I have been reading, lately, (at the advice of the the Word Detective) Hugh Rawson's Dictionary Of Euphemisms & Other Doubletalk
, & I was hoping there'd be some interesting euphemisms for "lip" or "lips" that I could share on this week's show. Alas, there's not an entry for "lips." But there is, in the entry for the word "bushwa," this entry:
Bushwa, also bushwah, booshwa, booshwa, boushwa, or boushwah: they all up to the same thing: bullshit.
Okay, that's unhelpful. Let's move on to this:
Similar to "bushwa" is "bushlips," a nonce term but redolent with history, alluding to President George Bush's emphatic "Read my lips" promise (later broken) not to raise taxes. This was typically encountered, ca. 1990, in such phrases as "Don't give me any of that bushlips" or "I know pure, unadulterated bushlips when I hear it."
Oh, to have existed in a simpler time - twenty years ago!
Saturday, December 08, 2012
Friday, December 07, 2012
Where To Put The Quote.
Quote quoted at me from (possibly genius but scary in perverted Lolita manner) Nabokov (the book called I think Pale Fire) a poem which goes or went:
It missed the gist of the whole thing; it missed
What mostly interests the preterist;
For we die every day; oblivion thrives
Not on dry thighbones but on blood-ripe lives,
And our best yesterdays are now foul piles
Of crumpled names, phone numbers & foxed files.
I'm ready to become a floweret
Or a fat fly, but never, to forget.
& I'll turn down eternity unless
The melancholy & the tenderness
Of mortal life; the passion & the pain;
The claret taillight of that dwindling plane
Off Hesperus; your gesture of dismay
On running out of cigarettes; the way
You smile at dogs; the trail of silver slime
Snails leave on flagstones; this good ink, this rhyme,
This index card, this slender rubber band
Which always forms, when dropped, an ampersand,
Are found in Heaven by the newlydead
Stored in its strongholds through the years.
& I liked it!
But then Nabokov was all like:
& I didn't say I liked it out loud all that much though I did. Really I did.
It missed the gist of the whole thing; it missed
What mostly interests the preterist;
For we die every day; oblivion thrives
Not on dry thighbones but on blood-ripe lives,
And our best yesterdays are now foul piles
Of crumpled names, phone numbers & foxed files.
I'm ready to become a floweret
Or a fat fly, but never, to forget.
& I'll turn down eternity unless
The melancholy & the tenderness
Of mortal life; the passion & the pain;
The claret taillight of that dwindling plane
Off Hesperus; your gesture of dismay
On running out of cigarettes; the way
You smile at dogs; the trail of silver slime
Snails leave on flagstones; this good ink, this rhyme,
This index card, this slender rubber band
Which always forms, when dropped, an ampersand,
Are found in Heaven by the newlydead
Stored in its strongholds through the years.
& I liked it!
But then Nabokov was all like:
Thursday, December 06, 2012
Useless Explanations
(Noises of things being shuffled around in an attempt to delay or if possible postpone.)
Well.
No one's here so it's as good a time as any to make an apology.
I am lucky there's no mirror here because it's me I am apologizing to.
From the almost-earliest days of Self Help Radio (meaning in the show's third year), I started doing an end-of-the-year "best of" show (quickly retitled "favorites") because that's what radio shows do & because I listen to a lot of records during the year & want to support many of them (especially if they don't have songs that fit into my chosen themes).
Well. I was also listening to a lot of electronica at that time, so it seemed - I started this a year or two later - I could also do a "favorite electronica" show.
& I did. From 2005 to 2011.
You might have noticed I am not going to do one this year. Was there no good electronica?
Actually, I'm not sure. I kind of lost interest.
Not entirely. But not enough to fill an entire radio show.
I think a lot of my favorite electronica artists have decided they want to be more poppy. Or make their music with acoustic instruments, to "prove" their musicians. & then there's dubstep, which became ubiquitous, & which is mostly not all that good these days. At some point I drifted away.
So, I apologize. I wish I kept up. I wish I had the energy to keep up. There was a lot of great music this year. A lot. The favorites show will be hard to do.
But no electronica.
Sorry about that.
(Looking around, sounds of crickets, the lights dim.)
Well.
No one's here so it's as good a time as any to make an apology.
I am lucky there's no mirror here because it's me I am apologizing to.
From the almost-earliest days of Self Help Radio (meaning in the show's third year), I started doing an end-of-the-year "best of" show (quickly retitled "favorites") because that's what radio shows do & because I listen to a lot of records during the year & want to support many of them (especially if they don't have songs that fit into my chosen themes).
Well. I was also listening to a lot of electronica at that time, so it seemed - I started this a year or two later - I could also do a "favorite electronica" show.
& I did. From 2005 to 2011.
You might have noticed I am not going to do one this year. Was there no good electronica?
Actually, I'm not sure. I kind of lost interest.
Not entirely. But not enough to fill an entire radio show.
I think a lot of my favorite electronica artists have decided they want to be more poppy. Or make their music with acoustic instruments, to "prove" their musicians. & then there's dubstep, which became ubiquitous, & which is mostly not all that good these days. At some point I drifted away.
So, I apologize. I wish I kept up. I wish I had the energy to keep up. There was a lot of great music this year. A lot. The favorites show will be hard to do.
But no electronica.
Sorry about that.
(Looking around, sounds of crickets, the lights dim.)
Monday, December 03, 2012
Worry Not!
Don't worry, be happy I didn't play that song on my show about worry.
Otherwise, worry. There's every reason to. Perhaps Self Help Radio's show can help ease your worries.
The show is worrying itself at Self Help Radio Dot Net. As usual, it's in two parts, or, as I worry someone will call them, "chunks." Part one is here & part two is here, with a track listing of each part below.
As always, thanks for listening!
(part one)
"I'm So Worried" Monty Python _Monty Python Sings_
"Ease My Worried Mind" Sonny Terry & Brownie McGhee _Hometown Blues_
"I Don't Worry Myself" Johnny Adams _Action Speaks Louder Than Words: The Best Of SSS International_
"Isch Ka Bibble (I Should Worry)" Kay Kyser _The Best Of Kay Kyser & His Orchestra_
"Worryin' Kind" Regents _Quagmire, Vol. 5_
"Something Is Worrying Me" Otis Redding _The Otis Redding Story_
"Don't Worry This Isn't About You" The Cat's Miaow _Songs For Girls To Sing_
"Baby Don'tcha Worry" Tammi Terrell _The Complete Motown Singles, Vol. 6: 1966_
"God's Getting Worried" Virginia Dandies _Goodbye, Babylon_
"Your Time To Worry" Blind Willie McTell _Complete Recorded Works, Vol.3 (1933-35)_
"Don't Worry Baby" Bryan Ferry _These Foolish Things_
"Sometimes I Worry About You" The Razorcuts _Sometimes I Worry About You_
"Why I Worry About You" House Of Commons _History Of Michigan Garage, Vol. 1: The Wheels 4 Label Story_
"Don't Worry" Pere Ubu _Raygun Suitcase_
"Worried Blues" Bob Dylan _The Bootleg Series, Vols. 1-3 : Rare & Unreleased, 1961-1991_
(part two)
"Don't Worry About The Government" Talking Heads _The Name Of This Band Is Talking Heads_
"Why Worry" Israel Vibration _The Same Song_
"Worri" Majesty Crush _Fan_
"Worry Worry" The Fiery Furnaces _Gallowsbird's Bark_
"Worry" The Splinters _Kick_
"Do I Worry?" The Ink Spots _The Singing Detective_
"Don't You Worry Little One" Adventures In Stereo _Adventures In Stereo_
"Worried Man Blues" The Carter Family _Wildwood Flower_
"Worryhead" Summer Twins _Summer Twins_
"Worried Life Blues" Big Maceo _When The Sun Goes Down, Vol. 4: That's All Right_
"The Worryin' Song" Guided By Voices _Demons & Painkillers_
"Don't Worry" The Moss Poles _Shorn_
"Nothin' In The World Can Stop Me Worryin' Bout That Girl" The Kinks _Kinda Kinks_
"Do Your Best & Don't Worry" Morrissey _Southpaw Grammar_
"New Worried Mind" Bob Wills _San Antonio Rose_
"Worried Blues" Gladys Bentley _Roots N' Blues: The Retrospective (1925-1950)_
Sunday, December 02, 2012
Whither Worry?
Please hurry, hurry, hurry!
We've got no time for worry!
Because your eyes get blurry
when you worry, worry, worry!
At dinner we'll have curry
& afterwards we'll worry!
We'll scowl like Fred McMurray
& we'll worry, worry, worry!
If you've lost your fringe-topped surrey
It's probably time to worry!
Don't scamper & don't scurry
While you worry, worry, worry!
Find a friend who's face is furry
To join in on the worry!
In the middle of a flurry
We will worry, worry, worry!
You're looking Raymond Burr-y
Just Perry Mason worries!
Like a ship's deck covered in gurry
All our worry, worry, worry!
You can simper like Peter Lorre
When you worry worry worry!
Or you can dance like Arthur Murray
When you worry worry worry!
More bad poetry tomorrow on Self Help Radio - from 7 to 9am on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington & online at wrfl dot fm!
Archived later at self help radio dot net!
No worries!
We've got no time for worry!
Because your eyes get blurry
when you worry, worry, worry!
At dinner we'll have curry
& afterwards we'll worry!
We'll scowl like Fred McMurray
& we'll worry, worry, worry!
If you've lost your fringe-topped surrey
It's probably time to worry!
Don't scamper & don't scurry
While you worry, worry, worry!
Find a friend who's face is furry
To join in on the worry!
In the middle of a flurry
We will worry, worry, worry!
You're looking Raymond Burr-y
Just Perry Mason worries!
Like a ship's deck covered in gurry
All our worry, worry, worry!
You can simper like Peter Lorre
When you worry worry worry!
Or you can dance like Arthur Murray
When you worry worry worry!
More bad poetry tomorrow on Self Help Radio - from 7 to 9am on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington & online at wrfl dot fm!
Archived later at self help radio dot net!
No worries!
Saturday, December 01, 2012
Preface To Worry: It Takes A Worried Person
Thirteen years ago - it was another century - I happened into a men's room in an unfamiliar building at the University of Texas at Austin. I was walking across campus &, you know, had to use the facilities, like you do, & wandered into the nearest building.
It was a nice old restroom, dating - like the building - from the early 1960s. The building was mostly deserted - it was afternoon, it was summer, there were no classes - so I had the place to myself, which is how I prefer it anyway.
I used to carry a notebook with me to write stuff down, thoughts & ideas, impressions, even (god help me) poetry & prose. But I wasn't going to be composing on the crapper - I just needed to "do my business" & get out of there.
I am glad I had the notebook, though, because there was a sort-of haiku on the wall, & commentary, which delighted me so that I had to write it down.
Someone wrote:
"No matter how beautiful she is
Someone, somewhere
Is sick of her shit."
Underneath, a different person wrote:
"We should have such worries, you and i."
That building - & therefore that little bit of bathroom poesy - no longer exists. There's another building in its place, & I remember thinking about the graffiti when I watched workers tear the building down a few years later.
Over time workers built something new there, & I walked past it often as I walked around campus, but for the life of me I can't think of what that new edifice looks like.
But I can see the scrawled words of wisdom - & the pithy response - on the back of a men's room's stall's door as clear as day.
It was a nice old restroom, dating - like the building - from the early 1960s. The building was mostly deserted - it was afternoon, it was summer, there were no classes - so I had the place to myself, which is how I prefer it anyway.
I used to carry a notebook with me to write stuff down, thoughts & ideas, impressions, even (god help me) poetry & prose. But I wasn't going to be composing on the crapper - I just needed to "do my business" & get out of there.
I am glad I had the notebook, though, because there was a sort-of haiku on the wall, & commentary, which delighted me so that I had to write it down.
