Fatkies

(image from here)

Today I've been reading about junk food because next Thursday, July 21, is National Junk Food Day, & that'll be what I talk about on the Dickenbock Report, the other show I do here in town.  While looking at the Wikipedia page for junk food (linked under the image), I barely glanced at said image, thinking it was just a vending machine, albeit a fancy one.  Nope!  It's a poster designed to dissuade junk food consumers from consuming junk food.  Plus!  It was at Camp Pendleton, so it's designed for adults, not children.

Upon noticing, & clicking to enlarge, I studied the different options & ignored the "facts" printed next to them.  Here are the products: Choco-Fato Nut Bar, Sugar Explosions, Sugar Cake Fatkies, Milk Chocolate O & O's, Chocolate Chip Multi-Fat Yummies, Extra Fatty Donuts, Freddy's Fat Pies, Liquid Sugar, Calorie Smack, & Salty Calorie Sticks.

Whoever designed the poster must have thought these were truly damning names for products that would scare off the average consumer.  But that person has obviously never seen cheaper versions of famous products, which often have names not far removed from "Salty Calorie Sticks."  But even more than that - are you saying you wouldn't stuff your mouth with something as delicious sounding as Sugar Cake Fatkies?  Holy shit that sounds amazing!

What I'm saying is that the folks attempting to get the Marines at Camp Pendleton to eat healthier (the fatkies that they are) really pulled their punches here.  I feel like there were trading cards making fun of junk food from the 1960s which would've been better templates.  Were there really such trading cards?  Let me look. Yes, I am thinking of Wacky Packages.

Someone at Camp Pendleton - probably on some General's staff - whose job it was to okay the above poster - although now that I think about it, it was probably someone from the Department Of Defense & almost certainly not in the armed forces at all - they should've said to the designer, "Talk to the those folks that make Wacky Packages.  After all, you're either deliberately or subconsciously copying them.  Give them the assignment & tell them to make the junk food extra evil."

& that person would show them, as an example, this one:

While I'd certainly love some Extra Fatty Donuts washed down with Liquid Sugar, I would absolutely not love Mud-Filled Hostage Cupcakes.  That sounds terrible!  & the next time I looked at Hostess Cupcakes, I might think, "Maybe those are filled with mud too!"

In fact, I have a memory of being young & seeing the Wacky Packages cards before I saw the actual product it was making fun of, & being confused my mother might buy such an awful thing.  For example, this famous one:

As far as I can remember, my mother never drank "Chock Full Of Nuts" coffee, & so when it appeared in our house, I thought there were actual nuts & bolts in it.  I remember really wanting to check.  I hated the idea of my mother drinking metal objects.

Anyway, I hope the next time the Marines want to help their famously obese troops slim down, maybe they'll find this modest post & turn to the experts to help them: the people who make Wacky Packages - which are apparently still a thing!  Here's a recent one:

Terrifying.  By the way, you can find all these & more at this link.  I have officially spent too much time there tonight.

Favorite Color

Is my favorite color this color here?  Yes, it is.

Had you asked me before 1992 what my favorite color was, I might have said something distinctly bleak like "black" or "grey." I used to paraphrase that famous Morrissey line as "I wear grey on the outside because grey is how I feel on the inside." Although I really never wore grey. I probably had a tee shirt on while saying that, thinking I was clever & not even considering that the person I was talking to might not know the Smiths reference. & the tee shirt was probably from a concert I went to in 1987 & not a Smiths shirt at all.

That all changed when I had my heart broken in early 1992. Suffice to say, saying it was "broken" is being coy. If there were actual damage to a heart when it is "broken" in the romantical sense, I would have had the equivalent of a massive heart attack requiring emergency bypass surgery & maybe even a transplant. Some pig might have to die for me & thankfully that didn't happen because I would feel even more heartbroken for a worthy pig to have died for my dumb self to survive.

Of course, heartbreak doesn't really affect the heart (although it can do indirectly, as ones suffering severe emotional trauma tends to not take care of themselves, for example not eating, or drinking too much alcohol, which may lead to complications for the organ called the heart) but the brain, & the human brain can be frustratingly sturdy. Though I truly did at the time feel black on the inside, I did not want to live in blackness. The night, which I had previously quite enjoyed, became a place for terror & loneliness. You wear out even the closest of friendships, of which I had few, by calling at three a.m. to ask, "What's up?"

Daytime was preferable, & as the half-assed Austin winter turned to spring, I saw that color above, & it somehow helped me heal. Spring only stays in Austin for a short time before it's beaten senseless by the always-early-arriving summer, so that color is quite transitory, but I found myself gravitating to it more & more. As I sort-of-recovered from the heartbreak (maybe we never recover from any heartbreak), I still needed to see that color when it returned in the spring, & later, when I moved to Kentucky, twenty years after that heartbreak, I was delighted to find that springs lasted longer & the color stayed longer.  Here's another picture:

Do you find it as delightful as I do?

