October 22

It was in the late summer or early fall of 2014 when I started taking pictures of things with a cheap little digital camera.  I've discussed why I do it here before - I've mentioned I put those pictures on my personal Facebook account as well as the show's Tumblr page - & I've made a habit of occasionally looking back through those photos & sharing them when I can on the anniversary days of when they were taken.

For some reason, the last few years I've skipped October 22.  I might have taken pictures that day but I didn't save them.  Two years in particular though I saved lots of photos - in 2014 (not represented here) & in 2016, when I was obviously in Garland & took a picture of the street named after me.

You know I could swear I've written about this nondescript street on this blog before but I can't seem to find that page.  Hm.  Anyway, there's a street named after me in Garland.  It's completely unimportant.

In the years I've lived in Portland, I haven't taken (or saved) any pictures on October 22, but I did save this one from 2019.  It was taken in a swell vegan pizza place called Secret Pizza Society.  Can you make out the price?  I think it was 100 bucks.  I almost convinced my wife to buy it!

As if sensing that I didn't take a lot of pictures on this day, I took a few today, but it's getting darker earlier you know.  & my camera is still pretty cheap.

Reishahr

(image from here)

One thing I do when I'm drinking is I look at maps.   Not just regular maps (including taking virtual drives through my past on Gurgle Marps), but also historical maps.  & this morning I was thinking about something that I read last night about a city that everyone left.

What was that?  I don't know how I found it - except that it was on a map I'm certain, an ancient map - which I probably saw on Tumblr but Tumblr doesn't save its places the same as Wikipedia pages in my browser history - but here's what I was reading, from Wikipedia:

Reishahr was a city on the Persian Gulf in medieval Iran & is currently an archaeological site near Bushehr. It may be identical to the Antiochia-in-Persis of the Seleucid period, but was refounded by Ardashir I (d. CE 224), the first ruler of the Sasanian Empire. In the Church of the East, it was seat of the metropolitan bishop of the province of Fars from at least 424.

The city is mentioned by many historians, such as Farhang-i Anandraj, Hamdollah Mostowfi's Nuzhat al-Qulub, Majmal al-tawarikh, & Ibn Balkhi's Farsnameh. In particular, some historians such as Yaqut al-Hamawi's Mu'jam Al-Buldan write of the city being centered on a pre-Islamic academic center of higher learning where scholars converged to study medicine as well as Indian & Greek sciences.

Dehkhoda dictionary mentions that the city was eventually deserted & its inhabitants moved to Bushehr.

It's that last line that haunted me.

Another website (this one) adds: Reishahr was one of the major Maritime Silk Roads' ports under Sassanian Empire in the Persian Gulf.

The Sassanian Empire ended in the mid-8th century.  Is that when everyone just left?  Who does that?!?

The truth is, I don't know much about the pre-Islamic Middle East.  But I do know a dumb anecdote about my brother-in-law & oldest sister who used to argue about stupid stuff & somehow would involve me.  This was when my sister was alive, & I was living in Lexington.  She said to me once, "You wanna know something my dumb husband told me?  He said there were no Muslims at the time of Jesus!"

"He's right," I told her.  "Mohammad died in the 7th century, & there couldn't be Islam before then."

"So," she said, still suspicious, "what were all those people back then?"

"Pagans & Jews, I guess," I told her.  "After Jesus, there were Christians.  Just look it up on your phone."

She did, & had to concede the fact.

Later on, I mentioned this to my brother-in-law & said, "Why didn't you just tell her to look it up?"  He didn't have an answer.  I asked if she ever acknowledged to him that he was right.  He said, "Nope."

Anyway, if you know why everyone left Reishahr, clue me in will you?  Thanks.

Self Help Radio 101822: Paralyzed

It's true, I convened a panel of experts to decide whether it was fine or not to have a radio show with the theme "paralyzed."  It was a close vote (I assume, I didn't count them as they were voice votes) but they approved the theme.  It happened on the show - you can listen!  It's in the first airbreak.

Also, every song for the first two hours is called "Paralyzed."  That's cool, right?  Oh what, you notice some of them are called "Paralysed"?  Same word!  It counts!

You can listen now or when you like at either the KBOO web page or at the Self Help Radio website.  On the latter, you will need a username (SHR) & a password (selfhelp) to listen or download.  Everything that happens on the show (most everything anyway) is listed below.

