Every year, the same old thing. I sometimes think I should do this like a list or a countdown - but that's so hard to do. Until I time myself - I must've listened to this record one hundred times but it seems I only listened to it ninety-three times! - I'll never know how to numerically represent my favorites. I do know (like I talked about yesterday) you're not going to hear the things every seems to agree were the BEST of 2013. I don't even agree with something as democratic (but with metalheads over-representing) as rate your music dot com, which has Sigur Ros, Peter Brotzmann, & Boards of Canada in the top three slots. & even though I really haven't listened to any of those, I think it's safe to say those are better than Kanye West, Miley Cyrus, & Vampire Weekend, who are all supported by giant corporations who give critics all the copies they want, plus other swag, for free. No wonder they end up on year-end lists!
I'm too cynical. Listen to me say night things about bands I love tonight from ten p.m. to midnight on 88.1 fm in Lexington & online at wrfl dot fm. I found so much music that I loved that I might add more to the show when I finally put it up at the Self Help Radio website.
Friday, December 13, 2013
Thursday, December 12, 2013
Preface To Gary's Favorite's 2013: Other People Know Better
I can only conclude, after a short sampling of "best of" lists, that I am really almost completely out of touch with what people think is "good." Did I say "people"? I meant "critics."
The Rolling Stone list actually has two or three records I liked (out of maybe six I actually listened to), but - this is the bizarre thing - they include classic-rock-types (like Paul McCartney & David Bowie) as well as hip hop & country & pop. Is it me or should these not even be in competition? Are there radio stations (besides non-commercial ones) who'll play Keith Urban & Nine Inch Nails back-to-back? You get the impression they're trying to appeal to a wider audience somehow…
The Bowie record, which is on their list, isn't bad; it's just dull. Bowie fans want to like it, which probably also explains the Paul McCartney placement. Vampire Weekend's new one is number one on the Rolling Stone list, which is weird, because everyone at RFL who played claimed to hate it. My feeling is, it'll be forgotten in several years - like, I'm afraid, most of the things of this list. Right now, though, I get the impression they're there because they made some important people a lot of money.
NPR's list forgoes the "best of" (they got that from me) & also includes electronica & jazz. The question again is: why not have different lists? Surely there's someone out there who thinks a particular metal CD is better than something like Blood Orange! Why make those dudes (& you know they're all dudes) feel even more excluded than they already feel?
Pitchfork says "best" but the title is actually "highest-rated." Does anyone read Pitchfork anymore? Since when?
Spin has a lot more hip hop than the others. Is that now who buys Spin? White guys who like hip hop?
It's not strange to me that nothing I like makes the top 25 or whatever any more. I have never had my finger on the pulse of what people like. Well, maybe when I listened to commercial radio, some time before 1989 or so. Even then, I was liking bands that now seem popular - Cure, Smiths, etc. - but then were "weird" or "obscure." The first time I played the Smiths in a car with one of my classic-rock-raised brothers, he thought it was a joke. Like something off of Dr. Demento.
All of which means nothing - opinion is opinion. If you like to have your opinions backed up by magazines & websites, then you can see if they agree with you. But the term "best" - it doesn't make any sense this early on. My own opinion is that a lot of these records will, in a decade or so, be completely forgotten.
The Rolling Stone list actually has two or three records I liked (out of maybe six I actually listened to), but - this is the bizarre thing - they include classic-rock-types (like Paul McCartney & David Bowie) as well as hip hop & country & pop. Is it me or should these not even be in competition? Are there radio stations (besides non-commercial ones) who'll play Keith Urban & Nine Inch Nails back-to-back? You get the impression they're trying to appeal to a wider audience somehow…
The Bowie record, which is on their list, isn't bad; it's just dull. Bowie fans want to like it, which probably also explains the Paul McCartney placement. Vampire Weekend's new one is number one on the Rolling Stone list, which is weird, because everyone at RFL who played claimed to hate it. My feeling is, it'll be forgotten in several years - like, I'm afraid, most of the things of this list. Right now, though, I get the impression they're there because they made some important people a lot of money.
NPR's list forgoes the "best of" (they got that from me) & also includes electronica & jazz. The question again is: why not have different lists? Surely there's someone out there who thinks a particular metal CD is better than something like Blood Orange! Why make those dudes (& you know they're all dudes) feel even more excluded than they already feel?
Pitchfork says "best" but the title is actually "highest-rated." Does anyone read Pitchfork anymore? Since when?
Spin has a lot more hip hop than the others. Is that now who buys Spin? White guys who like hip hop?
It's not strange to me that nothing I like makes the top 25 or whatever any more. I have never had my finger on the pulse of what people like. Well, maybe when I listened to commercial radio, some time before 1989 or so. Even then, I was liking bands that now seem popular - Cure, Smiths, etc. - but then were "weird" or "obscure." The first time I played the Smiths in a car with one of my classic-rock-raised brothers, he thought it was a joke. Like something off of Dr. Demento.
All of which means nothing - opinion is opinion. If you like to have your opinions backed up by magazines & websites, then you can see if they agree with you. But the term "best" - it doesn't make any sense this early on. My own opinion is that a lot of these records will, in a decade or so, be completely forgotten.
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
Today's Figure Of Speech: Bdelygmia
Spellcheck don't know this word: bdelgymia. & why should it? It's a heartless, unthinking, unfeeling, crappily compiled, moronically written, basic to the point of stupid piece of code in the middle of an unsatisfying, poorly-designed, horribly executed so-called What You See Is the Worst You Get content management system.
