Monday, November 16, 2020

Whither Unknown?

(Image from here.)

Just to make it clear, the theme of the show is "unknown."  I know for a fact the theme is "unknown."  It's not unknown.  I know it, you know it.  I'm not saying I don't know what the theme of the show is, that it's unknown; I'm saying rather that I know the theme of the show & that theme is "unknown."

At this point I'd love to stop using quotation marks to identify the show's theme.  You know what?  I probably should have said the theme was "the unknown."  Damn it!  Why do I always think about these things too late?  I wish I knew.

Anyway, the middle of the night is a pretty good time to explore unknown things & yes, the unknown, don't you find?  It seems less likely you'll know things when it's so dark outside.  Perhaps that's why the show will have as a theme "the unknown"?  Damn it!  I wanted to stop using quotation marks!  Unknown!  The unknown!  No more "quotation marks"!

Arrgh!

You can listen to the show tonight/tomorrow morning at midnight.  Midnight happens at night because night is in its name but for some reason after midnight is considered morning, so let's just say Tuesday from midnight to 3am.  If you're reading this Monday the 16th of November 2020, it's midnight tonight.  If that's clear.

It's happening on 90.7 fm KBOO here in Portland, & you can listen online as well at kboo.fm.

What will happen?  Unknown.  Will you learn what it is if you listen?  Yes, but it'll still be unknown.

Sunday, November 15, 2020

Preface To Unknown: I Was Remembering Really Sad Stuff

Tonight I was remembering really sad stuff.  For example.  My father died in 1991.  He wasn't around a lot when I was a kid, he was an alcoholic.  I didn't really know him, although I did occasionally see him, especially after he got sober in 1982.  One sad thing I was remembering is that I don't really remember what his voice sounded like.  My mother's voice I can recreate without any effort - I think I hear her voice several times a day - but my father's voice - I think I can approximate it, but I don't think I remember what it sounds like.

Really sad stuff can derail me.  & I find it often in the most circumlocuitous way.  A pleasant memory will occur to me.  I will try to contextualize it.  & then something really, really sad will elbow its way into the picture.  & soon enough, that's it - that's all I've got.  The really sad stuff.

Maybe this has nothing to do with "unknown."  But I think what I don't know - especially what I think I should know - like what my father's voice sounded like - can cause despair in me.

One nice thing about Facebook - something people older than I am never had - is that you can keep up with people from your past with whom you don't really want to stay friends (or in my case vice versa).  But of course many people choose not to use Facebook, & there are many people I used to know whose fates I am completely unaware of.  What happened to them is unknown to me.  At least one of them has a very common name - it's not John Smith, but it's close - so even if I could do a little cyberstalking, I couldn't really ever find them.

Is that all I have to say about the unknown?  I guess I'm not really all that deep.  But.  I think everyone knew that.

Saturday, November 14, 2020

Recently Seen In The Storm

Fist-fight in the downpour.  Mostly feints, rain gets in the eyes.

Who challenged whom? Was it the sort of thing that happened because of a sleight, or was it something that had been building for a while, finally erupting into dumb violence?

We are the passers-by, pretending not to notice, we have no context.

Surprised, really, by the lack of words.  Have words failed?  No yelling, no posturing, just two somewhat young men with fists up, determined, as rain falls.

You lean closer to say something, but I can't take my eyes away.  They were in the street but now they're on the grass, the mud is making them clumsy, they're more likely to slip & fall than fell one another with punches.

Do they notice we've slowed to watch?  Is this why they stop?  Or has sense prevailed?

One walks away.  Spits on the ground as he does.  Mutters something I think is "Fuck you."

The other turns, he seems more embarrassed than relieved.  He doesn't appear to know where he is.  He just starts walking, turns around, walks in a diagonal across the street.

One of our dogs barks at him.  He doesn't seem to notice.

Friday, November 13, 2020

Photographs Of Places I've Lived # 10: This Corner House

(image from Google maps)

This is a cheat, but there's a (hopefully) good story here.  I actually never lived in this house, although I technically paid to live here, or at least to keep my stuff here.  After the woman I called my girlfriend moved out of the apartments I discussed a week ago, we decided that it was best, since her parents had forbidden her to date me, & since they visited her regularly, that she live by herself & I find a place too.  I answered a "roommate wanted" ad in the Student Union & met a nice woman who lived her, I think with her boyfriend, but maybe just her.  It was one half of a duplex & the room was lovely, facing the east so it was sunny in the mornings.  It was the room on the corner, there.  I remember it mainly as a place where all my stuff sat in boxes.  For months.

Because I never really moved in.  My "girlfriend" found another place & I was there all the time.  I am not sure when this happened - my brain thinks it was late 1990 but it might have been early 1991 - but I do think the woman who lived in the duplex probably thought it was a pretty good deal, since I was never there but I was paying for the room.  The perfect roommate!  I wish I could remember her name.  She was quite nice, & someone with whom in different circumstances I might have become friends.

This is the story that I remember from that place in which I never lived.  I came by to get something - probably an album, since all my records were in that room I never slept in - & the woman & her boyfriend were there, & a little miserable.  It seems that they had gone to Astroworld the previous weekend.  I had never been but I loved roller coasters so I wanted to know how it went.  She told me that there was some set-up they had where you could have your picture taken as you were going up or going down at some point during a particular roller coaster ride.  The camera was obvious.  They knew where it was.  Well.  The woman decided when the time came for the picture, to flash it.  She lifted her shirt when the picture was snapped.  She & her boyfriend thought that was hilarious.

The authorities at Astroworld did not.  The pair were not only taken aside & escorted from the park for this indiscretion, the management company called the law.  She was arrested for indecent exposure & would have to appear in court.  At the time I visited, the two were fretting about possible fines - which they couldn't afford - not to mention a lawyer - which they really couldn't afford.  I remember needing to take off but standing in the doorway listening & wishing there were something I could do.

The situation wasn't resolved after I finally bit the bullet & moved out, realizing I'd never stay there.  But I did run into her on campus probably a year later & she was able to pay a small fine & do community service.  I did cheekily ask her if she'd do it again & she looked horrified.  She said she never wanted to go through anything like that ever again.

Two by the ways: in about four years I would move into a small four-plex across the street from this house & since I've been naming these by the streets I lived on, I figured I didn't want to have to say the street name twice.  Also, I didn't really live here!  I just paid to live here.

& also - look how pretty that is!  That picture was taken in June 2019.  I think I forgot how green Austin could get!

Tuesday, November 10, 2020

Self Help Radio 111020: Floods

(Who says it doesn't flood in Portland?  Original image here.)

As someone who's still pretty anxious about the state of my country at the moment, I do want to acknowledge that it doesn't feel currently as much like a natural disaster as it could have been.  Recently I spoke with someone who talked a great deal about magic & rituals & perhaps she would consider this show as a kind of ward I constructed to stave off such an eventuality.  Nonetheless, playing on the radio for three hours, even with some harrowing stories about floods in history & songs about those floods, it kept me from being as fretful as I've been & for that I am grateful.