Self Help Radio Paralyzed Show

"Paralyzed" Elvis Presley _Elvis Studio Sessions '56 The Complete Recordings_

"Paralyzed" Betty Wright _Eccentric Soul: The Deep City Label_

"Paralyzed" The Legendary Stardust Cowboy _Paralyzed!! His Vintage Recordings 1968-81_

introduction/panel votes on whether the theme is allowed

"Paralysed" Suzi Quatro _Your Mamma Won't Like Me_

"Paralyzed" Graham Parker & The Rumour _The Up Escalator_

"Paralyzed" Rachel Sweet _Blame It On Love_

"Paralysed" Gang Of Four _Solid Gold_

"Paralysed" Ride _Nowhere_

definitions

"Paralyzed" Heavens To Betsy _Calculated_

"Paralyzed" Charming _Giant_

"Paralyzed" The Cardigans _Gran Turismo_

"Paralyzed" Trish Murphy _Captured_

"Paralysed (feat. Emma Stow)" Hector Zazou _L'Absence_

interview with sleep paralysis expert Keith Johnson

"Palalyzed" Mando Diao _Bring 'Em In_

"Paralyzed" Bob Mould _Body Of Song_

"Paralyzed" Elf Power _In A Cave_

"Paralyzed" Hanni El Khatib _Savage Times Vol. 2_

"Paralyzed" Lee Fields _Emma Jean_

interview with analysis paralysis sufferer Henrietta Kane

"Paralyzed" Big Fresh _Fall Preview EP_

"Paralyzed" Wild Belle _Hurricane_

"Paralysed" Nilüfer Yanya _Miss Universe_

"Paralysed" The Staves _Good Woman_

"Paralyzed" Oneida _Success_

interview with psychologist Dr. Caspar Jarvis

"Deaf, Blind, Paralyzed" Honey Cone _Sweet Replies_

"Halfway Paralysed" The Godfathers _More Songs About Love & Hate_

"Ballad Of A Paralyzed Citizen" The Faint _Danse Macabre_

"Option Paralysis" Githead _Profile_

"Sleep Paralysis" Youth Lagoon _Wondrous Bughouse_

interview with Portland Dating Game show host Squint Carpenter

"Paralyze My Mind" Nat Stuckey _Nat Stuckey Really Sings_

"Paralyzed Waltz" Sarah Bethe Nelson _Weird Glow_

"Analysis Paralysis" Jen Cloher _Jen Cloher_

"Paracetemol Paralysis" The Distractions _Nobody's Perfect_

conclusion & goodbye

"Paralyzer" Suuns _Hold/Still_

"Paralyzed" The Vanishing _Still Lifes Are Failing_

"The Spider Has To Paralyse The Victim" Coil With Black Sun Productions _The Plastic Spider Thing_

Whither Paralyzed?

(image from here.)

The reason the theme for tonight's Self Help Radio is "paralyzed" is possibly the main reason I pick themes: I noticed that there were lots of songs I liked called "Paralyzed."  (Or "Paralysed" because British English.)  I know that's a boring answer for a theme but it really is how it works most of the time.  I'm listening to a record, then another one, & I notice a couple of songs, & I think, "Maybe that would make a good theme."  I create a folder on my computer & as time passes I find other songs & come up with other ideas that might go into the folder.

One of my obsessions - which I think I've realized a few times - is to have an entire show with all the songs having the same name.  If Self Help Radio were still two hours long, I do believe I would be able to fill the entire show with nothing but songs called "Paralyzed" (or, you know, "Paralysed").  Alas, it's three hours long.  Which is fine, I have found some songs I really like & hope you'll like too.

Three hours!  Tonight!  Midnight to 3am Portland time!  On 90.7fm in town!  & online at kboo.fm!  I'll try not to be like a deer in the headlights.

Preface To Paralyzed: Nothing Literal Here

(image from Discogs)

The show this week - on tomorrow night! - has the theme "paralyzed."  Initially I thought I'd use the noun form - "paralysis" - but really the show isn't going to be about paralysis in its main meaning at all.

This website tells us, "Paralysis occurs when you're unable to make voluntary muscle movements. A nervous system problem causes paralysis."

& that's fucking heavy.  There's just no way I could do a light-hearted radio show with a topic like paralysis.  The internet search that found that web page linked there says in a sidebar - & I don't know if I've ever seen a sidebar like this on a web search - it says "See a doctor immediately if you experience sudden paralysis or weakness in any part of the body."

My hope is that it's obvious that the sort of paralysis one finds in a song is a metaphorical paralysis - or maybe just plain hyperbole.  "All I could do is stand there paralyzed," Elvis sang.  He wasn't actually paralyzed!

