Saturday, November 28, 2020

Drinking From A Deep Welles

The other day I found this cleverly animated YouTube video an associate of Stan Lee made featuring the comic icon saying bad words.  I suspect there are tons of recordings like this of famous people being profane, & there are some which have been withheld because it would be bad for the person involved but perhaps we'll hear them after that famous person leaves his current job.  Maybe they should release it now - he's not really doing his job anymore anyway.

My first large-scale introduction to this - well, it may have been Negativland's U2 single - but I recall getting a copy of the collection Celebrities At Their Worst! sometime in the mid-90s.  I'm not sure if it was supposed to change my mind about any of the celebrities - John Wayne is a racist dick? I would never have suspected - but what it did do is introduce me to one of my great obsessions.  & that is the track which was called on the CD (if I remember it correctly) "Orson Welles Pissing Away His Talent."

Above I chose not to embed the Stan Lee video, but I'll embed this:

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/tyko_oQ0da8" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen></iframe>

It's a cleverly animated collection of those Orson Welles outtakes.  I love them so much.  I wish I could tell you why.  I have them memorized like a favorite song.  I wish there were an entire album that proceeded in the same manner.  One time on Facebook I wrote this:

There are people out there who would swoon to the discovery of a lost John Lennon song, or a mid-60s Dylan recording session previously unknown, or Bowie tracks recorded but never released in the mid-70s, but for me I'd be utterly ecstatic if someone found just three more minutes of outtakes of Orson Welles getting pissy & haughty while doing shitty, humiliating radio commercials.

It's absolutely true.

Friday, November 27, 2020

Photographs Of Places I've Lived # 12: Avenue A

(image from Google Maps)

This little efficiency is where I lived from early 1992 till the end of 1993.  It was a very long two years, in which I had to deal with my post-college life & with the disastrous end of my first relationship, about which I'm sure I'll discuss much later in this blog when I get to those years during Self Help Radio's shows about the years of my birth in the appropriate January.  It's the apartment in the middle there, in the 4552 building but on the right, under the tree.  Number 102.  This image is from around 2014, but I don't remember my door being blue.  It was a one-room apartment - there was no bedroom - with a pretty sizable bathroom that had a closet in it, & a cramped kitchen that you saw when you enter the apartment.  The kitchen ran along the north side (we're looking west in this picture).  There were windows on that side, but thanks to that lovely tree, I never had much light.  There was also a door on the "patio" side - which meant, if the front door were in the east wall, it was in the north wall - for no real reason.  There's a dumb story about that door which kind of epitomized my early days there.

The relationship ended with lies & betrayal & it fucked me up.  Many of my friends had become friends with her over the three years we were "together," & she leaned on them a lot because of her own issues, which meant I had to deal with my friends talking about her, & letting her stay with them, & other shit like that.  I was incredibly lonely & as close to mentally ill as I would ever be.  Thoughts of suicide were not uncommon.  The nights were long & I couldn't eat or sleep & I would lie on my bed wishing my mind would just break.  Certain things kept me going, usually obsessively: Neil Young's voice, the Kids In The Hall, Ellery Queen mysteries.  I woke early & walked to campus, where I now worked almost full-time, & sat in the sun until I had to go inside.  I went to movies & plays & music shows & did everything I could to keep my brain occupied.  It wasn't enough.

One night I began aware of a scratching on that north door, a door I never opened.  Not once.  It was intermittent but when it happened, it was insistent.  Could it be a bug?  An animal of some kind?  A human?  The pain in which I lived quickly translated into terror.  But I didn't believe in anything supernatural - it couldn't be a ghost or the like.  What did I have to lose by just opening the door?

To make matters worse, it was a stormy night, with high winds.  I didn't want to go out into that.  It had to be 2 or 3 in the morning.  I'd hear the wind & I'd hear that scratching & I was frightened out of my mind.

But I didn't open the door.  No, I quietly opened my front door, to peep behind the small, I guess decorative, stone wall to the door's right.  The light from my apartment would help me see what was there, if anything.  So I closed the door quietly, slowly looked past the wall - only to find a flyer of some sort put there by a restaurant advertising delivery.  There was one on the door to the apartment opposite mine.  The person tasked to spread those coupons around didn't know the doors were for the same apartments, apparently.  I felt like a fool.  I might've just let it stay there all night if I hadn't mustered up a small bit of courage.

One thing to say about this place: for a brief time, the first woman to really love me lived with me here.  I wish I had been well enough to return her love properly.  It would take a decade for me to be able to be a good partner, that's how utterly fucking destroyed I was.  I would hurt so many people - I would hurt myself a great deal - in the next few years.  She moved out because she couldn't still be with me if she lived with me, & I understood that.  But those few months - I believe from August 1992 to December 1992 - I remember them fondly.

Another thing is that a childhood friend from Garland stayed with me briefly when he came down looking to relocate.  He would actually move into a place across the street from the house where I rented a room but never lived.  When my lease here ran out, he encouraged me to get a place with him, which I did.  Although it didn't quite go as well as we hoped.

Tuesday, November 24, 2020

Self Help Radio 112420: Glam & Glamour

(Hair & stripe from the album cover for Aladdin Sane of course.)

Yes, last night's Self Help Radio featured little - if any - actual glam music.  A listener - who asked me to play David Bowie & I didn't - said he did hear some glam influence.  Which I guess is possible if one is writing a song about glam.

But the show was also about glamour!  Which comes from glam.  Which reminds me, why is it glamour with a u but glamorous without a u?  & isn't it weird to write "a u."  Since the letter u is a vowel, you feel visually it would be more correct to write "an u."  But since the letter u is pronounced "you" (or sometimes "yew") (& often "yoo" as in "yoo hoo!") & there's a consonant in the pronounced world, we have what I call the "hard article" a rather than the "soft article" an.  Which is also why we say "give me an m, Pat" on Wheel Of Fortune when clearly it sound be a m, because m is a consonant.  & by the way, I don't mean a m like "ante meridiem" & don't even get me started as to where it's even possible for noon to be 12 pm - which is to say "post meridiem" since "meridiem" means "noon."  12 am could be either noon or midnight in this scenario & what a headache that would be.

Was I supposed to be talking about something else?  Oh yeah, my new etymologically-based stand-up is coming to a YouTube near me sometime never.  Also, this week's show can be listened to if you want.

The glam & glamour show is at the Self Help Radio website now or whenever you're ready.  Please remember that you'll need a username - which is "SHR" - & a password - which is "selfhelp" - without the quotation marks - to listen.  It's nearly three hours long!  It gets kinda tedious.  Sorry.  What happens on the show is detailed below.