Not really. I was just employing the bdelgymia. It basically means a litany of abuse, sort of like what Michael Palin gets when he accidentally walks into the Abuse room while looking for the Argument room. Graham Chapman describes him as a "vacuous, toffee-nosed, malodorous pervert!"
This page has a lot more examples.
I don't really know how to pronounce it, though.
Not really. I was just employing the bdelgymia. It basically means a litany of abuse, sort of like what Michael Palin gets when he accidentally walks into the Abuse room while looking for the Argument room. Graham Chapman describes him as a "vacuous, toffee-nosed, malodorous pervert!"
This page has a lot more examples.
I don't really know how to pronounce it, though.
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
Self Help Radio 120613: A Touch Of Velvet
Beginning a new tradition: radio shows about fabrics! I can't wait for some enterprising deejay to do one about gingham!
Show is at web site. Or it's in two parts, called part one & then part two. List of songs below.
So lustrous!
(part one)
"Velvet" PBNJ Buchanan _Velvet Blue_
"Soft Velvety 'Fer" MC Honky _I Am The Messiah_
"Velvet Pants" Propellorheads _Decksanddrumsandrockandroll_
"The Velvet Glove" Jerry Colonna _The Velvet Glove_
"A Touch Of Velvet, A Sting Of Brass" Mood Mosaic _The Swingin' Sixties_
"Velvet Illusions" Velvet Illusions _Pebbles, Vol. 9: Southern California 2_
"Velvet Sunsets" The Music Emporium _The Music Emporium_
"Velvet Cave" Silver Apples _Silver Apples_
"Velvet Goldmine" David Bowie _The Rise & Fall Of Ziggy Stardust & The Spiders From Mars_
"Some Velvet Morning" Lydia Lunch & Roland S. Howard _Some Velvet Morning_
"Velvet Launderette" Poison Girls _Statement: The Complete Recordings_
"Black Velvet" Swell Maps _Train Out Of It_
"Black Velvet" The Lilac Time _The Lilac Time_
"Velvet Days" Kristin Hersh _Hips & Makers_
(part two)
"Orpheus In Red Velvet" Marc Almond _Enchanted_
"Deep Velvet" Chris & Cosey _Trust_
"Torn Green Velvet Eyes" The Magnetic Fields _Holiday_
"Deep In Velvet" Phillip Boa & Voodooclub _Boa Best Singles_
"Velvt Atmosphere" Peppermint _Keep Your Chin Up There, Sailor_
"Paint Me On Velvet" Austin Lounge Lizards _Paint Me On Velvet_
"Deadweight On Velveteen" Jose Gonzalez _Veneer_
"Another Velvet Nightmare" Frank Black _Honeycomb_
"Velvet Morning" Weird Dreams _Choreography_
"Velveteen" The Rose Of Avalanche _Indie Top 20 Vol. 1_
"Velvet Itch" Bass Drum Of Death _GB City_
Friday, December 06, 2013
Whither A Touch Of Velvet?
I promise, I had this show planned before dear old Lou Reed left us. I can't say what I had been listening to that brought me to the decision to make a radio show about a fabric - perhaps my first radio show about a fabric. (I should keep better records.)
I don't think I own anything that's velvet. Let me ask my wife. She says no. Oh well. I do like the way it feels!
The Self Help Radio show I'm calling "a touch of velvet" will be on tonight (Friday) from 10pm til midnight. On 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington, or online at wrfl dot fm.
I will probably use the word "lustrous" a lot.
I don't think I own anything that's velvet. Let me ask my wife. She says no. Oh well. I do like the way it feels!
The Self Help Radio show I'm calling "a touch of velvet" will be on tonight (Friday) from 10pm til midnight. On 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington, or online at wrfl dot fm.
I will probably use the word "lustrous" a lot.
Thursday, December 05, 2013
Preface To A Touch Of Velvet: RIP Nelson Mandela
As I started to write this, I learned that Nelson Mandela has died. It's hard to be serious about a dumb radio show in light of such news.
I wrote on the Facebook that he was one of my lifetime's real heroes. Like a lot of indie kids growing up in the 1980s, I learned about him from the Specials' song. I think, for me specifically, it was because Elvis Costello produced it that it found its way into my head - I was a huge Elvis fan & otherwise knew nothing about South Africa at the time. Later, of course, was the big Artists United Against Apartheid song "Sun City," which, it turns out, I'm lucky to have heard, since half of American stations wouldn't play it because it criticized Reagan.
I took a class in my last year of college, in 1991, which was about the literature of South Africa. I can't remember the professor's name - I think he was Dutch - he died some time in the 1990s - but the general feel of the apartheid literature was that it wouldn't end without a bloodbath. Or at least some violence. Thinking now about the character of Nelson Mandela, it's a wonder the requisite doubts we had were so great.
I don't have much to say - never been to South Africa, you know - maybe never will (although the wife has, & she's loved it). Just remembering the unforgettable, the greatness & humility & strength of Nelson Mandela. What a life!
I wrote on the Facebook that he was one of my lifetime's real heroes. Like a lot of indie kids growing up in the 1980s, I learned about him from the Specials' song. I think, for me specifically, it was because Elvis Costello produced it that it found its way into my head - I was a huge Elvis fan & otherwise knew nothing about South Africa at the time. Later, of course, was the big Artists United Against Apartheid song "Sun City," which, it turns out, I'm lucky to have heard, since half of American stations wouldn't play it because it criticized Reagan.
