Xpletive

Accidentally, I received a text.  Apparently, I was added to a group text although I didn't know it because I had my phone turned off while I was subbing a radio show & besides the current station set-up is deep in the bowels of a building where famously everyone complains that there's no cell phone reception.  Understandably, I joined the conversation late.  Interestingly, someone was invited to the conversation who was a wrong number.  Unsurprisingly, they were unhappy with their inclusion.

Sidebar, your honor: what are the odds that a random phone number screw-up, dyslexic-like, would actually be to a cellular phone that received texts?  Probably greater as the time goes by, but still.  Not all phone numbers are taken, right?

Back to the action:

This person was also offended by the use of the word "fuck" in an early text.  They wrote this: "Did not appreciate the xpletive on my phone."

Finding myself fascinated by this, I began to wonder about this warrior against errant texts.  This isn't a new thought - a million & more people have asked this question - but how does this person live through the world without at the very least hearing a baker's dozen of "xpletives" every day?  If this person goes to a web site on their phone, surely there's an "ass" or a "damn" that's bound to rile them.  Do they shoot out an angry email?  A text in which the word "expletive" is abbreviated by one letter?  Does it make the word dirtier if you start it with the letter x?

I've read about cult communities where the leader controls all the information coming in & going out, & of course there are people of fundamentalist religious orientations who make sure they're surrounded by nothing but people who believe the same things, but isn't a cell phone a slightly different proposition?  I mean, someone sent a text at this person &, evil outside world that it is, the text included the letters k, u, f, & c organized in a manner that causes offense to (I believe) a smaller & smaller amount of people.  But that got through!

It must be a strange, sheltered life, a life perhaps lived with a kind of siege mentality.

The person was removed from the group text, whereupon other members of the group remarked that that the person seemed like - a word also that might offend - a "douche."

Sugar Substitue Episode # 160

During the summer, I'm on the air for three hours instead of two, & so this summer, I've revived my freeform radio show, which I call Sugar Substitute, for that first hour & just play lots of pop-type music I dig.  Like the new Close Lobsters single, the sleeve of which is the picture up there.  It's really good!

Anyway - if you'd like to hear an hour of freeform music separate from a themed radio show - god, three hours of Self Help Radio would totally suck! - you can listen to this show at the Self Help Radio website.  Pay attention, you know, to password info.  The songs I played on the show are below.

Thanks for listening!

"William & Mary" The Lucksmiths _The Green Bicycle Case_
"No More Honey" Blonde Redhead _Barragán_
"Now Time" Close Lobsters _Kunstwerk In Spacetime EP_

"You're Gorgeous" The Cannanes _Short Poppy Syndrome_
"Tahitian Ambrosia Maker" The Mountain Goats _Sweden_
"Some Dreams Come True" Sw/Mm/Ng _Feel Not Bad_
"I Love You Like A Ball & Chain" Eurythmics _Be Yourself Tonight_

"Fresh Milk" Katie Smokers Wedding Party _Split 7" With Atatakakatta_
"Black Pitch" Deerhoof _La Isla Bonita_
"La Isla Bonita" Mega Emotion _Uncomfortable_
"In Her Diary" The Go Betweens _Bright Orange Bright Yellow_
"Boa Constrictor" The Magnetic Fields _69 Love Songs, Vol. 1_

"Prawns In The Bin" Haircut _Sweatshop_
"L.O.V.E. Love" Orange Juice _You Can't Hide Your Love Forever_
"Foxglove" Young Magic _Breathing Statues_

Self Help Radio 060615: Start

(Original image here.

I started doing Self Help Radio on Saturday mornings today.  How did it go?  Have you ever started something & it went swimmingly the first time?  I thought so!  Give me a break.

I'm really beat because I woke up early because I was stressing about the show because even after over twenty years of doing this I get nervous because I somehow invest my radio show with feelings about my self-esteem because probably something in my childhood because isn't that how we all are?

You can listen to the show now, later - really whenever you feel like starting down the Self Help Radio road - at the Self Help Radio website.  Please pay attention to password/username information.  It's easy to find.  But you can always ask me if you can't figure it out.  I am understanding.

The playlist is below.  The summer has started for Self Help Radio!  I am easily startled!  Or wait - am I oversharing?

Thanks for listening!

(part one)

"This Could Be The Start Of Something" Ray Charles Singers _Something Special For Young Lovers_
"Stop Before You Start" Sandie Shaw _The Best Of Sandie Shaw_
"I'll Start Over" Poets In Motion _I'll Start Over_
"Starting A New Life" Van Morrison _Tupelo Honey_

"Start!" The Jam _Sound Affects_
"Just Like Starting Over" John Lennon _Double Fantasy_
"Miss The Start, Miss The End" Sparks _Indiscreet_
"Start From The Start" Nervus Rex _Nervus Rex_

"Back To The Start" Nikki Sudden _The Last Bandit: The Best Of Nikki Sudden_
"Don't Let's Start" They Might Be Giants _They Might Be Giants_
"I Started Something I Couldn't Finish" The Smiths _Strangeways, Here We Come_
"My Life Is Starting Over Again" Daniel Johnston _The Late, Great Daniel Johnston: Discovered Covered_
"Right Back Where We Started From" The Cat's Miaow _Songs For Girls To Sing_
"Starts With A Handshake" Shirts _Street Light Shine_

"Start Again" Artisans _Why Popstars Can't Dance_
"Start Anew" Céleste _The Unheard Pleasures Of Inane - Somewhere In Europe, 1972 Vol. 1_

(part two)

"Start Again" Spearmint _A Week Away_
"This Could Be The Start Of Something Small" Airport Girl _Honey, I'm An Artist_
"Start Anew" Acid House Kings _Mondays Are Like Tuesdays & Tuesdays Are Like Wednesdays_
"Good Start" The Danny Says _Summer Bliss_

"Start" The New Year _The End Is Near_
"Start To End" Sons & Daughters _Love The Cup_
"A Shaky Start" Nothing Painted Blue _The Future Of Communications_
"The Start" The Bees _Free The Bees_

"Getting Started" Ashby _Looks Like You've Already Won_
"This Is The Start" Friends _You'll Never See That Summertime Again EP_
"The Start Of Something" Voxtrot _The Kids At The Club: An Indiepop Compilation_
"Start Again" Look See Proof _Between Here & There_

"Start New" Cloud Cult _Advice From The Happy Hippopotamus_
"The Day We Started" Afternoon Naps _Parade_

Whither Start?

I am re-starting my show.  Get it?  With a show about starting.  Starting anew.  Starting again.  It'll be on at the same time, just one day later.  How exciting is that!

Perhaps it bears mentioning that I'll also be on the air the hour before with a show playing random music.  I will play - & I'm probably the first person in Lexington to do so - the brand new Close Lobsters single - their first in two years, since they reunited after over twenty years! - & I'll play the new single by Katie Smokers Wedding Party, an awesome German indiepop band.  Plus, you know, the regular stuff I play.

That starts at 6am.  Self Help Radio starts at 7am.  As I mentioned yesterday, the live stream is probably down, so you can't listen at wrfl dot fm, but unlucky folks in Lexington can listen in real time at 88.1 fm.  I will attempt to record the show & place it on the Self Help Radio website or I will present an unreasonable facsimile.

There you have it.  What a way to re-start the show!

Preface To Start: Lowered Expectations

This morning I was on the radio for three hours.  The show went to outer space & vanished into the ether because the temporary set-up at the temporary studio doesn't have a way (that I could find*) for me to record the show.  The webstream is currently down, so I couldn't record it from home, either.  This concerns me, because I require a recording of the show to put on my website for anyone who might want to listen to my show at some other time than crazy early on Saturday mornings in the Eastern Time Zone.

I stumbled around the temporary space - marveling, truly, at the great RFL volunteers who moved a radio station lock, stock, & music library across the UK campus - & also getting the stinkeye from the wary custodial staff, who apparently work all night - which is something I sort of remember from my days at the University of Texas, except it seems to me the staff there usually went home around 3am - anyway I have lost my train of thought - let me look at this paragraph again to see what I might have wanted to say - oh yeah - I stumbled around the place looking for some way to record the show, trying not to forget that I was also programming a radio show.  Nothing.  I could find nothing.

At which point, I had a few reactions.  They were, as follows:

1) Fuck this! If I can't share my radio show, I'll only do a half-assed one**.
2) Well, I guess I can do the show, & then re-record it at home afterwards.
3) If I have to re-record the show, I will, but I'm going to make sure the show that airs is as good as I can do.

This happened over the course of seconds, but, irritatingly, it happened over & over all the morning long.  I had been awake, at 3am, for around twenty hours, & there was a good chance that many things that were happening to me were some form of sleep-deprivation-induced hallucination.  Actually, I think I had one of those on the way home, in the car, but luckily I was at a traffic light.  I closed my eyes for a second.  The world looked different when I opened them.