Self Help Radio Glam & Glamour Show
"Glam" Icehouse _Primitive Man_
"This Is The Glam" New Wet Kojak _This Is The Glamorous_
"Glam!" Leila K _Carousel_

introduction & definitions

"Glamour Girl" T-Bone Walker _The Original Source_
"Glamour Girl" Tony Lake _Teen Town U.S.A. Volume 9_
"Glamour Girl" Harvey Scales & The Seven Sounds _Back Then One More Time_
"Glamour Girl" Harold Hopkins _Big City Soul 4: 60 Northern Soul Classics_
"Glamour Girl" Chicks On Speed _Chicks On Speed Will Save Us All!_

interview with the Rev Dr Howard Gently

"Glamorous" Gary Myrick _Language_
"The Glamorous Life" Sheila E _In The Glamorous Life_
"The Glamorous Life" Cool C _I Gotta Habit_
"Glamorous Life" Lolly Pop _Lolly Pop_
"Glamorous Nights" Stevans _Rupture_

interview with "appalachian glam" designer Rock Hart

"Glam Saved The Day" Pocket Rockets _Love Or Perish_
"Glam Racket" The Fall _The Infotainment Scan_
"Glam Rock Cops" Carter The Unstoppable Sex Machine _Straw Donkey... The Singles_
"Trash Glam Baby" The Boomtown Rats _Citizens Of Boomtown_
"Glam Slam" Prince _Lovesexy_

interview with glam expert Madeline Bowie

"Glamour Gap" Marine Research _Sounds From The Gulf Stream_
"Glamour & Glitz" A Tribe Called Quest _The Show (Original Soundtrack)_
"Ice (As If She Could Steal A Piece Of My Glamour)" Alec Empire _The Golden Foretaste Of Heaven_
"Glamour Job" Bulldogs _Top Tiers_
"French Man Glam Gang" Luke Haines & Peter Buck _Beat Poetry For Survivalists_

interview with Glamorous Magazine editor & publisher Dame Edwina Boogles-Smyth
Ned Dry presents Portland recording artists Lieutenant Corporal McCheese

"You (Chunka, Chunka) Were Glamorous" The Legend _Creation Soup Volume One_
"Glamourous" Jetlag _9:15 To Nowhere_
"Glamour Girl" Louie Austen _Iguana_
"The Glamour Chase" The Associates _Wild & Lonely_
"Shamrock Glamrock" The Bundles _The Bundles_

the penultimate airbreak (nothing special happens)

"My Glamorous Mother" The Gonks _Five Things You Didn't Know About The Gonks_
"Astral Glamour" Homosexuals _Astral Glamour_
"Glamour" Low Life _Downer Edn_
"Be Glamorous" Charlie Boyer & The Voyeurs _Clarietta_
"Money Fame Glitz Glamour" Joy & Revolution _Love Is Kind_

conclusion & goodbye

"Glamour & Glory Blues" Curtis Jones _Complete Recorded Works In Chronological Order Volume 4_
"So Glamorous" Sam Cooke _The Complete Singles 1956-1962_
"Chip Pan Glam" The Understudies _Indietracks 2009: An Indiepop Compilation_
"Hand Glams" Ty Segall _$Ingle$ 2_
"The Glam Dicenn" Julian Cope _Floored Genius 4: Brain Donor_

Monday, November 23, 2020

Whither Glam & Glamour?

(image from here.)

The question is: will there be actual glam on the show where the theme is (at least one-half) glam?  This is the show, after all, which had "lullabies" as a theme, but didn't play famous lullabies unless they happened to call themselves lullabies.  The answer to the question is: I think so but I'm not sure.

What I can say is that glamour is such a big concept that I felt the need to narrow the theme down to songs that mention glamour itself.  Which is generally how I do things.  But sometimes I feel the need to say it out loud.

Other than that - oh, am I supposed to tell you why there's a show about glam & glamour on late Monday night tonight?  I wish I knew.  Seriously, I came up with this theme a month or two ago when I was doing what seemed like a radio show every other day.  It's all a blur.  It's still a blur, actually.  Is there a Self Help Radio tonight?

Yes, at midnight, till 3am, on 90.7 fm KBOO online at kboo.fm.  The least glamorous person in the world will be talking about glamour.  The least glam person in the world will be talking about glam.  Maybe you can tune in.

Sunday, November 22, 2020

Preface To Glam & Glamour: A Shameful Confession

(Aren't all confessions a bit shameful?  Or can you imagine a shameless confession?)

The reason the show this week has a two part theme is:

1) The fear that there wouldn't be enough songs about "glam" alone or "glamour" alone &
2) The fear that if I played songs about "glam" it would somehow not fit the theme "glamour" because of
3) The fear that someone listening might not know "glam" is short for "glamour" so
4) It's really just one theme said two different ways but that's not a reason I'll end with
5) Three hours is a really long time to do a radio show & the more themes in more parts I have
6) The more likely it is that I'll actually fill three hours.

That's all.  I really need to get to bed now.  I am nowhere near finished with this show so tomorrow is gonna suuuuuuuuuck.

& no, I don't mean for you having to listen to the show, I meant for me having to put the show together.

Although...

Saturday, November 21, 2020

Photographs Of Places I've Lived # 11: 40th Street

(image from Google Maps)

If you had asked me in 1991, when I lived in this house in Hyde Park in Austin, Texas, I would have told you it was the happiest I'd ever been.  A year later I would have told you the exact opposite.

A week or so ago, I mentioned that I had rented a room that I never moved into, & it was because the woman with home I was having something like a relationship (but it was incredibly one-sided) had moved into an apartment on the top floor of this old house.  The door there opens onto a flight of stairs, & there are two apartments upstairs.  My "girlfriend's" was on the west side, or, in the above picture, on the left.  I basically moved into that place with her, although all my stuff was kept elsewhere, as her parents had forbade her to date me, & the place needed to look like she lived there alone.  Her parents liked to visit her.  & they were paying for everything.

The only things to say about the place - I graduated college while I lived here, & it was close enough to campus to walk there & back on days when buses weren't running - which have nothing to do with the disastrous relationship I was in at the time involve the owners of the house.  Their names escape me, although I recall the husband being a little creepy around the woman I was living with - I guess once I finally "moved in," we had to give them more money, which I myself paid - which was cheaper than the room I had been renting - & the wife was a fiery redhead very obviously in charge.  They had a young child while I lived there, & when you walked up the stairs there was one of those vintage Jesus pictures you see everywhere.  I can probably easily find it online:


Yeah, that one (found here).  That kid - who it just occurred to me must be over thirty years old now - once pointed to the painting & said "Gary."  Why in the world would he have confused me with Jesus?  It might be because I looked a little like this when I lived there:


That's from 1992, taken by a woman who actually did love me, although the damage done by the previous relationship pretty much made a healthy relationship impossible for me then.

Anyway, I always thought it was amusing for a toddler to confuse me & Jesus.  I also just remembered not only the child's name, but also the couple's names, but it's not all that important for the story.

It must've been most of 1991 I lived in this place.  Though it seems like much longer.  It was very cold there in the winter & the pitiful wall unit in the bedroom couldn't cool off the rest of the house, so we put sheets up in the bedroom doorway & stayed in there during the miserable summer months.  I don't know if I have any pictures of the place but I remember it like I was just there.  Again, it seemed like I was happy there.  But no, no I was not.