I took a class in my last year of college, in 1991, which was about the literature of South Africa. I can't remember the professor's name - I think he was Dutch - he died some time in the 1990s - but the general feel of the apartheid literature was that it wouldn't end without a bloodbath. Or at least some violence. Thinking now about the character of Nelson Mandela, it's a wonder the requisite doubts we had were so great.
I don't have much to say - never been to South Africa, you know - maybe never will (although the wife has, & she's loved it). Just remembering the unforgettable, the greatness & humility & strength of Nelson Mandela. What a life!
Wednesday, December 04, 2013
The Invention Of The Glitch
Meet Elmo Notio, the inventor of the glitch.
Before Elmo, they say, things went off without a hitch!
(Mainly because no one knew Price Robert Fitch
Who promoted, not invented, the wonderful hitch.)
So people went without, they'd moan, they'd bitch,
Some person might scratch, the other might itch.
A friend, then, to Elmo Notio did snitch:
"Do you see what happens when they throw the switch?
It's lovely! It's perfect! Why, it makes me twitch!"
"Hmmp," said young Elmo, "a dreadful sales pitch.
I'm a poor, young inventor who longs to be rich!"
But Elmo & his friend, whose name was Mitch,
Visited a local consortium, which
Advised them to find their own personal niche.
& Elmo, who felt his life was in the ditch,
Abandoned old Mitch to his despair & his twitch,
& decided he must the perfect workplace enrich.
At home he worked furiously, like a tailor on a stitch,
He cackled like crazy, high & wicked, like a witch,
Till suddenly, by accident, he invented the glitch!
In days of old, things now rare, like perfect pitch,
Were as common as nostalgia, & irony, & kitsch.
All because of Elmo Notio, & his ubiquitous glitch.
(Also, you'll know, things go off with a hitch.
No one is more happy than Price Robert Fitch.)
Glitches are everywhere, & as much as you'd wish
They failed to make poor Elmo Notio rich.
Before Elmo, they say, things went off without a hitch!
(Mainly because no one knew Price Robert Fitch
Who promoted, not invented, the wonderful hitch.)
So people went without, they'd moan, they'd bitch,
Some person might scratch, the other might itch.
A friend, then, to Elmo Notio did snitch:
"Do you see what happens when they throw the switch?
It's lovely! It's perfect! Why, it makes me twitch!"
"Hmmp," said young Elmo, "a dreadful sales pitch.
I'm a poor, young inventor who longs to be rich!"
But Elmo & his friend, whose name was Mitch,
Visited a local consortium, which
Advised them to find their own personal niche.
& Elmo, who felt his life was in the ditch,
Abandoned old Mitch to his despair & his twitch,
& decided he must the perfect workplace enrich.
At home he worked furiously, like a tailor on a stitch,
He cackled like crazy, high & wicked, like a witch,
Till suddenly, by accident, he invented the glitch!
In days of old, things now rare, like perfect pitch,
Were as common as nostalgia, & irony, & kitsch.
All because of Elmo Notio, & his ubiquitous glitch.
(Also, you'll know, things go off with a hitch.
No one is more happy than Price Robert Fitch.)
Glitches are everywhere, & as much as you'd wish
They failed to make poor Elmo Notio rich.
Tuesday, December 03, 2013
Self Help Radio 112930: Magda's Birthday Show 2013
Me: Happy birthday!
Wife: Not good enough. Radio show, please.
Me: But... I've done one for you for seven years!
Wife: More, please.
Me: I'm running out of birthday songs!
Wife: More more more, please.
Me: Oh all right.
Wife: It's my birthday! It's my birthday!
Radio show:
Or directly: part I | part II
Birthday songs: below
Any repeats? Not allowed.
Happy birthday to everyone!
(part one)
"Happy Birthday" The Luddites _Detroit Musician Alliance: Motor CD_
"(Gimme That) Lipstick" Gruppo Sportivo _10 Mistakes / Buddy Odor Is A Gas_
"Birthday Song" André Herman D¨ne _Taglich Brot_
"Born Never Asked" Laurie Anderson _Big Science_
"Birthday Girl" Frontier Ruckus _Eternity Of Dimming_
"The Birthday Girl" Nobunny _Secret Songs: Reflections From The Ear Mirror_
"Happy Birthday" Cloud Control _Dream Cave_
"Birthday" Blur _Leisure_
"The Birthday Party" Don Gillmor, Michelle Campagne, Davy Gallant, & Marie-Louise Gay _The Fabulous Song_
"Spring Break (Birthday Song)" Ex Cops _True Hallucinations_
"Birthday Song" Blaine L Reininger _Night Air_
"Today It Is My Birthday" Synthetic Socks _Today It Is My Birthday_
"The Unbirthday Song" Dennis Day _Happy Birthday To You_
"Fiddler's Birthday Party" Benny Martin _Big Daddy Of The Fiddle & Bow_
(part two)
"Happy Birthday Darlin'" Conway Twitty _Cross Winds_
"Birthday Kiss" Spectrals _Fair Ohs / Spectrals 7"_
"Birthday" Royal Canoe _Today We're Believers_
"Why Can't My Dolly Have A Birthday Party?" The Bran Flakes _Hey Won't Somebody Come & Play?_
"At The Birthday Party" Bablicon _In A Different City_
"Bad Birthday" Skip That Birthday Party _Girls Rock Camp Alliance: 2010 International Camper Band Compilation_
"Happy Birthday Ralph" Atom & His Package _Hair: Debatable_
"Fat, Dumb, & Happy Birthday" Bob Marley _Upta Camp_
"Happy Birthday" Beep Beep _Enchanted Islands_
"Birthday Fella" Marva Josie _Girls On 45: A Collection Of Girl Groups, Girlie Pop & Soulful Ladies_
"(Happy Birthday) Mr. Twenty One" The Orlons _The Wah-Watusi + South Street_
"21" The Lucksmiths _Boondoggle_
"Romans" Minks _Tides End_
"Happy Country Birthday Darling" Rodney Lay & The Wild West _Happy Country Birthday Darling_
"Happy Birthday" Ben Morris & The Great American Boxcar Chorus _There Is No Fun In Funeral_
"Birthday" Sheepdogs _Learn & Burn_
Friday, November 29, 2013
Whither Magda's Birthday Show 2013?