Mostly no one will care, it's just a dumb radio show, but I hope no one thinks I'm going to have songs about paraplegia!

What I will do is play that Legendary Stardust Cowboy tune.  I don't think it's the world's worst record!  I remember the first time I heard it, on a compilation at KVRX, I immediately played it on the radio.

Three Years Ago

On this very day in 2019, I was in the XRAY studios - why? For what reason? & I took this picture of myself in the glass that separates the two studios there.

Oh hey! I just looked. I was doing a show at XRAY at the time!  It was on Tuesday mornings from 2-4am. I was very happy to be doing it even if no one were listening.  I had only been doing it for two weeks before this.  & like every radio show I do, I must have been thinking, "This will not last very long. I need to document this!"

Those pre-pandemic days seem so weird & special now. & it's even weirder to think it's just been three years. Because I feel like I've aged decades since then. Which of course makes it even harder to think about what is normal now.

Weak Chin

(image from here.)

All of my failures in life come from having a weak chin.

Now I just don't think that's true.

My father had a weak chin & his father before him.

What about your mother?

You keep my mother out of this!

All right, all right.

Even my dog has a weak chin.

But surely that's on you.

What do you mean?

You picked the dog, right?

Right.

You knew about the chin before you took the pup home.

Say, whose side are you on here?

What sides are there?

A guy says he has a weak chin & you wanna blame him for his choice of dogs!

The truth is, I don't think you have a weak chin.

But look at it!

Yes, I am looking at it.  I understand it's not the strongest of chins...

Told you so!

But it's far from the weakest chin I've seen.

A ringing endorsement!

What sort of regimen do you have it on?

Regimen?  What do you mean?

For your chin.

What do you mean, chin regimen?

If you have weak muscles, you exercise. Same for your chin.

Exercise my chin?

Even with superior genes, one must work toward a strong chin.

This is something no one ever told me.

What did they tell you?

Go to a plastic surgeon!

Nonsense. Find a personal trainer.

A personal chin trainer?

It will serve you well.

Hey. Sorry about all the self-pity earlier.

No apologies necessary.  Just look after that chin!

Will do.  Thanks.

Self Help Radio 101122: Trampolines

Oh look. The trampoline in the yard is unused. Hey! I've never seen a trampoline so close to a house before! I bet if I got a powerful bounce going... Oh no! They put up some of that protective netting! That's no fun! But maybe I can grab hold of a nearby tree...

It's been ages since I've been on a trampoline. I think I was just out of college. There were kids - my nieces & nephews & their friends - bouncing around, having a blast, & I felt kind of stupid. One of the kids asked if I could do a flip, & in my head I replied, "Not since my mother told me to stop doing it or I'll break my neck!"

Lots of trampoline songs & lots of people talking about trampolines on this show. This shouldn't be considered a guarantee, but it's pretty unlikely listening to this show will result in spinal injury. So please don't do any flips while listening. Thank you.

The show can be found at both the KBOO website & the Self Help Radio website. Two notes about downloading from the show's website: one, you'll need the username SHR & the password selfhelp to access the file, & two, you can download it as well as listen online.  Lots of stuff happens on the show, it's all noted below.

Be careful!

Self Help Radio Trampoline Show

"Trampolina" Russ Conway _The Hits & More...: The Party Pop Stylings Of Russ Conway_

"Nancy's Trampoline" The Four Seasons _The Best Of Robbee Records_

"Trampoline" The Spencer Davis Group _The Best Of The Spencer Davis Group_

introduction & definitions - featuring the Definition-O-Tron 3000!