Even now, after a few hours of sleep, it seems to me that I am viewing the world through a kind of murky film.  But I have seven animals who are constitutionally incapable of respecting my wishes.  So I slept what little they'd let me.  I wish I never gave up caffeine!

Where was I?  Oh yeah.  So - here's what looks like will happen Saturday morning:

1) I'll be on the air from 6am to 9am.  6am to 7am will be a freeform show.  I will revive my old show Sugar Substitute for the summer.
2) Self Help Radio will be on the air from 7am to 9am.  There's a very good chance the internet stream will be down, so I will just be doing the show for the Lexington community, who, I'm sure, wake up on Saturdays around 9am.  Damn it!
3) If I can't find another way to record it, I'll re-record my airbreaks for you.  So it'll be as shabby as a podcast, but will more or less be the same show that aired that very morning.

Sound good?  No?  Sound tolerable?  No?

I know!

* It might have had one, but never underestimate how dumb I am.  I'll ask before Saturday.
** Well, more half-assed than usual.

What Does WRFL Stand For?

Look at this:

In Australia, WRFL stands for "Western Region Football League."  & of course, it's not American football, it's Australian Rules Football.  The league's website is here.

How did I come to discover this?  View the crooked path I took to write today's dumb blog entry:

--> You may have heard WRFL has moved!  This is true!  The Student Center where the station has lived since its exciting birth over two decades ago is being renovated.  That meant everything had to be packed up & carried elsewhere!

--> To my shame, I didn't help with the move at all.

--> In my defense, while WRFL folk were putting things in boxes, so was I - my things, to be moved all the way to California.

--> Jesus, Gary, can't you just let it go?

--> Sorry.

--> The station moved from the corner of the Student Center to the basement of the White Hall Classroom Building.

--> The White Hall Classroom Building, says the UK web site, was built in 1969.  & boy!  Does it look like it.  See:

--> WRFL is now in the basement, next to the Post Office.  We have no windows, so we can't even see bad public art.

--> But, you know where we are now.  If you wanna stop by.

--> What does this have to do with Australian football?

--> I'm getting to that!

--> I wanted to mention that I will be on the air from 3-6 am tomorrow morning just playing songs & stuff, & I thought, "Hey! I'll announce it & somehow tie it in with you know the move."  Since it'll be my first time in the "temporary space."

--> So I Googled WRFL in Google image search to see if there were any pictures of the outside of the station at the Student Center so I could place such a photo side-by-side with a picture (like the one above) on this blog page.

--> The Western Region Football League banner came first.

--> Mind blown.

--> Anyway.  I'll be on the radio early Thursday morning.  In case, you know.

New Intro Time Again Again Again!

Every year - around this time - I make a new intro for the show.  Normally, I do it in May.  That's when the new season starts at KOOP, & it's when the summer semester starts at WRFL.  However, as you might recall, I thought I would be traveling in May, to (sigh) the west coast.  So I thought I'd wait until my first episode out there.

But!  As you know!  I'll be on WRFL this summer starting on Saturday, so I had to make a new intro.  & so I did.  Here's the intro you'll hear on Saturday morning around 7am:

The Self Help Radio 2015-2016 Intro!

&, of course, here are the intros from shows of self help past:

You can listen to the 2002 intro (my first!) here.

You can listen to the 2003 intro here.

You can listen to the 2005 intro here.

You can listen to the 2006 intro here.

You can listen to the 2007 intro here.

You can listen to the 2008 intro here.

You can listen to the 2009 intro here.

You can listen to the 2010 intro here.

You can listen to the 2011 intro here.

You can listen to the 2012 intro here.

You can listen to the 2013 intro here.

And this is the intro from the past year.

I hope you like the new one!

Last Monday Blog Entry?

Yes, last Monday blog entry.  At least for a while.  Who knows?

But why?

I'm starting a new Self Help Radio experience, which will happen now on Saturdays.

I will write five blog posts a week, per my doctor's orders*.  Since I will most probably be posting my show on Saturday afternoons, I will be posting on Saturday.  I don't post on Saturday.  Usually I don't get out of bed on Saturday.  Now I have to.  Whose fault is that?  Mine.  Shut up.

Will Self Help Radio stay on Saturdays?  Look, I don't know, I'm just glad the radio station has kindly taken me back.  If the RFL powers-that-be thought I should do SHR on Tuesdays between four & four-fifteen a.m., I'd be a grateful fuck.

We went to Dallas this past week, the wife, the hounds, & I.  The wife & I (the hounds couldn't care less) talked about the alternate reality version of us, who were settling in to living in Los Angeles.  Actually, in that alternate universe, she would be traveling back to Lexington, & I'd be living the bachelor's life in Los Angeles, which is famously known as "Bachelor City"**.

Instead, I am sitting here, writing to you, boringly discussing rearranging my schedule.  We should talk about something else.  Jeez, didn't Game Of Thrones kill last night?  Holy crap.

Okay, I have written enough, according to my doctor.  I am working on my new intro, which will premiere Saturday.  But wait!  It may premiere tomorrow, too!  We'll see.

* My doctor is a weirdo.

** I think.

I Lived In The Dallas Area The First Eighteen Years Of My Life

I believe it's rained more there in the past month than it did during my childhood & adolescence.

I hope everyone's safe!

Why There Won't Be A Self Help Radio Podcast This Week (Excuse # 4)

I know that doing the sort of radio show I do is an inherently (& obviously) narcissistic pastime, but boy! this week's blog offerings have been some serious navel-gazing shit.  My god.

All right.  If you will recall.  On Monday, I proffered four excuses to explain the absence of a promised Self Help Radio podcast this Friday.  I gave those excuses as:

Excuse # 1) I am going to visit my mother in Dallas.
Excuse # 2) I got sick.
Excuse # 3) I am a terrible planner in general.
Excuse # 4) What the hell was I thinking?  (The self-pity excuse.)

The truth is, I really wanted four excuses so I could fill up four days but it turns out that there were just three.  Maybe two, but yesterday's, though something of a stretch, was tolerably valid.  I am a bad planner.  My first couple of years of Self Help Radio were haphazard affairs.  But I am of the opinion I've never really gotten the show right, so I'm naturally hard on myself.

Anyway, the fourth excuse I pulled out of my ass.  I never had four excuses.  I plan poorly, I was going to be away a week, & I had a minor cold that was the nail in the coffin of an impossible idea.

Do you know what I've seen in Dallas that I've never really seen before?  Pick-up trucks hauling dumpsters.  Let me paint a picture.  These are rather well-used (though not beaten-up) Ford pick-up trucks with a small trailer attached on which is an average-sized dumpster.  I have seen three of these, & all of the dumpsters have been branded with the same dumpster company logo, so I assume the company has contracted out individuals with Ford trucks to move garbage receptacles around the Metroplex.  One truck had the end-times slogan "Prepare To Meet God!" painted on the truck's cab window, which made me wonder if the dumpster in tow was some kind of punctuation.

It's been humid as hell here, but it's also been more rainy here than is natural, which is good, as the lakes are filled & the city can delay the inevitable talk of drought until mid-July.  I've seen more family than I usually do, which has been a little exhausting, but I always eat well here.  I've having Ethiopian for lunch.  That means it will be a good day.

But there won't be a Self Help Radio podcast tomorrow.  My excuses are lame.  I'll get back on the horse next week.  Promise!

No really, I promise.  I do.  You can trust me...  Oh never mind,

Why There Won't Be A Self Help Radio Podcast This Week (Excuse # 3)

Are you tired of these yet?

On Monday, I whined out four excuses why there won't be a Self Help Radio podcast this week.  To remind you, they were:

Excuse # 1) I am going to visit my mother in Dallas.
Excuse # 2) I got sick.
Excuse # 3) I am a terrible planner in general.
Excuse # 4) What the hell was I thinking?  (The self-pity excuse.)

Today I will talk about excuse three.

Look.  If you're me, & you've done the same radio show thing for years & years (this October it'll be THIRTEEN years), it's natural to develop a system.  An average show takes weeks, sometimes months, to make, usually because they start as an idea & then slowly grow until I think they're ready to be an actual radio show.

& yeah - lots of shows never happen.  I can't make them happen.  They don't seem to want to happen.

& I know some of the best radio programmers grab a bunch of stuff & decide what to play the second they're on the air.  I've done that before - it's thrilling!  But I've found I can't do Self Help Radio that way.

Like, once I was doing a show about - oh I don't know.  Let's say it was a show about lotions*.  A person called & said, "I hear you're looking for songs about lotions."  I responded - I didn't want to be mean - but I responded by saying, "I have plenty of songs - why would I come up to the radio station to do a show about lotions & not have two hours of songs about lotions?"  The caller seemed a bit insulted anyway.

The point is: I have a system.  It's designed to work over long periods of time.  When it's disrupted, it just doesn't work.

