Cradle To Grave, Episode Fourteen

Oh my, fourteen episodes already?  That means I only have three hundred & fifty-one to go!

Here's something I want to complain about: even though I have a pretty good record collection, I don't have as many comedy albums as I wish I had.  Case in point: this week was the anniversary of John Belushi's death, & while I could have played something by the Blues Brothers (which wouldn't have represented his comic genius), I ended up playing something from his time in the National Lampoon group.  But there is actually a Saturday Night Live album which I don't own.  He's much more famous as an SNL cast member than anything else.  It would've been nice to have been able to have a recording from that time to represent him.

In other news - it was Mark E. Smith's birthday!  I don't know if he'll ever die - but I'm glad I got to celebrate his birthday.  I think he's a genius.

Lots of geniuses on this week's show!  You can listen now at the Self Help Radio birthday shop & mortuary.  Pay attention to username/password info if you wanna listen - but they're on the front page.  The songs I played in each hour (first hour, birthdays; second hour, death anniversaries) are listed below.

There should be a word that has two opposite meanings, like "aloha," that I can use at the end of these posts that means both "enjoy because it's happy" & "enjoy even though it's sad."  Is there one?  & is it in fact in German?

(birthdays)

"Makin' Faces At The Man In The Moon (Milt Coleman, vocals)" Ben Selvin & His Orchestra _The Very Best Of Ben Selvin & His Orchestra_
"A Boy From Texas, A Girl From Tennessee" Randy Brooks & His Orchestra _1945-1947_
"Peg Leg Stomp" Peg Leg Howell _Atlanta Blues: Big City Blues From The Heartland_
"G. R. Boogie" Gene Rodgers _The Boogie Box_
"Wild Card" Tex Williams _Vintage Collections_

"Eisenhower Blues" J.B. Lenoir _1951-1954_
"Seven Little Girls (Sitting In The Back Seat)" Paul Evans _Happy-Go-Lucky Me_
"Police On My Back" The Equals _Greatest Hits_
"Trust Me" Janis Joplin _Pearl_
"Lady Love Bug" Clodagh Rodgers _You Are My Music...  The Best Of Clodagh Rodgers_

"East Of Woodstock, West Of Viet Nam" Tom Russell _Blood & Candle Smoke_
"Over & Done With" The Proclaimers _This Is The Story_
"An End Has A Start" Editors _An End Has A Start_
"Wise Ol' Man" The Fall _Wise Ol' Man EP_
"Patripassian (feat. Nick Cave)" Current 93 _All The Pretty Little Horses_

(death anniversaries)

"Walkin' After Midnight " Patsy Cline _The Patsy Cline Collection (Honky Tonk Merry Go Round)_
"Hangman's Boogie" Cowboy Copas _Hillbilly Boogie: Crazy Bout The Boogie_
"Dog House Boogie" Hawkshaw Hawkins _The History Of Country & Western Music, Vol. 14 (1947-1948)_
"Hey Bartender Give That Man A Drink" Jumpin' Joe Williams with Red Saunders & His Orchestra _The OKeh Rhythm & Blues Story 1949-1957_
"Over The Rainbow" Judy Garland _Judy Garland In Hollywood: Her Greatest Movie Hits_

"The Immigrants" National Lampoon _Gold Turkey_
"Eeny-Meeny-Miney-Moe" Bob & Lucille _Rockin' Bones: 1950s Punk & Rockabilly_
"Chim Chim Cher-ee" Dick Van Dyke _Walt Disney's Mary Poppins (Original Cast Soundtrack)_
"Are You Having Any Fun?" Vivian Stanshall _Keynsham_
"The Impossible Dream (The Quest)" Richard Kiley _Man Of La Mancha Original Cast Recording_

"We Are Climbing" Chuck Wagon Gang _Flowers In The Wildwood: Women In Early Country Music_
"Love At Last" Leighton Noble with the Ted Fio Rito Orchestra _Radio & Recording Rarities_
"What Am I To Do" The Paris Sisters _The Complete Phil Spector Sessions_
"Sweet Dreams" Dave Sampson & The Hunters _British Beat: Before The Beatles 1955-1962_

"Tanguillo: Zambrilla" Carlos Montoya _Flamenco!

The Gary Files # 23: Gary Kurtz

(Taken from this page.)

An explanation: Since the name Gary is going extinct, I thought it incumbent upon me to celebrate more notable Garys than myself.  This is the twenty-third of a series!

Gary Kurtz is, according to the Wikipedia, "an American film producer whose list of credits includes American Graffiti (1973), Star Wars (1977), The Empire Strikes Back (1980), The Dark Crystal (1982), & Return to Oz (1985)."

When did you first become aware of him?  I told you I was a credits reader!  I saw his name in the credits for all the Star Wars movies

Did you know, when you were a kid, what a producer did?  Nope.

Do you now know what a producer does?  I think it depends on the producer, doesn't it?

I don't know.  I don't know what a producer does.  Oh, I thought you were trying to trip me up

Why would I do that?  I don't know, it seems like the sort of thing you'd do.

It is?  It would make the interview more fun, you know, maybe, just to say "aha!" every once in a while.

Oh I'd never do that a friend!  Right, but, you know, it's this interview format.

We're friends, right?  Uh.  I mean, you ask me questions once a week, I answer them.  I think our relationship is more - for lack of a better word - professional.

Oh.  What, did I hurt your feelings?

No, no.  It sounds like I hurt your feelings.

No, I'm fine.  Let's just get on with it.  Was his name really Gary?  Apparently so.

Born in 1940.  Probably named after Gary Cooper?  I would guess so.

I think we covered everything.  Yeah, not a lot to talk about with a producer.  Hm.

Would you like to get a drink or something after this?  Uh - I'm going to dinner with my wife, actually.

I understand.  Sniff.

Oh for fuck's sake.

Self Help Radio 030116: Let's Pretend

(Original image here.)

Pretending to do a radio show is something I did way before someone foolishly let me behind a microphone.  I suspect that that's true for many people.  I used to love to watch WKRP In Cincinnati & daydream of being in that tiny booth spinning records all day long.  I never had two turntables at home - but Dr. Johnny Fever & Venus Flytrap were so unconcerned about their own radio shows that, once they'd started a record & got off the mic, they rarely cued another record up right away, which is generally what deejays do.  How I wish I could be that carefree behind the board!

Guess what?  I don't have to pretend anymore - I am sort of almost kind of a deejay a little.  Now, I've never been paid for this work (& if I had, it's a guarantee that someone would be asking me for their money back), so I am glad to accept the title "amateur."  But it's leaps & bounds away from pretending.

Not to cast aspersions on pretending!  Holy smokes, it's what this entire show is about!

You can listen now at the Self Help Radio website.  Though the songs might've seemed like pretend, they were as real as music can be.  The show is in two parts; what I played in each is listed below.

Maybe the show is more fun if you pretend to listen to it?

(part one)

"Let's Pretend There's A Moon" Fats Waller & His Rhythm _1934-1935_
"The Great Pretender" Stan Freberg _Capitol Collectors Series_
"Pretend" Carl Mann _The Legendary Sun Records_

"Let's Pretend" The Raspberries _Overnight Sensation: The Very Best Of The Raspberries_
"The Great Pretender" Brian Eno _Taking Tiger Mountain (By Strategy)_
"Just Pretend" Department S _Is Vic There?_
"Let's Pretend" The Cannanes _Frightening Thing_

"Love Is Just The Great Pretender" Animal Nightlife _Love Is Just The Great Pretender_
"Let's Pretend" Cinerama _Disco Volante_
"Let's Pretend We're Bunny Rabbits" The Magnetic Fields _69 Love Songs_
"Pretend" Girlboy Girl _Fresco_

"You Pretend To Be The Moon" Future Bible Heroes _Memories Of Love_

(part two)

"Pretend Not To Care" Crippled Pilgrims _Down Here (Collected Recordings 1983-1985)_
"The Young Pretenders" Red Sleeping Beauty _Soundtrack_
"Just Pretending" My Dad Is Dead _Pet Sounds Volume One - A Benefit For Alter_

"Pretend To Smile" Le Futur Pompiste _Your Stories & Your Thoughts_
"Pretending Part 2" Tiger Baby _Lost In You_
"Trying To Pretend" Vivian Girls _Share The Joy_
"Pretend To Be Brave" BOAT _Pretend To Be Brave_

"Pretend It's Love" The Postelles _...And It Shook Me_
"Pretend & Descend" Magic Bullets _Magic Bullets_
"Pretend That We're Smart" Candyaudioline _Summer Escape_
"Pretend Girlfriend" Spray _Children Of A Laser God_

"Pretending To Be Drunk" Sparks _Pulling Rabbits Out Of A Hat_

Whither Let's Pretend?