Someone wrote:
"No matter how beautiful she is
Someone, somewhere
Is sick of her shit."
Underneath, a different person wrote:
"We should have such worries, you and i."
That building - & therefore that little bit of bathroom poesy - no longer exists. There's another building in its place, & I remember thinking about the graffiti when I watched workers tear the building down a few years later.
Over time workers built something new there, & I walked past it often as I walked around campus, but for the life of me I can't think of what that new edifice looks like.
But I can see the scrawled words of wisdom - & the pithy response - on the back of a men's room's stall's door as clear as day.
Friday, November 30, 2012
The Gag Writer
Did anyone call for a gag writer? There's a gag writer at the door.
He's a nervous chap, with a crooked smile, & he's holding a small box which appears to contain a lot of differently colored index cards.
He speaks so softly! Bernie said he had a kind of feminine giggle.
You wouldn't think it - this is an old neighborhood, there are so many retirees here - but he says that, yes, he often gets calls from folks who want a joke here & there. Many jokes, he says, are started by the person who requests him, but they can't think of a punchline.
Tanya asks him if he sings, & he blushes & says, Oh no.
It's not hard, he says, to think of funny things. What's hard is that people find different things funny. We make him a cup of tea & he sits down, keeping the box of index cards on his lap.
He's very polite, Bernie notes, & though he appears ill at ease, he smiles & listens intently to our comments, & answers all of our questions.
He realizes he got the address wrong - we're a road & he was looking for an avenue - & he is apologetic, hoping he did not put us out in any way.
He gives me his card, & I can't help thinking that if he had a hat - well, not only would it cover his bald spot - but he'd tip it as he left. He seems like that kind of guy.
He gets into his beat-up Ford Fiesta, backs into our driveway to turn around, & chugs off down the street.
It's funny, Tanya says. We had a gag writer here & never even asked him to tell us a joke.
He's a nervous chap, with a crooked smile, & he's holding a small box which appears to contain a lot of differently colored index cards.
He speaks so softly! Bernie said he had a kind of feminine giggle.
You wouldn't think it - this is an old neighborhood, there are so many retirees here - but he says that, yes, he often gets calls from folks who want a joke here & there. Many jokes, he says, are started by the person who requests him, but they can't think of a punchline.
Tanya asks him if he sings, & he blushes & says, Oh no.
It's not hard, he says, to think of funny things. What's hard is that people find different things funny. We make him a cup of tea & he sits down, keeping the box of index cards on his lap.
He's very polite, Bernie notes, & though he appears ill at ease, he smiles & listens intently to our comments, & answers all of our questions.
He realizes he got the address wrong - we're a road & he was looking for an avenue - & he is apologetic, hoping he did not put us out in any way.
He gives me his card, & I can't help thinking that if he had a hat - well, not only would it cover his bald spot - but he'd tip it as he left. He seems like that kind of guy.
He gets into his beat-up Ford Fiesta, backs into our driveway to turn around, & chugs off down the street.
It's funny, Tanya says. We had a gag writer here & never even asked him to tell us a joke.
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Gasp! First Ever Blog Post Written On My Phone!
It comes as no surprise that I am somewhat behind in technological advances - I still don't know what Instagram is - so as I was sitting here in a boring meeting, it occurred to me I could write in my dumb blog instead of paying attention.
I wonder, will it say "posted from my iPhone"?
That always annoys me.
I don't think it's something I'll do regularly. It's hard to type on the phone, especially since I didn't grow up with texting. Also, I have fingers like sausages.
Still, it's neat. Now if I could just learn how to send pictures with my texts...
Content? What content!
I wonder, will it say "posted from my iPhone"?
That always annoys me.
I don't think it's something I'll do regularly. It's hard to type on the phone, especially since I didn't grow up with texting. Also, I have fingers like sausages.
Still, it's neat. Now if I could just learn how to send pictures with my texts...
Content? What content!
Monday, November 26, 2012
Another Birthday Down The Drain
Hey people! Do you have a person with whom you're madly in love? Also, do you have a radio show? If so, one way to celebrate that person's life is to make a radio show every year around the time of his or her birthday & play a lot of birthday songs! You will average a 41% rise in goodwill which will make your next year very happy!
What? You don't have a radio show? You can use mine! Just go to Self Help Radio's website & listen to this week's show, which is about birthdays! (You can see the song list below.)
Hey! I know what you're thinking! This is about someone named "Magda." (See picture above.) Sure, but the songs aren't all about her. & anyway, for a short time, you can still listen to last year's birthday show for her. All those songs! About birthdays! 41% I said!
(For this year's show, you can listen to each part by clicking here: part one | part two.)
Happy birthday to Magda! Again!
& thank you for listening!
(part one)
"Peter's Birthday (Black & White Rainbows)" World Of Oz _Muffin Man_
"A Cat Had A Birthday" Sesame Street _Hot! Hot! Hot! Dance Songs_
"Happy Birthday" So Many Wizards _Warm Nothing_
"Happy Birthday Lisa" Jens Lekman _Live From Stora Teatern_
"Born" Beloved Binge _Pockets_
"Happy Hippie Birthday" SoKo _I Thought I Was An Alien_
"Happy Happy Birthday Baby" Sandy Posey _Sandy Posey: Born to Be Hurt - The Anthology (1966-1982)_
"All The Birthdays" The Apartments _The Evening Visits... & Stays Forever_
"Jest's Birthday" Kimya Dawson _Knock-Knock Who?_
"Birthday Reminder" The Smittens _Believe Me_
"Envelope" The Phantom Six _Plastic Rain_
"Happy Birthday To Me!" Luv Clowns _Love Clowns!_
"The Happy Birthday Song" Andrew Bird _Andrew Bird & The Mysterious Production Of Eggs_
(part two)
"Magdalena" Alan Vega _Jukebox Babe/Collision Drive_
"Romance In Durango" Bob Dylan _Desire_
"Oh Magdalena" George Baker Selection _The Complete Collection_
"Magdalen Sky" Mark Gardener _These Beautiful Ghosts_
"Birthdays" Max Bollinger _Easy Russian For English Speakers, Vol. 1 & 2_
"Keep Your Hands Off Of It (Birthday Cake)" Jerry Lee Lewis _Jerry Rocks_
"Happy Birthday To You" O.B. Jackson _Hollerin'_
"Birthday" The Sensational Alex Harvey Band _Considering The Situation: Anthology_
"Happy Birthday, Mr. President (James Hardway Remix)" Marilyn Monroe _Greatest Hits Remixed_
"Happy Birthday" Bernadette Carroll _Touch The Wall Of Sound, Vol. 3_
"Special Birthday Person" Space Ghost _Yeah, Whatever..._
"Happy Happy Birthday To Me" Colin Clary _One Hundred Decembers_
"The Birthday" Hospitality _Hospitality_
"Can You Keep A Secret?" Lotus Eaters _No Sense Of Sin_
Sunday, November 25, 2012
Whither Magda's Birthday 2012?
Let's get the important stuff out of the way: there is a woman named Magda, whom I married (although it might be more appropriate to say she allowed me to marry her) & with whom I fell madly in love with over a decade ago. Such is my clumsy attempt at showing my love to her that I do a birthday show for her every year. I play songs about birthdays. If I played songs about her, I might get in a little trouble. I play it safe by celebrating all birthdays by virtue of the fact that it's the birthday of the love of my life.
That's all well & good. Here's what I want to say: it's getting harder & harder to find good birthday songs.
I'm serious.
Well, I hear someone who doesn't know me very well say, why not just play the best birthday songs every year?
I know that's the modus operandi of your average radio show. Tune in on Halloween, they play "Monster Mash." Most radio listeners want to hear things they find familiar, which is why there's a lot of money in classic rock & "jammin' oldies."
I believe that one of the main reasons that not too many people listen to my show is because I don't play the same stuff over & over. That used to bother me. It doesn't really any more. Without listeners, I am free to play what I like. & what I like is not to play the same stuff over & over.
If that's the case, & if I am to continue to celebrate my love's birthday every year with wonderful birthday songs, can I please ask the musicians of the world: can you make more & better birthday songs in 2013? If every band I loved just made one really great birthday song, I'd be set through 2020. & let's be honest - by 2020, she's probably going to realize she made a mistake by marrying me & I can celebrate the divorce date with songs about broken hearts.
There's a lot of those.
Hey! Come celebrate Magda's birthday with me tomorrow morning from 7 to 9am on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington &/or online at WRFL.fm!
I'll archive it as a birthday present for her - & you! - at the Self Help Radio website before her birthday. Promise!
That's all well & good. Here's what I want to say: it's getting harder & harder to find good birthday songs.
I'm serious.
Well, I hear someone who doesn't know me very well say, why not just play the best birthday songs every year?
I know that's the modus operandi of your average radio show. Tune in on Halloween, they play "Monster Mash." Most radio listeners want to hear things they find familiar, which is why there's a lot of money in classic rock & "jammin' oldies."
I believe that one of the main reasons that not too many people listen to my show is because I don't play the same stuff over & over. That used to bother me. It doesn't really any more. Without listeners, I am free to play what I like. & what I like is not to play the same stuff over & over.
If that's the case, & if I am to continue to celebrate my love's birthday every year with wonderful birthday songs, can I please ask the musicians of the world: can you make more & better birthday songs in 2013? If every band I loved just made one really great birthday song, I'd be set through 2020. & let's be honest - by 2020, she's probably going to realize she made a mistake by marrying me & I can celebrate the divorce date with songs about broken hearts.
There's a lot of those.
Hey! Come celebrate Magda's birthday with me tomorrow morning from 7 to 9am on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington &/or online at WRFL.fm!
I'll archive it as a birthday present for her - & you! - at the Self Help Radio website before her birthday. Promise!
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Preface To... Wait A Minute! Did I Make A Scheduling Error?
Oh no!
Every year for a long time - since 2004, when the show was barely two years old - I've been celebrating my beloved's birthday with songs about birthdays. Her birthday is on December 1st, but for some reason this year I scheduled her birthday show on December 3rd.
(My show will obviously not fall on her birthday, since it'll be a Saturday.)
Here's the problem: like with holidays, if you can't celebrate them on the day, it's much much better to celebrate them before than after. Who the hell wants to open up Christmas presents on December 28th?
I made a ridiculous mistake by scheduling my sweetheart's birthday show two days after her birthday. So I will do a birthday show for her this Monday.
The list of upcoming shows has been officially swapped out on the official website, which I suppose makes it official.
The worry show will happen next week, don't worry!
Every year for a long time - since 2004, when the show was barely two years old - I've been celebrating my beloved's birthday with songs about birthdays. Her birthday is on December 1st, but for some reason this year I scheduled her birthday show on December 3rd.
(My show will obviously not fall on her birthday, since it'll be a Saturday.)
Here's the problem: like with holidays, if you can't celebrate them on the day, it's much much better to celebrate them before than after. Who the hell wants to open up Christmas presents on December 28th?
I made a ridiculous mistake by scheduling my sweetheart's birthday show two days after her birthday. So I will do a birthday show for her this Monday.
The list of upcoming shows has been officially swapped out on the official website, which I suppose makes it official.
The worry show will happen next week, don't worry!
Friday, November 23, 2012
But This Is What I Have To Say About Airports
I am a little depressed that I've reached an age where I go to airports instead of bus stations. From the age of 18 until 25, when (at the time) you could legally rent a car, I rode buses back & forth all across Texas. Mostly these bus rides were uninteresting, but I did have some minor adventures. I met a sad divorcee running from her husband on a bus ride from Laredo to Austin, who might have wanted to kiss me if I had shown any interest. I watched a crazy person get kicked off a bus somewhere near Temple - after the bus driver took pity on the person, who was hitchhiking, & let him get on the bus for free. (The bus driver didn't know he was also welcoming this oaf's bottle of cheap hooch.) Outside the big bus terminal in Dallas, I was either mistaken for a narc - or almost set up for an arrest - by a fellow who dropped a bag of pot in front of me as I passed. Needless to say, I did not pick up the bag on the ground. I started to say something like, "Hey! You dropped something!" but quickly realized the situation was hinky & walked on.
