A Tribute To George Jones

Self Help Radio spent a couple of hours saying goodbye & celebrating the life of the great George Jones.  It's probably best to let the music speak for itself.

The songs I played - songs by George Jones (alone & with others), covers of George Jones songs, & songs about George Jones - are listed below.  The show is at the Self Help Radio website but if you can't be bothered to go look there, you can listen to both parts by clicking these links: part one | part two.

Goodbye, George.  Thank you for all the music.

(part one)

"Root Beer" George Jones _The New Favorites Of George Jones_
"Why Baby Why" Red Sovine & Webb Pierce _From The Vaults: Decca Country Classics 1934-1973_
"George Jones Is Playin' In The City Tonight" Austin Lounge Lizards _Lizard Vision_

"The Grand Tour" George Jones _The Grand Tour_
"You're Still On My Mind" The Byrds _Sacred Hearts & Fallen Angels: The Gram Parsons Anthology_
"Stranger In The House" Elvis Costello _My Aim Is True_
"He Stopped Loving Her Today" The Geraldine Fibbers _Poop Alley Tapes_
"I Was Country When Country Wasn't Cool" Barbara Mandrell _20th Century Masters: The Best Of Barbara Mandrell_

"Ceremony" George Jones & Tammy Wynette _Me & The First Lady_
"We Must Have Been Out Of Our Minds" John Prine & Melba Montgomery _In Spite Of Ourselves_
"Ain't No Woman Gonna Make A George Jones Outta Me" Daniel Johnston _Welcome To My World_
"She Thinks I Still Care" Solomon Burke _Proud Mary_
"Don't Cry Darlin'" David Allan Coe _The Essential David Allan Coe_

"The King Is Gone (So Are You)" George Jones _The Essential George Jones: The Spirit Of Country_
"White Lightning" The Fall _Shift-Work_

(part two)

"What Would George Jones Do?" Honky Tonkitis _Alcohol & Heartbreak_
"Just One More" John Hammond _Ready For Love_
"I Gotta Get Drunk" George Jones & Willie Nelson _Best Country Duets_

"If Drinkin' Don't Kill Me (Her Memory Will)" George Jones _I Am What I Am_
"A Good Year For The Roses" Johnny Paycheck _Johnny Paycheck: A Country Legend_
"George Jones Talkin' Cell Phone Blues" Drive-By Truckers _The Fine Print (A Collection Of Oddities & Rarities 2003-2008)_
"What Am I Worth" Dave Alvin _King Of California_
"Yesterday's Wine" Merle Haggard & George Jones _A Taste Of Yesterday's Wine_

"Who Shot Sam" George Jones _The Fabulous Country Music Sound Of George Jones_
"The Race Is On (live)" Grateful Dead _Reckoning_
"Play Me Some George Jones Songs" Jimmy Martin _Me'N Ole Pete_
"Love Bug" Don Rich _Don Rich Sings George Jones_
"What's In Our Hearts" George Jones & Melba Montgomery _What's In Our Hearts_

"These Days (I Barely Get By)" George Jones _Anniversary: Ten Years Of Hits_
"Her Name Is" George Jones _Alone Again_
"Two Story House" George Jones & Tammy Wynette _Together Again_

Whither A Tribute To George Jones?

Man, if anyone deserves someone playing his music & talking a little about his life, it's him.  You can read the New York Times obituary, titled "his life was a country song," to get a sense of the man.

In my usual dumbass way, I'll be playing lots of his music, people covering him, songs about him, & a few collaborations.  I won't do him justice because I am probably incapable of doing a real tribute.  If you're a big fan, you might not want to listen - I might offend you.

But it's the only way I know how to process these things & say goodbye, & I pretend I am doing something different than the average tribute show, & it makes me happy to think so.

The show will be on today from 4 to 6 pm, on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington & on your computer at the WRFL website.  Yeah, I'll archive it later.

George Jones.  It's nice I get to live in a world that had him in it for a little while.

Preface To A Tribute To George Jones: If This Radio Show Don't Kill Me, Drinking Will

Seriously, listening to George Jones for several days in preparation for this show might be doing my liver serious damage.

New Intro Time Again!

I am doing something that I do every year, which is make a new intro for my show.

Technically, I didn't do it every year of my show - apparently 2003 & 2004 passed before I made another intro.  Oh how I wish I had chosen to make a new intro every two years!  Well.  Anyway.  There's a new one that will debut on Friday's show.

Want to listen to it now?  In case you do, it's right here, a click away.  But seriously, it's no big deal.

I've made a lot of them - like I said, almost one a year.  Mostly one a year.  It should be a source of pride for me but there you are.  Wanna hear them?

You can listen to the 2002 intro (my first!) here.

You can listen to the 2003 intro here.

You can listen to the 2005 intro here.

You can listen to the 2006 intro here.

You can listen to the 2007 intro here.

You can listen to the 2008 intro here.

You can listen to the 2009 intro here.

You can listen to the 2010 intro here.

You can listen to the 2011 intro here.

You can listen to the 2012 intro (the most recent!) here.

Necks

Necks!  What the heck!  I'm kind of a wreck, I've watched too much Star Trek, I'm at your call & beck, & tired of being a smart alec: let's check on necks!

It's a show about necks, it's true.  Look at the songs below if you don't believe me.  Listen to the show over at the Self Help Radio website if you can't imagine such a thing.  Here, listen to it by clicking directly here for part one & here for part two.  Really.  It's a show about necks!

Though I never got around to talking about necking.  I wonder what that means.

(part one)

"Necks, Necks, Necks" Sarah Silverman _Songs Of The Sarah Silverman Program_
"Neck" Robyn Hitchcock & The Egyptians _Luminous Groove_
"Broke My Neck" Echo & The Bunnymen _Heaven Up Here_

"Wear My Ring Around Your Neck" Elvis Presley _King Creole_
"Up To My Neck In High Muddy Waters" The Greenbriar Boys _Best Of The Vanguard Years_
"A Swallow On My Neck" Morrissey _The HMV / Parlophone Singles 88-95_
"Your Sweet Neck" The Moog _Sold For Tomorrow_
"Peck Ya Neck" Mandrill _Solid_

"Lucas Was A Redneck" Mac Davis _Country Funk 1969 - 1975_
"Redneck" Swamp Dogg _Total Destruction Of Your Mind_
"Redneck (Single Edit)" Luxuria _Unanswerable Lust & Beast Box_
"Temple Redneck" The Sandkings _Welcome To England_
"Redneck Gout Club" Finally Punk _Get Serious_

"Pencil Neck Geek" Fred Blassie _Dr. Demento 20th Anniversary Collection: The Greatest Novelty Records Of All Time_
"Neck Tattoo" Todd Barry _Medium Energy_

(part two)

"Chicken Necks" The Genies _Who's That Knocking_
"Fried Neck Bones & Some Homefries" Willie Bobo _Uno, Dos, Tres 1-2-3_
"Long Neck Bottles" Captain Beefheart & The Magic Band _The Spotlight Kid/Clear Spot_
"Up The Neck" The Pretenders _The Pretenders_

"Brassneck" The Wedding Present _Bizarro_
"Bottleneck At Capel Curig" Half Man Half Biscuit _Trouble Over Bridgwater_
"Break Your Neck" East Village _Hotrod Hotel_
"One Neck" Holly Golightly _Truly She Is None Other_

"Rough Neck Blues" The Allen Brothers _The Complete Recordings Vol. 3: 1932-1934_
"Down In My Neck Of The Woods" Bob Wills & His Texas Playboys _San Antonio Rose_
"Columbian Necktie" Big Black _Songs About Fucking_
"Hit Me" Savages _Silence Yourself_
"Bangkok Necktie" Man Man _Life Fantastic_

"The Jiffy Neckwear Creation" Baby Lemonade _Souvenirs from Egg Records_
"V-Neck" Madison Electric _Drive-In Season_

Whither Necks?

What if I told you I didn't have any better idea?

I am a little freaked out that people eat the necks of things, but one of the main reasons I stopped eating meat way back when was discovering that we ate the muscles of animals.  Honestly, I didn't really know what part of the animal we were eating - except when someone would say "liver" or "wing," which was self-explanatory - but finding out specifically what freaked me out.  I'm glad that I don't do that anymore.

I once had a terrible dream & woke up with my hands around the neck of the person I was in bed with. I am glad I didn't hurt her.  She told me that I never even tightened my grip, it was just weird, I woke her up by putting my hands around her neck.  I was dreaming I was about to strangle someone.  That could've turned ugly.

I have a radio show about necks today, did you know?  It's true.  It's on my 4 to 6 pm on 88.1 fm WRFL here in Lexington; you can listen online at the WRFL website (which has other charms).

Listen or I'll wring your neck!  Okay, that was mean.  Sorry.

Preface To Necks: What's With Necks Anyway?