Friday, November 20, 2020

One Last Look Back At The Unknown

You might have missed it, but Self Help Radio's resident cinephile Chuck, whose segment Chuck's Happily Unsophisticated Cinema Korner appears on the show, left you some links in case you wanted to see some of the things he talked about on this week's segment.  They were in the comments below the entry, but here they are in the actual blog, so you don't have to squint to read them.

Here is his Twitter thread in which he discusses the movies (& other stuff) he's watching. Very informative!

Even more helpful is his Youtube playlist of the things he watched.

Finally, he has a series of short reviews he collects over on Letterboxd, should you wish to read his thoughts about the things he watched.

This is so cool!  I hope you think so too!  Chuck will be back in a week or so with another segment.  Follow him on Twitter because he details his preparation before the show!

Tuesday, November 17, 2020

Self Help Radio 111720: Unknown


Look.  I get it.  This was a terrible idea for a theme.  On the show last night I kinda leaned into "the unknown," but that's not how it was conceived.  Because "the unknown" could mean any kind of supernatural or scientific mystery.  The show was just supposed to be about that which isn't known.  Which could mean a destination, or a person, or whatever - not just "are there angels living in condos in the clouds?" or "do black holes act as dumb waiters to pocket dimensions?"  So, more apologies than usual are required here.  I can't promise that there'll be better themes explored by Self Help Radio in the future, but hopefully they'll be better thought out than this one.

Having said that, I had fun making the show.  Maybe you'll have fun listening to it.

You can do so at the Self Help Radio website.  To listen you won't need knowledge that is generally unknown - in fact I say it every week - you'll need a username, which is SHR, & a password, which is 
selfhelp as one word.  The show is very long, three hours long, but it's jam-packed with all sorts of interviews & stuff & you can see what those are below.

For an unknown show, basically, there's not a lot unknown about it.

Self Help Radio Unknown Show
"Unknown" Gwilym Gold _A Paradise_
"Unknown" Sw/Mm/Ng _Feel Not Bad_
"Unknown" Even As We Speak _Adelphi_

introduction + a voice from the unknown interrupts!

"The Unknown" Tamaryn _Led Astray, Washed Ashore_
"The Unknown" The Masonics _In Your Night Of Dreams & Other Foreboding Pleasures_
"The Unknown" The Asteroid No. 4 _Hail To The Clear Figurines_
"The Unknown" Heat _Overnight_
"The Unknown" Mad Planet _Ghost Notes_

interview with host of Explorations Into The Unknown, Col. Clyde McAdams

"Mysteries Unknown" Elk City _Status_
"Unknown Soldier" ST-37 _Fun's Not Dead._
"Fire Of Unknown Origin" Patti Smith _You're A Hook_
"Unknown Soldier" Made For TV _So Afraid Of The Russians 7"_
"Out Of The Unknown" Died Pretty _Children Of Nuggets: Original Artyfacts From The Second Psychedelic Era 1976-1996_

interview with dead letter office postal worker Claire Clavin

"Address Unknown" Marty Robbins _Country 1960-1966_
"On An Unknown Beach" Bobby & Blumm _Not Given Lightly: A Tribute To The Giant Golden Book Of New Zealand's Alternative Music Scene_
"Region Unknown" The Triffids _Calenture_
"Unknown Citizen" Peter Wyngarde _Peter Wyngarde_
"Fear Of The Unknown" Siouxsie & The Banshees _Superstition_

interview with the Rev Dr Howard Gently

"Xtabay (Lure Of The Unknown Love)" Yma Sumac _Voice Of The Xtabay_
"The Great Unknown" Elvis Costello & The Attractions _Goodbye Cruel World_
"The Great Unknown" The Starfolk _The Starfolk_
"The Great Unknown" The Legends _It's Love_
"To The Great Unknown" Cloud Cult _The Seeker_

a visit from cinephile Chuck with Chuck's Happily Unsophisticated Cinema Korner

"Some Unknown Reason" Wild Billy Childish & CTMF _Last Punk Standing... & Other Hits!_
"Ode To An Unknown Girl" The Pop Art _Rumpelstiltskin 7"_
"For An Unknown Lady" Dorothy Parker _The Voice Of The Poet: American Wits_
"Melody For An Unknown Girl" The Unknowns _Melody For An Unknown Girl_
"Persons Unknown" Poison Girls _Statement_

a Self Help Radio third-hour list: five scientific unknowns

"Unknown Legend" Neil Young _Harvest Moon_
"Direction Still Unknown" Cloudberry Jam _Providing The Atmosphere_
"Unknown Pleasures (feat. Hanna Lovisa)" Montt Mardie _Skaizerkite_
"Ride In The Unknown" Nada Surf _Never Not Together_
"Destination Unknown" Missing Persons _Living In Oblivion (The 80s Greatest Hits - Volume 2)_

conclusion & goodbye

"Unknown Blues" Tartar & Gay _Broke, Black, & Blue_
"An Unknown Quantity" Bill Ramsey & The Jay Five _The In-Kraut_
"Unknown Wrecks" The Mekons _The Quality Of Mercy Is Not Strnen_
"Unknown Journey" The Wayward Souls _A Real Cool Time Revisited: Swedish Punk, Pop, & Garage Rock 1982-1989_

Monday, November 16, 2020

Whither Unknown?

(Image from here.)

Just to make it clear, the theme of the show is "unknown."  I know for a fact the theme is "unknown."  It's not unknown.  I know it, you know it.  I'm not saying I don't know what the theme of the show is, that it's unknown; I'm saying rather that I know the theme of the show & that theme is "unknown."

At this point I'd love to stop using quotation marks to identify the show's theme.  You know what?  I probably should have said the theme was "the unknown."  Damn it!  Why do I always think about these things too late?  I wish I knew.

Anyway, the middle of the night is a pretty good time to explore unknown things & yes, the unknown, don't you find?  It seems less likely you'll know things when it's so dark outside.  Perhaps that's why the show will have as a theme "the unknown"?  Damn it!  I wanted to stop using quotation marks!  Unknown!  The unknown!  No more "quotation marks"!

Arrgh!

You can listen to the show tonight/tomorrow morning at midnight.  Midnight happens at night because night is in its name but for some reason after midnight is considered morning, so let's just say Tuesday from midnight to 3am.  If you're reading this Monday the 16th of November 2020, it's midnight tonight.  If that's clear.

It's happening on 90.7 fm KBOO here in Portland, & you can listen online as well at kboo.fm.

What will happen?  Unknown.  Will you learn what it is if you listen?  Yes, but it'll still be unknown.

Sunday, November 15, 2020

Preface To Unknown: I Was Remembering Really Sad Stuff

Tonight I was remembering really sad stuff.  For example.  My father died in 1991.  He wasn't around a lot when I was a kid, he was an alcoholic.  I didn't really know him, although I did occasionally see him, especially after he got sober in 1982.  One sad thing I was remembering is that I don't really remember what his voice sounded like.  My mother's voice I can recreate without any effort - I think I hear her voice several times a day - but my father's voice - I think I can approximate it, but I don't think I remember what it sounds like.

