Portland Drivers, or, Driving In Portland

Initially I was charmed by the slow pace of Portland.  I think I even wrote about the whole "20 is Plenty" campaign here to make the speed limit 20 miles per hour in residential areas.  People in Portland drive slowly.  Very, very slowly.  There are people on the highway doing forty in the left lane.

My wife, who was traumatized by Dallas traffic, rides her bike most of the time, but when she drives, she's very appreciative of the slow pace on Portland's roads.  & again, I found it kinda cool when I first got here.

Then suddenly I had places to be.  & the charm quickly faded.  Did I mention that there are people on  the highway doing forty in the left lane?

It's maddening.  Part of it is, frankly, most people in Portland are terrible drivers.  They really are.  I guess the whole "driving slowly" thing masks that.  In the Dallas area, where I spent an inordinate amount of time the last three years driving a lot, terrible drivers hit speeds of 70 & don't last long.  Here?  They just putter along.

Slowly - though not as slowly as Portlanders drive - I came to dislike the slow drivers of Portland.  My radio shows, for example, are at the other end of the city, & Portland has three highways that service it.  Which means that most of your travel will be on streets.  Streets where the top speed may, if you're lucky, be 35 miles per hour.  Streets that are mostly two-lane - one lane for each direction of traffic.  & if you're stuck behind Mr. or Ms. Twenty-Is-Plenty?  Oh you're not getting where you need to go on time.

All of my Dallas driving skills come rushing back to me & I turn into a major asshole.  & I'm not the only one, of course - when someone seem mad at me, I sort of sympathize with them.  I would rather be treated poorly on the road by someone as irritated & impatient as I am than someone who simply does not understand how shitty it is to drive five miles under the speed limit with no thought to the growing line of cars behind you.

Yeah, yeah, I should leave earlier.  & perhaps smoke what they're smoking.

Sugar Substitute (Episode 169)

You'll recall I do another radio show, not just Self Help Radio, but one called Sugar Substitute, it's on Tuesday Mornings from 2-4am, no one is up to listen, I'm barely awake myself.

The reason I mention this is twofold.  Onefold, you can listen to the show any time you like clicking the link above for "Sugar Substitute," but also last Tuesday's show directly by clicking here.

The other fold is that you might not want to listen to that show, as it was the first of two Fall Fund Drive shows I have to do for XRAY.  It's fundraising season, & I am going to be asking for money on the air for two different stations in a one month period.  You can help out XRAY by donating at their web site & if you do, & do it because I sent you, maybe mention Sugar Substitute?  That would be nice.

Pledge Drives aren't fun but they tend to be the major way non-profit radio stations raise money, so it's a necessary evil.  I wonder why there aren't free-media-loving billionaires out there who could help - dropping a hundred grand on a radio station wouldn't be a burden to any of them - but I understand they have politicians to purchase who will allow them to keep more of their billions.  It's the one thing people who are raised poor or middle-class - & who give a far greater portion of their income to charity - simply don't understand.

In any event - Sugar Substitute.  It's on weekly, even if I tend to be quite exhausted when I do it.

Self Help Radio 112119: Illusions

(Original illusion here.)

According to this website (which does not cite its source), the Buddha said, "We live in illusion & the appearance of things. There is a reality. We are that reality. When you understand this, you see that you are nothing, & being nothing, you are everything. That is all."

I hope the Buddha meant, "That is all," as in, "That is what everything is," instead of like what a boss says at the end of a meeting which means "Now get the hell out of here, I have some heavy day-drinking to do."

Most of us understand illusion to mean something that's not real, either generated by our minds or perpetrated by someone else to fool us.  But if the universe is an illusion, who is doing the perpetrating?  Oh wow man that's some heavy shit.  This is going to be a heavy-ass radio show, isn't it?

Not really.  Is it ever?  You can lose all your illusions, or make some more, by listening whenever you feel the illusion needs it to this week's Self Help Radio, now available at the Self Help Radio website.  Music, interviews, maybe a magic trick or two - though you obviously can't see those on the radio, sorry.  Username SHR, password selfhelp, what's on the two-hour program is listed below.

It might be better to remember the words of the great Pete Shelley: "Life's the illusion, love is the dream."

Self Help Radio Illusions Show
"Illusion" Nat "King" Cole _The Touch Of Your Lips_
"Illusions" The Human Instinct _Singles _1966–1971_
"Illusions" One Way Street _Pass The Caviar_

introduction & definitions

"Illusions" Isolation Ward _Point Final_
"Illusions" Stagnant Pools _Temporary Room_
"Illusions" Shout Out Louds _Optica_
"Illusions" Dinner _New Work_
"The Illusion" Dream Machine _The Illusion_

interview with illusionist David Fruchter

"Want To Buy Some Illusions" Marianne Faithfull _20th Century Blues_
"My Illusions" Sugar Pie DeSanto _Moaning, Groaning, Crying: A Galaxy Of Soul_
"Lost Illusions" Rosie & The Originals _Angel Baby Revisited_
"Optical Illusion" Al Stewart _24 Carrots_
"A Life of Illusion" Spent _Umbrella Wars EP_

interview with lawyer Bobcat Sloan

"I'm Set Free" The Velvet Underground _The Velvet Underground_
"The Desert" Smog _Burning Kingdom_
"Everybody's Happy Nowadays" Buzzcocks _Complete Singles Anthology_
"Monkeyland" The Chameleons _Script Of The Bridge_

interview with body artist Bogogob Smith

"Is This An Illusion" The Mighty Diamonds _Jam Session_
"La Grande Illusion" Television Personalities _...And Don't The Kids Just Love It_
"Season Of Illusions" Ladytron _Velocifero_
"Web Of Illusion" Soul Merchants _1985-1987_
"Velvet Illusions" Velvet Illusions _Pebbles, Vol. 9: Southern California 2_

conclusion & goodbye

"Illusion" Chris & Cosey _Trust_
"World Of Illusion" The Forum _The River Is Wide_

Whither Illusions?

(An illusion from here.)

The first people to dream of radio waves thought they were a kind of magical illusion.  & they were not wrong!  Every new scientific thing is a form of magic - until of course it isn't.  Which is not why Self Help Radio this week is about illusions.

Is it because, as Buddhists believe, this world is an illusion?  In many ways, I'm much more Buddhist than any other religion out there, but even so, no.  No, the show is not about illusion because I am trying to secretly make you listen to Buddhist teachings.  As if anyone could ever associate me with the word "teachings"!

The reason the show is about illusion will be revealed at some point during the show - which happens tomorrow morning (that's Monday the 21st) from 6 to 8am Portland time on Freeform Portland (online at freeform portland dot org) - it will be revealed that all seventeen years of Self Help Radio have all been an illusion!

The greatest illusion ever perpetrated on radio!

Or maybe it won't.  I kinda like this illusion.  We'll see.  Or hear.  Whatever.

Preface To Illusion: My Friend Who Hates Magic

The truth is, I don't have an opinion either way about magic or magicians - I've been entertained by them but I don't know if I'd pay to see one.  On the whole, it takes quite a bit for me to actively dislike something.  But some people hate magicians.

There's that David Cross bit where he describes the magician mural at some airport - is it the Seattle airport? - & his other joke with the punchline, "Yeah, that's my card.  Can I go now?"  That seems more my style - not anger or anything, just kind of weariness, especially with run-of-the-mill types.

Maybe it's because I never learned magic as a kid.  No one ever bought me one of those kits, or one of those books.  I never even learned how to shuffle cards properly.

But I have a friend who despises magicians.  His blood pressure gets up to stroke-worthy levels when he's just near one.  He will cross the street rather than have to walk by a street magician & possibly get roped into one of their tricks.

& there was one time, at a trendy Austin brunch place, we were enjoying our meal & there was a magician there (for some reason)* & he was making the rounds, doing card tricks from table-to-table.  I couldn't see him - my back was to most of the cafe - but my friend obviously could see him & he was unable to carry on a conversation because he was steeling himself for the moment when this itinerant conjurer found his way to our corner table.

But he eventually did, & when he stopped & got our attention & started to ask, "Would anyone like to see...?" my friend exploded like the pressure cooker he was & said, loud enough to be heard back in the kitchen, "NO!!!!!!"

The magician, possibly used to such hate, smiled & went on his way, but I couldn't help bursting out in laughter.  Even if my friend had been molested by some perverted prestidigitator in his youth**, the reaction was so overblown as to be comical.

