Sleeping On The Street

When I started taking pictures with a crappy digital camera - it's only been about eight years - I really just wanted to capture things that engaged me in some way.  What has happened is that they're serving as a kind of memory aid - I will remember where I was when I took the picture sometimes, & the circumstances surrounding the event will come rushing back to me.

This is a picture I took in Dallas on this day in 2017.  The houseless problem there wasn't as bad then as it probably is now, but what the hell do I know.  I saw this fellow - & if his face had been visible, I wouldn't have taken the picture - as I was trying to find my way to a venue where there was a KNON benefit planned.  It was the first benefit I think I volunteered at - & I was tasked with putting food on the plates of the people who came to the benefit, one of the benefits of which was free food.  I actually have never worked in the food industry in my life, & I was terrible at it.  But I wanted to help the station & most of all I wanted a show.  I might get one in a year?  I forget when I got the show there.  Of course I didn't stay in Dallas long.

My wife hates when I take pictures like this.  Perhaps I shouldn't share it.  There is I hope a great deal of empathy in this picture.  There but for fortune go you & I.

My Unwanted Opinion

(from an article on BBC news)

Welcome to a new portion of this blog where I give my opinion, which has no weight anywhere, & which is no better than yours.  Unlike other people, who might share their opinions on social media, where someone might actually read them, I am sharing this on my blog, which is read by a negative number of people.  Work that one out.

Apparently there were some feathers ruffled when bona fide British pop star Damon Albarn gave his opinion about bona fide world-wide pop star Taylor Swift.  She got mad, he apologized, people took sides, I'm sure someone somewhere tried to find a way to burn their Gorillaz mp3s in protest, something to get excited about online.

Now, I don't care if you share the same opinion as I do.  It doesn't threaten me in the least.  & generally speaking, I don't judge you for it.  I understand that people approach music in myriad ways, & myself used to listen to commercial radio.  I don't anymore, & it's a fact it's not a kind of indie boasting when I say that I don't think I've ever listened to a Taylor Swift song.

It's not that I haven't heard a Taylor Swift song.  There was one of her songs during the end credits of some movie we watched, & my wife pointed out to me that it was Taylor Swift.  It wasn't the kind of music I enjoy, & I didn't listen to it.  This is a skill I've developed over time - finding a way to keep things I like out of my head by not subjecting myself to repetition.

Anyway, the opinion I have has really nothing to do with Damon Albarn's comments or Taylor's Swift's reaction, or even her music in particular.  It's one of bewilderment, & here it is:

Personally I am surprised that any pop star is allowed to write their own songs.  Someone like Taylor Swift is a paycheck to literally thousands of people, & the idea that the corporation that promotes her & sells her music would take a chance with not getting a tested & true songwriter, producer, etc., to work on her songs would seem incredibly irresponsible to the corporation making money off of her.

& maybe I'm right - there's usually another name on her songwriter credits, but I don't really have any more details or a desire to research if that person is someone hired by the corporation to guarantee that the songs are hits.  It's not really the point.  I can't believe any money-making pop star's future would be left to chance by the people who have invested in them.  It doesn't sound like good business practices.

That's it!  No judgment about the music or the artist or anything.  It isn't really about the situation at all - just my own vague understanding of a corporate music industry which I don't really pay much attention to.  My unwanted opinion.

Also, probably dumb.  Maybe this series going forward will be called "my unwanted dumb opinion."

Self Help Radio 012522: Darkness

In the chilly darkness of a Portland Monday evening, I sat in my car & waited for the defroster to melt the thin layer of ice that had accumulated on the windshield.  It was thirty minutes before the show.  It takes me about fifteen minutes to drive up to KBOO.  Though there were lights on in the car, & the porch light on outside my house, I was surrounded on all sides by darkness.

The drive is dark, too.  I commented yesterday that there don't seem to be as many streetlights in Portland, & maybe that's so.  I do know that as I drive to KBOO, I drive parallel to the Willamette, & it's a dark, black stretch of nothing between me & the other side of Portland.  That's the kind of darkness where you know something's there.  & you know it's dangerous & cold.  You could easily imagine that nightmares emerge from that kind of darkness.

On the air at last, I lie & say I'm sitting in the dark.  My eyesight is poor, I need all the light I can get - the young deejays at other radio stations would often come in at the end of my show - & the beginning of theirs - & say, "Mind if I turn off some of these lights?"  I did an entire radio show about darkness in the brightest part of the station!

Oh dear, I'm rambling because I'm sleepy.  Listen to a show about darkness either at the Self Help Radio KBOO Page or at the show's website at Self Help Radio dot net.  You know if you use the latter, you'll need a username - try SHR - & a password - try selfhelp.  What happens on the show is mentioned below.

Self Help Radio Darkness Show
"Darkness" Gamith _Carolina Funk_

"Darkness" Leonard Cohen _Old Ideas_

"Darkness" The Hussy _Galore_

introduction & definitions - featuring the Definition-O-Tron 3000

"A Darkness Rises Up" Broken Records _Let Me Come Home_

"Darkness Descends" Laura Marling _I Speak Because I Can_

"Slipping Into Darkness" Carl Bradney _Darker Than Blue: Soul From Jamdown 1973-1980_

"Prince Of Darkness (12" Version)" Bow Wow Wow _Your Box Set Pet (The Complete Recordings 1980-1984)_

