After a day spent working on this week's Self Help Radio & also editing some audio files for Freeform (not to mention watching "Extraction" starring Thor who weirdly didn't use his godlike powers at all during the film), I just looked at a news site & it was like drinking a giant cup of sadness right before bedtime.
So I went to re-watch last Sunday's Last Week Tonight, which I embed below:
There's real genius in that show - something you don't get in general, let along with comedic news programs. I used to think that The Daily Show with Jon Stewart was the best thing possible, but damn, has John Oliver lapped that program & then some.
Both John Oliver & Sam Bee has found their voice again without an audience, something that has eluded Bill Maher, who continues to do his monologue to laugh tracks. Which is fine, I suppose - he can't berate them for not laughing at his jokes because he believes the audience is too sensitive. I admire his confidence that he won't accept they just might not be funny.
But he still occasionally makes an amazing point, & this week he was as brave & truthful as he imagines himself to be when he's making jokes about sexless marriages or the trouble with vaccines:
He's absolutely right in this piece. I have nothing to add, only that it was undercut somewhat by an embarrassing interview with Jay Leno right before it, with Leno rattling off unfunny topical "jokes" & Maher laughing appreciatively like Ed McMahon. Excruciating.
Anyway, good night! 939,000 cases in the United States! Over 53,000 dead! Good night!
Saturday, April 25, 2020
Friday, April 24, 2020
Long Day's Drive Into Otherwise
Two things:
One, I asked Twitter if I should continue growing my stupid quarantine beard - I haven't trimmed it in about two months - & the poll so far - it's just been five votes, but - suggests I keep growing it. My wife can only vote once, so I know it's not just her. (I'm totally going to trim it this weekend.)
Two, I keep working on radio shows but have been repurposing old Self Help Radio episodes - like I did last month at KBOO - into one-hour segments. Is that something I should share on my web page? Of course I am looking for & adding new songs to the mix, but my airbreaks are perfunctory & not at all fun or funny. (As if they ever are.) (But at least I try to make them so.) (Not in these short remakes.) I ask again: should I share these on the web page?
That's all. Working on the next indiepop a to z episode as we speak. Hope it's fun. Hope that in the near future Freeform is able to air programs when they are scheduled to be aired - like KBOO does with the Dickenbock Report - & so I have a more regular schedule.
I said, that's all! Sheesh. I'm not important! I don't have to write things that matter on this dumb blog! Damn you! Damn you all to hell!
One, I asked Twitter if I should continue growing my stupid quarantine beard - I haven't trimmed it in about two months - & the poll so far - it's just been five votes, but - suggests I keep growing it. My wife can only vote once, so I know it's not just her. (I'm totally going to trim it this weekend.)
Two, I keep working on radio shows but have been repurposing old Self Help Radio episodes - like I did last month at KBOO - into one-hour segments. Is that something I should share on my web page? Of course I am looking for & adding new songs to the mix, but my airbreaks are perfunctory & not at all fun or funny. (As if they ever are.) (But at least I try to make them so.) (Not in these short remakes.) I ask again: should I share these on the web page?
That's all. Working on the next indiepop a to z episode as we speak. Hope it's fun. Hope that in the near future Freeform is able to air programs when they are scheduled to be aired - like KBOO does with the Dickenbock Report - & so I have a more regular schedule.
I said, that's all! Sheesh. I'm not important! I don't have to write things that matter on this dumb blog! Damn you! Damn you all to hell!
Thursday, April 23, 2020
So Tired
Is it weird to be exhausted during a pandemic? I can't speak to those who have actual jobs; that is one thing I don't have. My wife, who teaches at a medical school, conducts lectures in one of our rooms & it's charming to listen to her - I've never actually seen her teach. In fact:
There was a time, when she was teaches a huge class of nurses at the University of Kentucky that I thought about crashing one of her classes - she had like 250 students - & if there were ever a moment where she asked for questions, I'd raise my hands & say, "Professor - do you date your students?"
Today she showed me a slide from her recent (online) lecture which her students shared in some med school forum. She said, "It's good to become a meme."
Memewhile, I am making radio shows that may or may not be aired. I am gathering things for upcoming shows. I am trying to help out at the stations where I volunteer. & I am so, so tired.
Here's the thing: when I nap, I wake utterly confused. I don't know where I am, I am not sure what time of day it is, I am even baffled by the same alarm I've been using for years.
It's a metaphor for our times. But. I'm still so tired.
There was a time, when she was teaches a huge class of nurses at the University of Kentucky that I thought about crashing one of her classes - she had like 250 students - & if there were ever a moment where she asked for questions, I'd raise my hands & say, "Professor - do you date your students?"
Today she showed me a slide from her recent (online) lecture which her students shared in some med school forum. She said, "It's good to become a meme."
Memewhile, I am making radio shows that may or may not be aired. I am gathering things for upcoming shows. I am trying to help out at the stations where I volunteer. & I am so, so tired.
Here's the thing: when I nap, I wake utterly confused. I don't know where I am, I am not sure what time of day it is, I am even baffled by the same alarm I've been using for years.
It's a metaphor for our times. But. I'm still so tired.
Wednesday, April 22, 2020
Self Help Radio 042020: Thunder
(Isn't this a lovely image of thunder? No? That's right! It's an image of lightning! Because you can't take a picture of thunder! It's a sound! Damn it! Original image here.)
Finally! The thunder show! Was it worth the wait? Absolutely not!
But think of it this way: the farther away the lightning strike, the longer it takes the thunder to reach you. So imagine this show about thunder originated in a lightning strike two days ago but it was very far away, so the sound of the strike - the thunder - is just arriving now. Now, knowing the speed of sound - isn't it 770 miles per hour? - & assuming 48 hours (why not?) - that means the lightning struck around 37,000 miles away. Which is about one & a half times around the world. That thunder must have stories to tell!
Well - it's got two hours' worth, anyway. The thunder show is now available at the Self Help Radio website. Please remember, you'll need a username (SHR) & a password (selfhelp) to listen. What happened on the show is below.
Trigger warning: astraphobes may not want to download. Otherwise, go to town.
