1984 Was If I Recall Correctly A Lonely Year

The next Self Help Radio will explore the music that I love that was released in 1984.

On my birthday week in 2003, the first birthday I had while doing Self Help Radio, which began in October of the previous year, I thought it might be fun to play my favorite music from the year I was born, 1968.  It occurred to me that that was something I could do every year around the time of my birthday, & so I have, with one exception - I skipped 1969 the next year because I had a guest do the show.  Which is why the show is almost eighteen years old, but I'm only sixteen years in.  (Remember: the show started in 2002, but my first birthday was in 2003.)

Last year I wrote a couple of posts about 1983 which may inform this year's reminiscence.  The too long didn't read portion is this: in eighth grade, I made my first real friend, & at the end of ninth grade he moved away.  So my tenth grade year - in which I was mainly around people I'd been to school with my entire life - was a bit of a challenge.

On January 20, 1984, I turned sixteen, but I was not like most sixteen year olds.  My younger sister Karin has told me - it was a bizarre thing to say & my wife likes to repeat it - that I wasn't "sexualized" early.  The truth is, like a lot of sixteen year olds, I masturbated as often as I could.  But I had no female friends, & probably couldn't have spoken to any of them unless it was for some assignment in class.  I don't think actually I had any friends at all for the first half of 1984.  I went to school, I came home, I guess I occasionally played video games, & I read comics.

This is something I said last year: I loved comics.  I still do, of course, but there was something transformative about comics that affected me in a way nothing else did.  I was still obsessed with the Beatles, although I had started to branch out; I still read a lot outside of comics, probably beginning my obsession with John Steinbeck around this time; but every week, I went to my comics shop - which was a little bookstore on Shiloh Road in Garland that carried comics - & I spent lots of money I did not have on comics.

How did I pay for the comics?  In the many years before 1984, in the convenience stores in which my mother worked, I would often show up, & if the boss weren't there - this is something I suspect I knew but I didn't admit to myself - I was allowed by my mother to grab as many comics as I wanted.  I had amassed a large number of comics - a lot of them Archie, Richie Rich, war comics, etc. - which just sat in my closet.  I discovered that the owner of the book store - Don was his name - would give me a lump sum for a number of comics.  That, in part, paid for my comic habit.

Something else happened in 1984: I began working at the Time Saver.  This was the convenience store purchased by my mother's boyfriend Ed, at which she worked as well.  My mother didn't want to be up there all the time, so I was asked if I would like to work there.  I confess I didn't like Ed.  But I needed the money.  So I accepted the job, showing up around five pm & working until close, which could've been nine or ten.  (The Time Saver didn't stay open all night.)

There is so much more to be said about Ed, I should save that.  The reason I know I was working there in 1984 is because of the Presidential Election.  I remember two things specifically about that election (in which I could not vote).

In the summer of 1984, Mario Cuomo gave the keynote speech at the Democratic Convention.  I always knew Reagan was a lunatic, & I never trusted his nonsense, but I didn't know quite what I believed about politics.  Cuomo laid it out so plainly.  He truly gave my feelings a voice.  At that point I realized I was a liberal, or a progressive, or a Democrat.

One night, in the Time Saver, Ed called me to the television - there was a television, always on, behind the counter - it was playing a Mondale/Ferraro campaign ad.  The music was the Crosby, Stills, & Nash song "Teach The Children."  I remember Ed saying, "That's your guy."  Ed didn't give a fuck, he probably never voted.

& I remember asking the fellow who owned the book store where I bought my comics, Don, about the election.  He said this: "If Mondale wins, the economy will tank, & people will come to buy their books here, at a used book store.  If Reagan wins, the economy will grow, & people will have money to buy books here.  Either way I win."

Ultimately, I came to realize Don was an odious man, but I was puzzled by his logic.  I couldn't square it with the language I heard Cuomo use about a just society.

Comics, politics, living mainly in my head.  I had no reason to believe, as tenth grade ended, that eleventh grade would be any better.  Something happened, though, in the summer of 1984 that would change my life forever.

Self Help Radio 011320: Reflections

Something happened on today's show that I'm not proud of, & it happened within the first twenty minutes.  To explain how it happened would be extremely defensive, but suffice it to say I listen to a lot of songs before each show, & many songs are covers of a more famous song.  The Supremes song "Reflections" is one of those - I must have had five or six covers of that song, from the Four Tops to Swervedriver.  I chose to play the original as the second song of the show.  Then, after the first airbreak, I played a cover of the song.  If you could've been in the deejay booth with me, you would have seen my mortification.  I forgot it was a cover.  What could I do?  I played it then apologized for it in the next airbreak.

Someone called & told me they thought it was brilliant I played the cover - as a reflection of the Supremes song - in the middle of a reflections show!  I said, "Damn, I wish I thought of that."  The caller could not believe it was what it was: a dumb mistake.

Some shows are like that.  Much thanks always to listeners who give dumb deejays the benefit of the doubt.  They perhaps see us as a reflection of them - & how could we be bad if we're like them?

The show, the show, the show.  What a silly show.  It's at the Self Help Radio website where it's holding a mirror up to itself.  It doesn't like what it sees.  There is a username - SHR - & a password - selfhelp - if you dare to listen.  So as not to surprise you, what you will hear is below.

As always: thanks for listening! !gninetsil rof sknaht :syawla sA

Self Help Radio Reflections Show
"Reflections" New Vaudeville Band _Winchester Cathedral_
"Reflections" Diana Ross & The Supremes _The Complete Motown Singles, Vol. 7: 1967_
"Reflections" The Chambers Brothers _New Generation_

introduction & definitions

"Reflections" Original Mirrors _Nouvelle Vague Presents: New Wave_
"Reflections" Corniglia _Corniglia_
"Reflections" Lady June _Lady June's Linguistic Leprosy_
"Reflections" Liechtenstein _Survival Strategies In A Modern World_
"Reflections After Jane" The Clientele _Suburban Light_

interview with lawyer & autobiographer Bobcat Sloan

"Lucretia My Reflection" Alkaline Trio _The Suicide Girls (Black Heart Retrospective)_
"Reflecting Pools" Vitesse _Acuarela Songs 2_
"Reflections At Dawn" Phyllis McGinley _Reflections On A Gift Of Watermelon Pickle... & Other Modern Verse_
"Reflect" Frente _Marvin The Album_
"Reflection" Fanclub _All The Same_

interview with millennial experts Alyssa & Jason

"(Further Reflections) In The Room Of Percussion" Kaleidoscope _Dive Into Yesterday_
"Shadows & Reflections" The Action _Nuggets II: Original Artyfacts From The British Empire & Beyond, 1964-1969_
"It's Only A Reflection" The Lollipop Shoppe _Just Colour_
"Reflections Of My Life" The Marmalade _Jackie The Album_
"Follow-Up & Reflection" Space Ghost _Yeah, Whatever_
"Reflection" Section 25 _From The Hip_

demonstration of reflectology by Anton Mulvay

"Reflections In A Flat" Half Man Half Biscuit _Back In The DHSS_
"Reflections On Youth" Sonny & The Sunsets _Hit After Hit_
"Introspective Reflection" Ogden Nash _Pleasure Dome_
"Reflecting The Rain" In Letter Form _Fracture. Repair. Repeat._
"Reflection" Tearwave _Different Shade Of Beauty_

conclusion & goodbye

"Reflect On Rye" Emily _Irony_
"Reflected" Ronderlin _Wave Another Day Goodbye_
"A Reflection" The Thermals _Personal Life_
"You're A Reflection Of Infinite Chaos" Outrageous Cherry _Our Love Will Change The World_
"Reflections Of A Shattered Mind" Yankee Dollar _The Electric Coffee House_

Whither Reflections?

(Image from here - where there are a lot of images of things reflecting!)

This morning, avoiding my reflection in the mirror, I asked myself, & not my reflection, which I am almost certain is not me but some other being in a separate dimension who vaguely looks like me (I certainly don't look like that!) but who is intent on mimicking & mocking me at every opportunity - where was I?  Oh yeah.  This morning, not looking at my reflection, I asked myself, "Self, why do a radio show about reflections when I'm not terribly good at reflecting & I don't enjoy looking at my image reflected in a mirror or other reflective surface?"

Then I heard a voice in my head start to answer, & I immediately thought, "Oh shit it's finally happening!  I'm hearing voices in my head!"  So I rushed into my room, turned music on very very loud, & in-between songs I waited to see if there were still a voice in my head but it was very quiet in there.  Maybe too quiet.  Had I died?

Turns out I didn't die, but I had fallen asleep, & upon further reflection I realized that this needed no further reflection.  This would be a radio show about reflections, & no matter which way I looked, there'd be two images & one would be backward.  That was the nature of the radio show.  & reflections.