Maybe not, liking a color is subjective. That's why I call it "my favorite color" & "not the best color." Thinking one color is better than another might be a symptom of some kind of sociopathy. I don't know, I'm not someone who knows anything about psychology.  Which is perhaps a good a way to end this utterly meaningless piece of scribbling:

"I may not a psychologist, but I know what I like!"

That's a reference to something else & if you don't know it, it's fine. It isn't nearly as funny as the thing referenced & probably also not quite exact in its construction, so pointing out the reference might reflect poorly on me.

Self Help Radio 071222: A Fancy Show

(This is a photo of a real place in Portland - this one - but obviously manipulated.)

How fancy is a fancy radio show? Does it have lots of songs about fancy things? Does someone stop by to talk about fancy books? Fancy underwear? "Kentucky Fancy"? Does Lord Fancy sponsor the show, then rescind his sponsorship when he realizes the host isn't all that fancy?  Is it all of these?!?!

It's what happened on this week's Self Help Radio, which attempted to be a fancy show.  No one involved with the show (meaning me, Gary) has had any real experience with being fancy, so don't expect anything too fancy.  Caveat emptor.

Listen to the show now or whenever it strikes your fancy at either the KBOO website or at the Self Help Radio website.  If you go to the latter, remember the username - SHR - & the password - selfhelp.  Everything that happens on the show - including all the songs - is noted below.

Maybe this fancy show isn't all that fancy?

Self Help Radio Fancy Show

"Fancy" The Kinks _Face To Face_

"Fancy" Bobbie Gentry _Fancy_

"Fancy" Georgia's Horse _Weather Codes_

introduction & definitions

"The Fancy Man" Mr. Wright _The Fancy Man_

"Fancy Man" Would-Be-Goods _Brief Lives_

"Fancy Man" Devendra Banhart _Ape In Pink Marble_

"Ugly People With Fancy Hairdos" Art, The Only Band In The World _The Only Record In The World_

"Fancy Baby" John Santos Martins _Highlife On The Move (Selected Nigerian & Ghanaian Recordings From London & Lagos - 1954-1966)_

our librarian friend Carole stops by!

"Fancy Woman" High Voltage _The Arf! Arf! [El Cheapo] 2-CD Sampler_

"Fancy Lady" Billy Preston _It's My Pleasure_

"Fancy Lady" The Mighty Diamonds _Changes_

"Not Fancy" Anjelah Johnson _Not Fancy_

"Lady Fancy Knickers" Momus _Otto Spooky_

interview with fancy undergarments entrepreneur Gerald Fochs

"Well Fancy That!" Fun Boy Three _Waiting_

"Fancy Beer" The Two Man Gentlemen Band _Live In New York_

"What Takes My Fancy" Lucille Ball & Don Tomkins _Wildcat_

"Fancy Dancer" Bobbi Humphrey _Fancy Dancer_

"Fancy Dancer" Commodores _Hot On The Tracks_

interview with "Kentucky Fancy" promoter Jarvis VanMeter

"Fancy Passes" Barbara McNair _The Complete Motown Singles, Vol. 8: 1968_

"Fancy Dress" The Bathers _Unusual Places To Die_

"Just Fancy Dan & Pliny" Bob & Ray _Classic Bob & Ray, Volume One - Selections From A Career: 1946-1976_

"Fancy Free" Flue _One & A Half_

"Fancy Footwork" Chromeo _Fatboy Slim: Dance Bitch_

idioms Lord Fancy interrupts!

"Fancy Meeting You Here" Kim Weston _The Motown Anthology_

"Fancy Pants" Kenny _Jackie The Album_

"Fancy Mice" Jilted John _True Love Stories_

"Fancy Restaurants" Brian Regan _Live From Radio City Music Hall_

"Flight Of Fancy" Interpol _Marauder_

idioms with fancy

"Hey There Fancypants" Ween _Quebec_

"The Trial Of Dr. Fancy" The King Of Luxembourg _London Pavilion Volume Two_

"Fancy Free" Mary Wells _The Other Side Of Mary Wells: Hits & Rarities_

"Fancy Drones (Fracture Me)" Amythyst Kiah _Wary + Strange_

"Fancy" Yeah Yeah Yeahs _Show Your Bones_

conclusion & goodbye

"Fancy Hercules" Makar _Fancy Hercules_

"Fancy Party Hairdo" Prickly _Fancy Party Hairdo_

"Fancy Dive" Shel Silverstein _A Light In The Attic_

"Someone Else's Fancy" Richard Thompson _The Life & Music Of Richard Thompson_

"Fancy Work Funk" Takako Minekawa _Fun9_

Whither A Fancy Show?

Please enjoy this fancy mailbox.

As someone who's never been described as "fancy," I am certainly woefully unqualified to present a radio show about fanciness.  Unless you want to consider it like one of those documentaries where a host, usually British, posits a question, like "are there blood-sucking tadpoles in the Amazon?" & then takes a film crew out there to find out.  Alas, I am not British, & I don't have a film crew, but I can say, "What is fancy?" & perhaps hope my show will help me figure it out.