Self Help Radio Thunder Show
"It's Thunder" Burnt Friedman & The Nu Dub Players _Just Landed_
"God Of Thunder" M83 _America_
"Thunder" Mekons _Me_
introduction & definitions
"Who's Afraid Of Thunder" Dorothy Collins _Experiment Songs (From Ballads For The Age Of Science)_
"Thunderstorm" Jeffrey Lewis & Los Bolts _Manhattan_
"Blue Thunder" Galaxie 500 _On Fire_
"Voice Like Thunder" The Babies _The Babies_
"Thunder & Lightning" Chi Coltrane _Super Hits Of The '70s: Have A Nice Day, Vol. 9_
interview with clinical psychologist Eustace Teagarden
"Thunder" Wayne County & The Electric Chairs _These People Are Nuts!_
"Thunder" Huon _Knowing We Was Right From Da Start_
"Thunderous Silence" Alan Watts _Out Of Your Mind_
"Hug Of Thunder" Broken Social Scene _Hug Of Thunder_
"Thunderstorm" Pierce Turner _The Compilation_
interview with the Rev Dr Howard Gently
"The Ballad Of Thunder Road" Robert Mitchum _That Man_
"Thunder Road" Bruce Springsteen _Born To Run_
"The Thunder, Perfect Mind" Willis Barnstone, Marvin Meyer, & Nancy Lesniewksi _The Gnostic Bible_
"The Thunderclown" Momus & John Henriksson _The Thunderclown_
"Thunderstruck" Antarctica Takes It! _Constellations_
Ned Dry interrupts!
"Thunder & Rain" Graham Parker & The Rumour _Stick To Me_
"Thunder In The Sky" The Dirtbombs _Dangerous Magical Noise_
"Thundertunes" Pauline Murray & The Invisible Girls _Pauline Murray & The Invisible Girls_
"Thunder Of Hearts" Buzzcocks _Modern_
conclusion & goodbye
"Thunderstorm Blues" Maggie Jones _Complete Recorded Works In Chronological Order, Vol. 1 (August 1923 To April 1925)_
"Thunderbird" The Casual-Aires _Las Vegas Grind!_
"The Case Of The Thundering Dunderhead" Thee Headcoats _Beach Bums Must Die_
Sunday, April 19, 2020
Whither Thunder?
(There is no thunder without lightning. Here, lightning photobombs a picture of thunder. Image from here.)
Hey! I know I've been terrible at that "getting Self Help Radio done on time" thing. There are several reasons for it, the most convincing of which is have you seen the world lately?
But that's not really an excuse. The main excuse I believe is lack of a deadline. I spent the past couple of days working on Tuesday morning's Dickenbock Report, which has to be turned in twenty-four hours before it airs so it can be properly placed on the automation. I'm certain if that were the case with Self Help Radio, I'd have it done at that time, too. It's just not really scheduled - I even have no idea if the last two episodes, placed on the station's automation, have aired at all.
That being said: I think I thought about doing a show about thunder when I was talking to my family in Dallas & there were thunderstorm warnings. I realized we don't really get a lot of thunder up here in Cascadia. & sometimes my ruminations lead me in the direction of "are there enough songs about thunder to make a radio show about thunder?"
So! I will have a new Self Help Radio tomorrow some time, earlier if possible, but definitely sometime on a Monday. It will of course happen at Self Help Radio dot net & I'll let you know here. & on Facebook. & Twitter. I might text you. I might also call. If I show up at your house, I'll just yell from the curb.
Saturday, April 18, 2020
Preface To Thunder: I Guess I Don't Miss The Thunder
It's hard to believe it's almost a year since we've moved to Portland. We lived in Fort Worth, Texas, for nearly three years, & although I'm not a meteorologist & I haven't actually looked this up, I have theories about why the storms in Fort Worth in particular are so awful.
Did I not mention the storms in Fort Worth were awful? Oh yes! Lots of wind & thunder & lightning. Skies darkening menacingly & suddenly. Flash floods & power outages. They seemed to always roll in from the west, where the city began & the plains ended. & that was my theory:
Something about the size of a city, plus the way it absorbs heat, acts as a kind of natural barrier for extreme weather, which seems to need space in order to build its destructive strength.
Is that true? According to this article in the Dallas Morning News, no. Instead, the explanation for the intensity & frequency of Texas thunderstorms involves "the jet stream, moist air, & lingering cold fronts."
But, you see, thunderstorms in Fort Worth seem way more intense & ferocious than those on the other side of the metroplex, which is way more populated - & farther away from the storm, which has to travel through a giant collection of cities, suburbs, highways, even an enormous airport.
So in that willful way that is the hallmark of being a human, I will continue to believe there's something to the geography of Fort Worth that invites worse thunderstorms - mainly its position as the first major city the storms will encounter as they come from the west. It just seems true. You know?
& anyway, there's only been a couple of thunderstorms since we arrived here, & I haven't missed them at all. The steady rain of Portland is its own kind of drama, really.
Did I not mention the storms in Fort Worth were awful? Oh yes! Lots of wind & thunder & lightning. Skies darkening menacingly & suddenly. Flash floods & power outages. They seemed to always roll in from the west, where the city began & the plains ended. & that was my theory:
Something about the size of a city, plus the way it absorbs heat, acts as a kind of natural barrier for extreme weather, which seems to need space in order to build its destructive strength.
Is that true? According to this article in the Dallas Morning News, no. Instead, the explanation for the intensity & frequency of Texas thunderstorms involves "the jet stream, moist air, & lingering cold fronts."
But, you see, thunderstorms in Fort Worth seem way more intense & ferocious than those on the other side of the metroplex, which is way more populated - & farther away from the storm, which has to travel through a giant collection of cities, suburbs, highways, even an enormous airport.
So in that willful way that is the hallmark of being a human, I will continue to believe there's something to the geography of Fort Worth that invites worse thunderstorms - mainly its position as the first major city the storms will encounter as they come from the west. It just seems true. You know?
