT COTTON.
Cotton is not, as one might think, a terrifying metal which can "learn" from those it maims or kills. The American Cotton Industry has made this very clear through an ingenious if not desperate series of advertisements on television & the radio. Also fat people wearing sandwich boards, although that was just as a tax write-off.
Cotton is also not "home to a race of mildly intelligent, though small, horticulturists" to which it is rumored that 30% of the male population is allergic. Widespread fear of horticulturists who are not necessarily clever but still rather competent continues after the Home Garden panic of the 1990s but this canard, which haunts tee shirt manufacturers everywhere, continues to be passed on as knowledge wherever garden tools are sold.
Cotton will never "come between you & your man." The last time cotton caused such a fuss became the American Civil War & it still feels really awful about it. So if you are a person who enjoys a close relationship with a man but have some insecurities, it is vehemently not cotton you should be worrying about. Have you taken a look at devious old fleece lately?
Finally, cotton does not want nor should it ever be a controlled substance. People who delight in growing cotton in secretive places - like hydroponically, or in secret sections of National Parks - need to be aware that it is perfectly legal to grow cotton anywhere. Sure, cotton has the classic "bad boy" image, but that's just a character it played in angsty teen dramas. People associating with cotton for its illicit qualities are totally missing out on naughtier plants.
TEACH YOURSELF ABOUT COTTON.
Listen to Self Help Radio's show about cotton, which will be on the air Monday (April 2nd) from 7:30 to 9 am on 88.1 fm WRFL Lexington & online at WRFL dot FM. There is a direct link to the audio stream & this is it.
For those of you who move at slower, more cotton-like, pace, the show will be archived sometime later at the Self Help Radio website.
SERIOUSLY, TEACH YOURSELF ABOUT COTTON ALREADY.
Cotton is not, as one might think, a terrifying metal which can "learn" from those it maims or kills. The American Cotton Industry has made this very clear through an ingenious if not desperate series of advertisements on television & the radio. Also fat people wearing sandwich boards, although that was just as a tax write-off.
Cotton is also not "home to a race of mildly intelligent, though small, horticulturists" to which it is rumored that 30% of the male population is allergic. Widespread fear of horticulturists who are not necessarily clever but still rather competent continues after the Home Garden panic of the 1990s but this canard, which haunts tee shirt manufacturers everywhere, continues to be passed on as knowledge wherever garden tools are sold.
Cotton will never "come between you & your man." The last time cotton caused such a fuss became the American Civil War & it still feels really awful about it. So if you are a person who enjoys a close relationship with a man but have some insecurities, it is vehemently not cotton you should be worrying about. Have you taken a look at devious old fleece lately?
Finally, cotton does not want nor should it ever be a controlled substance. People who delight in growing cotton in secretive places - like hydroponically, or in secret sections of National Parks - need to be aware that it is perfectly legal to grow cotton anywhere. Sure, cotton has the classic "bad boy" image, but that's just a character it played in angsty teen dramas. People associating with cotton for its illicit qualities are totally missing out on naughtier plants.
TEACH YOURSELF ABOUT COTTON.
Listen to Self Help Radio's show about cotton, which will be on the air Monday (April 2nd) from 7:30 to 9 am on 88.1 fm WRFL Lexington & online at WRFL dot FM. There is a direct link to the audio stream & this is it.
For those of you who move at slower, more cotton-like, pace, the show will be archived sometime later at the Self Help Radio website.
SERIOUSLY, TEACH YOURSELF ABOUT COTTON ALREADY.