Because aside from this, I don't plan well at all.  I honestly thought I could gather enough songs, make a few funnies, record some airbreaks, & get it all together in less than three days.  I thought this completely aware that, even if I worked on the show during all my waking hours, it was probably not enough time.

Seriously, what was I thinking?  I'll beat myself up about that tomorrow.

* My friends in the excellent Austin band Luxuriator actually have a great song about lotions.

Why There Won't Be A Self Help Radio Podcast This Week (Excuse # 2)

Yesterday I listed four excuses why there won't be a Self Help Radio podcast this week.  To remind you, they were:

Excuse # 1) I am going to visit my mother in Dallas.
Excuse # 2) I got sick.
Excuse # 3) I am a terrible planner in general.
Excuse # 4) What the hell was I thinking?  (The self-pity excuse.)

Today I will explain excuse number two.

As soon as I finished Friday's show (still available at the SHR website), I set to work on the next week's show.  I had already recorded an interview with David Fruchter, & I had about eighty to hundred songs I had gathered to listen to, some of which I did in fact listen to on Friday.

But I don't just work on my radio show - that would make me a duller boy than I already am.  No, I oftentimes cater to the needs of my dogs.  On Saturday we drove to Shaker Village to take the dogs on a nice long walk down to the Kentucky River.

Here's something that I've heard about living in Kentucky: if you don't have allergies when you get here, you'll probably have them before you leave.  During the walk, I sneezed a lot.  My nose ran.  I began to get the sneaking suspicion that I was, in fact, the unhappy recipient of the Bluegrass State's gift of allergies.  But as we made our way back to the car, after a delightful walk, I began to feel tell-tale congestion in my head.  Oh no!  I was getting a cold!

It made sense.  Back in Texas, I always got a cold in the spring when the temperature was erratic.  My body hates it when it's 50 degrees one day then 90 the next.  (In Texas, that happens in the summer when it's 100 outside & 65 degrees indoors.)  When we got home, I prepared myself for my personal cold remedy: take lots of sudafed-type drugs, & sleep.

I basically slept 24 hours.  How could I work on a podcast during that time?

I'm better now - my cold remedy works, & I was lucky this was a mild case & I caught it at the beginning.  But surely if I had planned better, I'd still be able to make a podcast, right?  Right?

I'll have more to say about that tomorrow.

Why There Won't Be A Self Help Radio Podcast This Week (Excuse # 1)

I am always full of excuses.  But this week, I had planned to go ahead & make another Self Help Radio podcast because - why the hell not?

There are four (4) reasons why the hell not.  I will explore them this week.  But in the interest of not keeping you in suspense (like you care), here they are:

Excuse # 1) I am going to visit my mother in Dallas.
Excuse # 2) I got sick.
Excuse # 3) I am a terrible planner in general.
Excuse # 4) What the hell was I thinking?  (The self-pity excuse.)

Today, I will talk about excuse # 1.  I am going to visit my mother in Dallas.

My mother, about whom anyone who has read this blog will know I have incredibly mixed feelings, is in her mid-80s.  When I lived in Austin, feeling as though it were somehow my duty as her son, I would visit my mother every couple of months.  Dallas is about three hours away from Austin.  I would drive up, sit for a while, perhaps take her to lunch, & then drive home.  It felt exactly like a duty.  It made her happy, I guess.  I would get Ethiopian food from our favorite Ethiopian restaurant in town & then drive home to my hungry wife.  It made her happy, I know.

Now that I live farther away from my mother, I try to make it back there once a year.  She always says, "I'm glad you're coming home," but I don't really feel like it's home.  It was barely home while I lived there - now that it's been decades since I've spent longer than a couple of days in Dallas, it's just another place where I stay in a motel & try to find good vegan food.  It just so happens my mother lives there, which is what makes it different from Memphis or Atlanta.

The upshot is, I'd have no time during the week to do a podcast (or even a radio show) because I'll be driving to Dallas, staying in Dallas, & then heading back.

Why schedule it then?  Well, my plan was to make the podcast this weekend, & then upload it on the road from wherever I am on Friday, & voila!  It's like brand new!

But other things interfered.  Stay tuned for updates as we have more excuses all this week!

Self Help Radio 052215: The Unhappy Show

(Original image here

Well, here's the first podcast I've done in a while - & the first time you've heard from me since my "last show on WRFL" - & frankly, it's a mess.  For one, I recorded my "airbreaks" last night while the wife was asleep, so it sounds exactly like I'm trying to keep my voice down.  For two, I had no idea how long I should make the show so it came out around ninety minutes long.  For three, as I mentioned yesterday, I didn't feel the same sense of urgency I feel when I have to have a show prepared to be on the air, so I cobbled it all together late, late, late.  Oh well, at least the music's all right.

Plus, I talk to Dr. David Fruchter about unhappiness!  & the Reverend Dr. Howard Gently also takes my call, & tells me why I'm so spiritually unhappy!  & the music - everything I played is listed below.

It's now at the Self Help Radio website.  Username/Password?  SHR/selfhelp!  I hope it's worth listening to.  It'll be good to get back on the radio where I can screw up in real time & it feels a lot better than muttering into a microphone at my desk at midnight.

Thanks for listening!

"Glad To Be Unhappy" Helen Grayco _After Midnight_
"Little Unhappy Boy" Nancy Wilson _Nancy Wilson/Cannonball Adderley_
"I'm So Unhappy" The Uniques _Blast From The Past, Vol. 1: Rare Teenage Classics 1960-1965_
"So Unhappy" Detroit Jr. _Chicago Urban Blues_

"Unhappy Girls" The Searchers _Sugar & Spice_
"Unhappy Boy" Twinkle _Golden Lights_
"Unhappy Girl" The Doors _Strange Days_
"Unhappy Girl (demo)" The Ramones _Subterranean Jungle_
"My Poor Unhappy Son" Tochigi _Tochigi_
"Plain Unhappy" Mussolini Headkick _Themes For Violent Retribution_

"Happy To Be Unhappy" Leroy Van Dyke _Walk On By_
"Ain't Got Time To Be Unhappy" Bob Luman _10 Years (1968-1977)_
"It Was Always So Easy (To Find An Unhappy Woman)" Moe Bandy _Honky Tonk Amnesia: The Best Of Moe Bandy_
"One Big Unhappy Family" Isaac Hayes _The Isaac Hayes Movement_
"I Hope You'll Be Very Unhappy Without Me" Esther Phillips _Anthology_

"Please Don't Make Me Unhappy" The Groove Farm _Plug (The Story Of Pop So Far)_
"Not Happy" Bruce McCulloch _Shame-Based Man_
"Unhappy Song" Lloyd Cole _Love Story_
"Lips Are Unhappy" Lucky Soul _The Great Unwanted_

"Lucky & Unhappy" Air _10000 Hz Legend_
"You Don't Have To Be Unhappy" Onward Chariots _Onward Chariots_

Whither The Unhappy Show?

I am a more or less depressive person, & I've been a little unhappy that a big life change I had been planning for for months got waylaid.  It makes sense I would celebrate it/attempt to work through it with a radio show.

I usually take much of the day Thursday to work on the show - to gather all the songs that I might play, to edit my stupid skits + fake ads, to edit the interviews with my funny friends for radio airplay - & there's a sense of urgency because I have to be on the air & I need to get things done.  Frankly, I don't much like Thursdays, since there's so much work to do.  & also: I haven't had to do it for a couple of weeks.

Tomorrow's show will be a podcast & it'll be available at noon.  Well, I hope!  My brain can't get into the groove.  I've done my recordings & I've edited most of them, but obviously I'll need to put the show together & then upload it, etc.  Putting the show together means recording airbreaks, those things I normally do as the show is happening in real time.  My brain refuses to acknowledge that I under pressure to get those done as fast as the other stuff.  Right now, it's in a kind of bargaining/denial phase that's saying, "Eh, we can do them tomorrow."  Tomorrow, when the show needs to be available by noon?!?

Let's hope it doesn't come down to the wire.  I crumble like soft rock under pressure.  I will also probably turn to drink.  Or maybe crime.  Or maybe stone, which will then crumble under pressure.  Because, let's face it, if I were a mineral, I'd be a pretty soft one.

Tomorrow! Noon! Self Help Radio website!  A very unhappy show.  Because, why not?

A Fellow Programmer Makes A Kind Offer

There's a fine programmer at WRFL who goes by the name "Uncle Foddy" (tho I call him Steve, which is all right because it's his real name).  He came to the station maybe a year & a half ago, but he has had tons of radio experience. You've probably heard him as he helps out on the Percy Trout Show.  & doubtless you've heard his show Great Great Grandmusic, which goes back as far as recorded sounds go.

He's been doing the latter show this past month on the air from seven to nine a.m. on Saturdays.  When he found out that I was staying in town, he so generously offered to let me "have" the timeslot for Self Help Radio.