Three hours of radio still feels like a bit too long, but hopefully the show is fitting well into its new time slot.  There certainly were a lot of songs about floods to sort through!

You can listen to the show now & anytime at the Self Help Radio website.  You'll need a username - which is SHR - & a password - which is selfhelp - to listen.  (If you'd prefer to hear the real-time recording of the show - I edited this stuff out - you can listen to it on the KBOO website - it includes material from the previous show & also some station spots.)  The show is three long hours long long.  What happens on the show is below.

Stay dry!

Self Help Radio Floods Show
"The Flood Blues" Sippie Wallace _Louis Armstrong & The Blues Singers_
"Alabama Flood" Andrew Jenkins _People Take Warning! (Murder Ballads & Disaster Songs, 1913-1938)_
"Noah & The Flood" Norman Haskins _Virginia & The Piedmont (Minstrelsy, Work Songs, & Blues)_

introduction & definitions

"Flood Water Blues No. 2 (Take 1)" Casey Bill Weldon _Complete Recorded Works 1935-1938 In Chronological Order: Volume 1_
"The 1936 Floods" Red Foley _Old Shep (The Red Foley Recordings 1933-1950)_
"Flood Water Blues" Lonnie Johnson _Complete 1937 To June 1947 Recordings In Chronological Order, Volume 1_
"Flood" Muddy Waters _Muddy Waters (The Chess Box)_
"Texas Flood" Larry Davis _I Pity The Fool (The Duke Records Story)_

interview with News 44 meteorologist Angela Sinclair

"Flood Of Love" Roy Hall _Roy Rocks_
"Galveston Flood" Tom Rush _Take A Little Walk With Me_
"Crash On The Levee (Down In The Flood)" Bob Dylan & The Band _The Basement Tapes_
"Floods Of Florence" Phil Ochs _Tape From California_
"The Flood" Ginger Ale _The Story Of The Sixties_

Ned Dry interrupts!

"Lost In The Flood" Bruce Springsteen _Greetings From Asbury Park, N.J._
"Flashflood" Romeo Void _Benefactor_
"Genesis 6" Christopher Glyn _The Historical Books Of The Bible: Genesis_
"Flood Victim" Jah Lloyd _Reggae Stick_
"The Flood" Blue Orchids _A Darker Bloom: The Blue Orchids Collection_

interview with flood insurance salesperson Doug Jones

"After The Flood" Lone Justice _Lone Justice_
"Flood" Throwing Muses _University_
"Mr Flood's Party" Paul Taver _Poetry Reading_
"Waiting For The Flood" Love & Rockets _Earth Sun Moon_
"Here Comes The Flood" The Divine Comedy _Fin De Siècle_

Marge Most reports

"Living In The Flood" Horace Andy _Living In The Flood_
"The Flood" The Mekons _Journey To The End Of The Night_
"Flood" The Gentle Waves _Swansong For You_
"In A Flood" John Cale _Black Acetate_
"A Flood" Fanfarlo _Rooms Filled With Light_

a Self Help Radio list: the five worst floods in the US

"Flooded" Von Südenfed _Tromatic Reflexxions_
"The Great Boston Molasses Flood" The Dead Milkmen _Pretty Music For Pretty People_
"The Flood" Pinto _Hook Me Up_
"King Tide & The Sunny Day Flood" Billy Bragg _Bridges Not Walls_
"Fox Confessor Brings The Flood" Neko Case _Fox Confessor Brings The Flood_

conclusion & goodbye

"Flood I" The Sisters Of Mercy _Floodland_
"The Flood" Facts On File _Bring It Back_
"After The Flood" Woolen Men _Temporary Monument_
"Flood Of Light" Modern English _Take Me To The Trees_

Monday, November 09, 2020

Whither Floods?

(A picture I took in Lexington when the creek in front of our house flooded, 2014.)

Here's a dumb personal anecdote: a few days before we signed the paperwork for our house in Lexington, FEMA reclassified parts of our neighborhood as being in a "flood plain" - including about two or three feet of our garage.  Which meant we suddenly had to purchase flood insurance.  This irked my wife the entire time we lived there - it probably bothers her to this day.  It seems to have been a corrupt move - the flood plain was moved northward so a private clinic could be built over the previous flood plain without paying more for the land or insuring it.  No one seemed to be bothered enough to fight it, however.

We're a bit more worried about fires than flood here in Oregon.  But when I looked at the calendar a few weeks ago, I believed that Tuesday the 3rd of November 2020 would be one of the worst days in history.  I was convinced - & I say this as this is currently happening, although at the moment unsuccessfully - the current administration would find a way to steal this election.  It seemed an event on par with a natural disaster.  & of the natural disasters I could conceive of, the flood came most quickly to mind.  This is how Self Help Radio attempts to stay relevant.

The show is on tonight/Tuesday morning from midnight to 3am on 90.7 fm KBOO, online at kboo.fm.  We're not entirely sure that a terrible disaster has been averted, but please don't think of the show as a kind of summoning; instead, we hope to avert any kind of flood.  Except a flood of listeners!

Sunday, November 08, 2020

Preface To Floods: Expecting Apocalypse

Were you expecting apocalypse?  Yes, I was expecting apocalypse.

What sort of apocalypse were you expecting?  More of the same.  Only worse.

Not all apocalypses are equal.  Nor do we always experience the same apocalypse.

"All apocalypses are local."  Not quite.

But this apocalypse didn't happen.  It still may.

Yes?  Oh yes.

Then what will we do?  We'll experience the apocalypse.

Will we survive the apocalypse.  Who's to say?

We have survived other apocalypses.  Have we, though?

But this apocalypse hasn't happened.  No.  Not yet.

Wow this is dark.  Try living in my head, buddy.

No thanks.

Saturday, November 07, 2020

Okay. Breathe.

Wow.  Just wow.

Here's something I should mention: I almost had a panic attack Tuesday night.  I was in a pretty bad way.  It seems dumb but when Biden spoke it calmed me down.  I watched an episode of Voyager & sipped a glass of whiskey.

The counting caused a similar amount of anxiety, but I managed to somewhat contain it.  It was more or less manageable, although it did feel a little like a stomach ache & it was accompanied by the recognition, every once in a while, that my heart was beating a little too fast.  When the networks called the election today, I still had all that stress & anxiety in me, & it has kept me from getting anything done.

Well, not that - I'm getting stuff done - just too late.  I am supposed to turn in the Dickenbock Report by 8am Friday.  I finished it tonight.  If it doesn't air, it's my fault - my inability to deal with this election.

It's not over because you know the other guy won't concede.  & who knows what his stooges are doing behind the scenes to wreck as much of the country on their way out.  So - still stress, still anxiety.

Let's see if I can get Self Help Radio done this week.  I might need extra sleep.  Anyone want to talk to my animals & get them to lay off a bit?

Friday, November 06, 2020

Photographs Of Places I've Lived # 9: Tanglewood North Apartments

(Image, as usual, from Google Maps.)