"Trampoline" Julian Cope _Saint Julian_

"Trampoline" Guided By Voices _Self-Inflicted Aerial Nostalgia_

"Trampoline" New Radiant Storm King _My Little Bastard_

"Trampoline" Tree Fort Angst _Last Page In The Book Of Love_

"Trampoline" Bill Lloyd _Set To Pop_

interview with product safety expert Albert Connor

"Trampoline" The Greenberry Woods _Rapple Dapple_

"Trampoline" Damien Jurado _Trampoline_

"Trampoline" Joe Henry _Trampoline_

"Angel On A Trampoline" The Aluminum Group _Plano_

"Trampoline" Calamine _Calamine EP_

interview with trampoline enthusiast Barry Jarvis III

"Trampoline Girl" Number Girl _Sappukei_

"Trampoline" Underwoods _Natural Memory_

"Trampoline" Rachael Sage _Illusion's Carnival_

"Trampoline" Page France _Hello, Dear Wind_

"Static Trampoline" Chris Pierce _Static Trampoline_

interview with Mothers Against Trampoline Harm founder Rhonda Masters

"Trampoline" The Grates _Gravity Won't Get You High_

"Trampoline" The 99th Floor _Eclectic Guitar_

"Trampoline" Forest Sun _So Nice_

"Trampoline" The Clarks _Restless Days_

"My Trampoline" Peter Himmelman _My Trampoline_

interview with amateur astronaut Buzz Watkins

"Traveling By Trampoline" The Flower Machine _Lavender Lane_

"Trampoline" Weezer _Death To False Metal_

"Trampoline" Penny Century _Friends & Family_

"Trampolining" The Wombats _This Modern Glitch (10th Anniversary Edition)_

"Trampoline" Birds Of Chicago _Birds Of Chicago_

the secret truth about trampolines Courtney with a q interrupts with a call

"Trampoline Girl" The Domestics _Little Darkness_

"Trampoline" Latvian Radio _Until Tomorrow Gets In The Way_

"Trampoline" Mother Feather _Mother Feather_

"Field Of Trampolines" Shotgun Jimmie _Field Of Trampolines_

"Trampoline" The Front Bottoms _Going Grey_

conclusion & goodbye

"Trampoline To Me" Kindsight _Swedish Punk_

"Trampoline" Alex Concato _Hipster Songs 2_

"Trampoline (Joey Negro Jumpa Mix)" Tamara's World _Trampoline - Remixed_

Whither Trampolines?

(image from here)

You ask the question: why a radio show about trampolines?
My answer is the question: why not a radio show about trampolines?
There's another question: have you ever heard a radio show about trampolines?
& yet another pertinent ask: are there enough songs to make a radio show about trampolines?
Then you think: oh yeah Gary'll probably have some silly interviews too.
You're right! There are enough songs plus there'll be silly interviews on Self Help Radio tonight!
A show about trampolines from midnight to 3am on 90.7 fm KBOO in Portland & online at kboo.fm.

But then.  As you make plans to perhaps listen.  You think yourself.
Hey! He didn't tell us why he's doing a radio show about trampolines!

Preface To Trampoline: The Actual Anniversary

Exactly twenty years ago today, I left my work at the University of Texas around noon to take a bus to KOOP radio in downtown Austin.  I had been volunteering at KOOP for almost two years & had despaired of ever getting a radio show there.  In fact, I had been given a Friday morning 9-10am show at first, but, well - I think I've told the story here before - have I?  I kind of allude to it in this post from ten years ago, but I've never quite told the whole story.  Suffice it to say, a deal was worked out & on October 9, 2002, I programmed the very first Self Help Radio.

My first "logo" was the one above, a picture of an old lady listening (I think) to the radio.  It was taken from an old psychology textbook I found in the hallway one time which I used to use for all kinds of web stuff I did in the 1990s.  It would never have occurred to me to actually design my own logo.  Like I've said previously, I wasn't even sure I was going to be doing this show for very long.

One thing is true: I think I have recordings of all the shows I did, or tried to do.  I very rarely recorded my college radio shows & I am sad about that.  Although I do remember when I did record them, I was very self-conscious that I was recording them & it made me not enjoy the show as much as when I didn't record them.  In any event, although they are not all digitized, I have recordings of pretty much every Self Help Radio I've done.  Give or take one or two.  Or eleven.

Did I celebrate the anniversary?  In my own way - working on tomorrow's show.  Which I need to get back to.  But twenty years, that's a milestone, & I am amazed I've made it.  Let's see how long I can continue into the dumb future.

Purposeful Criticism In Highly Reactive Media

My dog Pauline turned ten today.

It affects you not at all.  It affects a radio show not at all.

When I was growing up, I encountered a few people now & then obsessed with "the apocalypse."  Mostly I didn't have conversations with them. I wasn't in their religion & nothing that said seemed to make sense to me.

It seems weird to me that they have long been predicting the end of the world & it seems very likely that in the near future it'll be very hard for humans to live on this planet so it might well be considered the end of the world & these people are like, "No! The end of the world we envision involves bloody things in the sky!"

Mostly I hope Pauline stays alive for a few more years because I love her.  She's very pretty.  She looks like this:

She also likes to meet new people.  It's kind of embarrassing.  It makes me feel she doesn't love me very much, the way she's so emotional with strangers.  Anyway, it doesn't make me love her less.

As you might imagine, I met a Christian obsessed with the apocalypse today.  We didn't see eye-to-eye.

But hey!  Pauline was very sweet to him.