Sounding like a stand-up comic, asking that silly question.  Thinking about this old dude I used to know who, at the age of like seventy had a facelift, so his face was as smooth as - well, something that everyone would think is smooth - I dunno what - I wish there were a cliché I could use right here - anyway, he had a smooth face but his neck looked awful.

Thinking about the weird shit that happens on necks.  No, not hickeys.  Fool.  Thinking about skin tags.  Weird hairs.  Adam's apples.  then, with age, wrinkles from hell.

Considering how far necks fall.  Start out as things you want to kiss.  End up as things you're vaguely afraid of.

The curse of time!

I Know I Promised...

I would do a tribute show for the late, great George Jones this week, but events overtook me so I'll have to plan it for next week.  It'll feature some George Jones songs & songs about George Jones & who the hell knows what else - I haven't even begun to plan it.

In the meantime, here he is performing with Tammy Wynette one of my favorites - I hope it'll tide you over.

Indiepop A To Z # 40

Coming at you late - but as twee as it wants to be - we're still in the letter H - I only made one alphabetical mistake - though I probably left out an important band or two.

Show at website: Self Help Radio dot Net

Direct links to show: part one | part two

Songs played: below

Long week getting longer.

(part one)

"So You Think You're In Love" Robyn Hitchcock _Luminous Groove_
"Still In Love" Holiday _Ready, Steady, Go!_
"Clover Valley Road" Holiday Flyer _You Make Us Go_

"Cincinnati" The Holiday Makers _Cincinnati_
"Bus Stop" The Hollies _The British Invasion: History of British Rock, Vol. 3_
"Don't Slow Down" Hollow Men _Cresta_
"New Colors" Holy Shit _Homemade Hits Vol. 1_
"Slip Away" Home & Abroad _Swings & Roundabouts EP_

"Rocket" Home By Hovercraft _Are We Chameleons?_
"Hearts In Exile" The Homosexuals _Astral Glamour_
"Judas In Me Singing" Honest Johns _The Sound Of Leamington Spa Vol. 2_
"Dead Souls" Honey Langstrumpf _Warsaw: Un Homenaje A Joy Division_
"Go Now" Honey Skoolmates _Moshi Moshi (Pop International Style)_

"Walking Into Walls" Honeybunch _Time Trials: 1987-1995_

(part two)

"Sister" Honeyburn _LemonLime Volume 1_
"One False Move" Honeycrash _A Sandwich & A Sweater_
"Drive" Honeymoon Diary _Homemade Hits, Vol. 1_
"(Lack Of) Love Will Tear Us Apart" The Honeydrips _Here Comes The Future_

"Untitled" Honeymooners  _The Sound Of Leamington Spa Volume 5_
"Fabrications" The Honeymoons _This Coherent Excitation_
"Sweeter Than Sunshine" Honeyrider _Splashdown!_
"The Man Who Was Through With The World" The Honeys _The Man Who Was Through With The World_
"Peace In A Picture" Honeytrap _The Sound Of Leamington Spa Volume 3_

"You Can Take A Heart But You Cannot Make It Beat" Hong Kong In The 60s _My Phantoms_
"Schottische Schloesser" Die Honigritter _Mind The Gap The Tape_
"Funny" Hope _Funny EP_
"Hanky Panky Nohow" The Hope Blister _Smile's OK_

"¡Free Arthur Lee!" Hopkirk & Lee _Beneath The Apple Tree_
"Rubinoos T-Shirt" Hormones In Abundance _Hit Music Only_
"I Need A Blanket" Horowitz _Frosty Cat Songs_

Whiter Indiepop A To Z # 40?

I've told myself that, despite the fact that I'll never finish, I'm going to do the "indie pop a to z" thing every four months until I stop or someone makes me stop.  But I have to write about it every four months & I don't imagine I'll say anything new or different each time.  We're still in the letter "h" & we'll start the show off with the amazing Robyn Hitchcock.  I have no idea where we'll stop, but I have a bunch of songs & bands that start with the letter h that I am bringing up.

I wonder, what did I say the last couple of times I wrote about this?

For Indiepop A To Z # 39:

"We'll start with HEN or so.  We may get as far as HOL.  Interestingly, I was once called a Hen's Hole in high school.  I shook the fellow who was insulting me's hand."

That seems appropriate.  Except we didn't get anywhere near to "HOL."  Which was also my high school experience.  Ba da bum!

For Indiepop A To Z # 38:

"First of all, I am entirely aware that over on the Self Help Radio website, it says this week's theme is "Indiepop A To Z # 39."  I think I know why/how that happened."

Ooo, I had a mistake to correct.  I hope that happens next time!

So the show will start at 4pm EST & end at 6pm EST.  (If I were clever, I might have said "7pm CST" but I'm not.)  It'll air in Lexington at 88.1 fm on the dial & you can hear it all over town & I know that because I can hear all over town.  You think you're so cute.

You can also listen online by going to wrfl.fm.

If you miss it, you will get a chance to hear it later.  If you want to check out many previous entries, they're somewhere in the list of stuff on this page.

Forty entries.  Holy moley.

Preface To Indiepop A To Z # 40: It's A Full Moon Tonight

According to the Farmer's Almanac (or is it a farmer's almanac? do they have the name trademarked?) it's a "pink full moon" day (& that's not a reference to a Nick Drake song & album - it's one of the names - the rest of which are "sprouting grass moon," "fish moon," "growing moon," & "waking moon" - for full moons in the early spring) & sure enough when I came home from the dog walk tonight a lovely full moon was rising.

It's probably a good time to debunk the myth (again) that moon bad things happen under a full moon than any other moon.

For all the good it'll do.

Go Ahn

The hunk of him which wanted to be on television also was afraid of swords, gun, fireflies.  She couldn't help thinking something about him is secretly a predator - though she didn't think all of him was at all openly anything.  What united them was a love of Alex Chilton.

He proudly told her the only Alex Chilton story he had.  She was thinking I wish I had an Alex Chilton story that had Alex Chilton in it.  His did, but only because he was involved in a motor vehicle accident & Alex Chilton had been in the back seat of the car that rammed his.

This wasn't in Memphis, since neither of them had ever been to Memphis.  Except for a school trip to Washington, DC, she hadn't ever really been out of Kentucky.  She was thinking to herself does looking over the Ohio River into Indiana from Louisville count?

He played her Feudalist Tarts on vinyl - vinyl! - then tried to kiss her after showing her his audition reel.  He wanted to impress upon her his value as a person before making another move.  She had that moment of doubt in which her brain told her I don't think I like the way he smells.

Three days later he stopped sending texts to her with the message "What happened? Was it me?"  She spent the next morning reading user comments on a lyrics website for Chris Bell's "I Am The Cosmos."  She kept saying to herself how did someone get homosexuality out of this?

Source Material

This week I am continuing my ridiculous "Indiepop A To Z" list which will have its fortieth episode but remains in the eighth letter of the alphabet, which is "H."

Perhaps I have mentioned before my not-terribly-developed obsessive-compulsive disorder.  I say "not terribly developed" because I am not medicated nor diagnosed but show signs of creeping desires to keep thing orderly beyond the norm.  For example, doing a radio show in which I take a list of bands in a specific genre & put them in alphabetical order.

But it's not may fault!  I was inspired by the list here at Twee dot Net.  One day many moons & moods ago I was looking for a list of "indie pop" songs & found my way there.  I had become infatuated with bands like the Lucksmiths & Tullycraft & wanted to see exactly what genre they belonged to.  Lo & behold.

Before you think about calling a professor head shrinker for me, then, write an angry letter to the folks at TweeNet.  Just be sweet about it.

On My Mind

You were on my mind this week.  See?  Look at all the songs I played about you being on my mind!

The songs are listed below.  The show in which all I do is play songs & talk about you being on my mind is on the Self Help Radio website.  But knowing you, you'll want to go straight to the show, which is in two parts: part one & part two.

Thanks for listening - & for being on my mind!