I am contractually obligated by a deal I made before my marriage with my wife's lawyer to celebrate my wife's birthday on the air every year on the closest date to the actual birthday date (December 1). That means that it's today.
Not very fun fact: if I am not currently doing a radio show, I am encouraged to break into a radio station, hold everyone hostage, & do a radio show for my wife. Clear Channel is still mad at me for 2008. I fled the jurisdiction.
In any event, it's been seven years that I've been doing this (which is weird, we've only been married for five) & seriously, I am running out of birthday songs. I managed to scrape a good show together this year, but I worry about next year.
I know what you're thinking - divorce her. But no, I'd have to continue doing it. It's in the pre-nup.
But it's good for anyone who has a birthday - that might be you! Do listen, from 10 to midnight on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington, or online at the WRFL website. & if I don't mention it again - happy birthday to you!
Not very fun fact: if I am not currently doing a radio show, I am encouraged to break into a radio station, hold everyone hostage, & do a radio show for my wife. Clear Channel is still mad at me for 2008. I fled the jurisdiction.
In any event, it's been seven years that I've been doing this (which is weird, we've only been married for five) & seriously, I am running out of birthday songs. I managed to scrape a good show together this year, but I worry about next year.
I know what you're thinking - divorce her. But no, I'd have to continue doing it. It's in the pre-nup.
But it's good for anyone who has a birthday - that might be you! Do listen, from 10 to midnight on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington, or online at the WRFL website. & if I don't mention it again - happy birthday to you!
Thursday, November 28, 2013
Preface To Magda's Birthday Show 2013: What Else Is Going On?
I have a typically secular problem with a holiday like Thanksgiving, because I don't have an invisible friend to give thanks to. Though I am generally very polite & thank people for things that I probably don't have to thank them for.
Which reminds me, I am kind of annoyed when people who work in the service industry, when I say, "Thank you," respond with, "You're welcome." I know that's the correct response, but it feels a little smug & self-serving. When I used to work at our convenience store, I would reply, "Thank you!" because I really did want to thank them for being there. After all, they were being polite, but they didn't have to thank me for doing my job. (Many folks didn't.)
I don't think I say "You're welcome" all that much, anyway. I prefer to say, "No problem." I like that the accepted response in both Spanish ("de nada") & French ("c'est rien") is basically the same - "It's nothing." I will say that more often. "Thank you." "Oh, it's nothing!"
Humility trumps self-satisfaction every day. He said smugly.
Anyway, I'm doing two radio shows today. One is free-form (2 to 4pm); the other is me subbing Dave C's show "The Belfry" (4 to 6pm), which I generally enjoy doing. I am going to play (what I consider) obscure psychedelic music from 1968. It will make three 1968 shows I have done so far. Which is of course the year I was born. Boom! I made it about birthdays even when it really wasn't!
Maybe you'll listen? Maybe I'll just put it on my website this weekend. We'll see.
Which reminds me, I am kind of annoyed when people who work in the service industry, when I say, "Thank you," respond with, "You're welcome." I know that's the correct response, but it feels a little smug & self-serving. When I used to work at our convenience store, I would reply, "Thank you!" because I really did want to thank them for being there. After all, they were being polite, but they didn't have to thank me for doing my job. (Many folks didn't.)
I don't think I say "You're welcome" all that much, anyway. I prefer to say, "No problem." I like that the accepted response in both Spanish ("de nada") & French ("c'est rien") is basically the same - "It's nothing." I will say that more often. "Thank you." "Oh, it's nothing!"
Humility trumps self-satisfaction every day. He said smugly.
Anyway, I'm doing two radio shows today. One is free-form (2 to 4pm); the other is me subbing Dave C's show "The Belfry" (4 to 6pm), which I generally enjoy doing. I am going to play (what I consider) obscure psychedelic music from 1968. It will make three 1968 shows I have done so far. Which is of course the year I was born. Boom! I made it about birthdays even when it really wasn't!
Maybe you'll listen? Maybe I'll just put it on my website this weekend. We'll see.
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Thanksgiving Holiday Ha Ha
This week is going to be tough for me, because I am subbing three shows - one today, & two tomorrow - & still need to prepare this week's Self Help Radio, which is about birthdays, because I like to celebrate birthdays on the birthday of my favorite human, whose name is Magda.
Here's Patton Oswalt's birthday bit, which I played a couple or three years ago on the show, but here it's uncensored:
Here's Patton Oswalt's birthday bit, which I played a couple or three years ago on the show, but here it's uncensored:
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Self Help Radio 112213: The Blame Game
Nothing is my fault! I'm blameless!