Tomorrow!  6-8am!  Freeform Portland (90.3+98.3fm)!  freeformportland.org!  Objects in your radio may be closer than they appear!

Preface To Reflections: Reflecting On Mirrors

Not only have I already done a show about mirrors - in October of 2004 - & not only that, I revisited the theme of mirrors in October of 2018.  But is a show about reflections necessarily a show about mirrors?

Gosh, that's like saying that once you've interfered, you're terribly involved!  It's like a marriage - the only thing is to simply go in & break it up!

Perhaps that doesn't sound right.  But when you pretend to love someone you don't love, you create hatred.  The person knows you're loving them because you feel it's duty.  That's why it's completely absurd to be dishonest with your feelings.

But what if no one delivers the mail?  What if there are no garbage collectors?

All the resentment piles up.  One day it just blows up.  For twenty years, see.  Meanwhile everybody's getting more bored & frustrated & suddenly the bombers are over you!  A whole life done away with.

We've been lucky.  The Swiss have been lucky.  The Swedes have been lucky, minding their own business.  But all that's over - technologically.

Nobody knows what the answer to it is!  But I'm certain that it has nothing to do with mirrors, which as a natural result has very little to do with reflections, while we can be confident to note that reflections might have something to do with mirrors.  They all have their place in the scheme of things without knowing they have a place.

The lesser doubts change your nature, the greater doubts change your purpose.  Go easy on yourself.

Where I'm Going Tonight

To see this guy:

Interestingly, this is the second Kid In The Hall I've seen since moving to Portland.  I did once get to see the Kids In The Hall in Dallas - they never made it down to Austin when they were touring, as far as I know - but I doubt the one-person shows the individuals Kids do would make it very far into the United States, & definitely not to Kentucky or Texas.

Another reason to be grateful we moved here!

Library Of Mirrors

This week's show - not the one that happened last Monday but the one that will happen next Monday - which I know is technically next week - but it feels weird saying "next week's show" - all right, technically it is next week's show - what I want to say is - the next Self Help Radio, happening next Monday, is about "reflections."

If you'd like to read that paragraph in German, here is how Google Translate phrased it:

Die Show dieser Woche - nicht die, die letzten Montag stattfand, sondern die, die nächsten Montag stattfinden wird - von der ich weiß, dass sie technisch nächste Woche ist - aber es fühlt sich seltsam an, "die Show der nächsten Woche" zu sagen - in Ordnung, technisch ist es die Show der nächsten Woche - was Ich möchte sagen: Beim nächsten Self Help Radio, das am nächsten Montag stattfindet, geht es um "Reflexionen."

Just FYI.

What I got to thinking today, when one of my regular contributors stood me up, was how many books  were called "Reflections."  How many could there be?

Good Reads listed 35,332 results for "Reflections."  Here are the first twenty from the first page:

Memories, Dreams, Reflections by C.G. Jung,
Reflections by Clifton Kenny
Fables & Reflections (The Sandman, #6) by Neil Gaiman, Bryan Talbot, & Stan Woch
Camera Lucida: Reflections on Photography by Roland Barthes
Reflections by Hermann Hesse
Trick Mirror: Reflections On Self-Delusion by Jia Tolentino
Reflections Of A Man by Amari Soul
Illuminations: Essays & Reflections by Walter Benjamin
Reflections by Anita Stansfield
I Remember Nothing: & Other Reflections by Nora Ephron
Reflection (Twisted Tales #4) by Elizabeth Lim
Reflections by T.R. Whittier
This Time Together: Laughter & Reflection by Carol Burnett
Reflection by Diane Chamberlain
Reflections by Iceberg Slim
Sink Reflections by Marla Cilley
Reflections by Charles Le Gai Eaton
Reflections by Idries Shah
Reflections by Marcia Willett
Reflections by Justin South

Have I read any of these?  Only the Sandman comic!  Do I want to read the rest?  Now I do!

Will I have the time to do so?  No, I will not.

Is this week's show full of these sorts of reflections?  I certainly hope so.

Will I stop asking myself questions & then answering them?  Yeah, that seems like a good idea.

PS, here are those questions & answers in German:

Habe ich etwas davon gelesen? Nur der Sandman-Comic! Will ich den rest lesen?  Jetzt mache ich!

Habe ich die Zeit dazu? Nein, werde ich nicht.

Ist die Show dieser Woche voller solcher Überlegungen? Das hoffe ich sehr.

Werde ich aufhören, mir Fragen zu stellen und sie dann zu beantworten? Ja, das scheint eine gute Idee zu sein.

Self Help Radio 010620: Iron

(Original image here.)

Sometimes you think you're absurd, & the world is like,  ha ha ha no.  On today's ridiculous show, I talk to a writer who advocates building a furnace in your own backyard to smelt your own iron.  I wasn't really talking to a writer, I was talking to a funny friend, who laughed when I suggested it, & then ad-libbed a funny response.  Then I was looking for images of iron smelting & I discovered this web page which - talks about building your own furnace to smelt iron.  Everything is absurd.

But yeah, that's the way it goes in Self Help Radioland, & the new year promises more of the same.
More odd themes, more goofy interviews, more attempts by me to be funny that fail more than they succeed.  In the meanwhile, please enjoy the first Self Help Radio of 2020, which is a show about iron.  The element.  The metal.  The stuff in our blood.

The show is at Self Help Radio dot net like it normally is.  Nothing has changed, you need a username (SHR) & a password (selfhelp) to listen.  & the stuff that happens in the show is listed below.  Happy new year!  Be careful with home smelting.

Self Help Radio Iron Show
"Zavod (Iron Foundry) Op. 19" The U.S.S.R. Symphony Orchestra _The Music Of Alexander Mosolov (1900-1973)_
"Ironside" Quincy Jones _Smackwater Jack_
"Iron Man" Four Tet _Everything Comes & Goes: A Tribute To Black Sabbath_

introduction & definitions

"Rags & Old Iron" Nina Simone _Forbidden Fruit_
"Iron & Ore" Ohbijou _Metal Meets_
"Travel Iron" Les Barker _Up The Creek Without A Poodle_
"Clay & Cast Iron" Darlingside _Birds Say_
"Iron Ore Betty" John Prine _Bruised Orange_

interview with nutritionist Dr. Greg Louisiana Ned Dry interrupts!

"Iron Deficiency" The Courtneys _II_
"Iron Lung" Black Marble _It's Immaterial_
"Anchovy Ironer" Bob & Ray _Classic Bob & Ray, Vol. 3 - Selections From A Career: 1946-1976_
"Paper & Iron (Live At The Lyceum In London)" XTC _Coat Of Many Cupboards_
"Brenda's Iron Sledge (Live)" Robyn Hitchcock & The Egyptians _Gotta Let This Hen Out!_

interview with author Hieronymous Kalb

"Big Iron" Johnny Cash _American IV: The Man Comes Around_
"Iron Lady" Phil Ochs _I Ain't Marching Anymore_
"The Man In The Iron Mask" Billy Bragg _Life's A Riot With Spy Vs Spy_
"Any Old Iron" Peter Sellers _The Peter Sellers Collection_
"Any Old Iron (Part 1)" James Kirk _You Can Make It If You Boogie_

interview with chemical heir Little Prince Boy Dow Jr.

"Marble & Iron" Carl Douglas _Marble & Iron_
"(Ride On) Iron Horse" The Marlboro Men _Absolute Funk, Vol. 2_
"Iron Sharpening Iron" Culture _Harder Than The Rest_
"Iron Lemonade" Black Moth Super Rainbow _Eating Us_
"Ride The Iron Horse" BMX Bandits _Theme Park_

conclusion, upcoming Freeform Events, & goodbye

"Strike, While The Iron Is Hot" Hot Lips Page & His Orchestra _1950–1953_
"Cast Iron Arm" Peanuts Wilson _West Texas Bop_
"My Big Iron Skillet" Wanda Jackson _The Ultimate Collection_
"A Silver Key Can Open An Iron Lock Somewhere" Liliput _Kleenex/Liliput 1977 1983_
"Iron Claw" Nuns _Rumania_

Whither Iron?

(Art by Ross Andru & Mike Esposito - Iron is the big purple one.  Found this here.)

This week's show is about "iron."  Specifically, the character Iron from the Metal Men, a weird superhero team created in 1962 by Robert Kanigher & Ross Andru.  There were six of them, they were named after elements, they were advanced robots created by a pipe-smoking genius doctor of the 1960s variety, & Iron was the strong, brave one.  & I'm certain there are enough songs about this comic book character to fill an entire show.