Really sad stuff can derail me.  & I find it often in the most circumlocuitous way.  A pleasant memory will occur to me.  I will try to contextualize it.  & then something really, really sad will elbow its way into the picture.  & soon enough, that's it - that's all I've got.  The really sad stuff.

Maybe this has nothing to do with "unknown."  But I think what I don't know - especially what I think I should know - like what my father's voice sounded like - can cause despair in me.

One nice thing about Facebook - something people older than I am never had - is that you can keep up with people from your past with whom you don't really want to stay friends (or in my case vice versa).  But of course many people choose not to use Facebook, & there are many people I used to know whose fates I am completely unaware of.  What happened to them is unknown to me.  At least one of them has a very common name - it's not John Smith, but it's close - so even if I could do a little cyberstalking, I couldn't really ever find them.

Is that all I have to say about the unknown?  I guess I'm not really all that deep.  But.  I think everyone knew that.

Saturday, November 14, 2020

Recently Seen In The Storm

Fist-fight in the downpour.  Mostly feints, rain gets in the eyes.

Who challenged whom? Was it the sort of thing that happened because of a sleight, or was it something that had been building for a while, finally erupting into dumb violence?

We are the passers-by, pretending not to notice, we have no context.

Surprised, really, by the lack of words.  Have words failed?  No yelling, no posturing, just two somewhat young men with fists up, determined, as rain falls.

You lean closer to say something, but I can't take my eyes away.  They were in the street but now they're on the grass, the mud is making them clumsy, they're more likely to slip & fall than fell one another with punches.

Do they notice we've slowed to watch?  Is this why they stop?  Or has sense prevailed?

One walks away.  Spits on the ground as he does.  Mutters something I think is "Fuck you."

The other turns, he seems more embarrassed than relieved.  He doesn't appear to know where he is.  He just starts walking, turns around, walks in a diagonal across the street.

One of our dogs barks at him.  He doesn't seem to notice.

Friday, November 13, 2020

Photographs Of Places I've Lived # 10: This Corner House

(image from Google maps)

This is a cheat, but there's a (hopefully) good story here.  I actually never lived in this house, although I technically paid to live here, or at least to keep my stuff here.  After the woman I called my girlfriend moved out of the apartments I discussed a week ago, we decided that it was best, since her parents had forbidden her to date me, & since they visited her regularly, that she live by herself & I find a place too.  I answered a "roommate wanted" ad in the Student Union & met a nice woman who lived her, I think with her boyfriend, but maybe just her.  It was one half of a duplex & the room was lovely, facing the east so it was sunny in the mornings.  It was the room on the corner, there.  I remember it mainly as a place where all my stuff sat in boxes.  For months.

Because I never really moved in.  My "girlfriend" found another place & I was there all the time.  I am not sure when this happened - my brain thinks it was late 1990 but it might have been early 1991 - but I do think the woman who lived in the duplex probably thought it was a pretty good deal, since I was never there but I was paying for the room.  The perfect roommate!  I wish I could remember her name.  She was quite nice, & someone with whom in different circumstances I might have become friends.

This is the story that I remember from that place in which I never lived.  I came by to get something - probably an album, since all my records were in that room I never slept in - & the woman & her boyfriend were there, & a little miserable.  It seems that they had gone to Astroworld the previous weekend.  I had never been but I loved roller coasters so I wanted to know how it went.  She told me that there was some set-up they had where you could have your picture taken as you were going up or going down at some point during a particular roller coaster ride.  The camera was obvious.  They knew where it was.  Well.  The woman decided when the time came for the picture, to flash it.  She lifted her shirt when the picture was snapped.  She & her boyfriend thought that was hilarious.

The authorities at Astroworld did not.  The pair were not only taken aside & escorted from the park for this indiscretion, the management company called the law.  She was arrested for indecent exposure & would have to appear in court.  At the time I visited, the two were fretting about possible fines - which they couldn't afford - not to mention a lawyer - which they really couldn't afford.  I remember needing to take off but standing in the doorway listening & wishing there were something I could do.

The situation wasn't resolved after I finally bit the bullet & moved out, realizing I'd never stay there.  But I did run into her on campus probably a year later & she was able to pay a small fine & do community service.  I did cheekily ask her if she'd do it again & she looked horrified.  She said she never wanted to go through anything like that ever again.

Two by the ways: in about four years I would move into a small four-plex across the street from this house & since I've been naming these by the streets I lived on, I figured I didn't want to have to say the street name twice.  Also, I didn't really live here!  I just paid to live here.

& also - look how pretty that is!  That picture was taken in June 2019.  I think I forgot how green Austin could get!

Tuesday, November 10, 2020

Self Help Radio 111020: Floods

(Who says it doesn't flood in Portland?  Original image here.)

As someone who's still pretty anxious about the state of my country at the moment, I do want to acknowledge that it doesn't feel currently as much like a natural disaster as it could have been.  Recently I spoke with someone who talked a great deal about magic & rituals & perhaps she would consider this show as a kind of ward I constructed to stave off such an eventuality.  Nonetheless, playing on the radio for three hours, even with some harrowing stories about floods in history & songs about those floods, it kept me from being as fretful as I've been & for that I am grateful.

Three hours of radio still feels like a bit too long, but hopefully the show is fitting well into its new time slot.  There certainly were a lot of songs about floods to sort through!

You can listen to the show now & anytime at the Self Help Radio website.  You'll need a username - which is SHR - & a password - which is selfhelp - to listen.  (If you'd prefer to hear the real-time recording of the show - I edited this stuff out - you can listen to it on the KBOO website - it includes material from the previous show & also some station spots.)  The show is three long hours long long.  What happens on the show is below.

Stay dry!

Self Help Radio Floods Show
"The Flood Blues" Sippie Wallace _Louis Armstrong & The Blues Singers_
"Alabama Flood" Andrew Jenkins _People Take Warning! (Murder Ballads & Disaster Songs, 1913-1938)_
"Noah & The Flood" Norman Haskins _Virginia & The Piedmont (Minstrelsy, Work Songs, & Blues)_

introduction & definitions

"Flood Water Blues No. 2 (Take 1)" Casey Bill Weldon _Complete Recorded Works 1935-1938 In Chronological Order: Volume 1_
"The 1936 Floods" Red Foley _Old Shep (The Red Foley Recordings 1933-1950)_
"Flood Water Blues" Lonnie Johnson _Complete 1937 To June 1947 Recordings In Chronological Order, Volume 1_
"Flood" Muddy Waters _Muddy Waters (The Chess Box)_
"Texas Flood" Larry Davis _I Pity The Fool (The Duke Records Story)_

interview with News 44 meteorologist Angela Sinclair

"Flood Of Love" Roy Hall _Roy Rocks_
"Galveston Flood" Tom Rush _Take A Little Walk With Me_
"Crash On The Levee (Down In The Flood)" Bob Dylan & The Band _The Basement Tapes_
"Floods Of Florence" Phil Ochs _Tape From California_
"The Flood" Ginger Ale _The Story Of The Sixties_

Ned Dry interrupts!

