Self Help Radio 090723: Invitations

(original image here)

Did many people accept the invitation to hear Self Help Radio's show about invitations? I dunno! I do radio in a little room with headphones on! But I did invite some guests to talk to - they showed up - & there was lots of music to keep me company. I will pretend it was the best-attended radio show about invitations of the season!

It turns out though that you're still invited to listen - because the show is now online. Listen whenever you feel like it at the show's website - your RSVP will be a username - SHR - & a password - selfhelp. The schedule of events is below. Welcome! I hope you have a lovely time.

Self Help Radio Invitations Show

"Invitation" Dinah Washington _A Night Out With Verve_

"The River's Invitation" Percy Mayfield _The Chronological Percy Mayfield 1951-1954_

"Invitation To The Blues" Ella Mae Morse _Barrelhouse, Boogie, & The Blues_

introduction & definitions

"(You're All Invited To) Henrietta's Wedding" Champ Butler _Down Yonder With Champ Butler_

"Invitation To A Wedding" Barbara Jackson _Girls Girls Girls Volume 12_

"Invite The Mall" Space Ghost _Yeah, Whatever..._

"Invitation" A Band Of Angels _British Soul Vol. 1 (Classic British Label Northern Soul Rarities)_

"Been Invited To A Party" Glenda Collins _Been Invited To A Party_

our resident cinephile Chuck stops by!

"You're Invited To A Party" The Victorians _Girls Go Zonk!!_

"An Invitation To Cry" The Magicians _Nuggets (Original Artyfacts From The First Psychedelic Era 1965-1968)_

"Party Invitation" Todd Barry _Medium Energy_

"Don't Send Me An Invitation" Honey Cone _Love, Peace, & Soul_

"Invitation To The Blues" Tom Waits _Small Change_

interview with etiquette expert Teresa Connor

"Invitation Inn" Mates Of State _A House Full Of Friends_

"Let's Invite Them Over (with Iris DeMent)" John Prine _Live From Sessions At West 54th_

"Invitation" Frankie & The Heartstrings _The Days Run Away_

"Chant D'Invitation A La Danse" Maboudana & Badolo _Hot Women: Women Singers From The Torrid Regions Of The World_

interview with professional inviter Travis Corn

"Invitation" The Feelies _Time For A Witness_

"Invitation" Filthy Friends _Invitation_

"Invitation To The White House" Kinky Friedman & Little Jewford _Classic Snatches From Europe_

"Uninvited Dream" Peggy Lee _The Man I Love_

"Open Invitation" Grant McLennan _Horsebreaker Star_

interview with my friend Todd Campbell

"Invitation" Eden's Children _Sure Looks Real_

"Invitation Au Silence" Laetitia Sadier _Silencio_

"On Invite Only" Jimmy Pursey _Alien Orphan_

"Invitation Day" Low & Dirty Three _In The Fishtank 7_

conclusion & goodbye

"Invitation" The High Violets _To Where You Are_

"An Invitation" Fairmont _We Will Burn That Bridge When We Get To It_

Whither Invitations?

(a classic tweet from someone who no longer has an account on dying twitter)

The show this week is about invitations. I don't know if I've ever received a formal invitation. & I am unsure if I've sent one. Maybe a formal e-vite? Is that possible?

Luckily on the show we'll have a person who is knowledgeable about the etiquette of invitation. & someone who is a professional inviter. & much more. I hope it sounds inviting. Because you're invited!

That's today! Noon to 2pm on Freeform Portland. Which you can find on the air in Portland at 90.3+98.3fm & online at freeform portland dot org.

No need to RSVP! I'll assume everyone I invited - which is everyone - will come.

Preface To Invitations: By Invite Only?

(image from here)

Let me just quell a few fear that have almost certainly not been circulating about this week's show, the theme of which is "invitations." You do not need an invitation to listen to the show. Like any other radio show I do, it just goes out over the airwaves & through the vast tubes of the internet & you can choose to tune in or, like pretty much everyone, not.

But if you feel an invitation is needed for a show about invitations, let this be your invitation: you're invited! When you listen, you are a welcome invited guest of the show. It's all for you! So please enjoy.

Stairs To Nowhere

It's been a few years since I started taking pictures on dog walks & other adventures with an admittedly crappy digital camera. ("Why do you have that when you have a phone?" is a question I get asked a lot.) On days like today when I have nothing radio to talk about (as if I ever really have anything radio to talk about), I like to go back through the photos I've saved on this day & see if they spark any memories.

This one is from 2014 & I think it was taken in Lexington. We went to some festival & these were shots I took somewhere on the city's north side. It was a part of town I didn't much get to, & I wouldn't have thought about that day much at all if it weren't for these pictures. So hooray for a kind of diary they serve as for me!

Abandoned places fascinate me. I told the wife today that if I had a lot of money I'd just buy lots of houses in places where the property values are low. They'd be terrible investments as I wouldn't really want to develop them, just let them sit there & exist, but I'd still have to pay property taxes & also deal with angry neighbors, but there's a certain beauty to dilapidation & ruin.

First I'd give a lot of money to radio stations, of course. But if I had a lot left over, yeah, I'd own places where the stairs didn't go anywhere.

Now You Know

Nunavut, the largest, northernmost, & newest territory of Canada, is 6.6% larger than Mexico.

What you do with such information I can't say. But you now have it.

Image from here.

(& happy Labor Day!)

Self Help Radio 083123: Indiepop A To Z # 72

(all images from Discogs)

There have now been 72 installments of this series. What more can I say? I was thinking I'd tell you I met a sweet little mutt named Teeny today - she was about a year old - she's being fostered by a neighbor & it's a good thing I have a wife who tells me no or else we'd have a new dog now. Wow she was adorable. I hope someone adopts her soon.

Anyway, that's all. Lots of great indiepop on the program this week. As should be expected with this series. The show is where it's supposed to be: at the Self Help Radio website. Use the username SHR & the password selfhelp to access. Look at the bands I played in glorious alphabetical order below.

& next time we finish the letter R. I promise!