What, you don't believe me?  You think it might be better to do a show about a superhero named "Iron Man" who's been in three of his own movies plus various others?  Preposterous!  No one gives a toss about that character!  All people really want to do is talk about Iron of the Metal Men!  If not Iron, then his teammates: Gold, Lead, Tin, Mercury, & Platinum!  You just wait, there'll be dozens of movies about them soon enough, & they'll make you forget about an people who's not a robot made of iron but rather a human being in an iron suit.

Wait - you don't think that all those songs somehow reference the element iron, do you?  How could that be?  Iron itself seems completely dull, while Iron of the Metal Men is - well, he's also dull, but in a more interesting way.  I guess I'll have to relisten to some of these songs - oh crap, it does appear the songs are about the element iron & not Iron of the Metal Men.

Oh well, I guess you'll have to make do with a Self Help Radio about the metal called iron.  Maybe I shouldn't bring the Metal Men up at all.  We'll see.  The show's on Monday morning - that's tomorrow - from 6-8am Portland time on 90.3+98.3fm Freeform Portland, online at freeformportland.org.  It might turn out that a radio show about iron is part of your recommended daily allowance for iron, in which case, listening is also good for you!

Preface To Iron: Television Shows About Places Where You Used To Live

Though I should be working on this week's Self Help Radio, I got sucked into a Louis Theroux documentary the wife was watching.  It's about the heroin crisis in Huntington, West Virginia.  It's a difficult watch, & I don't enjoy seeing people sticking needles in their veins, so I had to turn away a couple of times, or else I might have fainted.  I get very light-headed watching that shiz.

The reason I stuck around to watch it was because it was in Huntington, a town I lived in for about a year & a month, from July 2009 to August 2010.  & I confess I saw very little drug use while I was there.

My life was small, though.  I volunteered at the Marshall radio station WMUL & did little else.  Mainly I hung out with my dogs & cats.  We got to be best friends, then.  I wasn't home a lot in Austin.

The wife hated it in Huntington so much that pretty much every weekend - unless the weather was bad - we went elsewhere, to Lexington, to Athens (Ohio), to Columbus, to Cincinnati, to Charleston.  We spent a great deal of time in a car - most places weren't on a major highway, so they took a while to get to.

After we left in the summer of 2009, I always meant to go back.  I felt like I drove around a lot - I would go shopping at Kroger at night, & try to drive home different routes, try to take in the city when it was asleep or at least falling asleep.  It simply wasn't that large.  I would walk occasionally to Marshall when I volunteered, & would walk by old old houses that were empty & falling apart.  I always wished that I had some ability to make a difference in the city, but I just didn't.

For example: WMUL didn't have many student deejays, & operated mostly on automation.  At the beginning of the semester, they'd have one meeting, & sign up lots of students, but as the semester wore on, students would simply stop coming to their shows.  The core volunteers were mainly interested in sports - the station was a kind of training ground for people who wanted to call sports professionally.  I only met a couple of indie kids there.

The Station Manager would listen patiently to my ideas on how to increase participation, & then shoot them down with an anecdote (usually something that happened a while back, which he himself didn't actually take part in) about how it had been done & didn't work.  I was usually crestfallen after such conversations.  I didn't want to try anything without his backing - & at the end of my short tenure there, I attempted to help out on a live music show, & did a good deal of work, including arranging for the station to partner with another department that videotaped local bands, the Station Manager told me he didn't think it would work out - you know, because something similar had been tried before & failed.

What I wanted to do was try to invite more non-students to deejay, but of course the station used to do that & those people got mad when students were given preferential time slots.  I suggested that perhaps you make it clear to the non-students - like me - that that's the case, but no, it was just not a good idea.

Looking back on the blog, I found this post where I announced my leaving WMUL - but I don't think I ever explained there - or anywhere - why I left.  I didn't know we would be leaving Huntington when I quit WMUL - it was the middle of June - & my wife was about to spend a month in Madagascar, so I was going to be quite lonely & isolated.  I was just tired of beating my head against a wall of indifference.  I wanted to help, & I was able to do some things, but the station didn't really have listeners - it didn't stream its music shows online, for example, because it didn't want to pay the licensing fees - & like I said, there weren't a lot of programmers.  I already did my shows mostly alone, at night.  I would go to the school's Department of Public Safety & get a key, let myself in, turn the automation off & do a show, then turn it back on & leave.  It was plenty lonely already.

Anyway, I watched the documentary to see if I could find anything of the Huntington I had lived in, & I really couldn't.  I didn't see any familiar places, & I didn't say things like, "Oh yeah!  I've been there!"  Honestly, though, my world was, as I've said, very small.

One thing I did hope to see what a Chinese restaurant that I ate at too often which is where I first had bean curd home style.  I checked Google Maps to find that it's still there, & was surprised it looked like this:

It had more than one story!  I didn't recall that.  It seems so unassuming.

There was a similar favorite place in Fort Worth that we went to at least once a week.  I always wonder if they make any note of our disappearance.

In 2002 I had back surgery & discovered I didn't enjoy vicodin.  So I suppose I wouldn't enjoy heroin either.  The documentary says 1 in 4 people in Huntington struggle with addiction to opiates.  It seems I was either there before the crisis got super ugly or I mainly interacted with the other 75%.

The Trouble With Tribbles

A long time ago, I had a different blog that wasn't really for a radio show.  It was instead a place where I tried to write funny things.  Later on, I did a radio show that shared the name of the blog, & occasionally posted playlists there, but eventually I went back to write funny things.  I should say "funny things."  Mostly they weren't very funny.  I will pick one at random as proof (this is from almost exactly seven years ago):

Inconvenient Prophecies! New Year's Irresolution!
Banish yes the furthermore thoughts of ill-repute in this divine sector of soul galaxy number one! Sub rosa ab ovo the fiercest of charlatans will converge on chatter-town & blatherskite within mere moments of the veil-lift in upper lower & sideways round! Come ye closer no more to always hear what lies aboveboard resisting both law & urge as scoop reveals what stab cannot!

Brethren? Is that thee? Hasn't harpies made killjoy of arse all? Sit if you can't stand, stand if you must, but one more glowing comet in the sky hand-shackles the dimly-lit mind of human racers! Didst thou not ken it were an competition? Sit or stand as my main man unfolds the map of the plan on the bandstand hand-to-hand & back again! The soundtrack of your laughter!

Were you never called Betsy as a rule? Didn't someone ever break a rose in your face? If wine makes you cry, do you keep bottles filled with winter & dew? When someone takes your pulse, do they hear the roaring twenties? Let us now in effect disregard the efficacious yes/no question as volcanoes ignore somnambulism! Let us give the slip to the on/off switch in print form!

Didst thou they think thirsty & thin thieve & thump in thy youth? Then it turns out there's no money in puzzling the proselytized! You have been given an entirely new year for manhandling, fondling & freakiness, faithful flukes - scratch out in greatest detail what graffiti has been painted in the brains behind your eyes! O indignity shake my left hand heartily! O grateful animals we!

That was strange.  & not really funny.  But wow.  I have no memory of writing that.  Anyhoo.

At some point I wrote a blog post about a historical figure who couldn't possibly have had photographs taken of her, since she lived during the Enlightenment, so I titled a post "The Last Nude Photographs Of" her.  It turned out that for some reason a porn star adopted her name, & suddenly people were finding my blog because it had "nude" & the porn star's name in its title.

It was a brief moment of popularity.  Of course, no one read the blog, they were looking for pictures of someone who made a living naked, naked, & there weren't any.  But wow did I get lots of hits!

& so let's try it again.  Will people looking for Trekker commentary about "The Trouble With Tribbles" find this blog?  Who knows!  It's Friday night!  I'm a little drunk!  Oh the thinks I think I can think about some of the time!

But Who Counted?

Before I marvel at the final tally of my radio shows (& non-radio shows, as the case my be), I want to remind you that you can listen to episodes of my show Sugar Substitute at the Sugar Substitute page at the XRAY web site.  Since it's already there, I don't host it over at Self Help Radio dot net.

The Dickenbock Report has yet to be given its own page over at the KBOO web site, but if you want to listen to last night's episode, it's going to be on this page here.  Maybe forever?  I dunno.  It's a silly show.

Now: the count.  Here's what I got:

45 episodes of Self Help Radio (27 "podcasts," 18 on Freeform)
14 episodes of Sugar Substitute on XRAY
13 episodes of the Tuesday Morning Blend on KNON
01 episode of The Dickenbock Report on KBOO
27 subbed shows (14 on Freeform, 7 on KBOO, 6 on XRAY)

Grand total: 100 radio shows in 2019!

But wait! Twenty-seven episodes of Self Help Radio were never on the air, so it's really more like 73 radio shows in 2019.  Impressive, but not as cool as one hundred.