I of course initially declined.  I couldn't take someone else's timeslot when I had given mine up because I thought I wouldn't be here to do it!  But he was insistent.  He does a lot of work for the station's music department & he is alternating with Kenn on Mondays on the Percy Trout Show.  He felt he could easily leave his Saturday morning gig because he had so much else to do.

How could I say no to such magnanimity?  I couldn't.  I just couldn't.  I said yes.

I feel so ridiculously selfish & greedy!  But it's so kind of Steve to offer, & the powers-that-be at the station are fine with the move, so I guess it's as done a deal as I'm allowed to have these day.  I'll be visiting my mother next week so I told them I'd take over the first Saturday in June.

& there you have it: Self Help Radio returns to the Lexington airwaves in about two weeks.  I'm not making a big deal about it, though.  I've learned my lesson when it comes to making a big deal about things.

I'm Tired/It's Entirely My Fault

I decided - after doing my last-ever late night shift on WRFL last week, to do another late night fill, this morning from three to six a.m.

Long ago, I realized that, if you're going to do a radio show at three in the morning - or at four in the morning - or at two in the morning - it's best just to stay up instead of trying to get to sleep at a normal time which, in my case, is usually after midnight.

In my later adult years, I have mastered the art of "fake naps," which is to say, if I have to, I can close my eyes for a couple of hours, but I consider them fake as I derive no real benefit from them.  But those usually work best during the day - in the case of night time hours, my brain can't correctly comprehend why the hell, if we just went to bed a couple of hours ago, we have to wake up again when almost literally everyone else is asleep.  My brain will overrule any other decision, which is a bad thing if you're supposed to be at a radio station in the middle of the night.

Staying awake is the key, so yesterday I was up from early in the morning, minus a short nap-like experience in the afternoon, until around the same time this morning, when I returned home from playing around on the radio one more time after my previously announced last time.

What did I do when I got home?  Did I go to sleep?  Oh hell no.  I waited until my wife was awake, & then went to sleep.  I slept for around two hours, when I had to wake to feed the animals.

Realizing I was quickly resembling one of the walking dead, I went back to sleep for a couple more hours, but had to wake then to record an interview with my friend David for this week's SHR podcast.  (Spoiler alert: he's hella funny!)

Back to sleep I went a little after that, but was wakened by the wife coming home from work.  I've been up since then - hell, I made dinner & went for a dogwalk!

All told, I slept around six hours today.  Which isn't that unusual for me, unless you consider that it's been maybe eight total hours of sleep in a thirty-eight hour period.  That's no healthy.  I'm tired!  But it's all my fault.

I had something important to tell you today.  But.  It'll have to wait until tomorrow.

It Rains Every Day

It seems like since we decided to stay (in Lexington) it rains every day.

Not like the rains in my home turf (in Dallas) which have carried house & families away.

But like the rains in swampy climes, as when, as a child, I spent the summer in Albany, Georgia.

I sat on a friend's porch yesterday, under some kind of giant Costco gazebo, as rain poured down.

It was noon, the gazebo leaked.  The friend was more amused than irked.

At the end of the day, the world was dry, we walked the dogs, it was cool but 85% humidity.

85% humidity & I was covered in moisture like sweat.  The wife, the dogs, unaffected.

Did I mention I saw Stephin Merritt on tour in Columbus, Ohio, on Saturday?

We drove there to see him, ate a nice dinner here, then saw the show.

Then we drove back.  Dead deer littered the roadside between Columbus & Cincinnati.

I think I have finally learned to spell Cincinnati properly.  It took four years.  To ns, one t.

Columbus has some kind of dying river coursing through it.  It smelled terrible.

Merritt was fabulously grumpy.  I had never heard him sing "100,000 Fireflies" before.  It was wonderful.

The wife & I walked the dogs this morning so we wouldn't have to worry about rain tonight.  There's a small chance it will rain.

& then, perhaps I spoke too soon, a week without rain.  Or I spoke too late, we'll have a week without rain.

I am not happy with the Mad Men finale.  I seem to be alone in this.

I did my last WRFL Sub Show about a week ago.  Then things changed.  I'll do my next last WRFL Sub Show Tuesday morning.

Self Help Radio RERUN: May 14, 2012 - Bows & Arrows

I tried to find a show I had done on May 15 - I've done Self Help Radio since 2002 - but for some reason, never a show on May 15.  I did find a show that I did on May 14, 2012 - three years ago - & it was on WRFL!  So it's not completely unfamiliar to anyone unfortunate enough to have heard this show since I came to Lexington.  (There's even an old write-up about the show on this here blog!)

I did the show on Monday mornings then, & it was only ninety minutes long.  The show is very music-heavy - I hadn't yet had the bright notion to invite my funny friends onto the air with me - & rather diverse, as it's not too terribly easy to find songs about archery, bows & arrows, stuff like that.  I didn't completely hate listening to the show - but I'm glad there'll be a new Self Help Radio next week, as it makes me really uncomfortable to revisit old episodes.  It baffles me that anyone would want to listen to my radio show!

For the next week, the show will be at the top of the Self Help Radio website.  Remember to look for login/password information!  The songs I played almost exactly three years ago are listed below.

Remember!  A new Self Help Radio next week!

(part one)

"Arrows & Baloons" Robert Pollard _Moses On A Snail_
"Cupid's Bow" Rodney Allen _Take The Subway To Your Suburb_
"Quiver (Arrows In My)" Bow Wow Wow _When The Going Gets Tough The Tough Get Going_

"William Tell Overture" Sounds Incorporated _Hazy Memories Vol. 2_
"Arrow In A Bow" The Go-Betweens _Send Me A Lullaby_
"Arrow Of Love" Six Teens _A Casual Look: The Flip Recordings_
"Fallen Arrow" Ida _Ten Small Paces_
"Arrow" Jeffrey Lewis with Jack Lewis & Anders Griffin _It's The Ones Who've Cracked That The Light Shines Through_
"The Flint Arrowhead" Johnny Cash _From Sea To Shining Sea_

"Broken Arrow" Neil Young _Neil Young Archives, Vol. 1: 1963-1972_
"Broken Arrows" Jose Gonzalez _Veneer_
"Broken Arrow" Chuck Berry _Johnny B. Goode/His Complete '50s Chess Recordings_

(part two)

"Days Of The Broken Arrows" The Idle Race _Nuggets II: Original Artyfacts From The British Empire & Beyond, Vol. 3_
"Slings & Arrows" The Wooly Ones _Scarey Business_

"Robin Hood" John Strachan _Songs From Aberdeenshire_
"Robin Hood" Dick James _Hello Children Everywhere_
"Little Arrows" Leapy Lee _Little Arrows_
"Me & My Arrow" Harry Nilsson _The Point!_
"Blue Arrows" Mick Harvey _Two Of Diamonds_
"Love Is An Arrow" Aberfeldy _Young Forever_
"Arrows" Mitch Hedberg _Mitch All Together_
"Zen Archer" Todd Rundgren _A Wizard, A True Star_

"Poison Arrow" ABC _Lexicon Of Love_
"Poison Arrow" Sonic Youth _The Eternal_
"Love Is Swift Arrows" Be Bop Deluxe _Axe Victim_

Change Of Plans

Well.  I guess I knew there was a chance of this.  But.

Before I say anything, please consult your favorite adage or proverb or quote about plans.

"Unless commitment is made, there are only promise & hopes… but no plans."

"The best laid plans of mice & men often go awry."

"Plans can fall through as so often they do."

"If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans."

& then there's this:



"Let's make some plans, 'cause they can go wrong."

Which is a goofy-ass way of saying that all the plans my wife & I have made for the past couple of months - plans to move from Lexington, plans to live in Los Angeles, plans to find a new radio station for Self Help Radio, even plans for the summer Self Help Radio podcast - they've all gone for naught.  My wife has decided not to take the job in Los Angeles for reasons both of us thought were good.

I apologize for all the bombast - for the "last shows" - for my sentimental need to say goodbye in the most maudlin of fashions.  I understand I will have to sit out the summer on WRFL - I wouldn't have left if I hadn't had a degree of certainty.  I regret that now, but it wasn't until this week that our plans, as I emphasize above, changed direction so dramatically.

I apologize to Lexington & all of Kentucky that I'll be sticking around.  Your loss is California's gain!

I'll post one more Self Help Radio "rerun" tomorrow, & there's be a new episode next week.

Preface To… Another Rerun?

I asked the other day on this radio show's Facebook page if anyone listened to the "rerun" I put up last Friday.  Honestly, if you didn't listen to it, I understand - I listened to it myself & was deeply embarrassed about the whole thing.  According to my web hosting provider, a total of four people clicked the link - which doesn't guarantee that the show was listened to.  Just that it was clicked on.  Maybe downloaded & never listened to.  Maybe download just to be thrown away!  Okay, I did that.  What is wrong with me?  Masochism.

I was hoping that I had previously done a Self Help Radio episode on another May 15th.  I mean, I've done hundreds of these damn shows, & there are only 365 days in the year*, so surely I've done a show on the fifteenth of May.  Have I?