Airports used to be fun. It was fun to meet a loved one at the gate. I knew some people who'd go to airports after hours to shoot dumb drunk movies. Airports lost their shit over ten years ago but I remember going to the bar to sit & wait for someone. Now it's all baggage claim. Everyone gathered at baggage claim. Often at the bottom of an escalator. It's stupid & unromantic.
More than that, I just don't like airports. I am more comfortable with vending machines than I am with franchise restaurants. I like that you can survey an entire bus terminal (well, at least in the South) with a glance; an airport occupies huge acreage. & let's face it - you feel safer in a bus terminal. Except for that one movie - jeez, was Denzel Washington in it? what is the name of that film? - no one's really thinking about blowing up buses. No one.
(I just did a google search. It's a Don Cheadle film, actually, called "Traitor." It's not bad. Sorry for the mix-up.)
Planes are somewhat more convenient than buses, it's true. A trip from Lexington to Dallas takes 19 hours (!) & costs nearly two hundred bucks. The same trip costs twice as much - & has an annoying connection in some random city, often in the opposite direction where you're heading - but takes six or seven hours. That wins!
Even if it means spending downtime in airports. Which are some of the saddest, loneliest places on the planet.
Airports used to be fun. It was fun to meet a loved one at the gate. I knew some people who'd go to airports after hours to shoot dumb drunk movies. Airports lost their shit over ten years ago but I remember going to the bar to sit & wait for someone. Now it's all baggage claim. Everyone gathered at baggage claim. Often at the bottom of an escalator. It's stupid & unromantic.
More than that, I just don't like airports. I am more comfortable with vending machines than I am with franchise restaurants. I like that you can survey an entire bus terminal (well, at least in the South) with a glance; an airport occupies huge acreage. & let's face it - you feel safer in a bus terminal. Except for that one movie - jeez, was Denzel Washington in it? what is the name of that film? - no one's really thinking about blowing up buses. No one.
(I just did a google search. It's a Don Cheadle film, actually, called "Traitor." It's not bad. Sorry for the mix-up.)
Planes are somewhat more convenient than buses, it's true. A trip from Lexington to Dallas takes 19 hours (!) & costs nearly two hundred bucks. The same trip costs twice as much - & has an annoying connection in some random city, often in the opposite direction where you're heading - but takes six or seven hours. That wins!
Even if it means spending downtime in airports. Which are some of the saddest, loneliest places on the planet.
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Thansk!
I don't believe in anything supernatural to whom I could "give thanks" but I can say a brief "thank you" to anyone who has taken the time to sit & listen to my ridiculous little radio show. I very much appreciate it, & wish I could somehow make it better, since you probably deserve better.
So thank YOU today. I'm a little worried that you do listen - but I am glad you do.
So thank YOU today. I'm a little worried that you do listen - but I am glad you do.
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Table For You
Yeah, I did a show about tables. Is there anything else to say about that?
I didn't think so.
You can listen to it now at the the Self Help Radio website. It's in two parts - like one of those tables you can add a middle part to to make it longer. Part one is over on this side & part two is over on that side. There is an invisible table below which says what's in each part.
As always, thanks for listening!
(part one)
"The Table" The Beautiful South _Quench_
"Table" Fuck _Those Are Not My Bongos_
"The Table" Sonny James _Young Love: The Complete Recordings 1952-62_
"You Turned The Tables On Me" Billie Holiday _Solitude_
"Tables Are Turning" Brenda Lee _Little Miss Dynamite_
"Turn The Table" Kleenex/Liliput _Kleenex/LiLiPUT 1978-1983_
"Tables Turning" Modern English _After The Snow_
"Coffee Table Song" Edwyn Collins _Hope & Despair_
"Diplomatic Dining Tables" Gloria Cycles _Campsite Discotheque_
"Card Table" Holly Golightly _Singles Round-Up_
"The Periodic Table" Death By Chocolate _Bric-a-Brac_
"Under The Table With Her" Sparks _Indiscreet_
(part two)
"Crumbs From The Table" Young Disciples _Eccentric Soul: The Young Disciples_
"Crumbs Off The Table" The Glass House _Inside The Glass House_
"Fight At The Table" Chris Bell _I Am The Cosmos_
"Knives On The Table" California Oranges _Souvenirs_
"You Take The Table" Miki & Griff _A Little Bitty Tear: The Pye Anthology_
"One Table Away" Toussaint McCall _Nothing Takes The Place Of You_
"Table For One (Live)" Darren Hayman & The Wave Pictures _Madrid_
"On The Table" A.C. Newman _The Slow Wonder_
"That Girl Who Waits On Tables" Ronnie Milsap _The Essential Ronnie Milsap_
"Hands Across The Table" Fats Domino _The Original Rock & Roll Classics_
"Knights Of The Round Table" Monty Python _Monty Python Sings_
"Tables & Chairs" Nits _Work_
"Table Top Joe" Tom Waits _Alice_
"Get To The Table On Time" M. Ward _Transfiguration Of Vincent_
Sunday, November 18, 2012
Whither Tables?
My wife is a notorious cheapskate. A skinflint. A tightwad. A penny pincher. (She once called herself a spendthrift, thinking it was synonymous with "thrifty," but she's actually the opposite of that.) Her cheapness is astonishing, & I have a lot of fun teasing her by pretending to want to buy expensive, ridiculous things, which - because she's miserly & that overpowers her sense of humor - tends to make her quite upset. Just saying things like, "It's only five hundred dollars" causes her to break into spasms of fear & anger.
Unless - of course - it's something that she wants. Like our house. It was "worth the price." I can sometimes agree with her on things like that. Except.
Except our dining room table.
It cost a lot. It cost a little too much. We don't eat off it, except when we have guests. We have guests maybe every other month. I put things on it that I can't put on my desk. I think it annoys my wife. But what can she do? We're not otherwise using the table.
I dedicate tomorrow's show, about tables, to my wife's expensive table. The show is on from 7 to 9 am tomorrow morning, Monday, on 88.1 fm in Lexington, & online at WRFL dot fm.
When I come home, I put the recording of the show on that table. Sometimes it gets buried under stuff. I'll put it on the Self Help Radio website as soon as possible - otherwise it may get buried!
Unless - of course - it's something that she wants. Like our house. It was "worth the price." I can sometimes agree with her on things like that. Except.
Except our dining room table.
It cost a lot. It cost a little too much. We don't eat off it, except when we have guests. We have guests maybe every other month. I put things on it that I can't put on my desk. I think it annoys my wife. But what can she do? We're not otherwise using the table.
I dedicate tomorrow's show, about tables, to my wife's expensive table. The show is on from 7 to 9 am tomorrow morning, Monday, on 88.1 fm in Lexington, & online at WRFL dot fm.
When I come home, I put the recording of the show on that table. Sometimes it gets buried under stuff. I'll put it on the Self Help Radio website as soon as possible - otherwise it may get buried!
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Friday, November 16, 2012
Toothless
Like everyone else, I've dreamt of losing my teeth, though not anywhere near as horrifying as Charlie just pulling his teeth out quizzically in It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia. I at least feel justified in worrying about my teeth just falling out because I have terrible teeth. I have managed to salvage most of mine (I have only had to have one pulled) which is so incredibly fortunate since I'm pretty sure I didn't see a dentist before I was twenty-two years old. (My mother had other priorities.)
It's hard to find data about people dreaming of losing their teeth but it's not hard to find out what that's supposed to mean. Humans really need to have their dreams mean something, which is part & parcel of the hubris of our species, & the web insists that losing teeth means either "embarrassment" or "losing faith." Not only are those two things completely unrelated, I should think it's not at all embarrassing to "lose faith."
(The Devil's Dictionary defines faith as "belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.")
It's far more easy to find figures about how many people no longer have teeth, & it's a little frightening: one quarter of adults in the United States over the age of 65 have lost all their teeth. That's more terrifying to me than dreams of teeth falling out or, worse, being loose in my mouth, because it seems far more likely to happen to me. Two decades is a long time to neglect one's teeth.
Luckily I am not a patient at the hella sarcastic Doon South Dental in Kitchener, Ontario, which has this hilarious article entitled How To Get Rid Of Your Teeth on their website. It's a scream.
I won't sleep well tonight.
It's hard to find data about people dreaming of losing their teeth but it's not hard to find out what that's supposed to mean. Humans really need to have their dreams mean something, which is part & parcel of the hubris of our species, & the web insists that losing teeth means either "embarrassment" or "losing faith." Not only are those two things completely unrelated, I should think it's not at all embarrassing to "lose faith."
(The Devil's Dictionary defines faith as "belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.")
It's far more easy to find figures about how many people no longer have teeth, & it's a little frightening: one quarter of adults in the United States over the age of 65 have lost all their teeth. That's more terrifying to me than dreams of teeth falling out or, worse, being loose in my mouth, because it seems far more likely to happen to me. Two decades is a long time to neglect one's teeth.
Luckily I am not a patient at the hella sarcastic Doon South Dental in Kitchener, Ontario, which has this hilarious article entitled How To Get Rid Of Your Teeth on their website. It's a scream.
I won't sleep well tonight.
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Another Recommendation? For reals?
I can't recommend this - I haven't heard it yet - but look what I have espied:
Toy Love! Live At The Gluepot 1980! Info here!
Holy jumpin jeebus on a rhinoceros horn! That's the best news I've heard all week!
Holy jumpin jeebus on a rhinoceros horn! That's the best news I've heard all week!
Monday, November 12, 2012
An Invisible Show
I bet you didn't see this show coming. I personally couldn't see the point. Still, the show listed some things you can't see & some super-heroes who can turn invisible. Also, an invisibility spell! Really! Plus many songs about being invisible - literally or metaphorically.
The show can be seen at the highly visible Self Help Radio website. If you'd rather not be seen there, you can download the show (it's in two parts) by clicking here for part one & here for part two. Can't see what's in both parts? That's because it's at the end of this blog post!
Thanks for listening!
(part one)
"Invisible" Lenny Miles _The Best Doo-Wop Of Scepter Records_
"Invisible" Poprace _Clear EP_
"Invisible" The Forever People _Invisible_
"Invisible Man" Holger Czukay _Good Morning Story_
"Invisible Man" Breeders _Last Splash_
"The Invisible Man" Elvis Costello _Punch The Clock_
"An Invisible Man" Nick Todd _Pat Boone's Little Brother - Rockin' Classics_
"The Invisible Man" Milky _Travels With A Donkey_
"The Invisible Man & The Unforgettable Girl" Bill Nelson _Blue Moons & Laughing Guitars_
"Invisible Girl" The King Khan & BBQ Show _Invisible Girl_
"The Invisible Girl" Fonda _Moshi-Moshi: Pop International Style_
"The Invisible Dog" Electrelane _Rock It To The Moon_
(part two)
"To Be Invisible" Curtis Mayfield _Sweet Exorcist_
"Spell One - The Invisibility Cloak" Plusquam Workshop _Workshop - Teen Witch_
"My Invisible Friend" The Bartlebees _What Is It All About?_
"Invisible People" Hamilton Streetcar _Highs In The Mid-Sixties, Vol. 3: L.A. '67, Mondo Hollywood À Go-Go_
"Dodging Invisible Rays" Guided By Voices _Demons & Painkillers_
"Invisible Tears" Ned Miller _From A Jack To A King_
"Invisible One" Tanya Donelly _This Hungry Life_
"She's Invisible Now" Eurthymics _In The Garden_
"Invisible Sun" The Police _Ghost In The Machine_
"Uptown Invisible" Moose _Uptown_
"Invisible Ink" Sweet William _Ambiguous_
"Invisible State" Bill Pritchard _3 Months, 3 Weeks & 2 Days_
Sunday, November 11, 2012
Whither The Invisible Show?