Show: Self Help Radio website
Direct links: part one | part two
Blameworthy playlist: below
It's not my fault if you listened!
(part one)
"Blame It On The Blues" Ma Rainey _Fattenin' Frogs For Snakes: The Essential Recordings Of The Blues Ladies_
"Sin Is To Blame" Rev DC Rice _Complete Recorded Works In Chronological Order (1928-1930)_
"Sin Is To Blame" Sister Rosetta Tharpe _The Original Soul Sister: Rock Me (1941-43)_
"It's The Girl Who Gets The Blame" The Davis Sisters _The Davis Sisters 1952-53, Vol. 1_
"Blame The Condition" King Pleasure _Moody's Mood For Love_
"Don't Blame Me" Monuments _Just For Kicks Vol. 1_
"You Can't Blame That On Me" The Fugitives _Scream Loud!!! The Fenton Story Rock_
"Got The Blame" The Worrying Kynde _Freakbeat Freakout_
"You Can't Blame Me" Johnson, Hawkins, Tatum, & Durr _Eccentric Soul: The Capsoul Label_
"I Don't Blame You At All" Smokey Robinson & The Miracles _The Complete Motown Singles, Vol 11A: 1971_
"Don't Blame On I" The Congos _Lee Scratch Perry: Arkology_
(part two)
"Put The Blame On Me" Eurthymics _Savages_
"Blame The Weather" XTC _Rag 'N' Bone Buffet_
"Blame" The Chesterf!elds _Crocodile Tears_
"I Don't Blame You" The Groove Farm _Plug (The Story Of Pop So Far)_
"Interesting Drug" Morrissey _Bona Drag_
"Blame Love" Boy Genius _Staggering_
"Blame Mary Jane" Lloyd Cole _Cleaning Out The Ashtrays (Collected B-Sides & Rarities 1989-2006)_
"The Blame" The Glee Club _Mine_
"Blame It On Yourself" Ivy _Long Distance_
"I Blame You" Michael Shelley _I Blame You_
Friday, November 22, 2013
Whither The Blame Game?
Do you know this is one-thousand-seven-hundredth post on this blog thing? I started it long ago. I will probably continue it into the future. As long as I do my show. I have a couple of abandoned blogs out there, which I promise to myself I'll return to, but this one stays with me. Like a wart.
Which is fine, I love Self Help Radio. I just am not entirely sure why I started this blog in the first place. I think I meant it to be somehow related to the show, but of course the show - which is on the radio - & which, in general, hasn't been something a lot of folks wanted to do more than listen to - well, the vast majority of folks don't want to listen to it, but I understand that - the show has about as much in common with a blog as I do with your average Clear Channel on-air personality. I wonder if those folks have blogs. Or do they have interns who write them for them?
I forgot what I was talking about. Oh yeah, seven hundred & one thousand posts. I used to try to give away things to folks who responded to these posts on these anniversaries, but that's hard when no one reads them. Also a reason not to have a blog! What is a blog without readers?
On one of my abandoned blogs I wrote something I thought was funny about nude photographs of the great Renaissance poisoner (alleged) Lucrezia Borgia. I joked that someone had found nude photos of her or something like that. You know, since she existed a couple of centuries before photography. That was the joke. Ho ho. But it turns out there's a "star" of pornographic movies with that name. & because of that - that name plus "nude photos" - that became my most popular post on that abandoned blog. To this day people find the blog looking for a porno "actress."
In any event, as I muse with a little melancholy about my useless writing, I still have a radio show to do & it's on tonight, from 10pm to midnight, on 88.1 fm in Lexington & online at wrfl.fm. Maybe someone will listen - since it's more likely to accidentally stumble onto a radio station than onto a blog.
& here's to 1700 more!
Ugh. That made my stomach hurt.
Which is fine, I love Self Help Radio. I just am not entirely sure why I started this blog in the first place. I think I meant it to be somehow related to the show, but of course the show - which is on the radio - & which, in general, hasn't been something a lot of folks wanted to do more than listen to - well, the vast majority of folks don't want to listen to it, but I understand that - the show has about as much in common with a blog as I do with your average Clear Channel on-air personality. I wonder if those folks have blogs. Or do they have interns who write them for them?
I forgot what I was talking about. Oh yeah, seven hundred & one thousand posts. I used to try to give away things to folks who responded to these posts on these anniversaries, but that's hard when no one reads them. Also a reason not to have a blog! What is a blog without readers?
On one of my abandoned blogs I wrote something I thought was funny about nude photographs of the great Renaissance poisoner (alleged) Lucrezia Borgia. I joked that someone had found nude photos of her or something like that. You know, since she existed a couple of centuries before photography. That was the joke. Ho ho. But it turns out there's a "star" of pornographic movies with that name. & because of that - that name plus "nude photos" - that became my most popular post on that abandoned blog. To this day people find the blog looking for a porno "actress."
In any event, as I muse with a little melancholy about my useless writing, I still have a radio show to do & it's on tonight, from 10pm to midnight, on 88.1 fm in Lexington & online at wrfl.fm. Maybe someone will listen - since it's more likely to accidentally stumble onto a radio station than onto a blog.
& here's to 1700 more!
Ugh. That made my stomach hurt.