You know, I keep meaning to get him a magician for his birthday one year.  Well.  There's always next year!

* My friend also hates the musicians that play soothing guitar or whatever at restaurants.  He hates feeling obligated to tip them.
** He wasn't.

Something New To Learn Every Day

A couple weeks back, I revisited an old theme, my favorite music from the year 1969.  On that show, I played a song from Joni Mitchell's album Clouds, which was released that year.  Today, I was browsing a web site which mentioned Joni Mitchell & noticed that one of the songs on that record - it wasn't the song I played - "Both Sides Now" - is apparently so beloved it's been covered by dozens if not hundreds of people.

The song has its own Wikipedia page in which Mitchell herself is quoted as saying, "I had no idea that the song would become as popular as it did."  Is it weird that until today, just by a random look at a web site, I had no idea the song was as popular as it is?

That page - the Wikipedia page - I'm linking to it again - lists ninety-some-odd covers of the song.

Where have I been?  Do I just not listen to the folky/soft rock-y types of music where I would find those covers?  I mean, I know Judy Collins' famous version, but that's about it.

What I wish was on the Wikipedia page was a guesstimate of how much money Joni Mitchell has made from that one song.  Surely it's in the millions now.  Right?  A song that popular can make one a millionaire, can't it?  It's as old as I am, & there are dozens - if not hundreds - of covers of it!

That's something I didn't know that I learned today.  It has nothing to do with anything, but it sure was jarring.

Something I already knew but was reiterated to me today: the vegan pizza game in Portland is strong.

Radio Radio

So, I've done a lot of radio recently - perhaps it's true I'm a boy who can't say no - but this week I just wanted to do Self Help Radio & Sugar Substitute & otherwise take it easy.  But.  I'm a boy who can't say no, so I was asked to sub a show Tuesday, & I did.

You know you can hear this week's Self Help Radio at the website.  Cool.

& you can listen to this week's Sugar Substitute (for the next two weeks) over at its space on the XRAY website.

But did you know you could hear me flail around on the radio on a Wednesday afternoon subbing for the show Borrowed Time on the XRAY website - oh.  Apparently I did something wrong.  So you can't listen to that show online.

Well.  I'm not sure what happened.  So.  Never mind.

Self Help Radio 101419: Comfort

(Original image here.)

The big question is, is Self Help Radio a comfort zone?  Or a discomfort zone?  Or is it, as my wife might say, a place full comfortableness, or uncomfortableness?  Or all three?  Wait, what's the third one?  This conversation is getting...  well, it doesn't make any sense.

& that's probably the nicest thing you can say about this week's show, which purports to be about comfort.  You know, consolation, solace, sympathy.  Can a radio show be comforting?  Or can it simply be about comfort?  Would I have gotten a corporate sponsorship if I had done the show remotely from a Comfort Inn?  The closest one has this recent review: "This hotel is not in the nicest area of Portland, however it is close to Interstate access."  It was a miss opportunity to be sure.

You can listen, comfort be damned, when you want at the Self Help Radio web site.  Username SHR, password selfhelp.  Lots of songs & interviews, all noted below.  Just make yourself comfortable.  Then listen.  It might be the same thing.

Self Help Radio Comfort Show
"Welcome To The Meditation (Please Get Comfortable)" Eugene Mirman _I'm Sorry (You're Welcome)_
"Comfort" The June Brides _Every Conversation: The Story Of The June Brides & Phil Wilson_
"Comfort" Makthaverskan _III_

introduction & definitions

"Comfort Me" Carla Thomas _The Complete Stax-Volt Singles 1959-1968_
"Comfort You" Van Morrison _Veedon Fleece_
"Make Yourself Comfortable" Andy Griffith _American Originals_
"Built For Comfort" Willie Dixon _Willie's Blues_
"Angels Come To Comfort You" Black Francis _Bluefinger_

interview with Brad Benoit of Comfort Conformity

"Comfort Zone" The Murlocs _Manic Candid Episode_
"Discomfort" The Mess Makers _Antipodean Screams, Vol. 2_
"Rest Comfortably" Quiet World _Electric Asylum, Vol. 4: Rock Hard British Freakrock_
"Creature Comfort" Woods _City Sun Eater In The River Of Light_
"Creatures Of Comfort" Deep Sea Diver _Secrets_

lawyer Bobcat Sloan interrupts!

"Comfortably Numb" Graham Parker _A Fair Forgery Of Pink Floyd_
"Comfortably Tucked Up Inside" The Minders _Hooray For Tuesday_
"Comfort & Crazy" Guy Clark _Craftsman_
"Southern Comfortable" Ruthann Friedman _Hurried Life: Lost Recordings 1965-1971_
"Southern Comfort" Johnny Cash _The Ragged Old Flag_

interview with my friend David, who makes me very uncomfortable

"Comfortable Again" Partnerships _Double Love Suicide_
"Too Close For Comfort" Poison Girls _Statement: The Complete Recordings_
"Too Close For Comfort" Peggy Lee _Pretty Eyes_
"Mother Stands For Comfort" Kate Bush _Hounds Of Love_
"Comfort In Light" The High Violets _Heroes & Halos_

closing & goodbye

"My Comfort Remains" Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan & Michael Brook _Night Song_
"Cold Comfort (Deepsky Remix)" Curve _The New Adventures Of Curve_

Whither Comfort?

(Apparently you can buy comfort in a plastic bottle, ultra-concentrated.  Image from here.)

This week Self Help radio gets comfortable.  Not really.  At core it's an uncomfortable show.  But it makes an attempt at comfort.  Will it get too close for comfort?  Yes, it will.  Will it travel very far outside its comfort zone?  No, it will not.  It will attempt to surround itself with creature comforts, but you can take comfort in the fact that it will stay mostly the same, which is cold comfort indeed.

That's tomorrow, Monday, October 14, 6-8am PST, on 90.3/89.3 fm Freeform Portland, freeformportland.org.  Come in, make yourself comfortable, it'll be two hours of comfort.  Until, probably, it becomes a tad bit uncomfortable.  Like it generally does.

Preface To Comfort: One Last Radio Show For The Week

This late afternoon I subbed a show on KBOO called Blues Junction, which purports to play "urban & country blues with R&B, soul, jazz, zydeco, & classic rock."  I didn't play much zydeco or classic rock, or any really, but I did play some old & new blues plus soul & R&B.  You can listen to the show here & see the playlist & what-not.

There is a caveat: I was not on my game.  I mixed up my CDs two or three times, I left the mic on when I took a giveaway, I generally flubbed a few transitions.  So I apologize a lot.  I apologize now! Four radio shows on three stations in six days is apparently too much for me!

Trifecta

One of the things that I do which keeps me busy is I volunteer to help out at for the music library of two stations in town.  The truth is, I'd volunteer at all three except the third meets on Sunday nights, which I simply can't do because of my early Monday morning show.

At one of the stations at which I volunteer this week, after I finished music librarying, I got to chatting with a staff member who said she had known people who have done shows at two stations, but never one at three.  She said I had hit the Portland community radio station trifecta.

"Ah," I said, "but I don't do a show at KBOO."

"Yes," she said, "but you have subbed shows at KBOO."

"I dunno," I said.  "I don't think it really counts until I have a regular gig there."

"Didn't you say," she asked, "that you'll be helping out with people doing new shows?"

"Oh yeah," I said, "I'll be overseeing them while they do their first shows, to demonstrate what kind of show they want to do."

"I think," she said, "that sounds like a regular gig at KBOO."

Well, damn.  Trifecta.

Sugar Substitute (Episode 167)

Oh hey, you can listen to my episode of Sugar Substitute, the more-or-less freeform show I do on XRAY FM, right over here.  I can't say I recommend the show.  I felt a little out of sorts.

But hey!  I made a logo.  It looks like this:

I need to make it more square to fit with the schedule on the XRAY website.  As well, I need to put a show description up.  I have too much to do!

Self Help Radio 100719: 1969 Revisited (The 17th Anniversary Show)

(Most images from Discogs but a couple from Wikipedia.)

Seventeen years!  Here is, according to this webiste, a list of mammals that don't live seventeen years in captivity - so some may life longer in the wild, but others probably don't:

Antelope - Badger - Bat - Fox - Goat (!) - Guinea Pig - Hare - Mole - Mouse - Nutria - Opossum - Otter - Porpoise - Rabbit - Raccoon - Reindeer - Sheep - Squirrel - Wolf

For me, I choose to believe that porpoises live forever when they're allowed to swim free.