"Heart Of Darkness" Pere Ubu _Datapanik In The Year Zero_

our favorite librarian Carole stops by to talk about books about darkness

"Dear Darkness" PJ Harvey _White Chalk_

"Beware Of Darkness (Demo)" George Harrison _All Things Must Pass_

"World Of Darkness" David Ruffin _My Whole World Ended_

"Even In The Darkness" Rue Royale _Rue Royale_

"Darkness To Light" Julie Doiron _I Thought Of You_

interview with follower of darkness Matt Snail

"Darkness & Cold" Purple Mountains _Purple Mountains_

"Flower Of Darkness" Earth Girl Helen Brown _Four Satellites Vol. 1_

"Turn Away From Darkness" Joyce Dunn _Lost & Found: The Blue Rock Records Story_

"Reach Out Of The Darkness" Friend & Lover _Reach Out Of The Darkness_

"In My Hour Of Darkness" Gram Parsons _Grievous Angel_

interview with proponent of darkness Jesse Thorne

"Darkness" King Khan & The Shrines _Idle No More_

"Let Darkness Fall" Raymond Listen _Licorice Root Orchestra_

"Reachin' Out In Darkness" Norma Jenkins _Patience Is A Virtue_

"Heart Of Darkness" Sparklehorse _Vivadixiesubmarinetransmissionplot_

"Darkness" Sweet Trip _You Will Never Know Why_

interview with servant of darkness Jerry Harris

"Darkness On The Edge Of Town" Bruce Springsteen _Darkness On The Edge Of Town_

"Only Darkness Has The Power" The Mekons _The Mekons Rock 'N' Roll_

"Let There Be More Darkness" Robyn Hitchcock _Invisible Hitchcock_

"Our Own Darkness" True Moon _True Moon_

"Screaming In The Darkness" Pauline Murray & The Invisible Girls _Pauline Murray & The Invisible Girls_

"Darkness Too" Kelley Stoltz _Ah! (Etc)_

a discussion about a single darkness idiom, with a memory attached

"Children Of Darkness" Richard & Mimi Farina _Reflections In A Crystal Wind_

"Little Miss Queen Of Darkness" The Kinks _Face To Face_

"My Daddy Walked In Darkness" Gil Bateman _Knock You Flat! (The Northwest Battle Of The Bands Volume Two)_

"The Darkness Was On Me" Wild Billy Childish & CTMF _Last Punk Standing... & Other Hits!_

"American Darkness" Chelsea Wolfe _Birth Of Violence_

conclusion & goodbye

"Right On For The Darkness" Curtis Mayfield _Back To The World_

Whither Darkness?

(Portland after dark - found here.)

Well if you're going to do a radio show about darkness, it helps that the show happens in the middle of the night, right?

You might surprised at how many musicians have written songs about darkness.  I was.  The idea for the show came during a late-night dog walk - during the winter, there aren't many hours of daylight in Portland, & oftentimes we must walk our dogs in the darkness because we're otherwise occupied in the brief hours of sunlight.  The wife & I were commenting on just how dark it seems to get in Portland as opposed to other places we've lived.  It could be a combination of many things - fewer street lights, larger trees, lower-sitting clouds - but it just seems a different kind of darkness, more intense, more consuming, than the relatively bright darkness of Texas, as an example.  It made me think, what would a radio show about darkness be like?

Tonight you'll find out!  Self Help Radio's show about darkness airs from midnight to 3am tonight (or Tuesday morning however you'd like to calculate the day) on 90.7fm in town & kboo.fm everywhere - & certainly everywhere in the contiguous United States, it will indeed be dark.

Don't count on us for light tonight!

Preface To Darkness: The Way Things Change

(image from an article about why darkness is important in our lives)

There was a time when I preferred the darkness.  I hated mornings - school happened in the mornings! But when the lights went out, with everyone else asleep, I could read what I wanted to, & listen to the radio, & watch old movies on the television - darkness was a kind of loneliness that I retreated into when I was young.

& it lasted into my college years.  In fact, I was stunned I could schedule my own classes so I didn't have to wake up in the morning.  I worked the night shift - 11pm to 7am - at convenience stores in both Garland & Austin for a time.  I liked to stay awake nights, when it was dark.

Then something changed.  I had my heart almost totally broken, betrayed by people closest to me.  Darkness became terrifying, especially since I couldn't sleep.  I came to crave sunlight.  As soon as I could, I'd be outside in the sunlight, sometimes sitting for hours under a tree just glad it was bright.

Though I have reclaimed some of my love of darkness - I love to do radio in the middle of the night, & have since the very beginning - I still feel so happy when there's sun.  & not necessarily the punishing sun of Texas - today was a lovely day in Portland, it's been quite rainy, there's something about the contrast that makes the sunny days that much more special.

A part of me wonders if the devastated me of thirty years ago would appreciate a radio show about darkness.  I think mainly the devastated me of thirty years ago would be surprised I was still here.  & then he might say, "& I have a radio show?"

Movies Of 1986

(image from the IMDb)

Though this past week's show was mainly about music from 1986, our resident cinephile Chuck did stop by to talk a bit about his favorite films from 1986.  Despite thinking it wasn't a very good year from movies, he happened to talk about eight of them, including his favorite movie of the year, & spoiler alert, it's the one in the picture above.

If you haven't already, go listen to the dang show!  At either kboo.fm or selfhelpradio.net!

Explore Chuck's thought & resources in these places:

His Twitter feed.
His Letterboxed Reviews.
His YouTube Playlist.
The IMDb list.
& the IMDb list of films available to stream for free elsewhere.

As always, we hope you discover something fun, & we encourage you always to watch more movies!

 

Books Of 1986

(images on this page from Goodreads.)

On this week's show - which mainly focused on my favorite music from 1986 - we had a visit from our favorite librarian Carole, who talked about some notable literary releases of 1986.  Like the one above.

She also discussed the first book of the Redwall series by Brian Jacques, the cover of which is below:

She talked at length about Gary Paulsen's book Hatchet, the cover of which is below:

So beloved is this book, Carole asked me to share a couple of obituaries of Gary Paulson: one & two.

Finally, she discussed the first book of the Babysitters Club series, called Kristy's Great Idea, published in 1986.  It looks like this:

Carole sent me a few links about the endurance of the Babysitters Club, focusing on:

An interview with author Ann M. Martin

An article about the series' legacy

A discussion about the series & the Netflix show

& fun facts about the series.