Self Help Radio Indiepop A To Z # 72

"Cinnamon Eyes" Riverside _One_

"Heaven Knows I Love You" Riviera _Heaven Knows I Love You_

"Right Side Of The Tracks" Rizzo _Phoning It In_

"How Many Friends" Roberta Junk _Untitled Flexi_

"Volunteers Conquering Fires" Mark Robinson _Tiger Banana_

"Elephants" Anthony Rochester _Music For Listening & Relaxation_

"Love Eyes" Rocket Or Chiritori _Love Eyes_

"Pink Cashmere" Rocket Punch _Blood On The Ukulele_

"I Love You Like The Way That I Used To Do" Rocketship _A Certain Smile, A Certain Sadness_

"Mörder" Rockformation Diskokugel _Airpop: An Apricot Records Compilation_

"Drifting" The Rockingbirds _The Rockingbirds_

"Lenny & Jenny Had One Too Many" The Rocky Nest _The Rocky Nest_

"Nimby" Roguery _Living On The Edge_

"19th Nervous Breakdown" The Rolling Stones _Singles Collection - The London Years_

"Brand New Day" Roly Poly Rag Bear _Hana_

"20th Summer" Romeo Suspect _Another World_

"He's Outta Sight" The Rondelles _Fiction, Romance, Fast Machines_

"Small Town (Is A Strange Place)" Roof _Out Of The Blue_

"Things Have Learnt To Walk That Ought To Crawl" The Room _Indoor Fireworks_

"Blue Sunday" The Ropers _Why Popstars Can't Dance_

"Gabriel" Rorschach _The Sound Of Leamington Spa Volume 8_

"Leaving" The Rosaries _Forever EP_

"Sorrow" Frankie Rose _Herein Wild_

"Freedom Riders" The Rose Mary's _Freedom Riders_

"Room In Your Heart" The Rosehips _The Rosehips_

"Sparkle" The Rosemarys _The Rosemarys_

"(Whatever Happened To) Alice?" Rosemary's Children _Southern Fields_

"A Good Café On George Street" The Rosie Taylor Project _This City Draws Maps_

"Smiling Sweetly" Malcolm Ross _Wrong Place, Wrong Time 1995-1999_

Whither Indiepop A To Z # 72?

(This is Pete. Beagles are the official dogs of indiepop.)

It was many years ago that I began this series, Indiepop A To Z. What is indiepop? Does it just mean "independent pop"? It certainly seems like that's what people think, but here's a good definition.

The idea for the series came from the band list at Twee Net. I was overly ambitious & irritatingly completist so I added bands that I felt that list weirdly excluded plus I thought it would be fun to also play bands that were influential to indiepop. This meant that over time the list got bigger & bigger. If I had stuck to the Twee Net list, I would be done now. But I would've also felt that I had neglected lots & lots of artists.

So here we are - the seventy-second installment & we're still at the letter R. Many of the previous installments are at the Self Help Radio web page. The best way to find them is to go to the "table of contents" & click on the letter I. Like this. One of these days I will put them all on a single page - I keep promising that! - but so far that has not happened. I kinda forget about the series except when I return to it roughly every four months.

Will I ever finish? I don't really know. The letter S will take some time. But for now, let's continue to enjoy the letter R from noon to 2pm today on Freeform Portland - 90.3+98.3fm in town & online everywhere at Freeform Portland dot Org. We'll travel all over the globe & hear some wonderful tunes. I promise.

Preface To Indiepop A To Z # 73: Here's A Picture Of My Cat Bluto

He's grown up a bit - I guess he's about eleven months old now. You'd see lots of pictures of him if we were friends on Facebook or if you followed my dumb old Tumblr blog.

Anyway, it's more of the Indiepop A To Z stuff this week. I do it every four months. You know.

Maybe more details tomorrow?

Three Years Ago

In the midst of a global pandemic, the wife & I decide to cross over into Washington state & walk the dogs along the Columbia. As usual, we didn't know exactly where we should go, so we found a more-or-less state-parky area & walked up & down the river's edge.

One thing I recall is that the Washingtonians had very different ideas about mask protocols than we did. They didn't wear any masks. They were happy to get into your space. It was like the pandemic had never happened in Vancouver, Washington. Of course all of those people are dead now.

Portland lives in the shadow of Mount Hood, but you can't always see it from where you are, so it's a little startling for folks like me who are like whoa there's a giant mountain over there. Look at how large it looms in that photo up there. It's awesome.

It was a fun day. Our walks are always fun. I miss the dog who was there that day who is not with us today but otherwise I am happy for that memory.

Are We STILL Talking About Neptune?

(Now that's what I can an infographic - it's from here.)

There were so many songs about Neptune that were instrumental, I really felt I should play them somewhere, so I will play them tonight on Corporate Standardized Programming on KBOO. & I'll let you know when it's available if you wanna hear & it's not late at night.

So: tonight! Midnight to 3am! 90.7fm in town. KBOO dot fm everywhere!

Rocket leaves exactly at 12 sharp. Don't worry, it's a quick trip - just bring your phone & some snacks.

Self Help Radio 082423: Neptune

(original image here)

Yesterday I said there were more songs about the god Neptune than the planet Neptune. So after the shows was done - & not counting the music over which I spoke or the interstitial bits, which were all about the planet - I counted ten (10) about the planet, nine (9) about the god, & two (2) that could be about either. I really wish I could've done an entire show about the planet though. & I could've, if I'd played more instrumentals. But for whatever reason I don't want to do that on Self Help Radio.

The interviews though were skewed heavily in favor of the planet - 3 to 1. I do so adore the planet Neptune. I'm glad I've been alive when we got a chance to take a look at it. & I hope one day we discover that it truly does rain diamonds there.

Anyway, you'll have to settle for a radio show. It's at the Self Help Radio website right now. Use the username SHR & pass the password selfhelp to access. Listed below are all the songs I played & all the things that happened in-between. Hope you enjoy!

Self Help Radio Neptune Show

"Have You Heard The Latest News From Neptune" Sun Ra & His Arkestra _In The Orbit Of Ra_

introduction & definitions

"Gloire À Toi Neptune!" Tri Yann _Abysses_

"Neptune" Ian Brown _Golden Greats_

"Neptune" Glenn Tilbrook _Transatlantic Ping Pong_

"The Neptune Freeze (feat Fred Schneider)" Ursula 1000 _Esoterique_

interview with the god Neptune (!)

"Neptune" Barry McGuire _Barry McGuire & Featuring Members Of The New Christy Minstrels_

"Father Neptune" Anna & Elizabeth _Anna & Elizabeth_

"Neptune" Terrible Sons _Half Awake, Half Asleep_

"Neptune's World" Strapping Fieldhands _Gobs On The Midway: Singles 1991-1995_

interview with Paul Norton, who says he's visited Neptune

"Neptune Sun" The Ghost Ease _Raw_

"Neptune" Higher Authorities _Neptune_

"Diamonds On Neptune" Old 97's _Twelfth_

"Nervous On Neptune" The Aqua Velvets _Nomad_

interview with Queen Neptunia of Neptune (!!)