(Original image here, of all places.)

Confession time: I loved to pretend when I was a kid.  My pretending would sometimes involve other people - in fourth grade, for example, I was such a huge comic book nerd that I organized all of the kids who, like me, didn't play soccer (geeks) into different members of the Legion Of Super-Heroes.  But more often my pretending involved me & me alone: I would spend hours with my Star Wars figures, & whatever other fully-posable action figures I had, making elaborate, episodic stories up &, if I had the time & space, using entire rooms to do so.

One fond memory I have was, for some reason, being alone in my mother's boyfriend's apartment, which was full of weird things an unmarried middle-aged man might collect, & bringing all my action figures (& vehicles, & structures, & whatever) over, & spending the afternoon telling an hours-long, star-spanning story.

Though I loved science fiction, I loved super-heroes more, & I hardly ever used any particular action figure as the character it was supposed to be.  More often than not, I'd make a masked character - like a Stormtrooper - the super hero identity of a non-masked character, like a Han Solo.  The Stormtrooper might be a hero called Cloud Man & the Han Solo would be its secret identity. & I would incorporate whatever toys I had around - legos, Fisher Price characters, whatever.

Naturally, I have no idea what the stories I made up were.  I'm sure they were borrowed from whatever comic book I was reading at the time.  But damn did I have fun.

No promises can be made about a Self Help Radio show about pretending, however.  It's on from 4-6pm today on 88.1 fm in Lexington + online at wrfl dot fm.  Lots of music, plus visits from experts of all stripes.

It would be fun if you listened, but given the show's topic, I'd be all right if you just pretended to listen.

Preface To Let's Pretend: A Brief History Of Gary's Acting Career

Pretend is what actors do.  They pretend to be fictional characters, or real people who have existed, or other species, space aliens, gods, demons, even anthropomorphic versions of non-human creatures.  & of course most everyone wants to be an actor.  It seems like such fun!

Certainly I thought I'd be a good actor.  I could memorize stuff!  & I took "Theatre Arts" in the ninth grade.  Despite the fact that the teacher was a terrifyingly rotund basket case who spoke way too much about her personal life, I persevered.  I thought I had it in me.

The school had a thespian group, I don't remember what it was called, & I joined.  An early triumph was an "improv" exercise in which I, just by constantly throwing myself back onto the stage, got allowed to do "improv" at a rival school with two old actors & someone else from my grade.  I was terrible at it.  I wasn't funny & I didn't know what I was doing.  But try telling me that!

Auditions for the first play of the year, which was The Serpent - whether it was the Jean-Claude Van Itallie play or not I couldn't say - were a disappointment, though I stuck it out with the club.  I landed a minor role in the spring play, which was Mother Courage (!).  But the new co-drama teacher planned badly, & we young "actors" were constantly standing around, arriving on nights in which we were scheduled to rehearse to discover that the previous night's rehearsals were still going on.  I lived at the time very far away from the school, & despite having a large family, I often found myself walking home at eight o'clock at night, getting home an hour later, hungry, tired, angry.  I quit.

Looking back, I wish I hadn't.  I was improbably self-important.  But I said goodbye & didn't get involved in the theatre arts at my high school again.*

Until.  My friend Terri, who happened to be the person with whom I did the "improv" stuff three years earlier**, & who stayed the course & starred in many of the school's performances, encouraged me to audition for the fall play of my senior year.  It was The Crucible (the oddball drama teacher who wanted kids to do Brecht having been run off after her second year).  I got a similar role as three years before - about three lines.  Still bizarrely self-important - & perhaps remembering how much time it would suck up - I declined the role.  I think I hurt Terri's feelings - perhaps she went to bat for me with the drama teacher who had other kids who deserved a chance (because, you know, they were in the classes & the group) more than I did.

But Terri's feelings aside, that decision I don't regret as much.  & while I discovered that I couldn't put on the one-act Woody Allen play The Query during the talent show, because each act was limited to five minutes, I did get to play several roles in our senior English project, which was an examination of power using texts we had read that year, using as a framing device a made-up children's program called The Mister Professor Show.  I was the title character, & I wrote most of it, although there was improvising aplenty.  I also played (an incomplete list from what I can remember) Hrothgar from Beowulf, Creon from Oedipus, Joseph the servant & Linton Heathcliff from Wuthering Heights, & Lady Macbeth from Macbeth, in which I wore drag, & played her like Blanche in Streetcar.  This performance is actually saved on videotape, although it's not that good.  I know, I've tried to get people to watch it.  Mainly they're freaked out to see me in all my high school whatever-it-is-that's-the-opposite-of-glory.

There was one great bit.  One of the girls in our group - I think her name was Jenny - had a bunny suit she wore as Grendel.  When Beowulf (played by a fellow named Kenny) slays Grendel (off screen), he emerges with the bunny suit, telling the camera that he killed Grendel.  We used the same gag when Macbeth was killed - Macduff (possibly also played by Kenny) comes in with the bunny suit announcing that he had killed Macbeth.  I thought that was pretty funny.

After that - not a lot of acting work for me.  I was involved with a girlfriend's performance art in college, & was in a "trailer" a friend at work made to try to get funding to make a movie, but once I got into radio, that was my performance "outlet."  & if you ponder how terrible I am at that, you can imagine how bad an actor I would be!

Interestingly, the radio would lead me to my last acting opportunity.  A few years back, some kids at WRFL approached me while they were making a film (the finished product would ended up having most of the people at the station at the time), telling me I'd be great as the lead's dad.  It kind of broke my heart to realize that, yes, I was now old enough to be cast as someone's dad.  But I was flattered enough that I said, sure!  I went one night to a disgusting efficiency near the university &, in three hours, filmed a scene that takes up about twenty seconds of screen time.  & I was not good at all.  It was sobering.

The filmmakers didn't edit the movie - it's three hours long - because I think they feared disrespecting all those who contributed by cutting them out - & they haven't "released" it, either - but seriously they could easily cut my part out.  It's dreadful.  The film could then by two hours fifty nine minutes long!

Such is the history of Gary pretending as an "actor."  Ah well.  I can still pretend to be a reasonably good deejay on the radio!

* A fun note: when I went to see the play, I discovered all three of my lines (which I of course had memorized the first night) were not given to anyone else, but were shouted from off-stage.

** We didn't become friends then - I was kind of a dick to her during the "improv" show we did at the other high school.  It would take being involved in something called Whiz Quiz in twelfth grade to make us friends.

Cradle To Grave, Episode Thirteen

Lucky episode thirteen. I'm not in the slightest superstitious (which is remarkable, because I was raised by a woman whose religion is superstition), so I wasn't going into this episode with dread.  In fact, I don't regularly number my radio shows (ie, this is Self Help Radio episode three hundred nine), so it doesn't usually come up.  Why am I number these shows?  I think it might be because I eventually hope to do 365 of these - one for each day of the year!

This week's show was bittersweet for me, because I had to play & talk about two people who are real heroes to me: Leonard Nimoy & Mister Fred Rogers.  I took their deaths pretty hard back into the day.  What's weird is that my heroes the easiest people to program - you know, because I know their work backwards & frontwards.  It would've been nicer, though, if I were celebrating their birthdays - & they were still alive.

The show is available now at Self Help Radio dot Net.  You can listen to it on your birthday.  But maybe not on the day you die.  I think you'll have other things to worry about then.

Here's what's on the show.  Enjoy!