It goes without saying if you want to hear the segment, you should do so by listening at kboo.fm or selfhelpradio.net.  & be glad we have someone as smart as Carole around.  Otherwise this show would have no culture at all!

Self Help Radio 011822: 1986

(All cover images from Discogs.)

& here it is: three hours of music from 1986.  It was a very important year of music for me (as I keep saying) & playing it & experiencing it for three hours was quite emotional for me.  & still I didn't play all my favorites!  I'm planning to revisit this in six months or so, there is so much more great music from 1986.

Anyway, the less I yammer on about it, the better.

You can listen to the show at both the KBOO website & at the Self Help Radio website.  As usual, if you choose the latter, remember the username (SHR) & the password (selfhelp) to access the files.  The things that happened on the show are noted below - songs & all.

Happy birthday to me!  I think I had a decent eighteenth year.  The soundtrack was aces.

Self Help Radio 1986 Show
"Greetings To The New Brunette" Billy Bragg _Talking With The Taxman About Poetry_
"Head Full Of Steam" The Go-Betweens _Liberty Belle & The Black Diamond Express_
"Haunted" The Pogues _Sid & Nancy: Love Kills (Music From The Motion Picture Soundtrack)_

introduction

"I Know It's Over" The Smiths _The Queen Is Dead_
"But Not Tonight" Depeche Mode _Black Celebration_
"I Want To Live" This Mortal Coil _Filigree & Shadow_
"If You Leave" Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark _If You Leave_
"Bizarre Love Triangle" New Order _Substance_

our favorite librarian Carole stops by to talk about books from 1986

"Jack Of All Parades" The Costello Show _King Of America_
"Kim The Waitress" Green Pajamas _Kim The Waitress_
"Paper Wraps Rock" Momus _Circus Maximus_
"Hate My Way" Throwing Muses _Throwing Muses_
"I Want You" Elvis Costello & The Attractions _Blood & Chocolate_

our resident cinephile Chuck talks about his favorite movies of 1986

"Soul In Isolation" The Chameleons _Strange Times_
"U.S. 80's-90's" The Fall _Bend Sinister_
"Rise" Public Image Ltd. _Album_
"Cities In Dust" Siouxsie & The Banshees _Tinderbox_
"Some Candy Talking" The Jesus & Mary Chain _Some Candy Talking EP_

people were born in 1986?!?

"Sad Waters" Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds _Your Funeral... My Trial_
"Star Power" Sonic Youth _Evol_
"Love's Easy Tears" Cocteau Twins _Love's Easy Tears_
"Gunning For The Buddha" Shriekback _Big Night Music_
"Gather Up Your Wings & Fly" Felt _Forever Breathes The Lonely Word_

a discussion of the C86 movement

"You Should Always Keep In Touch With Your Friends" The Wedding Present _You Should Always Keep In Touch With Your Friends_
"I Don't Wanna Be Friends With You" Shop Assistants _Shop Assistants_
"Really Stupid" The Primitives _Really Stupid_
"I Could Be In Heaven" The Flatmates _I Could Be In Heaven_
"Beatnik Boy" Talulah Gosh _Steaming Train EP_
"Going To Heaven To See If It Rains" The Close Lobsters _Going To Heaven To See If It Rains_

conclusion & goodbye

"Love Affair With Everyday Living" The Woodentops _Giant_
"Life's What You Make It" Talk Talk _The Colour Of Spring_
"All In My Mind" Love & Rockets _Express_
"City Of Dreams" Talking Heads _True Stories_

Whither 1986?

(But this is a music show! Image from here.)

Why am I doing a radio show featuring music from 1986?  It's actually quite straightforward, which is not an adjective regularly used around here.

This is my birthday week - my birthday is on Thursday.  Self Help Radio began in October of 2002, & when the first Self Help Radio aired on my birthday week - it was January 22, 2003, which was after my birthday, & I've never done a birthday show after my birthday since then - I thought it might be fun to play music from the year of my birth, which was 1968.  & it so happened that every year after that - except one, 2004, when I had a guest program the show the week of my birth - I've moved a year up.  Last year for example I played my favorite music of 1985.  Next year it will be 1987.

1986 was a very important year for me musically.  In the fall I went away to college & I experienced freedom for the very first time.  That meant buying lots of records with grant & scholarship money, & listening to them in my room as often as possible.  So there's way too much music from 1986 to fit into a single radio show.  I'm sure I'll continue the show later in the year like I did 1985.

Also, many of the songs I love from that year are quite long.  What up with that?

Come back to my eighteenth year with me tonight on 90.7 fm & kboo.fm.  Midnight to 3am.  Maybe you were eighteen then too?

Preface To 1986: My Eighteenth Year

That image up there - which I found here - is a page from my high school yearbook with my picture on it.  I actually don't have many pictures from when I was 18, which is what I was in 1986.  & though I do have that yearbook mouldering in a box somewhere, I have very little desire to open it & scan a doubtless embarrassing picture of me for this dumb blog.  & the site where I found it wants money for something I have in a box.  So squint, you might make me out!  It's all you're getting.

For the past few years, I've been using this blog as a way to talk about my past around the time of my birthday, but lately I've just been committed to other projects - including another radio show, which is recorded, not programmed live - to spend writing about my dumb life.  It's a shame though - I think I enjoyed my eighteenth year, although if I could do it all over again, I would've done it without person I called my "best friend" & with a lot more humility.  I was an arrogant ass more often than not.  For no real reason.  With no real achievements or accomplishments to back it up.  Just absolutely full of shit.

Two major things happened to me when I was eighteen - I got my first kiss, & I left home to go to college.

The first was almost a fluke.  I fell in love with a girl in the high school library.  I introduced myself.  She seemed to like me.  Then a week later it was over.  & then she moved away.  In truth, I was wholly unprepared, but it did give me a chance to pine for her for two years.  I was already pretty good at being lovelorn.  & of course my favorite music was made by broken-hearted boys.