If I take no weeks off in 2019, & if I have the same schedule, there will be at the very least this total:

52 Self Help Radios
52 Sugar Substitutes
27 Dickenbock Reports

That's 131 radio shows.  It doesn't count subs or fills, which I will continue to do.

This is madness.  Is it sustainable?  It can't possibly be sustainable.

Self Help Radio 123019: Indiepop A To Z # 61

(Almost all images found on Discogs.)

The last Self Help Radio of 2019 almost undone by disaster!

It's true.  The online stream went down about two-thirds through the show, & that's how I record the show.  So basically my last two airbreaks are lost to the ether.  I was able to re-create the music for the show, & I recorded a couple of "fill-in" airbreaks this afternoon, but what amusing anecdotes & delightful bon mots I might have said in those last two airbreaks are forever gone.  Weep not, I say shit on the radio all the time, it's not big deal.

Except: it's funny how I was just talking about how grateful I am to be doing Self Help Radio live after doing it prerecorded from 2016 to 2019 - & I end the year having to record some airbreaks.  Funny, I tell you!  It's hilarious!

The show is where it should be, at the Self Help Radio website, & you should know by now: username is SHR, password is selfhelp.  There's just me on the show, & lots of songs with band/musician names in alphabetical order.  What happened on the show is below.

Happy new year!

Self Help Radio Indiepop A To Z # 61
"Simon Says" 1910 Fruitgum Co. _Best Of The Bubblegum Years_
"Yesterdays Forever" Ninjas _What You've Missed So Far: The First Hundred Releases Of Blackbean & Placenta_
"I've Got Wings" Ninotchka _Do Not Fear The Future_

"J.O.S. Days" The Nits _In The Dutch Mountains_
"Yesterday" The Nivens _From A Northumbrian Mining Village Comes The Sound Of Summer_
"Still In Love Tomorrow" Nixon _Only Ugly People Smoke_
"Parasol" Niza _Canciones De Temporada_
"Rubble" No Flags Etc. _The Sound Of Leamington Spa, Vol. 5_

"Meet The Folks Part 1" No Middle Name _Meet The Folks_
"Changes" No Vacation _Phasing_
"Always Make Your Bed" Nodzzz _Innings_
"Back In Your Life" Noise Addict _10,000 Kids With Guitars_
"Best Man" Nomad Pop _Best Man_

"Ice Cube Says" The Nomber 5s _If We Get It On Tape_
"Your Hand For An Hour" The Non Stop Kazoo Organization _Something Strange E.P._
"Fear Of Dating" The Nonpareils _Little Darla Has A Treat For You, Volume 4 Summer 1996_
"Pack It Up" Mark Norkowicz _Captain Circus! Chocolat Art Returns Compilation Vol. 1_
"Television (Saved My Life)" Norman Bates _Airpop Terminal 2_

"Billy Liar" North Of Cornwallis _The Sound Of Leamington Spa, Vol. 1_
"Never Take The Beauty" Northern Fields _EardrumsPop 100_
"Paris" Northern Picture Library _Still Life_
"Crazy" Northern Portrait _Criminal Art Lovers_
"Nadadora" Nosoträsh _Momentos Perdidos_

"Bite" Nothing _Bite_
"Sorely Tempted" Nothing Painted Blue _The Future Of Communications_
"Sur Ton Répondeur" Notre-Dame _Casablanca: La Colección de Cludades - Módulo 2_
"Making Plans For Nigel" Nouvelle Vague _Nouvelle Vague_

"I've Realized" The Occasional Keepers _True North_
"Drifting, Falling" The Ocean Blue _The Ocean Blue_
"Chimes" The Odolites _Chimes_

Whither Indiepop A To Z # 61

(Image from here.)

Yes, it's that time again: I continue my probably never-to-be-finished Indiepop A To Z series.  We're at the end of letter N, although I doubt we'll finish it this time around.  I keep doing this because, by my nature, I'm a character in some Samuel Beckett work.  Probably named Krapp.

Yes, I'm a little worried that it won't make any sense, since Portland hasn't heard the first sixty installments, although that didn't bother me in Lexington.  It just seems like no one would tune in to part sixty-one of something.  Not even on Netflix!

Nevertheless, Self Help Radio presents the Indiepop A To Z # 61 tomorrow from 6-8am on 90.3/98.8 fm Freeform Portland, freeformportland.org.  Lots of indiepop goodness from all over the globe.  Guaranteed.

Preface To Indiepop A To Z # 61: Will This Be Weird

Something I don't presume to know is whether or not anyone is listening to this dumb show I do.  (I'm not even going to talk about the two other dumb shows I do.)  But wait...

Listen, I just updated my Twitter profile & there's simply not enough room to list these things:

Self Help Radio 6-8am Mondays KFFP freeformportland.org
Sugar Substitute 2-4am Tuesdays KXRY xray.fm
The Dickenbock Report 3-5:30am alternating Thursdays KBOO kboo.fm

What I had to leave out was the call letters.  It makes it seem like I just do internet only radio, right?

Anyway, that's now what I wanted to talk about it.  I wanted to mention something I probably mentioned in August.  Did I?  Not really.  It's this:

The show just started in Portland.  But this week's show will be the sixty-first installment of the Indiepop A To Z series.  Will that be weird & confusing?  Will I need to keep explaining it?

Or is no one listening?  & therefore the fretting utterly useless?

You will tell me it's the latter - & I suspect it is - but ultimately with me fretting is a means unto itself.  So for the next two days, before the show - I'll fret away!

Twice (So Far) In Portland

This is dumb.  But I want to mention this.

If you've never heard me on the radio, there is something you need to know: I talk.  I talk a lot.

It's not just rambling.  In general, I have things to talk about.  On Self Help Radio, it's the theme.  On other shows, I'm usually talking about the music I just played, or perhaps the music under my voice.  Sometimes I talk to set up the next set.  But the point is, I talk.

Many moons ago, when I went away for the first time & left SHR in the hands of other programmers, whom I asked to do the show, I was a little amazed when I saw their playlists which has so many more songs than I normally played.  That's because they simply back-announced, & then went to the next set.  No embellishment, no expounding on the show's theme.  I just don't do that.

Twice in Portland this has affected me badly.  Well, thrice.

When I first started subbing at KBOO, the one available slot was for the folk block (or "strip" as they prefer to call it) in the mornings.  I like to celebrate birthdays, so I found some folk & blues artists who had birthdays on the days I was deejaying.  I discussed their lives & play some of their songs.

The KBOO folk block has long-time listeners.  They did not like how much I talked.  One of them called me after I had started a song & unfortunately said, "Get off the air!"  I pointed out that a song was playing, & after a bit of sputtering, they hung up.

The first time I ignored it.  The second time, the listeners doubled down.  Two people called to tell me not to talk so much.  I was affable & thought I could weather it.

But it did affect me badly.  I was not wedded to the folk/country/Americana/blues format, & I didn't want to be a thorn in the side of cranky regular listeners, so I haven't subbed a KBOO folk show since.  I was told by people at KBOO to ignore these curmudgeons, but for me it doesn't seem to be worth it.

This past Wednesday I subbed an XRAY afternoon show & got a text - you can get texts at XRAY! - which basically said, "Less talk please."  I remember Weird Al's response to Space Ghost on the Cartoon Network show when told to shut up: "I don't know how!"  I sent a text back that said, "I'll do my best."

There's a part of me that doesn't want to irk regular listeners but - there's a part of me that wonders, who are these people listening to radio who don't know that part of the charm of radio is listening to the person playing the music?

Therefore I will continue in my unpopular manner, yammering in-between sets of music.  What else can I do?  I'm not an iPod, I'm not a Spotsify, I'm not your personal satellite radio.  Please feel free to go elsewhere - most people have!  But I want to have fun.  This is how I have fun.

But Who's Counting?

Oh shit, I guess I am.

It's that time of the year when you take time to reflect on what happened in your life because an arbitrary, human-made demarcation (like a year) ends while another arbitrary thing begins.  It makes sense (at least on Earth) to age oneself by years, since you do complete another trip around the sun, but the end of December & the beginning of January happen at what appears to be completely random times.  I would, for example, start a new year at the solstice.  But I was not consulted at the time.

Anyway, what I wanted to point out is how dire my radio prospects seemed at the very beginning of this year - yes, I had a show on KNON in Dallas, but it was not Self Help Radio.  & yes, I continued to do Self Help Radio, as a "podcast" I guess, but it wasn't being aired - & I want to do that show most of all.  The chances of Self Help Radio happening in Dallas if I stayed there were goose egg.