(birthdays)

"Sometimes I Feel Like A Motherless Child" Marian Anderson _Softly Awakes My Heart_
"Down Hearted Blues" Mildred Bailey & Her Alley Cats _The Ladies In Blues_
"Love For Sale" Elisabeth Welch _The Ultimate Elisabeth Welch_
"Junk Man" The Spirits Of Rhythm _1933-1945_
"Brown Sugar" Doc Cook & His Dreamland Orchestra _Freddie Keppard: Legend_

"Stack-A-Lee, Part 1" Archibald _The Complete New Orleans Sessions 1950-1952_
"Bon Ton Roula" Clarence Garlow _Let Me Tell You About The Blues: Texas - The Evolution Of Texas Blues_
"(Everytime I Hear) That Mellow Saxophone" Roy Montrell _Mardi Gras Blues_
"Hesitation Boogie" Hardrock Gunter _Hillbilly Boogie: Crazy Bout The Boogie_
"Singing The Blues" Guy Mitchell with Ray Coniff & His Orchestra _The Best Of Guy Mitchell_

"Sugar & Spice" The Cryan Shames _Nuggets: Original Artyfacts From The First Psychedelic Era_
"Mony Mony" Tommy James & The Shondells _The Best Of Tommy James & The Shondells_
"Do Something To Me" ? & The Mysterians _Mindrocker: Anthology Of 60s US-Punk Garage Psych, Vol. 11_
"Make Me Smile (Come Up & See Me)" Steve Harley & Cockney Rebel _The Best Years Of Our Lives_
"(Forever) Live & Die" Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark _The Pacific Age_
"Three O'Clock In The Morning" Dexter Gordon _Go_

(death anniversaries)

"Highly Illogical" Leonard Nimoy _Two Sides Of Leonard Nimoy_
"Dr. Ben Basey" Micky Shorr & The Cut-Ups _Dr. Ben Basey_
"Australia" Spike Milligan _The Spike Milligan Collection_
"I Laughed" The Jesters _The Best Of The Jesters_
"I Put The Bomp" Frankie Lymon & The Teenagers _It's Frankie Lymon & The Teenagers! Essential Recordings 1955-1961_

"When I'm In My Tea" Jo Jo Adams _Jump Blue: Rockin' The Jukes_
"Congo Beat" Saka Acquaye & His African Ensemble _Gold Coast Saturday Night_
"Psychedelic Train" The Chosen Few _Don Letts Presents The Mighty Trojan Sound_
"Superstar (Remember How You Got Where You Are)" The Temptations _The Complete Motown Singles, Vol. 11B: 1971_
"The Breaks, Pt. 1" Kurtis Blow _Say It Loud! A Celebration Of Black Music In America_

"You Ain't Heard Nothing 'Til You Hear Him Roar" Sons Of The Pioneers _Blue Prairie_
"Tightrope!" George Duning _Television's Greatest Hits, Vol. 4: Black & White Classics_
"Surfin'" The Orlons _Everybody's Goin' Surfin'_
"Girls Don't Count" Section 25 _Always Now_

"Nighttime Sounds/Tree, Tree, Tree" Mister Rogers _Bedtime_

The Gary Files # 22: Gary Condit

(This image is from his Wikipedia page.)

An explanation: Since the name Gary is going extinct, I thought it incumbent upon me to celebrate more notable Garys than myself.  This is the twenty-second of a series!

Gary Condit is, according to the Wikipedia, "a former politician & member of the Democratic Party who served in the House of Representatives from 1989 to 2003."  The article continues, "Condit gained significant national attention for an extramarital affair with intern Chandra Levy, which was exposed after Levy's disappearance in May 2001."

When did you first become aware of him?  Around the time the rest of the country did, when he was suspected to be Levy's murderer.

Did you think he was guilty?  I did.  But so did everyone else.  Except maybe the police.

Did you follow the case closely?  No.  I am constitutionally unable to pay much attention to scandals that the media loves to cover.  I barely read anything about the OJ Simpson trial when it was happening, & I can't watch that new television drama about it.

Do you remember when he was vindicated?  I think so.  Apparently some guy who had killed two women in the same area turned out to be the killer.

His lawyer said, "It's a complete vindication but that comes a little late. Who gives him his career back?"?  It's hard to feel sorry for him, though.

Really?  It seems to me - this is just my opinion - that he chose to protect himself rather than be forthcoming when Levy went missing.  While being candid about the affair, etc., might not have helped Levy, it still showed that he decided to protect his career & personal life over the vanished woman.

For someone who didn't pay attention to the whole affair, you seem to have strong opinions about it.  Snap judgments are a way of life.

Was his name really Gary?  Gary Adrian Condit, yes.

Do you know why he was named Gary?  He was born in 1948.  You figure it out.

Do you know whatever happened to him?  He lost reelection after the affair, even though he was never charged.  Wikipedia says, "After his departure from office, Condit moved to Arizona & operated an ice cream store franchise."

It's weird to think that that's what someone does after being in the US House Of Representatives!

Self Help Radio 022316: You Will Never

(Original image here.)

You will never?  I will never!  At least I was never going to.  Now I always might.  You say I shouldn't ever.  What if I sometimes may?  Could you then often?  For now I know I usually can.

What an absurd show.  Luckily I had cool guests & the music was great.  & Michael Ian Black retweeted me on the Twitter!  (I got 125 likes - the most I've ever gotten for anything on Twitter - have a look!)  That had nothing to do with the show, though it did discombobulate me for a time.

The show is now where all my radio shows go to die.  There will be a username & password required, but that information is on the same page.  Don't despair!  The show is in two parts, the two parts have the songs in theme as noted below!

Will you ever? No, you never will.  I knew it!

(part one)

"You'll Never Be Alone" The Books _Music For A French Elevator & Other Short Format Oddities By The Books_
"You'll Never Get Away" Teresa Brewer & Don Cornell _Music! Music! Music! The Best Of Teresa Brewer_
"You'll Never Get To Heaven" Bill Morrissey _The Essential Collection_

"You'll Never Come Back" Buck Griffin _Let's Elope Baby_
"You'll Never Change Me" Lonnie Allen _Born Bad, Volume Five_
"You'll Never Live Before Your Time" The Wind _Guest Of The Staphs_
"The Man You'll Never Be" Momus _JoeMus_

"You'll Never Be Sorry" Gerald Sims _You Better Believe It! Vol.1_
"You'll Never Be A Man" Elvis Costello & The Attractions _Trust_
"You'll Never Never Know" Dislocation Dance _Music Music Music/Slip That Disc!_
"You'll Never See That Summertime Again" Friends _Roads Leading Everywhere_

"You Will Never Be No Good" Lloyd Cole & The Commotions _Rattlesnakes_
"You'll Never Know (My Love)" Edwyn Collins _Home Again_

(part two)

"You'll Never Walk Alone" Elvis Presley _The Complete Single Collection_
"You'll Never Leave Him" The Isley Brothers _The Isley Brothers Story, Vol. 1: Rockin' Soul (1959-68)_
"You'll Never Make The Grade" Eddie Parker & Sunlovers _The Northern Soul Of L.A., Vol. 1_

"You'll Never Leave Cirencester" The Casswells _The Casswells_
"You'll Never Be That Young Again" Jesse Garon & The Desperadoes _Cabinet Of Curiosities_
"You'll Never Be A Star" Shy Camp _You'll Never Be A Star_
"You Will Never Learn To Play The Cello" Ad Frank _The World's Best Ex-Boyfriend_

"You'll Never Find Brian Here" Fischer-Z _ Red Skies Over Paradise_
"You'll Never Do It Baby" Lyres _Lyres Lyres_
"You'll Never Get That Guy" The Manhattan Love Suicides _Burnt Out Landscapes_
"(You'll Never Be) So Wrong" Bass Drum Of Death _Bass Drum Of Death_

"You'll Never Find Another Love Like Mine" Lou Rawls _All Things In Time_

Whither You Will Never?

(Original image here.)

You know how you do this radio show, right?  You've tasked yourself for the last thirteen or so years with exploring a different theme or topic each week?  Furthermore, you've snobbishly decided you probably won't do shows with easy topics like "cars" or "dancing" or any of the other themes that most other topic-based shows (like this one) tend to do?  Right?

What do you do, then, to make your show somehow different than those?  Do you notice, when you're listening to music, when there appear to be recurring imagery, phrases, & the like?  Sure you do!  & doesn't that sometimes lead to some really awkward themes?  Of course it does!

That's why this week's show has the theme "you will never."  It seemed like, at some point in the past, I noticed there were lots of songs I was listening to that kept using the phrase "you will never," mostly contracted to "you'll never."  In a weak moment, I thought to myself, "Hey!  That would make a good show!"  In a weaker moment, I thought, "Hey!  I'll do that show!"

Which means "you will never" is this week's theme.  Oh no!  Oh yes.  It's on from 4-6pm today on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington, online at wrfl dot fm.  I can't promise anything, but if you've suffered through one episode of Self Help Radio before, this'll probably be about the same experience.

But again, no promises!  You'll never hear those sorts of promises from me.

Preface To You Will Never: I Will Never Know How To Write About Shows With Themes Like These

This is a true story: I used to be on several mailing lists, like those that existed in the early days of the Internet, or maybe the middle-aged days of the Internet, as I have no idea how old the internet really is.

(According to this site, the Internet is 8,967 days old; Google answered the questions "How old is the Internet?" with a report from 2014 which said, "The World Wide Web is 25 years old & this year the Internet is 45 years old. Tim Berners-Lee, a British scientist at CERN, invented the World Wide Web (WWW) in 1989.")