You might enjoy this fellow, John Lloyd, as he does a TED talk on inventorying the invisible. It will get you in the mood for tomorrow's show.
Tomorrow's show will be invisible, as all radio shows are, but you can hear it - it's noisy as hell - by listening in Lexington at the 88.1 fm frequency. It will also find its way into the internets & you can listen online at the WRFL web page. Why, it will probably even end up eventually on the Self Help Radio web site, which is visible to the untrained eye.
I sometimes believe I am only visible when I'm on the radio - you know, when no one can see me.
Tomorrow's show will be invisible, as all radio shows are, but you can hear it - it's noisy as hell - by listening in Lexington at the 88.1 fm frequency. It will also find its way into the internets & you can listen online at the WRFL web page. Why, it will probably even end up eventually on the Self Help Radio web site, which is visible to the untrained eye.
I sometimes believe I am only visible when I'm on the radio - you know, when no one can see me.
Saturday, November 10, 2012
Preface To The Invisible Show: Did I Recommend A Record This Week Of Did It Disappear?
Last week - here, in fact - I responded to someone who had asked me, "If you have a blog about your radio show, why don't you talk about records - reviews, etc. - on it?"
My answer is mainly this: I don't talk about anything on the blog!
But I thought I might make tentative steps toward such a thing - as if anything I say could really matter - by just telling about something I heard & liked & have been listening to during the week.
This week it's this:
It's a record by an English fellow (who was raised in Scotland) who's known primarily as an artist - he won the Turner Prize! It's quirky indiepop - something I like a lot.
There! Have a recommendation!
My answer is mainly this: I don't talk about anything on the blog!
But I thought I might make tentative steps toward such a thing - as if anything I say could really matter - by just telling about something I heard & liked & have been listening to during the week.
This week it's this:
There! Have a recommendation!
Friday, November 09, 2012
Feet!
The show is at the Self Help Radio website letting the grass grow under its feet. You can listen to it in two parts (which are detailed below): right foot & left foot. I think the left foot is longer than the right. Hey! Sometimes that happens.
Thanks for knocking me off my feet again!
(foot one)
"You Need Feet" Bernard Bresslaw _Classic British Comedy_
"Happy Feet" Paul Whiteman & His Orchestra _The History Of Pop Radio (1930-1932)_
"My Pal Foot Foot" The Shaggs _The Shaggs_
"Get On The Good Foot" James Brown _Star Time_
"Foot Stompin'" The Underbeats _The Soma Records Story_
"Cold Feet" Ronnie Whitehead _Eccentric Soul: Mighty Mike Lenaburg_
"Feet Start Walking" Doris Duke _I'm A Loser_
"Knocks Me Off My Feet" Stevie Wonder _Songs In The Key Of Life_
"The Flat Feet Floogie" Slim & Slam _Slim Gaillard 1937 - 1938_
"Henry's Got Flat Feet (Can't Dance No More)" Hank Ballard _Sexy Ways: The Best Of Hank Ballard_
"Reggae Feet" Lloyd Williams _Studio One Funk_
"Foot Apple" Coyle & Sharpe _On The Loose_
"Two Left Feet" Richard Thompson _Watching The Dark: The History Of Richard Thompson_
(foot two)
"Barefoot Baby" Janis Martin _Western Dance, Vol. 1_
"Barefootin'" Robert Parker _Beg, Scream, Shout: The Big Ol' Box Of 60's Soul_
"Dancing Barefoot" Patti Smith Group _Outside Society_
"Who's Gonna Shoe Your Pretty Little Feet" Woody Guthrie _Some Folk_
"Bigfoot" The Legendary Jim Ruiz Group _Sniff_
"Cushion Foot Stomp" Clarence Williams' Washboard Band _Clarence Williams 1927_
"Don't Let The Rhythm Go To Your Head (Let The Rhythm Go To Your Feet)" Fletcher Henderson _Fletcher Henderson & His Orchestra_
"Your Feet's Too Big" Fats Waller _Ain't Misbehavin'_
"Tap Your Feet (& Go Bo-De-Do-De-Do)" New Vaudeville Band _Winchester Cathedral_
"Happy Feet" 8 1/2 Souveniers _Martini Musique_
"Kick That Little Foot Sally Ann" Round Robin _Hearing Is Believing: The Jack Nitzsche Story 1962-1979_
"Throw Your Foot" The Cure _Join The Dots_
"Eyes Grow Feet" Hummingbirds _Va Va Voom_
"Falling Off Of My Feet Again" Siddeleys _Slum Clearance_
Thursday, November 08, 2012
I Know, I Know
I haven't put up this week's show on the website. I guess the week just walked away from me. Get it? The show was about feet? It walked away?
Cripes.
Anyway, I am putting it on the list of things I need to do tomorrow. I will do it tomorrow. I wish that someone actually wanted to hear the show after it aired, because then I'd feel a bit of pressure to actually take the time to put it up on the website. But since no one does, since it's about my own obsessive desire to follow rules I put in place for myself years ago, it's easy to shirk when other things - less important things (if you can believe that) to be sure - take up my time. Like spending all night Tuesday watching election returns until 2am. Stuff like that.
I need to get my life in order.
Cripes.
Anyway, I am putting it on the list of things I need to do tomorrow. I will do it tomorrow. I wish that someone actually wanted to hear the show after it aired, because then I'd feel a bit of pressure to actually take the time to put it up on the website. But since no one does, since it's about my own obsessive desire to follow rules I put in place for myself years ago, it's easy to shirk when other things - less important things (if you can believe that) to be sure - take up my time. Like spending all night Tuesday watching election returns until 2am. Stuff like that.
I need to get my life in order.
Sunday, November 04, 2012
Whither Feet?
Feets don't fail me now!
I just realized there are too many foot-related idioms to really even begin to talk about tomorrow on Self Help Radio. I may just have to talk about foot ailments instead.
I better go write some things down.
Listen! Tomorrow morning from 7 to 9 am on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington - online at WRFL dot fm - & hopefully I'll put the show online later that day at the Self Help Radio website.
I hope to put my best foot forward tomorrow!
I just realized there are too many foot-related idioms to really even begin to talk about tomorrow on Self Help Radio. I may just have to talk about foot ailments instead.
I better go write some things down.
Listen! Tomorrow morning from 7 to 9 am on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington - online at WRFL dot fm - & hopefully I'll put the show online later that day at the Self Help Radio website.
I hope to put my best foot forward tomorrow!
Saturday, November 03, 2012
Preface To Feet: The Importance Of Good Shoes/Foot Fetishists
I can't decide what I want to talk about most on Self Help Radio this week: the importance of good shoes, or foot fetishists.
This article says "it's important to wear good shoes, as the foot along has more than 25 percent of the body's collected bone mass." (My wife, who is an anatomist, says that's bullshit, by the way.)
But! The Wikipedia's article on foot fetishism says "it is the most common form of sexual fetishism for otherwise non-sexual objects or body parts."
That's pretty amazing.
I'm torn.
This article says "it's important to wear good shoes, as the foot along has more than 25 percent of the body's collected bone mass." (My wife, who is an anatomist, says that's bullshit, by the way.)
But! The Wikipedia's article on foot fetishism says "it is the most common form of sexual fetishism for otherwise non-sexual objects or body parts."
That's pretty amazing.
I'm torn.
Friday, November 02, 2012
The Constant Struggle To Get One's Act Together
I can't understand how everyone has time to check their social media - their Facebookers, Twitters, Instant Gram, Bloggering, Tumblering - & I have more time than most!
Occasionally when I am wandering around & have my cell phone with me, I check my Twitter feed. Usually, I am entertained, but I never really have anything to add, & so it's something of a passive medium for me. I don't keep up the Self Help Radio Tumblr blog, & I feel bad about that. I have fallen behind on Facebook. & I try to write in this blog, even if - as per usual - I have nothing to say. But where does the time go!
For me, there's a great satisfaction - even if it has affected my girth - in cooking. It keeps Mrs. Self Help Radio happy, which should be pleasure enough, but I find joy in trying new things out - especially if they turn out all right.
Fuck you baking!
The wife was a passable cook, but she had a tendency, like a satellite's orbit decays, to make the meals just a little more sloppily each time. I want to be able to either make the same recipe as great as it was the best time, or better. I think that, since I'm never going to be a musician, or an actor, my cooking is a little like learning an instrument or memorizing lines.
It doesn't explain why I can't regularly update my life on Twitter, but it's the start of an excuse, anyway.
Occasionally when I am wandering around & have my cell phone with me, I check my Twitter feed. Usually, I am entertained, but I never really have anything to add, & so it's something of a passive medium for me. I don't keep up the Self Help Radio Tumblr blog, & I feel bad about that. I have fallen behind on Facebook. & I try to write in this blog, even if - as per usual - I have nothing to say. But where does the time go!
For me, there's a great satisfaction - even if it has affected my girth - in cooking. It keeps Mrs. Self Help Radio happy, which should be pleasure enough, but I find joy in trying new things out - especially if they turn out all right.
Fuck you baking!
The wife was a passable cook, but she had a tendency, like a satellite's orbit decays, to make the meals just a little more sloppily each time. I want to be able to either make the same recipe as great as it was the best time, or better. I think that, since I'm never going to be a musician, or an actor, my cooking is a little like learning an instrument or memorizing lines.
It doesn't explain why I can't regularly update my life on Twitter, but it's the start of an excuse, anyway.
Thursday, November 01, 2012
Is It Time To Start Recommending Records?
Someone asked me the other day why, since I have a blog for my radio show, I don't do what other people do who have one of those, which is talk about/review records here. After all, I play new music on my show & I'm not terribly genre specific, so doubtless I listen to a lot of music - why not hype it up on this website?
The answer is in two parts. One, I'm not a writer & even though I "review" records for WRFL, I'm not writing anything that I expect to publish. Honestly, I'm surprised when my scribblings make any sense.
Two, I kind of think that the music I play on my is the best way to tell you what I like. There are artists - a lot of them - which you'll never hear on Self Help Radio, & that's because I don't think they're any good. It's sometimes heartbreaking to tell that to someone who suggests a song for one of my themes, but it's true - I don't have to play music I don't like, so I don't.
I'm not above saying what's making me happy at the moment, though, so perhaps I'll do that on Thursdays for a little while. Maybe over time I'll be comfortable enough to write something that will resemble a review or at least some discussion of why I like what I like.
So today I recommend the new album by Talk Normal, which is called "Sunshine." I think it's a record with super powers. If you know how to get them to Lexington, that would be amazing. The record looks like this:
I like it a lot. Might you?
The answer is in two parts. One, I'm not a writer & even though I "review" records for WRFL, I'm not writing anything that I expect to publish. Honestly, I'm surprised when my scribblings make any sense.
Two, I kind of think that the music I play on my is the best way to tell you what I like. There are artists - a lot of them - which you'll never hear on Self Help Radio, & that's because I don't think they're any good. It's sometimes heartbreaking to tell that to someone who suggests a song for one of my themes, but it's true - I don't have to play music I don't like, so I don't.
I'm not above saying what's making me happy at the moment, though, so perhaps I'll do that on Thursdays for a little while. Maybe over time I'll be comfortable enough to write something that will resemble a review or at least some discussion of why I like what I like.
So today I recommend the new album by Talk Normal, which is called "Sunshine." I think it's a record with super powers. If you know how to get them to Lexington, that would be amazing. The record looks like this:
Monday, October 29, 2012
Don't Go To Sleep!
Here's this year's Halloween show, about nightmares, wherein I play lots of nightmare songs & also talk about why we have bad dreams. After you listen to this show, though, you should sleep like a baby.
The show is in two parts, naturally, described below. Part one is here & part two is here. The entire show is at the Self Help Radio website. Heck! You can even listen to last year's Halloween show for a little while longer (it's about graveyards).
I hope it's sufficiently spooky. Please enjoy.