(part one)

"Friday On My Mind" Easybeats _Gonna Have A Good Time: The Complete US & UK Singles Collection_
"Something On My Mind" Rita Wright _The Complete Motown Singles, Vol. 8: 1968_
"I've Always Got You On My Mind" Paul Collins' Beat _Yellow Pills, Vol. 3_

"Always On My Mind" Pet Shop Boys _Discography_
"On My Mind" Fabienne Delsol _On My Mind_
"Hanging Heavy On My Mind" Doris Allen _Soul Diva Sessions_
"I Don't Have You On My Mind" Bears _Greater Lakes_
"You're On My Mind" Mighty Mighty _The Girlie Years_

"Always On My Mind" Dirty Fences _Too High To Kross_
"The Last Thing On My Mind" Porter Wagoner & Dolly Parton _Just Between You & Me_
"On My Mind" Mitzi _Truly Alive_
"Gentle On My Mind" Frank Sinatra _The Complete Reprise Studio Recordings_
"Always On My Mind" Reading Rainbow _Prism Eyes_

"(There's Always) Something On My Mind" The Pale Fountains _(There's Always) Something On My Mind_

(part two)

"I've Got Something On My Mind" The Left Banke _There's Gonna Be A Storm: The Complete Recordings 1966-1969_
"Ain't Got The Love (Of One Girl On My Mind)" The Ambassadors _Strange Games & Funky Things, Vol. 5_
"You Stay On My Mind" Lena Moné _Absolute Funk, Vol. 1_
"You Put It On My Mind" Mike James Kirkland _Doin' It Right_

"Girls On My Mind" David Byrne _Uh-Oh_
"Seems To Be On My Mind" Suburban Kids With Biblical Names _# 3_
"On My Mind" The Flatmates _Potpourri (Hits, Mixes & Demos '85-'89)_
"You Were On My Mind" Ian & Sylvia _Best Of The Vanguard Years_
"Too Much On My Mind" The Kinks _Face To Face_

"Mama, You Been On My Mind" Bob Dylan _The Bootleg Series, Vols. 1-3 : Rare & Unreleased, 1961-1991_
"On My Mind" Marine Girls _On My Mind_
"I Don't Want You On My Mind" Mick Harvey _Two Of Diamonds_
"Troubles On My Mind" Holly Golightly _Laugh It All Up!_

"Georgia On My Mind" Louis Armstrong & His Orchestra _1931-1932_
"Got You On My Mind" Derrick Morgan _Moon Hop (Best Of The Early Years 1960-1969)_

Whither On My Mind?

You know who was on my mind all day yesterday?  My friend Suloni, who had a birthday on that very day.  She is the person who designed the Self Help Radio bear & whose art you can look at at her web page.  Please do!

What's on my mind today is of course my radio show, which happens today, & I wish it was on yours, because then I wouldn't have to remind you that it's on from 4 to 6pm.  You can listen to it (if I've now put it in your mind) on 88.1 fm in Lexington & its surrounding horse farms or online at wrfl.fm.

I'll understand if the stuff that's on my mind is not on yours.  You should consider yourself lucky!  It's hard having to try to sort through all the different versions of the Legion Of Super Heroes!

Preface To On My Mind: What's Actually In My Mind?

Should I talk tomorrow about the nuts & bolts of the human brain?  In other words: how can we know what's on one's mind if we don't know what's in one's mind?

Well, here you go!

Perhaps I'll discuss it tomorrow.  Just remember that you until the show, you're on my mind!

I Don't Understand This At All

You've seen these ads:

They're for a website called "lowermybills.com" & there's a discussion about whether they're legit or a scam here.  (I didn't read through it because I don't think I'd go to a ubiquitous web advertising company to help me financially.)  (Which is my way of saying, if it isn't a scam, why would a company go to such lengths to make it seem like a scam?)

No, what I don't get is the image with the ad.  Have you seen these?  What the hell does that unflattering picture of an older gentleman with rosacea have to do with auto insurance?

I searched the Google for their ads - people have noticed them before, of course - but no one seems to know just why the company picks these pictures, except perhaps to make people say, "What the hell?"  My favorite is what some blog called "the homeless Jesus guy":

Someone involved with the company has got to be picking these images to put into web ads.  Is it perhaps the interns?  Some sociopath the company can't fire because he/she is related to the CEO of Experian (Business Week tells me that's who runs lowermybills.com)?  Is there an ironic hipster working in the ad department?

If only Mad Men could last until we find out a very old, senile Don Draper is responsible for this!

Boston

It's been over twenty-four hours & I'm still messed up about what happened with Boston.  I have nothing but the most fervent hope that those who are injured get well & that whatever psychopath or -paths responsible get their just desserts post haste.

But I wish people would stop saying "we're praying for the victims" or "keeping the people there in our prayers."  Why?  Hannibal Buress put it far better than I could:



So I can hope there's resolution & that everyone will be all right, & I can trust in humans to take care of each other in this crisis, & I can try to believe our police forces & government are competent enough to bring whoever did this to justice.  But prayer?  I simply don't understand how that's in any way a consolation.

Quickshow

Quick!  A show about quick!

Quick!  It's now at the Self Help Radio website!  The shows I played are also listed below.  If you need to listen quick, click here for part one & here for part two!

The show is a two-hour long quickie!

Thanks for listening quickly!

(part one)

"Quick!" The Magnetic Fields _Love At The Bottom Of The Sea_
"Quickly & Quietly" Boat _Songs That You Might Not Like_
"Quick, Painless & Easy" Ivy _Apartment Life_

"Quicksilver" Elton Britt & Rosalie Allen _Country USA 1950_
"Get Rich Quick" Little Richard _Ham Hocks & Cornbread_
"Quick Change Artist" Soul Twins _The Golden Torch Story_
"Quickie" George Clinton _Greatest Hits_
"Quick Before They Catch Us" Klaus & Gibson Paddy _The Avengers & Other Top Sixties TV Themes_

"Quicksand" Don Schroeder _Teen Town U.S.A. Vol. 10_
"Quicksand" Martha & The Vandellas _The Complete Motown Singles: 1963_
"Quicksand" Hellfire Sermons _Hymns, Ancient & Modern (1988 - 1993)_
"Quicksand (demo)" David Bowie _Hunky Dory_

"A Quick Note About The Olympics" Stephen Colbert _I Am America (& So Can You!)_
"You Sold Me Quickly" Robert Pollard _Lord Of The Birdcage_
"Stepping Off Too Quick" Wire _Behind The Curtain_
"The Dead Only Quickly (feat. Neil Hannon)" The 6ths _Hyacinths & Thistles_
"New Way (Quick Wash & Brush Up With Liberation Theology)" Big Flame _Rigour (1983-1986)_

(part two)

"A Quick One, While He's Away" The Who _BBC Sessions_
"Quick & To The Pointless" Queens Of The Stone Age _Rated R_

"Kiss Me Quick" Georgia Yellow Hammers _Serenade In The Mountains: Early Old-Time Music On Record_
"Kiss Me Quick" Eilert Pilarm _Greatest Hits_
"Kiss Me Quick" Sparks _Pulling Rabbits Out Of A Hat_
"Love Comes Quickly" Memphis _I Dreamed We Fell Apart_

"Quick Joey Small" The Cramps _How To Make A Monster_
"Quick Step" The Adverts _The Wonders Don't Care_
"Quick, Before It Melts" Cinerama _Torino_
"Quick As Rainbows" Kitchens Of Distinction _Capsule (The Best Of Kitchens Of Distinction 1988 - 1994)_

"Quick As White" Kasai Allstars _Congotronics 3: Kasai Allstars_
"PRS Yearbook - Quick The Drawbridge" Half Man Half Biscuit _Voyage To The Bottom Of The Road_

Whither Quick?

A quick show today -
Though it will last two hours -
Let's hope time will fly!

Hey! Wait a second!
Why am I writing haiku
Instead of plain prose?

I wonder if I
Contracted that foul disease
Called pretentiousness?

'Cause what I'm writing
Shares nothing in common with
Haiku poetry:

Pithy descriptions
Wisdom & truth from nature
Clear, simple beauty

Just five syllables
& then seven syllables
& lastly five more.

There's no haiku on
Today's Self Help Radio
Just songs about "quick."

Please listen today!
Four to six in Lexington!
Also: anywhere!

Rats!  I cannot fit
RFL's web address in
The haiku framework.

So it's here: wrfl.fm

Also I should mention it's 88.1 fm on the Lexington radio dial.

Four to six in the afternoon Eastern time.

& there are people who love haiku who now want to beat me up.

Preface To Quick: Slow Slow Quick Quick Slow

Most of the time I have no idea what or why or where I came up with what happens on Self Help Radio.  The process seems to begin with something like an insight - hey! I should do a Self Help Radio show about rabies! - & if that insight is remembered - most of them aren't - then the next step is to create a folder in a folder on my desktop on my computer with the name of the theme.

The folder in which I keep the folders in which the songs I might play for any giving them is called "extras."  It makes no sense why it's called that - why not call it "self help radio theme ideas"? - but now I know that's where I put ideas & that's where I'll find them.

In each idea folder is a BBEdit file where I write down song ideas.  Sometimes, when I'm away from my computer, I'll email ideas to myself, often without context, so I might get an email with the subject line "asshead" (I'm not very nice to myself in my emails) & the body will just say, "Stupid Rabies Song by the Cranberries."

If I am not feeling well, emails like that will totally screw me up.

Sometimes people send ideas to my email address or even to my Twitter account & I decide whether I can pull such a show off.  Like one person might suggest a show about rabies.  How many songs are there about rabies?  Besides that stupid one by the Cranberries?  Not a lot, I'll tell you.

It can be disappointing, asking me to do a theme.  I probably shouldn't solicit.

Anyway, that being said, I know exactly where I got the idea for the theme to this week's show.  It's from this song:



You might think to yourself, "Why am I reading this blog?"  If you're not thinking that, you might be thinking, "That song is called Floorshow.  What does it have to do with anything quick?"