My memory is going to be somewhat unreliable here.  I lived in the Dolphin Apartments from 1989 to sometime in 1990.  I was seeing a girl, with whom I was madly in love, & she strangely, suddenly, moved into an apartment complex right next to the Dolphin Apartments.  I don't think I had anything to do with that situation.  But maybe I did.  Since she was living close to me, & since we were arguably a couple, I was spending a great deal of time with her, I was there more often than in my tiny studio/efficiency.  Her apartment was one bedroom.  Also, she was mostly in control.

Here's the thing: her parents did not want her to date me.  This situation had something to do with her cultural background which, though interesting, I don't want to go into here.  So I technically couldn't move in with her.  Her parents didn't know she was dating me.  When they visited, I could not be "at home."  My things were not welcome in this house.  It is for this reason I don't believe we lived at Tanglewood North together for very long.  I suspect we might have lived there through 1990.  But we found another place - & another complication - soon enough.

What I remember most about the place is that our bed was in the living room because my "girlfriend" - honestly, she never really committed to me - used the "bedroom" as an art studio.  She was an art student.  The place had the heat & air conditioning controlled by the management so, in the nebulous Austin "fall" & "winter," when temperatures outside dropped or rose according to insane algorithms, we had to complain when the heat was on when it was warm outside, & the cold air blowing when outside it was nearly freezing.

One fond memory I have of the time is when one of my girlfriend's teachers, the performance artist Carolee Schneemann - look her up - came over for dinner.  She was perhaps one of the first "celebrities" I would meet, & she was lovely & gracious & a bit frightening.  I had recently purchased a CD player - this was early 1989 - & one of the first CDs I bought was either Leonard Cohen's first or second record ("Songs Of Leonard Cohen" or "Songs From A Room").  Carolee looked at the CD & she said, "I've made love to nearly every song on this record!"

Yes, I wish I could claim to have had some deep interaction with her but mostly she terrified me.  She was so forthright about everything in her life & I suspect I had never been too terribly honest with anyone.  My ex-girlfriend got to see her later in life but I never did.  That's a sadness for me - although of course she would never have remembered me!

Years later I nearly dated a girl who lived at Tanglewood North & would feel a chill when I walked through the complex.  It seemed to me a happy time, but I was being delusional.  The woman I was with did not really want to be with me & almost certainly felt trapped.  I spent the time living there going to school & working at both UT & at 7-11 at nights to pay off debts, so I wasn't there for most of 1990.  I think I took the 1990 spring semester off from college.  Which prevented me from graduating with my class.  But I didn't give much of a shit about that.

& maybe I'm a little surprised they're still called Tanglewood North.  Is there a Tanglewood South?  I don't have the energy to look.  Then or now.

Wednesday, November 04, 2020

Self Help Radio 110320: Rings

(Image of Saturn's rings from here.)

Self Help Radio has never felt more irrelevant than yesterday's show appearing during a fucked-up election.  But what else can a deejay do?  I generally put the show up after it airs.  It aired in the morning before polling places opened.  At the very least I'm glad that I didn't do an election-themed show.

Anyway, I have very little to say.  I hope I made a fun show.  It continues to be challenging to fill three hours.  My preference would be to do two, but what can I do with the third hour?  Perhaps you have an idea.  Let me know.  Meanwhile.

The show is at the Self Help Radio website now.  Remember username SHR & password selfhelp.  Lots of people helped, lots of songs were played, all that info is below.  I'm going to return now to my anxiety attack.

Self Help Radio Rings Show
"Ring" Michelle Blades _Visitor_
"Rings On Her Fingers" The Servants _Reserved_
"Plain Gold Ring" Nina Simone _Little Girl Blue_

introduction & definitions

"This Diamond Ring" Gary Lewis & The Playboys _The Best Of Gary Lewis & The Playboys_
"(Gary, Please Don't Sell) My Diamond Ring" Wendy Hill _The Answer To Everything: Girl Answer Songs Of The 60s_
"Contraceptives & Diamond Rings" The Wilderness Children _If You Love Him, Let Him Go 7"_
"Diamond Ring" Boothby _Homemade Hits, Vol. 1_
"Get Along (Diamond Ring)" Dressy Bessy _Kingsized_

Alyssa & Jason talk about rings

"Golden Ring (with Tammy Wynette)" George Jones _The Essential George Jones: The Spirit Of Country_
"Wishing Ring" Fats Domino _Out Of New Orleans_
"Earrings" George Carlin _Playing With Your Head_
"Wedding Ring Bells Blues" Daniel Johnston _Rejected Unknown_
"The Ring" Chris & Cosey _Trust_

Interview with the Rev Dr Howard Gently (part one)

"Kiss My Ring" Frank Black _Fast Man Raider Man_
"Come Get This Ring" Tyrone Davis _The Ultimate_
"Jesus Christ's Ring" Alexandria Hughes Little _Bizarro Compilation # 1_
"The Ring" Fad Gadget _Gag_
"She's Got A Ring On Her Finger (& Another One Through Her Nose)" Julian Cope _Dark Orgasm_

Interview with the Rev Dr Howard Gently (part two)

"From A School Ring To A Wedding Ring" The Rover Boys _Young Love 7"_
"The Ring Fell Under The Sofa" Terry-Thomas _Terry-Thomas Discovers America_
"D-Rings" The Embarrassment _Heyday 1979-83_
"Diamond Ring" Kitten Forever _Pressure_
"Mood Ring Baby" Field Medic _Fade Into The Dawn_

Interview with the Great Ringdini, Garth Thompson

"Smoke Rings" The Mills Brothers _The Best Of The Mills Brothers_
"(You Can't Blow) Smoke Rings" The Cynics _I'm In Pittsburgh & It's Raining 7"_ 
"Smoke Ring Cool" Girlfrendo So You Are Here Again, Shadow?_
"Smoke Rings" Kristin Kontrol _X-Communicate_
"Rubber Ring" Girl In A Coma _Please, Please, Please: A Tribute To The Smiths_

a Self Help Radio list: most expensive rings

"Ring Of Fire" Johnny Cash _The Essential Johnny Cash_
"Three Ring Circus" Blue Magic _Sweet Soul Of The '70s_
"Ode To A Keyring" Monade _Socialisme Ou Barbarie (The Bedroom Recordings)_
"Drawing Rings Around The World" Super Furry Animals _Rings Around The World_
"Rings In Your Mind" The Rileys _The World & His Wife_

conclusion & goodbye

"Velvet Ring" Big Thief _Masterpiece_
"Rings (On A Tree)" Frankie Cosmos _Close It Quietly_
"I Held The Ring" Magic Trick _Other Man's Blues_
"A Sea Ringed With Visions" Fujiya & Miyagi _Artificial Sweeteners_
"Saturn Ring" No Swoon _No Swoon_

Monday, November 02, 2020

Whither Rings?

(Image from here.)