& anyway, there's only been a couple of thunderstorms since we arrived here, & I haven't missed them at all. The steady rain of Portland is its own kind of drama, really.
Friday, April 17, 2020
Did You Forget?
Did you forget? I forgot.
How could you forget? How could I not?
You wanted to forget? I wanted it forgotten.
Is it hard to forget? I used to know - but I forgot.
Don't we struggle to remember? If we remember to.
So it's best to forget? Perhaps it's best to be forgotten.
I never want to forget! I forgot you always say that.
Oh, forget all about it. Consider it forgotten.
How could you forget? How could I not?
You wanted to forget? I wanted it forgotten.
Is it hard to forget? I used to know - but I forgot.
Don't we struggle to remember? If we remember to.
So it's best to forget? Perhaps it's best to be forgotten.
I never want to forget! I forgot you always say that.
Oh, forget all about it. Consider it forgotten.
Thursday, April 16, 2020
The Dickenbock Report (Episode 9)/A KBOO Sub Show
Hey, I know there are far more interesting ways to pass your time during this quarantine/social distancing reality we have, but in case there isn't any more lint in your belly button to dig out & all the paint has already dried without spectators, I have put two recent radio shows on the Self Help Radio website for your audio "enjoyment."
Yes, those are quotation marks. I understand how desperate one need to be to choose to listen to anything I do on the radio.
One is last week's Dickenbock Report, which made its (prerecorded) Tuesday morning premiere. It's a hefty three hours long, & most of the show celebrates National Beer Day with boozy tunes, although the regular birth day/death day segment happens & there are beaver songs for International Beaver Day.
If you don't want to go to the website, click on this discolored set of words to access the show directly. You will be asked for a username (which is SHR) & a password (which is selfhelp) to listen. But you'll only be asked once!
The second is two & a half hours of me playing new music on Thursday morning in the space where the Dickenbock Report used to be. It's mostly stuff released in 2020, & I keep my yapping to a minimum. If you'd prefer to go directly to the show, click on this sentence to access the mp3 without all that yucky Self Help Radio web page nonsense. Again, you'll need a username - SHR - & a password - selfhelp.
That is all. I mean, it's five & a half hours of radio, but that's all from me right now.
Yes, those are quotation marks. I understand how desperate one need to be to choose to listen to anything I do on the radio.
One is last week's Dickenbock Report, which made its (prerecorded) Tuesday morning premiere. It's a hefty three hours long, & most of the show celebrates National Beer Day with boozy tunes, although the regular birth day/death day segment happens & there are beaver songs for International Beaver Day.
If you don't want to go to the website, click on this discolored set of words to access the show directly. You will be asked for a username (which is SHR) & a password (which is selfhelp) to listen. But you'll only be asked once!
The second is two & a half hours of me playing new music on Thursday morning in the space where the Dickenbock Report used to be. It's mostly stuff released in 2020, & I keep my yapping to a minimum. If you'd prefer to go directly to the show, click on this sentence to access the mp3 without all that yucky Self Help Radio web page nonsense. Again, you'll need a username - SHR - & a password - selfhelp.
That is all. I mean, it's five & a half hours of radio, but that's all from me right now.
Tuesday, April 14, 2020
Self Help Radio 041320: Surprise!
(Original image here.)
Surprise! Self Help Radio's show about surprise is a day late! This may not be much of a surprise, especially considering that it's nearly impossible to determine what day it is most of the time, & time seems itself to be quarantined, trying to get rid of some sickness. But who cares! It's a show about surprise! Surely everyone loves a surprise!
Actually, there are a lot of people who really, really hate surprises. I have documentation about this assertion. Still, hating surprises doesn't necessarily mean you'll hate a radio program about surprises. Because songs about surprises, especially when you're expecting songs about surprises, aren't surprising at all. So you get the best of both worlds!
The show is, unsurprisingly, at the Self Help Radio website when/if you'd like to listen. Remember, there is a username (SHR) & a password (selfhelp) needed to listen. That's no surprise. & also what songs are played is not a surprise. They're listed below.
Honestly, for a show about surprise, I'm not really offering many surprises.
Self Help Radio Surprise Show
"Surprise!" +/- _You Are Here_
"Surprise" We Are Scientists _Crap Attack_
"Surprise" Royal Headache _Royal Headache_
introduction & definitions
"Surprise, Surprise" The Rolling Stones _Singles Collection: The London Years_
"Surprise, Surprise (Sweet Bird Of Paradox)" John Lennon _Anthology_
"You'd Be Surprised" Mike Birbiglia _Two Drink Mike_
"Surprise, Surprise" Girlfrendo _Surprise! Surprise! It's Girlfrendo_
"Surprise! Surprise!" Laptop _Don't Try This At Home_
a surprise phone call from Bingham Killkid
"Secret Surprise" Joanna Gruesome _Weird Sister_
"I Am Not Surprised" The Organ _Grab That Gun_
"On Surprises" Fabio _Fabio After Dark_
"Don't Be Surprised" Lynn Williams _Eccentric Soul: The Outskirts Of Deep City_
"Surprise Party For Baby" The Vibrating Vibrations _The Golden Torch Revisited_
an attempt to plan a surprise with Elliot Kliffnerd
"Surprised" The Sugargliders _A Boy, A Girl, & A Rendezvous_
"Surprised" Holiday Flyer _You Make Us Go_
"The Element Of Surprise" The Last Shadow Puppets _Everything You've Come To Expect_
"Little Surprise" The Wave Pictures _Beer In The Breakers_
"A Big Surprise" Sparks _Introducing Sparks_
a surprise phone call from Alyssa & Jason
"I'll Be Your Surprise" Hurrah! _The Sound Of Philadelphia_
"Taken By Surprise" The Family Cat _Tell 'Em We're Surfin'_
"It Was The Surprise More Than Anything" Les Barker _The War On Terrier_
"Surprise, Surprise" X _See How We Are_
"No More Surprises" The Ettes _Shake The Dust_
another surprise phone call from Bingham Killkid
"My Dog Surprise" Guided By Voices _Warp & Woof_
"Surprise Me" Altered Images _Happy Birthday (The Best Of Altered Images)_
"Surprise Symphony" Deerhoof _Reveille_
"Don't Be Surprised" Twerps _Twerps_
"Taken By Surprise" Varsity _The Basement Takes: 2015-2016_
conclusion & goodbye
"Avocado Surprise" Mo Douglas _Healthy Instrumentals_
"Some Kind Of Surprise" Winter _Supreme Blue Dream_
"Surprise Us" Palomar _All Things, Forests_
Sunday, April 12, 2020
Whither Surprise?