Here's a continuation of my favorite music from 1969.  I could make an entire three more shows, each focusing on stuff I love from the year but didn't play this time - I could do an entire psychedelic show & a jazz show, & probably a country show too.  Maybe when I get to a certain point, I can revisit the revisited themes, maybe in one hundred years, or when I'm put in the Matrix, whichever comes first.  Unless...  Am I in the Matrix now?

The show is of course waiting for your discerning ears at Self Help Radio dot net.  It's all music this week, no interviews or other nonsense.  You'll need a username - try "SHR" - without the quotes - & a password - try "selfhelp" - also without the quotes.  & check out what I played below.

Seventeen years!  Does that mean puberty is over?

Self Help Radio 1969 Revisited Show
"Chelsea Morning" Joni Mitchell _Clouds_
"Walk On By" Isaac Hayes _Hot Buttered Soul_
"Fuga No. 2" Mutantes _Mutantes_

"Always See Your Face" Love _Four Sail_
"It Hurts Me Too" Karen Dalton _It's So Hard To Tell Who's Going To Love You The Best_
"I'm Movin' On" Elvis Presley _From Elvis In Memphis_
"Je T'Aime... Moi, Non Plus" Serge Gainsbourg & Jane Birkin _Jane Birkin et Serge Gainsbourg_
"The World's Strongest Man" Scott Walker _Scott 4_

"Kick Out The Jams" The MC5 _Kick Out The Jams_
"Pinball Wizard" The Who _Tommy_
"Venus" Shocking Blue _Venus_
"Space Oddity" David Bowie _David Bowie_
"Gimme Shelter" The Rolling Stones _Let It Bleed_

"The Ralph Spoilsport Mantrum" The Firesign Theater _How Can You Be In Two Places At Once When You're Not Anywhere at All_
"Ali Baba's Camel" The Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band _Tadpoles_
"Sing" Bruce Haack _The Electronic Record For Children_
"Everyday People" Sly & The Family Stone _Stand!_
"Live Wire" The Meters _The Meters_

"Lay Lady Lay" Bob Dylan _Nashville Skyline_
"Waiting Around To Die" Townes Van Zandt _Townes Van Zandt_
"Rehearsals For Retirement" Phil Ochs _Rehearsals For Retirement_
"Down By The River" Neil Young _Everybody Knows This Is Nowhere_

"Cold Turkey" Plastic Ono Band _Cold Turkey_
"Willie The Pimp" Frank Zappa _Hot Rats_

Whither 1969 Revisited?

(Trailer for the wrong 1969 show.  Go here to see that one.)

Self Help Radio premiered on KOOP radio in Austin, Texas, at 3pm on Wednesday, October 9, 2002. Around six years later, on Friday, October 17, 2008, the show started revisiting old themes to celebrate its anniversary.  That's what's happening this week.

On Wednesday, January 19, 2005 (the day before my thirty-seventh birthday), Self Help Radio celebrated my favorite music from 1969.  (I do that every year around my birthday, celebrate a different year; I started in 1968, the year of my birth, & have been working my way up chronologically every year since then.)  The show at the time was only one hour long, so there wasn't a great deal of time to cover all the music I love from 1969.  As well, I didn't have a good resource for what exactly was released in 1969.  I got most of the songs right, but I missed a lot.  & that's what these anniversary shows attempt to correct.

There won't be any songs from the first 1969 show - consider this show an addition to that show.  & it'll happen tomorrow morning - Monday, October 7, 2019 - from 6-8 am on Freeform Portland, 90.3 + 98.3 fm in the city, online everywhere at that web site linked earlier in this sentence.

Listen, even if your parents weren't even born in 1969!  (I am so fucking old.)

Preface To 1969 Revisited: Top Ten Singles Of 1969

Like I did yesterday, I'll run down the top ten singles on Rate Your Music's site.  By the way, the coolest thing about the site is that the lists are dynamic - they change all the time.  I occasionally go back & check & find it amazing that some votes can move an album up or down two or three places.  So this list might be wrong in a week or a month.  But here's what it is now:

01 The Beatles, "Something" / "Come Together"
02 David Bowie, "Space Oddity" / "Wild Eyed Boy From Freecloud"
03 King Crimson, "The Court Of The Crimson King (Parts 1 & 2)"
04 The Stooges, "I Wanna Be Your Dog" / "1969"
05 The Rolling Stones, "Sympathy For The Devil" / "Prodigal Son"
06 The Jackson 5, "I Want You Back" / "Who's Lovin You"
07 The Kinks, "The Village Green Preservation Society" / "Do You Remember Walter?"
08 Simon & Garfunkel, "The Boxer" / "Baby Driver"
09 Creedence Clearwater Revival, "Fortunate Son" / "Down On The Corner"
10 The Kinks, "Shangrila" / "This Man He Weeps Tonight"

Nice to see so much Kinks love on the site!  Their album Arthur came out in 1969, & I played something from it on the previous 1969 show.

Also nice to see Stooges love.  I played "1969" on the first 1969 show because it just seemed too appropriate.

For some reason - I mentioned this yesterday - I didn't play the Stones on the first show.  That will be remedied.

& I wasn't aware of the status of the Jackson 5 single when I did the first show, & I agree it's a good song - I just can't in good conscience play anything associated with Michael Jackson on the radio anymore - even the pre-molesting children stuff.  I believe it's all been quite tainted.

Oh yes I count myself fortunate that no one reads this blog or know anything about this show because I imagine there'd be some angry reactions to that, & maybe to this: I never much cared for CCR.  Since they're classic rock, I know all their hits, like "Down On The Corner" & "There's A Bathroom On The Right," but it's not something I enjoy hearing nor want to revisit it.  Please note: I'm not saying "It's bad."  I don't believe that.  I just don't like it.  If you like it, fine.  I don't have any feelings about your opinions or your taste in any way.

That's enough of that.  I must go put a show about 1969 together now.

Top Ten

When I do these "favorite music of a certain year" shows, I generally use the website Rate Your Music as a guide for what was released that year.  I don't believe I used the site for the first few times I did my favorite music of the year shows - I know this because I missed some people from 1969 - Phil Ochs, for example - whom I wouldn't have left off the original show if I had a better resource for releases from that year.  In any event, here are the current top ten releases as voted on by Rate Your Music listeners*:

01 King Crimson, In The Court Of The Crimson King
02 The Beatles, Abbey Road
03 Miles Davis, In A Silent Way
04 Led Zeppelin, Led Zeppelin
05 Led Zeppelin, Led Zeppelin II
06 Frank Zappa, Hot Rats
07 The Velvet Underground, The Velvet Underground
08 Nick Drake, Five Leaves Left
09 The Rolling Stones, Let It Bleed
10 Neil Young, Everybody Knows This Is Nowhere

Of that list, only three - the Beatles, the Velvets, & Nick Drake - made the original 1969.  It's a bit baffling to me that I forgot about Neil Young.  That's one of my favorite records of all time.

The show this week will include four more from that list, & you won't hear three at all.  As I discussed on the show's Facebook page, I'm not so much a fan of that King Crimson record, & I have never much liked Led Zeppelin despite the fact that I could probably sing along with most of the songs on the two records thanks to the relentless playing of that band on FM radio as I was growing up.

You'll notice I've refrained from saying things like "that band sucks."  It's weird to me when people say that, & my brain only hears that as "I don't like that band."  I read a recent Facebook rant by someone I know about some recently dead artist & they were asking questions like, "Did anyone really like that artist?"  Like-minded people piled on (so much for only saying nice things about the dead) but no one pointed out that that artist had many hits, sold-out stadiums, & continues to get played on classic rock radio.  So, yeah, people did like that artist.  Of course they did!  How else to explain the outpouring of sadness & sympathy at his death?  Just because the author of the rant didn't like the artist, though, it seemed unbelievable that anyone liked him.

That's a kind of internet pathology that I avoid.  Opinions are just opinions.  That some people are threatened by other people's opinions is something I find fascinating.

In any event - I am just playing musicians on the show this week that I like & whom I seem to have forgotten - or didn't have time to play - the first time around.  & I won't say anyone sucks.  That's the sort of thing sucky people do.

* The entire list is here.

Sugar Substitute (Episode 166)

Wouldya look at that.  My first show on XRAY FM is actually the 166th episode of Sugar Substitute! How weird these things are!