Wait. But it's already "a fancy show"!  I just made all that up because I can't remember why I started gathering "fancy" songs in the first place!  Curses!  I foiled my own plans again!

Howsoever it turns out, Self Help Radio will be somewhat fancy tonight.  From midnight to 3am on 90.7fm KBOO Portland, online at kboo.fm.  I'll pretend I'm all fancy anyway.

Preface To Fancy: Fancy Catio

Portland has a lot of catios - you can read what those are here but it's kinda self-explanatory - & in fact we've talked about building one for our cats.  But when I looked around for "fancy" images on my computer, I found this one, called "Fancy Catio."  & it is quite fancy!  What lucky cats.

My fancy show will not be as fancy as this fancy catio is.

Two Views Of July Ninth Past

Here are a couple of pictures I took on a July 9th in the past.

This was taken in 2015 in Lexington, Kentucky.  I had four dogs then, but strangely, the three dogs pictured here are the ones that are still with us.  We had adopted Yoko, the chihuahua in the foreground, just a month before.  She was still a little fat.  The little beagle next to her is Winston.  He just turned 15 this week.  He would have just turned eight in this picture.  I wish he could be that young again.

Here's another picture from another July 9th:

The context of this picture is that I was returning from Dallas.  I was on I-30.  I was going to my home in Fort Worth.  Because Fort Worth was the western end of the Dallas-Fort Worth metroplex, & because storms tended to come from the west, Fort Worth would mostly be where the storms started.  & more than once I found myself driving west, trying to get home, & suddenly facing a deluge.

This is what happened here, in 2017.  I found an old email I wrote to my wife, who was out of town, about the damage from the storm.  In addition to almost being stuck in a flood - I drove through pretty deep water to exit the highway, & was incredibly lucky that I didn't stall - I also noted that one of our trees in our backyard was uprooted.  Mostly I was sad I was away while the storm came in, & it was almost certainly stressful for our dogs.  I was in Dallas because I had made a promise to help someone because I am a nice guy even though the person to whom I was nice was probably not worth the gesture.  Appropriately, that person is no longer in my life so remembering this, I am even more guilty than I was at the time.

What is true is that I do not miss those storms.  They made terrifying torrential downpours & threatened tornados.  Holy shit!  Nothing like that in Portland.  Well, except wildfires.  Wildfires are fucking horrifying.

Kind Cinema

(image from IMDb)

Our resident cinephile Chuck stopped by this week to talk to us about films featuring kindness, which was the show's theme.  You can listen to that show if for some reason you missed it at either kboo.fm or at selfhelpradio.net.  Chuck is interviewed toward the end of the first hour.

He used an IMDb search to find the films.  He then made a YouTube playlist of the films he wanted to watch, keeping notes with his Letterboxd reviews.  Some movies were available for free elsewhere; the IMDB gave such a list for your convenience.

Follow Chuck on Twitter to find out what he's watching & when.  & interact with him!  He's friendly & loves cats.  A very kind person indeed!

Self Help Radio 070522: Kindness

(Original image here.)

There it is. The kindest radio show Self Help Radio could produce. Because it was about kindness!

To be kind to listeners, it aired in the middle of the night when most everyone was asleep. Except! It was the night of the fourth of July, so maybe everyone was awake because their pets were freaked out by the fireworks! In any event, we kindly kept the show to a mere three hours long. Anything more would not have been a kindness.

As you can see below, there are guests & lots of songs. Except for a short set of tunes of unkindness, it's nonstop kindness.  The milk of human kindness flows, kindness kills, & the show relies on the kindness of strangers.  That's the kind of show it is: a kind show about kindness.

Kindly listen when convenient at either the KBOO web page or at the Self Help Radio website. If you used the latter, make sure you remember the username SHR & the password selfhelp. As note, everything that happens on the show is listed below.

Be kind to Self Help Radio!

Self Help Radio Kindness Show

"The Kindness" Haunted House _Brave The Woods_

"Don't Take My Kindness For Weakness" Meshell Ndegeocello _Weather_

"The Wild Kindness" Silver Jews _American Water_

introductions & definitions - featuring the Definition-O-Tron 3000!

"Kill 'Em With Kindness" Sløtface _Sponge State EP_

"Kill Them With Kindness" Idles _Ultra Mono_

"Kill 'Em With Kindness" Anjelah Johnson _That's How We Do It!_

"The Milkman Of Human Kindness" Billy Bragg _Life's A Riot With Spy Vs Spy_

"Put Your Big Toe In The Milk Of Human Kindness (with Elvis Costello & Marc Ribot)" Rob Wasserman _Trios_

etymologies - featuring the Ghost Of Christmas Past (?!)