(I wish I could remember where I found this.)
Surprise! Tomorrow there'll be another Self Help Radio, & the theme will be "surprise." This is the theme that would've been explored if circumstances hadn't changed life as we know it so dramatically four weeks ago.
Have I taken the time to work on the show? Nah. I am just now gathering music at this late date. I'll work on the show into the night & tomorrow, & it'll appear during the day sometime on the Self Help Radio website. I'll announce it here, on Twitter, & on the show's Facebook page. Basically wherever you saw this, it'll be the same place. Hopefully it won't be so late in the day, but to be honest, I've been needing afternoon naps a lot recently.
Hey! Am I deliberating being vague so where I announce that the show about surprise is ready, it'll be something of a surprise? Of course not. Unless you think that's cool. Do you think that's cool? You choose.
See you tomorrow!
Saturday, April 11, 2020
Preface To Surprise: Surprise! I Have Nothing To Say
Tonight I take a break between movies & whiskey to announce that surprise! this blog has nothing of interest to say.
What?!? You're actually surprised? Of course not.
We went out today to shop & do other errands & I learned that I am very uncomfortable wearing surgical gloves & I fucking hate wearing a mask. It may seem a stretch to say I'm very glad I never chose the medical field as a profession because, quite frankly, I never even considered it, but boy am I glad that wasn't a road I travelled down.
Implicit disclaimer: the people who chose that road are fucking heroes & I shouldn't even have to say that but I suppose I should in case someone gets the wrong idea. Seriously, just because this dumb guy who does radio shows is glad he isn't a physician's assistant, he should worry about offending people who fucking risk their lives every day to keep us safe? Okay, yeah. That makes sense.
We went outside with our dogs tonight & it was eerily silent, on a Saturday. Fuck you, coronacovid-19 virus! We don't want you, we don't invite you, go fuck some other species up. We're onto you.
Oh wait. Stupid people all over are ignoring common-sense warnings. Yeah, I know. I know. I'm just too weary to comment. Hey. More radio show nonsense tomorrow. Yay.
What?!? You're actually surprised? Of course not.
We went out today to shop & do other errands & I learned that I am very uncomfortable wearing surgical gloves & I fucking hate wearing a mask. It may seem a stretch to say I'm very glad I never chose the medical field as a profession because, quite frankly, I never even considered it, but boy am I glad that wasn't a road I travelled down.
Implicit disclaimer: the people who chose that road are fucking heroes & I shouldn't even have to say that but I suppose I should in case someone gets the wrong idea. Seriously, just because this dumb guy who does radio shows is glad he isn't a physician's assistant, he should worry about offending people who fucking risk their lives every day to keep us safe? Okay, yeah. That makes sense.
We went outside with our dogs tonight & it was eerily silent, on a Saturday. Fuck you, coronacovid-19 virus! We don't want you, we don't invite you, go fuck some other species up. We're onto you.
Oh wait. Stupid people all over are ignoring common-sense warnings. Yeah, I know. I know. I'm just too weary to comment. Hey. More radio show nonsense tomorrow. Yay.
Friday, April 10, 2020
The Socket For The Power Plug Has Become Adrift
People are writing all over the internet about missing socializing, their friends, going out, & etc. I mostly miss the weird routine I had - I miss waking up in the middle of the night to drive to a radio station to do radio for the few people up at that hour who happen to be listening to the radio. There are quite a few people up at that hour in Portland who are not listening to the radio, & I should know: I see them on my drive to the radio stations. Such people aren't exactly the houseless, although there are quite a few of them. The ones who don't have tents - & I assume at night when I drive by one of the many tents that line the streets of Portland there are people in them - but who appear houseless tend to be sitting alone, or walking from place to place carrying bags full of recycling. But I see people - this would include people around 1:15 or so, which is when I would leave for XRAY on Tuesday mornings; people around 5:15 or so, which is when I would leave to go to Freeform on Monday mornings; people around 2:30 or so, which is when I would leave to go to KBOO on Thursday mornings; & of course any of the myriad times of night I might be subbing a show at Freeform or KBOO - I see people out walking, exercising, getting home from somewhere, sometimes accompanied by a companion or a dog, often quite determined as it's dark & possibly dangerous. I've also seen deer, cats, & one time a family or raccoons. & more than once I've seen coyotes, which initially I mistook for dogs. I drove past too many stray or lost dogs in Texas, I now try to stop to see if they'll come to me, but coyotes look very, very different from dogs when you're up close. Anyway, I know the coyotes & the houseless & the people out for whatever reason so very early in the morning are not going to be listening to the radio. It's funny, I went out the other night & though it was only twilight, it felt like driving around at 3am. & it made me miss driving around at 3am. I have a friend who lived in Portland in the mid-90s & he told me he was mugged here. I am not cavalier about my surroundings but I don't feel unsafe here, although often when I leave one of the radio stations at night, I do sometimes wonder how fast I could get back into the building if I sensed some danger. & I've never been mugged, not just in Portland. I miss that most of all, I guess I miss the routine I had that included radio, & I'm not sure how different or otherwise changed it will be when or if things return to normal. I've taken to staying up late instead of going to sleep early to wake early. In that sense, this staying up late, reminds me of summer vacation in grade school, although I didn't drink & there were no computers around in my life back then. I used to miss that time, & then I didn't, & now I'm kind of reliving some aspect of it. At this point I want to stop writing but I don't feel I've sufficiently wrapped up or concluded my thoughts. I will say that I just reread what I wrote & mostly I like the phrase "writing all over the internet" because it makes me think of the internet as a giant wall vandals are tagging & scribbling over. Other than that, this is pretty standard & tedious blog post by me. My apologies for wasting your time, if you made it this far. & even if you didn't.