Going to college was almost an accident.  No one talked to me about it.  No teachers or guidance counselors & no one from my family, none of whom had attended college.  I kind of just went along with folks.  I took the SATs & I think my high school teacher recommended I send the results to several colleges (I think this is in the application).  Three of those colleges I would never have been able to afford.  I did apply to the University Of Texas At Austin, & I got in (it wasn't hard in those days, especially if you were a resident of the state) but I didn't know about getting on-campus housing so I missed that window.  If a classmate I only barely knew hadn't called me out of the blue in the summer & asked if I wanted to live with him, I would've been fucked.

No one told me about financial aid, either - I was in line at UT (this was long before computers) when someone asked if I had applied for any.  She was kind & saw my application through the different steps.  & I am so glad this nameless heroine did - because I was very poor, & in the 1980s the government still gave you free money to go to college.  Even though I did take out loans, I wasn't left with tremendous debt after college thanks to work study & Pell grants.

What ended up happening is that I lived with two fellows that I barely knew, who weren't very much like me, while the person I called my "best friend" - who not very secretly despised me & belittled me at every opportunity - lived in the dorms.  It was classic behavior from him - we talked regularly - every day! - in high school, & yet he never said a thing about living together in the dorms.  Anyway, it wouldn't have mattered, he dropped out after a couple of weeks, but because I loved him, & this wouldn't be the first time, I offered to let him live in my apartment.  He did for a few months.  Then he moved back to Garland.  Oh how I wish I hadn't stayed in touch with him!  When I write about my life in a few years - assuming I'm still doing so - you'll understand why.  His utter contempt of me allowed him to betray me on the most fundamental of levels, in a way that almost destroyed me.

Oh & the third thing that happened in 1986 was I became a vegetarian.  Yes, it's because I got into the Smiths.  I got way into the Smiths.  I don't know if I loved a band as much as the Smiths before.  I had been gaga about Bowie, & I adored the Beatles, & I thought Elvis Costello brilliant, but nothing resonated with me on a personal level like the Smiths.  So I paid attention.  & the song "Meat Is Murder" had a profound effect on me.  I've not eaten meat intentionally since - I'm happy to say it's been decades!

The show tomorrow will have lots of music that I discovered in 1986.  It was almost like every album I grabbed off the new release rack at Record Exchange on Guadalupe in Austin was an album I would love.  That seems almost impossible to think of, but once I was able to buy records with money I should've been spending on things like food & my rent, I did so.  There was no one to stop me!

One foolish thing I didn't do is open a bank account in Austin.  I trusted my sister Pat to deposit my checks into my bank account in Garland.  & I was stupid & imagined just mailing them made it okay, & I bounced a lot of checks.

There are so many things I could talk about with me in 1986 but they would probably only be of interest to me.  I discovered six weeks before the school ended that there was something called "class rankings" & was stunned to see I was number 8.  A blond girl whose name I don't remember failed an AP Calculus test & I got moved up to 7.  She wept openly at graduation at her academic misfortune.  I told her that if it would make her feel better, I'd go back to 8, but I think she thought I was mocking her.

That summer I didn't work or do anything.  I would often spend the night walking around with my "best friend."  My car died that summer, & I didn't have any money to - or really any interest in - getting it fixed.  I sold it to my brother-in-law for a hundred dollars, which I promptly spent on comic books.

At college, I was immediately surprised how unsupervised we were.  Taking twelve hours a week meant you were actually in class for just twelve hours a week - what the hell were you supposed to do the rest of that time?  I learned I could just drop a class if I didn't like it.  & I learned how to read a syllabus & to attend study sections so you could figure out if you needed to go to class at all.

But I remained alone & unlucky in love.  I wrote letters to people who didn't really want to write letters to me.  I tried hard to be friendly & asked for phone numbers of people with whom I thought I could get along, but I stopped doing that when one of them called me, just to sell me something.  It hurt my feelings.

& I did some stalkery things of which I am not proud.  I was never going to cross any lines, but at least one girl made it clear she didn't want anything to do with me & I discovered where she lived on campus & sent her letters.  I hope she threw them away.  It was dumb & creepy & I should have known better.  Now that I think about it, that was crossing a line.  I truly hope she wasn't afraid in any way.  I truly do.

All in all, there was the excitement of discovery & the chaos of freedom along with the desperation of being lonely, & young, & completely unsocialized, & also fat & ugly.  That's some of what I could say about my eighteenth year, in 1986.

Tree In Sign

Don't know if you can tell from this picture but there's a tree growing inside this sign.  I have other pictures of this sign - it was on Clayton Road in Fort Worth, Texas, just around the corner from where we lived - it's a pedestrian crossing sign, & as of two years ago - as reported by Gogleg Maps - the tree was still thriving inside the sign:

The first picture was taken by me three years ago today, in what would be (I didn't know it at the time) my penultimate year in Texas.  We walked by that sign most every day, & the fact that a tree was so happily growing within was a comfort for me.  I hope it's still there.

Two Things That Have Recently Made Me Happy

(Image from here.)

One of them, you might have guessed, is the show Ted Lasso.  I appreciate the title character & his attitude, & wish I could be as accepting, as kind, as generous, as forgiving.  My wife said that the show is like "if Mr. Rogers were a cool coach," & that's pretty close.  It doesn't hurt that I am enjoying the stories & find the cast very funny.

The other is a smaller thing, but I confess I am utterly mesmerized by the opening of the jokey comic book television show Peacemaker.  Perhaps I can embed it below.

Welp I couldn't embed it.  But you can find it at this link if you're interested.

Anyway, I marvel (no pun intended) at how utterly ridiculous it is, how completely committed the actors are, & how much I completely despise the song they're dancing to.

My wife, watching it, was completely unimpressed.  "It's just Jazzercise," she sniffed.

But for some reason it makes me very, very happy.

Self Help Radio 011122: Logs

Hooray! An entire show about logs! Everyone said it couldn't be done! That's not true! No one really cares! But my brain told me I couldn't do it! Suck it, brain! Stop telling me what I can't do & get started on ruining the end of my life with dementia!