"Neptune's Daughter" The Divine Comedy _Promenade_

"Neptune's Daughter" Bert Jansch _Crimson Moon_

"Neptune's Daughter" Dennis Driscoll _Voices In The Fog_

"Neptune's Daughter" Luminescent Orchestrii _Neptune's Daughter_

interview with astronomer Peter Nance

"Kidnapped By Neptune" Scout Niblett _Kidnapped By Neptune_

"Neptune City" Nicole Atkins _Neptune City_

"Neptune Song" Ghost Camp _Great Lakes_

conclusion & goodbye

"Neptune" Motorbass _Pansoul_

"Peace On Neptune" UFOm _Aliens Are Real_

Whither Neptune?

(image from the Wikipedia)

Neptune is the eighth & last planet in our solar system (sorry Pluto!). Neptune is also the name of the Roman god of the seas. That Neptune gave the planet Neptune its name although the planet Neptune existed long before humans who invented Neptune. We have no idea what the planet Neptune was called before the god Neptune gave it his name. Maybe Poseidon?

Neptune was discovered in 1846 even though we're pretty sure it was there before that. I like the fact that they continued to give the planets Roman names even though I would've picked Neptune over Uranus when named Uranus. No one know who Uranus was! Plus, that's a Greek name, not a Roman one! Anyway. It's weird to think we've only known about Neptune for less than two hundred years. But it's even weirder that we never even saw close-up pictures of Neptune until Voyager 2 paid the planet a visit in 1989. That's in my lifetime!

Here's a confession: there are more songs about the god Neptune than the planet Neptune. So be ready for that. Also: there are more instrumental songs - in the jazz, rock, New Age, & electronica idioms - about Neptune than ones with vocals. We need to find a place for them!

Listen to Self Help Radio's show about Neptune (both the god & the planet) today on Freeform Portland from noon to 2pm. In Portland it's on 90.3+98.3fm & everywhere (maybe even on Neptune?) it's at freeform portland dot org. Something for the fans of the planet & fans of the god both!

Preface To Neptune: Intro Doc

If I did this right, embedded above is a video by Astrum about the planet Neptune, which is this week's theme. The direct link to the video is here. It's a very nice & delightfully succinct overview of a planet about which we knew very little until around 1989. It's true! I liked it so much I snatched samples of the vid to play throughout tomorrow's show.

Now, the show tomorrow will also be about the god Neptune, after whom the planet is named. But I'm an astronomy geek. I should probably look for a YouTube doc about the god Neptune. But I also probably won't.

Toys

This was a disappointing day, in ways that would seem dumb to you & so I won't bore you with the details. I spent a lot of it listening to music for this week's Self Help Radio - which is what I do most Tuesdays. As the day came to a close, I thought of the blog & that I had nothing really to say, & when I really have nothing to say, I go look at pictures I've taken on this day in the past few years. I started taking pictures when I realized I had a digital camera, & that was spring 2014. By August 22, 2016, we were living in Fort Worth.

It being summer, we needed to wake early to walk the dogs - it's sad to realize that of the four we had at the time, two of them are no longer with us. I had looked at maps & come up with what I hoped was a decent dogwalk to satisfy the wife. I did not. She found the route I had picked "dirty." So she suggested we walk under the highway to a neighborhood she liked, near an elementary school.

One of the homes near the school had two windows full of toys. I took a picture. I titled it "Toys." It looks more like stuffed animals, doesn't it? Oh well.

Let's hope tomorrow is a bit better than today. Today was disappointing.

The Charm Of Cinema

(image from the IMDb)

We had one charming show last week - why, you can still listen at the Self Help Radio website! - & in-between the songs, our resident cinephile Chuck talked about movies featuring a certain kind of charming - hypnosis! After you've listened, take advantage of what is almost certainly an untreated obsessive/compulsive condition & check out the following links:

Here is his YouTube playlist of films & trailers.

Here is his Letterboxd list.

Chuck's instructions: "Click on the 'read notes' icon - I have put links to the youtube videos, where the film may be streaming for free, & the occasional bit of other information."

Here are his Letterboxd reviews.

Here is the IMDb list of films available to stream for free.

Here is Chuck's IMDb keyword list.

& remember Chuck is on Twitter, on Bluesky, & on Substack.

Chuck will return in a few weeks!

Self Help Radio 081723: Charm

(original image here)

Can a radio show be charming? Of course! Can Self Help Radio be charming? Not on your life! But can Self Help Radio do a radio show about charm? It not only can - it did!

This week's show had oodles of charm songs as well as charming interviews with charming folk & our charming resident cinephile Chuck even talked in-between the songs about movies featuring a kind of charming - hypnotism! We find it all very charming & hope you're charmed by it too.

Listen to the show on the Self Help Radio website. Remember the username (SHR) & password (selfhelp)! Everything that happened on the show is listed below - except Chuck's movie recommendations - they happened in-between the songs.

Also, we didn't talk about the show Charmed. I'm sorry. Or am I?

Self Help Radio Charm Show

"Good Luck Charm" The Marvelettes _The Tamla Sound Of The Marvelettes_

"Hidden Charms" Howlin' Wolf _The Howlin' Wolf Anthology_

"Charms Of The Arms Of Love" Alice Clark _Alice Clark_

introduction & definitions

"Prince Charming" Adam & The Ants _Prince Charming_

"Pedigree Charm" Lora Logic _Pedigree Charm_

"This Charming Man" The Smiths _Hatful Of Hollow_

"Dangerous Charms" The Delmonas _Dangerous Charms_

interview with Sal Arp, who's suing the makers of Lucky Charms

"Lucky Charms" The Moldy Peaches _The Moldy Peaches_

"Lucky Charm" Helium _Ends With And_

"Lucky Charm" The Apples In Stereo _Fun Trick Noisemaker_

"My Lucky Charm" The Postmarks _Memoirs At The End Of The World_

interview with charm school dropout Seth Akins

"Charm School" Elvis Costello _Punch The Clock_

"Charm School" Would-Be-Goods _Spring Fever_

"Charm School For Damaged Boys" Shilpa Ray _Portrait Of A Lady_

"Charm" Shoulders _Trashman Shoes_

interview with charm school headmistress Sandy Astor

"The Charm Song" Momus _Hypnoprism_

"How Charming" Dollys _Low Year_

"Charmless Man" Blur _The Great Escape_

"Those Charming Men" Club 8 _Nouvelle_

interview with snake charmer Samuel Atwell

"Snake Charmer" The Frowning Clouds _Listen Closelier_

"Charmer & The Snake" The Velveteers _Nightmare Daydream_

"Your Charms" Cinerama _Cinerama Holiday_

"Charms Around Your Wrist" The Softies _It's Love_

conclusion & goodbye

"Charms & The Girl" The Dentists _Powdered Lobster Fiasco_

"Charm Bracelet" All Girl Summer Fun Band _Summer Of '98_

"Use Your Charms" The Magick Heads _Transvection_

"Clever, Charming" The Service Economy _Hey! Where'd The Summer Go?_

Whither Charm?