"Stranger Than Kindness" Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds _Your Funeral... My Trial_

"The Kindness Of Strangers" The American Analog Set _Know By Heart_

"Stranger To Kindness" The New Year _The End Is Near_

"Kindness Of Strangers" Children's Hour _SOS JFK_

"The Kindness Of Strangers" Nell & The Flaming Lips _Where The Viaduct Looms_

our resident cinephile Chuck talks about kindness in films

"Try A Little Kindness" The Raelettes _Hits & Rarities_

"Kindness" Kevin Salem _Ecstatic_

"Kindness Is The New Rock & Roll" Peace _Kindness Is The New Rock & Roll_

"You Were A Kindness" The National _High Violet (Expanded Edition)_

"Hand Of Kindness" Richard Thompson _Watching The Dark (The History Of Richard Thompson)_

interview with winner of the Kindest Person In America 2021, Mordecai Jarvis

"Please Be Kind (vocals, Ida James)" Earl Hines & His Orchestra _Earl Hines 1937-1939_

"Cruel To Be Kind" Nick Lowe _Labour Of Lust_

"Be Kind To My Mistakes" Kate Bush _Hounds Of Love_

"How To Be Kind" Dead Famous People _La-Di-Da... So Far..._

"Be Kind" Desperate Journalist _Grow Up_

interview with Dr. Edgar Patterson, author of Kindness Is Overrated

"Unkind & Unwise" The Go-Betweens _Spring Hill Fair_

"She Was Unkind" The Ferrets _Strum & Thrum: The American Jangle Underground 1983-1987_

"Too Much, Too Unkind" Charlotte's Web _Flies In The Face Of..._

"How Unkind" Charming _Champagne & Magazines_

"Unkind" The Frank & Walters _Greenwich Mean Time_

idioms with kindness

"Kind Treatment Blues" Memphis Minnie _Queen Of The Country Blues (All The Published Sides 1929-1937 In Chronological Order)_

"I'm A Real Kind Mama" Maggie Jones _Volume 2 (May 1925 To June 1926)_

"Kind Mama" Blind Sammie _The Definitive Blind Willie McTell_

"Kind Babe Blues" James "Stump" Johnson _Complete Recorded Works In Chronological Order (1929-1964)_

"Unkind Woman" Buddy Moss _Complete Recorded Works In Chronological Order: Volume 2 (19 September 1933 - 11 August 1934)_

"Kind Hearted Woman Blues (Take 1)" Robert Johnson _The Complete Recordings_

conclusion & goodbye

"Kind Woman" Percy Sledge _It Tears Me Up (The Best Of Percy Sledge)_

"Kinder Still" The Dentists _Some People Are On The Pitch They Think It's All Over It Is Now_

"Trying To Be Kind" The Motorcycle Boy _Scarlet_

"The Magic Of A Kind Word" Belle & Sebastian _The BBC Sessions_

"As Kind As You Can" Wolf Parade _Thin Mind_

Whither Kindness?

(image from here)

Tonight's show is not about the fourth of July, or independence, or signing things, or fireworks, or other related concepts.  That's mainly because tonight's show starts at midnight, which is not the fourth of July but the fifth of July, so not a holiday.  Anyway, I've only done a couple of fourth of July themed shows & my heart isn't always in it.  Especially not this year.  It's weird to celebrate freedom in a country where freedom is dying in droves.

But why a show about kindness?  I have to confess, I thought I didn't know - but I think I might know - but I hesitate to say because it might be presumptuous.  My original assumption is that I was listening to the cool Strum & Thrum collection of 1980s American jangle pop, & especially a song called "She Was Unkind."  Which I'll definitely play tonight.  Which also means I'll be working backward from unkindness to kindness. Which is pretty much how my brain works, to be honest.

However, I suspect something subconsciously affected the decision.  I'll have to think about it.  If I say it now & it's wrong, I'll be embarrassed. & if you've heard my show, you'll know I have a lot to embarrassed about already.  Too much, actually.  It's a wonder I ever show my face on the radio.

That's tonight, while fireworks are scaring your pets, from midnight to 3am on 90.7fm & online at kboo.fm.  It would be a kindness if you listened.

Preface To Kindness: An Unkind Weekend

(This is an image for folks in the UK, but it applies here.)

This is a terrible weekend for pet owners, especially the dogs.  Fireworks scare the bejeezus out of them.  Our oldest, Winston, is a bit deaf but even he seemed agitated by the neighbors a street over blowing things up so it sounded like a warzone.  My sweet girl Pauline, who is not in the least cuddly, wanted to climb up into my lap.

Websites like this with tips about how to take care of your dog during fireworks times are all over the web & easy to find & they pretty much say the same thing.  Lots of dogs freak out & run away when the sky is bright with fireworks.  & missing pet flyers on telephone poles make me very, very sad.

The irony is, I used to love fireworks.  Now I can't watch then, especially if they're near my house, without worrying about my pets.  It seems unkind & even selfish to prioritize an ultimately transient entertainment over the lives of our four-footed friends.  & when they're stressed out, I'm stressed out.

That's not why there's a show about kindness on Self Help Radio this week though.  Maybe I'll tell you about that tomorrow.

Huntington

According to the Farcebook, I wrote on this day in 2009, "I am home again for the first time in Huntington, West Virginia."