Let me tell you: in the middle of the song (& again at the end), the lyrics go something like:

See them shimmy, see them go
See their painted faces glow
Slow slow quick quick slow
See those pagans go go go go go!

I like the way Andrew Eldritch (real name Andrew Taylor, of course) says "slow slow quick quick slow."  Thinking a slow show might be too easy, I opted for a quick show.

It wasn't all that hard, though.

Stumbler, Into Quickstone

Quicksilver is another name for the element mercury, which is silver & I assume is also quick.  It's also the name of a Marvel Comics super-hero who has super-speed powers.  There are a lot of speedster super heroes.  Don't get me started.

Quicklime is another name for lime.  For those of us who like to add an extra syllable to a word to draw out interesting conversations about lime.

Quick bread is two words but it should be one.  Let's make it one.

Quickbread is a bread made with a leavening agent so that it bakes quickly.

Quick-freeze (look, it needs the dash) is a process by which food is very rapidly frozen, to preserve freshness, or also perhaps to kill the demons that live inside all processed food.  Look it up.

Quick-witted is a word no one's ever used to describe me.

Quickgrass, the dictionary tells me, is "the couch grass, Agropyron repens."  Couch grass?  The couch is one of the places I am the least quick!

Quicktime is a rate of marching - seriously? - yeah! - 120 thirty-inch paces a minute!  (It's also something I use to watch movie files on my computer, but that doesn't march or anything.)

There are others, too.  Under "quick" in the dictionary.  But there's no "quickstone."  I just made that up.  I couldn't help myself!  I wish you'd start using it too, especially online, like on Tweeter or something.  Something like, "Only buy a house with a good quickstone base!"  Or, "Lava formations in this area resulted in massive areas covered by quickstone."

Just so a snooty geologist can sniff at you & say, "There's no such thing as quickstone."

You can laugh in his face!

Spring!

Spring has finally arrived in Lexington.  I know this because the insects have returned.  Did you know?  In places where there's winter, the insects mostly go away for the cold season.  I understand that, if you live in a place where there's heat, like an apartment building, insects might still be active, staying like you where it's warm & crawling all over you at night.  But my wife is very cheap so our house is pretty chilly during the frozen months, & insects find no safe haven here.

You might ask, as the folks at the Smithsonian have, where do insects go in the winter?  If you did ask, like I did, there's a web page that tells you.  It will teach you a word that I didn't know existed.  That word is "overwinter."  Not as in, "I am so over winter."  Which I was.  Snow in March?  What the hell?  No, "overwinter" means "to pass, spend, or survive the winter."  The site has subheadings like "Overwintering As Eggs" & "Overwintering As Pupae" but an online dictionary uses the word for humans, as in "to overwinter on the Riveria."

I talked to someone in Minneapolis today & she said they're expecting snow there this week.  Snow!  In April!  She said they don't expect spring until May.  In Austin, spring gave the city two or three gloriously mild weeks usually in March, although during my time there I adamantly refused to turn on the air conditioner till May, with many sweaty April nights.  The snow does not appear to be coming close to Kentucky, but it'll still drop temperatures at the end of the week to the 50s.  (It was in the 80s today.  Glorious!)

Yes, spring.  People had their shirts off & were wearing shorts today where only a couple or three weeks ago there was snow on the ground.  It has certainly changed my attitude.  For example, I am no longer daily searching online for information about mental illnesses.

Ducks

I did a radio show about ducks.  During the course of the show I played a lot of children's records & then talked about duck rape.  I have no idea what's wrong with me.

You can listen to the show now at the Self Help Radio page on the web.  The songs I played on the show are listed below.  It also turns out you can listen to the show directly from this "note."  What?  It's true!  You can listen to part one here & you can listen to part two here.  That's just ducky.

Thanks for quack quack quack!

(part one)

"Duck Soup (Opening Credits) (music by John Leipold)" The Marx Brothers _The Marx Brothers Sing & Play_
"The Duck" The Hi-Los _From Latin... To Jazz Dance: Rare Tunes Chapter One_
"The Duck" Jackie Lee _The Duck_
"The Duck" Willie Hutch _The Willie Hutch Story_

"The Ugly Duckling" Danny Kaye _Hello Children... Everywhere!_
"Little White Duck" The ABC Children's Chorus _Songs For Children By Children_
"The Duck & The Rooster" Tom T. Hall _Country Songs For Children_
"Daffy Duck's Feathered Friend" Mel Blanc _Daffy Duck's Feathered Friend_

"Disco Duck, Pt. 1" Rick Dees & His Cast Of Idiots _The Original Disco Duck_
"Be Like A Duck" Keith Boynton _Philadelphia Chickens (Sandra Boynton's Imaginary Musical Revue)_
"Rubber Duckie" Sesame Street _Sesame Street Silver: The Tenth Anniversary Album_
"Holding Hands, Feeding Ducks" The Brunettes _Holding Hands, Feeding Ducks_
"The Little Duck" Robbert Bobbert & The Bubble Machine _Robbert Bobbert & The Bubble Machine_

"Duck People Duck Man" Megapuss _Surfing_
"Duckrog" Von Sudenfed _Tromatic Reflexxions_

(part two)

"Crispy Duck" Yo La Tengo _Ride The Tiger_
"Flying Duck Theory" The Vibrators _V2_
"Fuzzy Duck" Go-Kart Mozart _Tearing Up The Album Chart_

"The Duck Song" Bryant Oden _The Duck Song (The Duck & The Lemonade Stand)_
"Hey Little Ducky" Sonny James _Young Love: The Complete Recordings 1952 - 1962_
"Lord Love A Duck" Gerald Smith _The Georgia Quackerjack_
"$60 Duck" Lewie Wickham _$60 Duck_
"The Duck Egg Walk" Milford Perkins _Do You Know The Difference Between Big Wood & Brush? The American Song-Poem Anthology_

"Duck's Yas Yas Yas" The Three Peppers _1937 - 1940_
"Ducks Are Only Interested in An Area Man's Bread" Onion Radio News _Onion Radio News_
"Duck Pond" The Telephone Company _The King's Surprise?_
"Ducks" King Of Cats _Indietracks 2009: An Indiepop Compilation_
"Peanut Duck" Marsha Gee _One Kiss Can Lead To Another: Girl Group Sounds Lost & Found_

"Duck, You Sucker" Ennio Morricone _The Ennio Morricone Anthology: A Fistful Of Film Music_
"Bert The Turtle (The Duck & Cover Song)" Dick "Two Ton" Baker _Atomic Platters_
"Duck For The Oyster" Malcolm McLaren _Duck Rock_

Why A Duck?

Shouldn't it be "whither ducks"?  Not if you've seen the Cocoanuts, it shouldn't!

Hey!  Self Help Radio's show about ducks is on the air in ten minutes!  Quack quack!  88.1 fm in Lexington!  WRFL dot FM on the web!  Quack quack quack!  4 to 6 pm!  Quack!

You Know You Wanna See

The most beautiful ducks in the world.

Click on it.  Here's a taste, duck lover:

Ducks In The News!

Completely coincidentally with my doing a show about ducks, controversy happens!

Media attacks duck genitalia research!

Yeah, some enterprising right-wing blogger was looking for examples of government waste, & this is all he could come up with?  They don't appear to be trying very hard!  Maybe some scientist getting four hundred grand (which isn't a lot of research money at all) to study ducks seems outrageous to some.  I live with a scientist.  I hear a lot weirder stuff.

& hey!  Am I the only one who now has the image of both Donald Duck & Daffy Duck as a horrible rapists?

Jazz Records With Punny Titles

That's something I like.  I'm listening to songs about ducks (not that that's weird or anything) (it's for this week's show!) & there's a song called "The Duck" on this record:

Not only is that an awesome album cover - I'd kind of like to hang out with a bunch of colorful tropical birds & maybe even a guitar - but it's a fun pun.  Donald Byrd also took advantage of his last name for punny purposes, like so:

You would find this even among the most revered of jazz musicians.  You have probably heard of the albums Miles Ahead & Blue Train (Coltrane loved to pun the last syllable of his last name in song titles, too).  I don't keep up with newer jazz releases much, but I bet they still do this.

& I like it!

Milk

Talking about milking a theme for all it's worth!  Or maybe not - well.  No use crying over spilt milk.  Hey!  Are those the only clichés about milk out there?  Maybe I should make a new one, like: this show met the milk before it curdled!  Or maybe: it's better to shower in milk than gargle in wine!  Here's another: don't drink too much milk you will be more likely to fracture your bones!

Whatever the case, here's a show that will momentarily assuage your stomach ulcer but will cause more problems in the end: Self Help Radio's show about milk.  You can listen to it on the Self Help Radio website or if you don't want to have to go there & perhaps scroll down a bit, you can access the show files (it's in two parts) here (part one) & here (part two).  The songs played in each part are below.