Thursday, April 09, 2020
Adding Prerecords To The Website
Hello.
In the next few days, while I'm not overbusy with making radio shows from home - I made three in three days! that was seven & a half hours of radio! - exactly! - I'll be adding the prerecords I made for these station to the Self Help Radio website.
These are not episodes of Self Help Radio. They're mainly music, with short airbreaks by me to simulate live radio - they actually fooled a friend who texted me when he heard one of the shows & asked "are you broadcasting... live? pulling an airheads?"- anyone listening should know if the show were live I would be talking way too much - & may not be of any interest - but since I put all my playlists up, I figured I'd do that & also link to the shows.
There aren't specific links, but on the front page, they are called March 17 Freeform Portland Sub Show & March 21 Freeform Portland Sub Show. I'll be adding more over the weekend, including some sub shows I did for KBOO, like the reggae show that's aired more than once over there.
If you're interested. If not, no worries.
In the next few days, while I'm not overbusy with making radio shows from home - I made three in three days! that was seven & a half hours of radio! - exactly! - I'll be adding the prerecords I made for these station to the Self Help Radio website.
These are not episodes of Self Help Radio. They're mainly music, with short airbreaks by me to simulate live radio - they actually fooled a friend who texted me when he heard one of the shows & asked "are you broadcasting... live? pulling an airheads?"- anyone listening should know if the show were live I would be talking way too much - & may not be of any interest - but since I put all my playlists up, I figured I'd do that & also link to the shows.
There aren't specific links, but on the front page, they are called March 17 Freeform Portland Sub Show & March 21 Freeform Portland Sub Show. I'll be adding more over the weekend, including some sub shows I did for KBOO, like the reggae show that's aired more than once over there.
If you're interested. If not, no worries.
Monday, April 06, 2020
Self Help Radio 040620: Wishes
(Original image here.)
Holy moley, I spent all day on this week's Self Help Radio. I really have no concept of time. But it was really fun - & a bit frustrating - putting it together. There were so many songs about wishes that I just couldn't get to them all. I bet I could have done four hours - & that was excluding songs about wishing wells, which I covered in a show about wells I did two years ago.
Not only that, the folks who pretend to be experts & get interviewed really brought their A game. I know that's a sportsball term which means they were at their best, but other than that I don't know exactly what an A game. Rest assured, what you get from me on the show is my regular C game. That might be too generous. C minus game.
If you wish to listen, the show is at the Self Help Radio website now or whenever you have a moment. Ha ha, all we have are moments these days. Too many moments. Remember, the username is SHR & the password is selfhelp. The show is exactly two hours long. Amazing! What happens on the show is listed below.
As you wish.
Self Help Radio Wishes Show
"When You Wish Upon A Star" Petra Haden & Bill Frisell _Petra Haden & Bill Frisell_
"Make A Wish" The Cat's Miaow _Songs For Girls To Sing_
"Wishing The Days Away" Billy Bragg _Talking With The Taxman About Poetry_
introduction & definitions
"I Wish" Eisley _The Valley_
"I Wish I Was Him" Kathleen Hanna _Rock Stars Kill_
"Three Wishes" Twink _The Broken Record_
"Blown A Wish" My Bloody Valentine _Loveless_
"Wish You Would" Ivy _Avenge_
interview with Steig Klettesteig from the
"I Wish" Stevie Wonder _Songs In The Key Of Life_
"My Fondest Wish" Sometimes I Wonder _You're Still Young At Heart_
"Down By The Wishing Pool" The Chesterfields _Down By The Wishing Pool_
"Wish We Were" Smoking Popes _This Is Only A Test_
interview with the Rev Dr Howard Gently
"Wishing (If I Had A Photograph Of You)" Nouvelle Vague _Nouvelle Vague_
"I Wished On The Moon" Billie Holiday _The Quintessential Billie Holiday Volume 1, 1933-1935_
"I Wish, I Wish" Cat Stevens _Mona Bone Jakon_
"I Wish I Had Pictures" The Magnetic Fields _50 Song Memoir_
interview with Dolph Winspear of 'Genies R Us'
"I Wish" Skee-Lo _I Wish_ (Volcano, 1995)
"A Specific System Of Selective Short-Term Well-Wishing" George Carlin _When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops?_
"I Wish You Would" David Bowie _Pin Ups_
"Wish I Sang A Little Better" Sprites _Starling, Spiders, Tiger, & Sprites_
interview with an actual genie
"Wishin' & Hopin'" The Vandalias _What The World Needs Now (Big Deal Recording Artists Perform The Music Of Burt Bacharach)_
"A Wish Away" The Wonder Stuff _The Eight Legged Groove Machine_
"Wishing It Were Friday" Bubblegum Lemonade _The Great Leap Backward_
"I Wish For You" Lake _The World Is Real_
conclusion & goodbye
"I Wish You Well" Bill Withers _The Best Of Bill Withers: Lean On Me_
"Wishful Thinkin'" Sly & The Family Stone _Small Talk
Sunday, April 05, 2020
Whither Wishes?
(Oh boy! There's a whole list of wish spells at the website where I found this graphic!)
The reason the show today is about wishes & wishing is because it was a request. Tomorrow is Jenny's birthday & apparently her birthday wish was to have a Self Help Radio show about wishes. This was a pretty easy wish to make come true.
Although I am nowhere near prepared to have it finished early tomorrow. It'll appear at some point in the day tomorrow but not first thing, not 10am, probably not even noon. I spent all day yesterday prerecording The Dickenbock Report, so I'd had no chance to go entirely through the (checks) four thousand songs about wishes I have gathered. Plus! I have interviews to edit! Plus! I have to prerecord my dumb airbreaks!
But as sure as wishes don't come true, I'll have a new episode of Self Help Radio tomorrow sometime at the show's website. You don't need to blow out any candles or order a genie to make it so or, yes, invoke some meteor to make me do it. I'll do it! I'm doing it now!