There's still a part of me that a bit stunned I found enough songs to do a three-hour show about logs.  I was at the outset & remain a bit trepidatious about programming a three-hour show, & I also kinda wanted to fail.  But nope! I underestimated the log.  I will not do that again.

You can listen now & anytime to the show at the KBOO website & at the Self Help Radio website.  If you choose the latter, please pay attention to password information (hint: username SHR password selfhelp).  All the stuff that happens on the show is below.

This one is for Catherine E. Coulson, whose voice you hear throughout the show.

Self Help Radio 220111: Logs

"Log Jam" The Galaxy Trio _Saucers Over Vegas_
"Hollowed Out Logs" Burl _Throw: The Yoyo Studio Compilation_
"Log Cabin Fever" Split Enz _Time & Tide_

introduction & definitions

"The Little Old Log Cabin In The Lane" Fiddlin' John Carson _Complete Recorded Works In Chronological Order: Volume 1 (1923-1924)_
"The Little Log Hut In The Lane" The Carter Family _In The Shadow Of Clinch Mountain_
"A Little Log Shack I Can Always Call My Home" Wilf Carter _Cowboy Songs_
"An Old Log Cabin For Sale" Porter Wagoner _The First Ten Years 1952-1962_
"Log Cabin Home In The Sky" The Incredible String Band _Wee Tam_

interview with logger Jack Hurt

"Come On Baby (Shift That Log)" Cat Stevens _New Masters_
"Log In Fire" The Kasenetz-Katz Super Circus _Quick Joey Small - I'm In Love With You_
"The Log & The Pin" Lemon Kittens _The Big Dentist_
"Lincoln Logs" Great Plains _Length Of Growth 1981-1989_
"Lincoln Logs" Mojo Nixon & Skid Roper _Bo-Day-Shus!!!_

interview with log driver Dick Schmidt

"The Log Driver's Waltz" Kate & Anna McGarrigle _Odditties_
"The Frozen Logger" Odetta & Larry _The Tin Angel_
"Loggin' Man" Del McCoury _Del McCoury_
"Log Trucks" Brian Regan _Live_
"Lannen Lokari (The Western Logger)" Hiski Salomaa _Stranded In The USA: Early Songs Of Emigration_
"The Log Train (Demo)" Hank Williams _The Complete Hank Williams_

interview with log artisan Brett Shiloh

"Rolling Log Blues" Lottie Kimbrough _The Rise & Fall Of Paramount Records, Volume 2 (1928-1932)_
"Rolling Log Blues" Buffy Saint-Marie _The Best Of Buffy Sainte-Marie_
"Rabbit On The Log" John Lee Hooker _Jack O' Diamond: 1949 Recordings_
"Bump On A Log" Lula Reed _After Hours: The King Records Story 1956-1959_
"Irik Chuduk (The Rotting Log)" Huun-Huur-Tu _The Orphan's Lament_

interview with log-collecting neighbor Lance

"Throw Another Log On The Fire" Jim Reeves _Gentleman Jim 1955-1959_
"Put Another Log On The Fire" Tompall Glaser _Tompall_
"Lay Another Log On The Fire" B B King _King Of The Blues 1989_
"Put Another Log On The Fire" Glen Washington _Brother To Brother_
"Down In The Valley Of Hollow Logs" The Handsome Family _Through The Trees_
"Three Men Sitting On A Hollow Log" Cass McCombs _A Folk Set Apart: Rarities, B-Sides, & Space Junk, Etc._

idioms with log

"Ants On A Log" Randy Travis _Full Circle_
"She's Got Me Straddle A Log" Roosevelt Sykes _Hard Drivin' Blues_
"Sittin' On A Log" Texas Alexander _Texas Alexander Vol. 2 (1928-29)_
"Hollow Log Blues" Robert Petway _Mississippi Blues (1935-1951)_
"Hollow Log" Jimmy C. Newman _Alligator Man_
"Rolling Off A Log" World Party _Egyptology_

conclusion & goodbye

"I'm Gonna Walk Your Log" Leonard "Baby Doo" Caston _Chicago Blues Volume 2 (1939-1944)_
"I've Been Drinking Water Out Of Hollow Log" Mississippi Fred McDowell _Mississippi Fred McDowell_
"Rafting Logs Down Neuse River" H.H. Oliver _Hollerin'_
"Loggerheads" The Servants _Reserved_

Whither Logs?

(Oh, the Log Lady will be there.  Image from here.)

It is a fair question to ask, why a radio show about logs?  Well, I'll tell you.

First off, it's not about living in the Pacific Northwest where there's a thriving logging industry.  No much call for loggers on the desertifying plains of Fort Worth or in the bluegrass region of central Kentucky.  But here, yeah, you see the logging trucks & you have a sense, with all the forests around, there are people making a living cutting down & processing trees.

& that may have been in the back of my mind, but it's not the reason for the show.

Sometime before Christmas, I decided to challenge myself.  I thought, let me pick a theme that's not overly specific that I don't believe I can find three hours' worth of songs for.  & at some point my brain said, "logs."  Surely there aren't that many songs about logs.  I scheduled the show & then I set about looking.

Turns out there are plenty of songs about logs.  Color me surprised!  Perhaps it will surprise you too.

Listen tonight from midnight to 3am on 90.7 fm KBOO Portland & online everywhere at kboo dot fm to be surprised.  Unless you're a smarty-pants who knew all along there were plenty of songs about logs.  & if so, challenge me with some other theme!

Preface To Logs: It Wasn't All A Dream

It's true, the show this week is about logs, & I'll talk about that tomorrow, instead I want to report that I had my doubts about something which, over twenty-five years later, I have discovered that my memory wasn't in fact faulty.  & yes, it's about that picture above.