(part one)
"Nightmare" Boris Karloff _Tales Of The Frightened, Vol. 2_
"The Nightmare" Cab Calloway _1930-1931_
"Nightmare" The Sinners _Bomp In The Night_
"Nightmare" Scottie Stuart _Monster Bop_ there i was in a strange & distant land
"Psycho Nightmare" Daniel Johnston _Fun_
"Nightmare On My Street" DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince He's The DJ, I'm The Rapper_
"Lullaby To Nightmares" They Might Be Giants _Long Tall Weekend_
"Like A Nightmare" The Andantes _The Complete Motown Singles, Vol. 4: 1964_
"Lord Chancellor's Nightmare Song" Todd Rundgren _Todd_
"Nightmare Mash" Billy Lee Riley _These Ghoulish Things: Horror Hits For Halloween_
"Another Velvet Nightmare" Frank Black _Honeycomb_
"Nightmare" The Rebel Set _Garage Monsters - The Best Of The GaragePunk Hideout, Vol. 9_
"Nightmares In Red" The Brain _Rubble Vol. 2_
"Happy Nightmare Baby" Opal _Happy Nightmare Baby_
(part two)
"Nightmare" Chuck Armstrong _Shackin' Up_ i woke up this morning from a deep sleep
"Lulu's Nightmare" The Jazz Butcher _Illuminate_
"Let It Be A Nightmare" The Bran Flakes _I Remember When I Break Down_
"Nightmares" Jay Reatard _Blood Visions_
"Nightmare" Moving Parts _Wrong Conclusion_
"I Got Nightmares" Q65 _Revolution_
"Nightmare" The*Rock*A*Teens _Cry_
"Nightmares" Creation _Our Music Is Red With Purple Flashes_
"Nightmare" Jack Turner _Haunted Halloween, Vol. 1_
"Nightmare" Kimberley Rew _The Bible Of Bop_
"Wet Nightmare" The Cramps _Big Beat From Badsville_
"Nightmares" Violent Femmes _3_
"Johnny Nightmare" The Secret History _The World That Never Was_
"The Nightmare Goes On" Piano Magic _Ovations_
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Whither Nightmares?
It's becoming increasing difficult to make Halloween shows. There are only a few Halloween themes, & I waste some of them like I did a couple of weeks ago & do a show about spiders too far ahead of Halloween to count.
What themes have I covered?
In 2003, it was just "Halloween."
In 2004, I didn't do a Halloween show.
In 2005, the show was about vampires.
In 2006, the show was about monsters.
In 2007, the show was about zombies.
In 2008, the show was about witches.
In 2009, the show was about werewolves.
In 2010, the show was about haunted houses.
In 2011, the show was about graveyards.
I am getting more abstract as time goes by, it seems.
Some nice person suggested a show about "creepy crawlies," which seems eminently do-able. More problematic is a show about "Japanese monsters." I think next year I'll do a show about voodoo!
You can wake up screaming tomorrow morning at 7am on 88.1 fm in Lexington - or online at the WRFL website, or you can wait until later when I put it up at Self Help Radio Dot Net. Just in time for Halloween! I promise!
What themes have I covered?
In 2003, it was just "Halloween."
In 2004, I didn't do a Halloween show.
In 2005, the show was about vampires.
In 2006, the show was about monsters.
In 2007, the show was about zombies.
In 2008, the show was about witches.
In 2009, the show was about werewolves.
In 2010, the show was about haunted houses.
In 2011, the show was about graveyards.
I am getting more abstract as time goes by, it seems.
Some nice person suggested a show about "creepy crawlies," which seems eminently do-able. More problematic is a show about "Japanese monsters." I think next year I'll do a show about voodoo!
You can wake up screaming tomorrow morning at 7am on 88.1 fm in Lexington - or online at the WRFL website, or you can wait until later when I put it up at Self Help Radio Dot Net. Just in time for Halloween! I promise!
Saturday, October 27, 2012
Preface To Nightmares: On The Way Back From Atlanta
I will be home tonight & will hopefully have time to work on my show but mainly I'll want to cuddle with all my animals at home.
The drive from Lexington to Atlanta is a straight shot down I-75 & if you're somewhere near the Tennessee/Kentucky border around thereabouts - you're driving over some of the Appalachians I believe - the trees this time of year look scrumptious. I can't share any pictures because I was driving & that would be unsafe, taking pictures from a moving car with all those unsafe Kentucky drivers around! Do you think I have a death wish or something?
(Don't answer that.)
I had the chance today, when someone said, "It goes without saying," to interrupt & say, "Then don't say it!"
I've always wanted to do that.
The drive from Lexington to Atlanta is a straight shot down I-75 & if you're somewhere near the Tennessee/Kentucky border around thereabouts - you're driving over some of the Appalachians I believe - the trees this time of year look scrumptious. I can't share any pictures because I was driving & that would be unsafe, taking pictures from a moving car with all those unsafe Kentucky drivers around! Do you think I have a death wish or something?
(Don't answer that.)
I had the chance today, when someone said, "It goes without saying," to interrupt & say, "Then don't say it!"
I've always wanted to do that.
Friday, October 26, 2012
Still In Atlanta
It's true, I am still in Atlanta & despite rumors that I am trying to start, I am not attempting to buy vast areas of prime Atlanta real estate & turn it into a Self Help Radio "fun park." What I am doing here is too dull to mention.
I will mention that I had lunch at this place & it was awesome. Yes, it's a "vegan butcher." & they say we vegans have no sense of humor!
I like this city!
I will mention that I had lunch at this place & it was awesome. Yes, it's a "vegan butcher." & they say we vegans have no sense of humor!
I like this city!
Thursday, October 25, 2012
In Atlanta
I might be terse or not even writing anything since I'll be in Atlanta for a few days. Why? It's not for any plastic surgery, that's for sure. Have you seen how much that costs?
I hope I get to go to Soul Vegetarian, though!
Apologies for not scribbling things you'll never read on this blog for a couple of days.
I hope I get to go to Soul Vegetarian, though!
Apologies for not scribbling things you'll never read on this blog for a couple of days.
Monday, October 22, 2012
A You & I Show For You & Me
A radio show for me you & me! Called "you & I"! In which we discover that pronouns are no longer parts of speech! Do you & I care? Nope.
A lot of you & I songs below. (A few you & me songs too.) The show for you & me about you & I (it sounds awkward I know) is at the Self Help Radio website. It's in two parts, not two you & I parts, but close: part one & part two. I wish you & I could enjoy it together!
Thanks for listening!
(part one)
"You & I" Frank Sinatra with Tommy Dorsey & His Orchestra _The Popular Frank Sinatra Vol. 2_
"You & I" Betty Davis _Nasty Gal_
"You & I" Stevie Wonder _Talking Book_
"You & I" Silver Apples _Contact_
"You & I" The Onlookers _This Is Mod, Vol. 4: Modities_
"You & I" The Monkees _Instant Replay_
"You & I" The Paddingtons _No Mundane Options_
"You & I" I Start Counting _Catalogue_
"You & I" Rick James _Old School Funk Jams_
"You & I" Yoko Ono _Yes I'm A Witch_
"You & I" Graham Coxon _Love Travels At Illegal Speeds_
"You & I" The Cribs _The Cribs_
"You & I" SPY _Review III (Marsh-Marigold)_
(part two)
"You & I" Albert Hammond _When I Need You_
"You & I" Pete Shelley _XL1_
"Only You & I" Psychedelic Furs _Forever Now_
"Mommy Daddy You & I" Talking Heads _Naked_
"You & I (When We Were Young)" The Strawbs _Ghosts_
"I Think You & I" Skip Spence _Oar_
"If You & I Could Be Sweethearts" The Varieteers _Night Train To Nashville: Music City Rhythm & Blues, 1945-1970_
"If You & I Could Be As Two" Them _The Story Of Them_
"You & I Were One" Dennis Driscoll _A House Full Of Friends_
"You & I Misbehaving" Tilly & The Wall _Wild Like Children_
"You & I Have Seizures" His Name Is Alive _Livonia_
"You & Me" Penny & The Quarters _Eccentric Soul: The Prix Label_
"You & Me" John Cale _The Island Years_
"You & Me" R. Stevie Moore _Lo Fi High Fives…..A Kind Of Best Of_
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Whither You & I?
The depths of my nerdiness - coupled with my obsessive-compulsive leanings (undiagnosed) & the fact that I was raised by a narcissistic mother - are not something I am eager to plumb. But what if? What if you did an entire show with songs simply titled "You & I"? Is it at all possible?
Maybe. (Not really.) (Hush!) Though I really did do a show a couple of years ago wherein every song was entitled "Tell Me". So why not "You & I"?
Also, what the hell does a person who usually talks about his show's theme talk about when the show is about "you & I"? I don't know much about you, & I fear I know even less about myself.
There's not much to hope for. But you (& I) can listen tomorrow morning from 7 to 9am on 88.1 fm in Lexington & online at WRFL dot FM. I'll put it on the Self Help Radio website later in the day, but I'll only do it for you & me. No one else!
Maybe. (Not really.) (Hush!) Though I really did do a show a couple of years ago wherein every song was entitled "Tell Me". So why not "You & I"?
Also, what the hell does a person who usually talks about his show's theme talk about when the show is about "you & I"? I don't know much about you, & I fear I know even less about myself.
There's not much to hope for. But you (& I) can listen tomorrow morning from 7 to 9am on 88.1 fm in Lexington & online at WRFL dot FM. I'll put it on the Self Help Radio website later in the day, but I'll only do it for you & me. No one else!
Saturday, October 20, 2012
Friday, October 19, 2012
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Seriously, Does Anyone Read This Blog?
I mean, really. I write stuff about my silly radio show, but it's probably not terribly interesting. & while I sometimes try to be clever, I often fail.
Still, if you are one of the undaunted few who happen upon this in the month of October, 2012, & you'd like to get a Self Help Radio 10th Anniversary Mug - made from real ceramics! - then send an email to this email address - which is gary@selfhelpradio.net - & I can get a mug to you. My treat!
But who in the world would be reading this? Seriously, this blog seems more something *I* am required to pay attention to, not you.
Still, if you are one of the undaunted few who happen upon this in the month of October, 2012, & you'd like to get a Self Help Radio 10th Anniversary Mug - made from real ceramics! - then send an email to this email address - which is gary@selfhelpradio.net - & I can get a mug to you. My treat!
But who in the world would be reading this? Seriously, this blog seems more something *I* am required to pay attention to, not you.
Monday, October 15, 2012
There's Spiders In My Anniversary!
Whew! Ten years is a long time. Not so long, perhaps, for a tarantula, which might live for twenty years, but for your average spider, that ten times their normal lifespan.
Which is my way of saying, if a spider did Self Help Radio, the show would have ended after a year.
A celebration of spiders on a celebration of longevity. The show is at the Self Help Radio website, in its web there. You can listen to it directly in two parts: part one & part two. But be careful! The web is sticky!
Thanks for listening, & if you've listened to Self Help Radio for ten years - what's wrong with you?