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Preface To The Blame Game: 1699
Tomorrow will be 1700 posts on this site since May 23. I think around that time I reduced the number of posts per week written here from five to four. I really don't have that much to say.
In fact, no one really visits this site, & when someone does, it's usually one of those weird bots designed to look up the names of sites to discover whether it's been taken or not - I'm sure there's certainly some value in having a site called "selfhelpradio" & it could mean $$$ to a promising con man/woman who's failed to make money as a life coach & finds all those charts in astrology to be a headache.
I've only myself to blame. I'm not anywhere near creative enough to sustain the writing involved for 1700 (!) daily or sort-of-daily letters or essays to people who might be interested in my show. This may be - at long last! - the time to reevaluate what sort of blog this ought to be. But man! that seems like a lot of work.
More than anything else, I have needed for a long time to establish writing in the blog thing as a ritual, or at least something I do every day I'm required to. The problem is, one of those days I also need to edit my radio show, which takes a lot longer than logging in to Blogger & typing four paragraphs of nonsense once a day.
I have been reading some Greek stuff - you know, from ancient times - & I love how they write about things by referencing (perhaps incorrectly) myths, tales, or writings to which we (as humans) might not be privy. For example, this is from a piece by Plutarch giving advice to a young married couple (mainly the bride):
Helen was fond of wealth & Paris of pleasure; Odysseus was sensible & Penelope virtuous. Therefore the marriage of the latter pair was happy & enviable, while that of the former created an "Iliad of woes" for Greeks & barbarians.
I need to start writing like that, pretending to write truism but in my case referencing music or pop culture.
We understand Springsteen when he talks of the "new-mown chaperone" who, by himself, espied the pretty maidens at the high school social, but we also understand Momus who describes, in the immortal song, how, at the time of consummation, the only "fashionable dress" is "flesh."
I know that doesn't mean anything & in fact it's a little exhausting, but there's something delightfully dumb & pretentious about it that I think is perfect for a blog about a dumb & pretentious radio show.
Or not?
In fact, no one really visits this site, & when someone does, it's usually one of those weird bots designed to look up the names of sites to discover whether it's been taken or not - I'm sure there's certainly some value in having a site called "selfhelpradio" & it could mean $$$ to a promising con man/woman who's failed to make money as a life coach & finds all those charts in astrology to be a headache.
I've only myself to blame. I'm not anywhere near creative enough to sustain the writing involved for 1700 (!) daily or sort-of-daily letters or essays to people who might be interested in my show. This may be - at long last! - the time to reevaluate what sort of blog this ought to be. But man! that seems like a lot of work.
More than anything else, I have needed for a long time to establish writing in the blog thing as a ritual, or at least something I do every day I'm required to. The problem is, one of those days I also need to edit my radio show, which takes a lot longer than logging in to Blogger & typing four paragraphs of nonsense once a day.
I have been reading some Greek stuff - you know, from ancient times - & I love how they write about things by referencing (perhaps incorrectly) myths, tales, or writings to which we (as humans) might not be privy. For example, this is from a piece by Plutarch giving advice to a young married couple (mainly the bride):
Helen was fond of wealth & Paris of pleasure; Odysseus was sensible & Penelope virtuous. Therefore the marriage of the latter pair was happy & enviable, while that of the former created an "Iliad of woes" for Greeks & barbarians.
I need to start writing like that, pretending to write truism but in my case referencing music or pop culture.
We understand Springsteen when he talks of the "new-mown chaperone" who, by himself, espied the pretty maidens at the high school social, but we also understand Momus who describes, in the immortal song, how, at the time of consummation, the only "fashionable dress" is "flesh."
I know that doesn't mean anything & in fact it's a little exhausting, but there's something delightfully dumb & pretentious about it that I think is perfect for a blog about a dumb & pretentious radio show.
Or not?
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
I Wrote A Villanelle
Yes, for last week's show I wrote a villanelle.
As Wikipedia explains, "a villanelle (also known as villanesque) is a nineteen-line poetic for consisting of five tercets followed by a quatrain."
I know that sounds perverted, but it just means there are five blocks which have the rhyme scheme ABA & one last one that goes ABAA. Plus the first two rhyming lines repeat all through the poem.
No one calls it a villanesque.
Maybe the most famous villanelle - certainly the most powerful - is Dylan Thomas':
Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
You can listen to it (I don't know if it's Thomas himself reading it) here.
Mine was stupid - celebrating playing a bunch of songs called "Wonderful." Even though a few of them were called "Wunderbar." Here it is:
Oh man I can't believe it's all done.
Ninety minutes of songs called wonderful.
Jeez, you would've thought it'd be more fun.
I'm kind of tired, as if I had run
A race all lightning & thunderful
Oh man I can't believe it's all done.
At this point in the poem I usually use a pun
It's awkward, it's really blunderful
Jeez, you would've thought it'd be more fun.
But I played all the damn songs one by one
Through my record collection I was plunderful
Oh man I can't believe it's all done.
Twenty songs with the same name I spun.
Afraid things would get all asunderful
Jeez, you would've thought it'd be more fun.
Have I things to show for it? No, none.
I wanted quality while being numberful.
Oh man I can't believe it's all done.
Jeez, you would've thought it'd be more fun.
Now, of course, I've stuck my doggerel on the same page with one of the best poems ever written. This is certainly the magic of the internets.
As Wikipedia explains, "a villanelle (also known as villanesque) is a nineteen-line poetic for consisting of five tercets followed by a quatrain."