The first episode of Sugar Substitute aired on August 4, 2009, on WMUL in Huntington, West Virginia.  The station had given me a three-hour block of time, & I didn't even want to think about how difficult it would be to make a three-hour-long episode of Self Help Radio.  So I split the block in half - I had been doing a ninety-minute version of SHR in Austin - & for the rest of the time, I played indie music under the moniker "Sugar Substitute."

The name comes from a song by the late, great Austin band Luxuriator, & I use their song (with their permission) in the intro.

The show was brought with me to Lexington, & when I was given yet another three-hour block, I did the same chrono-surgery.  When I decided - probably when I got the Monday morning show sometime in 2012 - to expand Self Help Radio to two hours, I shortened Sugar Substitute to sixty minutes.

At some point, more aggressive recruitment led to more students on the air, & the three-hour timeslots were mostly done.  I retired Sugar Substitute in 2015 or so.

When I was asked to do a show on XRAY, I had a couple choices - I could move SHR over from Freeform, or I could've done any number of shows I've done before - or a new show with a new name!  But I figured I'd stick with my love of indie, postpunk, punk, & related stuff, & it seemed natural to call the show Sugar Substitute again.

With that giant preamble, I wanted to let you know that you can listen to the show anytime by clicking here.  It's archived on the XRAY page.  You don't have to look at the dumb Self Help Radio website at all!

Self Help Radio 093019: Postcards

(I know, I know, it's like the show is sending a postcard to itself.  But who else does it have to write to?  Original image here.)

Oh man, I wrote so many postcards today.  I'm well on my way to carpal tunnel.  Which is not to be confused with the carpool tunnel, which will get you someplace faster but you need to have friends to ride with, &, alas, you don't.

There's not much to say about postcards.  We've been using them for barely one hundred & fifty years but they may go the way of other media supplanted by the internet.  Unless!  Has anyone thought of digital postcards?  Oh, they have.  Of course.  No, I didn't think I was the first to think of it.  I did not!  I wasn't fantasizing about selling the idea to an anonymous corporation for filthy lucre.  I was not!

On the show I made the promise that if you sent me an address to send you a postcard, I will do so.  You can do that, too, if you didn't listen: just write gary at self help radio dot net & I'll send ya something in the mail!  A postcard, I mean.

The show is available now at the Self Help Radio website.  It's one giant file this week, you can see what happens on the show below.  Username is SHR, password is selfhelp.

Do you have any stamps?

Self Help Radio Postcards Show
"Postcard" Blossom Toes _If Only For A Moment_
"Postcard" The Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band _Urban Spaceman_
"Postcard" The Who _Odds & Sods_

introduction, definition, & history

"Postcard" Partly Cloudy _Excess Verbiage_
"Postcard" Pere Ubu _Story Of My Life_
"Postcard" Blurt _Celebrating The Bespoke Cell Of Little Ease_
"Postcard" The Simpletons _Matter_
"The Postcard" Stephen Duffy _I Love My Friends_

interview with postcard writer David Fruchter

"Postcard" The Afternoon Naps _Sunbeamed_
"Postcards" Treetop Flyers _The Mountain Moves_
"Postcard" Hailer _Another Way_
"Postcard" Letting Up Despite Great Faults _Untogether_
"The Postcard" I Am The World Trade Center _The Tight Connection_

interview with artisanal postcard maker Claude Grommitt

"Send Me A Postcard" Shocking Blue _We Can Fly, Vol. 3_
"Postcard From Waterloo" Tom Verlaine _Words From The Front_
"Postcard From Far Away" Half Japanese _The Band That Would Be King_
"Postcard From Madrid" Happydeadmen _Classics - A Decade In Pop_
"Postcard To Nina" Jens Lekman _Night Falls Over Kortedala_

interview with Oliver Whitehall, who send postcards to world leaders

"Every Day Is Like Sunday" Morrissey _Viva Hate_
"Guess How Much I Love You" The Lucksmiths _A Good Kind Of Nervous_
"Postcards On Sunday" The Bartlebees _What Is It All About?_
"Postcards To Strangers" Moustache Of Insanity _Postcards To Strangers_
"Postcard Picture Perfect" The Fairways _Is Everything All Right?_

conclusion & goodbye

"Postcard View" Watermelon Men _Wildflowers_
"Postcards From Tiny Islands" The Walkmen _You & Me_
"Postcard From The Grave" The Untamed _Strange Unknown_
"Postcard From Heaven" CJ Ramone _The Holy Spell..._
"Carte Postale" George Pringle _Salon Des Refusés_

Whither Postcards?

(Image from here.)

There are actually two reasons why this week's Self Help Radio has the theme "postcards."

The first reason is that a year or so ago I did a show about "the mails," which is to say all things related to the postal service.  (The playlist is here.)  In addition to songs about mail carriers & letters, I collected songs about postcards - I thought I might get enough to do a postcard set.  It turns out there were a lot of songs about postcards.  So I put them aside, intending to do a show one day about postcards.

The second reason is that Jenny reminded me that I was going to do a show about postcards at some point so why not now?  I dusted off the old folder, looked for more postcard songs, & viola!  There'll be a Self Help Radio show about postcards tomorrow.

That'll be from 6-8am Pacific time on 90.3 + 98.3 fm Freeform Portland & online at freeformportland.org.

Gosh, I just hope I have enough stamps!

Preface To Postcards: I Shoulda Sent You A Postcard

Damn, I didn't send you a postcard.  I passed a few shops, you know, & even went in, but although I looked at the postcards, I didn't buy one.  I don't think I even considered it.

But I did think of you!  You were on my mind when I saw the sights, I was thinking it would be fun if you were here.  We would've had a great time.  & that's it, really - I was just having such a great time, I didn't want to interrupt it to have to say "I'm having a great time!" on a postcard.

Still, I should've sent you one.  I usually do.  Funny thing - the last time I sent you a postcard - do you remember? - I got home before the postcard arrived!  I think you even said, "You could just buy a postcard & give it to me, you don't have to send it."  & we laughed.

But I didn't even buy a postcard this trip.  It just slipped my mind, I guess.  & I know I should've done so.  There really is no excuse.

You're acting cool about it, but I think you're quite hurt.  Maybe this slight of mine is unforgivable.  I obviously can't go back & get a postcard, but I hope you can see how much this is tearing me up.  I'm sorry.

& I can't say it more: I really, really should've sent you a postcard.

Sleeping All Day

The interview with the guru went as possibly follows:

Guru, may I sleep all day?

My child, were you up all night?

Yes, guru.  But also up all day.

Then please, stay up all night, before your sleep all day.

Cool.  Thanks.

I'm so glad we had this conversation.

Me too, guru.  Gosh, I'm tired.

It is strange when we stay up all day.  For then we must sleep all night.

Yeah.

But when we stay up all night, surely we must be allowed to sleep all day.

Yes, great.

Unless we have an appointment.  Perhaps a doctor's appointment?

Oh no, no appointments.  I just would like to, you know, lay my head on a pillow & catch some z's, as they say.

Great!  Enjoy your rest.

Hey.  Not to be weird, but.

Yes, my son?

Are you going to stand there, you know, while I sleep?

Of course.  Where else would I be?

Jeez, I dunno, somewhere else?  What if I sleep eight hours?

I'll be waiting for you, my son.

Yeah, that's creepy.  Listen, I'm cool, maybe you could, I don't know, take off?

Where would I go?  I am your guru.

Aren't you some other folks' guru?  What are they up to?

I am - er - between other folks.

Wait.  I'm your only student?

Acolyte, yes.

Damn.  That must be very disappointing.

You have no idea.

Okay, well.  You wanna sleep on the other side of the bed here?

Why the hell not.

Oh Look: I Done Got Another Show

Or at least I think I do.  The details haven't been ironed out yet.

Quite possibly this Tuesday, October 1st, from 2 to 4 am, I will be doing a show on KXRY - more commonly known as XRAY FM.  I like the station a lot, I help out there, & I was asked if I wanted to do a late-night slot.  I said yes.

But I probably won't be doing Self Help Radio - I can't imagine doing two of those a week!  Instead, I'll probably resurrect my Sugar Substitute moniker for a freeform, mainly indie-type show.

More details as I know them!

Self Help Radio 092319: What House Is This?

(I found all these images somewhere in the Google.)

It's a very common question.  You're with your friend, having a leisurely walk, & one of you stops & says to the other, "What house is this?"  Why, I'll bet you've had this conversation maybe dozens of times!