Saturday, April 04, 2020
Preface To Wishes: Trouble's What You're Wishing For
Honestly I don't know the last time I wished for anything. I don't even know what I'd make the wish to. Like, really, to whom do you wish? Or am I asking the wrong question? Isn't it more that you wish upon something, like the Jiminy Cricket song?
It's really been a long time since I've spoken to something or someone up there. Or out there. Or elsewhere. Which is a shame, because for the better part of my childhood, I really, really wanted to believe there was that kind of magic in the world. Imagine finding a bottle, with a genie in it, & getting three wishes!
Instead, it seems life has spent most of its lessons on me disabusing me of the believe in anything supernatural. I have two stories that demonstrate that point, one of which I'm sure I've told before. But I can't find it in the blog's archives.
When Star Wars came out, I, like most boys who were ten years old the first time they saw it, was obsessed with it. Specifically the idea of "the force." I read lots of comics & science fiction & truly believed there was something out there that held it all together. All I needed to do was "trust my feelings." One day, I decided to do just that. I would close my eyes as I walked along the front area of a shopping center we lived next door to, & I'd let the force guide me safely from one end to the other. This was on the sidewalk, not the parking area. I was a dumb kid, but not that dumb. & of course I almost immediately walked straight into a pillar. I didn't break my nose, but I did get some cuts on it & bled a little. Ben Kenobi would tell me I lacked faith, & it was true - my faith in the "force" left me the minute my face got bloodied.
Years later I borrowed a book of magic spells from my friend Gary, about whom I've talked before here & here. He swore to me that the spells really worked. One of them I was fascinated by was astral projecting.
Oh, I read & reread the instructions & took it fucking seriously. I fasted for an entire day - I did it the first time on a Friday. I waited till sundown & lay on a north-south axis in my bedroom. I tried to visualize the room I was in & imagined myself touching things in it: my bed, doorknobs, closet doors, my things. When I felt like I was going to go to sleep, I was supposed to sit up - but my astral self would emerge from my body.
As you might imagine, the first night I just feel asleep. I was hungry & tired from a day at school. The next time I tried it, I managed to stay awake, but I just kept jerking up in a dark room. (I must've been left alone a lot as a kid - I don't recall my mother or little brother bothering me any of these times.) The third time I made sure to fast at least 24 hours - which was very difficult for me - I was like fifteen! - & of course nothing happened but me sitting up in my room in the dark.
My friend Gary Anderson told me lots of his adventures on the astral plane, but at this point I was convinced it was bullshit. I had followed all the instructions correctly. To the letter. I checked & double-checked. He was sure I was doing something wrong.
So I asked him, "When you're on the astral plane, so you sometimes fly into my room?"
"Oh I do it all the time!" he said.
Ignoring how creepy that was, I said, "Okay to prove to me you, I'm going to write a note a piece of paper..."
"It's hard to see in the astral realm!" he protested.
"It'll be just one or two words, written very big, just tell me what it is, I'll believe you," I told him.
He never guessed, of course, because he was lying about astrally projecting himself, & soon enough he stopped talking about the whole thing entirely because I would tell him I don't believe you.
& the note I wrote? On a big legal pad in big black marker, I had written "FUCK YOU."
It's really been a long time since I've spoken to something or someone up there. Or out there. Or elsewhere. Which is a shame, because for the better part of my childhood, I really, really wanted to believe there was that kind of magic in the world. Imagine finding a bottle, with a genie in it, & getting three wishes!
Instead, it seems life has spent most of its lessons on me disabusing me of the believe in anything supernatural. I have two stories that demonstrate that point, one of which I'm sure I've told before. But I can't find it in the blog's archives.
When Star Wars came out, I, like most boys who were ten years old the first time they saw it, was obsessed with it. Specifically the idea of "the force." I read lots of comics & science fiction & truly believed there was something out there that held it all together. All I needed to do was "trust my feelings." One day, I decided to do just that. I would close my eyes as I walked along the front area of a shopping center we lived next door to, & I'd let the force guide me safely from one end to the other. This was on the sidewalk, not the parking area. I was a dumb kid, but not that dumb. & of course I almost immediately walked straight into a pillar. I didn't break my nose, but I did get some cuts on it & bled a little. Ben Kenobi would tell me I lacked faith, & it was true - my faith in the "force" left me the minute my face got bloodied.
Years later I borrowed a book of magic spells from my friend Gary, about whom I've talked before here & here. He swore to me that the spells really worked. One of them I was fascinated by was astral projecting.
Oh, I read & reread the instructions & took it fucking seriously. I fasted for an entire day - I did it the first time on a Friday. I waited till sundown & lay on a north-south axis in my bedroom. I tried to visualize the room I was in & imagined myself touching things in it: my bed, doorknobs, closet doors, my things. When I felt like I was going to go to sleep, I was supposed to sit up - but my astral self would emerge from my body.
As you might imagine, the first night I just feel asleep. I was hungry & tired from a day at school. The next time I tried it, I managed to stay awake, but I just kept jerking up in a dark room. (I must've been left alone a lot as a kid - I don't recall my mother or little brother bothering me any of these times.) The third time I made sure to fast at least 24 hours - which was very difficult for me - I was like fifteen! - & of course nothing happened but me sitting up in my room in the dark.
My friend Gary Anderson told me lots of his adventures on the astral plane, but at this point I was convinced it was bullshit. I had followed all the instructions correctly. To the letter. I checked & double-checked. He was sure I was doing something wrong.
So I asked him, "When you're on the astral plane, so you sometimes fly into my room?"
"Oh I do it all the time!" he said.
Ignoring how creepy that was, I said, "Okay to prove to me you, I'm going to write a note a piece of paper..."
"It's hard to see in the astral realm!" he protested.
"It'll be just one or two words, written very big, just tell me what it is, I'll believe you," I told him.
He never guessed, of course, because he was lying about astrally projecting himself, & soon enough he stopped talking about the whole thing entirely because I would tell him I don't believe you.
& the note I wrote? On a big legal pad in big black marker, I had written "FUCK YOU."