(I scanned this ages ago from an old comic book.)

Prince Charming told me his favorite song was "This Charming Man." When introduced to someone, he would say, "Charmed, I'm sure." He had tested out of charm school. Was his favorite cereal Lucky Charms? Oh I didn't ask.

Somewhere along the way I began to be charmed by lots of songs about charm, almost certainly beginning with the Smiths song, which I listened to a lot after Andy Rourke's death. It was just a matter of accumulating a lot of charm songs, like the charms above for jewelry, until I felt the moment was charmed enough to have a show about charm. & that moment is today!

Listen from noon to 2pm Portland time to Self Help Radio on Freeform Portland. It's on the air in town at 90.3+98.3 fm. & we're online everywhere at freeform portland dot org. You'll hear lots of music & lots of conversations - including one with a charm school dropout & one with a snake charmer!

Do tune in - I find you so charming!

Preface To Charm: Oodles Of Charm

From Kurt Vonnegut's Breakfast Of Champions:

The show tomorrow is about charm, you see. I don't have oodles of charm, alas.

What The Hell Update For Corporate Standardized Programming Too

The other other show I do is called Corporate Standardized Programming & it airs on KBOO from midnight to 3am on Tuesday mornings/Monday nights. Because of an issue with my show change needing to be approved by a committee, the show is still called Self Help Radio on the website. But it's very much not Self Help Radio.

While looking at the site last night, I noticed that the show isn't being recorded & archived on the website. I don't know why that is. But since I record the show at home, I uploaded recent episodes (tho not last night's yet). In case you've been missing the show - & you didn't know you can listen to it at the Self Help Radio website.

It's a show I enjoy doing because it's focused on music. I don't talk much. & I can do things like pay tribute to artists who have recently passed. I also like to play long songs. Long songs in the middle of the night.

To sum up: Corporate Standardized Programming hasn't moved, but the web page on the KBOO website is mostly updated. That's all. That's my dumb update for this show.

Update For The Dickenbock Report

There is a program I do on XRAY called the Dickenbock Report. Like Self Help Radio, I've done this show on three stations in Portland - it started on KBOO, went to Freeform Portland, & is now on XRAY. It's very much like Self Help Radio in that it is theme-based, except it's done as though it's a newscast/news magazine. Mostly it's the same though.

The show has recently aired very early in the morning, 5-7am on Saturdays. It started in April & it soon became apparent that it was going to be a lot - meaning that I would have to go to sleep early on Fridays & wake early on Saturdays. I am not good at going to sleep early - I'm not really very good at going to sleep, to be honest. So as the months wore on, I was sleeping less & less. & waking earlier to work on the show.

Realizing I might not be able to keep up this pace, I suggested that the show might move when the new cycle started in August to a different time slot. & I said I would be glad to lose an hour - I am already doing two other shows, you know. & this has come to pass.

Starting next week, on Sunday August 20, the Dickenbock Report airs at 9am. Just for an hour. It should be fine. I might could do odder themes - I am very happy with last week's show about sewing machines, for example.

& so - the Dickenbock Report is on Sundays now on XRAY FM at 9am. Just thought you should know.

Self Help Radio 081023: Quicksand

(original image here)

We survived! The entire show fell into quicksand & we thought we would be completely submerged but instead we sort of floated there until we were rescued by the following program! No more dangerous themes for us!

Oh I know, we did say on the program that quicksand wasn't deadly - you can't drown in it, though if you're trapped, you may die of exposure or thirst or some animal that will see you as easy prey. But knowing that doesn't help when you're panicking in quicksand!

Still lots of things happened while we were stuck there - it felt like days but it was just two hours - we had lots of songs about quicksand & we talked to folks & it was a pleasant way to pass the time even if we were sure we were going to drown.

Listen to the peril we experienced at the Self Help Radio website. Remember you'll need a username & password, that's SHR & selfhelp. Every song that was played & all the people we talked to are mentioned below.

Be careful out there!

Self Help Radio Quicksand Show

"Quicksand" Guitar Slim _You're Gonna Miss Me: The Complete Singles Collection As & Bs 1951-1958_

"Quicksand" Maymie Watts _Quicksand: The Groove Records Story 1954-1956_

"Quicksand" Hank Thompson _Hank Thompson & His Brazos Valley Boys_

introduction & definitions

"Quicksand Love" Macy Skipper _Good Rockin' Tonight: Red Hot Rockabilly_

"Quicksand" Don Schroeder _Teen Town U.S.A. Volume 10_

"Quicksand" Kell Osborne _The Northern Soul Of L.A. Volume 2_

"Quicksand (Second Pressing - Alternate Mix)" Martha & The Vandellas _The Complete Motown Singles 1963_

"Love's Like Quicksand" Sandy Wynns _The Northern Soul Story 1_

interview with realtor Fran Innes

"Quicksand" The Youngbloods _Elephant Mountain_

"Quicksand" Tim Buckley _Sefronia_

"Quicksand Around My Mind" George Jackson _Leavin' Your Homework Undone: In The Studio With George Jackson 1968-1971_

"Quicksand" Bobby Womack & Peace _Across 110th Street_

"Quicksand" David Bowie _Hunky Dory_

interview with adventurer Foster Iverson

"Quicksand Lovers" Cristina _Sleep It Off_

"Quicksand" Reinheitsgebot _The Complete R.S.C. Recordings - Volume 1: December 1984_

"Quicksand" Hellfire Sermons _Hymns, Ancient & Modern (1988-1993)_

"Quick Sand" Carlene Davis _The 15 Classics Of Carlene Davis_

"Quicksand" Albert Collins _Don't Lose Your Cool_

interview with PR guy Felix Isodore

"Quicksand" September Girls _Age Of Indignation_

"Quicksand" Belly _Dove_

"Quicksand" Holly Golightly _Do The Get Along_

"Shipwrecked Boat On Quicksand" Franny London _Cold Water_

"Quicksand" George Carlin _More Napalm & Silly Putty_

"Quicksand" Persil _Duotone_

conclusion & goodbye

"Quicksand" Adrian Belew _Side Two_

"Quicksand" John Mulaney _New In Town_

"Quicksand" Siberia _Harm's Way_

"Quicksand Castle" Dirty Ghosts _Let It Pretend_

"Quicksand" Blackbird _Blackbird_

Whither Quicksand?