There's a place on this blog where I wrote about this house, & some of the things that happened while we lived in Huntington.  I didn't have a digital camera in 2009 & didn't take many pictures, so I didn't take a picture when we arrived.  Which we apparently did on July 2, 2009.  We drove our Toyota Corolla (pictured above) & a minivan.  If I'm not remembering incorrectly, it took two weeks for our things to arrive from the movers.  My books & music were more well-traveled at that point in time than I was.

This edifice was the first place we arrived at in Huntington.  I believe we took the dogs for a walk as soon as we rested some.  We might have met some neighbors.  It wasn't at all hot - I looked & saw that the high that day was 69 degrees.  In Austin, which we had just left two days before, it was 101 degrees.  & it wasn't as if we had left a different region - it was kind of like we had moved a little into the past.

My wife knew she wouldn't like it there so I decided to do my best to make it as nice as possible.  I began to walk the dogs regularly with her - that was not something I did in Austin.  I eventually started cooking for her, too, since she didn't much like the eating out choices we had in Huntington.  I couldn't fix her work, though, & that was a big part of her life.  I was left at home to take care of the animals, which was quite a happy thing for me: I got to spend all my time with them & I loved them so.  Only two of the animals we took to West Virginia made it to Oregon with us.  The dear cat we adopted in Huntington did make it here, but we lost her last year.  But I think all of them - well, maybe not my cat Beatrice, who hated traveling - but the rest of them would have loved it here.

Thirteen years ago seems to me to be so recent but also so far away.  There were times I regret not trying harder to make a life in Huntington.  But I think I knew my wife would never like it there.  & I couldn't convince her otherwise.

There's a part of me that thinks I was a little excited that day, though.  It was nice to be somewhere new.  I like that feeling.  I've got to feel it three more times since then!

Apartment Idioms

(A groovy apartment complex facade somewhere in the Dallas/Fort Worth metroplex.)

One of the things I love to do on the show is talk about idioms.  I adore idioms.  I also say, because it's true, that they are the hardest thing to figure out when learning a language, but one of the most fun things about knowing a language.

But it turned out there weren't any idioms with the word apartment.  So I made some up.  I hope these will find their way into your conversations soon, & eventually on the Urban Dictionary.

1) one's apartment isn't complex
If you tell someone that their apartment isn't complex, it means they're not too bright.

You listen to Gary's show on KBOO?  But his apartment isn't complex!

2) basement apartment

A basement apartment is a stroke of bad luck. 

Your dog is sick?  Man, that's a basement apartment right there!

3) garage apartment
Relatedly, a garage apartment is an unpredictable or unsatisfying outcome.

The vet couldn't figure out what was wrong with your dog?  Sorry, man, for the garage apartment!

4) penthouse apartment

A penthouse apartment is good fortune - although it carries connotations of snobbery. 

Oh yes, she won the lottery, how very penthouse apartment of her.

5) one's apartment is a flat

If you tell someone their apartment is a flat, you're accusing them of being pompous & pretentious.
Oh look at Gary quoting Shakespeare! I guess his apartment is a flat.

6) apartment idioms for sex

Much like using bases from baseball to designate sexual conquest, apartments can serve a similar role.  Let's compare them with the baseball ones.

First base is kissing or making out. You can also call it renting an efficiency.
Second base is copping a feel.  You may also use the term renting a furnished efficiency.
Third base is that weird phenomenon a friend of mine used to call "clothes sex."  You can also call it a renting a furnished studio apartment.

& of course hitting a home run or a homer is good ol' sex.  Using apartment idioms, you'd say you  were leasing a rent-controlled fully furnished three bedroom two full baths.

Again, none of these are real idioms in use anywhere.  But that doesn't mean it always has to be that way.

Self Help Radio 062822: Apartments

(Actual apartment complexes I've lived in, images from Goggle Maps.)

Last night, someone called & said, "I am listening to your show in my car right now. Would it sound better if I was listening to it in an apartment?"  "Yes," I said.  The caller said, "Do you know where one is free right now?  With a radio?"

Alas, I was not able to help.  I was playing lots of songs about apartments in a cold radio booth in the middle of the night.  A show about apartments was not the same as an apartment locator app, or even one of those free books you can get at a convenience store with old-fashioned ads in.  The information relayed about apartments on the show was personal from the musician & general from me.

But there are certainly delights for those who have not lived the apartment experience!  You can listen to the show (again, preferably in an apartment) now or anytime at either the KBOO web page, or at the show's website, Self Help Radio dot net.  (At the latter site, you'll need a username, which is SHR, & a password, which is selfhelp.)  Everything that happens on the show is noted below.

Apartment complexes would be cooler if they were collectively owned by the tenants.