Then strangely, suddenly, we moved to Portland, Oregon, in May, & by June I was subbing on KBOO.  By July, on Freeform Portland.  By August, on XRAY.

Self Help Radio premiered on Freeform on September 2.  Sugar Substitute on XRAY on October 1.  & inexplicably, surprisingly, a show called The Dickenbock Report premiered just last week on KBOO.  If I could travel back to January 2019 & tell that Gary that this was his future, he'd scream & try to kill me because he's read too many science fiction books about shapeshifting aliens that want to eliminate you & take your place.

So here's the skinny.  I count 94 radio shows this year (so far - I'm doing two tomorrow).  Of those 94, I am including 27 episodes of Self Help Radio that were never on the air.  So if you want to be technical, it's only 67 radio shows I've done this year - but that's still more than one a week!

The tally:

Self Help Radio*: 44**
KNON Morning Blend: 13
Sugar Substitute: 12***
The Dickenbock Report: 1
Sub Shows: 24****

That adds up to 94.  The sub breakdown, by the way, is this:

Freeform: 13
KBOO: 7
XRAY:  4

If I don't get sick, get hurt, or die, in the next few days, the total for the year will be 98.  (71 if you don't want to count the podcasts, you hurtful person you.)

Furthermore, assuming I do all of my radio shows next year - not a safe bet, but, you know, I just might - that will mean:

52 Self Help Radios
52 Sugar Substitutes
26 Dickenbock Reports

That's 130 radio shows.  Not counting subs/fills/ whatever you want to call them.

However you look at it, I will probably be doing lots more radio in 2020.  Apologies in advance.

* Including "podcasts"
** They're be one more next week; I suppose I took seven weeks off this year, especially while we were moving.
*** My last radio show on 2019 will be Sugar Substitute next Tuesday.
**** I'll sub two more shows this year, both tomorrow.

Self Help Radio 122319: A Very Self Help Radio Christmas 2019

(Original cover found on Discogs.)

Ho ho ho!  It's a Christmas show!  Plus some Hanukkah songs!  & a Kwanzaa song thrown in for good measure!  Ho ho ho!  Yes, Santa's here, as well as all kinds of reindeer, the Grinch, & even those lovable misfits from The Gift Of The Magi!  Why, the only thing missing from this Christmas show is you!  Where the heck were you?  These presents aren't going to unwrap themselves!

Please enjoy some holiday nonsense now & whenever at the Self Help Radio website.  Please pay attention to username & password information on the site.  What happens on the show is listed with the playlist below.

Have a wonderful holiday!  Hope I didn't ruin it for you or anything.

A Very Self Help Radio Christmas 2019
"Income Tax" Dub Adams _The History Of Country & Western Music, Vol. 14 (1947-1948)_
"Captain Santa Claus (& His Reindeer Space Patrol)" Bobby Helms _Christmas Party_
"Old Fashioned Christmas" Charlie Marie _Old Fashioned Christmas_

introductions

"You're A Mean One, Mr. Grinch" Cliff Beach & The MB's _You're A Mean One, Mr. Grinch_
"White Christmas" Jeremy & the Harlequins _A Chinese Restaurant/White Christmas_
"Twelve Days Of Analysis" The Therapy Sisters _Codependent Christmas_
"Christmas Lights" The Magic Theatre _A Christmas Gift For You From Elefant Records_
"Christmas, Christmas" The Minders _Christmas, Christmas_

interview with Kentucky writer Carl Lebanon

"The Needles" The Lilac Time _Return To Us_
"Cardboard Street" Fischer-Z _Swimming In Thunderstorms_
"Holiday Movie" The Small Calamities _Designer Heartache_
"Case Study: Audio Book Classics" Superego _Superego Season 2, Episode 9_
"Kwanzaa's Here Again" Barnes & Barnes _Holidaze In Lumania_

Ned Dry interrupts!

"Hanukkah O Hanukkah (A Miracle Of Lights)" Herman Düne _Santa Cruz Gold_
"The Hanukkah Scoot" Bunnygrunt _Blue Christmas_
"(I'm Spending) Hanukkah In Santa Monica" Tom Lehrer _The Remains Of Tom Lehrer_
"Chanukah" Lewis Black _Anticipation_
"Dreidels Of Fire" Adam Green _Hanukkah+_

interview with Millennial Experts Alyssa & Jason

"The Pig Went Out To Dig" Jean Ritchie _Carols For All Seasons_
"Deck Five" Saturday's Children _Saturday's Children_
"The Merry Old Philosopher" Eddie Lawrence _The Kingdom Of Eddie Lawrence_
"Merry Christmas" Blake Xolton & The Martians _Experiments In Destiny_
"Just Another Christmas Wish" Tan LeRacoon _Just Another Christmas Wish_

interview with Lorenzo Schwab

"Christmas Kisses" The Bookends _Christmas Kisses_
"Lem, The Orphan Reindeer" Kathy Garver _Lem, The Orphan Reindeer_
"I Was A Teenage Reindeer (with Daws Butler)" Jim Backus _I Was A Teenage Reindeer_
"Double-O Santa" Seks Bomba _50,000,000 Elves Fans Can't Be Wrong_
"Santa Claus" Marvin Pontiac _Marvin Pontiac: The Asylum Tapes_

conclusion & goodbye

"The Christians & The Pagans" Dar Williams _Mortal City_
"Christmas Everyday" Mariya May _Mariya May_
"Banjo Cheer" Tony Trischka _Glory Shone Around: A Christmas Collection_

Whither A Very Self Help Radio Christmas 2019?

(This is from an old RCA Christmas record I found on Discogs.)

It's that time of the year again.  Christmas.  Yule.  Noel.  Christmastide.  Yuletide.  Noeltide?

As certain as Santa's gonna need extra insulin on Christmas Eve is that there'll be a Very Self Help Radio Christmas.  There's been one ever since the beginning of the show, in 2002.  Except for 2010.  I went to Australia that year, & they celebrate Christmas in the summer.  Their summer.  Which is also in December.  But I was there & not in the States, so I didn't do a Christmas show.  But there wasn't anything Grinch-y about it.  Who wants to hear a Christmas show two weeks before or one week after Christmas?  No one!

Luckily it's just two days before Christmas, so it's Goldilocks just right time for a Christmas show.  & only one.  In fact, I am not sure anyone else is doing a Christmas show this year except me.  Yep!  I just checked!  It's only me this year.  In the whole United States.  Wait!  North America?  Wow, the pressure is on!

Please listen to this year's Very Self Help Radio Christmas Show tomorrow (Monday) morning from 6 to 8 am on 90.3/98.3fm Freeform Portland freeformportland.org!  I repeat, there will be no other Christmas show anywhere else in the country this year except this one.  If you expect to get anything from Santa this year, you should listen!

Preface To A Very Self Help Radio Christmas 2019: Dumpster Fire Holiday

This is an image I found on the internet.  I don't know where I found it*, but I did find it in the past few weeks, & I put it in the folder on my computer where I gathered songs for this week's Self Help Radio, which is the annual Christmas show.  It's true!  When I have ideas or songs I put them in a folder.  I do it all year long.  I don't remember what I put in the folder throughout the year, so today, while I listened to songs, it was a discovery.

It rained all day in Portland, & the animals & I most stayed indoors.  I took the wife to the airport very early this morning; she's with family in California.  I ate cold pizza & listened to Christmas music most of the day, although there was a brief interruption in the entropy of radio show preparation where I took the dogs for a walk.  None of us had any fun, a couple of us pooped, & mostly we got very wet.

Something I've probably said a bajillion times on this blog is that I don't celebrate Christmas, except this show.  We bought a house earlier this year - I guess it's just been a couple or three months now! - & we didn't put up Christmas lights.  (A neighbor has colorful icicle lights I covet, but not enough to actually buy the same kind & then put them up.)  There's no Christmas tree, I am not buying anyone presents, I didn't send nor did I receive any cards, & I won't be going back to Garland for the holidays.  I haven't done that for over a decade or so now - before I left Texas the first time, I believe, I chose not to spend time with my family for Christmas.

So why do a show?  The sheer amount of terrible Christmas music I listened to today should make me think, hey, you know what?  Not only do you not celebrate this holiday in any way besides your show, you probably shouldn't even celebrate it on your show.  This is something to think about.  Is it time to utterly excise Christmas from my life?

Today was the shortest day of the year, with only nine hours of sunlight today - all of it filtered through gauzy rain clouds.  I didn't celebrate the solstice, either, but at least I acknowledged it - on Christmas Day - with the wife away, & my family farther away - I'm going to sub a show on XRAY.  Will I play Christmas music?  Well!  I haven't thought that far enough ahead!

* Luckily, the artist signed it!  So you know it's not mine.