Do you wear a ring?  I do, but only because my wife tells me I could arrested for breaking the law if I don't.  Who wants to be arrested?  I mean, except bad people, am I right?

Certainly I'm no Ringo Starr, who wore a lot of rings because wearing a lot of rings helps you play the drums.  (I assume.)  I think he also felt the need to wear a lot of rings because his parents named him Ringo.  Imagine if his parents named him Stinko!

Anyway, the word "ring" doesn't have to mean "loop you wear on your finger or in your ear or in other, stranger places."  It can mean other things.  Often the bell rings in the boxing ring so people can pummel the heck out of one another.  Also, satellites can run rings around the rings of a planet.  You can ring someone on the phone while blowing smoke rings.  But one suspects a radio show about rings ought to focus on the sorts of rings one wears on one's finger, etc.  Oughtn't it?

Find out tonight - or tomorrow morning - however you count calendar-wise - on 90.7 fm KBOO, online at kboo.fm from midnight to three a.m.  It'll ring in Election Day, which may be the last day ever.  So perhaps don't waste it listening to a dumb radio show?

Sunday, November 01, 2020

Preface To Rings: I Should Have Seen A Doctor

You know I have a very small opinion of my show.  Occasionally, I have fun, I think that's the best I can hope for it, but luckily very few people listen so there's not a constant barrage of negative criticism coming my way.  I have so little self-esteem that I doubt I could take it.  In such cases, being virtually non-existent is the best way for me & the show to exist.

What that does mean though is I feel the need to apologize for when I feel my shows are particularly bad.  You can ask, are these the shows where you didn't have any fun?  Pretty much, yeah.  & there are many reasons why a show wouldn't be any fun for me.  I don't want to list them.  But this week I know exactly why the show won't be any fun.

This fucking election.

A friend told me she went to the doctor & the doctor prescribed her something.  Oh fuck I wish I had thought of that.  Holy shit, I could use something.

It might make it impossible to do the show, which I spend a great deal of time on, & I know that's surprising, given how fucking shabby it is, but that's just me.  In fact, it seems to be taking me longer to put together a show & it's not just because it's now three hours long.  It's probably age.  Or maybe the fact that I spend an inordinate amount of time reading social media about Americans dying by the thousands & the fascists & their inexplicably large number of supporters that don't seem to give a shit.

See what I mean?  I had a glass of whiskey tonight, though I need to wake to live tweet the Dickenbock Report in the morning.  I don't know what I'm going to do Tuesday.  The chances of it going very badly are very good because the very bad people are cheating, cheating, cheating.  & even if it goes well (unlikely), then it'll still take days to figure out it's gone well.

Okay, now I feel like throwing up.  Consider this an apology for this week's show, which is about something stupid (rings) because I felt that might help.  Did it?  Nope!

Fuck.

Saturday, October 31, 2020

Cancelled Halloween

Walking around the neighborhood tonight, I felt bad that I had assumed that Halloween would be cancelled this year because it almost certainly wasn't.  These are the things I observed on our late afternoon dogwalk:

1) People who prepared safe ways for kids to get treats, whether as simple as a bowl (with instructions to save some for others!) or as complex as a barrier, usually a table, with little goody bags for each trick-or-treater.

2) People who were having parties in their front or backyards, probably for neighbor kids, although I am always alarmed by the lack of masks.

3) People who prepared something out in front of their house, somewhat like a block party, but probably a kind of mixing of ways 1 & 2.

Perhaps I was too busy this week, or perhaps too lazy, but at some point either I or the wife decided we wouldn't take part in Halloween.  We would pull our window shades down & not turn the porch light on.

What we did do was go out for food - pizza & donuts - & what shocked me was the number of people - adults with children - in costume in the neighborhood.  Didn't they know Halloween was cancelled?!?

Or rather, didn't I know you just can't cancel Halloween?

So right now I am full of pizza & a giant donut feeling guilty about not even trying.  When we first moved into the house I talked about doing something spooky for Halloween.  I wouldn't have presumed to do such a thing this year.  & I don't think I would have anyway - but jeez, I could've had a bowl in front of the house or something.

Sigh.

Friday, October 30, 2020

Photographs Of Places I've Lived # 8: The Dolphin Apartments

(image, as usual, from Google Maps)

In case you haven't been reading this blog - & why would you? - I've been taking some time each week looking through the internets to see if places I used to live are still standing, & sharing a picture of them, along with a story or two about my time there.  It's mostly a melancholy thing, & certainly it helps keep me from thinking about the current situation in my country, which is fucking awful.

In the fall of 1988 I shared an apartment with two people I thought of as friends.  In general, they didn't hold me in such high regard.  One thing that is true about me is that I am quite generous to people I consider friends.  For these two friends, who could not have afforded living in a three-bedroom apartment, I chose to rent a two-bedroom & give the two of them the bedrooms, while I lived in the (ahem) living room, with sheets acting as walls.  I didn't think twice about this arrangement, & neither did they, as far as I know.  When I think back on that time, I have no idea what their rooms looked like.  I don't think they ever invited me in.

That semester - the beginning of my third year of college - I fell in love.  So I spent a great deal of time with the woman, who didn't really love me & never would, but who for some reason kept me around - more on that in later installments - & also I had school.  One day I came home to the two roommates announcing to me that they were moving out.  I myself couldn't afford to live in a two-bedroom apartment on my own, & I explained to them that we had a lease, & there were penalties to breaking it.  They told me that was my problem - my name, you see, was on the lease.  That I didn't tell them to fuck all the way off & never spoke to them again says something about my demented sense of loyalty & the general manner in which I managed to never feel used as people used me time & again.

As I mentioned a couple of weeks ago, the apartment manager liked me - I had lived in the complex for two years, I never paid rent late, I was amiable - so she let me break the lease.  I was then faced with the daunting task of finding a place to live.  It turns out I am terrible at finding a place to live.  The apartment complex in which I was living I had been living in since I moved to Austin, & it was simple to move from place-to-place inside a complex.  They didn't have any apartments I could afford so I had to look elsewhere.

It turns out I was lucky that the woman I was courting let me use her car & I found a place on the other side of town.  These were the Dolphin Apartments, which I am not surprised to say are still called the Dolphin Apartments.  I like to tell people who live in Austin that I got an efficiency there in the fall of 1988 for 165$ a month.  I can't find information online but I suspect it costs more than a grand a month for the same place in 2020.

It was a tiny place, what they call a studio (the internet says 400 square feet), which was basically a room with a small kitchen in the front & a bathroom in the back.  I don't know if I thought I was living in a worse place than before, or if I was bothered by living alone, or even if I thought the place was filthy or whatever - it was on a bus route to campus & I was preoccupied by both the woman & school & really only thought of the place as somewhere to keep my stuff.  But over time, I became quite lonely there.