(image from the Wikipedia)

It begins, like so many things in my life, with David Bowie. Specifically, the Divine Symmetry box set that came out last year. As I discussed yesterday, I found the song "Quicksand" puzzling back when the album was new to me, some forty years ago. Listening to Bowie sing the song into a cassette deck in San Francisco was a little too intimate for me. & at some point, it caused a cascade.

"How many songs about quicksand can there be?" I wondered. Turns out, more than enough for a two-hour radio show.

Was it triggering for me? Wasn't I one of those kids who grew up with the media telling us how dangerous quicksand was? Here's something startling - according to this article, in the 1960s, "nearly 3 percent of the films in that era - one in 35 - showed someone sinking in mud or sand or oozing clay." Today? Not so much.

We will be experiencing the wonders & perils of quicksand on today's episode of Self Help Radio, which will air from noon to 2pm on Freeform Portland. Listen in town at 90.3+98.3fm & online at Freeform Portland dot org. & please - be careful!

Preface To Quicksand: That David Bowie Song

(image from the song's Wikipedia page)

Bowie's album Hunky Dory became my friend I think in the eleventh grade. Before I acquired it, I probably listened to Ziggy Stardust & Scary Monsters more. I don't think I had begun listening to Diamond Dogs or Low at this point. I think I bought it at a chain store (like Sound Warehouse) at "the Nice Price" around the same time I bought Aladdin Sane. I was not as enamored with that album as much as with Hunky Dory.

With the exception of "Changes," which I had heard way too often at that point, & which I think I was tired of by the time it was included in The Breakfast Club, I would generally listen to the album all the way through, starting on side A with "Oh You Pretty Things." I have memories of listening to it while the night came on, my room getting increasingly dark, & me refusing to turn the light on as I rose from bed to flip the record over. While I was never as enamored of the song as I was - & am - of "The Bewlay Brothers," I found "Quicksand" fascinating.

Back then, I imagined songs had some essence of truth that needed to be teased out, like explicating a poem. I had no idea how Bowie wrote songs - the two other musicians I paid the most attention to at the time were Elvis Costello & John Lennon. Lennon's penchant for absurdity was difficult to fit into that paradigm - yes, "One & one & one is three," but did that mean something? Despite his vitriol, Elvis Costello was a bit more fun - he liked to pun & write lines like, "You lack lust, you're so lackluster." But "I'm living in a silent film/Portraying Himmler's sacred realm of dream reality"? Himmler? The Nazi?!?

Most depressing for a sixteen year old person is the repeated lines (I guess it's the chorus):

Don't believe in yourself

Don't deceive with belief

Knowledge comes with death's release

Good grief. How could that possibly be true? Even then I didn't believe in anything happening to me after death. What were you supposed to know after "death's release"? You couldn't really know anything. Was that the truth?

Now I wonder if I ever spoke to anyone about these questions I had. Probably not. They probably just took up residence within me in the darkened room of my teenage years. The song, like the album, lives inside me still, having taken hold about forty years ago. & it is somewhat responsible for this week's theme.

Which I'll talk about tomorrow.

Dogwalk 2020

In a Zoom conversation tonight with old friends from KVRX, the phrase "now that covid is over" was used more than once. It doesn't feel over to me. Two of my radio pals have had covid (one of them twice!) & they both said it was mild. I guess when you get it, if you're vaccinated, it's mild? I dunno. I never got it.

The picture above was taken on a dog walk three years ago. We wore masks on walks - I still wear a mask when I go shop & when I'm inside any place with a lot of people - but we don't wear masks on walks anymore. Oh by the way that's me & my wife. I'm the one on the right. If that isn't obvious.

Covid doesn't feel over. & it's obviously not over with people who have long covid. & I really believe I will still get it at some point. Which is why I don't drop my guard. Except I have dropped my guard somewhat. Which is why I'll probably get it.

Have I been traumatized by the past three years? You bet. Will I ever entirely get over it? I dunno. Do I want to get over it? Yes! Will I spend the rest of this post asking myself yes/no questions? I think so. Is this the last one? No. Will there ever be a last one? Yes.

Sir Archibald Von Poesy Redux

This is something I never do so I thought I'd do it so I couldn't say I never do it instead I can say I rarely do it. Which is this: share the dumb poetry I write & "perform" as Sir Archibald Von Poesy.

Poesy is a dumb character with a fake English accent that occasionally shares his verse with Self Help Radio. His work inevitably has the rhyme scheme AAAAAAA - however long the poem is - basically every line rhymes. It's very stupid & shabbily performed & it's something that I have great fun writing.

So without further ado - this is the poem "Tongue" which appeared on last week's show:

A bee alit upon my tongue

It seemed so pretty & so young

Interrupting the song I sung

As to a nearby branch I clung

Yes from a tree it's true I hung

Like from a ladder with one rung

From the ground I up there sprung

From branch to branch I swung & swung

From each moment of life I wrung

Experience inhaled into my lungs

My thoughts expansive & far-flung

My world an instrument to be strung

But in the middle of this song I song

A bee landed quietly on my tongue

& now my tongue, it is beestung.

This is how I wrote it - I sometimes change it slightly when reading. But you get the idea.

Ought I share more of Poesy's verse? No, I ought not.

Self Help Radio 080323: Tongues

(my dog Pauline is sticking her tongue out at you)

This is true: my wife has these cool images of tongues taken with a very powerful microscope. I thought, hey! I'd love to use one of those images for this week's show's page when I put the show up. But you know what? They're really gross. I mean, our tongues are pretty gross anyway. But up close, they look downright diseased. A total horror show.

Which is not what this week's show was! We had tongue twisters & slips of the tongue! We were tongue-tied & we spoke in tongues! We talked to experts & we talked about idioms! The only truly gross thing about the show is yours truly, & I do my best to minimize that. At least you don't have to look at me - I look downright diseased. Am I the close-up of a tongue?

Listen to the show with your ears but with your tongue hanging out at the Self Help Radio web site. Please remember you'll need to use a password - selfhelp - & a username - SHR. But you can download it! Everything that happens on the show is listed below.

As for me, I'm watching my tongue from here on in.

Self Help Radio Tongues Show

"The Tongue Song" The Ethnobabes _Thoughts On Barbecuing_

"Tongues" Tanya Tagaq _Tongues_

"Tongues (Everybody's Got One)" Modey Lemon _Thunder + Lightning_

introduction & definitions featuring a secret recording of an actual anatomist teaching about tongues!