Okay, so I was involved in the Internet in its single-digit years.  In those days, I signed up for a million mailing lists for a million different things I was interested in, & soon I discovered that most people who are interested in things are so interested in them that they are not at all interested in criticism about the things they're interested in.  So it became in my best interest to leave most of these mailing lists, because soon enough I was being called a hater before I even knew there was such a thing as a hater.

(On one band mailing list, for example, I was ganged up on because I didn't like the new solo album of the band's lead singer.  When I mentioned I liked the band's second record best of all, I was not only told that I didn't understand the singer at all, but also that a couple of the critics hadn't yet gotten around to listening to the first two records, so I had ruined it for them.  It was quite confusing.)

There were a couple of mailing lists I did stay on for a time, although currently I am just on my radio station's mailing list, which is mostly utilitarian.  Anyway, on those old mailing lists, I would announce, like I do here, & on the Facebook, & on the Twitter, when I have shows, & I would mention the show's theme.  At some point, I started doing themes like the one I'm doing this week, which consisted of a phrase or phrases that recur in songs.

(Interrupting here to note that I once had a somewhat friendly argument with a person who did a show similar to this one who told me that such things, phrases & grammatical things, did not constitute actual "topics" for a radio show.  He was referring to the show with the theme Here I/You/He/She/It/We/They Come.  It really, really bothered him.  I agreed to disagree with him.  He agreed with himself that he was right.)

Boy this is turning out to be a long story.  On this mailing list, when I announced a show with a theme that was just a phrase that happened to be in a lot of songs, one person whom I did not really know or interact with on the mailing list sent a message in response to my email about the theme with the simple line, "Is it just me, or is Gary losing it?"

(Seriously, I've dreamed of losing it.)

It still doesn't help me when tomorrow I have to try to explain why I'm covering this theme, though.

Cradle To Grave (Episode Twelve)

After two weeks away, it's good to get back to the bipolar birth/death fun that is Cradle To Grave.  I won't pretend to be modest & say that this was an easy episode - well, the birth parts were slightly more accommodating, as I got to play a Cramps song & an X song, which was awesome - but if you listen to the second half, you'll notice that there's not a hugely famous death on February 20.  So the people being celebrated are less likely than usual to be household names.

& I love that!  Part of my philosophy of radio includes the idea that programmers should be sharing with listeners music they might not have head before.  Personally, it kind of bugs me if I play the same song more than once - & when I say more than once, I mean more than once in the time I've been doing radio.  That's the complete opposite of how radio is thought to work!  But there it is.

The show is now available, although it's not February 20 anymore, at the Self Help Radio website.  When you get there, notice the username & password information - you'll need it to get to the show.  What's in the show is below, but you'll have to listen to see exactly whose birth or death I'm make a big deal about - as with Billy Zoom & Poison Ivy, it's the name of their bands on the playlist, not their names!

Enjoy.

(birthdays)

"Besame Mucho" Oscar Aleman Y Su Orchestra _Cuban Latino Jazz 1930-1949_
"Latin Simone (¿Qué Pasa Contigo?)" Gorillaz _Gorillaz_
"Funky Butt" Charles Kynard _Killer Jazz Funk From The Mainstream Vault II_
"Ain't Misbehavin'" Leroy Jones _Props For Pops_

"Reach Out For Me" Nancy Wilson _The Look Of Love: The Burt Bacharach Collection_
"Love's Enough" David Ackles _American Gothic_
"The Circle Game" Buffy Sainte-Marie _Fire & Fleet & Candlelight_
"Hi-De-Ho" Blood, Sweat, & Tears _Blood, Sweat, & Tears 3_
"Anywhere Is Everywhere" Alan Hull _Phantoms_

"Surfer's Playmate" The Fleetwoods _Hey, Beach Girls! Female Surf & Drag 1961-1966_
"Going Down" Stone Roses _The Complete Stone Roses_
"24 Hour Party People" Happy Mondays _Squirrel & G-Man Twenty Four Hour Party People Plastic Face Carnt Smile (White Out)_
"Mama Oo Pow Pow" The Cramps _Stay Sick!_
"Blue Spark" X _Under The Big Black Sun_
"Son Of A Gun" Nirvana _Incesticide_

(death anniversaries)

"(Those Ole) Uranium Blues" Loy Clingman With Al Casey & The Arizona Hayriders _Atomic Platters_
"Stranded In The Jungle" The Cadets _Best Of Burlesque_
"Court Of Love" The Unifics _Sittin' In At The Court Of Love_
"Vibration 2.2" The Celebrated Renaissance Band _Vibration 2.2_
"Pumpkin Pie" Joe Thompson _Family Tradition_

"Soliloquy (from Carousel)" John Raitt _American Musical Theater: Shows, Songs, & Stars, Vol. 2_
"The Wreck Of The Edmund Fitzgerald" Gordon Lightfoot _The Complete Greatest Hits_

"Sunny Days" Lighthouse _Sunny Days_
"I Don't Care (What They Say)" The Melroys _The Melroys_
"Drive All Night" Rachel Bissex _Between The Broken Lines_

"Lebanese Blonde" Thievery Corporation _It Takes A Thief: The Very Best Of Thievery Corporation_

The Gary Files # 21: Rev. Gary Davis

(I found this image here.)

An explanation: Since the name Gary is going extinct, I thought it incumbent upon me to celebrate more notable Garys than myself.  This is the twenty-first of a series!

The Reverend Gary Davis was, says the Wikipedia, "a blind African American blues & gospel singer & guitarist, who was also proficient on the banjo guitar & harmonica."  One of the greats of the country blues idiom, he had a long, long career, & was influential to generations of blues performers.

When did you first become aware of him?  Probably some time in the 1990s, when I started listening to Bob Dylan.  That lead to the discovery of blues artists, when I discovered my favorite blues is the earliest blues.

What do you mean?  I mean that I prefer the blues that was just a singer & a guitar.  Now, that's not a hard & fast rule, but my favorite blues performers - among which group I include Gary Davis - tend to be of that variety.

It has nothing to do with his name being Gary?  Probably not.  My favorite old blues performer is Blind Lemon Jefferson - or maybe Blind Willie Johnson - anyway, I never wanted to call myself "Lemon" or "Willie" because I liked them.

Or even "blind"?  One of the things I liked about Gary Davis is that people used to refer to him as "the Reverend Gary Davis" more often than "Blind Gary Davis."  It's not only weird to hear a blues performer called Gary, it seems strange that it was important that it was noted that the performer was blind.

Why do you think that is?  Do you mean, why were so many blues musicians who were blind, or why was important to put "blind" before their name?

Either.  In answer to the first question: There was a discussion about this on the Straight Dope website many years ago.  I am partial to one of the first explanations, which is: "1) Blacks got poor health care, so they were more likely to go blind, & 2) Once you are blind, your vocational options are limited, but you can still sing, & still play most musical instruments."

As far as the second question goes - I dunno, maybe it was a sign of authenticity that the musician was blind?  Or a way to get sympathy on the street, where most of them made their living?  Who knows.  It's become a blues cliché at this point.

How good was he?  Just look at him at the age of 71:



I could watch that over & over.  & have done so.

Was his name really Gary?  I believe so, yes.

Do you know why he was named Gary?  He's the oldest Gary I've discussed so far - born in 1896 - & according to this interactive web page, it was an uncommon name back then.

Whither Red Things?

How should I know? I didn't choose this week's theme! Ben did! Self Help Radio is all his today, & I hope you'll listen!

(Alas, I'm on my way back to Lexingtown & may not get to!)

Of course the show is on from 4-6 pm on WRFL 88.1 fm + online at <a href="http://wrfl.fm">WRFL website</a>! & of course it'll be great!

Preface To Red Things: Why Does He Keep Blogging?

...When He's On Vacation? the title should finish.

Look, I told you I couldn't relax.

I do wish I could be in town to hear Ben do Self Help Radio.  I wish, actually, all of my favorite deejays could do Self Help Radio at least once, so I could hear ways to improve the show.  The truth is, I don't get a lot of constructive criticism for the show - I do get some occasional sweetly faked praise, & there are people who very happily tell me how much they hate the show - but only a few times has someone who knows better than I how to make good radio (& there are surely many, many, many of those someones) taken me aside & told me what I could do to make the show better, stronger, faster!

Otherwise, you know, I have to trust my instincts, which I am certain are terrible.

& that's why I am excited to hear Ben do the show - though I'll hear it later, not as it happens.  I bet there'll be insights aplenty!  So I hope you listen too!