Films Of 1970/Books Of 1970

(image from the IMDb)

On this past week's show - wherein I not only revisited the theme of my favorite music of 1970 but also celebrated the show's 20th anniversary - you should go listen, it was a lot of fun - at the KBOO website or at the Self Help Radio website - but also our resident cinephile Chuck talked about his favorite films of 1970.  They were, in the order he talked about them:

The Dunwich Horror.
Multiple Maniacs.
Tell Me That You Love Me, Junie Moon.
Joe.
The Projectionist.
& finally, his favorite, Brewster McCloud.

Follow Chuck on Twitter to keep up with what he watches for the show!

Also our favorite librarian Carole stopped by to talk about five of the most significant children's books from 1970.  They were (in the order she discussed them):

Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret by Judy Blume.
The Trumpet Of The Swan by E.B. White
Runaway Ralph by Beverly Cleary
Fantastic Mr. Fox by Roald Dahl
& Frog & Toad Are Friends by Arnold Lobel

During the show, someone called & asked me what my favorite movie from 1970 was.  Well!  I keep a poorly-updated list of my favorite movies & the only one from that list from 1970 is M*A*S*H.  I got to see it in the theater a few years ago & find it immaculate.

& no one asked but if I had to say which book from 1970 I enjoyed the most, I'd probably have to be the geek I am & admit it was Ringworld by Larry Niven.  It's a book I've read more than once!

Although I did read the Judy Blume book when I was a kid just to see what the fuss was about, & found it very helpful for understanding girls.  Not that that did me any good!

Self Help Radio 100422: 1970 Revisited - The 20th Anniversary Show!

(all album art from Discogs.)

There it is.  Three more hours of music & fun from 1970 plus me reminiscing about the show as well as the voices of friends of the show past & present.  Who stopped by you might wonder?  Gosh, let me see - Chuck, Chris, Carole, Russ, Allen, Clayton, Denver, Jon, Jerome, & Kevin I believe!

Other than that, the show's about the music.  Lots of music.

& you know I'm fully aware that Self Help Radio is mostly a dumb show but if you ever listened, thank you!  Thank you to the stations that let me play on their airwaves: KOOP, WMUL, WRFL, WLXU, Freeform Portland, & now KBOO!  I probably won't do twenty more years of this but I've had so much fun, I hope at least to keep doing it for a bit longer.

You can listen now & whenever at both the KBOO website or the Self Help Radio website.  At that last one, user SHR as a username & selfhelp as a password please.  The songs I played are below. You'll have to listen for the guest appearances!

Again - thank you for 20 ridiculous years!

Self Help Radio 20th Anniversary Show - 1970 Revisited

"Theme De Yoyo" Art Ensemble Of Chicago _Les Stances À Sophie_

"Across The Universe" The Beatles _Let It Be_

"Parallelograms" Linda Perhacs _Parallelograms_

"Worried Worried" Mayo Thompson _Corky's Debt To His Father_

"Your Key Don't Fit It Anymore" Marie Queenie Lyons _Soul Fever_

"Blue Nile" Alice Coltrane _Ptah, The El Daoud_

"Pressure Drop" The Maytals _Monkey Man_

"Completeness" Minnie Ripperton _Come To My Garden_

"Preciso Urgentemente Encontrar Um Amigo" Mutantes _A Divina Comédia Ou Ando Meio Desligado_

"Exuma, The Obeah Man" Exuma _Exuma_

"My Only Child" Nico _Desertshore_

"Sugar Man" Rodriguez _Cold Fact_

"Greenfield Morning I Pushed An Empty Baby Carriage All Over The City" Yoko Ono _Plastic Ono Band_

"Jones Comin' Down" The Last Poets _The Last Poets_

"Conversation" Joni Mitchell _Ladies Of The Canyon_

"Blistered" Johnny Cash _Hello, I'm Johnny Cash_

"Free Your Mind & Your Ass Will Follow" Funkadelic _Free Your Mind & Your Ass Will Follow_

"I Have Learned To Do Without You" Mavis Staples _Only For The Lonely_

"Willie & Laura Mae Jones" Clarence Carter _Patches_

"Apeman" The Kinks _Lola Versus Powerman & The Moneygoround, Part One_

"Get Me Back On Time, Engine Number Nine (Parts I & II)" Wilson Pickett _In Philadelphia_

"Lay Down (Candles In The Rain)" Melanie _Candles In The Rain_

"My Guitar Wants To Kill Your Mama" The Mothers Of Invention _Weasels Ripped My Flesh_

"Sunday Coming" Alton Ellis _Sunday Coming_

"The Ghetto" Donny Hathaway _Everything Is Everything_

"I Don't Like You" Bo Diddley _The Black Gladiator_

"Gator Tail" Lee Dorsey _Yes We Can_

Whither 1970 Revisited?