You: Oh my.  What house is this?
Your friend: This house?
You: Yes.  What is this house?
Your friend: Does it have a sign?
You: No, it does not have a sign.
Your friend: Hmm, it's a puzzler.
You: Say, where are we walking?
Your friend: Along the beach, of course.
You: That could be a clue.
Your friend: That's it!
You: Yes?
Your friend: It's a beach house!
You: Marvelous!
Your friend: Jolly good!

Aren't you glad you have a friend who says things like "jolly good"?  No?  Well, be glad, you selfish oaf.  I don't have friends that say "jolly good."

Alas, sometimes context clues aren't enough.  If you are ever in a situation where you & your friend, you know, the one who says "jolly good," cannot discover what house it is that you've come across, then please come to this week's Self Help Radio, which can be used as a guide.  Many kinds of houses are discussed on the show.  You need not be puzzled or otherwise vexed on your walks again!

You may listen to the show now & whenever at the Self Help Radio website.  You will need a username (try: SHR) & a password (try: selfhelp) to access the show.  It's one big file this week for some reason, & you can see what's on the show below, in detail.

One day there will be a Self Help Radio House.  & no one will visit.

Self Help Radio What House Is This Show

"The Big House Blues" Shelley Lee Alley _The History Of Country & Western Music, Vol. 8: 1941_
"Dog House Blues" Bill Monroe _Blue Moon Of Kentucky_
"Road House Boogie" Big Jay McNeely _The Boogie Box, Vol. 11_

introduction & definitions

"Rock House" Roy Orbison _The Sun Years_
"The Doll House" Phil Ochs _Farewells & Fantasies_
"Fun House" The Stooges _The Stooges_
"Grandma's House" Space Ghost _Yeah, Whatever_
"Two Story House" George Jones & Tammy Wynette _Together Again_

interview with Duke Simpson about upcoming trends

"Happy House" Siouxsie & The Banshees _Once Upon A Time: The Singles_
"White House" Schizoid _Messthetics # 1: UK '77-81 'D.I.Y.' Bands R To Sh_
"Tempo House" The Fall _Perverted By Language_
"Bad Houses" Big Black _Atomizer_

interview with Donut Jon of Jon's Donut House

"An Eating House" The Nits _In The Dutch Mountains_
"Open House" Lou Reed & John Cale _Songs For Drella_
"Visiting Someone Else's House" George Carlin _When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops?_
"Lime House" The Breeders _Pod_
"Linctus House" Robyn Hitchcock _Eye_

interview with head White House tour guide David Fruchter

"Country House" Blur _The Great Escape_
"Council Houses" Denim _Denim On Ice_
"Haunted House" Grant McLennan _Watershed_
"Ocean House" Parsley Sound _Parsley Sounds_
"Rooming House On Venice Beach" Jonathan Richman _I, Jonathan_

conclusion & goodbye

"Squat House" The Hard Ons _Go & Do It: The Aberrant Compilations_
"The Girls At The Corner House" Tochigi _The Gang East Of The River_
"Hot House" X _More Fun In The New World_
"Ugh! Your Ugly Houses!" Chumbawamba _Swingin' With Raymond_
"Cat House" Takako Minekawa _Cloudy Cloud Calculator_

Whither What House Is This?

(This used to be our house, in Fort Worth.  It belongs to someone else now.)

In trying to explain this week's theme to someone who foolishly asked me about my radio show, I simply said, "Doing a theme show every week would get boring if it were always about things, nouns, you know.  At some point I decided it would be fun to do shows about phrases that commonly appear in songs."

This was when I was answering phones at a station for its pledge drive, & a deejay said to me, "About every third or fourth show, I do a theme show."  I hear that a lot.  & I always say, "Oh, no, I'm not saying that what I do is special.  All people who do radio do themes."  At which point, the deejay said, "Yeah, even Bob Dylan did a 'theme-time' show!"

This week's show, which has the awkward title "What House Is This?" is simply one of those phrase shows.  It might be better described as "_______ house."  Every song will be entitled something house.  If you ever visit the Self Help Radio Facebook page, you'll notice that I put up some songs which I'll probably play on the show, to give some idea of the theme.

That's all.  Blank house.  But why?  Probably because I noticed a lot of "house" songs & wondered if I could make a show about them.  & I think I can!

Tomorrow in Portland from 6-8am on 90.3 + 98.3 fm plus online at Freeform Portland dot org.  I won't be doing the show from a house, though, but from a building.

Preface To What House Is This?: Not Really A Complaint But A Complaint

There's too much good food in Portland.  It's true.  I have gained weight since I got here.

Because of certain issues with my health, I like to see a doctor every six months, have my blood checked, if possible get a tune-up & my tires rotated.  What issues?  What business is that of yours?  My gosh.

Where was I?  Oh yeah.  So I met the person who might be my regular doctor this past week, & she was great, but I did tell her I have gained weight since I got here, thanks in part to so much good food in this city.  & I asked her if there were perhaps something she could do, as a medical professional, to somehow slightly decrease the deliciousness of Portland's food to facilitate the daunting task of me getting back into shape.  She said no, she couldn't.

She didn't even offer me pills!

It's on my mind because I ate at this place tonight.  The wife & I shared entrees, which doesn't seem uncommon.  It's been a couple of hours since I ate & I'm still stuffed.  & maybe gained even more weight.

When I should've been working on this week's show!

If it seems fatter than usual, you know why.

This Really Happened Today

Before I relate this anecdote, I want to make it perfectly clear that the events which transpired today at a community radio station in Portland had nothing to do with me.  I was just there volunteering, answering phones.  I was not on air at any point, it was not my show, I did not affect programming in any way.  The person with whom I interacted did not know me, did not choose me, was directed to me because I was not answering a phone at the time.  This is simply something that really happened which I am reporting, not in any way attempting to take credit or otherwise promote myself.

All right?  Because when I mentioned this on Facebook, some people thought this was about me.  I am simply telling you something I experienced as a bystander.

Portland has three community radio stations, & I volunteer at each one.  KBOO is the oldest, it has the most wattage & can therefore reach more listeners, & arguably is the most respected.  I like to help out there because I like the people & I like the vibe.  I am not a fan of pledge drives, but they have a great set-up where volunteers don't have to be in the booth with the programmers, & they feed the volunteers besides.  (I didn't partake, but I heard the hummus today was a bit garlicky.)

As I mentioned above, I was not currently taking a pledge when an older gentleman walked into the door.  He said he wanted to make a pledge in person.  This happens quite a bit, people just walk into KBOO all the time, it is in fact encouraged.  The gentleman explained that he had been listening to the station for thirty years but had never pledged his support.  He intended this walk-in pledge to remedy that.  He carried in his hand a white envelope.

After talking to some people, he sat down next to me, & I began to take his information down.  Most of the pledges we take over the phone & enter into data a computer, but with walk-ins, we write them on a physical sheet of paper.  I asked his name, even calling him "sir."  He told me not to do that, I said I do it because I hope I was raised right.  That broke the ice, I called him by his name, & continued to write down his information.

When it came time for the pledge amount, I asked if I could open the envelope.  I did, saw the check inside, saw the number on the check, & said to him, "Are you sure you want to do this?"

Why would I say such a thing?  Because inside the envelope was a check for ten thousand dollars.  That's $10,000.  A one with four zeroes after it.  I have probably never seen a check for that amount ever.

Other people were summoned to help me.  I got what information I could.  The generous donor had ideas about using it as a matching grant to encourage others to pledge.  He looked over the premiums we had, & chose a tee shirt.  KBOO will give tee shirts to those who pledge $75.  I can't do the math but I do have a calculator on my computer & it tells me he could've taken home 133 tee shirts with his pledge.  One staffer took him to get the tee shirt.

Oh my god I wanted to show everyone the check!  I was amazed that more of us didn't pass out or shit a brick or whatever when I showed them.  The staff at KBOO were mostly clear-headed, quite professional really, while I must've looked like I had just seen an alien turn the corner, wave at me, then scurry away before I could say, "Hey! You're like a UFO alien!"

The person to whose show the generous donor was pledging was the last to see the check.  He was gobsmacked.  But so humble.  Oh god, my ego would be bursting, but the deejay said, "We all get lucky sometimes."

Yeah, no.  Not ten thousand dollars lucky.  Holy shit.