Self Help Radio Apartment Show
"In My Apartment" Dee Clark _Golden Classics_
"Apartment 21 (Without Strings)" Bobbie Gentry _The Girl From Chickasaw County (The Complete Capitol Masters)_
"Apartment # 5" The Billy Nayer Show _The Billy Nayer Show_

introduction & definition & history

"Real Crazy Apartment" Winston's Fumbs _Nuggets II (Original Artyfacts From The British Empire And Beyond 1964-1969)_
"Messy Apartment" Lee "Scratch" Perry _Who Put The Voodoo 'Pon Reggae_
"Cold Apartment" Vagabon _Infinite Worlds_
"The Apartment" Michael Showalter _Sandwiches & Cats_
"Empty Apartment" Glacier Veins _Clear Your Head_

interview with housing expert Henry Christian (part one)

"My Own Apartment" Ronnie Rochford _Teen Rockin' Fever Vol. 1_
"My Apartment" Neilson Family _Double Life_
"There Is Life Outside Your Apartment" Avenue Q Cast _Avenue Q: The Musical - Original Broadway Cast Recording_
"Apartment" Gospel Music _How To Get To Heaven From Jacksonville, FL_
"Ballet For A Small Apartment" The People's Victory Chorus & Orchestra _The School_

interview with housing expert Henry Christian (part two)

"Apartments" Boycrazy _Foreign Words_
"Lakeside View Apartments Suite" The Mountain Goats _Transcendental Youth_
"Leak/Looking For An Apartment/Friend Looking For Apartment" Todd Barry _From Heaven_
"Apartment # 9" Tammy Wynette _The Essential Tammy Wynette_
"In That Apartment Upstairs" Rosa Henderson _Complete Recorded Works In Chronological Order Volume 4 (1926-1931)_

interview with Jarvis Knowle, who lives in an apartment complex in a very small town

"Apartment Story" The National _Boxer_
"Apartment 3" Jill Cunniff _City Beach_
"Apt." Steven Wright _I Have A Pony_
"Apt. #5" Julie Ruin _Julie Ruin_
"All The Recipes I've Ever Ruined" The Lucksmiths _Why That Doesn't Surprise Me_

interview with apartment manager Noah Way

"Flat Of Angles" The Fall _Dragnet_
"Harry's Flat" Wreckless Eric _The Donovan Of Trash_
"Apartment Hunting" Eddie Lawrence _The Old Philosopher_
"The Girls In The Flat Upstairs" Martin Newell _The Off White Album_
"My Flatmate" Satan's Rats _What A Bunch Of Rodents_

completely made-up idioms using the word "apartment"

"My Apartment" Ben Kweller _On My Way_
"Apartment Song" Really From _Really From_
"Old Apartments & Baseball Redux" Andy Sandford _Me The Whole Time_
"Garage Apartment" Super XX Man _Volume V_
"Apartments Song" Promise & The Monster _Feed The Fire_

conclusion & goodbye

"Two House Apartment" Barry Brown _Two House Apartment_
"The Apartment The Cat & The Dress" Katie Goes To Tokyo _My Naked Heart_
"The Apartment" Half Waif _Mythopoetics_
"Empty Apartment" Chiaroscuro _Megalomaniac_
"The Apartment's Story" Anne Lene Hagglund _Bird Cherry Grove_

Whither Apartments?

According to naahq.org, 39 millions people in the United States - or 1 in 8 residents - live in an apartment.  Data for Portland is a little harder to figure out - this website seems to prefer the term "renters" although that can mean renters of homes too.  But assuming it's the same as the country, isn't it time there were a radio show about apartments?  Unless there's already been one.  In which case, isn't it time there's another radio show about apartments?

Yesterday on the blog I noted I've spent 26 of my 54 years living in apartments (which excluded living in duplexes or rented homes, which would've increased that total by maybe six years) so I know apartments.  True, I don't currently live in an apartment, & I would hate to live in one of the horrifying apartments that line the highways in the Dallas/Fort Worth metroplex where I used to live, but I'm not unsympathetic to apartments.  I would love to live in an apartment in a major city like New York or Paris!  Not that I ever will.

The pros & cons & joys & sorrows of apartments will be explored with music & talk on tonight's Self Help Radio which is on midnight to 3am on 90.7fm in Portland town & online everywhere at kboo.fm.  Let's hope you'll listen along.

Preface To Apartments: I've Lived In Apartments Much Of My Life

(I lived in the apartment in the middle right from 1992-1994. Image from Gurgle Maps.)

A while back, I tried to tally the places I've lived in my life.  It probably wasn't interesting to anyone but me so I won't link to them - but because this week's show - the theme is apartments - I've been thinking about apartment living.

One thing that's true about me is that I am absolutely terrible at finding places to live.  I think I might have found maybe one of the places I've lived in my life.  Obviously my mother (with the help of my siblings) picked the apartments we lived in after she left my father.  But my first college roommates picked my first college apartment.  My ex-girlfriend, who had broken up with me because she had been cheating on me right before we broke up, picked the one above.  The next one was chosen by my soon-to-be-roommate, who for whatever reason wanted us to live together.  That one was in a fourplex, & the one after that was in a duplex, so I don't think those count as apartments.  Anyway, I met the woman I would marry when I lived in the duplex & she has chosen every place we've lived since then.  I fucking swear.