Here's what I played in each part of the show:
(part one)
"Spiders" Bruce Haack _The Electronic Record For Children_
"A Good Year For Spiders" Ken Nordine _Transparent Mask_
"Inky Dinky Spider (The Spider Song)" Kids Next Door _Hey! Look What I Found Vol. 7_
"Boris The Spider" The Kords _Mindrocker: Anthology Of 60's US-Punk Garage Psych, Vol. 3_
"Spiders & Snakes" World Famous Blue Jays _Star Power!_
"Spiderman" Wreckage _A Pop Sampler_
"Spider & I" The Hope Blister _Smile's OK_
"Spider & The Fly" Barbecue Bob _Chocolate To The Bone_
"The Spider & The Fly" Fats Waller _The Definitive Fats Waller_
"The Spider & The Fly" Von Ruden _Pebbles, Vol. 7: Chicago 2_
"The Spider & The Fly" Monocles _Box Of Trash: Pebbles Box_
"The Spider & The Fly" John Zacherle _Monster Mash/Scary Tales_
"Crawlin' Black Spider" John Lee Hooker _Blues In Transition 1955 - 1959_
"Black Widow Spider" Big Bill Broonzy _Greatest Blues Licks_
(part two)
"Black Widow Spider Woman" Jack Hammer _Horror Hop_
"Ole! Tarantula" Robyn Hitchcock & The Venus Three _Ole! Tarantula_
"Tarantula" This Mortal Coil _Filigree & Shadow_
"Spidereggs" Elf Power _Elf Power_
"Spider" Ed's Redeeming Qualities _At The Fish & Game Club_
"Spiders" Editors _An End Has A Start_
"Spider" K.G. Young _Piccadilly Sunshine # 2_
"Spider" They Might Be Giants _Apollo 18_
"The Man, The King, The Girl & The Spider" Deerhoof _Halfbird_
"Spider" Pants Yell! _Received Pronunciation_
"You Spider" The Jessica Fletchers _You Spider_
"Spider" Swan Lake _Enemy Mine_
"Ziggy Stardust" David Bowie _ The Rise & Fall Of Ziggy Stardust & The Spiders From Mars_
"Spider" The Merrymen _Pebbles, Vol. 20: The Continent Lashes Back - Sweden_
"Does 'Things Could Be Worse' Mean I Should Be Happy" Beloved Binge _Pockets_
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Whither Spiders? Whither A Tenth Anniversary Show?
It occurs to me that, if I am allowed to continue to do Self Help Radio into the future, I might revisit a theme (since I have decided that I should revisit themes on my anniversary shows) about which I have written once before on this blog. That shouldn't happen any time soon - I've only maintained this blog for the past six years, or 6/10ths of the life of the show. There are many more shows to revisit that aired before then. (I'm surprised I didn't celebrate the sixth anniversary of my blog. But now that I think about it, the reason I don't celebrate many anniversaries is because I never can remember when they are.)
Tomorrow, though, it's all about spiders. (Even, as I keep getting suggested, spiders from Mars.) I will be giving away special tenth anniversary Self Help Radio swag on the air & later on my Facebook page. So please listen!
That's 7 to 9 am tomorrow (Monday) (the 15th of October) on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington & online at WRFL dot FM. You won't want to miss it, but if you do - & I hope it's not because of a spider bite - you can hear it again & again at the Self Help Radio website.
Happy tenth anniversary, show! You're still quite juvenile.
Tomorrow, though, it's all about spiders. (Even, as I keep getting suggested, spiders from Mars.) I will be giving away special tenth anniversary Self Help Radio swag on the air & later on my Facebook page. So please listen!
That's 7 to 9 am tomorrow (Monday) (the 15th of October) on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington & online at WRFL dot FM. You won't want to miss it, but if you do - & I hope it's not because of a spider bite - you can hear it again & again at the Self Help Radio website.
Happy tenth anniversary, show! You're still quite juvenile.
Saturday, October 13, 2012
Preface To Spiders: Didn't You Do A Spider Show Already?
Yeah, but as I explained around the time of my ninth anniversary, I use the anniversary as a chance to revisit an old theme. In this case, it is me revisiting a show from March 31, 2004, which I hastily put together that week because I had been bitten by a brown recluse spider.
Oh, yeah. This guy.
It was a fun show, because people called to tell me all their spiderbite stories. One person even offered to send me pictures of their necrotized skin. I said thank you but no.
Looking back, I didn't have time (or try very hard) to find good spider songs. This time around, I am more prepared. I might not even play the songs I played the first time around!
(I didn't put mp3s of my shows up then, so I don't have the individual shows linked as I do now, so if you want to see the playlist, it's in the 2004 playlist section. March 31. You can just search for "spider.")
Oh, yeah. This guy.
It was a fun show, because people called to tell me all their spiderbite stories. One person even offered to send me pictures of their necrotized skin. I said thank you but no.
Looking back, I didn't have time (or try very hard) to find good spider songs. This time around, I am more prepared. I might not even play the songs I played the first time around!
(I didn't put mp3s of my shows up then, so I don't have the individual shows linked as I do now, so if you want to see the playlist, it's in the 2004 playlist section. March 31. You can just search for "spider.")
Friday, October 12, 2012
Did You Say TENTH ANNIVERSARY?
I did. & the tenth anniversary is the diamond anniversary. Here's a tenth anniversary graphic:
Graphic for what? you may ask. Stay tuned!
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Did Anyone Miss Self Help Radio?
I kinda missed doing Self Help Radio this week. I'll tell you a secret: I was in town. But I was asleep, having arrived the night before from St. Louis, where I saw Louis CK live at a lovely place called the Fox Theatre. But I didn't have time to prepare a show, & someone named Allie did the show instead, which I haven't listened to, because what if she's much better at doing my show than I am? What will I do with my life then?
This is an especially tender time because this week is the Self Help Radio's 10th Anniversary! It's true! Sometime around ten years ago, the first Self Help Radio aired on a Wednesday afternoon on KOOP radio, 91.7 fm, in Austin. If I have time this weekend (& why wouldn't I? I don't really do anything) I'll see if I can come up with "ten years of Self Help Radio" facts & figures. How many shows, how many themes, all the wasted minutes.
Ten years is a lot of time, isn't it? I don't think I've done any one activity for ten years. Except this one, I mean. It's almost like admitting that I've grown old. It's nearly a quarter of my life I've spent on this radio show! & it doesn't even like me!
I was glad for the week off. I think I'd like to do it more often, if only I could do it without missing my show. I remember a dude at KOOP would make a show for when he was absent & then just give the recording to someone to play - just sit behind the board & play it - & in the recording he would say, "I'm not really in the studio, so don't call!"
All right, so I guess I'll just show up for Self Help Radio every day for the rest of my life, then.
This is an especially tender time because this week is the Self Help Radio's 10th Anniversary! It's true! Sometime around ten years ago, the first Self Help Radio aired on a Wednesday afternoon on KOOP radio, 91.7 fm, in Austin. If I have time this weekend (& why wouldn't I? I don't really do anything) I'll see if I can come up with "ten years of Self Help Radio" facts & figures. How many shows, how many themes, all the wasted minutes.
Ten years is a lot of time, isn't it? I don't think I've done any one activity for ten years. Except this one, I mean. It's almost like admitting that I've grown old. It's nearly a quarter of my life I've spent on this radio show! & it doesn't even like me!
I was glad for the week off. I think I'd like to do it more often, if only I could do it without missing my show. I remember a dude at KOOP would make a show for when he was absent & then just give the recording to someone to play - just sit behind the board & play it - & in the recording he would say, "I'm not really in the studio, so don't call!"
All right, so I guess I'll just show up for Self Help Radio every day for the rest of my life, then.
Sunday, October 07, 2012
Whither A Self Help Radio Without Gary?
It's true, tomorrow morning from 7 to 9am, Gary will not be hosting Self Help Radio. A gracious RFLer named Allie will be hosting instead, a show about autumn. You can listen on 88.1 fm in Lexington & online at wrfl dot fm.
(Do not report back to me how much better she was than I am. I already know.)
(Do not report back to me how much better she was than I am. I already know.)
Friday, October 05, 2012
Thursday, October 04, 2012
Hurricane Self Help Radio!
I survived Hurricane Self Help Radio! Now I disappear for a week to repair all the damage.
The devastating footage of the storm is at Self Help Radio web central. The soundtrack for the show is below. You can listen to part one & then part two. Or backwards. It may not look so horrible that way.
I'll be gone next week but back after that for the tenth anniversary show!
Thanks for listening!
(part one)
"The Hurricane Song" Tom Glazer _Weather Songs_
"Hurricane Season" Trombone Shorty _Backatown_
"The Word 'Hurricane'" Air _The Virgin Suicides_
"Hurricane" Levon Helm _American Son_
"Hurricane" Shuggie Otis _Here Comes Shuggie Otis_
"Hurricane" Golden Smog _Another Fine Day_
"Hurricane" The Coathangers _Larceny & Old Lace_
"Hurricane" Prisoners _WiserMiserDemelza_
"Florida Hurricane" St. Louis Jimmy Oden _St. Louis Jimmy Oden Vol. 2 1944-1955_
"Jamaica Hurricane" Lord Beginner _London Is The Place For Me: Trinidadian Calypso In London, 1950-1956_
"Hurricane Blues" Big Lucky Carter _The Complete Goldwax Singles Vol. 1_
"Mr. Science (Hurricanes)" Bob & Ray _Bob & Ray The Lost Episodes Vol. 5_
"Hurricane Fighter Plane" The Red Krayola _The Parable Of Arable Land_
"Tsunami (Cornelius Remix)" Manic Street Preachers _Forever Delayed: The Remixes_
(part two)
"Tsunami" Skywave _Synthstatic_
"Hurricanes" Lewis Black _The White Album_
"Hurricane Edward" The Fall _Levitate_
"Hurricane Waves" Bomb The Music Industry! _Vacation_
"Like A Hurricane" Neil Young _American Stars 'N Bars_
"Hurricane" Echo & The Bunnymen _Crystal Days: 1979-1999_
"It's Only A Hurricane" Fischer-Z _The Best_
"Hurricane" Elevator To Hell _Eerieconsiliation_
"Meathead Hurricane" Knight School _Revenger_
"Halifax In A Hurricane" Howe Gelb _Hisser_
"Hurricane Amore" Ocean Blue _Cerulean_
"Hurricane" Warm Jets _Future Signs_
"The Demon & The Hurricane" Deleted Scenes _Young People's Church Of The Air_
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Whither Hurricanes?
I can't remember the last time I took a week off from Self Help Radio. I don't really like to not do my show. But I will be out of town next week, & for some reason I am a little glad. Is that a bad thing?
You see, Self Help Radio is not a job. I think I would be offended if someone were to pay me money for it. (Also, I might want to make it better.) (I couldn't take that sort of pressure.) (But mainly I'd be offended.) Since it's something I love to do, I don't like to miss it.
I should save this for next week's blog writings. Tonight I should be talking about hurricanes. Or tomorrow. Tomorrow!
Tomorrow! From 7 to 9am, on 88.1 fm, WRFL in Lexington. Self Help Radio is category 3. You can listen online at wrfl dot fm. I'll put it up later at self help radio dot net.
Then there'll be no Self Help Radio for two weeks! Lucky you!
You see, Self Help Radio is not a job. I think I would be offended if someone were to pay me money for it. (Also, I might want to make it better.) (I couldn't take that sort of pressure.) (But mainly I'd be offended.) Since it's something I love to do, I don't like to miss it.
I should save this for next week's blog writings. Tonight I should be talking about hurricanes. Or tomorrow. Tomorrow!
Tomorrow! From 7 to 9am, on 88.1 fm, WRFL in Lexington. Self Help Radio is category 3. You can listen online at wrfl dot fm. I'll put it up later at self help radio dot net.
Then there'll be no Self Help Radio for two weeks! Lucky you!
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Preface To Hurricanes: Katrina
It seems strange that Hurricane Katrina happened seven years ago. I was still living in Austin then & we watched horrified as the storm bore down & it seemed like the government wasn't doing a thing to help save a legendary American city. I guess you can watch the show Treme to see how things went. I haven't kept up.
I remember the days afterward, when we'd go to Costco & buy things in bulk like water & peanut butter & take them to places where people in cars were loading these things up to drive the five hundred miles to the almost-destroyed city.
One immediate consequence of the aftermath of Katrina - &, it's true, it was a good thing for Austin - was a lot of refugees from the city, their homes destroyed - hell, their lives destroyed - found their way to Austin to start anew. A bunch of community radio folks from New Orleans came to KOOP radio, & they contributed to the station greatly. I was even reunited with an old friend who I didn't know had moved away.