Friday, April 03, 2020
Looking For "Wish" In A Search Engine
Things I didn't know about, part seven million: wish.com
No, I didn't click on that. I read just enough in the search engine report to know it's not for me. To wit: "Wish is an online e-commerce platform that facilitates transactions between sellers & buyers." That seems so unusual. I wonder why no one thought of that before? Or isn't that what basically all "online e-commerce platforms" do?
The tagline for the site - according to the search engine - is "Shopping Made Fun." I guess I don't find shopping all that fun myself, but the idea of buying stuff online isn't to make it more fun but to make it less tiresome. For example, as much as I like browsing in a bookstore, I will buy books online not out of some notion of fun, but because I know what I want & I can get it easier than wandering through a store trying to find it.
Like, I just bought some books at Powell's Books online, for example. I did that because I know what books I wanted, plus they're local & I don't have to support Amazon, which has done grievous harm - often mortal harm - to small businesses everywhere. Anyway.
The website goes on: "Join over 500 million others that have made their shopping more smart, fun, & rewarding." "Rewarding"? Do you get cash back for using the web site? I suspect that's not true.
Something amusing is that this link comes up quickly when you do a search for "wish." If you don't want to click it, & you don't, the article is entitled, "WISH.com – SCAM – Why you should NEVER shop on WISH reviews"
What does "shop on WISH reviews" mean? I dunno, I just read the first paragraph & it didn't make much sense to me. Still, I appreciate the idea of contrary view.
& let's not even start with the idea of a "wish" & how it relates to shopping. If you "wish" for something, do you need to pay for it? Of course not.
No, I didn't click on that. I read just enough in the search engine report to know it's not for me. To wit: "Wish is an online e-commerce platform that facilitates transactions between sellers & buyers." That seems so unusual. I wonder why no one thought of that before? Or isn't that what basically all "online e-commerce platforms" do?
The tagline for the site - according to the search engine - is "Shopping Made Fun." I guess I don't find shopping all that fun myself, but the idea of buying stuff online isn't to make it more fun but to make it less tiresome. For example, as much as I like browsing in a bookstore, I will buy books online not out of some notion of fun, but because I know what I want & I can get it easier than wandering through a store trying to find it.
Like, I just bought some books at Powell's Books online, for example. I did that because I know what books I wanted, plus they're local & I don't have to support Amazon, which has done grievous harm - often mortal harm - to small businesses everywhere. Anyway.
The website goes on: "Join over 500 million others that have made their shopping more smart, fun, & rewarding." "Rewarding"? Do you get cash back for using the web site? I suspect that's not true.
Something amusing is that this link comes up quickly when you do a search for "wish." If you don't want to click it, & you don't, the article is entitled, "WISH.com – SCAM – Why you should NEVER shop on WISH reviews"
What does "shop on WISH reviews" mean? I dunno, I just read the first paragraph & it didn't make much sense to me. Still, I appreciate the idea of contrary view.
& let's not even start with the idea of a "wish" & how it relates to shopping. If you "wish" for something, do you need to pay for it? Of course not.
Thursday, April 02, 2020
Self-Isolation Free Association
Are you kind of afraid to look at the numbers? The numbers are a little frightening, aren't they? Friends keep telling me they know people who think it's all a hoax. I am glad I don't talk to people who think it's all a hoax. Like parents who don't vaccinate their children, those people are going to get someone killed. It's a good thing a politician that many people admire didn't say the whole thing was a hoax... oh wait.
The neighbors holler at each other across the street, & the weary parents sit outside with their kids, who probably aren't aware of what's going on. The wife & I walk our three dogs, one of whom, our beloved Winston, is nearly thirteen & who has very weak back legs, so at different times we can be a block apart. This sometimes requires yelling. So perhaps the self-isolated & even the quarantined wonder about this odd pair & their pups stumbling through the rain possibly arguing, maybe just raising their voices to be heard.
There are only a couple of busy streets we cross, & even those aren't all that busy. The last time I was in a car was a few days ago, to get some take-out. We want to support local business, but we also have food that might go bad if we don't eat it. We haven't been to a store in a week, I guess we're due. We're both a little nervous about that. We honestly don't know what to think most of the time.
You can't play on the playgrounds now, signs have been put up, & purple caution tape which says "temporarily closed" has been wrapped around the swings & monkey bars. Sometimes parents are walking with kids, elementary school kids, most of whom are chatty. We passed a kid the other day who was telling his mother a story that might have been about ghosts. He said, quite clearly, "It scared me! I was white as a sheep!" I thought, that works too. & my mind fell into one of holes where nonsense is stored, this one a place where I keep words I didn't understand or phrases that confused me as a kid.
There are radio shows to do, I am working on three at the moment, I finished a reggae mix last night, one half of which aired today, although I didn't listen. I wonder if this week's Self Help Radio can go into Freeform's general mix. I dunno. I suppose I'll ask.
As a result of my constant presence - & I confess I'm up late most nights - my cats imagine that any movement toward where their food is kept is another dinner time. Sometimes that's true - sometimes they don't finish their meals so I worry they're hungry - but this is like eight, nine times a day. I suspect they know what they're doing. So far, though, I can't prove a thing.
The neighbors holler at each other across the street, & the weary parents sit outside with their kids, who probably aren't aware of what's going on. The wife & I walk our three dogs, one of whom, our beloved Winston, is nearly thirteen & who has very weak back legs, so at different times we can be a block apart. This sometimes requires yelling. So perhaps the self-isolated & even the quarantined wonder about this odd pair & their pups stumbling through the rain possibly arguing, maybe just raising their voices to be heard.
There are only a couple of busy streets we cross, & even those aren't all that busy. The last time I was in a car was a few days ago, to get some take-out. We want to support local business, but we also have food that might go bad if we don't eat it. We haven't been to a store in a week, I guess we're due. We're both a little nervous about that. We honestly don't know what to think most of the time.