In the summer of 1989, I worked at a 7-11 at 15th & San Jacinto in Austin.  I worked the 11-7 shift, & had a ritual of taking a bus to campus & walking the short distance to the store.  In the morning, I'd do the opposite, although sometimes I'd take the bus from near the store to campus, since buses in Austin at the time ran early but didn't run late.  The days during that summer in that apartment - I was without the woman with whom I had at that time started a relationship, although who knows why she wanted to be in a relationship with me since she didn't love me & never would - she was home for the summer - were very long.  I would get home at nine, ten a.m., & I suppose have dinner.  Listen to music, maybe watch something I had videotaped.  I would sleep from noon to eight, the time when people lived their lives, & then get ready for work.  Nowadays I keep odd hours thanks to late-night radio shows, but I wasn't so used to it back then - & it would get worse when school started but I needed to keep the job because of unexpected bills.  That's a whole other story.

The manager was a "hip dude" who liked to come talk to me.  I found him uncomfortable, a little too old to pretend to be able to relate to me, & certainly inappropriate with women like my "girlfriend."  I believe he had a lava lamp in his apartment.  I have memories of needing to talk to him about something & standing uncomfortably outside his door while he talked to shirtless in his doorway.

Toward the end, I spent most of my time at my "girlfriend"'s place & so my little studio at Dolphin Apartments really did become a place to keep my stuff.  Although it turns out I did need a place to keep my stuff.  As I will explain in future installments.

Dang, I wish I could remember my address, my apartment number.  I have very few pictures from that time period.  But I believe I lived there from 1988 till probably early 1990.  It wasn't very long.  But I'm not sure I can be entirely exact.

Tuesday, October 27, 2020

Self Help Radio 102720: Halloween 2020 - Attack Of The Self Help Radio!

(See below for links to original images)

Last night/this morning on KBOO you could have heard two things that were the same thing, really.  One, my first regular episode of Self Help Radio; & two, the seventeenth Halloween show I've done on a specific theme.  The theme was "Attack Of The Self Help Radio" & you can look at the playlist below to see how many devious, evil, nefarious, irradiated, horrible creatures attacked during the show's three hour length.  It was a b-movie Halloween episode to be sure.

You can listen to the show in two places.  It is archived "as it happened" on the KBOO website.  This is a recording that starts around midnight & ends around 3am, & includes at the beginning spots for the station.  But if you'd like to listen to just the show from beginning (when the intro comes on) to end, you can do so at the Self Help Radio website.  It's the same show, of course.  The latter edits out the official KBOO stuff (sorry.)

If you listen at the Self Help Radio website, you'll need a username & a password.  Those are SHR & selfhelp.  The show was three hours long & there was a lot of music & talk.  I do my best to tell you what happened below.

Happy Halloween!

Halloween 2020: Attack Of The Self Help Radio!
"Attack Of The Creature" Skullduggery _Deficient In Vital Magnetism_
"Attack Of The Mole Men" The Dickies _Dawn Of The Dickies_
"The Attack Of The Giant Ants" Blondie _Blondie_

introduction + the Donation-O-Tron 2020 visits

"Attack Of The Fifty Foot Woman" The Tubes _The Completion Backward Principle_
"Attack Of The Radioactive Hamsters From A Planet Near Mars" Weird Al Yankovic _UHF Original Motion Picture Soundtrack & Other Stuff_
"UFO Attack (Live)" Asylum Street Spankers _Strawberry_
"Attack Of The Blue Meanies" The Dupont Circles _Will There Be Time For Tea?_
"Attack Of The Space Lolitas" The Lovejoys _A Taste Of Bongo_

our resident Cinephile presents Chuck's Happily Unsophisticated Cinema Korner

"Attack Of The Killer Tomatoes" Lewis Lee _Elvira Presents Haunted Hits_
"Attack Of The Giant Leeches" Half Japanese _Hear The Lions Roar_
"Attack Of The Mushroom People" Angry Samoans _STP Not LSD_
"Attacked By Monsters" Meat Puppets _Monsters_
"Attack Of The Giant Sloth" Chelsea P. Manders _Don't Tell My Dad_

interview with the Rev Dr Howard Gently

"Attack Of The Giant Jellyfish" Del Mar _After The Quake_
"Attack Of The Giant Lobster Man" Shock Therapy _Attack Of The Giant Lobster Man_
"Shark Attack" Surf Punks _Locals Only_
"Shark Attack" Tig Notaro _Good One_
"Shark Attack" The Goddamn Gentlemen _Sex-Caliber Horsepower_

interview with horror film auteur Pierre Peterson

"Flying Saucer Attack" The Rezillos _Can't Stand The Rezillos: The (Almost) Complete Rezillos_
"Asteroid Attack" Luna Vegas _Second Shot, Cuckoo Clock_
"Mars Attacks" Misfits _American Psycho_
"Mars Attacks" The Courtneys _II_
"Mars Attacks" Aesop Rock _Bazooka Tooth_

interview with "scream queen" Jean Margot

"Attack Of The Ghost Riders" The Raveonettes _Whip It On_
"Rat Attack" Deerhoof _Halfbird_
"Snake Attack" Anonymous _Corporate Food/Snake Attack 7"_
"Attacked By Snakes" The Aquabats _The Fury Of The Aquabats!_
"Attack Of The Super Vixens" The Creatures _Godzilla!_

a discussion of how many "Attack Of The" movies there are

"Attack Of The Giant Tapeworms" Doug Newman _Attack Of The Giant Tapeworms_
"Attack Of The Tarman" Dead Pleasures _Chorus Of Corpses_
"Attack Of The Zorch Men" The Meteors _In Heaven_
"Attack Of The Munchies" Tall Dwarfs _Sickie_
"Attack Of The Hair People" Jupiter Affect _The Restoration Of Culture After Genghis Khan_

conclusion & goodbye

"Attack Of The Alien Minds" Nikki St. George _The Tomorrow People (Original Television Music)_
"Attack Of Robot Atomico" The Ghastly Ones _A-Haunting We Will Go-Go_
"Attack Of The Killer Bees" Archers Of Loaf _All The Nations Airports_
"Attack El Robot! Attack!" Calexico _Feast Of Wire_
"Attack Of The Giant Killer Robot Spiders!" Pinch _Attack Of The Giant Killer Robot Spiders!_
"Attack Of The 60ft Lesbian Octopus" Does It Offend You, Yeah? _You Have No Idea What You're Getting Yourself Into_

The original images for the fake movie poster above came from these links:

Monday, October 26, 2020

Whither Halloween 2020 (Attack Of The Self Help Radio!)?

(Image from here.)

Oh boy!  Tonight there are two cool things happening!  One, it's Self Help Radio's debut on KBOO!  Two, it's our annual Halloween show, with the theme Attack Of The Self Help Radio!  As you might imagine, the show will feature songs & interviews all somehow involving something attacking - whether it's giant ants, or zombies, or flying saucers, or mutants, or giant leeches, or giant crabs, or giant jellyfish, or radioactive things, or things from another planet or galaxy, or monsters in general, or a monster in particular, or - well, you get the idea.  Don't you?