(image from here.)

Self Help Radio had its first episode on October 9, 2002. It was a Wednesday in Austin, at 2 in the afternoon.  I've told the story about the weird hoops I had to jump through to get on the air on KOOP many times before, so I shan't again, but I will say that I had no idea I'd be doing the show twenty years later.  I wasn't sure I'd be doing the show a year later, to be honest.

The show aired on KOOP from 2002 to 2008. It didn't exist except as a podcast for a year, then it aired from 2009 to 2010 on WMUL in Huntington, West Virginia. We moved to Lexington, Kentucky, where it aired from 2010 to 2016 on WRFL. Though we moved to Fort Worth, Texas, in the summer of that year, it continued to air in Kentucky on WLXU in Lexington for a couple more years. It was a lonesome podcast again after that until it found a home on Freeform Portland in 2019, just a few months after we arrived, & it moved to KBOO in 2020 in the middle of the pandemic, where it has been ever since. I myself have done shows on a few more stations that never aired Self Help Radio though I tried doing the show there! For different reasons, they wouldn't let me.

Once upon a time, I counted all the themes I've covered. I won't do that right now. It's been a lot. There's a list on the website, actually. One of the things I started to do for my anniversary shows - it looks like in 2008, on the show's sixth anniversary - is to revisit an old theme. & I decided this year to revisit my favorite music from 1970, a theme I first explored in 2006. I explained yesterday how I'll do this & I've been sharing music videos of the songs I previously played this past week on the show's Facebook page.  I won't play any of those releases tonight.

& you know what? I have much more music I love from 1970 than even the music I'll play tonight. It's maddening how much music is out there that I love to listen to. I'm glad I have a radio show so I can share it with you!

Celebrate twenty years of Self Help Radio (if you can) tonight on 90.7fm KBOO Portland. We're online everywhere at kboo.fm. Oh yeah. It's on midnight to 3am.

Preface To 1970 Revisited: 1970 Again

(image from here.)

Every year around the time of the show's anniversary, Self Help Radio revisits an old theme.  This week's show is the 20th anniversary show (!!) so I looked back & decided I would find some more of my favorite songs from 1970 & play them.  Looking back at that old playlist, I am struck by one thing that unnerves me: the musicians featured are all men (unless you count the two women in the Free Design, who sing with the men in the group) & all but three are white.  I am saddened & disturbed by that.  I knew I loved a more diverse range of music from that year.

The original 1970 show aired the week of my birthday, like I do, & I usually write on the blog about things happening to me that year.  This blog started in late 2006, so I wasn't writing anything about the show when it first happened, but also, I was two years old in 1970.  I have almost no memory about anything that happened that year of my life, & what memories I do have come from stories my mother or my older siblings told me.

What I do know is that it was a pretty great year for music - even if I almost certainly don't like most of the music love from that year.  So I am glad to get a chance to revisit it.

Hope I don't fuck it up!

Movies Of All Sizes

(image from the IMDb)

We had a delightful visit this week from our friend Chuck - Self Help Radio's resident cinephile - who, apropos this week's theme, "sizes," talked to us about movies featuring kaiju - which the Wikipedia tells us means "a Japanese genre of films & television featuring giant monsters. The term kaiju can also refer to the giant monsters themselves."

You didn't listen?  There's no excuse for that.  Do so now at either the Self Help Radio website & at the KBOO website.  Then, if you want more information, here are some links that can help!

Here's Chuck's IMDb keyword list from which he chose what to watch.

Chuck made a Letterboxd list of the films he watched, & here are his reviews.

Chuck wants you to see these films!  So, here is a YouTube playlist & an IMDb list of films you can stream elsewhere for free.

Follow Chuck on Twitter!  So you know when he's on next!  Spoiler alert - he's on next week's show too!

The Size Of Books

(images from Goodreads)

If we're very lucky, our favorite librarian Carole stops by Self Help Radio to talk to us about some books relating to this week's theme.  She was here for this week's show, which had the theme "sizes," & which you can listen to at either the Self Help Radio website or at the KBOO website - Carole's interview happens early in the show, just past the first half hour I believe - & you should listen because she talked about the three books above!