Oh, Also

While I'm on "vacation" (it really is impossible for me to even try to relax), I am obviously unable to do my radio show this week, but - as I will remind you more than once, & have reminded you once before, on my show last week, that the indomitable Ben Southworth (who hosts the excellent WRFL program "State Songs") will be sitting in the comfy Self Help Radio chair this week (it's more like a broken stool, but whatever) doing a show about "red things."

Why, that could be anything!  Marvelous!

Last night, restless after a day of doing shit, I ventured out to an unfamiliar movie theater, where I saw Deadpool, which I enjoyed.  But two weird things happened, one directly to me:

1) As soon as I sat down, the fellow two chairs away from me said, "I don't want to be rude, buddy, but you smell."  I said, "Smell?"  He said, "Yeah."  I said, "Smell like what?"  "You know," he said, "body odor, sweat."  I laughed & said, "That's not me!"  He said, "Hey, as soon as you got here, I smelled it."  Which was amazing - he smelled like exceptionally oily popcorn & whatever else he was shoving into his mouth.  He didn't bother me for the rest of the movie, so I suppose he figured out where the smell came from - I never got a whiff - but he didn't apologize, either.

2) One dude, about three rows in front of me, who looked a hell of a lot like a young version of actor/Rectify creator Ray McKinnon, spent the first fifteen minutes of the movie talking very loudly - some might say yelling - at the movie screen, apparently unhappy at the portrayal of Deadpool in the movie versus his comic book persona.  Eventually he was escorted out.  His female companion, I noticed, followed miserably after him.

That's what I get for going to see a movie the first Saturday night of its release!

Also - happy Valentine's Day to you!

I'm On Vacation

Sordid details following.

Not really - it's just family visiting stuff.  But!  It does mean that I'm not around to do my Cradle To Grave show on WLXL 95.7fm.  So if you're one of the zero people who listen to that show, you're going to have to go without this week.  I should be back next week.

Also being ignored this week by me is my unimpressive series "The Gary Files."  Why, I've heard from exactly no Garys praising me for this groundbreaking anthropological sociological utterly inexplicable enterprise!  I'm sure to get a sum total of absolutely none complaints about recklessly skipping a week.  I hope I can deal with it!

Please enjoy the relative silence on this blog this week.

Self Help Radio 020916: Valentine's Day 2016 - Heartbreak

(Original image here.)

Just in time (?) for Valentine's Day is a Valentine's Day show!  Which is not to say this would be a good show to listen to on Valentine's Day - it's about heartbreak, after all.  & who wants to listen to a show about heartbreak on the holiday for lovers?  Even I am not that jaded!

Anyway - it doesn't matter - Self Help Radio is not known for its planning skills.  It could probably not manage a show about trees on Arbor Day.  But!  If you want to hear all about broken hearts, this is the show for you!  Not only are there tons of songs about broken hearts, but our man in Hollywood, Mark Miller, talks about his broken-hearted life, & I chat with the holder of the Guinness Book Of World Records' record of the number of broken hearts!  Also - I attempt to call out all the women who have broken my heart - with disastrous results.

The show is available now & on Valentine's Day & after at the Self Help Radio website.  The show is in two parts - like a broken heart - & what's in those parts is below.  You know by now there's a username & a password, & that it's on the website, right?  Well then happy Valentine's Day to you!

A reminder: I won't be doing the show next week, but Ben Southworth will, & he'll do an excellent job, with a show about "Red Things"!  Tune in!  Show him the love you've never shown me!

& I'll see you in two weeks!

(part one)

"You're Breaking My Heart" Vic Damone _The Mercury Years_
"Only Love Can Break Your Heart" Neil Young _After The Gold Rush_
"Don't Break My Heart" The Dirtbombs _Dangerous Magical Noise_

"Heartbreak Hotel" John Cale _Slow Dazzle_
"Where Do Broken Hearts Go" Me First & The Gimme Gimmes _Take A Break_
"The World Of Broken Hearts" Elvis Costello & The Attractions _Imperial Bedroom_
"What Becomes Of The Broken-Hearted? (feat. Colin Blunstone)" Dave Stewart _The Stiff Records Box Set_

"You Can't Break A Broken Heart" The 6ths _Wasps' Nests_
"Even Jesus Couldn't Mend My Broken Heart" The Boy Least Likely To _The Great Perhaps_
"So Many Broken Hearts" APB _Something To Believe In_
"Heartbreak Beat" The Psychedelic Furs _Midnight To Midnight_

"Are You Ready To Be Heartbroken?" Lloyd Cole & The Commotions _Rattlesnakes_
"Lloyd, I'm Ready To Be Heartbroken" Camera Obscura _Let's Get Out Of This Country_

(part two)

"Heartbreaker" Ray Charles _The Birth Of Soul: The Complete Atlantic Rhythm & Blues Recordings 1952-1959_
"Broken-Hearted Melody" Sarah Vaughan _The Great Ones_
"You Can't Lose A Broken Heart" Billie Holiday & Louis Armstrong _Duets With Louis Armstrong & Friends_

"Heart In Your Heartbreak" The Pains Of Being Pure At Heart _Belong_
"Can't Break A Dead Girl's Heart" Zombina & The Skeletones _Taste The Blood Of Zombina & The Skeletones_
"Broken-Hearted Lovers' Stew" Benny Hill _Words & Music_
"I Am Just A Broken Heart" The Jacobites _Robespierre's Velvet Basement_
"Broken Hearted Blues" T Rex _Tanx_

"Do You Have To Break My Heart" The Darling Buds _Crawdaddy_
"Heartbreak 101" Tom Selleck's Moustache _Heartbreak 101_
"Heartbreaker" Girls _Broken Dreams Club_
"The One Who Broke Your Heart" David Byrne & St. Vincent _Love This Giant_

"You Were Made To Break My Heart" Michael Shelley _Too Many Movies_
"Sweetest Girl" Eleanor Friedberger _New View_

Whither Heartbreak?

(Original image here.)

Look.  It's a Valentine's Day show.  It has to be about something.  I mean, I've already done Valentine's Day shows with themes of love, hate, jealousy, crushes, boyfriends, girlfriends, love songs, lovesickness, famous lovers*, & valentines themselves.  & lest you think I am too perverse, please note that most of those shows are positive, not negative.  Isn't Self Help Radio allowed a cynical Valentine's show for once?  Or twice?  Or maybe a third time?

In any event - though it seems that Valentine's Day is so far away, & it would be dumb to do the show after the holiday - so we'll have a Self Help Radio Valentine's Day show today from 4-6pm!  It'll be on 88.1 fm + wrfl dot fm.  I hope you can listen!

Another reason to listen/to cheer: I won't be doing the show next week.  Ben Southworth, who hosts
"State Songs" on Friday mornings, will do the show next week with the theme "Red Things."  Like broken hearts, maybe?  Hopefully not!

* That was last year's show, & you can listen to it here, if you wanna.

Preface To Valentine's Day 2016 - Heartbreak: Why? Why? Why?

Seriously, why?

Wasn't there also a Self Help Radio about jealousy one Valentine's Day?*  What is wrong with this show?  Valentine's Day is supposed to be about romance & love!  

As it says here, "Valentine's Day is a festival of romantic love, & many people give cards, letters, flowers, or presents to their spouse or partner. They may also arrange a romantic meal in a restaurant or night in a hotel."

Where's the show about giving cards, letters, flowers, or presents?  Where's the show about romantic meals or nights in a hotel?  Is it because heartbreak is an easier show to do?

Well, sure.

People are more likely to write songs about being sad than being happy, mostly because singing a song about being happy can easily sound smug or insufferable.  But the human condition is mostly one of unhappiness, & unhappiness needs consolation.  Music has been for many a major source of sympathy & empathy for many, from the teenager writing lyrics in her binder instead of notes to the elderly man at the symphony weeping to Beethoven.

(Plus, confidentially, there aren't a lot of songs about giving cards to people.)

* Yes, there was.

Cradle To Grave (Episode Eleven)

Eleven episodes!  So many birthdays!  So much death!

Do you think anyone has ever written those two sentences together?  "So many birthdays, so much death"?  I hope so, because if they haven't, I may be a creepier person than even I think I am!

The show is available now for both birthday parties & funerals (please not at the same time) (see, I told you: creep!) at the Self Help Radio website.  The show is divided into two parts as befits the two opposite occasions the show is about, & you can see what's in the parts below.  Pay attention to password stuff.  That's on the front page.

Maybe it's a good alternative to a "super bowl"?