The show is on from midnight to 3am on 90.7 fm KBOO in Portland which is online everywhere at kboo.fm.  I'm pretty excited about it - I hope you will be too.  & don't worry, if you aren't awake, we'll attempt to broadcast into your dreams - & you can find us later on the Self Help Radio website.

Tonight!  At midnight!  This Halloween show is on the attack!

Sunday, October 25, 2020

Preface To Halloween 2020: Isn't Life Enough Of A Horror?

There are many places on this blog where I recount all my Halloween themes & bemoan the fact that eventually I'll run out of them.  I've done Halloween shows about ghosts, vampires, monsters, zombies, witches, werewolves, haunted houses, graveyards, nightmares, hell, mummies, clowns, death, black cats, voodoo, & Frankenstein*.  It's only a matter of time until I start repeating myself.  But not this year!

But do we really need a Halloween this year?  Hasn't everything been horrible enough?  Halloween is on a Saturday night this year.  I remember when we were kids & Halloween happened on the weekend - I think it was on a Friday in 1981 & a Saturday in 1982 - but by then I had pretty much aged out of trick or treating.  Although I probably went, because, you know, candy.

Are there any guidelines for Halloween this year?  I don't think I want to hand out candy.  Should I be getting candy to hand out?  Have I even seen the candy displays at Costco or other stores?

In this sense I'm grateful this year's show is about horror movies.  Horror movies are forever.  There are probably horror movies about the coronavirus in production as we speak.  Hooray for horror films!

Boo for 2020!  I suspect it'll only get worse from here, however.  The year 2020 has replaced all my hope with nausea & dread.  As the disgraced Louis CK once said, "An optimist is someone who goes, 'Hey, maybe something nice will happen!' Why the fuck would anything nice ever happen?"

Boy did he demonstrate that in his own life!

* You can find most of them & even listen to them on the Self Help Radio Halloween page!

Saturday, October 24, 2020

3500! (Also Some Big Changes!)

(Image from here.)

Holy shit, 3500 posts on this blog?!?  That seems highly improbable.  I'll bet it's a glitch.

Here's something that's not a glitch: Starting this week, Self Help Radio will be appearing exclusively on KBOO.  That means it'll air Tuesday mornings/Monday nights at midnight until 3am.  I have no idea how I'm going to fill the extra hour - do you have any ideas?  I feel like the show often outstays its welcome at two hours.  We'll see.  I'm still working on Tuesday's episode.

What will happen to the Dickenbock Report?  It's moving to Freeform in the old SHR slot, Mondays 8 to 10am.  I did the last DR on KBOO this week & you know the dumb joke of the show is that Dick Dickenbock, the titular host, never shows up & I'm stuck there - but I got texts of sympathy from folks who thought his absence was why the show was cancelled.  I mean, that's what I said, but I thought it was obvious that it was part of a schtick.  It wasn't!

That's the news: Self Help on KBOO, Dickenbock on Freeform.  It's really not that important in the big picture.  But I'm a little amazed it's happened.

Friday, October 23, 2020

Photographs Of Places I've Lived # 8: Rolando Drive

(Image from Google Maps.)

This is a bittersweet one for me.  This is where my sister Pat lived from some time in the mid-1980s until her death in 2015.  I wrote about her after she died.  I miss her more than words can say.

This would be my last place of residence in Garland, Texas, & it was somewhat inadvertent.  I stayed mostly at the apartment in which I spent my high school years (which I talked about here) after my first year of college, but when I returned from my second year of college - & to this day I think I only came back because I thought I might spend the summer in Germany - about which more below - my mother had moved from that apartment for complicated reasons.  Or maybe not so complicated - the convenience store which her boyfriend owned was sold, the two of them wasted the money traveling for a year, & she had found herself unable to afford that place & needed to find another job & somewhere else to live.  She had done both, sometime before the summer I arrived, & I ended up spending it sleeping in the half-garage space my sister & brother-in-law converted at some point (the other half of the garage was my brother-in-law's "workshop").

My memories are telling me that my little brother lived in that space after he finished high school, but by the summer of 1988, he was living again with my mother in her one-bedroom apartment (I think the two of them slept in the same bedroom) & I was staying in my sister's half-garage.

My sister & I weren't friends then, & I spent the summer doing as little as I possibly could because I felt like I had been deceived about a trip to Germany.  I had written a pleading letter to my relatives, asking if they would let me stay there, I just needed them to get me a ticket, & I would work, & I would pay them back.  My German was pretty good - I had two years of college German in me & I was quite conversational.  I don't know this to be true, but I suspected that my mother stepped in & told them not to let me come.  Some things against this theory: my relatives in Germany weren't rich, & they might not have been able to afford a ticket for me.  I'll never know - they never wrote me back to respond to my request.  My mother instead told me it wouldn't happen.  She had told me that she didn't want me to go, not without her.  & I was angry about it, & bummed around the entire summer.

Most of the time I slept during the day, then went out at night.  I would listen to records on my Walkman as I wandered the deserted streets of Garland - & boy were they deserted.  I was especially fond on the Chameleons record Strange Times.  I felt isolated & disaffected & often thought about death.  I probably wrote a lot of terrible poetry.  My only friends were a fifteen-year-old girl for whom I made mix tapes, my college roommate William, & maybe a friend or two in Austin with whom I wrote letters.  I wrote lots of letters.  I didn't get a lot of letters back.

At the end of the summer I used a portion of my financial aid money to travel to Memphis to visit the only girl I had kissed at the time.  It was disastrous.  I came home even more broken-hearted & broken than before.  & I would move back into the Town Lake Apartments (as I discussed last week) at the beginning of my third year of school.  But I would never live in Garland ever again.

Later on, after other horrible interactions with my family, I became friends with my sister, & I would return to this house when I visited Garland - ostensibly to see my mother - but I always had more fun hanging out with my sister.  I loved sitting around her kitchen table talking about stuff - news, politics, gossip.  There was sometimes another family member there, & it would be the only time I would see them.

My brother-in-law sold this house a couple of years after my sister died.  He has remarried & he no longer lives in Texas.  He actually unfriended me on Facebook a couple of years ago although I thought we had a good relationship.  I have texted him a couple of times - it's been a while now, the last I think was when I sent condolences after his father died - but he doesn't speak to me anymore & in fact he doesn't even speak to his son.  He has a granddaughter now, which he's seen only twice.  It's a real sadness.

Mostly it's wistful to see this house.  I mowed that lawn many times.  I endured countless unpleasant family gatherings in its backyard.  I went to Christmases there, sometimes walking from my mother's apartment when I was staying with her for the holidays - my mother's apartment was a quarter-mile down the street.  I ate meals there, I listened to records on headphones there, I played Super Mario Brothers there.  I was there when the call came from my Uncle Harold that my father had died.  I had terrible fights there, & more than once I swore I'd never return.

Now of course I never will.

Tuesday, October 20, 2020

Self Help Radio 101920: Swoon

(Original image here.)

Does music make you swoon?  What about music about swooning?  God lord, what will make you swoon?  Because all I got here is a radio show about swoon.