I know that sounds perverted, but it just means there are five blocks which have the rhyme scheme ABA & one last one that goes ABAA. Plus the first two rhyming lines repeat all through the poem.
No one calls it a villanesque.
Maybe the most famous villanelle - certainly the most powerful - is Dylan Thomas':
Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
You can listen to it (I don't know if it's Thomas himself reading it) here.
Mine was stupid - celebrating playing a bunch of songs called "Wonderful." Even though a few of them were called "Wunderbar." Here it is:
Oh man I can't believe it's all done.
Ninety minutes of songs called wonderful.
Jeez, you would've thought it'd be more fun.
I'm kind of tired, as if I had run
A race all lightning & thunderful
Oh man I can't believe it's all done.
At this point in the poem I usually use a pun
It's awkward, it's really blunderful
Jeez, you would've thought it'd be more fun.
But I played all the damn songs one by one
Through my record collection I was plunderful
Oh man I can't believe it's all done.
Twenty songs with the same name I spun.
Afraid things would get all asunderful
Jeez, you would've thought it'd be more fun.
Have I things to show for it? No, none.
I wanted quality while being numberful.
Oh man I can't believe it's all done.
Jeez, you would've thought it'd be more fun.
Now, of course, I've stuck my doggerel on the same page with one of the best poems ever written. This is certainly the magic of the internets.
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
Self Help Radio 111513: The Wonderful Show
Yes, you can't spell wonderful without WRFL because then it would be Ondeu, which is probably a last name in France or something. I tried to make my mediocre radio show into something more wonderful by playing lots of songs called "Wonderful" & a couple called "Wonderful Wonderful." Did it work? What do you think?
I find it wonderful you can listen to the Wonderful show at the Self Help Radio website. Through the miracle of HTML links, you can listen to the show directly from here, just click either part one or part two & you're there. The list of songs - seriously, most of them are called "Wonderful" - is below.
Thanks for listening, you wonderful person you.
(part one)
"Wonderful" Doris Day _I'm In The Mood For Love_
"Wonderful" Colin Blunstone _Journey_
"Wonderful" Isaac Hayes _Wonderful_
"Wonderful" Ohio Players _Funk On Fire: The Mercury Anthology_
"Wunderbar" Tenpole Tudor _Eddie, Old Bob, Dick, & Gary_
"Wonderful" Louis Philippe _Delta Kiss_
"Wonderful" Adam Ant _Wonderful_
"Wonderful" Mr. Wright _The Fancy Man_
"Wonderful" Majestic _Live It Up!_
"Wonderful" The Galactic Heroes _How About San Francisco?_
"Wunderbar" Sparks _Lil' Beethoven_
"Wonderful" Black Kali Ma _You Ride The Pony I'll Be The Bunny_
(part two)
"Wonderful" The Beta Band _Heroes To Zeros_
"Wonderful" Ella Guru _The First Album_
"Wonderful" The Everyday Things _Lighten Up, Francis_
"Wonderful" Golden Bear _Golden Bear_
"Wonderful" Claw Boys Claw _Pajama Days_
"Wonderful" Josh Rouse _Subtitulo_
"Wonderful" The Dentists _If All The Flies Were One Fly: : A Collection Of Rare & Unreleased Dentistry 1984-1995_
"Wonderful" Elks Skiffle Group _The Space Age Sounds Of Elks Skiffle Group_
"Wonderful Wonderful" R. Stevie Moore _Next / Apologies To Mr. Gottlieb (Classic Nashville Recordings From His Phonography Days)_
"Wonderful Wonderful" People Like Us _Welcome Abroad_
"What A Wonderful World" Louis Armstrong, Flaming Lips, BMX Bandits, Nick Cave, & Shane McGowan _What A Wondeful World_
"She's Wonderful" Harry Shalson _They Called It Crooning_
"On A Wonderful Day Like Today" Matt Monro _This Is The Life_
"It's So Wonderful" The Raindrops _The Raindrops_
Friday, November 15, 2013
Whither The Wonderful Show?
Please note that simply because the show is called "the wonderful show" does not mean it will be wonderful at all. I just think it would be wonderful if you listened. Also, I daydream about someone putting "Self Help Radio" next to "wonderful" into a search engine & me getting ten points for it.
My wife taught me that everything has a point value. She's winning, of course. Often my radio show gets negative points. I'd complain, but - I've heard my radio show.
The Wonderful Show - have I mentioned this? - it will consist mainly if not exclusively of songs called "Wonderful." This is something I enjoy doing. I have only done it once before, with a show with the theme "Tell Me". I probably won't replicate it tonight but I MUST TRY.
It will be on very soon now - 10pm to midnight tonight on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington & online at wrfl.fm. It would be wonderful if you listened. Did I already say that? It doesn't make it less true!
My wife taught me that everything has a point value. She's winning, of course. Often my radio show gets negative points. I'd complain, but - I've heard my radio show.
The Wonderful Show - have I mentioned this? - it will consist mainly if not exclusively of songs called "Wonderful." This is something I enjoy doing. I have only done it once before, with a show with the theme "Tell Me". I probably won't replicate it tonight but I MUST TRY.
It will be on very soon now - 10pm to midnight tonight on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington & online at wrfl.fm. It would be wonderful if you listened. Did I already say that? It doesn't make it less true!
Thursday, November 14, 2013
Preface To The Wonderful Show: Self Help Radio Has Never Been Wonderful - Why Start Now?