"Lizard-Long-Tongue Boy" Bridget St. John _Ask Me No Questions_

"Sitting Here On A Tongue" The Grodeck Whipperjenny _The Grodeck Whipperjenny_

"Slip Of The Tongue" Nits _Work_

"Bit My Tongue" Earth Dad _Townies_

interview with Chet Martins of the Curb Your Tongue Society

"Sugar On My Tongue" Talking Heads _Popular Favorites 1976-1992: Sand In The Vaseline_

"Mary Long Tongue" Barrington Levy _The Barrington Levy Collection_

"Speaking In Tongues" Felicia Michaels _Lewd Awakenings_

"Mother Tongue" Dead Can Dance _The Serpent's Egg_

interview with Reverend Chris Masters, expert in speaking in tongues

"Tongue Tied" Betty McQuade _Hot Boppin' Girls Vol. II_

"I'm Tongue-Tied" The Magnetic Fields _i_

"Tongue-Tied" The Snow Fairies _Feel You Up_

"Tongue Tied" Bubblegum Lemonade _The Great Leap Backward_

"Tongue Tied" Erase Errata _Other Animals_

interview with Cory McIntyre of the Tip Of The Tongues Clubs

"It's On The Tip Of My Tongue" Doris Day _It's Magic (1947-1950)_

"Tip Of My Tongue" Tommy Quickly _The British Invasion: The History Of British Rock, Vol. 1_

"Right On The Tip Of My Tongue" Brenda & The Tabulations _Can You Dig It? The '70s Soul Experience_

"Tip Of My Tongue" Tall Dwarfs _Weeville_

idioms with tongues

"Lip Sync (To The Tounge Twisters)" Len Barry _The Very Best Of Len Barry: Original Master Recordings_

"Tongue Twisters" The Looking Glass _Tongue Twisters_

"Speaking In Tongues (feat. Terrence McKenna)" Spacetime Continuum _Alien Dreamtime_

"Tongue Of Fire" Gitane Demone _Never Felt So Alive_

conclusion & goodbye

"Spanish Is A Loving Tongue" Marianne Faithfull _Come My Way_

"Sharp Tongue" The Passage _Enflame_

"Tongues Begin To Wag" Orange Juice _Coals To Newcastle_

Whither Tongues?

(Gross! Image from here.)

My wife, who is an anatomist & anthropologist, studies tongues. Did she contribute anything to the show? Not directly - but I did spend a lot of time talking to her about tongues this week.

& yes, there's a Self Help Radio episode about taste - from almost twenty years ago! - but you didn't listen to that & I have no memory doing it. Besides, just because you're doing a radio show about taste doesn't mean you get to be tongue-tied, speak in tongues, try out some tongue twisters, or any of the other things that I meant to write but are on the tip of my tongue.

How many anatomical facial structures have I done shows about? Surprisingly few - no shows about eyes, ears, nose, or mouth. Maybe this week's show demonstrates a commitment to explore more of the face - shows about cheeks, chins, & forehead can't be far behind. (I have done shows about lips & teeth tho.) I mean for Pete's sake why not a show about mustaches already?!? I have no excuse.

Please listen to Freeform Portland today from noon to 2pm for a show about the tongue. It's on 90.3+98.3fm in Portland & online at freeform portland dot org. Lots of music, maybe even some fun. No tongues held or curbed here!

Preface To Tongues: Something Wrong

One of my favorite Peanuts comics, from September 16, 1968. Maybe not as brilliant as the one on February 3, 1962 - but I think about both of them when I think about the tongue.

Dead Facebook Friends

(image from here)

This should not be shocking news: I don't have a lot of friends on Facebook. I don't have a lot of friends in real life. What isn't shocking (apparently) is that some of my Facebook friends are dead.

According to this article (which is called "Death On Facebook Now Common As 'Dead Profiles' Create Vast Virtual Cemetery" & which is over a decade old), "By the end of this year, 3 million Facebook users' pages will have become memorial sites for their owners." How many is it now, I wonder?

It reminds me of old Geocities websites. There was a time when everyone it seemed has some sort of web presence thanks to Geocities. Unsurprisingly, it was sold to Yahoo, who deleted the whole thing in 2009. & even more unsurprisingly, someone stepped up to try to archive as many of those sites as possible.

Is there a parallel between the early web & early silent films, where more than 75% are lost forever? I dunno. I maintained the KVRX website in the mid-90s & very rarely saved my work. Many things I created back then are lost now for good.

Meanwhile, of my less than 400 Facebook friends, I now count that at least ten are no longer with us (one of them is something I never met, who became friends with me because we had friends in common). I once mentioned I had a dream that Facebook would update our status once we died - it's very strange that these pages are still there, for folks to visit, with that eerie final post of theirs like words no one thought would be the last thing they ever wrote.

Should we be preparing our final social media post like our last words?

Maybe because I'm entering that phase of life in which, as my wife has said, "There are fewer marriages & births, & more divorces & death." It does seem like death is more visible & more inevitable. I wonder which of my Facebook friends will go next - & am painfully aware it could be me.

The Sirens Of Film

(Image from the IMDb)

On last week's show - which you can listen to at the Self Help Radio website - we talked about & played songs about sirens - the mythical bird/woman creatures whose song meant doom for unlucky sailors passing by.  Our resident cinephile Chuck stopped by to talk about films in which Greek mythology played a part - because, sadly, while there are plenty of songs about sirens (& about the songs of sirens), sirens aren't as well-represented in films. & we're always happy when he stops by!

Once you've listened to his segment, explore the following links he's provided for further film enjoyment:

Here is his YouTube playlist of films & trailers.

Here is his Letterboxd list. (Chuck says that he put the links to available videos in the notes for the films plus where they are available to stream for free.)

His reviews for the films he watched are here.

Chuck reviews films on his Substack. Subscribe for free!
He may write some review on his Bluesky account.

& he may write about them on Dying Twitter.
Here is the IMDb list of films available to stream for free elsewhere. Please note: there is duplication with of some on the YouTube list but quality is usually better, and their availability may be for limited time: 

Oh, & here is Chuck's IMDb keyword search.

Go listen! Go watch!

Self Help Radio 072723: Sirens

(original image on the Wikipedia)

They said it couldn't be done! & by they, I usually mean me, because I don't really believe in myself. Well, take that, me! Here's an entire show about sirens!

The only thing this show lacked was an idea I had for one of my fake interviews - I wanted to interview a retired siren. Alas, the improviser who I thought would be perfect for this was unavailable. I thought about just doing it myself but ran out of time. Another idea was me reading parts of the Odyssey in an over-the-top super hammy style - instead, I opted for stuff from an audiobook.

What you did get however is four good interviews & lots of great tunes. At least I think so. Go ahead, go listen to the show over at the Self Help Radio website. Please remember you need the username SHR & the password selfhelp to listen. All the stuff that happen on the show is below.

The original painting up there, by John William Waterhouse, is really rad, & I feel bad about defacing it. My apologies.