How I wish I had taken a picture of the check, just the numbers at least.  They're kind of burned into my brain though.

My shift ended & I went home to my animals after that.  But it's absolutely true, what I just wrote: this really fucking happened today!

Since You're Gone

The person who, on my show, portrays my spiritual mentor the Rev Dr Howard Gently is someone I've known since I was in middle school.  He used to make comedic tapes with his older brother & I kinda wanted to get in on the action.  I wasn't funny at all so I assumed the role of straight man.  I would pretend to be a radio call-in host named Gary Franklin & my friend would call in doing different voices.  It's been fun to note than we pretended to be on the radio over thirty years ago & seem to still be doing that now, only, you know, for real.  For "real."  But really on the radio.

One of my favorite calls he did was a fellow who is trapped in his house because a rock band is playing a concert on his front yard.  That band is the Cars.  My friend had taped the Cars playing on some late-night show - my mind tells me it was the Midnight Special but I dunno - it was around the time of "Shake It Up," as that was the song I could hear in the background.  It was a memorable bit because the caller complained to Gary Franklin that he couldn't leave his house because of the people gathered & all his services were disrupted.  He couldn't even call out, his phone lines were cut.  "How are you calling me, then, sir?" Gary Franklin asked.  There was a memorable pause & then the caller said, "I'm losin' my mind, Gary!  You gotta help me!"

My friend & I still quote that to this day.

The Cars are a band that holds up.  They are classic rock, but they're also new wave.  Some of their success had to do with Elliot Easton's iconic guitar solos.  Some of it had to do with Greg Hawkes' unbelievably successful incorporation of synth into the classic rock sound.  But I believe the lion's share of their success had to do with the oddball cool that pervades Ric Ocasek's music, lyrics, & singing.  This is the guy who wrote, "It's an orange-y sky," after all.

The truth is, after I discovered postpunk, I was a little embarrassed how much I liked the Cars.  At some point, in my poor early college years, I got rid of their records to buy new or different records.  (The place I would go for records, Waterloo in Austin, would buy back LPs at two bucks & sell used ones for four.  I often bring in four records & leave with two.)

But sometime in the 90s, I stumbled across the double CD greatest hits collection Just What I Needed.  It was like running into a best friend from high school with whom I'd lost touch.  I remember going to a movie with some young KVRXers a couple nights later, & everyone talking about what CDs or records they'd just added to their collection, & I sheepishly said I bought the Cars greatest hits CD.  They all said, "Holy shit, the Cars are awesome." & I agreed.  Wholeheartedly.

But I noticed I don't play the Cars on the radio a lot - my records indicate the last time was 2017, although I did play a cover of "Shake It Up" on Freeform this summer - probably because I was raised to think the sort of radio I do is supposed to be an alternative to classic rock.  Those lines are blurring & I will belatedly step up my radio worship of the rock genius of Ric Ocasek & crew.  I watched some Youtube videos today - live stuff, mostly, not the videos that defined the band in the 1980s - & was impressed how cohesive they were.

Look, I don't know what kept me in love with music in the dark times where I only knew commercial FM radio & what we now call classic rock, but certainly the Cars helped out.  I remember being quite in love with "You Might Think" when I was disenchanted with radio in late high school.  & though I don't really know if I like the song "Magic" all that music, hearing Ric Ocasek say, "Summer, summer, summer, it turns me upside down" at the very beginning is as powerful to me as an incantation.

It's sad he's no longer with us.  It's amazing what music he left us.  Here they are performing the song that gives this post its name on some late-night television show in the 1980s:

Hi, How Are You?

Unlike many of my musical heroes who die, I actually knew Daniel Johnston a little.  In 1998, he was working with the Station Manager of KVRX, Mark Miller.  Mark was making a music video for him, which you can see here.  At least a couple of times he followed Mark up to the station, & I was at the station a lot - I was a Program Manager that summer.

To say that Daniel Johnston didn't like me would probably be too much - I just didn't really have much that interested him.  He carried with him a two-liter of Coca-Cola & a carton of Kools, & since I was a smoker at the time, we would often be outside smoking.  Daniel Johnston had a ton of energy & his mind worked double-overtime, obviously fueled by the nicotine & caffeine.  We had a few conversations, we of course talked once about the Beatles, but if there were a woman outside, he was going to be focused on her instead.

The last time I saw him play was in 2000 I think when he came onstage at a Yo La Tengo show.  Something about being around him made me worry about him.  He lived with his parents who were getting on in years - what would happen to him once they had gone?

That level of anxiety I would feel would also come to me in his music, which I had heard before I met him.  I came to Austin for college in 1986 & might have run into him at the McDonald's on the Drag where he worked or maybe I would've seen him handing out his tapes.  I don't recall.  I believe I first saw him live in a nicely-packed room at an early South By Southwest.  I might not have heard his music before.

It was when I started volunteering at KVRX that he began to figure in my life.  We had his cassettes & CDs.  People played him all the time.  & in 1994, Kathy McCarty released Dead Dog's Eyeball, which brought a whole new appreciation to the originals.

There's always a part of me that feels like I didn't appreciate him as much as I feel he deserved.  I don't know if it has something to do with being around Daniel Johnston the Person instead of concentrating on Daniel Johnston the Artist.  I do wish he had been more appreciated in his life.  I also hope that whatever demons tormented him for his short time on this planet let him have moments of peace & beauty away from his music.

He'll always feel so much like Austin to me.  One night, with my dear friend Mike, as we stumbled home after the bars closed, we were carless & drunk & a mile away from our apartment, Mike, shirtless in the heat of Austin in August at 2am, walking down Dean Keaton toward Red River, he began to sing as loud & passionately as possible:

Funeral home
Funeral home
Goin' to the funeral home
Got me a coffin
Shiny & black
I'm goin' to the funeral
& I'm never comin' back

Austin is more populated & busier now, but we had the streets all to ourselves.  I don't remember getting home but I remember that song.

Self Help Radio 091619: A Frank Show

(Most all these Frank, Franklin, & Frankie images from Wikipedia.)

At long last! Finally! Once & for all! The promised show about people named Frank.

Check this: in addition to twenty-nine (29!) songs about Franks - & Frankies & Franklins - there are interviews with four different Franks on this show!  It is a veritable treasure trove of Frankness.  A priceless hoard of Frankitude.  Truly a bonanza of Frankality.  A treasury of Franktion.  There's frankly too much Frank, if you ask me.  But you didn't ask me!  You want to be drowned in as much Frank as possible!

& so it shall be done.  You can listen to the Self Help Radio Frank show at the Self Help Radio website.  You will need a username & a password - neither, alas, are "frank" - it's SHR & selfhelp.  The parade of all things Frank is listed below!

What a good day to be a Frank!

Self Help Radio Frank Show

part one:
"Frank" Ween _The Pod_
"Blank Frank" Brian Eno _Here Come The Warm Jets_
"Frank" Yoni & Geti _Testarossa_

introduction & the origin of the name "Frank"

"Frankie & Johnny" Sam Cooke _The Man Who Invented Soul_
"Daddy Frank (The Guitar Man)" Merle Haggard _Let Me Tell You About A Song_
"Frank's Wild Years" Tom Waits _Swordfishtrombones_
"Frank & Sandy" Pants Yell! _Received Pronunciation_
"Will Success Spoil Frank Summit?" The Times _This Is London_

interview with cousin Frank Schmidt

"Frankie Sinatra" The Avalanches _Wildflower_
"Like Frankie Lymon" The Weather Prophets _CD86: 48 Tracks From The Birth Of Indie Pop_
"Harlem Roulette" The Mountain Goats _Transcendental Youth_
"Blues For Frankie Valli" The Incredible Vickers Brothers _Gallimaufry_

interview with childhood friend Frank David Fruchter

"Frank Mills" Phyllis Newman _Phyllis Newman's World Of Music_
"Gotta Have Something In The Bank Frank" Bob Jaxon _On A Rockin Beach Party_

part two:
"He's Frank" The Monochrome Set _The Independent Singles Collection_
"I'm Frank" The Fall _Extricate_
"Our Frank" Morrissey _Kill Uncle_

interview with Kentucky radio star Frank Yelsom

"The Ballad Of Frankie Lee & Judas Priest" Thea Gilmore _John Wesley Harding_
"Frankie T & Frankie C" Mick Harvey _Sketches From The Book Of The Dead_
"Frankie" Kanda _All The Good Meetings Are Taken_
"So Long Frank Lloyd Wright" Simon & Garfunkel _Bridge Over Troubled Water_

interview with Head Of Production Frank Biggle Magnum

"Frank Black Says" Boat _Dress Like Your Idols_
"Frank De Salvo" The Orchids _Unholy Soul_
"Franklin D. Roosevelt's Back Again" Oscar Brand _Presidential Campaign Songs_
"Franklin Pierce" The Two Man Gentlemen Band _¡Dos Amigos, Una Fiesta!_

conclusion & goodbye

"What About Frank Clement (A Mighty Man)" The Prisonaires _Just Walkin' In The Rain_
"Frankie's House" Johnny Lee Daniels _Teenagers Forever, Vol. 3_
"That's Frankie's Negative" The Moodists _Thirsty's Calling_

Whither A Frank Show?