In 1995 I visited a friend in San Francisco.  I drove, & dropped off in Utah my friend Lauren, who had been my girlfriend, although I'm not sure if we were dating at the time.  Another friend of mine, Abbie, worked as a park ranger at Arches National Park, & Lauren was going to stay there with her & camp & do her own thing.  I drove the (let me check) nearly 1000 miles in a single day.  Well, sort of.  I got tired & slept at a rest stop in Reno.  That's a mere 700 miles.

The route I took was through the middle of Nevada, & I decided the night before the trip that course by looking at maps.  These were the days before GPS.  I didn't want to have to go up to a major highway (which would be I-80), & anyway it seemed a more direct route.  I could gas up in Ely, & then refill the tank again in Reno, & not be gouged by inflated prices in tiny towns along the way (one of which was amusingly called Austin).

When I got to Ely, I had been on the road already quite a while, & was a bit loopy.  400 miles, traversing the entire state of Utah.  The beauty was sometimes overwhelming.  & after I got gas in Ely, & headed for Reno, I saw this sign.  The sign in the picture.  It says:

Nevada Hwy 50 The Loneliest Road In America

& you know what?  I actually stopped the car to take a picture.  & I was right next to a state trooper, who got out & told me to get back in the car.  He asked me what I was doing.  I said I was taking a picture of the sign.  He asked me why.  I said because I was charmed by it.  He repeated you are charmed by it.  He asked me if I might be drunk or high.  I said no sir.  He said where are you heading.  I said Reno sir.  He said best be on your way then.

There is, I believe, a half-assed picture of the sign somewhere, taken by a cheap camera from too far away, badly backlit because it was nearing sundown.  I had gotten out to get a better picture.  But the state trooper freaked me out.  I just got in the car & went.

Today I was talking to someone & we were talking about traveling across the country & he mentioned driving from Oregon to Nevada & I thought about that road & I wondered if I could find the sign on Googli Maps.  & I did!  & I saved the picture.

For a long time I wondered if I had dreamed that sign.  It did not repeat as you drove along.  & the road was lonely.  For miles I felt I was the only human alive in all the world.  But I did misremember the sign, almost immediately - I told people it said "The Loneliest Highway In America."

But I'm glad to report it was much more ambitious.  & I think it still might be a contender for the title, if in fact it hasn't already won it.

Then I Ate Shit

The above picture was taken two years ago today, in 2020, & it might be taken as a metaphor for 2020.  After all, the year began pretty much promising normal - hell, it even looked like the president at the time, who is the physical manifestation of eating shit, might be reelected, meaning the years would continue to be the sort of anxious "good" we tried to live in.  Then that virus came along & we ate shit.

It's a strained metaphor, so I'll leave it there, but I will say I've never lived any place where more people expressed themselves by leaving messages - often well-drawn, thoughtful, colorful, artistic - on random light poles or sign poles.  I find that awesome.

Root Canal

(Let the nightmares begin.  From here.)

Yesterday I had a root canal.  It wasn't a big deal - I've had at least one before - I have terrible teeth.  The journey to the root canal was what sucked.

It began about four weeks ago with some sort of unusual pain in my upper right mouth.  I am a pretty zealous flosser, so I am used to sometimes irritating my gums unnecessarily.  But this was different.  When I had the chance to contact my dentist, I did.

Except.  I don't really have a dentist.  I have a corporation.  My insurance - chosen by my wife because it covers situations like what was about to happen the most inexpensively - ties me to a "dental group" instead of a particular dentist.  This means that, while I am "assigned" a dentist who visits me perfunctorily after my cleaning - & I sometimes think it's been more than one - I can't be sure, although I do know I have never had the same hygienist.  In fact, as I walk to my room I am shocked how much the office I visit resembles a kind of nameless, faceless office building, except instead of unhappy people behind desks in tiny rooms, it's unhappy people getting their teeth cleaned in tiny rooms.  Anyway, my dentist was unavailable.  In fact, no one was available until well into 2022.  But they did have an appointment available at a satellite location thirty miles away.

Can I just add by the way that my dentist - again, I'm not sure she's been my dentist the whole time we've been bound to this corporate feudal dentist system - decided that, against every non-corporate dentist's advice, I should get my teeth cleaned just once a year.  Surely what happened might have been predicted or even prevented had I had my teeth cleaned in October as I would have had, were I allowed to have my teeth cleaned twice a year, as, like I said, every dentist in the world not employed by a dental group would insist on.  Of course, my dentist (again, I barely know her) is probably encouraged not to allow such frivolities because it affects the corporation's bottom line.  Anyway.  Where was I?

Oh yeah, I visit the dentist thirty miles away who looks at my x-rays & shrugs & says, "I dunno.  Maybe you'll need a root canal?"  He says he'll refer my case to an endodontist.  I knew I should have been worried when he told me his name was Dr. Fife.  I should've asked if his grandfather had been a deputy sheriff in North Carolina.  When I mention that I am in some pain, he said I should look into a wonder drug called ibuprofen.  He is young & seems disinterested to the point of fecklessness.  I am sure I am one of seven hundred people he gave terrible dental advice to that day.

Needless to say, things did not improve over the next few days.  The pain became intolerable.  I found that I felt less pain if I were to simply stand up & walk around, & so - to bring this back to my dumb radio show - while I was working on the Self Help Radio Christmas show, I couldn't sit for longer than a few minutes before I had to wander around the kitchen so the pain would subside.  In the KBOO studios the night of the show, I walked most of the time I was on the air, sitting only to press play on the CD player or the speak into the microphone.

The Monday after my useless dentist visit, I checked in with my dental corporation to discover that my dentist (again, whoever she is) would not be in until Wednesday & she'd look over the referral then.  When I mentioned that I was in a great deal of pain, they said they'd fast track the referral - which led to an appointment on January 6, over two weeks from the day of the call - but they reiterated their belief in the healing powers of the great & mysterious drug ibuprofen.