Detractors might say - not that Self Help Radio has detractors - but wow! can you imagine? Wouldn't it be awesome if the show had actual detractors! Anyway - hypothetically - detractors might say that swooning isn't necessarily something that can be objectively elicited.  One person's swoon is another person's shoulder shrug.  Still, perhaps a preponderance of swoon might actually result in a swoon; ergo, two hours of music & talk about swoon.

It's there for your scientific investigation at the Self Help Radio web page.  Please make sure you're sitting down or maybe that there's someone to catch you should you swoon.  You'll need a username (SHR) & a password (selfhelp) to listen.  Also maybe some smelling salts?  A cup of hot tea?  A cold compress?  Preview what happens on the show below.

Alas, I must myself lie down now.

Self Help Radio Swoon Show
"Swoon" Antenna _(For Now)_
"Swoon" The Mission _Neverland_
"Swoon" Tanya Donelly _Sliding & Diving EP_

introduction & definitions

"Swoon" Cape Snow _Cape Snow_
"Swoon" Big Deal _Lights Out_
"Swoon" Magic Potion _Endless Graffiti_
"Swoon" February _Tomorrow Is Today_

a patented Self Help Radio Music Analysis Ned Dry & Major McCheese interrupt!

"Swoon" The Deer _Do No Harm_
"Swoon" Fujiya & Miyagi _EP2_
"Swoon" The Chemical Brothers _Further_
"Swoon" Rising Appalachia & The Human Experience _Soul Vision_
"Swoon" The Lovebullies _When I Get Through With You_

interview with SWOON founder Mickey Parnell

"Permanent Swoon" Gee Mr Tracy _Harmony! Rhapsody! Destiny!_
"Swooner" Beliefs _Leaper_
"Swoon" Imogen Heap _Ellipse_
"Swoon Units" Digable Planets _Reachin' (A New Refutation Of Time & Space)_

interview with professional swooner Charlie Charles

"Venus Loon" Marc Bolan & T.Rex _Zinc Alloy & The Hidden Riders Of Tomorrow_
"Volumes" The Church _Remote Luxury_
"Public Pervert" Interpol _Antics_
"Won't Want For Love (Margaret In The Taiga)" The Decemberists _The Hazards Of Love_

conclusion, big news, goodbye

"A Fistful Of Swoon" Vandaveer _Divide & Conquer_
"Swoon" Whirr _Around_

Sunday, October 18, 2020

Whither Swoon?

(Image from here.)

Gosh, I wish I were a swooner!  You'd think I would be - I'm unhealthily sentimental & I become way over-involved in works of art like movies & songs.  Oh I faint - as I talked about yesterday - but the fainting wasn't because of beauty or being lovestruck.  I wasn't swooning.

Perhaps one can learn to swoon?  Perhaps one can pick up the finer points of swooning through a radio program about swooning?  Let's see if that works.

Tomorrow morning - Monday the 19th - from 8 to 10am, Self Help Radio features a show about "swoon."  If you are in town, you can listen to it on 90.3 & 98.3 fm; it's online everywhere of course at freeformportland.org.

Will it make you swoon?  Well, I hope so.  I hope it makes me swoon.  But I'll probably not be so lucky.

Saturday, October 17, 2020

Preface To Swoon: A Short History Of Fainting

This is true: I am a fainter.  I faint.  I am not sure why I faint but I do.

The first time I remember fainting was in sixth grade health class.  We were talking about intravenous drugs.  I passed out.  I had been focusing on putting a needle in my arm & my brain short-circuited.  This happened again in eighth grade.  I apparently collapsed in health class again & caused a stir.  I was taken to the school nurse.

You probably haven't read much Dostoyevsky but one of the things he talks about, since he was epileptic, is the profound peace one feels in an epileptic fit.  I am not epileptic so I can't speak to that, but as someone who had fainted many times, I can tell you that in the strange state of unconsciousness within the faint, it's extraordinarily peaceful.  It's like a dream of calm.  When consciousness comes to bring you back, you go in protest.  Waking up from a faint is a violent thing.

In my first or second semester of college, I fainted in a large psychology class.  The professor was talking about the brain, & - these were pre-computer days - he had a transparency on the overhead projector which simulated the layers of the brain.  As he went deeper, lifting each transparency to reveal things underneath, I felt that my brain was being peeled open, & I fainted.  I woke to a frat boy type slapping my face saying in a whisper - because the professor was lecturing - "Dude, wake up.  Are you okay, dude?"

Your eyes stay open when you faint.  Did you know that?

Cataloging my faints would be tedious.  I fainted just last year because of a drug situation that I won't go into.  I will say that once I learned my particular symptoms of a possible faint, I learned how to waylay it - usually by putting my head between my legs so my brain didn't lose blood or oxygen.

If I could change anything about myself, well, that's a long list, but one of those things would be that I would be able to turn myself off like a machine.  I had a friend who told me of a boy she was dating who would say, "I'm going to sleep now," & then fall asleep.  I was envious of him.  Imagine being able to initiate sleep mode so readily!

Swooning is not, however, merely fainting.  I can't say if I've ever actually swooned.  Let me think about that.  I've fainted, oh how I've fainted.  But swooned?  Hm.  I don't know.

Friday, October 16, 2020

What To Do With News Of News

So... there's some news about Self Help Radio that I'd like to share.  & in a sense, I've already shared.  Y'see, I have to record Self Help Radio to air Monday mornings & it has to be turned in early so someone can "screen" it (or "clear" it) in case I go on some kind of potty mouth rant.  Which, to be fair, is always likely no matter how long I've done radio.

& on the show, which I finished today, I shared the news, so it feels like I've already told you.  But of course you won't hear it until Monday morning - during the last airbreak! - & you probably won't listen to the show at all.  So you won't ever hear the news unless I tell you here.

But something tells me to wait.  Something also tells me to eat whatever's in the refrigerator right now.  I can ignore the latter voice, so I could ignore the former.  But the voice telling me to wait is very different from the voice telling me to be a colossal pig, & in fact I wish the voice telling me to wait to share the news would also tell me to just eat when I'm hungry.  So I'm inclined the trust the more prudent of voices.

Do you mind waiting?  We can talk Monday.  As usual, I'm making a bigger deal about this than it really is.  But I can't wait to tell you!  I'm excited.  But I have to wait.

Thursday, October 15, 2020

Photographs Of Places I've Lived # 7: Town Lake Circle

(Image from Google Maps.)

This place no longer exists.  This is taken from Google images from 2007.  As of January of 2020, it looked like this:

(ditto)

What happened to the apartments?  They were gone by 2008, as far as I can tell, & nothing has been put in their place.

For the life of me I can't recall what they were called - maybe Town Lake Apartments?  The street I looked out onto was Elmont, but officially the address was Town Lake Circle.  I moved in with school friends Paul & Todd in 1986, lived there till the summer of 1987, when I returned to Garland.  I lived in a smaller apartment toward the back with another school friend William in my sophomore year of college, roughly August 1987 to May 1988, & lived again with William & yet another friend, Joe, in a two-bedroom apartment (I lived in the living room) from around August of 1988 till December of 1988, when William & Joe decided to move out, leaving me with a place I couldn't afford.  Luckily, I had been a good tenant, & the landlord let me break the lease.