Once you've listened, find out more at these links!  Here are the books she talked about:

I'm The Biggest Thing In The Ocean! by Kevin Sherry

Capybara Is Friends With Everyone by Maddie Frost

(The capybara is the largest rodent, you see.)

Ninita's Big World: The True Story Of A Deaf Pygmy Marmoset by Sarah Glenn Marsh with illustrations by Stephanie Fizer Coleman

(The pygmy marmoset is the smallest monkey.)

Thanks to Carole, you can grow your library by listening to the radio!

Reflections On The Number 4,000

(image from here)

Oh no, you're thinking, is he going to start writing in this blog six days a week? That's just so much more to ignore! I am not. No, I've been thinking about what I mentioned in this post, which is, I have past four thousand posts on this blog.  It seems like a lot.

But is it?  Four thousand days is just under eleven years (if there were no leap years, eleven years would count as 4,015 days).  Self Help Radio turns 20 next week, & this blog began in 2006, so if I wrote in this blog every day, I would've hit four thousand posts around 2017 or so.

But four thousand years is a lot of years.  Look at that map up there of the what the world looked like around 2000 BCE.  (Four thousand years ago would be 1978 BCE or maybe 1979 BCE since there wasn't a year 0. I have simply forgotten how to properly math.)  That is astonishing.

Human were everygoddamwhere except New Zealand & some very northern places.  (I don't know about Polynesia though & am too lazy to look that up.)  It was the Bronze Age & that would last until around 1200 BCE.  & you can see most of the world was not really working with bronze.  & good for them!

There were only a few Bronze Age cultures, many of which I am ashamed to admit I don't know much about - they're in orange up there.  Fewer still were "state societies" - the Norte Chico in the Andean area, the Egyptians, the Minoans, the Syrians, the folks in the Indus Valley, & Ur III.

According to the Wikipedia page about 2000 BCE, we seem to know most about Egypt, probably because their records were saved in the desert environments, but two things stick out:
1) "The last woolly mammoth goes extinct on Wrangel island."
2) "Horses were tamed & used for transport."
Both seem a bit sad in their way.

Would I like to visit back then?  Hell yeah.  But only if I could bring my own food & drink.  I'm sure I'd get cholera right away from the water.  & I'm sure I'd be very sad to see the abject misery.  & of course everyone would smell terrible. But there's so much about that time we'll never really know. Like, what did their music sound like? Hearing someone sing back then & play music would be incredible.

& it was just four thousand years ago. That's mind-blowing, isn't it? Like, we know quite about about what happened two thousand years ago. But double that? Precious little.

That's what the number four thousand made me think of. Stuff much more interesting than almost anything written in the over four thousand posts on this blog!

Self Help Radio 092722: Sizes

Like the graphic above (which features a picture of the Willamette in the background that I took on a very cold day this past winter), Self Help Radio came in all different sizes this week.  It's like someone said, "Hey! Pick on someone your own size!" & Self Help Radio said, "But I am all sizes!"

Just a point of clarification: the radio show can't actually talk back to you. I've had a caller or two in my time who seemed to want to argue with a song I've just played, but generally speaking recordings can't communicate with you unless your brain is wired to receive such things, & we think of that as a form of mental illness.  I was only speaking with my revoked poetic license.  Also, I wanted to use the phrase "pick on someone your own size," maybe because I've never used it ever in my life.

Where was I?  Oh yeah, lots of sizes.  That was what the show was about.  Sorry, I used all my brainpower this morning/afternoon creating that dumb graphic up there, so I simply can't think of anything else to say.

Except!  You can listen to the show now at its KBOO page or at the Self Help Radio website.  If you go to the show's website, remember you'll need to use SHR as a username & selfhelp as a password.  But you can download the show there!  Everything that happened is below.

Sighs.  I mean, size.

Self Help Radio Sizes Show

"He's Just My Size" Lillie Mae Kirkman _Raunchy Business (Hot Nuts & Lollypops)_

"She's Just Good Huggin' Size" Tommy McClennan _Big Joe Williams & The Stars Of Mississippi Blues_

"Large Size Mama" Ruth Wallis _For Sophisticates Only_

introduction & definitions

"Giant Sized Baby Thing" Bow Wow Wow _Your Box Set Pet (The Complete Recordings 1980-1984)_

"The Size Of A Cow" The Wonder Stuff _Never Loved Elvis_

"It's Not Just The Size Of A Walnut" The Soft Boys _1976-81_

"A Girl Your Size (How Could I Not Miss)" Martin Mull _Martin Mull & His Fabulous Furniture In Your Living Room_