I think the last time I ate a bowl of cereal with real milk in it, I got a little sick.  So be careful with this show - you may be lactose intolerant!

(part one)

"How Does A Cow Make Milk?" Marais & Miranda _More Nature Songs_
"Show Me How (You Milk The Cow)" Louis Jordan _Louis Jordan & His Tympany Five, Volume 5: 1949-1950_
"Milk Rock" Takako Minekawa _Cloudy Cloud Calculator_

"Milk Cow Blues" Johnnie Lee Wills _The History Of Country & Western Music Vol. 8 (1941)_
"What's The Matter With My Milk Cow?" Casey Bill Weldon _Vol. 1, 1935-1936_
"Malted Milk" Robert Johnson _The Complete Recordings_
"Milk & Water" Amos Milburn _The Best Of Amos Milburn: Down The Road Apiece_
"Sour Milk Cow Blues" Elvis Costello _Goodbye Cruel World_

"My Very Good Friend The Milkman" Fats Waller _1935, Vol. 2_
"The Milkman" The Nits _Les Nuits_
"The Sad Milkman" Sally Timms _Cowboy Sally's Twilight Laments For Lost Buckaroos_
"The Milkman Of Human Kindness" Billy Bragg _Life's A Riot With Spy Vs. Spy_
"Milk Man" Deerhoof _Milk Man_

"Brötchen & Milch (No Milk Today)" Four Kings _Pop In Germany, Vol. 1_

(part two)

"Milch Von Der Cocosnuss" Caterina Valente _Mit 1000 Träumen Durch Die Zeit_
"Chocolate Milk" The Two Man Gentlemen Band _¡Dos Amigos, Una Fiesta!_
"Pizza & Chocolate Milk" The Terrible Twos _If You Ever See An Owl..._
"Buttermilk" Shelley Berman _Inside Shelley Berman_
"Buttermilk Baby" Merrill E Moore _Western Dance, Vol. 1_

"Safe As Milk (Take 12)" Captain Beefheart _Safe As Milk_
"I Drink Milk" Teen Idles _Flex Your Head_
"Milk Maid" Milky Wimpshake _Popshaped_
"Whistling Thru Milk" The Wibbley Brothers _Go Weird_

"Drinking Milk Again" Appendix Out _Beikoku-Ongaku # 13_
"This Land Flows With Milk" Isobel Campbell _Amorino_
"Milk & Honey" The Monochrome Set _The Best Of The Monochrome Set_

"Milkshake Mademoiselle" Jerry Lee Lewis _Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin On: The Very Best Of Jerry Lee Lewis_
"Milkshake" Poseur _Beat Party!_
"Milkshake" Yuck _Yuck_

Whither Milk?

Eeek!  It's about to happen!  Where did the time go!

Self Help Radio is on the air today from 4 to 6pm with a show about milk.  Lactose tolerant, y'all!

88.1 fm in Lexington, wrfl.fm elsewhere.

I hope the show doesn't make you farty!

Preface To Milk: Is Cow Milk Good For Humans?

It seems to me like the only folks who say so these days are the people who make money from the industry.

Debunking the milk myth

Why milk is bad for you

Six reasons you should avoid dairy at all costs

Those are the first three articles that came up on a Google search.

I stopped eating dairy products because of the way the animals are treated - especially with all the antibiotics they give them - it was a natural step after stopping eating animals.  But it's nice to know that one of the consequences is that it's healthy to do so.

I always liked the sentence: "Cow milk is good for you - if you're a calf."

Milk Commercials

I have always been a little baffled by the longevity - which I suppose means success - of the whole "Got Milk?" ad campaign.  At best it's stupid - oh dear here are some beloved celebrities who don't know how to drink properly - at worst it looks like someone just came all over someone's upper lip.  It's a little gross.

The Japanese have a better idea (& that's a sentence I don't normally say):

Tuesday's Question

On Monday, the Howlin' Brothers showed up to WRFL (I happened to be there) & they played an amazing thirty minute set live on air & they were amazing & it was tons of fun.  It reminded me of my time in Austin & meeting musicians who came down to SXSW & played not just their "showcase" but as many times as anyone would have them.  I love that about musicians - real musicians - they just want to play music.  Anytime, anywhere.

But - network morning shows?

I was up early & flipping the channels for some reason & some commercial country act was playing live on one of the network morning shows.  It was around 8am.  What the hell?  What the fuck?  Who wants to hear - well, forget that it was some horrible commercial country act - but who thinks to him or herself, "Wow, I've just woken up & my first cup of coffee is kicking in - hey! I could use some live music in a New York television studio!"

Answer: no one ever.

& let's not forget the musicians.  They may drive up to a college/community radio station at 1pm to play music, but 8am?  Forget it.  They were out till 4am.  Doing what they love.  But what they love does not translate to 8am anywhere.  Right?  Surely?

Commercial radio robots need not apply.  They're programmed to obey their masters whenever.

I had a question but I think I asked & answered.  I'll leave you with an indie rock related anecdote.

I was somehow made the point person for a band coming to RFL one afternoon to play live.  They were supposed to show up at 2pm but I got a call from their manager that they might be running late.  The reason?  He said, "Breakfast ran long."

I said, "It's 2pm.  We call that lunch."

He said, "Musicians."

Tomorrow

I meant to put this up yesterday, but didn't get around to it today.  I wasn't procrastinating; it's just that it seemed like I had some time between today & tomorrow to get it done.  When I finally did, it wasn't even tomorrow - it was still today.  Which seems a shame.  Because a show about tomorrow belongs in a place called tomorrow.

The show theme was a special request & I hope the requester enjoyed the show.  She (& you) can listen to it now at Self Help Radio's irritating presence on the web.  Or!  If you want to listen to it directly!  Part one is here & part two is here!  There's a list of the songs played on the show below.

Don't worry if you can't listen today - the show will still be there tomorrow.

(part one)

"Science Of Tomorrow" Attileo Mineo _Man In Space With Sounds_
"Stepping Into Tomorrow" Donald Byrd _Stepping Into Tomorrow_

"Tomorrow" The Three O'Clock _Sixteen Tambourines/Baroque Hoedown_
"Tomorrow" Happydeadmen _You Thought It Was The End Of The World When The Rain Ruined Your Hair_
"Tomorrow" James _Whiplash_
"Tomorrow" The Concretes _In Colour_

"Tomorrow" Me First & The Gimme Gimmes _Are A Drag_
"Tomorrow" Morrissey _Your Arsenal_
"Tomorrow's Just Another Day" Madness _Total Madness_
"When Tomorrow Comes" Eurythmics _Revenge_
"Tomorrow Will Be Better Than Today" Bart & Friends _Stories With The Endings Changed_

"All Tomorrows Parties" Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds _Kicking Against The Pricks_

(part two)
"Why Do Today What You Can Put Off Until Tomorrow?" Pelle Carlberg _In A Nutshell_
"Tomorrow Never Comes" Club 8 _The Friend I Once Had_
"Tomorrow Comes Today" Gorillaz _Gorillaz_

"Tomorrow Never Knows" The Chameleons _Strange Times_
"No Tomorrow" The Boyfriends _The Boyfriends_
"The Day Before Tomorrow" BMX Bandits _The 53rd & 3rd Years_

"Will You Love Me Tomorrow" The Shapiros _The Shapiros_
"With Tomorrow" This Mortal Coil _Blood_
"This Time Tomorrow" The Kinks _Lola Versus Powerman & The Money-Go-Round_
"Tomorrow Night" Shoes _Shoes' Best_
"Today Will Be Yesterday Tomorrow" Big Hello _Apple Album_

"Look Out, Here Comes Tomorrow" Bikeride _Ocean Park Paradox_
"Here Today, Gone Tomorrow" Tony Blackburn _Is There Another Way To Love You?_
"Wonder What I'll Do Tomorrow" Dislocation Dance _Music Music Music/Slip That Disc!_

Whither Tomorrow?

I am doing this show became someone (who asked not to be named) (I'm glad I asked if she minded if I mentioned her name) (oops, should I mention her gender?) (too late!) asked me to & told me three songs I should play.  I'm going to play two of them.  That'll teach her!

There were too many damn songs about tomorrow.  I listened to over a hundred of them.  They stretched all the way from yesterday to - well, you know.

It's on today! Friday! March 22! From 4 to 6 pm on 88.1 fm in Lexington, & online at wrfl.fm.  Listen!

Tomorrow - aha! - I may put it up on self help radio dot net.  Or maybe the day after tomorrow...

Preface To Tomorrow: Procrastination

I'll write this blog post tomorrow.