(It's not those kind of franks - never mind.  Image from here.)

You may recall, way back in the good old days of August, when Self Help Radio was still without a radio station to call home, there was an announcement on the show's Facebook page & also on the show's website that the next installment of Self Help Radio would be a show about people named Frank.  Not necessarily famous people named Frank!  Just whatever Frank might have been sung about.  Songs were gathered.  People named Frank were hassled.  Promised were made, money was loaned, hair was combed, shirts were tucked in.  & then: I got sick.

Sick as a person named Frank has ever been sick before.  In retrospect, it might have been amusing to try to make a show, especially with my voice a little croaky & the sniffles my only friend.  But I chose to take lots of cold medicine, cover myself in blankets, & wait for the fever to break.

Then I rescheduled the show, which is happening oh my gosh tomorrow!  At 6am!  On Freeform Portland!

Tell all the Franks you know!  Make sure to mention it as well to the Frankies, Franklins, & why the hell not the Francises (Franceses too).  It may be very flattering to them.  Or it may be a grave, grave insult.

Preface To A Frank Show: Can't Figure Out Time Around Here

When I say "time," I don't mean personal, day-to-day time.  I've said this before, but I can't ever believe I was bored when I was a kid.  I have way too much to do these days, I can't imagine lying around on my bed after dinner, homework finished, not tired, feeling too lazy to turn the lights on when the sun went down, just bored out of my fucking skull.  But I know that happened a lot.

No, what I mean about time here is this: we moved to Portland in May, roughly four months ago.  But if you'd ask me how long we've lived here, I think I might say, "A year? Two? Maybe three?"

Some weeks seem to go by fast, but sometimes I think, when I arrive at a radio station, I think, "Has it been a month since I've been here?"  When it's often been just a couple of days.

A couple of things have contributed to this recently.  I was pretty sick for three or four days, er, was it three weeks ago?  (Or maybe last summer?)  That screwed up time somewhat.  The other is that one of our pups isn't well, & it's been a lot of stress.

This seems to suggest that illness has screwed up time, but it's not just that: both the wife & I have had expectations foiled & realized.  It's strange to take stock, to ask oneself where one would have predicted to be in a month or two.  I can't believe, for example, I've done shows on three different radio stations in the past few months.  I've gone on about this before, but you have to understand: there were virtually no opportunities in Dallas for radio.  This place is one opportunity after another.

& now the wife has gone away to visit her family in California for a week, & I am left to my own obviously screwed-up devices.  You know how there are those clocks that are somewhat tuned to an atomic clock somewhere, so they don't lose a second but after a million years?  If someone could set a clock to me, it would probably confuse the hell out of the clock connected to the atomic one.

It might not be Portland, I understand: it might just be me.

A Day Without Sleep

This is not true!  There has been sleep today!

Let me tell you where there has been sleep today: where people slept.  The World Sleep Meter registered sleep in normal proportions except - there was that place - it was in Portland - let's look at the records - was there someone who, in a twenty-four hour period, slept less than four hours?

Experts agree: this is unsustainable.  Also, experts say: subject had delicious vegan Thai food for dinner?  Holy shit - add the experts - that sounds amazing.

In the evening - after dinner, but before drinking - subject helped the neighbors chase an errant duckling around the neighborhood before catching it & letting the neighbors return it to where it belonged.  Said the neighbor, "This is Portland!"

Against all advice, subject drank a couple of glasses of whiskey in the evening & watched YouTube videos.  Experts predict the amount of sleep required to return subject to some kind of equilibrium may result in diminished REM times in nearby homes.

As there is only a finite amount of sleep.

Until.

All there is is sleep.

Where Was I Today?

Please don't think I've forgotten you!  The next few days are going to be a little busy.

This is something strange to reflect on: when I lived in the Dallas/Fort Worth metroplex, I not only didn't get to do Self Help Radio, I barely got to do any kind of radio at all.  KNON's deejays loved doing their shows, & if they couldn't do it, they generally had a "crew" of folks who helped out who took care of their shows if they missed it.  In general, I might sub the morning shows, but that was it.

The situation here is vastly different.  This week, I turned down two shows on two different stations.  In one case, I simply wouldn't have had the time to make a decent show - & in the other, I had to take a pup to the vet in the morning so couldn't have done the show anyway.

& tonight I am preparing to do four hours of Freeform Portland - from 2am to 6am, my favorite time to play on the radio.

So if you're feeling ignored, I'm sorry.  I'm busy.  Happily busy.  As a friend told me today, it appears this is the right town for me to end up in.

Self Help Radio 090919: Passion

(Original image here.)

A week ago I promised I would post my shows the same day I did them, but this week I was asked to sub a show on XRAY FM so I could not.  However, I can to-day.  I present to you the second Self Help Radio in Portland: a show about passion.

Most people wouldn't consider me a passionate fellow, although I think of myself as one.  Passionate about the things I love, like music, radio, my pets, my wife, all kinds of creation.  In that order?  Oops.  Too bad I am writing this on a computer & there's no way to correct that sentence in order to make my pets seem more important than radio.  I just hope they don't read this & get upset.

The show is waiting for you at the Self Help Radio website, where it will require you to adopt a secret name (SHR) & use a secret word of love (selfhelp) to give you access to the passion.  There will be no surprises, however - well, perhaps the intensity will surprose you - as you can see the songs played & the guests' appearances below.

Whew!  That was a passionate show.  I need a lie-down.

Self Help Radio Passion Show

part one:
"Passion" Watsie Lumbard And The East-Men featuring Hal Jaxon _Confidential Doo Wop, Vol. 3_
"Passion Or Patterns" Units _Digital Stimulation_
"Bulbs Of Passion" Dinosaur Jr _Dinosaur_

introduction & definitions

"Passion Is No Ordinary Word" Graham Parker & The Rumour _Squeezing Out Sparks_
"Pashernate Love" Morrissey _The HMV/Parlophone Singles 88-95_
"Passion For Water" Liechtenstein _Fast Forward_
"Passionate Kisses" Lucinda Williams _Passionate Kisses_

interview with motivational speaker Dirk Robbins

"Passionate Friend" The Teardrop Explodes _Wilder_
"The Passion" English Electric _Baby I'm Yours_
"Mad Passionate Love" Bernard Bresslaw _British Comedy Classics_
"Rak Tong Rorn (Love Passion)" Viparat Piengsuwan _Thai Beat A Go-Go Volume 2 (Groovy 60's Sounds From The Land Of Smile!)_

introducing Ned Dry

"The Passion Of Lovers" Bauhaus _1979-1983_
"Passion Fall Down" The Wreckery _Past Imperfect_

part two:
"Passion Of Mine" Black & White Lovers _The Sound Of Leamington Spa, Vol. 8_
"Passion In The Afternoon" The Desert Wolves _Pontification_
"The Passion" Billy Bragg _Talking With The Taxman About Poetry_

interview with romance novelist Raymond Dunlap

"Plastic Passion" The Cure _Boys Don't Cry_
"Talk About The Passion" R.E.M. _Murmur_
"Scorpio: The Passionate Hero" The Zodiac _Cosmic Sounds_
"The Passionate Shepherd To His Love" P.D.Q. Bach _Liebeslieder Polkas_
"Passion Killer" One The Juggler _Nearly A Sin_

interview with Bingham Killkid

"Passion Of Love" The Pretty Things _Singles As & Bs_
"Passionate Love" The Goodtime Music Co. _The Sound Of Young Sacramento_
"Cool Passion" Data _Accumulator (1980-1985)_
"Passion Play" Papas Fritas _Papas Fritas_

conclusion & a passionate farewell

"This Passionate Breed" The Sun & The Moon _The Sun & The Moon_
"Nights Of Passion" The Radicals _The Bristol Reggae Explosion 1978-1983_

Whither Passion?