It's still hurricane season - it lasts from June to November, at least within the Atlantic Ocean's sphere - so my show is surprisingly still timely. It's going to take a few more years of hurricanes before we forget how horrible Katrina was, & still is.
I only wish I had visited New Orleans before. I know it's not the same city anymore.
I remember the days afterward, when we'd go to Costco & buy things in bulk like water & peanut butter & take them to places where people in cars were loading these things up to drive the five hundred miles to the almost-destroyed city.
One immediate consequence of the aftermath of Katrina - &, it's true, it was a good thing for Austin - was a lot of refugees from the city, their homes destroyed - hell, their lives destroyed - found their way to Austin to start anew. A bunch of community radio folks from New Orleans came to KOOP radio, & they contributed to the station greatly. I was even reunited with an old friend who I didn't know had moved away.
It's still hurricane season - it lasts from June to November, at least within the Atlantic Ocean's sphere - so my show is surprisingly still timely. It's going to take a few more years of hurricanes before we forget how horrible Katrina was, & still is.
I only wish I had visited New Orleans before. I know it's not the same city anymore.
Friday, September 28, 2012
I Missed A Day
Sorry about that. I am becoming very unreliable when it comes to the things that I am "supposed" to do. I put supposed in scare quotes because it doesn't matter if I do them or not. For example, this blog. According to Google Analytics, it gets around four visitors a day, of which probably three are me. Hey, who is the other person? You're probably looking for something else. There are a few pictures of dogs & cats here, as well as a few playlists for my radio show, but not much else. Sorry about that.
I write in the blog anyway because I feel I ought to. I feel like somehow if I stop it'll mean even more obscurity for me. It's funny, there are blogs I read more or less regularly online, & at some point I really hoped I'd get as much attention as them. Then I realized I wouldn't. Then it didn't matter much anymore. But having to heap extra obscurity past my realization & apathy might be too much.
It's true, I was really tired after Boomslang, & it took me a while to get back into whatever swing my things are in. Then it was Thursday & I had to write in this blog ("had to" - see what I mean?) & I realized I hadn't even put my show on the website. So that's what I did Thursday night.
You know what I did Monday after my show, by the way? I watched the Emmys. I was up late seeing the Jesus & Mary Chain the night before, & I got three hours of sleep, & woke to do three hours of radio, & came home, & watched the Emmys!
So, apologies for missing a day. Oh, I'm not apologizing to you - I'm apologizing to me, who visits this blog more than anyone else. When I read this blog entry again a couple of times, I'll be able to say, "Oh, Gary, it's no big deal. I didn't even notice."
I write in the blog anyway because I feel I ought to. I feel like somehow if I stop it'll mean even more obscurity for me. It's funny, there are blogs I read more or less regularly online, & at some point I really hoped I'd get as much attention as them. Then I realized I wouldn't. Then it didn't matter much anymore. But having to heap extra obscurity past my realization & apathy might be too much.
It's true, I was really tired after Boomslang, & it took me a while to get back into whatever swing my things are in. Then it was Thursday & I had to write in this blog ("had to" - see what I mean?) & I realized I hadn't even put my show on the website. So that's what I did Thursday night.
You know what I did Monday after my show, by the way? I watched the Emmys. I was up late seeing the Jesus & Mary Chain the night before, & I got three hours of sleep, & woke to do three hours of radio, & came home, & watched the Emmys!
So, apologies for missing a day. Oh, I'm not apologizing to you - I'm apologizing to me, who visits this blog more than anyone else. When I read this blog entry again a couple of times, I'll be able to say, "Oh, Gary, it's no big deal. I didn't even notice."
Thursday, September 27, 2012
I Guess I Really Didn't Care
Seriously - I didn't get around to putting this show up till tonight.
Actually, it was pretty exhausting after Boomslang. I hope you liked the show. & I hope you know I do care. I can't help it.
The show is now available for the carefree & careless alike at the Self Help Radio website, or liked directly here: part one & part two. Be careful!
Thanks for listening!
(part one)
"Apathy" Catchers _Mute_
"Don't Care" Klark Kent _Teenage Kicks_
"Don't Care" Circle Jerks _Group Sex/Wild In The Streets_
"Just Don't Care" Wire _Behind The Curtain_
"I Don't Care" Judy Garland, Lennie Hayton Orchestra _In the Good Old Summertime (O.S.T - 1949)_
"I Don't Care" Helen Shapiro _At Abbey Road 1961-1967_
"I Don't Care" Sherman Evans _I Don't Care_
"I Don't Care" The Chants _Ripples Volume 5: Beach Bash (Surf Pop, Frat Rock & Dance Craze Sounds From The UK)_
"I Don't Care (Demo)" The Pixies Three _Pixies Three: Our History_
"I Don't Care" Peter's Faces _Beat Beat Beat Vol. 4_
"I Don't Care" James Brown _Roots Of A Revolution_
"I Don't Care" Lesley Gore _It's My Party_
"I Don't Care" The Wilde Knights _Scarey Business_
"I Don't Care" Los Bravos _Black Is Black_
"I Don't Care" Dirty Shames _Pebbles, Vol. 8: Southern California Vol. 1_
"I Just Don't Care" The Fifth Estate _Ding! Dong! The Witch Is Back!_
"I Don't Care" The Ramones _The Ramones_
"I Don't Care" The Boys _The Very Best Of The Boys_
"I Don't Care" Television _The Blow-Up_
(part two)
"I Don't Care" Space Negros _Dig Archaeology 1980 - 1990_
"I Don't Care" The Children _The Children_
"I Don't Care" The Spectors _Beat Is Murder: Cockfights & Cakefights, 1992-1996_
"I Don't Care" Mama Guitar _Introducing Mama Guitar_
"I Don't Care" Mary Margaret O'Hara _Apartment Hunting_
"I Don't Care" Christmas Island _Blackout Summer_
"I Don't Care" TV Girl _TV Girl EP_
"I Don't Care" Summer Twins _Summer Twins_
"Pierre" Carole King _Really Rosie_
"Baby I Don't Care" Bryan Ferry _These Foolish Things_
"I Don't Care If The Sun Don't Shine" Elvis Presley _Sunrise_
"I Don't Care Who Knows" Harold Burrage _The Cobra Records Story_
"I Don't Care (What The People Say)" Cookie Scott & The Chevelles _Allnighter Vol. 5_
"I Don't Care About Your Past" Ella Washington _Southern Grooves_
"I Don't Care Anymore" Doris Duke _I'm A Loser: The Swamp Dogg Sessions & More_
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Whither I Don't Care?
As I get ready to go out & enjoy the last night of Boomslang, I want to first apologize for slacking on the blog this weekend. I did a lot of volunteering for this great event the station puts on. I am a little exhausted.
I figured I might not care too much about doing my show after all the work I'd signed up to do, so it seemed appropriate to do a show called "I Don't Care." I hope it's not catching. I know you don't care too much about the show but I do want you to care a little. Just a little. If I can ask for that much. A smidgen. No? All right.
Tomorrow morning I hope to drag myself out of bed in time to do Self Help Radio from 7 to 9am on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington. Online it's at wrfl dot fm. If I can get some sleep in the middle of the day, I'll try to put the show up at self help radio dot net.
See, I do care!
I figured I might not care too much about doing my show after all the work I'd signed up to do, so it seemed appropriate to do a show called "I Don't Care." I hope it's not catching. I know you don't care too much about the show but I do want you to care a little. Just a little. If I can ask for that much. A smidgen. No? All right.
Tomorrow morning I hope to drag myself out of bed in time to do Self Help Radio from 7 to 9am on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington. Online it's at wrfl dot fm. If I can get some sleep in the middle of the day, I'll try to put the show up at self help radio dot net.
See, I do care!
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Friday, September 21, 2012
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Monday, September 17, 2012
Until Proven Guilty
"All things truly wicked start from innocence," said Ernest Hemingway, but I hope the show isn't truly wicked, just wicked rad. Do people even say "wicked" as an adverb describing an adjective anymore? I'm serious, I should talk to people & maybe even pay attention.
The show is presumed innocent. That's its right. It's also presumed to be at the Self Help Radio website, where it has been cut in two parts, which you can download separately: part the first is there, while part the second is here. What's in each part is below.
Self Help Radio not responsible for a loss of innocence.
(part one)
"Songs Of Innocence: Introduction" Ralph Cosham _A Selection From "Songs Of Innocence" & "Songs Of Experience"_
"Song Of Innocence" David Axelrod _Song Of Innocence_
"Songs Of Innocence (single version)" Jah Wobble _Glitters Is Gold_
"Innocence" Kirsty MacColl _Galore_
"Age Of Innocence" The Pearly Gatecrashers _New Fluffy Delicious_
"The Charm Of Innocence" Momus _Tender Pervert_
"Sweet & Innocent" Roy Orbison _Orbison_
"Lost Innocence" The Buddhas _Pebbles Vol. 2_
"Young & Innocent" Changin' Times _How Is The Air Up There 7"_
"Return To Innocence" Expressions _Destination Frantic # 3_
"Moody Richard (The Innocent Bystander)" Dan Hicks & His Hot Licks _Striking It Rich_
"Young & Innocent Days" The Kinks _Arthur (Or The Decline & Fall Of The British Empire)_
(part two)
"Innocent Man" The Jam _Direction, Reaction, Creation_
"Innocent" The Buzzcocks _Trade Test Transmissions_
"Innocence" The Moving Parts _Wrong Conclusion_
"Pure & Innocent" Those Naughty Lumps _The Zoo Uncaged 1978-1982_
"Pardon My Innocent Heart" Nate Evans _Eccentric Soul: Twinight's Lunar Rotation_
"Innocent When You Dream (78)" Tom Waits _Franks Wild Years_
"Innocent Abroad" Would-Be-Goods _The Morning After_
"Innocent" Minisnap _Bouncing Around_
"Innocence" The Other Two _The Other Two & You_
"Innocent" Tears Run Rings _Distance_
"No One Is Innocent" Siglo XX _Flowers For The Rebels_
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Whither Innocence
I have had to write emails to two people who suggested songs for Self Help Radio this week (the show, you know, about innocence) & tell them that I just really wouldn't play those songs on my show, &, probably, no one at WRFL would play them (although apparently right now the jazz show is playing an hour-long documentary on Dave Matthews, so what do I know?). One of them was this song, by Billy Joel. The other is the title track from this album by Don Henley. (By the way, I love love love the ridiculous way that review ends: "This album is highly recommended for those who like their pop music with a message." It's funny because there are people who don't care what the music sounds like as long as there's a "message"!) I don't want to be too judgmental about the two songs - both of which I'm sure I've heard, but I can't bring them to mind (whew) - (aw man, that parenthetical expression is judgmental!) - I just don't think that either Don Henley or Billy Joel should be played on a radio station that's dedicated to playing underplayed or underheard (or even unknown!) music. (I also really don't like Billy Joel, & have tremendous antipathy for Don Henley, especially because of the Eagles.) (But I would have gladly played decent covers of those songs if they had existed.) In fact - continuing that last parenthetical expression without any parentheses, I would be glad if people who made suggestions for songs for certain themes sent me ideas for covers if the songs were very popular. I tend to err on the side of less-heard than most-heard.
& now, a pathetic aside:
Why does no one want to follow me on the Twitter? You could do so here. Maybe occasionally I say something witty or interesting?
Tomorrow's show on innocence - not the end of the innocence, & certainly not from an innocent man - airs from 7 to 9am on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington. You can listen online at wrfl dot fm & I will guiltily put the show up later on the Self Help Radio web page. There will be no loss of innocence involved in the show. You need something more powerful for that sort of thing!
& now, a pathetic aside:
Why does no one want to follow me on the Twitter? You could do so here. Maybe occasionally I say something witty or interesting?
Tomorrow's show on innocence - not the end of the innocence, & certainly not from an innocent man - airs from 7 to 9am on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington. You can listen online at wrfl dot fm & I will guiltily put the show up later on the Self Help Radio web page. There will be no loss of innocence involved in the show. You need something more powerful for that sort of thing!