The Road Down The Lake

I have been having a few drinks thoughts I mean about the road down the lake.  First of all bear with me it does seem weird for a road to exist somewhat down a lake and that road not as a rule being underwater but I don't know if this is common and only I just haven't seen it before.  I have asked an architect friend well he's not exactly an architect but he has a righteous collection of model airplanes which he says he built with his own hands and I believe him because he smells of model airplane glue a not unpleasant smell but you do get a headache around him after a time and I'll admit it also a little dizzy.  What was I talking about.  Yes, he says that the road down the lake is somewhat improbably but not impossible because look it's right there and there's a good chance the Romans also once built a road down a lake since despite not being as creative as the Greeks the Romans were innovators in things like roads and aqueducts.  My friend Jane asked me when I mentioned that where exactly the Romans built a road down a lake and I admit I didn't know if they ever really did but that didn't stop me from bluffing a little bit because and saying this doesn't make me a bad person I do like it when I can impress Jane who is everybody says one of the most impressive people you'll ever meet although has this ever happened to you you meet someone and they're really impressive but you can't quite figure out later what it was about them that impressed you.  Jane is a little like that as is her boyfriend Chester who however does have incredible upper body strength and without at least I think this and I have no reason to doubt it without lifting weights or other physical activities.  He by the way thinks that the road down the lake was built by Indian tribes who used to live in this area despite the fact that it's only been around for a few years and in fact before the road was there it was and the lake too a shopping center that was the center of shopping activities in this glum suburb well into the 1970s until a gigantic mall was built a few lakes down and that meant the slow sad decline of the shopping center first as a gigantic bingo parlor which used to be the Piggly-Wiggly and then the inevitable purchase and neglect by a multinational lake consortium which I'm sure you already guessed was as foreign as it was aquatically inclined.  Anyway at some point I guess I'll bike to the road down the lake and see if it goes anywhere because so far it's not on my GPS nor on Google Maps but since I have you here can I ask if there are any roads down your lakes and if so would it be worth my while to bike down because I'd hate to go all that way and not find anything you know?

Happy Willis Birthday Bruce!

Bridges

I just noticed - I now have more "notes" - which are just me reporting that my show is now available for downloading - than "likes."  I always seem to take my show to new heights (or is it depths?) of patheticness.

Oh, & I looked it up - "patheticness" - meaning "the state or quality of being pathetic" - is a word.

The show this past week though was about bridges.  Which has nothing to do with how terrible some things make me feel.  Bridges are neat!  You can listen to the show over at the Self Help Radio website, or you can listen to both parts by clicking on their links: part one | part two.  The songs in each part are below.

Thanks for listening!

(part one)

"The Bridge" Sun Ra _The Singles_
"The Bridge" Neil Young _Time Fades Away_
"The Old Stone Bridge" Emily _Irony EP_

 "Under The Bridges Of Paris" Eartha Kitt _That Bad Eartha_
"Bridge Of Love" Joe Dowell _Hey! Look What I Found, Vol. 5_
"Bridge Over Troubled Water" Senator Sam J. Ervin Jr _Golden Throats, Vol. 2_
"Tower Bridge" Spike Milligan _The Spike Milligan Collection_
"Bridges & Balloons" The Decemberists _Picaresqueties_

"The Brooklyn Bridge" Frank Sinatra _The Best Of The Columbia Years 1943  - 1952_
"Brooklyn Bridge" Bobby Bare _Detroit City & Other Hits_
"Brooklyn Bridge" Darren Hanlon _Little Chills_
"The Westminster Bridge Song" Vermont Sugar House _Carlton Gardens_

"Bridge" Orange Juice _Coals To Newcastle_

(part two)

"Burning Bridges" The Mike Curb Congregation _Super Hits Of The '70s - Have A Nice Day! Vol. 5_
"Not Quite Burning Bridges" Tullycraft _The Singles_
"Burning Bridges" Louise Burns _Mellow Drama_
"Burning Bridges" Friends _Far & Away EP_

"London Bridges" This Is Ivy League _This Is Ivy League_
"London Bridge" Sage Francis _Li(f)e_
"London Bridge Is Falling Down" Newtrament _Electro Funk Sessions_
"Golden Gate Bridge" Rose Melberg _Portola_

"Under The Bridge" The Motorcycle Boy _You & Me Against The World_
"Another Bridge" Everything But The Girl _Eden_
"Tarrilup Bridge" The Triffids _Born Sandy Devotional_
"Throw Aggi Off The Bridge" Black Tambourine _Complete Recordings_

"The Bridge Of Death" Monty Python _The Album Of The Soundtrack Of The Trailer Of The Film Of Monty Python & The Holy Grail_
"Drawbridge" All Girl Summer Fun Band _Summer Of '98_
"Misty Morning, Albert Bridge" The Pogues _Peace & Love_

Whither Bridges?

For a while I lived close to the Ohio River.  I got to drive over it regularly.  Something like that gives one perspective.  Even though so many of them are falling apart, & might possibly collapse while I'm driving over them, I do wish I drove or walked over large, important bridges regularly.  Instead of that, I have to do a radio show about bridges.  Oh well.

It's time again for Self Help Radio.  Sorry about that.  Happening from 4 to 6 pm on 88.1 fm in Lexington &/or online at wrfl dot fm.  All about bridges.

Do listen!

Preface To Bridges: The Fifteen Most Famous Bridges In The World

Listed here.

& I've only been over two of them.  Sigh.

New Pope

Thanks all who voted for me to be the new pope.  I had a lot of plans, but despite the fact that I am a married man, & also not Catholic, I really thought I had a lock on the "old white guy" thing.  Turns out there are a lot more older dudes involved in the Catholic Church than even I imagined.

Also, you can't become pope in an online poll.  Who knew?  I read this article & thought that online polls really worked!

This is a joke someone's already probably thought of, but the makers of Pope this time have hit upon a winning commercial strategy: people who don't enjoy New Pope can still enjoy Classic Pope, as he's not going anywhere.

The Unexpected, Unwanted Return Of Sugar Substitute (Announced Too Late)

For a long time - 150 episodes! which means 150 weeks! which is almost three years! - I did a general format or freeform radio show called "Sugar Substitute" which I didn't talk about much, since for me the focus has always been Self Help Radio.  When my show was moved to Fridays, I let Sugar Substitute go, off into the ether, thinking I might do it as a podcast or something, but not missing it all that much...

Then, last week, the fellow who does the one-hour show before me, he went "on tour" (what does that mean?) & I told him I could cover that hour (since it's hard to find someone who'll sub just one hour for three weeks, right?).  It only made sense to revive Sugar Substitute, right?

So you can listen to three stray Sugar Substitute episodes - well, you missed the first one, but it's available for listening on Self Help Radio dot net - Fridays at three before Self Help Radio for three weeks.  Then, who knows?  Maybe I'll do a podcast or something...

Silver Birthday WRFL!

Happy silver anniversary WRFL!  Here's a show for you full of silver for your jubilee!  Happy happy happy birthday dear radio station!

Show is now tarnishing at the Self Help Radio website.  You can listen directly to each part like so: part one | part two.  Silver songs are in a list below.

Happy birthday happy birthday WRFL!

(part one)
"Silver" The Pixies _Doolittle_
"Silver" Echo & The Bunnymen _Ocean Rain_
"Silver" Mark Burgess & Yves Altana _Paradyning_

"Silver" The Anyways _The Sound Of Leamington Spa Vol 1_
"Silver" Ride _Play_
"Gold & Silber" Pyrolator _New Deutsch_
"Gold & Silver" Toots & The Maytals _Monkey Man/From The Roots_
"Silver & Gold" Neil Young _Silver & Gold_

"Look For The Silver Lining" Marion Harris _20 # 1 Hits Of The '20s_
"Silver Lining" Beulah _The Coast Is Never Clear_
"Silver Lining" Guards _In Guards We Trust_
"A Silver Key Can Open An Iron Lock Somewhere" Kleenex/Liliput _Kleenex/Liliput 1978-1983_
"By The Light Of The Silvery Moon" Little Richard _The Essential_

"Silver Morning" Brian Eno _Apollo: Atmospheres & Soundtracks_

(part two)
"Silver Plane" Felt _Poem Of The River_
"Silver Friends" The Lucksmiths _What Bird Is That?_
"Dan Destiny && The Silver Dawn" The Chills _Brave Words_
"Silver Dollars" Allo Darlin _Allo Darlin_

"Silver Rocket" Sonic Youth _Daydream Nation_
"Silver Shorts" The Wedding Present _Hit Parade 1_
"Silver Waterfalls" Siouxsie & The Banshees _Superstition_
"Fine Art In Silver" Phillip Boa & The Voodooclub _Boa Best Singles_

"Maxwell's Silver Hammer" Let's Wrestle _Mojo Presents Abbey Road Now_
"Silver Bird" Ruthann Friedman _Hurried Life: Lost Recordings 1965-1971_
"Silver Dew On The Bluegrass Tonight" Bob Wills & His Texas Playboys _San Antonio Rose_
"Silver Dollar" Bob Scobey Frisco Band _The Good Time Jazz Story_

"Silver Butterfly" Nicky James _Rubble Vol. 10_
"Silver Sportscar" Starlet _Stay On My Side_
"Silver Shoes" Ampersand _Ampersand_

Whither Silver?