As far as I can remember, here are the names of the apartment complexes I lived in:
Kingsley Manor
The Lockwood Arms
Little Brook Apartments
Villa Cordoba
Unnamed Six-Unit Apartment Complex On Cranford Dr.
Town Lake Apartments (maybe not their name)
Dolphin Apartments
Tanglewood North
Unnamed Apartments On Avenue A
Chateau Depew (Unofficial Name) (Fourplex)

Yeah, I went ahead & linked to the original posts.  & I reread some of them.  I wrote them two years ago.  Anyway, it appears I lived in ten different apartment complexes in my life.  Since I may have lived in as many as 25 places in my life (I can't speak with certainly where I lived from birth to around 1972, when my mother left my father), that means it's about 40% of the places I've lived.  But it does total around 26 years of my life.  Which is a little less than half my life living in apartments.

Truly if I hadn't met the woman who married me, I'd probably have lived in that duplex on Red River for as long as possible.  There were two sweet women who lived next door - a couple - both nurses - who later bought the place.  They somehow found us - I guess I had the same phone number - & called to see if we wanted to move back in.  We had just bought a house though.

Seriously, I might have lived there longer than at Chateau Depew!  Anyway, this isn't about apartments.  Damn I should have saved some time to talk about apartments.  Now I have to go to sleep.

Silos

On this day in 2014, we drove from Kentucky to Texas to visit my mother.  We did it yearly at the time.  Usually in May, but I guess late June when it conflicted with my wife's work schedule.  We had three dogs at the time, all beagles, & I asked someone from the radio station to stay at our place & take care of our cats.  & we drove to Memphis, where if I recall correctly we stayed in an Air B&B that was decidedly moist.  We understood that most of the summer Memphis was sweaty, but we had hoped that we might be a little cooler & drier indoors.  We were going to stay there on the way back, but instead went to a hotel.

On the drive I took pictures out the car window like that above, probably on the so-called "Bluegrass Parkway" which is a lovely drive.  & usually quite chill.  Although the picture could also have been taken in Tennessee along Highway 40.

Those are drives I miss, I haven't driven very far for a couple of years.  Maybe that will change.  Certainly it's very pretty around here.

Just Terrible

(I found this on Twitter. It was uncredited.)

It's well understood that I am just a random fellow with a dumb radio show & no one who listens (that very small group) knows or cares about my political thoughts.  But I have been so sad & angry today - a day when I had hoped to work on next week's Self Help Radio - about the Supreme Court's decisions this week - not just killing Roe V. Wade but the general backwards-looking, "guns have more rights than people" tenor.  I have nothing to add to anything but my heartbreak, my dismay, my absolute sadness at the misery this will cause in the coming years.  I can't do much about it - I have no voice but my vote & I used that, to no avail, in places like Texas & Kentucky, where a vote against a Mitch McConnell or a Ted Cruz was not enough to unseat them.  They are getting the theocratic world with people armed to the teeth that they apparently want, where anyone can carry a concealed weapon with impunity but a state can deny a woman her most fundamental right, where the police can't be sued by violating your Miranda rights & anyway, if you're within one hundred miles of the border, you have very little rights against the police anyway.

In school I loved learning about American history.  I don't believe one can be truly proud of a country one was born in - it wasn't your choice, after all - but I sometimes admired this place.  & I admire the fuck out of the people still fighting.  But I suspect we've lost.  It was ugly when a fat, spray-tanned b-list celebrity most famous for playing a billionaire on television became the president because of a white supremacist institution in the Constitution, & it was an ugly four years.  But I think I didn't know what ugly was.  Ugly is about to show its truly ugly face.  & there will be so much death & suffering.

Yeah, I know, go back to doing dumb radio shows.  I will.  Today though.  Glad I'm not on the air today.

Self Help Radio 062122: Sighs

(I don't recall where the original image came from. But it's brilliant!)

How many times a day does the average person sigh?  Listening to this show you'll discover that it's about once every five minutes.  How about the average Self Help Radio listener?  Trick question!  There's no such thing as a "Self Help Radio listener"!

What happened was there were three hours of radio filled on a Tuesday morning with songs about sighing.  Sighing was discussed.  I ever sighed a few times.  It was the standard affair.  Although I did learn that researchers are still studying sighing.  Which makes me think: what about yawning?  But that's a question for a different show.

You can listen to this show now & anytime at either the KBOO website or at Self Help Radio's website.  (At the latter, use the username SHR & password selfhelp to log in.)  The show was guestless so it was just me & songs & an article about why we sigh & some poetry.  Details below.

& I'm sorry I can't recall who made that cool *sigh* coaster above! If anyone knows, please tell me - I'll be glad to give that person credit!