"Lost In The Flood" Bruce Springsteen _Greetings From Asbury Park, N.J._
"Flashflood" Romeo Void _Benefactor_
"Genesis 6" Christopher Glyn _The Historical Books Of The Bible: Genesis_
"Flood Victim" Jah Lloyd _Reggae Stick_
"The Flood" Blue Orchids _A Darker Bloom: The Blue Orchids Collection_

interview with flood insurance salesperson Doug Jones

"After The Flood" Lone Justice _Lone Justice_
"Flood" Throwing Muses _University_
"Mr Flood's Party" Paul Taver _Poetry Reading_
"Waiting For The Flood" Love & Rockets _Earth Sun Moon_
"Here Comes The Flood" The Divine Comedy _Fin De Siècle_

Marge Most reports

"Living In The Flood" Horace Andy _Living In The Flood_
"The Flood" The Mekons _Journey To The End Of The Night_
"Flood" The Gentle Waves _Swansong For You_
"In A Flood" John Cale _Black Acetate_
"A Flood" Fanfarlo _Rooms Filled With Light_

a Self Help Radio list: the five worst floods in the US

"Flooded" Von Südenfed _Tromatic Reflexxions_
"The Great Boston Molasses Flood" The Dead Milkmen _Pretty Music For Pretty People_
"The Flood" Pinto _Hook Me Up_
"King Tide & The Sunny Day Flood" Billy Bragg _Bridges Not Walls_
"Fox Confessor Brings The Flood" Neko Case _Fox Confessor Brings The Flood_

conclusion & goodbye

"Flood I" The Sisters Of Mercy _Floodland_
"The Flood" Facts On File _Bring It Back_
"After The Flood" Woolen Men _Temporary Monument_
"Flood Of Light" Modern English _Take Me To The Trees_

Monday, November 09, 2020

Whither Floods?

(A picture I took in Lexington when the creek in front of our house flooded, 2014.)

Here's a dumb personal anecdote: a few days before we signed the paperwork for our house in Lexington, FEMA reclassified parts of our neighborhood as being in a "flood plain" - including about two or three feet of our garage.  Which meant we suddenly had to purchase flood insurance.  This irked my wife the entire time we lived there - it probably bothers her to this day.  It seems to have been a corrupt move - the flood plain was moved northward so a private clinic could be built over the previous flood plain without paying more for the land or insuring it.  No one seemed to be bothered enough to fight it, however.

We're a bit more worried about fires than flood here in Oregon.  But when I looked at the calendar a few weeks ago, I believed that Tuesday the 3rd of November 2020 would be one of the worst days in history.  I was convinced - & I say this as this is currently happening, although at the moment unsuccessfully - the current administration would find a way to steal this election.  It seemed an event on par with a natural disaster.  & of the natural disasters I could conceive of, the flood came most quickly to mind.  This is how Self Help Radio attempts to stay relevant.

The show is on tonight/Tuesday morning from midnight to 3am on 90.7 fm KBOO, online at kboo.fm.  We're not entirely sure that a terrible disaster has been averted, but please don't think of the show as a kind of summoning; instead, we hope to avert any kind of flood.  Except a flood of listeners!

Sunday, November 08, 2020

Preface To Floods: Expecting Apocalypse

Were you expecting apocalypse?  Yes, I was expecting apocalypse.

What sort of apocalypse were you expecting?  More of the same.  Only worse.

Not all apocalypses are equal.  Nor do we always experience the same apocalypse.

"All apocalypses are local."  Not quite.

But this apocalypse didn't happen.  It still may.

Yes?  Oh yes.

Then what will we do?  We'll experience the apocalypse.

Will we survive the apocalypse.  Who's to say?

We have survived other apocalypses.  Have we, though?

But this apocalypse hasn't happened.  No.  Not yet.

Wow this is dark.  Try living in my head, buddy.

No thanks.

Saturday, November 07, 2020

Okay. Breathe.

Wow.  Just wow.

Here's something I should mention: I almost had a panic attack Tuesday night.  I was in a pretty bad way.  It seems dumb but when Biden spoke it calmed me down.  I watched an episode of Voyager & sipped a glass of whiskey.

The counting caused a similar amount of anxiety, but I managed to somewhat contain it.  It was more or less manageable, although it did feel a little like a stomach ache & it was accompanied by the recognition, every once in a while, that my heart was beating a little too fast.  When the networks called the election today, I still had all that stress & anxiety in me, & it has kept me from getting anything done.

Well, not that - I'm getting stuff done - just too late.  I am supposed to turn in the Dickenbock Report by 8am Friday.  I finished it tonight.  If it doesn't air, it's my fault - my inability to deal with this election.

It's not over because you know the other guy won't concede.  & who knows what his stooges are doing behind the scenes to wreck as much of the country on their way out.  So - still stress, still anxiety.

Let's see if I can get Self Help Radio done this week.  I might need extra sleep.  Anyone want to talk to my animals & get them to lay off a bit?

Friday, November 06, 2020

Photographs Of Places I've Lived # 9: Tanglewood North Apartments

(Image, as usual, from Google Maps.)

My memory is going to be somewhat unreliable here.  I lived in the Dolphin Apartments from 1989 to sometime in 1990.  I was seeing a girl, with whom I was madly in love, & she strangely, suddenly, moved into an apartment complex right next to the Dolphin Apartments.  I don't think I had anything to do with that situation.  But maybe I did.  Since she was living close to me, & since we were arguably a couple, I was spending a great deal of time with her, I was there more often than in my tiny studio/efficiency.  Her apartment was one bedroom.  Also, she was mostly in control.

Here's the thing: her parents did not want her to date me.  This situation had something to do with her cultural background which, though interesting, I don't want to go into here.  So I technically couldn't move in with her.  Her parents didn't know she was dating me.  When they visited, I could not be "at home."  My things were not welcome in this house.  It is for this reason I don't believe we lived at Tanglewood North together for very long.  I suspect we might have lived there through 1990.  But we found another place - & another complication - soon enough.

What I remember most about the place is that our bed was in the living room because my "girlfriend" - honestly, she never really committed to me - used the "bedroom" as an art studio.  She was an art student.  The place had the heat & air conditioning controlled by the management so, in the nebulous Austin "fall" & "winter," when temperatures outside dropped or rose according to insane algorithms, we had to complain when the heat was on when it was warm outside, & the cold air blowing when outside it was nearly freezing.

One fond memory I have of the time is when one of my girlfriend's teachers, the performance artist Carolee Schneemann - look her up - came over for dinner.  She was perhaps one of the first "celebrities" I would meet, & she was lovely & gracious & a bit frightening.  I had recently purchased a CD player - this was early 1989 - & one of the first CDs I bought was either Leonard Cohen's first or second record ("Songs Of Leonard Cohen" or "Songs From A Room").  Carolee looked at the CD & she said, "I've made love to nearly every song on this record!"