(births)

"You're A Mean One, Mr. Grinch" Thurl Ravenscroft _How The Grinch Stole Christmas_
"The Beat Generation" Mamie Van Doren _Beat, Beat, Beatsville! Beatnik Rock & Roll_
"Dancin'" Mary Swan _Crying In The Chapel_
"Girl Machine" Donnie Brooks _Sway & Move With Donnie Brooks_
"This Strange Effect" Dave Berry _The British Invasion: The History Of British Rock, Vol. 6_

"Easy Skanking" Bob Marley & The Wailers _Kaya_
"1865 (96 Degrees In The Shade)" Third World _96 Degrees In The Shade_
"Teasin' You" Willie Tee _Beg, Scream, & Shout!: The Big Ol' Box Of 60s Soul_
"Please, Mr. Postman" The Marvelettes _The Complete Motown Singles, Vol. 1: 1959-1961_
"Sophisticated Lady (She's A Different Lady)" Natalie Cole _In Yo' Face!: The History Of Funk, Vol. 3_

"Come A Long Way" Kate & Anna McGarrigle _Dancer With Bruised Knees_
"If You Ever Need A Stranger (To Sing At Your Wedding)" Jens Lekman _When I Said I Wanted To Be Your Dog_
"Generator" Tim Blake _Blake's New Jerusalem_
"Hurry On Sundown" Hawkwind _Hawkwind_
"Donnez Moi Mon Chapeau" Geno Delafose & The French Rockin' Boogie _That's What I'm Talkin' About!_
"Sana Kul Köle Olmuştum (I Had Become Your Slave)" Nazan Öncel _Bizden Sesler, Vol. 2_

(death anniversaries)

"The Music Stopped" Woody Herman & His Orchestra with Frances Wayne _You'd Be So Nice To Come Home To_
"Swinging On A Star" Bing Crosby _Going My Way OST_
"That's My Desire" Frankie Laine _Frankie_
"Guess Who" Jesse Belvin _Guess Who_
"Imagination" The Quotations _"Time Was" 1959-1963_

"Wabash Cannonball" Roy Acuff _The History Of Country & Western Music Vol 13 (1947)_
"Nevada Smith" Merle Kilgore _My Rifle, My Pony & Me: Movie & TV Soundtracks_
"Relover" Flying Canyon _Flying Canyon_
"Good Vibrations" Beach Boys _Good Vibrations_
"Mr. Moto" The Belairs _Volcanic Action!_

"I Trim The Barber" King Tubby _Don Letts Presents The Mighty Trojan Sound_
"Two Step De Lanse A Paille" The Balfa Brothers _The Balfa Brothers Play Traditional Cajun Music_
"The Peanut Vendor" Louis Armstrong with Les Hite's Orchestra _Cuban Latino Jazz_
"Loch Ness Clarionet" Hot Temperance Seven _That Certain Party_
"Der Komissar" Falco _Einzelhaft_

"Three's Company, Too" Ray Charles & Julia Rinker Miller _Television's Greatest Hits - 70s & 80s_

The Gary Files # 20: Gary Friedrich

(I found this picture on his Wikipedia page.)

An explanation: Since the name Gary is going extinct, I thought it incumbent upon me to celebrate more notable Garys than myself.  This is the twentieth of a series!

Gary Friedrich is an American comic book writer famous for his runs on Sgt. Fury & His Howling Commandos & Ghost Rider, which he co-created.  (He's probably wearing a Ghost Rider shirt above.)

When did you first become aware of him?  I read so many comics when I was a child, & loved the look of Ghost Rider, & was always a credits-reader, so I doubtless noticed his name in Marvel Comics of the 1970s.

Credits-reader?  Yeah, comics - especially, at the time, Marvel - had a box which told you who was responsible for the book - which I would read along with everything else on the page.  Here's one from Ghost Rider, which I found here:

I read that stuff religiously.

Was it cool to see your name in a comic book?  Of course!  A famous Gary!  With a last name I probably couldn't pronounce!  & not as cool as "Ploog"!

Did he become a favorite writer of yours?  Not really.  I never liked war comics, so wasn't a fan of his Sgt. Fury stuff, & I believe he left the comics world by the time I started really getting into comics as a teen.

He had to fight for a creator-credit for Ghost Rider, didn't he?  Yes, he sued Marvel & the film company around the time that the movie came out.

Did he win?  All I can find is that the parties "reached a settlement."  It probably means he got some cash.  So, sure, I guess he won.

But the second movie was a flop, right?  I don't know.  Was it?

Why are you asking me?  For fuck's sake.  I'll look it up.  Yes, it has a 4.3 on the IMDb, & 17% (!) on Rotten Tomatoes, so it wasn't a good movie.  It cost 64 mil to make & took in 55 mil in the theaters, so I guess it was a flop, but I'm sure it made it up overseas & with rentals.

Was his name really Gary?  Yes, Gary Friedrich.  No middle name listed.  Maybe he didn't have a middle name?

Do you know why he was named Gary?  Born in 1943 - it had to be because of Gary Cooper.

Self Help Radio 020216: Regret

(Original image here.)

One thing I regret about doing a show about regret is that I used the word regret way too much in a joking way all throughout the show.  I'd say, "I regret to inform you," or describe the show as "regrettable," or say things like, "I wish I hadn't done that."  I probably killed that joke within the first two times I said it, & then I just kicked it like the proverbial dead horse all through the show.  & even now I am saying I regret it which is also part of the overkill.  Arrgh!

Ah well.  It was appropriate.  Lots of regret on the show.  Lots of songs about regretting & not regretting.  A children's author who writes & draws stories about an egret named Regret.  A not-self-help author who claims that regret helps, rather than hurts, you.  A spiritual man who rejects regret.  & a Hollywood gadabout whose regrets could fill more than one show about regret.  There's so much regret that frankly I'm kind of glad I did it.

What?  I know!

The show is over at the Self Help Radio website.  It's in two parts.  What's in the two parts is on the web page, or you can see the playlist below.

Listen.  You won't regret it!  You will regret it!

(part one)

"Why Regret" Cozy Cole _1944-1945_
"Regretting" Sabby Lewis & The Vibra-Tones _Hit The Road, Jack: The ABC-Paramount Story_
"Remember & Regret" Sonny Burns _A Real Cool Cat: The Starday Recordings_

"No Regrets" Little Willie John _The King Sessions_
"No Regrets" House Of Commons _The History Of Michigan Garage Bands In The 60s, Vol. 1: The Wheels 4 Label Story_
"No Regrets" M.P.D. Limited _Oz Beat Frenzy! Rare & Unknown 60s Garage, Vol. 1_
"I Pray Every Day You Won't Regret Loving Me" David Ruffin _The Complete Motown Singles, Vol. 9: 1969_

"Lifetime To Regret" George Jones _The Voice Of Country_
"I'll Regret It All In The Morning" Richard & Linda Thompson _Hokey Pokey_
"Teen Age Regrets" Sisterhood _I'm Just The Other Woman! MSR Madness Vol. 4_
"No Regrets" The Walker Brothers _The Walker Brothers: The Singles_

"Regrets" Eurthymics _Touch_

(part two)

"Miss Otis Regrets" Kirsty MacColl & The Pogues _Galore_
"Regrets A Second Time" Jenny Adkins _Regrets A Second Time_
"No Regrets" Half Man Half Biscuit _No Regrets_

"Regret" Sultans _Shipwrecked_
"No Regrets" King Khan & The Shrines _What Is?!_
"No Regrets" Von Bondies _Pawn Shoppe Heart_
"Sweat Loaf" Butthole Surfers _Locust Abortion Technician_

"No Regrets" The Brunettes _Mars Loves Venus_
"Regret Sets In" Silver Scooter _The Other Palm Springs_
"Je Regrette, Je Regrette" Carl Barat _Carl Barat_
"Regret" Marsheaux _Peek-A-Boo_

"I Regret" Soul Merchants _1985-1987_
"Regret" Ceremony _Rocket Fire_
"Do You Have Any Regrets" Darian _Do You Have Any Regrets_

Whither Regret?

(I found this image here.)*

The one thing I will try not to regret today is constantly using the word "regret" during the show.  This will be very difficult for me, as I am prone to working the theme into every damn dumb thing I say during the show.  I would be such a great hacky comedian!  (That's a contradiction I know.  I regret even saying it.)

Okay, I'll stop.  But the show is appropriate - & it's weird that I haven't done a show about regrets before - because regret is in the top four emotions that I feel on a regular basis.  I don't know if it's genetic - members of my family appear to be more forward-looking than I - but it often keeps me up at night, this regretting I do.  Then I regret all the time I waste regretting.  & on & on.