I haven't.  I don't know what it is about the fifteenth of May, but for some reason, despite doing Self Help Radio on Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, & Fridays, I've managed to avoid that date.  I did, however, do a show on the fourteenth of May twice.  One of those times, I did a show about children.  It was in 2003, & although I am certain that I have a copy of the show on cassette tape, I don't have a digital copy.  (& if I am certain that I have a copy on cassette tape, I'm not certain I know where that tape is.)

I did another show on May 14, 2012 - just three years ago, so on WRFL - about bows & arrows, & I just listened to it, & it doesn't suck nearly as bad as the previous "rerun," so I think I will feature it at the top of my page on Friday.  Will anyone listen to it?  Nah.

But I gotta do something!

* Fun fact: I've done a show on February 29.

Kids Are Clumsily Mean To Me

I was just hanging with the dogs in the backyard when I was called by the kids at the day care next door.

"Mister! Mister!" they cried.

"What?" I said.

One of them excitedly called to me, "If frozen water, if frozen water is iced water, what is frozen ink?"

Before I could try to make some sort of ridiculous response to this old childhood trick-insult, one of the other kids just screamed, "YOU STINK!"

& they ran away laughing.

One Last Late-Night Shift

This morning, I did my last show on WRFL.  What?!? I hear you say.  I thought the last Self Help Radio was on May 1st!  Oh, hold your radio horses!  The last Self Help Radio was in fact ten days ago.  I did my last freeform radio sub show this morning.  It was from three to six am, when you were asleep no matter which time zone in the United States.

Over the past couple of years, I've come to enjoy the late-night slots on WRFL.  I'm sure I've said this before - I found them meditative.  Unlike Austin, a city three times the size of Lexington, where I would get weirdo calls at 3am, virtually no one reaches out to the station in the wee hours in the Horse Capitol Of The World.  (I get more action from my Twitter account, since it is happening all over the world.)  It really does feel like I am playing music in secret, perhaps to a shy, lonesome person who can't sleep.  Who might be driving from place to place trying to outrun a chronic insomnia.  But who has turned the dial to WRFL, unsure what might be found there.  & it's me!

The station is moving locations temporarily while the UK Student Center, where it's located, is renovated, so most of the posters + stickers have been torn off the walls, & this morning - my last ever in that space - most of the vinyl & all of the CDs had been boxed up, making the shelves eerily empty.  Some WRFL members have decided to desecrate the walls further with slogans + drawings, which is perfectly WRFLish, but despite still being well-appointed in the manner of broadcast radio booth, the place felt a little abandoned.  Which made the experience all the more lonely.  Perfect for me!

Not a single phone call, not any acknowledgement that I was behind this board picking + choosing music in exactly the opposite way of pretty much every radio station on the dial.  In short, nothing terribly different from any other late-night slot I've been doing in Lexington for the last five years.

There is one person who used to call late at night, about whom I'll talk at some later date.  I worry that something has happened to him, actually - he used to be quite reliable in his middle-of-the-night calls.  One thing that may have dissuaded him is that the station finally got caller ID in the past two years, & overnight deejays learned not to answer the phone when he called.  He may have been a bit troubled, but I think he could sense when he was being ignored.  I confess I did it a couple of times, myself.

I wasn't entirely sad when I left the station for what was the last time for sure.  I won't have time to sub another show, & once the station moves, I won't have access to it, as I am not an active programmer any more.  The morning was quiet & cool, with only the weirdness of UK employees, who work on a "smoke-free campus," sitting at the bus stop (technically city property?) puffing away at their cancer sticks.  Because the employees of the Student Center have been relocated, & because school is over, the parking lot was more bare than usual.  However, I believe the fast food restaurants will remain open for a while; it was those workers who took respite from low-wage drudgery to shorten their lives in the nicotine-tar manner.

My puppies, who slept while I was on the radio, welcomed me home, & I walked around our backyard in the soft dawn.  I wrote in this perfunctory journal I keep that I'll miss my home most of all.  My wife loves this place, & has made it very comfortable to live in.  I hope I can express that to her adequately - she really has made this the most pleasantly cozy place I've ever lived.

Good bye, WRFL!  I can't thank you enough for making my time in Lexington as nice as it was.  Good bye, quiet late-night WRFL listener!  I know you exist, even if you're quite sure you don't!

Self Help Radio RERUN: November 17, 2004 - Storms

(Original image here.)

Well, this is gonna be embarrassing.

Since there wasn't a new Self Help Radio today, I thought I'd reach back into my archives & play a show from over a decade ago.  This show, which aired in Austin, Texas, on KOOP in November 2004, from 2 to 3 pm, apparently came at the heels of a stormy week.  I have no memory of any of the circumstances.

It was hard to re-listen to the show - probably as hard as it will be for you to listen!  I talk way too fast, probably because I only have an hour.  I'm more amused by myself than probably anyone listening to the show.  But the music is fine.

Here are a few things of note:

1) We gave away a lot of stuff at KOOP!  I miss that.

2) More people tended to call my show & make requests back then than they did here in Lexington.  I am reminded how active KOOP listeners were!

3) My show didn't have any underwriters, but there were two promos for shows that no longer exist on KOOP:

Queerwaves was a delightful show that, as you might expect, focused on GLBTQ music way before that acronym became popular.  The ebullient host, Taylor Cage, does not appear in the promo, but does lend his voice to a recorded PSA late in the show.

The Liberated Space was KOOP's resident libertarian show.  Host Angela Keaton left the station not too long after this show aired, but I believe did the show from California for a while.  I haven't heard from her in years.

4) I'm very surprised anyone ever let me do a radio show if my early shows were as awful as this one.

At any rate: I will leave the show up for a week if you'd like to listen, so it's now available at the Self Help Radio website, the first show on the page.  It's password protected, you know, so just remember SHR/selfhelp if you can't find it on the page.  The songs I played are below.

Don't let this squander any good will I've managed to gain over the last couple of years!

-----

"Stormy Weather" The Pixies _Bossanova_
"Swamp Thing" The Chameleons _Strange Times_
"Snowstorm" Galaxie 500 _On Fire_

"The Storm" The Guild League _Inner North_
"Storm Boy" The Steinbecks _Recorded Music Salon_
"Calm Before The Storm" The Bats _Daddy's Highway_
"Lazy Thunderstorms" Blueboy _Unisex_

"Skin Storm" Bradford _Shouting Quietly_
"Icestorm" Sportique _Modern Museums_
"Stormy Weather" Glossary _Southern By The Grace Of Location_
"Electrical Storm Girl" Julian Cope _The Skellington Chronicles_

"Storm Window" E*Vax _Fuzzy Boombox Vol. 1_

Whither… The First Week In A Long Time Without Self Help Radio?

It may seem weird.  A day without Self Help Radio.

Except when it's not!  I have a plan.  It's not a good plan.  But it's a plan.

I talked about things I could do in the long interim when I won't be doing Self Help Radio the other day.  My plan is to do one of those things.  Maybe not the same thing each week.  But one of those things.

I post different stuff (sometimes) than what I post here on the show's Facebook page.  Not terribly interesting stuff, but sometimes different than here.  Might you like the show's Facebook page?

& hey - I just finished watching the film Wild.  It was pretty good.  Did you think so?

An Irregular Reminder Of Social Media Related To This Dumb Radio Show

Here's something you may not know. There's a Self Help Radio Tumblr page that has virtually nothing to do with Self Help Radio. Instead, I put photos I take there, including LOTS of photos of my animals, like this one of Winston. It's here.

It's not like it's impressive or anything. Just there.

Staying Relevant

I have been thinking - when I should be packing - of things I can do to keep reminding you that there's a radio show called Self Help Radio that is currently on hiatus but which - I promise! - is returning soon.  But what things can I do?  Here are some of my dumb idears:

1) Revive "Self Help Radio Extra"

I used to do a (mostly) monthly mix of music I was listening to - hardly ever organized around a theme - which I would call "Self Help Radio Extra."  It gave me a chance to put together music that was free of the thematic constraints of SHR & also was often skewed toward the new.  I listen to stuff all the time, & I stopped making "Self Help Radio Extra" because I could play that music on WRFL when I subbed other people's shows.*  Now that I'm not doing that anymore - should I bring back "Self Help Radio Extra"?

2) Present a "classic" Self Help Radio episode

I remove episodes of Self Help Radio from my website after a while, but of course I don't throw them away - I have copies of them.  I can feature an old, probably embarrassing episode in lieu of producing a new one.  But - embarrassing.  Yeah.  Okay.  I guess I can handle that.

3) Make a new episode, damn it!

I boasted yesterday that I could easily make a show while packing.  Of course I could.  That is, until I pack all my CDs & records.  & then.  Er.  But I could do a lot of preparation for a lot of shows & then pack everything, making sure I pack my computer last.  I could even record some of my podcast airbreaks on the road.  "Self Help Radio live from Paducah!"