I was walking along, minding my own bee's knees, thinking that on Friday, March 8, 2013, I would be doing a nice Self Help Radio show about bridges (probably on my mind since most of them in America are about to collapse) when suddenly someone says something about the radio station I'm on having a birthday that week.  A birthday!  But I do a birthday show every year for the love of my life!  Now I have to do one for a radio station that I love almost as much as I love the love of my life?

It hits me!  25 years is the silver anniversary!  Sure, RFL hasn't been married for 25 years to itself (that's still illegal under Kentucky law) but it has been 25 years of something.  & when you've had twenty-five years of something you have what the Wikipedia calls a Silver Jubilee.  Don't believe me?  Here's what it says on that page I just linked to:

A Silver Jubilee is a celebration held to mark a 25th anniversary. The anniversary celebrations can be of a wedding anniversary, ruling anniversary or anything that has completed a 25 year mark.

I must reiterate that this isn't a wedding anniversary since RFL is technically single (though in several committed relationships) but it is a ruling anniversary, since WRFL rules.  Oh yeah.

Listen today from 4 to 6 pm on 88.1 fm in Lexington, or online at WRFL dot fm.  I'll archive the show this weekend.  Oh, & why not come celebrate with us tonight while you're in town?

Happy Silver Jubilee, WRFL!

Preface To Silver: Happy Birthday WRFL!

At 2pm on March 7, 1988, WRFL went on the air.  It's been playing amazing programming ever since. Happy birthday to this station I have come to love so much!

Do you know about this?  The first of a year of celebrations, at Al's Bar Friday night, with lots of RFL people in bands + RFL deejays.  What fun!  It will be great!

Here's the official poster.  I hope to see you there!

Up Series

I have spent the last few nights watching (& in some cases, re-watching) those documentaries called the  "Up Series."  The most recent one, which I haven't seen, just came out last year & may even still be in theaters like now.  (Probably not in Lexington though frowny face.)

It makes me wish & also not-wish (which means, you know, my life as it is) someone had filmed me every seven years.  I can't really imagine how different I would've looked/seemed/acted every seven years - also, I would've been in six of the films by now!

We should all have done that - yearbooks & crummy memories are not enough.  I wouldn't necessarily have wanted a documentary made - I was such an ugly child & worse as a teenager - but I wish I had a video snapshot of my life every seven years or so.  I might watch it too many times to be healthy.

Is it too late to start now?

Salmon Fishing In Alaska

Does this make you think of either Orange Juice's song "Salmon Fishing In New York" or Richard Brautigan's book Trout Fishing in America?  (I suppose you might also know the band as well.)  Neither of these have anything to do with actual salmon fishing in Alaska, but they were the two things I immediately thought of when I got an email entitled "Salmon Fishing In Alaska."

The email wasn't an ad or solicitation sent directly to me - instead it was sent to my Self Help Radio address.  Which is I suppose an address that spiders or other automation could rip from websites such as mine - but what if they thought they were writing to a self-help radio show?  What could that mean?

Here are some insights from the email:

There’s one reason why over 90% of our anglers return
to our Nushagak King Salmon Camp... They catch fish!

Also:

According to preliminary forecast from Alaska Fish and Game Biologist the 2013 King Salmon run on the Nushagak will be the largest in years which should mean another round of phenomenal fishing.

Want more proof?  Here's a picture!

That fish does not look happy.  That dude looks a little too happy.

I don't fish, & there's nothing about the details of the trip in the email, but do you have to eat the fish you catch there?  Can you imagine taking home a suitcase full of those suckers?  Plus the ice?  Or will they turn them into fish sticks for you at no additional cost?  What are the rules?  I don't know the rules.  Here's more:

It's hard to imagine better fishing than averaging over 30 King Salmon, per boat, per day (3 fishermen).

I do find that hard to imagine!  Where I am going to find 3 fishermen???

Shock

Shocker!  This week's Self Help Radio shocked no-one!

Relive all the shocks by listening to the show now available on the Self Help Radio website!  Or listen to the show directly by clicking these links: part one! & part two!  Songs guaranteed to be shocking are listed below.

Rats!  Self Help Radio has no shock value.

Thanks for listening!

(part one)

"Shock" Psychedelic Furs_ Midnight To Midnight_
"The Shocking Truth" Flux Information Sciences _Private/Public_
"Beautiful Shock" Robyn Hitchcock _Shadow Cat_

"The Ghost Chained To The Past, Present, & Future (Shock Treatment)" GTO's: Girls Together Outrageously _Permanent Damage_
"Shock Treatment" Richard O'Brien _The Rocky Horror Show_
"Gimme Gimme Shock Treatment" The Ramones _Hey! Ho! Let's Go: The Anthology_
"Electric Shock" The Human League _Credo_
"Electro-Shock Blues" Eels _Electro-Shock Blues_

"Future Shock" Curtis Mayfield _In Yo' Face!: The History Of Funk, Vol. 2_
"Future Shock" The Gordons _Future Shock EP_
"Wire Shock" Brian Eno _Nerve Net_
"Atomic Shockwaves" Spanish Dogs _Don't Sweat The Petty Things..._

"Euphemisms - Shell Shock To PTSD" George Carlin _When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops?_

(part two)

"Shellshock" New Order _Singles_
"In Shock" Kristin Hersh _Learn To Sing Like A Star_
"Shock The Monkey" Don Ho _When Pigs Fly: Songs You Never Thought You'd Hear_

"Shock Rock" T.Rex _Tanx_
"Culture Shock (live)" Rezillos _Can't Stand The Rezillos: The (Almost) Complete Rezillos_
"Shock Mount" Dub Narcotic Sound System _Out Of Your Mind_
"Shock Of The New" Trees _Sleep Convention_

"Shock Me (live)" Red House Painters_Retrospective_
"Shocked By A Revelation" Trampoline _spinART Pop Licks 7" Box Set_
"Shocked" The Snitches _Metamorphosis_
"Two Shocks" Brakes _Touchdown_

"Shock-A-Doo" Cadillacs _Crazy Cadillacs_
"Booker T & His Electric Shock" Markley _A Group_
"Shocked" Tangiers _Hot New Spirits_

Whither Shock?

It realize that it's been a while since I have actually "explained" my choice of themes.  I am usually writing this minutes before my show on Friday & it's mainly me saying "Listen to my show please! Or if not listen to it later please!"  I've never have my shizzle together enough to actually write about the whys & wherefores or a certain theme.

Did I ever do that?  Maybe I did.

So, why "shock"?  Is March the first a shocking day?  Have I finally taken everyone's advice & gotten electroshock therapy?  Would I like for my show - which is rather predictable & hasn't shocked anyone ever - except when they say, "I'm shocked it's still on the air!" - to somehow be shocking?  Is that why that theme has emerged?

Who knows?  I don't know why I picked that theme.  Suddenly it was in the queue.  I am probably the only one mildly shocked by the fact that "shock" is this week's theme on Self Help Radio.

Waitaminute...  I think I remember...  What about that time my wife told me that it would feel good if I stuck a wet fork in that electrical outlet?  What?  Oh.  My wife is telling me that never happened, & for sure the memory is hazy, like a dream.  Only, why is she giggling?

Hey!  Don't be shocked!  Self Help Radio's show about "shock" is on this afternoon from 4 to 6 pm on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington.  You can listen online at wrfl dot fm during those times.

& yeah, I'll put it on the Self Help Radio web site later.  Nothing shocking there.

Preface To Shock: Shock Jocks

Apparently this fellow here, named Roy O'Connor, has written a book called Shock Jocks: Hate Speech & Talk Radio, which has some very polarized opinions about its quality on its Amazon page.

I haven't read it, & probably never will, but I'd probably agree with the author about the hate speech part.  Except I don't think Roosh Limboo & Shawn Hammertime (I'd hate for people looking for those guys to find my blog) (you know who I'm talking about anyway) as "shock jocks."  The Wikipedia says a shock jock is "a type of radio broadcaster or disc jockey who entertain listeners or attracts attention using humor &/or melodramatic exaggeration that a notable portion of the listening audience may find offensive."  I don't think right-wing radio guys are interested in shocking anyone except the people their desired audience hates.  They are more interested in delighting their desired audience - & offending their perceived enemies makes the talk radio hosts lots & lots of money.

But here's the weird thing.  Imagine you've written a book.  It's out of print, but surely you're proud of it.  You've even registered your own domain name: http://shockjocks.org.  Except when you go to that site, you find a boring placeholder page comparing bogus fad exercise devices.  Dude!  You wrote a whole motherflipping book!  How do you let your domain names lapse?

I've actually known a lot of people who've let their domain names lapse.  It reminds me of the ephemeral quality of this ubiquitous internet.  It still sort of shocks me when it happens.

Meanwhile, isn't Howard Stern a better example of a shock jock?  & isn't the jock in "shock jock" from "disk jockey"?  Have any of those right-wing guys really handled an actual disc - an LP or a CD - any time recently?