Maybe I'll regret doing a show about regret, but probably not.  Who knows?  You can regret listening to it (I know, it's the same every week) if you want this afternoon from 4-6pm on 88.1 fm in Lexington, & online at the same regretful time at wrfl dot fm.

Regrets - I've had a few - but no, I won't be playing that song today.  Regretfully.

* If you go to this website, you'll read lots of information about regret & recovery, some of which may be of interest to you.  What they surely ought to regret is the title: "Regret & It's Role In Recovery."  It irks me when people mistake the contraction "it's" for the possessive "its."  It's just so easy!  Say "it is" when you see "it's"!  Now, people often say, "But it's like when I say Joe's or Bill's."  That's true - until you remember that its is a word like his, hers, yours, & theirs.  & it's very rare to see those written as hi's, her's, your's, & their's, isn't it?  Anyway, people in recovery have more things to worry about, but boy does that mistake get my goat.

Preface To Regret: German Regret

(I found this here.)

The other day, last November, I found myself around a small kitchen table with three old German people.  I was related to one of them.  Two were in their mid-eighties, the other in her late seventies.  Even though it was the middle of the day, the oldest one, a male, not related to me, put a beer in front of me.  I thought that was weird, since they weren't drinking.

One of the German people was my mother.  Didn't they know I was driving her home later?

The oldest German person was asking me lots of questions about my life.  Like most people, he was really only asking because he wanted to talk to me about his life.  I guess he doesn't know me well, although he's technically known me my entire life.  Because I am a talker.

But I understood what he was doing, so I let him talk.  He wanted to let me know that he knew his life was soon to be over, & that he regretted not doing so many things.  He wasn't too forthcoming about what exactly he had wanted to do that he didn't do, but he did constantly tell me not to do what he did, & enjoy my life.  Something uncomfortable was the fact that his wife - the woman to whom he's been married for over half a century - sat across that small table & heard everything he said.  But I suppose fifty years is a long time, & she had probably heard this spiel many times before.  There's a kind of acceptance past "sick of your shit."

My mother didn't hear anything, because she's deaf as a post, but too vain to get a hearing aid.  They're for old people, she says.  Not eighty-six-year-young women like herself.  If someone had to ask me what the most common reply to anything I say to her was, I would say it's "What?"  After which, she pretends she hears me, & then says whatever she was planning to say.

Honestly I don't know what immediate reaction I had to the old German man dumping his regret on me, even though it happened just the other day, last November.  Later on, I was a bit amused, because I remembered some of the stories my mother had told me about him.  It seems that he's done pretty much what he's wanted to do his entire life, including cheating on his sweet, long-suffering wife.  If the stories are true (& I have no idea if they are), he's been involved in some shady dealings, some of which involved family & friends.

Does he regret that, & wish he had lived a better life?  Or is he just at the end of his life & wishes he'd been more daring?  We didn't choose this, you know, but perhaps there's a sense of buyer's remorse for some of us.

I'll call this "German Regret" from now on.  Getting away with most things during you life, but regretting it at the end anyway.

Because there are people who don't regret anything.  I know them.  They terrify me.

Cradle To Grave (Episode Ten)

Wow!  Ten episodes of this!  & no one's called the police or anything!

This is bound to be boring to you, but I've developed the easiest way for me to put the show together, which still takes a bit of time.  I gather the names, using all sort of web resources, starting with the Wikipedia.  (I'm also starting to look around, when I have time, to find the birthdays of musicians I admire who might not have Wikipedia pages.)  After that is done, I have a long, long list of people of interest.  In many cases, of course, they are members of bands or, in the case of jazz musicians, they've played with many folks, often as a sideperson & not a leader.  Then I sit down & cross-reference the names with my shabby database of the music I own.  Usually I can find more than enough to fill the hour there, but then I want to dig deeper.  The jazz bands are an example, but there are rock musicians too who might have played in different bands & then I have pick something I think is a good representation of his or her musical contributions.

The point is, I literally go down a list.  This is true.  In earlier attempts, I tried to group folks into genres, & search for them that way.  I don't know what I was thinking, but it added an extra step of difficulty in gathering music for the show.  I have eliminated that step.  In a way, it's made it much more fun to pull the music for the show together - which makes making the show more fun.

Hey!  I told you it was boring.

This week's show is now at self help radio dot net if you have always wondering who was born or who died on January 30th.  You can see a list, actually, of those people below.  It's in two part, like usual.  Note the password & username.  Blah blah blah.

Happy birthday!  I'm sad.

(part one: birthdays)

"Friars Point Shuffle" Chicago Rhythm Kings _Mezz Mezzrow 1928-1936_
"Kitten On The Keys" Stan Freeman & Bernie Leighton, with Percy Faith & His Orchestra _I'll Take Romance_
"I Still Love Him So" Roy Eldridge _Little Jazz: The Best Of The Verve Years_
"Oud Blues" Ahmed Abdul-Malik _The Music Of Ahmed Abdul-Malik_

"Teardrops From My Eyes" Ruth Brown _Atlantic Rhythm & Blues (1947-74)_
"Wrong Doing Woman" Earl Gilliam _Let Me Tell You About The Blues Texas (The Evolution Of Texas Blues)_
"Shirley Lee" Bobby Lee Trammell _Rockin' Bones: 1950's Punk & Rockabilly_
"Rock & Roll Is Here To Stay" Danny & The Juniors _Golden Classics_
"Love Potion No. 9" The Clovers _The Best Of The Clovers_

"A Walk In The Black Forest" Horst Jankowski _Black Forest Explosion_
"Stroke It" Ingfried Hoffmann _The In-Kraut, Vol. 3_
"Love Me" The Phantom _Love Me_
"Afterglow (Of Your Love)" Small Faces _Ogdens' Nut Gone Flake_
"3/5 Of A Mile In 10 Seconds" Jefferson Airplane _Surrealistic Pillow_
"Strange Man" Dorothy Love Coates _Gospel Music_
"Johnny Mathis' Feet" American Music Club _Mercury_

(part two: death anniversaries)

"My Gal Sal" Jelly Roll Morton _The Complete Library Of Congress Recordings By Alan Lomax_
"Hey Little Girl" Professor Longhair _Longhair Boogie_
"Glory Be" Lightnin' Hopkins _The Fire/Fury Records Story_
"Louise" Mance Lipscomb _Songster_

"Hold Tight, Hold Tight" The Andrews Sisters _The Best Of The Andrews Sisters_
"Theme From Mission Impossible" The Kane Triplets _Girls Go Zonk!!_
"Rainy August Night" The Yandall Sisters _The Love I Feel_
"Raindrops" Zephyr _Zephyr_
"Tom Cat Blues" Saffire – The Uppity Blues Women _Hot Flash_

"Red Cadillac & A Black Moustache" Warren Smith _The Sun Records Collection_
"Honey Dew" Byron Slick Gipson & The Sliders _Vocal Groups: Coast To Coast_
"Somebody In The World For You" The Mighty Hannibal _The Best Of Loma Records: The Rise & Fall Of A 1960s Soul Label_
"The Auld Triangle" Luke Kelly _You Never Heard Better!_
"Sing Me A Song Of The Islands" Alfred Apaka _Sing Me A Song Of The Islands_

"The James Bond Theme" The John Barry Seven & Orchestra _The Best Of The Sixties_

The Gary Files # 19: Gary Dourdan

(This is from his Wikipedia page.)

An explanation: Since the name Gary is going extinct, I thought it incumbent upon me to celebrate more notable Garys than myself.  This is the nineteenth of a series!

Gary Dourdan is an American actor most famous for a character his played on the original CSI.

When did you first become aware of him?  I used to watch CSI.  The original.  I never really watched any of the spin-offs.  One of those spin-offs actually had a famous person named Gary on them as well!

Do you mean Gary Sinise?  Yeah!

Should we talk about him right now?  No, we'll save him for another installment.

He seems more famous than this Gary.  I guess so.

Shouldn't we do the famous Garys before the less-famous ones?  Let's just continue with this, shall we?

Okay. Do you have any thoughts about this Gary?  Uh.  No, not really.  I mean, I liked him on the show, but I don't think I've seen him in any other television show or movie.

No?  No.  Um.  I mean, I thought he was pretty.  I wish I, as a Gary born around the same time he was born (he's two years older than I am), was as pretty as he is.

But you're lucky you haven't had his issues with drugs, right?  Oh yeah.  He's been arrested with cocaine, ecstasy, & oxycontin.  & because of that, he's also on probation for domestic violence.

Why did he leave CSI?  I think it had to do with money.  They killed his character off.  That's harsh.