My wife, used to my whining & mostly sick of it, suggested I contact my general practitioner.  So I wrote an email to her, & was contacted by OHSU folks immediately.  But before that, my wife had recommended that I begin to add to my ibuprofen taking (I did take it, despite it not helping much) the drug gabapentin.  But where would I get gabapentin, a drug that I assumed would need to be prescribed to me?  My wife had some leftover from her neck surgery from years back but I confess I also took some from my cat Bolan.  Yes, Bolan has been prescribed gabapentin for his anxiety.

By the time of my doctor's visit, where they helpfully checked to make sure whatever was causing the pain in my mouth wasn't an infection that was spreading elsewhere, I had been taking an ibuprofen & gabapentin combination that was masking the pain.  My doctor - or actually a PA, since my doctor was doubtless busy & scheduled for appointments well into 2022 - agreed with my wife & gave me more gabapentin & told me to keep doing what I was doing.  & the result was that I wasn't in a lot of pain but I could tell what the gabapentin was doing - it was masking the pain.  I could feel a kind of throb where the pain doubtless was.  It reminded me of stories in comic books where evil entities are trapped somehow in gems or behind magical barriers & threatening to return.  & I didn't want the pain to return.

Listen: it got really bad.  I foolishly, before the gabapentin, went down to Tualatin with my wife to pick up our dog Pauline who had to spent the night at an emergency vet's because of gastroenteritis (a whole other story).  I hadn't really considered what the effects of a car ride at highway speeds through different altitudes might be for one with pain in their tooth.  What I experienced was something like having a nail hammered repeatedly into my upper right jaw.  At one point the radiated pain was so great I felt my right eye might just pop out of its socket.  It may have been this experience - unhelpfully happening on a Saturday evening - which spurred me to seek any remedy imaginable, from the dentist if possible, from my doctor if necessary.

(Pauline is fine, by the way.)

The good news is, as I've said, the gaba/profen combination worked, & I have to tell you, I've enjoyed the gabapentin experience.  It has made me a bit drowsy, to be sure, but it makes it so much easier for me to fall asleep.  I often find it takes me an hour to finally trick my mind into letting me fall asleep; the past two weeks, my head has hit the pillow & I am out.  If I have to wake sooner than expected, though, I am mightily confused.  In one case, startled awake by a phone call, I wandered around the house looking for a person I must've been dreaming about.  In another, when I had been dozing on the couch, I was wholly unable to become completely awake & surrendered to sleep in the bedroom.

My wife had a bit of a hard time weaning herself from the drug; I know I will, too.

So yeah, I went to the dentist yesterday morning & discovered I did in fact need a root canal, although I'm sure Sheriff Dr. Barney Fife got lucky with that one.  I was also told by my gabby dental assistant that the endodontist specialized in root canals so I was probably going to get a root canal no matter what*.  I got the needles in the gums for the numbness (injecting novocaine into my soft palate, the gruff endodontist said, "This is probably the most unpleasant part of the whole experience" but he was wrong), I got a rubber block to hold my mouth open, & I closed my eyes & had a stranger do weird things to my teeth.  But I have to tell you:

The experience was a bit hallucinatory.  I blame the gabapentin.  I felt like I was halfway dozing through the whole thing, waking every time the dentist accidentally pinched my lip or asked me to open wide or other things I am not sure I really remember.  Keeping my eyes closed the entire time, I let my brain entertain me with sometimes baffling imagery, & I reiterate that I felt like I was straddling the line between waking & sleeping.  It didn't hurt that it was an upper right tooth so my head was almost aimed downward.  & I confess it wasn't entirely awful.  I had certainly felt a similar pain/pleasure dynamic in an acid trip or two.

In a couple of days I'll reduce the profen/gaba combo & return to normal.  My gums don't hurt anymore, although chatty dental assistant did tell me "Some people find the third day after the procedure the worst."  That seems weird.  I told her I'd stay on my drugs past that.

Above I did mention I'd had a root canal before.  I might have had more than one.  I don't recall.  It's been a long time.  But I can't imagine they were as psychedelic as this one.  I'm not even mad at dentist Barney Fife anymore.  Though I will say if you find yourself in the Portland area - like, I dunno, a town called Gresham - & your corporate insurance recommends a tooth doctor of that name, I recommend that you request a different one.  If there were a dentist Dr. Otis Campbell, or even a dentist Dr. Floyd The Barber, you should pick one of those over Dr. Fife.  You'll be glad you did.  What a fucking tool.

*He actually did explain to me why I needed the root canal.  The comment above is a tribute to my Mom, who hated dentists & believed they broke your teeth while cleaning them in order to fix them later.  She would've been happy to hear me say I was sent to a root canal specialist to get a root canal whether I needed one or not.

Self Help Radio 010422: A Handsome Show

(My dog Winston is a handsome hound.)

It seemed appropriate for a show not known for its good looks to start the year with a handsome show.  Not fooling itself that a show about handsomeness would actually make the show itself handsome, in the same way an ugly person with a beautiful person isn't physically improved by the pairing, this week's show simply allows the handsome to be handsome.  & understands it will be never itself be so.

We have handsome guests among the handsome songs, & the usual nonsense with definitions & etymologies & what-not.  But it's handsome, you see, so it doesn't have to do much but stand there & be admired.  What a way to live!

You may listen to the show at both the show's page on the KBOO website & on the Self Help Radio website.  If you choose the latter, use SHR as a username & selfhelp as a password to access.  The songs & the interviews that happened are noted below.

You handsome devil.