Self Help Radio Sirens Show

"J'Entends La Sirene" Edith Piaf _L'Accordeoniste_

"Isle Of Sirens" The Impressions _The Fabulous Impressions_

"Song To The Siren" This Mortal Coil _It'll End In Tears_

introduction & definitions

"The Poet & The Siren" Damien Youth _The Man Who Invented God_

"Dial 'S' For Siren (feat. the Randall Zanelli Singers)" The Barry Gemso Experience _Harpsichord 2000_

"Sirens Call" Louis Philippe _A Kiss In The Funhouse_

"Siren Song" The Besties _Singer_

interview with explorer Grant Adkins, who's looking for sirens

"Sirena" Calexico _Convict Pool_

"The Sailor & The Siren" Rusalnaia _Rusalnaia_

"Sirensong" The Cure _4:13 Dream_

"Sailor To Siren" Sam Beam & Jesca Hoop _Love Letter For Fire_

our resident cinephile Chuck stops by to talk about mythology in the movies

"Siren" Half Waif _The Caretaker_

"I Hear The Sirens" The Dirtbombs _We Have You Surrounded_

"Sirens" The Pack A.D. _Unpersons_

"The Siren Song" Joan Gerber _The Story Lady_

"Waiting For The Sirens' Call" New Order _Waiting For The Sirens' Call_

interview with classics scholar Dr. Gerald Arthur, who's written books about the Odyssey

"Siren Song" Brave Combo _No, No, No, Cha Cha Cha_

"The Siren Song" Folk Is People _The Devil Always Comes_

"Siren Song" Dinner _New Work_

"Siren" Emily Haines & The Soft Skeleton _Choir Of The Mind_

interview with former captain Geoff Anderton, who has seen sirens
+ conclusion & goodbye

"Song To The Siren" Tim Buckley _Starsailor_

"Siren" Makthaverskan _III_

"Of Sirens, Vampires, & Lovers" Me & That Man _Songs Of Love & Death_

"Siren Song" Bat For Lashes _Two Suns_

Whither Sirens?

(from the Wikipedia)

Like almost everyone else, I heard about sirens in the context of The Odyssey. It is a testimony to the weird power of the story that it's so memorable although it takes up a very small fraction of the narrative arc. They are these creatures who sing to sailors, mesmerizing them & causing them to wreck their ships, presumably to consume them or some other horrible thing. Homer doesn't describe them but later stories involving sirens have them as half-woman/half-bird monsters - since birds sing, one supposes, & since women seduce.

Perhaps the most famous song about sirens is Tim Buckley's "Song To The Siren." Like a lot of people listening to "alternative" or "independent" music in the 1980s, I was first exposed to this tune thanks to This Mortal Coil. I had almost certainly listened to the Cocteau Twins by the time I found the record It'll End In Tears, & it was Elisabeth Frazer's haunting singing that made me love the cover of "Song To The Siren" on that record. It would have been child's play for her to make me dash my boat against her rocks.

A few weeks ago, I discovered a television appearance from 1983 of her singing that song live. It is here - I'm not going to try to embed it. It's incredible & I've watched it over & over. (There's also an official music video for it too.) It made me think, are there enough songs about sirens to make an entire radio show? The answer is yes.

Please listen today on Freeform Portland from noon to 2pm local time on 90.3+98.3fm in online everywhere at freeform portland dot org. Maybe dock your seafaring vessels while listening? I'm not responsible for any damage caused by siren songs.

Preface To Sirens: No, Not Those Kinds Of Sirens

The dictionary defines a siren as "a device that makes a loud prolonged sound as a signal or warning." But it also tells us that it means, in Greek mythology, "each of a number of women or winged creatures whose singing lured unwary sailors on to rocks."

When I first thought about doing a show about sirens, I thought I might have to mix the two. But nope! The show will be about the mythological sirens.

Siren by the way can also mean "a woman who is considered to be alluring or fascinating but also dangerous in some way." Some singers are called sirens but there are also sirens of the silver screen.

Even better though is that there are at least four kinds of animals called sirens:

Siren (genus), a genus of aquatic salamanders in the family Sirenidae

Hestina, a genus of brush-footed butterfly commonly called sirens

Sirenia, an order of aquatic mammals including dugongs and manatees

Sirenidae, a family of aquatic salamanders

Alas, I will not be doing a show about them - except that they might have been named sirens after the mythological sirens - I can't find evidence of that in my limited research though.

Why a show about the deadly singing bird-like sirens? I'll tell you that tomorrrow!

Closed For Pandemic

Something that is very hard for me to come to terms with is that "the pandemic is over." You know the dude who's still wearing the mask in supermarkets & at shows? That's me. I never got covid (as far as I know) & I never want to get covid (which is something that still happens!).

At both Freeform Portland & XRAY I no longer wear a mask when I'm around other people. I haven't been to KBOO for a while (my show is recorded) but the policy there is to be masked in the studios, so I would be. I don't wear a mask at my local liquor store, but I do at the clinic where I pick up my meds. & when we are walking dogs, though I am unmasked, I still cross the street to avoid one-on-one interactions with people - which is fine as my dogs get too excited & become total assholes.

The picture above was taken three years ago outside the Voodoo Donuts on Davis Street. There are those we've met who will insist this is a rule: "No one who lives in Portland goes to Voodoo Donuts!" Those people have other issues to work out, because for those of us who are vegan, Voodoo Donuts has many more vegan options than your average Portland donut shop. When I tried to get some vegan donuts for my wife on this day three years ago, this is what I found - that shop was closed due to the pandemic.

It's open now. I sometimes pick up donuts on Saturday mornings after my XRAY show, since it's between the XRAY studios & where we live. But it's interesting to see this picture & remember stranger days.

Days that, to me, aren't quite over. I think there's a booster vaccine out there I should get that I am not currently qualified for. I need to look into that.

The 1968 Project

(The front page of the 1968 releases section of Rate Your Music.)

Some time last year, wanting to help have some late-night content for KBOO, I conceived of something I thought would be fun. KBOO & I were born in the same year, 1968. What if I used a list of albums from 1968 as a kind of playlist, listening to the records myself even if I previously didn't like them? What if I also took as much on-air real estate as possible by playing the longest song on each record?

This is what I did, for three shows that aired during otherwise empty slots on KBOO. I also made a couple of shorter ones for Freeform Portland (starting at # 1 but only covering four hours), but other things intervened - like having to do three shows a week on three different stations - & it fell by the wayside.

Last week I was thinking about this & decided to do it for Corporate Standardized Programming this week. The first thing was to find out exactly where I was on the list. This became an issue because, since Rate Your Music is dynamic & new people are voting all the time on the list, the original numbering I had was changed - sometimes radically so. The Mothers Of Invention's We're Only In It For The Money, which last year was at # 17 is currently at # 24; the Band's Music From The Big Pink went from # 18 to # 27. So much for there being an objective "best"!