Was his name really Gary?  Yes, Gary Robert Dourdan.

Do you know why he was named Gary?  I can't say.  He was born in 1966, so it's probably not because of Gary Cooper.

Self Help Radio 012615: Crows

(Original image here.)

At the end of yesterday's show, I walked out to my car, feeling, of course, that I had totally screwed up another two hours of radio.  There were two crows waiting for me.

"What?  What do you want?" I cried.

There was no response.  I walked toward where the car was parked.

There were three more crows on my car.  The other two joined them.

"For fuck's sake," I said.  "Just tell me what you want!"

Finally, one of them said to me, in a very condescending caw, "Your show today was terrible.  But.  There are so few radio shows about crows.  So.  We'll let this go for now."

It sounded like they were snickering as they flew away.  Can birds snicker?  Maybe.  What they can do is shit all over your car.

At last you can hear the radio show that made crows shit on my car!  This week's show is now available at the Self Help Radio website.  It's two hours long, so split into two parts.  What's in the two parts is listed below.

Enjoy! (?)

(part one)

"Crows" Gothic Archies _The Tragic Treasury: Songs From A Series Of Unfortunate Events_
"Hey Crow" The Li'l Hospital _Heavy Metal_
"Mambo Del Crow" Shorty Rogers & His Giants _Short Stops_

"Old Black Crow In The Hickory Nut Tree" The Allen Brothers _Allen Brothers, Vol. 1: 1927-1930_
"The Flying Crow" Black Ivory King _Country Blues Classics, Vol. 1_
"Crow Jane" Skip James _Blues From The Delta_
"The Fox & The Crow" Melody Masters _The Fox & The Crow_

"Yo Ho The Crow" Leona Anderson _Music To Suffer By_
"The Crow" Joseph Spence _Happy All The Time_
"Black Crow Blues" Bob Dylan _Another Side Of Bob Dylan_
"Poor Old Crow" Mike & Peggy Seeger _American Folksongs For Children_
"Black Crow" Joni Mitchell _Hejira_

"Black Crow" Linda Hoyle _Pieces Of Me_
"Ice Cream For Crow" Captain Beefheart & The Magic Band _Ice Cream For Crow_

(part two)

"Crow" The Jim Carroll Band _Catholic Boy_
"The Black Crow Knows" Robyn Hitchcock & The Egyptians _Element Of Light_
"Buzzards & Dreadful Crows" James Husband _Sing For Your Meat: A Tribute To Guided By Voices_

"Black Crow King" Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds _The Firstborn Is Dead_
"Buzzards & Crows" Dirty Pretty Things _Romance At Short Notice_
"A Murder Of Crows" The Green Pajamas _Book Of Hours_

"Black Crow" Anyways _Older Than Yesterday_
"Crow" Deerhoof _Holdy Paws_
"Look A Bleached Coral Faced Crow With Jewels For Eyes" Bearsuit _Oh:io_
"Blackcrow Hits Shoe Shine City" Rain Tree Crow _Rain Tree Crow_

"Crows" Bishop Allen _Lights Out_
"Crows" Modey Lemon _Thunder + Lightning_

Whither Crows?

(I found this image here.)

There are these giant crows that show up from time-to-time in my backyard & bully the other birds around the bird feeder.  The bird feeder isn't big enough to support them - they try anyway, it's a comical sight - but they're able to strut around beneath it, & eat seeds that have dropped onto the ground.  The sparrows, cardinals, pigeons, doves, etc., all generally stay away, although sometimes a large enough group of them will harass the crows.  Usually the status quo is: bigger gets what it wants.

I assume they're crows - I know that "crow" is a genus of birds, not a particular bird.  These are big black motherfuckers.  They run away from me but there's no guarantee they won't dive down to attack me when I'm unaware or make off with my little chihuahua who, at under eight pounds, is probably eminently portable.

So one day this crow says, "I hear you sometimes on the radio waves."  I say, "You can hear radio?  You don't even have ears!"  Ignoring me, the crow says, "Make a radio show about crows."  "What?" I say.  "Make a radio show about crows," he repeats.  "Or else."  "Or else what?" I say, but he flies away menacingly.

Much I marveled that ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly!  (Did you know I have "The Raven" memorized?)  He impressed me enough to make a radio show about crows.  That, & they're always eyeing my little chihuahua hungrily.

The show is on from 4-6pm today on 88.1 fm in Lexington & online at wrfl dot fm.  Please listen!  Or else I may one day find my little dog missing from the backyard!

Preface To Crows: My Favorite Crow

(More more more at Maakies dot com!)

Do you have a favorite crow?  Does that sound weird?  I do!  It's the character of Drinky Crow from the amazing comic strip "Maakies" by Tony Millionaire.

Frankly I have no idea where I first stumbled upon the strip, but at some point I got a copy of the book Maakies, & in the first two pages, this astonishing strip ran (this is my own scan):

It's a comic strip about love, existential despair, & alcoholism.  What's there not to love about it?

& you?  Do you have a favorite crow?

Cradle To Grave (Episode Nine)

Nine episodes!  I guess I'm lucky I'm at the end of over a century of recorded music - this show includes music from 1901 & music from 2008.  & lots in-between!

It's no secret - I haven't made it a secret - that the show is pre-recorded.  I sit up late at night, usually Thursday night/Friday morning - listening to music, recording an airbreak, listening to more music, rinse, repeat, until it's all done.  This week was weird because Friday morning began the "snowpocalypse," when a large amount of the white stuff fell on Lexington, & I felt like I had to say something about it, even in passing, although it had yet to happen.  So in a sense, I was lying on the air when I talked about snow being everywhere.  I don't think that it really affects the show in any major way - people who were born or died on January 23 would have stayed the same, snow or not - but it is something I noticed when I listened last night.  I felt like a fibber.

In any event, here it is, the ninth episode of Cradle To Grave.  It's over at the Self Help Radio website, where you can find the username & password necessary for the listening.  The songs I played, divided into birthdays (first hour) & days of death (second hour) are below.

The sun is out!  Hooray!

(part one: birthdays)

"Operator" Midnight Star _Planetary Invasion_
"Yes We Can Can" The Pointer Sisters _The Pointer Sisters_
"Whisper Not" Ella Fitzgerald with Marty Paich & His Orchestra _Whisper Not_
"Embrasse-Moi (From Peau De Banane)" Jeanne Moreau _Succés Et Confidences_
"Ac-Cent-Tchu-Ate The Positive" Four Freshmen _Voices In Fun_

"Mr. Question Man" Ernie Kovacs _The Ernie Kovacs Album_
"Get Thee Behind Me, Satan" The Almanac Singers _Talking Union_
"Indian Love Call" Slim Whitman _Country USA 1952_
"Lonesome Valley" Vince Martin & Fred Neil _Tear Down The Walls_
"I Put A Spell On You" Them _Them Again_
"Swing 39" Django Reinhardt _I Got Rhythm_

"I Want You to Want Me (Early Version)" Cheap Trick _Cheap Trick (Expanded Edition)_
"The Way You Do The Things You Do" UB40 _Labour Of Love II_
"A World With No Mirrors" The Legendary Pink Dots _Plutonium Blonde_
"Nonsequence" Gary Burton _The New Quartet_

(part two: death anniversaries)

"Clinch Mountain Blues" The Stanley Brothers _The Complete Mercury Recordings_
"The Laughing Song" George W. Johnson _The Laughing Song_
"Ol' Man River" Paul Robeson _American Musical Theater: Shows, Songs, & Stars, Vol. I_
"Gabbin' Blues" Big Maybelle _The OKeh Rhythm & Blues Story, 1949-1957_
"Them Jive New Yorkers" Babs Gonzales _Violà!_

"Muskrat Ramble" Louis Armstrong & His Hot Five _Ory's Creole Trombone (Greatest Recordings 1922-1944)_
"Tickled To Death" Richard Zimmerman _The Roots Of Ragtime_
"Made In Sweden" Brother Jack McDuff _Moon Rappin'_
"Fifty Second Street Boogie Down" Catalyst _A Tear & A Smile_

"Louie Louie" Richard Berry & Pharaohs _The Best Of Flip Records, Vol. 3_
"Sh-Boom" The Chords _Don't It Sound Good: The Great Atlantic Vocal Groups_
"Rag Mop" Ames Brothers _The Best Of The Ames Brothers_
"Lost John Boogie" Wayne Raney _Songs Of The Hills_
"Instrumental # 1" James Davis _The George Mitchell Boxset_

"Row Row Row Your Boat" Captain Kangaroo _Captain Kangaroo Sings The Horse In The Striped Pajamas_