The Dickenbock Report (The Lowdown)

(I found this image on Kliph Nesteroff's Tumblr page.)

It's official: I now do a third radio show in Portland, this one on KBOO.  That means I have Self Help Radio on Freeform Portland on Mondays, Sugar Substitute on XRAY on Tuesdays, & The Dickenbock Report on every other Thursday on KBOO.  How did that happen?  The truth is, I have no earthly idea.

When I arrived in Portland, KBOO was the easiest station with which to get involved.  They have monthly orientations, a more or less functional volunteer system, & many opportunities to help.  I have settled with working in the amazing music library, which I do every Wednesday.  & I've subbed a few times, & I sit on the Programming Advisory Committee.  But I never thought I'd get to do a show there, so I pursued other options.

Freeform was the most welcoming & that's why my baby Self Help Radio is there.  I helped out enough at XRAY that by - when was it? - October, I was offered a show there.  & I felt I was being kept busy enough - regular gigs two days a week, sub opportunities when they arose.

This weekend - on Sunday, actually, when I was working on SHR - I got an email that a slot had opened at KBOO.  Was I interested in a weekly or biweekly show?  Hells to the yeah I was.  I sent back an email saying I was interested, then another an hour later clarifying that I was very interested. It turns out I wasn't the only one interested; someone else wanted the slot too.  The Program Manager at KBOO offered us both the slot, to share every other week.  In a real sense, that was a relief - I might not be able to handle three radio shows a week.  With that settled, I had one more problem: what the hell kind of show was I going to do?

Might I simply repeat the week's Self Help Radio?  I don't enjoy repeating myself - I feel weird when I play the same artist twice in a week (although I did do that this week since I did ten & a half hours of radio this week) (it was just one artist, though) - but the KBOO show is two & a half hours, while Self Help Radio rests most comfortably at two hours.

Might I revive another radio show I've done before?  That might be nice - I really miss doing the Cradle To Grave show that I did five years ago in Kentucky.  But that seems to be a bit daunting at two hours - two & a half hours might be too much.  Also, it was nice that each part took an hour - it would be weird to have each segment take one hour & fifteen minutes.

Hey - what if I took elements of both?  What if individual segments explored different themes, & also I took the time to celebrate birthdays & commemorate death days?  & what if I couched them in a kind of fake newcast format?

That's what I did for the first episode of the Dickenbock Report.  You can listen to it here.

& maybe you can tell me what you think.

The Dickenbock Report (The Teaser)

This morning was the first episode of The Dickenbock Report, a third show I am doing here in Portland at a third radio station, KBOO.  I wanted to take the time to present my idea for the show, & even give you a link to it, but circumstances (including but not limited to lack of sleep) have made it impossible for me to do so today.  Can you wait until tomorrow?

Before I knew I would get the show - it happened quite suddenly - I signed up to sub an early morning show on Freeform Portland, so that's what I'll be doing tomorrow morning from 4-8am.  Which is more like tonight to me, since I am getting very little sleep.

But if you're wondering: yes, I'm very happy with all this radio this lovely city is letting me have.  Oh my gosh yes.

Self Help Radio 121619: Gary's Favorite Music 2019

(Most covers from Discogs but a couple from Bandcamp.)

Here it is.  It's so weird to lay out so definitively your favorites of a year.  It's like when people ask you for your top ten - top ten albums, top ten films, top ten musicians - it feels like a trap.  Aha!  You said that was in your top ten but you obviously are showing your appreciation for something entirely else instead!  I just know this show would be just a little different if I were to do it two weeks from now, & a year from now, & ten years from now.

However, let's let it stand for now.  Here are thirty tracks - twenty-seven songs, two stand-up bits, & one whatever the hell Negativland does - from my favorite, most-played records of the year.  I'd love to hear yours.  If you're foolish enough to make such a list!

Listen now & whenever at the Self Help Radio website.  Remember the username & password (SHR + selfhelp).  Look at the list of songs I played in the order I played them below.  & enjoy.

Self Help Radio Favorites Of 2019
"Self Help" Momus _Akkordion_
"Gary's Song" Wild Billy Childish & CTMF _Last Punk Standing... & Other Hits!_
"Gary Lives In A Weird, Weird World" Gary Wilson & R. Stevie Moore _Fake News Trending_

"It's Over" Morrissey _California Son_
"The Life & Soul Of The Party" The Divine Comedy _Office Politics_
"In The Morning" Edwyn Collins _Badbea_
"It's Not Explained, It's Delaware" Tullycraft _The Railway Prince Hotel_
"Thomas" Spearmint _Are You From The Future?_

"All My Happiness Is Gone" Purple Mountains _Purple Mountains_
"Pulp Of Youth" The Growlers _Natural Affair_
"I'll Light Your Way Back" The Catenary Wires _Til The Morning_
"The Late People Joke" Mike Birbiglia _Thank God For Jokes_
"Life Has Turned A Page" Robert Forster _Inferno_

"Always" April Magazine _Hot Sick Vile & Fun: New Sounds From San Francisco_
"Faces" Failed Flowers _Faces_
"Hits The Bone" Jeanines _Jeanines_
"Salty Kiss" Stars On Fire _Songs For The Summer_
"Tomorrow Ends Today" The Springfields _Singles 1986-1991_

"Get High & Listen To The Cure" The Mountain Goats _Welcome To Passaic_ (Merge)
"Someday I'd Like To Be An Artist" Sonny & The Sunsets _Hairdressers From Heaven_
"Limbo" Negativland _True False_
"But I'm A Top" The Ballet _Matchy Matchy_
"I Don't Know Why I Still Love You" Rocketship _Thanks To You_

"Scarlet" The Motorcycle Boy _Scarlet_
"What A Mess!" Ellis _The Fuzz_
"Truth = Cynicism" David Cross _Oh Come On_
"Mould Lines" Thigh Master _Now For Example_
"Pay Day" Gauche _A People's History Of Gauche_

"I Turned My Back On The Written Word" Generationals _Reader As Detective_
"Saturday Night (feat. Bleached)" Hunny _Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes._

Whither Gary's Favorite Music 2019?

(Original image here.)

All right, it's about to happen: the sort of list I hate to make because I know - I just fucking know - I am leaving something important off.  Heaven knows I try to listen to as much as possible, but it's impossible to have heard everything.  Even stuff I like - I didn't find out till a couple or three weeks ago that Spearmint released a new album!  & it's awesome but I certainly haven't listened to it as much as some of the other stuff that I've loved this year because I've only had it for three weeks!

Okay, Gary, get a grip man.  No one cares, no one's going to judge you, you'll be lucky if someone is listening, right?  Right, sure.  Fine.  Maybe I shouldn't even do this.  I don't like best of lists, I hate the idea of awards, but, but, I've been doing this since 2004.  Wait.  Didn't the show start in 2002?  Sure, sure, but you know it takes me a while to get my shit together.  That's very true.

Deep breath.  Take it easy.  It's time to say: tune in tomorrow morning from 6-8am Portstown time (it's Pacific Standard Time) on 90.3 & 98.3 fm & freeformportland.org to listen to a very self-serving set of songs I listened to lots this year.  Plus a couple of comedy things.  & whatever you want to call Negativland.

Hope you'll listen, & maybe share your favorites here on the blog!

Preface To Gary's Favorite Releases 2019: Apologies In Advance

Why apologies in advance?  Am I going to apologize about my opinions now?

No, no.  I like what I like & you can ask me why I like it & I'll tell you why I like it, & I never feel sorry for that.  I don't believe I have any "guilty pleasures."  That implies you're a little ashamed you like something - but I have a reason for liking everything I like, & growing up a proud & nerdy comic book collector & reader makes you pretty impervious to people shitting on what you like.

No, I'm going to apologize for how non-diverse this week's show is.

Because, while I listen to lots of different kinds of music - I love to go down musical rabbit holes in most every genre - the stuff I return to is the stuff I alway return to: indiepop, indie rock, postpunk.  I understand how that can be a bit samey.

& I'd love to pay attention to electronica, world music, hip hop, country, folk, etc.  & I do listen to that stuff when I am tasked with subbing those shows, but it's not what I return to again & again.

So: apologies for the sameness of this week's Self Help Radio.  I guess I should be grateful I still listen to new stuff.  So many folks my age just simply don't.

No One Listens To Artists

Like a lot of people, I am really bummed about the UK elections.  It seems so obvious that Boris Johnson is a hateful clown; it's unthinkable that anyone would buy anything he's peddling.

Many folks say the same thing about Trump over here.  The thing is, Trump lost the 2016 election by three million votes.  It's only the antiquated Electoral College that let Trump "win."  The fact that pundits & commentators talk about Trump winning "half the country" always obscures the truth that he didn't really win at all.