Nonetheless I forged ahead & recorded an episode that will air tonight on KBOO from midnight to 3am in the Corporate Standardized Programming slot. It probably makes no sense but in case someone was curious about the previous shows, I need to put them on my table of contents on the web site but before that, let me link to the original episodes for you here:

The 1968 Project, Part I

The 1968 Project, Part II
The 1968 Project, Part III

Remember you'll need a username/password to listening to these, I'd suggest SHR/selfhelp as that's what they are.

& hopefully I'll return to it again sooner. It's wonderfully fun to do. Even if it's a sausage party. Seriously, so few female voices on the show. It's depressing.

Self Help Radio 072023: 1987 (Continued)

(images from Discogs)

Here ya go. Two more hours of my favorite music from 1987. (This is continued from a show earlier this year.) It can't be stressed any more how important a year this was for me. & if I were doing radio then - which I wasn't - it would've sounded very much like this.

Listen to the show at the Self Help Radio website. Use the username SHR & the password selfhelp to do so. There are no interviews or anything this week, it's all music & a couple of memories. The song list is below.

Oh, to be 19 again. I bet I'd stick fuck everything up!

Self Help Radio 1987 (Continued) Show

"Gary's Song" American Music Club _Engine_

"Return To Yesterday" The Lilac Time _The Lilac Time_

"Julie Profumo" The Cleaners From Venus _Going To England_

"Last Night I Dreamt Somebody Loved Me" The Smiths _Strangeways, Here We Come_

"In Spite Of These Times" Close Lobsters _Foxheads Stalk This Land_

"A Million Miles" The Wedding Present _George Best_

"Fish" Throwing Muses _Lonely Is An Eyesore_

"Wrong Wrong Wrong" Fastbacks _...And His Orchestra_

"Ahead" Wire _The Ideal Copy_

"Lips Like Sugar" Echo & The Bunnymen _Echo & The Bunnymen_

"Heartbreak Beat" The Psychedelic Furs _Midnight To Midnight_

"Jennifer She Said" Lloyd Cole & The Commotions _Mainstream_

"Luminous Times (Hold On To Love)" U2 _With Or Without You_

"What Went Wrong This Time?" The Siddeleys _What Went Wrong This Time?_

"Ask Johnny Dee" The Chesterfields _Kettle_

"If I Said" The Darling Buds _If I Said_

"Sally Cinnamon" The Stone Roses _Sally Cinnamon_

"Sign On The Line..." Fizzbombs _Sign On The Line..._

"Beats + Pieces (Mo' Bass Remix)" Coldcut _Beats + Pieces_

"Christianity Is Stupid" Negativland _Escape From Noise_

"Masterhit (Part I & II)" Front 242 _Official Version_

"Neo Geo" Ryuichi Sakamoto _Neo Geo_

"The Model" Big Black _Songs About Fucking_

"Mandinka" Sinéad O'Connor _The Lion & The Cobra_

"Bury Your Love Like Treasure" The Blue Aeroplanes _Spitting Out Miracles_

Whither 1987 (Continued)?

Hey look. It's a picture of me. Up a tree. Probably in January 1987. I grew my first real beard that winter. & shaved it off sometime before spring. Also I am wearing a Sid & Nancy tee shirt. I saw that movie at the Varsity theater in Austin in the fall of 1986. I have no idea where it went. The tee shirt I mean. The Varsity closed in 1987 I believe. It later became a Tower Records. I'm not sure what it is now.

This week's show forgoes all the interviews & other silliness to continue playing music I love from 1987. It's a very important year for me. Sure, I was in college & learning & all that nonsense, but also I was spending what little money I had on music.

The first 1987 show aired in January on KBOO, which is where Self Help Radio was at the time. You can listen to it here. At least look at the playlist so you won't think today that I missed something. This is a continuation. While I was listening to songs this week I started getting panicky about that. Don't make me panicky about that!

The show is on today, Thursday, noon to 2pm on Freeform Portland which in town is at 90.3+98.3fm & is online everywhere at freeform portland dot org. Again, mainly music with a smattering of memories. A good time is guaranteed for some.

Preface To 1987 (Part Two): Another 1987 Anecdote

This might be a story I've told before. I warn you, it has some hateful language in it. I apologize but it's kinda the punchline. So. It's necessary I think.

This happened to me in 1987. I was 19 years old. I came back to Garland on Spring Break, which would have been mid-March. I was in my second semester of college at the University Of Texas At Austin. Most of my family lived in Garland, Texas.

Having nothing to do one day I wandered over to where my sister Pat & my brother-in-law Dan lived. That's the very house up there, as it looked a few years before Pat died. They mostly thought me unusual but my sister in particular felt family should look out for family. My brother-in-law did not like me, thought me arrogant & thought my dislike for manly endeavors like working on cars made me soft. He was always trying to get me to do things like chop wood, things I wasn't very good at, which then left me open for humiliation & mockery. To his credit, my brother-in-law didn't seem to enjoy making fun of me as much as my brothers did. My little brother lived with Pat & Dan at the time.

We hadn't had a good relationship for most of our teens, my little brother & me. Around the time I began to be obsessed with music & comics, he took a different route & found people to play basketball with. He felt like he was in a competition with me & I didn't really feel that way at all.

Anyway, as I stepped into Pat & Dan's house that March day in 1987, there was some commotion. I was told to go up to the crawlspace at the top of the house - it wasn't an attic, I mean, you can see in the picture above. I was instructed by my brother-in-law to hold a pipe. There had been a freeze which had damaged a pipe & someone needed to prevent the pipe from leaking while repairs were being made. I had the proper skill set for such a task & Dan knew it.

How long I lay up there I don't know. I am afraid of bugs so I worried a spider or something might crawl on me. Occasionally Dan would say "You okay up there?" so I knew I wasn't being forgotten. I let my mind drift, played some songs in my head, & began to notice the temperature rising.

At some point, my little brother poked his head into the crawlspace. "Hey," he said.

"Hey," I said.

Without any real preface, he blurted out, "I bet I've fucked more girls than you have."

I started laughing. He said, "What? What?" - thinking I was somehow putting him down.

"If you have fucked one girl," I told him, "you've fucked more girls than I have."

His face, from what I could see looking down the narrow crawlspace, had a confused look. I wasn't playing the game correctly, you see. I was supposed to say "Nuh-uh!" & counter with some bullshit or other. But I hadn't played that game with him or anyone in a long time.

He didn't quite know how to respond. So he just said, "Faggot," & disappeared.