"Love Comes In All Sizes" The Chi-Lites _A Letter To Myself_

our favorite librarian Carole stops by

"Size 12" Don Cornell _The Hits Collection 1942-58_

"King Size Papa" Julia Lee _I'm A Bad, Bad Girl - Seven Dozen Dusky Divas 1939-1953_

"Try On My Love For Size" Chairmen Of The Board _Everything's Tuesday: The Best Of Chairmen Of The Board_

"Dogs Come In All Sizes" George Carlin _More Napalm & Silly Putty_

"Shoesize Of The Angel" Momus _Ping Pong_

interview with shop owner Josie Little

"King Size" The Trials Of Jayson Hoover _King Size_

"Kingsized" Dressy Bessy _Kingsized_

"King Size" Peach Kelli Pop _Gentle Leader_

"It Ain't The Size Of The Ring Finger" Dave Foley _Relatively Well_

"Size 9" Alpinestars _B.A.S.I.C._

interview with shop owner Karen Hardy

"Man Sized Job" Denise LaSalle _Making A Good Thing Better: The Complete Westbound Singles 1970-76_

"Man-Size" PJ Harvey _Rid Of Me_

"The Size Of Our Love" Sleater-Kinney _The Hot Rock_

"Plus Size Models" Andy Kline _Vintage_

"Super-Size It" Half Japanese _Hello_

interview with tallest person in American Jasper Johnson

"I'm Looking For A Saxophonist Doubling French Horn Wearing Size 37 Boots" The Artwoods _Steady Gettin' It: The Complete Recordings 1964-67_

"My Size Side" The Homosexuals _Astral Glamour_

"House The Size Of Mars" The Dentists _If All The Flies Were One Fly: A Collection Of Rare & Unreleased Dentistry 1984-1995)_

"Three Different Sizes" Sarah Silverman _Songs Of The Sarah Silverman Program - From Our Rears To Your Ears!_

"Kingsize (You're My Little Steam Whistle)" Haircut 100 _Pelican West_

"You're Just The Right Size" The Salsoul Orchestra _The Salsoul Orchestra_

our resident cinephile Chuck stops by

"Medium-Sized" Jerold Crews _Drive In Presents: Easy Tune Vol. 3_

"Half The Size Of Nothing" The Bluetones _A New Athens_

"High Rise Towers In Medium Size Towns" Darren Hayman & The Secondary Modern _Pram Town_

"Pocketsize" Voice Of The Beehive _Monsters & Angels_

"In A Town This Size (with Dolores Keane)" John Prine _In Spite Of Ourselves_

conclusion, phone call with Mr. Spellman, goodbye

"My Size" Jackie Cohen _Zagg_

"Super Size Me" Magnapop _The Circle Is Round_

"Just My Size" Tuscadero _The Pink Album_

"Your New Twin Sized Bed" Death Cab For Cutie _Narrow Stairs_

Whither Sizes?

 (image found here.)

Self Help Radio listeners come in all sizes (I'll assume).  But are they - are you - interested in a show about size itself?  I'll find out tonight!

My last foray (I think) into the world of sizes on the show was the "giant show" from a little over two years ago.  As I said on the blog about that show,

Quite simply, it means a show about giants & giant things.  Quite complicatedly, it means that the original intention was songs about giants but at some point in the collection of songs about giants the songs about giant things had also amassed & some of them were really good & it was like, "Why exclude these things because they're giant too just not giants."  Quite Germanly, ich kann wirklich kein Deutsch. Ich habe einen Online-Übersetzer verwendet, um dies zu schreiben. Meine deutschen Vorfahren würden sich zutiefst schämen. Naja. Darf ich auch hinzufügen, daß ich drei schöne Hunde habe?

Something in me - thankfully it doesn't appear to covid - because I tested! - told me it was time to do another show about scale.  But just "scale"?  Should it be "a tiny show"?  "A fat show"?  "A medium show"?  I began to feel I was developing a kind of antipathy - maybe even a prejudice - for all sizes, including my own, which is "large & unpleasantly lumpy."  I was becoming size-ist!

To keep me from going down difficult roads, I settled on a show about size.  All sizes!  Because while it's true that one particular size doesn't matter, size itself matters.  Plus, it doesn't mean in the future I can't do a tiny, fat, medium, or even large & unpleasantly lumpy show.  Why use up all possible words & themes?  I mean, English has so few of them as it is.

Listen! Tonight! Midnight to 3am Portland time! KBOO! 90.7 fm! kboo.fm! It's just your size!