We can therefore say that more than half of all voters didn't fall for his con-job, & probably most of them still don't.  But I don't want to speculate on that.  I want to talk about something I noticed in the run-up to the UK election:

To a person, artists opposed Boris Johnson.  Musicians, actors, visual artists - look at statements online & you'll see they almost unanimously supported the Labour Party.

This happens in the United States, too.  As was seen at the Republican National Convention in 2016, the biggest "star" they could get - someone who doubtless thought it would revitalize his career, although it obviously hasn't - was a 1980s actor whose biggest role was a supporting part on a long-running but mostly forgotten sitcom.

There may be a Jon Voigt here & there who supports Trump, but the vast majority of musicians, artists, actors, even professional athletes wouldn't go anywhere near that orange toxic waste dump of a man.

Why do artists skew left-wing?  My own thought is that is has to do with empathy.  To create worlds, to channel emotion, to be creative, one needs to be able to extend oneself to attempt to feel & understand many different ideas, points of views, ways of life.  Inside an artist there is rarely "one" person; usually there's a multitude.  & they see the cruelties of the conservative world-view.

& people utterly rely on artists.  Everyone goes to see movies, everyone listens to music, everyone watches television.  Even the most hackneyed & tired creations out there need some form of artist, either by inspiration or creation, to put them together.

Yet it seems most voters in the UK said, fuck the artists, let's go for the ridiculous man who has plainly said hateful & racist things.  Artists said, you will cause more suffering voting for this, you will lose your health care, you will bring economic ruin to your country.  & the average British voter said, as long as it doesn't benefit people who don't look like me, I'm fine.

What is the artist's response to this?  I have no answers.  I just hope that in a year, reflecting over the events of our own election, I'll be able to say, "At least the majority of us in the United States listened to the artists this time."

Kill All "Best Of" Lists Dead Forever

This is something I wrote for the blog three years ago, I believe, yes, I checked, the original post is here.  I argued there why I think it's dumb to make "best of" lists.  Since no one knows who I am, nor cares, I doubt it has influenced anything - but I have noticed that Allmusic now says "favorites" instead of best. Hmmm.

As I've done for the past couple of years, I repeat my original argument.  I still believe it.  That's why this week's show is called "Gary's Favorites" & not "Best Of."  Enjoy the reasons why I don't believe you - or anybody - can say anything is the "best" as an objective observation:

1) No one has listened to every album or single or ep released that year.  Sorry.  You may think you have, but it's impossible.  If all you're listening to is major label stuff, you are most definitely not listening to what I think is the most creative & interesting music out there.  You've fallen into the trap of believing that commerce determines what is "best" like the Grammys.  But it's almost guaranteed that half of the commercial releases you think of as "best" will be forgotten in a few years.  Anyway:

2) Fuck popular culture.  Music is not about heavily choreographed events.  Music is not about moments created by publicists & teams of "songwriters" whose contributions are focus-group-tested.  Radio, as it always has, caters to the moneyed musical interests & plays the same stuff over & over, but that no more makes something great now as it did in the past, where there's a graveyard of "successful" & "best of" records that no one thinks about anymore.  & even imagining that you as a critic can free yourself of the influence of the corporations that send you music for free, there's the fact that:

3) You can't compare "best" albums through different genres.  Think about it.  Can you really say a hip hop album is better or worse than a bluegrass record?  How?  Why?  Even if you have an unusually broad taste in music, you surely have a favorite genre, & you're going to prefer one over another.  In the end, when the jazz fan likes a record in some other genre, it's peer pressure & good ol' familiarity that determines that opinion, it being played constantly at work or on the radio.  & those sites that let every critic have a vote & somehow tally those votes?  How idiotic is that?  Because:

4) Nothing is "great" because of popularity.  I repeat this for emphasis, because this is something that just baffles me.  Why does anyone think something has value because a bunch of people like it?  Perhaps I am disposed to dislike something because of hype, but I most certainly don't believe something is great because of the money it makes or the fans it has.  & when it comes to critics, listen: people usually like critics that agree with them, or challenge them, but if you believe that just because someone can write or talk eloquently about things they love or enjoy, you're dealing with your own insecurity, because:

5) No one opinion is better than another.  At best, you can call an opinion better informed.  For example, if you said you hated Bob Dylan because you didn't like his voice, I wouldn't put much stock in your opinion about his records.  But that doesn't mean you're wrong that Bob Dylan isn't your cup of tea - it just means that you're wrong if you think his music is bad & music you like is good.  It's just a personal opinion, & as I've said, that means you can never say what is "best" except for what you like & think.  & therefore:

6) Everyone should retire year-end "best of" lists.  No one knows what's best for everyone.  They can't.  It's impossible.  They can say what they like, & they can back it up with information & opinions & pretty words.  But that no more makes it "best" than album sales or popularity or awards or the consensus of critics.  What makes it "best" to you is personal to you.  You see:

7) Opinion is always & forever subjective.  Just say it's your favorite music of the year, or something else that isn't a statement that suggests it can be proven right or wrong.  Because you don't have any clue whether something is the best of the year any more than any other person.  Maybe later - years? decades? - we'll know what music stood the test of time (even though that wouldn't necessarily make it "good" or "best" to you).  But a few months after it was released?  Give me a break.

Self Help Radio 120919: Chill

(Original image here.)

Oh, hey. 'Sup. Just chillin'? Yeah, I'm just chillin' too. That's chill. We'll chill out together.

That sentence up there is how I hoped this week's Self Help Radio would go.  I don't think it went that way.  I possess no chill!  But I suppose the songs were mostly chill.  One day I will perfect a Self Help Radio without me, & that will be the chillest Self Help Radio of all.

If you were chillin' & missed it, or you want to chill out with the show again, it's available now for your listening pleasure at the Self Help Radio website.  Remember the username & password - those would be SHR & selfhelp.  What happened on the show (songs & interviews & stuff) is below.

Now I can chill.

Self Help Radio Chill Show
"The Chill Is On" Joe Turner _Atlantic Rhythm & Blues 1947-1974_
"Cold Chills" The Sounds _I'm Ready - The Modern Story_
"Chills & Fever" Ronnie Love _Whip! Wobble! & Grind!_

introduction & definitions

"Chills" The Receptionnists _The Paper 7"_
"Chills" Papercuts _Fading Parade_
"A Summer Chill" This Is Ivy League _This Is Ivy League_
"Dim The Lights, Chill The Ham" Shadowy Men On A Shadowy Planet _Dim The Lights, Chill The Ham_
"You Have Placed A Chill In My Heart" Eurthymics _Savage_

a visit from Ned Dry, the Nedymologist

"The Sweetest Chill" Siouxsie & The Banshees _Tinderbox_
"The Chill Of October" Client _City_
"Silent Chill" Call & Response _Winds Take No Shape_
"The Chill Of Death" Charles Mingus _Let My Children Hear Music_
"I Felt The Chill Before The Winter Came" Elvis Costello _Secret, Profane, & Sugarcane_

interview with blogger & influencer Duke Simpson

"Night Of Chill Blue" The Chills _Brave Words_
"Wind Chill Factor (Minus Zero)" The Boomtown Rats _The Fine Art Of Surfacing_
"Chilling" The Tape-Beatles _The Grand Delusion_
"Chilled Hidebound Hearts" The Ettes _Look At Life Again Soon_
"Fever Chill" Telekinesis _12 Desperate Straight Lines_

interview with pharmaceutical expert Jeremy Omni

"Chill Pill" Sounds Of JHS 126 Brooklyn _Electro Funk Sessions_
"We're Chilly" Solo Sound _We're Chilly_
"I'm Chillin'" Trouble Funk _Dropping Bombs: The Definitive Trouble Funk_
"Time To Chill" DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince _He's The DJ, I'm The Rapper_
"You Gots To Chill" EPMD _Strictly Business_

conclusion & goodbye

"Chilly Winds" Odetta _At The Gate Of Horn_
"Thrills & Chills" Helene Smith _Eccentric Soul (The Deep City Label)_
"Hot Thrills & Cold Chills" The Blue Notes _Hot Thrills & Cold Chills_

Whither Chill?

(Image from here.)

This is a true story: when I first met with someone (I guess the volunteer coordinator) at one of the Portland radio stations at which I am now involved (this would have been in June of this year), she asked me, "What is it you would like to do at the station, & when do you want to start?"  I said, "Everything, & now."  I later apologized for being overeager, at which point she said, "Oh that's all right.  Portland has no chill."

At some point in conversation with someone at another radio station in town, I recounted this story to that station's Program Manager, who said, "What in the world is she talking about?  All Portland has is chill!"