Truth is, none of these seem like very good ideas.  My wife has already voted that I stop whining about this nonsense & pack my crap up.  But I do feel like the more time it takes for me to get back to Self Help Radio, the farther away the show gets in everyone's minds.  & it barely exists there already!

What a worry-wart I am.

* At WRFL, they still call them "fills."  At KVRX & KOOP they were called "subs" & I never stopped saying "subs."  I got somewhat used to saying "block show" instead of "specialty show," & could use "grant" & "underwriting" interchangeably, but I stayed with "sub" for some reason.  I was always against using "back-sell" instead of "back-announce."  I have a problem with "back-sell."  But the others I didn't have a problem with, they were just competing with nearly fifteen years of saying the same things differently.  Apologies for the geeky radio talk.

I Just Don't Know What To Do With Myself

Is the name of a song by Bacharach & David.  I never heard any of the versions of that song in the 1960s - surprisingly, not even Dusty Springfield's - when I was young, but I did hear Elvis Costello's version - probably from the Live Stiffs record - & I probably didn't know it wasn't an Elvis Costello song.

That's not what I'm writing about today, though.  The song title just reflects my situation.  Without a radio show to do this week, I'm a little at sea.

Oh I know what you're thinking.  Hey Gary, aren't you moving?  Don't you have to put a bunch of things into boxes?  Like books, records, CDs?  & you don't know what to do with yourself?

It's a fair point.  I think I could do both, actually, a radio show & putting things into boxes.  But my days have been structured around my weekly radio show for so long that it's weird to not have to do it.  To want to do it.  But not have to do it.

A friend just Facebook wrote me & said something about me doing radio in L.A.  That is not in any way a done deal.  I will try to find some place to deejay there but there's as good a chance that no one will have me that I will find somewhere to be.  I actually think the odds are kind of bad - maybe 20 to 1 against me.

But also I am a pessimist.  I get that from something in my DNA.  We'll see.  We'll see!

Self Help Radio 050115: Los Angeles

(Original image here.)

& that's it!  My last Self Help Radio at WRFL.  I am leaving soon for Los Angeles - the City of Angels - La-La Land - & so I did a show about Los Angeles.  I am guessing there were more anti-L.A. songs than pro-L.A. songs - but the town appears to be a place people love to hate.  For me, well - it's time for another adventure!

At the end of the show, I thanked a bunch of folks & it makes sense for me to do it here, too.

I thank WRFL for letting me play on the air for the time they did - I came to the station in July 2010 - & never was I made to feel unwelcome.  I met so many great people.  I had so much fun.  It's a marvelous place & I will miss it a great deal.

I thank the listeners of WRFL.  This town is full of people fiercely loyal to the station - & full of old timers (heck! people my own age!) who remember the struggle to get the station on the air.  It makes them feel like the station is one of their own.

I thank the funny friends I have who help me out with fake interviews.  David, Russell, & Mark have been my mainstays for a long time - it's easy to do a radio show when you have people way funnier than you to "interview."  I hope they'll continue to play with me when I'm in Los Angeles!  There have been other folks - my wife Magda was awesome as Werful, the monster who lives under WRFL.  & people like Allen, Nick, Suloni, Macy & Maria have at one time or another filled in & had fun.  They're all invited to L.A. with me!

I hope I can find a suitable radio station there to do my dumb show.  I love to play music that most of the world hasn't heard & I love the artists that I play for being so great despite the horrible monolithic music industry.  I wish that industry would go away already.  Wasn't the Internet supposed to destroy it by now?

The show is available any time you want to listen to it at the Self Help Radio website.  From here to L.A. & back!  You are required to enter a username & a password - those are available on the site.  The songs I played are below.

Thanks for listening!  There'll be a new Self Help Radio in June, I promise!

(part one)

"Los Angeles Blues" Peggy Lee _Blues Cross Country_
"Take Me To Los Angeles" Jimmy Soul _Jerk! Shake! & Vibrate!_
"L.A." Jackie De Shannon _Laurel Canyon_

"Hello L.A., Bye-Bye Birmingham" John Randolph Marr _Country Funk 1969 - 1975_
"Funky L.A." Paul Humphrey _Paul Humphrey & The Cool-Aid Chemists_
"L.A. Blues" The Stooges _Fun House_

"The World Began In Eden But Ended In Los Angeles" Phil Ochs _Rehearsals For Retirement_
"L.A." Neil Young _Time Fades Away_
"Men's Room, LA" Kinky Friedman _Old Testaments & New Revelations_
"I Love L.A." Randy Newman _Trouble In Paradise_
"L.A., L.A." Translator _No Time Like Now_

"L.A. (My Town)" The Four Tops _The Complete Motown Singles, Vol. 12: 1972_
"Los Angeles" The Egyptian Lover _One Track Mind_

(part two)

"Drinking In LA" Bran Van 3000 _Glee_
"Everyone Is Someone In LA" Felix Da Housecat _Devin Dazzle & The Neon Fever_

"Goodbye You Lizard Scum" Bill Hicks _Arizona Bay_
"L.A." The Fall _458489 A Sides_
"Los Angeles" Lewis Black _The White Album_
"Los Angeles, I'm Yours" The Decemberists _Her Majesty_

"First Of The Gang To Die" Morrissey _You Are The Quarry_
"Moving To LA" Art Brut _Bang Bang Rock & Roll_
"Ode To L.A." The Raveonettes _Pretty In Black_
"L.A., CA, USA" Stereo Total _Monokini_

"L.A. Woman" D.O.A. _Greatest Shits_

Whither Los Angeles?

It's so easy!  I'm moving to Los Angeles in a couple of weeks, & so I'm doing a show about Los Angeles.  Duh!  It'll be on for the very last time on 88.1 fm WRFL here in Lexington, & it'll be online at wrfl dot fm at the same time.  Seven till nine a.m.  That's 7-9am.  If you're not up early enough, I'll archive it on the Self Help Radio website some time tomorrow.  I hope I don't cry during the show.

---

I want to say a couple of things.  The fellow I wrote about here, John, his memorial service is tomorrow.  I don't think I'll go.  My wife will go.  I'm not sure I can take it.  I think that makes me a flawed person.

----

Also, I went to Louisville last night - probably the last time I'll ever be in Louisville - to see Peter Hook & The Light.  It was subtitled "A Celebration Of Joy Division," & I was happy the audience had youngsters & old fucks like me.  I was genuinely thrilled to see Peter Hook, though he came out in washes of synth music & promptly did a New Order song I don't much care for ("Thieves Like Us").  I didn't realize there was an "opening New Order set," as it says on his website; I had heard he was going to do Unknown Pleasures & Closer in order, so that confused me.

Peter Hook does not do a good Bernard Sumner.  Except for "Ceremony," which of course Ian Curtis co-wrote, & sang first, most of the songs sounded off.  & too long!

The crowd didn't care.  They were happy.  They ate it up.  My wife very much enjoyed herself.

By far the strangest thing is that Peter Hook came onstage with a bass guitar & played it from time-to-time - but there was another bassist on stage, & he kept playing when Hook stopped.  It seems pretty obvious that Hook, who hasn't really fronted a band before or, if you count Revenge, not for two decades, can't sing & play bass at the same time.  Luckily the music was really loud - he occasionally seemed to remember he had to project his voice into the microphone to be heard.

After a break, the band returned to do Joy Division songs.  But something had been broken in me.  Yes, I know Hook sang when Ian Curtis was ill on some Joy Division dates.  Yes, I know he sang on Movement (although none of those songs were played last night).  But he's not a strong vocalist.  I sat through "Atrocity Exhibition," "Isolation," "Colony," a few more, but I came to feel like I wasn't seeing a show with one of the founders of a band that means a lot to me (Joy Division, not New Order), but that I was at a very loud Joy Division karaoke night & that one old guy in a football jersey was hogging the mic.

It also didn't help that I didn't want to force my way to the front, & was therefore around the chatty people with the giant Bud Light cans who were there socially.  But I was so disappointed.  It was such a let down.  I wanted to get home - it's an hour drive - where my pets were waiting to be fed.  The wife was sympathetic, so we took off.

Later I read Hook's Twitter feed & saw so many people had a great time.  Some seemed so moved by it.  Some just felt grateful they could experience it at all.  I kinda wish I had decided not to go.  Then I could feel I had missed something great, instead of being as bummed by the experience as I was.

Is it because there's something sacred to me about Joy Division?  That the music has just meant so much to me for so long?  I hate to feel this icky, & I also hate to be this negative.  But I did need to get it off my chest.

Sigh.

Preface To Los Angeles: Twelve Things

1) I haven't watched David Letterman in years.  But I'm going to miss David Letterman.

2) That has nothing to do with Los Angeles, I just read that article & started to feel sad.

3) I think I've done this list thing on my blog before - you know, number sentences that seem like a list but really aren't a list.  I probably got the idea from a short story by Donald Barthelme.