Yes, I wish I could claim to have had some deep interaction with her but mostly she terrified me.  She was so forthright about everything in her life & I suspect I had never been too terribly honest with anyone.  My ex-girlfriend got to see her later in life but I never did.  That's a sadness for me - although of course she would never have remembered me!

Years later I nearly dated a girl who lived at Tanglewood North & would feel a chill when I walked through the complex.  It seemed to me a happy time, but I was being delusional.  The woman I was with did not really want to be with me & almost certainly felt trapped.  I spent the time living there going to school & working at both UT & at 7-11 at nights to pay off debts, so I wasn't there for most of 1990.  I think I took the 1990 spring semester off from college.  Which prevented me from graduating with my class.  But I didn't give much of a shit about that.

& maybe I'm a little surprised they're still called Tanglewood North.  Is there a Tanglewood South?  I don't have the energy to look.  Then or now.

Wednesday, November 04, 2020

Self Help Radio 110320: Rings

(Image of Saturn's rings from here.)

Self Help Radio has never felt more irrelevant than yesterday's show appearing during a fucked-up election.  But what else can a deejay do?  I generally put the show up after it airs.  It aired in the morning before polling places opened.  At the very least I'm glad that I didn't do an election-themed show.

Anyway, I have very little to say.  I hope I made a fun show.  It continues to be challenging to fill three hours.  My preference would be to do two, but what can I do with the third hour?  Perhaps you have an idea.  Let me know.  Meanwhile.

The show is at the Self Help Radio website now.  Remember username SHR & password selfhelp.  Lots of people helped, lots of songs were played, all that info is below.  I'm going to return now to my anxiety attack.

Self Help Radio Rings Show
"Ring" Michelle Blades _Visitor_
"Rings On Her Fingers" The Servants _Reserved_
"Plain Gold Ring" Nina Simone _Little Girl Blue_

introduction & definitions

"This Diamond Ring" Gary Lewis & The Playboys _The Best Of Gary Lewis & The Playboys_
"(Gary, Please Don't Sell) My Diamond Ring" Wendy Hill _The Answer To Everything: Girl Answer Songs Of The 60s_
"Contraceptives & Diamond Rings" The Wilderness Children _If You Love Him, Let Him Go 7"_
"Diamond Ring" Boothby _Homemade Hits, Vol. 1_
"Get Along (Diamond Ring)" Dressy Bessy _Kingsized_

Alyssa & Jason talk about rings

"Golden Ring (with Tammy Wynette)" George Jones _The Essential George Jones: The Spirit Of Country_
"Wishing Ring" Fats Domino _Out Of New Orleans_
"Earrings" George Carlin _Playing With Your Head_
"Wedding Ring Bells Blues" Daniel Johnston _Rejected Unknown_
"The Ring" Chris & Cosey _Trust_

Interview with the Rev Dr Howard Gently (part one)

"Kiss My Ring" Frank Black _Fast Man Raider Man_
"Come Get This Ring" Tyrone Davis _The Ultimate_
"Jesus Christ's Ring" Alexandria Hughes Little _Bizarro Compilation # 1_
"The Ring" Fad Gadget _Gag_
"She's Got A Ring On Her Finger (& Another One Through Her Nose)" Julian Cope _Dark Orgasm_

Interview with the Rev Dr Howard Gently (part two)

"From A School Ring To A Wedding Ring" The Rover Boys _Young Love 7"_
"The Ring Fell Under The Sofa" Terry-Thomas _Terry-Thomas Discovers America_
"D-Rings" The Embarrassment _Heyday 1979-83_
"Diamond Ring" Kitten Forever _Pressure_
"Mood Ring Baby" Field Medic _Fade Into The Dawn_

Interview with the Great Ringdini, Garth Thompson

"Smoke Rings" The Mills Brothers _The Best Of The Mills Brothers_
"(You Can't Blow) Smoke Rings" The Cynics _I'm In Pittsburgh & It's Raining 7"_ 
"Smoke Ring Cool" Girlfrendo So You Are Here Again, Shadow?_
"Smoke Rings" Kristin Kontrol _X-Communicate_
"Rubber Ring" Girl In A Coma _Please, Please, Please: A Tribute To The Smiths_

a Self Help Radio list: most expensive rings

"Ring Of Fire" Johnny Cash _The Essential Johnny Cash_
"Three Ring Circus" Blue Magic _Sweet Soul Of The '70s_
"Ode To A Keyring" Monade _Socialisme Ou Barbarie (The Bedroom Recordings)_
"Drawing Rings Around The World" Super Furry Animals _Rings Around The World_
"Rings In Your Mind" The Rileys _The World & His Wife_

conclusion & goodbye

"Velvet Ring" Big Thief _Masterpiece_
"Rings (On A Tree)" Frankie Cosmos _Close It Quietly_
"I Held The Ring" Magic Trick _Other Man's Blues_
"A Sea Ringed With Visions" Fujiya & Miyagi _Artificial Sweeteners_
"Saturn Ring" No Swoon _No Swoon_

Monday, November 02, 2020

Whither Rings?

(Image from here.)

Do you wear a ring?  I do, but only because my wife tells me I could arrested for breaking the law if I don't.  Who wants to be arrested?  I mean, except bad people, am I right?

Certainly I'm no Ringo Starr, who wore a lot of rings because wearing a lot of rings helps you play the drums.  (I assume.)  I think he also felt the need to wear a lot of rings because his parents named him Ringo.  Imagine if his parents named him Stinko!

Anyway, the word "ring" doesn't have to mean "loop you wear on your finger or in your ear or in other, stranger places."  It can mean other things.  Often the bell rings in the boxing ring so people can pummel the heck out of one another.  Also, satellites can run rings around the rings of a planet.  You can ring someone on the phone while blowing smoke rings.  But one suspects a radio show about rings ought to focus on the sorts of rings one wears on one's finger, etc.  Oughtn't it?

Find out tonight - or tomorrow morning - however you count calendar-wise - on 90.7 fm KBOO, online at kboo.fm from midnight to three a.m.  It'll ring in Election Day, which may be the last day ever.  So perhaps don't waste it listening to a dumb radio show?

Sunday, November 01, 2020

Preface To Rings: I Should Have Seen A Doctor

You know I have a very small opinion of my show.  Occasionally, I have fun, I think that's the best I can hope for it, but luckily very few people listen so there's not a constant barrage of negative criticism coming my way.  I have so little self-esteem that I doubt I could take it.  In such cases, being virtually non-existent is the best way for me & the show to exist.

What that does mean though is I feel the need to apologize for when I feel my shows are particularly bad.  You can ask, are these the shows where you didn't have any fun?  Pretty much, yeah.  & there are many reasons why a show wouldn't be any fun for me.  I don't want to list them.  But this week I know exactly why the show won't be any fun.

This fucking election.