So either this week's Self Help Radio is attempting to remedy the city's lack of chill, or just chilling out like the city always does.  It depends, as always, on how you measure the chill around here.  It has been chilly lately, but it certainly wasn't in the summer.

Also: please do not think "Self Help Radio & chill" is somehow supposed to be equivalent to "Netflix & chill" (which means this, in case you didn't know).  Nothing naughty should be happening during Self Help Radio.  It's bad enough as it is.

Self Help Radio's show about chill is on tomorrow morning from 6-8am on Freeform Portland, available at that website I just linked to, as well as on the air at 90.3 & 98.3 fm.  I'm not very chill, though.  I'll be a bit agitated throughout.

Preface To Chill: My Strange Love Of Fevers

Okay, I don't really love fevers.  What I love is when a fever breaks.

When I get sick, & when I get chills, I have the sense a fever isn't far behind.  & I feel strangely excited by that.  Chills are weird - you're cold but you're hot & you're constantly bundling up & throwing blankets off.  To have chills in the winter is a very confusing experience.

& believe me, I know fevers can be dangerous.  If you get over 104 degrees Fahrenheit, you can have brain damage.  Your brain is boilin' in there!  But again, because of what happens when a fever breaks...  I kinda look forward to fevers.

That should read up there "my strange attraction to fevers."  Or is that worse?

When a fever breaks, I'm usually asleep.  & I wake up.  & the world is crystal clear in a way that I have never felt except maybe - maybe - on acid.  It's clear even in the dark, I can make out details all around me.  It's what I imagine it must feel like to reach nirvana.  & it's so relaxing, after a few moments of taking it all in, I just go back to sleep.

Chills may lead to fevers & fevers have so far always lead to fevers breaking.  A broken fever is a sensation unlike any other I have felt.

Now, watch as I die from a fever cooking my brain.  Take that, you weirdo lover of fevers!

Electronic Music Show

There's computer magic with this post.  It's dated 10pm Friday night, but it's being written early Saturday morning.  The post has been backdated - Blogger allows this - because I wanted to share the show I just did on KBOO, which was an electronica show called Plugged In.

Plugged In is usually a deejay mix show, with guest deejays doing live mixes, but tonight it was just me playing pretty electronica.  You can listen to the show any time by clicking on this sentence.  It'll also show you the playlist.

You may notice two things: one, the songs are all very long; & two, I don't talk much.  Both are by design.  I didn't feel chatty & the songs I picked took their time & I enjoy that.

When I do talk, I mention KBOO's Holiday Membership Drive.  If you like the sort of station that plays a tribute to Curtis Mayfield, & then two hours of IDM, followed by a show that begins with Syd Barrett & New Order, you're going to want to support KBOO.

This post is from the future.  I hope you heed its excellent suggestions.

Uninterrupted Ambiguity

Two things happened to me today which have nothing to do with radio.

One, I met my first Jehovah's Witnesses.  I enjoy talking to religious folks & would've talked longer but my oven was beeping because lunch was ready.  The truth is, I think they realized I was not going to be someone they could convert, & were glad to leave.  The most interesting thing (to me) was that they both carried iPads with them & I could see one of them marking my address as the equivalent of "lost cause."

Two, I just read a comic book to my wife.  It's very hard to share with someone the love of & obsession with comic books, but this came up because I've been loving the show Watchmen & my wife is confused by it.  I thought if maybe I could familiarize herself with the comics, I could lead her into what I like about the show & to liking it herself.  She remains unconvinced after issue # 1 but was impressed with the excerpt from Hollis Mason's book in the back.  She didn't know they included stuff like that in comics.

Among the things she doesn't like: busy backgrounds & lettering.  She doesn't like that she has to pay attention to both the words & the pictures, & even more the lettering - like when Rorschach talks - isn't clear enough for her to figure out what it's supposed to sound like.  I told her that didn't matter - it was just designed to denote difference - but she has qualms.

Tomorrow - or soon enough - we'll try another issue & if she hates it, I'll give up.

One thing that's fascinating - I haven't taken my copy of Watchmen # 1 out of its sleeve in probably two decades - maybe even three.  But it is well-worn.  I must've read that over & over & over.  It certainly was far more familiar to me than I thought it would be.  It's as familiar as some songs that I haven't heard in as long, but know the words immediately.

Other things happened today - but these two stand out somehow.

Self Help Radio 120219: Pulse

(Self Help Radio is a star!  Well, a neutron star.  Spinning very fast.  Original image here.)

You already knew what a pulse was.  Maybe not the "lentil" meaning, but you understood it was a beat or a throb.  Perhaps you've checked your pulse before, or enjoyed dancing to pulsing electronical music.  This week's Self Help Radio didn't just want to tell you what a pulse was, but to show you all the different dimensions of pulse.  Did we succeed?  Isn't it weird when questions are asked in writing?  You know the writer is going to answer in the affirmative.  It's a lame rhetorical device utilized by the lazy scribbler trying to hammer a point home without demonstrating his or her absolute lack of skill?  It's infuriating.  That being said, did we succeed?  Oh yes.

The show today featured a poet, a scientist (or sorts), a motivational speaker, & the founder of the alternative health craze called Pulsology.  There were lots of pulsing songs &/or songs about pulse.  At one point during the show, I myself took my pulse & had to check WebMD.  That's not on the air, though.  Thankfully.  That was not gripping radio.  Just me gripping my wrist & thinking I might pass out.

The show can be listened to as readily as a pulse at the Self Help Radio website.  Remember, you'll need a username (SHR) & a password (selfhelp) to listen.  Anyone with a pulse is welcome!  Please no ghosts.  You haven't quite figured out computers & for some reason every time you touch the website, it fills with viruses.  The show is two hours long, & what happened on the show - songs & talk - is listed below.

Enjoy pulsing!

Self Help Radio Pulse Show

"Pulse" Ten Wheel Drive _Brief Replies_
"Pulse" The Psychedelic Furs _The Psychedelic Furs_
"Pulse" Todd Rundgren _Healing_

introduction & definitions

"Pulse" Loop _Fade Out_
"Pulse" David Ramos _This Up Here_
"Pulse" Lou Barlow _Brace The Wave_
"Pulse" Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark _History Of Modern_

interview with poet Phineas Johnston

"Let Me Feel Your Pulse" Furniture _The Wrong People_
"Picking Up The Pulse" The Hitmen _Torn Together_
"The Pulse Below The Ear" Chris Knox _Beat_
"My Pulse Pumps Passions" Hal Hubble _My Pulse Pumps Passions_

interview with motivational speaker Dirk Robbins

"Pulse Lovers" The Future _The Golden Hour Of The Future_
"Pulsating Dream" Kaleidoscope _Side Trips_
"Pulsing Pulsing" XTC _Rag & Bone Buffet_
"Slow Pulse Boy" And Also The Trees _Virus Meadow_

interview with sciencingtist Wally Grobe

"Pulse Of My Heart" The Soft Boys _Nextdoorland_
"Cosmic Pulse" Elephant Revival _Break In The Clouds_
"Find Me The Pulse Of The Universe" Laetitia Sadier _Silencio_
"Pulsing" The Body Electric _The Body Electric_

interview with inventor of Pulsology David Fruchter

"Pulsar (Fragment)" Astronaut Ape _Unknown Sector_
"Pulsar" Flaming Youth _Ark 2_
"Sibling Pulsars" Micromars _International Pop Modulations_
"Pulsar" Ride _Tomorrow's Shore_

conclusion & goodbye

"Pulsewidth" Aphex Twin _Selected Ambient Works 85-92_
"Pulse" Digitalism _Idealism_
"White Pulse" John Carpenter _Lost Themes II_

Whither Pulse?

(Image from here.)

Why, anyone who's got a pulse will want to listen to this week's episode of Self Help Radio, which is about PULSE.  That means, no dead people!  No vampires, no zombies, no one without blood flowing through their veins!  What, you're cryogenically frozen?  Sorry, you will not want to listen to this week's show.  You say you can slow your bodily functions through meditation to the point where you seem like you have no pulse?  Nope!  This show is not for you.  Check your pulse!  Do you have a vibrant, beating heart?  Then you'll want to listen to this week's show.

Is it because you can tell your alive when you check your pulse that made me think of this week's theme?  Sure!  Why not?  It's nice to have a pulse you can check to see if you're alive!  Maybe it's time to check Self Help Radio's pulse!  D'you think the show's still alive?  It must be!  This week's show has the theme PULSE!

It's on tomorrow morning from 6-8am on Freeform Portland - online everywhere, terrestrially in Portland at both 90.3 + 98.3 fm.

Will it make your pulse quicken?  How could it not?