4) Here's a crazy thing: when I first discovered Barthelme, he was not only still alive (though dying of throat cancer) but just a hop, skip, & a jump away from where I was living, in Austin.  He was living (& teaching) in Houston.

5) I had a girlfriend whose parents lived in Houston at the time.  I went there with her a couple of times.  I might even have driven by his home or a hospital he was in.

6) I haven't read a Donald Barthelme story in a long time, either, but I am sad that he is gone.  He would have written some amazingly creative shit.

7) I don't mean to be equating David Letterman with Donald Barthelme or anything.  I thought of writing down things I was interested in/worried about/excited for in Los Angeles, where I will be living in less than a month, & before I started to type, someone on Facebook linked to that article, & it waylaid me.

8) Or derailed me.

9) Another interesting coincidence: I'm leaving Lexington around the same time the Letterman does his last show.

10) Wouldn't it be cool if it were around the same time Donald Barthelme had been born or died?  But that's not the case.

11) I'm certainly not lucky enough to have something like that help me tie up one of my dumb blog entries.

12) You know?

The Beginning Of The End

The beginning of the end is still a beginning.  & every ending does seem to sprout some kind of beginning.  Unless it's the final end.  Then - well, I don't imagine there's anything after that, but lots of people respectfully & disrespectfully disagree with me about that.

Damn, this got dark quick.  That wasn't my intention.  It's hard not to equate the end of one part of one's life with death.  There is a chance I'll never see Lexington again, just as there's a great chance I'll never see Huntington again.  I know I'll never live in this house again, even if fortune returns me to Kentucky.

You wonder how much of your memory is your senses.  For example, I am usually cold here.  As I sit at my computer, when the day is sunny & the weather outside is 58 degrees, I know (because I checked as I walked through the house moments ago) that it's only a little warmer in here: 63 degrees.  I can't bring myself - not when it's sunny outside, when it's spring - to turn the heater on.  So I sit at my computer, my hands colder than my body, but all of me quite chilled.

I noticed this first five years ago in West Virginia.  I'd be sitting at my computer & my hands would be cold as ice.  I actually went & purchased what my friend Suloni calls "hobo gloves" - the ones that look like this:

Because I couldn't type with gloves on, & I couldn't type with them off because my hands were frickin' cold.

I have a feeling that this won't be a problem in Los Angeles, as it wasn't a problem in Austin.  Not ever.  Not even when it was winter, & it does get cold for a little while in Austin.

Will I remember this?  Will my body remember this?  My wife put all her winter clothes in a box she marked "Fuck-You Winter Clothes."  She doesn't want to remember this.

I'm already planning new episodes of Self Help Radio, but it will feel weird not doing the show at WRFL.  My body does have sense memory of doing it at KOOP & at WMUL.  If I close my eyes, I can even see the respective boards at waist level, can almost reach out to where the CD players or the turntables or the computers or the other components were.

I open my eyes, they're nowhere to be found.  At least three places I've deejayed no longer exist - one of them has actually burned up!

The spring here has been so lovely, it might fool me about how cold it usually is here.  But my hands don't lie.  I will go put a long-sleeved shirt now.  & realize - in three weeks, I will be leaving this safe & happy home I've lived in for almost four years.  I will leave it forever.

A Neighbor Story

I was going to write something today about the countdown to my last show.  But then, life happened.

We moved to Lexington in the summer of 2010.  We rented a house on the south side, the area called Rosemill.  One of the things I did almost immediately is pore over the neighborhood map for a dog-walk route.  We try to walk the dogs every day - &, weather permitting, we do.

A year later, we bought a house in the Picadome neighborhood (not far from where we had been renting) & I had to come up with a new route.  This route took us across Southland into some of our old walking area, but it was near the high school where we met John.

John was a plain-spoken, skinny fellow of an older age.  I thought he was over sixty; the wife thought he might be younger.  He had a house he was literally re-building my himself.  As we walked by, he'd say hi, then he introduced himself, & then we'd stop to chat.  Our dogs came to love him, & wanted to always come up to him.  He'd climb down from his ladder, or he'd wander from over where he was chopping bamboo, & he'd take off his gloves, as our dogs would whine for him to pet them.

John told us he'd been married once.  He said he used to surf, & had spent time in Australia & Hawaii.  He still loved reading surfing magazines.  He operated a concession stand at Grand Canyon for a time.  & he worked in Lexington, where his family is from, usually in the restaurant business.  The house he constantly worked on was purchased from his parents.

He was funny, irreverent, & thoughtful.  He loved to laugh.  If we walked the dogs on summer evenings, when the sun set late, he'd be out in front of his house, chatting with the neighbors, or he'd be working on a flower bed set in the middle of the street, something he took upon himself to take care of, when it was probably the city's responsibility.

We talked about having him over for dinner.  We thought, frankly, he'd be there for as long as we lived here.  We even imagined that he'd never finish the house - the house where he, in the last couple of years, set a new porch & even raised the roof, all by himself - as that was kind of the thing he did.

I remember he was friends with one of the former hosts of WRFL's classic rock show.  He regretted missing his friend's last show, but because I was involved with WRFL, I was able to get a copy of the show & burn it to CD for him.  He was always so generous with his time, it was the least I could do.  He was a kind man.  Such a kind man.

We didn't see him much during this past winter.  Even if we could walk the dogs, it would be too cold for him to be out working on his house.  Another neighbor told us a few weeks ago that he had been diagnosed with cancer - it was very serious - John hadn't been to a doctor in years - & that he was already in hospice care.

I dedicated a song to him on my March 27th show.  His favorite band in the world was Midnight Oil.  I don't think he ever heard it - it was exactly a month ago - but I didn't expect him too.  His family had taken him in.  Another neighbor, a good friend of John's, Bill, kept us apprised of John's condition.  (We walk by Bill's house every dog walk, too.)  He saw John often, & invited us to go see him, but my wife & I never got around to it.

We never got around to it.  We never invited him over for dinner.  We never got around to that.  We thought he'd be there forever.  As long as the house needed work, John would work on it.

I found out that he died this afternoon.  I don't think he had any regrets.  He had been married once, for a short time, & it ended.  He lived simply, & alone.  But he had so many friends.  He would go to the neighbor's to watch television.  He was so friendly.  Everyone in the neighborhood knew him.  Everyone in the neighborhood was so glad they knew him.  So glad & lucky to know this man that Thoreau might have admired.

My wife & I, we're so glad we knew him.  As we talked about him, after we found out the news, she summed him up in a way he'd smile at.  She said, "He was rad."

Self Help Radio 041415: Indiepop A To Z # 47

Kahimi Karie, Las Kellies, Kenickie

The next-to-the-last Self Help Radio on WRFL was… nothing special.  It was a regularly scheduled indiepop a to z episode that managed to cover Kar - Kind.  I don't even think I'll finish the letter K the next time I do this.  It was a lot of good music, though!

I've left a lot of radio stations, & each time I do, I do it with as little fanfare as possible.  My time had ended at KVRX in the summer of 1999, & my last show was nothing special.  For KOOP, I did do a Season Finale, which you can still listen to, & of which I am a little proud.  (It was kind of the precursor to the fake interviews I do these days.)  I realized my time was up at WMUL back in 2010, right before we moved to Lexington, & didn't think anyone listened to me, so I didn't make a big deal out of it.  But next week - well, I hope to say goodbye to WRFL & Lexington in style.

But the penultimate episode?  I put as little effort into it as possible.

Kidding!

The show is now available for listening any time at the Self Help Radio website.  Pay attention to username/password information please.  The songs I played are below.

Please enjoy! Thanks for listening!

(part one)

"Gregorian Spring" Karibean _Love, Tears, & Spiritual Blessing_
"Vogue Bambini" Kahimi Karie _I Am A Kitten: Kahimi Karie Sings Momus In Paris_
"Mon Coeur Balance" Katerine _Mon Coeur Balance_

"Little Sister" Katie Goes To Tokyo _My Naked Heart_
"Kate" Katie Smokers Wedding Party _Kate_
"What Color Are You?" Katie The Pest _Homemade Hits, Vol. 1_
"Gifted" Katrina & V Twin _Rough Trade Shops: Indiepop, Vol. 1_
"Miss Misery" Katydids _Katydids_

"Happy People, Scary Planet" Kawaii _If It Shines, We Have It_
"Looking Up" The Keatons _The Beige Album_
"Sea Wave" Keen On Girls _Between Two Waves - The Second Wave_
"Flamingo" Kellarissa _Flamingo_
"Hit If Off" Las Kellies _Las Kellies_

"Head Full Of Steam" Dan Kelly _Write Your Adventures Down: A Tribute To The Go-Betweens_
"Down Fall Down" Kennedy _Neurotica EP_

(part two)

"Fizz Pop" The Kennedy Pill _Knowing Where It All Leeds_
"In Your Car" Kenickie _At The Club_
"Nothing At All" The Kensingtons _Hope Corner Lane EP_

"Away From Home" Klark Kent _Music Madness From The Kinetic Kid_
"Ya Ya Ya" Kester & The Kitchenettes _Yay 4 Cuteness_
"You Still Make Me Smile" Dan Kibler _Capsule_
"New Day, Fresh Start" Kicker _Our Wild Mercury Years_
"Lucky" Kicking Giant _Julep: Another Yoyo Studio Compilation_

"New Year's Day" Kickstand _Pop American Style_
"Pillows & Blankets" Kid Auto Races At Venice _Summer Escape_
"The Cradle Born" Kid Sinister _The Sound Of Leamington Spa, Vol. 5_
"It's In My Blood" Kids On A Crime Spree _We Love You So Bad_

"Hooligans On E" Kill City _Hooligans On E_
"What Comes After" The Kill Devil Hills _What Comes After_
"Tyme Machine" Kincaid _Plays Super Hawaii_
"Disdain" Kind _Split 7" with The Cudgels & The Dufflecoats_

Whither Indiepop A To Z # 47?