Boom!  I just dissed an out-of-print book.  You can't wait to see what I'll do when its copyright lapses.

President Of Snow

Who - do you know? - elects the President of Snow?  His (or her) domain seems vast when you're there, but there are places (lots of places) that the President of Snow does not go.

I knew a fellow who claim he talked on the phone with the President of Snow.  He was often alone.  He said that the President had no phone but he (or she - I never asked about the gender) used a pay phone near one of the Poles - North or South.

My friend tells me the name of the President of Snow is Joe.  Or maybe it's Jo - short for Johanna or Joan.  How should I know?  Sometimes Presidents have plain old names like Joe.  Or Jo.

I'm guessing there's not a lot of dough in being the President of Snow.  My friend tells me that Joe (or Jo) made much more money when he (or she) was the Emperor of Snow.  "But now," my friend says, "there's campaign money to be owed!"

Whoa!  A campaign for the President of Snow!  What a show that would be!  That's why I enjoy elections - they often upset the status quo.

But I still don't know who elects the President of Snow.  Long ago there was an Emperor of Snow, or so I'm told - but he (or she) had to forego the throne when times changed.  But he (or she) has been President of Snow for several terms in a row!

Hello, hello, President of Snow!  Can one day I vote for you?  Let me know.

Who's Prettier: Superman Or The Hulk?

The internet has captured conversations I had as a child with other children & made them as though between adults - or they are really adults after all - possibly even adults who were once children having the same argument.

Superman Vs Hulk: Who Would Win In A Fight

Answered definitively!  Superman would (spoiler alert) trap the Hulk in the Phantom Zone.

But what if it were just a slugfest?  Not just a "fight"?  Superman & the Hulk trapped on a planet where no one could be hurt but one of them had to "win" before some alien creature who transported them there would transport them back?

I hate that I am such a geek that I can't just say, "Trapped on a planet" without coming up with a scenario wherein the two are trapped on a planet.

Like, my brain says, "The upper atmosphere must be seeded with kryptonite but not so much that Superman is weakened even when he flies or else he could just escape."

I have begun to hit my brain until it stops thinking that.  Bam bam bam bam.

Where was I?  Oh yeah.  Even though she watched the first several seasons of "Smallville" with me, my wife couldn't tell me Superman's Kryptonian name.  She did, however, remember the name "Clark Kent."  (She couldn't however remember the name of the Klingon messiah, Kahless.)  For this, we may need marriage counseling.

Buzz

From bees buzzing to buzzers buzzing, Self Help Radio has all the buzz on buzz.  You may never get the buzzing out of your head.  (Really, though, if you hear constant buzzing, that might be tinnitus & you should probably see a doctor.)  (Listening to this show, it must be noted, may be as irritating as having tinnitus.)

All the buzzing your onomatopoeia-loving self can stand is now available at the Self Help Radio web site.  You may go directly to show by buzzing the following links: part one bzzz & part two bzzz.  I have prepared a handy list below that's got the buzz on which buzz songs are on which part.

Thanks for listening to all this buzzing!

(part one)

"Mr. Buzz" P. Van Meren _Stereo Ultra Vol. 2_
"Why Does A Bee Buzz?" Marais & Miranda _More Nature Songs_
"Buzz Buzz Buzz" Jonathan Richman & The Modern Lovers _Back In Your Life_

"Buzz Me Babe" Slim Harpo _Rocks_
"Buzz Buzz A-Diddle-It" Freddie Cannon _His Latest & Greatest_
"Buzzin'" Kathy Zee _Hot Boppin' Girls, Vol. 4_
"Buzzin'" The King Bees _Rockin' From Coast To Coast, Vol. 2_
"Buzz Buzz Buzz" The Treniers _A Proper Introduction To The Treniers: Go! Go! Go!_
"Buzz Me" Ella May Morse _The Very Best Of Ella Mae Morse_

"I Gotta Buzz" The Buzz _Joe Meek Rarities Vol. 2: The Beat Groups Era_
"I Live For Buzz" The Swingin' Neckbreakers _Children Of Nuggets: Original Artyfacts From The Second Psychedelic Era 1976-1996_
"Buzz" Lord High Fixers _Flaming Burnout_
"Keep That Buzz Alive" Booze-O-Phonic _Green Light Go!_
"The Buzz" John Wesley Harding & The English UK _Making Love To Bob Dylan_

"Buzz" Pylon _Chomp More_

(part two)

"Buzz" Throwing Muses _The Season Sessions: Fall_
"Buzz" Lemuria _Get Better_
"Love Buzz" Shocking Blue _At Home_
"What's The Buzz" Ted Neeley _Jesus Christ Superstar_

"Buzzin'" Panjabi MC _The Album_
"Eardrum Buzz" Wire _Wire 1985-1990: The A List (Best Of)_
"Sugar Buzz" Li'l Cap'n Travis _Twilight On Sometimes Island_
"Birds Buzzin'" The Gronks _Cats & Dogs_
"Buzz Buzz Buzz" The Primitives _Lazy 86 - 88_

"Saddle Up A Buzz Buzz" The Cramps _Stay Sick!_
"Buzz Stomp" Afrika Korps _Music To Kill By_
"Buzzers" Scott Walker _The Drift_
"Big Blue Buzz" Choo Choo Train _Briar High_
"Buzzing Unobtrusively" The Deep Freeze Mice _The Tender Yellow Ponies Of Insomnia_

P.S. Yes, that's a Self Help Radio buzzer up there.

Whither Buzz?

I didn't hear the buzz but I did get a buzz cut with a buzz saw.

That buzzing noise from some far-off buzzer is telling you Self Help Radio's show about all kindsa buzz is happening TODAY on 88.1 fm WRFL.  That's from four to six Lexingtime.  You can listen to it in the city or, if you're not in the city, but you are in your computer, you can listen to it on the WRFL web page.

The buzzing in your head may never stop, since I will put the show later on the Self Help Radio web site.

I'm just going to be going buzzzzzzzzzzzz-zzz-zzzz-zzzz-zzzzzzz-zzz-zz-zz-zzzzz-zzzzzzz all damn day long.

Preface To Buzz: Buzz Off!

Here's the thing.  If you look up the definition of "buzz off," not only is it "chiefly Brit." but it means "to go away; to leave; to depart."

But if you go to an online thesaurus & look for synonyms (is there a special figure of speech for phrases that are synonyms?) for "buzz off," you get these: "bugger off, scram, fuck off, get."

It seems like the phrase is not as innocent as one might think.

Let's go to the Urban Dictionary!

Oh that wasn't very nice.  It just says it means, "Go away."

It doesn't seem to be very polite to say "buzz off."  But is there a polite way to say it?

So Much Tumblr

Did you know?  Self Help Radio has a Tumblr page!  It's only peripherally related to the show - I put videos & images on it, but I don't put things related to themes.  I guess its only relationship to the show is that I do both of them.  But there are some Self Help Radio-ish things on the page, like this graphic I found probably on some other Tumblr blog:

That's on the Self Help Radio Tumblr page today.  Plus a couple of videos.

I just looked - I have almost a thousand entries on in blog!  What?  No!  Impossible!

But there it is.

Fifty Years Later

Sebastian was mourning (once again) the death of radio.  He said radio was like the dodo, or the fan-tailed fluffernutter, or the casio gameboy - things that once may have existed but now surely never will again.

"Do you remember the last time you listened to radio?" he said as he threw himself upon the divan.

"I do not," I said.  "I was born as radio was dying.  I have always gotten music uploaded into my cranial hard drive by juice & pills."

"Also," he yawned, "we don't use our ears anymore.  Except for tattooing their piercings."

Another bridge exploded & fell in the distance.

"Do you know," he told me, "people like you and me - well, you know, not as enhanced by implantation - ha ha!"

"Ha ha!" I said.

"People used to do radio."

"Do radio?" I asked.

"Yes," Sebastian said saucily.

"Do," I repeated.  "You mean like one does Paris?"

"No, no, my dear boy," he said, waving me down with his electronic meth pipe.  "No, I mean do as one does a randy-loo."

"A randy-loo!" I said, feeling a blush come to my cheeks.  "Sebastian, you naughty stinkbug!"

"Oh yes," he said, delighted that he has caused me embarrassment, "there were people called deejays who would sequester themselves in little rooms and play music for anyone who might - well, in those days, it was called listening."

"But all the time they were...?"

"Yes! Yes!  All the time it was randy-loo!"

We collapsed in a heap of naughty laughter.

"Randy-loo!" he gasped.  "Randy-loo!  Randy-loo!"

Mother came in to readjust the oxygen.  "Stop talking, you two," she said.  "Our air rations for this week have been particularly diminished.  Use your virtual keyboards to chat."

We nodded, chastened.  She left.

"Oh but I love to talk," said Sebastian.  "It's so decadent."

"Me 2," I texted him.