These apartments were in an area that used to be called "the Riverside student ghetto."  They were far from campus, maybe six miles away.  I used to take a bus to classes - which went onto I-35 past the lake through downtown - & it took around ten to fifteen minutes to get to UT; nowadays I'm sure it takes twice as long, or worse if the traffic is bad.

Down the street was a venue called "The Back Room."  It was apparently mostly a space for metal shows, but I have fond memories of seeing Love & Rockets, the Jesus & Mary Chain, the Sugarcubes, James, & gosh probably other shows there.  Here's an article about the place.  It's apparently now where Emo's, once a downtown club (where I also saw too many shows to count), now exists.

There was also a supermarket within walking distance, & I remember my roommate Paul & I had a brief fling with tennis while we lived there - there was a tennis court down the road.  Alas, Paul got better & better at the game, while I plateaued at "somewhat mediocre," & Paul was very competitive.  & as people who suck at sports know, it's never much fun to play with people who are better than you are if they love to win.  You end up just asking to be humiliated.

One amusing story is that I had a longstanding obsession with a girl who lived in the apartments who had purple hair.  I would refer to her to friends as "the purple-haired girl," inviting comparisons with Charlie Brown & his "little red haired girl."  She lived with a boyfriend, & I would never have had the courage to speak to her, so I would sit on the bus, listening to the Birthday Party on my Walkman, & daydream about getting to know her.  Years later, as fate would have it, we became somewhat acquainted, &, alas, she wasn't a very interesting person.  Her name was Leanne.  I think after we hung out once or twice we realized we didn't really have much in common.

At some point I'll get to the years 1986 through 1988 in my birthday series so I'll have more to say about this place.  Once I moved away from this part of the world, I never really went back - my home range, such as it was, shifted to the Hyde Park area of Austin after this.  But in 2017, my wife & I visited Austin for what would be the very last time & there was a food truck that we went to there, & the whole area seemed utterly strange to me.  I guess I noticed the apartments were gone.  We did walk the dogs down by Town Lake & I kinda wished that I had had a dog when I lived there - I really wish I had spent more time down by the lake.

Today I was talking to a friend who had lived in Austin in the 90s & we chatted about different areas of the city.  I lived there for more than twenty years & really didn't see a whole lot of the city.  It's a shame, really - it was a big place, expansive, & the time to get to know it was then, when it was still a somewhat sleepy little town.  Now it may be entirely unknowable.

Wednesday, October 14, 2020

Self Help Radio 101220: Traps

(Original image here.)

You see, I was caught in a trap.  I couldn't walk out.  Because I was doing a radio show, baby.  & here it is!

You're thinking, I never thought of radio as a trap!  You are correct to do so.  Whom would radio want to trap?  Radio is the opposite of a trap - it sets you free.  It sets music free.  It sets voices free.

Does this make a radio show about traps ironic?  Hardly.  Because radio often finds itself sending messages that are contradictory, ironic, moronic, etc.  That's often inadvertent - for example, this radio show can often be so incredibly dumb but also astonishingly un-self-aware.  Why would it broadcast dumb things?  Alas, not knowingly!

Am I done asking questions & answering them as if something actually cares about this nonsense?  I am!

You can listen to this week's Self Help Radio which is presented exactly as it aired Monday morning on Freeform Portland by visiting the Self Help Radio web site.  Please remember: username SHR, password selfhelp.  The show was just me & songs, so all you need to know is the songs that were played, & they are listed below.

Don't worry!  The show is entirely trap & release this week!

Self Help Radio Traps Show
"Trap" The Pop Group _We Are Time_
"Trap" Robert Fripp & The League Of Gentlemen _God Save The King_
"Trap" The Cure _Wild Mood Swings_

introduction & definitions

"Suspicious Minds" Mark James _You Heard It Here First!_
"Trapped In Amber" The Clean _Anthology_
"Siamese Trap" Opal _Happy Nightmare, Baby_
"Set A Little Trap" Phyllis Hyman _Forever With You_
"Keep Your Fly-Trap Closed" Jimmy McLain _Swingin' The Blues: 1931-1939_

another airbreak

"The Trapper & The Furrier" Regina Spektor _Remember Us To Life_
"Trapped By A Thing Called Love" Denise LaSalle _Trapped By A Thing Called Love_
"I Trap You" Kae Tempest _The Book Of Traps & Lessons_
"Trapped Love" The Cramps _Flamejob_
"Black Light Trap" Shriekback _Big Night Music_

yet another airbreak

"Trap Door" Stars _No One Is Lost_
"Bear In A Trap" Her Royal Harness _The Hunting Room_
"Party Trap" Tacocat _NVM_
"Mantrap" Thee Headcoats _Heavens To Murgatroyd, Even! It's Thee Headcoats! (Already)_
"Traps" New Musik _Anywhere_

really? another airbreak?

"Trapped" Chastity Belt _Time To Go Home_
"Trapped In A Love Affair" Brenda Holloway _A Cellarful Of Motown!_
"Trapped" Kenneth Williams & Roderick Cook _Share My Lettuce (A Nixa Original Cast Recording)_
"Trapped In Paradise" Bill Baird _Diamond Eyepatch_
"Trapped" Underworld & Iggy Pop _Teatime Dub Encounters_

conclusion & goodbye

"Love Is The Tender Trap" Frank Sinatra _The Capitol Years_
"The World Was A Trap" The Crooner _Sounds From The Valley Of Love_
"I'm Like A Ship Trapped Inside A Bottle" The Cavalcade _Many Moons_
"Still We Fall (Into The Same Trap)" Eggplant _Anorak Twat_

Sunday, October 11, 2020

Whither Traps?


Look.  I know you feel trapped.  Everyone does.  Trapped inside because of the pandemic.  Trapped by the fucked-up institutions that are letting a minority control our country & topple it into fascism.  Trapped by the love you feel for family, close friends, lovers, pets.  Everything's a trap.  There's no way to get entirely free.  At some point (to really strain the metaphor) you're going to even gnaw some part of yourself off just to try to get away.

Don't do that!  Why not just kinda accept it & listen to a radio show about traps?  It's easier to deal with being triggered if you pull the trigger yourself.  Hey, look at me, acting all self-helpy & shit.  I have no experience or training in counseling as you well know but I have been doing a show called "Self Help Radio" for eighteen years now.  I think that should count for something!

Enjoy the bait that got you into the trap in the first place.  & listen to Self Help Radio's show about traps, which will air tomorrow (Monday) morning from 8-10am on Freeform Portland.  You can listen in town at 90.3 & 98.3 fm & everywhere at freeformportland.org.  Maybe knowing it's a trap will make you feel a bit smarter when you fall for it?