Self Help Radio Sigh Show

"Between A Kiss & A Sigh (Helen Forrest, vocals)" Artie Shaw & His Orchestra _1938_

"A Pillow Of Sighs & Tears" Red Foley _Old Shep (The Red Foley Recordings 1933-1950)_

"The Bridge Of Sighs" Georgia Gibbs _The Best Of Georgia Gibbs: The Mercury Years_

introduction & definitions

"Cry Baby, Sigh Ba-A-By" Marty Gino _Teen-Age Dreams Vol. 6_

"Sighin'" Melrose Bagby _Brunswick Rock & Roll Party Vol. 2_

"Sigh, Cry, Almost Die" The Everly Brothers _The Absolutely Essential 3 CD Collection_

"I'd Sigh I'd Cry" Bobby Vee _Rarities_

"The Sighing Game" Rainbow Ffolly _Sallies Fforth_

"I Love Your Sigh" Zen _Hair_

"Why We Sigh" by Shayla Love Part I

"Try This For Sighs" Adam Ant _Friend Or Foe_

"The Hedonists Sigh" The Nightingales _Pigs On Purpose_

"Sigh's Smell Of Farewell" Cocteau Twins _Love's Easy Tears_

"When Sunday Comes (She Sighs)" Choo Choo Train _Briar High (Singles 1988)_

"Silent Sigh City" Happydeadmen _Classics - A Decade In Pop_

"Why We Sigh" by Shayla Love Part II

"A Sigh" The Golden Palominos _Drunk With Passion_

"Some Mysterious Sigh" Katydids _Shangri-La_

"Sigh" The Orchids _Epicurean: A Soundtrack_

"Angel Sigh" Spiritualized _Lazer Guided Melodies_

"A Gentle Sigh" Blueboy _Some Gorgeous Accident EP_

"Why We Sigh" by Shayla Love Part IIII

"Sigh" Curve _Faît Accompli_ (Charisma, 1992)

"La Tristesse Durera (Scream To A Sigh)" Manic Street Preachers _Gold Against The Soul_

"A Sigh Is The Softest Shout" Colin Clary _One Hundred Decembers_

"Appalachian Death Sigh" Bill Fox _Shelter From The Smoke_

"Ah! The Sighs" June Tabor _At The Wood's Heart_

"Why We Sigh" by Shayla Love Part IV

"Slow Soft Sighs" Trembling Blue Stars _Slow Soft Sighs_

"Bridge Of Sighs" Brief Candles _They Live We Sleep_

"A Heavy Sigh" Edwyn Collins _Home Again_

"Bridge Of Sighs" Palomar _All Things, Forests_

"No Sense In Sighing" Orwell _Nouvelles D'Hier_

sighing poems by Coleridge & Hardy

"I Just Sighed. I Just Sighed, Just So You Know" Los Campesinos! _Romance Is Boring_

"Sigh, Inhibitionist (Come All Day With Me)" A Sunny Day In Glasgow _Autumn, Again_

"Sighs" Asobi Seksu _Fluorescensce_

"Sigh" The Bilinda Butchers _Regret, Love, Guilt, Dreams_

"Sigh-Fi" Plastic Animals _Pictures From The Blackout_

conclusion & goodbye

"And Then Sigh" Backwords _Quilt_

"Sigh The Day Away" Magic Bullets _Magic Bullets_

"The Deepest Sighs, The Frankest Shadows" Gang Of Youths _Go Farther In Lightness_

"Primal Sigh" Elvis Depressedly _Depressedelica_

Whither Sighs?

(Charles Schulz was the king of the comic sigh. Image from here.)

Occasionally, Self Help Radio has to remind itself it's a radio show.  That it's mainly a bunch of sounds emanating from a radio tower or from a computer.  It makes the deejay - in this case, me - think about all the sounds me make.  & what is a more strange & powerful sound than a sigh?  It's not quite sad - though it can be profoundly sad - but it's not quite happy - though it can express a sort of contentment.

Someone made me sigh one day & I thought, "How many songs are there that somehow mention sighing?"  Tonight's show is the answer to that question.  & I'll talk a lot about sighing as well.

That'll happen midnight to 3am tonight on 90.7fm & kboo.fm.  Perhaps you'll sigh when you hear the sighing.  Or is that yawning?  I think that's yawning.

Preface To Sighs: Hassling Me

As someone who grew up reading Peanuts every day, who loved the cartoons, who related to Charlie Brown a bit too much, doing a show about sighs (which is this week's Self Help Radio theme) immediately made me think about this particular strip, which was first printed on February 5, 1976.  & while I could have read it in the papers then - I was eight years old & was definitely reading the funnies at the time - I almost certainly first read it in this little trade paperback that collected the whole "Charlie Brown & Peppermint Patty share a schooldesk" storyline:

(image from Goodreads)

Looking for the strip - eventually I found it in the Fantagraphics 1975-1976 Peanuts collection, & took a picture with my phone, which is why it's so crappy - I discovered the sequence also ended up in one of the Peanuts cartoons, specifically Bon Voyage, Charlie Brown.  It's here.  (I have bad luck embedding video on this blog, sorry.)  They've moved Charlie Brown & Peppermint Patty overseas for the story, when originally (if I remember correctly), Charlie Brown had to go to Peppermint Patty's school because Charlie Brown's school committed suicide.  You read that correctly!

One last thing: is this the only Charlie Brown cartoon where the voice of the teacher (or any parent) is understandable to the viewer?  & if so, is it because it's someone with a French accent?