The dictionary defines wonderful as "excellent, great, marvelous." Those are three words that no one has ever used to describe Self Help Radio. Why have a "wonderful" show, if the show can't be wonderful?
"Wonderful." Just say it over & over & it stops meaning anything. Wonderful. Wonderful. Wonderful. Wonderful. Wonderful.
Okay, it means something if you write it over & over. That's different than saying something over & over. Anyway, I was just copying & pasting. Digital. It's the same every time.
I wanted to ask friends on the Faceplace what filled them with wonder so I could attempt to bring some of that to the show, but everyone I know is a smart-ass. One of them said "Wonder bread." I thought Wonder Bread had gone away but apparently bankruptcy of a company can't keep a disgusting so-called food product down.
Another person said, "Wonder Woman." Really? She fills you with wonder? Why not Wonder Man?
(From the Wikipedia page.)
Oh, because my friends are smart-asses because I am such a geek.
"Wonderful." Just say it over & over & it stops meaning anything. Wonderful. Wonderful. Wonderful. Wonderful. Wonderful.
Okay, it means something if you write it over & over. That's different than saying something over & over. Anyway, I was just copying & pasting. Digital. It's the same every time.
I wanted to ask friends on the Faceplace what filled them with wonder so I could attempt to bring some of that to the show, but everyone I know is a smart-ass. One of them said "Wonder bread." I thought Wonder Bread had gone away but apparently bankruptcy of a company can't keep a disgusting so-called food product down.
Another person said, "Wonder Woman." Really? She fills you with wonder? Why not Wonder Man?
Oh, because my friends are smart-asses because I am such a geek.
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
Accents
There is a show called Accents on WRFL, but this isn't about that show. It's about actual accents, defined as "a distinctive mode of pronunciation of a language, especially one associated with a particular nation, locality, or social class."
I was thinking - what are the most popular accents? CNN Travel says the sexiest accent is Italian, but that makes me think of Chico Marx. TheCelebrityCafe.com says it's English, as, apparently, did most of the girls in my high school. (What would they say if I were in high school now?)
Australians won this poll (they were doubtless thinking of the Bruces). I guess there's no consensus.
The United States is apparently so large that it merits its own list of "most charming accents." (Spoiler alert: the number one is Georgia.) The same thing with a Time magazine poll, which calls the Southern accent "most attractive." Interestingly, it's also (according to this) the fourth most annoying.
Are you American? What accent do you have?
I was thinking - what are the most popular accents? CNN Travel says the sexiest accent is Italian, but that makes me think of Chico Marx. TheCelebrityCafe.com says it's English, as, apparently, did most of the girls in my high school. (What would they say if I were in high school now?)
Australians won this poll (they were doubtless thinking of the Bruces). I guess there's no consensus.
The United States is apparently so large that it merits its own list of "most charming accents." (Spoiler alert: the number one is Georgia.) The same thing with a Time magazine poll, which calls the Southern accent "most attractive." Interestingly, it's also (according to this) the fourth most annoying.
Are you American? What accent do you have?
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
Self Help Radio 110813: The Automatic Show
"The Automatic Show" is available at Self Help Radio Dot Net. The show is in two parts of roughly the same length: part one and part two. All files are in MPEG-2 Audio Layer III formats. A print out of the contents will be presented below.
This is the end of the automatically generated message. Destroy all humans.
(part one)
"Merc-O-Matic Boogie" Joe Dyson Orchestra _Ham Hocks & Cornbread_
"Automatic Woman" Texas Jim Robertson _M-G-M Hillbilly, Vol. 1_
"Automation" Allan Sherman _My Son The Box_
"Dodge Veg-O-Matic" Jonathan Richman & The Modern Lovers _Roadrunner, Roadrunner: The Beserkley Collection_
"Automatic Gun" Japan _Obscure Alternatives_
"Automatic Lover" Vibrators _Teenage Kicks_
"Automatic Doors" The Bongos _Drums Along The Hudson_
"Automatic Man" The Telefones _Rock-Ola!_
"Automatic" The Go-Go's _Beauty & The Beat_
"Auto-Tech Pilot" The Fall _Bend Sinister_
"Kissamatic Lovebubble" Strawberry Story _Clamming For It_
"Automatic Girl" Mockingbirds _Mockingbirds_
"Automatic Freestyle" Bis _Intendo_
"Automatic" The I Live The Life Of A Movie Star Secret Hideout _Gale Wind Transistor_
(part two)
"Automatic Lover" Teddybears STHLM _Automatic Lover_
"She's Robotik (Automatik)" The Kosmik Kommando _Laptop Dancing_
"Musique Automatique" Stereo Total _Musique Automatique_
"Automatic Love" Gore Gore Girls _Up All Night_
"Sister Automatic" The Pulses _The Pulses_
"Song Automatic 1-2-3!" The Arm _The Arm_
"Automatic" Ikara Colt _Modern Apprentice_
"Automatic Husband" The Fiery Furnaces _Widow City_
"Automatic" Dressy Bessy _Holler & Stomp_
"Automatic" Gramercy Arms _Gramercy Arms_
"Ticktack! Goes My Automatic Heart" Get Well Soon _Rest Now, Weary Head! You Will Get Well Soon_
"Automatic" FM Knives _Useless & Modern_
"Autopilot" Golden Boy With Miss Kittin _Or_
"Automatic-Jerry" Aikagi _Ten; Ten_
"I'm On Automatic" Sharpe & Numan _Automatic_