Saturday, September 15, 2012
Preface To Innocence: The Loss Of Innocence
If you were an English major in college like I was you heard the phrase "loss of innocence" more times than any other, or perhaps just less than "man's inhumanity to man" (although at the time, I was more obsessed with "woman's inhumanity to man"). It's common in most novels for a main character to undergo a disappointment or a betrayal & "lose their innocence," meaning their naivety. Sometimes, in racier books, stories, or poems, the loss of innocence was an actual rape, in which a female character's virginity is "taken." Using an online searchable Bible I found zero mentions of the word "innocence" in the King James Version, although I found nine mentions in the New International Version. All those mentions refer to the opposite of "guilt," though the site linked to a small passage from gospel.com which was titled, "Innocence In The Bible: A Christian Perspective." It said, simply, "[The Christian] god cherishes, protects, & rewards those who keep blameless in his eyes - those who obey & trust in him." It does suggest to me that if lose your innocence - like, for example, if you are raped - there's a case to be made using the logic of this statement that you have not kept blameless in that god's eyes, because you weren't obeying & trusting him. That would have made a spirited conversation in an English class! I myself was trying to think if there were a time when I felt my innocence was lost, & I thought of two moments in my life, one general, one specific. The general one involved what I think was the onset of puberty, around sixth & seventh grade (at the time, it seemed to happen overnight, but in retrospect, it was a process that took several months). In addition to becoming sexually attracted to girls (a terrifying enough prospect) (you'd think one of my older brothers might have warned me about unwanted erections), I recall that I started to make more sense of the world at that time. I noticed things around me, paid more attention to the news, thought about things in the "bigger picture." There were so many things I had just never thought about that were in my mind all of a sudden. That was a certain loss of innocence - as if innocence were a certain ignorance, which contributed to the bliss of childhood. The second time involved my mother, who, as I've doubtless said, is vain & narcissistic. We were poor & despite what some kids might have been saying to me behind my back (or to my face) at school, I wasn't entirely aware of how close to the poverty line we were living. One day, in that way she had of asking her children questions about herself, my mother asked me, "You're not ashamed of how poor we are, are you?" I always think I should have responded, "Well, I am NOW," but I saw how she needed reassuring, so I went ahead & responded in the negative. It occurs to me, telling the story now, that the specific incident could very well have happened in the middle of my biological loss of innocence. In both cases - & in the literary study of "innocence" - once that innocence is lost, it's not coming back. For good or ill.
Friday, September 14, 2012
Boomslang!
It's less than a week away. Look what is happening:
Go to the Boomslang website for all the information you need. Come to Lexington to see it if you must! It will be breathtaking!
Thursday, September 13, 2012
This Awkward Story
As time goes by, I seem to get less angry but more frustrated. I am always surprised when I see myself in a mirror; if I have just had a conversation with someone, & then, say, go to the rest room, I am astonished that the person in the mirror washing his hands is who they saw when they were talking to me. (As an aside, they often say that you shouldn't look at yourself when you're on acid, but I avoided it because I didn't want to see that I looked the same while I was feeling like a different person.) Another thing, which might be noticeable in this blog: I am becoming something of a blowhard. Stories take longer because I feel a need to contextualize. Although I am entirely aware that there's a 90% chance that no one's listening. Is it my vanity that makes me think, Just in case. The wife told me I don't get into as many arguments as I used to, but I guess I don't talk to as many people as I used to, or perhaps I don't talk to as many argumentative people as I used to. I remember I poo-pooed my friend Joe's Facebook status update many months ago when he wrote something like I still don't know what I want to do with my life. After I apologized to him for being dismissive of a perfectly valid thought, I think I'd rewrite it to suit my needs to say I still don't know what I want to do with the rest of my life. I think sometimes that I had some idea, some purpose, at some time - or that I thought I had some idea, some purpose, at one time. If you asked me now, I don't think I could tell you what it was - but I can't speak for me back then. Someone recently was describing a memory that we shared, of a time we were together, & although I remembered the same thing, I didn't remember that it was me with the person in the memory. I was certain it was a story the person had told me that had happened to her & some other guy, not an event in which I took part. It must be my memory trying to save me from my life. & speaking of rewrites: I take back what I said at the beginning of this dumb paragraph. I'm not more frustrated, I'm more resigned. & that's pretty frustrating.
Monday, September 10, 2012
Lower Expectations
The thing about the word expectations is, every time I say it, I think "expectorant." You know, a medicine that makes you hock up whatever phlegmy stuff is making you miserable when you have a cold or whatever. A thing that makes you expectorate. But the two words are unrelated - the "expect" in "expectorate" come from the Latin "pectus," which means "breast" - like in "pectoral." The expect in "expectations" (&, you know, in "expect") is from a Latin word that means "look out for."
Anyway, I didn't find any songs about expectorating, so it's fine. The songs I did find about expectations are below, & they're played during this week's show, which is now on the Self Help Radio website. It's divided into two parts, helpfully labelled part number one & part number two.
The text for today's show comes from the Edwyn Collins song I play in the second hour. It goes like this:
"You've been down this road before
Which is not to say you're bored
Or that you shouldn't want for more
It's just your expectations should be lower"
You have been admonished.
(part one)
"Expectations" Lewis Black _Stark Raving Black_
"Expectations" Belle & Sebastian _Tigermilk_
"She's Expecting You" Department S _Is Vic There?_
"I've Been Expecting You" Luxuria _Beast Box_
"High Expectation" Stereolab _Switched On_
"Never Expect Any More" Cody _Stillpoint Primer_
"Expecting To Fly" Buffalo Springfield _Neil Young: Decade_
"How Do You Expect Me To Get It" The Pelicans _Money Honey: The Rise Of The Black Vocal Group (1952-1953)_
"Expect Delays" Solvent & Skanfrom _Misery Loves Company_
"No Expectations" I Am The World Trade Center _The Cover Up_
"Spanish Inquisition (Part 1)" Monty Python _Another Monty Python Record_
"Expecting" Minnie Ripperton _Come To My Garden_
"I Don't Expect Her For You (Look At That Girl)" The Sneetches _Lights Out With The Sneetches_
(part two)
"Expectations" Young Dreams _Dream Alone, Wake Together EP_
"The Expectation Of Love" Gentle Tuesday _A Gentleman's Laundry_
"Low Expectations" Edwyn Collins _Gorgeous George_
"Words Of Expectation" The Fall _The Complete Peel Sessions 1978-2004_
"Am I Expecting Too Much" Debra Lewis _Teenage Girls: Volume 3_
"Expect The Unexpected" Ronnie Willhoite _The Doorkeepers: A Church Leadership Development Program For Ushers_
"No Expectations" The Dirtbombs _If You Don't Already Have A Look_
"Expect A Miracle" Something Pretty Beautiful _Something Pretty Beautiful_
"Great Expectations" Eric Carmen _Eric Carmen_
"Spanish Inquisition (Part 2)" Monty Python _Another Monty Python Record_
"Great Expectations" The Men They Couldn't Hang _The Domino Club_
"What Did You Expect" Railroad Jerk _One Track Mind_
Sunday, September 09, 2012
Whither Expectations?
An article on the psychology.com website written by someone with the amusing name Dr. Lickerman - MD, natch - lays out the four ways we experience expectations & their outcomes:
1) Low expectations, poor experience.
2) Low expectations, good experience.
3) High expectations, poor experience.
4) High expectations, good experience.
Not to mention the worst thing you can hear about, high expectations with an amazing experience too. Those people are insufferable. How I envy them!
Which one will Self Help Radio be tomorrow? (Hint: start with low expectations. It will save you a lot of grief.) (That's assuming listen at all.)
Tomorrow, 7 to 9 am, on 88.1 WRFL in Lexington, we examine all sorts of expectations. I might expect you'd rather listen on the computer, in which case you can find it at wrfl dot fm. But I have no expectations of you listening to it later on, where it'll be at the Self Help Radio website.
I am not used to being expected; I am much more used to being excepted.
1) Low expectations, poor experience.
2) Low expectations, good experience.
3) High expectations, poor experience.
4) High expectations, good experience.
Not to mention the worst thing you can hear about, high expectations with an amazing experience too. Those people are insufferable. How I envy them!
Which one will Self Help Radio be tomorrow? (Hint: start with low expectations. It will save you a lot of grief.) (That's assuming listen at all.)
Tomorrow, 7 to 9 am, on 88.1 WRFL in Lexington, we examine all sorts of expectations. I might expect you'd rather listen on the computer, in which case you can find it at wrfl dot fm. But I have no expectations of you listening to it later on, where it'll be at the Self Help Radio website.
I am not used to being expected; I am much more used to being excepted.
Saturday, September 08, 2012
Preface To Expectations: Stress Cold
This article - from 1998, in the New York times - though rather old - confirms what I expected - which seems apropos, since this week's show is about expectations.
I have had a cold brewing for a while now, & my stress levels have been high for a few weeks, & having to worry about & care for an old dog seem to have let the cold germs in.
It makes me want to ask, "Why haven't we cured the common cold?"
I was content, for the last twenty-four hours, to let it run its course - & was feeling that I'd just sleep for a day. But the wife decided to get me medicine - including that strange concoction called NyQuil, which is about as old as I am, & which has been with me my entire life. & when I take medicine - & by the way, I'm all for medicine over pseudoscientific potions & the like - when I take medicine, I forget how effective medicine is.
This hasn't been a terrible cold. I don't (yet) have a runny nose or a terrible cough. But I did sleep half the day & I have been sucking cough drops since yesterday, so my mouth feels like it's filled with vaguely cherry-tasting phlegm.
I'm working on my show, though. My expectation is that I'll have it finished. At least I expect to.
I have had a cold brewing for a while now, & my stress levels have been high for a few weeks, & having to worry about & care for an old dog seem to have let the cold germs in.
It makes me want to ask, "Why haven't we cured the common cold?"
I was content, for the last twenty-four hours, to let it run its course - & was feeling that I'd just sleep for a day. But the wife decided to get me medicine - including that strange concoction called NyQuil, which is about as old as I am, & which has been with me my entire life. & when I take medicine - & by the way, I'm all for medicine over pseudoscientific potions & the like - when I take medicine, I forget how effective medicine is.
This hasn't been a terrible cold. I don't (yet) have a runny nose or a terrible cough. But I did sleep half the day & I have been sucking cough drops since yesterday, so my mouth feels like it's filled with vaguely cherry-tasting phlegm.
I'm working on my show, though. My expectation is that I'll have it finished. At least I expect to.
Friday, September 07, 2012
Pets
It's been a stressful day because the puppy whom I declared my undying love for yesterday had to have surgery. It's the second surgery on the second beagle of ours this year. George, it turned out, had cancer. He's home now, minus a limb, but in less pain than when we took him to the vet.
The vet, by the way, is Metropolitan Veterinary Specialists & Emergency Services. In particular, a Dr. Royals, who operated on both our sick doglings this year. He was unflinchingly honest - perhaps a tad too modest about his own abilities - & did his very best, which was excellent.
I just wanted to give a shout-out to an amazing place. Everyone there was so kind. I wonder if, when I am as old in human years as George is in dog years, & when I have an ailment that puts me in a surgeon's care, if I'll meet a staff & doctor as good to me as they were to George.
I really doubt it.
The vet, by the way, is Metropolitan Veterinary Specialists & Emergency Services. In particular, a Dr. Royals, who operated on both our sick doglings this year. He was unflinchingly honest - perhaps a tad too modest about his own abilities - & did his very best, which was excellent.
I just wanted to give a shout-out to an amazing place. Everyone there was so kind. I wonder if, when I am as old in human years as George is in dog years, & when I have an ailment that puts me in a surgeon's care, if I'll meet a staff & doctor as good to me as they were to George.
I really doubt it.