Yes, tomorrow will be the last time my ridiculous attempt to play a song from every indiepop artist from a to z will air on Lexington radio.  So I have to complain about what people today think "indiepop" means a few more times.

Though I took a week off from my regular tomfoolery, I promise to have yuks & sentiment galore for the final RFL show, which will be about Los Angeles, which is where I'll end up in a month of so.  I can't even begin to think about it though - I am still working on tomorrow's show!

It'll be from 7 - 9 am on 88.1 fm in Lexington + online at wrfl dot fm at the same time.  Also, I'll have it up on the SHR web in no time after.

Sorry if I seem exhausted.  I had to mow the lawn today.  I hate to mow the lawn today.  Now I am stinky, there are leaves in my hair, & as I gaze into the backyard, I see a ridge of grass just mocking me.  Bastards.

Preface To One Last Indiepop A To Z On WRFL: Expectations

People ask me all the time (no they don't), they say, "Hey Gary, with only two shows left on WRFL, are you going to make them both so spectacular that you'll blow a giant hole in the schedule that the station will take months, even years, to fill?"

& I always say (or would say, if anyone really asked me something like that), "Gosh no!  When people expect anything of me - or when I myself set expectations I am supposed to live up to - I naturally choke & self-sabotage in the most predictable way possible."

Hm.  That dialogue that never happened may be why no one really wants to talk to me.

As I've explained before, I started the silly Indiepop A To Z more than a decade ago (& I'm currently on the letter K) & used to do it whenever I felt like it.  But now I do it every four months.  It was scheduled for the end of April.  So why put it off?

Why put it off?  Because you will never finish it!  Shut up!  You shut up!

Beyond all that, I am wondering when I will be sufficiently unpacked to re-start the show, most probably as a podcast, once I'm in Los Angeles.  On the Self Help Radio web site, I'm suggesting I'll have an episode for June 6.  That gives me five weeks.  But a lot can happen in five weeks!

I'm only sorry the show this week will be without my usual ridiculous bells & nutty whistles.  The music is great, however.

I've Had A Weird Day

Sorry I am writing this so late.  Something wonderfully strange happened to me today that I can't at this point go into.  My wife also appears to have found a place for us to live in Pasadena, which is right next to Los Angeles, but which she found nicer homes to rent when she went house-hunting this past weekend.  I'm sorry I wasn't there to help her but I'm not sorry that I missed the experience.

The application to rent was insane.  She got off the plane last night & spent two hours filling it out.  She thinks, actually, that one of the reasons we may get the house is that no one else actually took the time to finish the damn application.

I think it'll be a month - or four weeks, really - from today that we'll be loading the animals into a car & leaving Lexington.  I've talked about the crazy four-day trek we're going to make, but as I sit here working on Friday's show, I worry more about the weeks I won't be doing Self Help Radio.  It's such an integral part of my life that not spending days listening to & gathering songs about a particular topic will feel odd, like I'm missing out on something.

& what the hell will I do in Los Angeles?  I've contacted a couple of radio stations but have so far gotten no replies.  I haven't pitched them anything - I tried that once & got a terse response from a person who obviously hadn't read my email & who replied, "We don't accept syndicated shows" - I just asked general questions about volunteering.  Non-commercial radio stations, where nearly no-one gets paid unless they're an NPR affiliate, are notorious for lack of follow-through.  I will visit them in person once I am in the city proper.  Or improper.

Look at me, writing about the future!  This week's show won't be anything special, so I'm taking it easy.  I like to ease out of places.  Next week's show will be more fun.  I will pack it with jam.  Did I use that phrase properly?  What?  Oh!  I meant to say it'll be jam-packed!  With jam.

The Jam?

No, jam!

It'll be delicious!

Sorry, I'm getting silly.  My day was surreal.  I will write about it soon!

I Forgot To Mention! Also, A 4/20 Story

Aw, rats.  It was just too early.  I subbed a radio show this morning from 10 am to noon, a show on WRFL called the Bindle, which also covers different topics, & because it was April 20, I thought I'd do a show about grass.  Not marijuana - that was the show's joke.  I'm not going to put it up, but I'll try to put the playlist up on the SHR website before I do Friday's show.

I've never been a fan of pot.  I used to always say this when people - when the large mass of people I've known in my life - who all enjoy smoking pot - this is what I would always say as to why I don't enjoy marijuana: "I never got past the point where it just turned my brain into a block of wood."

But this is true.  I might've only smoked the dreaded ganja ten times in my life.  Unlike that moment when I had a beer & it tasted really, really good, I never got to the point where I enjoyed myself while high.  Mainly the guys I worked with at the video store in Austin would make me smoke it to level out my drunk so they could go do cool things & I could close the place.  Being high would make it really hard to walk home.

The first time I smoked pot, I was 24 years old, & there's even a picture of it, it was such a momentous occasion:

I was with my friends Russ, Scott & Suloni, & we were at a chick named Karen's house.  (I think that's Karen's hand in the picture.)  I don't remember getting very high.  Everyone else did, though.  They were all giggles.  I didn't do it again for years.

Initially, I had a reluctance to do anything that might be mind-altering.  My father was an alcoholic, & while I didn't see him enough as a child to understand what that entailed (he was a very functional alcoholic, it seemed, most of the time), the hatred my mother had for his destroying their marriage & their family obviously rubbed off on me.  I was happy to see him, because when I was a kid, he'd bring gifts (or take us places, driving while intoxicated, & buying us comic books & Slurpees), but I naturally sided with my mother, who freaked out when she came home from work & Daddy had visited us that day.

As far as I know, my father never tried pot, but I had two older brothers who did*.  They tried it all the time.  All through my childhood.  At some point in high school my brother Ralph (the younger of the two) tried to use my love of the Beatles to convince me that marijuana was a kind of sacrament.  It was a weird conversation.  He was insistent, for example, that John Lennon was singing "Everybody smoke pot" at the end of "I Am The Walrus."  I had read by that point as many interviews with Lennon as I could - it may have bothered them that I knew much, much more about the music they grew up with by the time I was thirteen than they ever did - I told my brother that Lennon insisted he was singing, "Everybody's got one."**  My brother said, "Of course he'd lie!"  I confronted him with the fact that Lennon said this in 1980, right before he died, & he talked openly about his heroin use, among other things; why would he want to be coy about advocating pot in a song?  To this, my brother Ralph had no reply.

Ralph did, for a time, replace the word "drugs" for the word "love" in songs he would sing when he heard them on the radio.  For example, "All You Need Is Love" became "All You Need Is Drugs."  It was very funny, to him.

My brothers resembled the stoners at school, who weren't part of my world, & who seemed to have given up giving a shit for the sake of getting high.  I didn't enjoy school much, but I did well there, & it seemed that it might lead somewhere, & I couldn't see turning into my brothers as much of a future.

By the time I tried marijuana, I was will to do anything.  I would do acid for the first time in the coming months, for example, & I had become a social drinker.  The fact that marijuana held no charm for me is distressing on this Cannabis Day because I'll soon be living in a state where medical marijuana is plentiful.  If you've read anything I've written here, surely you must know I am an anxious sort with all kinds of obvious nervous conditions, which I'm certain marijuana could help with.  What will happen, I wonder, in the future?  Can you recommend an understanding medical professional in the Greater Los Angeles area?

Because I haven't ruled it out on anything.  It's just that whiskey tastes better.  Maybe you can get marijuana whiskey in California.  Couldn't that be a thing?  & if it is, would it be at all interesting?

* My oldest brother, as far as I know, has never done a drug, had an alcoholic drink, or smoked.  Interestingly, my younger brother - the two of them are nineteen years apart - has a similar resume, although I think he's had a beer in his life.
** In the Playboy interview, when pressed about this, Lennon said, "Everybody's got one, a penis, a vagina, whatever."  I am paraphrasing my memory.