A friend told me she went to the doctor & the doctor prescribed her something.  Oh fuck I wish I had thought of that.  Holy shit, I could use something.

It might make it impossible to do the show, which I spend a great deal of time on, & I know that's surprising, given how fucking shabby it is, but that's just me.  In fact, it seems to be taking me longer to put together a show & it's not just because it's now three hours long.  It's probably age.  Or maybe the fact that I spend an inordinate amount of time reading social media about Americans dying by the thousands & the fascists & their inexplicably large number of supporters that don't seem to give a shit.

See what I mean?  I had a glass of whiskey tonight, though I need to wake to live tweet the Dickenbock Report in the morning.  I don't know what I'm going to do Tuesday.  The chances of it going very badly are very good because the very bad people are cheating, cheating, cheating.  & even if it goes well (unlikely), then it'll still take days to figure out it's gone well.

Okay, now I feel like throwing up.  Consider this an apology for this week's show, which is about something stupid (rings) because I felt that might help.  Did it?  Nope!

Fuck.

Saturday, October 31, 2020

Cancelled Halloween

Walking around the neighborhood tonight, I felt bad that I had assumed that Halloween would be cancelled this year because it almost certainly wasn't.  These are the things I observed on our late afternoon dogwalk:

1) People who prepared safe ways for kids to get treats, whether as simple as a bowl (with instructions to save some for others!) or as complex as a barrier, usually a table, with little goody bags for each trick-or-treater.

2) People who were having parties in their front or backyards, probably for neighbor kids, although I am always alarmed by the lack of masks.

3) People who prepared something out in front of their house, somewhat like a block party, but probably a kind of mixing of ways 1 & 2.

Perhaps I was too busy this week, or perhaps too lazy, but at some point either I or the wife decided we wouldn't take part in Halloween.  We would pull our window shades down & not turn the porch light on.

What we did do was go out for food - pizza & donuts - & what shocked me was the number of people - adults with children - in costume in the neighborhood.  Didn't they know Halloween was cancelled?!?

Or rather, didn't I know you just can't cancel Halloween?

So right now I am full of pizza & a giant donut feeling guilty about not even trying.  When we first moved into the house I talked about doing something spooky for Halloween.  I wouldn't have presumed to do such a thing this year.  & I don't think I would have anyway - but jeez, I could've had a bowl in front of the house or something.

Sigh.

Friday, October 30, 2020

Photographs Of Places I've Lived # 8: The Dolphin Apartments

(image, as usual, from Google Maps)

In case you haven't been reading this blog - & why would you? - I've been taking some time each week looking through the internets to see if places I used to live are still standing, & sharing a picture of them, along with a story or two about my time there.  It's mostly a melancholy thing, & certainly it helps keep me from thinking about the current situation in my country, which is fucking awful.

In the fall of 1988 I shared an apartment with two people I thought of as friends.  In general, they didn't hold me in such high regard.  One thing that is true about me is that I am quite generous to people I consider friends.  For these two friends, who could not have afforded living in a three-bedroom apartment, I chose to rent a two-bedroom & give the two of them the bedrooms, while I lived in the (ahem) living room, with sheets acting as walls.  I didn't think twice about this arrangement, & neither did they, as far as I know.  When I think back on that time, I have no idea what their rooms looked like.  I don't think they ever invited me in.

That semester - the beginning of my third year of college - I fell in love.  So I spent a great deal of time with the woman, who didn't really love me & never would, but who for some reason kept me around - more on that in later installments - & also I had school.  One day I came home to the two roommates announcing to me that they were moving out.  I myself couldn't afford to live in a two-bedroom apartment on my own, & I explained to them that we had a lease, & there were penalties to breaking it.  They told me that was my problem - my name, you see, was on the lease.  That I didn't tell them to fuck all the way off & never spoke to them again says something about my demented sense of loyalty & the general manner in which I managed to never feel used as people used me time & again.

As I mentioned a couple of weeks ago, the apartment manager liked me - I had lived in the complex for two years, I never paid rent late, I was amiable - so she let me break the lease.  I was then faced with the daunting task of finding a place to live.  It turns out I am terrible at finding a place to live.  The apartment complex in which I was living I had been living in since I moved to Austin, & it was simple to move from place-to-place inside a complex.  They didn't have any apartments I could afford so I had to look elsewhere.

It turns out I was lucky that the woman I was courting let me use her car & I found a place on the other side of town.  These were the Dolphin Apartments, which I am not surprised to say are still called the Dolphin Apartments.  I like to tell people who live in Austin that I got an efficiency there in the fall of 1988 for 165$ a month.  I can't find information online but I suspect it costs more than a grand a month for the same place in 2020.

It was a tiny place, what they call a studio (the internet says 400 square feet), which was basically a room with a small kitchen in the front & a bathroom in the back.  I don't know if I thought I was living in a worse place than before, or if I was bothered by living alone, or even if I thought the place was filthy or whatever - it was on a bus route to campus & I was preoccupied by both the woman & school & really only thought of the place as somewhere to keep my stuff.  But over time, I became quite lonely there.

In the summer of 1989, I worked at a 7-11 at 15th & San Jacinto in Austin.  I worked the 11-7 shift, & had a ritual of taking a bus to campus & walking the short distance to the store.  In the morning, I'd do the opposite, although sometimes I'd take the bus from near the store to campus, since buses in Austin at the time ran early but didn't run late.  The days during that summer in that apartment - I was without the woman with whom I had at that time started a relationship, although who knows why she wanted to be in a relationship with me since she didn't love me & never would - she was home for the summer - were very long.  I would get home at nine, ten a.m., & I suppose have dinner.  Listen to music, maybe watch something I had videotaped.  I would sleep from noon to eight, the time when people lived their lives, & then get ready for work.  Nowadays I keep odd hours thanks to late-night radio shows, but I wasn't so used to it back then - & it would get worse when school started but I needed to keep the job because of unexpected bills.  That's a whole other story.

The manager was a "hip dude" who liked to come talk to me.  I found him uncomfortable, a little too old to pretend to be able to relate to me, & certainly inappropriate with women like my "girlfriend."  I believe he had a lava lamp in his apartment.  I have memories of needing to talk to him about something & standing uncomfortably outside his door while he talked to shirtless in his doorway.

Toward the end, I spent most of my time at my "girlfriend"'s place & so my little studio at Dolphin Apartments really did become a place to keep my stuff.  Although it turns out I did need a place to keep my stuff.  As I will explain in future installments.

Dang, I wish I could remember my address, my apartment number.  I have very few pictures from that time period.  But I believe I lived there from 1988 till probably early 1990.  It wasn't very long.  But I'm not sure I can be entirely exact.

Tuesday, October 27, 2020

Self Help Radio 102720: Halloween 2020 - Attack Of The Self Help Radio!

(See below for links to original images)

Last night/this morning on KBOO you could have heard two things that were the same thing, really.  One, my first regular episode of Self Help Radio; & two, the seventeenth Halloween show I've done on a specific theme.  The theme was "Attack Of The Self Help Radio" & you can look at the playlist below to see how many devious, evil, nefarious, irradiated, horrible creatures attacked during the show's three hour length.  It was a b-movie Halloween episode to be sure.