You can't play on the playgrounds now, signs have been put up, & purple caution tape which says "temporarily closed" has been wrapped around the swings & monkey bars. Sometimes parents are walking with kids, elementary school kids, most of whom are chatty. We passed a kid the other day who was telling his mother a story that might have been about ghosts. He said, quite clearly, "It scared me! I was white as a sheep!" I thought, that works too. & my mind fell into one of holes where nonsense is stored, this one a place where I keep words I didn't understand or phrases that confused me as a kid.
There are radio shows to do, I am working on three at the moment, I finished a reggae mix last night, one half of which aired today, although I didn't listen. I wonder if this week's Self Help Radio can go into Freeform's general mix. I dunno. I suppose I'll ask.
As a result of my constant presence - & I confess I'm up late most nights - my cats imagine that any movement toward where their food is kept is another dinner time. Sometimes that's true - sometimes they don't finish their meals so I worry they're hungry - but this is like eight, nine times a day. I suspect they know what they're doing. So far, though, I can't prove a thing.
Monday, March 30, 2020
What A Week It Was The Other Day
Surely I'm not the only one feeling like time has somehow changed its behavior, like certain rules no longer apply or have been slightly changed. This afternoon I took a one-hour nap & woke & was almost certain it was morning. That sort of confusion is becoming more & more pronounced the farther away I get from an actual schedule. I hope that that will be remedied once I begin doing Self Help Radio weekly.
Right now I'm concentrating on prerecorded programming for two stations, KBOO & Freeform, & technically there's no deadline. I will have a deadline for the Dickenbock Report next week, which is Sunday, & I've begun working on that. But it's really making sure there's something that needs to be done regularly that I believe will disabuse me of this almost hallucinatory sense of time, & I think it starts with resuming SHR.
Though tonight, watching CNN, I understood why I needed to stop for a bit. It's completely fucked-up out there & it looks to get way worse before it gets better. The wife & I have been luckier than most - we managed to stock up on essentials, & she can work from home. Except for dog walks - even, as today, in steady rain - we stay put, & so far we haven't gotten on each other's nerves too much.
By far the saddest thing is favorite restaurants closing. Some subsist on take-out & delivery, but some can't keep their doors open for that - which makes me profoundly sad. But we can only eat so much. & I've already gained too much weight in this town. It will be exceedingly depressing if once this is over we will have lost the great places to eat that adds to the flavor - no pun intended - of this town.
& we do that a lot, too. We say, "Once this is over." We talk about an end we don't have in sight.
Okay, enough of that. Let's start talking about the dumb radio show again, damn it!
Right now I'm concentrating on prerecorded programming for two stations, KBOO & Freeform, & technically there's no deadline. I will have a deadline for the Dickenbock Report next week, which is Sunday, & I've begun working on that. But it's really making sure there's something that needs to be done regularly that I believe will disabuse me of this almost hallucinatory sense of time, & I think it starts with resuming SHR.
Though tonight, watching CNN, I understood why I needed to stop for a bit. It's completely fucked-up out there & it looks to get way worse before it gets better. The wife & I have been luckier than most - we managed to stock up on essentials, & she can work from home. Except for dog walks - even, as today, in steady rain - we stay put, & so far we haven't gotten on each other's nerves too much.
By far the saddest thing is favorite restaurants closing. Some subsist on take-out & delivery, but some can't keep their doors open for that - which makes me profoundly sad. But we can only eat so much. & I've already gained too much weight in this town. It will be exceedingly depressing if once this is over we will have lost the great places to eat that adds to the flavor - no pun intended - of this town.
& we do that a lot, too. We say, "Once this is over." We talk about an end we don't have in sight.
Okay, enough of that. Let's start talking about the dumb radio show again, damn it!
Sunday, March 29, 2020
Two (Prerecorded) Shows, One Day
One of the things I like about KBOO is that they archive all their shows. One of the things that's uncomfortable about that is, in this time of prerecorded programming, sometimes they are presenting shows in timeslots that aren't adhering to the regular shows' formats. For example, I had two shows on KBOO today, & the timeslots which they filled - I need to stress I did not choose the times they would air - were during programs called "The Persian Show" & a time split between shows called "Armando Puentes" & "La Voz Del Sabor." Needless to say, I did not play Persian or Spanish language music. Instead, I prerecorded the sort of silliness that would make any other broadcaster deeply embarrassed.
My very silly show about breakfast can be listened to here. The other program I'll need to upload to my website as it was split between programs.
In all my reading about the trials & tribulations of our plague time, I haven't really seen anything about radio stations. & frankly that's because most commercial stations are already mostly automation. Their programming is prepared somewhere & distributed to stations across the country. This is emphatically not true about noncommercial radio.
Except for some nice Twitter feedback from folks not in the area, I have no idea what reaction there was to me appearing on KBOO on a Sunday during programs that I was not subbing. I wish I could do a Persian show or Spanish-language programming. I cannot. I am flattered my homemade shows aired. I wish everyone had the time & capabilities to do that for their own shows.
But I don't want the whole concept of "going to a radio station & doing your own show" to end! Commercial radio has killed that & no one seems to care. But those of us who value our tiny space at the left of the dial - we cherish it. What I'm doing I hope will keep some of that space available for whatever the fuck comes after.
These are fucked-up times we're living in. I only wish I could do more.
My very silly show about breakfast can be listened to here. The other program I'll need to upload to my website as it was split between programs.
In all my reading about the trials & tribulations of our plague time, I haven't really seen anything about radio stations. & frankly that's because most commercial stations are already mostly automation. Their programming is prepared somewhere & distributed to stations across the country. This is emphatically not true about noncommercial radio.
Except for some nice Twitter feedback from folks not in the area, I have no idea what reaction there was to me appearing on KBOO on a Sunday during programs that I was not subbing. I wish I could do a Persian show or Spanish-language programming. I cannot. I am flattered my homemade shows aired. I wish everyone had the time & capabilities to do that for their own shows.
But I don't want the whole concept of "going to a radio station & doing your own show" to end! Commercial radio has killed that & no one seems to care. But those of us who value our tiny space at the left of the dial - we cherish it. What I'm doing I hope will keep some of that space available for whatever the fuck comes after.
These are fucked-up times we're living in. I only wish I could do more.