Self Help Radio Handsome Show

"Handsome" Camouflage _Meanwhile_

"Handsome" Summer Peaks _Saturday_

"Handsome" The Vaccines _English Graffiti_

introduction & definitions - featuring the Definition-O-Tron 3000

"Brown Eyed Handsome Man" Chuck Berry _Johnny B. Goode (His Complete '50s Chess Recordings)_

"Big Bad Handsome Man" Imelda May _Love Tattoo_

"The Handsome Moose" Joan Gerber _The Story Lady_

"Handsome Johnny" Richie Havens _Woodstock - Three Days Of Peace & Music Twenty-Fifth Anniversary Collection_

"Handsome Devil" John Doe _Keeper_

interview with Richard Steel, the handsomest man in Portland

"Handsome Molly" Grayson & Whitter _The Rose Grew Round The Briar (Early American Rural Love Songs, Vol. 2)_

"Handsome Molly" Bill Morrissey _Standing Eight_

"Look At This Face (Oh My God They're Gorgeous)" Handsome Boy Modeling School _So... How's Your Girl?_

"Handsome Men" Girls With Knives _Handsome Men_

"Handsome Wife" Pillow Queens _In Waiting_

interview with handsome Hollywood actor Denver Smith

"Real Smooth Handsome Man" The Big However _Las Vegas Amusements_

"Handsome Boy" The Ladybirds _Philly Soul Girls_

"The Handsome Stranger" Jo Stafford _Her Greatest Hits Expertly Remastered_

"He's Tall, Dark, & Handsome" Julia Lee _The Chronological Julia Lee 1927-1946_

"Handsome Lover (feat. Ethel Mae)" Robert Nighthawk _The Robert Nighthawk Collection 1937-1952_

interview with Handsome Man Magazine founder & publisher Larry Snart

"Hollywood Handsome" Tuscadero _The Pink Album_

"Handsome Woman" Throwing Muses _Firepile E.P. (Part Two)_

"Handsome Boy" The Monochrome Set _Misère_

"Handsome Man" Barbara Pittman _Memphis Belles (The Women Of Sun Records)_

"Lies Of Handsome Men" Blossom Dearie _Blossom's Planet, Planet One_

a special surprise appearance by the very handsome Idris Elba Ned Dry

"Handsome Devil" The Smiths _Hatful Of Hollow_

"High Wide & Handsome" The Bible _Walking The Ghost Back Home_

"Stay Handsome" Love Dance _You Should Know Where I'm Standing_

"Handsome Drink" Aberdeen _Homesick & Happy To Be Here_

"The Handsome Cabin Boy" Kate Bush _This Woman's Work: Anthology 1978-1990_

a discussion of the etymology of the word "handsome"

"Handsome Boy (E Wara) (Parts 1 & 2)" The Rwenzori's _Africafunk: Return To The Original Sound Of 1970s Funky Africa_

"Ayal-Ayale (The Handsome Hero) (feat. Zemenaweet Zoe Gidamo)" The Idan Raichel Project _The Idan Raichel Project_

"Handsome & Boring" Museum Mouth _Alex I Am Nothing_

"Handsomest Man & Prettiest Girl (Live)" The Pursuit Of Happiness _Love Junk Deluxe_

"Handsome" Heart Shaped _Second Hand_

"Handsome Man" Sweet William _World Of Books_

conclusion & goodbye

"Handsome Babies" Say Hi _Um, Uh Oh_

"Handsome Hobo" By George _The Life Of Guy_

"Photoshop Handsome" Everything Everything _Man Alive_

"Handsome Man" The 5.6.7.8's _The 5.6.7.8's_

"Handsome Man" Wednesday _Twin Plagues_

"Handsome Man" Tereshkova _Bouquet Slush_

https://kboo.fm/media/107028-self-help-radio-1422-handsome-show

Whither A Handsome Show?

(We submit that this is a handsome chair.)

Just a quick note: it has come to our attention that some people think tonight's Self Help Radio is a hansom show.  It is not.  We have no plans for a show about any kind of carriage in the near future.  Our apologies to fans of that outmoded method of travel.

Yes, tonight's show celebrates handsomeness.  We have some handsome guests, including the publisher of Handsome Man magazine, & we will have songs about being handsome & other handsome things.

It's fair to ask, But Gary, you are a demonstrably un-handsome person in pretty much all the definitions of handsomeness.  To which I respond, that's not what my mother told me when I was in high school.  She told me I was a very handsome young man.  She was almost certainly lying, but that doesn't mean I didn't believe her.  I didn't, & that's all the explanation you're getting for tonight's program.

It's on midnight to 3am on 90.7 fm here in Portland, & online everywhere at kboo.fm.  You don't not need to be handsome to listen to it, although I am told most KBOO listeners are extraordinarily handsome, & as such, that disclaimer was probably unnecessary.

We hope you tune in!

Preface To A Handsome Show: Never Handsome

(It's come to this.  Image from here.)

The show tomorrow explores handsomeness & I have to say, I'm not a handsome man, so I cannot speak as an expert or even really as an admirer.  There are some handsome men I understand the allure of - George Clooney, Idris Elba, & Jon Hamm come to mind - but I also find some pretty awkward men a bit handsome - & I'd give you examples but I'm afraid you'd just me harshly.

& listen, the internet is fucking scary.  I thought I'd ask the Goggle machine, "Who is someone you think is handsome that most people don't" & it took me to this Quora page entitled "Are there any handsome guys who don't think they're handsome at all?" (not what I asked) which has this first terrifying response:

"Yes, but it commonly comes along with a whole HOST of shitty pysche problems. One of my Marine friends was devastatingly handsome. Like shit you not, fucking model like. That said, when he was a kid his dad whored him out to other men as a toy. Couldn’t handle it when people said he was attractive. He thought they were fucking with him. So we got drunk one night and I broke his nose. He refused treatment so it healed all weird. Every girl in my social circle hated me, but he was thrilled."

Can we go back to "his dad whored him out to other men as a toy"?  What a thing to say in what amounts to passing?  & also the got drunk/broke his nose thing is a bit confusing too.  I've been very drunk in my life & I've hardly broken anyone's nose.  Not a one in fact.  Not even mine!

Good new, there's a helpful coda, written by the same fellow:

Handsome/Beautiful is a title YOU place upon a person, strictly based on visual judgement. They might think of themselves in a completely contrary manner.

So yeah.  That's fine.  But his dad whored him out to other men as a toy?!?!

This is something I'll need to walk away from.