You can listen to the show in two places.  It is archived "as it happened" on the KBOO website.  This is a recording that starts around midnight & ends around 3am, & includes at the beginning spots for the station.  But if you'd like to listen to just the show from beginning (when the intro comes on) to end, you can do so at the Self Help Radio website.  It's the same show, of course.  The latter edits out the official KBOO stuff (sorry.)

If you listen at the Self Help Radio website, you'll need a username & a password.  Those are SHR & selfhelp.  The show was three hours long & there was a lot of music & talk.  I do my best to tell you what happened below.

Happy Halloween!

Halloween 2020: Attack Of The Self Help Radio!
"Attack Of The Creature" Skullduggery _Deficient In Vital Magnetism_
"Attack Of The Mole Men" The Dickies _Dawn Of The Dickies_
"The Attack Of The Giant Ants" Blondie _Blondie_

introduction + the Donation-O-Tron 2020 visits

"Attack Of The Fifty Foot Woman" The Tubes _The Completion Backward Principle_
"Attack Of The Radioactive Hamsters From A Planet Near Mars" Weird Al Yankovic _UHF Original Motion Picture Soundtrack & Other Stuff_
"UFO Attack (Live)" Asylum Street Spankers _Strawberry_
"Attack Of The Blue Meanies" The Dupont Circles _Will There Be Time For Tea?_
"Attack Of The Space Lolitas" The Lovejoys _A Taste Of Bongo_

our resident Cinephile presents Chuck's Happily Unsophisticated Cinema Korner

"Attack Of The Killer Tomatoes" Lewis Lee _Elvira Presents Haunted Hits_
"Attack Of The Giant Leeches" Half Japanese _Hear The Lions Roar_
"Attack Of The Mushroom People" Angry Samoans _STP Not LSD_
"Attacked By Monsters" Meat Puppets _Monsters_
"Attack Of The Giant Sloth" Chelsea P. Manders _Don't Tell My Dad_

interview with the Rev Dr Howard Gently

"Attack Of The Giant Jellyfish" Del Mar _After The Quake_
"Attack Of The Giant Lobster Man" Shock Therapy _Attack Of The Giant Lobster Man_
"Shark Attack" Surf Punks _Locals Only_
"Shark Attack" Tig Notaro _Good One_
"Shark Attack" The Goddamn Gentlemen _Sex-Caliber Horsepower_

interview with horror film auteur Pierre Peterson

"Flying Saucer Attack" The Rezillos _Can't Stand The Rezillos: The (Almost) Complete Rezillos_
"Asteroid Attack" Luna Vegas _Second Shot, Cuckoo Clock_
"Mars Attacks" Misfits _American Psycho_
"Mars Attacks" The Courtneys _II_
"Mars Attacks" Aesop Rock _Bazooka Tooth_

interview with "scream queen" Jean Margot

"Attack Of The Ghost Riders" The Raveonettes _Whip It On_
"Rat Attack" Deerhoof _Halfbird_
"Snake Attack" Anonymous _Corporate Food/Snake Attack 7"_
"Attacked By Snakes" The Aquabats _The Fury Of The Aquabats!_
"Attack Of The Super Vixens" The Creatures _Godzilla!_

a discussion of how many "Attack Of The" movies there are

"Attack Of The Giant Tapeworms" Doug Newman _Attack Of The Giant Tapeworms_
"Attack Of The Tarman" Dead Pleasures _Chorus Of Corpses_
"Attack Of The Zorch Men" The Meteors _In Heaven_
"Attack Of The Munchies" Tall Dwarfs _Sickie_
"Attack Of The Hair People" Jupiter Affect _The Restoration Of Culture After Genghis Khan_

conclusion & goodbye

"Attack Of The Alien Minds" Nikki St. George _The Tomorrow People (Original Television Music)_
"Attack Of Robot Atomico" The Ghastly Ones _A-Haunting We Will Go-Go_
"Attack Of The Killer Bees" Archers Of Loaf _All The Nations Airports_
"Attack El Robot! Attack!" Calexico _Feast Of Wire_
"Attack Of The Giant Killer Robot Spiders!" Pinch _Attack Of The Giant Killer Robot Spiders!_
"Attack Of The 60ft Lesbian Octopus" Does It Offend You, Yeah? _You Have No Idea What You're Getting Yourself Into_

The original images for the fake movie poster above came from these links:

Monday, October 26, 2020

Whither Halloween 2020 (Attack Of The Self Help Radio!)?

(Image from here.)

Oh boy!  Tonight there are two cool things happening!  One, it's Self Help Radio's debut on KBOO!  Two, it's our annual Halloween show, with the theme Attack Of The Self Help Radio!  As you might imagine, the show will feature songs & interviews all somehow involving something attacking - whether it's giant ants, or zombies, or flying saucers, or mutants, or giant leeches, or giant crabs, or giant jellyfish, or radioactive things, or things from another planet or galaxy, or monsters in general, or a monster in particular, or - well, you get the idea.  Don't you?

The show is on from midnight to 3am on 90.7 fm KBOO in Portland which is online everywhere at kboo.fm.  I'm pretty excited about it - I hope you will be too.  & don't worry, if you aren't awake, we'll attempt to broadcast into your dreams - & you can find us later on the Self Help Radio website.

Tonight!  At midnight!  This Halloween show is on the attack!

Sunday, October 25, 2020

Preface To Halloween 2020: Isn't Life Enough Of A Horror?

There are many places on this blog where I recount all my Halloween themes & bemoan the fact that eventually I'll run out of them.  I've done Halloween shows about ghosts, vampires, monsters, zombies, witches, werewolves, haunted houses, graveyards, nightmares, hell, mummies, clowns, death, black cats, voodoo, & Frankenstein*.  It's only a matter of time until I start repeating myself.  But not this year!

But do we really need a Halloween this year?  Hasn't everything been horrible enough?  Halloween is on a Saturday night this year.  I remember when we were kids & Halloween happened on the weekend - I think it was on a Friday in 1981 & a Saturday in 1982 - but by then I had pretty much aged out of trick or treating.  Although I probably went, because, you know, candy.

Are there any guidelines for Halloween this year?  I don't think I want to hand out candy.  Should I be getting candy to hand out?  Have I even seen the candy displays at Costco or other stores?

In this sense I'm grateful this year's show is about horror movies.  Horror movies are forever.  There are probably horror movies about the coronavirus in production as we speak.  Hooray for horror films!

Boo for 2020!  I suspect it'll only get worse from here, however.  The year 2020 has replaced all my hope with nausea & dread.  As the disgraced Louis CK once said, "An optimist is someone who goes, 'Hey, maybe something nice will happen!' Why the fuck would anything nice ever happen?"

Boy did he demonstrate that in his own life!

* You can find most of them & even listen to them on the Self Help Radio Halloween page!