(Image from here.)

Of course, Self Help Radio has always been known as a passionate show.  Perhaps too passionate.  It's been called, by jealous critics, ardent, amorous, even concupiscent, which is a word that sounds way naughtier than it actually is.  Actually, no, it's pretty naughty.  Not as naughty as, say, lascivious, aroused, or prurient, which are to be clear not words anyone has used to describe Self Help Radio.  They pretty much stop at passionate, if they start at all.

Which brings us to this week's show: can a passionate show like Self Help Radio get introspective & examine its own passion?  Will that not make the show too passionate?  Isn't it better to dispassionately examine oneself, to have a better understanding, unsullied by over-emotion?  Perhaps.  But what else can the show do?  Hire an outside agency?  Take unsolicited criticism?  Never!

Self Help Radio, passionate show that it is, is passionate about passion, & therefore that's what we'll explore tomorrow morning, Monday the 9th, from 6 to 8 am on 90.3 + 98.3 fm Freeform Portland.  If you yourself are a fan of passion, you'll want to wake up for it.  Although it may be too passionate for a Monday morning.

You've been, I imagine, properly admonished.

Preface To Passion: It Feels So Weird To Write This On A Saturday

Guess I'll have to get used to it!

Here's something I might or might not have said: I'll be doing two radio shows on Monday.  That's right, in addition to Self Help Radio I'm going to be subbing a show on XRAY called What I Like.  It's super fun & I will in no way be able to capture how good it is when DJ Flash Gordon Quarterback New York Jets is on, so I think I'm going to repurpose an old Self Help Radio.

Something I might also not have mentioned is that I spent all day Sunday working on the first Self Help Radio in Portland & got maybe three hours sleep.  Part of that was bad planning.  A lot of it is my anxiety keeping me awake.  I haven't overslept for a show in years but my brains acts like I will
probably do it if I don't fret about it for hours before I stumble into a fitful, rem-less sleep.

Thinking of sleep, I have fond memories of falling asleep in class.  In both high school & college, I feel like I had the most restful naps when, bored stiff, I'd pretend to be taking notes & cover my downcast face with my hand & just doze off.  Inevitably the elbow of my right arm would give way & it would wake me.  I'd be confused but oh so refreshed.

Now when I am busy listening to music or writing some fake ad or editing an interview, the urge to sleep is strong.  I never knew how fucking lazy I was until I started putting more work into this show.

Speaking of: I know it's a Saturday night but I am going to go to sleep now so I can wake up early to work on two shows for Monday.  Please don't envy me this rock star lifestyle - I put my pants on one leg at a time like you do.  Although now you're making me feel that's the wrong way to do it.  Should I be doing it two legs at a time?  Three?  Four?

See you in the a.m.

The Thing The Internet Knew I Needed

You can find this beauty here.  I highly recommend "even wrong is right."

Thank you, internet!

How'd It Go?

When Self Help Radio was on Fridays, I wrote something on this blog for five days of the week, starting on Mondays.  Now Self Help Radio is on Mondays.  To write five times a week I need to shift the week ahead, what?  Three days?  So the first day I write is - well, it's Sunday, but that would be equivalent to the fourth day.  Sundays are the new Thursdays.  Or has that phraseology passed from use?

In any event.  I'll be writing here from Thursday to Monday.  On Monday, I'll put the show up after it has aired onto the Self Help Radio website.  Monday is the new Friday.  At least around here.

But you asked how it went.  It went swimmingly.  I had a blast.  True, it was Labor Day morning & when I drove home - at 8:30 - they were as quiet as they were at 5:30 - maybe just a tad busier - but I suspect this Monday it'll be a different story.

Really, I felt so good after Monday's show, & it got even better.  When I returned home, the wife was awake & acting weird.  She told me to sit down & wait then went somewhere.  I knew it was important because she took the car.  She'll drive across town on a bike rather than drive.

When she got back, she brought me from a vegan donut shop around here called Doe Donuts this:

It's six donuts plus one donut hole that spell out the frequency of Freeform Portland plus "SHR" for you-know-what.

Sometimes she makes me feel loved.  The "S" up there was a peanut butter & jelly donut.  I ate it first.  I mentioned just today that I had a peanut butter & jelly donut & he said, "I never knew such a thing existed but now I want it."

It bugs her, but I keep telling my wife: "How're you going to top last week this Monday?"

It's good to be back on the air.  I hope I never leave.

Self Help Radio 090219: Start Again

(It's not a new start, it's start again - oh never mind.  Image from here.)

Hey, that was fun!  I was up late Sunday working on the show & had about three hours sleep, but there's always something wonderful about doing Self Help Radio live.  The last time I did that was actually not in Lexington, as you might imagine, but when I did two episodes (they were basically live versions of prerecorded shows that aired on WLXU) on KVRX at the end of 2017.  That was exhilarating, this felt even better.

How or why I can't explain.  Freeform Portland just feels like home.  The show as it aired is now at Self Help Radio dot net & you'll need to use a username (SHR) & a password (selfhelp) to listen.  I've divided the show into two parts again, I don't exactly know why, maybe if it'd annoying you can tell me.  I think it's because the second hour needs a legal ID & so it's like a natural partition.  The troubles with starting all over.

What's on the show is listed below.  I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed making it!

Self Help Radio Starts Again
"Start Again" Artisans _Why Popstars Can't Dance_
"Start Again" Tri-State _We Did What We Could Do_
"Start Again (live)" Echo & The Bunnymen _Crystal Days: 1979-1999_

introduction & a little history

"Start Again" Starlings _Valid_
"Start Again" Sounds Like Sunset _Saturdays_
"Lifeboat" Monty Python _Another Monty Python Record_
"Start Again" Bleeding Rainbow _Interrupt_
"Start Again" Bishop Allen _Lights Out_

interview with podcaster Zach Hightower

"Begin Again" California Snow Story _Close To The Ocean_
"Begin Again" Rocket 3 _Burn_
"Begin Again" Citrus Clouds _Imagination_
"Begin Again" Larry & His Flask _This Remedy_

interview with artist Cornelius Magnusson

"Rip It Up" Orange Juice _The Very Best Of Orange Juice_
"Start All Over Again" Smokey Joe _Rhythm & Blues Goes Rock & Roll, Vol. 1_
"Starting The Hurt All Over Again" Brenda Holloway _The Complete Motown Singles, Vol. 7: 1967_
"I'll Begin Again" Sammy Davis Jr. _Now_

lawyer Bobcat Slone interrupts!

"Can't We Start Again" Les Poissons Solubles _Untitled Split 7" With Snowbirds_
"A New Beginning" Red Letter Day _Red Letter Day_
"A New Beginning" The Sweetest Ache _Rolling Meadows: Songs About Our Past, Vol. 2_
"Brand New Start" The Crookes _Lucky Ones_

interview with the Rev Dr Howard Gently

"It Started All Over Again" Brenda Lee _I Got A Woman: Gems From The Decca Vaults USA 1960-1961_
"Start Again" Look See Proof _Between Here & There_
"New Day, Fresh Start" Kicker _Our Wild Mercury Years_
"Start Anew" Acid House Kings _Mondays Are Like Tuesdays & Tuesdays Are Like Wednesdays_

conclusion & goodbye

"Starting All Over Again" Mel & Tim _Take Me To The River: A Southern Soul Story 1961-1977_
"Why Not Start All Over Again" The Counts _What's Up Front That Counts_

Whither Start Again?

(Image from here.)

"Start again"?  Wait a second!  I have two important questions here!

Okay, fire away.

One: didn't you already do a show about starting?

Yes, that show happened in 2015, & you can see the playlist by clicking here.

I knew it!  & two: doesn't it say on your website "a new start"?  Isn't that supposed to be the theme?

It does.  However, I had completely forgotten I had originally done a "start" show.

Of course you did.

So it seemed wise to avoid what I had originally played by changing the theme to "start again."

How is that different?

You'll see.

See?

You'll hear.

When can I hear it?

Glad you asked!  Tomorrow morning from 6-8am!

Where can I hear it?

In Portland at 90.3 + 89.3 fm, & online everywhere at Freeform Portland dot org.

Why can I hear it?

Because you have ears?

6am tomorrow - hey!  That's like a little over half a day away!

Don't remind me!